Period simulator challenge
01:23:38 Share

Hey guys, we'd like to thank today's sponsor, Shopify. Shopify is a global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. We love Shopify in this house. It powers all of our merch websites. Anything we've ever sold online has been sold through Shopify and

Our business wouldn't be what it is without it. Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the US, plus Shopify's extensive help resources are there to support you every step of your way to success. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash intercom, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash intercom now to grow your business, no matter what stage you're in, shopify.com slash intercom.

Available for a limited time at participating restaurants. Tax not included. Price may vary. Not valid with any other offer, discount, or combo.

When you need mealtime inspiration, it's worth shopping fries for thousands of appetizing ingredients that inspire countless mouth-watering meals. And no matter what tasty choice you make, you'll enjoy our everyday low prices. Plus, extra ways to save, like digital coupons worth over $600 each week and up to $1 off per gallon at the pump with points. So you can get big flavors and big savings. Fries, fresh for everyone. Fuel restrictions apply.

What does it feel like it's been like three months since we recorded? Where am I? You're in the kitchen. Oh, okay.

Oh my god. Oh my god, bruh. No, we're in our studio, guys. It's a studio. Yeah, and they got rid of the... We usually have a nice big table for me, but now I'm on the fucking floor. I was gonna say that was my first topic. So, we got rid of the infamous, heavy emphasis on the infamous... Damn, I tore actually, like low-key actually. Um...

and that table we decided was actually a cursed object it had very dark sided energy what's fucked up is like i wish you were joking but both of us literally are we are positive that table is what was giving us bad luck it was demonic like borderline like it was very very creepy and like also like thinking about like the store we bought it from how like it doesn't exist like we cannot find the store we bought it from and like

Also, it was like glowing lit up when we walked in. I know. It was like literally the first table in the middle of the store. It was like the ugliest table ever. We bought it when we were like 19 and 20. We were like, this table. It's so mid-century. This table. It was the ugliest table ever. And every time we did an episode, it was like the mission of Drew moved it in the morning when we were setting up. And then I would move it back when we were done setting up.

And it was just driving me crazy. 300 pounds. We had someone take it. We had it removed and it's sitting in a donation shop somewhere in LA because we had a task grab to take it. And it's... Yeah, now I'm on the floor and I'm covered in dirt. So... I actually just mopped this floor yesterday. Okay. There's a little bit of dirt. Yeah, from you because you're so old, you're dusting away. Let's not forget about the sand in the shoe incident. Actually, roll that clip.

I love them so much. They have this square, almost frog-like toe detail. Kai, there's sand falling out of your shoe. There's something that literally fell out of your sneaker. Sand?

That was a Band-Aid. A three-year-old Band-Aid. It's so funny saying roll that clip and it's Kai who has to insert it. So the dust is coming from inside. The call is coming from inside the house. The dust is coming from inside the body. The dust is coming from inside the shoe. Help. Help.

yeah but yeah now we don't have a table and we've been eating at the counters i mean we eat in the living room anyway yeah don't eat i mean you eat in your bed i eat in the living room well i always eat in bed hello like you mean you're eating like oh you ate box munching on box and shit oh yeah oh i'm a munch i'm a munch i'm literally a munch y'all hashtag munch all right

#MunichMunch. What is Munich? Munich, I think, is a place in like... And a tunic is a shirt. But isn't that also a dude that like forcibly had his balls removed and like... Oh, a eunuch. Eunuch. Eunuch, yeah.

That's a person? It's someone who gets their nuts absolutely removed. I showed Kai a video of this dude with really long nuts. Do people have to do that when they have a disease or something? I think they used to do it to boys back in medieval times so that they could always have high-pitched voices to sing. Really? I think so. And then also it was like a torture tactic too. It was like, oh, you fucked up. We're taking your balls. We gotta get back to that. Is that what you showed me?

Yeah, that's insane. That is actually fucking repulsive. That is disgusting. We'll insert it. We literally can't. It was a man's nasty fucking balls. Ew. Ew.

Yo, they're like literally 23 inches long. Like it's really unbelievable. But when I saw that video, I went on a deep dive on his account because I was like, is he like stretching his balls somehow? Like how did he do this? And he claims it's all natural. Like he was born with it. It's not a defect. Like all of like the doctors you've been to are like, yeah, you just got really low hang. Let your nuts hang. You got let your nuts hang. It was personified. There's like...

This is completely different, but there is this disease that I recently found out about. I don't know the name of it, but it's like your body can't produce enough. No, keep going. Finish that. Just like the Inya disease. Like if you have it, you're so beautiful. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So like we all have it. Oh, no, no. It's very rare. It's very, very rare. Yeah.

But it's like this disease that stops your production of collagen. So there's this baby I saw on TikTok that their baby like looks much older than it is. And it's because it's something to do with the collagen or like the muscles in your face. I don't have enough strength to keep up your skin. I wish I remember what it was. Like super saggy. Yeah. So I wonder if that happened to that person's ball.

This is possible. But yeah, I went on a deep dive in that video. Literally made me cry laughing because he's supposed to be like a football player and he's like a lineman and he's really insecure about it. So he's reclaiming it. So he posts...

Post that video. Yeah of his really long balls I mean like I feel bad because I'm not helping because they actually made me like really angry Well, you just like don't like balls like you really don't like I don't like balls either to be honest. I love balls dude something like the male anatomy is just so fucking nasty like they could have I

I don't know, there needs to be a rework. We were made in God's image, like all of us. We're all beautiful in our own ways, and that's why I'm very anti-looks maxing. And God had bad body dysphoria. He was like, I'm disgusting, I'm disgusting. Nobody's gonna make this, I'm disgusting. And then we have men. But I love men, guys.

Love, love, love. Everybody knows that about me. Loving you. I don't like bisexuals. I don't like bisexuals. I don't like bisexuals. I don't like bisexuals. I don't like bisexuals. I don't like bisexuals. I don't like bisexuals. I don't like bisexuals. I don't like bisexuals. I don't like bisexuals. I don't like bisexuals. I don't like bisexuals. I do not like bisexuals. I do not like bisexuals. Thank God I'm straight as fuck. Or else I'd be really hurt.

Okay, well, guys, I know we've talked about it a bunch in the past, but there was a moment in mine and Inya's lives where together we thought everything was going to change. We, I'll like give you some backstory for some clarity, but basically we...

for this movie that we genuinely thought like, oh, we got the part. Like we literally got the part. Like we were driving home listening to what was the song? You know what's crazy is like, we're done, done, you got the music in me. What's crazy is we felt that, but I don't even think we did that good. No, we did terribly. We didn't think we did good. That's the craziest part. We didn't walk away from that audition being like,

That's the best audition I've ever done. I think it was one of our first auditions we've ever done. It was my first one. It was maybe my second, third one that I actually did and I was like, I want this. I did not do good. I remember walking out and being like... We did not eat. That wasn't good. We did not eat. But...

The trailer released for the movie. Are we allowed to even say... I'm like... Yeah, people... This is free promo for them. People talk about, like, movies they auditioned for all the time. Yeah, it was Y2K by Kyle Mooney. And I swore to God, like, seeing who they casted versus, like, what I looked like when I auditioned, like...

Oh my god, that is like the most embarrassing thing I've ever got. Wait, I didn't see it. I still haven't seen the trailer. I watched the trailer. It looks okay. Like, I was supposed to be in the movie. I was supposed to be in the video. I was actually supposed to be in the music video. Yeah, I was supposed to be in the video. I was just busy. I was supposed to be in the movie. I was just busy working on the greatest podcast of all time. I just couldn't make it into my schedule. Emergency intercom. Guys, today I feel like it's going to be a wholesome episode. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, I have really good vibes today. Like, really just, like, baseline average episode. We will say nothing negative. I think I already did, though. You just yelled, I don't like bisexuals. Drew screamed, I hate bisexual people. Yeah. For one minute. That's not negative. That's true. That is literally, like, unknown thing by everybody in the world. That's more just, like, an objective observation. Exactly. Exactly. Well, I...

I have been getting this ad on TikTok that is really freaking me out. You've been scrolling. No, not even that. Somebody is capitalizing on that and was like, instead of doom scrolling, you should start micro learning. And it's an app. I don't know what the app is. I subscribed to it. You got it? What is it? It's Impulse. What is it? It's like a brain teaser thing.

Like, are you learning facts and stuff? I don't know if it's the same one, but it's like, it's really hard to explain. It's just like brain games. Well, the ad I got looked like an AI person on stage doing a TED Talk. Like, I couldn't tell if it was a real video. Did you save it? No, I wish I did. But I bet if I look up micro learning, I can find it. But I just can't wait. What was it? It was like...

Stop scrolling and start micro learning. I'm gonna take my macro of knowledge right now. Are you fucking kidding me? I personally feel like I'm always learning something, even if it's fucking stupid. Could you teach me...

something intelligent from a macro, what macro am I gonna get of knowledge? Like micro learning, what microscopic piece of knowledge can you give me that's gonna make me feel better about being on my phone? - Okay, the T is, is like, why are we micro learning like math and micro learning reading and micro learning new languages? What we should be micro learning is how to love one another.

and how to be present in the moment and grateful for everything that we have. And really like using perspective to our advantage. Yeah, and really using it to our advantage to like, yeah, just love ourselves and each other. That's the thing is, I do feel like I learn a lot from TikTok, but even last night, there's this weather channel guy who I watch. I think you watch him too. Wait, let me make sure. I think you've seen this guy.

He's like the Drew Gooden of weather. Weather box? No, I've never seen him. What? This guy? Yeah.

No, no. Dude, I'm obsessed with him because he talks about weather phenomenons, but he goes into extreme detail of like showing maps, how to read maps. Like every time before he gets into like footage and stuff, he goes on a deep dive of like the maps and like what the meteorologists and everybody were seeing as it was coming in and as the forecast was being developed. That's my favorite shit. But then...

But then I had a moment last night where I was looking at him and I was like,

He could be saying fucking anything to me right now and I would just believe it. Like he's never been like, yeah, I have a PhD and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like I went to school for this. And I but I do believe him and I do think he knows what the fuck he's talking about. But I was like, it's kind of how sometimes I just say shit on here without second guessing whether it's true or not. And then I'll see a comment where like, damn, she really is dumb. She just repeats everything. I'm like, yeah, it's because I just see stuff on TikTok and on YouTube or on YouTube and I repeat it.

The what? I'm literally Dunning-Kruger effect personified. What is that? It's like where you like hear one thing about like a topic and then you think you're an expert on it. Much grateful, very thanks. Much grateful, very thanks. Wait, what is that from? Wait, which one is that from? So the runthegauntlet.com was a website that,

that was like gore-coded that you would like see a video and it would be the most gory thing and that's level one and then once you finished it you got to go to level two and it was just really really like the bottom barrel like darkest most like gore-coded shit ever it was horrible nasty dark-sided evil energy and vibes well

The website like sometime recently made like a cringe version of run the gauntlet So it was like run the gauntlet, but it's like cringe videos So it was like to get to the next level you would have to like watch this cringe video all the way through and me and Ania started like playing it last night and like It's not that hard to do cuz like nothing phases aren't even cringy. They just make me really sad I'm just like oh like

I don't get that feeling of like, oh, there was like one video, but I've seen clips from this. It's like this really weird fucking TV show host for a game show in the 70s who like kept trying to kiss the like young girls who were on it. And that I've seen on TikTok because I've seen a lot of people talk about how common that shit was even in the 70s, whatever, whatever. That was awful to watch. But the rest of it was just sad. It was like.

kid pranking his dad and his dad like not reacting yeah like throwing a water balloon at him but there was one where buzzfeed literally went on stage and had like won an award a webby yeah a webby award and there there was five of them or four of them or something and they each said one word and it was much grateful very thanks and that was their acceptance speech did it and then just walked off stage and said nothing else and me and drew were like oh

Was that like a douche? Much. Was that like a douche? Yeah, yeah. It was like very like- So I say much, you say grateful. Much-

grateful oh y'all no you just pointed at me and said grateful i know much grateful very thanks like that that's really sick that's how it went except there was a fourth person that's pretty dirty but that's our new inside show it was really really bad like yeah there isn't like it wasn't like too intense but there were a few videos on there that like are really cringy like creepy bro the thing is like i can't think of anything that really makes me

cringe like that anymore what about that video of me with Dula Peep no that just makes me laugh really hard that doesn't make me cringe even when I first saw it I don't know if I cringed at it as much as I was just like this is amazing like I cannot believe this like seeing you in the background like didn't we all send it in the group chat

Yes. That was evil. That was a bit evil. But like it was just too funny. Also who got it on their timeline? Was it me or Josh? I don't remember. I think we all did separately. Like it all got on all our timelines so they wanted us to see that and that's an amazing video. Okay sick. Like honestly. Yeah I'm low-key proud of it. Well somebody played my remix of Everything is Embarrassing at a club.

Oh, I saw that. No fucking way. Yeah, wait, I have to try and find it. Is that what you wanted to show me a couple days ago? Oh my God, that is so fucking lit. Someone literally played it. How'd they get the full one? I don't know. Like, I think somebody might have taken it from the episode and tried to like...

discern our voices overlapping it because that full cut of it isn't out. -Yes, unless did we upload it somewhere or something? -No, we never uploaded it because I'm like, people like it but something about it embarrasses me. I'm like, "Oh my God, I can't believe that." It's like the Tay-K diss track. I understand it's like we did it because it was funny and we were trolling and whatever, but it became such a staple in our internet lore that when I hear it, it does something to my body.

Oh, that's like irreversible. I'll never, ever, ever hate Take A Dish Track or your... No, I like your...

part of it but hearing myself i'm just like oh my god like no it's like it's forever forever iconic it wasn't really fun and it's crazy that we made that because i just got stuck in texas like i wasn't that wasn't supposed to happen i was on a layover from la to miami or vice versa or something and i got stuck in texas because of storms and then i went to your house and

And we proceeded to make a smash fucking hit in my bed. We made history. Yeah, we made history with Apple headphones. Fuck, wait, wait, wait. Inspired a generation. What were you watching yesterday that it was somebody like trying to sing? Oh, it was a part of that cringe compilation. Somebody had a cheese. See, like this stuff isn't cringy to me. It's like this girl made...

of Fancy by Iggy Azalea but about Cheesecake Factory. I'm like, that's really cute. Like they were bored. They just made it for the franchise. Like it's sweet. But the way she was rapping over the beat, literally, I was like, Drew, this is what you sound like when you first get on a beat and you're trying to like figure out your spot on it. Yeah. And then also trying to like repeat like melodies that people feed to me is like literally impossible. That is literally impossible.

Like the worst thing for Drew. If Drew was in a situation where someone had a gun to his head and they were like, all you have to do to be free is repeat exactly what I'm about to say to you back to me with the same tone. He would add 18 words to it and die. Yeah, it's impossible. It's impossible. And I can't read out loud. It's because you're so original. You don't believe in saying other people's thoughts. I'm different. I will say on your Charlie remix, you like...

fighting the beat is honestly kind of advanced no it's horror like that's the thing is i'm i'm different like i did my own fucking it's kind of like a scammer flow hello like yeah i was off beat on purpose like what is it blue face baby yeah it's very similar dude i wait what was it was like the red the email part like i fed you like i was like oh you could say it like this and you're like okay okay okay and you did it and you added like three works

Where it's a you overlapped where you're supposed to stop. And then for the next one, it was so hard for you to like, you're like, oh, I'm going to keep that. And then to hit the next line, you had to jump in so fast that you kept doing it. And you're like, fuck. God fucking damn it. God damn it. Damn it. I'm going to fucking lose my shit. That's also the funny thing about you is like, I know you well enough that when you were like,

frustrated with something when you like yell fuck like that it's not coming from a serious place like it's not real anger but you are so quick to do something you'd be like fuck oh my god oh you did tonight because i almost killed those we saw alien oh wait were you talking about in the car no i was talking about when we were going to the gym yesterday and i like pulled out and almost killed this bro like

Hey guys, we'd like to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors, Dipsy. Are you looking for a little extra spice in your life? I recently started listening to romantic audiobooks from the Dipsy app while I've been running errands, while I've been in bed bored, while I've been

driving around while I've been charging my bunk-ass car, and they have been extremely entertaining. I want to get rid of my car. I want to get rid of my car. Their app has over 1,000 spicy audiobooks, all crafted by a team of professional writers and top-tier narrators. With their easy-to-explore app, you can search for your favorite romance genres like contemporary, historical, dark,

sports, Western, Romantasy, and Sapphic. New chapters are released weekly, so you'll always find something new to enjoy. For listeners of our show, Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsy.com.

That's 30 days of full access for free when you go to D-I-P-S-E-A stories.com slash intercom.

When you need mealtime inspiration, it's worth shopping Fries for thousands of appetizing ingredients that inspire countless mouth-watering meals. And no matter what tasty choice you make, you'll enjoy our everyday low prices. Plus, extra ways to save, like digital coupons worth over $600 each week and up to $1 off per gallon at the pump with points. So you can get big flavors and big savings. Fries, fresh for everyone. Fuel restrictions apply.

It was so scary. And I was like, I'm going to lose my fucking shit. It was not a fast enough road that we would have died. I'm going to lose my fucking shit. He pulled out because this car randomly pulled out at the same time and almost T-boned us and Drew freaked the fuck out. And I don't even remember what you yelled. I said, I'm going to lose my fucking shit. I'm going to lose my fucking mind. I'm going to fucking kill myself.

But it's not real. I know it's not real, but I was talking about after Alien Romulus, Drew, we were all trying to figure out how the characters were related to each other and we all had our own theories. So Drew went into his room for like an hour and came back. He was like, okay. So me and Josh, he was like, okay, I know...

I know how all the characters are related. So we're standing in the kitchen with him and he's like going on and we keep butting in and we're like, wait, are you talking about this character or this character? Because we also don't know any of the characters' names. I don't know their fucking names. We don't know any of their names. So we're all trying to like discern what Drew's saying to us. And at one point he goes, oh my God, oh my God, I'm going to have a fucking stroke. I can't do this. I literally can't do this. I'm going to go back to my room. Oh my God. I had to like stop. Please stop. It was more like, oh my God, I'm going to have a fucking stroke. I need to leave. Like now I need to go back. And he ran to his room and I went. He was just standing in there like this. Like,

I literally like had a fucking stroke, bro. - You were rebooting. - Bro, I literally lost my shit and it wasn't funny until like three minutes later. 'Cause I was like, it's actually so frustrating when I can't like verbalize my thoughts, which is like 95% of my fucking life. It drives me insane. - But I understand you. - You get me, you get me. - We get each other. - Exactly, exactly.

Well, I was talking to my mom the other day on the phone, and I've just never heard her dating history, which I was always curious about because my mom was a baddie when she was younger. She was a heartbreaker. She still is. She still is. I cannot believe she's, what, 60? I think she's 62, 72, actually. Your mom's not 72. Yeah, she's 72, and she looks that good. She's eating down. But...

No, she was like a little heartbreaker and she's told me one story that always like cracked me up. But one of them was like she was on a date with a dude that she really, really liked. Like it was like one of the first times they were meeting. Like he had like a brand new nice ass truck and like he was just Gorgina Grande. They like went to dinner. They did the whole thing like it was it was a great night. And on the drive home, he was like, I'm going to go to dinner.

She watched him pick his nose on both sides and pull out the biggest fucking boogers and then wipe them on the side of his brand new truck seat. And when she was getting out, she went over to his side and looked at the side of his seat and it was covered. So she immediately like cut it off. But this one was a new story that like literally had me crying, fucking laughing.

So basically I was like talking about Josiah and like how he's had a lot of stomach pain and she was like, oh my God, like I once like went on a date with a guy and they like went to the dinner, like they had a good ass fucking meal and they go out to the car and he like starts doubling over in pain because like my mom didn't know why. And she like, he was like doubled over, like about to throw up. He was sweating and he was super pale. And she was like, what the fuck is going on? Like this went on for like three minutes.

And then eventually, like, he got so embarrassed and he was so embarrassed to tell my mom this, but he was like, I have IBS. And my mom literally was so cringed out at a guy having IBS that she broke up with him and was like, no, like, I don't want anything to do with that. That is so funny. Also, so awesome, like, how quickly she decided not to be involved with a man off of some shit like that. Like, ugh.

Yeah. IBS is, if you have IBS, like, you're gross. Like, you're nasty. I will say, like, I guess that would tap back into the thing of, like, if I was with a man and he always had a stomach issue, it would annoy the fuck out of me because, like, I'm the one with the stomach issues. Yeah, my tummy's supposed to hurt. Like, my stomach hurts. My stomach hurts. I don't know if I have IBS, though. That is so funny. The boogers one is even grosser, though. Yeah. The IBS one is just funny. Her being like, uh-oh. No. Uh-oh.

Also, okay, I know IBS is like hurts, but to be doubling over like that, is IBS that serious for some people? Some people, yeah. Also, like IBS, I need to clarify, is gay. It's a very gay thing to have. And if you're a man with IBS, come out of the closet. Is that one of the signs? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Don't you have IBS? Nope.

i just have constipation babe there's a difference there's a huge difference i still don't oh is it irritable bowel syndrome ew dude the word bowel is so my bowels my bowels my bowels have a turd lodged in it my full mouth the twink belly the twink pouch that's how you know they have a turd loaded in the chamber see if they have that little pouch

dude i hate that so much bro um well i've stayed up late enough for the past week that i've seen people starting their morning routines on tiktok like it'll be like 4 a.m my time and i'm watching somebody upload like three seconds ago and it's somebody who i see in the daytime usually and it's like two days after they upload and i see them freshly being like i'm gonna make my coffee before i go to school and i'm just like

But it's not time to go to bed. There's also this one girl who I think she lives on the East Coast because it always happens around 4 or 5 a.m. our time. She lays in her bed and is like on live stream talking, like doing like an early, early morning live stream. And it freaks me out because I'm just like, dude, I cannot believe that for her. She's she's been asleep like forever.

She actually cares about herself and went to sleep early and has the will and the lust for life to wake up early and like get on live stream and just be up with the sun. I don't think I'll ever be somebody who wants to wake up early. I love waking up with the sun. Yeah.

It's just not. It's too many hours in the day. Because then by 3 p.m. I'm losing my mind. Yeah. Do you guys ever get the live stream of the guy with the huge belly? That's like a spherical big belly. Oh, I think so. All the time. I think that happens on my phone. And he starts drawing all over his body with marker, like the names of donators. It's so dense. It looks very hard. I want to know how they get that. Because it's definitely like shit that they're eating. It has to just be alcohol. Like every time I see a belly like that stiff and...

Like beer belly vibes. Like it just looks like it hurts. Yeah. It's definitely like a feeder kink though. It looks like a four belly. Yeah. Yeah. He likes getting big and filled and stuffed. Yeah.

you like why do your bellies are like why are they so stiff and like dense what is the science there is it like calcium build up on your fucking lining i don't know like that's what i imagine it's like your body is like your stomach lining is burning constantly from the amount of alcohol you put in it and your stomach is like something to do with like retaining water and like your body just gets super saturated with water so i'm gonna become a feeder y'all

-You are. -No, I'm going to become one where I feed-- -Oh, you feed other people. -Yes, until they die. -Do you have someone that you want to feed yet? -Yes, you. I want to get you nice and big. -I would love that. Are we starting today? -We started months ago. That's why you're so big right now. -I was wondering about that. -I cannot believe feeders are real, dude. We have gone too far.

There has to be an end to possibilities. There just has to be an end. We've made it past the point of people just making up new fetishes that are really fucking crazy and weird and harmful, and we need to go back. We need to backlog. And also, I know this is a constant joke online where it's like, oh, men need to go back to doing construction and no more podcasters, no more this. But nobody talks about, we need more whimsical jobs. Where are the shoe cobblers? Who's a shoe cobbler? Where's the mushroom collectors?

yeah like i want stuff like that like oh somebody who goes into the forest for a few months the paper maker like we need more whimsical jobs no more like oh like industrial like go build a house like okay no i want something whimsical like i need to meet somebody who i'm like wow your work is whimsical like making flower bouquets yeah yeah yeah like a florist i think that's actually one of the things i wrote down was like for the whimsical jobs i think people need

So y'all feel free to take this. Oh, like a chocolatier. Like, no. No, hell no. I mean, for me, a bitch is like, I'm a chocolatier. Have you seen that one fucking creepy ass chocolatier? I think he's like the Ghirardelli like lead chocolatier or whatever. Bro, he is so horny. Oh, the freaky like European guy? No, no, no. I fuck with him. I don't like him. That makes like the big like sculptures. I don't like him. No, that shit is mind blowing and it's structurally like...

It literally blows my mind. He's too smiley. Like, it feels very, like... There's something that feels AI-generated about those videos. That's what I'm saying. It's in, like, a pure white room. I fuck with him, y'all. Like, he's rich from building chocolate. Wait, who are you talking about? The Ghirardelli, like, lead chocolatier. He's, like, the new guy. He's, like, the young hot guy on the block. Oh.

and he is so fucking horny there's like a gara deli like museum where like there's 40 foot screens of him like making chocolate and like licking it all sensually and there's like commercials of him like literally fucking chocolate on like the tv it's like crazy gara deli chocolate you're not talking about him right no i fuck with him i love him that's what's his nuts uh he made the dubai talk chocolate you're talking about him

This is the guy I don't like. No, I fuck with him. I hate him. He's advanced. He is freaky. He smiles too much. No, he's advanced. Fuck, I really wish I knew who you were talking about because the person you're talking about doesn't exist and you made them up. I can't find them either. I can't open TikTok. You mean Lint?

Yes, this guy. Oh, it's Lint. It's Lint. It's not Ghirardelli. It's Lint, y'all. He's like, he wants to like literally bang. It feels like they hired him. Like, it doesn't feel like he actually be like, like he's around making chocolate. Yeah, he's like the face of it or some shit. Like an ambassador. Yeah. Yeah, he's not. Bitch, he's not a chocolatier. This isn't his life. He's like...

Rizzing up the chocolate. Yeah, no, he's not really about it. I don't like the smiley guy, though. Like, the guy who makes all the big shit. He, like... Oh, it freaks me out. It gives me the same feeling as, like, the people who throw the balloons full of water onto spikes. Like, that's who I imagine is behind the camera is that guy. Like, I imagine he's the one, like, throwing all the glass bottles and all the Orbeez downstairs. Bro, they... Those...

are making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. Like by rolling bottles of dye off the roof. And I'm going to start one. I want to watch them all. I don't care. I used to follow an account that used to post it, but it was a re-upload account. So I got scammed. Every time I would see their fucking videos on my timeline, it'd be the same three videos intertwined with one new video. And they would get me every time because I would watch it. Yeah, that shit is advanced.

Let's break the silence. Okay, so I've been talking about it for like the last three weeks, but I cut my phone out of my life. Like for the most part. And I did really good about it. I was like logging. I went from like logging 10 hours a day to like two and a half hours a day on my phone. Like I went absolutely ballistic. And I have like...

like 20 day fucking streak on like opening TikTok less than five times, Instagram less than five times, YouTube less than five times, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. Y'all, my life literally...

like mentally got exponentially worse without the internet like truly i'm not kidding like i really fell down like this like i i don't know if i was just like going through withdrawal and i was just like losing my fucking shit but the second because on sundays i was like this last sunday i decided that i was gonna like let myself scroll on tiktok as much as i wanted to so i could like um

Just come up with topics because like a way I do that is like i'll scroll through like tiktok instagram or twitter and just like So i'll see something that spurs an idea so I can talk about it. We'll

- I've talked about this before, but when I cut soda out of my life, nothing changed. Literally nothing changed other than the fact that I wanted soda. And I was sad that I didn't have soda in my life. I didn't feel healthier. I didn't feel more cognitively aware. I didn't feel less cloudy. The only thing that I noticed is that

Soda was missing from my life. It's literally the exact same thing when I cut TikTok, Instagram, YouTube out. Nothing changed. If anything, I became exponentially more recluse and I had nothing to ever talk about. So basically...

Cocaine phone. That's basically what I'm saying. It's like there's Kale phone, cocaine phone. Kale phone is like it's literally just for texting and phone calls. Cocaine phone is like you utilize it to its fullest potential. Use every fucking app. All that shit. So that's my vibe is cocaine phone. I've decided. Yeah, I just don't know. Like I'm pretty sure I'm sure the rumors about my phone being bad for me are true. I believe you, but I don't.

believe you i literally don't care i just i don't it's like people who cut out caffeine okay like you're fucking better i guess like what i just if it's something i've been doing for this long already i'm used to where my brain's at like getting rid of it i don't think it's gonna make me happier also it's like that ongoing joke you always say is like oh i'm taking less time with my phone so i could focus on my other screen yeah no that's all that really happens is like

You focus on something else. And yes, you can read because we are readers. But I'm going to read a book all day, every day. No, no, no. I'm not a reader. I'm a breeder. I breed. I breed people. You breed animals? No, I plant my seed.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Makeover. There's only three. Wait, if you let go, is it going to fall? I don't know. No, it's it's it's still. Are you sure? Yeah. But do you see how I like I spring into action to fix a potential problem? That was like dad. Very masculine. Yeah, that was very masculine. Like it was it was like no one could see on the camera, but I athletically like jumped to go grab kind of slow because the fall was a little slow. So it was actually very quick and athletic.

It's actually very quick. Well, with you saying that, it made me think last night, I decided that we need conspiracy theorists to start working on the opposite end. Like the base of your conspiracy theorists can still be that the government is like against us. That can still stand. Actually, no, as I'm saying this, I'm realizing that this does exist, but it does more harm than good. But I was going to be like, instead of people saying like,

climate change is gonna kill us blah blah blah blah we need to do this this is that why isn't it the opposite of like microplastics aren't real climate changes are real they want you to buy more ac and they want you to buy reusable bottles and they want you to buy all this stuff and actually we're all fine and it's all good but it's not all fine it's not all good it's not all fine and it's not all fucking good well we saw alien romulus and that movie was fucking lit i

I literally loved every goddamn second of it. And it feels like we're so fucking back. Definitely by far and large, the best one since Aliens. I'd say it goes Alien, Aliens, and then Alien Romulus.

It's my top three. - I liked it, but I decided like if they made an alien movie where like the alien was coming of age and deciding like how its actions affect other people and got close to the human. - Wow. - I've been seeing this. - And I would like it. - We need a low concept A24 aliens movie. - I need like a Francis Ha of aliens. - Yes. - The perks of being an alien. - Like I need like the aliens being like, "Grr, erg, am I going to college? What am I doing after college? Erg." - The perks of being an alien. - Yeah.

Like I need that because as we were watching it, I am not like a big sci-fi person. When I was younger, I definitely enjoyed that like side of movies more because I had like an older brother who liked that stuff. But I just like it doesn't capture me and capture my heart and soul. And I'm like, I'm not a suspense person. I'm realizing because the movie was really good, but it's like with action movies and just things of that nature. Like I don't enjoy the suspense. If anything, I'm like, oh,

Learn your lesson already. Like, get to going. Like, get moving. Like, I need to see character development in the next 30 minutes. And then you need to write a book. Why don't you write a book? Like, write a book in the movie. I want to see that. Like, I want you to little woman this movie right now. And I just like girl stuff. I like shopping movies and, like, clothes and kitchen and stuff. Devil wears Prada. Yeah.

tampon i was gonna post this on my story the other day but i hate when i post something being ironic on my story and some bitch replies thinking they fucking ah ha'd me like are you come on i said i'm for real the devil who wears prada or whatever they say now and i wanted to say that on my story but i'm like someone's gonna reply and be like don't tell me you haven't seen devil wears prada bitch

No, we're literally 12 steps ahead. We're 12 steps ahead in every. The aliens are really sexually attractive in those movies. I think we were talking about this last night, right? Yeah, no, I literally want to have sex with a xenomorph. Like, unironically, I would bang a xenomorph. I'd let it stick its like mouth, head, tongue.

deep inside my gullet. It's secondary mouth eating your butt. Yeah. I feel fucking crazy. Well, Monistat, count your fucking days, Monistat. Monistat, you are going to hell, Monistat. Something's fucking wrong with you. We need to take that off the shelf. Yeah. But also, it works. So I guess, whatever. It's a small price to pay.

Your baby's going to burn. That's literally, I experienced that. That was you. I was burning, burning, burning, burning. To catch you up, monistat is a yeast infection medicine. Oh, I know. I know all about monistat, by the way. Oh, because you put it in your butt. I don't put it in my butt. I'm just, I'm very up to date as far as like what women are having to do. If someone made me mad,

Next time someone makes me out I'm gonna be like oh do you want me to make you a macho with like a cold foam on it and I'm gonna put the monistat cream on it and like cold foam and sprinkle macho on it and give it to them. That's a good idea. It wouldn't kill them though because if I'm putting it in my hole it can go in your mouth. I have no idea. Like I feel like you could like it's probably edible. Yeah. It must be. It must be. In the end of all times. Wait what's your beef with monistat? Bitch!

I got put on fucking antibiotics for my mouth and I had no idea that antibiotics lead to an increased risk of yeast infection. So I woke up randomly itching, burning, itching, burning, itching, burning. And I was like, oh my God, my life is going to end because I've had BV. I've not had a yeast infection or UTI. Prayers go out to any woman who experiences chronic yeast infections. You are brave. You are like, you are brave.

You deserve a Nobel Peace Prize because I think if a woman is experiencing a yeast infection, she has every right to shoot someone in the foot who like ask her a stupid question because you can't ask me a stupid question. Wait, you had a yeast infection? Literally my primal hole is burning. It's on fire. Did you, you had a yeast infection? Dude, yes. I fully, oh. Gross. But doesn't Monistar help with that? Stay away from me.

No, it was so funny watching Inya go through what she went through. Dude. She was texting me at like 4 a.m. I thought I was going to die. I literally thought I was going to die. So basically, I was like, okay, I could go to a gynecologist, but there were no gynecologists available in the next fucking 24 hours or whatever. And I was freaking out because I...

I am not somebody who handles being sick very well. And any sign of a risk like that, when it's like a visible and physical reaction risk, I'm like, oh my God, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. My pussy's gonna shrink up and fall off and fucking fall off my body. And I need that, I need that, I need it to stay on me. So I was like, I- It's so hot out here, someone's vagina fell off.

So basically I started to look into it and I was like, okay, monostat. I can use that. Like, that's a thing. Like, cool. I start looking it up and thank fucking God. I looked it up on TikTok because it is common knowledge. So they have a one day, a three day and a seven day treatment. I was like, I just want this shit to be over. I was like, oh, I'll do the three day treatment because I just want to get this the fuck over with. Thank God you didn't do one. If I do the one.

the one day I think I would have killed myself. - Actually, bro, the research I was doing, 'cause I was like, damn, like she might be having like a chemical like burn situation going on in her Bronson, but like every single person on like these subreddits that I was reading down, like everybody was like, the one is the devil. Like it's literally like putting hell up your pussy. - Like I cannot believe it is legal to have that on shelves because there has never been a human who's gone online and been like, actually,

I experienced no burning. I was chill. Like it was fine. No bitch. That shit was literally like, it is chemical warfare on the shelves of a Walgreens, a CVS, a Rite Aid. Like it is literally like that is, it felt like I inserted mustard gas into my hole. It was crazy. So basically also it's just the craziest thing ever. I thought about not saying this because I hate the whole, like in my head, I went back and forth. Cause I was like, Oh my God, I hate the whole, like

I'm so gross. Well, but like we must normalize yeast infections. Like guys, seriously, like normalize. Period. That's your platform. Like seriously, let's normalize yeast infections. Normalize yeast infections. Bro, we looked up like what a yeast infection looks like on a penis and it is the nastiest shit I've ever seen in my life. Like also you like, like,

like cloudy, like discharge and shit. Like hell no, babe. Oh my God, this is so gross. Get that shit away from me. So I get the monostat. I get the three day because I was looking up the one day and everybody was like, first of all, it's like an egg you insert and like your body temperature melts the wax because it's supposed to like try to like, okay, alien Romulus because it's

so it's so potent but I think the idea is that it like melts over time and like doses you like through the night and you have to do it at night because basically what you have to do is you lay on the floor and you have to insert like like cream into your vagina so I was every night for three nights getting into the bathroom laying on the floor and inserting cream into my fucking hole and then running to my bed so that I didn't leak and fucking slip on it and die so

So the first night, I'm not thinking it's going to feel like anything. I hit up one of my homegirls and she's like, oh, yeah. She was like, do not do the one day. And she was like, do the three day or the seven day. I would recommend the seven day. And I had already bought the three day. So she was like, oh, then you should be fine. And I think she was just trying not to fear monger me. Oh, what was that? Oh, I stink. Yeah. I stink.

It smells like really bad in here. It's been smelling bad in the house for three days. And I did not want to do this on the episode, but you're asking for it. The Bronson, it's the tuna box. The Bronson is going crazy. No, it turned into the sardine can. Yeah, it's the sardine. No, it's the mussels. It's the oysters. It morphed into the mussels with like lemon juice and olive oil and like balsamic vinegar. Minus the lemon juice.

It's just balsamic and oysters. It's ranch. It's Wingstop Ranch. It's canned mussels dipped in Wingstop Ranch.

Oh, it's such a clutch off-season pickup, Dave. I was worried we'd bring back the same team. I meant those blackout motorized shades. Blinds.com made it crazy affordable to replace our old blinds. Hard to install? No, it's easy. I installed these and then got some from my mom. She talked to a design consultant for free and scheduled a professional measure and install. Hall of Fame's son? They're the number one online retailer of custom window coverings in the world. Blinds.com is the GOAT!

Shop lines.com right now and get up to 45% off select styles. Rules and restrictions may apply. Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess my hundredth mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, honestly, when I started this, I thought I only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry. I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at mid mobile.com slash save whenever you're ready for

$45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes. See details.

We all have plans in life, maybe to take a cross-country road trip or simply get through this workout without any back pain. Whether our plans are big, small, spontaneous, or years in the making, good health helps us accomplish them. At Banner Health, we're here to provide more than health care. Whatever you're planning, wherever you're going, we're here to help you get there. Banner Health. Exhale.

anyways oh my god it's garbage i'm thinking it's chill like josie was over and he was freaking out because his stomach started hurting and like josh was like fuck it i'll take you to the er so they're like freaking out figuring that out and i felt bad but i was like dude it's already 2 a.m i need to just like put my fucking medicine in my hole and go the fuck to bed oh my god i feel like i have such a high pain tolerance i was in bed literally like i was like like i

It felt like somebody released fire ants into my pussy. Like it literally felt like it was the most insane thing. It felt like somebody poured baking soda into my hole. Like it was so insane. And I spent the, like, I could not fall asleep. I took Tylenol. It wasn't helping. I stayed up for an hour and a half in excruciating burning pain. And it didn't help that I was looking on all these Reddits and they were like, yeah, like

So casual too, which is crazy. Like it's become so casual for people to like talk about this. I'm like, this is not normal. And yes, it works. But at what cost? People were like, yeah, you know, it gave me chemical burns, but it's okay. Cause I ended up going and getting antibiotics for that too. And like, I just have to like put cream on my burns. Like some people are allergic to it and there's no way of knowing until you use it. So I couldn't tell if I was allergic to it and having an allergic reaction. But the last thing I'm going to do is go to the fucking ER at 3.40 AM with like cream in my hands.

my hole like that's not happening i'm reading our messages because we were talking about josiah and then um i sent her like an article of like what i think's going on with josiah and then and you said i'm gonna start reading but i'm finally knocking out with my burning vagina also look into monistat because this shouldn't be legal i'm not kidding ha does it burn bad for everyone

Like the burning is so fucking bad. It's literally like if someone was rubbing salt in an open wound, but the wound is my vagina. Yes, dude. I said, hell no, bro. It gives some people chemical burns. How the fuck is this illegal? And then we just keep going. And I started...

I was like, did you take one day or seven day? Because like, for the love of God. The second you look it up, everybody is like, do not. For the love of God, don't take one day. Which is crazy because that means some people are just like, oh, I have a yeast infection. Like it's like their first time and they're like, fuck it. I'll just do the one day. That's easy. And they don't look it up or anything. I was like, damn, honestly, respect. Like you are so...

Like you are above the law to go into a CVS and not even look it up. But I guess that makes sense because it's a medicine on a shelf. So you don't think it's going to actually. Dude, it was like a nuke went off. Like it was literally like it was insane. Oh, my God. Did it get better with other doses or did it burn just bad? Dude, the other days didn't burn like that.

like that like it was just the first day and I'm like oh my god yes it worked like I will say it fucking worked but at what cost then it might be worth it to just do one day get it over within one day since you don't even feel it the next two days that's my platform ladies do the one day no because every the one day I woke up and I couldn't walk like like they literally were like I was in so much pain like I couldn't stand up me after bottoming me after bottoming okay me after bottoming

Everybody was like, oh, yeah, the next few days were awful. Like I was just in pain. And every time I peed, I thought I was going to die. So, yeah, that was something I had to deal with this past week. And I I can't believe it. Like I literally we must do something that there has to be another way. And I know there's obviously like oral antibiotics you can take or sorry.

There's... What? Feet? Or the feet. But I just couldn't because I couldn't find a gynecologist. And I had already like decimated my fucking hole. So I was like, at this point, I might as well keep it going. Like I already started... It just felt like...

You know how sometimes when you have a scar from a surgery and some people will go back and get the scar recut open so it can reheal? That's what it felt like I had done to my whole life. I basically just burned my insides to kill any bacteria. It literally felt like Drano, like bleach. It literally felt like mustard gas. There's no other way to describe it. That's what I would assume mustard gas feels like if I made it and I had a cut on my hand. Did you ever make mustard...

did you ever make Drano bombs or the works bombs? No, but me and my brothers would get like two liter bottles and pour like an inch of the works in the bottom and then make a bunch of tiny tinfoil balls. So it's like increasing the surface area and pour those in there and then throw it in our backyard. And it literally made like a bomb. Like it made, it's like the chemical reaction like goes fucking crazy. And it's like loud as fuck. Like we got like,

The cops called on us because we detonated one in our backyard. No, I talk about this already. When when I was at a new middle school, there was a very popular kid that was like, oh, like he decided he wanted to be my friend and I was all excited. And then we hang out. I'm like, oh, this kid seems like very normal and cool.

Like he's going to introduce me to people, whatever. This is exciting. And then he's like, dude, let's make bombs in my backyard. And then he started. Oh, wait, I think he did tell us that. It's literally me. He made the fucking Drano bombs. And I was like, I have to leave, dude. This is genuinely very scary. I was the kid making bombs. Like I would take apart fireworks to make like bigger fireworks and launch them in my front yard. Like I love, and I would like, nevermind, I'm not going to tell that one, but. Wait, so if you have a yeast infection, what did people in like,

uh olden times dude they died i actually the vagina would fall off the vagina would just leave the body i wonder if like it would just like go away over time i don't know i'm not like a pro in it like they probably were doing some crazy shit with leeches or something dude they were probably rubbing fucking poison ivy on their cooch like that's literally like i don't like i don't know maybe someone try that

poison anybody try that yeah dude but also when i was looking into it i want to do more research but i'm like there has to be a better way there had there there must be a better way because all the comments on reddit were like yeah it hurt really bad i just went like dude it hurt so bad for some people on reddit they were talking about how they went in the shower and started clawing it out like it was so gnarly what i was reading and imagine me i was in bed and i was just like

I was writhing around in pain. I don't think I've ever felt that before. Yeah, Drew was like, take it out. But it was already an hour and a half in. I was like, honestly, at this point, it's finally it. I wasn't even tired from just being naturally tired. I was tired from my body having to like, like, like, just like tense up and like get ready for like more pain. I don't understand how people had vaginas before computers. Like, how did you care for a vagina before there was like,

you know, modern technology. I don't know. But I mean, some people are still just buying Monosat off the shelf without looking it up. So they're still just doing it. Like, I don't, I don't know. I don't know. I wish I just, I wanted to scream so bad. It was really painful, but I made it and now I'm back to normal. And I hope that never happens to me again. And I still have more days in my antibiotics. So I'm,

I am literally just like waiting. The gut healthy. I wish me and Drew could take that pain from you. No, literally. I actually do wish. Like, see, that's a moment where I'm like, if a man was experiencing this, he would like, the ERs would be full, full of men with monostat and their coochie. Women,

We make it work. We get in the shower and we claw it out. I saw some people being like, yeah, I just took an apple cider bath, hot bath. We make it work. Drew, we should put some in our ass in solidarity. I'm down. Isn't the tissue inside your mouth the same tissue as the...

Yeah. What if we just put it in our mouth? But the thing is, I wonder why it burns. Like, why does it burn? Your baby's gonna burn. No fucking idea. Your baby's gonna burn. That's all I could think about. I was like, this is like, my baby's gonna burn. My baby is burning. Well, the amount of people. In the last episode, I...

asked people to submit their like stories slash videos of them destroying bathrooms from when they were kids. The amount of people that listened to this fucking podcast and destroyed the school bathroom. Oh, really? There's a pipeline here. Like from bathroom destroyer to emergency intercom fan, because I'm not kidding. There was like,

a hundred emails from people like with proof of them like when they were 11 12 13 years old destroying bathrooms it was un-fucking-believable and i was gonna like y'all are the monsters no literally i was gonna show some of them but i was like that's like a violation of privacy so i don't want to but there was this one girl that literally like cracked me the fuck up because she was like like you wouldn't even guess that i was the kid doing it and i was like

no babe you are the exact archetype phenotype of the kid that i expect to throw toilet paper in the bathroom like also the fact that it was happening it was majority girls like yeah but i mean it's like i think we have majority majority girl audience but i don't know that like

men let alone straight men are like exactly what i want to hear is girl monistat vagina monistat vagina but yeah monistat count your fucking days you have monopolized monopolized um an industry of burning vaginas what would it take for you to yell at a server like at a restaurant like i genuinely like i don't know

If there's anything a server could do to me that would like, make me let me let me yell at them like they would have to bring me like evil soup or something. Like dark soup that makes me evil. They'd have to feed me evil soup.

Like, I don't know. Like, seriously. No, if you're the kind of person who you take out your anger on a service worker, you're going to burn in hell. Like, you're literally like what I felt in my vagina from monocyte. You're going to feel that for eternity. Like, it's literally going to be burning all over your body. Like, you're going to hell. I think I've...

unless a server hit me I don't think I would yell even if a server like hit me that's what I was thinking I was like they literally could like physically assault me and I don't know if I would yell at them like I really I'd be like honestly respect you probably had a really bad day like I'm sorry well if they like brought me if I asked for a Pepsi without ice and they brought me a Pepsi with ice I am going to the kitchen and taking the oil vat and pouring it on them like and I'm fucking ruining their life like don't fucking play with me with my fucking food for real like you're over sis like

Tip gone, first of all. Tip gone. Second of all, if you have bags under your eyes as a waitress or a server, sis, you're over. Like I want my waitress to be pretty and put together.

Dude, what's crazy is I literally... Because there are breeds of people who... It feels like they go out of their way. They go out to restaurants for the good time of yelling at a server. That's what some people... It feels like their mission is to go to a restaurant and to ruin a server's day. It's just they have drab, boring, sad lives. Like...

Or they're, like, frustrated at their husband or frustrated at their wife and they just have to, like, yell. And they go take it out on, like, somebody who's just trying to live their fucking life. You are just, like, evil and rotten and dirty and, like, disgusting and fucking filthy animal boots if you yell or, like, get mad at a server. But...

I also never have bad experiences with servers and it's probably because I treat them like fucking people. Like, I think that's the other thing is a lot of people who are rude to fucking servers. You go in there already thinking you have this power dynamic. Oh, you think you have the power because you walked into the TGI Fridays? Bitch, fuck you. Like, literally, you're such a fucking loser. Um...

I don't tip, though. I don't believe in tipping. Yeah, tipping is evil. That's it, actually. Yeah, we don't tip. I over-tip because my mom is a server and she comes home and she talks shit explicitly about everybody who didn't tip her. And now I have an intense fear of the person turning around and being like this stupid fucking bitch. So we got the pregnancy contractions machine.

kai do you want to show your abs to the camera is this your app reveal i can't show my abs actually i guess i could if it's for if it's to benefit women yeah it's so we can understand their pain a little bit more um don't we have to put it on anya first to calibrate it yeah that's true so that she's like oh this is that's true and you said she didn't want to do it on the episode though well because i did it and it like kind of tickles and then it feels like a little perverted

I mean, we don't have to do it, but let's give it a shot. So this is a TENS machine.

Normally, I put it on my wrist and my hand goes like this. Or there's a mode where it literally makes me able to finger really good. It gets the two middle fingers. I don't know if you're supposed to use it for that. The thing is, I will say too, is I rarely get cramps. Do you even? Yeah, you don't really ever get cramps. I don't get cramps. I get bad boob pain and back pain. And then it feels like somebody...

It feels like a professional boxer went like this to my vulva and then it's just like sore and it feels like somebody like ran past me and just went like. Dude, the word vulva is going to make me cry laughing every time. Okay, it's on. So. I never know if it's going. It's going. Wait, do I have it too high up? I don't know. You tell me. I think I have to put it lower. Really? Where are your ovaries? I thought they were like here. They're here.

why i thought they were like up in the guts that's your belly well every time i see like a graphic of a uterus and like grossed out yeah no it physically repulses me um it no it literally like for some reason i imagine it being like from the vagina all the way up until like yeah the rib cage but it's actually like this big right i actually have no idea

-It just starts to tickle. -Yes, after I think 15, that's when it starts hurting down bad. -Somebody just made the ultimate scam of doing this with a CoolSculpt machine and convincing people it was going to give them abs because all it feels like is it's tensing up the muscles in my stomach. I'm at 15 now.

Dude, I'm getting nervous. I'm fucking scared. It goes up to 50, I think. Dude, it really starts to just tickle. I want to go up to like 30 first try. Damn, this shit's pulsing. This is low-key just a vibrator. I don't know if my stomach is doing that. So you're at 18 with literally no reaction. Okay, that's good to know. 19, 20. It's just kind of shaking. Does it flex your abs? Yeah. Yeah.

- I'm at 21. - I think it might only go up to 30. Does it hurt? - Dude, 21 sucks. - Really? - Does it feel like a period? - Yeah.

I was saying to Drew, like from the times I have gotten cramps, I am like a bad candidate to say, but like from the times I have gotten cramps, it is similar. But like the weird, like it goes like and like goes up and that's not my experience with cramps. It's just like a dull, like the dull pain you feel behind that, like buzzing is real. Also, it like goes down to your legs, which I haven't had. Is there like an equivalence of pain though?

like getting stabbed with it yeah yeah because it is like okay it is like doing the squeezing thing yeah just put it at whatever 21 is like i don't know that i want to go past 21 but i'll try 22 you just fart no that was my phone i'm just trying to go as high as i can so you guys have to go high okay that's it that's it so and you got to 23 i'll try oh my god it's like i got to 23 23 hurts

But also this like it shoots into your legs, which I've never had that before. But I know I do have homegirls who like their period cramps are that bad. Like I have friends who get debilitated for like two, three days. My mom was like that. What? Just imagine you like putting it on your dick. I made that joke. Okay, so Drew's at zero right now. I wanted to control it, but that's like mean. All right. One, two, three, four. Okay, I'm starting to feel it.

At six, it hurts so bad. Just shoot it up to 23. Shoot it up to 23. What are you at right now? What are you at? I'm only at 10.

Wait, this is actually crazy. I want to see if you guys could get it up to 23. 23 is when it started. Really? I don't know if this is good because it feels like it's like spasming my colon, which is full of like turds. Like that's... Dude, I'm afraid I'm going to shit, honestly, when I'm up here. It doesn't hurt. It just is very abnormal. Wait, is this like what you were feeling? I can't tell. That is, yeah. Well, I had it lower. You have it kind of high. But I think, I mean, you don't have the parts in your body that I have. So like...

I think you're fine to just have it there. Is it making your stomach like jerk? Yeah. Dude, you're like shaking. What are you at? Only at 14, bro. Okay, let's get you to 23. Oh, it's like burning, bro. Wait, I don't know. I think that's my colon. Actually, actually. It doesn't hurt.

Get to 23, please, please, please. Oh, wait, I feel it in my balls. Like, actually, I don't know if that's safe. I felt it literally in my balls. Like, unsafe. What do you got? He's at 20. Shoot to 23. Shoot to 23. Wait. Fuck, dude. Oh, my God. It hurt my balls so bad. Dude, that actually hurt my balls. Wait, did you get up to 23? Yeah, I got that. The last, like, kick was 23. I still feel it in my balls. I still feel it.

Damaged my fucking scrotum Yeah Like right above you like next to your hip bone almost so it's on But you probably won't start feeling it and so scared of in a shit like do you feel it yet? Like a little tingle a very small one hold my hand, please Do you want me to control it? Yes, please. Oh, okay Fuck that feels kind of good actually

You should just shoot it up to 15. Oh my god. Eww! Eww! He's squeezing the fuck out of me. Oh fuck, okay, okay. You wanna keep going? Yeah, keep going. Eww! God! Okay. Is that- alright. I got to 23. So there's probably like a different mode where it's like vibrating soon. Alright, you're at 23 now. Oh my god, that's what a fucking period feels like? Are you serious?

- All day, every day. - Wait, go up. Go higher, go higher. Oh fuck! Oh fuck! - Doing this like all day, do you feel it in your balls or did I like cause permanent damage? - Well, what I will say is similar is like-- - Do you want it off? Do you want it off? - Just turn it off, turn it off. - Dude, oh my God. - What I will say similar about it is like you can just be fine through the day and be like, "Oh, my cramps are gone." And then be out in public and be standing around and then just get a shooting pain like that and be like, "Oh fuck." Like they're coming back. - Dude, I've been like,

I know that's what it was doing to me my body was like vibrating down honestly that made me respect women less because that shit's easy bro like again I am not the perfect candidate because I don't get like gnarly period pains but that like sudden like

like deep dull like stabbing feeling is very i i get that more like shooting up my back so that pain that you're y'all are feeling is my version of period cramps i get the gnarly back pains where like i'll be standing around and i know i'm about to get my period because suddenly i'll have that sharp shooting pain go up my back and it literally will just be like a dull like shooting pain up my back i saw someone online that said it went to like 50 for them

Like that? She was like, oh, it feels like 50. Oh, like for them, it feels like 50? Yeah, yeah. Bro, this one goes up like hella high. We could like try it. But I think like it wasn't like painful. It was just like so uncomfortable. Like it wasn't like a shooting, like stabbing pain vibe.

But even that, like experiencing that randomly through the day, I like I literally like kicked your like the chair like it was like hitting my whole body up. That shit was lit though. I literally do know girls like I am friends with people who all hit up and be like, OK, we hang out. They're like, dude, no, my cramps are like killing me. I have to stay in bed. I wish I had that excuse. It makes sense. Oh, my God. It makes sense when you think about it. Because like.

Your body, it's again, back to the monistat. It's like, I didn't get tired from naturally being tired. I got tired from my body having to endure pain. And that's kind of like what a period feels like. It's like, it's just like draining you and depleting you of all your energy because your body is so focused on doing something. And then you're just like groggy and you feel like shit and like parts of you hurt. But you know what's fucked up is imagine that and your back hurts.

and you're bleeding profusely and you like your mindset is all fucked up on like who you are as a person and you're literally just depleted and the wage gap too and the what the wage gap too too on top of all that and hillary clinton not winning president oh my god don't don't even bring that i'm like actually not kidding i the pain i felt when trump won over hillary i'm like

Please guys vote. Please. I can't experience that again. I can't get so close to something hopeful and then watch Kamala lose and then be like, oh my God, guys, please. You know that video that got memed of that woman falling to her knees and scream crying? That's real. That's funny, but there was a part of me in 2016 that was like, I do feel that. That will be me in 2024 with Project 2025. Like literally.

I saw there was a comment on the last video that said, this is a very brave comment. Kai, men have daily hormone. Men have a daily hormonal cycle. Men have their periods every day. So like, whoa. Wait, actually. Yeah. I'm in my luteal phase right now. You know what? I think about that information. Yeah. What do you think about that? Put it in a book and sell it to somebody who gives a fuck. Damn. All right. That makes sense. Honestly, yeah, that is good information, though, because honestly, when I'm feeling like

Like not hanging out with the group. It's probably because I'm in my luteal phase. I wonder if our male periods are synced up. Ours are for sure synced. They are because sometimes we'll start texting like manically to each other. Like last night our periods synced up. We were freaking the fuck out. I wanted to fuck the alien. All right. Well. Oh, Drew Siop. Duh. And media. And media. This is the longest episode we've ever done.

Y'all keep calling me pussy, but y'all won't stick a dick in me. Oh, that was it.

BottomsB61 talking about who wants me, "Bitch the Lakers." That's from Ismokcrackoo. "I don't let Enya turn on the heated seats anymore. What you're not about to do is fry that fish in my car, especially with a yeast infection." -So stupid. -"Girls break up with their boyfriend and start exposing the most random shit. The fuck you mean he was twerking on the low?"

Weed. Oh, weed the best or whatever DJ Khaled was always saying. Amber. Y'all gotta stop letting dudes spit in you. Y'all gotta stop letting dudes you spit as lube. It's flu season. Old Corona Coochie.

Everyone is like, are you far left or are you far right? Bitch, I'm farting. Use that in your silly little edits, guys, as the first one. And then it's like culture is like geisty shit after that with like a Charlie XCX song that goes in the beginning.

Now you're directing it? And this is like fall girl vibes. Yeah. Fall girl video coming soon. Drew Moji coming soon. Inya and I getting married coming soon. Inya and I boxing coming soon. And new doppelganger video coming soon. Wow. My media is Alien Romulus and that's it. Also, no, actually I have really good media, but I shouldn't share that, right? What? I have to share that with Patreon.

Have you guys seen Janet Planet? Oh, yeah. Did you guys see Janet? No, but I wanted to watch it in theaters, but nobody wanted to get with me. It's good. It's really good. I mean, it's like it's it's one of I put it in the category of like perfect days where I'm like, this is one of the best boring movies I've ever seen. Was it like Florida Project vibes almost? No, it's like very introspective. You're basically like watching like a kid in the 90s, like live their life. And then I'm like,

The 90s is like a time period that we were all born in. I had no experience of the 90s at all. Oh, yeah. You were born in way after 9-11. Yeah. Yeah, he was born in 2004. Oh, right, right, right. Janet Planet's good. It is really good. It's boring as fuck, but it's good. Shut the fuck up. I'm dead serious. It's 2008 now? Yeah, I was born in 2008, bitch. I'm 16. You're still 16? Yes.

I feel like you're just moving your birth date like further. And I feel like you're being a bitch right now. Oh, shit. Well, I'll watch that because I've been wanting to watch that. My songs are coming back to me. Jefferson Airplane.

Where There Is Love, Patrice Ruchin, and been listening to Sabrina Carpenter. - Yeah, she's the girl. - Yes! - Sabrina Carpenter, I saw a video of her. She's very down to earth. Her and that chicken shop interview, I was like, oh, she gets it. - She's cunty. - She's funny. - She's like tap the fuck in. She knows stand culture. She's the girl. And then also I saw a video of her on the street. And this TikTok livestream influencer had no idea who she was and the way she handled that situation.

was so down to earth and humble. And I was like, she's my pop girl. She's my pop girl. I love that this has been a summer of the pop girls. I'm very invested. Let's keep it going for the fall and winter and just, yeah, keep making music and keep performing.

overwork yourself you should burn yourself out no literally wait who's the next pop girl like why do i i'm not even joking why do i low-key feel like it's you and yeah no like in three years you might be a pop girl no i genuinely think that the thing is like i've said this on the podcast before and like the music i would want to make y'all would be like boom boom y'all would start tomato heckling me well oh

Yeah, I don't know that they love and respect the song. I mean, they're blasting that shit in the car, and that's a very rare thing. Yeah, I have some people who like the song. A lot. Which one? Inez. The remix. Oh, the Charlie one? Like unironically listening to it. I'll tell you after, it's so stupid. But yeah, maybe one day. One day. I have to get my painting down. I'm working on painting right now.

One day. See, I could do like a Daniel Johnston thing. Because you're fucking crazy. No, because I have a good... The fact that he crashed a plane with his dad is insane. Two hours.

Did y'all know that? Yeah, like his dad knew how to fly like private planes, like small planes. And his dad went to pick him up at one point and Daniel made the plane crash. So they were in a plane crash together. Was he trying to kill them? Yeah, he was trying to like kill them. Oh yeah, don't get in a fucking plane with me because that sounds just like my vibe. Also, I'm not even being funny. I think it was my colon spasming.

I think like it was. Oh my God. We just gave Drew another thing. No, no, no. I just can feel it. Like there's moments in my life. My legs are still shaking. Yeah. I'm like. Drew.

- No, wait, no, no, no, no. There are moments in my life where my colon is so full of shit that I can literally see it physically protruding out of my stomach. And what hurts is that exactly. - Oh, so you are the thing with the-- - No, you can literally feel it. When I'm not flexing, like if you wanted to, you could feel my colon from the inside, like right there.

I can feel it right now. I felt your calling from the inside. Yeah, of course. Period. Thanks for listening, guys.