Society Needs Strong Men
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An interesting phenomenon was observed in a game reserve in South Africa during the 1990s. Young male elephants began acting overly aggressive toward one another and mutilated and killed more than 50 rhinoceroses on the property. The level of aggression was considered highly unusual, but this particular group of elephants had been orphaned.

when their fathers were killed under government sanctions to limit the elephant population. Scientists deduced that the lack of older male bull elephants around to dominate and provide a structured hierarchy was the reason for the behavior. Without the control of the older bull elephants, the young males became out of control, hyper-masculinized and violent.

When bull males were introduced into the reserve, the problems stopped. No rhinos were killed once the younger male elephants had their natural structure restored. Whether in the wild or in your own neighborhood, young males benefit from being raised with stability and strong role models to show them the way. Elephants and humans alike need fathers to teach them.

Men matter a lot more than today's society seems willing to acknowledge. Yet, a lot of men feel threatened and dismissed. I know, because when I dedicated a whole hour of my program to have men answer the question, what has happened to real men? Lots of men called to share their stories. Jake responded with these emotional comments. Jake, what happened to real men?

It's very sad, I think, Dr. Laura, that society has minimized men to the point that they can't be men. I think if you look at any TV commercial or any TV show, the men are the idiots. Their opinion is not mattered. Their natural instinct is suppressed. What natural instincts?

What natural instincts are we talking about? Wrestling when they're little kids. You know, I tell my boys that don't be afraid to be hurt.

Sorry, this is emotional to me. I see them. I see that this and every day I see it in other men. They're taken away from wanting to be leaders. Be gentlemen. My younger son came over.

for Sunday dinner and he was told me he went out with some friends who were school teachers and they were frustrated with the boys in their class because they wouldn't sit still and they wouldn't read. And my son said, well, what are you reading? And, you know, it's a little house on the prairies. And he goes, I don't want to read that. Let them read sports heroes, war stories, things that they're interested in.

And it never dawned on these teachers before, they're forcing them to read stuff that they have no interest in reading. No wonder they're moving around in their seats. You know, give them something that they can learn. I attended a funeral on Sunday, I mean on Saturday, a good friend of mine and his son spoke and he said,

That's what they talked about, how their dad toughened them up, made them leaders, made them gentlemen. Sorry. And I just, it's really touched my heart. Sorry that you're opening today. Don't apologize. I am very much appreciative that you are this passionate about it. Men these days have become emasculated by the feminist movement.

Families are largely not intact, leaving many young men with limited access to their dads, if any access. Then there's the business of two-career families, which also decreases family cohesiveness. It all adds up to a lack of strong male influence in our homes and less in society to help control the normal, natural chaos that is a young human male.

It takes a strong man to turn a young male into a man. It's hard for boys to do the right thing when they have a weak male parent, as I explained to Greg when he called. Greg, welcome to the program.

Hi, thank you, Dr. Laura. How are you? Good. What's up? I've got a 20-year-old son who, the youngest of three children, has been married for 27 years. And this young guy started to smoke pot recreationally in maybe junior year of high school. And after... Did you get him into rehab?

We went to family counseling, but we didn't stick with it. I see. I'm sorry. So the answer to was he in rehab is no. No. Okay. He went to counseling for a while and then couldn't be bothered with that. Yes. Yep. So he's still smoking dope and probably getting into trouble. Yes. And now you want somebody else to do some magic? Yes.

So, so... Why were you so lazy about taking care of this problem? I guess it's making a tough decision. Why were you so lazy about taking care of this problem? There was no tough decision. Why? You two dopers too? You and mom? No. Then why were you so lazy about it? Really? Seriously? Why? Hmm.

I wouldn't think of myself as being lazy dealing with it, but I guess I didn't stick with what was the right thing to do. Well, that's lazy. So I need to know why you didn't bother to stick with it. I need to understand it. Why I didn't stick with it. I think I trusted him to do the right thing. He was raised... No, don't give me that crap. You abdicated being a father because... We trusted him to do the right thing. Bullshit.

that's your excuse for not parenting properly what's the real reason i'm at a loss because i don't want to say i don't know but i but well the reason i'm asking is for two things parents at home identifying with you who are lazy busy self-centered can't be bothered whatever it is are identifying and they want to understand themselves a little better secondly you're a not an alpha male in your home

Boys have a harder time doing the right thing, being highly motivated, directed, when they have a weak male parent. Well, that's the first time I've heard that in a long time. But you know it's true. Wow. You know it's true. So now what?

Well, now what is, is he thinks he's going to college. And I said, I'm not paying for you to go to school and smoke dope. So it's time to go into the military. That's, that's, that's what's now. That's what I said. And you're following through on it. He's how old is he? 20? He's living home. 20. He's living home. He's not following my rules. He's supposed to be. Why should he follow your rules? You don't mean anything and you don't back it up. I guess I got to agree with that. He has no respect for you. One of the reasons he's,

tanking his life is you haven't been a strong father. These things just don't happen in a cloud by themselves. You're going to have to do this and that. Of course, he's 20 and still living home. Nice warm bed. Getting fed. Well, I got to follow through on what I'm going to do, right? For a change. He's going to have a very hard time. He really should go into the military because he'll be surrounded by alpha males. And that will help. That will help him. He goes to college. He's going to drop out.

I think so. I think so. Well, maybe I'll get this part right. Well, what was your father like? I mean, the genetic, what?

No, I think I am my father's son. Two out of three isn't bad, right? I'm one of five siblings and father, you know, alpha male. He was a male. Mom stayed at home, took care of the kids. He was an alpha male and you didn't like that. So you wanted to create something very different in your family. Is that it?

No, not at all. I think I am. I think I am. My wife says I'm too strict. I haven't heard anything alpha. Oh, we went to counseling for a little bit and then just didn't feel. That doesn't sound very alpha. Yeah. And then when things are sliding down the drain, then you what? Yell? That's not alpha. Alpha is daily. That's not alpha. Okay, need to sit him down and tell him you screwed up by letting him get away with so much for so long.

And now he has a month, give him the date that he's out of the house. He will get no money, doesn't get the car, doesn't get the cell phone, doesn't get anything. So he has a month to make arrangements because he's out. Right. And you have to stand by it. This is the only way you're going to save him. Got it. If he's savable. Yes. Yes. That I don't know. Yes. You've got to be tough now and tell him you haven't been. Young males need alpha males in order to become men.

and not just Lord of the Flies. I'm going to be taking a break. And while I do, you think a little more about the difference between a male and a man. I'll be right back. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive Podcast. Get the Honda of your dreams during Happy Honda Days. Whether it's a rugged new passport...

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Dr. Laura's Lunch Deeper Deep Dive Podcast Fathers have to be like strong bull elephants. When you show strength, you'll see a change for the better. Strong fathers lay down their requirements and their expectations of their sons, and they throw their tushies out when the boys aren't behaving properly. Don't keep supporting them when you're disappointed, when you see them acting more like males and not men.

For years, the feminist movement has pushed the belief that women don't need men at all. So we now have single women increasingly having children with no thought to providing those children with fathers. And even when families start out in the more traditional way with a husband and a wife, they frequently result in divorce. And once again, there's a lack of a father figure in the home or on a consistent basis. Moms, we're wonderful.

But boys need fathers, as I discussed with Robbie when she called, upset that her 14-year-old son wanted to live with his dad. Robbie, welcome to the program. Hi. How are you?

Good. Good. Okay. My question is, I have custody, or my ex and I have shared custody of our 14-year-old son. And he, and just recently, starting the beginning of the summer, mentioned that he wanted to move in with his dad. And so we were able to kind of blow it over and

He changed his mind a couple of times, but now just this last week he's brought it up again that he wants to move in with his father who lives in a different town than I currently do. And there's no real reason that he says he wants to. He just wants to be with his dad. There's a real reason boys want to live with their dads. Moms are wonderful. You're a wonderful mom.

I'm a wonderful mom too. But it really takes a man to take a boy and turn him into a man. Okay. And that you guys couldn't keep the family together should not be a burden he has to bear.

Right, and I worry about that as well. But I just didn't know if I should allow him to do that at this time. Since he's 14, I didn't know if he was mature enough to make that decision for himself. I'm sorry, at 22, do you think he'll be mature enough to make that decision for himself? No. What age do you think he'll make that decision? At two years, he's 18, and then nobody gets any...

Right. You know, come on. I understand a mom not wanting to let go of her baby boy, but he needs his dad. Okay. Okay. Well, that helps me, I think. I'm just really struggling with it. We have a family here. He has siblings. He wants his father. Okay. I don't care what you have over here. I'm sure it's wonderful and very nice, but he wants his dad. That's kind of normal for a boy. Right.

Okay. So I should just let him go even though it's the middle of the school year and that or could I make it have him wait until school's over? I don't know how to handle it. How about not ever getting the divorce in the first place?

Once we've done that, and then I understand, I don't know, it sounds like you got married again. I don't know if you made any more kids or brought more kids in here, but you sure didn't wait for him to become mature before you did all of that change in his life, did you? No, you don't even have to answer it. So right now, with all that he has at your place, he wants to be with his dad. Okay. Please let him be with his dad. Okay.

I can do that. Could think about all the stuff you all did to him before he was mature. Yeah. When does he get a vote? I guess now would be a good time. I agree. Now would be a good time. Okay. All right.

It takes time for a boy to become a man. A man plans for his future. A boy lives in the moment. A man specifically works toward building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family at some point. He doesn't stop wanting to have a good time, but he's conscientious about career and building a life. Boys are just looking for the next time they can hang with their buddies.

A man thinks about and reflects on the type of man he wants to be. He considers his values. Boys don't have a moral compass. They don't have values, and they're very inconsistent. A man has integrity. He means what he says and says what he means, does what he says and follows through. And if he can't, he has the guts to tell you why.

A boy just says what he needs to make those around him happy and then doesn't bother to follow through. These are just the few traits that distinguish a man from a boy. When I talked with my listener, Marcus, he was feeling quite proud to finally understand what being a man was all about.

Mark it. Welcome to the program. Hey, Dr. Laura. So I called you about six months ago and it was with my parents, Mark and Mary. And I asked you if I was a snowflake, if I wanted them to pay half my rent to live outside of the house in the city.

for my last year of college. And I just wanted to call and really give you a big thank you because that call truly changed my life. I ended up getting a job at a restaurant while going to school for 30 hours a week. And I now have my own place. That's $1,000 a month that I can completely support myself on and pay my own rent. And I've just become a man and I want to thank you. And you gave me a good quote from Clint Eastwood saying that every man must know his limitations. And I think I was underestimating my personal limitations.

Yes, you were. But I bet when you hung up, we hung up, you were not too happy with me. No, I remember arguing with my parents about it and saying she's wrong. And then I thought about it more and you were right. Well, it had to happen. Marcus, I'm so proud of you. And don't you feel good about yourself in a way you never would have had they ignored me?

No, it's so true. I mean, I've grown so much as a person because of that decision and becoming a man. And I just want to thank you. And it was really that phone call kind of woke me up and made me think. And so I can't thank you enough. I am very touched that you called to tell me. You're a good man, sir. You know, it's a snow day. I first talked to you. I don't have school at Seattle U. So I thought, what's a better day to call Dr. Laura and tell her about this? Thank you. When I talked to you, you were a boy. Now I'm talking to you and you're a man. Nice.

Nice. Thank you so much. Makes my day. I remember the call. I knew he was pissed. Thank God his parents followed through on what I said. Am I a snowflake? Yeah. Absolutely. Good for him. See? Where does self-esteem come from? It comes from impressing yourself. He has impressed himself and feels now like a man. He was a boy with conveniences. Now he's a man. Self-respect. Makes me proud.

The world needs more young men like Marcus who will rise to life's challenges and like his parents who were willing to do what was right for their boy's growth instead of what made his life easier. While I've spent a lot of time in this deep dive talking about how tough and strong real men are, there's another quality I think is essential for good men to possess, and that's the ability to be vulnerable with the woman he loves.

My conversation with Edgar illustrates perfectly not only what I mean, but how a man's man struggles with the concept. Edgar, welcome to the program. Thank you, Dr. Laura. I really appreciate you taking my call. Thank you. I just want to mention that I'm having a little bit of a hard time at home. We recently lost our daughter a few months ago. How old was your daughter? She was 22. What happened?

She had an accident. She fell off in an area where she shouldn't have been. It was dark, and she didn't know that there was just a ravine and a big drop down. So this was like somebody's porch off an apartment or something? No, it was actually a parking lot, a parking lot in an area where, although not confined, certainly not a place where she should have been. I'm sorry, why should she not have been there?

Well, because it was a parking lot and she was hanging out with her boyfriend and another couple. And, you know, I would think that, you know, it would have been a better place for a gathering. I see. Okay. Was there alcohol involved? Actually, she did. There was alcohol involved. Thank God, no drugs. Do you have other children? I have another daughter. And how is your other daughter doing with this?

She seems to be taking it at stride. How about your wife? She's taking it a little bad, but at the surface it appears as though I'm the one that's having a major problem with it. And I feel as though it's almost unfair to say that. Well, everybody expresses it differently. So you can look at somebody and think, oh, they're doing fine. Meanwhile, inside their intestines are in knots, you know? Yes. And it wasn't long ago, so I don't know why you think you should feel okay.

Well, I tell you, Dr. Laura, I feel as though I'll never be okay. Never. On some level, sir, you never will. Right. In the totality of your life, you will get better. You'll be able to enjoy things, enjoy your other daughter, enjoy life. But this will always be like a permanent scar on your emotions. A parent losing a child, it's not the order of things. Yes, I agree. And for a father protecting your daughter,

You couldn't be there to protect her. You can't. She was an adult. I mean, there are so many things going into this. So I think you should not have the expectation that this is just going to all go away. You will always have this scar.

Yeah, I accept that as a reality and I'm trying to deal with it as something that I know I will always have and be able to at least move forward. But Dr. Laura, there's something additional that I'd like to add before I ask my question. And that is that I was a real estate professional and lost my job due to a fall that I had which required surgery.

And unfortunately, I caught an infection after the surgery and required two additional surgeries and had to have IV therapy for eight weeks at home. So this really changed the dynamics of our household. And I find it very difficult to be able to do the things that I am accustomed to. I have a home. I have a home and I have a great family.

And, you know, they are not able to really tell that our lifestyle has changed a bit due to a massive effort on my part. But as a man of the house, I feel as though that that's my responsibility. But I'm being—I have another thought, and that is to say that I feel as though that my wife—

Doesn't somewhat appreciate the level of effort that goes into making sure that everything is okay. No, probably not because you make it look easy. Yes, yes. Yeah, I'm telling you, when people make it look easy because they don't express their emotions and then get irritated that other people don't see it's hard, that's crazy making. Yeah. I mean, what you really have to do, and I can see you're kind of a man's man mentality,

What you really need to do is understand you married her for more than the obvious. She's supposed to be the one person in whose arms you can cry. Right. If she saw that part of you, then she would appreciate more what you're doing because she would understand the effort that's going into making it happen. Right now, she doesn't see it. You just look like, I'm doing it. Right. Well, if you were running around my house doing all this stuff, I'd go, he's doing it.

Right. I thought I was just being conscientious since I am home. You are being conscientious, but you're not being a husband who's open emotionally to his wife. That's a problem. Yes. And you both need that. You need to cry in her arms and you need to comfort her. And you both need to do that. It's an absolute necessity. Right.

Well, this is getting a little complicated because I find that my wife is being a little too lax with the discipline of our younger daughter. You know, sir, she just lost a daughter. She's not the machine you like to be. Very few of us are machines like you.

Well, I'm amazed that you gathered that much in this short, brief conversation, but absolutely correct in a sense. You got to cry in your wife's arms. You need it. You need it. This is my prescription. You have to cry in your wife's arms. Yeah, I often view that as a weak man. No, it's a weak man who can't cry in his wife's arms. A man who's too afraid to show emotion to his woman. That fear is his weakness. You got it backwards.

You were walking around the earth slobbering all the time. That would be different. But with your woman, that's the place you're supposed to be the safest. Right. Well, I appreciate that perspective. Call me back anytime. Thank you, Dr. Laura. You're welcome, sir. I'm going to take a break. Gives you time to think about what you need to shore up in yourself to turn yourself into a strong man.

I'll be right back. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive. Deep Dive Podcast. Paper. Hell's gates are open. Get ready to save humanity in Diablo 4, Vessel of Hatred. Continue the saga and carve your own path through Sanctuary's cursed lands with massive updates to character progression, difficulties, and loot systems for powerful demon-slaying action. Unleash fierce skills as you embark on an immersive campaign, tackle new co-op dungeons, and team up with allies using the new Party Finder.

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Talk to Laura's Deep Dive Podcast. If you're the father of a son, stay strong for him. Teach him to earn his privileges. Give him opportunities to compete and prove himself. Overcoming challenges is how he's going to develop self-esteem. When he fails or disappoints, let him suffer the consequences. Teach him to work hard. Teach him that the world is not going to be fair.

But that doesn't mean he can act like a jerk when he's upset. Do all of this in the context of a loving relationship. You won't just be helping your boy become a man who can take care of himself and his future family.

You'll be ensuring that he plays an essential role for the greater benefit of society. Now, go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

Hell's gates are open. Get ready to save humanity in Diablo 4, Vessel of Hatred. Continue the saga and carve your own path through Sanctuary's cursed lands with massive updates to character progression, difficulties, and loot systems for powerful demon-slaying action. Unleash fierce skills as you embark on an immersive campaign, tackle new co-op dungeons, and team up with allies using the new Party Finder.

Hell awaits you. Save 35% off Diablo 4 and Vessel of Hatred today in the Diablo 4 expansion bundle. Rated M for Mature.