Aubrey O'Day: Sitting in Truth
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- Hey guys, I need to ask you a question. I wanna know why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO show, we have Meet the D-Fords, we have Popaganda, we have more shows that we're adding

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I freaking love you, dude. Thank you so much. You guys are my babies for life, my writers. If I could, I would literally make out with each and every one of you. I love you guys so much. And that's a lot of kisses, actually. Gotta go, bye.

Is this thing on? What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? I love that line. I think you should do it for me. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Yeah, baby. None other than the queen, Miss Aubrey O'Day in the house, baby. Oh, thanks from one queen to another queen. Wait, can we just stand up and see this outfit? Oh my God. Please. Like, we gotta appreciate this outfit. She walked in and I was like, what? Like, so cute. Look at her. She's so... Yeah, baby. I love it.

I love this. You look so good. I'm always like playing it down on the podcast because you're just really not supposed to do the most on podcasts. I mean, but why? Who says so? But I'm in Nashville at your new studio. Like, I can't not...

Do it different this time. First guest, baby. I love that. You popped my cherry. Yes, I love that. I love that. First guest in the new studio. I'm trying to think if I've ever popped a cherry before. I think that might be my first. I think I got paid one time to pop a cherry. Really? Yeah. Tell me about that. Back in a previous life. Oh, my God. There was a guy who... Wait, can you pop a guy's cherry? I mean, he was a virgin. In his butt or like...

I mean, with cherry. I mean, hypothetically, hypothetically speaking, um, he was a virgin and, Oh yeah. I've had texts with a virgin. Yeah. So you've popped cherries. I didn't think of it as a pop cherry, but yeah. Um,

I got you in Nashville. Like that is so fun. I know. It's pouring rain. Crazy. I was like, right. I was going to tell you, let's go out. Let's go to a club tonight. Let's go to a show. And now I'm like, I walked up, but you live in the most beautiful, or the studios in the most beautiful area I've seen so far in Nashville. This is my favorite side of town out

here like if you ever move out here i know this is it i was like casing houses as we were driving by like i wonder what's up on the market there's a lot that are that are for sale in here but this weather really like please move in because i don't know if you've heard about my neighbors not to cut you off i saw i saw you say it on your podcast i heard i saw you read the message that was crazy i would have gone let's fucking make these motherfuckers shook though i will be in my thumb

on their yard, picking up the fucking newspaper. Dude, I love it. Please, please, please, please. But let's talk about how you just had to walk up a driveway in these heels. Okay, first of all, in a very conservative hotel and like there's men in suits downstairs and I didn't realize how much hooker it was giving. I knew the shoes were, but the back is designer. The front is giving the clubs.

But I walked through the lobby and everybody was looking at me. And then I noticed it was dark and raining. And I was like, oh, I had my blinds closed because this morning I woke up and I saw like three people fucking. I have like just an eye shot to the hotel. She's living my dream. Yeah. I don't know if they were dream scenarios. Yeah.

Oh, damn. But I saw a lot of naked bodies this morning and I was like, wow, I got to be careful when I get ready because I just I get ready naked. So I just be walking around with my ass and titties out. And I just saw I saw someone fucking on the balcony, another in bed. Where are we? Where are we staying at my hotel? I have a direct eye shot to the hotel next to it. That is wild. I know. And you could book me a room there. I'll be in the corner whacking off the weirdo in the corner.

Just getting it. I was like watching it like, is any of this worth like just being a little late for? But no, none of it was. Damn it. It was stale. I get excited when people just hump any, it doesn't matter what they look like. I just am happy that people are loving on each other. I swear like deep down inside, I'm like a free loving hippie. Me too. And I'm just like...

Slap skins, baby. Me too. I'm all for it. So you're going to go to my husband's show tonight. I will be so privileged and honored to see him live. Oh, he'll love you. Yeah. He'll love you. I would love to see him live. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll have to see who else is playing there too. I hope Luke Bryan is performing. I'm so in love with him. I know he's got a wife, but God damn, he's so fine. Can somebody give it a go? Are you into dad's?

totally into dads okay because I was gonna say Luke Bryan is like total dad I know I when I went I didn't know much about country I was I was I'm like you know I grew up in R&B rap on a rap label yeah boy as a pop artist pop and R&B artist yeah so like country came later for me in life I didn't grow up on it and my girlfriends all listened to country and they were like you have to come to Coachella because I'm from the desert I mean not sorry uh stagecoach stagecoach

And I was like, I'm not going to stagecoach. I just did Coachella. And they're like, no, it's the vibes are so different. And I went and I was like, oh, my God, no one's on Molly pushing me like drugged up fucking in a corner. Mosh pitting and all the lyrics aren't stand your ass up, pop that booty, bitch. This, that and the other like negative toward women like the guys were up there singing about heartbreak. And maybe at the end they took off their shirt and they were beautiful.

and everybody put their beers in the air and it was a good life. And I was like, oh, this is a vibe. So Aubrey needs a country boy. I might. I might. Who can we hook her up with in the crew? Anybody? Anybody worth it? Not the crew. All right, fuck. We'll figure it. Chase Rice. Wait, does he still have his wife?

No, I just met Luke Bryan to be there tonight. Oh, shut up. He's the only one I remember. I mean, I remember, you know, I liked a lot of them. But when he got on stage, I was like, okay, we're getting, I'm going to call my manager and get a backstage pass right quick. We need to roll by his trailer. And then we rolled by the trailer, and then I saw the wife, and I think there were even kids. And I was like, oh, I got to respect this situation. But God damn, he is so fine. He took off his shirt. He was playing the guitar. Oh.

I love that. What about Brantley Gilbert? Brantley has a wife too, but he's beautiful. I have to see him. I don't know him. Oh,

No, he's having a baby with Haley. They're all married, but I mean, they're beautiful to look at. There's gotta be a come up one that I could grab because I feel like me, I feel like I'm a country wife. I feel like me and you, I love that. We could get a little group of us together and do our own housewives, but country wives. I actually already have, I own the synopsis for that. Um, it's called outlaw wives and I've been wanting to do it for the longest time. Okay. Well, can I be like a, you know how some of the housewives don't really have a husband anymore, but they're on the fucking show. Yeah. Do you just

can I be one of those bitches? Girl, I would cast you in a heartbeat cause you would be so much fucking fun, dude. I don't know about Luke Bryan though. You know, like I think, I mean, I don't know him as a person. I've never watched interviews. I don't know if he's a good guy. No, he is. He is. He's been so good to my husband and he's such a sweetheart. But I like, if you don't have tattoos, I can't look at you. I like tattoos too. If you don't have a felony and a tattoo somewhere, even a tramp stamp, I'll take it. You know, you fucking, you do, you let your,

more of a rebel in that way than me. You play on a little bit more dangerous planks than I do. Most of my scandals were with like

Same type of high-profile situations, but more of the clean-up boys. Yeah, and we're going to dive into those for sure. Frat boys, not the dangerous boys. I think it's because I was not really pretty. I wasn't one of the pretty girls growing up. I wasn't popular. You were so beautiful, though. But as a child, I just wasn't in that role. Diddy kind of groomed me throughout that process to be that person. But prior to that, I never really...

I definitely didn't feel that inside, but I didn't also, I don't feel externally I was that. I definitely wasn't popular. I didn't really have, you know, I was not part of the group of girls that were like running around wild with all the boys and drinking. And I was like at home. I think the craziest, as I was listening to some of your podcasts, I was thinking of my childhood. Like, were there deviant sides of me that I could recognize? Because I was literally just such a worker. Yeah.

I like to excel. I like to be the best. Were you good in school? Yeah, always. Number one, first in class. I skipped a grade. I was a year behind and skipped a grade. I was always two years younger than everybody. And just very into creating. I would go to the music theater classes.

like, houses, like, the creation studios where you do, like, musical theater productions and stuff and where I lived in Palm Springs. I would be with, like, 80-year-old drag queens and gays and theater and music and that's where I, like, lived until I went home and then I was thinking at home, my mom was always drunk and,

You know, a lot of darkness and stuff like that. But I was, I had a thought in my head that I used to watch G-String Divas. Did you ever see that? I loved G-String Divas. Real sex. Like, fucking the cat house. Taxi Cab Confessions, too, also was a jam. They need to bring that back. I actually thought of a concept for that one time. Yeah.

but we're both producers. We're going to be shouting out. We're giving the whole fucking world all their next ideas. TV is so whack right now. It is really whack right now. It's crazy. I'm going to have to just jump in the production seat and start giving y'all ideas. Why don't you? I do. I have, I'm,

I'm a producer on a project I'm working on now and I'll continue. You kind of have, I don't come with the same resume as people who have been in the game on the back. I've been on the front end doing it. Yeah, I get it. But I've been told by every production I've ever been on, you're great on TV, but you really are meant to be like behind the camera. You just like run circles in these productions. I,

I used to be able. It's because your mind, because you like to multitask and you, and that's how I am. I hate being in front of the camera. People don't realize that. And I hate it. I don't like it. I heard you say you didn't like red carpets. I hate red carpets too. I do too, bitch. And I feel the same way as you do. You go work so hard, get those pictures back. Getty and wire need to be burnt away. And that's why I have made friends with photographers. Shout out Taylor Hill. Shout out. Shout out Taylor. Yeah. Who's our other guy? Don't play a fucking game.

Dude, they always get the best angles. I'm telling you, you have to make friends with the photographers because once they love you, they go out of their way to make sure that you look good on the carpets. But you're just like me. Like we, our mind is going a mile a minute. So when we are behind the scenes and we're working, we're technically like, we feel great.

better about ourselves when we're workhorses. And that does stem from, you know, our childhood, because I don't know about you yet, but you know, my childhood was kind of rough too. I heard you say that your mom was an alcoholic, but I never hear you talk about it still. Wow. I never hear you talk about your dad. Was dad around? Dad was more so like where the, like, if you want to behave, unlike the way she wanted me to behave, you'll go to your dad's.

So dad was always divorced when my mom, I don't even know that they were married. I never got a clear answer on that. I don't believe sometimes I think about my childhood and the things like, I remember being very young and like the first time I like fell off a bike or something, I was hurt. My, I had blood everywhere. I'd scraped myself up and I was like in shock. Like very first time I had gotten in an accident at a really young age.

I had this memory today of like running in and asking my mom, like, I'm so scared. I don't, I don't know what to do. I, you know, blood was dripping down my legs and my mom was like, you got a scratch, go clean it up, suck it up. It was very much that type of like, she's a brilliant woman. She's a lawyer. As far as I know, I haven't had a relationship with her in years. It's been a bit touchy lately because she,

I've had to revisit the relationship because of a scenario that I'm in currently. And she has once again made sure to withhold and not protect her child. And I let go of her because she couldn't get that piece right. And it was too damaging because I was trying to make that piece right in all of my relationships. So I was attracting...

qualities about her that I loved but that never saw me accepted me or loved me and I wanted to make them love me and you just can't no you can't do that what about your dad though like so did you guys have like a good relationship or was he very absent because that could be qualities that you're chasing and finding in these men too so he is so like

With all due respect to people that have very strong feelings about loving your parents regardless of your experience with them, he's so fucking irrelevant to me. Like, I don't... I was with him a couple times in childhood. When I had a TV show, both my parents showed up for a paycheck.

or a flight out or a vacation, whatever it is. There was a big scene on my show where he says he'll keep checking in every week and he was sad for, you know, they wasn't a strong father to me. And I believed that and I didn't hear from him ever again. He writes me like once on my birthday every year when I did...

He said like two very... I talked to him maybe like once every couple of years maybe. One time he was ranting about Trump and I just said to him like, you know...

Don't take all of that stuff so seriously. You have to remember politics and like entertainment. Everybody's putting on a show. It doesn't necessarily mean what they're doing in front of everybody is what they do at home. I specifically know what that family does at home very well. I would like to know. Well, we'll get into it as much as we can. But I just said, you know, if it were...

If it were, if this type of race paid him and put money in his pockets, it's about green. It's not about any of this or that. Cause he was like picking and choosing specific sentences and outrage. And then he was like, Oh, don't just because you fucked his son and he fucking used you and fucked you and dropped you like a bad habit. Don't fucking think you could tell your dad some shit. And like, I was like, first of all, I didn't never talk to my father about that relationship. He must've read about it in the press.

Never once has... Wait, hold on. Who said this to you? Your dad said this to you? My dad and my mom have said way worse. Yeah. They talk like...

Like, um, so you got no emotional, no emotional support. No, you never felt like you were loved genuinely. No. And you know, what's crazy is watching your podcast made me, especially like, as I've, you know, I have to allocate my time so tightly nowadays, but the past couple of days I've been really like locking in on knowing I'm coming here and talking with you. And it made me feel so free to, uh,

see so many people that were so expressive about going through, you know, poorly represented parents and trauma, because I've always had to keep everything so perfect that I don't really talk about it. I, I, I've always, I think I, you know, I, I, there are times where I really believed and wanted to believe. And there are times that I just full blown fake it.

But I've never really like come out and said anything because I remember like some engagement with my mom at a certain point in my career where she basically was just like,

You can do whatever you're going to do and talk however you want to talk about whatever you talk about, but you don't talk about me or what you feel I've been as a mother because you're going to compromise me and she's an attorney and she worked hard for her degree and she's got a community of people that believe in whatever she's presented them. That's a narcissist trying to control the narrative. But at that time, I took that very seriously and I didn't for the longest and until like

Bali was a life... I heard you talking to someone about if you weren't changing something during COVID, then you wasted your time. I mean, I moved away to Bali and got out of all the chaos because I just...

I had one breaking point moment where it was like I was going to die or I was going to go. And somebody was like, a friend told me, like, Aubrey, your mind is way too expansive to try to be involved or have any control in this moment. It is so beyond your brain's capacity to grab onto any of this.

And I just know too much of the truth about everything that's going on. And I was seeing different worlds of truths connect in front of the world as if it was real. And I know what each has said about each. And it was getting like...

I felt like I was going to explode. That's heavy. Heavy. And, and he was like, you need to get into psychedelics. I had like, I've done every drug once, I once or twice, maybe like every Christmas, Halloween, all Christmas, Christmas, happy birthday, Jesus, my friends, we do friends Christmas. We'll, we'll smoke weed. And they always say they love when I smoke weed. Cause my wool coat comes off. That's what they say.

Do you feel like you mask to the world a lot? I mean, it's unintentionally. I know that saying mask is a heavy word because it would insinuate that you're being fake. No, I don't mind that. I don't mind the word. Um,

I've been thinking about that. It's hard because I'm so honest. Like in this weird stage that I'm in of my life right now, there are so many things I've been telling the world for so long and no one listened and no one believed me. And now I'm seeing it. Vindication. And that these people being exposed to the world and we haven't even like scratched the surface.

So their outrage, then coming back and recognizing me like, oh, Aubrey did say this. So Aubrey's got a history for 20 years of saying this. And I'm like, I don't get excited. I wish they would have done it a little earlier because maybe then my ego could have fed off of it a little, but my ego's gone now. So it doesn't do anything for me on that front. But it does make me realize I have always really sat in my truth. However, masking, I think that...

Because you are underneath all this, this beauty. You are a hurt. Yeah. I think little girl, by the way, I think we're all or not. Yeah. Everybody's, everybody's hurting. Yeah. For sure. We're a country that's hurting. That's why we're in the position we're in right now.

now just across the board. It's it's we're a fucking mess right now. If you go outside of this country looking in, we are a mess. We're not respected like we used to be. This world needs more love. I preach that all the time. We need way more love. We need way more compassion, understanding. Every time I do a podcast, like the company, if they have a company is like, we want to sign you and do a podcast with you. I've been asked so many times and I'm like, I don't want to contribute to, um,

which by the way, I respect your voice in it. So this is not toward you, but there's a lot. This space is the most crowded space in entertainment. Absolutely. There are too many motherfucking people talking right now. Like not enough people listening and listening to the right people. I agree. But I think your voice could make a change.

And that's why I keep, I continue on. Like I was telling you before the mics were on, like I've had my podcast since before the boom. Yeah. And it's like when you've seen, I've seen so many people come and so many people go and what really matters and why my fan base is so solid is because they know that I'm here to make a change. I'm not here to feed people shit. And I think that people would see that with you too. And that would be your platform. I really think that you could, um,

you know, start a movement, bitch. I think this is like, could be, you know, potentially part of your calling. Yeah.

The thing is right now, I'm a bit too reckless at the tongue. I get way too honest, way too quick. I don't feel like you are. I've watched. I am bitch. I've watched a lot of. I'm really holding everything in. Okay, well, let's not. Every time you see me. No, not here. I mean, every time you probably see me, there are things that I can't even talk. I mean, I'm an open book. I would tell you if the cameras aren't on us, I'll tell you all about it. Yeah. But there are some things I just can't talk about legally right now. Yeah.

So like I'm in this like weird little position where my good friends are kind of telling me, you can't be around people right now because you talk too much and you're too open. And if you're around the wrong person, you could potentially create shifts and very big narratives that need to play out.

And so, and changes that need to occur. So I feel the weight of like isolating and it sucks. Yeah. Everywhere I go, I probably go on these podcasts and these bitches are looking at me like three hours later, like, fuck, is this bitch done? And I didn't call her daddy. She was like, this is the longest I've ever interviewed someone and we're running. This is the longest podcast I've ever ran.

Oh, how long was it? Three hours? Like two minutes, two minutes, a little bit. Those are like normal for me now. I know. It's crazy. I don't want to hear anything short. Yeah. Every short one I've done, it was like, okay, so you basically read the covers of Us Weekly that popped up on page one and two of Google. Great. I've answered these questions 700 times, but okay. Yeah. It's gotta be exhausting doing...

perpetual interviews. And that's, that's another reason I don't do a lot of interviews. I don't either. I hate repeating myself. I pick and choose. I just, sometimes I choose the wrong people. Yeah. Um, circling back though, you know, you're grown up in childhood. You don't feel supported. You don't feel like you have a safe space essentially. And you're excelling in school. You're doing, you know, amazing academically, um,

When Danity Kane or the whole Diddy situation comes about, you're how old, 16, 17? A little older. I was in the beginning stages of college and my mom sent me this email and basically pleaded with me. She just said, you know, I was studying to go to law school and be an attorney because I was going to do law.

that I saw my mom do better just because is kind of how I was. Yeah. Is the Aquarius in you? Probably. And then she wrote me and basically said that, which is the Leo in her, and then said, don't bother, kid. I won't be watching and I won't care. Oh.

Go do what you're meant to do in life that I never could. And go be an artist. You've been singing your whole life. You've been on stage your whole life. Here's this audition that I just saw on the cover of The Desert Sun, which was our newspaper in the desert. And it was Diddy was doing this collaborative show with MTV. And there weren't reality shows back then like that. It wasn't like it is today. I mean, I remember the first time the episode aired and I went to the grocery store like an entire hour.

aisle when I walked down it like dropped the cans on the floor and were just staring at me like I was fucking Julia Roberts and Ralphs or something like they just reality stars felt like Julia Roberts in the beginning but they were in your local Ralphs yeah and you could see them and actually ask them something where you never we never see Julia Roberts in Palm Springs yeah so it was like movie stars these people that you watch on film but they were like

From your hometown. Now they're everywhere. Everybody's famous for something now. Literally. But back then, it was very different. I mean, it was MySpace. That's all we had. It was who's in your top eight, you know, or whatever the fuck. MySpace top eight, right? Wasn't it? Yeah. But anyway, so my mom told me about the show, and she, like, really was, it was life-changing. I don't know if it was for the better now that we've come full circle and I'm having to,

take copious notes and timelines and have a very strong understanding of what I experienced. But she wrote this like plea to me and she said, I'd never be happy being attorney. I'm too creative. And there's this glass ceiling for women and,

And that I'll regret it. And she didn't want me to live a life I would regret. So there were moments where my mom has been very influential and key. She's not a dumb woman. She's not like she gets drunk on wine. She's not pounding like vodka. But at least not when I was around.

But when she drank, you know, first glass, she's wonderful, beautiful, charming. Second glass, best storyteller you've ever heard. That's probably where I get it from. Mm.

Third drink, it starts to turn into suspicion and paranoia. And are you fucking my husband? And then I get beat and then she takes off drunk. And then my stepdad and I are trying to figure out where the fuck I'm hiding the keys and she's beating me up. And I've got them. I knew to always protect my face because my face had to be on TV in two days when I had to fly back and do making the band again.

So this is the first time I've ever heard you talk about physical abuse with your mother. So when did the physical abuse start as a child? Yeah. That's right. There was like, I, you know, listen, I, I didn't understand it at all when I was a child. I just, it was normal and I normalized it. I kind of became very OCD because I saw my mom struggling too, right? Like I saw my stepdad hit her, beat her, slap her.

hit her and she flew into like a sconce in the wall. And then we weren't living in that big mansion anymore. We were sleeping in the car for weeks. We were going into a weird food stamps place when I lived in like a big, huge mansion a week prior. Um,

I didn't know that he was fucking the secretary at her law firm and now my mom can't be made partner and now she's lost her job and she's freaked out. And I didn't understand what that would feel like. Now I know what those things feel like. I didn't understand losing your love or him being bipolar or whatever the fuck was going on. I didn't know. I just knew that my mom asked me to sleep in her bed with her that night. I just knew like the procedural stuff.

And everything else was me trying to fit in. And so I would walk kind of this long walk

A lot of girls wanted to beat me up, like, because I was nerdy or I didn't have new clothes all the time like everyone did. And there was like, when you didn't come back to school with new clothes, everybody would laugh at you, kind of. So people would fight. There were like fights, baddies in high school. And I was always just. Oh, yeah. We're from a different generation where people actually used to fight each other. We didn't talk shit online. I don't think it got worse after being on baddies. I feel like everybody. I feel like.

I feel like everybody just talks shit online to each other. It's about all, now it's about exposing where before it used to be like, meet me in the bathroom, bitch. Let's fucking touch these hands. Yeah, it's all very much that. Yeah. But I was so scared. I didn't, I was just so scared of everything and I didn't really have like, I didn't have a dad at home. So it wasn't anyone telling me like, fuck that girl, go fucking punch her in her fucking face or I didn't have a dad having my back or defending me. And I told my mom and my mom was like,

Get beat up. Watch your face. Cover your face when she's beating on you. Try to have her get your back or your legs or something. And then let's move on. We have other things to handle. It was just very...

I was really left out there, like, needing to find control over what was happening. So I started, my brain started developing into OCD. Whatever the chemical imbalances that I have naturally started to really come forward because then there'd be nights, like, most of my nights I remember in my childhood. And my mom, you know, to speak for her fairly, she says there were all these great moments and I only remember the bad moments.

I hate that. I wasn't drunk in my childhood, and I remember it fine, in my opinion. You know what I always say? Because my dad would say the same thing to me when I would remind him of trauma. I would say, it's like that quote that they say on TikTok. For you, it was a regular Tuesday, but for me, it was life-changing. For some reason, the parents can't wrap their brain around that they fucked up as parents. I had this really dope producer, and I got into it with him one time, and he said to me...

His parents were abusive and he had fucked up shit with them too. But he realized one time in a conversation when he was bartering for apologies, which I did for a long period of time with my mom. I wanted to make sure I gave her a chance to still be in my life. And I didn't know I could let go, even at that time probably. Mm-hmm.

And he said, I realized at one point when I was really going at it with my dad, mom, whoever it was, I can't remember. He said, I realized if they actually, even if they know deep down, if they have a memory or don't because they were on drugs, if they were to actually see and know and have that memory come into their mind, they wouldn't want to be alive anymore. Because they would have to acknowledge. So he had to just let it go. And he learned to let it go knowing that he wanted his...

to be alive and okay. And I don't know if it's just because I've been on my own since I was 17. I worked through this whole industry alone. I worked through Diddy. I worked through getting fired on national television after making no money and being hustled for six, seven seasons for being promiscuous and overly raunchy, which wasn't true. I had to then fight for a career after being blacklisted everywhere on fucking national TV with

lie. I couldn't come forward. I had no voice. I had no say. I had to first offer I got obviously for the overly promiscuous raunchy girl was playboy cover a playboy first paycheck I ever made. Um, got me to be able to get away from my mom's house. Cause meanwhile I was not making any money in dandy decay. And so I still had to go home to my mom and get beat. Right. So it's like,

You know, it was it was chaotic. I mean, it was just absolutely chaotic. It's a lot of child. But as I was I was saying, as I was going to as I would walk up to school, I'd be, you know, at nighttime, my mom would get drunk and she would lock herself in her room and like pass out in this like shower, this long shower that she had.

And so I would learn, I learned how to pick the lock with like a hairpin and I would go into the shower, take off all my clothes, lay down next to her and like a ball. And I would just stick my finger under her nose like this. Cause I could feel if there was hot air and then I would know she's not dead. Cause she looked dead.

Oh, my God. So I did that frequently, and then, you know, hours later, she'd wake up, kick me out of the room, tell me I'm being fucking weird and annoying, and then I'd have to wake up and go to school in an hour and try to fit in with everybody at, you know, and try to be popular and try to look like I got sleep and I know what I'm doing and I have...

something new on or whatever and so I started developing this pattern of OCD when I would walk to school if I saw a crack I'd be like if you don't step on any of the cracks today your mom won't die she'll be okay tonight and you won't get beat up at school so I started to walk in patterns where I avoided cracks it got to a point where I was like traveling the world and

I don't even know if it was in Danity Caner prior because I traveled around the world in a broad program prior. But I remember being in India and like I had something where I had to, if there's any trash in my direct path, I had to pick it up because I need to do better for the world. And my OCD always kind of locks around making things better for society. It's probably an Aquarian thing because we're like humanitarians and we have...

leaning in that area. So I remember being in India and there was like a needle. I just happened to walk in the path of my OCD would have made me run the other way. I had to pick up like a used needle on the ground and throw it away. I can't even tell you. There was one where I couldn't say the word stop for like three years because it's a very, I felt it was a negative word and that it

you and that it only closed off opportunities and people. And so I couldn't use the word stop. And if I did, I had to do like a very rigorous process of touching multiple fucking things. Broadway was a hot mess for me. Let's talk about that. So when did you start? When did singing into your life? Um,

Oh, when I was a child. You just always sang. You've always had that beautiful set of pipes. Yeah, always on stage. Never in a studio. Making the band was the first time I didn't act like it. No one knows this. But I had never been inside a studio. I remember my very first note. And remember, mind you, inside a studio with lighting like this, with a camera about this far away from me.

with a microphone and earphones acting like I'm ready to go. I'm, I'm going to make this band like no fucking idea what the, how to even sing in that space. Yeah. And I'm used to being on stage because I was always in musical theater. So when you say musical theater, was it like in school or was it like, no, like I did tours. Okay. As a child. Yeah. Okay. So, um,

When I was in the studio, I remember like belting very big because that's what you do when you're on stage. That's your most impressive parts when you get your big notes and you belt really big. Yeah. In a studio, that does not translate. Right. You almost have to sing in a baby voice to come off just...

smooth enough on a track. Like sometimes I watch like even reference singers reference stuff that I do. And I'm like, she's barely whispering in that bitch. And it comes out like incredible. Yeah. But I remember like singing big and did he stop me? And I was like, bitch, are you, is there a megaphone in front of you? Like slow it down, fall off the beat, sexy robot.

That's what he liked. Sexy robot off the beat a little. So behind the beat. So, you know, you go into this this TV show and of course, you know, you've been very vocal about how Diddy treated you guys and what has happened with you guys and stuff like that. But through all these interviews that I have watched with you, there's a side of you that still protects him a little bit. Have you ever realized that?

Oh, God, girl, I'm deeply in this. No interview I've done I can even discuss how deeply in this world I'm in right now. No, I mean, he's in some shit. These allegations are going forward. Yeah, but I mean, I know way more than anyone realizes, and I can't talk about anything right now. Yeah. And so I am, like, busting at the fucking seams, like,

And I'm wanting to tell everybody every day what occurs. There are things that are developing that will, you know, allow eventually a voice to be had. And I will have my motherfucking voice had. I just can't do it right now. And, um...

that's very hard for me because I'm very much in the stage of I don't care about playing any industry games. OnlyFans has given me the freedom to say no to doing anything. I don't have to take a show. I don't have to get a show. I don't have to sell Hollywood anymore. Fuck them. I've always felt that way, but I've had to smile and tap dance for them for most of the time. I fucking hated most of my managers and agents. Most of them

workhorse you and then put you down when the work isn't coming in, tell you that you're overexposed and to go sit back for a while. And for people that are used to, you were workhorsing me last year. Yeah.

You enjoyed all the paychecks I brought you. So you see how disposable you are. You're only as good as your last performance. All of it. Diddy taught us. I remember when we first went platinum, he brought our platinum plaques out at Madison Square Garden. We were on Christina Aguilera's tour. And the next day, we walk in the studio and all of us were like...

And we were like, holy shit. I mean, even the first time we heard our song on the radio was like a huge moment for us. And we walked in and met Diddy with what the fuck are you bitches smiling about? We platinum albums at Madison Square Garden last night. Like, holy shit. And he'd be like, yeah, that was yesterday. What the fuck have you done today?

And I realized what you just said was the mentality. You're only as good as what you did today. Yesterday doesn't matter. The whole fucking career I've built right now at this moment in entertainment, I used to build ships of my career as if one day I'm going to get to the top of this mountain and look down and be like, wow, I have been on start on Broadway. I have two double platinum albums and many more that I've written, produced, and

I know how to shoot music videos. Then I taught myself how to be an editor and use all of the, I mean, I can go on After Effects. I mean, I did all of our music videos in dumb blonde, edited all of them, shot all of them, got a USC kid to get me a red camera, went on YouTube for two days and learned every trick you can do with no money and then did it.

To make it look like you have a million dollar budget. And I've had been on hinge dates with people that are like the heads at Sony and Paramount. And they're like, this looks was like, well, a million dollar budget. And I'm like, try 500. And we literally took the projector back to Walmart. All these black walls, green wall, white wall. That was my house. We painted them and then got in front of it.

Well, you're a hustler. You make shit happen. Yeah. You don't wait around for stuff to come to you. You go and get it. And I love the creation part. But with all of that being said, I come back from Bali now. None of that matters. Reputation doesn't even matter anymore. I didn't do so many things in my career because...

of reputation's sake. Even the Don Trump Jr. stuff, when that came out, I mean, I remember my entire team that was with me being like, this is devastating for you. You won't work again. You took somebody's husband is how they presented it in the press.

And all I had done for years was fight with Michael Cohen to keep it out of the press and to never have anyone see it. It was not expected. So when it all dropped, it was so overwhelming. And now it's like cool to fucking take somebody's husband. Yeah, it's crazy. The shit that gets you attention. Let's circle back to being an adult has its high points. Like you can eat ice cream for dinner anytime. Or if you want to stay up

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Let's circle back to the Diddy thing because there's a lot of people who might be listening who maybe if they live under a rock, don't know who you are. And so you're even Diddy. Don't know who Diddy is. I walk into my OnlyFans company and they're like, who's Diddy? I'm like, really? Yeah. No, it's crazy. Old as fuck. I've always wanted to ask you this question. Yeah. Do you think Diddy had something to do with Tupac's death? I think you'll find out soon. I mean, we're already finding out, right? Keithy D came forward and said what he said.

He was in the car during the shooting that murdered Tupac. So he probably could tell you even better than I can. They arrested him. He said what it was. He just had a whole breakout in the middle of court like last week telling everybody that Diddy paid him a million dollars to get rid of Pac. Yeah. Is what he's saying. I feel that Diddy got rid of Pac and Biggie. And maybe others as well. Yeah. Yeah.

And does it scare you? How, you know, now that you are speaking out so openly and people are actually seeing that. Mind you, I'm not being open at all because they can't, but I appreciate you saying that. No, no, no. But now that you're speaking out as much as you can and you're like trying to open up the floor, what you are, were the forerunner of really kind of exposing Diddy. You've always done it very tastefully and tactfully though. I had to, but she could, he

He was. That was my next question. Like, does that scare you that you could possibly end up on one of these missing person lists because of Diddy?

You know, I was asked that on a podcast and everyone was like, oh God, fuck this girl. Tell us what you know or fuck off. Like this mentality of like, we want it now. And like, God forbid, like I should just go on a podcast and tell the whole world what I know right now and what's happening behind the scenes versus, I don't know, like somebody who could do something about it and create justice, which is what anyone that's got a story should be doing right now. So it's like, it's puzzling to me when people like come at me so hard and

But I mean, fuck every what everybody thinks. This is your life. Nobody has to live in your shoes. You know, we just have to deal with the annoyances of people's fucking opinions bothering our days sometimes. Yeah, no, I get it. Trust me. I mean, everyone always acts like, oh, I don't care what people say. Listen, we are forced to see it now, whether we like it or not. We are likely going to see one of the Kardashians per day on our Instagrams if we go on it.

You are going to see a Kardashian every day for the rest of your motherfucking life. Unfortunately, we all are because they pop up on the Instagram, on everyone's phone daily. Do you still have a relationship with Kim? Because you guys used to be friends, right? Yeah, best friends. No. What happened there? How do you go from being best friends with somebody to not being best friends?

That's a hard one for me because they're more powerful and can make things happen more than Diddy. So I don't know that I should get into all of that. But I had Shana Moakler on the podcast and she spilled all the tea. Yeah, actually, Shana and I became friends because she had thought I had took up for her in this decade. But I had made a 4th of July post like years ago.

about like I put them side by side because I was having a moment during 4th of July is the one where I kind of always reflect on my life. Why do you think that is? Because it's like halfway through the year? I don't know, but I was with a huge producer this year and he looked at me and he goes, 4th of July is a really big...

I'm like, I'm so happy to be where we're at in this moment, sitting next to you, like experiencing this together, because this is where I really do a lot of my internalizing further processing of the year, my life, where I'm at, where it's going. I don't know why, but he had it too. So I was like, okay, that's the first person I met that does it on 4th of July as well.

That's a soulmate right there. Fireworks feel like, I mean, like the trip I just had here, like all the lightning that was coming in the skies. I don't see a lot of that in LA. Fireworks to me feel grand and like they feel like bigger than life. So when I see them pop in my face, it just gives me like big,

perspective, bird's eye view perspective because I feel out of this earth when I see them. I was going to say, I wonder if it's a part of your soul. It's a visual. It's a visual situation. I wonder if it's a part of your soul that yearns to be like... Probably something, something like that. I love that. A big star in the sky. Yeah. Or just back in space where everybody belongs, you know? On DMT, I was...

It was like fireworks on crack. I could never do DMT. I would fucking probably shit my pants. There's no way. Oh, it's so fantastic. Okay. You might get to a time where you get to the place where you feel comfortable. You got to feel comfortable because it's, it's, you die in the very beginning. Like it's not easy. No, thank you. It happens very fast though. I'm fighting for my life right now. I, the last thing I want to do, last thing I want to do is fucking just, you know, go

go into a situation. No, and I'm going to croak in the first fucking three minutes. Nothing about that sounds fucking amazing. But okay. So before we get into your DMT thing, so you don't want to speak on the Kim Kardashian thing. Oh, I just, I think, um, I just, I don't believe the friendship was ever real or it would still exist. Right. Yeah. That's hurtful. Yeah. I mean, I really, I thought we were friends, but I don't know. Um, I lived at her house. I was around during a pretty like

pivotal time in her... I'm on the first episode of the Kardashians on the pilot. Yeah. Like, I was there when she first had paparazzi mob her Range Rover outside of their bay. We were... We went shopping and...

I mean, I was there during before she blew up. Yeah, I was there during the beginning. Now, I don't know who she is now as a person, but oh, I was saying the reflection. Sorry, I jump around so much. You're good. You're good. I don't mind. I like listening to you talk because it's so it's almost poetic and pretty to listen to. But I'll always try to keep you on track if I can. Keep me looped back because I will just I have so such a memory bank. I jump.

But the Shana thing you brought up. So I did a side-by-side on 4th of July years back, and I said, here's a 4th of July that I remember, and here's a 4th of July I remember. And one of them was with Kim, and she was dating Travis, and we went over to his house. Wait, wait, wait. Kim was dating Travis Barker? Yes. We were rushed over, getting ready to go to Travis's, and then there was a whole big problem. It was when his best friend was still alive before the plane accident.

His best friend came in and he's like, "Yo, Shayna's being crazy. She's been slashing tires." Something to the extent of she saw Kim's car outside or whatever, she was gonna slash the tires. I think at this time maybe he was even right after Paris. There were overlapping moments of the Paris-Travis, Kim-Travis era things.

But I was there. Which Kim denies it to this day. Well, that's what I was going to get into. So I was with her and we went over to Travis's. They were, we were over there and then Kim needed to be seen in Malibu. So we had to go to Malibu and go to every party and get the,

the perfect photos for Kim so that she's perfectly seen by everybody and all the photos at all the parties with all the people. Then we got back in the Range Rover and we were in the horrible traffic going back to Calabasas. And all I asked her for that day was to just be able to see the fireworks. She never really took time to ask me about me or know me. So she wouldn't have understood how important 4th of July was to me like you now do because you just asked. Yeah. In the

Fucking two hours that I've known you. In the very long time that I knew her, I don't think she understood how important Fourth of July was to me, but we were on her time always. And as we were driving back, because we had to go do all the things, we were trying to get back to Travis's and...

We were stuck in traffic during the fireworks on 4th of July. And I was like, can we at least just pull over, like, on the next pull-off? And so I could just sit in the grass and, like, see them and, like, have a moment, please. So she was like, yeah. And we pull over and we sit in the fireworks and I'm watching them. And we're sitting there on the grass, like, in a random neighborhood, pulled off in the grass, watching the fireworks. And she turned to me and was like, um...

I remember like last year or whatever, at some point, I remember being with Paris and Saint-Tropez or on some boat or yacht or something with Paris, the whole like lovely story with Paris. I'm listening to her and she's like, and we were with this person and that person and we were in this, that, and it was this, this, that. And now I'm sitting here on some grass with you. And I was like thinking to myself like,

Ditto, bitch, but not that because I didn't have that confidence at that time yet. But I think the inside of me was thinking, yeah, me too. I used to be in really amazing places on 4th of July. This is the least impressive one I've had.

But I wrote that story in comparison to when I think some type of time when I was traveling the world and I was with like kids from an orphanage and my time and experience with them was so precious on that day. And there were no celebrities. There were no parties. There were no wire image and Getty pictures. There was no Travis Barker's big mansion and pool parties. There was none of...

any of that. It was just a raw moment in another country with people that have nothing and it meant the world. And then I kind of wrote something on the side by side like, you know, be careful.

Not to get lost in the wrong things, because as I look back now with a bird's eye view, people would have thought that was the most impressive Fourth of July I've had, when in reality, the most meaningful, impressive to me Fourth of July I ever had was on this side. So somebody in the media just screen capped it, never ran it. I low key give the world information so easily.

So bluntly and they just don't catch it because they don't pay attention to me or at that moment or whatever. But I low key have dropped so many gems for people along the way. But that would just went fell by the wayside. And then as a couple years later, I think I've gone to Bali and come back now. Shana Mochler writes me one night and she's like, hey, I just want to say, like, I really respect you so much for.

Having my back when everybody's turning on me and everyone's saying I'm a fucking liar and you have my back of nobody that none of my friends, people that know not one person will come forward and say anything that's true about that situation. And I'm out here. I've lost my kids. They are they're more impressed because I can't give them that lavish life. I'm sure she told you when she came here.

kind of said the same thing to me. And I was sitting there like, I didn't even have her number in my phone. And I was like, who is this? What is this about? What the fuck? And then I called my assistant and I'm like, some number just wrote me. Thanks for having their back and regards to Travis Barker. And I'm what the fuck? And she's like, oh, I'm getting a bunch of Google alerts right now of people saying you're backing up Shana that Kim had dated Travis. Yeah.

And I was like, oh shit, she must think that I just posted that recently. So I wrote her and I was like, no problem. Like I literally wrote that years ago, but...

that actually helps to, that actually helps her because years ago I said it. Yeah. But just like the Diddy stuff. Yeah. Like how it just resurfaced. Many things. Yeah. Like nobody believed you. So circling back really quick, just to give a quick synopsis of what happened with Danity Kane, just in case people who are listening didn't know, let's take them through the Diddy situation and kind of the abuse that you had to go through while

you know, just trying to fucking live a dream and make a dream for yourself. Yeah. Um, well, so we started with the mom sent you the email. Yeah. Um, send me the email. I disregarded it. Um, I had a dream that night that I was performing at Madison square garden. Um,

And I saw like people crying and singing lyrics to me when I was touching their hands on a stage. And I woke up and was like, I got to go to this audition. So I called like a friend of mine and he had to work that day. I was scared of driving to L.A. at the time. I was at UC Irvine in college. I was scared of driving to L.A. because I'd gotten in like a couple car accidents at that point and was scared. Yeah.

So he couldn't take me, so I just got dressed for college, was walking to my poli sci class, and he hit me and he's like, "I ended up getting let go for the day, like, let's go. I'll pick you up." Rolled up to UC Irvine, jumped in in the outfit I was wearing for class, and went to this audition at like the Forum or some huge, big place in LA.

thousands and thousands of people in every city, hundreds of thousands by the end of both seasons of audition phases. And he picked two of us, I think, in L.A., two or three maybe. Out of thousands. Yeah. Yeah.

Thousands and thousands, and they all sang better than me, or at least the ones I was hearing. I walked up and they gave you a sheet. There was like six or seven songs on it. Girl, I could not tell you one of the songs. I listened to Incubus. I listened to Third Eye Blind, Ben Harper, Jack Johnson. I was like a fucking... That's good music. Like all I knew was alt rock. I cried to every song that I...

in my head loved somebody too, because I still hadn't fallen in love or dated yet or even had sex or anything. I was really far behind on all of that. Were you a virgin whenever you joined the show? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So how crazy you joined the show, a virgin, and then Diddy fires you later on for being too promiscuous. And my first, my love of my first love of my life that I was with was his DJ. Do you think that caused jealousy?

Uh, not his regular DJ, but a very respected DJ. He DJs for Obama and Oprah and Diddy and Jay-Z and everybody. Um, but like he was the first love of my life and I dated him for the majority of Danity Kane. Do you think that caused jealousy with Diddy? Because he seems to be such a, um, I don't, I hate throwing the word narcissist around because that's just what it is, but he just seems like he needs to have all of the attention, um,

I don't know that I brought that relationship into my work when he was around much. I noticed issues with a person after. Were you and Diddy ever intimate with each other? To my knowledge and to what I want and what I feel and what I would have ever desired, absolutely not.

But there is. I don't, I can't speak any further on anything. So who was the friend afterwards that he, that you could feel some sort of, he felt some sort of way about it? There was our manager. His name's Jay Irving. He's the son of the famous basketball player. He came on and managed us for a bit. Danity Kane was long gone, falling apart at the seams. Yeah.

I think it got to a point where we were flirting. One of my bandmates brought him into the equation. And then, I don't know, we were always around each other during work. There was a lot of weirdness between those two, but he runs more in the same circles and is respected differently at that time and place. So him and I started dating toward the end. I mean, I think it was a moment like,

He had asked all the girls, like, do you really want to be here? Because some of the girls, everybody was very divided. And he made us all sit in a room after a performance. He asked everybody. I said yes. Some people said yes right away. Always me first saying yes. And then not everyone could give an answer. And he asked us to, like, take a week and think about it and come back and have an answer for him. And I said yes. Somebody else said yes. And then somebody else said no. And then...

The group was starting to dismantle at that point. That's when like Broadway comes along. He starts liking me. And I just started to feel more freedom in the fact that like, I'm not the problem here. I want this, but not everybody here does. And I tiptoe around a lot of shady ass people.

because also as the group develops and get more famous is when I meet Kim. She was literally a fan of Danity Kane when I first met her and was like, she's the Aubrey of the group with her friends when I first met her. And then as Kim blew up, when I'd come back home and live with Kim and go around with Kim, paparazzi was all over, on top of her car as we're driving out, literally. Mm-hmm.

And then I'd go back on tour, and then when we'd be in all these large venues, they'd be like, Aubrey and the girls, Aubrey and the girls, just a solo of Aubrey. So that really doesn't sit well with a band where we're all equally singing and dancing and participating in it. And, you know, I can understand why...

Some of my bandmates who never really understood me or got a chance took the time to know me. Really? After being together for so long and on the road and tours and platinum albums? You get divided so quickly. You get put in your roles so quickly. It was very obvious from the very beginning that I would be pulled out of rooms. It was always a concern how my nails looked, how my hair looks. My toenails don't look right. Go get them fixed. Your hair...

I was very much groomed to be the looker of the group. That's kind of what I was told I was in front of everybody all the time.

So like that makes people in the group who want to fit in that role to not feel seen in that role as in the group. I never felt seen as a talent and I didn't care about being the looker. I've never cared about that in my life. I didn't feel that I was that naturally, whatever confidence I had, I think made me attractive to people, but I don't feel even if I look, watch old making the band episodes that I was particularly that pretty, um,

You were beautiful. I mean, I was cool. I was a decent looking girl, but I wasn't like, I was very much groomed into having to pay attention to how I look all the time. And I was made aware of how I look all the time. My weight, my, my hair, my nails, my tongue, everything had to be like,

at a certain level of consciousness continuously. Do you feel like because Diddy did nitpick you apart so much that that contributes to, you know, any insecurities that you may have now or that grew after being in that situation? He's so far in my rear view. I've had so many huge world scandals since. Yeah. Yeah.

No, no, no. But I mean, like, but I mean, like moving on from that, you ended up doing Playboy. You obviously got his words. Definitely. I'm learning now as I do a real, I had never watched my firing. I honestly didn't even really remember what he said during the episode. I just watched it when I came home from Bali and I was pissed.

And that was even before Cassie dropped. I was just rewatching old episodes on the internet, on my live, talking with fans. And I watched it and I had to get off the live and I like cried. And I was like, I don't, I didn't even realize how much he shaped my opportunities with just a few sentences. I had the entire community watching.

backing me when he said on camera during just the first season, Aubrey, are you black? Do you have black in you? You hang out with black people?

Well, you look like you do. Everybody needs to be shaking their ass and doing what Aubrey's doing. Just that one line. And all I was doing was just being the overachiever that I always am. I threw in a few extra little boom, boom, boom at the very end of when we were allowed to do a freestyle. And I just happened to do it way better than everyone in the room did. And so it really stands out on camera. And that really stood out to him. But an entire room of people that mostly weren't my color were told that they need to be like me.

Right. And so that was this like immediate cosign that I watched a lot of people come up to me and show me respect for and pay tribute to that. And I was like, I couldn't believe that all of a sudden I could be respected or believed in based off of a sentence. The cool girl. Yeah, based off of one sentence. Accepted in a world that I didn't even know I could be in or hang out around. And then as it progressed, I saw how one sentence would then shape my ability to...

Start a charity tomorrow. Become Meghan Markle is probably who I like would have been in my life. Smart, educated, sophisticated. I'm probably a little bit more of a hoochie, but like, you know, when I got a wild streak in you, baby, she brought us to, you know, we don't know how people are at home, but it's always the ones that you think are really square that are the freakiest to sometimes. But when I watched Harry and Meghan, I very much felt

Resonated with her? I resonated with everything she did. Yeah. I don't look it and I don't seem it and I definitely don't even speak it anymore. But I...

the inside of me was like, that's who you would have been. Yeah. I think you come across, you, you come across as very intellectual and very smart. You're not a dumb blonde, you know? Yeah. Um, I wouldn't, I wouldn't have attracted Don jr or anyone else. We're going to get into that. We're going to get into that. So moving on from Diddy, he pretty much fired you on, you know, national TV set this narrative that you are a certain way that you're hard to deal with. You're this, that, and the other. Um,

What happens then? Where are you mentally? Were you relieved? So, no. When he fired, well, things occurred prior to the day I was fired that weren't captured or told on camera. Just that story was told on camera. And no one in the room knew that I was getting fired. No one in all the produce. I walked out with my microphone attached to my back. I, like, threw it in a trash can or something. Like, I walked out miked.

That's how much the production was in shock. Yeah. And I walked down the stairs and I looked at my assistant and I was like, did he just fired me? And she was like, well, you're getting best dressed at fashion week for New York fashion week. And you have to be on a red carpet in 10 minutes and you're already going to be late. So you need to get in there in the car service now. And I was like, I just was fired Jules. And she was like, I get it. We'll figure it out. You have to be on a red carpet right now.

And I just was shocked. Then I put on my big fake face. I had to fake it for a good while until the episode aired. No one knew what to do. No one was talking at that point. We already had had one of the members say that she absolutely wanted to be done. That was never shown on television. Which member was that? Andrea. And...

And it's funny, even when I watch my firing, Diddy looks at her and he goes, she was part of the problem for you. You told me she was the problem for you. And I realized, wow, she was... I knew she was having conversations with the manager because I was dating him. And she would call him and talk bad about me and I could hear the conversations. None of them know that except Dee Woods because she was my roommate and I would go back and tell her, Drea just called...

Jay and was like suggesting that I'm doing all kinds of things that I'm not. It was, it was ugly. Are you and D Wood still close? I got a pass on that right now. What about the other girls? Do you talk to any of them? Like Shannon, you and Shannon created a group together, correct? We did. Dumb blonde. I'd love the name. Yeah, exactly. We have that in common. Yeah. Um,

So like part of this whole Diddy thing was that he had given all his artists their royalties back. I wrote on both our albums. We all did. Which you should get songwriting credits for that. Everybody does. It's like two platinum albums. It's like over 40 plus million, maybe more. I mean, with, with exclusives international, I mean, it could be 40 to 60 million and that's like actual CD sales. We're not talking about streaming and you get a cent off the sale. Um,

No, Danity Kane was huge. Didn't see a dime. Didn't see anything that, Playboy was the first thing that got me out of my mom's house. Well, do you talk to any of the girls? He came forward and said he was giving us our publishing back. I looked at the contract and knew immediately that there was something funny going on. I was in different phases of my life. I reached out to everyone and asked them not to sign it. And a lot of them did. The majority of them? Yeah.

I got a message from one of my band members that she was pissed that I was talking about this. And I want to be respectful of my group. But it's very hard to move forward in my truth. Because it's the same thing I've always done. I'm trying to protect the legacy of something.

Like, Don, if I really protect the legacy of what we shared together, I wouldn't be able to come forward and just be straight up with you about a lot of things about their family and the shit that I saw. And now he doesn't contribute to my life at all.

So if I want to speak on it, I will speak on it because I took my power back in Bali and I'm not protecting anyone's legacy. Right. Even if I was involved in it at any point, I'm just going to be me because when you hold in that many people's secrets. It makes you sick. It makes you sick. You can slide into addiction and other things. Oh, yeah.

So I just freed myself from all that. So it's hard because I'm once again feeling like I'm trapped in that I can't speak on this because I don't want to offend the girls type shit. But none of them are my fucking friends. They don't have my back. They don't protect me. I thought Dee and I were going to take this next journey together. That was short-lived. People will understand that in due time. Right. But...

She chose different than what I thought our understanding was. And I didn't need to hear anything anymore after that. I was done, blocked, done. I have no time in my life anymore for trying to look out for people that aren't looking out for me. Amen, sister.

I think you get to a certain age where you're just like, fuck this shit. I hate to say it because there's so many people that didn't kill themselves or were so inspired by the essence of a girl group in general, but Danity Kane specifically. Over and over, throughout my whole entire life, I've just met so many people. We all have. So it's something I want to protect, not just for the girls, but for the fans, for everybody. But I also now...

I need to be me. And, you know, I think OnlyFans would damn near make everybody not talk to me ever again anyway at this point. So I've done taken the road I'm taking and I have no fucking regrets. Good. And I thought that Dee and I would be able to come into this next phase together, but it didn't work out the way I wanted and hoped it to. And I was really looking out for her and bringing every opportunity I could her way. And...

I don't feel she did the same for me. And that's hurtful. You know, it's hurtful, especially because you guys, you guys share a huge chunk of your lives together, like a really cool part of your lives together. And to think that somebody has your back and then find out later on that they don't, it's just hurtful. And, you know, when you get to a certain age, it's,

You don't want to be hurt anymore. You don't want to deal with the bullshit anymore. You don't want to have to guess if somebody has your back anymore. Yeah. I know. I'm talking. I literally said, we, we said all of that to each other. I mean, I really got to like reconnect because she didn't ever come back for the reunions and she was the closest back in the day with me cause we were roommates and she saw what was happening. We both saw a little glimpse of what was happening in each other's lives and

But more detailed and we had a good understanding of each other at that time. But after it got really like separated and weird when she didn't want to come back. And then I went on with the other girls and I had for me, I'm the only only child in Danity Kane and I'm the youngest.

So I really thought that we were going to be sisters for life. And I thought that we were going to be friends for life. Same with Shannon. Shannon, when I got really close to her, it felt like a blessing. If I didn't believe in, if I'm just spiritual and don't have any pulse on a specific belief, I felt like whatever she was in my life was blessed.

My chance at understanding family. Then she did something that betrayed my trust in a like severe way. And then it got harder and she really did stick in there and she really did, you know, she apologized. She knows that.

that I don't have family to a very deep extent she understood my life 'cause she lived in my home and she was, I was the one that kind of like housed every reunion and every project. All the merch was in my house, all of the, Shannon and I were like bringing the tours back, doing everything. Like Shannon and I built "Dumb Blonde" after Don socked me in a studio and we were left with no project, with nothing to move forward with. Shannon and I were like, after spending a year doing this album

And we just like, we're like, we sink or swim. What are we going to do? And on a hike with my boyfriend, I came up with dumb blonde, went in the house and was like, I have an idea. And so like, you know, we, we, we were just together through so much and I really cherish what that was. And I really did believe we'd always be there together.

But with that breach of trust, a lot of other things I saw that weren't consistent with who I thought she was. And then if or if not she were one of the people that signed the contract, that would be probably the last straw for me. Because if you want $300.30 to sign a full release of that man and everyone in the industry, basically, a full release, no legal claims to anything,

Um, that's fine. They're only paying you $330. The check that was cut for it's not even, it wasn't even Diddy. It's Sony who took over our publishing. Right. Was now gonna give us whatever it's made in streaming since they've owned our catalog because they bought our catalog out.

So it was all guys. But it very cleverly in its writing protected a lot of people. And it happened right before Cassie dropped. I'm sure it was for protecting Diddy, the whole thing. That was my assumption. Yeah. So that's why I told everybody don't do it. And when I found out from our lawyer who did, I just felt in my heart like that's a line in the sand for me because...

now with everything that I know. And Shannon knows a little bit about it. I did send her some things and she was in shock. She was in, she was praying. She said, I'm praying. And I appreciate her prayers, but really what I would have appreciated is if

she were to be one of the people that signed it if she didn't could go back and not because you can't come forward and talk about any of it. And it would be really great to be able to sit down and call my group members right now and say, "Hey, do you remember any of these certain things that I'm being faced with right now? Do you remember any of these details?"

Do you remember any of this? And you could help me with categories of situations that are horrific. Was there abuse at the same level as yours or did they just get to witness your abuse? Uh, I, I can't speak on, I don't, I think I was treated differently than everybody. Um, but I,

Dawn continued on with him, so she saw a lot from what she told me. But again, you know, she wanted to come forward and speak and tell everybody what she said to me. She could help a lot of the victims and protect them, but she's not. And everybody can understand that as they will. If you were to have signed that contract, you wouldn't be able to come forward and say anything right now.

Crazy that they would choose silence over... And I don't know who or what. I'm not suggesting anything because I really am going to respect the text message that I got. But I think a little more protection in these times for each other as women would have been really crucial and way cooler than $300.30. And I understand that maybe some people need the money or maybe some people thought there was some big play that they could...

have by owning the rights to the songs we wrote on, but the songs we wrote on were never made singles, of course, on purpose. They were some of our best songs, but they were never made singles. And they likely...

they'd only pick up damaged showstopper, like our big singles, if some campaign were to pick it up in the future. They have already at this point. Multiple people have. But that's not paying our pockets by owning the publishing. We don't own the publishing on damaged or showstopper. So it really wasn't the get that anyone thought. And what it did was really show that no one was really...

I don't know. I asked everybody, hey, could you not sign it? I'll send you 300 bucks if you need it. Literally. Like, let's band together and be girls. Let's not... And maybe Shannon, if she were to have signed it, maybe it would be because she doesn't want that anymore and that would make it so that couldn't happen anymore. Yeah. Yeah.

Just final straw. Yeah. Like, you know, it's hard if it's hard when like Shannon knows the power of like, like she told me toward the end of dumb blonde. I'm like, this is how I see this going. Like I, we could create this. I mean, I did the second album alone. Basically she came in for a couple of days at the very end, put her voice down on some tracks, did some shoots with me. And that was that I, I did the whole album. Yeah. But like, but like,

As I would tell her, we were on Danity Kane's tour while that album came out. And it was like, we're multitasking a lot of shit because Dawn came back and wanted to tour. Right. So we were touring and then I was telling Shannon and she just was like, I, she has a husband at home and she needed to go home.

And she wanted to go home. And she didn't want to do it anymore. And that didn't make sense to me. And she never had had a problem with any of that prior. And, like, as I started to get into it with her, at one point she just... And I was like, I have this TV show that I think I can get us and blah, blah, blah. And she was like, no, it's a pass for me. And I was like, why? And she just was like... She had been doing a lot of reflection and journaling. She was always really good at that. And she said...

I think that I've been on this train way longer than I was meant to because I thought my purpose was here because your desire for all of this is so overwhelming and encompassing that I thought your dream and desire was mine too. But it isn't. And I don't have a rebuttal to that. I simply have to respect that it hurts like...

Yeah. But I can't tell a grown woman that's older than me at that, like you don't get the right to feel that way. I wanted to say that. I mean, the most selfish only child thing

defense of me if I had a dad and I had that protection I wanted to say to her you know what the goal was when we started this you know what my vision was I was not I was never interested in anything temporary that's why I've been building so long for the other project that got fucked up because of somebody else yeah

And you know that I didn't want disappointment, abandonment, or any of that. We could turn dumb blonde into a podcast. We could have turned dumb blonde into so many things that didn't necessarily require her to be on tour if her husband needed her home or whatever it was. Yeah, you could have definitely capitalized on all of that. A lot of it. I think it was... So for me, I never really got to say like...

You don't get to give up. This is a partnership and you don't get to just decide that you don't like it anymore. I've built, spent years of building a brand with you. Yeah.

But, you know, I mean, could I have done Dumb Blonde with somebody else that is still at it and still competitive in the market like me? Yeah, there was a ton of girls I know that would have done it with me. And I could still be releasing music and doing that project. I don't really like being a solo artist. It's not fun on tour alone. You like to run in a wolf pack. I'm an only child that doesn't have...

stable healthy parents or parenting it's almost like you want that family friendship yeah that family that friendship around you yeah I want friendship and friendship requires loyalty something I never saw to the the last person that came into my life on this crazy back of this horrible man that's being exposed now like I

We came back into each other's lives on the phone at night for hours. I literally told her, we need to just start recording our phone calls and put them on YouTube. It's more entertaining than half the shit I see anymore. You can't make people want to, you know, do... No, I mean, a little business deal changed all of that. And I just got disappointed by Danity Cain for the last time. I just really...

I have a slight interest in protecting the legacy, but frankly, like every time I'm asked, it's kind of routine that anyone that's kind of still relevant gets asked questions and the media says, I'll always come back to Danny D. Cain. There's only two of us left that are still like taking...

bigger, I think probably just me, but my other bandmate still does like a little independent thing. Yeah. She gets interviewed sometimes, but like, it's always the move to just say, you never know. And I'll always come back, but that's cute to say, but are you bringing it all back and taking responsibility of everyone's feelings and desires and needs of all the girls? Cause that's what I did every time. I didn't just say, Oh, I'll come back if everybody wants to. I made it happen. Yeah.

I brought the opportunities. I brought my agents and makeup artists and that's the hustler in you though. You can't make people hustle, baby. I've tried. I've tried to do that with all my friends. She just never hustled for, you know, you can attach yourself to it all you want, but are you making it happen? Yeah. Never.

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Well, moving on from dumb blonde and the whole Danity Cain situation. It's a rough one. Yeah. And there's so much more fresh. The last piece. No, for sure. And there's so much more. And if you guys want to know more about the whole Danity Cain situation, she's done other interviews. You can go Google and go listen to it. But I just feel like you have lived so many fucking lives. It's been crazy. Yeah.

So moving on, you go on The Apprentice. Yeah. And is this how you met Don Jr., obviously? Yeah. Tell me about the first time you saw Don Jr.?

God, I don't remember like the first time. I mean, it would have been during filming or prior to maybe during a... It wasn't like butterflies fucking flew out from his asshole or anything like that. It wasn't like an iconic moment that you can remember. Because I remember the first time I met my husband. I remember, you know. And I know that you... And that's why he's your husband. Yeah, literally. But I know that you and Don have said to each other that you guys were soulmates and stuff like that. I'll explain it. I'm not attracted to physical things.

Yeah. I love visuals. Like as much as I love visuals, you like Luke Bryan. So I mean, but I liked him because he gave dad, he gave loyal, he gave like brave and strong, but the lyrics were sensitive and vulnerable. I love it. It was like, it was the actual,

It wasn't like, I can't really tell you what he looks like. I just remember watching him thinking like that is a husband. Oh, wait till you see Luke Bryan get his little hip gyration on stage. You're going to love it. I mean, it was years ago, but I just remembered his name from that. I can't wait for you guys to, to, I know. Yeah. I'm so thankful. Thank you. Um,

Um, no, so, so, um, I don't remember. I think we met each other during, we did like big press and photo shoots and stuff before the competition started. I think we, I remember us talking then. I think the first time I saw him. So for me, that means you impressed me with your mind was something I remember like, um, a witty little smart ass comment he made during the boardrooms and no one in the room catching it except us. And we both chuckled and then looked at each other. Hmm.

And then we just never stopped.

They literally like fun facts that no one knows. And they just did a whole book. I read it on the plane right here laughing, like how Mark Burnett and Trump took over the world, which actually it's not false. That writer is very accurate in that because they did create the reputation that made the world feel like they were in the right hands with him. Like there are funny stories about like at the beginning of Celebrity Apprentice when they first started up, the production company went in and the Trump company

The towers were like old wallpaper stale and they had to like redesign the whole shit and make it look like it was money. Yeah. The helicopter, the gold, all of it that makes it look like it's all his flying in on his jet that says Trump not. All of that was production. I've had producers literally at dinners tell me,

have grief over feeling responsible for having created the persona behind a person that they now don't stand behind that's running the country. And I sat there and I thought to myself, well, more producers need to start feeling that fucking grief because these producers out here with reality TV stars, especially with how many there are now,

They are not treated right. Reality TV stars, I mean, we're seeing a lot of it with Bravo and a lot of things that are coming out with people speaking out about things. Reality TV, I never got into it. I have had so many opportunities to do reality shows, and the settings and the environments in them were never for me. There aren't very many people that are taking responsibility over being...

Over understanding that we're all humans and we're not animals. Yeah. They're there for your enjoyment. Literally. They just manufacture. It's very, like, a lot. It wasn't as much in the beginning. I mean, I had a producer from making the band at her wedding pull me in the bathroom and say to me, I still know, like, the one time in my career where I really compromised myself.

was I had to go in and pull you out of a bathroom stall. You were hiding behind the fucking toilet crying in a ball on the floor. And I had to pick you up and put you back in a room where I knew you were gonna get attacked by Diddy again.

Against all my best judgment, did I want to do that? But I had to. My bosses were telling me to go get you, and she was the person I trusted on that set, the only one that could have got me to go back into that room. Yeah. And she apologizes to this day for that multiple times now. Mm.

So, like, I did see more responsibility then. There are responsible producers. I'm still making television with some people that are responsible. Yeah. But there are so many shows I did for a couple years. I didn't even watch them because the sets were so egregious. Yeah. Celebrity Apprentice edit was, like, super... That was the first time I really saw flagrant edits. Like, they have an episode where Arsenio Hall's leading...

and he literally got a paper cut, I think, in the first two minutes and left the set for the whole day, and I took over and won him his challenge, and then the whole episode makes it look like he's present the whole time, and then

Someone asked for ideas and I gave the whole lined it up from start to finish how we're going to execute the whole fucking plan, my creative. And then everybody's like, thank you, Aubrey, you saved the day. Like, let's do this. And in the edit on TV, they show everybody looking like, oh, God, here she goes again.

thinking she knows it all. And I was like, okay, y'all are fucked up for that edit. It's just how controlled TV is. It's wild. That one was the first one I saw like, oh, there's people with real money that run real shit behind this show. Cause they just took a whole ass scene and made it something they made a, this is, I'm watching scripted now. Yeah. This is not giving the reality of what happened in that room that day. So let's circle back to you and Don jr. When was the first time that you and Don jr. Were intimate?

It was the night. This is a very controversial topic because for a long time, the pressure on us was the franchise. Like, I was told at certain points that edits were being sent over in the ninth inning to NBC being re-edited at Mark Burnett. And this is allegedly because Mark Burnett didn't tell me this, but who I heard it from was pretty...

They were editing clips in the ninth inning because in boardrooms, they always show Ivanka, Trump and Don staring forward, looking at the like the cameras. And then they show the cast staring forward and looking straight ahead and they get those shots all the time.

And in every single one of the shots, as the relationship started to be understood on the back end and the show's airing and everybody's like aware of the problem for the franchise, like they were going in and tightly re-editing all the boardrooms because they said in most of the shots where everyone's looking forward, Don is looking at me and I'm looking at him and we're the only two whose heads are off.

And it was like visibly present in the edits and they were going back in and chopping shit down and so it could not be noticeable. Right. Which I don't remember if I even watched the show or if it was noticeable or not. It was the night, the finale of Celebrity Apprentice. I remember like Don called the hotel room. I was with my assistant. He asked me, it was down to a couple of us.

He called me. This is some fucking shit I'm about to say, but fuck it. What a place to do it, though. And the guys are keeping it 100. Raining in Nashville, I'm dressed like a hooker. Let's go. You look beautiful while you're spilling seeds, all. Thanks, babe. So...

My assistant was in the room. He called me at the Trump Tower. I think, I don't know if that was the first time. My assistant remembers he did it a few times. She always spent the night with me and would help me because I was like making sure we were all dressed in the same outfits. I was doing like the extra shit when we'd get off set because I wanted my team to always win and be the best and be color coordinated and perfect. Mm-hmm.

So I'd go on Rent the Runway and get everyone dresses to make sure we all were like perfect because I couldn't trust their fashion. But so my assistant was with me and he called and he asked me, did I want help being in the finals, being the final two? Did I want him to make it happen for me, basically? And I said, no. I think then we kind of established like,

We had talked a good amount at that point enough to understand. He was like writing me on Twitter. There were ways we were finding time to communicate with each other. And I think at that time he realized, oh, she's not just using me to win this competition. She likes me. So he was like testing the waters to see. Probably. Mm hmm.

I also should have won it. And whoever won could have potentially had a must win in their contract because they had a big talk show that dropped right after that came back to NBC. But who knows? That's just allegedly. But I if he could have potentially put me in the top two, I said no.

I want to do it on my own merit. And if I don't, then I don't care. I'm the last female standing. I felt far. I, I was used to winning would be the first show I did that I didn't win. Yeah. But I was so like falling in love with him so deeply at that point. And falling in love just by the conversations or just by working together. Was there stuff going on behind the scenes? Yeah.

Did you guys go on dates? Was there secret rendezvous? No, no. You can't. You're locked down. I was going to say, you're locked down. But that show films for like, it airs for like two months. That was the longest show I've ever filmed and aired on television. It's a...

hefty show if you make it to the end you're doing it feels like centuries go by I suppose it isn't centuries but in Hollywood you're working for huge companies every episode building movies and commercial I mean it's a real fucking competition show best show I've ever done frankly the edit was fucking garbage Mark Burnett should like seriously have regrets over some of those flagrant edits that he threw on me but or whoever did over there

But I told Don no, and I think there was a conversation like, this is serious, isn't it? Yeah. And then we did the finale. We all come back for the finale to see who wins it by helping a team, being picked for one team or another, throwing a big event. So Clay Aiken and I sang during it. He was standing next to Daddy. I was singing like,

Daddy, Daddy Donald. Yeah. I Will Survive by Donna Summers. Yeah, that's the song Clay had me sing. I sang it like to Donald's face and whatever. And then after I was I think I was hosting or was getting paid to go to a gay club.

And at the time, like everyone came back and Marco, I think the son, Marco's the son, Andretti was supposed to be in it. But there was this horrible crash in his world. And then like one of his very good friends passed in it. And so he dropped out last minute and his dad took his spot. And I liked his dad during filming. He came back to the finale and he kind of had a crush on me. So he's... Dad did? No, the son did. Oh, okay. Marco.

So he, like, came to the... He's like, can I come, like, meet up with you? I don't know, bitch. I was on my shit at that point in time because I had Marco Andretti and Don Trump Jr. here and here, my assistant and my gay best friend who was my hairstylist and in on all this shit because...

For all kinds of reasons, but he styled me during Apprentice. You weren't allowed to have your own teams, but I had it in my contract. But because... That's how I would move. Yeah. But he was able to hear everything that was said in the boardrooms when they would take us out because he was watching the monitors with the rest of the hair and makeup who don't have personal relationships with anyone. Right. So I got to learn a lot about what was being said about me behind closed doors, which I shouldn't have been getting access to, but I did. Yeah. Yeah.

So I knew things that they were saying, fights that they were having. Trump didn't feel I was pretty. Ivanka was fighting for me, saying, like, you can't keep, like, putting Miss Universe over somebody that's smarter. Like, this needs to be a real, like, she's smart. Like, she was taking up for me. Ivanka seems to me to be, like, a stand-up woman. I can't get into that. I can't. I can't co-sign that statement. Based off of Don's,

portrayal of things but um but anyways so um i went to a gay club and marco andretti and donald trump jr he showed up i couldn't believe it he showed up to a gay club everybody was gagged my whole team was looking at me like we have seen you move but this is real you're moving real serious right now and at that time maybe it wasn't so crazy that

Nowadays, when I said that on a podcast, it went viral that Don and I were in a gay club the first time we had sex. But I remember going back and forth between Don and Marco, and Marco got dropped out pretty fast. Someone clutched in, kept him busy. Don and I were like...

locked in, locked in. Like it was in the, every touch, every stare, every word. It was like, he's a handsome guy and I don't like square dudes, but he's pretty, he's a handsome dude.

He's got a little swag. I don't even know. He's got a little swag. I was attracted to him. I don't know if his visual is like necessarily attractive to people or not. I don't know. He's got swag. You know, Donald Trump has swag too. They just, there's a reason why they're politicians. They're not, you know, they're not just...

Yeah. Fuddy duddies. They obviously have a mouthpiece on them and know how to have a conversation and how to persuade and how to talk. So I could see where the allure would be. Yeah. I never saw it in dad as much, but she's like, not dad, but Don is deaf. Deaf. Don is clever and witty and very smart. And every conversation was interesting and every, um,

conversation was a challenge and a brain challenge. Who can outsmart the other and how much more do they know than the other? It was so fun for me. I was so stimulated on every level. That's your sapiosexual. You like to be stimulated through your mind, which a lot of women do. Which is why I know so much of his life right now likely is fraudulent, in my opinion, allegedly, because it just doesn't fit who I know him to be unless...

Other people aren't who they are showing themselves to be. I don't know. But... So did you guys end up having sex in the gay club? Long story. I'm like, I'm invested now. So I told my... Don and I, I don't know if we planned on. I think we wanted to make out for sure. We didn't want anyone seeing us. And I told my...

My hairstylist who was like knew all the people at the club in New York and was coming to the gig with me. So we went. I remember he brought me over to the bathroom with Don and there was like this big ass black guy outside of the

And he was like, no one's coming in. Like, this is for whatever. And he was like, listen, this is this and this. He's like, I don't care, dog. And there was like a little bit of a dispute. And I think either he had to kiss him or somebody. I had to kiss him. Somehow something with a bodyguard happened in order to get me and Don into this fucking bathroom. I'd have to like go back and ask all them what happened that night. So your hairdresser had to kiss. No, I don't. Maybe it was me.

was me he worked something got worked out that was wild but he let us in this bathroom that was like this big yeah there was like a full-blown like chase in the bathroom and all kinds of shit we definitely didn't think we were gonna hook up i wasn't i didn't know any of it was gonna happen because the whole like joke and our relationship started at that night which was

We started making out. We started to have, we were trying to have sex, trying because I was still in my dress from the finale and that dress was tight as fuck, like an all diamond gold dress. And it took forever to get the fucking dress unzipped. And once it unzipped, I had the most, the craziest spanks you've ever fucking seen on a bitch. Like they didn't even have the hole in the crotch or anything. They were like all the way up to,

here down to here so he had to like so sexy you know how your girlfriend has to like get you out of a fucking spanks moment how it's you would never do that if you were going on a date you'd never deal with the dude they have to like get it down past your fat rolls in order to get into you yeah he did all that and so he worked for the pussy he he got those spanks all the way down

And we had sex. And I remember like he would call me like spanky after that. Like we would just joke about like how we had the most ridiculous sex in the middle of a gay club. So you go home that night. What do you say to yourself? You're like, I just had sex with Donald Trump Jr. in a gay club bathroom after making out with the fucking...

I think it was me that made out with the bodyguard. The bodyguard. In your mind, are you like, I'm going to pursue this? I want to be with this man? Or did you think of it as more of like a flash in the pan? I don't remember. I'd have to ask my assistant. She has like stellar memory of all these things. Half the time she reminds me of these, of what, because she was with me in the hotel room at every stage of this. She would have been there that night as well.

I probably talked to her the whole night about it. I don't know. I remember shortly after, maybe I still had to do some final things like photographs or takes or something like that after we were wrapped. But I was probably in the Trump Hotel for maybe a few days after. And I remember he called me and we had a serious talk about, does this continue?

And I was just like, I just feel like you're my soulmate. Like, I didn't say the word soulmate. He said it first to me. But I said, I just feel like I can't stop this. And he's like, I feel that too. I mean, did you guys talk about his wife at all? So I know this was like a long conversation. I don't honestly remember all the details. But I do remember me saying something like, like, we...

we just seem to be like so aligned in every way, like made for each other, like perfect for each other. And he said like, is the perfectly made man for you married? And I said, I don't know. I need to understand that better. So I think it probably in the very beginning might have been like,

a lot of conversations about what their marriage looks like. Right. I heard enough without being disrespectful to her. I heard enough to have at the time felt like they had an understanding. Kind of like an open marriage.

On his end, I'm sure. I don't know about... Sorry. I know he told me he had cheated before. I don't know if she had caught him. Right. But he had only physically cheated. He had never, like, mentally fallen in love with any of the girls. I think there were, like, two people before me, but he...

He explained it in a way, and I was naive enough. It changed for me, and I said this on Michael Cohen's podcast, but it changed for me after I saw my best friend give birth years later. When I saw a child come out of her, first time I've ever seen that, I realized what a woman does for a man when they have a child for them. And that put a lot of grief on me for a while over...

how naive I was to think that all of this was okay with her. I don't know that it was as okay as maybe I thought it was or he described it as.

He said enough to me about their relationship that made me feel very comfortable knowing that as he's living there and I'm on the phone with him all day and all the way up. We had talked all day long until tree time. We called it tree time. He'd walk home from Trump to his house and that was our time to climb up in our tree and be best friends and lovers forever.

until he went into his life and I'd have to wait till the morning for, to have my best friend back. Do you miss him? I don't remember him unless I'm asked to talk about it. And then like we had a final conversation and it was recorded and I listened back to it when I was doing all of my psychedelics and alternative healing and

Bali or any other place I went where psychedelics are illegal because I would never do anything illegal in a place where things are illegal. But when I was going through my healing stages, I listened to it for the first time, like all of it back.

You know, when everyone's... When Daddy came to be president and everyone started to come forward and they all kind of had the same nickname and you saw what a problem it was and how many girls had the same experiences, I was like, oh, my God, like, that's what I was for the son. I, like...

would identify with Stormy Daniels, who, by the way, is actually witty and very interesting. I'm friendly with her, and I like her a lot. So I wouldn't mind the comparison. She's smart. She's very interesting. I love Twitter. I love her. I feel like the Trumps secretly love blondes, but marry brunettes. Oh, do I miss him? I can't say that I... The phone call. What was that? Oh, the phone call.

I like, so I was doing PTSD shrooming and I would take like very large doses of shrooms. It wasn't like a date, how people micro micro dose. It was like, I had never done them before. And I was taking like,

12 grams or something. Most people take like two or three. Yeah. Um, I take like- You're a fucking brave soul. That's a lot. People don't realize that's a lot to DMT, mushrooms, all that shit. None of that happened under, under the title of bravery. I would, if I were, if I were wearing a mask, I would tell you that, but it, I didn't care about living anymore. So maybe I could find a reason or a purpose or an understanding that I didn't have if I tried to go to a different realm. Yeah.

None of it was ever done to get high or party. It was all done in like facilities with therapists and people guiding me. And I'd have to like, you know, drop down into the highs with like cacao ceremonies and breath work. And then I had to like write lists of intentions of like,

anything I think that could be traumatizing me in my life. Mom was a big one. I thought when she started to cover my mom, when I was dropped on under, because she would record the sessions or diary them. I have all of it. Yeah. I look back on it and, um,

She brought up, like, some really heavy stuff that I thought was living inside me about my mom. Like, when I first arrived, I saw a girl having an experience with shrooms, and she was crawling on, like, grass, clutching it, and saying she wanted to fucking be, like, let out of her body. And I looked at it, and I was like, oh, fuck this shit. And then I, like, turned around, and I was like, bitch...

what are you going to do, go home and not want to live another day? You've got to push yourself. Now's time to figure out if we take some pills and go sleep at night nights. That's where I was at with it. I had them ready. So I saw the girl clutching the grass, and I was like, that's going to be me the second she brings up my mom. She brought up my mom. She brought up some very severe memories. And I just had one tear. It's documented. One tear ran down my face.

And she said, "Tell me what that tear is." And I said, "I'm so sad for my mom because I ended up being so neat. I ended up being such a neat kid who became super like... I went and got healing. I was on an Adderall Ambien cocktail life for 20 years."

I went and left the country and seeked healing, got off of pills and learned about my pain and my trauma. And I dealt with every horrible thing that was living inside of me. And I let go of being Aubrey O'Day and everything that meant.

So you go deaf. Yeah. I murdered that person off and like, I'm pretty neat when I'm not her in the, the one that the world knows. Right. And I did it all by myself with no help.

And I didn't even know what Bali was or where I was going or what the... I went into Bali as it became a red zone during COVID. And red zones were where everyone was dying, right? On the map. Yeah. I never saw one person have COVID the entire time I was there. But either way, I was like...

fuck am I doing every day? What the fuck am I doing? Like, I just had no will to live anymore. I was, I was done. Well, I mean, you went through a lot. How long were you with Donald for Don jr? A long time.

Like years? A long time. I mean, that's got to be heavy. Because you got to think all this trauma that you're suffering. You went through the childhood. You went through Danity Cain. You went through Don Jr. You went through, you know, Travis Garland. Back to back. When I first met Travis, I just always dreamt, like I saw you say this in an interview, I want to fucking marry a rock star. Like I wanted to be with a man that sung me to sleep, that had this fucking voice that

better than anyone and it doesn't hurt that he's easy on the eyes and hot and just one of the best vocalists I've like been around in life. I was more famous and made way more money. He was struggling to get by and way more talented and had to feel all the things a very talented person feels when they see somebody else getting everything they want.

So he had to love me and also be a bit jealous of me too. And it didn't work. Yeah, jealousy never works in a relationship. Then I was attracted to a guy who was, you know, three years with Travis. The singing was like, can you shut the fuck up?

It wasn't like I can die in a ditch and be broke with you if you just sing to me. It'll be okay that all the mucus that everyone just put in their fucking toilets is dripping down me in the sewer. No. After three years of that, I realized I need a man that actually is going to be where they say they're going to be in three years. His was a millionaire and Justin Bieber every year, and it just never happened. And...

while all that was occurring, we were living in my house on my dime. It was like, you don't want to pay for everything and then fuck your man after you paid for everything on vacation. It's like...

You can come on vacation with me, but if I don't want to fuck, go to your side and leave me alone. Well, it's a, it's a, it's a balance of power too. And that I'm sure that that hurt him. He was more talented than me. And I'm not saying I'm not talented. I'm not putting myself down when I say that. However, I can recognize the truth. Travis was far more talented than me as a singer. Yeah. Not as a star, but as a singer, he was, um,

And he did so much to inspire dumb blonde, me taking myself seriously. I mean, he came in my house and was like, first thing, let me look at your wardrobe. Opened my closet and was like, we're taking everything with color out. He taught me how to dress color.

Kanye colors, beige tones, brown tones, black tones, filter my shit right. Like, he kind of started me on a cool vibe. Right. I just realized in three years, every time I used to see him three years prior going like this on Instagram in a photo thinking, oh my God, he's so fine. I was the one taking those and it took three hours to get that pose and he did it 50 times and it really wasn't that fucking sexy. Yeah. You just...

Well, what happened is the allure and the mystique behind it comes off. Trust me, there's been a few musicians that I've been like, oh my God, he's so fine. And then I meet him in person and I'm like, nope. And if you met Travis in person, you'd be totally attracted to him. He's such a charming winner in person. I like men that wear makeup. That's my thing. I'm trying to think if he wears makeup.

I don't know who Travis Garland is. I just know that you've dated him. You should check out his music. He's incredible. He's an incredible singer. He's married now. I think he's got kids from what I hear. He was very inspiring in a time and a place, but he wasn't right for me. I hated leaving the relationship. I was sick. I held on to that with all my fucking might.

And when it was let go of, I went straight to TV and the first guy that sat in front of me was Pauly and it was out of that into this like that. And that was back to back Don Jr., Travis, Pauly, like it all was back to back, very long relationships, all of them.

So then after poly, I was so down bad. I didn't have sex for a year after poly. And then I went to Bali during COVID. I didn't have sex for like two and a half years, two and a half, three years. During Bali, somebody asked me that and they were like, are you fucking serious? And I was like, is that weird? No.

No, I just been out here healing, living. I'm not really attracted to anyone. I don't feel the need to like have somebody text messaging. I used to have 10 guys on ready. It gets exhausting. Yeah.

I don't need anyone. My husband and I were talking about that last night. We were laying in bed and we were watching this series. And in the series, these, it's like almost 50 year old couple is like, they're going on their first date together. And I looked at, and they were like telling each other everything about each other's lives. And I looked over to Jay and I was like, babe, I love you, but we are riding this motherfucker

are out. We like dabbed because I was like, I'm not doing that shit. He agreed. He's like, man, I can't. He's like, I'm cringing right now thinking about having to tell somebody my whole life story. I'm like, there's no way. And sometimes you just don't want to fucking do that, you know? And that's okay. I listen. I feel that so deeply. I

I'm like, because I adore you. I'm so happy that you have that. I wish I did. Thank you. It's been a lot of work, you know, and I try to always keep it real with everybody. Like Jay and I are fucking amazing now and it has been smooth sailing for us so far. You know, this, this,

this end of our relationship. But man, in the beginning it was rough. It was toxic. He was a struggling musician too. Despite some people always want to be like, Oh, Jay, Jay was famous. Jay, you know, everybody knew who Jay was. No, the fuck they didn't. Nobody knew who my husband was unless she lived in Kentucky, fucking Ohio, um, Indiana and Tennessee. That was it. Like when I first got with him, he was a struggling artist too. And I was making a shit ton of money in the beginning, you know? So it's,

You know, it was very rough. We had a very rough beginning. How quickly did he become famous within you getting with him? Well, you know I married a rapper, right? I heard you say that, but then I know Jelly Raps sometimes, so I was thinking, is she considering him a rapper? No, he is a rapper. My husband is a rapper. No, I know he raps. That's what I thought you were talking about. So you married a different rapper? No, no, no. My husband. Oh, yeah, no, I know.

he's a rapper. Yeah. His whole, I heard you say that. And I was like, is she meaning like a thug, like a rapper? Yeah. But I guess I was like jelly rap. So he is a rapper, his entire discography. Is that what they call it? Yeah. Until they, until you get up until the two fucking country albums that he's, well, the second one, he's about to drop the first one. That's,

His entire fucking catalog is rapping. I love that. He's a great rapper. You guys are like such an atypical understanding for the country world that to me, when I looked into your guys' story, I just fell in love with it. Because it felt like I wanted to come visit this area. Because music is my life. I wanted to come visit this area, but it just felt a little too...

I wouldn't be able, I couldn't take this person to every room I rolled, rolled through. Like I couldn't bring this person around the thugs. But Jelly's like, you could bring, he was a thug. He's, he's invited to the cookout. Okay. He's,

He's definitely invited to the cookout. You can take him anywhere. No, and then he did that. I was more bougie than he was. Like, I'm West Coast. You know, I grew up in Vegas. Okay. Grew up on the streets of LA. Fucking, you know, like, that was my life. So, you know, meeting him and us coming together, it was a beautiful disaster. And I'm just thankful that it has turned out the way it did. But to answer your question, my husband...

dropped Save Me. He was always, his music was gaining traction, but it wasn't to the level that he should. I met with a guy that told me, the comedian guy that did that, he showed me a video he did during COVID. See, I wasn't here, so I missed that he got, that Jelly got famous for that. I knew more of the series, like, I love the lyrics, obviously. He kills on lyrics because he's

vulnerable and honest about the dark days and we love that shit yeah even his raps were like that I'll have to send you some of his rap albums I have to hear them I love I heard the raps on like the country stuff but I was like I don't know if he's serious about this because the COVID thing was more like no rapper jelly is a boss really is he gonna rap tonight

No, no, he won't. But rapper jelly is a boss. And I tell him all the time. I'm like, baby, bring it back. Just one more time. Wait, do you make him talk shit? Do you like that in bed before you fuck? My husband is so, he is the sweetest little teddy bear dude. Like I'm the wild one. And my husband's like, come, come.

cuddle with me you know he's just my big teddy bear um but yeah we do when we would get drunk and you know have wild nights like that i would make him do some crazy shit but for the most for the most part the hubby's a sweetie pie um but he didn't get really famous until the last what three two and a half years two and a half years so how long into how long have you guys been together eight years

Yeah. So you held on longer than I could, but Travis never became anything. I never, my thing is, is like, I always wanted to, you know, I always say the rockstar thing because my dad was a musician, you know? So I wanted to marry somebody like my dad. And I always envisioned as a little girl, like I was going to be Tawny Katane and I was going to fucking dance on somebody's fucking, you know, old school car in a music video. Like to me, that was going to

that was my happy ending, you know, like, and I just knew that I was always going to have my own shit going on. So I didn't really care what my husband had going on as long as he was chasing his passion. And that to me was quickly. Did you fall in love with them? Cause I saw an interview where you said you guys fucked right away. Yeah. But what, well, that's how I move. Yeah.

Well, girl, listen, I'm not fucking throwing any shade your way. I fucked on the first night ish too after all the cameras were gone. The first night I met my husband, I, he has had sex, but did you love, did you fall in love with him instantly? No. So the first night my husband and I met, we didn't have sex. I was with somebody else. I was in a very abusive relationship and it was a nightmare. I had been with this person for like three or four years. Um,

But I met Jay and when I met him, he was not my type. He was not somebody that I was into at all. I'm not his type. He likes little brunettes, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And we just both had this weird, strange attraction to each other. But we swagger probably for you. But yeah, it was just his little Southern charm. He's so cute. I'll have to call it so you can meet him and talk to him after this. But yeah.

You know, I just was so attracted to him and I didn't know what it was. And then a year, about five months later, my ex ended up going to prison and his manager at the time was like one of my friends. And I was like,

Tell Jolly to call me, you know, give him my number. And so Jay started calling me and like, you know, we were just kind of like feeling each other out. And then he came to stay with me to record some music videos. I had a penthouse in Vegas and he came and stayed with me and my girls. And, you know, we just kind of fell in love and we ended up getting married that like right

Right then, like a couple of days later. Yeah. We got married after being together. He was like, I'm not letting you out of my motherfucking 30 days. He wasn't going to let anyone else near you. You know, and actually we are a man. No, we fought about it, too, because I was like, I am not marrying you. And he's like, but you're going to marry me. And he's like, you're not going to be doing this line of work for the rest of your life. He's like, before we walk. What line of work was it?

I was a high-priced call girl, so I made a shit ton of money. Okay, by the way, you know everyone that's real famous right now was doing that back when I was in Danity Cane. For sure. I met a lot of my friends. Come on now. Yes, for sure. Crazy, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, escorting?

isn't what everybody nowadays they know what, cause it's just, you'd go to only fans. Well, there's different levels to the shit too. I was like, half these bosses out here are doing, they're moving. Yeah. But I always had like side projects going on, you know, like it wasn't always just, can you tell me about that please? Cause I'm so curious what that life feels like. Do you, do you connect to people physically or you can detach from them? Like when I have sex with someone, I see it as like a soul exchange. So like,

Why I didn't have sex for like that long period of time. I was just really like... I connected my soul with someone that was so bad. And I got so unhealthy after. Yes. That I realized I cannot... I have to know your soul before your dick is in me. So I... Talk in the mic. Oh, sorry. I have friends that still escort and do that kind of stuff. And I'm like, don't you...

Is it just a me thing? How are you able to connect from allowing the transfer of energy to enter you in that profession? Yeah. So I was on a lot of Xanax and cocaine, and I was drugged up drinking all the time. So if you knew you had to go show up somewhere, you would make sure that you were...

So I worked, yeah, and in my mind, I was working sober because I wasn't sloshed, but I was always under the substance of something, you know? And when you're that low vibrational, you're not thinking about exchanging souls. You're thinking about surviving, and that's where I was, you know? Like, I had came from such a long line of trauma and just been through so much shit that, to me, it was like, oh, I'm just... I'm gonna...

the way I looked at it was like, I'm going to take this motherfucker's money, you know? And that's where... That's how they all... Everybody in my company looks at it like that. Yeah. Literally, that's how... I'm like, the...

the transactional element of sex, like the transactional, like money, sex, business of it. I'm watching play out in front of my eyes, kind of in front of the world. I see, I know a lot of girls like, and I don't, I'm front. I like all of them. Yeah. And I, and I try to think like, how does it feel? What does it feel like? Like I try to understand. It's powerful for some. And for some, it, it,

It's like how you felt. It's damaging. Like vibrationally. Yeah, I was molested as a child. So my thing was... Normalized things. I hated men. And it was like, if you're going to cheat on your wife, then you deserve to pay me. If you want to touch me, you have to pay me. I heard that a lot. You know, so... But for every girl, it's different. I don't glamorize the lifestyle because, you know, my situation was completely different. I...

And I demanded my worth. One of my sugar daddies was Donald Trump, one of Donald Trump's best friends. And he was a asshole. And every bit of money that he gave me, I fucking deserved. Yeah, literally, because he fucking was so mean to me. Like, you know, it's not... And can you explain that to me? If you don't... If I'm being too intrusive, just tell me. Girl, I'm an open book. Okay, can you tell me, like, what is it... What happened, like, with someone like him because he was not...

I can picture it if it were a cool exchange. What does a not cool exchange look like? Like you walk in and they make you do something weird immediately or like he would tell me. So I even I have him on video. Like I have these videos that if I ever wanted to, I could release them. But I would never do that. He would tell me, you're fucking you're fat. You need to get your body redone. Then why was he paying so much to have you there?

But me being the strong person I am, I'd be like, okay, well then pay to get my body done. And he'd be like, okay. And so we'd get fucked up or whatever. And the next day I'd go to the fucking surgeon and be like, okay, so I need 35,000 to get my, you know, this, this and this done. Like he would pick you, pick me apart. He would be like, what are you doing with your life? You're a fucking hooker. You know, like just talk shit and just be emotionally abusive. He must be.

He must be shit on all day to be a man that needs to find a woman to take it out on after hours. Yeah. You have to imagine. But a lot of women, that would break them down. Yeah, of course. He just didn't realize. It's breaking me down hearing that someone even said that to you, seeing how beautiful you are and your work. I love you. And I just rolled up to a fucking multi-million dollar home in the fucking, I really want to love Nashville, but this rain's killing me.

but it's not like this all the time thunderstorms during the middle of fucking summer i was like this is summer in nashville i don't know if i can live here now i could barely see through the window it's not like this all the time okay because he was like this is how it is in summer i'm like this is no who wants to live like this no no no no i would go crazy this is like seattle if it rained like this all the fucking time i was like this is summer i was like shocked when the and the the

thunder and the lightning is like intense. But I just rolled up to a very wealthy area and beautiful home. So to me, I look at you as such, I know you're a boss bitch and you're worth just physically without even knowing you. So to me, it hurts me to hear that someone even spoke to you like that in life.

But to me, like it, it never hurt me because I was like, motherfucker, you're paying me. Right. You know, like, but to a lot of other. You could see through the manipulation. Exactly. And, but you know, a lot of women that would break them down and that would make them hurt and that would add to their trauma. Yeah. And for me, I somehow. And they're probably there because they already were.

Exactly. Well, nobody gets into sex work because they had a perfect childhood. And if they do, then they're just, they're searching for something else. You know, there's something else that they would need the answer to life about, you know, 99% of women that are in sex work have some sort of, you know, childhood trauma, whether it be sexual, emotional, abusive. Can I tell you that, that I want to touch on this because I've had such a strong reaction from people with OnlyFans. Mm-hmm.

I've slightly...

Let's not play like OnlyFans tries to act like you can be a sports star and show your sports workout and make millions over there. It's a sex website right now at least. I'm assuming... Listen, I love OnlyFans. They're so amazing. But I think most people go on there to see sexuality for the most part. I know people play different things on there. I get the hustle for a lot of people. But it's made me have to...

really be bold about my sexuality and understand it. Well, take your power back too. Take my power and not... I used to kind of tell somebody. Now I'm like, I'm on OnlyFans. Is that an issue? And... If a man has a problem with you being... All men have a problem with it. I immediately get treated differently now. I don't... The...

the way people come at me once they learn that element, it's so different and it's different than anything. That's why you need a thug. You need a drug dealer. Well, no, that's what I'm saying. I'm like, I'm starting to realize if I, cause I just make so much money that I'm like, it's, it could be an insecurity thing. I'm not compromising myself. I feel perfectly fine. I'm totally in control of what I do. Yeah. So, so for me, I'm just like,

and I, I like being sexual and feeling that in myself again. I mean, I went for three years and didn't have a man near me. I didn't even kiss anyone. Yeah. Like if I want to be sexual and embrace it, but when this diddy shit started happening and all this stuff started occurring, I started asking myself like,

Is this a result of some like grooming as a child? Um, maybe even younger. I think you're, I think, I think you put, and this is my assessment of you just from sitting here with you for the past two and a half hours is, um,

I think that you have so much hurt from your father that you're not recognizing. I don't care about him at all. Even though you don't. My mom. Yes. I'm hurt as fuck by her. Even though you don't be offended the rest of my life, there's still a wound there and there's still a little girl searching for a dad that like, could my mom be my dad and my mom that I'm looking for? I,

I see a dad and my mom. I tell everybody I have mommy and daddy issues. You can have both, and you don't have to have one. But could one parent represent both those issues? Because my mom had to be my mom and my dad. Well, I feel like she's all you've ever known, but I do think when you were a little girl, did you ever see dads with their little girls and yearn for that? Because that's normal. I'm an only child, and I...

My best friends were all gays in theater. I didn't have... I don't really have a lot of real... I got famous so young. So my only real friends are from before that. And I have a couple that like...

They were the popular girls in school. And they really came around when I got famous and took a liking to me. And they were cool with me during that time, too. And they might not be seen out in public with me everywhere. But they were my friends then, too. It was cooler to be my friend later on in life, for sure. But...

you know, they all have regular lives, so we can't... So I just don't... That element, I don't have. I don't... It could stem from your mom, too, but anything, you know, that's happened... They say that trauma starts in the womb. Like, your mom could have been upset. It could have been, you know, you could have heard your mom and your dad arguing. Like, there could have been so many things that have happened. And then on top of that, then you have the diddy shit, you know? And it's just like, you just have a...

of, you know, this is where it started and this is where it's continued. And you just have to, now that you've gone to Bali though and like done all of this work, have you tried dating again since you came back from Bali? Have you noticed that you've been able to, you know, stop some of these patterns or are you still going for the same kind of guy? Definitely went for something completely different when I got home.

Well, you were fresh off the, you know, the healing journey. So you're probably... Fresh, fresh. I was like overhealed by the time I left. I was like, I started going to all the healing things every day and looking at everyone. Like I'd go to poetry, you know, spoken word nights and prophets would go up there and talk about their country and big pharma and this, that, and do it super poetic and this justice like this. Yeah. And I'd be like...

Yeah.

That's the analytical side of you too. I just, I started looking at everybody like y'all are a little bit fraudulent. I love that y'all want to be healers here, but all y'all motherfuckers are not healers. Most y'all are faking healing so you could stay in a nice area cause you don't want to go back home or maybe you don't have a direction in life, but y'all motherfuckers aren't all healers. Yeah. There's a lot of fake positivity in there.

Yeah, it rings true in Bali. It was less true during COVID because you couldn't get in. So I was really there with the people. But I did see a lot of false prophets. Listen, I don't know if they're false prophets. I would, in my opinion, feel a little bit of flagrant

flagrant energy coming off of certain people. And I just started to realize like, all I've done is run away and recenter in a place that's really easy to recenter. Can I do it at home? Right. And so since you've been back, have you applied everything that you learned in Bali? Are you still dating the same types of men? Right now I'm not dating at all. Um,

When I first got back from Bali, I only dated one guy and I he was clear with me from the very beginning that he doesn't feel he can fall in love with a woman. He's never he was like a little younger than me, but we had always he had stayed friends with me. Does he want to fall in love with a man?

No, he just said he doesn't have that. He's got his own trauma, I think, from his parents and other things. Gotcha. He doesn't see it that way. Okay, so just saying in general he can't fall in love with anybody. He said, we were been friends for so long. He was like, I'm scared to have sex with you because I don't want to lose our friendship. And I was like,

I've detached from Aubrey O'Day. I don't need all the most powerful dick in the country and only that. And only like fairytale ish fake things like I made with Polly in my mind. Like all that's done. I can casually be with somebody and just get off for the sake of getting off. And this guy's great and he's super nice to me and we're great friends.

That ended in a pregnancy and a whole thing. What happened with the pregnancy? Didn't work out. So that situation got really muddy. I realized the whole time I thought I was able to be detached and not care and not, I was like becoming...

I was outside of myself. I was jealous. I was stalking. I was not stalking like physically, but like Instagram scrolling, checking for, checking up on, reaching out instead of being reached out to all the time. Like I wasn't being courted.

I was... You were doing the chasing. Having sex with a guy every couple days, we'd meet up and have sex. And the sex is like a soul exchange for me. For him, it isn't. And he tried to explain that to me in the beginning. And I thought that I was healed and have ventured outside of myself so much that I could take on a relationship like that. And I absolutely failed miserably. And it didn't end well. It was like just...

traumatic for us both probably yeah and I look back on it like fuck like I really did he really was like a friend or maybe he wasn't is this Pras that you're talking about

No. So, so I totally forgot about that one. So yeah, there's pros too. There's this guy and then there's pros. Yeah. Pros was interesting, but no, he, this was a different guy. And I just, the relationship, I realized like, whoa, I thought I could just come back here and

Join OnlyFans and pop up on This Man's Dick every couple days and... Not catch feelings. Be freed from all the ties and boundaries and titles and entitlement and all the bullshit. Holy fuck. I got taken... I went through like a whirlwind fast of like, what is my identity and what am I seeking and what am I attracting and why did all of this just get so out of fucking pocket? Yeah.

And then I was like, okay, I'm going to chill. So I didn't have sex for like a year. Then PRAZ came along. Have you ever done traditional therapy that isn't on a reality show? Yeah. Half the time, if I'm being real with you, I'm so observant of people that I'm talking to.

we've said when we're on set, we can multitask. I've been seeing every time he thinks something's funny or he's trying to end it and looking at his clock. I've peeped like everybody I can in this room. I've seen, listen, the most handsome gentleman over here with his tongue out for the past two hours. Like I, I've been like trying to wake him up because he's over here sawing logs. I'm like, stop. That tongue has been increasing this entire time. It's almost to the couch. It is literally my favorite thing in the world right now.

So, but no, I've assessed so much that like when I'm sitting with normal therapists, I can see the cracks in their...

Mm-hmm. I'm the same way. One was projecting. One, I saw her look at the clock when I was saying something very meaningful to me. And I was like, oh, this bitch is just working for a dollar. Yeah. And then when I got back with Pauly after paying... Yeah, let's talk about you and Pauly. ...thousands and thousands of dollars, I went right back to the chaos after everybody thought we broke up on marriage boot camp, but he came right back. And I went right back into Vegas and I'm in his...

Whatever his nice car was, I don't remember. He has all these fucking cars that are his, you know... They all give him his power in his mind. You know, they're all his... They're all what makes him him. I was so unimpressed by it, even in the beginning. But by the end, ugh. I feel like you guys had a really sour go. Because you... It's the cheating. You even talk about Diddy so much more endearing than you talk about Pauly. Yeah, I...

There's elements. So how long are you guys together? Not the guy that I received like during the TV show that Polly, the one that everyone sees in front of the world. Oh my God fell for him.

It's just not at all. It's like, you know, when you see those pictures of what you thought you were buying and then once it comes and it's like a fucking raincoat and it looks like Versace in the picture, that's what it was like straight up. Everything that I thought it was going to be, I slowly realized none of that is what happens when we're behind closed doors and like,

we had to be behind closed doors a lot because I had a lot of like, you know, instantly out the gate. Like there's a lot of parts of this relationship I don't explain because they're so less traumatic than the more serious things he did. But like in the beginning, one of my first things, like I'm,

Never been with a girl and announced to girls. I had a girlfriend publicly. Like, you're the first one. Like, you can't follow anyone. You have to undo all your followers. My assistant had to unfollow, like, 20,000 fucking people because at that time on Twitter, you had to, like, unfollow them one by one. And he put a time limit on it. And if it didn't happen, then I wasn't getting the fucking job.

And, like, my assistant was, like, I remember, like, calling her, and she was crying, and her dad was sick. And she was, like, I'm fucking trying. I'm deleting them, like, as fast as I can. Like, is this fucking for real? Like, are we really having to do this? This is stupid. And I was, like, get it done, Jules. Like, hurry up. That was the start of just an example of, like, these rules. Like, not follow anyone. I couldn't have my...

cleavage showing. Oh, you want to go have your own place with a pool where you walk out in a bathing suit in front of other guys that live in that complex? You think that's what a wife does? No, you're not a wife if you do that. You want to be my wife or do you want to go do that? He kind of paints it to the public as if, yeah, I had rules. Don't be with other men. I'm like, no.

That really wasn't the rule. I was never with any other men. I'm so fucking loyal. I was, however, like a personality. I was my own star. I mean, on dumb blonde's birthday, I remember like, you know, my first year without, Shan saw a lot of the abuse of our relationship early on. She hated him. And then I kind of,

Went with him and with him means everyone starts to get iced out. I had to I couldn't be friends with any gay guy He didn't feel gay was real gay was just guys that want to want to be in the room while you're getting changed They could see some quick titty like I had so many roles my gay best friend from

before he was gay and we would like each other in college to after being full-blown gay, you know, a lawyer and prominent with a boyfriend. I had to cut him completely out of my life and that was a friendship that was so hard. There was just so many things like if I left Vegas and came to LA, he was clocking it. I didn't know how. A guy found, I got my car cleaned and the guy found trackers.

But like I would want to just stop by 7-Eleven so I could grab something. So he put, wait, he put trackers in your car? I can't say, I don't want to have any, that's the least of my concerns in life. So I want to just, I don't know how they got there, but there were trackers in my car. I didn't understand, but I would do things like,

I would want to go into 7-Eleven by my house when I'd go home at 2 in the morning and grab a snack so I could eat. But that would put an extra 10, maybe 15 minutes if I looked around. And then I get home, and I had to check in the second I got home. I had to check in. There was a rule. It was like every 15 minutes or 20 minutes. There was literally a time where I went to the movies with my assistants.

But I was not allowed to do that and the fact that I did not report that I and I really wanted to go and she wanted to go and she told me we could get away with going to the movies like you can just tell Polly like we're at home. We didn't go anywhere. You're not around any men or guys in a facility and

and, like, we went to the movies just in downtown. I was still living down there, and he wanted a picture. I was like, oh, I'm just with Jules. We came upstairs, and we're putting our feet in the hot tub. Meanwhile, we walked down and went and ate some, our favorite Mexican food spot and went to go see a movie, but I could not, that would never be okay. I would not be able to be around men like that. So I just would say I'm at, and Julie knew. She knew all the rules. She saw how many times he, and every time they're,

I didn't do what he said. I was unfollowed. I was blocked.

I had to make over like 60 phone numbers in that relationship. It was the sickest thing. When I was on Big Brother, I sat on an old man that was like 70-something years old and like a gay icon there. And he was singing some Broadway song. And I sat on his lap and I sang the other part of the song. Jules was like, when I got out of that show, Julie was like, I've never in my life understood what you had to go through until you left and left.

I became Pauly's thing that he had to talk to all the time. She's like, it was all day, nonstop. He got a VPN. He watched you 24 hours a day every time. He called me freaking out that you were going to cheat on him with that 70-year-old gay man when you sat on his lap. I wasn't allowed. There were conditions of doing that show. I was not even allowed to do that show, but I told him, Pauly, you're not allowing me to make money. And so I thought to myself, okay,

I'm either going to have to go back on tour, which means different cities, different men. Men are on the crew. Men are putting our mics, doing our production. I'm going to be around lots of men, and you're not going to have any control, and it's going to fuck every... That would be a no.

Or I could just go do Big Brother, and I'm on camera 24 hours a day in the UK. You can watch everything I'm doing. I wasn't allowed because there's guys in the house. And I'm like, Pauly, you're going to be able to see every second of it. You're going to see if I do anything. I'm not... I had to...

It was just so much just to be able to take that show. And I had a few rules, and I broke one of them. And he had pictures of every time I broke one of his rules, and I had to explain myself. I didn't even do any of the press for Celebrity Big Brother, and I was in the final...

five or whatever it is, to the last day. And the next day we were supposed to wake up and do press all over the UK. Huge news things. I wasn't allowed to go to any of it. I had to stay up all night. I literally got off the show. And Renee was with me. She saw all of this. I got off the show and I walked out of literally you're in like a box.

for a month. They won't tell you anything unless somebody dies. They didn't tell us there was a bombing in a train in Paris and Hillary Clinton won the nomination. All these things were happening in the world. You don't know it. You're completely isolated. There's not even cameramen. They're built inside the house. So like I had no idea what the world was saying about anything that I was going through.

So I got out and I walked, you literally open the door to the house as you're leaving and you walk into a studio audience. And I walked up to the host, I think her name was Emma, and she goes, well, guess who's here for you? And I was like, what? And she goes, your boyfriend Paul.

Holly D. And he walks on stage and I'm like, oh my God. Walks on stage, comes, gives me a hug and he's like, you're in fucking big trouble. Whispers it in my ear. On that stage as he hugs me as my loving boyfriend. And I walk back and I was like, Renee, he told me I'm in big fucking trouble. I don't know what to do. And she's like, let me try to handle it. Because meanwhile, Big Brother to me was my best friend. I became best friends with Renee.

She taught me how to be an Italian. Renee Graziano. Yeah. She taught me how to be an Italian housewife, how to cook meatballs. And I thought I was like becoming a better wife for him and doing right by him. And I would have liked to have a bit more fun and been a bit more Aubrey. I would have won if I could have been a bit more Aubrey. But I was so scared because I didn't want to lose my relationship. But I still wanted to be the star that I am. But they couldn't meet.

I couldn't be without a bra on at all times. The problem is, is in a full month of being on a show, girl, these titties got to breathe when I go to sleep. But because I woke up one time in the middle of sleeping and went to the bathroom, it's caught on camera, you can see a bit of a nipple on the t-shirt, and he had the picture of the proof that I was braless on that set.

And like shit like that was like killing me because I'm like, dude, I fucking barely took it off a couple nights. My fucking big ass bra when I was in sleep in bed like I didn't nothing. So it was just such I mean, everybody was fucking on that show. I could have done a million things. A lot of people have, you know, like I could have gone the fuck off. I could have really ran that shit. But I just stayed with Renee and we talked about Polly all the time.

She taught me how to be all the Italian ways. I came home excited to cook for him, and I had no idea how much trouble I was in during that show after I sat on that man's lap. Pauly, who decided instead of having me put my dogs in the facility, he was going to take them.

I didn't realize how much of a problem that was going to be until I got on that show. I did not know any of this had happened. I knew I was in trouble when he told me, we still walk over to a contestant pool. I don't know what I'm in trouble for. We can't talk. There's cameras on us. Not able to talk the whole night until we get into this hotel room. He had gotten into the hotel room prior. They had had like my wrap-up contracts and everything. He had gone through all my contracts, all my payments, everything.

There were all kinds of things. All the pictures. I had to explain one by one. I remember him screaming at me like, why would you do this? And I didn't understand. I thought I...

was like a great girlfriend the whole time all I did was fucking talk about him and he had broken up with me so many times while I was on that show I had no idea I see his frustration Julie calls me and I'm like hey Jules is asking me to just say hi to her I haven't talked to her in a month I walk outside and she goes is Polly near you and I was like hey I haven't talked to you in a month like is everything okay she's like yeah is Polly near you and I'm like no she's like girl

He caused a lot of problems while you were in there. I was like, what do you mean? She's like, he broke up with you a few times. I was like, what? She's like, it's all over the news. It's on TMZ. I was like, what do you mean? She's like, it was really crazy. The first time he broke up with you, he went and put your dogs inside the gates of your house and left them there to leave them there alone. And I was like, he drove all the way from Vegas to my house and dropped my dogs off inside the gate

And she was like, yeah, luckily I got my best friend Sarah from college to drive from Orange County over to L.A. to get my dogs. But she said when she got there, he was rummaging through my house. I don't know what was in my house. He had my car parked.

So that's after, after that is when I found those things. But like, I was broken up with multiple times and I didn't even know I had done anything wrong. This was before I walked in and had to do explaining all night, missed all the press the next day. We ended up going on this whole lovers, you know, week in Paris and all over the place. We're having sex, like to make a baby, which we did. Um,

So you ended up being pregnant with Polly also? Yeah. And what happened with that situation? Sonobello loves dumb blonde listeners so much that they just made you friends and family. You're now included in their friends and family fall savings event. This is a rare event. You'll enjoy the same special savings that Sonobello doctors, nurses, and staff, friends, and family receive. But appointments are limited, so you need to schedule now.

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Credit Karma is your evolved financial assistant, making managing your finances simpler and more tailored to you. Join us at CreditKarma.com to start your personalized financial journey today and continue to grow with our innovations. Credit Karma, evolve your finances. Both times I had an abortion. Was that because you wanted it or was it agreed together? First time, I got pregnant the first time we had sex. And then...

The second time was when we were traveling and we had gotten through that major hump. And my thought was, I'm making a shit ton of money doing this show. Then I can go back to Vegas and be under all of... He basically said to me, like, I want a housewife that cooks, cleans...

You stay here all the time. He goes away on the weekends, usually would cheat. I'd have to deal with girls every time he'd come home. Writing my DMs, had your boyfriend's dick in my mouth last night. He tasted good. Cute photo, nice post. I had your man's dick in me. I was arguing with every cocktail waitress from north to south with tattoos on her face.

About what was this and that? I mean, I had never in my life even experienced cheating like that. It was crazy. And then he started making it so I never really could know because he'd have his person collect all their phones at the door. And it was just a meet and greet. But I went to one of them. They turn into a full blown thing. And then he ends up fucking at the end of it. It was me when I was there.

But I don't think it happened every time. But even he had a show after where he was dating out on the prowl again with Vinny. And I heard during that show a girl came forward and was like, you cheated on Aubrey O'Day. My friend told me she fucked you when you were...

at this thing he's like oh we were broken up then he likes to do this we were broken up then thing I don't know one time in the entire time that we dated where we had a big breakup I think after marriage boot camp we didn't talk for maybe a week my assistant was there and then when I was taking her to her plane he called me and told me to come back to Vegas how dare I fucking humiliate him and tell the truth how dare I not follow the script he gave us how dare I fucking x y and z

How do you detach from a relationship like that? Who ended the relationship? Oh, I mean, he ended it over like fucking 500 times. Probably every time I broke a rule, I was blocked. And usually what I started was the final blow.

Oh, the final blow is a really great one. The final blow was no blow at all. I was with him all the way up to going to the airport when he got Jersey Shore back again. He hadn't had any of that. The last show he had done was famously single with me. And other than that, he had a few DJ gigs here and there. Jersey Shore decides to come back.

And this is after marriage boot camp. People don't think we're together anymore because it doesn't end where we're together. But we were. I was at his house. I heard every horrible thing he had to say about every single one of them. I know the truth behind all of that. And I feel sorry for everyone on that show that has gone in interviews and

I've heard many horrible things that have been slandered on my name, yet I saw everything he had to say about every single one of them, and it wasn't pretty for the most part. And...

And I brought him to the show. He called me on the first layover, called me when he got to the hotel. The whole first night I had talked to him all night, like usual, every 20 minutes, check in and then talk to him. And he, as the producers were taking his phone to start the series and he said he was going to call me on my birthday, which was like two weeks in or something to two weeks into filming. Um,

And then I didn't get a call from him on my birthday. And I called Lauren or she called me one or the other. And she's Mike's wife, I think now. Yeah. And I was like, hey, she didn't know. I think that we had gotten back together. And I was like getting trying to get information like what was going on. I was like, hey, like, have you talked to Mike? And she's like, yeah, he calls me from the house phone.

And I was like, oh, I was like, what's going on? She's like, oh, this happened, that happened. Ronnie cheated on his girlfriend and she doesn't even know it yet. And she's about to come into the house in a week. It's about to be fucking crazy, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh, okay, what about Polly? And she was like, oh, he like fingered two girls in the club last night. And I was like, the last night was my birthday. Okay.

So that's how I found out. We never talked again. I wrote him a text message and was like, how, like, are you serious? Like probably a bunch of words, like a paragraph. I'm sure I thought about it for weeks and weeks and never spoke to him again. He never tried to reach out after that. He got his fame back. He didn't need me anymore. That's got to hurt because there's no closure there, you know? Let me tell you.

because the show was big back then and when they brought it back, they went like double down on the shit. There was literally a billboard a block from my house and I had to pass it if I just wanted to get food for the day. So it was like, I was just seeing like, everything's fake. That's all bullshit.

probably meant i mean i i believe because it got so abusive that a few times i could see that he saw himself in my fear of him he put his hands on you i don't want to talk about any of that type of stuff but i i abuse can mean a lot of things right it was toxic as fuck and and like

I played a role in the fact that I stayed. He always would say to me, if I'm so bad, why are you staying? I didn't learn until years later that that's what all narcissistic abusers say to their victims. Pray. Yeah. No. I was in an abusive relationship, so I get it. It took me forever to... I would have never left had he not gone to prison, you know? Yeah. I mean, I...

I think my assistant was so, I mean, everyone in my life was so happy to see him go. There was something about, Pauly felt like,

a guy's guy. You know, he wasn't smart. He wasn't like Travis, every bun before was like intellects. He wasn't an intellect, but he could fix things. He was always fixing things with tools and taking it apart. And it felt like this is a man's man. He knows how to like build cars and fix things. And he was funny. Yeah. You know, he had funny, you know, it was like butt and fart humor, but it was funny. And it felt nice to like,

I had this idea that we were both these big stars. We both were babies at MTV. We both grew up on that network. We fell in love on TV. And I thought this dream that like, we'd be like Nick and Jessica. And, you know, we'd both, we'd have these famous kids and our shows. And I, this dream was,

stupid, stupid idea that like, you know, you want to end up with a guy that's like this and it's all going to be like this. But when the realities hit, I mean, even with the second child, I just saw traits where I just knew, I think the second one bothered him. For me, I was like all about it. And then I changed my mind because

because he like fell asleep on me one night or during like late early night and We both passed out and then I kind of woke up and he was on his phone scrolling through his DMS and like he opened a DM and the girl had her tits out and she was like Jiggling them and like saying I'm waiting these are waiting for you or whatever and I just realized like he's never gonna He's never gonna Allow me peace. I'm gonna forever be chasing women and

I'm going to forever be suppressing all of my light, all of my shine. I could not be special around him. I was saying on Dumb Blonde's birthday, I was like, can I play you all the music? I did six music videos for this project. Can I play them all so you could see some of my work as a musician and my career? Because you don't really know a lot about my work ethic.

And he was like, fuck that. I'm not fucking watching a bunch of videos where you're all over guys fucking touching guys and shit. And I'm like, oh, there's not even a guy in any of our music videos. Don't worry. He's like, yeah, right. And that was the end of that. That's hurtful. Yeah, it just there was no room for me. And I allowed that because I thought that up until then, I had always chosen me and my career first. And with him, I thought I'm getting into my 30s. This is the time to marry and have a child. Yeah.

This situation looks exactly as you've always thought it should be for Aubrey O'Day, right? So make it work. And I saw that he needed me to stop. There were all these instant things that made me take down all the bathing suit photos. I mean, all the photos I had to delete off my Instagram when we first started dating. I mean, I saw the new girlfriend photo.

When he first, he had a show where he was, like, getting to date new people. Of course, all that was outside my house as well. I mean, it, like, haunted me for such a long time. Mm-hmm. And even on that show, he, like, treated that girl like crap. She comes back. It's his girlfriend still to this day. And I think, as far as, I mean, like, as of a couple years ago, I'm sure that he doesn't like having to do everything all over again, like you were saying. Mm-hmm.

But, like, I saw, like, oh, she had all these sexy photos. And then, like, after they started, like, it started being official, all those photos came down. And I was like...

Thinking that someone else on this earth was going to know what it felt like. But then it never ended. And at some points I had issues with that. And I was like, why was I the one that had to go through all that? We don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Yeah, I mean, listen, I hope that she's being treated good. I pray that no girl ever goes through what I went through with him ever in life. I don't even know that anyone would...

would be able to, they would leave probably. I should have left. I don't know. A lot of, a lot of people in abusive relationships don't leave though. Yeah. I mean, listen, the first couple of girls that like called me and were harassing me were like, I'm glad he's with you. Good luck. You're going to see, they told me that like this ominous, you're going to see.

And boy, did I see. I feel like whenever exes tell you that, a lot of people take that as like, oh, she's just jealous. She's just jealous. That's what I thought. Not anymore. It's always proven right. I know. I swear, any time I've had, like, my abusive ex, she was like, girl, you are beautiful. I love that he landed you, but you're going to see. And I just never understood what she was talking about. And boy, it was crazy. So, yeah, I get it. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, let's what is Aubrey doing now that she's single, that she doesn't have a man in her life bringing her down? Like, what is life like not having a man constantly in your life? Does it feel weird? Because I feel like you're like me. I'm kind of relationship based. I always like to have that love because I deep down inside, I think Aquarius is we are hopeless romantics. What day? January 22nd. I'm Capricorn Aquarius.

Oh my God, that's crazy. Yeah. So you're February 11th. You're a February Aquarius. Yeah. Yeah. I think deep down inside, as analytical as we are, as, you know, justified and we, as we are and how honest and raw and truthful we are, we do, we,

to romanticize having a happily ever after, whatever that happily ever after looks like for each of us. How is it now that you're single and that you're still in TV? Because to be relevant as long as you have been is kind of crazy because that's a testament to

you know, to your tenacity because to, to be as, to be relevant. I mean, you've been in the industry. What, like how old are you now? I'm allowed to ask that. 40. So I just turned 40, 30 years pretty much. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Like 29, 28. I'm not great with math, but a long fucking time, like almost three decades that you've been in front of a camera and now you're still going to do another reality show. I know.

Where are you at? Where's your mental health? Where's your heart? How's your spirit? Well, which category are we talking? All of them. Like men or career? No, just you by yourself. Just Aubrey. I would say, well, right now what I'm in is like I have 17 and 18-year-old dogs. So I'm in there. I'm guiding them to the afterlife right now. We're getting close. Mm-hmm.

on my 40th birthday. I'm not ready for that. Yeah, girl. How old? He's six. Oh, you have some time. He has a bigger dog. They don't go that long usually. Yeah. Prepare yourself. I wish I would have thought about everything earlier, but I can't. I'll have him taxidermied. I will literally have Chachi taxidermied. I froze my one of my dog's sperm. So I feel you. No, literally I will have him taxidermied. I wonder Chachi doesn't have balls though, but can we dig some sperm out of them somewhere? Yeah.

Is that possible? Not if he doesn't have his balls. Damn it. I don't know. I mean, nowadays, I don't know exactly. But I wouldn't want to lose him either. He's an incredible dog. No, he's my baby. The sweetest. He's my baby. So anyways, with them, on my 40th birthday this year, I got a call from not even the luxury boarding facility that I put her at.

But by like a ER doctor that said they had to put her down and she was attacked at the boarding facility, that was not an option for me. And then when I got lowered from dinner in the sky and Dubai was hanging in the sky from a crane when I got the call, I got down and talked to the ER doctor and he said that

Her eye was in, like, multiple pieces dangling out of her face. They had her on, like, fentanyl or something, like, crazy, Oxycontin or something crazy. And that...

Usually when a dog's eye, something happens, scratching or whatever, they just push it back and sew it down because there's an artery that runs behind the eye. And if you nick it in surgery, it's brain damage, like dead on arrival. That happened to my pug. My pit bull attacked my pug and they had to do that with her eye. Take it out or push it back? Push it back and sew it shut. Okay, well, my dog Ginger's eye was in so many pieces that they didn't have that option. I never have talked about this because...

Trust and believe I wanted to run that girl's business because she couldn't provide me with any of the camera footage, even though she had 24 hour cameras running everywhere. The stories changed multiple times. I felt really angry. I still have. That's the only thing that could really get me heated right now when I look back on it, because my dog's not the same anymore.

But anyways, I felt that I didn't want to bring that type of karma my way and nothing was going to bring her eye back. So I had everyone else deal with her and I just worked on getting my dog back healthy. But she's got like, you know, she has one eye now. She went on the surgery table at 17 with a heart murmur for a few hours of a surgery and

stayed alive which the doctor was not board certified but he said he had been trained a lot by a doctor that did these surgeries and he thought he could do it i had no control in dubai no control i would not have been able to say goodbye like nothing and she's my baby i mean i got her like her both my dogs like she's my broadway dog i got her when i was on broadway like she's got her own wire image and getty image except none of her photos ever look bad because she's

Fucking epic. I love that. But anyways, it was like so dramatic. So for me, when I got home, that was in February. When I got back, I was like, I make so much money doing OnlyFans right now. I'm going to...

focus on making sure that both my dogs have the best life possible and that I'm the best mom possible so like right now a day in my life if I'm not working I'm with my two dogs doing every fucking fun thing a dog would ever want to do possible all day and then we all fall asleep on each other we're at the like pooing in bed stage just diapers put diapers on them

I'm figuring out how to handle different things. Right now it's kind of like assessing quality of life. So like we go week by week. If I see a moment of happiness in them, one moment is all the vet said I needed. They can stay alive for another week.

So right now I don't give a fuck about anything except my dogs. Yeah. Working when I work, I love like moments like this, like going and seeing Jelly tonight will be like special for me because I get to be background music and Nashville's, I'm sure very special if it's not fucking a hurricane. Yeah. Tornado. We have tornadoes out here. Oh, I don't know what I experienced, but that shit was wild. But I, I'm like mostly focused on that love life wise, but,

I'm not, I don't think while I'm on OnlyFans, I'm going to find the right kind of person that I am right for and have them be able to respect or understand it the way that I do. Well, I beg to differ. I met my husband when I was a fucking escort and he loved me, loved every bit of me, knew everything I did, would talk to me while I was at Trix houses. I would send him videos of us making Trix do weird shit. Can you please tell me about one of those videos? I just need to know.

Did you ever make anyone do animal noises? I saw one thing where this guy was... Baby, that is child's play. Oh my God, please tell me. Did you make them put dildos in their asses or anything fun? Oh, for sure. Yes, absolutely. Anything you could think of. Wait, did you ever do the humiliation stuff? I got asked... Not intentionally, but it would happen. I've told this story before. There's a trick that we call them shitter. Shitter? Yeah. Wait, did you have to do the poo parties? No.

No, I didn't do that. I'm not into that. No, no, no. That's gross. But this was unintentional. We were doing, you know, eight balls of cocaine and he was naked running around the hotel room and this man would scoot down the bed to like go do a line. And when he would scoot, a skid mark would get left.

And I was videoing this and I still have the videos in my phone. I was videoing this. I was videoing this. You could take down a lot of people with both these phones. Oh, literally dude. Jay says it all the time. He's like, if you really wanted to, he's like, you could fucking fuck up some shit. And I'm just like, I would never want to, you know, like there's a part of me that sometimes I'm like, no,

And then I'm like, no, you know, I love getting choked. I, so do I, I used to until I got really choked. And then, so now I'm, now I think I have a fucking aneurysm on my carotid artery from being choked out in bed. So be very careful. No, it's sick that no, I'm at a point now where I'm like, it's sick that I normalized and then fetishized and liked it. It's really unhealthy. It's porn. I think like being so like,

Dr. Drew said this to me one time. He was like, my generation of men got off on Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire and we saw a man throw down his jacket and hop over the water puddle. Your generation learned relationships through two girls in a cup or two... What is that? Two girls, one cup. Two girls, one cup. Yeah. Like...

we imagine the young kids now what they're looking at. Oh, I couldn't imagine. Definitely just average shit. Literally. I can't get off unless I'm choked at one point. And I was like, this is fucking sick and unhealthy that I've normalized this. Well, it's also pain. I think it's pain that we, we push down and it's almost like we are like, it's like dominating gluttony for punishment. You know, like, it's like, we feel like we deserve to be treated that way because the

I don't like it for that reason. I like it because I like to be dominated. No, I love to be dominated too because I wear big personalities. Is that an unhealthy thing? I mean, there's so many factors that go into it. I mean, what you like is what you like. I will never yuck somebody's yum ever, but it's like... I love that line. I will never yuck somebody's yum. That needs to be the title of this podcast. Yeah, we can make it the title of this podcast. But I think that there are reasons why us as women do...

gravitate more towards certain things. You know, like in my abusive relationship, I loved the fact that he was so possessive and jealous over me. And, you know, with Jay, it's the immediately opposite thing. My husband is like, you want to go fuck somebody? Go ahead. Love you. Don't want to hear about it. You know, like my husband, my

We don't have an open marriage. Everybody thinks we have an open marriage, which is crazy to me, but we don't own each other. He's not my property. I'm not his property. Do you ask him if he has sex with anybody? Well, my rule with my husband is if you have sex with somebody, call me before it happens because I don't want to get that DM, you know? Like, I don't want to be the last to know. Don't let me be the last to know. They're like, she's only for the money. I hate that. You know how much I get that? And I'm like, you know, the amount of...

uh, God, I hate to say this cause it sounds so insensitive, but if I would have kept the babies that I've received in life, I'd be chilling. Yeah. Like a villain. Yeah. Cause there's only one other person that I, that happened with and that one's way bigger than that. The first one. Like did you get pregnant with Don Jr? I'm not talking about any of that, but, um, I think in my soul, I feel like, um,

Every time I see that, I just think to myself, this is like an easy scapegoat for women that own their sexuality and are open and honest about it. Yeah. To like throw them down that lane and set them aside instead of just talk about what it all looks like. I've been on both sides. When I was with Polly, when I started getting cheated on and dealing with all these women, I was like, I did this to another woman. Then my best friend gave birth during Polly. I'm like...

That woman did this. Yeah. I'm a piece of shit for... As life happens, you start to see the cause and effect of things. But by the way, like, how I understood it then... And I still don't even know, like... They could have had a full-blown arrangement and it was exactly as it was presented and whatever. I don't know. I know enough that I'm settled on it. But, like, I... In my mind, like...

I've been on both sides. I've seen what it looks like on both sides. I think that

group themselves into, Oh, you're a girl's girl. You're not someone that would take someone's husband or now you're not like the, my, why my team was like, you're lethal after Dawn. Was it, I was a woman that would take a man's, take a woman's man. And that was such a big thing. And a lot of those types of women that don't like girls like that didn't like me and stopped talking to me. Or I was like, look down upon and I was lowered in my,

My status. Meanwhile, these girls, and I'm not saying what you did was right, but meanwhile, these women have skeletons in their closet too. I don't think we're here to judge. We all do. And I think more honest conversations amongst women that have done all the things like this are super powerful for women because it releases the chains that bind us. Mm-hmm.

There's, you know, I being an escort, there was plenty of men who wore wedding rings. There was pastors who wore wedding rings, you know, like, and do I feel bad? Did you ever come to a point where you felt guilty? I know what you felt while you were in it. Fuck these guys. Yeah. After, after I, I got out of it. Did I feel guilty? I don't know if the word guilty would be what, um, did you feel like you got your karma? Yes, absolutely. I'm,

I feel proud for you for talking about that. Honestly, to me, I'm talking about things now, and I see a lot of the people that want to silence me say, oh, you're nobody anymore. You're a ho on OnlyFans. That's why you're dropping Pauly's name. That's what you're going to get under your comments on this video. No, I'm just being more honest about who I am and what I've gone through now. It's your truth. And I'm happy to not have to...

things in a room. What I'm not comfortable talking about with you, I've not talked about. We've moved past it. And what I am comfortable, I did not give you any rules of what I will and won't say. I told you I'll say I'm not talking about that if I don't want to talk about it. Absolutely. I have my boundaries for myself that I'm still protecting. Yeah. For whatever reasons, if I decide to move through those boundaries in any type or way, I'll come back and we can chat some more. Yeah, absolutely. But first of all, what is tricking? You said a trick. Yeah, so... Trick is a pimp.

No, no. So a trick is like somebody who pays you for sex. Okay. Wait, did you have a pimp? Cause I know two pimp they're, they're handlers, I guess, but I would never have a girl. And I was like, man, the fact that girls are going through this. No, I see. I would never shame girls who have pimps because they, you know, obviously there's something in their childhood too, that they need that sort of like, right.

Protection? If it's protection, then okay. I mean, they can say it's protection. So you don't have to cut anyone a percentage? No, fuck no. How did you get business? Very easily. How? Well, there is a site called eros.com that you can go on, which, you know, it's a huge website. You can book your own calls. You can work for services in Vegas. And it's legal? Yeah.

I mean... You say you're only going on a date, right? Right. It's legal to book a beautiful woman and pay her for dinner or, you know, but whatever you guys do after that is transactional and that's your business. But you can technically get everyone arrested that you've ever had sex with as well. But you could do like an immunity deal.

No, I would never. I'm not a snitch like that. I would never, girl. I came from the streets. I could never do that. But, you know, it's... I love how open you are. It's an Aquarian thing, I think, but it's so beautiful. Well, I appreciate that, and I recognize that in you, too, and that's what has always drawn me to you. And I honestly can't wait to see how you transmute all of this and just make it your bitch, because I know you're going to do that, and I know that you're going to just...

Go through this world and keep leaving your fucking keep stomping your heel on these motherfuckers necks. And I can't wait to see it. Are you happy? I am so happy.

Finally, in my life, I am happy. If you would have asked me this a few years ago, I was still searching for happiness because I didn't know how to be happy in peace. I didn't know how to be happy without chaos. And for once in my life, I'm like fighting for my life. I just got a diagnosis last week where they told me that I could potentially have an aneurysm on my carotid artery. And I have for the last...

For the last week, I've been praying to God, like, please, I am finally so happy and so peaceful in my life. Do not take this away from me. Can they do something about it? A surgery? Yeah, there's surgery. But I mean, it's still scary. Anybody walking around with a grenade in their neck. But I had a neurosurgeon tell me that it's not. I'm getting a second opinion tomorrow. So it's just how... Can you do a surgery? Just line it up, quick?

up quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. For sure. But yeah, I am happy and you will find happiness too. It's fucking crazy how we fight so hard to get to that place. And then right when you get to that place, we're at an age where somebody tries to take it. Yeah. It's just crazy, but the devil's not going to win. I'm telling you, man, I have this, I am the type of person who looks at anything that could be bad. Potentially wonder if it's only temporary or it's only what you choose to make of it, but there's not any real happiness. It's just, it's

a mind state or a feeling that you have that will always end up being temporary? I feel like happiness is peace. Happiness is comfort. Happiness is something we choose or is it an actual destination?

I don't think we're ever going to get to that destination because I feel like life is a journey. Or is it just a man-made word that means nothing? Yeah. No, seriously. I genuinely believe that happiness is a journey and there's levels to it. You're going to be super happy one day. You're going to be down here one, you know, like there's so many levels of happiness. And I think whatever one that your heart that sets your soul on fire and that your heart

recognizes that's your happiness for this life. Cause that's what you picked for your soul contract before you came down here, everything that you've gone through in your life, you've already picked this out to happen to you. Oh Lord Jesus, please don't say that. Cause I would never have picked Polly. You say that, you say that, but maybe your soul was yearning for that lesson. You know, before you came down here, you were like,

I feel like all I've been gotten in life is lessons. I kind of want to get to the stage where I get a bunch of rewards. And you will, but you have. OnlyFans has been the only thing that's done that. Imagine it's going back to a place that's,

supposedly trauma land as a sex worker, but like trauma land is the only place that's actually like properly rewarding. You're taking your power back. That's in some way you're taking your power back. No man can tell you what to do. You're making your own fucking money. You're shooting your own content. You are your own boss. This is your little baby that nobody can take from you and that you only you are doing, you know what I'm saying? So in a way you are taking your power back.

You're taking your power back from Diddy, who told you that you're promiscuous and that you can't work for him because you're this type of person. You're taking your power back from Polly, who told you you can't wear low-cut shirts. You're taking your power back from Don, who obviously hurt you and chose his family over you. There's just little bits and pieces here. So maybe your happiness is not only fans. Maybe your happiness is not being told what to do and being able to just be Aubrey.

You want a hug? Yeah. Let's hug. Sorry. Yeah, like two and a half hours. And then we'll close this podcast out with a hug. But Aubrey, thank you so much for coming. I'm giving like ass to the camera. Thank you so much for coming. Wait, tell everybody. It's getting crazy over here. Tell everybody. Tell everybody you're only fans where they can find it.

She loves that skunk breath. I'm telling you. Tell everybody your OnlyFans. My OnlyFans. Oh, my God. I don't even. It's on my Instagram. Aubrey O'Day. Just Google Aubrey O'Day and you'll find it. And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.

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