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This season, Instacart has your back to school. As in, they've got your back to school lunch favorites, like snack packs and fresh fruit. And they've got your back to school supplies, like backpacks, binders, and pencils. And they've got your back when your kid casually tells you they have a huge school project due tomorrow.
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What's up you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde.
Today I got this little hot piece of ass in front of me, Miss Tattoo Barbie. What's up? How are you? What's up? Good. How are you? I'm good. So I had posted on Instagram. I was like, I want, I need some girls who want to bust it wide open on the podcast, um, you know, DM or whatever. And she slid my DM and I went and I looked and I was like,
Not only is this bitch hot, she has some credentials. Like what are some of the titles that you hold? So imagine like a competition with a bunch of dancers that spend thousands of dollars on sparkly costumes, props, music, and just imagine them going ham like on stage like with themed sets and stuff and competing for one major title. And I've been very blessed because the two competitions I've done, I've won. So I hold a couple major titles and...
The point of that really is so that clubs will book you and you can travel and tour around and stuff. Awesome. What are the two titles that you have? I am Miss Exotic Nevada. I am Miss Nude US 2020 Newcomer of the Year. So that's like a lower title than Miss Nude US because I'm in a different division. And then there's Miss Exotic Illinois Pole Champion.
That's so dope. Dude, that's, and I was, we were looking at videos of you like training. You're like on a fucking punching bag, like doing sit ups and shit. Like that's insane. How did you get into like all this? I didn't even know that there was like titles for this shit. Yeah.
I don't even know really, but my best friend is a performer. She does like fire breathing, sword swallowing. She walks on machetes, nail beds. She does a lot of like circus stuff. And I watched her perform and I was like, I want to do that shit. Yeah. And I just got into it. It's kind of sucked into it, honestly, but I'm grateful. That's so awesome though. It's kind of like a niche thing.
Most definitely. You should do that on your fucking OnlyFans. She does have an OnlyFans, guys. Because they're going to be heading right over to that. Why don't you tell them what your OnlyFans is right now? It's I am Tatu Barbie. I-A-M-T-A-T number two Barbie. B-A-R-B-I-E, right? Yep. Somebody might spell it with a Y and
You never know. If I could. So I never knew that there was even levels to that shit. Like, that's crazy. It is a whole different world. I call it the pageant world. The stripper pageant world. That's what I was going to compare it to. Kind of like the pageant world. And do you guys, like, win prizes? And, like, what do you get for being, like, getting these titles? Man, it's really just the titles and the crown and the sash. Of course, everyone wants a crown and a sash. Yeah.
Um, but yeah, really just like you can make a lot of money like traveling with titles and you can get in magazines and stuff like that. It's super like serious. No, I love that. So you are from Illinois. Yep. I always want to say Illinois. Is it Illinois or Illinois? She's like, bitch, don't fuck this up. Um, and we were just talking about this before the podcast. You just moved out to Vegas on a whim, like pretty much. Well, not on a whim, but by yourself. Yeah. You just came out here. Can you tell everybody why? Well,
I've always been kind of scared to make that jump, but I knew that nobody in Illinois was living the life I wanted to live. And I knew I could do something with my life. And, you know, I'm not meant to just work a day to day job and like dance at a club in Illinois for the rest of my life. I'm sorry, but that's not what I wanted to do. So I finally I went through a breakup and that pretty much pushed me to finally like just pack up.
a car full of shit and just head out and never look back. I'm sorry, but what dude's letting you go is what I want to know. That is my main goal of 2021 is to not give the guys that don't appreciate me the time of day. Absolutely. And normally the reason why we pick them in that we do, because I've gone through fucking, I've kissed a lot of frogs to get to my friends too. I feel like we like this.
We like to say it. Yeah, no. So the reason why is because of trauma that has happened to us as children. And, you know, they always say that a girl either dates people like her father or the complete opposite of her father. So is that something that happened to you? Complete opposite, most definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, well, you know, I think that taking the first step to get out of there, they always say, and I don't know if this is...
applies to you and I don't want to offend you when I say it but they say that you can't heal in an environment that made you sick you know so I think that the first step of getting out of Illinois I wanted to make sure I said it right getting out of Illinois was the first step and you just being here even by yourself to move to a big city like this by yourself that's fucking that takes balls thank you yeah so I'm really proud of you for doing that so
So is there like competitions that are coming up? Yes. There's a competition called Miss Nude World. Okay. And get this. So girls from around the world can come compete. And I think this year will be different because some borders are closed, I think, because of Corona. So I probably have a good chance of.
maybe doing good so I think you'll do good no matter what yeah I'm putting together a pretty badass show when is it if we're out here we'll come dude it's not here it's actually in Illinois oh that's even better in my hometown Nashville isn't it it's like six hours I think yeah um it is the first week of March okay yeah you should really come out it's gonna be
crazy let me know and we can plan in advance I'm trying to think what we're doing around there but we'll figure that out off camera so what's living out in Vegas like do you love it or hate it I love it I lay out all the time I can't do that in Illinois right now that's how you're so tan yes I'm addicted to the sun I'm pasty as hell from Nashville
Yeah, that's the one thing that I miss the most about living in Nashville is the sun here. The sun is just so different. It hits you differently. It's like crazy. Yes, I do totally agree. So today, I think what we're going to have you do is we are going to play a new game that's going to be on the podcast probably frequently. What did we decide to call it, Mimi? Yeah.
So it's called fucking charades. And what we're going to do is we're going to have you warm up. Give Mimi a lap dance. We want to see those boobies because she just got her. Oh, by the way, guys, I don't know if you guys noticed the necklace she has on, but she is a juggalo. She's down with the clown, baby. I love that. I was so happy whenever she said that because I was like, dude, I told her about my stories about how I never knew who the juggalos were until I got with Jay. And literally the first show Jay took me to was the
gathering of the juggalos and I was just like what the fuck is this world this is crazy but they're like the coolest people ever like I absolutely love juggalos so we love you guys
Shout out to all the Juggalos. So what we're going to do is have you give Mimi a lap dance. Do we have a chair that's going to work in this fucking house? This fucking Airbnb we walked in, the couch is broke, a chair is broke. Don almost fucking ripped his balls open sitting on this chair. Like, it was a thing, dude. So what we'll do is we'll have you warm up on camera, give a little lap dance, show a little, you know, pole work or whatever it is that you do without a pole. And then...
Monica and I are going to try to fucking play charades with you. I am not good with this shit. This is going to be hilarious because I don't even know. I've never played the game charades, but what we're going to do is act out whatever's on the card that we pull. And you have to guess it while the machine is on and you're getting fucked by the charade. Hence, getting fucked by the machine. Hence, fucking charades. That's ironic.
Yeah, she's like, it's so smart. You guys are so witty. All right, so we're going to head over there. Do I need to turn the... We're going to turn this off? All right, so we'll be right back, guys. We have to go get situated for some hot nakedness. I can't wait to see her naked because she's really fucking hot too, dude. She's beautiful. All right, we'll see you guys in a second. All right, guys, we are back. So Barbie is going to...
warm up and get ready for this toy for you guys. Can we see the toy on here? Are we allowed to show the toy? Okay, so what we're gonna do during fucking charades is there's two teams, me and Monica. We're gonna pick three. Can you tell I've never done this before?
We're gonna pick three, but we're gonna act them out one at a time. And while we're acting this out, Barbie's gonna be here using the machine that's gonna be inside of her. And she's gonna be trying to guess what it is that we're acting out while this machine is pounding her out. So this will be fun. But we're gonna warm up first with a little lappy dancy. And I'm so excited. All right, girl, it's all you. Let me get up. I don't wanna be like the weirdo in the corner. Yeah. Yes. Yes.
We were all like all three of us were like holy shit. Okay, there we go. Oh shit. Oh my god. It's going Okay, here we go. All right, ready go Okay, I can't say what I'm doing
Okay, ready? They have a spray for it in the bathroom. What do you need to use the spray for? Yeah, you're sitting on... I'm helping her. You're sitting on a... Okay, she's sitting on a toilet and she makes that noise. What is she doing?
Barbie the answer was taking a dump okay but but we won't we'll totally take that okay mine is oh this one's easy this one's really easy for you ready is it in I feel like I'm you is it in well it's because your pussy's too tight that's a good thing hold on go back maybe put your legs up on these things right here there you go there you go
Oh my god. Ready? Okay, so if I eat my panties, what is that called? Come on, we're on the same team here. If you can eat panties, what are you eating? If they make panties to where you can eat them? Yes, bitch. Okay, two girls can do this. Okay, that's one for me. Okay, okay. Hold on. I can't read my fucking... I need my glasses. Hold on. Oh my god. Dude.
What does that say? I can't say. In my ear, ding dong? What is it? Okay, all right. Okay, so if a ball's coming towards me and I slap it, what game am I playing? If, uh, it's like, it's, I think you used to play it in elementary school. Fucking, you slap the ball away, kind of, but without the string. So, is it against the wall? Kind of, but another name for it. But what am I using to hit it? So,
Yes! Two for me, two for me, two for me. Let me get my glasses. I'm so blind. We were doing this earlier, helping you, but if I was a professional in this, I would be a... Check your heart. Doctor. Okay. All right. I got one for you. Because I picked three cards. Go grab one. Well, if she gets this right, I won, so... All right. Huh? Okay. What is this called? What's another... Meow. Okay, but another word. It rhymes with...
What the f- I'm trying to think of what it rhymes with. It rhymes with Boosie. Okay, and then what is it? Yes, baby. Yes. So that's three for me, right? Okay, everybody likes to do this to Bunny. What am I doing? We like to do this to her because she has a nice... Pumping my butt? No. I'll be going like this. I'm not rubbing it, but I'm... I'm not rubbing it, I'm...
- It feels hard on the stairs though. - It does, huh? - Yeah. - Okay, I mean, sorry. - What are you doing? Give her another hint, what does it rhyme with? - I'm not touching it, but I'm, no, I'm not touching, what's another word for touching? Yes, yes. - Okay. - Three and three, so this is the tiebreaker. Mimi, you need to pick the tiebreaker. If she gets this, I win. If she doesn't get this, then you win. - How's it going over there, by the way? Dude, please do. We'll just stand here and watch. Which one is this?
Oh my god, okay. Does it feel good? She's like, can I take this home? Alright, so Mimi picked the fucking hardest one on the card. Okay, so if you're at home and you're touching yourself, what is that called? Kind of, but you're also blank with yourself. Okay, the first word. Blank. I can say that because she said it. They are in the church and they always touch little boys. Mimi picked this one.
Okay, so playing okay, and then when they are up there and they're playing on a piano type thing What is that called? Perfect. Okay, so playing blank priests organ playing rhymes with Smith It starts with a W I'm gonna win this fucking game
Playing with the priests. The piano thing. The piano thing. Yes, playing with the priests. Bitches! I do. I always make sure I win. So should we walk away and let you get your thing going on here? You got this? Okay, bye. She's so hot, dude. We are over here eating tacos. Don't mind us. We're eating tacos. Yes. Yeah, while you stuff your taco, we're eating tacos. I need a water.
Yeah. Wait. Thanks for tuning in, guys. See you next week.
