Ask Me Anything with Shannon Beveridge
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This episode is sponsored by Chime. Summer activities can get really expensive, between concerts and vacations and baseball games, which I finally got to go to a Dodgers game, and it was awesome, except someone stole my jacket at the Dodgers game. But a Chime checking account helps you reach your financial goals while still enjoying the summer. With Chime, I can go to the Dodgers game, and I could even buy myself a new sweater.

to wear to my next Dodgers game. Take back your finances with features like fee-free overdraft for up to $200 with SpotMe or getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit. Live it up this summer and make progress towards your financial goals with Chime. Open your account in minutes at chime.com slash Shannon. That's

Chime.com slash Shannon. Chime. Feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by Bancorp Bank N.A. or Stride Bank N.A. Members FDIC. Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Booths are available to eligible Chime members enrolled in Spot me and are subject to monthly limits.

Terms and conditions apply. Go to chime.com slash disclosures for details. This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. Being an adult has its high points, like you can do what you want when you want. You can eat chicken nuggets for dinner every night if you want. Should you? Probably not, but you could. Do I? Sometimes. Sometimes. Often. But it also has...

It's low points, like making your own doctor's appointments. One of the worst parts about growing up is not being able to ask my mom to book my yearly checkup with my pediatric doctor, even though I was going there well into my teen years while I was four feet taller than every other patient inside the office. Those were the days, though. Those were the days when my mom could make the appointments. I was living good.

But ZocDoc makes it so easy to make your doctor's appointments. A free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment. I've used ZocDoc and so should you. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash X's. Find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com.

slash exes. ZocDoc.com slash exes. Okay, hi guys. Welcome back to Exes and Os, a podcast where we talk about queer relationships and sex. I'm your host, Shannon Beveridge. And today, we're not talking. I'm talking. Just me. Alone. A solo episode. The crowd goes wild or mild. We never know. We never know. I hope you enjoy it. But I am all by myself today. I am going to try to stagger like a solo episode every...

five to seven episodes just so I feel like we're connecting, like we're in this together. But if you don't like that, let me know.

but I'll probably do it either way because it's also nice to like not have to rely on having a guest all the time although I have so many fun guests lined up I'm so excited it's going to be an amazing month I think I know a few people who are coming up and like it's all going to be so fun and also I'm moving September 1st I've told Patreon that well actually I'm not exactly sure it's

sometime between September 1st and October 1st, I will be moving. It depends on if I get this new place that I applied for, which I did apply for a place. So we'll see what happens. But I'm very excited. There will be like a new look to the whole studio, like a new whole thing. Like we're growing. We're growing up. This podcast is episode 35. That's crazy. This is the most consistent thing I've ever done on the internet. This is the most consistent thing I've ever done ever in my life.

Except for when I went to school. Okay, I don't need to think about all that. But I am being very consistent and I'm so happy. And also, last week's episode came out on Thursday. That is because I had to change up an episode very last minute and forget.

for good reason. Hopefully you'll get to hear kind of about that at some point, but I'm thank you for your grace on my Thursday upload. I think it was okay. Smooth sailing. I loved having Rachel Robinson as a guest. She was so cool. It's so nice. I definitely want to like keep, uh,

mixing up the vibe of guests so that we're getting like different kinds of people. I think I did like kind of three OG YouTubers in a row, at least two, which was so fun. But I definitely want to make sure I'm getting like different kinds of vibes of people like athletes and different age ranges and different like backgrounds and all of the above. So we'll see. I already know some people coming up. You guys will know soon.

I'm teasing this too hard, probably, but I'm really, really personally jazzed. No, I can't believe I just said jazzed. I'm going to have to sit with that for a second. Okay. Don't ever do that again. Never. Anyway, lots to get into in this week's episode. I asked you guys for questions on Instagram. My Instagram is at now this is living. So was everything else everywhere you can find me at now this is living. Follow me anywhere. Don't follow me in real life.

Shout out Chapel, who also would like you to not follow her in real life. What was I about to say? I literally lost my train of thought. I was just talking to Zoe in my kitchen about the whole Chapel TikTok dilemma, which was that she just posted being like,

if I was a random lady, like, would you do all these things? And we were kind of just talking about our opinions on it, which Zoe's opinion was kind of no opinion. And I think my opinion is sort of no opinion too. Like, I think that that level of relationship between fan and person is totally up to the person. Like, I don't think fans should get to decide how close they're allowed to be to a person. If an artist is like, this is my boundary, then,

A fan has to respect that and should. So I wish Chapel all the best. I'm sure I cannot even imagine how overwhelming her life is right now with the success she's had. Like crazy. So happy for her. But I'm sure it's been a lot to like deal with. Also, by the way, I've been hosting at my house and this Airbnb I stayed at last week since December.

Friday, the week before. Like I've had people and guests staying with me. So I am like a little bit scatterbrained. I'm also a little bit exhausted. So if that comes off in this episode, I'm so sorry. I am feeling pretty good right now. So let's see what happens. But it was a huge week. My live episode, my live show with Patreon happened on Thursday last week and it was

It was fucking awesome. It was the coolest day of my life. It was the best week of my life, both with like the event and also all my family and friends being there.

holy shit it was so awesome if you were there comment below please and let me know if you loved it as much as I loved it I really loved it like I really loved it so much and I hope to get to do that or something like that a million times for the rest of my life it was so fucking cool and thank you to patreon for doing it and if you're not a member of my patreon I highly suggest you sign up you can use the link in my bio um it's also just

patreon.com slash now this is living there is a free membership there's also a five dollar membership so if you do the five dollar membership you'll get extra content every week sorry i missed two weeks

It's the first time it's ever happened. And one of the big reasons why that happened was because of the live show, which I know you're going to get so much content from. And the other reason was because I was hosting all those people. It was like very, it was a whirlwind of the last two weeks, but I have posted content every week since I launched my Patreon, except for the last two weeks. But anyway, please sign up if you haven't. There will be so much stuff coming up.

And the live show, if you're interested in watching it, it will only be available on Patreon. So if you want to see what that event was like and hear the episode, see who the guest was, which you probably already know, you have to be on my Patreon. So check it out.

And if you sign up right now, you have literally like a backlog of so much shit to watch, which I think there's some funny stuff on there. Particularly love my episode with Leandra on there and also my episode with my parents on

where we went over LGBTQIA plus like terminology and just stressed my parents out to high hell. Well, my dad, my mom actually was doing great. Check it out. You don't have to, but I'd love you to if you want. Mental health check. I think that's what I was supposed to do. So again, tired, a little tired, a little bit like worn out just from hosting a lot. I think

As an adult, you know, if you have a lot of family come into your town, especially if you live far away, it's a lot of responsibility, especially you have one car. So like I'm driving everyone. I'm driving everyone everywhere.

In my car with no AC and it is hot as hell. So that's been one thing. But also just like doing a lot of stuff, a lot of socializing. But to be fair, I love to socialize and I love to be around people. So I'm really doing great. And I have a new therapist, which has been awesome. I just had therapy today.

And my mental health is doing, I'm doing really well. I think I'm feeling good. And also I'm really scared that when my sister and my brother-in-law leave tomorrow and the next day, I'm just scared I'm going to have a crash because that happens to me sometimes where I'm like, there's like this huge buildup to this like big thing and then it's over and then you get really sad or I get really sad in those moments. So I'm hoping that doesn't happen. But I feel like maybe I'll be okay because the way it happened where people came in and then left and came in and left, like it was very,

It wasn't like, boom, this thing happened and boom, everyone's gone. It was like over time. So I think maybe my nervous system will be more ready for it. Let me know if you relate as an adult when you host. It's like a whole thing, but it's also so rewarding at the same time. That's really it for my mental health check. Okay, let's get into the episode. ♪♪♪

Okay, once again, I asked you guys over on Instagram for questions and I'm going to go through them and just answer and see what stories I have to tell. You guys asked amazing questions, by the way. Like genuinely, this is some of the best questions I've ever received in my life for like a video because they're very like...

Very widely spread. Widely spread. Eclectic. They're very eclectic. A lot of times when I do this, I get the same question a bunch of times or like the same four questions. I kind of like... It's probably because when things are happening that are really specific, you guys are thinking about that and nothing that specific is happening right now other than the live show, which I did get that a lot. But...

I have like a very eclectic group of questions here. For instance, what's your fave shape of pasta? What is my fave? I mean, I think my go-to shape of pasta is usually a penne. I don't think that that's the best. So I don't know why that's my go-to. It just is.

is has been consistently what I eat I mean I feel like spaghetti is my least favorite if I had to say love a little macaroni shell kind of vibe love a little squiggly guy but don't you feel like those little squiggly guys like they stay too al dente for me often penne is just an easy a classic

What's the bigger version of a penne? It's like wider. The hole is wider. Why? I can only think of like cavitelle. Is that even a pasta? Okay, I'm not Italian at all, by the way. I think Italian food is definitely my favorite food of all foods. And I really want to go back to Italy. If you guys have any suggestions of where to go in Italy, let me know. And what's your favorite pasta shape? Because now I need to learn other ones.

Like, am I just saying penne because I know it? I named them three most basic. Penne, spaghetti, and macaroni. I need to learn a few things. Okay, another question. Thoughts on aging, getting older, beauty standards for women. Great question. And considering I just came out, like, what, a few episodes ago about the fact that I get Botox, which I didn't mean to hide, but I think I hadn't said before. Um...

I have thoughts for sure. I think the thought I have most, it's interesting being a woman and aging with other women. And I am surrounded with like by many women, both lesbians and like my mom, my sister, like a lot of my friends are women. I think the saddest thing about it is listening to the way that we talk about it and the way that we talk about aging. It really reminds me of high school and the way that women, girls, girls in high school talk about their bodies and

And like how critical we were of each other. Like it makes me think of not of each other. Sorry. I mean of ourselves. It makes me think of that mean girls scene where they're looking in the mirror and Lindsay Lohan's character can't think of anything to say that she doesn't like about herself. And she says like her weenuses are dry or something. What does she say?

I don't remember. But because she had come from a different area where people were not so hypercritical, and then she came to high school in America, she was like, wait, what? Why are we? I don't even know to hate myself this much. And now that I'm older...

First of all, those things still completely exist, like the body image, body shaming, thinking about your body so much as a woman. But now adding aging to that too, it's crazy to listen to your friends and family and people who you love and think are gorgeous talk about themselves like that. And then you have to check yourself because I'm like, oh, I for sure do that too. Like I definitely am hypercritical. If I'm most critical of anyone, it would be myself.

And I wish I was not aging at all. Like, I wish I would not age. And I wish I didn't wish I wasn't, you know? I wish I could look at a line on my face and be like, oh, that's because I was smiling so much. Like, oh, my crow's feet. Yeah, because I laugh so hard. I wish that was my instinct. It's definitely not my instinct. My instinct is to initially be like,

God damn it. I used to look younger. I used to wake up looking less tired. I used to wear a hat, get a crease on my forehead and it would last for one second. And instead now it's like, oh, I might have that all day. People are like, Shannon, take your hat off. I'm like, well, if I wore it in the day, I might have to wear it at night because...

because it squeezed the fuck out of my head and now I have a line because I'm 32. I'm not 22 anymore. I'm 32. The hat's a commitment in a whole new way that I never knew I would have. It's the same thing too where you're like, I can appreciate everyone else's beauty. I can appreciate my friends, my family aging and being like,

Oh my God, you look amazing. You look so good. You look so hot. You look so cool. Like don't even see the lines on their face, but obviously see the lines on my own. And it definitely, I definitely believe that it's like stronger for women. I thought about that the other day. I was driving in my car and I saw a ad for a movie or like a brand or something. And it was two older actors. I wish I could remember who it was because it was something like, it was something like George Clooney and Scarlett Johansson.

That can't be right, obviously, because their ages are very different. George Clooney and...

What's that hot older woman that everyone's obsessed with? Zoe loves her. Cate Blanchett. Jesus. It was like essentially, I don't think it was these people, but it was essentially like a George Clooney and a Cate Blanchett side by side on this big, big blown up billboard while I was driving. He was making an expression with his face where you could see a lot of lines, like something where he's like raising his eyebrows. You could see all the lines in his forehead. You could see the lines in his eyes. Like you could see so much like

aging like he's aged as he should and then the woman beside him was in a very dare I say demure face like where she wasn't expressive like there was not as much expression so that her skin was smoother and I'm not saying that that was intentional by anyone like the photographer the actor anyone but it it felt so fitting to me I'm like that really is

men are allowed to age and also allowed to like stay hot with those wrinkles. Like he, I didn't look at it and think, oh, that guy looks old. I just was like, oh my God. Yeah. Good looking guy. Good looking woman. And then when I was sitting there longer, I'm like, why can I see every line in his face? And I'm not thinking of it. And I like, can't see any line in her face. Just that comparison between us sucks. I wish that women were

given grace to age the way it feels that men are. I saw a quote too also by Cameron Diaz on TikTok the other day saying something about like, thank God I'm getting older. If I wasn't, I'd be dead. I would like to embrace that more for myself. Okay, moving on. Should we talk about something gay? This episode is sponsored by Chime. Have you ever had an overdraft charge? Because I have. Men.

Many times. Many, many times. Too many times. How much money did I lose to overdraft charges? We may never know. I actually don't want to know. I actually don't want to know. But Chime has a fee-free overdraft up to $200 with SpotMe, which would have literally saved me so much money. How much money? Again, I don't want to know.

Don't tell me, please. Chime also has over 60,000 fee-free ATMs. One thing about me, I do not understand why we have to pay for our money. It is so confusing to me. Why am I paying for my money?

Why? And I have a finance degree. Why am I paying for? I don't know. I don't know the answer to that either. A lot of questions unanswered here. But I do know that Chime has spotted over $20 billion to members. Live it up this summer and make progress towards your financial goals with Chime. Open your account in minutes when you go to Chime.com slash Shannon. That's

Chime.com slash Shannon. Chime. It feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by Bancorp Bank N.A. or Stride Bank N.A. Members FDIC. SpotMe eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Boosts are available to eligible Chime members enrolled in SpotMe and are subject to monthly limits. Terms and conditions apply. Go to Chime.com slash disclosures for details.

Thank you to ZocDoc for sponsoring this episode. Again, being an adult has its high points, like doing what you want, when you want, how you want, within reason, obviously. But with being an adult also comes making your own doctor's appointment, something I intimately struggle with. I hate doing it. It's terrible. A phone call? My least favorite thing in the world.

Honestly, I need to work on that. But because of ZocDoc, I don't need to work on it to book my doctor's appointments. ZocDoc is a healthcare app that makes being an adult just a little bit easier. It's a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about in-network appointments with over 100,000 healthcare providers and

in every specialty. From mental health to dental health, eye care to skin care, and much more. Plus, ZocDoc appointments happen fast, typically between 24 to 72 hours within booking your appointment. You can even score some same-day appointments. I've used ZocDoc and so should you. So stop putting off your doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash X's. Find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.

ZocDoc.com slash exes. ZocDoc.com slash exes. Finding queer friends. How do you do it? This is by far and away the most asked question I get all the time.

Not about dating, not about sex. Literally, how do I make friends as a queer person? How do I find other queer friends? I wish there was like a perfect answer to give you, but I've been thinking about this a lot and I think we should use the comment section of this video to create these queer connections of friendship.

So if you're in a city and you're over 18, comment below your name, the city, find other people from your city, do a meetup. Use this comment section as a way to create a meetup of some kind, whether it's in a park, definitely a public place, please, for the love of God, but do it.

Because you're everywhere. You guys are commenting these things to me, sending me these messages. You're everywhere. You're everywhere in the world. So there's someone out there who's also looking for a friend somewhere near you. And I want to help facilitate that in any way that I can. I also have future plans in cities where we can hopefully.

make people make friends but I'll tell you more about that later okay what's the worst advice you've ever taken I honestly genuinely there's like one thing that stands out as an answer and probably there's been other advice I've taken that was bad and I do believe if you've been watching this for a while this podcast for me you may have heard me say it once before but I did have someone one time tell me that I had to pick if I was going to be behind the camera or in front of the camera and

And I took that very seriously. And I was like, oh my God, everything I post, I have to be presenting myself as a filmmaker, as a director, as a creative. Like nothing can be silly or fun or like just like throwing something at the wall. Like everything has to be very intentional. And it made me so insecure and stressed out about what I was posting online that I like, it's a huge part of my life.

part of why I stopped posting for a while. But I don't think that that advice is necessarily like universal. I don't know that everyone watching this podcast right now is going to hear that. Watching, listening, whatever you're doing. But I don't think everyone's going to hear that advice and be like, oh yeah, yeah, I resonate with that. But I think a more universal version of that advice is...

I think don't limit yourself. Like don't think you have to pick. I think it's like really easy to feel like you have to be so hyper specialized in one thing when in reality in 2024 with like YouTube and like YouTube University where you could learn any skill, truly almost any skill if you wanted to, you don't have to limit yourself. Like you can be doing one thing and also on the side making like crazy

graphic design prints on Etsy. Why not? And if you have a dream, if you have an idea, if you have something you want to make, like do it. You can do it. You really can. And there are a lot of things that are like less lift than you even realize they are. So believe in yourself.

know that you can try new things if you want to buy a camera and take pictures do it it doesn't have to be a two thousand dollar camera it could be a two hundred dollar camera it could be a disposable film camera you can do anything you can try anything and you should what the hell are we here for I don't know still honestly I honestly don't know what the point of all of this is but like I do know I want to try everything I want to try and I want to do everything I want to do

while I have the luxury of walking around here. And I hope you do too. I just realized the first three questions I answered are all from the same person. So I just want to say, you gave me great questions. I didn't even mean to do that. So I'm going to move on to another one now. But thank you for those questions. You probably will hear this and know who you are. Someone said, what's your birth chart? Do you even like astrology? So I always forget what my birth chart is every time I

I have to look at my co-star and I'm like, okay, which one? I know I'm a Pisces sun. I think I'm a Pisces sun, a Cancer moon Virgo rising, or those are flipped.

Okay, so I don't like it that much is what we're learning. And I've definitely said this on the podcast. But the funny thing about a podcast is obviously not everyone watches every episode and not everyone watches every episode front to end. And also new people are coming to this podcast, which hi, if you're new, thank you for coming. I hope you enjoy it.

I have this fear of not wanting to repeat myself. I definitely don't want to be repetitive. It's silly to limit myself to not talking about things I have mentioned before. But if you're like an OG and like watching every episode and I do repeat myself, I do apologize to you because you're a real one.

And I'm sorry you have to hear me say sometimes the same things. I'm a Pisces sun, Libra moon, Cancer rising, according to Zoe. She just texted me back so quick. Love you, Zoe. I don't like astrology that much. I like it for the introspection. I like it because I like to hear what people think of themselves and how they relate to a sign. When you meet a Leo who's like, but I'm not really a Leo, then I love to be like, why? Like, what makes you say that? You know?

It's a very good conversation starter. I don't not believe in it either. I just don't know that I like care that much about it. Like I'm not like that invested in it.

I think it's interesting. How do I hit on someone I found through social media? Definitely the DMs. The power of the DM. I think you start with an Instagram like or two every once in a while. Find something funny to reply to and or something a lot of people I've been hearing recently, which I've never done this, but people will like send a post of their own. No, people will send a post of the person that they want to slide in with and then be like,

something funny about it does that make sense someone just told me a story of someone doing this and I don't want to say the story exactly the same because that's wrong but like imagine you have like someone posts an Instagram in feed and there's like a funny caption you send it to them and then you say something cute back something cutesy something demure why is that so fun to say

I need it out of my vocabulary, but I also want it in my vocabulary because I'm so excited for that person who said it. She now is going to get gender affirming surgeries and care and whatever because she can afford to because of TikTok, which is awesome. Good job.

Very demure. That's always my advice on the hitting on people on social media, the DM. But be funny. You have to be a little silly with it. What are some misconceptions about influencers slash creators? I think one misconception would be that we're like always collaborating or like thinking about collaborating or like when we're hanging out talking about we should make this TikTok or we should do this thing. Like that happens a lot less often

especially, which is crazy because I've been doing social media for as long as I have. Like at the beginning, I remember when I would hang out with YouTubers, there was always like, there would be talk of like,

oh, we should collab. Like we should make a YouTube video together. Not necessarily even like following through with that, but it was more of a conversation. Now I feel like with the power, the power, well, yeah, the power, but the rise of TikTok and how many people are casually posting TikToks, like influencers and not, when you're out and about and hanging out with people, it's not as much of a like,

Oh my God, you have followers. I have followers. We should do a video together. Like it's more organic or something now with TikTok, I feel. Like if you see someone make a video together, it's happening off the cuff. It's not a like planned out thing where...

I'm sure it's still happening, by the way. Yeah, people definitely plan them out. And especially like big collaborations you see with like an influencer and a celebrity. That's not organic, typically, usually. But yeah, like just like the power of the collab has changed. I think people do sometimes tend to think of influencers and creators as

as characters and like they see whatever amount of information they're given and it's like that is the whole scope of that person that's the full-fledged person no it's not and I feel like people are getting that so much more now because you can't watch

You can't watch a podcast or, God, I love to say watch a podcast. Clearly, I'm watching all of mine. But you can't listen to a podcast or listen to an influencer and then not say some kind of thing about, you know, you think that that person is so funny, but then you meet them, they like have no personality. Like people love to talk about that. So it's true. Like we are different. We can be different in real life versus what you see online. But it's more like to me just that

we're full-fledged people. Like there's a lot more behind it and a lot more, a huge scope beyond the amount of time you get to see someone on camera. And sometimes that does mean that someone is more shy than they seem online. But it's way broader than that. Like it's way broader than that. Especially just like you don't know what people are dealing with, like what their families are going through, where they come from. You know what they want you to know. So you usually know very little.

I feel like you probably know a lot about me, maybe too much, but influencers as a whole, like how much they disclose really shifts person to person. TikTok making people realize they are queer. Well, we love that. There is a gay agenda and I am behind it. No, I'm kidding. But I'm not kidding that much. Honestly, no. Gay people will be gay one way or another. And obviously the representation through TikTok has helped people understand

see that on a way bigger scale because it seems to me like most people are on TikTok in a way that people weren't even like all on YouTube, you know? Like years ago,

YouTube felt more of like a niche audience, even though most people use YouTube or have used YouTube or will use it at some point. Not everyone was using YouTube to follow influencers, weekly content by a specific person, right? TikTok has like completely changed everything about the internet. And the algorithm on TikTok is so powerful, like so powerful that it was so wild during COVID. And obviously COVID also like really...

helped TikTok just blow the fuck up because everyone was bored as hell at home doing nothing. And we all were like, okay, well, what's this TikTok after Musical.ly? It's nice how the For You page created like so much representation, but also showed so many women and so many men and so many people their queerness because your algorithm is like

for you. And I think a lot of women, I'll speak just for the sake of this podcast today about how many women found out they were lesbians or liked women.

They're like, why am I getting fed all this lesbian content? It's like because you're watching it. You're watching it longer than you're watching other content. Even if you're not liking it, the fact that you stayed on the video for 30 seconds instead of only two seconds, the algorithm clocked that and then it's like, oh, are you gay? Maybe you're gay. And then all those women staying on longer and longer and seeing more and more. I feel like a lot of people were almost like forced to see themselves more.

because of TikTok. And I'm sure that's happening in other communities in different ways too. Like I wonder how? Well, I started whittling. Some people became lesbians. I became a whittler. And that's how powerful TikTok is. Anyway, I'm whittling and it's a very dangerous hobby. So I don't want to encourage everyone to start doing it. I brought my little whittling kit over to my Airbnb I was staying at with my family and my friends. And

And I have very creative friends. And I also have a lot of neurodivergent friends, like ADHD hyper focus people. I would be sitting outside and whittling and then did not take long for my friends to be like,

What's up with that? Can I do that too? Not one of them left without blood on their hands. Not one of everyone who tried it. I swear, it's a dangerous hobby. So be careful. I hurt myself. And if you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen my friends joking about how like minuscule the cut was. The...

blades are really really sharp and so I like perfectly cut myself like perfectly cut it and then wrapped it up immediately it was very bloody and I wrapped it up immediately and then I had like a full splint cast looking situation going on and then obviously my friends are like let me see the cut so I take the band-aid off the cut looks like a paper cut I swear to god it was deep I swear to god it was deep

It did not look deep. It really, it truly was embarrassing, but they're so sharp. These knives are so sharp. And like Vanessa was just sitting whittling on my couch and one of the knives rolled off of the coffee table and fell directly down onto her foot, like straight down like this. So sharp that it left a bruise and it was a deep cut and bled a lot. So before you let me influence you into whittling, if you don't like blood and if you're scared of sharp objects and you're not good with your hand, don't do it.

This is not a hobby for you. It might need to stop being a hobby for me soon, but I'm still pretty into it, so we'll see what happens. So far, I've whittled a spoon, a bear, and a baseball hat, and a shark. If you're watching this on YouTube, I'll put pictures so you can see. It's a fun hobby, nonetheless. Dangerous, but fun. I didn't even get asked a question about whittling, and I just took it upon myself to talk about it, so you're welcome. This episode is brought to you by Shopify.

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Someone said how to ask someone if they're queer without explicitly asking or offending someone. They also mentioned that they're in a southern sorority, so...

I see you. I was you. I swear to God, this is not even a plug for myself. But things like queer flagging with like my friend of Dorothy merch are huge, huge things. Because if queer people see other queer people, we're so much more likely to show each other we're queer back. You know, if someone's wearing a friend of Dorothy hat, the likelihood that someone would come up to you and be like, oh, my God, like,

Do you know Shannon or do you know what that saying means or like whatever it could be. It could be anything. I do think it helps if it's like a little more explicit than just a carabiner, especially if you're in a southern sorority. You probably maybe you don't want to wear that. But yeah, there's definitely like little things you can do to queer flag. And I think like eye contact weirdly is a huge thing for women loving women at least like

If you look a little too long, I think we know that look. It's an acknowledgement without doing anything more than just like looking. Truly, it's a thing. So I would try that and see if you get that back. But also, yeah, like incorporate things into your life.

look your outer appearance that are sending that message out to people the whole reason I created friend of Dorothy is because I'm not a big rainbow girl I'm not someone who's gonna have like a rainbow pin on my backpack or something like that so if you aren't too which I'm assuming you're not there are other things other than just my friend of Dorothy thing and there are other like pins that

that are more conversation starters, like maybe like a bottoms pin. I'm trying to think of other things. U.S. women's soccer team or WNBA like jersey. I don't know. You have to find what's right for you because it has to be something you actually resonate with. So again, I'm not literally not trying to be like, buy my merch. But

But something like that, that is personal to you and makes sense for you and makes you feel safe and makes you feel like yourself, if you present it, then the likelihood that someone may come to you and or just give you that eye contact goes up exponentially. Because if you're

if you're not necessarily projecting a queerness about yourself just from if you were like to take a stock photo of you and you're in your outfit, if you're not giving queer, there are these little things that you can do that will help you queer flag. Literally ask someone if they like an artist. Oh, like, do you listen to...

Renee Rapp, it's not going to mean 100% this person is queer. It's like little things that you can start incorporating in to figure out if someone is gay over time. Or did you watch the movie Bottoms? Oh, or do you follow so and so on Instagram? Like you can look at those things, but you can also ask someone or be like, what kind of podcast do you listen to?

I swear to God, I'm not trying to plug myself. But you know what I mean? Ask questions that are way more open-ended. And if you ever get asked those questions yourself, have answers ready that will queer flag you. It usually works out. Someone said, why can't you be single?

I'm just going to give this question a go and see what happens because I might edit it out. I can be single. I have been single. I do think I prefer to be dating someone

because I think dating is very fun. I like to date. I have found that when I date, I'm very monogamous. I'm a very one-person person. I'm not good at like casually dating. I don't, I'm not fulfilled by casually dating. I don't like juggling dating multiple people. Naturally, if you're someone who enjoys dating or like going on dates, it's just happened naturally.

And naturally, that happens with straight people. That happens with lesbians. That happens with gay people. There's different types of people that thrive in different kinds of dating environments. There are, and we know, we're all adults who have friends who are dating. There are people who are good at dating casually, dating many people casually, and have no problem with like...

doing that, spending their time like that. Then there are other people who have a hard time dating at all. It's like all or nothing kind of situation where they don't want to casually date. They want to date someone they really like. So they'll go, they're like that person who goes on a lot of first dates. You know, I have friends like that who go on first dates, but it never goes further than that. But I don't think I can't be single. I think I like to date and dating for me tends to turn into a relationship at some point. Tis what it is.

And to each their own. Did you watch the Olympics? Are you into sports? Oh, OK. I watched the Olympics, like some events, things I liked. Gymnastics, obviously. Love watching track. Love watching beach volleyball. So, yeah, I'm into sports and I'm into the Olympics. I think it's so fun. What a cool thing that we get to do every four years where like it truly unites us.

the world like imagine being an alien and coming down during the olympics you'd be like oh my god these guys they really got a community and i'm all about community so yeah but i'm definitely not like a crazy sports person like i'm not i wouldn't say i'm like

a super fan of any sport or watching any sport, but I love watching sports and I will come to a tailgate and I will go when I'm invited to do things and like I like going to Dodgers games. I like going to I like going to games, but I'm not like a sports stan for anything. Is there anything you want to share about the live show from your point of view?

So again, if you want to watch that live show, you need to be a Patreon member. But just in general, I just want to say that it was so fun and cool. And meeting you guys is like such a highlight of my life. And so many of you were so kind. So, I mean, all of you were so kind. But some of you flew in from like Paris and Ireland and Mexico City, Washington State. Like people were coming from all over the world.

literally all over the world and made me feel so special and made my family feel so special. Like some of you don't know what you did for my mother by talking to her as much as you did and asking for pictures. I think you really made her whole life and in doing that also made mine. So it just in general, the best part, the highlight for me was getting to hang out with everyone, taking pictures with everyone in my like bed setup thing that they had made, talking, hanging out. It was so fun. It was like most of the event was actually getting to hang out.

And only like an hour of it was the show. So I am eternally grateful for everyone who showed up. So grateful to Patreon. And again, again, again, I hope it keeps happening. I want to keep doing that. And I want to meet all of you.

In some capacity, someday, some way, I wish I could be doing only live shows, even though they are scary. How do you navigate expectations about marriage, kids, from friends and family? I think that's a good question. I think, I wonder if being a lesbian has changed the expectations a

from my family and friends towards me in a way that maybe my sister doesn't have the same luxury. My older sister is married, has a husband, and they are both cis people. So I think that there has been and always has been more pressure. And not to mention, by the way, my sister's older, right? Did I already say that? Doesn't matter. But she's my older sister.

I believe and have seen with my own eyes a higher level of pressure on her to

to accomplish those things because it's very easy for parents and like that generation, also friends, to see how you would have kids and how you would get married. It's like, this is legal. Now it's legal to get married for queer people, obviously, but it's like for years and years and for everyone, like think about that generation. Like this only just became legal in 2015 for queer people to get married. But like the expectations are higher because like,

The limitations feel lower. It feels more like what they know, what they've seen, what they know their friends have done, what they know they did. It's like, of course, you'll get married, then you'll have kids. So my point is, I feel that my sister has gotten more educated

of that pressure than I've ever had. I don't know if it's solely because I'm a lesbian or if it's also because I'm the younger sibling, so the eyes have always been on her, but like I don't feel that I've had that much pressure in my lifetime to get married or to have kids on a timeline. I think my parents still want those things, really want that for me, but the timeline of it doesn't feel, I don't feel like I've had that pressure.

And I'm also really dealing with that myself, I think, in the last few years of reevaluating my own pressure on myself and like my own timeline. Because I'm from Dallas, Texas, I think I thought a very different timeline. I think I thought by now at 32, I would definitely be married again.

probably having at least a kid or thinking about it or doing some kind of process to start thinking about it. And I'm not there. I'm re-evaluating my own timeline for my own life and trying to do it and set it based off what I actually want, not what I thought the world wanted from me or what the world expected from me. Okay, someone said, how to self-validate your queerness? I just want to say the only thing

Only person who needs to validate your queerness is you. At the end of the day,

You know you better than anyone else knows you, better than anyone will ever know you. You know yourself most. You do not need any other person to validate your queerness. Obviously, it is very nice. It is very validating when other people do it, when someone sees you, when someone clocks you. All of those things are very validating, but you do not need any of them. You need everyone.

Your own validation, your own validation of your queerness, whatever you feel, whoever you are. If you look in the mirror and you see something that you don't resonate with, but you know who you are on the inside, you are the only person who needs to validate that. Even your outward appearance doesn't need to validate that. You just need to know who you are and you are allowed to take all the time, literally your whole life, to figure it out.

There is no rush. And it can be one thing today and it can be different tomorrow and it can be different the next day. Your queerness is your own. The validation that you need about it comes from you, first and foremost. And when you validate yourself and when you allow yourself to have that validation, other people's validation will mean less, which is so powerful because then you don't, you're so much less likely to be rocked. The only person who needs to actually believe who you are

is you because you know who you are. You know who you are or at least you get all your life to figure it out. Opinions on sharks. Don't give an explanation either. Just sharks. Okay, my opinion on sharks. I feel that they are misunderstood and majestic. Someone asked me what it's like dating a baby gay and I am hesitant to discuss this topic.

but I kind of want to. So let's see what happens. Personally, I think that the term baby gay sucks. I think it sucks. I think it infantilizes adult human beings, adult people who just newly came out and also may have known they were queer their whole entire life.

The only new thing about them, the only newness of it is that they're telling the world. What about that resonates with the word baby? I don't like the word baby. And I think that it, I think it's harmful. I think if not harmful, it's at least invalidating and not helpful at

And as someone who in the queer community appreciates and likes labels, like I often talk about on this podcast, I like the label chapsick lesbian. There are many queer people who are like, I don't think we need any label further than lesbian. Fair enough. I like labels. I do think the queer community can go too far. I think that we can sometimes create too much language. Some of these things...

don't need a word. We could just literally call someone a person who recently came out, a person who's in their first woman, loving woman relationship without calling someone a baby gay. I just don't think it's good.

um especially considering that a baby gay the term itself just means someone who like newly came out and people come out in their late 20s their late 30s their late 40s their 50s their 60s calling someone a baby gay is just like so i think invalidating i think it sounds i think it's

I think it's not good. I think a lot of times, too, the conversation around baby gays has to do with being new to dating. And it's interesting because I'll see comments and people being like, well, I'm 35 and I just came out. Like, who is supposed to date me? I think the language could defer someone from feeling comfortable coming out of the closet even. Like, I think it even goes that far where...

Say you're like in your late 30s you want to come out and you're seeing this dialogue about like well Who would want to date a baby gay who would want to date? Someone who's never dated a woman before someone has to date someone who's never dated a woman before every single one of us never dated a woman before or Same sex or whatever it is Like if you're queer we all have like the first time that we do it right like a lot of women who come out later in life and

especially by women who come out later in life, have had loving relationships, fully actualized relationships. They've been in love. Just because they haven't been in love with a woman before doesn't mean they've not been in a relationship before, doesn't mean they aren't like a fully functioning adult person who has relationship experience.

And I think calling someone a baby gay just because they have not dated a woman is also almost like, dare I say, like biphobic. I hate to throw out any words like that, but it at least, at the very least, also invalidates that these people have been in love. They've had crushes. They've had overwhelming love feelings. They know what it's like to date. They've dated.

Just because they're dating someone now of a different sex, I don't think it makes them a baby. Does that make sense? My point is, I don't like the word. I don't think the term is good and I don't think it is like helpful for anyone, especially the people that it is talking about, the baby gays in question.

So I don't know if you guys want to brainstorm. I don't think we need a different word. I think we have the words already to explain who that person is without creating a new terminology. So I'm scared. It's scary to talk about anything like that because I feel like it's just so...

I'm not scared because I think it's good conversation. I'm very curious to see the dialogue that it creates. But like it's scary because I feel like the internet right now is just so quick to... Conversation is so... There's so much less conversation and just so quick for comments. So quick for... It's not even like... I'm not even saying like a cancel culture situation. Just more of like... It's more fun to misunderstand people. Like it's more fun to be like, no...

that's a bad take, that's wrong, this is why it's wrong. And comments just so quick to like... It is more fun. It's more fun to watch from my perspective too. The drama is more fun than the actual...

conversation but I feel like what we really need is conversation education and I think when someone says something or misspeaks rather than quickly going to the comments to be like blah blah blah it's like here's what what you said that bothered me and why it bothered me and this is how maybe you could think about saying it in the future it's like yeah it's more work but

When we're still learning, when we're as a community still creating language, and we are every day in the queer community, these conversations are still really important. Like, really important. We're educating each other still. As queer people, we're still learning and growing every day. The language is not set. We don't have it all figured out. So, like, we have to be talking to each other. We have to be talking to each other and teaching each other and learning

A lesbian knows something that a bi person doesn't and a bi person knows something that a lesbian doesn't and a, like we all have our own experience and a black lesbian knows something that a white lesbian doesn't. Like we all are coming at this experience learning

Still learning so much still gay marriage was legalized in 2015. We're still fighting every day to make sure we still get to have that right. We're only barely barely scratching the surface of trans rights and we're in a bad spot. We are walking backwards.

The last thing the queer community needs is to be divided from each other. I still believe we need to hold each other accountable and we need to talk to each other and we need to have these conversations. But like we need to be, we need to come together. We need each other. We need each other desperately, like truly desperately. We need each other. It is scary, so scary to me to think about the fact that like

It's still really, we're quick to turn our backs on each other when it comes to this kind of conversation, this queer dialogue, this queer zeitgeist of words, this queer dictionary of terminology. Like, it's changing all the time. We need to be there for each other as it does, and we need to educate each other as it does. I'm not saying that all queer people get a pass on, like, saying problematic things or bad things. No.

No. But like, we literally need each other. This community is being attacked physically, literally physically being attacked, physically being attacked, killed, killed, but also literally destroyed politically, destroyed politically in really conservative states. We, in not even really conservative states, in not that conservative states, like in blue states, there are laws that are being passed

that are really detrimental to queer people. We need each other. Jeez, please, please. Let's help each other. Let's help each other. Let's help each other. We have to. We are not in a position yet to ostracize every single person when they say something wrong. We need each other. We need each other. I'm really on a soapbox. I'm really on a soapbox. And for no reason, really. Talking about my own fear, I think because

I honestly think this soapbox is coming from me being like, I want to talk more freely on this podcast. I want to say things like I don't think that calling people a baby gay is helpful. I want to be able to say that and not be scared.

of the repercussions of it, especially like I'm scared to say things like that when I'm like, why? Let's help each other learn. Let's be better. Let's stay together. Let's stay together. Let's keep people in who are in like, let's help each other, right? We are like the, we are the beginning of this. Like, that's not true. We're not the beginning by any means. This is a movement of people, a group that has been building for fucking years.

from the beginning of time, there have been queer people, but we're just literally now getting so, we're finally getting the representation. We're finally getting to have conversations. We're finally a part of like politics. We're have queer politicians, like for the first time out queer politicians for the first time in the last like 10 years. Like we're just now, we're just now like getting seats at the table out as out people and,

Let's help each other as much as we possibly fucking can. As much as we possibly fucking can. So we can keep our seats. So we can make new seats. You know who's going to make another seat? You know who's going to make another seat at the table for a queer person? A queer person. We have to help each other. There is a gay agenda. I was lying before. I am into a gay agenda and I'm on it. And I'm about it. And I hope you are too. And that is the end of this podcast episode. I hope you enjoyed it.

What an end. I hope any of that resonated with you. I really have to go to dinner. I'm five minutes late to my dinner already. And my sister is texting me. I hope this resonated with you. I hope you liked it. I hope you loved it. I hope you, if you, I hope if you didn't like it or you didn't love it, or I said something that I could be better, tell me, teach me, help me. I want to learn. I want to help every queer person get a seat.

We all need a seat. We have to help each other get them. Okay. I love you. Goodbye.