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This season, Instacart has your back to school. As in, they've got your back to school lunch favorites, like snack packs and fresh fruit. And they've got your back to school supplies, like backpacks, binders, and pencils. And they've got your back when your kid casually tells you they have a huge school project due tomorrow.
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What's up you sexy motherfuckers, welcome back to another episode of Dumb Blonde Unrated.
This fucking piece of gum in my mouth is so big right now. I just almost choked when I was doing the intro, but mama, what's up, baby? Hi. Hi. How you doing? It's fucking snowing today in Nashville and I want to kill myself. This is like Seattle. You do not like it for the most part. No, we hate it. Okay. We're West Coast bitches. We don't like this shit.
Yeah, you're the desert rat and I'm the hotel hoochie. I gotta review sex toys, but I'm obligated to review sex toys. Even though they pissed me off when they sent me the first package, but whatever. Huh? They pissed me off because...
One, they sent me some fucking prostate shit. First, I don't have a fucking prostate. And my husband doesn't take it up the ass. So what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Then they sent me this fucking baby bondage kit that 12-year-olds would use that you could literally buy as a gag gift for a bachelorette party. It was terrible.
And then they sent me some other bitch's vagina. Like, I'm going to post her vagina on my shit when she's never even been on my show. Now, had she sat on my couch before or my face, then yes, I would have promoted her. But she didn't. So it's like, what the fuck are you sending me some other bitch's shit for? So I had a fit. I was a diva for a second. I fucking...
Oh, so now we got a new package. So let's see what we got here. Hold on. I'll go off on my rants and keep going. What if it's something fucking just as worse? Oh. I love Mimi. She got me scissors and everything. Gino wants to join the party. Say hi. Hi, Gino. This is not for you. He thinks it's food. Oh, hey, it's Daddy. Am I allowed to answer during the podcast? All right, hold on. Hey, baby. Hi, beautiful. What you doing?
Oh, coughing. Fuck. Oh, I'm in the middle. You're on a, you're on air right now. Oh, hello. Say hi. So are we, are we going to dinner at five? Yeah, I think so, man. I'm fucking having a coughing fit though. I'm really stressed now. It's not, it's not the Rona, I promise. Swear. Swear.
All right. I love you. I gotta go. I gotta mic it. Bye. Bye. My husband is so funny. Like he legit thinks he's dying every other day and he calls me just to fucking make sure he's not dying. Like he needs the reassurance.
He'll literally fucking cough and then he'll call me and be like, babe, this is it. I finally got it, didn't I? And I'm just like, no. And he's like, are you sure? Like just the conversation we just had. And I'm like, no, babe, you're fine. He's like, okay. And then he'll go about his day. All right, let's get to this fucking unboxing or unboxing or whatever the fuck this is. All right. There's only two toys in here. Uh-oh. All right. Ooh, the Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl. And it's got rabbit ears. I'm really excited about this. So I have to put that in.
This is smaller than some of the shit you put in me this week. Literally, we got... Remember the dildo I sent you? Should I grab it? Yeah, go grab it. Oh, it's... Oh, my God. Okay, yeah. She's got to go get it. She's got to go get it. Wait till you see what she fucking sat in for OnlyFans. We started a Sister Wives page, but we'll get to that later, and I'll let you guys know about it. But it's fucking popping off. Oh, God. It's really... It's in here. I thought it was in the car still. Come here.
Did we watch this since it's been inside of you? This guy right here, Momo literally took... Yeah, that's your aunt. Oh, fuck.
This guy literally went in my vagina. I can't even talk. This thing was so big. It went in Momo's vagina. I took the camera and while she was sitting on it and literally put it underneath her pussy, I could see her pussy lips wrapped around it and inside her pussy through the dildo. You could see inside her hole. That's how big that
What's up, guys? Just wanted to take a moment to tell you guys that this podcast is sponsored by adamandeve.com. It's starting to get a little chilly outside, so why not snuggle up to your favorite dildos that you can go and get for 50% off at adamandeve.com.
All you have to do is use code bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E, and click the checkout button. And don't forget that it's also free shipping. And voila, your packages are delivered discreetly straight to your door. What are you waiting for? It's time to buzz the bean. And by the way, I don't have any fucking pants on. That's how big it stretched her out. Here, Chach, you want to go play with it?
There you go. You want it? We're done with it. Here, take it. Oh, stop licking it seductively. It's crazy. But yeah, so this is what we used. Get it to stay. It'll stick on there.
There you go. Yeah. We meet again. Dude, just, I need you to put like your arm next to it so people can get the full effect of how big this thing is. And it's, it's a mighty sword. Let me tell you. Look at that. That's a baby arm. That's a baby arm. That's a whole baby arm. Chach. He's so weird about it, man. He loves this thing. Even when we stuck it to the wall in the house, he was like crazy about it. He was. It was right there by his arm. The maids came in and this was hanging off the wall. They were just like...
Por que? They're like, what is going on? That goes on in the house. Yeah, for sure. All right, back to the unboxing. I love the sleek design of this. This is awesome because this will be really smooth to go in. I love materials like this too because, one, I have like the most sensitive vagina in the fucking world, so anything throws my vagina off. You could literally lick my pussy and I'll have a fucking yeasty beastie the next day. Like, I... That shit is so sensitive. And for some reason, this material doesn't make me...
Get like UTIs or anything like that. And it's got a yeast infection. Old cottage cheese. Come on, man. Are you dick happy today? What is going on? He's fucking all about the dicks. And it's got a cute little bunny ear thing. So it goes on your clit and it just like buzzes it. We're going to have fun with this, buddy. Yeah, this will flick the bean while you're shoving it in there. And it's got a little curve.
Dude, Momo's dating this dude. And we'll get to this later. But Momo's dating this dude and fucking... He is proud of his curve. Let me tell you. He is... They were having phone sex while we were in Vegas. And he's like...
Yeah, it's the curve, isn't it? It's not the curve. And I was like, I'm done. And she's like, no, bitch. It's not about the curve, okay? Don't fucking say it again. Finally, I told her. I was like, you gotta tell him it's not about the curve. But we'll get to that later. And dating do's and don'ts. We'll get to that later. But yeah, I cannot wait to use this bad boy. That one looks really cool. Oh, man. I think I...
I think I have this already. Is that the little nugget? This is the little nugget. Let's see it. This is called the Adams TrueFeel. Oh, it's rechargeable, so I don't have this one. And it has a remote control, so you can control it while I'm using it. Ooh, you get to sit on something now. Yay, I love sitting on stuff. It's not big fucking... Baby arms? Baby arms. Those things scare me, dude. It's like the leaning tower of penis. It's crazy, right?
Dude, that dick is like unreal. I'm so glad we moved over to Patreon. YouTube could never. They would be like, oh my God. I know.
All right, this is a little nugget. Oh my God, yeah, I'll definitely use this one. I'm so weird about putting big things in my vagina 'cause I don't wanna have like anal leakage and fucking wear diapers when I'm-- - Apparently that's why I'm here. - So all the experimental, look at the comparison. Hand me that one. This is like made for me right here. This is perfect. My pussy will eat this up right here. This, look at that.
It's like Robin big right here. It's so dude. The difference is crazy.
So this one actually feels like really flesh-like and I love that. And then it's got this little fucking thing right here that remote controls it. I wonder if it spins around like the one we have. Oh, the little spinner. Mm-hmm. Like little spinners. Yeah, this one's awesome. I can't wait to use this one. I'll definitely, you guys are going to have to go over to our OnlyFans. The sister wife page we just made literally six days ago and that motherfucker is cracking off. Fucking perverts. Yeah.
Who knew that motherfuckers wanted to see fucking sister wives together? Now you know why people have some guys have so many wives. Yeah, no, for real. I dude, we were cooking on Thanksgiving and I was like, I understand now why men have multiple wives because it's for the holidays. So somebody can bake the turkey. Some of the other bitches can make the pies. Fucking somebody wraps presents like I totally understand it. But yeah,
But the Sister Wives page is just one sub, literally one low price, and you have no locked DMs. So if you're into the OnlyFans lingo, you know what that means. And
You literally just pay one price to see all of our content. It just goes on the wall, which is really cool. Or you can head over to my bunny VIP where it's me and jelly doing some, the fucking, uh, naked horizontal dance, fucking, uh, doing crazy shit over there. Um, for one low price too.
So yeah, I'm totally excited to use these. Those are better toys? Yeah, I think so. Way better than what they sent the first fucking time. What else did they send? They sent some corny ass shit too. Another fucking vibrator or something. Was it a butt plugs or something? No, I wish. Oh, a bullet. Please, send me a cute butt plug. Is it a bullet? Yeah, like something that was just like so fucking beginner level.
And I'm a whore. So you need to ramp up the fucking gifts. All right. So I'll see you guys next week. Bye.