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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.
Welcome back to Emergency Entry. Hello. Okay, Kai took out his headphones, apparently. This is so loud, but it was beautiful, but it was loud. Thank you. So...
Spotify wrapped released today and it's very special but I want to make it very clear that I listen to music differently from everyone and like the music I listen to is special to me and it's
It means I'm better than you, like what I listen to. What do you mean you listen to it differently, though? I think you might find that people kind of just like, everybody listens to music kind of the same. It's not the same. It's not the same the way I like indulge in music. It means more to me. Oh, okay. Like how?
It's just different. Like, that's all I can say. I'm just built different. I'm big as bro. Like, I put everybody on. So, like, it's just like. What are you putting people on to? Like, what are the artists? Like, kind of like the underground artists. Coldplay, Beyonce, Lana Del Rey, just to name a few. Do you know, do you even know Imagine Dragons, though? Imagine Dragon, these nuts across your face. Nah, but do you know what a CD is?
You've been collecting CDs? Yeah. CDs nuts. You know what's crazy is my Spotify listens went down because since I got so, I got my nice CD player this year, I just listen to music at night. Like I used to be one of those freak-a-leeks and you know this, who would play Spotify like music at night.
Now I just listen to my CDs. So imagine if my CDs were added to that. Who knows what would have made my top album? Yeah, I only listen to, I think, 9,000 minutes of music this year on Spotify. When I was saying I'm not in love with music right now, I literally don't give a fuck about it. Like, music means nothing to me right now. But you just said you're different. Yeah, like, when I do listen to music, I savor it more. Oh, you're satiating it, like...
Or it's satiating you. Like you let a hunger build and then you're like, oh, I need this deep, deep food.
void full and satiated by music. - Yeah, I need the whole in me filled deep with music. - Oh, okay, yeah. - Deeply filled. I want it just filled where it's almost oozing out. - I totally get that. - I hope people like my outfit today. I feel like people kind of watch and like, "Oh my God, I wonder what she's gonna wear today." And I really hope today people are like, "Wow, she's put something-- - Brick-tashed it. - She's put something extraordinary on. - You don't know Miami like I know Miami though.
I'm from Miami. I built that city. No, I... That's my city. Oh, that's your city? Well, that's funny because LA is my city and I built this shit with my bare fucking hands. And people are always complaining about the infrastructure and I'm like, hello, imagine one woman building a city all alone. Like, that should be... It's hard. Enough. But yeah, Spotify robbed and like, Apple... Okay, the Apple...
rewind y'all are trying it bitch it's not even because i have apple music too bitch it's not even in the app you have to get to safari like they don't even run it in the fucking app like bitch i was on safari looking at my apple rewind and it feels like when i type in that sheet or that um fucking link or my information into that link that someone random just made it and is hacking me
No, literally. That's literally how I feel about it. And it's just someone collecting data and information of all your passwords and logins. And I just do not fucking trust it. But y'all tried. Y'all tried it. But you'll never be Spotify. Just give it up. Spotify reigns supreme. I'm sorry. It's just true. And it's always, always, always been like that too. Yeah. Since literally... The dawn of time. The day I downloaded it in ninth grade math class, it has consumed my entire listening...
Yeah, that's crazy because I had Spotify in fifth grade, I think. Oh, really? It started, I think, in 2006. Yeah, it did. And by sixth grade, I had it. It did, true. Well, I was like three years old in 2005 or 2006. Okay, well, you should have been on one. Yeah, okay. But yeah, let's go through our top. Should we do top five artists? Yeah, let's do top five artists. Okay, I'll let you go first.
Mine's so funny. Mine is my top artist. I can never say his name, which is embarrassing because he's my top artist, but Labi Siffray. Labi Siffray. Two is George Harrison. Three is Hall & Oates. Four is The Sundays. And five is Robin Guthrie. Robin Guthrie. Look at this fucking stat. I didn't send this in the group chat because I actually don't know how I was able to like, this has to be a feat.
A feet? Where's feet? Wait, let me, where's the feet? Let me see the feet. What feet? No, I meant like a feature, like a feet, like, what the fuck? Do you want to see my feet? Because I don't have socks on under this, so I could show you my feet really easily. No, don't fucking do that. You can't say the word feet and not expect me to see some fucking feet. I'm gonna throw a fucking fit if I don't see fucking feet. Ay.
Featuring the feet. I'm a footie lover. I love feet. I love features. I love smelling feet. And looking at them. Look at me. Look at me. Look at my feet. Body. Body.
We've talked about it in our fucking songs, yeah. We have not. Oh, we haven't? No. Okay, so we get really, like, deliriously tired. This is the crazy thing. Two thoughts. One, our friend group, like, I was looking back at, like, old memories and, like, close friend stuff and, like, all my friends stuff.
Our friend group, like most friend groups who live alone and start hanging out alone for the first time without fucking adult supervision, we would just get fucked up all the time and hang out in the house and record each other doing stupid shit and just hang out all fucking night, always ending the night with music videos. Now we are at a point where we start looking at the music videos dead sober at 10 and by 12.30 we're all like, should we go to bed? This is like, I'm really tired. This is kind of too time consuming for me right now. And then...
The other thing is I don't want to hang out with you guys anymore. Okay, bitch. That's why I don't want to hang out today either. So you would know a lot about that, wouldn't you? You would know a lot about not wanting to hang out with your friends, wouldn't you? I don't know what Walmart is. No, wait. The other thing is we also now stay up way too late. It'll be like 4 a.m. We're all dead sober. Sometimes I'm the only one in the room who's like, I'm the highest in the room. Period. Period.
and we josiah will get on his fucking raggedy ass laptop steal one of our podcast mics and drag it into the living room and force us to start like rapping and like singing on random tracks he finds on youtube and the way we find them is we're like what are we feeling tonight okay we're feeling like carter lana del rey type beat me and josie really want to do a cover of something but that's on a different hand we've been talking about doing a cover of like yummy by justin bieber for actually like since the day it came out yeah um
But we have all these awful songs, which literally if you want to make any of us. We have 30 to 50 just of the worst songs you've ever heard in your entire life. I want to like look up if I have the one from, oh, this. Yeah.
that's like a genre of music that doesn't exist i know josiah's onto some shit let's go to the tennis court and i'll show you what i'm made of like why did he say that i think because we looked up lord type b yeah and then he was like oh tennis court so but he didn't mean like that he meant like i'll we'll play tennis back and forth and i'll beat you in tennis you meant
Like, what does that mean? But yeah, we have so many, like, songs and shit like that that literally, if you ever want to make us uncomfortable, just ask Josiah to pull that fucking laptop out. That's also the dangerous thing is only Josiah has them. Like, me and Drew literally don't have them. And if we bring people over, Josiah will be like, want to see something? Yeah. And then just start playing it. We have to, like, beg him to stop. Okay.
One of my Spotify rap things that's like actually freaked me out and I don't know how I did this is you peaked on October 27th at 580. You peaked. You peaked.
In 2017 with your music review. Oh, you peaked when you were fucking three because you didn't have Spotify yet, you fucking bitch. No, when you were doing your little music videos on YouTube, that's when you peaked. My playlist video? Your playlist video. That literally was my peak. You peaked on October 27th at 584 minutes of listening that day. That is nine hours of consecutive listening. Yeah.
How is that possible? I think I was on set and they gave me aux. So I was just terrorizing everybody with only my music all day. And then when we had breaks when it wasn't...
Bitch, I was like headphones on. World out. Oh, interesting. Music is my drug, bitch. Like that's, see, you don't understand because you, you're addicted to fucking SSRIs. You're weird as fuck. Yeah, honestly, if you're an SSRI, you literally cut it out. You have an addiction. Can I just say, when I'm fucked up, that's the real me, okay? Oh,
Okay, guys. Yeah, the truth comes out when you're drunk. I don't listen to music because there's always an orchestral string symphony playing in my fucking head. That's it? Is that the... No. That's not what it is. It's fucking beautiful. I wish I could share it with you. Oh, you have synesthesia. I was going to say I have synesthesia. Okay, sorry. I'm like...
haul uh like uh stalling for my top artist uh oh no i already said them actually you go you go girl okay so mine is different like you've probably never heard of these people before just because like i said i listen to music differently and you're better i'm better i'm i'm better i'm allowed to say that i'm better than most people like oh i'm a narcissist no it's just a confidence the truth it's not even confidence it's just the truth like i'm better than true as fuck
Okay, my first artist is Aphex Twin. Who's that? My second artist, it's like this random duo of twins that make beats together.
Oh. And then my second artist is Lana Del Rey. Wait, who's that? She's like this gay musician. She's gay? No, she makes music for gays. Oh, okay, okay. But I don't listen to her. That's probably why I don't know it. I listen to her because she's hot. I mean, if she makes music for gay people, she's not on my top listens. But she's on your, okay, that makes sense. No, no, no, I just explained it. She has boobs, so don't listen to her. Oh, okay.
That's all it takes. I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore. And you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste.
Next is... Okay, this is actually what they call me ironically enough, and it somehow ended up in my top. But this is like my nickname, but I'm called Death Grips. The band's called Death Grips. Yeah, because you got that death grip back there. I got that fucking grippy, grippy whippy, man. Fourth is 10tricks.never.
Gets no pussy. Guy who listens to 10 Tricks Point Never, OPN, gets no pussy. And then my fifth one is Boards of Canada. That sounds right. The fact that you, Death Grips is in your top listens makes you a very terrifying person. No, it's not true.
Like, I posted it on my story. Like, they have been in my top for, like, three years now. And I posted it the first year that it switched in, like, 2020 or something. And, like, a buddy of mine, Matt, like, responded and was like, are you okay? Like, is everything okay? And I was like, yeah, why? And they were like, oh, you're... That being one of your top artists is, like, destructive. It's not true. But, no, they make, like, good music, period. I mean, they really do. Yeah.
We were listening to so much. I was listening to so much Death Grips by Proxy in 2020 because of you. Yeah, they're lit. Like, that's all I have to say. They have a lot of songs that aren't that scary. Somebody actually at the Friendsgiving. No, no, Billie, not really. That's literally what was just playing in my head. But somebody at Thanksgiving was like, I'm thankful for music that when I first listened used to scare the fuck out of me, but I have acclimated my brain into enjoying terrifying sounds. And I'm thankful for artists who scare me.
Literally drank it. Like, Blade, you don't seek out and find Blade. Blade seeks out and finds you when you're ready. Okay. I agree. I agree with that. Also...
Spotify for Podcasters released a rap of our emergency intercom rap. And one surprising fact, which was actually genuinely really cool to hear. And I don't understand. I don't get it. Was more than 40% of our listeners aren't in America. So where the fuck are y'all from? Yeah, where are y'all from? Leave a comment. Like, leave a like and a comment. Only 68% of our listeners are.
Are in America. Yeah. Now explain that. Oh, I guess that's 32%. Yeah, 32% is like somewhere else. Where the fuck are you? Yeah, I know they're in Melbourne and fucking London. I know the bitches are in Melbourne and London. But like we got Germany on here. We got Ukraine on here.
We got Poland on here. We got South Korea and Japan. Come on. Those are like our like the countries that like we're really popping this year. Oh, that's so sick. Which is like to me so random. Like what? We are kawaii coded though. Like it makes sense that we'd be in Japan. No, because I got that swag. Yeah. That's on me. You got that Gilbert Gottfried swag. Who the fuck is that?
I don't even know. I don't know. I don't know. Oh, he's like the grouchy one. My name is Gilbert Godrain. He plays the parrot in Aladdin.
Probably. I don't know. That's a deep cut. That sounds right. Fuck, what was I going to say? What was I going to say? Oh, our top listed episode this year is Women Should Cheat More. Yeah. And it's like our most... By a landslide. Yeah, and it's our most shared. Like, it had, like, a 300% more sharing rate than any other episode. And it was, like, played back over 850 times. Yeah. So...
We're doing good. We're doing good. We are spreading positivity. We are making changes. A lot of y'all talk about feminism and you're not actually pushing a feminist narrative and agenda, but we are pushing it and spreading it and licking it from top to bottom and sealing that envelope and sending it off to the world. I was talking about an envelope. Okay. Yeah. Sounded just like a little weird there, but... I don't think that's weird.
Okay. Okay. I'm going to get really serious for a moment. Okay. Dead serious. Like, stop smiling. Like, this is real. Why are y'all laughing? No, I'm always smiling because I'm just so happy. This is really real. And okay, so I'm sure some of y'all have seen the video that I'm about to talk about. No, our PR said don't talk.
I don't give a fuck about RPR. This is very serious and this is me. Literally Colleen Ballinger be like. Yeah, for real. But there's this video that came out of me.
And I'm just going to get to the point. It was me naked on It's a Small World at Disney World or Disneyland. There's no proof it's you, though. So I don't know why you're like admitting. This is the proof. You're going to go to jail. I don't give a fuck. Like I need to right my wrongs. I don't know if that's a wrong you can just right by admitting it.
Yeah, if you haven't seen the video, we'll insert it here. Video shows a man in his underwear walking around the popular attraction It's a Small World. Workers stopped the ride for about an hour as security tried to detain him. At one point, you can see the 26-year-old took off all of his clothes and was waiting around in the water near the ride's entrance. Anaheim police eventually responded to the incident to arrest the 26-year-old for indecent exposure.
Us inserting a nude man in a Disneyland and being like, why are our videos getting demonetized? What's happening? Yeah. Well, we'll insert it before he was full or before I was fully naked. But, you know, really people ask, why did he do it? Why did you do it? I did it because the water feature looks fun to sit on. And there's no there's nothing more to it. Were you on anything or you were just like... I was sober.
Oh, whoa. That's like really... I feel like that's almost more damning. But I guess you could play the insanity card in court now. No, no. Oh, you're gonna just like go for it? I just wanted to do it. Oh, okay. And I wanted to kick one of those little fuckers in the head. The scary motherfucker. It's a small world little critters. Like, fuck them.
I thought you liked that ride. I'm like getting so many mixed emotions. I guess it's just like you have so much depth to you that to try to explain something so complex in something as mundane and just earthly as a podcast would make no sense. I exist in other realms, like truly. Yeah, and I believe you.
Because I don't know that any sane person who exists in our realm would get butt naked nasty like a Rick James super freak at It's a Small World. Did you have a nice little boner for me when you were naked at the ride? Sorry.
I didn't hear what you said. You can repeat it. No, he chooses what he hears. I was exploring. Totally. I just shifted for like five seconds. Where did you go? You don't want to fucking know. Hey, where'd you go? Come home. Miami. Oh, wait. When you shifted, you chose to go to Miami. I spent a lifetime in Miami. I had wife and children. You had a wife and kids. Period. Wait, you can shift into being straight?
We talked about this. Drew's actually straight. It's okay. Sorry. It's just like going forward. I know it's like, I don't know. It's only been 122 episodes. I mean, I live with him, so I think I would like... I know, but it just seems like it's not solidifying. Maybe for the sake of the public eye, I should stop. Yeah, and I know it's like
He's gone, so I'm gonna say this. It's super hard to remember because he does not seem straight. Yeah. But like he is and I just need you to like say that. I guess I don't even... I don't know why I keep doing that. I don't even believe in like putting labels on people like that, so I should stop. It's the way that he sits and like the way that he walks around. And the way he looks. The way he looks. Totally. And talks. Okay, he's coming back. So just like, hey, bud. Hey, I'm sorry. Hey, I just want to say...
I'm sorry for how many times I've projected onto you. Yeah. Yeah.
you're projecting i didn't say what i didn't i don't know what that word means don't touch me don't fucking touch me then okay i have another topic that i want to explore there's no way you have more topics bro how do you always have something to say i got a lot of shit to say i got a lot of shit to say literally how do we like how do i not shut the fuck up and when we were in the car on the way to the show yesterday i was like oh my god i don't
don't shut up yeah it was sabrina here i heard the door closed like the like the softest it's ever closed dude spooky ookie um but yeah on the way to the show yesterday i was like how do i not shut the fuck up it was it was to a point where i was like whoa like every you filled every second of silence in that car ride with the most random shit i've ever heard yeah my brain was moving at a thousand miles a minute in that car
Oh yeah, we didn't even talk about UCSB, but we did a show at UCSB. Um, shout out to y'all. They wouldn't let us record. Um,
Which is very big op behavior. Like, don't fucking play. But just know, like, it was legitimately, like, the best live show we've ever done. And we want to do more. And when I went out, guys, like, people went fucking crazy. No, they went silent. Put the clip on. Okay, so we did bring someone special out that I think you guys are going to be really happy about. You guys, it's time.
It's Kai everybody. He's not on camera but he's there. He's like behind the scene. Oh. Dude I'm sorry. Get away. I want Kevin. Hey. If you ever know. If you ever know. You will never see the light of fucking day. Go. Go. Go.
Movie, but like Oppenheimer. You guys can, you know, decide for yourself. Did the crowd go crazy or not? You know how in Parasite they do a really good job of like building like, oh my God, I'm so scared of when this motherfucker comes up the stairs. That's you. Yeah. Okay. Well, I was more getting like a JFK vibe where everyone like, Oh, like you were going to get shot in the head. I was getting that. I was kind of getting that vibe too. No.
Sorry, no, not that. Like when he was like universally loved and people just lose their fucking minds. No, I'm not. No. My parents like text me and they were like, we can't wait to see your big reveal on stage. We like, we can't wait to see it. I'm going to send them the video and see what they say. They will insert their screenshot. Yeah. Yeah. I hope they have like a devastating reply. Yeah. Um, no, it was, it was good. Kai came out, everybody went crazy. Then I said, or we set up that bit. Um,
where Kai came out and it was silent. But Kai is universally loved. He's loved. But I did want to talk about this. I was going to talk about it at the show, but I was just like, this is weird to talk about, and it just doesn't make sense, and I won't be able to fully articulate it. But, okay, I want to know, like...
what the videos TikTok shows you that have zero likes, zero comments, zero views. Because to me, that's who you really are deep down. Like that is,
All-powerful, non-sentient being tracking every single movement you make on your phone daily thinks that's what you need to see before everyone else. That, to me, is who you fucking really are. You know what's fucked up is when I think about the ones with zero likes. It's usually an older single woman who's kind of slightly drunk or drinking and listening to music. Oh, yeah. So that is my future. That's what I...
truly believe is like the deepest deepest heart of hearts who you are and i want you to ponder that question leave a comment down below or wherever you listen go to somewhere where you can comment because i'm genuinely curious who you are there's no one more insecure than the person who's screen playing
their tick tock feed and it starts to turn into that and like randomly when tick tock has its switch because you watch too many and it doesn't know what to show you anymore and you have your moment you're like i'm gonna airplay because my timeline's been good and the second you airplay it's a million tick tocks with zero likes and then it's the ones with like eight million likes that literally are so jarring and like they genuinely feel like robots made them like but it's real humans in the tick tock and it doesn't make sense
When I fucking screenplay, the reason I don't or I don't watch TikTok if people are looking over my shoulder is because the amount of thirst traps on my feed is fucking crazy. And I don't need any of y'all seeing what I interact with like thirst trap wise. Because I fall for fucking thirst traps. I think everybody does. Fuck you. Even as corny as you think it is, like...
Sexy people are sexy. And when they're being sexy, it's like, wait, wait, why are you? Why are you eating? Did you know you were sexy? Well, these are my these are the ads I was getting the other night. And I don't know why it randomly shifted. I literally don't think we can put this on. Yeah, no, we can. We can.
- Okay, no, it's not what it looks like. She just left her piercing in a little too long and I'm gonna take out all these dead skin cells that are compacted in here. ♪ Mr. Sandler, Mr. Sandler ♪ Stop fighting your body. - Oh, I got that one. I got the rancid one. - The hairy butt? The hairy peach butt? - It looks like a . It looks like a . - Cut that, bleep that. You cannot say that word. - Don't say that word. - I'm sorry, I always forget that I'm allowed to say that. - Me after showing a rancid hole.
It's like, it's not what it looks like. Girl, what is that supposed to be? An ear? Like, whose ear is shaped like that? It's literally a fucking... It's a vagina. Vagina. Vagina. Have I talked about how I think video games are a form of meditation? I've, like, said it to y'all, but I genuinely believe that. Like, I believe that, like...
you enter this like ultra present state when you're playing video games and like I think it's like borderline healthy where like you kind of disconnect from reality and all your anxieties and fears and like you kind of just like sit presently and like play this game and you're not thinking about like the future or like your past and you're just sitting there fucking killing kids in Fortnite and I think it's like actually kind of a good thing but
But it becomes bad if you're like avoiding certain things. But yeah, I think video games are like meditation low key. We should look up how many hours I've like racked on Fortnite on my PS5. Yeah, it's probably it's literally probably like 98 hours easily.
I think it might be more because I think last time I checked, Josiah's hours were like 400 and something. But he's been playing on his Switch for like two years. And he just constantly plays. Like anytime I call him, he's like in a Fortnite game. Like it's a problem for him. Yeah. I think I have like 15,000 hours in the Harry Potter Sex Garry's Mod roleplay server. Oh, okay. And yeah, I mean, I'm like having out-of-body experiences in that totally, like all the time. Hagrid's Hut, back shots.
It's like on site. Sit with that and just realize what you said. And we're going to move on. Totally. And we're not going to prosecute you as we should. Can I just like apologize? No, I don't even want to fucking hear it. You don't get to do something like that and then apologize immediately after. That's my bad. And I'm sorry. I am sorry, though.
Do you have another like a note? Can we move on? Gypsy Rose is getting out of jail in like 20 something days. Where is she in jail? Like what state is she? Let's look it up. Is it like North Carolina? Because it feels like it'd be in North Carolina. Like it's definitely like North Carolina. It does, yeah. Not South, but North Carolina. Because it's very different. Okay. She's in Missouri. She gets out on the 28th of December. Wait, is she from Missouri? Yeah.
I don't know where she's from. Because I was going to say, two icons from Missouri, Sexy Red and Gypsy Rose. Oh, yeah, you. That's your twin. That's what no one's talking about is that Madeline took the... Okay, so when Gypsy went to jail, they were like, fuck, we need to find a new twin. She was in Springfield, Missouri.
That is, I'm not kidding. Isn't that where your grandma? Literally right next door. Oh my God, that's crazy. Wow, dude, we might actually be related. That's what I'm saying. Because like, why do I look like her? We'll insert the picture. Yeah, it's when she went to jail. Your parents were like, fuck, we can't just like have Drew's twin leave his life. This will be so dramatic. So they replaced Gypsy with Madeline because they were like, we need a good like, like face.
like loving daughter who's like straight A student just like on par because they didn't want you to find out that your sister was actually a murderer. Wow.
Wow, that actually makes a lot of sense. That does make a lot of sense. I stand by her. I don't go far. No, I will die on that hill. And if you think it's problematic, literally suck my nuts from the back because she did what she had to do to get out of a dangerous situation. Gypsy Rose, Miss Rose, and your team, if you are hearing this,
I want you on this podcast more than anything. More than anything I've ever wanted in my entire life. Like more than me wanting a coral reef fish tank, more than me wanting a Eurorack modular synthesizer.
I want Gypsy Rose sitting right next to Enya and we have a goof and a gaff together. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Let me get this straight. So your top three interests and want is a reef tank, a Euro rack, and Gypsy Rose. Yes. And Apple Vision Reality Pro. We need to take you to a psychiatrist immediately. Apple Vision Pro.
We should get that for Gypsy to show her what the new world is like. She's been gone so long she doesn't know that she can watch Apple TV on the plane. She doesn't know she could watch the act inside of her eyes. In her brain. You can show the Jason Nash live to her and she'll be like, wow, the world is so awesome. She's like, the world has evolved to a beautiful place. I missed it so much. I love live streamers digitally begging for money.
I think it's a... Actually, like, I think it's, like, a great thing. Yeah, it's community building. It's community building. Like, the idea that somebody who fell off is, like, now begging. It's like, aww. Yeah.
you're just like me will y'all give me money if i fall off will y'all give me money if i get on live and i beg and plead and fucking scratch out my screen and scratch my arms you know freaking out i'll pour milk on me for every galaxy i get i'll fucking drop an egg in drew's butt for every galaxy we get i'm thinking about starting an only vans genuinely
like okay you always like somehow like you always bring that up but like you're not gonna have subscribers like yes you will dude you're fucking sexy oh my god you okay whatever the fuck you did skin wise whatever that procedure was it looks good as fuck damn like you look like you're really good right now
Y'all go find Luigi. Thank you. It's crazy. I'm serious. You're going to start an OnlyFans and get like 18 random immediate subscribers and all of them are going to be like numbers and random and it's just Kai. Oh, yeah. And you're going to get 18 random messages for like 18 different angles and video requests immediately. I'm going to put you on with the homies. I'm going to share it. Yeah, no, I think I really do think if I started an OnlyFans like
it wouldn't be wildly successful. Like it would, it would probably generate a hundred thousand dollars a year.
But 90% of the people that subscribe would just be gawkers. They would just be people who like, I want to see what this is. Like they don't give a fuck about my penis or butthole. Honestly, you are like the most... This is the craziest statement ever. So I need to figure out how to word it. Not crazy. But when we go out, there's always somebody who's trying to fuck on you. So I actually do think you're OnlyFans. Like Drew, I just...
I do not get hit on when we go out. Like, people don't, like, come up to me and, like, flirt with me and shit. But people go up to Drew. No, bitch. I'm too, like... It's like... It's like... I said this to someone the other day. Like, I could get into a VIP booth with, like, a man with money...
But he's gonna immediately knew he made a mistake because this bitch will not shut the fuck up. He's gonna be like, damn, how do I kick her out in the nicest way? It's gonna be us in the car ride to UCSB. Like, damn, shut up. Shut up. I was like, bro, I'm literally trying to listen to Drake and get fucked up and this girl won't shut the fuck up. Because I think I've said this on the podcast, but like I have never done dating apps. I don't think I ever will because like I don't believe in it. And like, I just get a hole thrown at me. Like, I don't need all that shit. But,
Um, that is disgusting to say. Um, I would like imagine swiping on me like looking at like the best pictures of me whatever like imagine like some of my best like IG pics and stuff I throw that on a dating app. I'm like a little funny and like kooky and my description or whatever and I like tap in and
bitch you show up to a date with me and it's me across the table and my ass won't shut the fuck up i'm so fucking annoying i feel like i'm just too polarizing no you'd find you'd find the right person like i and you're a catch and anybody would be lucky lucky to be able to like sit across the table on a date with you oh my god yeah you guys both have uh magnetism dysmorphia because you're both like magnetic is that you're like oh i'm so is that a thing
No, that's some shit I made up because I'm a genius. But it applies to you guys. I was going to say it didn't sound good. Oh, it didn't? I mean, that's why we asked if it was real. Do I suck? No, Kai, you're lit. Thank you. But yeah, I get a lot of play. I don't interact with it though. I just like let it
That is grosser than pussy. But yeah, I get hella play, bro. I just don't interact with it because I'm in my celibacy arc. Yeah, and you're better than that. Yeah. And better than most. Because you're not that earthly. Yeah. I'm not bound by these earthly things like S and BJs.
Hey, we need to throw up the fucking meme you showed us of the guy getting head on the bus. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's such a good one. That was us on the way to the show yesterday when y'all weren't looking when there was like two seconds of silence because Drew was giving me head. What the hell were we talking about? That is so inappropriate.
We were in the back seat. We were hidden. That's so inappropriate. And? Yeah, what? You're right. I should shut the fuck up. You were in our fucking car, bitch. No, you're totally right. I'm constantly, like, stepping on a line. Don't get in my car and expect me not to get head for my bro. Like, come on. What were we talking about before this? We were talking about you having a fucking OnlyFans. Oh, is that where we were? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. OnlyFans coming soon. Drewmoji coming soon. Shut the fuck up.
Drew emoji coming like hella soon like expect that really soon I can't believe you never did that I hate those fucking emojis I love them so fucking much it's also funny because it was like right when you got a mustache and like it's so like it was such a like immediate transitional arc of like the way you looked yeah
It was crazy. They're really goaded. Have you seen them? Yes, I've seen them. We'll insert the Drewmojis for the people. Who hasn't seen Drewmoji? But just know it's coming hella fucking soon. Kimojis. Kimojis. That's so funny, man. Okay. A couple more things to talk about. Ariana Grande's boyfriend looks just like Frankie Grande. Yeah.
It's really, really bizarre. Is it the SpongeBob guy? Yes. It's really, really scary. Look it up. Look up side by side. It's very eerie. It's crazy boots. And that's all I have to say. I don't give a fuck about anybody's personal problems or loves or qualms or whatever.
It's kind of bizarre, though. It's a little bizarre. I feel like that's so common for white people. Oh, what the fuck? Like us. Can you flip it around? Cousin lovers. Yeah, true. So we can't really judge. Yeah. That's really crazy. We'll insert the picture for everybody, but like... Yeah, man. Yeah, the mouth is...
really i will never get over the fact that like we had like a really big phase of listening to one of frankie grande songs and like we're obsessed with his music video for it and i up until less than a year ago genuinely thought it was a cover of a queen song we can't even say what song it is but when you find it you'll know you'll know queen of a rock and roll because i'm a rock and roll
I'm an icon, baby. An institution. Okay, why is it when a song plays, I know those fucking lyrics, but if somebody asks me to sing a song, I'm just like, oh, like I get so scared because I was trying to send an audio message of me singing a song I just heard on TikTok and I immediately scrolled over and held down to start singing to this person. I was like, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Like I literally like all of the lyrics just left my brain. There has to be some psychology to that. Yeah.
Just like the senses are engaged. I get like that. I look like that. I am like that. I think I'm going to do water birth, but like in a green juice. In like celery juice. Slurp jug. Oh my God, yeah. Chug jug water birth. Did you guys know I was a piss birth baby? Like your mom squirted? Yeah, my mom just filled a bathtub up with squirt before she pushed me out. I can cut that if you guys want. I'm sorry. I'm just like. That is like so. I think you want to cut it.
No, I'm going to leave it in. Dude, at-home births literally freak me out. I don't understand it. I get it. Imagine me giving birth in this fucking apartment. That baby would die. That baby would be gone. You have to live in a coquette cabin or something to do an at-home birth. You can't live in an apartment or something. I think I would just be so fucking annoyed to do an at-home birth. Or people who go to, what are they called? They're not hospitals, but they're just separate entities to...
Are you saying I stink?
Does my tuna box reek right now? The tuna box. I hate that so much. Dude, my tuna box has been loud as fuck. Like some of y'all are scared when you walk into an establishment with weed in your bag. I'm really scared when I have to walk in with my tuna box. And imagine sitting next to a tuna box. When I wear a skirt, this tuna box is literally blasting. Starting the rumor that you have a stinky box. My stinky box. Dude, when I pull my pants down to piss, it's literally Chernobyl.
It's literally like radioactive scents get shot up to my face. And that's probably why I have eczema. Shut up. Shut the hell up.
Dude, did you know they wrote Chernobyl about my tuna box? No, they didn't. Is that true? Yes, dude. Really? It's about the first time I squirted. Really? It was Chernobyl. It really wiped out? Swear to fucking God, dude. And that's why I wasn't allowed to have sex for so fucking long because I was being held captive by the government because they were like, that tuna box is going to destroy cities. That's like a superpower. You're like a superhero. To me, it's a nightmare.
No, you need to like utilize it right. If you can clear out an entire town and make it so radioactive that it doesn't exist anymore. Bitch, open that Cooter Bronson in a bank and rob that bitch. That's a good ass point. That is true.
And I wouldn't get arrested for being like doing armed robbery because I'm like, what? That's just my tuna. Yeah. We have like nuclear fission and there's fusion, right? And like one of those is like going to save the world. It's in this tuna box. It's my nuclear fish. Oh, shit. Oh, nice. Whoa, that was really good.
Should we talk about Low Anthony's army arc? Literally, okay. Low Anthony went from serving cunts to serving in the military. And I think low-key it might be Low Anthony's stolen valor arc. Oh, like you don't think he's actually in the military? I don't know. That fit just looked a little funky to me. Girl, that was his Halloween costume. Was it actually? That's what I was thinking. I'm kidding, but it possibly could be.
It's just such a random pick too. Yeah, it kind of feels like he's not actually in the military. But like, damn, I cannot keep Low Anthony's name out of my fucking mouth. I hope you realize that like, he was like very important to me growing up. Like genuinely when I was like,
13, 14 or whenever he was having his like renaissance or his like time on the internet. Like it was really, really like. Dude, he ran Vine. He was like top tier Viner. It was like super special to me also just because like.
Yeah, it was it was cool. I really fuck with him. And then I did have this like thought recently where I was just like, why does so many people fucking care about his like, Christian arc? And then like, obviously, like, there's like the aspect of it where it's like denouncing an entire culture of people. But like, I don't know. I'm just like, do you but like,
Keep everybody's shit out. He's not really making it like a public mission to spread some word. I think people are so invested in it because he was such a like, this sounds crazy, but in internet age, he was such a martyr in terms of being a young gay person on the internet who was very open about like,
I don't know, not necessarily his sexuality, but about like being in tune to himself and not caring that like it was an age of the Internet where if you were a gay person, I mean, this still exists. But if you were a gay person, you were met with so much hate and so many people being like, you're a boy, act like a boy, like that kind of narrative. And he really was such a like forefront of pushing past it.
And, like, of course, there were, like, a bunch of other creators who were, like, in that realm. But he was, like, at the forefront of it for young people on the internet. So I think people are so tapped into it because it is, like, kind of terrifying, like, how quickly that can switch. Like, it is so scary how, like, fast it can switch. But, yeah, at least he's not...
like spreading basically fucking misinformation on the internet hatred yeah it could be a lot worse but come back to us actually come on to the pod we'll interview you and we'll call you sergeant yeah we'll have you'll have your little like platform to speak your peace speak your peace if he even saw this he'd be like hell fucking no yeah no he's like oh those are some we're not getting on that podcast bleep that
oh wow oh my god and blur my mouth okay bleep and blur um okay i don't know why i have this written down but it just says inya's period oh it's because i was talking about how my period makes me feel through the words you brought it up are you hello i'll stop having it i'll stop having it okay
Wait, you can just turn that off? No, I'm going to shove a fucking beauty blender up that hole and keep it pushing. That's so brave. You know people do that. But what the hell were you talking about? Are you serious? Yeah. Why did I write that note down? Oh, sorry. Keep going. Women in sex work will like put like a sponge in there so that they can do scenes while they're on their period. Whoa.
And it's a beauty blender? Some use beauty blenders. Some just use like. But it's usually like a makeup sponge because it's like a very soft like sponge that you can like fucking rub against your skin and it won't hurt. Let's run that. You want me to run that for us? No, no, no. I was just saying in general. Oh, okay. Yeah, like do your thing. So I'm allowed to have my period again? No, absolutely fucking not. Okay. I have to figure that out.
Are you going to fund my surgery? No. Oh, okay. That's not my job. I don't even know if that's possible. That's not what I'm supposed to do. I just have to make out. But no, what did I write down? Oh, I like don't even know if I can say this. But like my period like makes my body dysmorphia so crazy that like for two weeks, I am genuinely convinced that if me and Bella Hadid were standing next to each other, I'm like...
who knows who's who like literally who knows who's who like i'm just like if you like put just like our bodies next to each other people be like i really don't know which one is what it's like that's where my i like think i'm serving model model model like i'm like yeah have fun guessing like me and gg hadid like who's who um
But then for another week, I'm like, oh my God, I don't know what I ate. But like, I literally think I'm dying. Like my whole body has like literally transformed. I have like the true body of like a woman. I have like, I'm about to like birth a child. Like I, my, my childbearing hips have come in. Like I'm literally ready to be pregnant. Like this is crazy. What's happening? Like, I don't know what I did. And then I'll just be like, fuck it. I might as well eat Wingstop eight times this week because like, I got to keep pushing. And then I get my period. And then I'm like, God,
Guys, something else is happening. I'm on a body journey right now. Like, I literally feel like the people who are, like, post their updates after working out all year. Like, that's what I feel like in a week. I'm like, from that Sunday to the next Sunday, I feel like I could do, like, a TikTok thing of, like, I went to the gym every day. Had blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I'm like, I might as well be a bodybuilder. Like, I don't know how I was able to do that. It is literally, like, clockwork. Like...
once a month you have like three or four days where you're like, I'm disgusting. I hate myself. Even in my face. I'm like, I'm fucking disgusting. I can't believe I got ugly overnight. Like I just woke up and I'm fucking putrid. Like my hair looks like shit. I'm fucking ugly. I'm disgusting. I'm going to kill myself.
And then three days later, I'm like, and then three days later you're sitting in your fucking office desk chair, like recording, like making 18 TikToks. Cause I'm like, someone's got to see this. Like the people have to see this. Like, cause I know it's fleeting because I'm like, the people need to see this now because in three weeks time I'll be back to being disgusting. Um, so when there's those gaps in my TikToks and like selfies, um,
That's when my cycle is attacking me. Well, even in those disgusting moments where you think you're ugly and disgusting, I think you're beautiful. Oh, wow. And you're beautiful. I mean, like, I have to look in the mirror and look at my face. So that's, like, really hard. Yeah. I won't start that. Yeah.
um but yeah that's my story i don't and i don't know if we could keep it in because no we have to that was so funny we literally have to um but yeah i feel like like so many women go through that why is there like no light on us right now we look like we're sitting in the dark um we literally do i think the filter is on
I think like a UV filter. No, no, no. We'll fix it. In post. I'll fix it in post, guys. In post by Bjork. Should we get into some media? I'm down. Are you down? I don't think you're singing that right. Okay, you fucking bitch.
You're such a cunt. You should kill yourself. Okay, I'll give you the first 10 songs on my Spotify top songs of 2023. So we got X Style or Crystal by Aphex Twin. Here's Where the Story Ends, The Sundays. You think you're me. Let the Light In, Lana Del Gay. Alone in Kyoto, Air. In My Room, Frank Ocean.
Tom IB Squarepusher, Tomib, A Little Lost Arthur Russell, Abuse the Dirty Column, White T Little Peep, In a Silent Way Miles Davis, Rainbow Conversation Stereolab, We Are the Music Makers AFX Twin, and then Porcelain Moby.
Was that 10? That was a lot more than 10, I think. I'll count. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 13. I did 13. Mine is Canic Chase by Labi Sifre, When the Morning Comes, Daryl Hall, and John Oates. I Just Want to Talk to You by Charles Brown and Sleepy Creek.
Simple Kind of Life, No Doubt, Muskrat Love by Willis Allen Ramsey. You have to do that version. Guess I'm Dumb, Glenn Campbell. Hello, It's Me, Todd Rundgren. A Summer Wasting, Bell and Sebastian. I'd Have You Anytime, George Harrison. Watch Me, Labby Safre. Honeydew, Jimmy Carter and the Dallas County Green. Turn to Stone, Electric Light Orchestra. Practice Twice, Sam Pre-Cop and On Earth by the Sundays. Pre-Comp?
Yeah, Sam Precum. It's a weird name. I don't know why he would do that. But I guess that song does make you really horny when I play it. Yeah. So it kind of makes sense. It really does. Just gets you going. Yeah, for real. It's crazy. Me and Drew, when we have sex, we only listen to Apex Winterboards of Canada. Mm-hmm.
I'm like a vampire. I like dark vibes. I like something spooky. Spooky ooky. You better not be making a rap song on that spooky track when I get there. We need to make a spooky song. Yeah, we should have for Halloween. I guess I have all my evil verses. What's up? The evil side is coming out again. Oh no, the evil side's coming out again. But yeah, and then for like television, TV, movie. Television. I've been watching...
what the fuck was i watching i oh what anime was that fuck i watched it i started watching a really really good anime it's something everyone knows already it's shonen or hold on you talk um i started love has won and that's really good but i'm waiting for drew to catch up so we can finish it together trying to think what else um
Still watching a bunch of South Park. Jujutsu Kaisen. Have you ever seen Eden of the East? Yeah. That's so good. I love Eden of the East. It's so cutesy boots. Cutesy kawaii. So cutesy boots. And then we're going to see Beyonce. The Beyonce movie. Beyonce. We're going to go see the Beyonce movie on the first. Are we going to dress up?
I might just wear my silver vest, like have a good vibe. I don't know if I own silver. And I don't want to buy something for one thing because silver looks bad on me. I remember somebody was like upset I didn't wear silver. And I was like, I love Beyonce more than you know, more than you will ever know. But...
Silver looks bad on me and I just can't do it. God bless. Respect. Respect. But I want to dress up. We should all get gowns. Gowns. Gowns. I'll wear a fucking gown to the B&B. That would be so funny if we all wore like gowns. I'll wear a wig. I don't give a fuck. I'm going to wear one of my big puffy dresses. I'm just a man. Okay, listen. I'm just a man that isn't afraid to...
to dress nice. And if that means I'm in a dress, that means I'm in a dress. And that doesn't take away from my masculinity. It just adds to my femininity. And it's okay. Oh, my God. It's okay. I'm not kidding. Sometimes you say things that I'm like, you are so fucking brave and vulnerable. And I look up to you in a way I don't think you understand because you...
And if I want to wear a purse, I'm going to wear a purse. No, you're going to make me cry. Stop. Please. Oh, you want to cry? What about a skirt? Oh, my God. Yeah. What about a skirt? You are so brave and I love you so much. What about a brawl? And even if you look disgusting in all those clothes because you just it's not flattering on you and you have bad style. I'm like, you're still so brave. Give me my hand back. Every time you post on Instagram, I'm like, you are so brave. No.
I'm like, your confidence astounds me. I'm going to start commenting that on people's things. Like, your confidence astounds me. Your confidence is really special. Are you going to do a Drew Sciop corner? Okay, I got scared. I got scared. Okay, Inya, like, when I asked her if I should start a new segment on the thing called... Wait, wait, wait. It's going to be called...
Drew's brain floss and it's like a segment where I talk about really cool historical events that happened and you literally yelled at him and you was like no no but I was like it could be nice like y'all think it's a joke when I don't want to hear a man explain something but it's literally not a joke and I was like I literally it felt like when an artist goes to record label was like can I please make what I want to make and they're like no you won't make a fucking TikTok hit like that's what it felt like um
Because I was like, you can do it if you can keep it under five fucking minutes, but I know you can't do that. And he was like, no, seven minutes. I was like, seven fucking minutes? Are you kidding me? Josiah was watching us go back and forth about it. We'll let the people decide. Do you want Drew's brain floss? I have a good one already set up called DB Cooper.
If y'all want to hear about that, it's a pretty epic tale and I'll talk about it in the next episode. But Drew's brain... Fuck, I can't even say it. Drew's brain floss. Okay, but let's get into Drew's psyop corner. I think you should call it Drew's brain floss, not Drew's brain floss. I think we should call it Drew gives Enya brain. Oh, don't hit him. We said we were going to stop. We said we were going to stop. Shut the fuck up. I'm so fucking smart. Oh my God. Can you hit me on the other side of the face just to make it symmetrical, please?
Damn, you know how sticky you get. Ew. You need to stop. Okay, look, he's moaning. Oh, guys, I moaned on that one episode. My bad. Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Okay, Drew's Psy Up Corner. Ever seen a Radiohead fan talk about sex and sit there like, who the fuck is banging you, bitch? I need proof. That's me about you when you said all your artists.
When I accidentally close my 47 tabs, it's like the burning of the Library of Alexandra, but worst. Worst. The burning of the Library of Alexandria, but worst. Dudes with dark yellow piss always got the most to say. Don't you got a headache, bro? Also, the reason they're not laughing is because I did these at UCSB. No, it's because they're not fucking funny. That's like different. Oh. Oh, okay.
Y'all be so bored. Oh, never mind. I'm not doing that one. When I do Drew's Psyop Corner, it's mainly for laughs, but watch out. You might learn something. Oh, wow. What would I learn? By the way, not every Lady Gaga fan is gay. We exist. The world hasn't been right since that Popeye's chicken sandwich came out.
I hurt my hands like fake slapping. Oh, wow. I hurt your hand, I guess, when you slapped me in the face so hard. You should think about him. Why are you making it about you? Like it's about him. Because I was getting hit in the face. Maybe you should think about me sometimes. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Do you feel how warm they are? They are really warm. He's got a warm face.
Yeah. Next time at your bottom. Next time I'm going to spank your bottom. Are you going to like put me over your lap? No, no, no, no. I'm going to spank you over my lap and pull you down. That would actually suck. Yeah. All right. Thanks guys for listening. I would hate that. Maybe we won't be back ever again. Yeah. Drew's playing Frosh, DB Cooper playing Mayweather. Bye.