cover of episode My Girlfriend's Feelings Are Hurt

My Girlfriend's Feelings Are Hurt

2024/12/22
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Dr. Laura Call of the Day

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Dr. Laura
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John
一位专注于跨境资本市场、并购和公司治理的资深律师。
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John: 我打电话是为了我伴侣Carolyn。这是一个长期存在的问题,最近又发生了一些事情。她儿子的妻子几天前生了第二个男孩。她似乎一直和她儿子关系很好,没有什么大问题。但自从他结婚的十年左右以来,他似乎总是和父亲那边的家人一起过节假日,我们总是最后才被想起,他们也不来看我们。最近发生的事情是,她儿子的妻子在星期六生了个孩子,他们似乎先给其他人打电话,最后才在当天结束时给她打电话。我说,你在凌晨两点半生了孩子,也许她在睡觉。奇怪的是,他们联系了她儿子的前夫,在早上十点钟左右就打电话给他们了,而她儿子的妻子在早上十一点钟给她发短信说,'你去摘苹果了吗?',却根本没有提到她生了孩子。所以她有点生气。 我们星期六晚上四点和她儿子FaceTime了。 Dr. Laura: 你明白,因为我不了解她儿子和儿媳,也不了解他们的婚姻和离婚历史,以及他们和你们的关系,所以我无法帮助你,因为我不知道真正的问题所在。如果人们不优先考虑妈妈和你,而优先考虑其他人,那是因为他们与其他人相处更舒适、更亲近。对此我们无能为力。我们不能吵架、争论或告诉别人他们做错了。由于某种原因,也许你甚至不知道,他们觉得和爸爸以及爸爸那边的家人相处更舒适。这早在你之前就存在了。这早在你之前就存在了。 我和她在一起24年了,我们关系很好。她25年前离婚了。你们都多大年纪了?我56岁,她62岁。当我搬和她住在一起时,她儿子九岁。好吧,无论那些年发生了什么,都让她们和爸爸相处得更舒服。我不知道为什么。我只能告诉你,这很可能是问题所在。所以我帮不了你。 除非我们知道过去25年里所有事情的演变,否则没有人能帮忙。很多时候,人们让事情发展下去,不去处理它们。这可能是他们,你的女朋友,或者两者都有。我不知道。但答案是,他们宁愿和爸爸联系,而不是…… 由于某种原因,对吧。是的,我的意思是,我们处理事情的方式不同。我通常会直接面对别人,而她不会。所以对我来说很难……对抗会更有破坏性。你不能生气地告诉别人他们做错了,当他们和一个人相处比和另一个人相处更舒服时。这不会让他们对你感觉更温暖。你不能争论别人的感受,那些已经发展了几十年的感受。 这就是为什么,你知道,Carolyn说,'我在听电台里的这位女士说话。'你知道,然后我说,'也许我应该给她打电话,看看……'因为,你知道,星期天他们说了名字。先生,你有没有意识到这不是你的问题,除了试图收拾她的情绪和感受?她没有勇气和意图去学习一些新的东西,她没有打电话,是你打的。 所以你一直在收拾她的情绪。因此,我认为她不会对你发生的事情坦诚相待,这让你除了拥抱之外有点无助。我很感激你打电话来。我认为这真正表明了一个更大的问题,那就是她……如果她谈到我在电台里,那么她可能知道。 她必须处理发生的事情,她会……什么也没有。然后什么也不会改变。但人们往往会去他们感到舒适的地方。宠物也是这样。我曾经为某人买了一只小狗。我想要一只小狗,但那只狗对那个人不感兴趣,一直看着我。我爱你。带我回家。我的号码是1-800-375-2800。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

Why is John's girlfriend, Carolyn, feeling hurt by her son and daughter-in-law?

Carolyn feels hurt because her son and daughter-in-law seem to prioritize her ex-husband's side of the family, often spending holidays with them and not visiting her. Recently, they informed her about the birth of their second child late in the day, after contacting others earlier, which made her feel excluded and less important.

What advice does Dr. Laura give to John regarding Carolyn's situation?

Dr. Laura advises that Carolyn's son and daughter-in-law likely feel more comfortable with her ex-husband's side of the family, a dynamic that predates John and Carolyn's relationship. She emphasizes that confrontation or anger won't change their feelings, which have developed over decades, and suggests that Carolyn needs to address the underlying issues herself rather than relying on John to manage her emotions.

How long has John been with Carolyn, and what is their age difference?

John has been with Carolyn for 24 years. He is 56 years old, and Carolyn is 62 years old.

What does Dr. Laura suggest about Carolyn's approach to dealing with her feelings?

Dr. Laura suggests that Carolyn lacks the courage to confront the issue herself, as she didn't make the call to seek advice. Instead, John is left to manage her emotions, which indicates a deeper problem where Carolyn avoids addressing the root cause of her hurt feelings.

What does Dr. Laura imply about the dynamics between Carolyn, her son, and her ex-husband?

Dr. Laura implies that the dynamics between Carolyn, her son, and her ex-husband have been shaped over decades, with her son feeling more comfortable and connected to his father's side of the family. This preference likely stems from unresolved issues or patterns established long before John entered the picture.

Shownotes Transcript

How can John help his girlfriend cope with a lack of connection to her son and his wife? 

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