Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
This season, Instacart has your back to school. As in, they've got your back to school lunch favorites, like snack packs and fresh fruit. And they've got your back to school supplies, like backpacks, binders, and pencils. And they've got your back when your kid casually tells you they have a huge school project due tomorrow.
Let's face it, we were all that kid. So first call your parents to say I'm sorry, and then download the Instacart app to get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes all school year long. Get a $0 delivery fee for your first three orders while supplies last. Minimum $10 per order. Additional terms apply. This episode is sponsored by Autotrader. Credit scores, down payments, interest rates...
Car buying can be a numbers game, but you don't have to be a math expert to get the keys to your dream car. Just use Kelley Blue Book My Wallet on AutoTrader. Crunch your numbers and get your personalized results so you know exactly how much you'll pay each month for your car. It's like having a magic wand for your wallet.
Presto. The car you've been wanting is now within reach. So hit the road and leave your calculator at home. Find your next car on autotrader.com. Is this thing on? No, please.
What's up you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to part two of last week's interview. If you guys missed out, you need to head over there and watch Momo show us that she is halfway smarter than a fifth grader. That's how I ended up naked. Those tits look really good though. Dude, they hurt really bad. Aww, they're beautiful though. She's got a beautiful puss too. You guys gotta head over to our Sister Wives page.
www.onlyfans.com backslash slutty sister wives. Yes. Please. So speaking of the slutty sister wives, we are fucking crushing it. The page has only been up for six days and all you little fucking perverts have trolled the entire page and love it. I don't think we've gotten one complaint. Everybody's like, holy shit, we should have subscribed fucking a long time ago. That's everybody's fantasy. Only been up for six days. Yeah. And I mean, you are a sister wife.
Technically, yes, I am. I have it tattooed. I'm branded. She has Jay's initials tattooed on her. I have a J. I have a B. And an XO. Man, I'm just a walking billboard. We're branding her up over here. I mean, if you guys have been on My OnlyFans, you'll see that we've done content with Momo. Yes, we have. You and Jay. And the content is still rolling in. So if you guys want to see it, you guys got to head over there.
Relationship do's and don'ts. Where do you want to start? You just went on a fucking date. Tell people about it.
I wouldn't even, it wasn't a date. The motherfucker cooked you dinner. He cooked me dinner at his house. Which was very sweet. And we love this guy. I just want to let you know, I love this guy. Mom was starting to. You know, I'm starting to like him. I'd rather just keep it as it is right now. She's very pessimistic. She's a fucking Virgo. So everything is like, she looks at it like, fucking, what's, what's his angle? You know? No, I always like to know, like, no, there's something wrong. Like, I know you're hiding something and I'd rather find it all out now. I'm waiting for the red flags to start flying. But you love red flags. Yeah.
That's your fucking color. That is my jam. That's your color, man. You love it all. So anyways, he invited you over to his house. Yes. Cooked you dinner. Cooked me dinner. You guys were laying in bed afterwards.
He doesn't have sex, though. He didn't put out. Nope, I didn't put out. She has fucked him, though, but she just didn't put out. Me and I did on the first night I hung out with him. Listen, I encourage fucking on the first date. Here, relationship do's and don'ts. Oh, yeah. One, fuck on the first date. Gotta know what you're working with. Absolutely. You fucking, I hate these bitches who are like, I'm holding out until the 10th date. It's like, why? Like, what are you, for what? What's that rule? And then you fucking find out he's got one fucking big ball, one small ball, and a fucking dick the size of a belly button.
like that's what and you had to really hang out with this dude for 10 dates what's that rule that guys say it's three days don't call or something yeah I don't believe in that either no but I really truly believe that you should fuck on the first date if you're really feeling the dude you guys are having fun I always fuck on the first date and it ends up in fucking five year relationships or marriage yeah or marriage and a five year plan god I tried so hard to just fuck Jay and he would not let me do it
It was, you had to rape him. Yeah. I literally had to rape him. And then fucking, um, he wanted to know my five-year plan. And then we're driving the other day. He's like, you know, baby, it's been five years. So let's make another five-year plan. I'm like, fuck my life. You fuck you and your five-year plans. How about that? We've done everything and more that you wanted to in the first one. I'm like, can I get a fucking break?
Anyways, so yeah. All right. Dinner was nice. What are you doing with your shirt, bitch? I'm fixing it. Keep it off. I'm going to keep it off. So you guys had dinner and then what? Had dinner. Then we were just laying in bed, you know, watching a movie. This guy.
Correct me if I'm wrong. Started to. I asked if he was. I'm like, are you smoking weed? I don't care. Smoke weed. Doesn't bother me. He should have lit a cigarette in bed. In bed. Ew. In bed. Like, OK, I get it. It's your house. That makes a pussy shrivel up.
It should make your dick shrivel up too. Your bed is like your energy zone. You know, like you sleep there, your fucking dreams are there, your nightmares are there. Like every, your energy is in your bedroom. You have got to make sure your bedroom is always a peaceful palace to fill it up with fucking toxins like that. And to subject your beautiful, pretty little pink lungs to that.
yeah i i told him go outside in his own house i said are you really smoky he's like yeah that's disgusting he goes why is that disgusting i'm like this is your room why are you smoking in your house first of all well yeah i could just picture him with an oxygen tank and a cigarette when he's wait his excuse my window's open ew i don't give up
Fuck if your window's open. I used to be a bartender and I didn't like smoking. I don't smoke. And just so you guys know, he's our boxing trainer. The dude looks like Jason Momoa. He's fucking fine as fuck. Like, dude is hot, ripped, fucking tough as shit. He's a Leo. Fucking, he's like dope. And then the motherfucker smokes in bed. Smokes in bed. And then he sat there and I told him to go outside and he thought about it and thought about it. While he's smoking the cigarette? Oh, no. He was standing in the hallway outside his door. He's like...
I was like, are you going outside? He's like, yeah. So he came back in. I was like, were you mad? So before we rip the guy to shreds, because like I said, I absolutely adore the dude. I think he's a sweetheart. I think he's good for Mo. He's very sweet. He's a different speed for her. And she needs that because she always gets with fucking real winners. Real douchebag. Fucking, you know, when you first get with somebody, they're not going to be perfect. When I got with Jay...
Jay would perform on stage for hours.
And then he would try to climb his sweaty ass into bed without taking a fucking shower. When I got with Jay, he was, he's going to kill me for saying this. He is going to, you're going to be grounded. When I got with Jay, he had scabies on his skin because he had such bad hygiene. And literally when I first got with him, I would make a cream for him every night. I, I, he tried to use so many creams to like heal it. And it was from sleeping in nasty motel beds and probably fucking nasty horrors on tour without, you know, that shit happens. And,
And literally I looked for every cure for him and I made my own concoction and fucking I would lather it on his skin every night, made him shower every night. So when you get with a dude like they're not going to be perfect, they're going to have fucking problems. They were raised by their fucking mom who probably babied the shit out of them.
And, you know, fucking you have to it takes a strong woman to come in and, you know, make a positive impact. Smoking in bed is a different story. I mean, but he's a fucking bachelor, you know. That's true. He needs Mama Momo to come in and fucking set him on his way. Oh, I told him. Relationship. What's a relationship do? That was a don't and a do actually. Yeah. Do cook dinner. Don't smoke in bed. I'm kind of weird. I don't want my dudes cooking for me.
That's very particular with food though. Jay and I have been together five years. He's cooked for me maybe once or twice. Like he, I'll let him make breakfast for me. I won't let him make me dinner. Yeah. He doesn't know what he's doing. Yeah. But I don't know. I just feel like a woman's place is in the kitchen. Yeah.
And I feel like she... Go make me a sandwich. You know what? She needs to suck dick and make food. That's how I feel about it. Yeah. I mean... I think, you know, and so many people are so misconstrued nowadays. They always are like, oh my God, like woman empowerment and blah, blah, blah. Bitch, you can still be a boss and take care of your man. I think that's a huge thing that women need to understand. Like the other day, whenever... I hate to put you on blast, but we put him on blast, so I'm going to put you on blast. Oh, yeah. I'm going to point at you with my dick.
We were at Thanksgiving. He was over for Thanksgiving. And I looked at Monica and I go, make his plate. She goes, he can make his own fucking plate. And I was like, I didn't say the F word. I said he can make his own plate. OK, whatever. But I was like, oh, my God, because I wasn't raised like that. To this day, I have made Jay's plate every fucking day. Like, that's just what you do. You wait on your man and you baby him because they deserve that if they're working hard and they bring in money and they take care of you.
But I also believe that you need to act like a wifey in order to be treated like a wifey. That's true. But he's a big guy. He can eat a lot. So fucking pile that motherfucker up to the ceiling. Bring him two plates. Jay finally made his plate for the first time on Thanksgiving. That's because he wanted to eat a bunch of bad food. He even said that. He was like, I'm going to eat whatever I want to eat today. So I'm going to make my plate because he knew if I made it, I would be all healthy shit.
It'd be all the sides. But I really feel like women nowadays need to take care of their men a little bit more. And men need to take... As long as your man is taking care of you, there's nothing wrong with it. You know, it's a society where, you know, everybody wants to take, take, take and not give. And I feel like relationships are definitely 50-50, but...
women were put here to nurture and to, you know, just make their dude feel loved as long as it's being reciprocated in other ways. Jay isn't very like physically emotional and like touchy feely. He'll cuddle with me and squish and stuff like that, but he's a Capricorn Venus. So his thing is like, he likes to buy gifts. He's a,
giver and I hate it because I'm just like suck my pussy on the dryer and stick your fingers in my butt while we're driving you know like I like weird spontaneous things and he just like wants to do lavish gifts but and most girls would be like well there's nothing wrong with that but if that's not your love language then you know it's like okay cool I don't want I don't need another fucking car right
Like, please don't buy me one. But you want one. But like I was saying, you know, when you first go into a relationship, a dude's gonna... They're like stray dogs that you find from the pound. And you have to fucking... Yeah, that's true. You literally have to take them home, bathe them, de-tick them. You have to get rid of all the bad habits that they fucking acquired along the way because bitches didn't want to help them. You know? And it's like, you just have to take care of the dude and mold him into what you want him to be. Don't try to change...
his inner core because don't ask me how much something is if you're not going to pay for it who asked you that who do you think what did he ask for oh he's like how much were your nails jason mamala uh-huh asked you how much you know and what what did he ask you for he's like how much does it cost for your nails to get done and i told him he's like
That's with tip, right? I go, no. He goes, that's just ridiculous. Don't ask me. If you want to pay for them, then you can ask me. He's a little on the cheap side. We've figured that out. But it's okay. Which is weird because Leos normally aren't on the cheap side. He's a different kind of Leo. He's a July Leo. Are you a July Leo, Don? Yeah. August Leos are lavish. They love to fucking spoil and spend money. I've never encountered a July Leo. No, I had August Leo before. He might have a lot of cancer traits.
He has a lot of something traits. Oh, God. We got to break him of that cheapness. You know what? He's always about money. Because he doesn't have it. He...
mean that to be rude but you know what i'm saying he's on a budget you can always tell when a guy's on a budget because they're literally gonna ask you they're gonna nickel and dime everything which is not definitely like when we went out to dinner oh oh yeah what happened he was just like okay i hope he this guy does not we're never boxing again if he watches this episode oh my god we're gonna be banned there dude we're gonna be 86 what happened when you guys went to dinner
I don't mind taking leftovers home, but I really don't eat them. I don't eat leftovers. I don't do leftovers. I'm very picky with leftovers. Unless I'm bringing Chachi a bone home. Yeah. My dogs have the steak. That's it. But I'm like, are you going to really take the rest of my salmon home? He's like, well, yeah. I mean, this is a good portion. Money-wise, this is part of this. This is how much this part... Ew! Ew!
oh my god another relationship don't do not be a cheap fuck even if you are a cheap fuck hide the cheap fuck don't fucking do that like that's you never told me about that mom i think i did it just wasn't about you at the time listen if it's not about me i don't care um dude that's crazy like i get it i've lived on my own i've had my own apartment i've
Paid my own bills and everything. You've never been a cheapskate, bitch. No, never. I've been friends with you for fucking 17 years. Never. I will go out and buy you anything before I buy myself something. That's how I am. When I'm with dudes, I spoil the fuck out of them. I will buy you clothes. I'll buy you shoes. I'll get you whatever you want. I just bought Jay a fucking... Am I allowed to say it yet? This will just come out before his birthday or around his birthday. His birth...
Wait, his birthday is next. His birthday is next week. His birthday is on Friday. I just bought Jay a fucking Rolex for his birthday. Like he wanted one so bad. And I was like, no, we're not fucking doing this. And then I thought about it and I was like, who the fuck am I to tell my husband? No. If I want anything in this world, my husband is like done. You can have it. Yeah. So I was just like, you know what? Let me go get him his first Rolex because he works so hard. You know, Jay does work really hard. He does. When he's on tour. Okay.
I can't wait till the fucking door comes back. Can somebody take my husband, please? He's driving me nuts. And now that he can't golf, I'm like, what are you going to do? Why are you here? He's just driving around town probably right now just like this.
No, we were driving today and I was like, where's Jay at? I was like, I don't care. I was like, where is Jay? I haven't seen him. I saw him this morning and that was it. Don't give a fuck. I was like, just as long as he finds his way back home before seven. That's all I care about. Before the fucking streetlights come on. I'm kidding about that too, you guys. I love my husband to death. But what's cool about Jay and I, and this is another relationship do and don't.
We give each other space. You have got to give the other person space. Like you cannot be up there as 24 seven.
Jay, Jay begged me, not begged me. Let me rephrase that. Jay asked me to go run errands with him the other day. And I was like, no, because anytime you get stuck in the car with Jay, you end up fucking going everywhere. Don, you know this, you end up going everywhere. You don't want to go and you don't have a choice. And once you get in that car with him, you are locked in the car until he decides he wants to head home. So now whenever we go somewhere, he has to tell me where we're going.
At every spot or I won't go. So he was like, babe, please just go with me. And I was like, dude, we're together all the time. He's like, no, we're not. And I was like, yeah, we are. But you definitely have to give each other space. You have to be your own people. You can't lose your identity. You've got to always be. That's like one thing that I'm huge about in a relationship is this is you and this is your lane. This is me and this is my lane. I never want people to think that like I have to just like go.
Jay has to support me or I have to like, you know, I'm a part of his thing. We're a part of each other's thing and we're part of it together, you know? So that's a huge do is that you need to always maintain your own, you know, person and also, but still allowing each other to have space from each other. Yeah. Maybe I'm just different. I am different. I like to see you on my own time.
Don't sit here and ask me to come over every day. Bitch, because you'll go. No. Whatever. He wants to see me tonight. I'm like, no. Dude, you need to tell this motherfucker. Listen, they've been talking for what? Like a month now? What? Since October? Yeah. You said that you're different because why? I like to see you on my own time.
And not be there at your beck and call. That's another thing, bitches. They've been talking for a month, okay? And they both are so gay that... Am I allowed to say gay? Is that politically incorrect? I don't think you can say that. I don't give a fuck. How about that? Okay, cancel me. I don't care. Fucking, they are so gay that fucking...
They are both like, I don't want to put a title on it. Like, it's so hipster. I don't want a title on it. I don't want to be on lockdown. Mo's like, I want to free fuck everybody. Yeah. Dawn? What's up, Dawn? What's up, Dawn? She's shooting her shot over here, boy. I think Dawn has a girlfriend, though. Dawn, do you have a girlfriend? I'm being serious.
Yeah. When you guys break up, he goes home tonight. She's like, this over here is ready and ready to roll. You can't be doing wifey shit for a fuck boy, though. And do you see me doing wifey stuff? I mean, you go hang out with him every night. Not every night. Pretty much. No. Remember, he throws like little tantrums if I don't go over there. He's like, well, I rushed home because I thought you were coming over. Because you told him yes. And then I said no, because I was too tired.
Hi, it's midnight at 7 o'clock here. It's midnight. This fucking 7 o'clock has NyQuil. It's like NyQuil around here. I hate it. I'm so tired. I feel old because like 6.45. Oh my God. Trying to like hold my eyelids open and shit. Well, you guys, that's just a little bit of what we believe that you need to do in relationships. Chachi. You're so creepy. Lick a nipple. No.
Chachi, you're like your mama. You're like mama. Go to your mama. Creepy. I love you so much. That's what we think you guys should do and not do in relationships just starting out.
Why don't you guys comment below what you think are some do's and don'ts in relationships and we will discuss them on one of the podcasts coming up. Yes. Yeah. Momo, shake your titties for everybody one time. Turn around and show them your ass too. Do a little twerk dance for us. Come on. Woo! Get it, baby! Yeah! You guys know the shit around that critter makes you guys happy. Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde Unrated. We will see you guys next week. Bye!
Please.
