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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.
if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon, spend less, smile more. Welcome back, guys. Hi. Welcome back. It feels weird being right directly in front of the camera like this because I'm just staring down the lens. I'm looking you in your eyes. You're not alone. I see you.
This is Josiah, if anybody... Our first guest in the new set. Hey, it's only right. It's a movie, it's a movie. I'm the only one they could get on such short notice. He's the only free person we could get on set. Also, Drew, I'm sorry, but the whole episode, I'm going to be looking at myself in that tea.
You're right. You're welcome. Half the time when we're doing an episode and I'm looking at Drew, I'm looking past him and I'm looking at myself because I'm making sure my side profile is good. That's typical for me. I'm used to being looked through, not seen, not cared for really. Oh, okay. We do have some gifts for you both. Oh. Oh, what the hell? I think you're going to really like it. I have a feeling this is going to make me laugh. It will make you laugh even. Oh, my God, guys. We got gifts. What the hell? We got gifts from TMG.
Are you fucking kidding me? Wait, wait, wait, wait. No way. I'm literally about to throw up. Wait. Yes. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, y'all. This is so hard to open. Is that the tape recorder? No, these are the lights. Okay, I'm literally scared because I thought it was the tape recorder. I was like, fuck, I have to act like I don't have this. This is awesome. And I'm going to try not to cry because I'm already crying. I'm like literally shitting.
Holy shit. I actually can't believe this is perfect because we're going to Texas. I know. Yeah. Wait, we need to explain. So me and Drew are obsessed with Teenage Engineer and we've been like telling the TMG team that we really want this, even though it is like ludicrous and it's like the most ridiculous ask ever. It's literally two bitches who get like a team behind them and we're like, just give me the jet. Like, give me the jet. This is our equivalent. And we just got the jet, y'all.
but no emissions holy shit thank you guys so much this is actually awesome thank y'all i needed this y'all have no idea how much i needed this right now oh my god wow thank you so much this is actually awesome i thought it was gonna be something really stupid dude they have been talking about these microphones i'm not joking y'all the craziest part is i've even emailed them asking for them because they were sold out when i wanted to buy them didn't get a response to order them from belgium
Really? Belgium. Wow. Thank you so much. Oh my God. This is perfect because we're going to Texas so we can like record. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Thank you all for real. Thank you guys so much. This is. Yeah, this is actually lit. I know. I've been trying to open it like a fucking. They make them like actually impossible to open. When I got my tape recorder, like it took me so long to learn how to open it.
- But I'm really well versed in Teenage Engineer because I actually have so much stuff. - I have an OP-1. - Wow, thank you guys so much. I actually can't believe this. Damn, this is awesome. - Damn, I can't even get it out of the packaging. - Also, what's cool is this big plastic acrylic case is going to be here 1800 years after I die and they're going to be like, "What the fuck was in this?" - Now Teenage Engineering's sending me shit. - Well, what did y'all get for Josiah? - My gift is the wrapping paper. I love paper. Lucky for you guys, paper is my kink.
Or my... I couldn't think of a better word. Hey, my boyfriend. You ate with that one. Okay, so... Thank you, y'all. Yeah, thank y'all. Okay, to start this episode after the beautiful gift-giving...
I just wanted to start by saying, I don't know if this is something weird or something that I only do or if this is something that all men do, which I'm pretty sure Josiah and Kai are a part of this, but I haven't been wiping my ass for like 15 days and it's actually been like super sick because like,
It's better. It's easier. It saves money on toilet paper. Also, like... I don't do this at all. Okay, well, Kai does, so you're a fucking freak. Okay, you're rejoicing that you have a similarity with Kai when it comes to hygiene? Yes. That's my boy. And...
After 15 days you just get to peel it off like a little scab that the build-up wait. How is poop? Okay? No, we can't do this. Yeah, we can It looks like a piece of calamari at the end. Here's the thing guys If anybody's interested in doing this process don't just go straight into it go from wiping to just dabbing or Slash putting pushing it back in so then you can go cold turkey machine it back in
Just check the subreddit. What's up? Are you full of poop? Oh, wait. That reminds me of the photo when twinks get this little belly. That means they have a turd in the chamber. Also, I wish, like, have you ever seen Drew post, like, a meme to his story on his meme account and be like, y'all were going viral? Like, have you ever witnessed that? No, I don't. Well, he does that all the time. Anytime a meme on his meme page gets, like, eight. Meme page. Meme page. Meme page.
What the fuck? Because your memes are so crazy, they need to be locked up. Exactly. But anytime a post gets like literally eight likes, Drew will post it to his story and be like, y'all, we're going viral. We're going viral. And then I was curious because I was like, wait, we need to go through your archive of your stories to see how often you said that. His only stories on his meme page are him reposting his own thing saying...
We're going viral. Dude, I actually do know what you're talking about now because Drew, since like fucking 2018, has been showing me his page. And when a meme gets more than three likes, he's like, dude, it's like blowing up. We're cooking. We're cooking. I'm cooking right now. Well, there's only like 69 followers on our pod. So...
That laugh was like the craziest thing ever. What? The fake laugh you just did. That was Josiah. No, you... That just came out of me. It reminded me of like... Oh.
Oh my god. Do not watch the new season of Drag Race All Stars. It is rotten. It is horrible. I like when they're mean. There's no stakes on the season. No one can go home. No one's winning any actual money. Oh, is everybody against red meat now? Damn. Oh, there's no stakes.
Damn, that sucks. Damn, man. Well, the other day when it was a full moon, me and Drew stood in our backyard and stared up at the moon because we're crazy people and we were just saying we came out to get rid of. And I said, I want to let go of all the toxic and bad things in my life. And what did you say? I said I might not make it through my sleep.
I might disappear in my sleep. And I told him to take it back because I wanted to live. When there's a full moon, you release. You release all the things you don't want in your life. Oh, no, no. Yeah, yeah. When there's a full moon, you release. When there's a no moon, you speak the things you want into your life since it's a new. You're born anew. What are you doing? I was trying to flip off Josiah because I'm fucking pissed off at him. And I think everyone here knows why. Oh, because Josiah is Drew's boyfriend? Yeah.
- Yes, Josiah's Drew's boyfriend and you brought him on the podcast and now you're rubbing. - You're my boyfriend too. - What is this? - That makes me feel good. - I'm not talking about this on the podcast. - Wait, but I think Josiah's a cheater so you can't even be mad. - No, I'm not. - No, I'm not. - No, I'm not. - That's my response to be called. - You do need my help. - You guys do need my help. This is unacceptable.
I really wanted to come today dressed as Super Nanny, like super bad. Like, Zach, we literally were contemplating at 1 a.m. last night texting you saying, like, can you get a Super Nanny outfit for tomorrow? I would have found a way. I would have found a way. Oh, my God. Ozymic babies are going to be crazy. Exactly, exactly. They really are, though. They're going to come out skinny as fuck. Yeah. Like the Zika virus babies with the shrunken heads.
Does that affect men, though? What? I think that disease is only for the girls. What? Zika. I didn't know that. I don't think that's real. That sounds like something you just made up. No, Zika's a very real thing. You get it from a fetal. No, I know Zika is real, girl. I've, like, my life is a movie. I'm always in the airports and stuff. So I remember when they had it. Oh, and you have Zika virus. Well, had. Oh, okay.
Oh, you got rid of it. I got rid of it. I got past it. But yeah, I know that it's a real thing. But Josie is trying to claim that if a man had Zika virus, it'd be like HPV. It wouldn't be a thing for him. Wait, the TV network? No, that's HGTV. Oh, MTV. I don't think... Oh, the HBO's... Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.
We just spend all our time together watching TV. Like that's all we do. We literally get mad when Josie comes over to the house and somebody invites us out to a play. We're like,
Fuck, okay, well, that's like throwing a wrench in our plans and the plans in question is literally ordering Wingstop and watching Drag Race and playing Fortnite. Yeah, Fortnite, the new season of Fortnite is so good. It's so good. Are you playing with people? Bullshit they did to us last time. No, for real. Why the fuck was it Greek mythology?
- Because of the zodiacs and stuff. - The zodiacs? - Because of the zodiacs? - The zodiac signs and stuff. - I don't know, there was no astrology in the season. - I don't even think that's Greek. - Y'all aren't on when I'm on. - Yeah, it's different. - I don't think we are. - My lithium is hitting right now.
The new season is so fun. I could see how it would be horrible if you played alone, but with a group of people, it is so good. It brought me back. Playing it alone actually makes me so fucking mad. I played the other night and I got so close to a win. Then once I let my controller down, my hands were cramped up. It kind of felt like after I see your mom. That's how my hands felt. What? What's the other notes you have?
- Wait, what do you mean? - Oh, my fingers were really cramped after I was playing Fortnite. - I know, what do you mean by that? - It just was reminding me, I don't know, like why are you prodding me? - I wanna know, just say it, just say it. - Oh, finger blasting your mother. - Oh, right. - Also, which camera is recording so I know which one to look into? - That one. - I think it's this one.
Is it that one? This is the main camera. There's three of them. Are you serious? This one is that one. This one is the main one. This one is the main one. Wait, that one is? Yeah, the one with the time on it. I thought it was the one by Kai. Not this one? Oh, it is that one. It is that one. Oh, it's that one. It's this one. Because this is closest to my perspective. I've been like, oh my God, I'm staring at you. I'm literally looking the other way. I feel like I see you.
I see the type of person that you are. Wait, what were we talking about? The, um, it makes you feel like, well,
what game were we playing where it was like I don't know who I am oh never mind it's stupid it's stupid there's this fucking game that we went to a friend's house for game night and there's this game that everybody is like a robot in the game and they all look the same and you just have to move your character around to figure out who you are in this crowd of like 20 robots and it was the funniest game to play with a group of people because every two seconds somebody would be like I don't know who I am I don't
know who i am it sounded like a big existential party of like i lost myself i lost myself who am i i can't see myself oh drew tell that joke the ayahuasca joke which one show me to me please
Oh, okay. So y'all know, show it to me, Rachel. Y'all know, show it to me, Rachel. Please, Rachel, show it to me. Well, you could say, show me to me, Rachel. And it's me after doing ayahuasca. And Rachel's name is Rachel. Or Rachel's name is ayahuasca.
My god, I'm so fucking fried. I'm so your name is Rachel if you were like show me to me, please Rachel Show me to me, please No, I'm asking Rachel to show me Rachel is you say show you're speaking to yourself like show me to me No, Rachel's God in this scenario. Okay Omnipresent Rachel is Jesus. Yeah. Okay, so
To fill some time, I feel like I could talk about basketball if y'all want me to. Oh my God, no. We don't. We just started. We don't need a time. You and some other guy were talking about basketball yesterday when we were walking back to the car and it freaked me out so bad that I had to run up to Enya and Rain and be like, dude, they're talking about basketball and it's freaking me out.
You just don't get it. I really don't. I actually don't. When we were at that same game night, we had to get there early because Drew wanted to watch the rest of the fucking game. So we had to go like an hour early to finish the game. And I felt the exact way an infant does when their mother is ignoring them and on TikTok.
while the baby is on the chest. I was just looking at the screen because it was something to look at. And I was sitting on the couch on my knees, rocking, watching the game. It was crazy. And he kept being like, oh, oh, oh my God. Oh, wow. This is the game. Well, that's my team. We're teammates at this point. I bought a jersey. We're a part of the squad. You're not teammates, true.
Kyrie and Luka. Kyrie and Luka. You ate him up. You're not a teammate. You're a fucking fan, bitch. Oh, wow. Mark Cuban.
Mark Cuban died yesterday. I know. Yeah. No, fuck you. I would have seen that. I keep up. I would have seen that. But yeah, so Kyrie and Luca best backcourt in the league right now. Cooking Rudy Gobert. Defensive player of the year. Yeah, fucking right. That team was built to beat the Nuggets and the Nuggets only the reigning champions. And the Mavs are going to sweep them, unfortunately, tonight. And it's going to be very sad for them. And I'm so excited. Yeah.
I don't understand basketball or sports or anything, but I'm a good ass boyfriend and I fucking spoiled you and I take him to courtside. Why do you say shit like that? I'm a good ass boyfriend. What do you mean? The girls are fighting. No, the girls are not fighting. No, no, no. Say it. Say it. Say what you want to say. We have one delusional girl here. Delulu. Delusional. Delulu. Delulu. Delulu chocolate. Delulu chocolate. Oh, wait. When I'm eating Delulu chocolate. Potato chicken.
Uh, okay, I have a joke. Okay, knock knock. Who's there? Potato. Potato who? Potato chicken. This is like feeling like one of those episodes I'm gonna watch back and be like, what the fuck? I'm already mortified. I feel like every episode that I come on ends up like that and y'all keep bringing me on and you're like, well, fuck it, we'll just have Josie on. It'll be a good episode and every time it's fucking horrible.
It's just a different type of vibe. Well, when I finish my period, every few days after that, I get really scared that there's a chance that I left a tampon in myself and then I'm going to die. Ew. Yeah, I'm fucking out of here. I can't fucking do this shit. I literally just threw up in my mouth. Do you know how hard it is being a girl? Y'all always complaining about some shit like you don't have Sephora Rogue sale right around the corner.
No, when you called the other day, Drew was like, wait, where are you going? Are you going to the Sephora road sale? That was Josiah. I thought it was the road sale. What the fuck is the rogue sale? Rogue like red. Rogue wave. Rogue like red. Is that not what it is?
I don't know if that's girl knowledge. Or is it rogue because I'm going crazy in the Sephora? Rogue. Oh, I have a good idea for Sephora. The Sephora challenge is go into Sephora, run in there, try to eat as much makeup as you can before you throw up. Oh, should we prank all Gucci again? Oh, well, yeah. Me and Josiah. Okay, so me and Josiah. Kai, don't touch that. Don't fucking touch that.
I was told by the team that Drew needs a little bit more room on his left side. Okay, good. Oh, wow. Also, I'm so fucking big that I need more room. That's not at all. That is not at all. You're taking up a lot of the shot right now. Yeah, Drew, it's not shocking. Oh, my God. This is crazy. What makeup shade is that? What makeup shade is that? Malt liquor? Do you know what he's referencing? Yes. Yes, I do. Okay, so...
Inya left to the gym and left me and Josiah home alone. And when we're home alone, when we have custody of Josiah, me and Josiah just get into shit. We do fun shit. Leaving us home alone, mistake number one. Exactly. Also, you keep looking at this camera. It's not fun. Sorry, continue. So we decided to prank call. So our victims this time were...
luxury brand stores. So like Gucci, Prada, Miu Miu, Louis Vuitton, Versace. Why have we never called them? I don't know. And it was so good. Because I have business there and y'all are fucking with my business. Your business there is buying things and being a customer. The business in question.
So we started prank calling all of them and I don't know. Oh no, we started with that shoe. WSS sneakers because we called them. I've called them in the past. I've been like, do you guys have gay shoes? Because that always tends to stump them. They're like, wait, I don't think I heard you. And I'm like, yeah, like Harachis, like gay shoes for Pride Month. Like my son wants to go to school and show his colors. And they're like, oh, oh, oh, oh. Well, then we, Josiah decided to ask them if he could eat the shoes.
And so it's like literally not funny. Like, I don't know why it's so funny to us. But we decided to call all of the designer stores and just contrive like a long story about how like we want to eat the shoes and it would freak them out and they'd be like, wait, what do you mean? Like you want to,
You want to consume the sneaker? I will say it's like the best prank call because one, it is not only so harmless, but it genuinely gets the person on the other line asking questions because usually the person is like, fuck you and hangs up. But this one, the person actually believes it because first they started out and they would be like,
oh no you can't just buy our like you can't just eat our product you have to buy it and then Josie would be like oh no of course I'm gonna buy it but like can I eat it in the store can I eat the shoes in front of you and then it would like evolve into can I eat your shoes and they'd be like okay unless it was a woman because I'm not gonna do that but if it was a man I would be like well what shoes are you wearing can I eat them and then we called um have you tried the
Oh, yeah, yeah. We also called Gucci and said that someone took a bite out of the purse. Oh, yeah. I bought a purse for my wife yesterday and there's a bite taken out of it. Yeah, and then it evolved into us admitting that we were the ones that ate the purse. I took the bite out of the bag.
And they were like, well, you can't fucking return that, bro. Yeah, and then she was like, okay, well, then I can't help you. And then he was like, well, I'm going to eat it. Should I just eat the whole thing? I'll just eat the whole bag. Because it tastes really good. I'm starving. Yeah, and then we called Land Rover and asked them if we could eat. This is like too fun.
If we could eat a defender piece or no, no, a land, a Range Rover. Yeah. Range Rover sport piece by piece, bolt by bolt. The defender would be too filling. Yeah. Cause I told him, I was like, okay, like I'm doing this thing where like every year I consume a whole car bit by bit throughout the year. So like, can I come in and taste test some of the bolts? Like, and he was like, what? And I was like, I know it sounds crazy. Like I had half an engine for breakfast this morning. And he was like, you want to eat the car?
And he was like, "You can't eat the car!" And Josie was like, "Can I just taste test something under the hood where no one will see it? Like, I'll just take a bowl or lick the engine or have some of the oil that's in there." We'll insert some videos of it. I'll find the good ones. I filmed literally every single one of them. I was curious if I could come in and just eat the shoes.
Uh, I'm sorry, what? To what? Eat the shoes. It's a crime to damage the product, I think. No, no, no, I mean like I want to buy the shoes first and then eat them. You gonna buy them first or you gonna eat them first and then buy them? Oh, I would want to purchase them first. I mean, you can do whatever you want with them, man. You know, but we, um, you can't return them if you eat them, you know?
I basically had like half an inch in for breakfast. It's weird, I know. But I'm just looking to get more of a luxury one this year. I purchased an Infinity last year and I'm almost 70% through. The Range Rover Defenders are amazing. Yeah, they're just so filling. I mean, I know I'm hungry right now, but I know it's going to be too much.
And there's literally 30 minutes of footage. Dude, the car dealership one was the craziest one because as somebody who just got a car, it is crazy how predatory like the car sales people are, which I get it. Get your bag. Understand. But like every time I went and looked at a car, I got countless and resentless emailing and texts and calls from the car dealerships being like, are you going to buy the car? Oh, we can give you a deal. Like low interest. Like, well, like just...
harassing me so this guy stayed on the phone with the links that they will go yeah literally yeah six minutes like seven eight entertaining josie and by the end he was just like he was like i kept i kept pressing it like no i'm gonna eat it before i buy it i just came up with a joke oh god wait hold on let me think about it okay why is six afraid of seven seven eight nine fuck y'all bitch you didn't just think of that
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Fuck y'all. I'm burning your houses down. My favorite Josiah prank calls were on the way to Joseph. Not Joseph. Oh, Joseph Tree? No. I knew you guys were going to make fun of me. Yeah, what is Joseph Tree? I knew this shit was going to happen again. You sound like a Joseph Tree expert. I knew this shit would happen again. No, on the way to Joshua Tree...
And you called like five Chick-fil-A's and asked if they got the pussy part of the bird? Yeah, Drew came up with that. That is such a good line. It's calling them and saying, do y'all use the pussy part of the bird or no? Are we allowed to say that word? Yeah, yeah, of course. We can say whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing has changed. Say the crazy thing. Do the crazy thing. Do the crazy thing. How much earlier were y'all awake than me? We woke up at like 7. Yeah, we've been awake since 7. We've been up. You look like it. You're out of frame, Josiah. Oh, sorry. Okay, so back to basketball. No, bitch!
please no fuck the timberwolves car anthony towns is cooked i'd love to hear more to scare me the emergency intercom meals on that account they're really starting to scare me because i keep referencing this fucking game night but before we went our friend was like oh game night that's what you were the president oh yeah he was the president of the gay night what is that thing that he's holding
He's probably going to put it in his butt or something. I'm just looking at the meals. That's not so bad. That's just Wingstop. No, but what I'm saying is what's scaring me is we are literally the generation of eat hot Cheetos, can't cook, lie, use iPhone. And I'm starting to think that that means... Be bisexual. No. Mm-mm.
no that's pushing it yeah that's like yeah no healthy this day avocado toast yeah no some people are making themselves things okay that meme was more of a premonition than it was like a joke like it literally was telling the future because our generation can cook breakfast like we can make eggs past that it
it's a wrap like it literally finding somebody who can cook a real meal that tastes good I think in our generation is actually impossible pasta I can make pasta anybody can butter noodles butter noodles butter noodles the girls be making butter noodles I make slim jims at home
Oh, in the toilet? Yeah. Ew. No, you make like Cocoa Puffs. Oh my God. Like little pellets. And I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Throw it at me. I would never throw something at a woman. Okay.
Okay, so basically Rudy Gobert got his ankles broken by Luka. Oh my God! Maybe if he was wearing Gucci shoes, he wouldn't have. Gucci loafers. If he ate his shoe for breakfast that morning, he probably wouldn't have gotten broken down. They should do a gay season at the NBA where they all have to wear high heels for all the games. Drew, what else happened in basketball? Thank you for actually taking interest in the interest. You're such a pick-me.
I don't give a fuck. Wait, we need to go back to what you just said. What? That he's a pick me? He's a pick me? No, no. Gay basketball league where they play in high heels. Oh, yeah. And they wear lipstick. Have y'all seen the gay basketball league? Oh, I've seen the gay basketball player who emotes after everything. Yes. Hold on. Who wears nail gloss or nail polish? What is it called? That's like every man now. Gay basketball Philippines. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the gay basketball league.
This is literally Drew. Dude, like, that's a normal reaction to getting a goal, though. For you. For you, too. Like, you want to celebrate. Oh, wow. Like, he cooked them. And that emo is so fire. I know. I love the, like, the bow. The Cupid's bow. Oh, my God.
Craziest part about this is that guy's straight. Yeah, like probably. No, that's literally like one of my favorite videos of all time. Kyra, you good? Yeah, I'm good. I still have a head rush from that. He just chugged a tall boy. Head rush.
Well, if anybody was wondering where my mental state is, this is something I wrote down in my notes. Kind of in the mood to go to a deserted beach that is kind of cold and foggy and I have to wear a really big jacket parka and have a metal detector and just find garbage. Oh, wow. That's where I'm at. I like that idea, but if you were wearing a bikini. Three sizes too small. Just covering the nipple?
I'm not discriminating this year. I'm going to be sexually harassing Drew and Anya. Fuck it. Women cannot escape. Y'all want equality? Here you go.
There you go. There you fucking go. Damn. Wait, y'all. Last night at Kai's, we had such a pretty night, Kai's birthday. We had a beach bonfire and Kai's community came out and it was genuinely very sweet and cute. It was packed. It was a good idea. You know people. I was worried it was going to be freezing cold, but when the fire got started and we all got close and like,
It was sweet. It was really cute. But before the fire was started, it was still daytime. I was like walking around the beach and I picked up this big fucking crab. And it was like Riz. It was crab Riz. All of the girls were like, Drew, oh my God, Drew, this is so crazy. I saw it. Yeah. I saw it. Yeah. And I have Riz. I have Riz. Okay. So this might be a thing of like...
I have Riz. Yeah, don't say it. Drew, do you know what a reality distortion field is? Yeah. It's where someone's perspective is so different from the rest of the world's. I'm just wondering if you know what that is. Why are you being mean to Drew? I'm not being mean to him. You're supposed to be his boyfriend. I support him, but I also help him grow and shit. Okay, here's the thing. Last night, did you guys notice it was really fucking hard to start the fire? And then Daddy came in, and I fucking started that shit so quickly. Oh my God.
And my energy was so fucking magnetic. I just felt people feel so safe and so comfortable. It was also your birthday. We're treating you differently. Wait, I literally have a video of you starting the fire. Do I look good? Pop that in there. And you look good. Kai, you're literally doing so good right now. Oh shit, I think I actually did that. Yay!
So the fire was in the forest. Wait, I'm still, we need to go. Yeah, Kai burnt down Malibu. Kai actually started a forest fire last night. Okay, wait, but I need to go back to reality distortion because I think all three of y'all's realities are very distorted. Actually, never mind. Mine is awesome. Never mind. Mine is awesome. Mine is awesome.
Well, I got bullied at a concert. Yeah, it was really dark. It was really dark. I got bullied and I did cry over it. So if anybody was wondering. And then she stood next to a leaky trash can and took like 30 photos. Oh, how long was she standing next to you? A leaky trash can, he said. A leaky. He may laugh about it even.
Sorry, Drew. Actually, you really made him think. Read the notes. Yeah, he's thinking. Not the thinker on set today. Syphilis. Syphilis rolling the stone up his head. Oh, my God. Remember when I thought I had syphilis? Yeah, that was a horrible two days. Fuck, dude. What is 24 hours of my life? Also, Josie, you thought you had it for an hour, and then you called everybody you knew. Oh, no. I know. I called my long-term girlfriend and was like, dude, 99%, I have it. For real?
And I haven't even been tested yet. And actually, like, y'all, like, weren't long-term yet. Y'all, like, literally just started dating. Like, it wasn't, like, a fresh, like...
or it was a very fresh relationship josiah called everybody without getting tested and told everybody he had syphosis and i went to the doctor and she made me pull down my pants and looked at it and it was actually yes it was just like awkward because i was like oh my god when i never i'm gonna say i had a well should i say my bullying story or does nobody care about me
Oh, yeah, of course. I already told you. I mean, you didn't tell them. And you tell them. It's true, guys. And you tell them. Well, when we were at the Sky Ferreira concert, we were getting stopped in, like, this walkway while we were, like, about to head out to, like, use the bathroom. And this girl, like, stopped me and was, like, just talking to me and Drew and, like...
She was like the second or third person to stop us like in that little walkway. And I'm assuming this guy had been watching us for a minute because I go to walk towards this step, like there's steps down into the walkway. Also at this point, it was still like two fucking three hours before the concert started. So us being in the walkway wasn't a big deal. It wasn't like mid concert or anything. And I was walking in front of the steps and this guy...
Is like charging at me. Stops at the top of the steps and is like looking down at me. Like gets like literally three inches from Inya's face. Yeah, almost falls on me. And then like is this close to my face and is like, I'm a huge fan of you, by the way. And I just, I thought he was being...
I didn't think he was being fictitious. So I was like, oh, wow. Thank you so much. Like, hold on. I'm going to... I'm speaking to someone right now. But like, I'll talk to you in a second. And then he just started laughing in my face. And I was like... And then his friend started laughing? Yeah, his friend was right behind him, like over his shoulder. And they were both laughing at me. And they were both grown as fuck, like pushing 35. So then I was just standing like under these two fucking nasty monsters laughing at me. And then...
With that big oversized like nasty ratted and tattered turquoise fucking shirt. He slept in it that night. And then I was like he just looked at me he's like okay and I was like
Oh, and then I backed up and he started walking away and him and his friend just looked back at me and we're literally dying laughing. And then I took a few pictures and spoke to somebody and oh, we did that video where the girl came up to us and was like, oh, can you take a video of me? And I did that. And then I went out to the smoking area and I cried because I was so angry and embarrassed. And that was my story.
That's why concealing Carrie should be legal. But Papa was there. Concealer and carrying your powder, you mean. Period. But Papa was there to talk you off the edge. But I really wanted to find him in the crowd and spit on his face. But yeah, and then we were like really trying to think. I was like, what are the chances he actually watches the podcast and was just like trying to be funny. But I was like,
No, because he definitely did that to me because I was like a girl and he wanted to make fun of me and he probably knew that like people saw me on the iPhone. Because he didn't do that shit to me. Yeah, he didn't. And hopefully he sees this somehow and he feels guilty and then ends up going to therapy. Well, SZA is my girlfriend. Who's SZA? The musician.
SZA SZA SZA RZA oh my god fuck y'all no SZA is my girlfriend um and I just don't think people are talking about it you think you can pull SZA you think that you're I already I already bagged SZA you know SZA I don't know SZA we hang out with her all the time I know SZA who is SZA that girl who likes things all about weed and stuff SZA's sister
Wait, so how is she your girlfriend? I've never seen you guys. I'm finding it. I'm finding it. You have to find proof that she's your girlfriend. She liked my IG post. I don't know if that makes you guys girlfriend and boyfriend. She liked my IG post and it's my Met Gala look and she thinks I'm funny and she likes my content. Wait, have you ever been in a relationship? Do you know how they form? Because that's kind of not like. It starts with a like, babe.
I've never had any kind of engagement romantically or intimately that didn't spawn from Instagram.com seriously yeah everybody horrible actually no I have one person who I met in person and then it moved to Instagram.com no your fucking mom my mom is dead she never had an Instagram sadly bummer she didn't make it there
Boring! Rest in peace to my mother, she would have loved the iPhone 15 Pro Max. The new cameras are fucking cooked. She would have loved to go to a culture and zoom in and be like, guys, you would never guess. I'm actually in like section 8. Now she's in section 8. Hi, babe. Or hell, depending on how you like it. Both section 8. Period. I've been thinking a lot about billionaires.
and how they drive in the same traffic as us and they have the exact same iphone as us i love when you say like i've been thinking a lot about this and it mainly means i watched a tiktok i watched a tiktok about it um they put the the pants and under underwear on the exact same way as us um
And socks. We're all human. No, I've been saying that. Wait, can someone go to my most recent IG picture and see who follows SZA and see if it's the first person that pops up when you look at it? I don't think that means she was the first person to like it. No, no, no. Like, if you follow her... Drew, what's your at on Instagram? Oh, my God. Drew Phillips. I didn't follow you a while ago. It's DrewPhillips09, bruh.
If she was going to be there, that would have to mean that somebody in this room interacts with her enough to be the most interacted account. I don't follow her because she doesn't exist and I don't know who she is. And you're making up a girlfriend and Josie's just like, he's doing this thing right now by protecting his peace and by convincing himself that SZA is made up.
Because he knows that SZA is real and she's like a baddie. I feel like I'm being ganged up on by everybody in this room right now. No, I'm defending you. I'm defending you. Don't be mean to him. But I will say, I think if SZA had to pick between you and me, she might pick me. I think she might pick me. Yeah, because you're a pick me. Anya's such a pick me. You're a pick me. Exactly. You're that girl I knew you were. No, she's not. Very classy lady. Wait, what, Kai? No, she's not. Anya's not a pick me. Thank you.
kai is the ultimate pick yeah kai is actually like every time anyone's getting clowned he's like no you're not notice how he hasn't done it to you yet exactly well no because he doesn't like you so actually what you're saying see you're projecting again because you're defensive kai's very loving and caring soul but when he is targeted so viciously by someone as evil as you why would i defend you we have sexual beef yeah true what does that mean
Dude, just... Beef? I'm not going to explain. Beef. Beef. Beef. Well, the reason Ellen is so rich is because she saved money on editors. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, let's talk about it. Spray on bitches. Let's not talk about it. Mr. Spray on bitches.
Like that is not funny to anyone else. No, it's fucking awesome. And it's so, so sad because it really is one of those moments that I wish was recorded so you guys could see how silly it was. But we were all in like 2018, 2019.
Sitting on the couch, really hungover, just like watching Ellen clips as one does. And we were just sitting like, I don't know why we were watching. We were watching the Ellen Games show. It was the Game of Games where she was a big villain and hitting a button and like killing people. Killing people, right? It was so crazy. And we were watching that and we were all dead silent. And then Josie goes...
The editing on this is horrible. That's probably why she's a millionaire because she saves so much money on editors. Well, what I really said was this. The editing on this is horrible. I probably said that. And then I said, that's why she's so rich is because she doesn't spend jack shit on editors. Yeah, jack shit on editors. And I've never felt more uncomfortable in my life than when that came out of Josiah's mouth. It shut everything.
everyone up in the craziest way and then we were playing Jackbox TV or wait what is it? It's Snatch Game. Snatch. No. It's Quiplash. Quiplash. We were playing Quiplash and like we used to take that shit so seriously. We would play it like every night for hours and hours and hours and like it was just like basically one big performance for whoever wins like
I won every time basically but anyways yeah that's not true it's very it is very true did win a lot though yeah I think you and Josie won the most no it was always Lucas and Josh
They won a lot. No, that was without me playing. When I was in the mix. Guys, I won a lot too. I feel like I only really won when I was high and I wasn't thinking about my answers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then anytime I was playing it sober, I was so in my head and trying so hard to win. And you could tell when people were trying too hard. And then you could tell when people were just trying to not be funny by trying to not be funny. I don't know. It's such a... It's psychological warfare. But anyways, we were playing...
around and it was like one of the first times we hung out with Josiah like top five and one of the answers or one of the questions was like finish this sentence spray on with a new invention like come up with a new invention that starts with spray on yeah so like there's so many avenues you can go down spray on pants spray on shirt spray on hair um
But Josiah decided to say... I think technically spray on hair exists. Like, look at Kai. Okay, that's not true. Sorry, sorry, sorry. That's so fucked up. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I'm gonna... If you ever... No, no, say it. Say it. I'm gonna start taking Minoxidil because my hair is thinning. So I'm projecting onto you. If y'all women out there, if you ever want to... My hair is not thinning. I was lying.
If you really want to hurt a man like at his core, bring up his hair. Yeah. That's all men have. Clock the hairline. Clock the hairline. Clock the thinning hair because other than that, men have nothing.
Also, I want to make it where they don't wear makeup where oh where reduced hairline where I showed mine right now would be And I was making fun of what's-her-name
the one oh roxy andrews i was like making fun of roxy andrews hairline because she has like bleach blonde hair outside of that fucking wig and like it goes so far back and it looks like it's breaking which god bless like i don't want to make fun of roxy andrews i think i'll love yeah um but like i was just like high and like making fun of it and then josie was like don't even start
Don't start. And I was up close to the TV taking a picture and I turned and Josie had all his hair pulled back and we stood in the living room in like dead silence. All is coming from inside the house. Finally, someone was honest with me and then you was like, oh, you need to get on an oxido. I've told you before.
You, yeah. But Enya was like very like brutal. Just like it was silent. She was like, you need to get on that shit. Because I have my hair pulled back. I have tension alopecia. Yeah. No, it literally is. I have attention alopecia. I have Jojo Siwa. I'm losing attention as I get older. You do look like Jojo Siwa. Don't. Okay. Actually, you do. Don't say that. I'd rather have Jojo. Josiah, you do look like Jojo Siwa. And Drew, you look like a prince. Okay.
Like a handsome prince. And, Kai, you look like Jeffrey Dahmer. What? Well... No, Kai looks like David Dobrik. Why are you saying that? Well, isn't Jeffrey Dahmer kind of sexy? No. He wasn't? No, he was a baddie. Which one was a baddie? The one who played him in the show. The Night Slasher was... Evan Peters. Oh, yeah. I can't remember his name. Rick James. I'm a Rick James super freak. Okay.
I didn't finish, but anyways, Josiah's answer was spray on bitches and it shifted reality. But it was literally one of those moments you just had to be there. Also, we didn't know each other that well, so it really came like, it was like jarring. Oh, you didn't need to know me that well. Y'all went in on me. Yeah, we did. It was payback because you were so mean when we first met, which we've talked about before and I've let go of. I've let go of that. But you know it wasn't genuinely mean.
When I met Josiah, it was the year my mom died and I told him he was... I don't know how we got in conversation. That's not my problem. And I said, oh yeah, my mom died this year. And he goes, okay. And? I thought you were joking, one. And two, also, I don't know you. That's not my problem. I'm sorry, that's horrible. Don't put that on me. We just met. Yeah. Well, I think I only said it because you were being... I made a yo mama joke. Oh, yeah.
Which is also like, okay, you're the one to be like, actually, my mom's dead. Well, you were being mean as fuck to me. I don't remember that. Okay, well, I have a note saying, crying at all of my toxic ex-girlfriends that I cheated on making TikToks about me, lol. Y'all are so desperate, get over it.
you don't have a girlfriend she uh sizza hello i cheated on her with who you were you just spent 20 minutes of this episode convincing us she was your girlfriend but now you're saying you've been cheating on her yeah that's why she makes all the good music oh so i guess you're doing it to benefit like the audience yes exactly i'm for the people exactly yes well well yeah
Also, I know I've been like teasing a lot recently that I've been reading the Bible. Well, I decided to join a church and I'm going to, I joined Westboro Baptist Church. No, Drew, you can't join there. You really actually, do you know about it? I'm actually really proud. Drew, did you do any research before making that decision or?
Like, yeah, yeah. If they look you up, they might kick you out. I know exactly what they do. Oh. You know exactly what they do? Yeah. With the signs? Yes. Okay. They're probably going to kick you out if they look you up online, though. A straight man that is sexy hot with a very defined jawline. Wait, what's up in the internet? Do you find that? I would literally agree with everything you just fucking said. Yeah, thank you. But y'all are dating. I'm so confused. Yeah, we're dating. He beats it up. What's so bad about Westboro Baptist Church? Go.
Like, that's them. Honestly, that was such a crazy era. Like, them getting on Vine and singing that. Do you know what we're talking about? Like, them singing that was crazy. But you have to admit, Iconique. I mean, it has stood the test of time. If you just sing...
Anybody can finish that fucking line. I'm curious if that'll ever make a run back. Not anybody. I'm curious if it'll make a run back to TikTok. I'm shocked that has. It has. No, they're there. I've seen it on TikTok. I'm actually the social media manager for Westboro Baptist. Oh, do you repost it? All of the videos were me...
They were my work. Oh, wow. You're actually really good. I'm a director. You could manage like Charlie D'Amelio or something now with that kind of like portfolio. You do. Are you like infiltrating from within with them or something? Like a sleeper cell? Yeah. No, I... Like fighting the enemy. Yeah, like you're going to like get in so you can be like, guys, like it's okay. Like you don't have to be so hateful. I like the hate. Oh. All right.
He's giving low, Anthony. Stop. Okay, well Lyme's disease is in for 2024. And it's Zachary's disease. I don't know what that is, but that's an interesting name for it. What if it's like a really bad disease? I saw somebody on TikTok who had a tick in their hair.
They're so fucking gross. Have you ever popped one? No. Have you ever got bit by one? Or had one? We're not from Texas. Okay, yeah. Damn. We're from like normal places with buildings and elevators. Oh, wait. Y'all did both. When's the first time you got in an elevator? Like probably not till you moved to LA. No, I actually have a very visceral...
Keep going. You got this. I have a very vivid, visceral memory of being in an elevator for the first time. And it was my mom was Christmas shopping and I don't think she thought I was sentient yet. And I remember her going into the back of the trunk to get her purse. And I saw all the presents in the back, but she was taking me and Madeline to a doctor's appointment. And I remember being in the elevator on the way up and being in the waiting room and playing with the like,
classic doctor office like toy where you like make the balls drop no I know what you're talking about y'all were playing with balls at the doctor stop playing that's crazy also I just want to I want to celebrate Drew's lexicon he just said sentient and visceral and I think that's so cool like thank you I don't feel like I get enough recognition on my vocabulary can you spell those words no
He has to stay into his iPhone. I hear Drew from the other side of the house constantly be like, walking. Like, Drew, walking or excited?
He'll be like, nauseous. Okay, spell nauseous right now. Yeah, don't fucking play with me. I can't. I was a spelling bee captain. I can't. But I'm actually, I'm sure you could if you fucking tried. N-E-A-U-S-C-I-O-U-S. Probably right. You're so fucking smart. I didn't. You put an I in there. I didn't put an I. Nauseous. Nauseous. I'm nauseous.
I feel like that's one of those words I just have to start typing it and my brain somewhere in the back just has that kind of information. Like, if I'm writing something down, there are a lot of words I can just spell if my hands start doing the work because it's like muscle memory. But if I have to do it in person, I can't. That's how I feel making your mama squirt is like...
- Bitch, Josiah, Josiah, I swear to God I was gonna say that. - Trying to make my mom squirt would be like going on the dune set and trying to make water show up. - It would be like this, it would be like this. Like a dust cloud. Okay, I just have this saved for some reason. I don't know why I saved it in my notes. - Because you wanna do that again. - Is that what it was? - Yeah. - Why don't you do your-- - Ooh, okay, wait, no. - Oh yeah, it is time, it is time.
A vibrator. I downloaded the vibrator app. Wait, I have a really good idea because your month is coming up. So if you want to do something fun with your hair, we can do highlights of color. Oh, yeah, the month. June. Just Drew. Body is tea. No. Body is absolutely tea. Body is fart. Body is coffee. Body is boba. Body is milk.
Okay, well, so since the stand-up killed in the TMG episode and our episode, I decided I was going to write some more stand-up. And I don't know if it's as good as last week, but I have like a solid two minutes, maybe three of stand-up. That's too long. Okay. How old do you have to be to buy alcohol? 21. 21.
This is like the divine humor part. Divine humor. Divine masculine, divine humor. Divine feminine. No, divine. Why are there so many chickens crossing the road? Look at all those chickens. And why am I so hungry all of a sudden? You know what's fucked up is like Drew sat next to me for like 10 minutes. He read them to me yesterday. So Inya co-wrote this one.
In the DARE program, they taught me about weed, meth, and heroin, but they never taught me about porn. Because Drew's addicted to porn. Yeah. Okay. Money makes me feel like a pirate sometimes. I want more. I'm getting into the accent.
Wait, I don't think pirates say that. No, they like the booty. They say arg, but they don't say I want more. Oh, it could be like the booty. I want more booty. That's you when you... Shut the fuck up. Okay. Every time I turn on the light in my house, I get scared because I see Inya naked. What?
That's insinuating that I'm like always naked. The one originally was Icy Onion HD and I was like, please change it to Icy Onion Naked. Okay, this is a good one. Lesbian more like the good. I want to be friends with all of them.
Lesbian. Like in Spanish. I fucking cooked. Fuck y'all. Dude, that one was really crazy. They're good. I want to be friends with all of them. They will laugh about it even. Okay, this is a callback to earlier in the episode.
Gucci, more like Gooch makes me say eee. Because it smells so bad. Oh, by the way, why do I get so scared to eat in front of the workers at Gucci? Oh, I know why. They always make me feel bad about eating their shoes. Like, have y'all ever tried leather, cork, and rubber? It's a godly combination. Oh my god. Me or scare me because Kai stands in front of them naked and they break. I don't care.
Never go in the bathroom with Kai. Exactly. Unless you want cuts all over your body. It'll shatter. It'll explode. It doesn't just shatter. You guys are making it look like it's going to burst at you. Okay. Witches are always brewing their potions and shit and saying things like, I want to cook all the bad kids in the world in a cauldron. And Enya is ugly like a witch. Okay, okay, okay. Oh, wait, there's more? Yeah. Oh, fuck.
Did you help write that one? Did I? No, I wrote that one. Anya is ugly. Monogamy is overrated. Who just wants to have sex with one person? Y'all are crazy people. I want to have sex with at least 200 people.
At least 200. And that is the stand-up. Wow, that was actually good. We'll need to add like... Drew's stand-up. Why do you sing all of your little things in the same key? Well, then how would you do it? You don't need to sing. Josiah, sing Drew's stand-up. No.
Kai, sing Drew's stand up. I'm not doing that. What the fuck? You have ops. Oh my god. Fuck y'all. Zach, sing Drew's sting up. Fuck.
See I have one person on my side. I'm not gonna sing it but I did laugh so fucking hard that I actually pissed myself a little bit. Did you save it? Oh my god wait Fergie pissing her pants literally made me crack up. Please can y'all insert that photo of Fergie with piss all over her pants. Wait hold on no Kai did you save it for me cause you were supposed to save that for me. Oh yeah no it's an amazing joke. You could suck on the cotton. Ew. Cockin'.
What's the Fergie video? I didn't see it. It's not a video. You remember that picture of her where she's singing like this? She pissed herself on stage. She talked about it. She confirmed. They would talk about it even. Those were the most footstep sounding footsteps I've ever heard. I know. I didn't know we were in the Foley studio. No. Is this real? I want to be a Foley artist.
I want to be a Foley artist so bad. When Fergie peed her pants while performing Let's Get It Started in 2005. I'm running on stage. Let's Get It Started more like Let's Get It Farted. Sorry, I didn't write that one down. I'm trying improv. Yeah, don't do that.
When Fergie peed her pants while performing Let's Get It Started 2005, I'm running on stage and we jump and do Let's Get It Started. And I get crazy. And I jump and I run across the stage and my adrenaline was going. And gosh, I wish it didn't happen. I was so embarrassed. Also, that being her statement, the interviewer who asked her that question is so fucked up. What else is she supposed to say? Like her being like so...
I was on stage. I want an audio recording of that interview, of them being like, so did you pee yourself on stage? So can you explain this photo? They would pee about it even. She should have just said she started her period. That would have been my, but I guess it was not rad. Y'all, when- She should have said she squirted and she was so happy. Green needle. And then she could have made a sexy vibe. Brainstorm. Green needle. Laurel. Laurel. Yanny. Yanny. Yanny. Yanny.
Okay, let's get into it. Is the dress black or blue or white and gold? It's white and gold and that man tried to kill his wife. I saw that. Saw that? Yeah, Kai sent that to me. But you know what? Honestly, when I saw that, I was like, I don't care. Did he kill his wife? No, he tried to. I don't give a fuck. I've tried to kill y'all like at least three times. Yeah, like that's not interesting to me at all. I don't care.
I get dry ice and I put it in a bucket in y'all's room and I try to fill it up with carbon dioxide. What the fuck? So y'all suffocate in your sleep. Well, I hit my puff so many times that it's going to take a lot more than that to suffocate me. Yeah, true. Also, I want to make this... I recently watched some of the guest episodes, right? And I'm the only guest. You guys don't have any questions for me. You don't...
you just because you're an extension of us yeah well what what do you don't you but you never have any questions for me where you're like yeah i have a question when are you gonna start fucking paying rent since you stay at our house so much yeah that's my question for you okay i'm not the one who like when i'm leaving you guys like beg me to stay right
It's because we get alone. Like, cause me and Inya are essentially like the same person at this point. So like we get alone with our thoughts and it's like talking to a mirror. Well, look how scary we look in this. We look like we do meth. Like we look like a really scary. Dude, I saw that and I do not fuck with that. Put that on the episode. Was that a Coachella when I wore the muumuu? Yeah. Um, the Hot Cheetos rebrand is horrible.
They did a rebrand? Yes. The bags are horrible. If it ain't broke, don't fix it because it looks terrible and I haven't bought Hot Cheetos since because the packaging is horrible. That movie was really good though. Apparently people loved it and it was super good. Was Ryan Reynolds in it? No, I was joking. Apparently it was horrible. Ryan Reynolds? No, actually never mind. You should talk about Ross Matthews. Look at the new rebrand.
Looks terrible. Wait, what's the new one? So the new one just looks like that triple extra hot. No, it's so different. Oh, I guess, yeah, the new one looks like it's the extra, extra hot one. Oh, which would make me be like, oh, those are probably really hot. Yeah, exactly. And I don't want that. Like, I want the old bag where it was, like, all red. Why the fuck, like, the real, like, picture of it that they put on the bag looks fucking insane. Yeah, it's horrible. So how did they get a cheetah to be holding them?
That's kind of interesting. Fucking cartoon, Josiah. That is a fucking cartoon. I think it's Holly Weird. They drugged the cheetah. Okay, the last thing I want to talk about is when I was very young.
I wanted to be a rapper really badly. Like, I'm not kidding. I wanted to be like the next Eminem. Like, I really like I wanted to so badly. And I had. You can't write on a beat to save your life. Like, that was. Oh, hold on. Let's talk about the pink dot lyric and the world getting smushed. You can barely do it. OK, but I can write on a beat like I can write the notes. The notes. Josiah, can I write on the beat? Tell me I don't fucking cook.
sometimes you can no most of the time because look at look at all of the footage i'm the one planting the seeds and the ideas i think i think i think you have good ideas i think just when you're actually getting on the mic it gets kind of difficult for you sometimes that's the truth scared of it it's not a bad thing i'm not even making fun of you too because i'm like no better
It's not you guys' job. No, true, true, true, true, true. I'm not actually offended. Drew got so offended. No, I'm genuinely not. No, he asked if he could sing on the next Greer album, and Jesse was like, I mean, like, no. Bitch, I did not actually get offended. You're like, you're shifting my reality. Well, no, what actually happened is when I... Wait, next time someone's like, you're shifting my reality. You are shifting my reality. No, literally, literally. What is it? Diarrhea? No, diorama...
reality distortion yeah reality distortion also yeah new career album coming yeah oh that's what we wanted to ask oh yeah i did actually want to ask you about that how's the process been recording that album no it's been good please don't there's not much left oh no chick-fil-a sauce a lemonade
No, it's going good though. The boys are happy. Everyone's being fed. And it's probably not going to come out for a while. So I don't even know why I'm talking about it. Maybe there will be a single. Maybe the whole album will come out this year. I'm not acknowledging that you're saying we can tell when you're saying that I'm eating.
- I mean you're eating like you're always eating 'cause you're so good. - 'Cause my figure is great, I feel amazing about it and I like what I see when I look in the mirror. - Maybe you have a reality distortion. - Maybe I have Ed Zachary disease.
Well, I asked if I could sing on the album and he said, hmm, maybe. So I just want to put that. And then I asked if I could sing on the album and he said, absolutely not. Well, because it's like Drew, you don't have a singing voice like that. And then Drew was like, yeah, well, like a song. If you put me on a song and get like three million, four million. You realize I was doing a fucking bit. Well, yes. OK, well, it doesn't. I do.
Because you were saying I was actually offended. I was. I am because you're shifting my reality. You're shifting his reality. And you're making it sound like to the rest of them that I wasn't offended. That he was pressed. But I wasn't. When in reality, Enya was the one who got mad last night when I touched her screen all funky. Oh, yeah. And then her shit was all fucked up. Oh, yeah. You actually got pressed. Because my car.
My car, like, audio aux system sucks fucking ass, and it's fucking insane. If you get in the car and you touch the screen and, like, fuck with it before you let it, like, just start up and do its thing, the aux doesn't work. Like, it can't connect to anything. And Josiah got it and started using my screen. Well, now I know your weakness. Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have bought a piece of shit car. Yeah. Okay, it says...
I drive a nice, a nice, sensible Honda Civic. Okay. Well, anyways, I wanted to be a rapper really, really badly. And there was this one beat that I listened to all the time. I would literally listen to it like unironically all the time, just like thinking thoughts in my head. And,
And I'm about to show you. I have to get this out of wire. I wasn't going to say to the camera guy. I was like, I was going to say, okay, says Mr. No Hair. Oh, no. You are not winning the crazy battles. I am winning the crazy battle. This beat truly, truly shifted everything for me. I know what it is.
It's a joker beat, bruh. Hey. No, this shifted reality in the worst way. Rap my verse. I got so many dicks up in my butt.
We recorded, the three of us, which this probably came full circle for you, Drew. It was very important. We recorded this song. I brought the beat to y'all. Yeah. Like, it was like a very real thing. Like, it felt really good. What was my verse? And it was the worst vibe ever. Like, we all were so tired. It was like. I got a mini dicks up in my butt. That was mine. Yours, I feel like, was it the dinosaur finger line? Oh, fuck. It was, I'm fingering your mom. Oh, yeah. Ah.
I'm fingering your mom. I got a dinosaur finger. It was like the worst, the worst thing I've ever heard in my life. Do you have it on your phone? No, I have it on my computer. We should outro it with this song if we can. Yeah, we'll think about it. Because I think I'm evil in that song. Did my evil side come out? I have just like, if you want to ask Josiah a legitimate question, I have a legitimate question for him. Oh my God. Like podcast vibes? Yeah, what? Like, are you good? Are you okay? Oh my God.
yeah answer uh are you uh first name are you last i actually love seeing y'all no no no no no seriously like you feel good yeah i'm good okay then why would you destroy someone's relationship i guess it's just my question whose relationship
That's an illegitimate relation. Wait, wait, wait. Was it your mother and your father when I fucked your mama for 10 years like a fucking animal? Did you seriously? I fucked her crazy like a maniac. Did you seriously fuck my mom for 10 years like an animal? Huh? Did you actually do that shit? Oh, yeah. No, since I've been 13. I didn't even know if you were going to jail. She's going to jail. Freak, bro. I didn't even know about that. You're ruining my fucking life. Sorry. All right. Do you have Psyop Corner? Yes, but I have to find them first.
I'm going to do media. Oh, wait. A Walmart ex-Drew collab. I'm not kidding. I've got that email before too and I was like, I want Walmart. I want Walmart. They wanted me to go into a Walmart and take pictures with shit. And I was like, that's crazy. Well, my media of the week is Choke by the Cardigans, Nothing Will Change My Mind, Tex Crick, Laughing the Guess Who, Ventura Highway, America, and George Martin.
what's not also that's like one of my favorite songs on that record joke i know and i feel like everyone hates it no i feel like it's one of the best ones it's great um and sexy to someone by clara i like the new billy billy eilish just i do your media my media uh fuck let me think um the movie that movie that i saw what movie did you see that one that one movie
I don't fucking know. I wasn't prepared for this. The meme account is actually going so viral right now. Like, I went from getting, like, one to two likes on every post to nine, four, seven, eight. Well, I also did go through and like 18,000 photos. Oh, it's Dark Lady by Cher.
Oh, isn't that the one that what's her nuts couldn't sing Mirage got sent home on actually such a good song and that one fucking I'm Dusty Springfield song you guys can figure it out. I see spring. Okay, so Oh and still baby reindeer. I'm still that's still my media Okay, Drew sigh up there. I opened two gifts this morning. They were my eyes. Thank you Lord. Oh
- Westboro has changed me. - Shut the fuck up. That's your only media. - Yeah. Group breastfeeding starts in 10 minutes. This is more of a visual one. So I'm gonna send it. - Underpants.
Oh, that's a good joke. I'm so sad. Are we going to get to play Fortnite? Or do you have to go? I don't know because I don't want to deal with the traffic. Maybe if we have a little bit of time. All right, everybody. Check your phones. I'll show you guys Josiah. Since you have, I wish. It's an island where I belong.
Oh, Freak Island. That's like kind of my place. Is that where you're from? Yeah. That's Epstein's Island. Yeah, it is. Wait, who the fuck is in the car with Kim Kardashian and... Davidson? Yeah. Hold on. Who the fuck is that? I'm not kidding. Who is that? It's me. I think it's Kai in the back. I think it's Kai in the back seat. Oh, it's Kai. Kai.
Kai! There's no way that you guys seriously think that's me. Dude, is that not you? No, that's not me. Because right now you're serving like you got your beep done by like makeup by Ariel before you got here and this might be like on and off. 300 year old person in the back of the car. I was the first thing I was like, wait, is that real? Why is he there? No, no, no, no, no. Okay, my media is baby Kia.
Kai, what was that meet computer song you sent me? I really liked that one. Oh, let me, let me find it. Actually, I have the album right here. There's morning again, shut down entirely. Yeah. Shut down entirely. And then I've already said burial like a hundred times, but untrue is just like,
My fucking vibe. Oh You guys do need my help I'm the opposite of super nanny You do need my help You were doing last night, you were like You guys do need my help This is unacceptable
I'm the opposite of super nanny with this podcast. I come like every few months and I fuck it up. You shift our reality, our views tank. What were you saying? You're altering my reality. No, because you're altering my reality. Shifting my reality, altering my reality. I don't remember anymore. All right, well. Also, am I attractive? Let me know in the comments below because it's been freaking me out lately. You are attractive.
I don't think so. My, you're beautiful. You're beautiful. This is what I'll say. I'll wrap it up with this. Drew only smashes 10s. So if he's hitting that. Oh my God. Not hitting this.
What are you talking about? What the fuck? I'm losing my mind over the top. Oh, okay. There's peace. There's still peace. We in the gym. I was just like screaming. I'm not a twink. I'm not a twink. Just for like 15 minutes straight and scaring everybody in there. And there was this creepazoid sitting in the corner because there's like a seat that no one sits on in the fucking locker room. There's always some motherfucker. And he was like, he like looked at me. He was like,
And I was like, you're a creep sitting there for 30 minutes in the locker room watching all these naked guys walk by. Also, you guys looking at him and judging him as if Drew isn't in the hallways yelling, I'm not a twink. I'm not a twink. I'm not a twink. Like, he got stuck on loop. Sometimes you have to defend yourself. I just don't get defensive over things that aren't. Bazinga. Bazinga. All right. Does anybody watch Young Sheldon? No. Okay, thanks, guys. Thank you guys so much for watching.
