Ep. 5 - The Lord of Chaos Pt. III
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Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got into this crazy situation. Well, it all started when we came to Neverwinter to rescue my two beautiful boys, Lark and Sparrow. Turns out they were up to their usual hijinks trying to summon some kind of eldritch god while disguised as a lord of chaos.

We had a diggity dickens of a time busting out of the jail cell they threw us into. While the rest of the dads made friends with a mysterious shapeshifter, yours truly got some one-on-one time with Sparrow. Or should I say one-on-wolf time? I convinced my son not to summon the doodler, and now David Boreanaz wants to spill my blood. Make no bones about it, this guy's no angel. What's a dad to do? Stay tuned to find out on this week's Dungeons & Daddies. Dungeons & Daddies

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, the D&D podcast. The only one. The premier D&D podcast. Critical roles suck my ass. Adventure Zone, eat my butt. Ah!

You're right, Freddie. You were going to say the D&D podcast about four... I mean, we are the only podcast about four dads. Actually, we're the only podcast. If you type in 99% invisible, you get this podcast. The only podcast. It's me, Diane Rehm.

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, a D&D podcast about four dads from our world transporting to the Forgotten Realms on a quest to rescue their sons. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Glenn Close, bard, rock and roll dad. And fun fact about Glenn this week, about 50% on whether or not we did the moon landings. He's actually not sure. He's a skeptic. That makes sense. He's a skeptic. Fucking asshole. He's just sitting here. You know what?

he's just has some questions. If every enemy targets Glenn for the rest of this episode, you'll know why.

I'm Matthew Arnold and I play Daryl Wilson, the stay-at-home coach dad who's a barbarian. And a little fact about Daryl, when he caught his father as Santa Claus when he was eight years old, he actually still believed in Santa Claus for another three years, just that his dad was Santa Claus. That's beautiful. Oh my God. So he was like bragging at school. Yeah, he was like, oh, of course, my dad's Santa. That makes sense.

Hey, what's up? I'm Beth May and I play Ron Stampler, emotionally detached stepfather. Fun fact about Ron is he knows every Eminem lyric, every Eminem song, that old Marshall Mathers. Oh no. Slim Shady. Ron knows it all. Don't mess. Will Ron be giving us a demonstration this episode?

I don't know if you're ready for it. Do you have like genius.com open in another tab just ready to reference the entire library? I'm literally just hoping I could be like, dear Freddie, I wrote you, but you still ain't calling. Hey everyone, Will Campos. I play Henry Oak, geologist, granola, Birkenstock dad. Fun fact about Henry, he's had an Ani DiFranco CD stuck in his Prius since he bought it. He tells people it's stuck in there, but he really just doesn't want to listen to anything else.

I am Anthony Burch. I am your daddy master. And just as a sort of... I laugh every time. I know. I keep wanting to be like, yes, but like...

If you're looking into DMing games with your friends and stuff like that, I just want to caution you. Don't buy every single different book for every single DM system that you find interesting because I own literally 15 and I just keep playing D&D like a dumb idiot. And I've read them all too. And they're like 300 page books. It's a dumb thing to do with your time. We get it, Anthony. You read. What a nerd. Oh my God.

Welcome to Episode 5, The Lord of Chaos, Part 3. Okay, so the lizard man, the one that you spared in massive sarcasm quotation marks because you just missed your opportunity attack. He runs and opens a panel on a wall that you didn't see before and smacks it. And a stairway appears that heads upward. And you remember that a couple of floors above you is the armory where all of your stuff is. And presumably many more flights above that is wherever Henry is fighting. And then Lark is in a cell? You've locked Lark into a cell. Okay.

And in addition to that, there is another cell that has a guy with a hood in it that you haven't spoken to. Hey, hooded bro. What's up, man? What are you in here for? He turns to you and lowers the hood and you see that he's a snake. One of those guys. And he just goes, does anybody speak snake? Hey, Darrell Wilson, when a man asks you a question, you should answer. And I put his hand out. So what are you in here for, brother? He...

He slithers... He slithers onto your hand. Ooh. And then just sort of goes up your arm and onto... Are you doing anything to stop this? How big is the snake? He's the size of a man. Okay, fine.

The moment he gets around my hand, I go, oh, and I try to pull away. Okay, cool. Careful, Daryl. Remember, red touches yellow. Oh, no. You're a dead fellow. Red next to black. You're okay, Jack. I know your name's Daryl, but you're okay, Jack.

Yeah, does he have poisonous markings based on that rhyme? Yes. According to that rhyme, you're a dead fellow. If he chooses to bite you. So you pull him out. He continues to hold onto your arm. And as he goes through the bars, you can see this wavy shimmer, almost as if there was some sort of barrier preventing him from getting through the holes in the bars that somehow your hand, your masculine handshake, broke. So he crawls off of your gross arm and goes down your gross body and your gross legs and

Very judgy this session, guys. This is a very sexual session. Yeah, could you give me that description again? I did note that Freddie dropped the Not a BDSM podcast from his intro, so we'll see where this one goes. He's not like a snake man. He's just a snake that is the size of a man, and he gets up on his tail and, like, bounces himself vertically and then, like, bends in the middle to, like, bow to you and then begins to slip away. What? Wow. Well, uh...

Ship shifting girl over there. What are you doing? I put my hand out. Daryl Wilson. That was an odd one. What were you doing in there? We're just ignoring it. Because otherwise he just goes into a crack in the wall and he's gone. Dolly-esque fever dream moment. It's like some Mexican magical realism film all of a sudden.

Anyone else is welcome. Daryl's very confused and is definitely going to go talk to the shape shifting girl. Glenn is like 50% sure that that actually happened. I remember seeing this once in an LSD flashback. Glenn is like, eh, slightly more probable than the moon landing. Oh my God. Okay. This is a weird French ass animation we're watching.

I just really hope Anthony had this whole elaborate backstory plan for this snake. Like what the snake was doing there. Like he's so pivotal to this story and that's just like, we'll see. It's a little calm, a little calm.

Every idea I come up with, I have to temper my excitement for it with the knowledge that you dumb idiots will just strip down nude and completely invalidate the combat I had planned. Hey, that snake is show up elsewhere. Yeah. He's Chekhov's snake now.

So again, I say shape-shifting. Girl, that's quite a trick you got there. What were you doing in that cell? So she forms herself back into the shape of the crying girl. Why are you still crying? Yeah. Oh my gosh, stop crying. Oh, sorry. This is my default to try to engender sympathy. And she stops crying. She continues to cry for a second and you realize that her tears don't dry. They go back into her skin and like, like go back. Like it's like it's the same mass being like reused in a cycle of like fake tears. It's a cool fountain. It's the Bellagio. Yeah.

Daryl definitely starts instantly looking for, he's very aware he's naked when that happens. Like seeing that sort of like that thing happens, that body. I'm like, I'm naked. I need to find my clothes. She's like, thanks for getting me out. Um, I was just going to bolt. Do you guys want to come with?

Our buddies up there may or may not have turned into a wolf. Unsure. I feel like we've got to help him out. Maybe you could bolt in our direction. Yeah. We helped you out. It only makes sense that you could help us out. Actually, have you heard of the Daryl Barrel special? Oh, darn it. We were supposed to give beer to that woman back in that...

In that town. Oh, you're criminals too? Yes. You weren't imprisoned unjustly. You clearly did whatever you were accused of. Is that cool to you? Yes. Cool, yes. Yes, we are criminals. We are criminals. Okay. Well, if that's the case, you can help me get all my stuff. I don't know if that would help you with your wolf problem. Down into the armory? Yeah. Hey, Henry!

Guys, where do you think Henry is? I don't know. I think we should get our stuff, though. Seeing as we're all naked minus Ron, and it does feel weird. It's a very compromising position that we're in here. Three naked dudes and one shirtless dude and a crying girl. Quick naked dad huddle.

Oh, God. Naked dad huddle. This is very close. I'm very close to you guys. Are we going upstairs? The dad huddle is notably a little airier than usual. Everyone's arms are just a little... No, no, no. As you drive, Daryl pulls you in very close. Daryl's not letting you get away. Do we trust this lady? Well, I think we need our stuff. And if she was going to do something to us, she'd probably have done it now.

So seeing as we're probably the most vulnerable we will ever be in any given situation, I think we should go get our stuff. All right. We're going to cut back up to Sparrow and Henry. Cross-cutting this episode. I love it. Finally, my time to shine by myself. Now the real role play begins. Henry, you are on the roof and you have your son next to you and you are in wolf form. And David Boreanaz and his cadre of soldiers are about to attack you to try and summon the doodlers. So go ahead and roll initiative.

I got a 15 plus two, 17. Okay, cool. So you are currently fighting a group of people that is large enough that I'm basically just going to treat them as one massive, horrible blob. Just so you know what the layout of this area is, it's a big tower that sort of has no real, like there's no handrails or balcony stuff to protect you from falling off. And in the center... No OSHA in this universe. And in the center of the tower is the big spike pit with all the blood and

and everything in it. And you're also surrounded by innocent people. It is identical to the skyscraper map from Mario Kart 64. Okay, that helps a lot.

Will, you have power slide and then hop between those two little gaps. I scan about for floating gems that can turn into power-ups. So you actually have the better initiative. So you and Sparrow get to go first. And I'm going to play for Sparrow, but for the sake of not being boring, you can sort of direct Sparrow what to do. Okay, we're still on the elevator, right? You are still on the elevator, yeah. Okay, is there like a down button on the elevator? Yes. Okay, I frantically hit the down button.

Where I paw at it in wolf form. Actually, roll dexterity to see if you can paw at it with your wolf hands. I got a 19. Ooh, okay. So you successfully hit the down button and it begins to chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga. Oh, he's like one of those dogs that can shake. Boreanaz and let's see. Let's roll for their speed. Ooh, not bad.

So Boreanaz and two other guards manage to jump onto it before it gets to the point where you would start taking damage for jumping down. I would call that a minor action because you're just reaching out. Do you want to do something else? Okay. Hold on one second. I'm just reading up about my beast shape. Yeah, you got like sick beast power-ups, dude. You can stay up in beast shape for one hour. Any longer, call your doctor. Okay.

You get a free t-shirt that says beast mode and it doesn't have any sleeves and you go to LA Fitness. Ask your doctor if being a wolf is right for you. I cast CrossFit and...

Okay, let's see. Your game statistics are replaced by the statistics of the beast, but you retain your alignment, personality, and intelligence, wisdom, and charisma scores. Okay, well, I have the wolf stats right in front of me right here. Okay, cool. Can you tell me what I can do? Because I feel like I might just... You have bite as a melee attack. Shake, roll over. You have... Speak. You have advantage on perception checks that rely on hearing or smell.

You have advantage on any attack if you're next to a friend and you also have a bite that is actually pretty damaging It's 2d 4 plus 2. Oh shit. Yeah, I'm gonna fucking bite David Boreanaz right in his beautiful face That's what I'm gonna do. I aiming for that moneymaker right away. Hey, man, you hit him where it hurts All right, you want to roll a d20 and add 4 to it? Okay 17 plus 4 21. Oh, okay good roll that bite definitely makes it so go ahead and roll 2d 4 and then add 2. Okay

Eight damage. Jesus Christ. David Boreanaz looking like Vamp Face Angel right now. All right. I just really quickly giving Boreanaz more health. And he has a snake friend. Thank you. I can finally be with my best friend, Boreanaz. He kept me in here as a weird sex thing. It was not because he didn't like me.

So that will be your turn. Sparrow is going to say, so is being a hug wolf, does that involve violence as well? I am fighting them. I'm going to fight them. Hug wolves hug with their mouths. I see. Fighting time. And so he's going to try to bite Boreanaz as well.

And his teeth just managed to get a hold of the skin on Boreanaz's exposed knee because he has a little empty patch there in his chain mail. So cool. It's to make it look worn and neat. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Actually, you can buy pre-hold chain mail now. It looks like peasant's chain mail, but it's way more expensive. Sharks hate him.

So he bites him on the knee and doesn't draw any blood, but he's like, Dad, I'm doing it. Are you proud of me, Dad? Still, I have a mouthful of Boreanaz, so I go, uh-huh. I wish I could say the same. I was waiting for it. I'm sorry. Is it weird that I literally thought the exact same thing and was like, it's not weird. I was literally just watching season two of Angel.

Season two, huh? Yeah. Primo. I guess. Yeah, that's Boreanaz at his hottest. Okay. So Boreanaz is irritated by the fact that he's getting double bitten by the Oak family. I thought he didn't notice the knee one. That's true. Yeah. He didn't notice the knee very much. He's still getting double bitten, if you know what I mean. I don't know what you mean. I don't either. He's going to draw a dagger from his belt and try to stab Henry in the throat.

This is a good day for the Oak family. He just sort of wails randomly at the air and you feel like some of your fur get cut off, but fucking nothing. But because he's a boss, he gets to go twice.

Alright, so 12 plus 4. What is your AC? My AC is 15. Sorry, you have the AC of a wolf now. I have the AC of a wolf! Yeah, so you're only at AC of 13. So you will take some damage. What's the deal? Do I have wolf HP now? Wolf has 11 hit points. Okay, so I have 11 hit points. So you take...

Five damage. Yikes. Yeah, not great. And as a free action, Boreanaz is like, jump down, you cowards. It won't hurt that much. Come on, come on. And a couple of people jump down. They won't get turns yet, but they're going to try to not get hurt. All right. So the first guy lands with seemingly no damage. The second one falls and basically breaks an ankle. So you're now in an L with four people. Okay. So now the other two guards are going to try to attack your perfect sun sparrow.

First one is a crit. All right. Watch your son die in front of you in this elevator. I crit a kid. Fucking at the end, Carl's like raising it from the dead. He like rolls a dice into him to like make him fall back. He was reaching for a D20. It looked real enough. It looked real enough.

Just for a second, isn't it insane how the moral of Die Hard is like, isn't it great that cop is comfortable shooting people in the head? Thank God. Thank God he can kill people again. Oh my God.

But seriously, Sparrow's dead. Your child died. Sparrow biting onto the knees of Boreanaz continues to bite, but his eyes go big and his legs just go slack. Oh my God. His whole body just goes limp, but he's still hanging on with those teeth. Wait, what did he get hit with? Oh, he got hit with a dagger. Oh, dagger. He got stabbed? He got stabbed? He got stabbed in the shoulder. You kind of buried the lead on that one. Sorry.

Sorry, your child got stabbed. I was like, oh, it's some magic that like, he got, it was a magical dagger that went into his shoulder. We didn't really think ahead. This podcast is gonna have a lot of kids getting stabbed, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Without getting too graphic, he gets stabbed a little bit in the shoulder blades and it hits him hard enough that he just goes limp except for his teeth. The second baddie now is going to be like, I guess that kid's probably done. I'm going to go for the adult wolf. When are your teeth ever limp? Oh,

You'll find out when you get older. And he swings at you and just barely nicks some of your ear, but you don't even feel it. He misses. So now we're going to cut to all of you as you come into the armory. You see lockers upon lockers of really shitty looking medieval weaponry and really standing out amongst all this stuff is basically just a big pile of all of your shit because it looks very modern and very earthlike and stuff like that. Can we do a perception roll to see if there's good weapons among those shitty weapons? Yeah, go ahead.

I got a 10. Do you guys want to look around? I would. By all means, take your time. This is like a glance. I got an eight. Okay, so you can tell that all the stuff here is, it's like decent quality, but there's an amazing variety. So what I want to say is, if you want to have any other kind of additional weapon, you can just get it here for free, and you'll just have it. Ah.

So of the weapons, I'm not even familiar with D&D weapons. Well, hold on. We got maces. We got bows. We got spears. Whatever you can imagine, Freddy. We got swords. What about fire poi? Like what people spin at Burning Man? I wouldn't know. I mean, there are flails. You could like get a flail and then get some pitch and like pour it on there. What's the thing with the two sticks? Do you know what I'm talking about? The Chinese yo-yo? Oh my God. The thing that like super cool kids did at school? Yeah. Clackety clackety clack. Yeah. Uh,

Let's just go ahead and say there's something that is there in a pinch if you wanted to get that. Okay, do they have nunchucks? Yeah. I want nunchucks. Okay, so you get nunchucks. By the way, another fun fact about Glenn, very into mall ninja shit. Okay, so we'll say just stat-wise that that'll basically be a club because I'm pretty sure nunchucks are not officially in D&D. Here's the thing about nunchucks. I think that they need to have a small...

percentage chance of hurting you. I think it's a nat one you whip yourself in the nards. That's the official nunchuck rule. I fully approve that. We'll say that it is a simple melee weapon. It's not a simple weapon. I've loosely trained this whole life to use this, Anthony. For a more civilized age. We'll say that it's a club that in

instead of doing 1d4 damage, it does 1d6 damage, but with that downside of, yeah, if you get a 1 or a 2, you will hit yourself in either the left or the right testicle. So you're saying if I lose a nut at some point in this adventure, it will be a better weapon for you. Yeah, it's true, actually. Interesting. Good. Okay.

Very good. Fuck yeah, I got nunchucks. I've been looking forward to this. I've been trying to get a character with nunchucks in so many campaigns, and I've had so many DMs look at me and be like, you don't have nunchucks. I'm like, but nunchucks. Is there a sort of skip it sort of?

Is there something I can do with my feet that is deadly and dangerous? Okay, so what you see there is you see there's a flail which has the chain and the ball of pain on the end of it. And there's also some shackles. So if you wanted to grab two of those things and then in some downtime try to make them together into an evil skippet, you could do that. Yes, please. It's not going to be an evil skippet, but it will be dangerous. Okay. Do you want to try to make this a skippet now? Yeah. I mean, there seems like there's time. Okay.

Henry! How's it going up there? Oh, no. Guys, please be quiet. I am trying to assemble my skippet. Ryan, I think we've got to get our stuff. Do you actually want to try to build the skippet? Yes. Okay. Then roll... Oh, my God. Let's see. Let's see. There's not a lot here for skippet handling in your stats. One second, Henry. One second. We're just getting some stuff ready here, but we'll be there as soon as we can. Let's say survival. Roll survival. All right.

Five. Okay. So you sort of just clink the shackles and the ball together just over and over, like getting more and more frustrated that it's not working, but at the end you don't actually have a skip it. Once you're out of danger, you will probably have more chances to try to make a proper skip it. Okay, yeah. Temporarily devastating. Okay.

I see what you're going there for, Ron. Good idea. I'm putting my pants on and my clothes, and I just grab the stuff that the barbarians normally have. Okay, that's fine. I grab a great axe and a javelin. As you guys are all getting dressed, you see also the shape-shifting girl who says, oh, by the way, my name is everything, just so you know, going forward. I get it.

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, she finds amongst all this detritus a big old sack full of shit. And she goes, I feel like we could go splitsies on this. So there's four things in here. I'm gonna go ahead and describe them to you. Okay. And she opens it up to you so you can see that she's not lying. Okay. There's a hat. There's a jug. There's a perfume.

And there's a small bag of beans. I instantly grabbed the perfume. Oh, Carol would love this. Okay. Okay, so in your inventory, add that you have the Perfume of Bewitching. Ooh. The Tiny Vile Canine's Magic Perfume, enough from one use. You can use an action to apply the perfume to yourself, and it lasts for an hour. For that duration, you have advantage on all charisma checks directed at humanoids. Sorry, really quick. Sorry I took the perfume without asking you guys. It's okay if I...

Yeah, sure, I guess so, yeah. I'm gonna go for the jug. I would like the hat. She's like, I mean, I was gonna go with like half and half, but yeah, you could... Yeah, fuck me, right? You could have them all, I guess. Well, it seemed like you had everything you needed.

So she just sort of throws the hat at you, but it's like very clearly discussed about it. So you can go into your inventory and add the Hat of Vermin, which I will describe to you thusly. This hat has three charges. While holding the hat, you can use one action to expend one of its charges and speak a command word that summons your choice of a bat, a frog, or a rat. Oh my God, this is so perfect for you. The summoned creature magically appears in the hat and tries to get away from you as quickly as possible. What?

The creature is neither friendly nor hostile, and it is not under your control. It behaves as an ordinary creature if it's kind and disappears after one hour. It dies after an hour? I mean, it just vanishes. It's not real. And the hat regains all of its charges at dawn. So every day you can use this three times. So you can just...

Get three rodents? Yeah. I mean, rat... A frog is not a rodent. Fair. That's fair. So, did you get the jug? I got the jug, yeah. Okay, so you got the alchemy jug. The alchemy jug is a ceramic jug that appears to be able to hold a gallon of liquid and weighs 12 pounds.

Sloshing sounds can be heard from within when it's shaken, even if it's empty. You can use an action and name a liquid from the table below, which you'll see when you add it to your inventory, to cause the jug to produce the chosen liquid. Afterwards, you can uncork the jug as an action and pour that liquid out for up to two gallons per minute. The maximum amount of liquid in the jug depends on the liquid that you named. So you can make stuff like wine, water, salt water or fresh, vinegar, oil, beer, which we're going to say if Daryl uses it will be his particular brew. Nice. Mayonnaise, honey. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise.

And then poison or acid. What kind of acid? What kind of mayonnaise? What kind of acid? Is it like the good Hoffman stuff or is it like, you know what I mean? Let's say that depends on the, he who wields the sword.

So acid in the sense of LSD then. Oh, okay. That's actually interesting. Yeah. If you do it and you roll for acid, then yeah, let's do that. Okay. Okay. Okay. And then the final thing, a bag of beans, which one of you is going to take that? I think that was hers. Cause we all each took one. You said split seas. There's four of us. So that's, that's yours. Little lady. Just, just fine. Henry didn't want anything. Oh, actually we do have a fourth friend. I mean, if we, if I could, is it for, are you offering? I mean, yeah.

All right. I was trying to be polite. Thanks. I put my hand out for it. Okay. So roll. No, fuck it. She just gives to you. I want you to have this item because this item is great. So this is a bag of beans. So right now, roll 3d4. Okay.

I got eight. Okay, so there are eight beans in this bag. When you take a bean out and throw it on the ground, you have to roll a D100, and depending on what you roll, something different will happen, which, just for the sake of comedy, I'm not going to tell you what the possible options are. It would also take a long time for you to roll a hundred. Yeah.

Tune into our bonus podcast where Anthony reads all 100 things that the bean can turn into. But yeah, they run the gamut from like a couple of mushrooms come out to like something massive happening. So it's basically just you're going to roll the dice and sort of see what happens. Did everything just tell us that that's what it does?

Or should our characters not know what these beans are? That's why I ask. Oh, that's fair. Hey, what do these beans do? Everything goes... They look like weird magic beans. I usually don't mess with them because they're too random. I don't know. They might do weird stuff if you throw them at the ground. I kind of don't want any part of them. And these other magical items kind of seem stupid. So to be honest, I'm going to take all this stuff. You guys are clearly not from around here. You don't have a good sense of what's worth money. So I'm going to take all the stuff that's actually valuable and give you this stuff that...

I mean, you don't know any better. All right. Cool. I'm glad you can be so upfront about us getting swindled, but it's all good. I mean, one of your friends is a wolf. Yeah, we'll worry about that. We'll worry about that later. I feel like she knows everything. Now, if you guys don't mind, there is a man up there that we love and we got to go save him. I don't know if I love it. I mean, I'd go save him. I'm just, you know, I don't know if I love him. Ron, if you were up there, I'd go up there right now and save you. So let's go up there. Let's go.

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So before you even reach the top, you hear the sounds of combat. And once you actually reach the top of the tower, you see that the cult of the doodler is in combat with these innocent townsfolk who are going to be sacrificed, presumably. You can't see Boreanaz, though, and you also can't see Henry or his child because the elevator also seems to be missing. It's not here. I run over to the edge of the elevator and I look down. Okay, so you see the tops of a lot of heads. You see four adult human men

trying to beat up a wolf that is currently latched onto the face of Boreanaz and Sparrow latched onto his knee. - Henry, is that you? I'm overwhelmed by his beat. I go, Henry, don't worry, we got you something too. And I pull the beans out and I chuck the bag down. - Like, yes. - The elevator shaft. - Wait, so that like all of them go down? - I don't know, how tight was that bag? - Oh no.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Yes. In my head, I was like, throw the beans. Okay, so here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to fill this plastic bag that I brought all my dice in with exactly eight dice. Oh, my God. And I'm going to try to... I have a satchel, actually. I have a cool cloth satchel you could use. Oh, yeah? Go get that. Go get that. It's funny because on the item description for the bag of beans, the very first thing it says is like, if somebody tries to throw all of them at once, here's how you do that. I'm like, but nobody would do that. That's insane.

I'm literally not going to tell them about that because that'd be an absolutely absurd thing to try to do.

If it matters, I would like to say that when Daryl got the bag, he definitely opened it up to look into it, and he probably didn't tie in it very much when he closed it. I mean, I buy that. Okay, I got it. Hold on, you have to throw this from something high. I was considering going to the roof of your apartment. Or just throw it up to the ceiling. Well, no, here's what we can do. I have a stairwell right outside my place. Oh, okay. And you can chuck it down, like, how many stories? Like, two stories, right? Yeah, maybe like two stories. Yeah. Okay. All right, yeah, let's do that. All right, let's go do that.

Alright, okay, so we are in the stairwell. Anthony's about to drop the bag to test how many beans fall out of it. To simulate a proper two-story drop. So, Anthony, you good? Yeah, I think we got it. Alright, three, two, one, drop. How many bag beans? Four. We got four. We got four. Oh my god! Yes.

Okay, should we see these all at once? I feel like the real experience is that you should roll and then tell us all four things that happened. That's how we would experience. All right, well, I got to write them down then. All right, just a second. I'm very scared. Oh, boy. I do not have a lot of health either. I just want to put that out there. This is going to get gnarly. I'm excited to hear Henry's reaction because I just want to be like, what's that, boy? A bunch of beans fell down an elevator shaft?

What if it was just four of the lamest things in a row? I'm kind of hoping it is because I will die. Yeah, can we talk about kind of the weight limit and rating of this elevator? That's a good question, too. Because I do feel like we're starting to overload it. Oh, no. Oh. What? That was the one thing I was hoping you wouldn't roll. Oh, God. Oh. Oh, no. This is going to be such a left turn. Okay, so let me tell you. Why did I give you this idea?

I knew in my heart, I was like, don't give him this. Don't give him this. You let me take it. Yeah, why don't I? Oh, my God. I wanted you to have it, but I just also didn't, and then now I'm fucking reaping the fruits of my labors. Okay, so first, three things that don't matter at all happen. Okay, cool. Let's hear them. Almost as if it's slow motion, you see the following. One, a nest of...

Five eggs springs up. Yes. If anyone wants to eat one, we can talk about that later. The second thing that happens is a geyser erupts from the center of the elevator shaft and spouts apple juice 30 feet into the air, so it hits you guys in the face for seven rounds. What?

So those eggs are wet. Yeah, the eggs are now wet. The third thing that happens is 11 pink toads appear. And whenever a toad is touched, it transforms into a large or smaller monster of my choice. Which would seem like, oh, what a big deal. Seems like a big deal. Seems like a very big deal. Until a pyramid with a 60-foot square base bursts from the middle of the fucking elevator shaft.

Yes! What? Yes! So the entire building is bisected by this spontaneously spawning 60-foot fucking pyramid. With apple juice guising out of the top of it. With apple juice coming, like a fucking ejaculation of apple juice out of the top of it, and the fucking eggs that you could have eaten roll down the sides of it.

And the fucking people on the, so all of you have to make. We're all sliding. Yes. All of you have to make dexterity saves because you are now on a slanted surface as this thing just grows under you. Oh my God. How steep of a pyramid are we talking here? It's decently steep. Well, you know that actually pyramids are pretty easy to walk on. If you've ever been to like Egypt, they're not. No, no, no. They used to be smooth and flat. Anthony does not seem like a man to be well actually right now. That's all I'm going to say. Well,

actually it's a staircase pyramid and I think we're perfectly fine. Anthony really wants us to parse the details of how hard we just fucked his night up. Dexterity. You fucking call down the thunder and you will now reap the lightning.

So we just all roll d20s? Listen, guys, I know what we're all thinking, and it's which way did the eggs roll? Yes. That's true. Which way did the eggs roll? They all rolled off of one corner of the pyramid. All right, let me roll dexterity. Yeah, you're going to roll a d20 and then add your dexterity modifier. I did a crit fail. You did a crit fail? Yeah, well, what?

Oh, no. Hold on, wait, wait, wait. I'm going to burn my inspiration. I'll burn my inspiration on this one. Yeah, okay, because otherwise I was going to have to do something very violent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll burn my inspiration on that one, which was from a couple episodes, I believe. And then I add Dex, which is a 19. Okay, way better. I got a 17. I got a 17 as well. I mean, I definitely feel it. I got a 7. Okay. So I guess it's fair that the dumbass who threw down the goddamn beans...

is the only one to fail. I like to think I was real. I mean, Daryl definitely loves apple juice. For about three seconds, you were in heaven. Here's what happened. He followed the geyser up, so he wasn't looking when the pyramid was rising up underneath his feet. He's like, wow. Okay, so in addition to that,

Remember you guys are halfway up this tower so this fucking pyramid bisected the tower and it's now like rickety on in the middle of this goddamn tower so what I'm gonna do is this is real stupid but why not do it can you hand me extra d6s are you building a tower out of dice so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna build a tower for dice and

and have the pyramid on top of it right there. And if at any point anyone of us is accidentally knocked down the tower, I'll just say that the pyramid also falls. Okay, all right. So we got to be real gentle. Right. And then everything above the pyramid just is immediately fucking sloughed off and sort of falls to the ground. This big, massive skyscraper is now... Wait, was this the level of all the people in the spike pits above us? Yeah, so all the people in the spike pits above you get pushed off. So it's just raining hell. Yes, exactly.

Every bad thing is happening. Why are these characters flying? Yes, people are falling off the sides of the goddamn thing. How high up are they? How high up is the pyramid? You were already basically near the top, plus or minus a story of the skyscraper from Mario Kart 64. So you were that high. So these guys are falling to their deaths. So when we make our saving throw, what happens when we save? So your saving throw is you attempting to grab onto this pyramid thing.

and not fall off to your deaths, essentially. So even though it's slicked by apple juice, the stickiness of it allows me, at least, to grab on and hang on with a good grip. Like a horrible Spider-Man you handle on daily. Like Alex Honnold, free-climbing El Capitan. We've all seen Free Solo.

Free solo. Great documentary. So all of you managed to get a grip except for Daryl, who is sliding and is now just beginning to fall off. So what happened to me? You and Boreanaz and your son are all perched on the top. All of you. By the way, all of you guys are like, because apple juice is spraying in your face. Covered in apple juice. Did Boreanaz make his saving throw? Oh, no, he didn't. He should. This may be the end of Boreanaz. Sticky, covered in apple juice. Oh, my God.

Literally, very first roll. What did you do? My God. He knocked the tower down. He knocked over the entire pyramid. Oh, my God. I think that's fitting. I feel like no tower supported a 60-foot. This is medieval. These are guys who didn't put guardrails in. There's no way they put in enough of a foundational support on their bullshit towers to be able to hang on to it. What do I do? Okay. We're all on the pyramid. It just kind of crunches down. Here's the thing. The pyramid begins to fall over, and...

It's crushing the tower beneath it. So it's, it's falling a little bit more slowly than you might otherwise think. So everybody except for Daryl is totally fine, but Daryl, you're going to have to take some damage because you didn't get quite good enough purchase with your hand. So your, your head smashes against the wall of the pyramid. So go ahead and take a D six of damage. Daryl Wilson took five damage. Okay. Um, and with a shuddering boom and an explosion of dust outward, uh,

the pyramid crushes the pit of myriad delight. My God. So all those people having an orgy just got destroyed by... They're fine. It kills the fighting arena. Okay. So all the people who are having the orgy stop for a second and stare at the pyramid and they go right back to it. Just goes to show you that love overcomes all obstacles. Yeah. A shockwave resonates through the pyramid as it lands, so everybody make another dexterity saving throw. 13, Anthony. So I got a 15. I got an 18. All right, that's good. I got a 2.

Yeah. So everybody except for Ron Stampler seems to be fine. Actually, sorry, Boreanaz is going to, I forgot that.

That's what caused all this. Okay, so Boreanaz gets 16. He's fine. He's just got such a strong foundation and base. He's not falling over easy. Look at that guy. Okay, so you're going to fall pretty badly. I want to do that vertical limit, like stab my javelin in and slide and try to reach for Ron. Okay, let's do that. Best movie. Why don't you roll an attack against the pyramid? Just see if I break the stone? Yeah. See if you can wedge it into a crack or not.

I'm just going to go ahead and roll for damage because I rolled a one. So I'm assuming you're going to let me hurt myself. You're going to start following too. So I'm going to throw my nunchucks for whoever's closest to try and like have that'll be that'll almost certainly be Daryl because he just fell while I'm in peril. Am I allowed to do anything? Yeah, absolutely. What would you like to try to do? I would like to use the hat of vermin.

To release frogs who have sticky little frog hands. Maybe they will help me stick to the side of the pyramid. Okay. That's what I would like to do is I would like frogs. All right. So we'll do one action at a time here. So let's do this first. Yeah.

So, Ron, you summon three frogs simultaneously. Can I get more? Three is the most you can get in a day. That's unfortunate. Yes, I would like three frogs. That's three limbs. You just crush them under your hands, and that's a little stickiness on your hands. So what we're going to do is you're going to roll stickiness for each frog. Yes. Yes. You're going to roll a D6 for each frog. Okay. Okay.

If you get a five or a six, they are sticky enough to stick on to the pyramid. And if you have a one in three chance, they just look great. Yeah. Hot dice. Hot dice. Number one. That's a six. All right. One frog sticks perfectly in there like a fucking cat woman handhold. Yes. All right. Now roll this one.

God, how did you do that? Six! She got the six! All right. Now roll another one just to see what the third one does. I don't even know what the third one's for. You know those things when you do push-up helpers? Yeah, like the perfect push-up. So I'm imagining that's what it is. You're like holding on to the frogs.

And the frogs are like fingers and hands splayed onto this pyramid, eyes bugged out, totally confused. They were created seconds ago, and the first thing they feel is the icy grip of a human being around them, and they're just gripping on for dear life. All right, the third frog's just like, just slides straight fucking down. I think that means you're now ribbited to the wall.

I might fall just because of that. I literally might fall. Oh, God. I need to come up with some other punishment. I need to come up with some other punishment because giving you guys damage was too good and I missed that already. Does he get inspiration for that? Does he get inspiration? Yes, you absolutely get inspiration. Hell yeah. Without question. So Ron is safe for now. So you're going to nunchuck Daryl. All right. So I roll a 16. I think that's good. Describe what happens. As I see my friend start to lose his grip so enraptured by the apple juice, I'm like,

I concentrate, I think, of all the hours. So Enraptured by the Apple Juice is the name of this episode. No, I wanted Chekhov's snake. That'll be the episode where he comes back like three years from now. Oh, shit. I call upon hours of watching YouTube videos on the road, of Bruce Lee maneuvers, of guys teaching you how to do nunchuck tricks. I whip out the nunchucku, and I...

whip them towards Daryl's legs because he's splayed away from me and I wrap them around his ankle and I hold on to dear life as he is like splayed out, leaning face forward towards almost certain doom, if not for these nunchucks. Awesome. How does Daryl react to all this? Since they're wrapped around my legs, I think I just go, oh, and I look up and I go, thanks there, Glenn.

That's it. Okay, cool. So... I mean, because she's stuck. Ron is already safe. I think Daryl's definitely looking for where Henry is. That means you look up and you see... You're basically... You managed to hang on to Boreanaz, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm still on the top of the mountain. He held on with, like, fucking...

Knuckles made a steel. Then you held onto him too. And so did your unconscious son. Wait, I just need to understand what happened to his other son. Yeah. I was about to bring that up. So it's up to you as to what you do now, because right now you realize you've all realized simultaneously. Oh my God, what happened to Lark? Because that floor and all the ones beneath it were presumably crushed. Sparrow is still up top grabbing onto Boreanaz's knee, even though he's unconscious and with a knife sticking out of his shoulder blades.

What do you do? Okay. My jaw falls off of Boreanaz's face. Okay. Immediately. And I'm in wolf mode still. Does a wolf have like sense? Like again, like it's gotta be like a smell. Like a search and rescue thing. Ooh, this is actually really good. Yeah. He has advantage on any perception checks. Oh shit. Okay. I want to see if I can suss out what happened to my son. Well, I think you got to sniff Sparrow and use that scent to find his brother. Yes. I take a big whiff of Sparrow.

And then... Who's still unconscious. Who's still unconscious. That I'm going to deal with in a second. Because at least I know where he is. And then I'm going to try to do a perception check to see if I can find Lark. And what I'm hoping is the rubble of this crazy thing that just happened. All right, go ahead and roll perception with advantage. Okay. That's a 17.

And that's a seven. I'm going to take the 17. So you follow the scent of your comatose child to find your non-comatose child. And the scent leads you through a pile of rubble that is far deeper than you would like. And your heart sinks more and more the further and further you dig into this rubble. Underneath a bunch of bricks, you...

nuzzle one aside with your nose and you see Lark's hand just sort of like peeking out from them like Arnold going into the lava. But no thumbs up. But no thumbs up. No thumbs up. Just his hand. Okay. I am going to... Can I tell if he's dead? You could try to like move up against see if his like pulse is going. I nudge him. I nudge him to sense both his temperature and his general sort of pulsing well-being. All right.

He feels fur on him and his hand just sort of like starts moving and starts twitching and like touches you and is like just trying to feel around and trying to get out. Okay. I try to nudge him to like grab onto my fur so I can pull him out. So do we see this pile of rubble? Is there a lot of it? Most of the things surrounding you right now is rubble. It's either rubble or it's the remains of the circle of chaos. And the orgy pit is right next to it. And the orgy pit's right next to it. There's a ton of people there. Yeah.

I think Daryl stands up to the pit. He's heartbroken as he watches Wolf Henry digging into this rubble. And there's a mountain full of rubble. And I turn and say, everybody, stop fucking for one goddamn second. There's a young child in that pile of rubble. One of them's like, that's not our thing. There's one. There's a child in that pile of rubble. We don't do that. That's where we draw the line. And it needs your help. Can you help us take him out of the rubble? All right. Roll persuasion with advantage.

I got 16. They all stop fucking for a second and they go, oh my God, a kid's in trouble? We are both sex positive and really care about children's issues, so absolutely, we're going to come and help you. It's like, we're going to come then help you? Yeah, yeah. Just a second, just a second. Oh!

Right, where's your kid? Where's this kid? What's going on? You know what? Despite what I've been told by the church, you all seem like pretty good people. Let's go save the kid! Alright, about two dozen naked people still glistening in all kinds of fluids. Weird. This is like a Jodorowsky movie. Yeah, this is fucking insane. Remember back in the day when we thought that snake bowing to you was the weirdest thing that was going to happen? Meanwhile, Ron is rappelling down a pyramid frog by

by frog yelling at the third frog who has descended. Hey, help that kid frog. I feel like, by the way, I'm looking up and I'm seeing Boreanaz probably struggling post face bite. Yeah, I feel like this is like...

not rock and roll. Everything that this guy's done is hella not rock and roll. So I'm going to do some flourishes with my fucking nunchucks and go after this dude. Okay. Check on my kid while you're up there, the unconscious kid. I can't hear you over the whirring of nunchaku over on my ears. So while the naked army of woke people start... Third person.

Third potential episode title. I was saying that's the name of my band. Start getting rid of the rubble in the show of solidarity. You run up and you just swing it in with a nunchuck. So here, I would like to propose a mechanic with the nunchucks. I'd like to just, how do you feel about this? Okay. I can roll D20s to flourish them. Of course, every flourish is,

is a risk because I couldn't nut myself with them. But every time I do it, I feel like I get like a plus one to whatever the eventual roll is. So I could sit there and do 20 flourish. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I feel like there should be... No, no, here's what we do. Here's what we do. We do that, but every time the number that results in a nutting gets increased. Okay. You rolled again, you got to get more than three. You rolled again, you got to get more than a four. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So basically it builds on itself. All right. So as I'm walking up... And this is just to hit. This is not necessarily damage. Yeah, just to hit. Just to hit. All right. So flourish one.

That's a two. You immediately nutted yourself. So I walked up. I was ready to flourish. Okay. I'd like to say, I think I invented a really cool mechanic for nunchucks. And I'm really glad that the first move was I go up and I'm like, listen up, you son of a bitch. I'm going to show you what real pain is. And the first move I do just slams my nunchucks into my right testicle. Oh my God.

All right, so roll a club attack damage, whatever that is. So that's a 1d6 for the nunchucks, so that's two damage to me. Okay, that's not so bad. It could have been worse because I only have eight, so that could have almost killed myself. Okay, so Boreana sees you do this.

And he's like, did we summon the doodlers? The only way any of this makes sense is if this is actually the end of the world. I feel like we nailed it. He turns around to the other cultists. He's like, guys, we did it.

We fucking did it. And he sees that Lark is biting on his leg and he's like, get the fuck out. And he like grabs him and just sort of like tosses him down and he sort of rolls like all slack. I do nothing to stop him as I am recoiling from nutting myself with the nunchucks. He's like, I guess I need to see what this new world has to offer. And he just starts walking down the pyramid. He's like, I feel like I won. I did it. It's great. Welcome to the world of the doodler.

Can I ask Boreanaz to help me up with my frogs? Because he's walking down. Yeah.

Is that what you say? Well, I would probably charm him in some way. You can roll persuasion. You just got to say what you're going to try to say to charm him. I will say that the way that collared shirts fit him is very nice. All right. Just going straight for the compliment, huh? Roll persuasion. So you're just saying that to him. As he's walking by. This is a nine. He goes, fuck off. It just keeps walking. It's just me and my frogs now.

You fell a little ways before you hit with the frog, so if you let go, you would just sort of slide down and not take any damage. I would like to keep holding the frog. Jesus Christ. So we're just digging into the rubble. Okay, so you are now basically out of combat. Everybody that wanted to hurt you feels like they got exactly what they wanted. Yeah, apparently. So you and the naked people managed to successfully extricate Lark from the rubble, and now you've got...

a barely conscious lark, and a not conscious sparrow, and all the people in the town, the medics and alchemists and wizards and the cops are all coming to this zone of destruction, essentially. And the apple juice is still going, right? The apple juice is still going, and we'll go for another hour. I am... According to the rules of Gary Gygax's Dungeons & Dragons. That is so...

That apple juice still goes for an hour. I am parched. Yeah, I look for the first person of authority. I say, hey, can somebody get some cups for this team effort around here? Can somebody get some cups? Everybody have some apple juice. Good work, everybody. I turn back into a human. I'm naked. I spit some of David Boreanaz's face out of my mouth. Oh, my God. And then I rush to my two boys and I just start using my druid powers to heal them. I'm going to go ahead and cast Cure Wounds on my two sons. And then I say, has anyone seen my pants? Yes.

Come on, guys. Let's go find his pants. And I get all the naked people start going through the rubble for his pants. So everything who is still in the armory stealing stuff is like, I got, I have this. Also, what did you do? What happened? You seemed cool. You're not cool. We killed a lot of people, huh? I know. I thought we were tight because I was okay with murdering people, but I've never done anything on this scale. We kind of blew this one pretty bad, boys. I mean, they were your beans. You were everything, everything.

I don't know what that means. Some of these people were my friends. But also probably some of your enemies, right? Oh yeah, I mean it doesn't really balance out like that though. It was nice to meet you. I put my hand out. I should have never given you those beads. Oh my god, this is on me. Oh no, I need to rethink my life. I'm going to say this joke again. Thanks for everything.

See, I said it before and nobody laughed and I was like, darn it. She throws all of her ill-gotten gains to the ground and is just like, where's the nearest church? Daryl is staring very intently to see what happens to these beautiful boys as Henry is bringing them back to life. So as you cure wounds on them, Lark comes to and is like, oh my God, did we do it? Did we do it? Where's the doodler? Where is he?

Did I not get to beat him? Damn it, I wanted to beat him. Lark, we're going to have a long talk about this later. Right now, you're very grounded. So as you say that, the Cure Wounds begins to take effect on Sparrow. And Sparrow, just like, this is for my wrestling fans out there, but if you're familiar with the way that the Undertaker sits up during a match, he sits up exactly like that. Just shoot straight up. He goes, ooh, apple juice. What's going on? Oh, what happened?

Dad, what happened? Did I go into wolf mode? Tell me I went into wolf mode. We'll talk about that later. Henry, I think you should ground this child too. It's only fair that if I ground one of you, I ground both of you for causing so much mischief. And to be fair, I cause a lot of mischief too, so I'm self-grounded.

We're all grounded. All three of us. I mean, I feel like I changed my tune. It feels a little unfair, but like apple juice. So like, whatever. I'm pretty stoked right now. Grounding is lifted because I'm so happy to see you both. All right. Group hug, guys. I put my pants back on and then I hug my two kids. Sparrow returns happily. Lark is just fuming because he thinks he lost his chance to kill the guy. Oh, Lark. We're going to have a real bonding moment soon, too. And you're going to want to be a love wolf. Just you wait, kiddo. He just says, hate apple juice.

Who hates apple juice? Lark. Whoa. He's a dangerous boy. As this is happening, all the bluecoats in the town, all the cops and stuff like that are looking around trying to see what happened. What's all this then? And freaking out. And you see a lot of people starting to point in your direction. But you can also see your van inside because you parked right next to the place. And thankfully it is unharmed.

Guys, I think we got to skedaddle here real quick. Listen, there's one rule of the road. It's when you wreck a hotel room, you don't walk by the front desk on the way out. You take the fire exit. I think it's time we get the hell out of Dodge. Thanks, Neverwinter. You've been great.

All right. I think we're rushing to the van. Go, go, go, go, go. Perfect. I'm just going to say you get away with it because there is so much chaos going on. On the way, you can slow your run a little bit to try to pick up one of the eggs if you wish. Will I have to drop a frog to pick up an egg? Yeah, you'd have to drop one of the frogs. Actually, no, they're sticky. Yes, I would like to put one frog next to the other in one hand and have a free hand for an egg. All right.

So go ahead and roll a sleight of hand as you run. So that's 14 plus two. 16. 16. Okay, great. So you scooping up as you run. You don't even have to slow your stride. As you, Daryl, almost get to the car, a hand reaches out and touches your arm. And you turn and you see that it's the lizard man that you accidentally spared in the combat at the cells. And he goes...

Thank you so much. If you hadn't let me live, if you hadn't let me go, I would have been up there. That could have been me. Hey, buddy, you never told us your name and we're getting the hell out of here. So if you want to ride, you can come along with us.

I think I do. My name is CERN, and I will follow you anywhere and do anything you wish. I now owe what we in my culture call a Wookiee life debt to you. All right, I put my hand out and say, Daryl Wilson, welcome to the team. He's just glad to be aboard, sir. Glad you're aboard CERN. He doesn't know how to laugh. His laugh comes off as just a scream. He goes, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

Sorry, that's how I laughed. I really like this CERN guy. Yeah. All right, so we all run to the minivan. Yeah. As you drive away, the blue coats sort of realize, like, oh, shit, it's them, and they start firing arrows at you, but you're just too far gone, and you sort of drive into the sunset. And guess what, bitches? That's what modern technology, you can't get arrows through this bad boy. All right, whose kids are we rescuing next?

Actually, after seeing how that went, I think I'm going to hold off on saving my kid. Looks like we're saving Glenn's kid. We're going after Glenn's kid. So as you are all driving off into the sunset, Sparrow says, Dad, I feel nauseous. I feel like... And his eyes have rolled back into his head. Oh, shit. And when they roll back, the corneas are purple. Oh, my God. And he says...

And before your eyes, they begin to fade out of existence. Lark! Sparrow! What's going on? Sparrow reaches out and goes, Dad...

Did I do good? You did good, boy. I'm coming for you. They wink out and that's the last thing that they hear before they vanish from your car. Do we have to say them again? Because like I said, it was, I guess it was kind of inconvenient the first time. It's going to be all right. It'll be all right. Cause that's just life. And if you die, it'll be all right.

Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Daryl Wilson, Anthony Birch as our daddy master, Will Campos as Henry Oak, Beth May as Ron Stampler and myself, Freddie Wong as Glenn Close. Theme song by Maxton Waller. Rant at us on Twitter at Dungeons and Dads. Find premium dad memes and join the episode discussion on our Facebook group at bit.ly slash Dungeon Dads. For all of you out there asking us to try and make this a one a week podcast, I hear you. We're trying to figure that out.

But in the meantime, Matt, Will, and myself have another podcast called Story Break, where we have an hour to come up with a pitch for a movie or TV show. Some of our favorite episodes include a feature film on why the chicken crossed the road, the flow from progressive movie, and one where we figure out a Duke Nukem feature film. Beth has also been a guest for a couple of those episodes, and so will Anthony one of these days if he ever returns my call. So if you want more podcasts, do check that out.

Big shout out to everybody leaving iTunes reviews and recommending our show to your friends. This show is tons of work, but doing it is a total joy. And every time you help us out in that way, you help us grow. So thank you everybody so much. Looks like the real unsung heroes are all of you out there. Next episode coming at you April 9th. So until then, remember, turn on your headlights if it's raining because it helps visibility for everybody. There was a time you'd eat between two. No, they never brought you down.

What is peak Boreanaz for you? Peak Boreanaz? This is what peak Boreanaz looks like.

Okay, so season two of Buffy when he goes in jealous for half the season, I just think it's like David Boreanaz is really having fun in that role and really expanding beyond his grungy sad boy routine, which is, it works. It's hot as hell season one and half of season two of Buffy. But when there's that other element, it's like this is a three-dimensional man I am dating. And yeah, he's dangerous, but that's what 90s television is about. Yeah.

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