S2 Ep. 35 - Apollo Four Teens
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I see you floating with no little positions.

Our team will come to you. This is Taylor Swift to Nicholas. We've really trained. And we're done pretty sure. Oxygen won't lie. This is Nicholas to Taylor Swift. I've had some time to kill. I had the most ingenious plan. You man and wife, you married all my best friends.

Planet Earth is for Gold

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. A Dungeons and Dragons podcast about four teens from our world getting all mixed up kind of adventures and trying to fix things, set things right. That's right. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Taylor Swift. Four married teens. Taylor Swift, who keeps his last name in this arrangement, just like his mom. Wow. Yeah, power move. Just say you don't love us. Taylor's teen fact for this week, Taylor has been married before. Oh!

What? Go on to his body pillows. Oh, God. A little ceremony and everything. Tori's not here anymore. You don't have to keep bombing jokes, right? I got the validation I wanted. I was like, this set will be funny to a very small subset of one specific kind of person. Are you litigating last week's set now? I think I did great.

And for that one person, I think they thought so too. I mean, you gave our podcast a heat nobody's ever had before, which is I've seen multiple people and I had to stop listening because it was cringing so hard. You like did a physical thing to a lot of our listener base. And for that, you should be commended. That is power. Hey, everybody. My name is Matthew Arnold. I play Lincoln Swallow, Oaks, Garcia, Swift, Marlo, Lee, Wilson, the Unworthy. And teen fact, Link has actually been married. I'm like fucking Taylor. Did everyone do this fact?

Well, because I had that speed run video game. Oh, that's true. Lincoln was married. And the only fact, you know, that's a very personal, like, look, that's a life that Lincoln lived that is not for anybody else. That's his own personal life. No, that's not for him to share what happened. But I will say that, you know, while him and Chris were in couples counseling, not for any specific reason, just, you know, it is couples counseling. They did have a little bit of a fight. And one thing Chris did say to Lincoln was that if anything were to happen to me, I don't ever want you to remarry. So Lincoln's a little bit like,

Like, academically, he understands. Like, that was a video game. And, like, this isn't a real marriage. But, like, it is weighing on him a little bit. A little fucked up for Chris to drop that out there. Link was married to a psychopath. Complex relationship. They were going to apologize that night, but the video game ended. Like, that's the problem. Like, the video game ended mid-fight. Like, people say things you regret. So that was the day Link won a million dollars or whatever? Don't judge Chris from that one.

Hey, look, this is what I want to talk about. Don't judge Chris from the one mistake I'm bringing out. That's Chris at their worst moment, okay? Why is it that the characters that marry your characters are always the most risible, dislikable characters in the context you see them in? I'm responsible for Carol. That's on you. Yeah, that's your fault, Anthony. You're the one who brought that. It's all coming out. It's all coming out of this intro. Maybe you guys just hate women. Just women that like Matt.

Hi, everyone. I'm Will Campos, and I play normal Oak Swallows Garcia Marlo Lee Wilson Swift the Unworthy, a perky peppy chipper cherry school spirit mascot. Oak Swallows Garcia Marlo Lee Wilson Swift the Unworthy. I'm surprised you're putting the unworthy always at the end. Why not start off with it, you know? Or put it in the middle, like Oak Swallows the Unworthy. No! No! No!

Bring me on worthy that I may swallow them. Anyway, my teen fact about Normal this week is that Normal has been married before. Wait, are we all doing the same fact? In his fan fiction. Nice. Yeah, this actually, this whole arrangement is actually eerily similar to a fake marriage of convenience AU that he wrote about all of the Sandemus mascots.

in which the Chaparral Bulldog and Teeny the Teen had to get fake married because Teeny the Teen was dying in the hospital. Did he write a bill into love stories? The other mascots were all horning in to steal his will, and he's like, no, I'm fake married. It's going to go to someone else. Wow.

Wow. It was dark. Again, houses shown up. This was the second part of his house MD crossover. Turns out he wasn't dying. It was just a weird random disease. He had a big tapeworm like in that episode of house. You know, and then they were like, maybe we should be married. We'll see what happens next time. The more you do this, the more you owe the audience. These fan fictions. That's true. Yeah. I'll see what my good friend chat. GG. Hi, I'm Beth May and I played Terry Marlowe and you know, like other last names.

She's a hardworking soccer star whose mom is her best friend. Aww. She's also, I technically guess, insane. Fun fact. I'm not doing a marriage fact. I'm not doing that. Fun fact about Terry is she actually likes scary movies sometimes, but not too scary. Just kidding.

It's a little bit scary. What's an example of a not too scary movie? Like Labyrinth or The Great Mouse Detective. Oh, no. Labyrinth is like the scariest fucking movie, though. The last ten minutes killed me. My name is Anthony. I'm your dad. Hey, dad. My dad fact is I have been married before.

So when we last left you, you cast banishment. So you'd banish yourself to your plane of origin, which was back on what you know as Earth, but is reality. I want to jump in for the rule lawyers. Many people brought up that if you concentrate on banishment for a minute straight, you stay in whatever plane you are in.

However, I think it's fair to say that banishment is usually a spell you cast on someone else. And I think the act of casting banishment on yourself, I think jumping through the portal, normal loss is concentration because he was so excited about the fact that he was married now. I also had a fun idea of what we could say anytime we do the rules differently. Is that unlike the folks that listen, we have a little inside to the Wizards of the Coast. We're just playing with the next edition of rules. Ha ha ha!

Don't worry, you'll see where the new books come out. You'll see where I'll see. It's not D&D Next, it's D&D Next Next. This is the preview. We're making sure the balance is good. Yeah, you warped back to the Forgotten Realms, specifically to the JPL, with the knowledge that you have roughly 48 hours to come up with a plan to survive your impending plummet down to Earth back on the Earth-doodler realm.

Can I ask what happened to Nick? Oh, yeah. Because Nick wasn't married. He didn't marry Nick. Is he still in space? Yeah, but he also probably did a banishment spell to get him there. And then he probably popped back the first time. Because I cast banishment on him originally. Right, right, right. And that's why he came back. But he has all his limbs now, so he has the power to carve portals wherever he wants to. Why didn't he just do that to get us here? Okay, so Nick lost his ability to make portals. Ha ha ha!

Nick's still in space. He's falling. Nick's still in space. He's falling. He's waiting for you. It's like Inception where the car is falling off. Yeah, exactly. We're going to bring an extra space suit. We're going to show back up in like one second of his time. It'll be instant for him, but it's going to be 48 hours for you. So you pop up in the middle of the JPL. And that is the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. Sorry. Yes. Sunny Pasadena for all of you who are watching. Lagunata. But yeah.

Pasadena, La Cunada. And also, like, the place, if I remember correctly, Matt, like, that was what everyone was afraid of when 9-11 happened. Like, that was the target near you, right? Yeah, I was like, I remember my older brother was not helpful when 9-11 happened, and I was so paranoid. I was like, we're gonna get nuked, we're gonna get nuked. You know what, though? We're gonna get a new colleague, but that's not important. Then my brother was like, well, JPO's one of the top strategic locations in the world, so, like, yeah, we'd probably get nuked. I was like, oh, God. So then for, like, a whole week, I was, like, stressing out, being like, can we move farther away from La Cunada, please? Like...

Like, please, can we just go on vacation to San Diego or something? Like, why are we here? Oh, it's so sad. Yeah. But yes, you were inside the JPL. You look like you're in an observation room. You can see through a window that there is the big centrifuge thing, the spinny, spinny thing that makes you get knocked out. That's really cool. The window? Yeah.

You know, it's an observation. The room where Michael Bay gets to look at the actor's training for Armageddon. Yeah, he's up there. And you see a bunch of scientists that you obviously don't recognize who turn and look at you in shock. One of them begins to reach for a walkie-talkie. Um, hello! Wait! Everyone!

Remain calm. My name is Normal Oaks. I'm with Daddies. These are my compatriots. And we're here because we are in dire need of space equipment. That's why we're here. And we would love it if you could help us with that. We only have 48 hours. Hey, hey, hey, space nerds, buddies.

Over here. Like we got, you just put us in something that can reenter orbit. Like, right. 48 hours. This team is going to be launched back into earth orbit and another plane of existence. And we're going to need helmets and oxygen and all manner of apparatus to make sure we don't die. I also noticed none of you said congratulations. Oh, scary. Scary. Are you different? Well,

of course. My soul is connected to all of you in a way I've never felt like before. I don't know why I'm so happy. Do you guys want me to kill her now? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. Well, that's, that's great. That's awesome. Uh, wow. That, you know, remember how it's like, this isn't a real marriage. Okay. Like it's important for me to understand. You am instantly pop backwards. Okay.

Fingers across. Your fingers across. No, they weren't. Wait, he's back in space? Yeah, he's back in space. The second that he decides that it's not a real marriage, his soul is no longer. I close my eyes and I think back to the group sessions and I remember that the fight was just a fight.

And I deepen my soul. I know Chris will forgive me. And I embrace the fact that this new marriage is real. Okay, and then you pop back. I appear just tears in my eyes. You pop back, but you pop back like 12 hours later. Oh my God. Okay. So when we cut back, you're already in a conference room with security guards. What?

What a way of moving it along! Normal's in the middle of finishing an elaborate equation on the fucking chalkboard. The head scientist is like, we have this to work with. And he like opens a big box of tools and like empties it on the fucking desk like in Apollo 13. You hear a knock at the door. The door kicks open and you hear a familiar voice go, oh, what the fuck? What is this? And you see Hero Oak Garcia, Swallows, standing at the door. And she goes, why did you guys have to come to my internship? Yeah.

Jiro, what are you doing here? My internship. I was trying to hang out. What are you? I heard something about you guys are going back to Earth. Yeah, oh, that's interesting that you're doing an internship because I'm over here doing your job. Yeah, thanks for that, I guess. I mean, right? Silly boy. We don't have to get into the chosen one thing now, do we? No, no, no. It kind of came out a little hard swinging, but I do have a lot of questions about that, but... You didn't even know your sister worked here? No. What happened to your job at the pizza place? They fired you for incompetence? I still have that job. This is an unpaid internship. Guys, guys, this is our

sister-in-law. We need to be more welcoming. Hey sis, what's up? Hi, who are you? I'm Terry. Oh.

Damn, Noral. You can have cool friends. Thanks. I guess I think I'm pretty cool, too. You know what? I like her. What is going on? Well, we're not friends, also. We're all married, just so you know. We're all married. We're part of your family now. I think it's important for this to be a real marriage that works. You don't just marry your spouse. You marry their family, too. So, like, hero, come on. I hold it for a big hug. Sis. Sis.

So she just steps away from you and walks to the other side of the room and she goes, what is the problem? It's okay, I love you, no matter what, even if you, because you're my sis now, so. Oh, God. So...

How do we get you out of here? Can you just leave? Can you just get out? We will. We'll do it, we promise. We just need, okay, look, we got a lot of unfinished business here. There's a lot of stuff you and I need to talk about, and we'll pencil that in for later. But right now, let's just put your space helmet on before you help someone else put on theirs, right? Yeah. What do we need? We need space time. We need to survive. Well, as I can see from the conference board, you guys already figured it all out.

Go ahead and read what you put on the conference board in the last 12 hours. Well, it sounds like you're going to take one of the many space devices that you guys have here for reentry. I don't know what they're called. I'm just a kid, but they're probably like part of a space shuttle or something. And we're going to go in there and then we'll just wait in there until we get warped back.

to where we were. The head scientist goes, I told you so many times in the past 12 hours. I wasn't here, buddy. You can't just say space devices. Space devices is not specific enough. And Hiro goes, I got this. I'll handle this. You head back, sir, if you don't mind. This is my brother. And I guess my brothers and sisters. So I will handle this on my own.

Okay, so the actual requirements to be an astronaut, if that's what you're trying to do, you need jet flight experience. You need a bachelor's degree. You need to pass an interview. You need to speak Russian. Stop right there. We're not going into space.

We're just coming back to Earth. We're coming out of it. We're already in space. We've already got the astronaut part done. We're just going back into Earth. Okay. So we're like... An Earth-tronaut, if you think about it. Yeah, Earth-tronauts. Is there a way we can compromise and learn, like, new things in a short amount of time? With your help, maybe. Yeah, I mean, I could try to teach you everything I know about...

entering suborbital atmosphere. And I can provide some interesting information as well. In sixth grade, I won an egg drop by insulating an egg in a shoe box and other things. So I feel like if we use that... Which was the basis of our strategy here. The problem is, any vehicle we're in is not getting taken with us. It's only what we're wearing. Correct. Honey, sorry to interrupt you, but really quick. Um...

I know I wasn't here for the first 12 hours, but maybe, here, can I just explain our situation and maybe you can help? It's pretty simple. Yeah, I mean, I pretty much know your situation. I look for a picture of the Earth. Okay, there's one nearby. JPL always keeps a picture of Earth around. That's what we're fighting for, ladies and gents. I want you, ladies and gentlemen, I want you to look at that picture right there. You tap that thing every time you leave the room, like Rudy. A fucking astronaut blasting off and he's got like that little picture of Earth. Hey.

I take a little pen. I'm like, so like we're here and like you keep going up. There's clouds, right? Yeah. We're like higher than that. Yes. We're going above the clouds. I know what space is. Where it's dark. Yes, space. Okay. So we're right there. So like in 36 hours. Oh God. In 36 hours. We haven't accomplished anything. We're just going to appear there.

And we're already going down. So we just need to not die on the way down. You're not going down because if you go back right now, you'll maintain your current momentum, which is none. So you'll just be floating there. You'll be a satellite. But the gravitational pull of Earth will yank us towards Earth. Yes. Slowly. You'll burn up. Ah, but if we go slowly, as with...

Operation Egg Drop, as Terry here has so delightfully given us here, will drop slowly, like that one guy who jumped from the atmosphere. That was a Red Bull guy. Yeah, the Red Bull guy. Everyone knows him, I guess, here at JPL. There's a picture of him next to her. There's a picture of him next to Juneau next to him. It's like those photos and sometimes when you go into a convenience store. This guy does bad checks, yeah. This guy perverted everything JPL stood for.

So your plan is to do a slow descent and just surround yourself in egg cartons and stuff? Well, there's a lot of ways we can achieve a slow descent. Obviously, you idiot. Guys, I guess that falling from space is a lot like marriage and love. A ring of fire. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. I kind of get that. We're going down, down, down, but the flames are getting higher. That's right.

Okay, now I'm back to wanting to kill. I took you out to catch up with another one. Oh, wow. I'm back to wanting to kill this one. While I was gone, did you guys talk about Scary What's Up? Yeah, so it's, well, our friend Terry is here. And it seems like our friend Terry came out to say hi after talking to the doodler. It seems like maybe this was a little part of Scary that had been, I don't know, kind of hidden.

way down for a while, but I, for one, think this is a great change. You marry somebody knowing you marry all their eventualities, so if that's who you are now, I'm here for you. Terry, I married you. Thank you. Okay. I married you.

as well. Hey guys, what's going on? So like, what's up with Scary? We think Scary may be experiencing a fugue state, regressing to a prior state. Was it regressing if she's like cooler now? She's F9ing herself into a previous state. Jesus Christ.

Another joke I make specifically for my friend Anthony for all the millennial FPS gamers out there. I think we just got to take, you know, scary is clearly going through a lot. Give her space. We got to give her space. We got to see this through, you know, buy the ticket, take the ride. I mean, I'd love to really open up and talk to you about all

of my emotions. Oh my god, really? Finally? I have so many questions. Well, I was thinking we have so much work to do. That's true. Yeah, like if you want to get into it, we can, but I think we've really got to focus on surviving and then we can worry about thriving. That's beautiful! Anyway, that's as far as we got. I'm tired now. I'd like to sleep. That's what Chris would say a lot. Who's Chris? Never mind.

Okay, that's great. You can go take a nap, Taylor. We'll figure this out. Hero, so what do you do here? Can you help us figure this out? It seemed like you clearly have a lot of juice because you kicked like six scientists out of the room. They just didn't want to deal with you. They were sick of spending the last 12 hours near all of you. They called for anybody to come and get rid of them and I even recognized your name on the call sheet. Well...

I just do data entry here. I'm an intern. They don't tell me anything, but I'm like, you know, I'm interested in sciences. Yeah. Can you help us? Can you circling back to that? We're going to get shot into space. Can you help us? Yes, I certainly can. She says for a price. Okay. Always with the price with this. Yeah. What's the price for keeping all your brothers and sisters alive? So she puts her arm around you normal and she takes you aside and she goes, I need you to give me a date with Taylor. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's no problem. I'm sure I can set that up. I want him. Okay. Okay. Wow. This is more than we've talked for more than five years. This is the longest conversation we've had in quite some time. And it's ending now. Okay. What is it that hero wants? Hey guys. Uh,

Real quick, real quick. Taylor, can I see you in the hallway? Taylor's already asleep in his chair. He's hog-chewing so hard. Whoa, this vending machine has Pocky in it. Strummy! It better have Pocky in it, dude. Oh, the cookies and cream, maybe? All right, yeah, just come check it out. I leave Taylor outside. Hey, Taylor. There's no fucking Pocky in here, you goddamn... Where's the fucking Pocky? All right, so... Now you got me on a... Now I want it.

I can't even concentrate. I'm just thinking about it. Okay. You ever play with a Pocky like a little cigarette? Yeah. It's kind of weird because you don't eat cigarettes. Yeah. And they don't taste like strawberry.

So it really doesn't, it really falls apart. Yeah, man. Terry pokes her head out and is like, hey guys, I just thought that like since we are married, we shouldn't really have secrets anymore. Okay, well, yeah, you could, yeah, come on out. Link, come out too, I guess. No, I'm talking to Hero. Oh, okay. Dang. All right. All right.

Oh my god. The most Matt Arnold ass. Oh my god.

I was going to let you guys have your seat. All right. So Terry, maybe you can help us out with this. Hero will help us out. She's got clearly like a lot of juice around here. She can help us. Don't see how she managed to pull that off. Well, there is a thing when she said she wanted a favor and the favor is what money? No. What? She. Taylor, she would really like to go hang out with you.

So one-on-one, you know, just as friends. Oh, just as friends. Yeah. If that makes it easier for you. What'd she say about me? She said that you, she, uh. I need more details. What'd she say? She said that like, she said like she, she wants you. To do what?

I don't know. That's a good question. Maybe you can find that out on your date. A date? You're thinking about already opening up this marriage? Normal. We haven't even discussed this with Lane. Guys, you know we're not really married, right? You popped that to her. Absolutely.

All right, so I'm in space. Yeah, you're in space again. And Nick's like, what? I gesture to Nick to remarry me to everybody. So you want to renew your vows? You have to mean it. You have to mean it in your heart. I went through therapy in space to mean it. Yeah, you have to mean it. I have to mean it? Yeah. Okay, Normal summons all of his, he just thinks really, really, really hard about Hermie.

and how cute he is and how much, you know, like he was kind of hoping that, you know, maybe this would just like in his fan fiction that this would lead to something real. And he just kind of puts all of his energy into that. And he goes, I'm married again. A role. Yeah, because in your vision, you see Taylor's head slowly rising from behind her shoulder. I think in heaven, there's like an insurance board, but they're like, you know, marriage. Like they're saying, there's like watching our like fucking like stats.

What are the line odds on this one? What are the bookies saying? I got an 11. Okay. So with an 11, I feel like that counts. Your affection for Hermie is real enough that the idea of being married to him is strong enough that you can pop back 12 hours.

12 hours later. The other four people in your marriage are doing a lot of the heavy lifting. That's okay. That's like what a relationship is. Sometimes people don't have it in them to do like, you know, the work and you can pick up the slack as long as you love that person and care about them. Normal, glad you're back. I'm well rested now. Is that all you guys did? We have one day. They slept for 12 hours. We have one day.

Terry did not sleep. Okay. Yeah. She was just thinking about like, she called her mom and told her that she was married. Yeah. I don't know. I just like, I always think about how you said we're strong women and we can do it alone and stuff like that. I just,

I just think about like you saying that and I know you did such a great job raising me by yourself. And I just think the world of you, mom. You're like my best friend. Scary. If someone's holding a gun on you, I want you to say sanctuary. Well, no, no. It's like I feel almost like somebody's holding a gun to my heart and it can explode at any time because I just feel so full of like love, but also scared. And I wanted to tell you all of that.

Well, I'm in space. And yeah, I'm scared. I mean, I'm like not in space now, but I'm gonna be. And yeah, it's so scary. And I just want to tell you that. But I also think I'm going to be able to figure it out with the help of my husbands. Sorry, what was that?

All right, I gotta go, Mom. They want me to help out with work.

Me and Hiro are like tearing up over the finale of some anime. I've just been showing her anime and talking all about Taylor and all of his interests and trying to help her out. So normally when you come back, Hiro pulls you aside and he goes, I changed my mind. I'm into Link now. What? What happened to Taylor? I don't hear her and I come over to her. I'm like, okay, you saw all that stuff about Taylor, right? You got it. Yeah. Taylor.

But here's the lesson. Here's the lesson, sis. Throw that all away because you don't change for anybody.

You just go there and you just be yourself. And you're good enough. And if Taylor doesn't like you for who you are, whether or not you like anime, because I'll be honest, you were crying in that last one, but you didn't like the other ones. Just go be yourself. And if you're not enough for him, sis, you don't need anybody else. So this may be too specific, but Hira does the thing that I've seen girls do when they're attracted to somebody, which is she opens her mouth like she's kind of shocked at something and looks up at you as if something is wrong, but it's in a good way. She didn't expect that. Okay, that's what I do all the time with everybody I know. Well, you're...

That's a crush on everyone! And she immediately goes to you, Normal, and she's like, this is the guy. Never mind. Taylor was, that was the crush of a young girl. I've since become, in the last 12 hours, I've become a woman. I'll talk to Link. Can you work on the space stuff, please? I'm going to get shot into space in 24 hours. Yes. Link, can I see you outside? Yeah, what's up? What's up, honey? Wow, there's grass and a football out here. There's a soccer ball out here. It feels weird saying...

it's just habit i keep saying sweetie and i don't want to put that on you so like what's the term like how do we talk to each other just call me man all right man all right man let's go outside yeah hey so link uh it seems like whatever you did in the last 12 hours it seems like my sister has got a big crush on you now she wants to go on a date with you that does happen sometimes

My dad's always been a pretty likable guy. Well, that's rough because I just don't have any feelings towards her, but I got to be mature about it and just go tell her. I don't want this to get drawn out into a big dramatic thing that's just not how adults... We're married now, dude. This is how adults... Here, I got this. I walk straight to Hiro. What's up? What's up? Wait, wait, wait.

I feel like Taylor has taken the opportunity, now that he's out of the room, is mid-conversation with Hiro over here. So what is the conversation you're having? I just think Link's confidence went through the fucking stratosphere the second he got married! What happened to this guy? You completed him! So Taylor's like, so are you seeing a good anime? What the fuck did you just say? Did you say, did you just see any anime lately? Listen, let me just fucking use your ear holes. Taylor goes...

Hey, sweetie, do you mind if I interrupt for just a second? I was just asking if you're saying good anime, Zizzy. I only watch good anime, obviously, so yeah, I have. I didn't ever expect that. You know what?

I don't have to take that kind of treatment anymore. That doesn't excite me in the way that it used to. Wait, what? Wait, what? Nothing. What? I don't have to explain my anime preferences to you or anybody else for that matter. I am a independent person. And it took a man to teach me that. Whoops. Lizzie Daisy.

Link stares at this and he's about to say something, but he just walks away and goes straight to Terry. Hey, hey, sweetie, can I ask you something? Oh, yeah, anything. So I found out that Hiro has a crush on me. Oh, my gosh. And I was about to tell her, like, I'm not interested because that's a mature thing to do. But she seems to be, like, going through a lot right now. I'm afraid that that may...

Be really harmful, but maybe I'm just thinking too much. Like, maybe I'm just like centering everything around me. Maybe that's like me putting too much importance on myself. Like what should I do? Well, I don't know if I would tell you this if I wasn't married to you, but sometimes I think like,

Maybe a lie to make somebody feel good is okay. But if you're going to hurt them in the long run and all those feelings of emptiness are going to surround you and you're going to realize that nobody wants you and nobody ever will. I don't want her to feel that way.

I don't want her to feel that way. Okay. Sorry. I was just like a little like, okay, wait, let me find my head again. I think you should just like play it cool and see what she does. Taylor busts in in this conversation. Like walks away from the conversation. Terry, Terry, I need your help.

Anything for you, sweetums. Listen, I'm canceling. We should have gotten you guys married earlier. As my wife, I need some wifey advice. Of course. Our blood debt is temporarily lifted. So, here are legs linked now. Here are legs linked now. Oh, yeah, I know. What happened? I was sharpening my sword and slicking my hair back for 12 hours. And I come back.

I know because... Your sword is so small now. You've worn away so much of it. Yeah. Yeah, Normal and I were already talking about the dynamics of opening up the marriage. We're opening up the marriage. About you specifically, but now we're going to have to kind of refocus.

Reframe that with Link. What am I supposed to do? How do I get her to like me again? Well, I think what a girl really likes is somebody who will just be there for her through the bad stuff and the good stuff. Just somebody who could be proud of her. What can I do? Okay. What if you walked up to her and you smiled real big? Okay.

Okay. I'm going to try that. I'm going to report back. Okay. Normal is going to check in with Hermie. What has Hermie been doing this whole time? Working hard. Building a space shuttle. Hermie's been fucking working. Hermie's got like that. He already looks like a NASA guy with the horn-rimmed glasses and the rolled up fucking sleeves and the pocket protector. He's settled into his role. He's got a pencil behind his fucking ear. He's like looking at a clipboard doing calculations and shit and doing drawings of trajectories and stuff. He goes,

What is it? I am busy. Oh, I love my hardworking husband. So Hermes stops and goes, Normal, I have to talk to you. Normal. Remember a long, long time ago? Yeah. I had a crush on Scary. Uh-huh.

It's come back. What? I'm willing to throuple this. I just want you to know that first of all. So this is not me rejecting you any more than I already had. Okay. That felt like a lot of rejection earlier. It was. Okay. But I'm dangling it over you now because I want you to help me with scary. They're already married. You're an inoculant. You're already married. Sometimes you can be married and still be very separate from somebody. You know what I mean? We're married, but I don't know if we're married in italics. You know what I mean? He disappears. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Yeah!

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That's 50% off your first month at K-I-W-I-C-O dot com promo code daddies. Okay. Norma leaps into action and says, I'm not married to any of you. But you don't believe it. I divorce you all. Ooh, okay. Wait, what? Wait, whoa, what? We didn't even talk about this. Open communication is a cornerstone of relationships. So if you want to divorce him, you're going to have to hire a lawyer. Oh shit, I can't just say I'm divorced. No, that's not how it works. Guys, her

Hermie just went away. He's gone. Hermie just beamed up into space. Yeah, but you guys all came back in like 12 hours anyway. No, but the last time he was in space, he like embraced the void, dude. Who knows what's going to happen up there? I guess he's only going to be there for a couple seconds before we're back though. Oh my God. Oh my God. I turn away from Hero. I had all this stuff I wanted to say to him. If he really cares about this marriage, he'll come back just like we came back. Oh my God. When you love something, you sometimes got to let it go. Even if that's going into outer space. He's going to die. All right. Everybody shut the fuck up. Everybody shut up.

all right look we're all married yes fine we are going to get beamed into space in 24 hours so i need everyone to cut the teenager crap for three seconds we now rally as a team we gotta figure out whatever hermy was writing over here and we've got to get our lot together okay all right here's how it is hero you can go out with whatever one of my spouses you wish after you help us it's free reign just go out with someone yo dude i told her that

It wasn't her. It was me. And that I was okay to go out there, but I blamed it on Terry saying Terry didn't want to open up the marriage. So you kind of just ruined my whole way to get out. So you really pitted the women against each other. That was your plan.

I just didn't know how to tell my wife. Do you know what happens to a body in space? Yeah, dude. That's why I'm trying to get us. No, you're right. I got caught. Look, man. Hero, I'm sorry. I'm not interested. That was a really shitty thing I just did. And normal. I'm not interested in either. It does feel like, man, one person was hard, but it does. I do realize that in this situation, I have not taken in account your feelings as much as some of my other spouses. And I apologize. And you're right.

Survival is the most important thing. This is why polyamory doesn't work. And whatever my feelings are about Hermie... Are you talking about Hermie? He's my husband, and we need to get him back from space, but I don't know how to do that. That hating him part. This is a crowded market right now. Look, I knew when I married you that Hermie was part of the package. So...

He matters to you, so he matters to me. So let's get him. Well, I mean, it's going to be fine. We're going to all be back there in like a second. Oh my God, I can't wait until we're all back together. Okay. Does Hermie appear? Maybe if we wait 12 hours, Hermie will appear. We should probably take that chance. We'll just continue the work he did. I like to roll to try and understand. Yes, I'm going to try to understand Hermie's. I figured it out. I know I'm not the one to usually figure it out, but I think I figured it out. The way the time thing works. If we can get into something that will...

Bring us to earth without killing us. We all get inside that thing and then say, we're no longer married. And then that will speed up the way we go into space. We don't have to wait 24 hours. We can just all divorce. Here it says, no, no, no. And she's carrying a heavier load on her back. Now having been dumped by the two men that she liked. And she says, no,

you have to have something on your body in order to take it back to the other realm. Yes. You can't just be inside of a thing because otherwise you'll pop out and the thing won't go with you. That'd be like this. If this building came with you, when you popped back to the other dimension, we saw that didn't happen. Well, it counts as honest. If it was like strapped into a space shuttle, would that go with us? I don't know. You want to find out? Um, that's part of science is doing experiments and testing. So if you want to try to strap yourself, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. Oh, now what? I just said, I didn't mean to interrupt my idea. I didn't have an idea.

Oh. I just wanted to let you know your idea was bad. Well, what was Hermes' idea? What should I roll to look at Hermes' stuff? I feel like Arcana. Arcana. This is an easy one. Or Investigation, either one. Three plus two, five. I got an 11. I'm going to add some anime girls to this. Normal, it felt like you were about to get it, and then immediately Taylor started drawing anime girls over the parts. Ha ha ha!

And it's gone. You have no idea what he was working on. Let me look at this and really try to put my mindset in like Hermes mind, because that's kind of what a marriage is about. It's an experiment in and of itself. You know, some things work and some things don't. Let's see. Let me roll. Fucking.

Fuck, a nine. Okay, so you don't have an idea. Okay. You continue to not have a very good idea about how to handle this. Hero, what do you think about this? You're the smart one, the intern. Well, I mean, we have 24 hours left. I can't believe we wasted an entire day. I'm sorry. Keep going. I'm sorry.

We have 24 hours left. No day is wasted when you're married to the ones you love. God. I feel like you can either do some experiments, it'll burn some time, and one of you will basically disappear for 12 hours, but we'll be able to learn something about the way that the teleportation works. Or...

we can just plan for sort of a best case scenario, like presuming that you can get through in a spacesuit and that the spacesuit doesn't leave your body. And assuming we can thermally insulate that spacesuit so you don't burn up in the atmosphere, then we have to find a way to fireproof a parachute, I guess, and then put that on the spacesuit. Well, so actually, technically, the burning up happens as a result of friction as you enter the atmosphere. The parachute itself has a slow enough rate of descent you actually don't encounter the burning up.

Oh, okay. I didn't know that. Yeah. All we need is a good moisturizer. So it sounds like you just need some... We just need a way to slow ourselves down really, really a lot. And also breathe during the whole time. Because that's the problem. It's a balance, guys. You either can go down really fast, but it's hot. Or you can go down real slow, but you can't breathe. Right. I think. I think.

Yeah, we need to find a balance between oxygen. I'm loving this energy. I'm loving that we're all working together. I'm going to start writing stuff on the big board over here. Go ahead. And I write space. You erase all of his words. I accidentally erase Hermes and go, well, we didn't know what that meant anyways. And I write, go slow, question mark, go hot, question mark. Yes. Fast. And I underline it. It's all right. What do we think? You underline and then another question mark. And question mark, underline. All right. We're making great progress. Hmm. What's an experiment we could do to see which one of these is better?

So I'll just say, I'll just say I would volunteer to be shot into space so that I could say hi to her me. Um, and I could get out of this horrible marriage so I can divorce you guys. I like you guys more as friends than as married people. I was, you know, I agree. I'm just saying that like, it's just a,

Really, you just have to look inwards. That's your conclusion that quickly. You barely put any work into this marriage. You already feel that way, dude. Man, sorry, man. I'm sorry. I should work on that. I should work on my feelings. That is so brave of you. Thank you, I guess. Let's make some conjectures really quick. We are not here naked.

Right? Our clothes came with us, right? Our clothes are coming with us. So here's my theory. Like you were saying, Taylor, what if I strap myself in to some sort of spaceship and then that's like my clothes and then we have a quickie divorce and... The problem is you can't wear those kinds of clothes on top of your clothes. You'll have to be in that spaceship naked. Wait, but wait, am I wearing a jacket? How many layers of clothes can I wear when I'm... All your layers came with you. Okay, well, as you can see, I'm wearing this cool denim jacket I got from the West Coast Post. Oh, damn, it's so nice.

For an experiment, I have one idea. And if it doesn't work, it'll just take like a couple of minutes. Can I try something? Yeah, of course.

Yeah, of course. Sure. I believe in you. I'm sorry I said our marriage is horrible, guys. I've just been under a lot of pressure at work lately. I just want to thank you for being honest. Oh, my God. It kind of caught me off guard. And I'm just being honest right now, too. Yeah, it caught me off guard that you weren't happy in it. Because I thought you were. Oh, my God. Terry can make me cry. And look, I realize that, like, it's not fair because I've already been through this. And it's not fair for me to expect that you guys have the same understanding of me.

of marriage and like one of the things I learned is that sometimes the first drop on the roller coaster is the scariest but then after that it's just a fun ride so like this part is maybe the hardest but look here the honeymoon phase they say the hardest part of a marriage right so here let me try this like one of Chris's favorite movies was Apollo 13 and if there's anything I know is that space nerds love a good puzzle so let me just try this if you guys don't mind yeah go ahead I just want to walk into like a room where all the smartest people are mm-hmm

And I have a picture of Hermie and like all the stuff he's wearing. I just throw it on the table. I was like, listen here, guys, listen here. We got a problem. We got kid in space and four kids are about to be in a space. And all you got to work with is what's on this table and everything in this building. You got 12 hours to figure it out.

Got it. Roll persuasion. Just like that scene, you know, Ed Harris? Yeah. I referenced it earlier, but I did a bad job of doing it. Now really quick, now really quick. Can you get a bonus because he has such a head of steam from being married? No, that's the dumbest thing you've ever said. Just because you hate that institution, Anthony. I've been married more than anyone in this room. I love that institution. Can I propose one action that I do to maybe give me advantage? After I say that, I take a big sip of coffee from a Rolls Best Ad mug.

And I go, I'll be right back, but I gotta call my wife. And I step out of the building. Holy shit! Alright. Alright, roll your second dice, you sack of shit. God damn it, I got a seven and a ten. So they go, get out! It's like, that's my mug! Give it back!

What's in here, dude? You're drinking at work. This guy's drinking at work. You assholes. Kids are going to die because of you. And they drag you out in the quiet of that awkward silence. He's looking down his way. He's like, I'm the world's best dick. Sorry, guys. The nerds here don't want to help. He pushes you back into the kid's corner of the JPL.

All right, hero, we're stuck with you. There's like a fake little lunar lander that we've been working on. Yeah. Like we've just been hanging out by. It's basically exactly like the kids area in like a dentist reception area. In a mall. Yeah. It's got the thing with the like the metal wires and the beads that you just like. Dude, have you ever beat that game? Yeah, I fucking knew game plus that game. Dude, I was so fucking good at that game. All right. So what are you going to do? I don't know. That was my only answer. I know less about space than I do about marriage. Okay. So hot, hot and fast. Sweet back.

Or slow and cold. All we have is just hot and cold. Okay, but here's the thing. Let's choose one. There's got to be something here at JPL. My brother told me we'd get nuked first. There must be something here important to keep us from burning up in space.

Is it a hero? Something. Anything that can keep us from burning up. Experimental technologies. Come on, hero. You gotta help us. Sure. So I feel like you can roll investigation. Oh, yeah. There's rules to this game. I won't roll investigate. I, too, roll investigation. Terry wipes her tears from her face and rolls investigation. Natural one plus five. Natural one.

So that's going to undo somebody else's roll. A 15? Okay, 15's good. I rolled as well. I have a thing. I have an idea. Assuming we can find a craft, I have an idea. Taylor is so bad at looking around that he manages to immediately distract Link. The second Link finds something really good. He's just telling a really long, boring story about perpetual soup or something. He's summarizing Berserk to you and you get so distracted and bored. Perpetual soup? Taylor wouldn't do that. Taylor would talk about knives.

Do you know that different types of steel can have different potential like hardnesses and like fucking sharpnesses? And then Terry finds a prototype craft of some sort that will be expressed in more detail once you go through your plan. Wow, Terry, look at that thing. Yeah, it's great. You did a great job finding that. Oh, thank you. That means so much to me. Yeah, good job. Are we just like in a different floor or is it like the

Yeah, you're in the floor of shitty, thrown away prototypes that didn't work and nobody wants to invest any money to. But I think that even stuff that's been cast aside that nobody wants has some value. Wow. That's great, you know? And we feel like just you have value no matter what, you know, side of the street you're on in terms of what version of scary we're getting today. What side of the street you're on? That feels like how my boomer grandmother refers to bisexual people. What side of the street you're on?

Some people walk on either side of the street. Some people cross the street when they see other types of people on the same side they're on. And some people drive. I think, Terry, I think I have an idea. I think I know how to do this. Well, let's hear it. Okay. Is anyone else here? They're not here, right? No, we're all still here. Everyone gather around. I think I got it. Guys, I was thinking about all the spells I know. Oh, God. And I have a spell.

Hear me out. Called Meld Into Stone. Here's how Meld Into Stone works. You step into a stone object or surface large enough to fully contain your body, melding yourself and all the equipment you carry with the stone for the duration. Using your movement, you step into a point you can touch, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, while merged with the stone. You can't see what is outside, yada, yada, yada. However, I would say if normal has merged with the spaceship...

then I would get transported with the spaceship and then all of the people who are married to me inside the spaceship would get teleported together. Oh my God, because it's like we're married to the spaceship too. Yeah, you're married to the spaceship and we're all married.

on spaceship marriage. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Question, question, question. So it turns into a rock or can you only merge with rocks? No, what I would be arguing is that the metal that this thing is made out of qualifies as a type of stone. And so then I'm merging with the spaceship. But can you merge with rocks? Yeah, I can merge with rocks too. Yeah, but like why not merge while we go find a cave and we'll just be in a big rock cave because meteors famously don't stay good.

What are you talking about? It's wild. We'd rather be in a spaceship we could fly to land safely on Earth than a meteor that's going to fall into the Earth and kill everyone. I know what Anthony is looking at. It's so wild that normal has a spell that Henry would like jizz over. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know what Anthony's looking up, and he's looking at the classification of materials, and metals is a distinct... Yeah, sure, metal's not considered rock. Yes. Metal and rock... A stone is a general term that can refer to any solid substance that's made from minerals, and a metal is a type of mineral. Yes. Now, if you connected the rock onto the rock... Yeah, use that Zelda fucking logic. If we taped rock normal onto, like, the fucking gear shift, you know, like how some people have a cool skull on their, like, shift, you know, whatever?

Oh, so you're saying you turn me into a stone. And then make you part of the space shuttle. And then put me into the space shuttle. And then it's like, what is the space shuttle? Is there a way I could just say we get spacesuits and then make you make me roll for something? Ha ha!

That's how this game works, right? That's what everybody wants us to do. A real smart DM, he just lets his players come up with a solution and says, yes, that's what I thought it looked like. Then they come up with a solution and he's like, no, it's not stone. Sorry. I'm saying there's other stones in the world you could just find some stone that's big enough to put your body into.

It would be like a big rock. Yes, we'll survive the orbit, but then we'll hit the ground at 100 miles per hour and shatter and explode and also destroy whatever. But if we treat it like the egg from my sixth grade experiment and we surround it by like soft things that will like push in the fall, maybe we'll be okay. Yes, like the egg drop. We can surround this rock with other stuff. I will say this. Minor physical damage to the stone doesn't harm you.

But it's partial destruction or a change in its shape deals 66 bludgeoning damage. Okay, I get it. Okay, it hurts you. I can eat 66. The stone's complete destruction or transmutation to a different substance expels you and deals 50 bludgeoning damage.

Can we all wait so I could just crash into the earth and then I would just pop out like normal. I only take 50 budgeting damage. I can survive 50 budgeting damage. Okay. That sounds like a plan. Hero. Can you take us to where they have all the big space rocks in JPL? We don't keep space rocks. Definitely. I'm pretty sure that place that steady space would have like some moon rocks. We do have some moon rocks. They're not man sized.

Oh, I know what we can do. Matt here, knowing JPL, let's just walk outside because JPL is on a mountain and walking out. That's what I was waiting for. Yes. There's a lot of big boulders outside. Let's just go merge them all in big boulders. Here's a question. If we do this, if we're in the wrong, I can't believe I'm doing this. No, Link, wait. If we're in the wrong type of rock, like a meteor is made out of like really hard rock that'll fall all the way to earth. But if we're in the wrong type of rock, then it could burn up in the atmosphere and then I'll get expelled and we'll all get expelled like three miles up in the air and then we'll

fall to our deaths. So I saw this movie. It was too scary for me to finish all the way through, but it was called Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. If we just got like a crystal skull rock, because that's a type of rock, there's like aliens in that movie. And so they've been to space. And so if we did that, then like everything would be totally fine.

Terry, I love the energy and I love the brainstorming, but as your husband, I just got to be honest that I don't think crystal skull rocks are real.

I think that was a movie. I think they're real. Crystal skulls are real. They're like made of crystal. Yeah, I'm on Wikipedia right now. Yeah, they're real. They're real? Yeah, I'm on Wikipedia. You guys have crystal skulls here? No, we don't have crystal. I'm just saying they're real. Oh. We're near Hollywood, though. We do have the Dan Aykroyd crystal skulls. I was going to say the Dan Aykroyd tequila.

Yeah, there's definitely a lot of Crystal Skull like souvenir shop. Actually, there's one in Nevada or, you know, what we know of as Nevada because they have all the alien memorabilia. There's a, I'm Googling it now. There's a Crystal Skull shop there. The rock doesn't need to be big enough to hold. Well, they are real. Wow, Terry, I owe you an apology. That is real. I'm sorry. That's okay. It still might not be a good idea. Yeah, well, we'll see. If we give you normal.

a bunch of spacesuits and parachute packs and you hold them in your arms and then you walk into a rock. You'll turn into a rock. We'll be in space. Then you'll be a rock. But you'll have all the stuff you're carrying. And then you unturn into a rock. Give us all our spacesuits and then we'll float gently to the ground. Okay. We just need the exact suit that the

Red Bull guy did and I know that they love that guy here because they know we need five Red Bull suits that's what you're saying yeah okay with Parajax and Oxygen what about like those inflatable Orbeez balls you know what I mean yeah like we can either slow our descent and we can also be in a giant hamster ball that's you know deflated now here's the thing about something that's deflated there's no air in it

But as you fall, air is blowing by you. You're filling it up with air through the power of force and gravity. Okay. Here's the plan. I'm going to turn into a rock. And you're going to carry the apparatus that will save our lives. Okay. Five oxygen, six oxygen tanks. Okay. A deflated giant ball. This is the best I got. I'm so sorry. A space shuttle would survive reentry, right? Yes. Yes. The problem is we don't think you can merge into a space shuttle. Is that right, honey? No.

No, it sounds like that's not. No, you know, I was really hoping I could, but then I ran really fast at this metal vending machine and I bounced right off of it. So I don't think it works. It's like an actual stone. Yeah, here's summarizing. So it sounds like the best plan you've got is we're going to go outside. We're going to find a boulder, which shouldn't be hard. We're in Pasadena. You're going to have normal walk into the boulder holding six oxygen tanks and a very large bouncy ball.

Or something else. I'm just spitballing. Maybe something else. Maybe something less stupid. So if he carries something into the rock, it counts? Yes, because he gets... He's bonding with the rock. It brings in any equipment that you're holding. Okay, so can you just grab onto the wheel of a space shuttle? What's the size that matters? If he's holding onto the wheel of the space shuttle...

And then we roll a boulder to him. He blends into the boulder. Does he take the space shuttle? Let's find out. Let's do some science. Cut to outside. You guys are standing at the top of a very tall mountain with a boulder. I'm standing next to a space shuttle holding my hand on it. And I'm like, all right, let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Whoa, whoa. The fuck? Whoa. No, I feel like there's a space shuttle just outside. We go outside and we get a get a car. It doesn't matter how big the boulder is now because now we're just using transport. All right. Yes, I just go get a big boulder outside. OK, you find one. Cool. You don't have to roll for that. I pick it up. I'm strong. That way you would have to roll for. But I'm going to say that with all the stuff that you found in JPL, you probably find at the very least a fucking forklift or something. They can help you with that. I don't feel like it's interesting to roll for that stuff. OK, so you can roll a boulder down a hill at normal speed.

Normal, do you have a, are you like holding onto the steering wheel of a car? Yeah, I'm standing, there's a car in the parking lot that says number one dad on the back of it. And, and,

I've broken the window open. It smells of whiskey. It smells of whiskey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's reeking. It's reeking of alcohol. Several pairs of panties on the inside. Oh my God. This guy's red as hell. He's got fucking rules. He's the number one dad. I've broken open the window and I'm holding on the steering wheel and I already said, all right, lay it on me. Let's see. Oh, you've broken it with ninja rocks. No, you peel back the duct tape on the already broken window.

Okay, so I feel like we're just going to leave this up to luck. So go ahead and roll me a d20. 1 through 10, it's not going to work. You're only going to take the steering wheel. And if you get an 11 through 20, it's going to work. And you're going to take the whole normal before you do. Oh, what did you say? Too late. Sometimes you don't get a chance to say the things you want to say to the person you love before they do something stupid. So it's too late. Like, does it get to say anything? What happened?

I got a four. Okay. So with a four, yeah. You see the boulder obliterate the car and then normal comes out the other side with a steering wheel. I said, damn. Yeah. And we do the gag. And then the guy walks out and he's just, yeah. It stops. Oh, it's like a street fight. He goes like my car. Yeah. I look at her and say, Hey, call your kid. Cause I do. I'm the number one dad. I talk to my kid every day. His mom's the one who doesn't want me to talk to him. Yeah.

Yeah, I have a complicated home life. Oh, I'm sorry. I should have gotten involved. Yeah, you don't fucking assume things about people. Okay, but I could just advise from one dad to another. You're not a dad. How do you know about my life, dude? Oh, that's a good... Oh, you got me. Shit, he goes to Earth. Oh, no. What? He doesn't go to Earth. I'm joking. Look, all I want to say is your problems are not as hidden as you think they are, okay? Okay.

People are seeing what's up, dude. People are talking, man. There are other people, other scientists having lunch outside. They're like nodding to themselves. And he goes, oh, jeez. Now's the time to fix yourself. Do you know anything about how we can get into space?

The problem is every new NPC we ask is just Anthony again. Who also doesn't have any idea how to get out of this. I tried to get all the NPCs to help us, but they didn't buy my Ed Harris impression. So it didn't work. I mean, you're definitely not going to get this guy on your side after you destroyed his fucking car and then told him he was a bad person. Hey, I didn't mean to judge. I've had a drinking problem too. I say to him, he goes, I...

He just goes back inside and he takes a flask out of his fucking hip pocket. How much time has passed while we've been dicking around doing this? I would say probably two hours. So you got, you know, 22. Walk outside. Terry, what do you think, Terry? Terry, we're all feeling really down. We could really use your ray of sunshine right now. Did I hear get sponsored by Red Bull? I kind of like get sponsored by Red Bull. I like that. Were we filming this experiment?

For posterity. If you wanted to, sure. Okay. The normal's like, wait a second. Wait a second, Taylor. Yeah. You know what you're saying? There's the Red Bull guy, right? Ah, Felix. Red Bull sponsors extreme stunts all the time. Yeah. So what if we take this footage we just got of me getting

Creamed by a boulder. And I merged into it and came out the other side with a steering wheel. What if we put that online and it goes crazy viral because we put it on, you know, Fark.com and E-Bombs World. Fark comes back, yeah. And we tell E-Bomb from E-Bombs World to blast it out to everybody on his newsletter. And then we... Wait, even better. What if my mom just tweets it?

Yeah, your mom can tweet it and then we'll tweet at Red Bull to be like, can you guys sponsor us for an even crazier space stunt? And we can get five of those suits and we can go back to Earth. Wait, you did great, honey, but like what if Red Bull isn't impressed with the rest of us? Well, then we'll go to Monster when they're desperate for content. But they don't have space suits. Well, or you could each do a different stunt. We could. It all applies as a group. Oh, that's true. Yeah, why don't

you guys will be a duo. Hero says, or you can each do a different stunt and it all applies as a group. Wow, that's great. What stunt are you going to do, Hero? I'm not going with you. I don't like doing that stuff. I don't want to have fun or adventures or any of that kind of crap. I just want to hang out and be me. Wow. You really rubbed up on her. No, I always wanted to do that. That's why I'm not doing the children bullshit. I'm glad you're picking up the slack on that one, Norm. Yeah, we should sidebar about that. Maybe while everyone else is doing their rad stunts. Like the pinna.

All right. Well, my scent is easy. Someone get me like three pallets of water bottles. Okay.

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Cut to the video. Heh.

What? Taylor's got his, like, fedora down. He's, like, kind of, like, tilting his head down so he can't really see his eyes. And he goes...

Many have tested my blade, but few have survived. Then die, which is what Guts says in Berserk. Draws his blade. My sword turns into the Berserk sword, which is this giant sword. Sure. And slices through a whole pile of water bottles, dude. Okay. This is a Red Bull executive is sitting at one of the hottest clubs in fucking Hollywood, showing Ryan Reynolds how to pour Red Bull into vodka. They're like, you know what, niche audience, we need a hit.

We need to hit the fucking anime nerds. That's the next venture we're going for. Not enough uncool people are drinking our product. Nine plus one, ten. Okay, so you did okay. So we're going to see how everybody does as an average.

I feel like Norms automatically wins because it's an insane thing to see on a movie. That's what it says. You turn into a rock. It's pretty good. Well, no, but it doesn't look like it. It looks like he just tanked a rock. Yeah, it looks like he just took it. Lincoln looks at the camera. He's like, hey, my name is Lincoln Lee Wilson, and I just woke up. Say the whole name. This is not your name anymore. Oh, my name is Lincoln. Don't worry about my last name.

Cut to the guys at Red Bull. Whoa, this guy's fucking cool. This guy's cool as hell. And I go, I've never found an energy drink extreme enough for me. I'm not tired at all. Check this out. And I proceed to drink like 20 Red Bulls. Oh my God. Roll constitution. Oh, but it's a camera. There's nothing in there. It's just water. So you're like an actor on fucking NCIS with an empty coffee cup. And I go, that's the 20 Red Bulls.

Clinically, I should be dead. But you know what? You guys have magic spells and you're giving me, I pretend to drink 20 Red Bulls? Are you fucking kidding me? These drinks don't do anything for me. I'm going to go to sleep now. And I proceed to fall asleep. Nice. Wake me up when this energy drink is extreme enough for me. Not only. No last name. And I close my eyes and I go to sleep. Not only did you not.

do anything cool you actively insulted Red Bull by saying that which is the coolest thing you can do dude roll with disadvantage what roll with disadvantage if Freddy says I get disadvantage Freddy didn't get disadvantage because he at least tried a stunt and did an amazing thing with the preserve I love the idea you drank nothing and then you went to sleep you know what you did what my grandma does on a daily basis but

You know what? I deserve disadvantage. I'm okay with that. Yes. What am I rolling for, though? Just roll two, D20. Oh, I don't get any pluses? No. What's the skill for not drinking? I still have skills. Deception. Yeah, and you use none of them. Deception. Deception. Deception. Deception. All right. We're going to play by the rules here. I love the idea that I get plus zero on deception. Great. I love this long journey we took.

First roll is a 16. All right, well, too bad. What's the next one? An eight. Yeah, it's an eight. So they go like, oh, this guy's not as cool as his intro. Fuck, that guy sucks. He's even worse than the water bottle kid. Scary for the love of God. We're going to die in space if this doesn't work. Terry, what is yours? So you see on screen at Red Bull headquarters, hi, my name's Terry, and I just accepted the ice bucket challenge. Oh, my God.

Wait, Terry, Terry, do something with soccer, though. I am standing on a soccer ball while somebody pours. Oh, it's going to be so cold. Pours this ice over my head. Let's see. Who do I challenge next? Um...

I guess because my husband Normal has done the best at these kind of like off-roading things, I challenge my husband Normal. I will not be donating. But then I also do like a backflip. Okay, give me a roll with disadvantage. Disadvantage? Yeah. 16. Okay, you can do it. 12. All right, with a 12, they go...

Damn, she did all that bouncing on a ball. Yeah, she's bouncing on a ball the entire time. Yeah, so she gets dunked with fucking ice water and still manages to maintain her chill while she's bouncing on a single ball. You know what we should do? We should send her a spacesuit.

This is the worst idea we've ever come up with. We should see if she wants to do something a little bit more extreme than staying on a soccer ball getting hit with cold water. What if she wanted to go to space? You know what's even colder than ice water is the vacuum of space. I wish I could go there. I mean, there's not one executive who's like, that kid thinks he can sleep on my energy drink. We'll wake him up.

we'll shoot this motherfucker in his face and then we'll see if my energy drinks too extreme for him. You rolled an eight so there's exactly one executive who feels that way and he got fucking outvoted by the board. You didn't have the votes, Kendall. You never did. He says, I was challenged with the ice bucket challenge. Can I try one last thing to save this video? Sure. All right. So, cuts to normal. I'm like, hi, thanks to my wife, Terry, for sending me this really funny ice bucket challenge. Jerry, these kids are married. I'm going to go ahead. I'm going to do

I'm going to do the ice bucket challenge. And, uh, my friend link here is going to take this bucket of water and he's going to jump over me and slam the bucket of water down on my head as hard as he can. I, and I'm like, I give you the thumbs up because I've got a cool plan here. And look,

I look into my husband's eyes and I say, trust me this one last time. Trust me? Trust you? Trust me? And I hold up my camera phone and I say, I'll be back, baby. And I say, we're not married anymore. And I take a video of Hermie and I go, we're still married. We're still married. I come back. I go, this time is we go into space with no space suit. And I hold it up.

The Red Bull. Okay. That's the coolest sign in the world. Hermes in space with no space suit. Okay. Okay. And I told Hermes to make the Red Bull sign.

In space. Sorry, back up. Hold on. How did you do that? Sorry, what the fuck is the Red Bull? The wings, right? Don't play with me. Herbie's doing the cool stunt of all, which is he's floating in space without a spacesuit. Without a spacesuit. That's true. Okay. All right. So you come back 12 hours later. So now we still have 12 hours. So now you have 12 hours for Red Bull corporate to decide these kids are fucking cool. Let's send them. Hold on.

We need to end the video. Sorry, well, I didn't mean to interrupt if your idea was better than for me going into space. No, I mean, it's pretty rowdy. I was just going to, I have control water, so I was going to turn the water into a jet pack and shoot you up into the air with it. Then the second I start doing that, you divorce me and disappear. And then the book just falls apart.

So from Red Bull's perspective, you come up to slam dunk me with a bucket of water and then vanish. And then the water hits me in the head. And then you come back. And there's a video of me and her being in space doing like selfies with like cool, like fucking surfing signs, like pointing. Surfing signs. That's so fucking cool.

Oh, okay. So hold on. Andy, we do need to wrap up this video. A little conclusion at the end of it. So Taylor with his sword slung over his bag, like,

So that's just a little bit of what you can expect from team. What's our team name, guys? Stunt Teens. From Team Stunt Teens. I feel like the video is the three of us. So that's what you can expect from all three. Or wait, and then normal snaps, and then Link fucking pops back in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. All four of us. We timed it so that Link looks like he teleports in. So if you want to hit us up, our DMs are open. We need five, six, six, six.

Six spacesuits. Red Bull spacesuits and Peter shoots in the next eight hours. Or we will die. We will be fucking dead. The blood will be on your hands, Red Bull. That's right, Red Bull. We will die and the blood will be on your hands. Click. Call my mom. Hey, Siri, call my mom. Calling mom.

Hey, hon. Hey, mom. I need you to retweet the thing I tweeted. Oh, always. You know I retweet everything you tweet. And also retweet it and do it on a schedule and also put a comment on it so that the search engine engagement goes up higher. You gotta tag Red Bull. And you gotta tag Red Bull and any of your contacts at Red Bull. Okay, I'm gonna tag it. I did just book another gig, so it's gonna be kind of pushed. I've got a scheduled tweet. No, I do need this right now, mom. All right, all right. Just send me the tweet. Mom, please. Yes, I'll send me the tweet.

I've already sent it to you. I've already added you like four times. I'll tag all my favorite voice actors too so they can hashtag spread the word. Yes. Thank you, mom. Kisses. I love you. Love you too. I love you. All right. Bye. Bye, mom. Do we call her mom now? No. All right. So she's going to roll to see how viral it is.

15. It goes pretty fucking viable. It's trending. It's trending. Hashtag team stunts. Or what were you? Team teen stunts. Team teen stunts. It's actually team stunts team.

Team Stunts Team is Team Stunts Team. T-E-N at the end. It's team like a team. That's even worse. What? Team Stunts Team? That makes no sense. No, no, no. It's Team Squirrel. I'm just telling you what it is. It's Team Squirrel. Team Stunts.

Stunt teens. Team Stunt teens. He didn't say an S. T-E-A-M. S-T-U-N-T-S. And the T-E-N-S. Okay, it is S. Team Stunt teens. All right, so Team Stunt teens is trending worldwide. Also blood on hands. No, no, also Team Stunt teens is also trending because nobody knows

by the fucking fans. Yeah, all the different variations of team and teen are all trending simultaneously. Good job, Mom! Somebody's already trying to cancel normal. There's something they didn't like. What did I do? There's something they didn't like about the way you took that ice bucket challenge. Rock dad. Rock dad over here. Rock dad. Wow. It's simple. All the tools are right there. Figure it out.

Oh no, am I beaned at this episode? Okay, so your phone rings. You get a contact from Red Bull Corporate and they say, hey, we saw your team stunt teens video. Say it right. Team stunt teens, I'm so sorry. And yeah, we definitely want to sponsor you to do a stunt. What did you have in mind? 16s just dropping from space. 16s dropping from space. With your brand all over us. Chugging your beverage. And this time...

It does wake me up because I know you saw that video where... Unfortunately, yeah, that was the worst part of the video. We fast-forwarded through that several times. And get this, they're married. Wait, hold on. Oh, sorry, you kids are married? No, that's like a cool thing Gen Z says now. We can't have that kind of stuff. No, we're not married. Did you just say we're not married? Wait a minute. Not in my heart, though.

Okay, we done! So he's just gone. He's just gone. He can't even come back 12 hours later because then you guys will be there. So, so Link, just Link is gone. I hug Hermie in a brace as we slowly spiral towards our own death. Oh, you guys share some oxygen with Hermie too, so. It doesn't work that way.

We just hold each other and look at each other. We would like... Yes, we have some asks. Our social media manager, Terry Marlow here, will convey those over to you. Okay. Because I'm too cool to ask for it myself. All right. Terry, what do you want? I want six. Six?

Space suits. We only need five. Red Bull space suits that give you wings. Parachutes. With parachutes. Okay. And... Oxygen tanks. And oxygen tanks. Yeah, we could absolutely do that. We just had somebody try a similar stunt that they canceled on us, so we just have all that stuff lying around. So, yeah, we can drive that out to you. And I want my dad to come home. Come home?

Well, I don't know about that last part. We can look into it. Okay, you do that. I have to go Honda for that. That's a helpful Honda people. That's really more of a helpful Honda people task.

Oh, okay. Jake from State Farm could have your back on that one. Okay, so yeah, they send out the Red Bull mobile, which is a big old van with a Red Bull symbol on the side. They drive it out to JPL. And two hot girls give it out. Three twins. They're twins! And they come out with a bunch of spacesuits and all the stuff that you asked for or whatever. And like a lot of iced red.

Bulls. A lot of ice Red Bulls. Just passing them out. And you know what? What do those fucking nerds think now about these cool teens that got the Red Bull fucking car to show up? Yeah, pretty much everybody in the JPL is looking through their windows and it's like, oh yeah. They're just like watching with so much envy. So yeah, you are all suited up. You're ready to go. As I'm putting on my space suit, I look and I see Hero in the wings looking out the window. I'm like, hey guys, just give me one sec. Put in a good word for me. Where are we at with that? Do you like her? Does Link like her? Yeah.

LAUGHTER

I don't like her, and I wink. Okay. I give you a thumbs up. Got the message. So I go over to Hero. Hey, do you have a second to talk? Yeah. Hey, so first of all, Taylor doesn't like you. He wanted me to say that. I don't like him, so I didn't like him first, so I win. Okay. Hey, so I found out about the whole chosen one thing, huh? Mm-hmm. Yeah. So what's the story there? The story was that the first child of the ones who summoned the doodler was supposed to be the one to bring balance back and solve the whole doodler thing, and I just don't...

Like our parents seem really, really unhappy. They told me the whole story of everything that happened and it just seemed awful. And they've been training me since I was a kid. And just, they were training you. Yeah. I know how to shoot and do martial arts and all that kind of stuff. So when you would go off on the weekend, when dad said he was taking you out to get ice cream, I was like, why can't I get ice cream? I was killing deer with my bare hands. Oh, wow. Okay. And I didn't like it. It's not fun for me. So I just didn't want to do it. So like, I guess it's on you now.

Okay. Like, you can do it, right? Like, look, I know that you think that you're worthless. I know that you think that you suck. I know that you think you have nothing to offer to the world and that you don't really have much of a personality outside of wanting people to love you. And I know you think that you're a worthless piece of shit, but let me tell you. Okay. You're...

What was I talking about? You said you thought, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're fine. You're fine. Look, I think that being a hero is about a state of mind. And I think that you, the way you've treated these kids around you, you kept them on task. You came up with, I would say, 75% of the plan that they then immediately jettisoned. But still, it was a good plan. I liked your plan with the rock and everything. Oh, thank you. And you know what? I think really, in some ways, you were the most adult of this group. So I think you have it within you to be

the hero that I was meant to be that I don't feel like being. And you're not just saying that because you don't want to do it and you just want me to do it instead. Like when we had to do the dishes and you were like normal, you're so great at doing the dishes. I just feel like you got to do the thing that you're really good at. You know, like when you would say that when we were kids, it's not like that, right? She puts an arm on your shoulder and says, things can be multiple things. Okay. Well, all right. Thanks. But I do believe in you. I think honestly, our parents and depending on how things worked out, your dad or my dad,

Kind of fucked up. They're a pretty bad bunch of rubes. But I think that you can fix the mistakes. Our generation can fix what they did, as long as you believe in yourself a little bit. Because you're actually not...

Not as bad as you think you are. You're cool in your own way. Well, what about you, though? If you weren't good enough to do it, then what makes me good enough to do it? Oh, I'm good enough to do it. I just really, really don't want to. Okay. Because I might die. Like, I get scared. I got panic attacks. I got freaked out every time they had me do anything revolving around combat. And they showed me a glimpse of the doodler for a second, and I cried for three weeks straight. And like, have you seen the doodler? Normal just gives Hero a big hug. Yeah.

Oh, thank you. I'm sorry you went through that. No, I'm sorry. Things have been, you know, I feel like things have been choppy between us for a while. And I just want to say, you know, I love you. And I know how hard this is because I've been doing it the last couple of weeks. So I guess I can understand that, you know, you doing it by yourself and not have anybody to talk to. That would be really tough. Maybe that's it. You know, you found something that I didn't, which is a support group to sort of help you with it.

mom and dad sort of looked at me as just like the golden child. They weren't like with me. They were like demanding things of me. You know, I felt like I shouldn't befriend you. Cause I knew at some point, like I was going to have to like sacrifice myself for Oakley. And I didn't want to make you lose me in that way. So I felt, let's just keep him at arm's length. But no, I missed you. I missed you too. Yeah. If you ever do feel like saving the world, the spot's open. You know, I think we asked for an extra space suit for some reason. Yeah. I don't know how you did it. I don't want to marry you though. Nick,

my dad! That's right. There's another guy up there. Okay, so one last question I have, and then I'll leave you alone for now, you know, because hopefully we still talk again in the future if we don't die doing this. So, the boy I... Hermie, you know Hermie, the boy I'm married to. Yeah, the Joker one. Yeah, so, you know, like, I'm all about trying to help people, and I found out some pretty rowdy stuff about him, and, like, I don't know how to help him with it, and I want him to know that I love him, and I want him to know that he doesn't have to

deal with that stuff alone, but I don't want to freak him out. I don't know. Like, you're my older sister. Can you... Is there anything, like... I'm scared. I'm scared for him. I don't want to lose him, but, you know, like, I don't need to be with him for that to be okay. I just... I want him to be okay, and I don't know how to fix it. It's like, if you've got a broken leg, he's like a broken leg in his heart. Do you know what I mean? And, like, I don't know how to fix that. I don't know how to be there. It really kind of freaked me out, and I just want to know what you think. Well, I think...

You want to fix this kid. And it reminds me of when Lark and Sparrow and mom wanted to sort of get me ready and fix me and get me all set up for saving the world and stuff like that. And all they did was push me further and further away from what they wanted because they stifled me and they demanded things of me and they weren't thinking about what I wanted.

So I guess my advice would be sort of to let him come to you, you know, let him know that you're there, but don't force it too much because then he'll maybe resent the fact that you did that. Obviously, I'm not very lucky in love either, as you can see by my choice in men. Yeah, I think you can do better than both of them. Yeah, I definitely know I can. It's just like I'm just attracted to those bad boys, you know? And at that, Taylor saunters up with a thing of Pocky. He offers it again. Yeah.

Don't take this as anything. I can't resist Pocky, obviously, but don't take this as, you know. Hey, no problem. Did you see me do that cool water bottle thing with this one? I did. It was pretty cool. It was nothing. It was nothing. It was less than. Yeah, whatever it was. Yeah, exactly. I can do that all day.

Sorry, am I interrupting anything? Yeah, I mean, you were, but it seems like the moment's over now. So, sis, it's been real, and thank you for your help today, and thank you for that stuff I said. I'm going to try to do it. Yeah, and if you ever get into real bad troubles, give me a call. I've got some skills I can use, I guess. Okay. I could maybe call you instead. No. We were in a pretty bad trouble right now. She didn't do anything for us. That bad talking. I was right here.

Yeah, you're not wrong. Normal gives Hero a big hug and then tearfully walks up to the rest of the group. I'll just get your number from Normal. In dry heaves, the idea of you is disgusting. We can also see her blush a little bit. She just can't help it.

She wishes she could quit you, but she just, there's something about this little pimpled boy with his katana. Taylor goes like, does a little head nod. Check this out. He eats the rest of the Pocky in one bite. And she goes, oh, that was it. That's all I needed to not be attracted to you anymore. It just happened. Oh, I'm free. Oh, a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can just hate you platonically now. Oh. She got the ick. I got the ick. The ick happened. Do you want to join us in Pocky? No, I don't.

More for me. So we get a long telephoto shot of the five of us in our spacesuits walking up to the JBL parking lot. Three of you spacesuits, each of you holding another space suit. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, I just want to say, first two days of this marriage, pretty good. Do we need to turn you into a rock so that you can carry these spacesuits? Oh, fuck, that's right. You got to turn into a rock, which means someone else needs to do the Red Bull intro. Terry, you want to take the intro? How does it go? Oh.

Oh, you'll find the words and I give you a wink and then I dive into the rock with the two extra spacesuits. And then Lena gets the rock all cool. I don't remember much before I got married, but if I could summarize these last two magical days into just a quick sentence for Red Bull...

I wouldn't do it because I'm just too happy. And I've never felt like I could be really vulnerable with people, I guess, until I could, which was right now. And I'm a little bit scared. But I think that this will be a magical experience. And I

Yeah, of course I'm going to miss my mom. My mom's like my best friend. But like, I'll see her again. And I just know that we'll just go, you know, shopping and get our nails done like we used to. And she'll be there for me like some people weren't. And that hurt transparently. But now I'm married.

Red Bull gave that all to me.

You all boop backward to space. Link, Hermie, and Nick are all turning blue. You can see their blood is beginning to boil under the surface of their skin. So you've got one turn to get this stuff on them. I D-rock. You turn back into a human, and the three suits are now going in opposite directions. You're going to have to snatch them out of the, not the air, but out of space, essentially, to even guide them towards Link and Hermie. So why don't you go ahead and roll athletics to see if you can snatch them and then throw them at Link and Hermie and Nick.

I roll to kick them towards Hermie. Like a bicycle kick in space? Yeah. That's fun. I'm just going to try to guide them to my friends. I'm going to try and grab one as well with a little bit of athletics. Okay. Athletics rolls all around.

Three plus one, four. I've not rolled well at all. No, you haven't. Can I roll when I'm? Yeah. I got an 18. Great. And athletics? Yep. Plus five, 23. I got a one. All right. So with a natural one, you knock one of the spacesuits away. Sorry, wait. I got a seven plus seven. So I got a 14. Okay, never mind then. Seven to one of the seven. I got a four. With a 25, can I grab the one that she got plus one for me? So I got two of them. Yeah, you got two of them. All right. So you and Hermie are suited up.

And Nick is going to roll to try to grab one.

You got an eight. So it is just off of his fingertips and starts sailing towards Earth. And you begin to feel a gravitational pull of Earth pulling you in slowly. And it's just out of reach for him and he can't make it. There's no way for him to speed up because it's space. There's nothing for him to, like, you know, jettison off of or whatever. What if I hit him? Equal opposite reaction. Kick him and kick me away. Okay. Anybody have a spell or anything? I can't do spells because I'm insane. I cast banishment on him again and I go figure it out. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Yeah, just do that. Just do that. Yeah. Yeah, I cast banishment and then Nick disappears back to hell. He has another two weeks to fucking figure out how to fucking do this. He comes back. He's wearing a Red Bull space suit. He's like, I did stunts. I took your book. I took your book.

I stole your idea. I didn't have a good idea on my own. I just stole your idea. He's like, we've robbed your deck for some reason. Just with them. We got a whole camera crew and shit. We're just filming this Lunchables ad. All right. And then, Steve-O, what are you doing? Yeah, and they die in space. They forgot to bring that. The entire Jackass crew dies in space. Well, because we all carried their spacesuits like idiots. That's what actually happened. That happens. Steve-O dies in space. That's kind of...

So you've all got your suits on. So everybody's descending Earth slowly and you manage to break Atmo and then you feel the heavy gravitational pull on you and you are now falling. You are now falling towards Earth. Our space parachutes from Red Bulls. Red Bulls, space parachutes. Yep. You...

activate those and six Red Bull flags, you know, Red Bull parachutes appear in the air like canopies and you see that you were... Oh, they spelled our team name wrong. Yeah, we told them it was supposed to be 50% of the shoot for our logo. Yeah, and it is, but it just says teens stunt teams. Um...

And Terry looks at normal is like, hey, honey, I know we're from teen high, but I've never been this high before. That's hilarious. So you come to a landing just outside the city limits, the limits of the city where the Black Parade once hung out. Now, convenient.

And you see a small dot that grows larger and larger as you descend to earth. And as you get close, you can sort of make out like, oh, it's Terry Jr. He's on his own. And he's waiting for you guys. He's holding something in his hand. And he sort of makes sure to maneuver himself underneath. So when you all land, he's right there. And the second you all land, he goes, everybody get down. And he takes out two guns. He points one at normal and one at Link. And he starts firing. What? What? Oh, my God.

Not today, no, not today.

We'll be right back.

This podcast is directly supported by our Patreon, and that Patreon's got all kinds of cool people on it. People like Dan, Rebecca, Logan Collier, Harry Louis Erlem, Captain Dirtbeard, Shannon Hodgkin, Bravo Delta from Yo What The Hell Pod, Hunter Kaczmirczak, Tyler McDonald, Justin W. Ruchinsky, Laura Evans, Krasmazov, SJ, Fabled, Sean Ramos, Hannah Karampatsos, Tracy Carney, Bo Roche, Gabe Oswalt, Kyle Rackley, and Emma Getliff.

You too can support this podcast directly at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. A little announcement, next month we're going to be at Rooster Teeth Expo in Austin, July 7th through the 9th. You can get tickets at rtxaustin.com. We'll be doing stuff all weekend with the Rooster Teeth folks and all kinds of different shows. But I believe our main Dungeons & Daddies show is going to be on Sunday. This is going to be our first ever live show technically. We did a couple of live streams over the pandemic and that doesn't count.

That's just a bunch of us in a room staring at a camera. This will be the first time we'll go in front of a crowd. It's going to be really exciting. I'm excited. I'm a little nervous too. I'm not nervous. Everyone else is nervous. I just say I'm nervous so that they don't feel like...

You don't feel left out. We got some good stuff cooking for this live show. So if you want to hang out with us, buy some merch, see some shows, you can do it all next month, July 7th through 9th at Rooster Teeth Expo in Austin. The tickets are at rtxaustin.com. We have our next bonus one-shot standalone campaign, a murder mystery called Dad, Then There Were None, a dad of the Christy who dadded. It's coming out soon. It's looking like another three-parter and it features more guests than we've ever had on before.

before you can get access to this the moment it comes out by being a patreon supporter as well as have access to all of our previous bonus one shots of bonus after show ad free episodes access to community discord all kinds of stuff more stuff than you can shake a very big stick at so pick up your sticks and go shake them at your computer at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads our twitter is dungeons and dads our website is dungeonsanddads.com our merch is store.dungeonsanddads.com our subreddit dungeonsanddads and our next episode is coming out June 20th we will see you then

You made our job is like we roll a number and then we laugh at the number sometimes. We're just like, he got a one. Like, what is that? Are you fucking kidding? I get paid to laugh at that? That's stupid. Well, technically our job is like to know spells and stuff. And we're like, ah, we ain't do that part.