Manipulation tactics
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

Welcome back to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Oh, Drew, you said it wrong. It's like the good old days. It's like the good old days. Welcome back to Emergency Intercom.

I think while you do this episode, I'm just going to use my phone so that there, because I was thinking like, there's a lot of footage of me talking and being intertwined in conversation, but there's not enough footage of me just like ignoring people and using my phone. Committing a mass sitting. Committing a sitting and using my phone in front of people. But, okay. So I wanted to start this episode off by saying, I think I have Parkinson's or, so I'm like pre-diabetic, right? Or I think I have pre-diabetes, but I think I have pre...

pre-parkinson's um because my pointer finger has been shaking a lot lately okay um so no yeah no you you can't just keep thinking of things that you think you have and claiming to the public that you have them i think i need somebody to go through and do like a check of how many like different like

or medical issues you've claimed to have publicly? Because I'm not kidding. I think you've maybe surpassed 10. Black mold poisoning, Parkinson's, prediabetes. Prediabetes and you've claimed to have diabetes. Cancerous tumors. Yeah. Riddling my body. You also claimed that you were experiencing, was it when you lose oxygen? So you're like... Oh, hypoxia. Yeah, you claimed hypoxia. There's five.

I know there's more. There has to be more. No, but in all seriousness, my pointer finger has been shaking a bunch. And I've done some Google searches on it. You've done some research. And I think it's like muscle dystrophy from scrolling on my phone too much. And I'm not kidding because all of it was like, oh, it's like muscle overuse. Like it's like...

people's fingers shake sometimes if they like have like overuse of a muscle. Dude, you know what's crazy is sometimes I have two fingers on my hand after I hang out with your mom that literally won't stop shaking. Oh my God. Sometimes it's three if we're like feeling crazy, but it's usually just two. From what? Like y'all scroll, like y'all do some parallel play, like scrolling on a phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Five in the pink, five in the stink.

Oh my god. Isn't that- I set someone up for a slam dunk just now with some parallel play play where you say, oh yeah, me and your mom have been parallel all night long after I was fingering her and no one grabbed it. Why would we say that? Like the parallel play joke already existed on its own.

Yes, that is exactly what I was doing with your mother in bed. Well, that's what you were inferring, though. Should I show you the TikTok that actually freaked me the fuck out last night? No. Okay. Wow.

Well, you're going to do it anyway, so it's not like I have an option. Dude, this... Okay, so we all know that, like, there are couples online who dedicate themselves to making content for young people who are like, oh, I wish my parents didn't fight and they looked like this. Like, that's what iPhones were for. Actually, I've thought about this a lot. Like...

I feel like we all grew up in a generation where there was no parent vloggers. Like, there was two. There was, like, Shaytards. CTFXC. And Shaytards. But CTFXC didn't have kids, so it was kind of just, like, the Shaytards that you had to, like, watch. But other than that, obviously, there was always, like, TLC and all that stuff that showed parents. But the amount in which there was, like, an influx of, quote-unquote, like, awesome parents online, I think...

I think I would kill myself if I had to see this many parents who were like somehow so emotionally like morally sound. Does that make sense? Like I would be so jealous if I was growing up and I was like 13 and I was following Charlie D'Amelio and I had to see her parents all the time. Like I'd be like, damn, I guess you just have the best life ever. You dance, you sing, you fucking have parents that love you. She is literally living your seven year old's dream. Yeah. Like,

what but i will say my parents obviously loved me hello that's why i got half up that's why i have a podcast because my parents loved me so much oh fuck that's like a crazy reference so last night i was sitting on the couch um sorry i like am taking the spotlight that was a great transition and i just ruined it by saying that was a great transition and i'm still going

You can't like, you need to either make a transition. I'm literally so good at it most of the time. But sometimes I like to be like, that was a good transition. Your transitions in conversation are like when you were writing like your first essays and they would be like, and therefore. Like I thought you would start the last paragraph or like the next paragraph. Because you always go, and on that note. No.

No, you're not. You know what? You're right. You're right. And I will fix that, which is also something that a lot of really smart people do is when they're wrong, they change their mind. So you're right. I'm smart. So are you just saying that? But we were watching this video. I was watching this video on the couch.

And it was like legitimately one of the most devastating stories I've ever heard a human have to go through. And I do not know how she is surviving putting up and it's like life is so unfair and I feel so horrible for this woman because like, I won't get into the details 'cause it's not my fucking story to talk about, but it was just, it was such a dark, dark tragedy that struck her family and I feel so bad. But at the end of her story,

um uh this is a clip from like a random podcast yeah yeah she started getting like choked up she was like like getting obviously because she was reliving these horrible events like extreme grief yeah um and then she was on a podcast and the guy was like um do you need a moment and i was like oh respect like we can turn the cameras off i was like respect like

That's what you should do. Like she's crying. Like give her a moment. And she's like, no, no. It's like, honestly, like really great to talk about. And then the guys rebuttal to her horrifying story and was like, yeah, no, like I believe that. Like, that's why I have a podcast. Like she just sat here and was like,

had to witness the gnarliest shit any human ever has had to witness. And then she's going on to talk about... It somehow gets darker because she's like, yeah, no, it's good to talk about it because if I don't talk about it, I'm just sitting in my head thinking about it all the time. So that's a moment where you're like...

granted hard conversation to have to like talk to because like how do you relate to something like that and I feel like most people when they're talking about something hard like your instant thing is to relate and like when I lost my praying mantis it was like a really that's how you would relate it was really difficult and when my bug died yeah

But him going, yeah, and that's why I have a podcast, actually. Like, she's literally crying in front of me and he's like, and that's why I do the things I do. Like, that is so fucking crazy. Also, like,

Having a podcast, I don't know. Having a podcast where you just... It's like that guy who talks to people who are houseless and just puts them on camera. That's that same idea of like, yep, and that's why I do the good things I do for the world. I profit off of people's like... Yeah, it's really dark. But I eat that shit up, unfortunately. Unfortunately. But I don't know how I was talking about this, but basically, yeah, it's this couple...

It's also like military propaganda. And we're transitioning to another topic now. Okay. I don't need to go to bed early. We don't even need to eat dinner this early. We absolutely do. You're literally the sleepiest girl that I've ever met. It's 524. We need a bed. You need a bedtime. I do not need a bedtime. I am your elder, sir. You should be listening to me. I am wizened.

I actually can't keep watching this. Dude, it was really, really, really freaking me out. Like, this page. This page.

And we do this. Like, we're doing this one. I didn't even read it. I couldn't read it. It's my husband before and after I call him handsome. And it's like him just looking at her. And then, like, the same frame, but he's smiling. But I want to do that with your smile, you do. That's a genuine ass TikTok. Like, no, the thing is, what's freaking me out is I'm like...

Okay. Obviously, they have to have love for each other. There's no way they fucking... Like, in my head, I'm like, there's no way. I will never have something like that. So I'm, like, literally, like, I don't know what the problem is. I don't know. I've...

like i've been blessed to have very intense romantic and platonic relationships never once has it been this fucking deep like never once but maybe i'm missing something in life because never once have i found myself slipping into like absolute baby gibberish like delusion mama your mama nothing happens when you love someone yeah yeah i was watching that last night and it was dude

It made me feel so weird. It made me feel like I was like,

Locked in an airport bathroom, but I was too nervous to call for help. Well, I can do one better for you. I won't be able to find their profile. So actually, I won't be able to do one better for you. But there's like a very similar like, it's like a genre of content where they like, act like, like, it's like they saw the word like, oh, he has golden retriever energy. And they based an entire career and their entire relationship off that.

golden retriever energy. Like, do you think people who make content like that are happy? I don't think so. I think they like argue more than most people. It's like it becomes like a job. Like, I feel like Madeline and Steven do like a great job at like, that's what I was just about to say. But I didn't know if it was going to be like, inappropriate because I'm trying to find the words to describe it because I feel like there's that side of couple people

where it feels so forced and so catering to, like, very young people. But then there's, like, the other side where, like, there are couples who just film each other and they're, like, a funny couple or, like, they get into, like, little silly things. And sometimes they'll, like, plan little things for the camera. But, like, it never feels forced. But then I'm like, am I just biased because I actually know Steven and Madeline are actually happy? So in my head, I never see their content. I'm like, they fucking hate each other. I'm like, no, I know they, like, actually have, like, a really good relationship. Mm-hmm.

But then I see this and for some reason I'm like, oh, they hate each other. Like I'm like, they cannot love each other. But also maybe that's me projecting my like very scary ideas of relationships onto people and I should stop. Because people can be happy and make their content and their thousands of dollars off of microtrends. Love yourself. That's my story. That's what I got up to last night. Okay. So AI...

has gone too far or maybe it's just getting started because listen to this. People are predicting by the end of the year that AI will be able to translate and transcribe and transcode animal languages so we'll be able to communicate with animals. The thing is I don't believe that because how do we prove? Like literally how do we prove that? Like what?

It's all snake oil. Everything is snake oil. Nothing actually exists. It's not like it's Morse code. We don't have humans to translate it. It's just sounds and we're like, okay, when he does that, he usually does this. So I'm thinking he's saying that. What if you translate your dog's thoughts and it's just, I want back shots? That's what Shane Dawson did. He was like, I hear you.

I hear you. I can hear you. We were talking about Azul and we were like, it would suck so fucking bad to have this technology and you want to hear what your animal is saying and they're like, free me. I want out. I want out. I hate this. This is a prison. I want out. You're scaring me. I'm so scared. I don't actually love you. I only want food from you. I don't.

I've thought about that a lot because every time I go into my room and Azul is sitting in my bed, I'm like, oh my God, this is so awesome. I have this loving creature who's like literal only job is to love me. And I'm like, oh my God, humans are literally so fucking selfish because this is an animal that should be roaming free. And I'm like, thank God I get to hold you captive in my bedroom all fucking day. And I can ignore you when I want, but see you when I like want to. And it's so, so like,

um what's it called like it's only benefiting me but then when azul chases after me all night and yells at me to go to bed because he wants me to sleep because he wants to go to sleep i'm like that cat has to love me yeah no there's love there and i there's like this idea that um cats like domesticated humans like like yeah they they were able to do everything they wanted to do on their own and then they like stumbled into like

a fucking village one day and then like they were like oh we get like a free chicken carcass and we don't have to do shit and then like eventually over time like the cats domesticated slowly and slowly but so did the humans and we started like serving them and like it's like almost like a symbiotic relationship because like we get happiness and they get food

Yeah, they get to live. Have you ever read the theory that caffeine plants is like the true dominant organism on Earth? Caffeine plants? Yeah, like coffee. Yeah. Because we like put so much resources into and we like cut down forests. And like there's like, I don't know, millions of people that just like work on like coffee fields. And like if you look at the amount of resources, like it mostly is.

We are basically like... Exactly, yeah. Damn, that's crazy. Like, they won from, like, an evolutionary survival standpoint or something. It brainwashed us. That's so lit. Why did they add caffeine to Coke? It got us so good, we have shirts about it. Like, we literally have, like... Yeah, we got the mugs. We have, like, IG posts dedicated to it. Dude, it got me so good that I literally... Weed is fucked too. Weed too. I literally won't... That's true. I won't talk to somebody until I've had my coffee.

Oh, like literally, Inya is actually drinking her coffee right now so she can talk to somebody. She was so grumpy until she had that big cup. Big gulp. Big gulp slurpy straw. It actually is insane. I've thought about it so much. I've been drinking caffeine consistently since I was like 10. Yeah. I've spent more of my life with coffee in my system than I have without it. With water. Yeah.

And he doesn't drink water. She only drinks coffee. Bitch, you're speaking. The call is coming from inside the fucking house. Her pee is nuclear orange. Every time she goes to the bathroom, I just tell her, like, don't flush it. I just need to see it. And she leaves it in there and it's orange. He tried to make me look at his pee yesterday. Because it was the most clear it has ever been. And it was almost concerning how clear it is. It literally looked like I poured a cup of water into the toilet. And I was impressed with myself. I was like, come look at this. Like, this is a vibe. I'm going to do that next time I make a big stinky poop.

He's like, come look. I've actually almost done that before. Dude, yeah, you should next time because I'll take that poop out of the toilet and make like poop sushi. Like the poo-poo platter. It's like a gimbop but with poop.

- Is that gonna be your next waiter attack? Are you gonna ask for poop? - Yeah, we went to like a nice restaurant last night for Inya's sister's birthday. And I was trying to come up with a new Tom Holland burger, hold the fries or hold the spiders. Like I said, Aquaman, hold the aqua. I said Wednesday Adams, hold the cobwebs. But like I'm trying to think of another one. What did I say?

Can I get the poop sushi roll? What does Thanos collect? The jewels. Yeah, you should ask for the Thanos burger. Can I get the purple nurple Thanos burger? Hold the... Rhinestones? Infinity stones. Oh, Infinity stones. Yeah, there's a good one out there that's obscure enough, but also mainstream enough that people will know what I'm talking about. Can I get the gypsy rose burger? Hold the Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome sauce.

Yikes. Yeah, no, she's done. She's literally done. No one fucks with her anymore. It is so funny how quickly the internet turned on her. And there is validity to it all.

She did technically have someone kill someone, which is insane. But at the same time, you poke a bear, the bear is going to attack. And I don't know. But I saw some clips where it was like her talking in like an interview saying like, yeah, like when I would be talking, my mom would like grab me and like scream.

squish me to make me did that hurt yeah did I get that I felt it I felt like the attendant but she would like grab me and like have me stop talking and then like an interview came out recently with her husband where they were like in an interview and she went up and like

like squeezed his arm or squeeze his leg when he was talking about something she didn't want him to talk about and they were like damn dude like those values like you really are what raised you to a certain extent because like she's doing yeah she's literally doing the exact same thing but like obviously i don't think this man is like entrapped by a gypsy or scared that he can't leave but like

Gypsy even said it herself. She was like, I'm like a master manipulator. Like, I'm a liar. Like, I am like the best liar I know. Like, because she had to do it to survive, to grow up. So everyone was like, I mean, she's probably...

doing a little bit of that to us i mean she's also like dude that whole thing is just so insane and us talking about it makes me crack up because we're just like feeding into like the endless feed that is her but the whole thing i was watching i think i said it already on the podcast i was watching the lifetime thing and they were trying to turn it into some real housewives reality show shit where the husband was sitting down with the um

With her parents. Before she got out of jail. Before they got married. To like meet the parents before he married her. And right before that scene. They literally showed that. She. I think you've heard the clip where she tells her husband. That.

I just think you need to know I had a dream last night where my ex came back. Not the ex who's in jail, but, like, she had someone she was seeing while she was in jail before this guy. And she was like, yeah, my ex came back and I left you for him. And I was so happy in the dream. And then he was just like, why did... I don't know what to say to that. And she was like, I just thought you should know. And then there was, like, kind of silence. And he was like, when's the last time you talked to him? And she goes, three weeks ago. Oh.

What? You told me you haven't spoken to him for months. And she was like, no, three weeks ago. Oh, my God. What is up with... Oh, what were you going to say? I was just going to say, like, they are scary. Like, they're... I mean, every relationship, I'm sure, has its little qualms. God bless. But I don't know. It's so fucking weird. She should just not be in the public eye. And like you said, we're just feeding into it by talking about it. Yeah. Whatever. But she just needs...

literal like actual help like we should send her to iceland yeah she should come on the podcast yes because that's why we have a podcast yeah that's why we have a podcast to help people like her because people need to hear her story i think if people heard they would understand what is up with people in 2023 2024 um starting new relationships with people that look just like their family members like

Gypsy Rose husband or boyfriend or whatever they are looks like Dee Dee Blanchardiana. And then Frankie Grande or Ariana Grande is dating someone who looks just like her brother. Isn't that like the Freudian thing? Like there's a theory that a lot of people will just date someone who looks like a family member because it's like for comfort. Yeah.

So maybe they just need comfort. Or they never got the love from their father. Or maybe they really wanted to bang their family and they knew that it was illegal and they were like, I'm going to get mine. Like, regardless of how it has to go, I'm going to get mine. True. Personally. Your girlfriend looks a lot like you. Yeah. That girl Madeline? Girl what? That is my twin sister. Yeah. Oh, my bad. My bad.

What the hell? I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore. And you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste.

Technically, since it's your twin, it's like you'd be dating yourself, though. So you can get away with it. Y'all are crazy. And I'm sitting here thinking in my head, why do I look so much like Jacob Elordi? Like, I literally am his fucking twin. And like, no one's actually talking about it. Like, we look... Okay, like...

I'm the Beyonce of the group and I'm the Jacob Elordi of the group. Like, I just can't keep doing this. You maybe look like him if I had to go get my wisdom teeth removed, but I couldn't afford the anesthesia. So they gave me under the table like Xanax and Percocets and then they made me drive home. There's a chance that I would see you walking across the street and almost hit you and be like, oh my God, I almost just hit Jacob Elordi. Yes. And that sentiment may be...

And you remind me of a rotten back tooth in my mouth. What is that? Do I stink? Like, what is that?

Oh my God. Oh my God. Donald Trump. This is the craziest shit I've ever heard. And I don't know why not enough people are talking about this. And I'm being like 100% genuine. Like I'm being 100% serious. This is factual. But I was watching a video.

And like someone was like, oh, yeah, like Donald Trump has like a really like human smell, like he he smells like a person. And I was like, what the fuck does that mean? So then I looked online and I found like several videos of people in his posse, people that are really close to him, people who work for him, work with him. So they have like everything to lose by saying this and lying. People.

People who don't like him, people who are running against him in the election, all of them on separate occasions have said he stinks like shit. Like all of them, like in so many words are like Donald Trump smells bad, like smells like doody caca. And like, I don't understand why he's able to beat the stink allegations because like having a stink allegation is like one of the worst thing you'll never ever, ever live that down.

And for some reason, that's the allegation he beats. Like, I don't know. It's it is crazy to me that Donald Trump literally smells like fucking onion burger. Because like most people who fuck with Trump.

Donald Trump aren't like oh I hope I don't stink like that's not that's not something that's like in their forefront so they're probably like yeah he smells like a man he smells like how a man should smell like a man yeah boy I mean but even like people who don't like him don't talk about Donald Trump's body odor in the way that we should like that is like

Yeah, if I was running for president and I was at the last debate, I'd be like, and you stink. And see what he says. And you stink like shit. And you literally smell like shit. I could smell you from over here. It's literally rotting my brain. That's what people say. It's like an orb of stink that he travels with. Imagine riding in a fucking helicopter with him or on Air Force One. That whole bitch would fucking reek. Oh, it's like that.

There's that brand that makes like weird scents. That's like cigarettes and something. Cigarettes after sex scent. No, that's not a scent. That's a band. They make music. Your mom is my scent because I just like lay with her and she rubs her odor all over me. I wear your mom. But it's like that brand. So they should do a Donald Trump scent.

Yeah. And I would buy it because I would want to know. But somebody like we need to get Josie in a room with him because I bet Josie could pick up the notes. Josiah would break him down with a president who looks like he bathes in Cheeto dust. Yeah. If he wins again, what are we doing? Because that's why we have a podcast is to make things right. So if he wins again, what are we doing? January 6th insurrection. I'm starting it now. We're going to do it next year.

Wait, but no, the inauguration happens, like, I think at the end of January? No. No, it's November. No, that's the election, but the inauguration, like, when they go into the house. House of Commons. They literally do a housewarming party for the president. Yeah, did you see that Christmas party they, like, hosted? Yeah.

The White House? No. They invited a bunch of influencers. So weird. Literally so weird. If I got invited to the White House, actually, I would have to go. Like, I would have to go and I would make the worst content ever. I would be so loud. I'd be, like, hiding in the lockers or some shit. All you would hear the whole party is...

Like the starter sound for a TikTok, like the timer. Oh, yeah. That's what they were doing. But were they having to tag, like, thank you at Joe Biden? Literally, yes. Dude, if I just say thank you at Joe Biden, thank you at White House, such an honor. I love that. I love such an honor. Like, I love when people go into, it was such an honor. Like, girl, you got a sweater. It was my pleasure.

No, it's always your pleasure before my pleasure. Exactly. Well, I have a quote that I wanted to read and maybe it'll spark a conversation because it blew my fucking mind. And into the forest I go to lose my mind and find my soul. Well, into the forest I go to lose my mind and find my soul. Like, think about it.

like sometimes I really can't tell if you're being serious did that move you and if it did that's okay but I'm like actually curious no no no I did read it genuinely and I was like damn that's like literally so me coded because you go up to the mountains and find your soul but then you come back and you immediately get back on your phone the last time I went into the fucking mountains to find my soul I came back to find out my brother was fucking dead so the mountains are cursed to me

No, no. You can go back. Have I told that story? I think so. I think so. Hmm.

My trauma blocked it. I don't even remember it anymore. Why are you laughing? I'm being serious. I'm having a moment. Well, are you going to go into the forest and find your soul and then come back to return to like working on your phone or no? Yes. We need to actually like we need to take your phone away but not send you to the forest. We need to let you live a normal life without a phone. Yeah, that's true.

Because you always go to the force and yeah, you get three days no screen time. But then you come back and you have to like recharge with 18 hours straight. You know what I thought about? So I'm using my phone all the time, right? That's all the literal like I only use my Apple ecosystem, my phone, my iPad and my computer. And it tracks across all three of those, right? You...

use your phone for about like five and a half hours, six hours a day. Three hours of on top of that is Fortnite screen time.

So we're kind of on the same level with screen time. Okay, but like Fortnite's different because I play with friends. I talk to friends. I'm working on my hand-eye coordination. I'm messaging friends. I'm working on my hand-eye coordination by scrolling. I worked out this finger so much actually that I'm having like a muscle spasm constantly. No, no, no. It's different. No, it actually isn't. It really isn't. But I haven't been playing Fortnite as much. I've like kind of taken a step back. I don't know if you've noticed. Yeah, I have not.

I've been trying not to play it as much. That's one of my goals for this year is to like lessen my screen time specifically with Fortnite because I will get lost in it and I want to play it so bad. Like this morning, it was so hard to wake up and I'm not kidding. I was like, if only I could just wake up and play Fortnite for a few hours and then do the podcast, I'd be so good to go. Even though every time I play Fortnite for a few hours, it actually like

burns like it's like when somebody lights a fireplace and like the tips of their eyelashes get singed I feel like that happens to my brain like when I like play Fortnite for four hours straight I also lied I don't like playing with people I like playing alone like I hate playing with people they fucking suck no one's as good as me yep that's true that's true thank you well should I go into my rant about DMT trips and near death experiences

Uh, sure. Do you want to? So, people smoke DMT. I've never done it. I don't think I'll ever do it. I think it would psychologically break me. They describe this experience where they get sucked through this wormhole-esque thing, fucking thing for lack of a better word, and they...

quote-unquote break through to the other side. So they're like zooming through this like light tunnel where there's a fucking...

light at the end of the tunnel basically and then you like break through like breaking through like plastic or whatever um and then they make it to the other side and then they exist in this reality briefly where um it's like fractals and colors and it's it's unlike anything we've ever seen this is literally the plot of Coraline like actually yeah that's like how people describe it is like going through the tunnel of Coraline but they like are shot out of a rocket type shit um

cannonball cannonball um so they break through and they are in this like other reality like different dimension is how people describe it and like there's fractals and there's colors and there's paths and there's all this shit you can do and then there are these like beings some people describe them as goblins or something like that and like a lot of the time like

they go there they go to this other reality and these beings are like laughing at them they're like why the fuck are you here how the fuck did you get here you're not supposed to be here is it because I can tell they're not dead yeah or they're playing with them and they're like having fun or they're like berating them and they're

force a bad trip onto these people and then shortly after that they're like follow me they like go to these places with these people or goblins I've never done it so I can't visualize it but yeah and then they get sucked back into reality within like five minutes that all happens in five minutes yeah isn't that crazy DMT trips are like max ten minutes long are there people addicted to DMT I'm sure

But it's not like physically addictive, but I'm sure psychologically, like some people are like, I need to go back. I need to go back. But I think also like tolerance builds up like super, super fast. So, but yeah.

Anyways, so when people have near death experiences, every single one I've watched, there's like this YouTube series I've been watching recently, every single one is like, they describe to a T exactly what a DMT trip is. And I

And I don't know what that says. I'll let you draw your own conclusions. But they all describe the same thing where they like are dead for seven minutes. Like they flipped in a kayak and they were underwater for seven minutes and they were like pronounced dead. They were literally dead. And they went into this other dimension that was fractals and rainbows and colors and all this shit. And these are like admirable people like firemen and shit that have nothing to gain from it. Like from making this shit up. Like...

I saw one where like doctors accidentally overdosed him in a hospital and he like literally flatlined and died. His heart stopped, his brain stopped having activity and he was experiencing while he was dead, like very similar, um,

Like, things to how people describe DMT trips. And it kind of freaks me out a little bit because I'm like, what the fuck? And, like, the way DMT... What the fuck? The way DMT was, like, discovered makes no sense to, like...

like these people were just eating fucking roots like i don't know it just doesn't make sense like how did they figure that out i feel like it was like planted here almost and then there's like this idea that like when you die dmt is released in your brain i think that's been like proven i think that's confirmed yeah it like it wait it's confirmed i think i i feel like i looked it up and it was like yeah we did an mri scan of someone word releases like that chemical

So like there's this idea that when you die, like if DMT is released in your brain, the light tunnel you're going through is actually just a DMT trip. And you're like, don't go into the light. Don't go into the light. And it's like you go into the light and you like live in this afterlife dimension or something. I find peace in it. I'm just like such a pessimist. Like I do think that that happens. But when people all like specifically when people who seek out DMT and then tell that story, I'm like...

You're going to tell me you didn't watch 18 YouTube videos of that and then literally just, like, imagine it because you're just high and, like, that's what you were expecting. So, like, that's kind of what your brain gave to you. But obviously, I'm sure DMT is stronger than you being able to, like...

I'm going to go back to my dream that I was having. I'm going to take DMT to go back to the dream. Like, it's, like, stronger than that. But it's kind of like when people describe alien abductions and they're all the fucking same and they just so happen to seem exactly like a movie. I'm like, bro, we just grew up watching that shit, so that's what you think happened, but you were just having a psychotic episode. I was going to say there is, like, a theory that alien abductions are, like, people who are just experiencing, like, psychosis. Psychosis.

When you were saying that, because I've thought about that, it's almost like nature versus nurture when you do drugs. Is that because you've seen all this content? But I feel like what's interesting is before you could synthesize DMT, sacred geometry is in so many 10,000-year-old temples and shit. Golden ratio. Yeah, I feel like it's...

That's always been kind of interesting to me that you still see the stuff that's been like painted on stuff for like fucking 15,000 years. Yeah, since like humans gained consciousness. But it could literally just be like because it looks cool. And we were like, let's draw it. It looks cool. And then like our sacred 2000s baby's sacred geometry is the Superman ass. That's sacred geometry. They're going to like find that written on a notebook and be like,

what the fuck does this mean we have to decode this the xbox logo the sphere that turns up yeah yeah yeah like do kids still write on walls and bathrooms and stuff at school is that still a thing or do they all have like fucking cameras inside like shade rooms on like IG so they just write it there instead oh dear did y'all ever have anything written on the walls in the bathroom about you

Not about me, no, but there was shit on the walls. It would always be like when I'm in the middle of beef, somebody would do it. And I would always be like, you're a fucking pussy bitch. I never write on those fucking stinky ass walls. I know your fucking pen is dirty, bitch. Like we would just beef over it. But it would only happen like twice in middle school that somebody wrote about me on a wall. What was the other one? I don't remember. I just remember like I remember it was in a silver Sharpie because we had dark green pens.

Actually, in my dream, I saw kids from my school, but I can't remember the rest of it. They were just in my school uniform, and I was like, hello? Why are you wearing your uniform? You're literally 25. This is so weird. I never had anything written about me, but I had a lot of stuff written about my best friend who was struggling with fentanyl addiction. Her name was Rue, and they would write...

all the shit about her. Or is that euphoria? No. That might be euphoria. Oh my God, that actually just reminded me, there's a TikTok shop hoodie. Kai, that was lit. That was so lit. There's a TikTok shop hoodie that literally is like, no to fentanyl. And they're like, guys, like, come on.

like if we can buy if we can sell 100 of these we can end fentanyl poisoning i'm like you were literally so fucking conniving for just like profiting off of that like it's so weird also like making it like stylish like i like i think about like dare shirts and stuff obviously that's kind of like aligned in the same thing like the whole dare program is aligned in like

shaming people whatever it's like this whole weird narrative and then those shirts became popular but in my head i'm like when those shirts were made the people making them weren't like damn this is gonna sell on grails but the person making this like no to fentanyl shirt is like and sooner than later it'll be is it in like the playboy cardi swag where it's white with the black letters yes it's like all like opium coated and i'm like this is so fucking weird um no defense but i literally uh

looked at that because I wanted to see how many of them sold and then my whole TikTok feed was TikTok shop. Like, my whole fucking feed. I hate when that happens. Like, I'll check to literally check to see how many of the products sold because I'm, like, curious, like, about the landfill that is being created. And...

It always is either astronomically high, like 150,000 units sold or like four or zero.

And then, yeah, I go on and I get 3,000 ads next. But I click not interested on it. I've been getting ads for like women's clothing, which is like if anything, I should be getting ads for boys clothing because boys can't wear girl clothes. That's what I was going to say because like what are you going to do, wear a skirt? That would be weird. That wouldn't even make sense. I could never. I don't even think like a man's body lets that happen, right? I could never. And then we post like my last four IG pictures are me in a fucking dress for some reason.

Okay. I got a couple more things I want to talk about. I was going to talk about this con woman that stole over $100 million from the military and she's low-key an icon to me.

but it's kind of boring and long, but over like six years she stole a hundred million dollars. Like saying she was gonna like give this money to kids. It was like a nonprofit or some shit. And she bought like 31 fucking super cars and like all this like crazy, crazy shit. But I thought about it a little more and I was like, damn, that's literally what our Congress people do to us every single day. So that kind of made me sad.

But I do want to talk about me and you getting...

what were you gonna wait i was gonna say i wonder if once people do shit like that like there's so many stories of somebody who stole a bunch of money and then lived like a fucking ferris bueller ass day or like life for like a few months where they were like riding in supercars like being on yachts traveling like on emirates like all this crazy shit and then they get caught and put in jail do you think those people go to jail and they're like damn i should have just kept it chill and like

like taking it back and I didn't need to do all that or do you think they're in the mindset in which they're like that shit was fucking awesome like I don't regret it and I would do it again I think it's like a person to person like situation yeah like I'm sure this girl is like mortified that she stole all this money yeah because you also can't like it's not like you get out of jail and get to be normal

Bitches Google your name and it's like, bitch, fuck you. You stole $100 million. Imagine stealing $100 million. How the fuck did that go unnoticed? Which is also really fucking scary to me that like military spending is so loose that like

a hundred million dollars goes missing and they don't even notice can just go missing like and I'm pretty sure it was taxpayers money like like it's like mind blowing to me it's mind boggling how much money is in the fucking military industrial complex and it's

scary it's scary but what were you gonna say we what oh us almost hitting people with cars is that what you're gonna say yeah yeah yeah oh yeah um i shouldn't be allowed on the road i decided like i am literally okay i do want to clarify because i don't want anybody to hear this and think that i'm like some reckless driver who thinks it's funny to be reckless i'm i do not believe that i'm a reckless driver i'm

What I will say, though, is growing up in Miami and that driving style does not translate elsewhere. Like, I shouldn't be allowed to do the things I do on the road, which I'm sure I'm not allowed to do in Miami, but I never face any repercussions for it because Miami, to me, has the worst drivers on the fucking planet. Yeah.

And it's insane there. But I have realized, especially since I don't have a car, I am never driving the speed limit. I am always going above the speed limit to the point that when I'm in a car and somebody's driving the speed limit, it fucking pisses me off. And that shouldn't piss me off because in my head, I'm like, we're going so slow right now, but we're doing the legal like 35, 40 mile limit. I think like speed signs are a suggestion. You can go like three or four miles.

over okay thank you thank you yeah because that's why i usually know i usually hit like 30 above so if it's a 40 lane that's really i'll be doing 73 down like a suburban neighborhood that's like really not okay what why like going 30 miles over in a school zone they always have the the signs are like oh drive like your kids are here i don't have kids so you're doing exactly that i guess that's actually not funny i'm pretty sure that like vehicular accidents are now the top

killer of like people in the US like it's actually so crazy I think of children I need to become more cautious though because I literally anytime a human like

Is crossing the street. Okay. Here's my problem with cars. Is the part that keeps the windshield up. That is always what fucks me up. The blind spot is horrible. That blind spot is so fucked up. And in every car it's different. So like in your car. Since I just started driving it. The blind spot for me. Like I'm not looking at that. And I was cross. I was driving yesterday. With y'all in the car. And I was like.

Also, I was creeping very slowly because there was a van next to me that was blocking the sidewalk. But the guy behind me was on my ass. I was like, okay, I need to creep and start to make this right because this guy's about to honk at me and that's going to make me mad and I'm going to get out and slash all his tires and fucking rip his hair out. So I was like, let me start creeping into the...

And we start creeping into the intersection. I was moving so fucking slow. Like, I barely was moving. It was literally like she moved, like, two inches. Like, I barely moved. And this lady appeared out of nowhere. She was covered by the van and the blind spot. So she stopped in front of the car. She still had space. But she gave me... She had, like... It was, like, five feet. She was literally five feet away. Like, I was not close to her. And she just stops in front of the car. And literally, she was looking down. She goes...

And then just stood there and Drew's windows are not tinted like nearly enough. And I literally was like, "Bitch, fuck you!" Like, I hit me so fucking mad because I was like,

I was not gonna hit you. Like, I stopped the car the second I saw you. Yeah. I was not going to hit you. Also, like, if I was gonna hit you... Anytime. Like, if you were actually scared, bitch, you wouldn't have the time and, like, you would be in shock and be like, oh, my God, I almost just got hit. Not, like, looking at me like you're in a fucking movie. Anytime I've almost been hit by a car, like...

literally every single time it's probably happened to me like 15 20 25 times in my life just crossing an intersection in LA it's like just dangerous that is a fucking price you pay to live here is you might get hit by a car every single time you cross a road in every major city yeah um

But every time it happens to me, I literally like bust out laughing. And like, I'm like, oh, like, of course, it's an accident. You weren't trying to fucking run me over. And even if you did hit me crossing a crosswalk, like you're going five miles per hour. I will have a bruise on my leg at best, bitch. Like not that fucking deep.

And I just hate when people act like I was gonna like, bitch, if I was gonna do it, I would have done it. Yeah, literally. I hate when people are like, they feel so personally targeted. Like, I literally don't know you. Yeah, it cracks me up. And then a similar story is I was driving on new roads that I have never been on.

And like the road over that I had been on and the other road over that I had been on, both are just one ways when you're going up the road. Like there's no stop signs, there's no lights, there's nothing. And it's like the same size road, same neighborhood. So I was just like, oh, it's probably the same on this road. So I was kind of just like,

I was going below the speed limit. I remember this because I was like, oh, there's like a lot of kids running around. Like I want to be able to stop and the speed limit in that neighborhood is like fucking 35 miles per hour, which is insane. But I was going like 20, 25. And

I guess I ran a stop sign once and I just didn't think about it. But then I got to another four-way cross section that I was driving through. And in my head, I was like, oh, there's no stop signs on the street. I have the right of way. They don't. They're just waiting for us. I don't know what I was thinking. And I drove through this intersection with like two cars, like two

at stop signs and I drove through and I could see the look on this old geezer's fucking face. He was like, he threw his hands up and he was started like cussing at me and his wife threw her hands up and started getting angry and I was like, y'all are, and I like, I,

I literally like was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. As I was driving there, I was going slow enough where like I said, they, I could see all of the people's faces and say sorry to them. So it wasn't like I was going to kill someone and it wasn't that deep. They were both stopped. They were both aware that I wasn't going to stop. So I was like, what's the fuck

And when they threw their hands up, like, oh my God, it sent me into a rage that I cannot describe. I was fucking writhing in anger. I could not believe it. And I was like cussing to myself and I was like, what the fuck? Like, fuck you, like motherfucker. Like, you don't throw your hands up at me. Like, yeah, I ran the stop sign, but I wasn't going to fucking hit you. And then I like,

caught a moment of like clarity and I was like I just started busting out laughing that I somehow construed this to be angry at the people that were stopped at the sign and following the law and I just ran a stop sign and I was like oh fuck I'm actually crazy like I'm actually crazy this is crazy like and then I was just laughing I went from like anger to laughter the fastest I've ever gone in my life and

And to clarify, neither of the cars were moving. One of them was going the opposite way from me. The other one was doing a right hand turn on the same street. He had his blinker on. So I wasn't going to hit either of these fuckers, but they just wanted to be angry for no reason because they have sad fucking lives. They're so depressed. I always say shit like that, but then I have like such, I don't think I have like road rage. Also to clarify, I am a safe driver.

I just want to say that, guys. I'm a really good driver. I've never been in an accident, knock on wood. Like, I've never... Literally knock on wood. I hit a car when I was 15. I'm 10 years clean. I'm 10 years sober. 10 years sober. But...

every time I'm like driving and I get really fucking mad at someone but I feel like we get mad at like decent things but then when other people get mad at me I'm like bitch fuck you like grow up it's not that deep but I get so fucking mad I was parking in a fucking parking lot recently and this girl in like a Mustang like an old ass Mustang and me and my friends in the car were like oh damn that's like a cool car she looks cool and I she was leaving her spot and I was trying to park into a spot I

I didn't take more than a fucking minute to back up to get into the spot and she honked at me and the rage I felt. I was like, bitch, I literally hope you fucking hydroplane and your car explodes into smithereens. People who use horns like... Seriously? Like seriously or like in...

moments where their life is not or where their life is not threatened. Like you are scum of the earth to me. You are fucking loser. You love the power. You have like no power or control in your life and you have to take it out on someone else. Like I literally I'm not kidding. I have never used a horn in a serious situation.

I have literally never done it. And I don't know if it's just like, because I grew up in a small town and if you honked at someone, like they will come and find you and kill you because everybody knows everybody or like what the vibe is. But like, yeah, that shit pisses me off. But like,

I think it's majority older people who use their horns. Like, I've never been in a car with one of my friends and, like, watched them, like, just, like, beep, like, ugh. Exactly, exactly. Like, hit the horn. Oh, I have. And I'll tell you after. But it fucking, it's so cringy. That is so icky. Like, imagine going on a date with someone and they pick you up and you watch them, like, hit their horn, like, five times on the way to the restaurant. I'd be like, oh, my God, I literally need to get out of this car. I'm going to throw up.

A very passive driver, though. Like, I'm like, you do you. Like, respect. Like, I'll let you in on this merge. Like, I'll do your thing. But when people start disrespecting me and don't give me the same energy, that's when I get upset. Like, the other day when I was, like...

I was in the merging lane. Oh, yeah, and that girl was trying to speed around you. And that girl was trying to speed around me. And then the car behind me was, like, stopping and stopped the entire flow of traffic because he thought I was trying to get in front of him. And I was like, no, there's order to this. And I am following the orders. Y'all are being fucking loser boots. Like, I fucking hate this.

Defensive driver. Not defensive drivers. Offensive. Yeah. Just like fucking opportunistic drivers and angry drivers. I feel like I'm low-key an opportunistic driver. When we gotta get places, that's a vibe. What I'm saying, my biggest gripe is if you are going to be an aggro driver, fucking commit to it. You need to be good at it and you need to commit to it because I can't stand a bitch who's like,

tailing me and then gets around me but starts going the speed limit. I'm like, why did you do that? You just did that to be a fucking bitch and now I actually help you hydroplane. Yeah, literally. If someone like almost hit me at a fucking stop sign, like I would, I literally would like laugh and then jump in front of the car so they could kill me because I want to end my suffering. Oh,

And that was our conversation about cars. Wow. Life is suffering. No, it's not. Life is joyous. We are an energy plant. No, we are actually... Life is for feasting. We are interdimensional beings that decided, oh, like, I want to go to Earth to experience the universe. I want to be the universe experiencing itself. And one caveat to that was that we forgot, but we have our souls still. But some of us are remembering that, like, we came to this planet to, like, experience, like...

and emotions and all that shit. But when we die, we go back to being interdimensional beings. Think about that. I just blew someone's mind. Who's? Someone watching? Yeah. You blew my mind, honestly. You blew a lot of things. Ow, motherfucker. You squeezed too hard. My ring. Dude, Drew fucking crushed his toe in the car yesterday in the backseat. He was taking his sock off and he was like...

like screaming I literally have crushy toe syndrome like it like I was I was playing basketball and I ran drills this is the first time he's played basketball in seven months by the way I'm just an athletic person and I still have it and we were I was going super super hard in basketball um and my feet were like they weren't hurting and I guess my body was just like mind over matter because I have control like that over like this shit and I just like

Like I pushed through the pain like better than most people. Yeah, like just even in day-to-day life. Yeah, but I took my shoes off and I've literally never seen this much blood come from my body I don't think ever in my life. Actually, no, that's a lie I have. But like my sock was like covered in blood.

um because i was just going so hard in the fucking pain dude you were having your period through your toes yeah but then i didn't show you i didn't show you this and yeah um here also if it's a picture of your bare fucking toe i don't want to see no no it's it's not um i'll i'm gonna airdrop those to kai real quick i didn't show you this and yeah actually wait i did

but no one fucking believes that I can dunk. Oh my God. No one believes it. Your hair looks insane. Your hair looks like somebody put a bunch of gel in it and blue dried it up. Like it looks crazy. It's so fucked up. And like, that's the craziest part about it is like, I got hidden bounds. I got sneaky bounds. Like I can get up there on that rim, like, uh,

what is it what is it like that's like the kind of vibe like what's crazy is like there's like a girl out there who's seen her like boyfriend or like partner or somebody play basketball and like oh he's so hot he's so good at it but that would like embarrass the fuck out of me like men shouldn't be jumping around like ew like get down like get down like why are you hanging on to

that like your little legs like like like kicking around after you like dunk like get down you're embarrassing me like you're kicking your feet around it's gross get down from there on that rim on that rim okay um drew's sigh up corner you sing it different every time drew's sigh up corner wait drew's sigh up corner um y'all remember when our grandmas used to make us nut before we went to date so she made sure we wouldn't have sex

Do you remember that? No, my grandma never did that. My grandma used to do that. It's like it must be a boy thing, but they would do it so we wouldn't go and have sex. So our penis would be deflated. Oh, my grandma would do it so I would last longer because she was like, you got impressed. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You seem like you get play. That's lit.

When I was in school, we read the Great Gatsby. Nowadays, it seems to me that these days in schools, students in school these days are more concerned with where the Great Gatsby. Did that sentence really read like that?

It seems to be in school these days. They said these days like eight times. These days in school, kids are most concerned with the great Gatsby. Shout out Tony Hawk Ruther. Truther. Druther. Shut the fuck up. This one sucks. I'm reading that one.

Hold on, I got a bunch. I watched your hands start to shake so bad when you were reading the last one. Your baby daddy uses cologne out of magazines. He rub in page 43 on his neck. That's really good. Do they still do that? Do they still put the scent in the magazine? I don't know. Yeah, that's it. I made up one. Oh, yeah. I want to try. Okay.

These Trader Joe's cashiers have got to stop rizzing me up. I'm about to leave snail trails on the organic fruit leather. You know what's worse is I heard you say that the night of my birthday. I heard you say that to Mason. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Those cashiers are trained to be nice to you because we live in a lonely neighborhood.

epidemic and they're nice to you so you keep going back to Trader Joe's Trader Joe's and you buy their products it's all a part of the evil machine of capitalism and I want you to be aware of it and you can still shop there it's great food but

They're nice to you because they want you to buy more things and they're trained to be that way. Dude, we are living in such a weird time. Like, there being a cult following for, like, multiple grocery stores is fucking insane. What are the other ones? Like, Air One and Trader Joe's are, like, the ones that come to mind. H-E-B.

H-E-B is like the grocery. Like you don't have swag if you don't shop at H-E-B and Granberry. I feel like in Miami, it's like Publix. Like Publix is like, yeah, I shop at Publix. Publix is mid as fuck. I actually don't know if anybody feels like that. When I was a kid, I was like, oh my God, we went to Publix because it was a real grocery store. I feel like H-Mart kind of has a cult following. Oh yeah, H-Mart does have that. Maybe every grocery store just has a cult following. Because you need groceries. Your vagina has a cult following. I know that damn for sure.

okay that's a compliment thank you all right guys penis has a cult following i know that for damn sure there's no way i looked into that it's true it's it's true yeah it's true as fuck okay my media of the week is oh my god this is gonna literally blow someone's mind fuck i didn't talk about this should i about it yeah i have to admit something guys

I think I already heard me say this. Everybody's heard me say this because I can't believe it. But I did not know that George Harrison was in the Beatles. Like, I seriously did not know that. And I found that out three days ago. And it's been really life changing news because I love George Harrison. But I just don't know. Lucas put it into like such a good like sentiment. He was he said, you have such a.

cognitive dissonance from the Beatles that no matter how many times someone would mention that he was in the Beatles, your brain just made it a different situation because I literally thought he just like worked for the Beatles or like did like guitar for them or wrote a song or two for them. And it wasn't until I was watching this video that they literally in the video I was showing it to Lucas, they say it like three times before it clicked in my head.

It wasn't until they showed a clip of George Harrison getting off stage with the other Beatles. And I was like, oh my God, he's wearing the funky little suit. Like he's literally in the fucking Beatles. That's fucking crazy. And because of that,

There is a Beatles song in my media this week, which is really, really crazy. See if people change. Yeah, I'm subject to change. The Long and Winding Road by the Beatles, Pure Smokey by George Harrison, Walk Out to Winter Aztec Camera, and A Letter to Elise the Cure, which I think I said like two of those last week.

But also, guess what? Shocker. I'm still listening to Abandoned Luncheonette by Daryl Hall and John Oates. There I said it. I can't get over Hall and Oates. I'm really annoying. Also, the Lord loves the one George Harrison. So that's my media of the week. Suck it. My media of the week is Dots and Loops by Stereolab. Specifically, The Flower Called Nowhere by

That's a great freaking song. And then Ice Blink Luck by the Cockatoo Twins. And let's just do a random song in one of my playlists. Oh, wait, that's the Emergency Intercom playlist. The first like 40 seconds of Orca by Nicola is really good.

- Let's do "Jardin's Aquatics" by Pep Lopez. - Pepe Le Pew. - Pepe Le Pew. - All right, thank you guys so much for watching. I have poop about to shoot out my butt, so. - I call the bathroom. - Oh my God. What?