How to Be a Better You:: Tips, Tricks, and Tactics EP 65
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From the art of the deal to keeping it real. Live from the Simply Vegas studios, it's The Power Move with Jon Gafford. Back again. Back again. You know what, boys?

Welcome to

To the power move. My name is John Gafford. I am your host. On this show, we talk about how to become a better you. Actually, you know what's funny, man? That's what we're really going to talk about today. But first of all, welcome to the Bulgarian Mongoose called Amadam.

I didn't save this guy's Instagram. He's looking for some dude on Instagram. Just Google desert reading GQ in a white suit in the desert. And that's it. This guy will be something else, Sean. How are you guys? We're good. How are you, counselor? Welcome back. Good. Living the dream. From our surfing safari that we went on last week. Thank you guys for accompanying me on surf safari, which was always fun. Was that a whole week ago?

Yeah, we left yeah, we were we were down there a week ago today. We're there two days ago Yeah, I know we're down there last week. That was fun. It time goes faster as you get older It does remember a little kid and like have we talked about this? I don't know if we talked about but Christmas would take like years to get there now you blink and it's like a year goes by Yeah, perceptive time 0 to 18 is the same psychologically as 18 to 80. Oh

Okay. So you think that you're halfway through your life at 40 or whatever? Yeah. You're halfway through your life at 18, so do it now because experience speeds time up, right? Because if you know what's coming, you know what to expect, you get in the doldrums, you go through your life.

all of a sudden you whip through 25 years of your life without realizing that, Oh, that shit just happened in just a second. Yeah. So your perception, there's ways to slow it down. New experiences, learning difficult things, putting yourself in difficult situations will give you a longer life perceptively. Yeah. Did you get, did you may see the thing about the Dana white guy that now I'm obsessed with the 10 X health guy. Did you see this? Did you see the Dana white thing?

So Dana White had this guy on Gary Beckler, I think his name is, and, or not, didn't have him on, but he was, he was on a podcast. He was talking about him. And this is a cat that owns, I guess Grant Cardona has not bought it. It's called 10 X health where this cat can come and give you a blood test and a DNA test. And then tell you how, based on those results, how long you have to live. Because,

because his main thing was he worked for an insurance company as an actuary expert. And he's like, when they're issuing these hundreds of million dollar policies on rich people, they don't care where you fall on the chart. They want to know how many months you got left on the planet. And Dana White was being interviewed. He was talking about this guy came and they were in Miami. And the guy came to the room and did the blood test and did this. And he became obsessed with it. And I called him up and said, I'm going to fly to Vegas and tell you about it.

And he flew out and sold Dana White. He goes, you got 10.4 years to live. That's it. How old is Dana? I don't got to be 53, 54, whatever it is. And he goes, but here's the deal. He goes, if you do what I tell you to do in 10 weeks, I can turn it all the way around. And so Dana started doing what this guy said. And I guess he's lost 30 pounds in like 10 weeks. He says he's been had trouble with his legs. Like he could barely bend over, but no doctor knew what was wrong. So that's cured up.

No more sleep apnea, no more snoring, all of that's cleared up all of this stuff. So now I'm become obsessed with this guy. So yesterday I ordered the genetic test from him. So I'm going to see what happens with genetic tests, but he also, well, this, I don't, we were talking six weeks ago. Well, no, we were talking about this in Newport. Cause this is the cat that also believes in like the oxygen training where they sell the oxygen machine where you do like the 15 of the 93 pure oxygen to kind of

Really get oxygen through every cell in your body and really hyper oxygenated. So yeah, I don't know man I'm gonna see how it goes. I'm gonna try to turn myself into a superhero. It's better than just Yeah, don't waste McDonald's I suppose gives you better odds it is it is but speaking of making yourself a better human So in case you didn't know I'm actually in the process right now writing a book about how to escape a

the drifts of life, the doldrums, whatever it is, those valleys in our life that keep you down. And so one of the things we're going to start doing on the podcast here is discussing some thoughts that I have going into each chapter and just some ideas that I have. Now, they are no particular order. They're a little bit jumbled, but here's the thing. Today, we're talking about something kind of cool because in this chapter, in the old bookaroo, we're talking about how to become a better you.

And these are tips that I have and things that I've done in my life that will, if followed, I mean, it worked for me. I became a better me. I don't know how much better I was than before. No, I'm just kidding. I'm light years better than I was before. But yeah, you know, these are things that I do. And I just want to hear what you guys think about it, which is good. Becoming a better you. Becoming a better you.

All these sheep start listening in. No, it's not about that. Not about that at all. Not about that at all. So, you know, again, these are no particular orders. I'm just gonna start going through them. So the first thing, all right, is this being impossible to be misunderstood by other people.

And I think a lot of anxiety, a lot of problems, a lot of complications in your life are 100% self-generated because you become hard to understand. You don't have clarity in your requests from people.

You don't have, there's a lot of interpretation that goes on. - Communications skills. - Through text message communication skills. So one of the things that I started doing at a very early age, and it was great, especially if you're in sales, and this will make it very simple,

Being very clear when you have conversations that involve relationship points deal points expectation points So if I get off the phone with say a client right and they say we talked about I'm going to do X you're gonna do Y as soon as I get off the phone email I go right to the email and I say hey to summarize that last meeting or that last conversation I'm gonna do actually gonna do Y and the reason why I do this is not because I think the person is silly is because I think the person will forget that

in three months and when they go back and they say no that's that's not what you said you were going to do and that's not what you told me you want to meet i'm using the bill burr that's not what you told me you wanted me to do you know at this point you can just say hey refer back to the email on january the 15th and your lawyer will thank you and your lawyer will thank you so be impossible to be misunderstood i love that people always go you know where you lay with colt

you know, and I don't think I have a friend in a bath house, usually office. No, but I don't think I have, uh, I don't have the Marriott Bond boy. It's got a lot of points, a lot of points. No, but I, I don't have any fake friends around me. I don't believe, right? Like I don't have bad relationships around me. And like you, I just had this yesterday where I'm going back and forth with a couple of attorneys and didn't realize my client was on the thing. I,

I had to get on phone like, hey, that email is going to sound really like I'm not working for you. But that was just a stupid thing. They said, let me explain why. Right. Like, you've got to get on. Like you said, when you can just sit back and say, here's the email I sent you. Not only do they feel a little, you know, they feel dumb. And then they're like, per my last email. I think it's that's such. I don't think you'll have friends if you're.

If people know where they lie with you, right? Yeah. I don't know. I feel all three of us are the same way. If anybody meets you, you know exactly where you're lying with them. Yeah. I think it's funny, too, because I assume that unless I know otherwise, that I'm on good terms with you. Yeah. My baseline assumption is that I'm on good terms with you. Well, so many people, and that's why I hate...

That's why I hate the text message has become such the profound or the primary source of communication because there's no context to it. And I think Key and Peele have a sketch where it's like, you want to go? Yes, I'd love to go. Oh, really? I'll see you at 10. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. There's no context to what's going on or no context. And you have to...

so many people are so quick to assume things so make yourself impossible to be misunderstood i love that um stay in your lane learn to stay in your lane i think this is what causes people a lot of grief and what's worse is if you are a person that is a lily pad hopper if you are a this week i'm this next week i'm that now i'm on this craze now i'm now i'm the nft guru like if you are someone that hops around right

everybody sees that and your credibility starts to drive. It starts to drive right into the ground. And if it is one thing to pivot to something else, if that pivot makes sense, like for example, if you think about like,

like in basketball like the guy's not going to pass the ball the point guard's not going to get the ball and pass it to a hockey goalie it's just not going to happen like you can move the ball around the court which is fine with them what you do but if you stay in the same game you got to stay in the same game and and i know people and i see people that have jumped around so much that nobody takes anything they do seriously it's funny in what i do it's every

everything I do is actually very closely related. People will say, Oh, you're in real estate and car accidents. Like, how does that work? It's like, well, because I negotiate, I'm a professional negotiator. Yeah. So I negotiate car insurance accidents with insurance adjusters. And I,

and negotiate real estate deals with real estate brokers or developers or whatever. And I also do business litigation, which is business negotiation, but it's all business. It's the same skillset and negotiation. It's all the same. And people go, well, I didn't, I thought car accidents were something special. I'm like, no, no, no.

It's about negotiation. It's about setting up to have the best arguments possible in this realm. Well, like, for example, though, but you're not saying I'm a great weightlifter, so I'm a good tap dancer. Yeah. It's not the same set of skills are not involved with that, so it doesn't matter. So, listen, if you're somebody that hasn't decided what you want to be, what you want to do, that's fine. But pick a lane. You've got to decide –

on something and you got to stick with it. Or at least don't pick 10 lanes. You know, I can, like there are people where they go, I have interest in this, that, and the other. I say, okay, fine. You can have interest, but being the, like today, some guy just drill me about roofing. I'm not a roof roofer.

I mean, give you to my guy. I keep saying to call, but you keep calling me. I don't know what you're asking me. Well, that was Jack Welch's. Fund it. That's it. Jack Welch's number one thing as the CEO of GE is,

was I want to get people around me that can answer all of those questions about these different divisions. I'm not, I can't know all of this stuff. Yeah. I, my lane is this. I manage the people that manage the things. Yes. So my lane is managing the people that manage the things. And I'm smart enough to know that in plastics, you know, it's different than petrochemicals, which is different than weapons. You know, it's all GE. I'm the CEO of all of it, but I can't tell you the specifications of our nuclear weapons division. No. Right. Right.

It's generally electric. Generally sort of electric. Generally lots of things going on, right? But again, that's still a lane, and I agree with that. How many times you as a business owner –

your issues you come across is because people get out of their lane. How many times? Yeah, we got all the time. 60% of your issues are from that? And listen, here's the thing too. I don't want you to hear like, if you're an unhappy tortilla maker at a restaurant, I'm not saying you have to be a tortilla maker the rest of your life. I'm just saying if you pivot to something being different, you got to stay in it long enough that it makes sense.

And when I was younger, I spent so much time in the restaurant business and did that. And then there was like, we tried to do this multi-level marketing business and that kind of didn't work. And then we did this other business and then we did this. It just, it kind of felt like it was drifting. It wasn't really until I found real estate that was kind of, okay, this is what I'm gonna do. This is what I'm gonna do. And all of the other businesses that we have are all vertically degraded, somehow tied to this business.

So I don't think it's a big leap when I say, oh, you know, people ask what I do. And if you look at my signature, it says everything real estate because literally at this point, it's everything real estate. So when you say stay in your own lane, what's your perspective? Because like you said, you probably gained a lot of knowledge from doing an MLM. You probably gained a lot of knowledge from doing not just vitamins, but also restaurant. So to say, oh, stay in your lane, pick a lane. It's like, well, you know, but.

But he wasn't doing that every month. You could be in that lane for a while. For a while, yeah. Yeah, be in that. I think what you said is more to the point, which was pick one lane to be in. Don't try to drive in nine. Yeah. Because when you drive in nine, it's- You're spread all over the place. You're just not going to get anywhere. Right. And it's a mess. But I think also becoming a better you, a real good key to that is a shortcut that anybody will tell you, man, is find a good mentor. And I think finding a good mentor-

is, is hyper important. So I want to talk about a couple of things in life that will help you find a good mentor. Now, the first thing is so many people and I, you know, I get DMS and it's like, Hey, you know, can you mentor me? What does that mean?

What does that mean? Tell me what I need to do. Yeah. What does that mean? Or what's in it for me and these things? And I've agreed to mentor people. If they have a good story, they have a good reason or they have a good cause behind them. Like you need to tell me like, here's where I'm at. Here's where I'm trying to go. Here's where I think you can help me get there. Here's what's in it for you. Like I loved Cody Sperber story when he was in here. If you go back and listen to him with his mentors, mentors like, look, you're going to give me half on everything you do.

until I tell you no. Actually, no, he didn't even say that. He said, you're going to give me what I tell you. You're going to give me out every deal until we're done. To the point where Cody got pissed off at him like two years in. The guy's like, I've been waiting for you to fire me for a year. You don't need me anymore. And it was the final lesson. I love that. And what Cody did was find somebody that's

on their way out of it right you'll find somebody that's retired that still doesn't want to retire have the knowledge right don't don't find somebody that's working 60 70 hours a week and you know yeah expect them to let you in on business like especially you guys right like you have nda sign on stuff you can't have people oh can i sit in on one of your meetings no you can't yeah and i have kids and stuff i'm trying to feed my own family first you know um who is your who's your mentor

If I had a mentor right now, you know the funny thing? The biggest mentor I had in my life is a guy. Who was or is? Is a guy that actually passed away. It was one of my buddies, Rick Wells, and he passed away years ago. And he was the guy that kind of first was like, you know, he would say,

He was the first guy that would say kind of outlandish shit about what he wanted to do and you kind of believed it That's the kind of stims go for stupid or yeah, you were like wow this could really happen And he was kind of the guy that he was a guy told me to get in sales He was the guy that told me to go by Kirby, you know self Kirby vacuum cleaners or sell cars that have a PhD in sales I mean that was the guy

That was it. And over the years, depending on what I'm doing, I have people I can call and lean into. I try to find people that are good at what they already do. But when I call them, again, I always position the ass with them. I'm very smart with how I call them. It's always like, I have something for you. Like, I won't, I never ask somebody to do something for me.

unless I can do something of value for them. Case in point, right? When I first became friends with Steve Sims, Blue Fishing was first coming out, right? So I'm like, all right, how can I get Sims to come in and talk to our agent? This is before we were friends, and I said, how can I get him to kind of come on and talk to our agents, right?

So I said, he's got this book coming out. My sister has a very large radio show in Denver. So I called my sister and I said, hey, would you like this guy on your show? I think he'd be a cool guest. He's got some great stories. He's a cool guy. Would you like him on there? And he said, sure. And so I literally reached out straight to Steve and I said, hey, would you want to go on

I've got a I got something for you because most the time when I call people that's that's my standard message I have something for you call me back now don't just say that and then have nothing but I Yeah, and then so he called me back affirmation call me back and I said I know you're launching this book My sister has the number one talk radio show in Denver I you know, I talked to her about you I can get you a spot and he was like great and as soon as then it was like Can I do anything for you? Actually, you could it'd be great if you came on and just spent 30 minutes of my agents. No problem done

But, and even if it would, he would have said no, it would have been fine because sometimes you do want to give with no, no expectation of reciprocation. But if you're trying to get a mentor, show them that you can bring value to their life by thinking outside the box with shit they might need. Just connect people. Yeah. Be the people connector. But I'm going to tell you some things, how to blow, how to blow out your mentor. I had to blow them out because I had some people that I was, I was, I was mentoring and, um, and they were coming in once a week and I was sitting down with them.

And they got busy and first week they're, Oh, can we cancel? Just something came up with something. We got to do something. I said, sure. Yeah, you can cancel. No problem. They did it again. Yeah. Right. And they did it again. This is the conversation that we had. I said, and this is going to sound a little egotistical, but it doesn't, but there's a point to it. And what I said was, I said, if you had a meeting with Tony Robbins, would you have canceled it? Like, honestly, would you have canceled it? I said, Oh God, no. I said, then I don't need to coach you anymore.

And they said, well, you know why? And I said, well, listen, here's the deal. The reason that you wouldn't cancel a meeting with Tony Robbins is not because it's Tony Robbins. It's because you value the information that's coming out of his mouth so much that you would move heaven and earth to get to it. If you can't even get to my office for a meeting, you're not going to do what I tell you to do anyway.

You're just not. So if you're not going to do it, what's the point in both of us doing it? It's funny. I have a real piece of relationship advice I often use. Which is what? Have you ever heard people that talk to their spouses in a certain way and you just go, do you talk to the barista at Starbucks like that?

you know and they of course i think i think a vet probably does no but no but that's just like in life right like you can always tell what someone does values but what they do yeah so if you don't talk to the starbucks barista like that why would you talk to your wife like that

Yeah. No, no kidding. And this is somebody that you share kids with, a family, your business partner. So just like in life, right, you can always tell what someone values by how they act and what they do. If it's important to them, it'll get done. If it's not, it's not. And we just had this conversation with me and a guy you thought where –

People are so disrespectful right now with disrespecting people's time. It's the, I don't know what it is, but I feel like these last two years, people are getting, and it's not just to me. I mean, they're doing it to, I watched a guy worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Someone did the same thing. I'd love to have lunch with you. He sat there for 45 minutes. He's like, I'm done. He goes, if they come in, don't even show them where I'm at. You know, did you ever mentor?

Yeah. Yeah. Norm George out of Utah. He taught me commercial real estate at 18. And he just right under his wing. And yeah, I mean, he knew what he's doing. He got a little runner boy. He talked to me at a funeral, right? Knew I could BS. And he saw you crying at a funeral. It's like, there's easy pickings. No, no, but he straight up said how much you need a month to live, to pay for college and to live. And I said, and I gave out my bare minimum. He's like, that's what you're getting paid.

well i was you know bringing in big deals and stuff he'd cut me off peace but yeah but i i've got at 18 i was doing hospital deals at 19 i'm doing hotels right like stuff i should have never and i tell people all the time you can't go learn this

from watching YouTube you have to learn it by being in it and that's why go cold call go start at the bottom don't ask somebody okay I mentor you and just be underneath you and just want to do the big stuff right I got lucky with kind of that situation yeah same thing my ex's dad had a major real estate development company I mean yeah

And his vice president was a developer, ex-military developer. And I always got to go and be a part of these deals. And I'm like 23, 24, 25. I'm negotiating stuff with Walmart. And it's just like you don't get that opportunity. So you have to go make it happen. It sounds like nepotistic, but I was making like 30-some thousand Canadian. I was being drastically underpaid for a college grad. People were making double the money, but I wanted to be –

I wanted the opportunities to do big things more than I cared about the money at the time. There are people right now that if they'd let me, I'd go work for them for free for a year. Well, here's the point. But see, that's a good point. If people listen to this and they're like, oh, you know, where am I going to get a mentor? Where am I going to get somebody that, you know, is doing this to take an interest in me? Where am I going to do that?

i think you know one of the oldest adages that you get pounded into the end of the ground is you know show me your friends i'll show you your future right but your friend group can provide some mentorship for you if it's the right friend group if it's the right and so many people look at their friend groups as just the guys i drink beer with or whoever i hang out with or whatever blah blah blah but you've got to look at who you're hanging around with and say you know

Are they bringing value to me outside of just the laughs? And sometimes, you know, it's good to hang out with some of those people, but you've got to make sure that you're being around people. And here's the thing. If you feel like you don't have anything to offer some of these people or you're hanging around circles with people that have a much higher level of success, sometimes just being a good friend and not asking them for shit. Yeah.

Is a way to get in with these people, you know, like we sat here we sat here with the snack daddy man Ari Golden It was just like how did you get in with all these celebrities? He's like I never asked him for a never asked him for shit. I don't one thing my daughter I happen to know this celebrity whatever and she goes dad, can you please ask I

This favor? Absolutely not. Under no circumstance will I ask for that favor. I wouldn't ask for it for me. I'm not going to ask for it for you. I'm not going to ask for anybody. That's just one of those things where do you want to maintain a friendship? If you do, don't ask people for stuff. Now there's some stuff where I'd say, hey, we had Jason Egan on here. When I have people in from town, I say, hey, I'm going to bring him by saw.

right i'll bring them by your attraction because i want to bring them by and i'll pay yeah i just want a spot i just want a spot i'll pay just get me a spot i just want to pay but just don't don't make me deal with the bullshit because i've already done it you know i've already gone through the ropes i'm trying to show other people good time and he's always no i got to cover it but it's like no no i'm not asking for that i promise you i'll say no charge me and then and good friends will have this thing where it's back and forth of who paid what yeah like

I won't let you pay. I snuck the card in before you got a chance. I mean, look, we were just all in Newport and it was like, did I, I think somebody asked me, I think it might've been you, Colton. You're like, did I pay you for that meal? I'm like, I don't,

My first response was, I don't know. And my second response was, I don't care. I know you don't, but I just didn't want to send it to the wrong person. But no, I am that way. Yeah, so John Gifford, congratulations. You got the... Hey, John Gifford, give me 60 bucks. That's all this guy has been told. This guy Colt just sent me $60. No, but that is...

I've stopped hanging out with people. It's always like, oh, you're just always being the one paying. Or, hey, can you call this person to get – because you know this person. It's like, no. I wouldn't even ask for myself. I'm not asking for – how many times? Can you get me a room here? Could I? Sure. Am I going to? No. Could you get me a nightclub? Could I? Yeah. No. It's not happening. That's the most important thing.

thing is when you're around that like when I was in LA I was at parties that I had no business being I was the only non that's how you get into those parties yeah but I was all and people you saw I always ask like why I'm like because I don't care I don't give a shit who they are and I don't I'm not a yes sir to them and I don't

yeah like these guys oh you want to go nightclub sure like let me buy that bottle and they'd be like oh what like you bought the bottle you just you can't you can't be a leech to people well because people will do that they'll be oh you're an attorney hey uh let me talk to you about my case or whatever dude i'm in a bar we're yeah

What are we talking about? This is why I'm here. So I'm not, I'm not working. It's one of the advantages about being in real estate, about being in real estate is there's a million people for people to talk to about real estate deals. You don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it, but let's, you know, I do want to talk about this because we were just all together. And one of my points here is this, and, and

If you are someone that is drifting along and you don't not have a lot of success, I would be willing to bet also in this lovely day and age, I want to say two things about social media, but in this lovely day and age, number one, I'll bet two things about you. I bet you're consuming more than you're producing, meaning that you are not thinking about your own life. You are consuming the lives of others through social media.

And I have found there are times when I, you know, we all get that compulsive going through. Man, you probably haven't seen a lot of me on social media lately because honestly, I just decided like I hit this point where I'm like, I got to get rid of things that don't bring me joy. And I just found myself not...

There's no, I get no joy from social media. There's no joy in it. Oh, I completely disagree. You get Instagram. Me and Chris have some good joys. Facebook has lost its. I don't get on Facebook. Instagram, man. Wow. You get joy from Instagram? Oh, I get smiles from ear to ear. Me and Chris live on Instagram. But here's the thing. It's so good. The jokes and memes are good, but what I found was,

Found myself seeing people that for whatever reason I'm connected to that are living a false life That is just a fallacy and I just get I skip. Yeah The problem is it just it wasn't bringing me it doesn't bring me a lot of joy but also I think because of this perceived level of success that you're just automatically supposed to have because apparently everybody does and

I think that people's ego is standing in front of them becoming successful. And a great, great, great story of that is my buddy, Noel Bowman, who we're with this weekend. And Noel, I think we have, have we had one? Yeah, Noel's been on. Yeah, he was on. We've had him on. But again, to recap his story, you know, he was at a place where he was, you know, he was broke, man. He hit rock bottom on there. And

You know, he had to swallow his ego to take a goofy job as the manager of the ice cream scooper place with a hat. It was like a $100,000 job, but he had to swallow his pride to take that job.

And I think there's some times when there's things that could get ahead, get you ahead that your ego won't let you do. And because it's perceived as bad, like going backwards. Like for example, like right now, I had a little wrestle with this yesterday because I'm selling out of my interest in the airplane just because it's not penciling for me. And I'm selling out some other stuff because again, it doesn't bring me joy. I'm getting rid of it. And part of me was like, part of me was like,

you know, Oh, in the back of my head, what are people going to think? You know, people are going to gossip that I'm going broke cause I'm selling this stuff. And I, and I'm like, I'm like, why, why do I give a shit what people think? Like as much as I, you know, I try to do egos away. I try to stoicism. I try to pound down. It still comes creeping back, man. But that's why we work on it. It's a work in progress. You,

You don't read Marcus Aurelius and all of a sudden you're like, you know, completely just and benevolent. Yeah. It's work. They call it practice, right? Yeah. They say showering is like motivation, right? It works for a little bit, right? But you got to do it over and over. Motivation is like showering, you know, it's like,

You can't expect to be, I'm perfectly motivated for this day for, because I, so wait, that poster I bought that I'm going to put my, I know it's got an Eagle. It says freedom. You got it. More than just one. You got four around. Hang in there, Katie posters. One poster. There's not one person on this earth that doesn't have an Eagle. Yeah.

Not one and it will creep up. But again, like you look at Noel, how did he not swallow his ego in taking that first job? He would not be where he is today. And where he is today is pretty fucking awesome. You should have some ego. I'm not against ego. It's about managed ego. It's about self-awareness of what your ego is. Here's the thing. I think ego serving you from a place of self-reflection is fine. I think ego concerned about...

The outward appearance of others is terrible. That's controlling news. That's slavery. Yeah, it is. It totally is. Who was that? Let's talk about setting some goals. Which one? The shirt you have. Which one? Kill your masters. Kill your masters. That's a Killer Mike thing, right? From Run the Jewels. And it's the whole concept. And people always look at me funny when I wear it. But I'm like, why wouldn't that be your baseline? Kill all of your masters. If you have a master...

right if you have any masters kill them yeah get rid of them like you don't need a master a master is different than like a mentor that doesn't listen to this but there are masters there are mentors if your wife is your wife is your master that's an unhealthy relationship nobody should ever control have you ever seen people like i do this for my mom because if i don't she's gonna guilt me into this that i'm like get rid of your get rid of your mom

I actually mean that. If you have people in your life that are manipulative and controlling you and they're not concerned about your happiness, they're just concerned about theirs, why do you need them in your life? I don't care if you grew up together. I don't care if you're biologically related to each other. This is true for everyone but your children who are just monsters. I don't know if this works, but I read this the other day. I thought it was interesting, worth a try. It said when people are manipulative and trying to argue with you, you just look at them and yell, do you want some sand or not? Yes.

Can you confuse them? Just try to confuse them and it diffuses the situation. I don't know. I'm going to try that. You confuse people when they're so... You can mess with people. I always say, throw something stupid in a business transaction. Watch people get so upright. You can't do that and then you go with the... Do you know why Led Zeppelin had a rider with the green M&Ms? To make sure people were paying attention.

Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, you're exactly right. Yeah. So they'd say, okay, we need this because they had a bunch of contraptions and equipment and all this stuff. And they could tell if they needed to go back over and fine tooth comb the rider, right? If they walked into the stage and it was a bowl of green M&Ms, it meant they read it. It meant they were detail-oriented enough so that they could actually, you know. Yeah. Yeah.

Did not know that. That is actually a true story. I don't know if it's a true story, but I've heard it as well. It's either true or a very well-propagated lie. The logic behind it makes a ton of sense. It does. It really does. It really does. Before we get to goal setting, let's talk about self-discipline because I think that's something that's very important. And there were a lot of times in my life when I did not have self-discipline. Two things.

You know, I think I've told the story before I don't know if I have or not but but when you know I when I first did the insurance company and I relocated down to Tampa and things were going very well in Florida and my number one sales guy down there was You know kind of blowing off his leads and going to play golf and screwing around instead of working and doing this and we're kind of losing money on the leads, but he's still the number one salesman and you know still doing well enough, but as the owner of the company when the company starts to suffer you got no choice you have to do what and

You're gonna fire them. Well, you know, you're gonna fire them. But the problem was the salesman was me because I was CEO, I was salesman, I was everything else in this company. And I did not have the self-discipline to do what I needed to do every day. So, you know, self-discipline being really defined as, you know, doing what you don't want to do to get to your long-term goals. And a lot of people don't have that self-discipline.

So if you're somebody that's self-disciplined, this is what works for me. This is how I got motivated was I had to get some mental management. And I even did this a million years ago when the phone was like, I think I had a sidekick or something, a flippy, whatever. But no, but the idea was every single thing that I had to do went into my phone as my calendar, my phone, and that became gospel.

It did not matter what else came up. If it went on my calendar, it happened. Like I just, I would have to start saying no to things I can't. So I would start scheduling the things that I had to do. And if you're someone that is a procrastinator is can't get off tap dead zero, can't do those things, start scheduling yourself and start getting going. Because if you get the ball rolling just a little bit, it makes sense. You know, right now here at simply Vegas, you know, I walked through today, uh,

And it was quiet, man. It was like, it was quiet this morning. I wouldn't do today. Today was kind of busy, but yesterday it was kind of quiet. And, um, you know, you can feel the market, right? You can feel the real estate market and you can feel it kind of coming tomorrow will be the first of the real estate purges here in Las Vegas. And I'm actually gonna do a video for our office tomorrow where I'm actually gonna play the purge noise. Now, what I mean by that is this,

Tomorrow will be the first time we've had major constriction in the amount of real estate transactions that are closing and the MLS dues are due. So there are a lot of people tomorrow that are going to question if this is the right business for them. Should I do this? Am I going to make this? Am I going to pay this bill? Am I going to make this investment myself?

So there'll be a lot of people that cease to do what we do tomorrow. Huh? A lot. I didn't even, I didn't know that. Yeah. Tomorrow that'll happen tomorrow. There'll be a lot of people that cease to do what we do. And the story, the reality of it is, is this right? You don't have to do a lot to survive up and down this market. I've been doing this now for,

17 years, 16, 17 years. And all you got to do is show up. You just got to show up one more day. You just got to pick the phone up and make one more call. You just got to go on one more appointment. You just have to send one more mail. You just have to keep pushing forward. Three feet from goal. And it's very difficult to do.

When everything out there is, oh man, the interest rates are up. Ah, people are on the fence. There's so much. But here's the point. But here's the point. So what happens is, especially in this industry, is people start to say, if I just stay home, I don't have to face it. Like it's easier for me to stay home and work at my quote unquote home office that all realtors say they have and they don't.

It's easier for me to just stay here and ignore it than it is to go face it. But if though, for those people that show up and face it for the people that come in and put on a suit and get ready and come to work and get on the phone.

Those are the people that are going to survive and not just survive through the downturn but do incredibly well when you have that kind of personality that that's So I'm one of those people John we're talking about. What do you do? I hire people now that sounds a little bit like privileged argument, but if I don't want to get up and go train and

I hire one. I hire a trainer. I get a buddy. I make myself accountable through other people because I know, just like you said, would you show up for Tony Robbins? I'd show up for a trainer because I don't want to disappoint somebody by not being there. So I hire one. I take my excuses away through strategic choices. Well, we're going to talk about that next, which is kind of funny because you talk about

if goal setting is what we did last year or yearning after what it was the $50 fit club, which we did that, which was awesome, which was, which for those, if you don't know, you will move faster away from pain than you will towards pleasure. You will. Someone knows me at dinner for that, by the way. I think we do. I don't know who it was. Yeah. Well, Mendoza had to mortgage his house by the time I was done putting in there because he would skip all the time. But for those of you don't know what we're talking about,

We had a deal where you had to work out every day. Just do something, 45 minutes, and you had to send a video to our text chat of yourself working out. It could be Briss Walk. It could be whatever. But you had to do something. You could do something. And if you didn't send that video, it was a $50 fine per occurrence every day. And that wouldn't do a kitty for us to go to dinner at the end of six weeks.

But again, you know there were a lot of days even through that process that I didn't want to I mean I don't want to anything but I did it I got my ass up and got on it I did so it dude if you're having trouble at life right now find an accountability partner that Where the result is bad create some pain for you create some pain for yourself create create some of that go bowl worth with it Yeah, totally

If you don't work out today, it's going to shoot you in the head. Yeah, maybe not quite that far. Somewhere between that and Bulwark. But that's the point. That's the point. And this is kind of a nice little segue, I guess, into goal setting, talking about goal setting. Because so many people set these goals. And they say, I want to make $100,000. That's my goal. And I ask them the question, why? And they can't answer it. I don't know.

Just sounds good. Like it sounds good. You have got to add in setting goals. You got to attach a why to those goals. There's got to be something you're going to do with that money or that money is inconsequential because at the end of the day, money is just paper. It doesn't do, it's what the money does. The freedom that attaches to it. Yeah. You got to get there. Yeah. It means killing your masters. Honestly, to me, like I was thinking about that. We were talking about things and cars and, um, there was that quote I read where it says, um,

looking at your savings account and seeing a positive balance and still telling yourself you're broke is a form of a strong mind. And it's because I want the freedom. I don't want to go out and have this thing that makes me look cool. I don't have the ego that says, look at the truck I drove here. I don't mind. I don't care. I don't attach certain things to certain things. And I kind of want to keep living that way because I would rather war chest...

then have the things that become a liability and work for the things. Or they say in fight club, the things you buy tend to own you. Yeah, no, no, for sure. Dude, I saw, I was watching, there's a, there's a documentary on Netflix right now about money and everybody said you should make your kids watch it. So I wanted to watch it first, just see if it was entertaining enough.

And I watched it. I mean, it's very basic financial advice. And it's very, I mean, it is, but it's literacy that most people don't have when it comes to money. So I would recommend everybody walk on, watch, I don't remember the exact name of it. I just know it ends in money. So if you go to Netflix and search money, it's on there. The Truth About Money, I think is what it's called.

But I will say there was something from it that I gained that I thought was pretty cool, which was one of the counselor people was talking to somebody and said, look, when you go to buy something, ask yourself, do I like it? Do I want it? Do I need it? Do I love it? And they said, then take those answers. Two of those answers go together and two of those answers go together.

I love it and I need it go together. I want it and I like it. And then she said the most profound thing, or at least profound to me. She said, people that live in the, I want, I like are never happy. Short-term hits, dope mean short-term quicks, whatever. If you focus everything, and I thought it was not just for stuff you buy, but if you focus in life, in life, if you focus on things you love,

and things you need, your existence will be much easier and much simpler. Sure. I totally, totally agree. Cause there's no, there's stuff like, for example, when I was talking about downsizing stuff, I have like the boat, right? Yeah. I like the boat, but looking back on it, no, it's $130,000 paperweight sitting on a lift at Lake Mead. I need to sell it. It's got to go. It's got less than 10 hours on it. It's crazy that it's sitting out there dying in the sun. It's crazy. I like it, but I don't love it. You had good intentions. I did. I did.

Your intentions were good. And because you've gone and done it, it'll probably dissuade you from ever doing it again in the future. And that's why a lot of times these young men, or whatever, whatever women do, you go buy, you spend a ton on a purse, you spend a ton on a car. I don't know about the same worlds, but a young man will go out. It's like that Pearl Jam song. A man buys the Corvette trying to get the girl in with a mechanic. And at the end of the day, you have to go make that mistake. My dad bought a...

you know, a Camaro or whatever. And he's young guys putting, you know, his entire paycheck into the gas tank. He learned that lesson. He drove a K car when we were growing up. Cause he did that thing. And he learned from it. But let me ask you this though. And I think this is a, this is a, this is a husband father question because I think, I think nothing causes me more, uh,

internal anguish than when I spend a tremendous amount of money on something that I think everyone's going to like and then no one gives a rat shit yeah and that's when I'm like I started telling my wife I go I'm not mad like selling the sprinter right which I love I I love taking the sprinter down to the down to the football it's a blast yeah nobody in my family cares

They could care less. So why am I spending? You're doing it for you. But here's the thing. But I can't even do it for me because I'm sitting there watching them not care. And now I'm irritated about the whole thing. Now it's an irritant. It's supposed to be enhancing your life. When you buy a Ferrari and you got to sit and put it on a trickle charger, wrap it up. You better love that goddamn car because it's going to cost you a thousand dollars a month just to operate. Well, no, no. Like my wife asked me when I was talking about selling all this stuff. She goes, are you going to keep the Maserati? I said, oh, I love the Maserati.

Maserati. That goes right in the I love category. It's only got two seats. I only need nobody or one to like it with me. That's all I need. I can't have three unhappy faces staring at me in the Maserati. If you live by that, you'll realize how much you do not need in your life.

Oh, my God. People are like, I need this. I need that. No, you don't. You don't need 30 pairs of jeans. You don't need 100 pairs of shoes. Well, hold on. I'm sorry. I don't get the whole tennis shoe craze and stuff like that. Shoe for a different occasion, Sam. I don't get the shoe thing. Sometimes you got to make Raider for Air Force Ones. You always hear people complaining. Oh, I can't go with you on a trip or I can't do this. And you're like, no.

Well, I think that's what I'm trying to get to eventually is money is for one thing and it's for experiences. It's not for anything else. How great was our trip? It was great. And we all left. Newport House, that's a love column. But I'm saying like everybody decided like 12 hours before to go on a three-day trip. I know. I don't know about all you guys. That was three, four days. I'm like, yeah. I was too, but those dates change. If you're...

spending money stupidly. You have to have a job. You can't do stuff like that. Freedom was, is huge. Yeah. It's, it's just really a matter of, of, of having money for experiences. And that's, that's part of that is having, but that's the thing about you. All of your friends are entrepreneurs. None of your friends have an employer. Hmm. Do I have any close friends that have an employer? You don't, I don't, none of them, not a single one. Oh my God. We're all unemployed.

I pay myself. Yeah. I have it a blur too. Yeah. But you know what I'm saying? None of us have a boss, right? Because here's the thing. I've tried to kill all my masters. Yeah. Right. And that's because that's what gets them in the way of my freedom. Yeah. So when you work for yourself, right, it's a certain mindset of somebody who can be comfortable not having that check at the end of the week. And you know, it's funny.

you'll go to get financing on something like about some buildings, units and whatever. And when you go to get financing, they see you as a greater risk than your own employees. Like my employee is less of a risk from an actuarial banking point of view than I am the person that actually provides them their checks. Just as a interesting point of view. Yeah, no, it's, it's true. Yeah. So not even banks understand how risks, isn't that wild though? That's,

Beyond me every time that happens. Beyond me. I get it. I don't know. I just, I love all this stuff about, but it all comes down to freedom. I think everything comes down to freedom, right? And that's what...

Your life goals should be. And I think, again, but people think, you know, somebody listened to this, like, oh, it's easy for you guys' sake because you got money. I didn't always have money. We didn't always have money. And there's a lot of discipline involved in getting to a point where you can live like this. There's a lot. John, you grew up divorced, right? You had a mom that was, you know, didn't have a pile of money to go do a bunch of stuff. Your parents were the multimillionaires growing up? No.

My dad's a teacher. My mom worked, you know, as a doing data entry and as a minimum wage secretary. Yeah. Not a single person is a silver spoon kid here. Yeah. No, but the, but the point being is like, there was times in my life when I was struggling. I mean, there's, there, there are people that are, there's somebody listening to this right now. And it might be you, you're listening to this. And again, you're caught up in the drift, man. You don't know which way is up. You don't know which way you're going. You're just going with the way the wind blows. And,

And I'm telling you with a little bit of effort, a little bit of self-discipline, you can turn it around, man, because fuck if I can do it. - You can turn around quick. - Quick. I mean, if I can do it, you can do it. We can all do it. It doesn't matter. But again, I think the biggest pinpoint in the changer for me, and I'm gonna sum it up with this thing was,

People ask me what the biggest change in me was, right? And of course it was, you know, the apprentice was a great catalyst because it was getting, that was changing my room. That changed the network that changed the people I was around. And I started hearing how these people thought differently than the people I had been around. You know, I had been around a bunch of people that had an employee mentality, had that mentality, and then changed being around those people. And then

When I met my wife, who was the first person that I perceived really in my head that was out of my league. You know what I mean? It was like all of a sudden like, whoa, this is out of my league here. I gotta pick it up and I gotta go. So all of my success really became originally

based on me feeling like I needed to be a better man for her. And now, even when stuff happens, because sure, there's days in all of our businesses where you just want to be like, you know what I'd like to do? Sell off. I just want to take a Molotov cocktail and throw it in the front window. Just like War of the Roses? Yeah. I want to smash in your face. I just want to burn the whole place down. We all have those days. We all have those days. And when I think about those days, I hit it. I always think...

My daughter's almost 13, she's got five more years at home, I got four years of college. I got responsibilities here. And that becomes the why. And nothing, and some days, everybody thinks that owning a real estate company is a glamorous love of life. And some days, you just gotta eat a bunch of shit.

It's actually not some days a lot of days you got to do that or days you learn and well, no I mean there's days when there's no learning about it You're just you're just you just gotta take it in the teeth and that's what you got to do That's like you said though you get up you put the suit on you come to work the next day get up you put the suit on you put it away going but but the next day I don't do it. I don't do it for me. I don't do it for

Because I want another round of getting kicked in the teeth I do it because I have responsibility to my family to come here and do that and and there's more good days than bad days Of course there is, you know, there's not maybe you want to switch your lanes No, of course there is but the point being is you've got it You've got to have a bigger reason than yourself to want to do with things a lot of cases And here's the best part if you don't have a significant other you don't have kids yet You don't you're not in that situation

becoming a better you will make you much more attractive to get in that situation. I mean, I look back at me, you know, when I was younger and God, I can think back through my twenties and through this, the girls I dated. And it was always like, fuck, I was always, it was a certain extent looking for some of these girls to mother me, to like take care of me and like, like, Oh, this and that. I dated some girls that were well off. And it was like, Oh, I'll just, I'll move in with you. Or it was like, dude, what in the world? I look back at that guy now and,

And I'm like, who is that guy? Yeah. But you got to have a certain allowance for it. Like if you're a young guy and if you're listening to this and you're floundering and you have all these sort of things, there's nothing wrong with going through it. Right. There's nothing wrong with,

taking some shots, messing up, go for, you know, do this, that, feeling down a lot. That's totally a part of a normal existence. It's just if you believe in yourself, you're just going to be that guy that gets dressed the next day. Yeah. You know, just don't. Like John says, you got to, you're not going to get there. Like I see my single friends and I'm like, dude, there's no way you should be out of shape. You don't have kids. You don't have a wife. Like I'm sorry. Like you should, you should not. When I was single, I could have,

I could have had an eight-pack and still gone done so much shit, right? Like you should not be out of shape. You shouldn't be at the thing. No, no, no. I'm telling you right now. If you did not have kids and you did not have a wife to go home to, you could go to the gym for two hours a night and you could do – there's no excuses. I'm sorry for not being in shape. I'm not saying an eight-pack. I think – And Gidget, if you're listening to this, don't take it the wrong way. But I think about this sometimes. And I think if I didn't have my family –

I'd be a mess. Fucking monster. I'd be an absolute Matt. I dude, I would be an absolute smoking cigar. Can you imagine? Oh my God. It'd be, I'd be an absolute mess. Well, that's cause you know what you have now. But if you didn't, like I said, it's, I, I just, I find no excuses when I see single people like, Oh, I can't go to work. To that point. I will say this. I don't understand. I don't understand why there are heavy super celebrities. Yeah.

That's your job. You can hire a chef and a trainer to live at your house. That was to my point, hiring a trainer. Hire people to do the things, get you to do the things you want to do. Now, to the other point, you guys brought up something interesting too. If you are in your 20s,

Don't think that you're talking to guys in their forties or fifties. Oh yeah. Wait, wait, don't get married. Why you are kicking fucking door down. Uh, don't get into a relationship and stay in a relationship that isn't positive. That isn't motivating. You owe nobody anything. Get married.

when you're in your 35 or older do not get married in your 20s that is the only advice i would give to a young man that i think is is is true across the board i don't care high school sweethearts you need to get out there you need to go find out who you are right don't be a codependent human being well here's the here's the truest thing you'll also hear which is i firmly believe that back when i and i tell you know i used to give this advice to younger men when i would whatever but

If you're dating a girl less than 24 years old, she will be a completely different human being by age 26. Something about that 25th birthday. I mean, it's like, Oh, it's not close. It's 18. You're different from 18 to 23 and 27, 27. Women should get married when they're 26, 27 men should be like 33, 34, 35 children until then. No, but they are. Men do not become men. You,

20, 27 year old men cheat on their girlfriends. Oh yeah. Men in their thirties don't like, I swear to God. Okay. How old are you? And how old are you in your brain right now?

Oh, fuck. I'm so tired, John. 33, about 34, 34, 40, 40, 42 tomorrow. But I don't feel any different than 31. I feel emotionally 60 sometimes because I don't feel like I need to prove myself in that. I always mentally 34 is my number. But here's the thing.

you if you're a man though and you're not doing physical activities yeah you're gonna be you need to feel like you're 100. but you need to feel you need to make sure your body's exhausted before your mind's ever going to be worth a too well here's something i just had i think somebody said the same thing to me like you're so if you're a celebrity you should be in shape you're getting paid to look good okay my point is i don't care what line of work you are you're getting paid to look good

You're making more money the better you look. That's 100% true. This is a good point. I don't care what people want to say. Find me a jacked guy at the gym. Find me a guy at the gym who's jacked out of his mind. I don't care if you don't like the aesthetic. This has nothing to do with advocating for that. Find me a guy who is in excellent jacked up shape, who doesn't have the opportunity to be with very attractive people.

women or you know males of the opposite sex or the same sex if John was 350 pounds 5'10 balding

Simply Vegas would not be Simply Vegas. I already said that. It's true. So you're saying you find John attractive, and that's why you work here. I could have hit that pitch. You plan on getting him to break up with his wife. After Newport, we had a shared bunk bed. I could have smoked that pitch out of the right over the center field wall. No, but I'm being dead serious. Do you think it would? Well, when you're taller, if you're good-looking and tall. Most CEOs are 6'2".

Good looking and in shape. It's the truth. People don't want to think they're getting paid for looking good. Don't discourage the unattractive men. Ha ha ha.

You can always be attractive. If you can make yourself, man, well, it's an attractive by getting jacked. Listen, the Kardashian should prove anything. You're not unattractive. You're just poor. You're just poor. Jeff Bezos. Well, guys, Jeff Bezos. Jeff Bezos. I hope that some of this helps you today. I hope you took some sense. I apologize if some of these thoughts are disinjuring because again, these are just my notes. They have not been correctly organized into a chapter of the book, which they will be very, very soon.

coming out to a bookstore in a year. But remember, Colt, if they want to get in touch with you, how do they find you? Colt underscore Amadin Instagram. And how about you, counselor, for all your negotiating needs for either? Car accidents, yeah, all those kinds of stuff. At Con

Connell Law LV3Ls and Connell Law. At Connell Law. And of course, you can always follow me at the John Gafford. You can watch this on YouTube. If you are, give us a like, give us a subscribe. And if you're, if you've seen these clips rolling anywhere else, just, you know, hey man, comment back and stuff that resonated with you, stuff you maybe didn't, whatever you want to know. It's got a little live feedback. I like it. And if you're going to move, keep moving forward. See you next time.

Hey, it's John Gafford. If you want to catch up more and see what we're doing, you can always go to thejohngafford.com. We'll share any links of things we talked about on the show as well as links to the YouTube where you can watch us live. And if you want to catch up with me on Instagram, you can always follow me at thejohngafford. I'm here. Give me a shout.