iOS is for cheaters
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Hello. Why is it? It feels like we haven't recorded in like weeks. I know. It feels like it's been forever. Yeah. It's so long. We had so much distance from each other this week. We were apart for maybe four days. And it was hard. It was really hard. No, it's gotten bad. Like me and Drew spend almost too much time together now to the point that somebody will ask me to hang out or even talk on the phone. And I'm like...

Bro, I want to go inside and fucking be on my iPhone next to Drew. Like, I don't want to. No, I literally like want to rot with you so badly. I want to rot with you all night. Right. Dude.

It's like a caricature of ourselves at this point. Like getting on the podcast. I know I get in the car and I have to listen to something loud because I'm like, I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm going to make other people happy. I'm so happy. A lot of people were saying I looked sad in the last episode and you might find that it is because I am sad. Um,

I'm not going to give a reason. But something I was thinking about last night that I think would make me happy is if I had a fridge that made ice. And I have never in my life lived in a home where I had fridge that made ice. And I really want that. But then it got me thinking a lot of you bitches take that for granted because I go to some of your houses and I fill up my water cup with water from your fridge. And if I smell that water and smells like you've never changed the filter, I'm going to slap the fuck out of you because how?

fucking dare you the ice is gray with like plant matter and dust it literally smells like fishy fishy like it literally smells fucking funky unky like and then i feel like when that happens i can't say anything to the persons whose fucking water stinks um why are you okay are you yeah no i'm fine no i'm fine there looks like there's a growth or something on you can you see you can see it i mean yeah it's like burnt what is it no it's nothing just keep going keep going just don't

Um,

But yeah, it feels like you can't say anything, which is really uncomfortable. And then you have to like, I've been in so many positions where I filled up my water from someone's stinky fridge. And then I forced myself to drink it because for some reason, I don't want them to know that I know that they're drinking stinky water. So I'm just drinking bacteria ridden nasty water. But I guess I can't complain because at our house, we keep our Brita filter on the counter. And Drew and Josh do this fun man thing where they will just let the growth of like bacteria build in there and they will never

It's not bacteria, babe. It's algae and it's filtering the water for us. They let it just grow and fester. And I came back and I went to go get water. I was like, oh, cool. Our fucking burdock filter is green. You know what's crazy is I couldn't tell if it was green or not. Like it's just like grown with me. So like it was just like I couldn't I literally could not see anything.

It's like when you're raising a child and you can't tell that the child has grown a bunch until you have distance. Exactly. Well, I cleaned it this morning so that my water wouldn't be stinky and nasty. Yeah, rotted, gutted water. Well, I don't know if this is misinformation, but...

but Justin Timberlake was pulled over with a DWI and got sent to jail. What is DWI? Driving while intoxicated. I don't know. There is a difference between DWI and DUI, like under the influence or driving while intoxicated. I don't know what the fucking vibe was. It's one of those two. My favorite part of it is literally the fact that

the kid who pulled him over didn't know who he was and I saw this again I also don't know if this is real because I saw it on TikTok but the interaction that they stated in like the article they screenshotted was so fucking funny because he's getting arrested and then under his breath he's like he's gonna ruin the world tour and the kid was like what he was like this is gonna ruin the world tour

I'm an eco maniac. Also, that just sounds like a crazy person. Like, because if he already like, you have to understand in that moment, this kid doesn't fucking know who you are. So you're not getting out of it. You're not pulling the I'm Justin Timberlake card this time. Fucking count your losses and keep it pushing. But he thought that that kid would be like, wait, you're on a world tour. No, bitch, you just got caught driving under the influence. He just thinks you're on meth now. Like, you just sound 10 times more intoxicated. Yeah.

world star but um yeah that toxicology report is the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life and then i saw his mugshot and i was like honestly like he looks cunty but his blue eyes are really scary like they look like he got him died like he got like blue eyes tattooed well it's because he's like all fucked up so he kind of has like jaundice eyes like his eyes were like

the whites were a little yellow. So it just like makes the blue pop even more. I feel bad for him. Or is he like a bad person? I don't know. I don't know if I feel bad for him. I have to do some research on Justin Timberlake before I decide if I feel bad. I just don't

feel bad for him because I'm like you will live bro like also there's a chance he's probably done that a million times and not gotten caught like Justin Timberlake will be fine I don't fucking feel bad for him he'll get his fucking lawyers and check like he's fine it's not gonna ruin your world tour babes like you're good the world tour is ruined the world tour the wait who went on tour and no one came oh JLo JLo JLo's tour my condolences to the dozens of people that affected the 14 people that had tickets that got cancelled on JLo makes me so sad

She's mother goose. She's mother goose. Like, I don't know. She makes me so sad. I love the video of her in front of her old apartment and the guy not knowing who the fuck she is. Like, and the fact that that like got released in her docu-series thing, like her team saw that and was like, yeah, we're putting that out. Like,

Do you remember when Michael Jackson's, like, monkey, like, bubbles, like, and Janet Jackson went to go visit? No, no, it wasn't Janet. It was, uh, what's her nuts? Latoya. Oh, Latoya, yeah. Latoya went and the monkey did not recognize her and she was like, ooh, he knows me, he remembers me, and the monkey was, like, throwing shit at her. The saddest, like, human trauma experience ever recorded and it was posted to be sweet, but, like, I feel like anybody with a rational brain can watch that and be like,

damn this is fucking insane because I don't know that would literally be equivalent like if I passed away and somebody went up to Azul to like try to reconnect through me Azul is scared of everybody you're not gonna get that like that the comfort you seek through Azul also like I just love her being like he remembers me like

I love also in that same interview, she's like the camera crew and everybody goes up to the monkey with Latoya and she's trying to interact with the monkey. And then for some reason they have the like delusion that like, oh, Bubbles is overwhelmed by how many people are here. And Latoya's like, I'm going to go talk to him by myself. And like goes around the corner and she's still mic'd up and she's like, hi. Yeah, you remember me. I remember. It's like Demi Lovato talking to a ghost and the ghost begging her to sing. Yeah.

Dude, there's something about the confidence boost that level of fame gives you that you don't give a fuck because standing in a room and being convinced that a ghost is begging for an encore is crazy. What song is she singing? Oh, like a skyscraper, I think. Yeah, yeah. Like a sky... Yeah. Also, Demi was like, fucking what's it called? I have a feeling this ghost doesn't like men. And then Demi goes...

yeah I feel you girl me too like dude honestly I want to do something like that so bad we have to rewatch that I remember when we watched that shit when it came out like we were like oh this is gonna be like a cultural moment like this is insane that this just fucking happened he cocks us otherwise

No, literally Peacock did not allow that to happen. Peacock did not give that show the PR it deserved. Yeah, go check it out because it's literally the most insane premise I've ever seen of a TV show ever. It's like Demi Lovato and her friends like ghost hunting and like finding aliens and shit. Like, it's very crazy. Have you guys ever watched Milf Manor? Oh, we're top 10. So you know about season two? Yeah. We can't spoil it for the people that don't know. But...

Gag yeah, that shit is crazy. I had never seen that show before if we're not gonna spoil it I won't fucking mention it, but that is the craziest shit. I have ever twist in this one is crazy I was like how the fuck are they gonna like keep up like the like bringing in the Moms or whatever like how are they just not season? It's gonna be incest manner. Yeah, no literally, please what's crazy is because it's like the dads and them

sons I guess I just yeah I was gonna say whatever but it's like it feels a weirdly like less incestual but the whole thing is still so it's so creepy like them eating each other's asses through the fucking hole in the wall I was like okay this is like crazy and they're all like the butts are like popping through the holes like fucking grub worms and they're like bouncing up and down we said we weren't gonna spoil the fucking show I don't give a fuck now there's like no way to talk about it because but wait did you watch season one

I didn't watch season one. I started on season two. Oh, you need to watch season one. Season one isn't... Are you okay? No, I'm fine. But no, the first season is insane. The second season is even crazier. But back to Ghosts because all of y'all know I don't believe in ghosts. But I just got back from this trip with Say Beauty Upstate and it was really fun. And I was with Orion. And like the first night we got there, we were...

You look like you're in pain. I'm fucking fine. Stop actually, just fucking stop asking if I'm okay because I'm fucking fine. Like, chill. Okay, you just like, you keep touching your back and it looks like something. Do you actually want to fucking know? That's why I'm fucking asking. Oh, your hair. Why are you getting undressed? Oh, wow. Drew, what the fuck? I have a fucking hunchback. I've had a fucking hunchback this whole time. Okay.

- Let me see it, like it looks, why is, did you tan it? Why is it like red? What's wrong with you? - Drew, pull the hair back, let's look at this. Let's look at this. - Like why is it red? I'm so confused. Also, I've never seen that on you and I've seen you shirtless like all the time. - It grew overnight, I went bungee jumping again.

It happened. All the blood rushed to it. It's a boil. It happened again. Should we pop it? It's a nerd neck. Should we pop it or just let it? Dude, oh my God, I suck. Drew has a grinder neck. What does that mean? Like tech neck, but it's whatever. What was the joke you made earlier?

Oh, I was being a creep to Drew and I apologize immediately, but I asked Drew how his nutrition has been going. He said, how much protein have you been getting into your diet? And then I thought it would be funny to say, I thought I was getting enough protein because I thought there was protein in ass, but there's no protein in ass and I've been eating a lot of ass. And I apologize. You talking like this while Drew is shirtless with a weird...

Back is really jarring and it's making me step back from the situation and really think about what we're creating right now And it's freaking me out. I felt that all day today. Can you put your clothes back on? Oh my god, you hate my body I would like it if you kept your shirt on. Well no cuz I'm jealous cuz people are gonna perv out over you and like people aren't gonna perv out They're not perving out over my fucking hunch bro and my fucking fupa

I've been working out for days preparing for this shit to be shirtless on camera. I think that's the first time we've said fupa on the podcast. Yeah, it actually is. Wow. So are you going to get that lasered off? What can you do about that? The scalpel. I'm going to do it at home. Home remedy. Home remedy. Yeah. I'm going to drink colloidal silver. I just thought.

- I just thought of you saying that, what's her name, Kelly on "Milf Manor" or something. - Oh yeah, it wasn't Kelly. Who was it, Josiah? - It was the girl who looks like Tati, who's gorgeous. - She's Gorgina. - She is so gorgeous. - But her fucking confessional look, literally, Christy, Christy. Her confessional looks like she got her makeup done by a mortician. In her confessional, it's not good. It's really cool. - What's fucked up is she is gorgeous. To me, she's the top pick in the house.

But yeah, in her beast cam, sometimes she looks really crazy. Like, oh my God. No, Kai, the joke you made about Grindr. No, the one right when I sat down, I think. What?

What are you talking about? Kai, you were saying how you use Grindr all the time. I wasn't saying that. You did say that. Whoa, you got so defensive. I got defensive because I'm defending. I just learned what Grindr was last night. Wait, last night in the nighttime? Or last day. Dude, you're lying about me using it, and then you're lying saying that you have never used it. I'm sorry. It's just like there's a lot of shit that you say that's just not true. I'm just trying to set it straight.

Okay, don't make that face. What? Straight. All right, speaking of poppers, guys, I went to the Brat concert. I don't even want to fucking hear you talk about it. I went to the Brat concert. Oh, my God. You're doing a whole lot of this. I fucking popped my pussy. I don't give a fuck. Ew. I know your stiff ass did not move a single bone in that body. The arthritis. No, don't act like you don't go to those parties and you're like. I don't. I don't have arthritis. We need to watch the Dua Lipa clip. No, literally. No, we don't. No, we don't. I am.

No, no, this is bullying. Kai is fun at parties. I am fun. Kai is fun and he moves around and he had to blast that breath. But that... But that fucking...

- The Dua Lipa clip was one of the worst moments of my life, but you guys saw that. I have social anxiety. - What's better is that clip went on TikTok and Kai saw it and then never mentioned it to any of us. And then we just sent it, someone sent it in a group chat. We were all like,

Like, whoa. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's an iconic. No, that's great. What's crazy is I was rizzing up Dua Lipa. Someone started recording while I was taking a break from rizzing her up. And then as soon as I stopped recording, I went back to impressing her. Have you seen the men she dates? Because I think you might be like. Severely delusional. Shooting for like astronomical lengths that are unmasked. Kai's been working out. No, Kai pulls. Yeah, for sure. But Dua Lipa. I pulled Drew every episode after the episode. I spit at him.

And I get him... It's on me. Yeah, I'm not wrong. And calls me names. Anyway, I went to the Brad concert. It was fucking lit as fuck. I did move my body. I looked incredible. How is Skycam looking right now, by the way? It looks good. I think they're going to bump up the resolution...

Zach the resolution was a little low last episode so if we could just you're getting very brave with I know you're like you're like directing the show I know I don't know what you think is happening who the fuck do you think you are oh goes to the brat show oh bum bum my resolution oh do a little peep like oh my name is Kai like no the magic little magic man what okay well I'm sure that was a reference that was an inside joke oh yeah

- You don't have inside jokes with Kyle. - I was upstate and I've been really convinced that I have a hex on me. Like really convinced of that in the past two weeks. - No for real, for real. - So delusionized. Very convinced that we go to this gorgeous like campgrounds for this trip with Say Beauty. It's so awesome. We ended up having to take a red eye and then like a three hour ride to the campsite.

So when we got there, immediately me and Ryan were like, this cabin is haunted. I don't know why I think that. This shit's just giving spooky vibes. And we were just joking about it. But then we both took a nap and we both had the scariest nightmares ever. I've also now had nightmares every single night since I had a crazy nightmare last night. I had two because as I was falling asleep, I was having a nightmare. And then I woke myself up because I was freaking the fuck out. You just need to think happy thoughts and you'll be happy. Thank you.

Can I play with your boobs? No. Anyways, and I don't believe in ghosts and shit at all. But then later that night, me and Orion were finally about to go to bed and we were like laying in bed and we were both being dead silent on our phones. And then she was like,

I feel scared and I was like, I'm so glad you said something because I literally feel like there's presents all around us. Like I literally feel like there's people standing above my bed right now. You know how I feel every night. Well, you have a mental like cock that has shifted beyond repair. Me, I'm very normal, very lax. Everybody's like, oh my God. More like laxative. And you're not shitting on these bitches. It's like laxatives because you smell like shit. Okay, at least I can shit, sis.

Mr. Can't Pull It Back. That was too far. He's sensitive. Oh, Mr. Pebbles. Rudy Pebbles. Calling me Rudy Pebbles because I can't shit and I'm gay. Wait, I need- Have you showed Kai that TikTok? The basketball one?

Which one? The one where the guy's like... Oh, Charles Barkley, like, making fun of the outfits? No, no, no. The one where it's in your... Oh, oh, yeah, no. I don't know if this is going to see the light of day. So, like, I guess the podcast is getting, like, a sneak preview of it, but... I believe it would do very well. Dude, you have to post this.

That shot of you destroying me. Blocking the shit out of your shot. Stuffing him. Oh my. Run that back. I never saw any stuffing happening. Is that actually a term in basketball? Nah, that's crazy. You like blocked the shot, you stuffed him. You stuffed him. That's crazy. I was filling him up like crazy. No. No.

Can you do that right now? I don't know if you're in frame. This episode has hit a new low. You have taken off your shirt, shown your nasty back, and shaken your ass. Also, you doing it with the hunchback. I know. Also, you know what's weird about it? Like, what I don't like about it is it looks too real. When you were, like, bent over, like, showing Kai that stuff, it looked way too real, and it was nasty. Yeah.

Ew, Drew. Ew, it looks so nasty from here. Wait, let me see your phone. Oh, wait, I have a phone. I forgot. Look. It literally just looks like a boil. A big fucking boil. Okay, well, like three nights ago...

I was writing notes down for the podcast and I opened up my like topics list that I have like everything written down on and I hadn't had any notes or so I thought like written down for this episode until I was going to like just like clean clean my mind and just write them down to talk about and I opened my topics folder and there's three notes in there and I'm like, huh, I don't remember writing these and so I

read them and i genuinely have no fucking recollection of writing this shit like it's actually so scary and like i don't know if this was like a tiktok that i watched when it was like 2 a.m and i was asleep and like waking in and out of consciousness or what but these are three notes that i had that i apparently wanted to talk about on the podcast

Angels serve God's bidding. Computers serve man. We are computers slash machineries of God. Define machines. Please serve me and I will serve you back. What's the difference between a cathedral and a physics lab? Aren't both of us just saying hello?

I don't I literally don't know if that was like a quote from someone. I think I think it's a quote from something because there's no way my brain. But I have no recollection of writing that down. And like when I opened it before I started typing, it literally said like three thirty in the morning. And we know I go to bed at like midnight. So like you woke up in the middle of your nap.

I was like sleepwalking. No, literally. But I like I scared myself. I was like, where the fuck did this shit come from? But like, honestly, a lot of it's tea, though. Like if you really think about it. Yeah. Just like it's tea. What do you say yesterday? You were talking about accents.

Oh, bitch, I got that written down. British people, we all know they're fucking faking their accents and shit. But like that Italian motherfucker in Milf Manor like is giving like fake Italian accent and like all of those motherfuckers are faking that shit. They like put it on randomly and they just like turn their fucking Italian accent on and I'm like that shit's fake as fuck. And like I'm like it actually pisses me off. They're not real. While we were watching it, he just goes...

That like New Jersey, New York, like Italian American accent like freaks me out. Like I don't think it's real. Like I think it's like they fake it and they make it up. And it reminds me of like British people because their accents aren't real anyways.

And then he just went silent and started looking at his phone and all of us were like, hello? You good? No, it literally like it's so tried. Like, obviously, we know the British one is a joke because there's I mean, British people actually might not. British one is a joke. I think it like I think it is like I don't think they're being serious. But like the New Jersey, like we're past that. Like.

Like we're past like Italian accent. Yeah, like we've evolved past that like cut it out It does freak me out how much how do they say it? Like I I refuse to try that hi. I'm walking here. Oh, I'm fucking walking here Yeah

Piss off. Oh, it's your fucking week. You always do that face when you do it. Oh, what fuck is all this about? Oh, we on your podcast. We're recording your podcast, yeah? It's fucking crazy. James Charles sitting in the pool with fire behind him. Yeah, what the fuck? Go BBL. Okay. Don't look at me when you do shit like that. I told you. Makes you nervous? It makes me uncomfortable. But sorry, I cut you off. Like, what were you saying? I don't know what I was going to say, but I'm looking at my notes.

Oh, this is something I guess I did voice to text because it's really long and I didn't know what this was. And it says saw a video of a lady getting like a chakra cleansing or something. And it really has me thinking because first of all, I was like, I want to be her because I feel like she's the most present in that moment.

more present than I've ever been in my whole life. And I think that's because I'm like, wow, she really believes in this shit. But then I had a scarier thought that followed where she could be the least present and the most self-conscious person ever because she's trying to outperform the other people in the class because it was like a class thing.

She was like on the floor and there was a bunch of other people on the floor. So I was like, she's trying to outperform the other people because she wants all these people to believe that she's having an intense spiritual moment and that she's actually present. But for this instance, she has fooled me. So in that instance, she fooled everybody to thinking that she was in the presence and she is very controlling of her narrative. That is literally me at a concert. Like, no, look, I'm having more fun than you. Like I'm dancing and having fun. It is.

so funny because i was watching that and i really did think like damn she believes in it but in my head she has to know she's performing like but maybe that's just me putting my own ideas onto her and maybe she does believe it but she was like moaning and thriving and jumping around on the floor and i'm like okay it is not the girl at the gym yesterday like fucking yelling screaming i was like it is literally it is not that heavy it is never that heavy bro

Too much, too fucking much. But yeah, when I'm at a concert, like I'm so in my head about having fun and looking like I'm having fun because I feel like everybody's looking at me because I have intense social anxiety that like I make myself have fun. And then like, I'm like, wait, but I'm not actually, I'm not actually having fun.

because i i just don't know how to have fun anymore guys that was like me at the brat concert shut the up about this brat concert like we get it brag about it uh more like oh like oh yeah brad about more like brag about it no i did have his brat summer i'm so jealous yeah guys i'm having a brat summer he had it was like he literally texted me and it was like the best night of his life okay so here's what i'm gonna say to make myself feel better that i didn't get to go

The sad part of this is summer just began. So you have your standards up here, but there will be no more brat events. No, Kai's going to make it a brat summer. Yeah. I'm so mad at him. Guys like me are the ones making it a brat summer. Anyway, I was feeling anxiety at the brat concert, but then Charlie looked at me and sang directly to me for a couple songs. So I was like, I feel better now. Was it where she's like...

where she's like, sometimes I think I might hate you. Is that? That would, yeah. Or when she's like, I don't know why I want to buy a gun. Why I want to shoot myself. And she was looking at you. Yes. And she was like, in that moment, she was like, oh my God, wait, like, I don't know. The dots are connecting. I didn't know the connection to her. Dude, that show looked so fucking lit. And it is like one of the biggest pieces of FOMO I ever had. And Kai tried so hard to get me in.

And I will appreciate that for literally ever. But he failed, so I will not appreciate it forever. I did fail. I watched the head of Republic Records get turned away from Will Cole.

Like they couldn't get in. I was like. Yeah, you described the list as Oppenheimer and I literally cried laughing. I was the Oppenheimer of guest lists. Yeah, it was literally everyone was there except for me. Well, I'm going to go see Todd Rundgren alone tomorrow. So I know y'all are jealous. Hello, it's me. Oh, wow.

And I'm going to be probably the youngest person in a five mile radius. I looked at you and see a thousand miles. I see the smile on your face for a while.

But yeah, that's my vibe, if you're wondering. Hello. Wait, hello, it's me? Hello? Wait, there's a joke there somewhere. No, there is not. Oh, the girl getting water poured on her face in the vine. Hello? Because isn't that Adele? Didn't she grow up to be Adele? Hello? Fuck, that sucked so bad, dude. Well, the hay incident is going around again.

Oh, is it actually? Dude, yes. Because I saw a TikTok from like an old video of us where I was fucking laughing my butt off at you. I mean, it's easy to fall in love with me for real. Kai did. Josiah is my boyfriend. And you did. Like the thing is...

thing is I saw a lot of comments were like oh my god if I was her this would make me want to kill myself but the sad thing is for you is I'm not somebody who was shy about my vulnerability like my y'all are sad people yeah exactly my ability to be vulnerable and loving despite the odds of Drew ever looking at me a woman and being like I'm gonna be with you despite those odds I was like I can change him no you know what's the tea is is you got exactly what you wanted because we are basically in a relationship

without all the weird shit no literally also and all the fighting like bro relationships are so bunk bro we fight ho but like we don't we like we like walk to our room and then come like we like fight like brothers and sisters like we say some stupid shit and then i'm just like okay i need distance and i go to my room and then you come into my room and we lay on each other's beds and play on our phones for like four hours play on our phones i saw some girl this morning talking about how like

There was a study done about what's happening to our brains because of short form content and gray matter. This is not a joke. That literally did happen. Wait, what was that? Like...

Two days ago. I can't even talk about it because like literally I like actually get emotional. But like it's it's there in tea. It's deep. Yeah. Basically, the note said that I literally cried thinking about how much I love India and how special of a person she is.

Because it's fucking see, bitch, this podcast is crazy. Like, it's literally like mania. We're the duality of man. It's like mania. Have you ever thought maybe you were not manic? You were telling the truth. Keep spreading the word. Manic? More like man-icky. Men are icky. Mm-hmm.

You know what it is? Is you went so far down the rabbit hole of making bad stand-up that now your brain thinks, and you got like the recognition of like laughter from it. So now your brain is convinced to keep doing it. Today's stand-up is crazy. You thought I didn't have, you didn't think I came prepared, huh? Like I told you I didn't have it. I didn't have it. And then me and Josiah, we were like,

Wrote some last night and it might be the finest work, but we'll get that get that in like ten minutes You'll have to wait for it. I was thinking about how funny your stand-up is at the Brad concert by the way, just I literally don't know the crazy thing is is Kai does have tea going on I mean we all have separate tea and our lives going on. It's tea. The thing is no one will like

ever know but it's all connected that my life is hard did you did you go to the psychic no bitch especially with what's been happening to me i don't need no bitch tell me that shit's real i don't need that it she literally like i i was laughing and i thought it was a joke but literally everything she said to me came true and that's as far as i will go into that but

She read me to fucking filth, y'all. And I called immediately after all this shit went down. And I was like, I need my chakra cleansed. I need it cleansed now. And they were like, we're not open. We're booked all next week. And I was like, fuck, dude. It's going to keep going until I get my chakras cleansed. I need to go get cleansed. But I don't want to hear what anybody has to say. I'm just going for a cleansing.

I might just go to a Korean spa and let like an older woman scrub my body down. And that's my version of a cleansing. That couldn't happen to me. I literally would not survive that.

Okay. Right. Well, flipping the switch. Who the fuck was Food God? Like that scary motherfucker that hung out with Kim Kardashian. Like literally where did he come from? Like literally where did he and where did he where did he come from? Where did he go? Like, see, I'm like a comedian. I'm a funny guy. I got jokes.

No, his face really scares me. And I feel like saying that about people is like really mean. Really mean, yeah. But...

I'm sorry his face scares the fuck out of me like he feels like he got the mask from like Jim Carrey's the mask stuck on him you know who he reminds me of what Kai after the Brat concert oh my god actually yeah post Brat concert you do look like oh you're talking about the Brat concert post Brat concert you look like food god okay kind of yassified you in a way that's irreversible alright I'll take that I'll take that as a compliment Zach can we put up Subway Surfers on one of the TVs oh my god bitch you are getting too crazy

Guys, we need to go back to food guy, bro. Like, literally. What is there to say about him other than he's the scariest man to walk the planet? Like, have you seen him recently? Because I haven't. No, I saw him like two years ago. Like, that's the last time I saw a photo of him.

Like I'm not being mean, I'm just genuinely curious like who, oh he's still doing the same thing. Oh his flop arc is not serving. Wait he AIs himself. He AI'd himself. That's so sad. I used to get him and Scott Disick confused a lot because to me they look the same. I think they're brothers. Are they the same thing? I think they might be brothers.

Yeah, because they have to be related or something. They look the same. All of them are sick in the head, bruh. Demonic. Demonic energy. Play with demons. Well, iPhone is adding the hiding the app thing, which I think will be really good for Drew.

Yeah, I don't want people getting into my... I can't think of anybody else that would help. I don't want people getting into my Instagram. You're right. I was like, how can I hide my messages? And then if somebody goes through my phone, I'm like, bro, I deleted my messages app. I'm not texting anybody ever again. Bro, I said this fucking two years ago. The iPhone and iOS is designed by and for fucking cheaters. Oh, yeah, you did say that. Like, every feature that they add to the fucking iOS, like...

It's literally all to promote like hiding from your... When did they add the hidden photos feature? Because I didn't even know about that. What is that? What is that? Okay, I feel like the way that you said that, it's clear that you know what that is. I know what it is because I have a lot of photos of Drew's feet and sometimes the back of his neck.

You know I don't fucking like you know that's a very big insecurity of mine is my hunch. Well there's just so much gunk that builds up back there and I like to document it. I can't wash it good because I have a bad range of motion with my fucking shoulder. No excuse. Get a fucking stick. Drew maybe you should get it drained before next episode just for aesthetic reasons. Maybe you should suck my balls.

Compare your ACLs. That's a good point, honestly. Like, don't tell me what to do with my fucking body. I've never broken a bone or anything. My body, my tea. My body, my tea. Wait, but what was I saying? You were fucking talking about food, God, bruh. No, iOS. You can delete messages. You can change messages. You can make them invisible. Well, they go like back and forth on it because then they have deleted messages. Like recently deleted messages in iOS.

I deleted my first message like recently. Really? I didn't even know I had access to the features. I don't know if I've deleted messages. I've definitely deleted a thread or two in my life.

But I'll always keep it on a device, like on a certain device, because I'm like, I need to I need to like I need to hash this out with my friends for the rest of my life. And I need access. Isn't that crazy? And there is like there is one specific thread in my life that is gone that I wish I had. The worst. So bad because it is the best like. We reference it all the fucking time. Dissertation like.

opulence it's the one i'm involved in right yeah yeah it's perfect down to the minute detail yeah but no that's it's so funny like i have literally been talking about that one evil demonic presence in my life that was evil and scary for the last like five years and i will literally never get bored of it it is something i will talk about until i'm 45 oh yeah 100 like kai

What it was me no no no okay, you know I do I do know Gary mother fucker rehashing a conversation like and we say the same things over and over again after like a year of talking about it It just becomes the same conversation, but it's so fun to talk about and like just get like you know what I'm talking about It's so fun. But yeah, there's definitely some threads. Oh, I wish I had like I know I wish I had so much clothing that like is on essence and threads and

We're on thread up. Okay. Anyways, the iPhone. Wow. We're on different pages. What were you going to say? I was just going to say iPhones. Actually, I don't even think iPhones are for cheaters. Like, like, I don't know though, because I, but I also just don't believe in looking through people's stuff because I've had that done to me and it's such an invasion of privacy. And it's fucked up what you write in there. When I was reading your journals, like when you were a way up in upstate New York, like you're fucking crazy in there, but like,

Yeah, like, no one should read that shit, for real. I just, like, and I went through all your old devices and shit, and, like, yeah, what you were saying was crazy. Like, I love reading your journals. That's, like, really fucked up. Why?

Literally why? Literally why dude? Like why? But also then in the same vein I do understand when people look through people's stuff because sometimes some people are such crazy good liars that they start to make you feel crazy and you need to find the evidence to know that you're not crazy. Girl boss, gate light. Keep...

No, you need to keep. You were trying to do that, Josiah? No, that's Orion's. Oh, yeah. She's like, keep. Can you keep? Like, Orion was trying to make, can you keep, like, happen? And it, like, kind of did. It only worked for her, though. Anytime we said it, it sounded like we were trying to do something and it wasn't good. It's like, let's fetch. But, okay, y'all. Oh, wow.

Oh, wait. You know what's a good... I don't think we ever played this on the podcast, but I was looking through my stories and shit the other day. Oh, fuck. And I found this classic gem. It was like during the era last year, like last summer, me, Josie, and Drew would just make the worst songs you've ever heard. And at one point, I had Drew recording my verse that I was doing. And in the middle of it, he just started talking. And it was really scary. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I almost can't buy this. Damn, fuck rhyming, I guess. Phone home, ET. I'm an alien. I'm extra. Read all about it. Read all about it.

the silence that followed but no that's a bar nothing like we literally ignored it no that's a bar like let me explain it like et found home i'm extra because i'm a gym i'm a diamond in the rough like et found home i'm an alien i'm extra like i'm an alien i'm different like you bitches are not like oh is it not i'm extraterrestrial no that's what it is like it's like extraterrestrial and extra and extra like i'm an extra personality like

ET, I'm extra. Read all about it. Read all about it. Wait, no, no. What is it? ET, phone home. I'm an alien. I'm extra. And then read all about it. Read all about it because I'm hot news.

I'm the hot topic. I'm hot news. Where is the news and the media? No, literally, where is the news and the media when you fucking need it? No, speaking of news and the media, they're fucking drafting y'all. Like, y'all are all getting drafted. Thankfully, I'm only 15. Thankfully, I'm only fucking 15 years old. Like, so they're not going to be able to draft me. But like, like, Josiah's done. Like, all the 16 to 26 year olds are cooked. 16? Or 15. 15.

There's 18. Fuck. Well, hopefully no war happens. They're not drafting me after that Tyler dance. After they saw that, like, I'm good. I'm good. No, like, I think, like, since I have, like, literally document well documented, like, depression and like all my fucking mental ailments that like I don't get drafted, which is a fucking vibe. Go on your phone and Google me and look what fucking comes up.

Screen record, screen record, screen record. Actually, maybe not. Yeah, I can't because of what shows up. Wait, scroll down, scroll down. Oh, wait, what the fuck? Wait, it doesn't pop up anymore? Damn. The first one is you like this. Oh, wait, did somebody? That's Zack and Cody. I never know the difference. If you Google me, Zack and Cody comes up. Which one of them? It's like one of the brothers.

Oh, is that Dylan? When you look up Drew and look through the images, it's actually really scary. Yeah, I don't exist as like a real person on the internet. I'll never exist. Oh my God. Dude, I have not Googled myself in like three years and the photo that comes up is insane. What the fuck is that? That's me. What is that? Was that recent? That was like for my friend's sketch, but I have no idea how that...

Well, this is Drew. Oh, I thought that was Josiah for a second. My YouTube thumbnails used to be fucking crazy. How did you not get demonetized? I did. Like, they did not fuck with me. Like, they did not play. Alright, well, do your fucking funky stand-up, bruh. Oh. Hey, y'all ready? I'm so excited. I've been thinking about this since the Brat concert. Oh my god, bruh. So, I have a hunch. You're back?

So I haven't been to the doctor in years. Well, actually, I've been to one doctor, Dr. Pepper. And yeah, peppered me. I mean, assaulted me. What? Is that what it means? Like pepper spray? No, like a salt. Oh, pepper. Salt and pepper. So I've been hearing a lot about the U.S. reinstating the draft recently. I thought I was... Wait, I fucking delivered it wrong. So, oh, wait, wait, wait.

I've been going to all these fashion runways recently. But where's all the Gucci airplanes? Oh my god, man. So I've been hearing- When did y'all do this? Because this sounds like really late. Like 3 a.m.? Yeah, really late. So I've been hearing a lot about the U.S., the draft recently. I thought I was in line to meet a giraffe, not sign up for war. Okay.

Okay, that one was really not good. I hate that one.

So we were watching these videos on how to train a dog in a month and India was saying, wow, that's crazy. And then I turned to her and said, it only took me two weeks. I was trying you. That wasn't a sentence. Also, that sucks because it's literally a reference to a joke Josie made earlier in the night. How many Drews does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one. I screw up light bulbs all the time.

No, you don't understand. You under-sit. Oh, whoa. I was using my desktop computer, but honestly, I don't think we're compatible because it also identifies as a desk bottom. Lately, I've been feeling weird about having sex with Enya because I'm not really into bestiality. Enya, your name... Oh, wait, you have to say why. Enya, your name fits you so perfectly. Why? Because Dick's gazinia.

Kai, more like, can I pee in your butt? Oh, wait, I already did. Your butt's full of pee. Is that it? That's it. Y'all really didn't like Wingstop? No. I did that to Josh and he lost his fucking mind. He was like gooped at that. He was like, that's literally one of the best jokes I've ever heard. I'm not kidding. Josiah, am I right? You.

Also, Josiah helped write a lot of those, by the way. I just need to give credit where credit's due. You don't want credit on that. I didn't. Yeah. He said, I didn't. I didn't. Okay, well, I guess we are going to get into media. But no, I cooked. I literally cooked. I don't know what the fuck you cooked, but it wasn't like, no. Damn, I have like a solid like 10 minutes now. Because that was like five minutes. Yeah, you should. You should do this on like a random stage and don't put your name to it and just show up on stage. It would kill. I think it would kill.

What? Why are you laughing at me? Well, my media. But I have one psyop. Oh, damn. Yeah. What's up with psyop? You're abandoning your first love for something that's giving you temporary joy. Think about that. Oh, temporary joy, babe. This is my new career. Stand up. Hello. I'm about to start like I'm going to do a world tour.

World tour. This is going to ruin the world tour. This is going to ruin the world tour. That's in our vocab now. I'm going to start saying that when something happens. This is going to ruin the world tour. Match my freak. Whole time they got a piss kink. Bitch, no. That's it? That's the only one. Okay. Who's going to match my freak? Freak. The things I go through, bro.

Ruby Tuesday, Ruby Tuesday. Is that on your media? That's what I was listening to on the way here. I listened to it literally over and over again because I didn't even think about it until I got here. It's not even Tuesday, so... It's Ruby Wednesday. It's more like Sapphire Wednesday. Well, my media of the week is I've been listening to a lot of songs off the Brat album. I think I said that last week, though. Oh, but back-to-back, B2B is...

has like inched its way into my favorite songs off that album and then i think i can't tell what i said last week already like i'm losing my freaking mind um just love is stronger than pride by shaw day crazy we gotta like cancel this fucking month for real like oh wow it is pride month so you haven't done anything you need to go and show your colors i'm a peacock

I want to see your picot. Red, white, green and blue. What is your natural hue? Flamingo. Oh, oh, oh. And I'm multicolored. Um,

Take me with you, Prince, and swing and party the replacements. Yeah, you do need to get back into your Prince era. I think your life was so good when you were listening to Prince, for real. I know, I know. I need to go back in. I just haven't been listening to a lot of new music because usually what I would do is my Discover Weekly would give me a song that was so fucking good that I would deep dive on that artist and just find a bunch of songs from them. My Discover Weekly has been bunk as fuck. It's been some boring ass Elvis shit. I don't give a fuck.

about Elvis I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck I like I will never and it's not like the Beatles when I was like oh fuck the Beatles and I end up liking some of the Beatles no Elvis is the one thing you will never ever make me like you Elvis fuck you Elvis oh wow you wouldn't like blue moon oh my god he drives me crazy I can't stand that motherfucker okay my my media um

um milf manor obviously duh duh um guys i've been converted um assless chapel rome in rome is actually kind of cool like i didn't i didn't like have a dislike for her it just wasn't for me at one point but then like i saw her references and i was like oh she's tapped the fuck in and she knows she knows she knows she gets it she gets it

I can't name a song by her yet, but I just like her as a person. And that's all you need to know. And then my other one who's also a psyop. I think we were just talking about this before the episode. Chapel Roan, Rene Rapp, and Sabrina Carpenter are all fucking psychological operations. They just appeared out of nowhere. Okay, also verify. I was agreeing with that. Drew is just a crazy person. Actually, Rene Rapp kind of freaks me out. That's the one that I like because I never saw her

around or like online at all like a chapel roan makes sense to me because i feel like i've been like seeing glimpses of her like at least online for the past three years and now she's having a huge moment i'm like that's amazing and like even sabrina carpenter she's always been around

She was on Disney. Like, I've always seen her, so that's not that shocking. I feel like Rene Rapp, literally somebody, like... It was, like, literally they, like, dropped a bunch of test tubes and she just, like, appeared and now she's everywhere. Not in a bad way. They're the girls. Like, they're the new pop girls. Like, I was having a hard time. Me and Josiah were talking about this. Like, having a hard time grappling with the new era pop girls because, like, Gaga will always be, like, the girl to me. But...

They've grown on me and I fuck with them heavily and I like what you're doing Girlies, so keep it going like they're listening like I respect you No, I do I do just in case just in case I need them to know that like even though there's psyops in my mind like I fuck with their music And then what's a girl to do by fat? Is it Fatima Yamaha? Let me see you didn't show it to me. Oh, yeah Fatima

Yeah, the fucking brat album. I like that one little cracker, Ian. I like Netspin, but I can't say that publicly. Like I'm a 20, I'm a, I'm a 16 year old boy. I was randomly, I met Netspin or whatever the fuck his name is. I was at a restaurant with some friends and like this guy walked in and this child walked in. The whole time I had dinner, I was like, what is this?

this child doing here this fucking child and then he drove off in like a really nice car and I was like who is this kid he was like dead silent I thought Matt Ox had like reverted back in age and escaped like wherever he's been and I was so confused by his presence like he was freaking me the fuck out he barely spoke he was kind of just standing around the table I was like this child is like shouldn't be here and then he left in a nice car I was like damn that kid has money or something what is happening like and

we live in LA so I was like I guess just another one of those kids with money like I don't fucking know and somebody tried to explain to me who he was and I was like I don't know who that is I'm still really confused and then I saw him on my timeline recently I was like oh you got good cheekbones you got good cheekbones um yeah no and that's been um all his snippets recently have been really cool but I can't publicly say that but I'm gonna publicly say that um and then um

What's his fucking nuts? Yapoo JJ. I'm tapped into the young underground scene. You say that like you're old. Yeah, I am 16. I forget. But literally, the fucking... What's it called? Underground scene right now is producing the next generations of Uzi and Cardi's actively. We're watching it happen. I mean, it is scary because I was like...

Yeah, the cycle of it all. Because even like... Beyonce still has such a grounding with young people, but it is less young people than it used to be. Like, she still has that. But like, even like a Lady Gaga, it's like...

the further in time we go obviously like their audiences don't grow as much with young people I don't know if that makes sense but it is scary because then like you were saying about the newer pop girls like there is just like a new genre but I think that's happening in like acting and everything yeah the transition yeah the transition of like the new stars are rolling in and it is so odd to be witnessing it but it

is also so awesome because i'm like wow i'm like seeing these people actually grow into something and that's fucking awesome because by the time we got to like beyonce and lady gaga and like even a fucking katie perry and like all those like big pop girls they had already been on the scene for a while this is crazy what do la peep is to pop music is what katie perry was to pop music like back then yes yes

That fucking sucks. I got some respect for Katy Perry that like goes... Actually, no, she's in a sad... I don't want to talk about that. No, I love Katy Perry. Do not get... Like, that is the girl. No, but that's what I'm saying is like, I think Katy Perry was like on her shit. Like, she was like... That one fucking album. What's it called? Teenage Dream? Yeah, Teenage Dream. She was... She was like in this like funny, like campy... Like, I don't know how to describe it. Like, she was campy in a way that like...

Lady Gaga to me was so like artistically driven and like not to say Katy Perry wasn't but Katy Perry was so just like glam but like I don't know it's just so interesting to me like she was she's the girl like don't get me wrong but the song she just released like won't be listening god bless you like oh it makes me sad but because she's like trying to be like Rosalia now which is bad

I love Rosalia. Rosalia. You know who's been having kind of a little renaissance and I'm like borderline like respecting the shit out of it? Jacob Sartorius. Not his music. I don't give a fuck about his music. I know, but it makes me sad he's having a renaissance because he got cheated on and he doesn't know how to cope with it. So he's using the internet. Oh, I thought that was a bit. No, I think it's real. Oh, it's not?

It's a bit. Oh, it's a bit? Okay, thank God. See, from my end, I was like, damn, this makes me sad. Like, girl. No, I respect the shit out of him. I feel bad for him. To go through the amount of incessant bullying that he received at such a young age and persevere and come out on the other side not addicted to drugs and alcohol, like, there's something like...

like big going on inside of that fucking brain. It's like with Jojo Siwa. No literally literally like I respect the shit out of people that can like be the butt of the joke for so long and like capitalize on it and like survive and like make it out alive like that's I respect like the shit out of that because like bitch like even I was making fun of Jacob Sartorius. Yeah everybody was it was like the thing. It was the thing to do. Granted my jokes are fucking hilarious like I still stand by that shit to this day but no his little renaissance right now is hilarious and

I'm happy for him and maybe I give his music a shot maybe your Elvis is my uh Jacob Sartorius what Elvis is to you is what Jacob Sartorius is to me um alright well thank you guys so much for listening and we'll see you freaking next week and then the week after that and then the week after that and then the week after that and then the week after that and then the week after that bye bye bye bye