finding your "forever" partner with Alix Traeger and Zoya Biglary
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Okay, hi guys. Welcome back to X's and O's, a podcast where we talk about career relationships and sex. I'm your host, Shannon Beveridge. I don't know what the hell I'm saying. I'm on a cruise, can you tell? If you're watching, you probably can tell. I think that this boat is from the 80s at least, um, and nothing's been updated. I love it. It's like going back in time. I wonder if my neighbors can hear me. I can hear them, let me tell you, every time they do anything. It's like we're in the same room together.

besties. I really hope they're not in their room. It's dinner time so most people are at dinner but yeah. I am on a cruise in the middle of the ocean. Today I was in Sicily. Tomorrow... tomorrow I will be... not there. Tomorrow I will be in Greece. Corfu. Is that how you say that? God, I hope. It is dinner time on the cruise obviously. My sister's at dinner. My whole family's at dinner. I was waiting for dinner so that I could have the room to myself for a few minutes.

I am sharing a bedroom with my mother. Love that girl to death. I am a bit claustrophobic. Anyway, I hate to complain. I genuinely actually hate to complain. That's not to say I don't complain. I do complain, but I hate doing it. When I got my therapist, my last therapist, when we had our intro call with each other, I wonder if I said this before, but when we had our intro call with each other, she was like, how are you? And I was like, well, I can't complain. And she was like,

Usually people aren't getting a therapist when they can't complain. And I was like, oh, yeah, true. Yeah, I could complain. I could complain. And I do. Anyway, I can complain anytime, all the time. I hate to do it, though. And I really hate to do it when I am in the middle of the ocean with my family having an amazing trip. Like, what do I have to complain about? The only thing I am complaining about is lack of space. I feel...

It's tight in here. It's tight. But I love my mom and I love my sister and I love my brother-in-law and I love my dad and I'm having a great time and we are going to record an episode all of us together and

I think when we get to Venice, I was going to do it on the ship because I thought that was funny. But now that I'm on the ship, I'm like, there's no room. There's no space. So I think maybe it would be better to do it. We have an Airbnb in Venice and we get there and we have like three bedrooms and we'll have space. Four bedrooms, actually. I think I'll finally have my own room when we get to Venice.

So yeah, I'm going to film with them. I think I mentioned last episode to ask me questions, ask them. But yeah, if you have any questions for my family, anything at all, you can ask it. Ask in my comment section below. And if you're listening on iTunes or Spotify, if you have time to rate the show, I would appreciate it. If you're watching on YouTube, you can just like it. Just like the video. It's...

My mom was cracking me up earlier. She was asking me, she was like, apparently she can't figure out how to rate the show on Spotify or she already did. And you can only rate it once. So if you've already done it, thank you. You can't do it again. But she was like, I tried to rate the show again and it won't let me do it. And I was like, yeah, I think it's a one and done thing. She was like, okay, well, every time you post your YouTube videos, I like them. But then when I like it again, it unlikes it. And I'm like, yeah, yeah.

You can only like it once. Like, you can like every YouTube video one time and you can like the Spotify, like the show once ever and iTunes once ever, I think. Anyway, I had to explain this to my mother. So now I'm explaining it to y'all.

I don't know. I wasn't a big podcast watcher before I started doing this podcast. And now that I am podcast listener, now that I am, I try to do that for everyone that I watch or listen to because I see that it's important. But anyway, regardless, not important. Irregardless? Regardless? Irregardless. Is irregardless not a word? Did I mention I feel like I'm losing my brain cells? Like I need to read a book soon. I have not read in too long. I did bring a book on the ship, but my mom's reading it instead of me.

awesome. It's gay too. I'll write it in the bio below. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this episode. I love Alex and Zoya. They are two really great friends of mine and their content is amazing. If you have not seen them before, check it out. If you're interested in food at all, definitely check it out. If you're queer, which maybe you are, also definitely check it out. Check out all their stuff. They're amazing. They're so fun and funny and cool. So I hope you enjoy this vid.

video this episode sorry I'm literally all over the place um did I mention I have ADHD okay yeah I think I have and I'm so tired I'm on a cruise I'm on a boat okay you guys remember that song okay love you also huge shout out to Hinge for sponsoring this episode of X's and O's you are awesome I love you so much thank you

Okay, hi guys. Welcome back to X's and L's, a podcast where we talk about queer relationships and sex. I'm so excited for my, not my first threesome, but... Okay, well you guys are the first couple I've had in my life. Okay, good. You're the unicorn. Yay! My guests today are Alex and Zoya. You may recognize them from the internet. They are both food creators. How would you guys describe... I don't even know at this point. I say something different every time. Cooking content creator...

Cooking video producer, food video producer, food creator. Chefs? Home chefs? I'm uncomfortable with the term chef just because I know what it takes to be an actual chef and I'm not. Okay. And it's a disservice to like actual chefs out there. So, I mean, internet chef. Okay. But humble. Very humble. Always humble. Always humble.

And also CEOs. You guys are both CEOs together? No. Just one of us. I am the CEO of our life. She's the CEO of our life. Sure. I'm a CEO. We'll go with it. And I'm a CEO of a business, but whatever. It's all the same thing. Amazing. Okay. Do you guys want to tell them a little bit about the stuff that you do other than the food stuff? I mean, other than the- Whoa. Okay.

I'm saying like, do you want to explain? What's that, Shannon? Do you want to explain like the fish? For sure. I have a company called Fish Foods, which is a plant-based raw fish alternative. And we launched in Los Angeles about a year and a half ago, two years ago. And we have been in a ton of restaurants and catering services ever since. I'm not a vegan, but I don't really like raw fish. Hence why I have a vegan raw fish company. It's very good. You've had it. It's very good. I love it. It's awesome. Thank you. Okay.

Well, and on top of that, they are lesbians and they are dating each other. You guys both, you both identify as a lesbian. Do you? I don't know. It's honestly still a journey for me. And sometimes I'm like, maybe I will. Maybe I am. Who knows? I just feel like I don't like labels ever in life. Well, you're in a queer relationship with each other. That's why I can't figure out my career label either. I don't care. You don't like any labels here. I don't like any labels. I just want to be like a...

Okay, perfect. You seem pretty gay to me, personally. We're doing some gay shit together. Yeah, for the past three years, you've seemed pretty gay. I know, I know. I've been lesbian for three years at least. At least three years. We can unpack that. Okay, so how did y'all meet each other? We met on Hinge. Imagine that. Imagine that Hinge. Imagine that. Imagine that.

Alex and Zoya obviously were successful on Hinge, especially because it is the app that is designed to be deleted. And I think you could have some good luck on Hinge too. In 2022, Hinge launched LGBTQ plus prompts with the support of GLAAD. There are a few options. I'm going to answer one for you today.

So if you were to look at my Hinge profile, you might see me saying something like, I connect to my community by making a weekly podcast live from my bed. It is not live. I don't know why I said that. It's not live. You guys know that. But I think you guys can connect with your community and other queer people on Hinge and potentially find love like Alex and Zoya. So download Hinge today and start trying to find the love of your life. They're out there. They're waiting for you.

They're on Hinge. And Zoya never deleted them. No! I'm kidding, just kidding. You see me in the background on my phone. Download Hinge and find Zoya on there. Oh my god. Just kidding. You'll tell me, right?

Okay, what were y'all's profiles like on there? Do you remember? Uh-huh. Can you remember each other's? I remember a couple things about yours. I remember every photo you had on there. That's so cute. That's really sweet. Yeah. I remember one of yours, which I really didn't like. Yeah, I know. And it almost made me not swipe on her. What was it? Her main picture was...

her main picture she had like some strands of blue in her hair which there's nothing wrong there is nothing wrong with that but it's just not my personal pretty gay style right pretty gay yes pretty i just was like oh i don't really want to date a girl that has blue hair um and then in her other picture she had regular blonde hair yeah and i was like okay it was such a light blue it was fading out already i went through a little blue phase i don't know i

How long did that last? Not long. It was like a couple months. But, you know, I went through something and I was like, I need to dye my hair blue. You're like, I think I'm gay. I need to match my energy. Yeah, but it was fading out. So there was one picture, but I looked very cute in the picture. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, of course. Okay. What was Zoya's profile like? Yeah. So she had, well, the prompt that I liked was, um, the key to my heart is orange wine. We love, but you don't love. I watched, I watched you talk about this and you were like, I don't even like orange wine. We're three years in. So I was like, it's okay to let this out of the bag. I lied. Um, I liked that prompt. I said, oh my God, orange wine. She was like, wow, you know what it is? Like a lot of

They get wine made from oranges. I was like, not me. I'm not like the other girls. I'm not like those other girls. I know what it is. I love it. So we went on our first date to get orange wine, shut the place down, drank a lot of orange wine. You know, I don't hate it, but I just don't like it that much. It's not your favorite. It's just too like kombucha-y. I'm a wine enthusiast. I like like red wine, white wine, orange.

yeah kind of orange i like it but sometimes it gets too white rose red yeah not orange um it just gets too funky and then i'm like i'm drinking kombucha i like i like the it's definitely funky yeah but what are the odds that y'all's love story starts with fruit and then to see the trajectory of what's happened i know it's not about fruit but like

it's kind of like it's fruity you forgot to mention your other gig what other gig oh being the internet's fruit peeler yeah i mean i i feel like there's so many other cool things if you guys don't know zoya is an expert fruit peeler it's just odd like i've done so many crazy things i spent a decade like helping kids here for the first time i like speak on like plant-based panels at like duke university i do all this stuff fruit peeling and then everyone who sees me out is like oh

oh, the fruit peeler. I'm like, yeah, all right. Just take it, babe. You do such a good job. I do, you know. It is so satisfying to watch. It is, yeah. And she tells a little story. It is. You guys, your sense of humor together is so adorable. I'm so glad we're doing this episode together because I feel like I have a relationship with each of you separately. So we could have done

one-offs, but I feel like together you guys are like such a good duo and you're so punny. We do like a punny and funny. Thank you. And also the amount of sexual innuendos that you guys do in your videos. Do you like plan them out or is it just happening? No, I don't plan anything. Food and sex are just apparently hand in hand. Yeah, hand in hand. What else do you need? Especially the fruit ones. They're getting kind of wild. It just happens. And we try not to be too like

because there's a lot of that going on in the food world and people are like, why did you have to make this weird? But you guys are also like, I feel like you're flirting with each other. Oh, for sure. We're always flirting with each other. Yeah, I know. And that's why I think it's so endearing. We're in your bed, Shannon. I know. I also love to flirt. Yeah, clearly. We're all flirting all the time. You could have chosen a couch.

Yeah, but it didn't make sense. No, because you like to flirt. Yeah, I love to flirt. No, also, I mean, the bed also comes in because it's, like, reminiscent of my YouTube videos and how I started on YouTube. It was, like, so just, like, in my bedroom. But, you know, it wasn't until I started having strangers over that I was like, oh, I can't

It's a little weird. I guess. It is nice though. It's welcoming. Then you feel like you're able to. I think your guard is down. For sure. As opposed to like, I know you guys have been on other podcasts where you go into like a studio. It feels very professional. Yeah. Yeah. Very professional. Yeah. I think the studios are my least favorite. Yeah. The studios are my least favorite for sure. Yeah. Which was mine. Yours is the skinny one. Don't drop.

Notice how all my wine glasses are different because they all keep breaking in my washer. Guys, we're drinking Aperol Spritz because Shannon suggested it. And I actually, fun fact, maybe it's something with orange drinks. I don't really like Aperol Spritz, but this one was really good. So I said, I'll accept. She's a great Aperol. We never cheers. Oh my God. Cheers.

Cheers. Cheers. We're going to get you some matching wine glasses. I broke all literally broke my dishwasher. It's okay. Oh yeah. You can't put them in the dishwasher. Listen, you live and you learn. Yeah. I'm only 32. So every day is a new day for me. Okay. Do you guys have advice for building a good dating profile? What do you think makes it work?

Because you guys obviously were on there. I think you have to be hot and funny. That's like the best thing. Do you think the prompts are helpful? I do, actually. I really do. I really do. I mean, it's not just like a hint. Truly, I think the prompts make it so much easier. Yeah. I think that the way Hinge was set up and the prompts make it so you are focusing more on like what this person has to say or like...

Yeah, just more than just the looks and like swiping. I mean, that's the issue. I never really wanted my story to be meeting on a dating app. It's not the most romantic, but you know, this is the time we're in. And I kind of view every dating app at that point like an energetic door. I'm a little woo-woo. Oh, wow.

So I call it like an energetic door. So when you're ready to let someone into your life, like how are you going to open these energetic doors? Like are you going to go out to bars like every week and try to meet people? Are you going to put yourself out there and like maybe join a club or something? Or are you going to join a dating app? And however, when you're ready to call that person in, that right person in your life, however they come in, once you're in a relationship, it doesn't really matter. So true. Yeah. So you kind of forget about it.

So true. I do think we have like an aversion in this day and age to like saying we met on a dating app. Yeah. But it's crazy because so many people do. That's the number one. Yeah. It's like now the number one way to meet someone. Yeah. Wow. Well, I'm so happy you guys got in touch. I need you to school over. And just as the culture is like...

Okay, God. Well, I just... Okay. There's a lot of room. If you look at the screen, there's literally this much room next to you. She's happy. She loves you. I said I wanted to be in the middle and she wanted to be in the middle. I want to be next to Shannon. Yeah. Don't we all? Yeah. Even they do. Yeah. Too bad. I am right now. Shannon, actually, Shannon, get in the middle. Oh, my God. Get in the middle of us. Imagine. Ping-ponging. We should. But then also, like, with the, you know, dating culture, like...

Years ago, you meet people who are in... Way long ago, you meet people who are in your village and that's it or whatever. And then years went by and then it's like, okay, meet people in your community and you don't have phones and you don't have the internet so you're kind of limited. So limited. Now, people are just a dime a dozen. You're just swiping by like they're like...

a picture on a screen. I know, it is crazy. It's like, what is it, like decision paralysis or whatever? Paralysis, yeah. But I think for queer people too. Paradox of choice or something. Yeah. But I think for queer people, dating apps are so essential too because there's, especially if you're like a femme person, we hear so many femme people, I feel,

complaining that people don't know they're queer yeah so like it's it does give you a leg up if you're on a dating app with your women set to like searching for women then people know and you don't have to

be out in the world being like do i get like for sure these two nails shorter than the other one so that people know i'm gay but one thing that's a little bit tricky is like if you're first coming out and it was for me of like i wanted to turn that on but i had such fear of people finding it yeah like you know that people are gonna see it and then you're although like the people who see it are also queer but then it's still just like the nervousness of like i don't want

if you're not ready for that to be out there then it's all on display well it's almost like a first step in coming out because you are literally saying to the world like i'm at least curious yeah yeah you're toggling a switch yeah so and it's like very like definitive right it's not just like maybe i'm bi it's like show me women yeah what's gonna happen next and that was the

gateway drug? I mean, isn't the gateway when you first do like for men, you go men and women and then you do women only? Like when you realize you're like literally swiping by every man and you're like, get out of here. What are you doing here? Yeah.

Get out of here. Get out of here. Just like that. It's the gateway drug. Two gateway drugs. It's so true. Okay, you guys said, I know you said to me in real life, but I think you've said it online too, but the beginning of your relationship was not smooth sailing necessarily. I'll let Zoya take that one. Why me? Why? I don't recall. Can you explain what happened there? I

I think there's a lot that goes into first dating someone that you do intend to get serious with. Whether or not you know that you want to be serious. I mean, I didn't initially immediately know like, oh, this is probably my life partner. I just thought, oh, we're dating and it's great. And then you start to butt heads and then there's a lot of growth because you're

Being in a relationship is actually insane. I always think as compatible as we are, it is insane. It's two people who grew up completely differently in different backgrounds and they're strangers and based off of a biological interest in each other's features.

They are like now trying to live together and, you know, you have different... Merge. And co-exist. And you're, if you meet, not at 22 years old. You know what I mean? You've already lived a lot of life. Yeah. And you know kind of who you are. Yeah, which is good and bad, right? Because you, on one hand, are more stable and you feel good. But on the other hand, you're like, oh no, I don't like X, Y, and Z. And no. So it's hard to kind of, to swallow that sometimes. And when we met, I was 31 and you were 28. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't remember. I don't recall. I'm so bad at ages. You guys know your age gap from each other, though. Yeah, I was 31. You were 28. And I think, you know, OK, I don't believe you could have said I'm 42. And I'm like, yeah, I could have said you were 21. You'd be like, yes, I am. I was my soul. Yeah, I am my soul.

I think I'm like 12 in my soul. That's okay, Bubba. That's okay. And, you know, so I think it's so miraculous to even have two people come together. But we had kind of a rough first year. I think a lot of people, like we kind of just only touched on it. But the truth is there was a lot of learning each other. I mean, it was like a few months. Rough first year. Oh.

birthday? Was it rough? She's like, we've had a rough three years. I'm like, what? We've had a really rough three years, but it's going to be good after this. It was the first, I would say, like six months. Yeah, the first six months. Of just coming together and trying to figure out, you know, it's hard.

especially at this age you're starting to think of dating intentionally and then you're like okay I want to meet my person and that's just so much pressure so much pressure it's too much pressure for anyone and yeah it's a nice thought but especially you know you just there's so much happening when like you said two people come together and then you have to think about like

We're all, like, doing the work and trying to better ourselves. And then you start, like, getting in your head, like, okay, if, like, if this isn't perfect, then is this the one? Like, is it not the one? Is there things going on? But, like, if you find someone who's willing to work with you and who you're attracted to, you can...

grow together yeah and that's the point I do think people have a tendency to like give up 100% I have the opposite let's keep going let's go I'm in no but I also have like those thoughts too where you're like

should I give up now? Yeah. You know what I mean? We have so much, there's so much pressure in general to find like someone you want to be with forever. Yeah. Yeah. The word forever is so scary. For anyone. We don't even, nobody even knows if it's forever. You know what I mean? It's like, not to be like, it's just like, you don't even know. No, it scares me too. Like, I'm like,

I'm not someone who, I don't know. It's hard. I think we should be together for a full like 12 years. That's good. And then we can move on to the next round. It's a contract. Start there. It's a contract. Actually, I have heard that. Have you heard about this? No. I might butcher this fact, but there's someone who said that actually marriage should be like a however many year, like six year contract. My mom has always said she wishes that every like,

I mean, not that. This is a joke. This is an actual theory. I've heard this from my mom and people. That there should be... I forget the number of years based on like...

I don't know psychology of it, but like, let's say it's like six years, like marriage should be a six year contract and both people come together and be like, are we like both in this still? Should we renew it? Which I think is kind of a cool idea. Like it's, you know, you both should be in it. It shouldn't just be like, okay, now we're together forever. I think that's when people get really complacent in relationships. I was going to say, I feel like it creates some accountability. Yeah. If you have something like that set in place. And choice. Like,

You know, if as society says, like marriage or being with your person is forever, then...

It becomes a sort of prison. Yeah. And you don't want it to feel like that. You actually want it to feel free. You want both people to feel free in it because then you're able to foster your relationship based on both people choosing to be there out of their own free will. So true. Yeah. So true. It's interesting. Okay. So if you guys had a rough like first year, didn't you guys like move in with each other after eight months? It was a year. So it's basically...

No, we actually officially moved another year. Okay. And yeah, I would say probably, yeah, you're right. We probably had a rough like six-ish months and then we... And what was rough about it? What would you... So, Zoya, what was rough? I feel like people would want to know. It wasn't even rough. It was just like we kind of were butting heads. And I think that I... I know in the beginning, the first at least couple of months, it was really mostly...

my it's not like it's no one's fault but it was mostly me not being ready i think no it was attachment styles yeah it was attachment style it was classic runner chaser and which one is who who do you think like a guess let's just let's clarify okay i am the more anxious piece generally and you're the more avoidant piece

So what was happening was like we met each other, had this like fire chemistry connected really fast. And then Zoya started to pull away. And as that happens, I start to get anxious and like go towards her, which obviously doesn't help. She's more avoidant. Exactly. I'm a track star. Two magnets like pushing each other away. Yeah. What do you think your fear was?

um yeah not even necessarily fear i just wasn't sure you know i had come off a long period of like a few months where i kind of wasn't like feeling like myself this also keep in mind this is like early 2021 so we're still very much in the middle of like covid stuff um like on our first date we had to like fill out those forms those covid forms we went to a restaurant like it was still very much in the thick of it still have those forms and uh yeah they're on our

our wall. We frame them. Yeah. And, you know, so I think that I was coming off this this feeling of just like having a really rough winter and then finally feeling like myself again and feeling good and like being like, I'm ready to get out there and like have a lot of fun. And then I met Alex and I think that it became pretty clear quickly that maybe we would become very serious. And I was like, I don't know if I wanted that right now. Yeah. I think maybe I would have loved that in a few months. But I

It was clear that I didn't have that option, you know? And it's like, you don't always just get to be like, Ooh, like whenever the, like, I know that the time that timing is very important, but I think making an intentional decision is also very important. So like, of course there's wrong timing, but if the timing is just like not super ideal, but it's not way off, sometimes you have to just like,

be like well whatever maybe if it was up to me this would happen in a few months from now but that doesn't matter because it's in front of me right now and this is a really good person and I want this person so I'm just going to make a few tweaks and make it work we got her ladies and gentlemen mostly ladies not really gentlemen we got her well yeah I think I think also like you

You just you make a choice. You have to make a choice. In life, like you could have gone either way. It would have been your life, but you just you make choices. And I had gotten to the place where I'd like done enough work on myself around relationship that I saw the patterns that were happening. I had called them out.

And I said like in the past it would have been a dynamic where I would have bent my boundaries and been like okay we can do casual like hoping that in doing casual something would change down the line. And I knew that I just could not do that. And so I said okay we if you're not interested in this then like that's over and I'm going to go.

And I did. I left and I was so proud of myself. You know, I was so sad. I was like, I'm going to go climb. Do you know Wisdom Tree? The hike? No, but I can imagine. It's like literally 10 miles up a hill. I like just went for it in the hot blazing sun. When do we? Yeah, May. Oh my God.

the things I used to do no water just up the hill it was actually June yeah oh my god why didn't you bring water I don't what am I gonna carry water trying to end it it was like a test no no I would just hide for like 10 miles up on the Hollywood hills with like no it's so bad I don't recommend this very dangerous by the way I just felt like I'm fine I'm hydrated I don't need water she never drinks water I did this on 4th of July in Joshua Tree

Just walked alone. Please don't do anything now. Guys, don't do anything I say. No, don't do that. I've lived a lot of life and I'm still here. So what happened when you got to the, when did you guys rekindle? Well, actually, I was climbing up that mountain and she starts texting me. I was like, wow, that was fast. The manifestation that happened. Oh my God. She put a spell on me or something. I said, that shit works. That shit works. Guys, if I have any advice for you,

The thing is also it's hard because you're going to do this with the intention, the energetic intention of being like, I want to bring this person back. But you can't have that. You have to be like, it's over. And you have to like feel those feelings and be okay. But be like, it's okay. I'm walking away and I'm going to be okay. And then boom.

We should explain. So the night before this... No, we should explain. The scene is that the night before this, we just started seeing each other. After two or three weeks, I was like, you know what? I'm just going to pull the plug. I don't want to do this. I know I'm sorry. I know. It's okay. Love is real. But I was like, you know what? I don't think this is fair to this person. She's so sweet. I don't want to do this to her. I'm going to pull the plug. So we go out and I tell her...

at my house and it's like super late. It's like three in the morning and it's like this dramatic thing, but you know, she's like, okay. I remember you actually saying, I think you're making a mistake. I did say that. But then, you know, we fell asleep. It was so late. It was like three in the morning. So we fell asleep and the next morning, you know, she left and, um,

She I think maybe you kind of did have to sleep over because she told me at like 3 a.m. I left right away, but I did have to sleep over. She's like, just in case you wake up and feel differently. Let me just give it one more hour, one more shot. But, you know, she did her thing. And I think I don't know. It just I think maybe that was just weird universe stuff of me just being like, you know what?

maybe I should give this more of a chance. And you, I think were really strong in that once you did break things off. And, you know, I don't want that to come off kind of like a toxic thing where like she had to leave for me to do that because that's not exactly what it was. I think what had been happening was Alex was so excited in the beginning. And this is what happens with your attachment style is, and anyone who's been, I think, you know, more of the, um,

- I'm just saying. - Anxious. - Anxious, yeah, sorry. I don't even know what that's like. So anyone that's like-- - I've never had anxiety. - Truly, yeah, she's just in her own zone. - I've seen you on a plane, so I know you have anxiety. - Oh, that's true. - I have an anxiety disorder, not relationship anxiety. So when you're like that sometimes, and we've all been like this, joking aside, you're so eager to make the other person happy

And you say yes to so many things that unfortunately what was happening was Alex was not even being Alex. She was just being like almost like this. Now she gets a lot of me. She's Alex now. But you were just like this cute puppy dog. You know what I mean? Like you were just like this adorable puppy dog that like was so excited and that's so cute, but it's not necessarily like the sexiest thing.

You know? You, like, wanted to see that she could also, like, hold you. I want to see her as, like, a woman. You know what I mean? Like, a full independent woman. And, like, she was just... And it wasn't even your fault. That happens to a lot of people. That's the trickiest part of dating is...

is not losing yourself yeah yeah because then that that kind of makes personality types like mine be like uh i'm not so sure so when she finally did kind of pull away i almost feel like that's when you came into your own again yeah and then the very next day or two after that when we got together everything was different like i went to this event together and she like picked me up and she just like had this like different air and the air of i got this lady back lady

Lady. Lady. Lady. She's like, yes, lady. Lady. And, you know, she just, it was so cool. It was, like, happened to be, like, a food event, and, like, you were just, like, in your element, and I really got to see you, like, be yourself. Yeah. And that... It actually was amazing timing. Like, you couldn't even... It was amazing timing. It was amazing timing, because she came back, and she was like, oh, like, I want to hang out. I was like, I'm busy, actually, because I had, like, a food crater event with all, like, the big food craters, and she, I knew she, like...

like food videos and these creators she knew. So I was like, you can come, you could come. And she was like, Oh, I want to come. And so I want to come. I said, okay. I said, okay. So it's like, I'm cooler than that. I promise. Okay. I've never been excited about anything. I picked her up.

And yeah, it was just a cool event. It was like, it was just divine timing. Yeah. It was cool to see you do your thing. Thank you universe for having that line. It was cool to see you do your thing. I think I hadn't seen you like really in your element and doing your thing. And I needed that. I think certain people like me, I think need to see their partner do their thing. Yeah. And that is a very sexy thing. Seeing someone be independent is really sexy. I'm going to snap my hands up home. Where's your drink going? Jesus Christ. What do you mean? There's a hole in my drink.

I'm just holding my glass. Oh, Jesus Christ. You keep trying to put it back up and you're like, I don't have it. I just hold it. It's too much work. So what does it mean? I know. I watched you do that like twice. Sorry guys, I know. And I was so upset. It's my bad. I'll change it for y'all next time. No, no, no. I love it. I love it. But all of that is to say that, you know, people like our story that we just described is

I'm sure a very common straight doesn't matter. It's universal. It's human humans coming together. I think at the end of the day, though, when you look at the person, you say, I like these. Like if you have like your wish list of like 10 things and like the person realistically hits seven or eight of them. Yeah. And they're have a good moral compass. They are you're attracted to all those things.

Really? What else are you looking for? I think again some one day you work on the rest you work on the rest But I mean that's a lot to have seven years already so much That's a lot but you know one one of the the dangers of sometimes with like social media I feel like people have become very disposable. Yeah. Well, you could just see that so many people exist So many folks you're not in a village with only ten girls. Yeah, you're back to the village. It's back in the village. Yeah, we're back

literally not at all in the village. You can see every girl that ever existed. And her highlight reel, by the way. Yeah. She's looking good. She's looking great. It's a picture where she's looking real hot that day. It's a highlight reel. How would the villagers tell each other that they're gay?

Show up to the river at the same time. Yeah. Show up to the river. There was definitely some homoerotic stuff happening that day. We should write a lesbian erotic book about the village. Someone wants it for sure. Comment down below if you want that.

another thing to say is that you guys met kind of during COVID and I feel like there is like an element that makes someone really attractive when you see them socially and a lot of people got into COVID relationships and never saw what their partner was like in a social life like you got like a different version of I mean everyone was a different version of themselves because you're like all I do all day is

Go home. Right. Like, whatever. So, like, even though you guys were probably towards, like, more of the end of it. Yeah. Things were open again. More open. But still, things were still weird. Things were weird. It's not like now where everything is back.

so the same. I think a lot of COVID relationships were like hurt because of that. Yeah, I think so. I think so. Yeah, we didn't get to have like a normal dating life for the first several months. It wasn't until like, you know, a few months in. No, it was like normal. I know people have been like... No, but remember maybe the first like few... We met in 2021 of...

But this was a time, I remember the first few months of us being together in Los Angeles, you still couldn't go, all the bars were still closed. You had to go sit at a table, remember? Well, we had to write on COVID papers that we still have on our wall. And that is weird because it is nice to see what someone is like in a huge social gap. And not to mention meet their friends, see if they jive. That's also so important. You want those other opinions. I feel like the most toxic relationships...

I had been in were like relationships where my friends hadn't met them and then like didn't get to vet them and then I was like in this love bubble and then once they did they were like what the fuck. That person sucks. Yeah. That person sucks. Yeah. So that's also really important having that

Confirmation. Yeah, just we can make someone so hot or not. 100%. Hot or not. Yeah. Do the friends approve. Yeah, truly. Yeah. So when, okay, you were more experienced in your queerness by the time y'all met, right? Like had more. Slightly, yeah. Slightly. Can you like elaborate on that? Because I feel like Alex, you'd only dated one girl before this. Yeah, kind of. Well, like fully dated. Yeah, one girl. Yeah.

Not a girlfriend. Okay. What was your experience level when you got together? I had had one girlfriend. What? You'd been like gay and out for a while. Yeah, I'd been gay and out for a while. Like almost, yeah, more than a decade at that point. So it's like... You didn't have one girlfriend? I had one girlfriend every month for many years. So it was very... It's like, don't confuse the people.

No, I had many girlfriends and they were all very lovely. But, you know, I had the luxury of being out when I was a little bit younger. Like in my early, very, very early 20s, I came out. So I had a great decade of my life perusing the streets of WeHo and being a psycho. And it was great and so fun. And I think that it was really important for my development, maybe in good and bad ways. Yeah.

Keep going. No. I'm enjoying this. Alex, what about you? Me, like, dating. And your queerness. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Queer. Que

I started journaling. It all kind of came out. And then I, like we were talking about, changed the dating app to boy and girl. Boy and girl. I don't know what's wrong with me. Boy and girl. I don't think boy and girl is a wrong term. Dating app, boy and girl. Canceled boy. Only girl. And then quickly met someone. She was honestly so great.

like the best person I had dated up until that point because I had only dated very easy to be. And it just wasn't quite right though. I wasn't like fully in it and I knew I was moving back to LA. So when I did, then yeah, changed it to only women and then pretty quickly met Zoya. And so once I met Zoya, I say that like, it wasn't that she made me come out like to my family and, and the world. Um, but that, um,

She had just made it real for me that I was like, okay, I can do this because, you know, the fear was like, okay, I don't want to do it too early, like coming out to my parents or, you know, online if it's like, you know, just something I'm trying out and I don't know.

You know, all those feelings, the confusion. I think it's easier for a lot of people to come out with a partner. Yeah. I think it makes you feel... But it wasn't with a partner. I was like, I... The weekend after I met Zoya, I did it. Oh, no way. Because I also was like, okay, if this is going somewhere, I want to do it before I have a partner. Because I don't want to come out to my parents and be like, I'm dating this person and then them only put it on them. Okay, cool. Yeah. You know, I just wanted it to be because of me. Yeah. I feel like some people go...

The other way, too. No, I didn't want that cop out. It's easier to introduce the person because then you're like, and it's not what you fear. It's this lovely, awesome person you love, too. I mean, everyone's going to do it differently. Yeah, literally no judgment to however you do it.

I just didn't want it to be tied on a person. I also didn't want that pressure on Zoya where it was like, you made me come out. Like, so I tried to be very clear about the fact that like, I did it really early into meeting her and I didn't want to like, be like,

pressure on her for sure to be like I just came out to my parents like now are you gonna be together but I just wanted it to be done so that wasn't an issue yeah so it was just like done it was just done did you know she wasn't after your parents when you guys went on your like first date yeah she told me um and I remember saying that I wanted to date someone that was yeah that was also important to you that was that was one of my deal breakers Alex left real quick mom dad I

save that in your notes no it was really important i didn't bring her up at all i just didn't want it to be about that yeah and then again like i knew in myself i liked someone so much you're like i'm obviously i'm obviously okay i'm a lesbian don't say it don't say it i'm a lesbian not i'm a lesbian can be true

I'm a fucking lesbian. I'm a fucking lesbian. Wow, two words just flipped makes such a difference. It's such a big difference. Yeah. Okay, well, was that... Obviously, you said that was kind of a deal breaker for you if someone wasn't out. So, was it...

Do you have like... Did you have any apprehension on dating someone who had so much less queer experience than you? Slightly, yes. It wasn't my ideal, you know, truthfully at that point in my life. Just a really quick background. So I was 31 at that point. Um...

I had just and not because of the other person, like not at their fault in any way. It just I had been through so much at that point. Like I'm Persian. I came out to my Persian family like in my like mid late 20s. It wasn't a great experience. I went through a lot of like shame and years of just like shit.

And so by the time I was 31, I was kind of like, you know what? I've been through so much of that. I don't want to go through that with somebody else. And I don't care even how that comes across. You know, it's like I already went through it. So I don't want to do that again. I mean, we're allowed to have preference.

I think it's fair. So I was like, I just want someone that is really sure of what they want. That's really what it was about. It's not that I can't help you through stuff, but I just want you to be sure. I don't want to play this game of like, ooh, what am I feeling? And I think that's very fair, too. Very fair. I think just even as an adult, imagine not even queerness, just wanting to be with someone who's sure of themselves at 31 in general. A straight person might feel that way about dating someone.

on feeling like they have direction in their life and like yeah whatever figured out I do think that that's the night one thing you had said early on in dating was that like okay like don't you want more time to experiment or like be out there and

You know, that's fair as well. But I said to her, like, no, I mean, that's one thing about coming out later in life is that, like, I don't really think that experimenting, like, sexually is just, like, boiled down to one thing.

sex like you know like I had many years of like yeah yeah playing the field and experimenting and at that point in my life I was ready for a relationship totally and so I was like I don't feel the need to go fuck around like I just like I know where that leads and I am sad or like I I'm sad that I didn't come out sooner just so I would have had those years like in college like

To be able to be with women. Totally. It's like, it sucks that that's not the case for me. But I went to such a straight college. It was like, it was not even in my wheelhouse. And like, I'm also someone who the second I like realize something, I've just dived straight in. So once I did come out, it was like...

I jumped at first. I dove right in. So, you know, I didn't feel like I was like, oh, I need to take this time. In fact, I did miss out, but that was in my younger years. Yeah, that's so fair. I think it's hard to, I don't know, I feel like I relate more to like your coming out experience because there was so much more like

it was so much more tumultuous maybe, you know, not that, not to compare it, but just like all the shame thing and then like putting it off. And then I had to come out, like I had to come out cause I was going to like die. And, you know, I was also like a lesbian. Every male experience I ever had wasn't even like remotely pleasurable or like positive or good at all, you know? So I feel like, I feel like it's,

hard or it can be easy for someone like me or someone like you to project our trauma or like our experience coming out onto someone else and be like this is gonna be really hard for you and you're gonna have to like figure all these things out and you're gonna want to like sleep around with all these people and it's like no that's that was my journey yeah so like dating that's interesting actually yeah just trying to give them the benefit of the doubt of being like okay like

your life, your journey, your queerness is not my queerness. Yeah. And I have to give you like space to have your own experience and not be like, no, this is going to be super traumatic and horrible for you. It's like, that's not going to be everyone's journey, especially when you come out at 28, 29. And especially now. Yeah. Especially because we came out probably around the same time because it would have been like 20,

like 14-ish. Yeah, I was already, I was only seeing women by the time I was like my early 20s and so I was, yeah, a couple years before that. Are you 32? Are you 33? I turned 34. Oh my God. You're not crazy. Okay, whatever. I'm an elder. I'm 32. It's the same time. My butt is fully asleep right now. That's because you're so close to me. Wait,

This is a problem people have when they come. Does this happen a lot? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I had Gabby Windy on and at one point I started seeing her. She was going like this. And I'm like, I had to be like, hey, are you okay? That's why I suggested let's get in the bed. Let's stretch out. I know. We'd be like bugs snug in a rug. It can get uncomfortable. It's bugs snug in a rug.

I want to talk to you all about living together. So you moved in a year into dating. Yeah, which is like slow for... Okay. No, really. No, I love besides you. We have a lot of friends. You pace yourself. You're the outlier. I know. You're the outlier in the data chart. You know, in lesbian terms, we didn't yoo-haw. That's a yoo-haw? A year is not a yoo-haw. How long till you said I love you?

it's so funny. People say, people have commented like, and I didn't even notice this when I posted like, oh, we're girlfriends now or whatever. I made a video and I posted like the little COVID, no, the COVID sheets. So what Zoya did was she took the COVID sheet we had on our first date and she wrote on the back of it, like, um,

Alex, I love you. Will you be my girlfriend? And I posted that in the video like, oh, so sweet. And then people were commenting like, that is so lesbian. You said, I love you before you're a girlfriend. But it was kind of a running joke. Yeah. I mean, it was a running joke that we love each other. First of all, Zoe has a sense, you'll, you know, people know this. She has a sense of humor that is, you know, sometimes a little bit.

amazing and so funny yeah so funny um but just that uh when we were early dating everyone like we were dating and then all of our friends were just riding on her like when are you gonna be girlfriends and then zoya's like a little bit stubborn so she kind of like wrote it out and it just became a joke so every time she'd ask me to do something i'd be like that's what a girlfriend would do like she'd be like can you get me like a water from the french i'd be like that's

what a girlfriend would do you guys are and now you're doing the same shit with getting engaged same shit okay although i honestly it's become a joke on the internet and we play into it because it's just funny but we really aren't in a rush to get married yeah you're chilling i'm chilling like again it's it's another thing of like the forever commitment i really want a wedding but i'm also kind of unpacking that too like now that i'm in gay life like i'm like weddings are kind of

I hate to say it. Traditional weddings. It definitely could not be traditional. They're kind of choogy. Traditional weddings are kind of choogy. I agree. Sorry. But I feel like we would all do it cool. We would all do it cool. It has to be. How long until you said I love you? A couple months.

How many is a couple? I don't remember. Okay. So I remember Zoya says, yeah, Zoya said it first. No, I didn't. Yeah, she did. Because you know what happened? We were at the Abbey. I believe that. We were at the Abbey. Yeah. No, we were at, we were partying and someone like one of our friends. This was the time we, does this when we got COVID at the Abbey? Yeah.

With all the lesbians? There's so many storylines. The love bug and COVID all the same night. We were like with a group of friends and someone in our friend group turned around and they're like, oh my God, like I love, like they just like met her. Zoya was standing behind me. I was like talking to the other friends. Yeah. And it was Nico. Nico or Ash or Rose. One of them was like, oh my God, I turned around like we love her. And I was like, yeah, like I love her too. And I turn around and she goes, you love me?

me you don't think like a like a robot i said you love me i was like so you i was like uh but like i it's not that i didn't i just didn't exactly mean it at that moment you weren't like that wasn't yeah that wasn't no well i heard it and then i called it out just keep saying it ever no no so i was like oh my god you love me it's like exactly what it sounds like i'm literally

my own delusions right like is this what i'm learning in this podcast that i'm delusional the balance is so on they call us yin and yang i was just agreeing with one of our friends and she was like you love me and then was it that same night we were driving in the car no it's like a like a week or two later okay come back from something and then i we were like driving i don't know listening to music and then i said i love you and then you said i love you too

we do but she still said it first so did you get butterflies when he said it of course did you i'm sure i don't remember i actually don't remember much she's like i'm sure okay back to y'all living together now so you moved in with each other a year in but you were at your first place right you're the place you had before yeah yeah i moved out of there did you ever go to that

one but I just I've seen you your cooking video before that it was in the place before okay gotcha actually funny on that chin watching my cooking videos yeah Shannon and I have been on the internet for a long time a long time I've known you forever like I'm so sorry I didn't I wasn't out yet so I didn't watch your video I don't think that's I think that's fine I wish I had

I wish I had. Maybe I would have changed things earlier. But Shannon once told me, she said that you used to watch my Tasty videos and you thought... I thought you were gay. That's so crazy. I find this so fascinating. A lot of people say that. I want to know what it is. I don't know. I think I have a really intense gay dart where I'm like,

And also, I mean, I think everyone's gay. You're like, you're like the guy. It's like, okay, yeah, I'm going to get right. What is it? It's like a clock is right two times a day. A broken clock is right two times a day. I've never heard that one.

There was something like energetically like gay about it. I guess so. And I've heard that actually from a lot of people. A lot of people. Yeah. At least like queer. There was something queer coded about it. Wow. I love it. But anyways. Yeah. I was in the dark, head in the sand. Head in the sand. I should have commented. Yeah. You should have. Does she know? Maybe you should watch my video. Alex, if you're watching this. Please subscribe. Please watch my videos. Please subscribe to my videos.

Okay, but yeah, so you guys live together two different places, but now you own a home together. Yeah. Big jumps. Big jumps. Big mortgage. I mean, real fun. Real fun. Honestly. How do you guys, do you guys enjoy, first of all, do you enjoy living together is one question I have to ask, but I also am curious when you guys are making like decisions on how to decorate your place, is there one person? Me. Me.

Only me. I believe in knowing your role in a weird way. Like, it's not my thing. Decorating, of course, I have some opinions, but, like, it's just not my thing. She's better at it. She has a better eye. Accept that. Sometimes your partner is better at certain things, and just let them take the lead. Like, not every single thing, I think, has to be, like, a crazy joint decision. Like 50-50. Yeah, where you, like, fight about it. It's like, no, just, like, let her do it. Yeah. It's her thing. I honestly didn't know what the answer was.

was going to be really I feel like you have really good taste so I wouldn't be if Zoya was in charge of decorating our home it would be empty and black okay that makes sense not black it would be white and empty but your apartment isn't like super colorful no I have great I love my style yeah I

I'm a minimalist, like a true minimalist. I dress like colors and bright, but like interiors, I'm very like California modern, wood, natural elements. I've actually found a love of interiors.

interiors interiors her sexuality is interiors your house is gorgeous thank you Alex did a great job because of me she has great taste so like it's not like I just let her take the lead and I was like oh I'm gonna hate this it's something that's developed I you know my my college dorm room was a mess you know you kind of just like keep doing it and then you find you know where you my bedroom kind of is giving dorm room I posted a picture of it I could help you out

thanks i like it it makes me feel homey thank you i mean it's definitely yeah but yeah i i don't know why i wanted to ask you guys that because i'm like i feel like there's like well maybe it's also a testament to you being a good interior designer i'm a tourist i do feel like i see zoya represented in your house like it doesn't feel like a place like no that you wouldn't ever be yeah do you know what i mean i wouldn't also do that like i

Even though I'm taking the lead, I want us both to feel at home. Totally. Obviously, I'm going to make the choices and put a little color and things here and there and more clutter than she would like, which is just like furniture. A bookshelf with some books on it. No, furniture is clutter. The bookshelf was still too much. But I think we're both representing the house. And do we love living together? Yeah. I think once we were like...

really in the relationship and then we both had our places in la and this was early on obviously um there was one day that we just realized like we would take time apart where she would go to orange county to her family or whatever she had to do and there was just one night that's like we were both in la and she was like okay i'm gonna go back to my place and i was like what like why like if we're in the same city why would we sleep apart of course it's

If you're in Orange County or wherever, then we would sleep apart. But I was like, I don't want to sleep in the same city apart. And then we just never, ever slept apart again. We never slept apart again. That's really sweet. Which is cute. I love living with you. I think it's really fun. I love living with you. I really could not imagine. I mean, truly, we don't really, like, fight too much. Like, we don't really, like, argue. Like, very normal, like, bickering, like, that couples do. But, like, we don't have, like, these, like, massive, thank God, blowout fights ever. And...

I think that we are very lucky in the sense where we communicate. A lot of that is you. Alex is a phenomenal communicator. She has been from the start. I think that's really important. And I'm much more patient at this point in my life too. I think that's really something worth noting. Like I wasn't before. Now I'm just older and like tired.

So I think like that makes me an ideal partner right now. But yeah, I could not imagine. I hate actually being apart like for extended periods. You know, it's...

well you get used to something three years and we love having the lesbians over yeah yeah lesbians love coming over okay so you said you actually are not pressuring for like getting married you're not like whatever but how long into dating did you guys start talking about like marriage as a concept well i think honestly the weird part is being on the internet where then people will start like when

When are you getting me engaged? And so it kind of became a thing. And then it's just funny. Like, I don't know. Every time I have a video. So people now comment like, oh, it's so sad for Alex. Like, she just wants an engagement. And I'm like, fuck. I've like set myself up as this desperate girl. No, like, I'm just like, it's fine. I'm just, I just kind of play. You good? This is really like, there's nothing to hold on to. It looks like a...

It's literally nothing to hold on to. You're holding like a vape or something. I know, and I keep being scared that I'm going to turn it off, so I'm like holding it like this. It's such a shirk. Can I have a refill? Drink mine. Drink mine, baby. Drink mine. But you guys do, you do obviously talk about it. Yeah, I think once we like got pretty serious after our first year, I think we started to kind of talk about it just to make sure we were, my love. Look at me. I'm like scrunched up in the, Jesus Christ. He's literally pushing you. Yeah.

she's again you still are you're like a dog like trying to get comfortable and um you know we we had some intro convo so make sure that we won the same things in terms of marriage and family which we don't like you do not want to get married that's not true well i don't want a wedding i don't want a wedding i don't want a wedding at all

You want to party? I want to party. I just don't want a wedding. You don't want like a ceremony. No. I haven't given that up. Okay. Well, you're going to have to do that. She's got to have to. It's not what I know about relationships. And I am the one picking the interiors of the house. I'm also the one doing the wedding. Well, I would do that because to me, your happiness and you experiencing that is more important than me wanting that or not wanting that. What's your version to it?

the chuginess is it like also like it's not gonna be chuggy the heteronormativity of it i think and just like honestly just how old school it kind of is and like the weird shit that i mean we wouldn't have like a religious ceremony by any means but like just like i don't know i just don't really like how it's set up and um well it's so like

Even thinking about what a ceremony looks like for two girls, it's like, okay, who's walking down the aisle first? Are we walking down the side, down the middle together? Or do we have boys or girls? Who's proposing? Because we only know it one way, and we have... I mean, but if you think about it as a positive, you guys would be representation for some other queer couple down the road if you did anything. Anytime I see a new lesbian or gay wedding, I'm like, oh, that's cool that they did that.

yeah it's cool that they did this like that you know every new wedding is like a new opportunity i don't i do not want a traditional wedding also i keep telling you like it's going to be vibey and cool i keep telling you it's gonna be and then i'm also saying like i i don't want to wait it's gonna be really fun things can be true at once we're not in rush i would love to be a rainbow also oh my god that would be so cute

also like want to have a wedding that's like a blowout wedding and i don't like cost wise they are so expensive that we're not there yet we just bought a house can we get a brand deal yeah wedding wedding you guys could be great we could do it but yeah i mean we just um

We had that combo, though, and I think before we bought a house together and signed a 30-year agreement, you know, there was the pretty serious combo of, like, are we doing this? Again, not that that seals anything in. Nothing seals anything in, but it's, like, we were pretty serious by that point. Yeah, I mean, I think moving in with or buying a home together pre-marriage is obviously already, like, you do have a contract. Yeah.

you're basically married so you know i i just need to come up with a ring at some point so it just doesn't really matter and the ring comes back up and the ring comes back up oh she's definitely do you know i am excited for all the stuff you have a conversation about like what the ring looks like no i have an amazing amazing best friend who's a jewelry designer who has like the coolest shit joan amaya and it's like

gold prominent and vibey and different and cool. Yeah. Not something traditional. Her rings are really cool and a ton of celebrities wear her ring and you name it. So she would make my ring. Yeah, that's the one thing I know is that she wants like her to make it so that kind of takes a lot of pressure off of me. You know, so. Yeah. But yeah, I know that like

Even with like down to the ring, we've talked about stuff like that where it's like we also don't want a ring that looks like everyone else's. Yeah. You know, so like there's a lot of cool things, but I think I'll just when that time comes, let Joneigh just take the lead on that. When the time comes. When the time comes. Okay. We can, we're pretty much done except for we should talk about sex. Okay. Let's do it. If you guys don't mind. Okay. Should we, can I ask you the question? Takes a sip. Which one? Okay. Do you guys think scissoring is real? No.

It's actually, it's like the abominable snowman. Like a Loch Ness monster. Just kidding. Of course it's real. Yeah, it's real.

Of course. Okay. I think it's real, too. Yeah. I feel like there's questions about it, but... Depends what your version of it is, right? Didn't you see Rene Rapp's stage at Coachella? Were they scissoring? There was giant scissors. Giant scissors. And Elwood introduced her. Okay. Scissoring is real. Scissoring is real. Scissoring is real. Just like Santa Claus. Okay, do you guys... This question is specific to y'all, but you've been together for three years, right? Yeah. Do you feel like...

Do you ever experience lesbian bed death, whatever that means? Or are you guys good at prioritizing, like, your sexual relationship with each other? You know what's... I don't know. Oh, my God. Lesbian bed death. That's like... Hasn't happened yet. Yeah, hasn't happened yet. Hasn't happened yet. I will say, like, you know, when you're in a relationship for years, there's going to be periods you go through where either one of you is more anxious or there's a lot going on at work or...

you're just like not in the mood and that's okay. You know, you work through those periods, those periods go away and then you're like, oh, you know, oh my God. That laugh was like elation. I know. I'm back. My mojo is back. No, but it's true. You know, so it's, you know, sometimes it's,

Again, it's like, okay, you're in this for the long haul. It's about like getting through those periods. It's like seasons. Yeah. I'm sure. I mean, I don't know because I'm not straight, but I'm sure it happens to straight couples. Oh, 100%. It happens to everyone. Yeah.

How could it not? I think it happens to everyone. How you get through it, though, I think is the really important part. Yeah, totally. Because I think it's very normal to feel... I felt like this in my past relationships, except that those weren't meant to exactly work out. I think that when you start to feel like, oh, I don't know if I feel it anymore with this person...

if you aren't thinking of that as like a season if you're not thinking of the long haul then it's like oh next person yeah it could be like the thing that's the out yeah it's that anything can be the out well that being said also looking for an out there is incompatibility that exists and then you know winds are going really long stretches and it's

you're not getting it on, then, you know, there's something to look at and there's an issue there too. So it's being careful in that way. Yeah, for sure. And communicating. Communicating. What is the source of the bed death? Yeah. No bed death though. Like bed, like sleep. Little bed naps. Bed naps. Does it scare you to think that you could be the last people you sleep with? Oh my God, yeah.

For sure. That's such a bad thought. I don't know. But. No, sorry. I don't want to say it like that. You both said yes.

I mean, it's, we just don't know. Like, that's like the crazy thing is like, you know, we are into like monogamy and all that, but it's like, you just don't know. We're into monogamy and all that. I wouldn't say I'm like poly or want to open the relationship. That's also an awful thought. Yeah. Kind of. Not awful. Not awful. Not awful.

Not if anyone's into that. Not awful. Okay, it's actually not an awful thought. Yeah, it's just like a not now thought. Yeah, we just don't know. Like, it's really hard. I don't know. I don't like any forever thing. Yeah, neither of us like that. Oh my God. I don't know. It's okay. I don't want to offend anybody. Should we go back and read this question? No, no. I think we just don't want to offend anyone. Yeah, I think what you do believe in monogamy, but do you think there's like a world where...

Yeah. Yeah. You together wouldn't be only the last people you sleep with. Are you asking for yourself? No. Shannon, you are invited to the party. No. But I am. I'm just asking because it is like a fear I feel a lot of people have. 100%. When you're getting into like a girl's last relationship. The answer is we don't know. We really don't know. Your whole life is a really long time. It's a long time. It's a long time. And I don't think it serves anyone, the relationship or you, to like think in these definitives and like forevers. It's just too much pressure. Yeah.

And I personally, I know we both on the same page don't love the thought of like, this is the last person I'm ever going to sleep with. Like, we have so much life to live still. Yeah. And not right now, but in the future, like...

Sign up. Shannon, sign up. It's specifically for Shannon. No, just kidding. I mean, you know, do whatever you feel. Do whatever makes you happy. Do whatever makes you happy. Yeah, I just, yeah, we don't really know. I think it's like, I wish people would be more honest about that and they don't have to feel the pressure. I think people should talk about it. I think like, I don't think there's anyone who

I think it's crazy when you talk to someone and they're like, yeah, I'm good on that. That could be great. It's like, especially when we're, I mean, we're in our people like that. Yeah, but we're in our 30s. It's not like we're like,

like done you know what I mean I think but I think I thought when I was 21 yeah by the time I was 32 I'd be like oh I'm done but it is like it's weird like I just think it's something that people should be more honest and like talk about more and I think but you know relationships would benefit from that too I have a friend who is in an open relationship and like express that on the internet and was like

torn down because they're like, okay, you don't really love each other and you're not both in it fully. So there's still some stuff to unpack around that. Oh my God, totally. In society, of course. So it's hard to even make those statements when you know people are going to take it the wrong way and be like, okay, you guys aren't compatible or happy together. We have an amazing relationship.

and amazing sex life and still I can't say that it's forever like I don't know like isn't that fun for other people to know that like you have a chance just kidding what

No, but seriously. No returns. We're living in like the most heteronormative monogamy. We have like this like, I mean, it's weird that we're gay. Like it's already still weird that we're gay. Yeah. Than to add anything else new. Like people are like, what? So things are changing. I find that interesting as I like go further and further into my queerness, into my lesbian-ness.

you already broke a rule. And so I think that's what also, what we were talking about on the wedding, like now it doesn't feel as right because we've already broken one rule. Like now you're starting to break all these rules. It's like,

totally and then you just go down this path and you're like oh my god like there are no rules why are we living like this all made up yeah i saw sarah showers like a tiktoker do you guys know her she's so funny but she uh is sober and she's a lesbian and she was explaining in this great combo she was explaining in this tiktok relate like as we go to this drink but no she was explaining in this tiktok and she was like

When I became a lesbian, like, I already broke out of, like, the patriarchy and, like, the way that the world is in that way. And then when I decided to become sober, I'd already, like, I'm living a different way. And, like, alcohol and I think our society's relationship with alcohol is so casual. And it was kind of also, like...

intertwined in everything. It's like, oh, what are you doing on Saturday? Yeah. Obviously we're going to have a drink or whatever. But she was like, being a lesbian first actually helped me get sober easier because I already knew what it was like to break out of a societal norm. I believe it. Isn't that kind of like sick? That's cool. That's the coolest thing I've ever heard. I mean, everything ties together, you know, like it's no secret that

That's why you even have gaydar. It's like why you called it out. It's like there's something that she's doing online that's breaking out of the box. There's something different. Like my weirdness or something. I don't know. My sense of humor. Only gay people are funny. That!

Wow. That is a statement. Have fun on the internet with that one. I would stand by it. Okay. Let's do an outro and then... I think everyone's a little gay. Yeah. Everyone's a little gay. Like, I don't know. Sue me. I agree. Don't sue her. Don't sue me. I guess even I'm a little straight. Like, if I say everyone's a little gay... There's a spectrum. I've seen a guy and thought, cute. Yeah.

I've seen guys sleep with a guy again. Again? I never did. Oh, you never did? Oh, yeah! I forgot! Would you ever sleep with a guy just because, like, you need to try it out? Never, because I just need to try it out. Like, I don't know. I never want to say never. Like, if there was some weird, random, crazy thing that happened. Oh, my gosh.

I would say it's probably no. What celeb guy would you maybe consider? Not because it's going to lead to... Harry Styles. Very good choice. Harry Styles, if you're watching this... That's how we know you're gay. I love this story. It's like the gayest person. Wow. Okay. Okay. Huge shout out again to Hinge for sponsoring this episode of X's and O's. Again, it's...

If Alex and Zoya can do it, you can do it too. I think dating sometimes can be intimidating. And I think the thing that I love most about Hinge is that it has prompts and it has conversation starters for you there. When you're looking at profiles, it makes it a little bit easier and also makes it easier to flirt. It gives you something to flirt and banter about.

And I think the LGBTQ plus prompts also gives you something to connect on right off the bat. You can see if someone is similar to you or aligned to you or if their queer journey is like your queer journey. I think that Hinge having LGBTQ plus prompts year round for you to use makes it obvious that is a safe space for queer people. You are welcome on the app and you can find love on the app. You can find love.

Doesn't everyone just want to be loved? I think if I was building my own profile, I would use the question, the first time I knew I was gay was... And then put in something like quick and witty that someone could reply to really easily. Like, the first time I knew I was gay was... When I exclusively wore tankini swimsuits as a kid.

There is a tankini to gay pipeline. And if you wore tankinis, you might, well, you're here. If you're here, we know something's up, right? But that's what I would put on my profile. I would love to know what you guys put on your profile. And you can download Hinge with the link in my bio.

Go find your love. Put yourself out there. Okay. Thank you guys so much for watching. Thank you. Check out Alex and Zoya's content all over the internet. I will put all their links in the description below. Do you guys have anything that they should look out for coming up soon? My cookbook. I'm finally doing a cookbook 10 years down the line. Please, please buy it next year.

next year literally spring of next year it's such a long process guys that's like this so much goes into this cookbook that i hope you buy it lesbians show up for me please please please one year spring 2025 a year from now i will like reshare this set up your calendar set up your calendar please anything for you um be happy buy her fish eat her fish buy her fish that's not sexual what the fuck eat

eat your fish you don't need to do that just be happy if you're in LA go try it out at various locations kombu santo koi sushi kusaki there's a bunch of places I'll put it in the bio too so you guys can check it out thanks for watching thank you bye cheers cheers