Loser Husband Blows All His Wife’s Money | Financial Audit
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Hi, I'm Alex. And I'm Alexis. I'm 29 years old and we are based out of Killeen, Texas. And this is Financial Audit. Thanks for coming down from Killeen. So all these accounts right here, are you guys married? Yes, sir. Are these combined accounts? Yes. So I have your guys' accounts. Okay, very cool. So what do we do for a living? We'll start with you. What do you do? I'm a digital marketing specialist for real estate. Cool. What do you bring in?

58,000 a year. Very good. And what do you do? I wait tables and do stand-up comedy. Okay. How much do we bring in from... I gotta ask for the comedy first. I think last year I did 5,000. Okay. So more of a hobby, more of a grind, more of a... We're trying. We're trying. We're doing our best. How much comedy is there in Killeen? We come to Austin. Yeah. Yeah, we're fancy. Not into like the big ones, but we do okay. Okay.

$5,000 worth. What do you mean? Like the big clubs. Like Mothership and stuff? Yeah. Yeah. I didn't say it. We went to a show last night. Oh, we went to a Rogan show. Oh, did you? My buddy Hans Kim was performing. Yeah. And Tony and Rick Diaz. No, Rick Joey Diaz. It was really cool. $5,000. So obviously we're not living off of that. How much comes in from the waiting tables? One? I would say probably about $12,000 to $15,000.

okay so you're the breadwinner yeah uh okay well we're oh i just got sent some of your comedy oh okay i just got a couple things you mind if i watch these yeah absolutely on screen i love when you watch them you love when i watch them yeah when people watch them i was gonna say this is my first time i get to look at your face and see if you like it i'm gonna look on my phone because i'm not logged into instagram on the ipad

Oh, one of our editors, Mika, is also clicking on that link right now himself. He's watching it in the other room. Okay, good. I'm curious what he's thinking. Let's see what we think. Oh. That's not a stand-up. What was it? I just make singing videos as well. I'm obviously not a singer. Let's see if this one's stand-up. No. It's not? No. Justin Bieber's having a baby. Shout out to Justin Bieber. Yeah, okay. Sick. Let's watch the last one.

Love a fellow content creator. Oh, yeah. You picked the best videos. Well, I didn't pick them. Not a single stand-up. Okay, let's watch your most recent joke. This is pretty good. This is funny. Thank you. They got a little chuckle there. Okay, one more. A little crowd work.

Hey, better than I could do, man. I couldn't do Stand Up To Live. Better than my singing. Yeah, that's interesting. Those first three were definitely interesting. So $5,000. Yeah. Well, Facebook just started paying me tens of dollars. Huh? Facebook just started paying me tens of dollars. Oh, tens of dollars. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

So what is the overall plan for the household? Where are we sitting at today then? Because obviously you're not bringing in much. Say you're bringing in an extra 20. Okay, great. So we're getting to close to 80. What are we doing right now? How are we feeling? What's going on? Well, they've just increased our mortgage, what, by $400? Property taxes? Property taxes and then insurance because of all of the storms and everything. Yeah, so that hurts. Okay. Okay.

Yeah, no, we're just... Is that $400? The bills are getting paid right now, so... Yeah, they're being paid, but there's not a whole lot extra afterward.

And then I think with the goal, obviously, was to pay off some debt, but we have just. Why? Well, I don't like debt. That's my. No, why have we just, as you said? Oh, well, so we have gotten out. We keep getting back taxes where I don't know if you guys know this, but if you don't pay taxes, they come find you. Who's not paying taxes?

Both of us. Well, are you not W-2'd? No, I am. He has just worked so many jobs, we didn't file a couple of W-2's, and they found them. Okay, so it's you. So it's not both of you. Oh, yeah, but she filed, yeah. It was collective. But it's your... Okay, but it's your... It was his W-2's. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, but it feels better if she's the one who filed. Are you the one... So you're the one that files? Not anymore, because of that incident, but... Do we file jointly or separately? Joint. Joint. Okay. How...

Is there responsibility on both sides in this relationship when it comes to finances? Absolutely not. She doesn't let me see them. I don't not let you see them. He just doesn't care. Why don't you care? I'm just a big spender, and she says absolutely not, don't spend that, or spend it. Is that true? So you don't let him control any part of the money because he just goes and spends it? I just have to, I'm the only one who checks the bank account. He doesn't check the bank account. Why? Why?

Because if I check it, I'll be like, all right, I probably shouldn't go spend $50 on cigars today. Cigars? $50 on cigars? Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, let's just see. We're going to jump into the finances, but I want to see where you guys think you're both at as a household. So this is a household. I'm going to go three, two, one, go. And on go, I want you to give me what you think is the score at the same time of your household finances. Zero being the absolute worst it could be, 10 being the absolute best it can be.

So three, two, one, six. Wow. Interesting. So we're kind of on the same page. Do we both feel like we know where the house is at? I think so. And we're trying to pay off debt, but we're not paying off debt is kind of what you said. But we're above like a solid, solid, like right down the middle five. Like, okay, solid. Yeah. Because we're above that. Yeah. All right. Let's take a look at your debt.

All right, Discover It. Everyone gets the Discover It card. Mine's pink. I like to do just over the minimum. On what? Everything? Yeah. Or was it just that? No, on everything. Okay. Like if my minimum is like... Yeah, but also you completely ruin it though because on the Discover It, sure, you had $4,604 and the minimum payment's close, a little under $100, then you put $100 towards it. So, okay. Cool, but then you went and spent $20. So it completely negated it.

completely negated it and then interest of 67.67 dollars and 59 cents even though you put a hundred dollars towards it the balance only went down by uh like 10 bucks yeah but you get cash back

Yeah, but what the... Come on. With the $67.59 of interest, what fucking cash back is competing with that? In a single month, $67.59 of interest. Yeah, but if you look at it, like, you get cash back on every payment throughout the month. Eventually, you're going to get, like... Is he the child of the relationship? I mean, he doesn't bring in any money, and he apparently spends it all anyway. Cash back? What the fuck? Cash back is for people who never pay...

For interest that's never accruing. What's the cash back on the discovery? It depends because sometimes they give you like 5%. Okay, 5%. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. But on your balance, you're losing 18%. So net, you're losing like 12%. Yeah, they don't say... See right there? 5% cash back. Well... Yeah, you got 21 cents. You got 21 cents. Congratulations. Plus 60...

When you say it like that, it doesn't sound so good, Caleb. Yeah? So, why do we do it? Do you believe it? Well, I did.

Until... Well, so like we just bought gas today and I put it on my Discover card opposed to the bank account. The Discover it? Correct. Okay, why? Because I thought if I got the 5% cash back, then I'm saving money. Okay, what do you think about this? I was literally going to put it on the bank card and he said, no, I'm going to put it on my credit card. Why? Headed here? Yeah. Which one? Who pushed to come on here? Me. That doesn't make...

Then you know the show enough and you still put it on a credit card and you're sitting here talking about cash back with me. I'm very confused. Well, but because we're going to pay it off before it starts. But it was only $25. No, but that doesn't matter. The balance is literally only going down by $10 and it's sitting at $4,592. But if you get... And that's getting accrued at 18% rounded. But if you pay that 25 off before the next cycle, you shouldn't get interest on that. Yeah.

But your overall balance is huge and that's gaining interest. So you not the money you're paying off is, I guess, in your mathematical way, paying off the thing you just purchased instead of actually paying down the balance that's gaining interest. So still it's being completely negated. I feel like there's a loophole here that I'm missing. There isn't.

There isn't? If 5%, if I get 5% back and I pay it off. You sound like Theo Vaughn. I get compared to Theo Vaughn all the time and I promise I did not beat Down Syndrome. He says that that was a bit of his, I don't know if you know Theo Vaughn. That's why I mentioned him. Okay, good.

But no. So at 5%, if I pay that back before, then I didn't have to use $0, right? I made $0 if I just use my bank account. I get what you're saying. But because what you're doing is paying back that immediate purchase, you're not paying down the overall balance instead. And the balance is sitting in there thick and mighty. But I will still pay my $100, like you said, from the top. You didn't put extra.

You didn't put extra on this statement. No, but for today. Why? Why is today special versus this one? Why is it different than this statement? I see. Okay. Fair. I see what you're saying. But that was today in my thought process. That is why. Because I figured if I got 5% back on this gas and then I still do my $100. That's the cash back thing. Yeah, because...

Have we had conversations about this? What is happening? What are the conversations around the credit cards, the debt, the purchases in this household? Well, she tells me not to use the credit cards. You say he can use the credit cards? I try to tell him no. I'd rather not if we have the cash. You'd rather not what? If we have the cash, I'd rather not put anything on the credit card. That's not really putting your foot down saying I'd rather you not.

I try not to be controlling. I don't want you to be controlling either, but it's also just like communication, having a conversation about it. He clearly doesn't... Even now after this conversation, he clearly doesn't seem to understand what's wrong with putting it on a credit card. So it's just like we're not communing...

What are... Well, so my credit used to be... What are her financial goals for you guys? I have no idea. There we go. That's huge. The fact that he doesn't even know what like a household... Do you have financial goals for your household? Kind of. I've told him before that if I had just a house payment, a car payment, I'd be content. It's really just the credit cards. Like I don't want debt elsewhere. Car payments still? What are his financial goals? Uh...

I don't know that he has any. So you guys just don't talk about money. No. But this is a big part of a relationship. That's what I said. As long as the bills are paid. Yeah, but the minimum bills. You're losing money, though. Yeah, it is the minimum. You're losing money. But the cash back. You're gaining money. Are you, like, actually, like, are you f***ing me because you're a comedian? Or, like... No. What is that? Because that's dumb. I've already explained this multiple times. But... Like, that's dumb. But if you get the... If you're going to pay it... I...

But you're not. You're not paying off the balance. But you're working toward the balance. No, you're not. You $10. $10 net after putting $100 towards it. $10 net. That's not bad. Oh, my God. Is he f***ing with me because he's a jokester? Is that what's happening? Or does he really think this? I feel like it's a little bit of 50-50.

I do believe that there's cash. I believe the cash back is a bonus. He does. He does legit say that, though. It's real. It's real. That's for people who are credit card people who can pay off the balances. You need a card, dude, like the Fizz card or any other charge card that forces you to pay it off at the end of each month and then you still reap the benefits. Yes. That's what you need. But so I started, I think, whenever I first got my first credit card, I had...

612 credit score and now I'm up to like an 800 yes debt loves you debt loves you you're utilizing it the way they want to I mean the credit line on here is 18,000 so like yes there's a big enough gap there

But you're still getting completely f***ed up interest. Over across the entire statement, you lost $248 this month in interest alone across everything. Yeah, cash back's not that much. Well, the car and credit cards. That's not even including the mortgage. But the car and credit cards. It was $2,000? $280. Oh, $280. Yeah. Okay. Which, if you're on your own with that, would be a substantial amount because you don't make any money. Yeah, that is accurate. Yeah.

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absolute game changer you're okay with him not making money as long as he's working towards something like I said and as long as the bills are paid I like working towards something and your comedy was kind of interesting again I'm not like a judge I'm not a comic I'm not anything like that I can only go off of what my gut reacts to um

So, and this is obviously a town to make it in, but it's beyond competitive. Absolutely. Beyond competitive. How long have you been trying? I've been doing comedy for five years. Okay. And we've made $5,000. So are we getting an extra thousand hours per year? Probably. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's more than an extra year. I think I'm on track to do closer to seven this year. Seven or eight, probably. You ever done a bucket pool?

at kill tony i sign up all the time but i never get pulled oh that'd be cool i like to go to the show as much as i can yeah i would love to see you up there thank you it'd be cool yeah it'd be fun hopefully i would applaud yeah i'm not really a booer no no they love booers especially yeah okay etsy that's what we spent money on something on etsy

Yeah, probably. On the Discover it, $20.56 on Etsy? What the f***? That was a surprise for me that she bought. But see, that was her. That was me. Yeah. So what are you doing? You're supposed to be the responsible one. That's not funny. I think it was my card connected to my PayPal. So I just went ahead and purchased it rather than going and getting my bank card because I ordered it through PayPal. And no cash back. What's your obsession? See, you've fallen for the trap. You've fallen for the trap. Okay.

Now the classic, wait, we have two discoverers. Yeah. So that was probably hers. This one's mine. That one's mine and the pink one is his. Yeah. See, now you'll start to see this. Are you authorized users? No. Oh, I asked if at the beginning. Oh, okay. Sorry. That's the bank. The bank account. Just the bank account. All of my credit cards are mine. Yeah. And then hers are hers. That is my only card. Or no, I have two cards in there actually.

So you're the one with a balance of almost $5,000. And you're spending on it. And you're supposed to be the good one. That's how this was set up. That's not funny. What are we laughing? What are we laughing? Why are we laughing? Do people think it's so cute to be bad with money or something? What is happening? I only spent $20.

Do we have to go through this again? Just like the gas thing? I know I have the... Net, net, net. Yes. Only $10 went towards paying off the card, even though you gave it $100. That actually got refunded too because they messed up my order. Okay. Still, even with your spending. Yes, it's hilarious. It's just cute. What are we doing? Why are we all laughing? I'm embarrassed. She does get embarrassed easily. So I'm laughing because I'm embarrassed. Okay. Okay, fair enough. So you're a discoverer. Yes. Yes.

Now I have no idea what has gone on that, probably. So you guys don't even know what's happening on each other's? No. Credit cards? No, probably not. You guys need to just sit down and talk about it. We're going to send you through our budgeting educational system. You need to go through that together. Literally go through it together. Spend the three to four hours it takes after quizzes and everything. Go through that together. Seriously, please. I need you to. You guys need to start having conversations at a minimum about what the f*** is going on financially in the household.

A couple years ago, we sat down and we actually were like, okay, we spend this much on this, this much on this. But that was, I think, like 2020. And we have not looked back. You know, the last time a comedian came on here and then ended up going on Kill Tony, he got obliterated. Really? Like his set flopped beyond hard. Wow. Thanks for putting that on me. Yeah. Again, it's not something I could do, but I'm also not signing up to do it. Again, you're the good one.

apparently and he's the bad one finances but his balance is half the size of yours $2191.77 with a $63 minimum monthly payment you're right you did put way more than the minimum on yours okay yeah so I didn't know which one I didn't realize I was but you still went and spent $400 then

So I'm still confused because $42 of interest is accruing on this. So why are we spending money on a card that is having interest accruing? Why not to get it to zero, then do the purchases you're going to do, then pay them off every time? Why would we do purchases on a card that already has a balance that you can't fully pay off? Yeah, so that was literally the reason. So you should be. Is it the Walmart? Is that the purchase that you're talking about? Let's see.

Because there should be like a... Walmart's one of them. Sure, it was a big one. But then there's also Comedy Club. And going in a gas station, getting some... Going in a gas station, getting some bullshit. Spare time. Is that a gas station? No, that's a... Bowling alley. Yeah, bowling alley. Great. And then a restaurant, the gin. So no, not just Walmart. Five bullshits on a card that we can't pay off.

Well, so the big one at Walmart was I lost my headphones. I was actually on my way back from Michigan doing a show and left my headphones on the airplane. So I had to go buy more AirPods, but I put it on my credit card. I'm an avid runner and I... Congratulations. Get a pair of headphones that go over your ears. That plug into your phone. That's... You don't have money. You make no money. That's fair.

but the reason I put it on the credit card was so that way I could get the cash back. Oh, you're going to murder me. You, I don't think I can get through to him on this cash back thing. I really don't. What did I save? What did I save on those headphones by using cash back? But you're not though, because in the end, remember,

You went to throw that $1,000 at this overall bounce, which would have taken it down further if you didn't put the AirPods on here. So in the end, the balance remains higher and is getting attacked with a 22.24% interest rate, which is well above whatever cashback you got. Not even close to comparable. You're losing. But did I pay that one off? You're literally making like a dollar off of losing $100. I believe I paid that one off instantly though. The purchase? Uh-huh. No, no.

But the money you were throwing towards it, because you put money on it, the money you throw towards it decreases the overall balance less because you got such a big item on it. And that large amount of interest is accruing on that balance. A whiteboard, please. Yes. Oh, you're losing me here. This is no special little whiteboard and I'm going to steal it. How do I want to visualize this? How do I want to visualize this? Oh my gosh. Oh,

dildo marker. Well, that makes sense. Okay. Go with me here because I'm trying to think of how to visualize this. Okay. Here is the big scary debt. Okay. Let's say this is a $2,000 debt. Okay. You have an extra $1,000 to throw at it. Yep. Okay. But this whole $2,000 is accruing interest, right? Okay. Let's say at...

22% Yeah, you have a gorgeous gorgeous $1,000 you can throw towards it. It's incredible $1,000 and you could throw it right at this to cut it in half But uh-oh, we went and spent $250 which would be about this much $250 right so now

When you cut this $1,000 in half, it's no longer in half anymore because you still added more to the pile. Well, yeah, of course. Okay, yes, I see that. And this is still accruing interest because less in the end...

was paid off because you're adding a balance to the stupid thing. Right. But so if I would have just taken the $250 and bought the headphones outright, that still would not have gone on there. Yes, you couldn't afford the headphones. You just couldn't afford them. And if you're going to put it somewhere, don't put it at least on the card.

Even if that means you have $750 less on here, just your behavior, your behavior of thinking you should be putting things on cards is bad. You need to address your behavior. So you're saying if you have the cash to just pay for things in cash and just leave the card alone? Let me cap this thing up before I get someone pregnant. Thank you, sir. What do we think about that? So if I have the cash to buy the headphones now, I should have just left the card alone?

And just put the remainder of that $1,000, which would have been, what, roughly $750? I have another graph for you. Okay. I'll visualize this. Because we like to be helpful. Yeah. The red is the cash back rewards you are receiving. Okay. The blue is the interest that is hitting you. Let's see what the reward versus the consequences are. Okay. You can see how they compare. Is that red really improving your life? And what is this on? You're putting it on screen across your credit cards.

All credit cards, right? Both Discover credit cards. Both Discover. $3,000 for two days. I was broke. And you just held on to the loan money and spent it instead of returning it. Because obviously if you drop out of classes within those two days, you don't have to pay for those credits typically. So you're in that refund amount of time. Yes.

But we used it and we just spent it on what? So I was in Florida and she was in Indiana and I used that to move to Indiana. Borrowed money, man. And student loans. Okay. What do you think about that?

I mean, I'm glad that he was able to move up. Yeah. Well, also, what were you bringing? How did it cost $3,000? I'm just confused. No, he lived on it, too, after he moved. Okay, well, that makes sense. Because I only associate, you know, like, yes, we can bring in statistics from other people. But if I'm just thinking about myself, when I got my job down in Austin, Texas, five and a half years ago, and I went from Michigan, I paid a security deposit down on something.

gas money and stopping for food on the way other than that i literally just like threw away or gave away or even tried to sell but that was harder because it was like a one-week turnaround like two-thirds of my stuff packed up everything else in a sedan and just drove down like

Yeah, that's- Really? $3,000? Yeah, that's what I did, but then I lived on that until I got to- There you go. So why'd you say it was because of moving then? Well, because it was. What do you mean? Because I did- So I was working at a shop in Florida and- You could have gotten some McFry job. You could have- That's what- Yeah, I did. Yeah. He did after the money was gone. After the money was gone. So you wanted to go through the-

Well, no, because I had a business idea. You have a business idea? What's your business idea? So I bought a couple motorcycles and I was going to resell them. Oh, f*** me. But I ended up selling them to somebody who was a close friend who took advantage of the situation. Sounds like a great friend. Turned out to be not such a good friend. So obviously I lost all of that money and then that's when I got a job.

You want to be told that that's a stupid business to get into. Apply to be on the show. Calebhammer.com slash apply. Because that's a stupid decision. Either way, for someone in your position at that time, you borrowed $3,000 to live. I don't think we're taking on the risk of starting that type of business. But I thought that if I so much like in. If you flip this motorcycle and I could have made a couple thousand, which was the goal. Obviously, I don't think your goal was to lose money. I'm not saying that.

But that is what happened. I know that's what happened. Okay, so how long did you try that? And then you went and got the McFry Duncan job? I think that was about three months. Three months? You allowed her to do this for three months? Well, she broke up with me and I was living in my truck at that point. Probably deserved. I can say that because you guys are together. I mean, aren't you married? Yeah. Okay, cool. And we got back together after he had this job. Yeah. Yeah, because you had to...

I mean, he's kind of, it seems like he's kind of in this cycle of, trust me, I'm talking about him for a second, but you're not good with your finances. We've done this. But let's just talk about jobs and stuff like that. Seems like maybe some aspirations, yes, but just kind of fumbles around and tumbles around trying to shoot for the stars without really bringing in money ever. I mean, yeah, kind of. Because he's definitely job hopped, but as long as he's making something and...

But it's more than that, though, because just making something isn't necessarily going to get the household to the goals. Now, we don't have household goals, which I think is the main issue, because without goals, we're kind of aimless. We don't know what we're shooting for. So you don't know what to do to even get there. I guess if we have no goals, if we have no retirement goals or what we want to do in retirement, if we don't want to travel, all this stuff, if you want to be able to spend more time doing a comedy without having to worry about the deaths over your head and paying for rent and whatever is going on, mortgage,

saving up for a down payment, you know, having kids, stuff like that. If we don't have the goals, then just around works. Yeah. But that won't work in life in the end. Yeah. I've always been the kind of guy that, you know, if you look at any of the, your A-list people, they always say, don't ever have a plan B.

So I've tried to live my life by saying as long as things are paid for, as long as we have a roof over our head, that's all that matters. Just put in as much time for your... We get nowhere from that, though. What's your retirement plan, both of you, as a household? What are we doing? I don't have any idea. We're the same age. So...

I don't know if I can rely on Social Security by the time I retire. Yeah. I mean, they keep having to push back retirement age because, you know, it's not managed very well. So. Yeah. I have not thought of it. She has a retirement. I don't know. How much? I don't know. I don't know what I've put into it. I've been working at my same job for six years. Why haven't you looked? I don't know how. I don't know. You don't know what company it's with? I don't have any idea. Oh, okay. What's your percentage contribution? I'm going to f*** my wrist. Okay. Not a clue. Okay.

I had, when I worked at a mattress store, I had retirement, but then whenever I quit working there, I pulled it out. That's another thing with the no goals. This is like, oh, it doesn't even matter to have retirement at that point. May as well just tap into it if we're not trying to get somewhere. Okay. And you're not paying on your student loans. Are you in a weird payment situation?

I kind of screwed myself. Just last year, I tried to go back to school. For what? Business administration. I mean, that's great. Yeah, but it ended up being way too much, so...

You're not making bad money. No. Unless, you know, you just wanted a different career path, which is totally okay. And that's kind of, yeah. So you're in a little bit of deferment until how long? Until when? I just got a notification that they're actually supposed to start again in August, so. Your minimum monthly payment's probably gonna be like $150. Oh, gosh. I didn't know it would be that much, but. Probably. I mean, unless you're able to get on like...

You know, there's different repayment plans you can get on. Yeah. But even still, with those, like, interest can accrue more. And then if you're looking for any kind of forgiveness, you know, depends on job, depends on life situation, depends on the repayment plan. But even still, once you get to the point of forgiveness, it also kind of depends on administration, who's overseeing the Department of Education. You know, there's a lot of risk involved. Public student loan forgiveness, that one is pretty darn good. The statistics are screwed on it a bit where, like, almost no one makes it. But that's because... Yeah.

A lot of the people who apply for it don't qualify for it already, like legitimately. So like, excuse the statistic. But typically, as long as you're actually sticking in the job that qualifies for that and you just don't fuck up along the way, you can get it forgiven. But that's not even your situation anyway. So I think it's going to be like $150 starting next month, you said? August. So I'm here in a couple months. Your student loans are $3,000. What's up with the payment on that? $50 a month.

i think it's down to which with covet we haven't been paying on them though yeah just restarted yeah i think last october yep yeah well that's fine um so 3 000 i think it's down to like 23 or 25 yeah 25 or something in there and then the mortgage what i love about this is the 2.75 rate so when did we get this house 2021 yeah yeah that was a fun experience and we're happy

Got our house? Yeah, we're happy with the house. It was just, we bought it sight unseen. What? Yeah, we had never been. That's a choice.

Yeah, kind of, but our realtor didn't even do a final walkthrough. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're the realtor. Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing? You signed on a home and a mortgage without a final walkthrough? Yeah. We didn't know. We didn't know that she didn't do the final walkthrough for us until we were signing the papers. Yeah, she didn't even show up to our closing. Yeah. Who the fuck are you guys using? Yeah. Yeah. It was rough. But the house is nice. It's a really nice house, but- Well, what's the issue then? The city. We live in the ghetto. Yeah.

Yeah. Was City clean? Yeah. Clean has a bad part?

I've never been to Killeen. It is the bad part. Oh, Killeen's bad. Isn't it just a military base? Yeah, the worst one in the country. Worst military base in the country? Yes. I've never heard that. We've had quite a few Killeeners. There's documentaries on Killeen. Vanessa Gillen. People going missing. I was just at work the other day and she's like, yeah, another double homicide. And it was like a- 1.5 miles away from our house. Man, okay.

So did you at least research the neighborhood? Yeah, the neighborhood looks nice. The neighborhood is nice. It's more so that, yes, it's the town as a whole that is not the best. So you don't like living in Killeen. Why are you in Killeen? It was affordable. We tried to move to Texas for comedy. Somewhere close to Austin, yeah. Yeah, and that's just where we could afford. What's a, well, I guess $161,000. Yeah, that's definitely difficult even in the far reaches of Austin. And I just didn't want to rent anymore.

I was tired of renting. I love the rate. Honestly, I personally love this purchase as long as it's in a place you like. Yeah. It has its perks and it has its downfalls. Are you guys going to have kids and you want to raise kids there and all that? Uh...

That's where it kind of, you're like, I don't know. So what's the plan with this? Because, I mean, the Texas market in general has been in a little bit of a dip. Don't know specifically about that area. You know, I mean, probably when no one ever really knows. I mean, you still probably need to hold a home for at least like five years is the typical, you know,

You'll at least break even, hopefully. Yeah. After all the fees and everything. Yeah, which we're in good shape right now. Like, we get a quote, a monthly quote on what the value is. What is the value? Like, $230, $240 now. Yeah, somewhere right in there. Okay. It's decent. Yeah, so I think they say...

Okay. Yeah, it was an FHA loan, I believe. Yeah, so that's what we're having to pay extra on like insurance per month or something. Sure.

And then what is the 7% debt?

I don't know, $14,100. What kind of car? It's a Mercedes GLK 350. I can't even picture that. It's an SUV. Yeah, a small SUV. What do you guys need in an SUV? She likes SUVs. We've had Jeeps. Okay, and that's 7%. That's not great. No, it's not great. What's the minimum monthly payment on this? $310. These are stacking. These minimum monthly payments are stacking. $310.

It's $14,153.93. Okay. There's also a checking account here and it's mostly just monies being sent around in a franchise tax thing. Oh, there's what it is. That's Eventbrite. Yeah, like for our comedy shows. What? When we sell tickets to comedy shows, it goes into that account. But that's what if you saw in the statement where we were paying out comics and stuff, a lot of that. Wait, you host your own shows? Mm-hmm. Why? Instead of getting booked? Like you said, there's a lot of competition.

So you just create your own opportunity. How do those go? Pretty good. Yeah, they go pretty well. Where do you host them? Up in Killeen. We do stuff in Temple. We do stuff in Georgetown. So not in Austin for hosting? No. Not in Austin. No, usually when I'm in Austin, I get booked by someone else. Okay. Yeah.

Can you roast? I don't like to. Okay, that's fine. Yeah, I just, I don't like to be mean to people. I'm just trying to find a way to destroy Noah's life in the post show. Okay. I don't know. He did. I don't know the order of episodes coming out, but he destroyed my life in yesterday's post show. Oh, gosh. So it is only fair. That's funny.

A roast would have been good, but obviously that's fine. Oh, Noah tells me we're going to smoke cigars. Yeah. I told you, 50 bucks. I love a little bit of cancer for people who subscribe. Yeah, absolutely. Great. That's smart. Checking account 348. That's actually dangerously not a great balance. No. Payments come to hit. I see a little payment from comedy there. Cash apping out $40, $30. Etsy, Apple bill, Apple bill.

Going to the gas station, getting some bullshit, getting some donuts. So you're saying you're making no progress on things, but let me look at the spending. Yeah. The spending's horrendous. Uh-huh. What are we doing? Parking somewhere, parking somewhere. Sometimes you gotta park, but... Zenito Plaza, probably another parking. In-N-Out, going inside, getting some bullshit from 7-Eleven. PayPal in and out, $17. Amazon, there's your student loan payment. Mm-hmm.

Dunkin Donuts Baskin Robbins car wash gotta wash our car 14 it's your new car wait what year is it it's a 2014 2014 it's worth $9,828 by the way we checked that's it yep you're underwater five six thousand but good thing you're getting a car washed

Going to gas station, getting some bullshit. Paying tolls. Getting our tolls to drive that car. Pirate ship post. Pirate ship post. That's sending out merch.

You sell merch? Mm-hmm. Is this successful? Yeah, it is okay. Who's buying the merch? Me. You're buying your own merch? Oh, you mean like, yeah, it's other people. I thought you meant who's like buying it like bulk and then I sell it. No, who is purchasing your merch? Who's buying it? People that come to shows and people online and yeah. Yeah, friends. Not just friends. Well, like the online stuff is mostly friends and family. And fans. She's putting you in your place. I guess.

She's uninvited. She's humbling you. I'm uninvited? Yeah. It's always good to be a little humbled, you know, here and there. Every day.

well yeah I mean every day of my life I was just looking I wanted to see your follower count okay when it comes to you that's not too bad right 3,000 so that's just it's hard to market a lot of merchandise for just it is yeah absolutely but then Facebook went over 4,000 again going back to the gas station getting some bull so DoorDash Duncan Robbins and DoorDash Duncan Robbins great 524 in the savings only up $22 and that's it's just a keep the change type of thing see cash back

Keep the changes in cash back. Essentially. I mean, it's the same. You remember the interest you lost on including the project was $248. But what I'm saying is in my head, it all makes sense. Until now. Until now. What would we like to do? A group project. Okay. All right. It's enthusiastic. Yes. I didn't know if that was a real question. I wasn't sure either. I didn't answer. We're going to do it anyway. We are going to do it anyway. But I was hoping you were like, woo. No.

You really had crayons. Well, markers. They're markers. Crayola. We're getting the crayon version pretty soon. Good. Now I can relate. You really do sound like Theo. It's interesting. Well, I think he grew up probably making less than $15,000 a year too. Probably. And then he was the low percentage that made it. And I love it. And I would love you to make it again. But I just go off of odds and the fact that

Really, I mean, you guys just have to define your goals. It's like if your goals aren't defined, you've got to figure out what you've got to do to get to your goals. Right now you don't have goals, so we don't know if what's going on is okay or not. Right, that makes sense. Well, we're certainly not making any progress on debt. We have barely anyone in our checking account. Our emergency fund is non-existent. You don't know how much is in retirement. You do not have anything in retirement. So everything's a joke. Okay, a group exercise. And here's the base of the chart. You're going to draw two box charts in whatever...

Thing way you want. So what you're gonna do. This is grocery spending. Okay going to Grocery store spending which is a very interesting thing. We haven't talked about yet because I wanted you to figure out you know what we're doing So let's say you draw the average. I don't know what the average is. Let's say the average This is a big thing of average for the average household. I

United States grocery shopping. And let's say it's, let's just go crazy number. So I'm not giving you any hints. $10,000. Okay. So this is a $10,000 chart. And let's say you spend 5,000. So you would draw your chart halfway through and you would do 5,000. This is for a month. Okay. A month of the American average, American household average, and your average. For groceries? For grocery store shopping.

Grocery average. National, yours. You want me to draw it? I want you guys to group think on this and put your brains together for the first time ever. Okay. And actually decide where's the national average. I want you to also give me the number in the bar chart. So decide where you think you guys are at and where the national average is at and make sure it's proportional. I will give you time. Okay. Work.

I would say weekly, and you can tell me if you disagree, but weekly I think people probably spend somewhere in the ballpark of $3 to $3.50 on groceries. I disagree. Okay, what do you think? I know that your brother and Lauren spend $100 for their household of like six people. $100 a week? I think so. Okay. So I'd say for a month, $500 is the average. Okay.

okay household okay i can see that oh so we'll just we'll go i'll let you write it there you go 500 and then we on average spend roughly 100 to 150 a week so that's gonna be what somewhere in the ballpark of 500 probably so we should be right on par probably but we're only two people well my box was bigger you also didn't draw it in the right color but that's okay

Oh, yeah. I just thought it needed to be read. You want me to go over it? It's fine. You're good. So to be clear, you guys think the national average for the household is $500. Yep. And you think you are the average household and you spend $500. Yep.

Closer to national. National average, $475.25 for that month. You guys, this was a little higher because you told us Walmart was grocery shopping, but we just found out the AirPods were from there, so we subtracted that. We subtracted that. But even still, you spend likely $750 a month, which is going to be up to this new line, which I crossed out what was likely the AirPods. Okay.

Gotcha. So you guys spell... And you don't have kids. No. You don't have any dependents as far as I know, right? Right. And you guys spend probably an extra $250, $300 more than the average household in America. So that's who you guys are compared to the average. But let's figure out your financial potential plans to get out of here. Let's create a budget. Is there anything else? Is there anything else I'm missing here? So I...

You keep saying goals. I want to, my plan is to, I want to buy another muscle car. Another muscle car. So I've got a 76 Firebird. Okay. That I'm restoring. Oh, what is this? Sit in the garage for 30 years? It's been there three years already. That's how it usually goes. Okay. But I've been working on it. Yeah, you screw a bolt once every two months. Well, I'm cutting metal. It's taken, but so. Which one have you put into that car?

I bought it originally for $850. I've sold some things off of it, got it down to $500, but then I bought $3,500 in new parts. It's not doing anything, and you're not paying off debt, and you have nothing in retirement. We're putting it into a Firebird. Cool. And you want to get a new one, even though you haven't done anything with your old... You've done stuff, but you're not driving it. Is it drivable? No. Okay, great. So we should probably get a new one, right? So what's this new one? So that is so I can drive it.

While I work on this project. What? But that's... Do you... How do you guys... You have to... Is the Mercedes the only drivable car at the house? No. No. We have a lot of vehicles. What the... How many cars do we have? We have three cars. Oh, no. Three drivable cars, a motorcycle, and a Firebird in the garage. What the...

Who are you guys? Guys, you have so much debt. You could take care of this today. I'm just a very sentimental person, so... Congratulations. I don't give a shit. Sentimental about your debt getting gone, so get it gone. But you don't know the cards we have, so I've got... I don't give a shit. 06 Impala. Oh, thrilling. But it's worth no money, so I can't sell it and make... No, scrap it and...

Throw that few hundred dollars towards your dad. Yeah, it would literally be a few hundred dollars. Yes, and throw it towards your dad. Like, why waste space? Because that's what I drive to work every day, so it keeps... That was my car that we were going to get rid of for the Mercedes. It gets the best gas mileage. It's not worthless if you're driving it every day. He is driving it every day.

Yeah, I drive it every day. If it's drivable somewhere, it's not completely worthless. Right, yeah, no. You might not get anything crazy. Yeah, and that's why I don't want to get rid of it. Okay, okay, and the third drivable car? So then I've got an 85 Dodge pickup. Cool. And that one is whenever we need to pick up things with a truck, so I have that. Yeah, a comedian and someone who works in an office. Well, I work with my hands a lot. Cool. Carry, then. I don't know. What are you talking about? You have debt. What?

The truck also is not worth anything. No. Is it drivable? Barely. It's worth something. If your reason for keeping it is because you use it once a year to carry groceries or something, then it's sellable.

You might not get anything, but your debt also isn't absolutely insane. It can literally make progress finally. That's just what's so hard because I've had this truck. How often do you use it? Never. Oh, there we go. Thank you. Thank you. Because I knew you wouldn't answer it correctly. Thank you. How often does he actually use it?

I would say once if to actually drive once every two to three months. He might take it out once a month to make sure it's driving. You will rent a U-Haul if you need to for 50 bucks. It's just the sentimental value that I have. I don't give a shit about no sentiment and no value. The value to it can go towards your debt.

What's the sentimental value? So whenever I was a little kid, my dad died when I was seven and he had the same pickup truck. So I bought this pickup truck. Is it the pickup truck? It's not the same one, but I've had this one for 10 years and that's what I moved back to Indiana with. And I've traveled the country many a times with this. So that's what I lived in when we broke up. Dude, I practically burned the car I drove the country with when I moved down here because it's a piece of metal. Listen, I would get the sentimental value a little bit more if it was literally what someone else owned.

Maybe I'm coming across like a d***. Maybe I just have no empathy in this situation. Just pay off your f***ing debt, dude. It's not the car that someone else owned. You drove the country. It's a piece of metal. Get another one when you're in the position to get it. And it has the same sentimental value as this one because this one didn't belong to anyone else anyway. That has sentimental value. Okay? I hear you. Okay.

And the motorcycle. Yeah. So the motorcycle, that was whenever we left LA, uh, everybody got, uh, yeah, that's where I started comedy. And we went back to Indiana where we're from and everybody got, you sound like that from Indiana. Well, I, then I grew up in Florida. So I, I sound like, like I'm from all over the place. Like Bayou, Florida. No, like surfing, Florida.

Like Cocoa Beach. That's not a surfing accent. No, this is East Coast mixed with Hillbilly, Indiana. Yeah. Yeah, so it meshes in there. That's a frangles and gators type of accent. Well, that's the Indiana. And then, yeah. I love the Southern State, Indiana. Yeah.

No, we're just stupid in Indiana. Oh, thanks. Well, you're from Michigan. Yeah, I will be honest. I don't think anyone looked up to Indiana. I'll be honest. What do you mean? No one looked up to Indiana? Yeah, in the Midwest. Yeah, a little bit. You guys aren't in the top 10 population states. Larry Bird? Like Illinois, Michigan, and Ohio don't really produce much economic value for the Midwest megalopolis.

Indianapolis is the major city there. It doesn't really add into the overall United States metro population areas. It's a major contributor. We've got racing. We've got sports. Yeah, that part is exciting. People take left turns there. Yeah. We've got corn. Oh, I think that's all thrown out. Amphetamine. That is true. They sell a lot there. Big contributor to the GDP on that one. Yeah. So I think we do have a couple things that we export. Nice.

No, I'm just hating for no reason. I don't personally care. One of my producers went to school in Indiana, basically on the border of Michigan. Okay, yeah. But it was technically in Indiana. I drive through Indiana to get to a better state. Yeah? Sometimes. Like when I want to go to Chicago. Yeah. Chicago's okay. Yeah. You got to drive past world-renowned, everyone's favorite city in the country, Gary. Yeah. Gary's cleaning up. Gary's cleaning up.

We're not murder capital of the world anymore. Yeah, what is that, St. Louis? Okay. Motorcycle. I think it is. Okay, yeah, so back to the motorcycle. So whenever we went back, everybody got COVID money, and most people went and bought flat screens and stuff like that. Great use of taxpayer money, okay. I bought a motorcycle instead. Another great use of taxpayer money. How much is it worth? I bought it for $12,000. I had $500, so I got a loan for $11,500. Wait, is the loan gone? Yeah. What's it worth?

I believe it's somewhere in the ballpark of $10,000. That's awesome. Sell it. Yeah, so it's in perfect condition. Great. Sell it. I ride it. Good. Sell it. I feel like that would be more than the debt, right? How much debt do we have? No. Well, we still have a house and another car. Regardless of the house, I mean, the Mercedes alone is worth $14,000. Her student loans are $11,000. Combine both the credit cards together and it's basically $7,000. So sell it.

You'll get your little fun little motorcycle when you're in the position to afford it. You're not. Yeah. Easy as that. Be a man. First time. But then how am I going to be a man with no motorcycle to ride? I think in Texas it's more of like a Dodge Ram type of man. You told me to sell my Dodge Ram. Which, yeah, you would lose your Texas manhood. I'm telling you, buds. Yeah. Now I feel like I'm just losing it all. Yep. And then you'll get it back eventually. I have pond stuff. Okay. Yeah.

Cool. Sell the cars, yeah? Okay. Oh, we got to get you more money. Yeah. I mean, I can gift people tech certifications through Course Cruise, which I love. It just doesn't make sense for you because you're just... I don't think you... Do you want to work in tech? I don't think so. It's a tech town. Yeah, I don't even know. I can barely check an email. Okay, it's great for most people, but I guess not for you. Okay, minimum monthly debt payments, not including the mortgage. Also, don't get that other debt for the new car.

Well, the goal is... Have we not settled that? I don't give a... I don't give a... Been talking about goals all day. Yeah, but this one's a stupid one. I already know. No, this is a good goal because... So, the card that I'm looking at is only $7,500. So, the goal is if we can get paid down somewhere close to that, then we just... What? Pay what down somewhere close to that? Down to... If we can get $7,500 paid down... Paid down? On your debt? Yeah. How? Oh, it might be a minute. So...

Yeah, by your math, that's three and a half years. But so if I can do that and then I can... It's three and a half years? Yeah, so then I can go out and I can buy another... You're willing to be okay with that? You're taking that long even though your debt's not that crazy? Well, no, I want it to get better, but I'm saying... Are kids in the picture? Not right now. Ever? Eventually. Maybe. Okay.

You wouldn't want to bring them into this, and you're considering willing to pay off $1,000 every year for three and a half years to take away $7,500 so you can get another motorcycle? Car. Yeah, another car. Another car that's going to do nothing. But with classic cars, to be fair, the value does go up every year. If you do that, right? Yeah, and that's the goal. Yeah. How'd that other one go for? We're working on it.

For three years. Well, yeah. These things, a lot of people, they invest 10, 15 years into them. Okay. Okay. Okay. So you get it for $7,500, right? Okay. Tell me what that's worth in three years from now. Uh.

honestly if things keep going about three years ago i was looking no no no three years ago that's a completely different car market not even close that's a car market that no one's ever seen and no one will ever see again of course but we don't know what three years from now is going to look like you think there's going to be a major global pandemic and we didn't learn anything from the last one no it's not going to be the same repeat over and over but the trajectory since that obviously there was a big spike but the trajectory is staying the same okay

Fine. Percentage increase each year. So that I have no idea. All I know is just the number. What would it go to from $7,500 over the course of five years? Over the course of five years, what would it be worth? In five years, I say it would probably be worth $15,000. No. It doesn't double. Putting work into it? Absolutely. Oh, well, how much do you spend? How much do you put into it? Maybe another $1,000 or $2,000.

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The classic car market is just totally different than any other car market. I mean, I think it's dumb as... You're going to do what you're going to do. Feels a little pointless. $1,523.90 for rent and mortgage utilities. Gas, water, electric, utilities. It's all electric. It varies between summer and winter, but with electric in the summer, probably $150 is what we've been paying. Internet? $80.

Gas between you two? Driving gas? Oh. I do... $200 a month, probably. Probably somewhere in that ballpark. Really? That cheap? Yeah. From Colleen? She works from home. But you drive down to Austin a lot, yeah? Once a week, maybe. Yeah. And it's only $200? Yeah, it's really not that bad. Car insurances for both? Well, for across all these cars?

280. Yeah, somewhere in that ballpark. It's not the worst for all that. $100, $150, TP fund, anything else you guys need to survive, $150. It's makeup, it's toothpaste, it's, you know, it's just anything you need to survive. I'm not putting anything into the budget for the stupid cars. Necessary food, you guys should be able to do $500 a month. Meal prep, meal prep, meal prep, meal prep. What's your phone bill? $120. Yeah, our phones are paid off. Okay, switch to helium then. It's $20 a month for each. Will you guys do that?

I don't even know what that is. It's a phone carrier service that uses the other towers. Okay. So it would be $20 each, $40 a month total. Yeah, I would be willing to look into it. $40 a month for that then. Good. Saves you money there. Okay, anything else you guys need to survive? Medical? Anything there? I am paying $25 a month on a medical bill, but it's only $25. What's the balance of that? $3,000. So it's another debt? Yes.

Okay, anything else? Medical? Monthly basis? Gym? Anything? No, we don't have a gym membership. Then we pay subscription, like Hulu. Nope, no you don't. You absolutely do not. That is not included in your minimum to survive budget. Not even close. Okay, what you guys need to survive is $3,613.90 on a monthly basis. What came in was...

It was a good month for comedy, it looks like. Yeah. But that's not normal. No. Okay. So what likely normally comes in, I'm seeing probably, I'm guessing about 4,500 total across the board. I'd say that's probably about right. Yeah. Yeah. If you sold your motorcycle, if you sold, let's say, a beater for 1,500 and then you drove the two other cars, okay? Now, let's keep your little passion projects in the garage that you can work on, but we're not getting the new one.

new passion project but we're not also putting money into the passion project for now until we're out of debt then you can do it until you have a fully funded emergency fund until you start investing man the fact that you're not even investing like if you can get out of this debt maybe i'll fund your like i use this investing platform called moomoo i like it i would fund your like starting account as just a reward for getting out of this but i mean you have to actually make sacrifices

So, okay. Let's say $10,000 for the motorcycle and $1,500 for the other one. Cool. Let's just use that and let's, with that, wipe out almost all the Mercedes. Let's say $3,000 is left on the Mercedes after that. Because, well, actually, no. Let's not do it that way. That's stupid. Let's destroy both credit card debts.

And the medical. Okay. Now we have the Mercedes. Mercedes. With the extra $600 you got, sorry, $900 you guys have left on a monthly basis, which is actually pretty darn good. And it's the reason why I'm upset that you're willing to just... Okay. Actually, we're setting $3,000 aside from the sale of the car for an emergency fund because you guys don't have savings. Throw that in the savings you do have and then you have like a one month emergency fund. Then we have the medical debt is now back on the table again. Okay. Okay.

But we're still going for the Mercedes. With your extra $900 a month. $1,000 a month now because we paid off the two credit cards. Takes a year and two months. Not bad. Mercedes, 7% debt is gone. Student loans, none of them are really high interest on either of them. I'd minimum monthly payment them all until they're all paid off. Okay.

The student loans or the medical debt, you're able to pay that off in about two and a half months and then get a fully funded emergency fund, which to that point without the minimum monthly debt payments is going to be 18,000. You already have 3,000 in there. You have like an extra 1,400 left on a monthly basis at that point. Takes 10 months. You have a fully funded emergency fund. I say this takes...

Two years and a quarter. Two years and a quarter, guys. And you're debt-free and you have a fully funded emergency fund, except for your student loans, but that's okay. At that point, you just start throwing 20% to retirement across the household in general. And then actually, I think you guys will actually end up somewhere really healthy and happy and good. And of course, we're not paying off the mortgage either. Right. I don't want to pay them until it's paid off. Yep. Guys, I think you actually have a way out of this. You've got to sell those things. I promise, dude, in five years, you can get them again. You can get nicer versions.

Okay. And then we're catching up on retirement. We're starting that getting a fully funded emergency fund, but that that's where I would go. Okay. You're spending in a budget total that went out with 7,376. I mean, you're overspending. So zero there debt. It's not even close to the worst. There's no, uh, it's a three.

It's a three. Certainly not good. Don't get me wrong. So that's why it's still low, but it's a three. Merchants fund barely started. So one retirement, you have a little bit. I don't know what it is. So I can't do anything but one real estate, low cost. FHA was a little rough. So we have, you know, we're paying mortgage insurance, but our equity position in the house is okay with the growth that we've had. Mortgage rates. Fantastic. You don't like the area. I'm going to give it a six. Okay.

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