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Like my new favorite song right now. Rolling, rolling, rolling.
rolling rolling dude your tiktok feed is so insane yesterday was one of the first times you were sitting next to me and i wasn't on tiktok but you were and i was listening to everything on your timeline and it was genuinely freaking me out it's like mostly a different world it's mostly basketball and then it's just very normal content in between that sometimes unless it was just like
It was an off day. Yeah. I have like a problem on TikTok where I like every single fucking video that I see. I know. Drew's likes every day he has like 40 new likes. Yeah. So like it's not curated at all. But I interact with content I want to see more on my feed just so the algorithm knows, oh, he likes this. Let's put more in front of him.
Oh, you would know a lot about curating your algorithm on TikTok. Oh. Oh, my God. Should I talk about the TikTok I saw that literally... Wait, I have to look up. I wish I saved the TikTok itself, but you know that guy, what's his name? Christian Walker? I saw a TikTok from Christian Walker, which is crazy that we've also seen the timeline of him going from crazy conservative to...
far left feminism like all inclusive feminism talk on tiktok it's so insane i think he's like advanced like trisha paytas like i think he like like obviously he played it he played the game yeah he he knew what he was doing most of the time um but like obviously that does not
like make anything he was saying better but i think he's making up for all of his damages to society he's righting his wrongs yeah yeah but i saw a tiktok of him replying to this guy i'm sorry but why is there literally green sludge coming out of my mic right now it's from your
stinky ass breath. Ew, motherfucker. There's literally green sludge oozing out of my mic. You know what's even gross for like grosser than anything is when that thing pop. I think that's been sitting on there forever. So that's where our black mold is coming from. Ew. That's why I have a fucking raging migraine right now. It's because the rotten watermelon kombucha. I know why we have migraines right now. We'll get into that next. We'll talk about that later. Um,
But he was talking about this dude who made a TikTok in reference to wanting real women back. Like, men don't want... Oh, it was a conversation about how women are saying that men now just want a mother. They don't want a girlfriend. They want somebody to replace their mother. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And...
Christian Walker quoted it. Period. And was going in on... Oh. That's literally tea. Like, you want a mother? Mommy. Mommy. I hate that. I want mama. I like that. Of course, bro. Like, that's like... We could have all guessed that. But basically, he's talking about men and like how men aren't real men these days. And then he says the term addicted to corn. And I was high when I heard that. And I was like, oh, wow.
oh wow i guess like we are addicted to corn like corn like we're eating chips always eating chips always eating red 40 like yeah wow and then i was like weird thing to point out like a diet but okay it's like addicted to corn and following 3 000 other women on instagram and i was like whoa what a weird jump like corn to instagram like okay i guess i get that but the more i watched it was like oh
oh, he's saying corn instead of porn because of like how people on TikTok try to avoid words like suicide, kill, whatever. Unalive yourself. We all three need to unalive ourselves in a pact. Yeah.
I hate that term. I hate it. In my head, I'm like... Literally just say kill yourself. The AI has to be a little smarter than we think. Like, why do we actually think saying unalive is going under the rug versus suicide? Yeah. But, how does that people aren't brave like me? Like, I told you all the time. I'm like, kill yourself. I fucking hate you. Yeah, and it's really scary and it puts me in a really dark place a lot of the time. And I'm going to keep doing it until I get what I want.
oh my god but i love you i love you hey did you finish um but no it was that was kind of it it was literally just i am actually fucking dumb as hell because i went to drew's room and i didn't realize until i got in drew's bed and i was about to tell him and talk about christian walker and then i was thinking about i was like why was he saying corn though and then i realized it was
We cracked the fuck up. We've been like snuggling in my bed a lot recently. Like unironically, you just like cruise over there because I don't show my face for 14 hours and you're like, wait, where's Drew? And then you come in my room and I'm just laying in bed on some device and
I'm not using the Apple Vision Pro as much as y'all fucking think I am. I watched one movie on it and it was like, oh, he's trapped in there. No, I used it what it was for. It died very quickly and I put it away. But I did. Kai got a video of me. That's kind of embarrassing. We'll insert it now. What are you watching right now? What? What are you watching? Dude, I'm watching the football players. No, you're not. You're watching something else. They have to go against themselves. The pressure.
Drew, that sounds like fucking gay porn. Okay, dudes dog-pounding themselves? Like, it's the straightest thing ever. Hold on. Are you in your shirt? You want me to put that on? Yeah, I don't mind. It was just like I was watching the game...
On the TV, but I also had another football game of men, like, tackling. And that's why you hear all the grunts. Like, it's not because, like, oh, like, what? Like, I'm not watching gay porn. Like, I literally, I, like, was watching football. And that's, like... What the fuck is gay porn? Football is, like, homosexual in itself. Porn is for everybody. Y'all have to take everything. So, I don't know, like, literally, like, what...
going on at the end and like no corn is for everybody like first you take the like rainbow now you're taking corn from us like why are you taking what am i supposed to eat um but we me and inya woke up with the raging migraines today um and like we won't get into too many details because i don't want people to think this is okay behavior and i don't want to be a bad influence yeah um but
Halfway through the Super Bowl yesterday, which Go Chiefs, shout out to Chiefs, movie, was so happy that they won. Actually, I literally don't give a fuck. But it was fun rooting for a team that everybody hated. Everyone was like, fuck them. I hope they lose. Also, Patrick Mahomes, I'm not even going to get into it.
I was just going to say, Patrick Mahomes is top three. Yeah, literally top three quarterback of all time. And he's like only like five years into his career. It's crazy he's 15. I know. It's really fucked up.
How old do you have to be to play football? It's actually, I think you have to be 21. Like, you have to play three years of college. 21. 21. Which I just found out, like, a couple months ago. But I could be lying. But, like, in basketball, you can... You used to be able to just go from fucking high school to the NBA. But they made it so you have to play, like... You have to be 19. So you have to play, like, collegiate ball, prep ball, basketball.
whatever um but yeah the 21 they make sense so when they win the game they can all get naked and spray champion all over each other i was just thinking about that like imagine being a reporter um in the locker room after like a game like and all of these dudes are just getting butt ass naked in front of you and it's just like literally they don't care like you're not supposed to care but like i'd be like thank god i'm wearing my ray-ban a snapchat glasses
right now no I'm like thank god I'm wearing my skims bodysuit because my boner would be showing everywhere my compression shorts Drew is googling Travis Kelsey bulge during the game
Well, I was trying to make a point. I was like, that's crazy to go after your ex's new man like that. Like, that's so weird. Like minority report in the Apple vision. He was like blowing it up with his hands. No, let me let me defend myself. I was saying it's crazy that they don't wear cups. And I could tell that they don't wear cups because you can see their full cock and ball outline. I know. Look like they're smuggling grapes out there. Little baby acorns.
I was like jumping around. I was like, oh, oh, my God. Oh, wow. And that's why I'm like, oh, football's gay as fuck, because, you know, these men see that and they just act like they don't see that. Like there's cock and balls flailing around as they're piling on to each other. So this thing might be happening that I do often when I see like two close best friends, when they're like all over each other, like two best friends. I'm like, that is such weird behavior like that. Like you're literally gay. Me and Orion don't do that. And then I realize, oh, me and Orion are like.
kind of gay so that's why we don't do that so you're doing that with football right now you're like how are you not looking and it's literally kai can't look me in the eyes today i don't know what happened because i don't know you have like this aura aura mysterious aura i can't whoa what the fuck like you said i can i'm gonna enter my mister mysterious aura arc
Like I'm going to like shut down and no one's going to know what I'm up to or where I'm going. And I'm just going to be like this being that everybody prays. I'm going to be a false idol. That would mean you would have to leave the house. No, no. Where are you going to go? Exact opposite. I lock myself inside. You already do that. You are.
You already are a mysterious aura. I'm mysterious. Every time I'm outside, I'm like, where's Drew? I'm like, he's at home. And people always ask that. He's at home. And they keep asking. But notice how people ask, where's Drew? It's because I'm wanted and I'm a great person to be around. People want me in their life. But, you know, I have to take time to myself because I don't want to spread myself too thin. And I just want to like...
um have these like intimate moments with myself i wish i could have a spotify wrapped of how much time you spent sinking in your mattress yeah no if you look at my mattress there's a pit it's a it's a full jury stays home so much because he has his bed sores he he can't let them heal i know yeah he needs to make sure he's working on those bed sores nasty little bed sores the day i do get a bed sore i will leave the house but until then i'm staying here i'm not fucking leaving
Whoa. Wolf of Wall Street? I've never seen that. That's for straight guys. Yeah, that's for guys. That movie's for boys. That movie fucking rules. Yeah. It's up there. American Psycho. Oh, shit. I've seen that. I feel like I'm in. Oh, my God.
Yeah, I was gonna say you better. Are you serious? No, no. It wasn't that wet. No, your hands actually haven't been soggy at all recently. They've been a little bit. I swear to God, Kai, I like dabbed you up like four times yesterday and I was like nodding. Oh, yeah. And I was literally like, oh, he like got carpe diem or whatever on his fucking hands. Yeah. Carpe diem. Dude, I don't think it's called carpe diem. Live and let live. Carpe diem means seize the dick, right? Oh, my God. Yeah.
You guys, like, actually need fucking help.
Or she's the day. Yeah, that was a Freudian slip. Freudian slip there. Okay, so this is something that's been heavy on my mind recently. We didn't even say what happened during that. We've gone so far off track. Well, in the middle of the Super Bowl, we'll bleep it. Or do we? I don't know. I think we blur and bleep and let people decide what we decided to do. In the middle of the Super Bowl, we were like, okay, we're going to...
If the Chiefs win. Because mind you, we've had access to this thing for two months, but me and Drew, because I do think there is this idea online because of the way we talk about
Yeah.
maybe not yeah we're gonna do that like let's do it it's kind of scary I don't wanna do that and we both said that we would do it if the Chiefs won with the idea that they were gonna lose because it was before the second half so we were like oh yeah if they win we'll definitely do that tonight like that's the guys I'm just gonna spoil it it's black tar heroin oh my god don't tell them that shit it was really good though it's good content yeah like
we have to bleep that you can't just tell people we do heroin like also um I okay anyways chiefs one um
Well, we were sipping. I shot a little vlog of us creating it and making the concoction. And it was such a little vibe and it was so fun. That was the most fun part was like getting ready to do it. But all of us were really scared because Drew did, he does like extra research about everything. And he found a Reddit link of somebody saying that,
It could possibly make you nauseous because now they've changed formulas to avoid people using it recreationally. It's like acetaminophen and hydrocodone. There's five times the amount of acetaminophen inside of a hydrocodone pill because if you take a lot of acetaminophen, it's going to melt your fucking liver.
It's the same idea with this. There's another component inside of it that makes you extremely nauseous to exactly like what you said. So we kind of like we're like chickening out. There were some other factors that were like we were like, I don't think we should do this. But anyways, we made it. We did the damn thing. It was such a little vibe. We
Drank it and absolutely felt nothing. Like, it was horrible. It was boring. We were trying to convince ourselves. And then...
I started getting like a raging migraine. I was like, what the fuck is going on with my like head right now? And I even went to the bed or went to bed and got my like Theragun and was putting it on my temples and on my, the back of my head, which I had just found out that like there's a higher stroke rate recently because people are using Theraguns on their neck and causing fucking blood clots in their aorta or whatever the fuck.
and I did it anyways because I was in so much pain, and then I just, like, knocked the fuck out, had a great sleep, woke up, and my brain still feels like it's on fire, so I think I caused permanent damage. Yeah, I have the worst headache of my goddamn life right now. Yeah, but yeah, we were... But it was such a vibe because we were watching the best stuff we've watched in a long fucking time. We were watching robot fights and school bus races and derbies. Car demolition. And car demolitions and car jumps. Yeah. And I...
I need to go to a car demolition show, like a derby show so bad. I need to go to a car launch. We were watching cars get launched off of a mountain and a bunch of people stand. I drove past one one time. I was like driving on my road trip from California to Texas and we drove through or fucking Idaho to Texas, actually. And we drove through Colorado and there was this big mountain with like a
pile of like skeletons of cars and like there were a bunch of them and we asked the gas station attendant they're like yeah they do the car launch and we were like what the fuck is a car launch and they were like oh we drive cars off the cliff and I was like what do you mean this is like the most insane thing ever we'll insert a clip so you can see
But they literally launch cars off of the side of a fucking mountain. It's so beautiful. It is literally beautiful. Yeah. Like it's pretty as fuck. And then BattleBots iconic. Like if you know, you know, I'm not even going to give you a little taste of that. I was way too into that last night. Like I was the last ones left standing watching it on the TV. It was so fucking cool. And I wish I had any...
sliver of intelligence to make a robot to fight. It's like a lifetime passion. I wish I had something like that that I was just like,
Like wanted to hone this craft and I was addicted to it. And it was one thing that I was really fucking great at. But instead, I'm great at a lot of different things. So it's like kind of hard. Yeah, you're kind of like a jack off all trades. Yeah. Jack off? He said jack off. That's what the term. Jack off all trades. No, jack of all trades. No. You guys are thinking of like penis stuff again. I don't think so.
I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore. And you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste.
Like we're right. I think it is jack of all trades, Kai. What? Yeah, jack off all trades. Why would you fucking say jack off of all crades? Of all crades. Oh my God. I literally like, I think I've stroked out like, and I think I have like a slow brain bleed. Like in my cerebellum or some shit. Like whatever controls your speech because like the amount of words that I've been getting mixed up the last like three or four months has been horrifying. It's been really scary. It's because you need to read a book.
I read articles on my phone. The articles that are TikToks. TikToks are people relaying articles. Just screen TikToks. No, work smarter, not harder challenge. I guess realistically, our parents would be... I'm sure our parents did the same thing and would lie and say, oh yeah, I saw that in an article when they meant they watched the fucking news. How do you learn information? I'm not even going to get into it. I have a whole spiel about that. I don't want to...
Did you see the letter from the IRS? No, don't. Why are you bringing that up? I didn't see it. Okay, we'll just move on. What the fuck? That's what I'm saying. Why are you bringing that up right now? Do y'all know about the glitter mystery? The glitter mystery? What the fuck are you talking about? It's a big conspiracy. It's lit. It's a fun one. It's like when you get glitter everywhere and then never... Glitters is the herpes of the craft world. And you're never getting rid of that.
The glitter mystery. Shall we get into it? Okay. So I feel like it was like five or six years ago. There was a New York Times article on glitter.
Oh, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, the interviewer said or asked what the biggest market for glitter is. And the person at this glitter company, Mega Glitter Corp, literally almost instantly was like, no, I absolutely cannot talk about that. Like, I'm not talking about our biggest buyer. She pushed back and like... Because it's fucking T-Mobile. But she like pushed back and the person was like, but you know what it is.
And she said, oh, God, yes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm literally so stupid. I should have done my research. You're smart. Thank you, Kai. But basically, the girl said, you know what it is.
But you'd never ever be able to guess what our glitter is in. You'd never ever, ever know. And then this sparked this huge conversation. They were like, what the fuck is glitter in? People were saying it was obvious ones like boat paint and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. People were saying, oh, maybe they put it in resort beaches to make the sand more glittery or maybe...
maybe for some reason they're putting it in our water supply and we just can't see it to make it more sparkly, like whatever it is. And people were just like guessing like crazy, like toothpaste, money, construction materials, like concrete, shit like that. Well, something popped up on my Instagram
for you page recently and I fear it is what the glitter is used for and it's military application duh would make sense but it's called I think it's chafe or chaff c-h-a-f-f
Y'all listen to what this shit is. So DFW's like weather page posted this like radar, like weather radar. And there was like this big mass over LA and it was like this long or over Fort Worth. And it was like this long line and it looked like light rain. And they posted like, you might've seen this on the time or on your radar today, but it's not rain. It's chaff.
or chafe or whatever the fuck it is, or however you say it, is literally microplastics, fiberglass, and aluminum that the military drops out of planes to cover up the planes on the radar. So like they're dropping fiberglass all over the world. And then I was like, wait, what the fuck? Like what is fiberglass? And everyone was like, wait, they're dropping fiberglass all over Fort Worth. And it was like a big piece of the radar. Like it's a large,
long fucking line. Like this is like Granbury all the way over to like fucking Cleburne. Like it's a long line. And then the, uh, weather channel like saw the backlash and they were like, we've seen a lot of concern about our comments regarding chaff over DFW the other day. We want to report on what we know and can confirm what we mentioned in our posts as forecasters. We don't typically, um, or personally know more information on the impact on wildlife, water and people. Um,
Weather radar representation is more our thing. We would love to answer some of your concerns. And basically, they were like, the research on its effect on humans, nature, wildlife is very limited. And they kind of just are like, oh, like, it should be fine. Like, that's it. But they're dropping fiberglass out of the fucking sky. Yeah, I'm like, in my head, how could dropping fiberglass on humans be fine? Literally, literally. Has it been...
In use for a long time. Yes. I like went to this other website. And it was saying. Oh then maybe we're fiberglass prone. Yeah literally. But I went to this other website. And it's like something from like the fucking 80s. 70s or 80s. That they've just been doing all the time. Which I'm also like. Girls stop doing that. We have like technology that.
you don't need to drop fiberglass out of the sky as a military exercise to hide a fucking plane. Like who cares? The same LEDs that we have on the sphere in Las Vegas and put it under the plane and have it be the sky. Like, hello guys. I literally, hello. Hello. But yeah, I just like went on like a crazy deep dive. And basically now I believe that that is where all the glitter is going. I'm, I'm done.
I'm serious. I'm so tired of this shit. I'm so tired of it being like, oh, there's a pedophile island. And then being like, no, there's not. And then there is a pedophile island. And then it's like, oh, there's chemtrails. And then it's like, there are chemtrails.
And then fucking Biden posted the photo. Dude, dude. With the laser eyes saying, I am a lizard or whatever the fuck it says. I thought he was hacked. I literally could not actually believe that photo. It says just like we drew it. Wait, hold on. I think it's real. Joe Biden said my fucking name. Keep my name out of your fucking mouth.
you lizard person. I don't trust you with your laser beam eyes. Actually, I'm actually going to get my lawyer on this. Like, this is crazy. So, your name also can be used as like a verb. And I don't think he means that. Yeah, because it's cool. Like, I'm cool. Oh,
Also, this shit flopped. They thought this shit was going to break the fucking internet. No, it only has 895,000. It has less than a million likes. It didn't get a million likes. Joe Biden's IG post didn't get a million likes. He's literally flopping. 86% of America was like, he's too old to be fit for president. 86%.
Everyone thinks he is. He's 130 years old. Isn't he like 82, 83? He's like 74, maybe. He looks 82. It's elder abused.
Oh, he's 81. Yeah. Imagine he won. He'd be 80 fucking five. All 85 year olds that I know are literally withering away and turning to dust. All 85 year olds I see are on TikTok and it's somebody recording them and it's like the saddest video I'm about to see in my whole life. Exactly. It's like Alzheimer dementia. Dude, that's crazy that the president of the United States could be three times the age of hell.
the oldest you got in like the 20s was. Yeah. Wait, what is like, why do you have to be 300 years old to run for president? Isn't it like 65 or something like that? It might be. No, it's 40. Yeah, I thought it used to be 35. Yeah.
Okay, why are 40-year-olds not fucking running? My friend was talking about this and he thinks it's... You have to be 35. You could be a twink. Damn, not me knowing more about y'all than y'all about politics and whatnot right now. Why am I on the up and up? I don't give a fuck. I mean, like, literally, like, what's the point? So true. Ironically, two sides of the same coin. They're both evil. My friend was basically saying that, like,
the cabal of 70 year old white people just want to like hold on to this did you fart into the mic no yeah he did and it smells it was like a wet fart it wasn't oh that's gross well i'm not gonna finish what i was gonna say because the cabal of wet and i can taste it oh he's basically saying like there's like 70 year old white people that like have all this money and power and they're like
They just refuse to give it up. So like they won't let Gavin Newsom run because he's of a different generation. Like it's a big enough generational divide that he would actually have like actually different ideas. Yeah. I can't wait for those fuckers to die. I think it also is like the whole game of it is you have to be in politics for so long for anybody to take you serious. And then by the time they take you serious, you're fucking Hagerty and dying.
I can't wait for the wealth transfer. The wealth transfer is going to be crazy. It's going to be a movie. But what's going to happen to me? You're going to be up. It's going to be up and it's stuck. Are you saying that I'm not a part of the 1% right now? Because you would be lying. Like, seriously, guys. You guys are rich as hell. You are not a part of the 1% babe. Okay, but what you are a part of is a new conspiracy that I'm forming on you. How? On me? Yes, because I saw a video of you on my feed and
Oh, this is great. I know what video you're talking about. It was scary. And I've been saying, I think you're a plant in my life. You're a cyborg. You're like this NPC or something. And this video proved it for me. I'm not kidding. Is this what you showed Kai at lunch yesterday? This is insane. I've seen this. Look at your eyes. Watch your eyes. Watch your eyes, everybody. I actually watched the main episode and we thought it'd be fun. Yeah.
The top comment was she had to take a peek at Drew. I saw someone was like, guys, is this mean? No, her eyes are not like that. It was just like data glitching or something. But I thought it was so... I was crying in bed alone and I was like going to run over there to show you. But I decided just to drop it on you. I got tagged in that so much. I lost so many times. Okay, why was Terabite...
I was terrorized by waitstaff at a restaurant. I could not believe my eye. Girl, I got the whole squad laughing.
Keep going, bitch. I was terrorized at a restaurant. So our friend invited us to lunch and it was like the last rainy day in L.A. That's crucial for the story. And we went there and it was packed out the ass. Like I've never been in a more packed environment. And it was like an interesting order concept. Like you wait in this line and then
you wait to get a table and then you wait to sit down and get your food at the table. It was kind of inefficient, but I was like, whatever, it's packed. I'm not like really, I don't really care that much because I just feel bad for the workers because they're like fucking running around. Well, I order and Inya's ordering behind me, but I like am overwhelmed in this fucking tiny ass little space because I'm like,
It's too close. Too many people around. So I go wait by the door. The door is right here. I'm waiting right here. And the door can still open. People can still get in. I'm not in the way of anything. And then one of the workers comes up to me and she's like, oh, can you follow me and wait over here? And I was like, oh yeah, I'll do that. And she proceeds to open the door and then stand outside and like
It was fully pouring down rain. And it was freezing. It was freezing and pouring down rain. And she was like, can you wait right here? And I laughed. I literally, like, I actually laughed because I thought she was joking. Like, I couldn't believe it. And then she's like...
no, like, can you actually wait right here? Like, it's for the safety, like the door, like, and I was like, are you kidding me? And so I actually like, I did it anyways. And she was like, or you can wait under that umbrella. And it was like, it was like a giant garbage can, like an umbrella, like that was like, open, like a light pole and like a bench, like I couldn't fit over there. So thank God I brought my Apex twin umbrella. Hello. Yeah, I actually use it.
But I know you bitches want it. And I was on that shit. Never mind. Never mind. Like, I don't want it. No, you found out about Apex Twin because of the Fortnite skin that they just got. Yeah, yeah. And I got it. I opened my laptop, bought V-Bucks, bought that fucking skin, closed my laptop, and didn't play a single fucking game. And that's, like, it was so scary for me to do that. Like, I literally could not believe. I just, like...
spent money like that. Like, it felt so naughty. But anyways, I'm waiting outside literally in the rain. I know. I finished ordering and I turned to our friends. I was like, where's Drew? And all of us were confused because they were like, yeah, he's standing outside. And in my head, I was just like, oh, okay, maybe...
Because it's packed in here. He just wants to be outside. And then I go outside and Drew's literally standing there. He's like, dude, they literally fucking told me to stand outside. It was crazy. It was pouring down rain and freezing. And then the spot that I was standing in, two people went and stood there. And she literally was conversing with them and having a conversation with them and let them stand there. But she put me outside. I literally couldn't believe it. I've never, ever felt like...
this way in my life. I was like, so like, what the fuck? Like this, it was, it was so crazy. It was so crazy. And I almost went full Karen mode, but I was like, she's stressed. Like she's just doing her fucking job. She's not the one that told me to do this. 10 minutes later, I think realize,
that it was crazy to make somebody wait outside in the freezing cold during a flood watch. Yeah. But she came out and she's like, I'm so sorry. Like, we're going to get a table for you. It's okay. And you're just like, it's okay. It's okay. And you were like, sorry if I seemed upset or something, but like...
I'm fine. I like didn't really speak much when she came out there because I honestly was a little offended and upset. But then when I was inside the restaurant, I felt really bad and I went up to her and I was like, hey, by the way, like, I'm sorry if I seemed upset or like made you like anxious or something because I wasn't. And I know you're just doing your job and you're just stressed. And she's like, thank you so much for telling me that. And I was like,
See, all it takes is to like... Communication. Communicate. To communicate. To be fair, if I saw you in any establishment and it was raining outside, I'd be like, I need this man to stand in the rain. What the fuck? Why? You just give that energy. Like you don't deserve... Like I might have a bomb. Oh. I bring a bomb with me everywhere I go. Just in case. It's for safety measures. Yeah.
But yeah, that happened to me and I couldn't believe it. And it was a movie. Stuff like that doesn't happen to me because I'm so pretty. And people are just like, I would hate if she left. You literally are just a girl. People usually tell me to go outside when the weather is gorgeous. Yeah.
And they're like, wow, I want her to like... I want to see what she looks like in the direct sunlight. And then they'll tell me to stand outside, but they'll follow me and take a picture of me and then I'll go back inside. I was sexually profiled. And then they'll put the picture on the wall. I was sexually profiled. In that moment? When she told you to stand... I don't understand how that... She saw that I was...
presenting as a man and she put me out in that fucking ring wow well mother is mothering shut the fuck up shut the fuck up mother is mothering
- Dude, you have to be like so brave to yell that at the most silent concert ever. - I feel so bad for that girl. - Yeah, 'cause she's definitely under the age of 20. - Yeah, I felt so bad for her. Like I would be mortified. Like it's like bombing on stage at a standup. Like people thought like, or she thought people were gonna like-- - She thought people were gonna be like, "Yeah!" - But everyone turned on her. It was so dark. We'll insert that. - I have to post this again just because the crowd is so funny.
Um, video. Um... She was like, I'm about to be viral, but, like, for good reason. Yeah, shout out her. Shout out them. Um, fuck, I was gonna say something after that. Never mind. It's gone. It's gone forever. It's fucking over. Well, I had a very, very dark moment. Bitch, you always have a dark moment. Like...
What I did There's like times where you'll say something and I know you're gonna turn and look directly in my eyes Whenever you had a dark moment
Drew fucking flipped me off earlier. I don't know if anyone saw that, but I didn't see that. So I don't believe you. I didn't run this. And if it's on video, I still don't believe it because we're in a room and you're you're literally just being so self-absorbed thinking it's to you. It could be to anything in this. I was literally flipping off the birds outside. Exactly. I was flipping the bird. You looked directly at me and fucking flipped me off. I'll play it back in the camera. Okay. He was looking past you. You think people look at you? What? The camera's not recording.
bitch you're so annoying oh fuck you fuck you oh fuck all of you okay what's your dark moment like i don't even want to like it actually it actually is embarrassing unironically but it was it was really it was really dark it was so gross and i don't know if i want to say it because there's implications to this why don't you just say it i won't get into it say it we can cut it
I don't know if I want to. Can I say it? No. He's like farming engagement right now. Should I say it? It's like, I feel like I'm watching you post on IG and the caption is something normal, but then it's like, comment your color. Like at the end. Don't. No. I'm not going to. What do you guys think about this? Do you guys like Sundays? I'm not going to say it. Okay, then don't. We'll move on. We don't care, dude. We actually don't care. It like doesn't matter to us. Guys, I fell asleep in the Apple vision.
i fell asleep inside of it yeah you starting this episode by being like i do not use it as much as y'all think you're all tripping well i didn't i just used it for like 30 minutes before bed and i fucking fell asleep in it fully fucking clothed with all of the lights on screen time i'm sure that thing has screen time go get it and let's look at the screen time because it is much more than you think every time i have come home from being outside i guarantee it's not i go to drew's room and it is on his face how much do you think it is i have not gone
to your room and it hasn't been on your face. How much do you think it is? It has to easily be 20 hours. There's absolutely no way.
I'm just imagining Drew, like, opening his eyes from deep sleep and it's just 14 screens of Grindr. What's worse is he didn't even realize he fell asleep. He probably only told us this because I walked in on him. I went to go say something to him and he was literally turned over with it on his head and I was like, hello? Hello? Drew? And he was like, oh, no. And he tried to act like he wasn't sleeping also. He was like, oh, sorry, I was, um, yeah. And then he just, like,
And then he pulled it off. Dude, you admit it that it's dark. Y'all are bullying me. It was supposed to be funny. Oh my God. He has to put it on to check the screen. Oh, I didn't know the Apple logo showed when it turns on. That's kind of cunt. Okay, wait. Me when I'm a Cyclops. Oh, there it goes. Okay. We are. Let me screen record. I'm really a non-believer at the idea that everybody's going to have one of these eventually. Yeah. I don't think there's a way. There's not a way.
Damn. Saved by the bell. I guess I only do have four hours on here. There's no way because you've watched like three movies in that thing already. No, I bet I've literally only logged like max 12 hours and I would literally die on that hill.
I straight up think I, cause I've only had it since Monday. I've, and like the battery I've charged, I've gone like two full days without using it. I've never used it after the batteries died. I go and charge it and then I get on my phone. So, but I'm not saying that my screen time isn't atrocious, but yeah. All right. We're back. We're back and we're better. Do you have any topics you want to talk about?
you know what's crazy is my literally here are my topics oh yeah new game unlocked y'all new fucking game unlocked I can't even talk shit about Drew because I have clocked in over 20 hours at work though that's the difference is like I'm working Drew is just playing on his device I am putting in work like real hard work um
I found this new game via TikTok called Contraband Police. And I became, I haven't been addicted to a game other than Fortnite in so long. And I am fully back to it. I haven't let myself play it for like two days because within two days I clocked 20 hours of playing, which I wonder if it also clocks. 10 hours a day. Sometimes I would put it to sleep.
like in between but it doesn't make it any better because when Josie was over for 20 straight because when Josie was over we would switch between playing contraband police to fortnight and then back to contraband police like it was insane but also the best day I've had in a long time I love this game so much and I don't give a fuck it is so fun also it feels like a fun game because other than fortnight I feel like everybody can kind of play it and if
If it makes sense. Even if y'all aren't like controlling the controls. Yeah, no, we're like, don't forget this. Don't forget to check his registration. Oh, he is not allowed to go. And you send him right back to where he fucking came from. You are not coming in my country. Oh my God. Someone's going to clip that.
Out of context, emergency intercom. Drew says go back to your home country. But it's basically a game. It's basically what Drew just said. Me and Drew and Josie were cracking up because we were talking about the idea that there's definitely people from the U.S. who play this game who believe in border control in a crazy way. And they play this game to be like, yeah, exactly. That's exactly what I would fucking do. I would do it the right way. But it's such a funny game because...
It's so fucking stupid. Like you're just, I think it's in the middle of Russia or I'm not really sure where it's based. Um,
But you are literally that. You're Border Patrol and you have to check all these cars to see if they're smuggling in contraband. If all their papers are right, you approve or deny them. And you have to build out your unit and upgrade everything. And I have become so... It's literally like Sims with a job. That's what it feels like. And it is so fucking funny. And I love playing the game. And maybe I stream it, maybe I don't. But...
I actually played it for so long one day that by the time I went to bed, my body was experiencing like bitches who don't have a real job be like, whoo, this day drained me. Like, that's how I felt. Like, I was taking off my clothes to get in bed and I genuinely felt like I was taking off my uniform. Hard at work today. Today drained.
me it was a hard day too we got a bunch of wanted people and they pulled up on us twice we had to kill 40 people 30 45 people they pull up on you like crazy it's like literally you get attacked and then you have 120 bullets for literally like 800 people that you have to get rid of and it's such a fun game but i am so addicted to it and then i sit here and i wonder why my brain actually feels like a brain slushy pop up a rock in your mouth and make a brain slut sheet one i
I'm cooler than you. Two, I'm more fun. Three, I have more friends than you. We need to learn that and do it at karaoke. Yeah, literally. But yeah, that's one of my notes for this week is that's my update with my life is I played so much Contraband Police and watched a bunch of... Is it Casio or Queso? Queso. People say Queso? Yeah. I thought his name was Casio. No, it's Queso. Oh.
that makes sense that makes sense um casio was like a fucking piano brand isn't it yeah um
But, yeah, that's how I found the game. And I was like, oh, my God, this looks so fucking fun. Because I've just been trying to expand my video game usage other than Fortnite. But I played 30 seconds or 60 seconds reanimized, too, because of rain. So I've been expanding, guys. I've been expanding my lore. As if that's a good thing. What I should do is stop playing fucking games and start reading goddamn books. But I read, like, five pages of a book every time we're in the sauna. So...
I'm still reading and whatnot. I remember I used to literally get in bed and read before bed, but I was still really fucking depressed and wanted to kill myself. So, like, it doesn't fucking matter what I do. I can't escape the fear. Oh, my God. Wait. Okay. Last week, I said that Keith Urban died. What?
i actually meant toby keith but you can see how i got those switched up toby keith died yeah really yeah it's really sad keith urban though is like young fruitful i don't know i think he was like kind of old but yeah i just wanted to clear the air on that um also me and my landlord
Or flirting. We were flirting down. You guys actually were. I thought you were joking. I saw the text. You kind of roost her out her panties. I know. I'm trying to get our rent lowered like crazy. No, I fell asleep and I had a dream that my landlord was yelling at me and being really scary with me with money because...
It's always on my mind like paying rent because we don't have it set up automatically. And she always texts me on like the seventh day of the month and is like, Philip, where's rent money? And it was on my mind and I forgot to pay it before bed. And I guess it was just something I was thinking about a lot. Well, she was really scary and evil in the dream. Bless you. Thank you. And I hit her up.
And or she I'm sorry. So I woke up to a text from her saying, hi, Phillips G period morning reminder for February rent comma period. Today is oh two dash oh eight parentheses 24 period. And I said, I woke up first thing. She got an iPhone. Yeah, she's green now. I said, I woke up first thing this morning and started the transaction. We got busy over here and I forgot to send it earlier. Sorry. Sorry.
Also, I don't know if this is weird, but you were literally in my dream last night asking for rent. Ha ha ha ha ha. So I kind of planted the seed. I wanted to feel her vibe. And then she said, how's my face in you dream? Question mark. And I was like, oh shit, this is crazy. And I said, you were stunning. What? And then she responded back,
six minutes later and said, you make me laughing, crying laughing emoji, better than angry. And then...
how was the end of our conversation i just hearted it you need to hit her up today and be like how was your day well no i texted her i'm thinking of you i texted her because she called me at 9 30 at night that day she's trying to come over or something i don't know what the vibe is um and i texted her yet also our landlord i think is like 65 years old yeah um she texted me yesterday and said or i texted her at 3 30 yesterday and said hey i saw you called what's up she
She did not respond back. Damn. It's because her husband looked through her phone and was like, who is this? I broke up the relationship. Her husband who comes and fixes our drain every three days because this home is actually 800 years old. Falling apart. Was like, is that the person whose drain I've unclogged 18,000 times or what? Like, why are you talking to him like that? Exactly. They fixed our toilet a bunch because I don't know why.
Never mind, I'm not even going to get into it. But that toilet over there is perma running and then she hits me up and she's like, oh, like y'all's water bill is so high, like what's going on? And I tell her every time the toilet is running literally 24-7 and I can fix it so many times without getting fucking frostbite in my hand. And then I just give up because I'm like...
It just is... It's unfixable. Like, I can't fix it. It just needs to be a new toilet in there. And she came and fixed it and it worked for a couple months and then we had a bunch of friends over and that toilet was used a bunch and... Yeah. Sucks. Wow. But that is the vibe...
Drew's gonna have sex with the landlord. Yeah. It's only like the right thing to do now. I know. I think she deserves it. She's been like pretty decent. Actually, she kind of fucking sucks. She literally sucks. Well, we have so many broken things that are borderline
a hazard and we tell her and she just ignores us but that's a landlord's job a landlord's job is to take your money and ignore you and paint over bugs on the wall um but do you have a psyop corner no i don't surprisingly i did not collect any but i'm gonna go through my email and i'm gonna read the ones y'all submitted um i also made up another one true psyop corner
why are you saying you're singing it like it's church oh yeah i'm about to take y'all to church with this one okay this is from kelsey actually i don't know if i can say this one let me see bitches get 20 abortions and want their coochie eight bitch get that cemetery out of my face wow this is from mariana
Vibrator died, but thank God for this Amber Alert. Oh my God. That's pretty good. Oh, that tweet is by Iambremia. Iambrelarson. I can't believe Brie Larson said that. Dude, that is so fucking funny. Okay, this is from Marina? Mariana? Marina. Bitches be so embarrassed to say that they...
Oh my god, I literally can't read. Oh my god. Bitches be so embarrassed to say that they listen to Imagine Dragons music. Not me. Radioactive. Radioactive. And it's the shouting emoji.
this one's literally you like two episodes ago yeah this is ilia all he do is make you cry bitch you dating an onion oh my god the amber alert one was crazy that was crip that was really wild no i guess that's all i'm gonna give y'all i mean i have a lot more but i'm gonna say i'll just do one more
This is from Pedro. He says, here they say, why badass kids always smell like syrup? Damn, they sent a lot. Oh, oh my God. They sent a bunch. I'm locked in for the next two episodes. Shout out, Pedro. Bitches see you in public and just stare. Yes, bitch. It's me from the psych ward. So stupid.
What's crazy is even for media of the week, oh, actually, I watched Fifth Element. It was really good. Did you finish it? I have like 20 minutes left and I really need to see that. But I liked it. I just don't like sci-fi like that. I enjoyed...
Bruce and the hot girl. Both of them are so hot. And I want to have sex with both of them. Raw. At the same time. Yeah. Lilo. Hello, Lilo. We should go as Lilo and Bruce...
For Halloween. I really wanted to be Leeloo when I had orange hair and blonde eyebrows. I don't know if you remember that. I would say that. But I had never seen the movie. And I'm fucking annoying as if anybody would give a fuck or know that I haven't seen it. I was just like, I can't be a poser. Like, I shouldn't do that. But now I'll never be that again because here I go spending the money on a fucking, like, nice ass wig. Jean Paul Gaultier.
to like have that hair. Just dye your hair. I'm never dyeing my hair again, I don't think. Just dye it orange. You, let's dye your fucking- Okay, Ronald McDonald. Exactly. I was going to say that about your fucking bunk ass hair, bitch. Fuck you.
Yeah, that's my visual media. Oh, and then I started watching Jojo Rabbit again last night. And I love that movie. I'm going to finish it today. I can't watch that ever again. It'll make me cry too much. Oh my God. I love crying. I updated my letterboxd top four and put the fifth element up there. And I took about Fantastic Plastic Machine. Whoa. Fantastic Planet. Okay. I have been listening. I've been lesbianing. Um,
to all ambient music lately and I don't think anybody cares at all like I really I really don't think anybody cares about the ambient music I listen to so what I'm gonna do is bitch nevermind things in life Dennis Brown what a difference a day makes Dina Washington at last I am free Robert Robert Robert girl give me that WAP
Give me that sloppy wop. Echo's answer broadcast Moonchild, Shibamato, and...
We'll do Body Snatcher's Radiohead. The only song I'm going to give you all this week is You Get What You Give by New Radicals because this song makes me literally crack up because of me and Drew's connection to it. Like it literally, have we told you about this guy? No. We got like a script sent to us once that like they wanted both of us to read for it.
Because it was like in the script, there was like two friends and they were like, oh, that's perfect. We really want you guys. It was like a comedy movie that it never even got made. So we really actually don't know how the self tapes went. We just never heard back in the movie never got made. This was like two years ago. And we went and we auditioned for it together and leaving. We were playing that song and we were like, like, without saying a word to each other. Both of us. And then we were like,
our life is about to change we're about to be fucking movie stars like and we both felt it like so deeply I don't think either of us have ever felt that confident about anything we've done in our whole life I usually am so pessimistic I do everything I'm like this is gonna be bunk I don't give a fuck I have no joy because I'm so far depressed and like nothing makes me feel anything except video games and don't fucking touch me cause you always you say oh it's to comfort you and then you ask for my wop
Okay, but I want your WAP. And I want your WAP happy. No, my WAP is happy without you. That macaroni in a pot? Kai... You can't say that. We're gonna have to... We're gonna have to fucking... Can we please leave that? I got a big laugh on that. No, I'm saying we're gonna have to hook up later because she's not giving me her WAP and you're my sloppy seconds. You are the second choice, sis. I know. Why do I like it, though? Why do I like being like... Okay, sissa. Okay.
SOSB, someone help me. Are you saying that because of like the weekend? The song, The Weekend? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so stupid. Oh, my stomach is growling. I need food really bad, guys. Oh my god, you're big and greedy. You're just going to eat the whole menu. Your belly is asking for so much. I'm so hungry. I already had two kids meals for breakfast.
I had Taco Bell two nights in a row, guys. I am done, bye.
bad. In your defense, you did not eat enough Taco Bell for it to be bad for you. Actually, any amount of Taco Bell is bad for you, but it's so fucking good. I know. Literally a single bite of a Doritos Locos Taco burns the lining. The fourth layer of lining I have left. I have no more stomach lining left. Yeah. We didn't finish the song story. Oh yeah, but we listened to that song and we both thought, wow, this is our moment. And we didn't say anything to each other about it for like a week and we were like,
How did it even come up? It was like a month later. I brought it up and I played the song again. I was like, remember when we both sat here in dead silence with each other? Like looking out the window. Like next time I drive down the street, my life will be a whole lot different. And we're still in the fucking kitchen, bitch. But we cooking. Let us cook. That's actually why we do the podcast in the kitchen. Because we're constantly cooking.
And he we have like, I'm not kidding. I feel like it is visually obvious my brain deterioration through the two and a half years of doing this podcast. Your brain looks like the chair. Yeah. I come on here now and I have nothing. Come on. Where? Come on. What? You can come. Girls, you know, we can't like I've never done that. Like, it's not possible. I don't even know. Yeah. I don't even know a girl who's done that before. OK, good. Yeah.
Have you seen that? I think you can medically induce an orgasm on a woman, though. I heard. I don't know. I'm just like holding out for prayers. I was kind of like an ask. The hell? Well, right. Right. All right. Well, Kai, were you going to say something? Yeah. What's your media and your psyop? Oh, I was going to say that. Oh, my psyop is Drew's got that guy in him. Like Drew's got that dog in him, but it's a guy.
Like, am I being railed by a dude? Yeah.
I don't find that shit funny because I'm not gay. Totally. I don't either. Did you not see our IG post? We're literally dating. Like my IG post. We're dating. Oh. We were all over each other. Y'all got to cut that shit out also. All the incestual like... I know. Don't fucking... You can't comment that on brand posts. I posted a brand post and the comments are like, is it this weird he's a minor? I'm like, no!
That's an inside joke for us that we keep, all of us, y'all included. We keep that in the house. Yeah, we keep that in the kitchen in the comment section on YouTube. And we keep you in the kitchen because you're probably a girl. Yeah.
Got him. But shout out. Thanks for the support. That's actually why we can't take the podcast out of the kitchen because we would just have to find another kitchen for me to be in because it's the only place I'm allowed to be. Yeah. And you're like the only other place she's allowed to exist outside of the kitchen. And this is a very strict rule is the hallway on the way to your bedroom. Yeah. We had to move my PS5 to the bedroom.
going back to like 2014 like make me a sandwich humor it's my favorite and i like it's it's my new taste like i have two like just go-to jokes and it's like gay jokes and fucking um girl kitchen jokes and i cannot shake them they're like they're so permeating my brain like
Like gay jokes and being like fake offensive by saying things about women. I'd like it's my crutch. Some people's crutch is cursing though. Like some people's comedy crutch is saying fucking fucking but like in between everything. My crutch is calling Drew gay. And mine is saying get back to the kitchen. And mine is donating.
To charities. Why would that be funny though? Why is that your comedy crutch? It's not a comedy crutch. I'm just saying it's a crutch. You think it's funny some people need help? And you guys swear and I donate to charities. I don't swear. I've never sweared in my life. Bitch. My media of the week is Good Girl by Jockstrap and Greatest Hits by Jockstrap. That shit goes crazy. You could like a band called fucking Jockstrap. What was the last charity you donated to? What is it? It was something like The Bottom Factory. There was a bar.
That's not donating. That's paying for a service. That's paying for injury. Huh. Okay. Well, tomato, tomato, I guess. What? Oh, we were talking. That's not nice. Two friends can't talk? Yeah, but you're whispering. It's clearly like... You're literally trying to break us apart. You're so jealous of our connection. Include me. No. Please. Sis.
Since you're so... Oh, then donate to the I don't like my friends whispering company. Here it comes. I've been waiting for this. Oh. Oh. Oh. I forgot to clap. I thought you were going to. Oh. Drew just hates clapping because he hurts his hands every time he does that. It's like literally my brain couldn't do it. Drew, maybe one more. Ew. Ew. I think like...
Adding dialogue to it. You hurt me. That felt good. Ew. You're, like, good at that. Thank you. It's because it's real. You're actually, like, a voice actor. Thank you. All right, thank y'all so much for watching. God bless your souls. If I seemed off, it's literally because I had bacterial vaginosis.
Hey, we made sour bread dough in that oven. I've been BB free for years now. So guys, I'm up. I've been BB free for a long time. Why would a man be there? Hey, I'm going to lay your pipe. What is it? I don't know. I thought I'm going to fix you. All right, I'm done.