Conspiracy. CHANGE!
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Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Mugroot Beer Mark has limb labors, perfect peepers, leaves the lid down, and thumps out the theories. Wandering Wade has power pushes, dotes over Diablo, and errates over oracular occurrences. Baffling Bob has lens issues, non-consumable caca is besties with boo-boo and knows his gnolls.

From mobile coins to having that dog in you. Yes! It's time for Conspiracy Change. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hi, and welcome to Distractible. I'm your host, Markiplier, here to bring you another episode of fun and adventure, and probably a few new ideas. To help me along this journey of learning, I've got my friends, Bob and Wade. That's me, one of those. Hi. Hey.

I'm the other one. Bob, why are you looking down the internet? Sorry, I was, I, remember how I said I play a mobile game? It's like 30 seconds till this is done. Hang on. Okay, all right. I don't have to do anything else. It'll finish. Oh, it's frozen. All right, it doesn't matter. I lose those coins. That's fine. I'm here. I'm here. You can get your coins. I don't know. You don't have to. No, literally the game, it does this sometimes. It's like frozen. So let it go.

Oh, you'd think I might have connected that because I've seen those. I only watch Frozen for Olaf. Let's be honest. Are we playing mobile games during this episode? No, no, we're not. Well, I can't stop you from doing whatever you want to do. I don't have any on my phone. They're all on my tablet, so I don't even have it with me. That's a good line to draw. He's got 20 tabs of porn parodies up on his computer. I might have those up, but I don't have mobile games right now. Have I talked about Diablo 4 in this podcast? Oh,

I was almost a whole episode without you mentioning Diablo 4 there. We did one. Do you want to talk about it? I'm not going to stop you. Look, I wouldn't prevent you from talking about your passions, man. I wouldn't do that. I would. I'm just enjoying it. It's fun. What's up with your arm there? My arm hurts. From all the porn parodies? You know it, bro. So you're scrolling arm or the other one? Nah, this arm's always giving me trouble. And lately, like, my shoulder's just been hurting, so...

trying to it's all the posture and hunched overness and general not goodness with my joints and stretching it's finally catching up to me so i'm trying to be better about it oh it only gets worse give yourself two months when you're my age we're the same age man two months this was the worst two these are the hardest two months you don't even know oh it's all downhill all

All right, well, I'll keep that in mind. So how are you guys other than terrible? Oh, pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty good. I had a very Wade-like issue. You ever just have water come out of a wall? Oh, that one. It's interesting when that happens. I think we know what happened and I think it's okay, which is a weird thing to say about water coming out of a wall. But sometimes toilets just leak. All of the toilets in our house apparently are reaching the age where the flushy part is wearing out.

And one of them was like, it was like wearing out in a way where it ran and overflowed itself. I don't know. It's not great. Everyone judged me when I ripped out all five and replaced them at once. But trust me. Yeah, well, we're not replacing all of the toilets in the entire house all at once. You might as well, because it's only going to cause more problems. I'm replacing the flush mechanism in like two of them. I tried that once. It didn't work. You just probably did it bad. You probably paid some idiot.

If at first you don't succeed, rip out your toilets. Hee hee hee. You know the saying. They're fine. The toilets are fine. Kids are all right. We just need new flushy-dos, whatever the hell those things are called. I remember when I used to think that naive I was back then. Mm.

All right. Well, I don't know why toilets would fail so soon. I feel like soon my toilets are like 10 years old. Yeah, I feel like they should last longer than that because you got you got truck stops in the middle of the desert that have gone through like a cavalcade of a million truckers all eating tacos and burritos and Fritos nonstop on their journeys. And they're still running. That's because the handles are so gross. No one ever flushes those. That's why they're always so nasty. We walk in. That's fair. I guess that's fair.

Also, those are totally different flush mechanisms, Mark. Those don't have tanks. Those are like pressure valve things and they're all metal. The tank toilets you have in your house have plastic parts in them because companies are cheap and it's planned obsolescence. And the little rubber flounders that wear out or shrivel up and...

Why don't they have houses having the metal pressure ones? Because they don't look cool and nice. I don't know. Honestly, I wish that we all had the industrial toilets. I got a power flush now. Wait, is this real? Do you have a power flush? No, he told us about this. He told us about this. The loudest fucking toilet I've ever owned in my life. Remember the whole saga about the basement and the guy removed the backflow valve and the blah, blah, blah. Part of that was also he got a power flush toilet down there.

If you, okay, wait, if you are sitting on the toilet and you reach for the toilet paper and you accidentally elbow. I would not flush it while sitting. Your nuts are gone. It's a shit bidet if you do that. You get flipped inside out from the butthole up and you just like, it's not a good time. Do you need to like close the lid and clamp it on to flush it safely? Probably. Dude, I flushed it the other day and like the backsplash, I saw it bounce up to eye level and then go back.

back down and I was like, this is terrifying. Okay, wait, hold on. You guys don't put the lid down before you flush? I do now. I definitely put the lid down. If you're thinking that prevents the aerosolized poop particles from escaping, I got bad news about how airtight toilet lids are. Well, it's better. It's better because I

I have a visualization that Wade is leaning over the toilet, flushes eyes open. Wow, look at it go! I make sure to tape him open. I look in, get my face in the bowl. I'm like, I can't wait to watch the magic of water flow. You put the clockwork orange things on your eyes so you can't physically blink and you're like...

Oh, baste me. Yep, yep, all right. Okay, so, um, eyewash toilet station. All right, cool. The eye flavor of relief. What a combo. Combination power flush toilet eyewash station, just in case you need that.

I was buying so much like a contact solution. I was like, I don't need it. I've got a power flush. You're right. He's right. He worked at an eye place. He would know. I did work there. I've been talking about contacts. I wore them for a couple episodes. I don't know if I'm just out of it or what, but when I was at the contacts place, they were like, and we're going to give you this extra bottle of solution just in case you need it.

This stuff is so expensive nowadays. It's crazy. And I was like, well, I wouldn't have guessed that. And the next time I was at the store, I just went and looked because I was like, how expensive could contact solution be? It doesn't seem like it's outrageously expensive. Like I looked and it was like three bucks for a big jug of Kroger's old ye olde contact solution juice. And I was like, you know, like the generic, like I'm not buying fancy juice to soak my eyeballs with. I want says I want sanitary saline wash. That's all you need or whatever. But yeah,

My eye doctor just had like a whole conspiracy about how expensive this contact solution is. Is this, am I just, did I just get lucky? How much does he go through? Like a whole bottle for each contact, just splashing it down? Every morning, just like...

God, this stuff's so expensive. I can't believe you're supposed to use a bottle per eye per contact. Well, you got to fill up the whole tank of your power flush before you can flush out your contacts. It takes a lot of bottles, man. Oh my God, that's brilliant. We could be shitting in contact solution. However, let me give you a warning. Make sure it's not the red lid bottle of contact solution. Because if you're using that, like, what's it called? Clear? The stuff that you have to like sit overnight that like has the chemical reaction. You do not want that going directly into your eye.

That doesn't sound good. It sounds like it goes directly into your eye. Do you guys not know what I'm talking about? No. Wait, I've worn contacts for three days in the last decade and they were three days last week. Yeah. So clear care contact solution. Contact solution is way more involved than I thought. I thought I was just making fun of my eye doctor.

It's a whole thing out here. I didn't realize. So the way this works is it's like a chemical reaction. This is tungsten or something. It reacts with a solution. This solution is like pure acid. You do not put this in your eyes. You put your contacts in this case. You pour this in. And then over like a six to eight hour period, this has like a chemical reaction that cleans your contacts and whatever. I don't know exactly how it works. Maybe it's all bullshit. But I use this because I feel like it's actually been... My contacts haven't dried my eyes out as much. Maybe I'm just buying into the hype and it's all...

but I use this to clean my eyes. When we were visiting a friend one time, we had another friend staying with us, my friend Entuin, and he was like, oh man, my eyes are really dry. And he went into our bathroom, grabbed this red bottle and was like, I'll just use some of this and squirted it directly into his eyes. Oh,

Oh, which means that he then had to spend 10 or 15 minutes with his eyes under a faucet running water over them to try to get the acid out. So don't do not use this directly in your eyes. Make sure you let it sit for the full six to eight hours. Not all contact solution is meant to go directly in your eyes. That's the point of the story.

Okay. I'm not going to do that because I have perfect eyes. My eyes, flawless. We have talked about that before, yeah. I mean, they're not flawless because you had to have them surgically made flawless. They're flawless now. Now. Yes, I've evolved my eyes. Can you make them smile for us? Okay, well, you better watch closely. It's about, hold on. Editors make my eyes smile.

But cool. Whose small talk was that? Mine? Bob, yeah, your walls are leaking with contact solution. Oh, the bright, yeah, man, that really wet places. The obvious answer is don't put contact solution in your walls and you won't have that problem. Wade, your life? Nothing too crazy, too new yet. Lots of traveling, lots of people visiting, lots of plans upcoming. I just want to say I'm really happy. We're just, I feel like a lot of just good video games have been coming

out. And I've just been really happy and enjoying video games for a couple of years. And I just want to like keep that trend going variety of types of games, decent quality games, a lot of indie bangers. It's just like, I I'm enjoying it. I feel the opposite. Bob counter. Yeah. I was about to say Bob counterpoint. Why is gaming terrible? I feel very negatively about video games. Everything is a, is a live service or it all, it goes away. They're shutting down games within five years of them even existing on the market. Uh,

couldn't be worse couldn't couldn't live in a worse time for gaming give me my atari 2600 back sir man diablo 4 is finally fun it's been out for like two and a half years how you can't give them credit for that one it's been out for literally one year and it's finally good long

time and it's finally kind of good. And it's like, wow, great game, guys. I'm happy that it at least got there. You know, No Man's Sky was horrible at launch. It got good. Phasmophobia and those types of games were fun and good for content. Lethal Company. Great. I enjoyed Content Warning, Abiotic Factor, Planet Crafter. I'm just enjoying a lot of games right now. I'm just happy. Those are all the exact same types of games. Oh, no, they're not.

They're similar types of games. They're content games. I don't know. You go back to the Fortnite PUBG era and it felt like everything was a PvP Battle Royale. At least now we have PvE content. I liked Battle Royale.

i miss the heyday i liked them at first and then when every game came out and they were like hey guys new candy crush battle royale hey have you heard of minesweeper what about minesweeper battle royale have you played pac-man what about the pac-man look tetris 99 was a banger that was cool i wish i was better at tetris to actually be good at that one but not everything needed to be a battle royale but

But some games really work at it. Lethal Company right now, everything's like trying to be like Lethal Company. That'll probably get old at some point too, but at least it's PvE and I don't hate everything when I play it. I enjoy it still. Lethal Royale. Company Royale. There's probably a mode for that. Battle Royale Capitalism. Lethal Company did just have a big update. And by big, I mean, I don't actually know what's in it, but it did update. Wow. This guy is the guy that spreads misinformation. I don't spread misinformation. I spread bullshit, which is probably worse.

Definitely worse. Truth and lie. I told you about the paper on bullshit where truth and lies at least acknowledge the truth, whereas bullshit is scary because it's just literally whatever comes out of your mouth comes out. I am a virus that should be put down immediately. I agree with that. All right. Bob agrees. You guys are in agreement. Great, great, great. Any other small talk? Nope. I'm glad I ended where I did on mine. So this is actually going to take some explanation. We got a game. Well, I got a game. And Amy and I tried to come up with this. So if it's bad...

I'm blaming Amy. If it's good, who gets credit? Amy gets credit. Fair is fair. All right, so how is this going to work? I don't know what the name of this is going to be, but you two are on a debate stage. You're not debating, right? You're on a stage. You're giving a dual preface conference. It's like two-headed expert, except you're speaking as yourselves. You're two panelists at a panel. That makes a lot more sense. You both are a conspiracy theorist. You don't know what conspiracy theorist you are.

But I'm going to ask you questions round robin style, one at a time, that relate to the conspiracy theorist that you are. And your job, one at a time I'm asking you the questions, is whoever can guess what conspiracy theorist you are first wins the round. If you've seen Whose Line Is It Anyway, you might recognize this game as when Colin, usually almost always Colin, did not know who he was, but he was giving a press conference and the audience asked questions. Does that make sense? Yes. Yes. Yes.

All right, cool. So, Wade. Hi. Yeah, you got more points on the small talk, so you get to go first. Remember, you both are the same conspiracy theorist. You are not against each other. You are both answering questions about it, so you can play off of each other's answers, even though you don't know what the hell you're talking about, and then you can combo it or you can do it, but also pay attention to your opponent's questions because that can help you guess where you are, and then you can guide your answers thusly.

Does it make sense? I think so. We're the same conspiracy theorists. We're trying to figure out who we are. Yeah. And I've got, and I'm going to go one at a time. So I've got plenty of conspiracy theories. And as soon as it's guessed, we'll move on to the next one. We'll go back and forth. All right. Wade. Yes. Yes.

How long have you known? Well, to be honest, I had suspicions from the beginning, but truly known pretty recently. But I always thought deep down at my core, I knew probably for years that we are where we are. Change. I thought for at least a few months, those horrible things had been done. Yeah.

Good. Great. Bob, you know, this is a bit of a curveball. Okay. Yeah. Good. Bob, how did they pull it off? It involves a lot of smoke and mirrors, not literal smoke and mirrors, some literal smoke and mirrors, but also the kind of smoke and mirrors where...

It's Photoshop. It's Photoshop. There's a lot of Photoshop. Change. It's actually CapCut. It's just a phone app. And it's how a lot of... I think it's how a lot of kids make TikToks with effects in them or something. But it's the same... You know, that's why the footage is so low res. It's very compressed. And it's...

Yeah. People just believe anything, you know, look, I've gotten to the bottom of this, of this, and I've spent a lot of time thinking about it and looking into this, but people, they just put, they just post videos out there on whatever. And they post pictures or descriptions, interviews with people just believe whatever, whatever they post, all the stuff they post, people just eat it up. But I know, I know the truth. The truth is it's, it's, it's, it's a CapCut. Oh,

Okay. All right. Wade, what did they do with it afterwards? We keep talking about they. What did they do with it? Well, they covered it up. They hid it. It's buried deep underground. Who were they? That is the question. Change. Change.

You know, who are they? Everybody already knows. It's obvious. We see them everywhere we look. We know who they are. It's been covered up. It's been buried. I think it's pretty easy to know where we can dig it up and find it and prove exactly what it is. Oh, okay. All right. All right. Bob, did they ever eventually get around to doing it for real? Uh, you know, rockets are complicated. Uh,

Science isn't as straightforward as they'd like to make you believe. So I'm going to say possibly. I'm not going to rule out that they actually did do it. I don't know. I don't know that. I don't have the information to know that for sure. And so I don't want to put anything out there that I'm not confident about. I do know that the original claims that they did do it were incorrect. They were falsified, fabricated, fascinated, frankly, fear monger-esque, you could say. Change. Yeah.

They were gag, gaggly. They were grungies. They were great, great balls of fire. They were just good old fashioned lies. And sometimes good old fashioned lies are the best kind because everybody loves a good old fashioned lie. Everybody, everybody's ready to believe a good old fashioned lie. You know, it just feels good. All right. Okay. All right. Wait,

Wade, do you think the footprints are still there? The footprints, of course, are still there. Maybe filled in, maybe covered up. But the footprints, the hair, teeth. Change. The footprints, the flag, all of it. With the fans still blowing next to it. All of it's still there.

But when and how do we guess? I guess I don't know. I mean, I think you just have to end your question, your answer with what it is. I think you both got it a bit. I did until you said footprints. And I was like, oh, I'm wrong. But now I'm back.

I had it during my answer. I have a guess and I think I have it correct. I think you both understand where it is right now. I don't know how to score that first. I think Bob got there first because his question was pretty pointed or his answer. I got to say that his answer got me. All right, Bob, what is your conspiracy? We think we know that the moon landings were fake. All right.

Okay. That's it. So the curve ball here was, was an idea that, uh, had is like, if I, if I, if I'm trying to use change to actually guide you towards what, like, if you go too far off, I'm trying to use it as a mechanism to be like guiding you back towards, cause they didn't know how hard it would,

for you to get it or how pointed I have to make the questions. So it's either we can keep doing that or I don't have to do it if you guys think that the game is by itself. No, I like that because you could also totally screw with us if we're like getting it too quickly or something. Okay, perfect. I don't know why when you said footprints, I was like, ignore everything I've heard. It's Bigfoot. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Every clue I've had out the window. He said footprints. Door everything else. All right. Well, you're just gonna have to guess when Bigfoot's on this list. So I don't know. Oh, number six.

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All right, Bob, you're going to go first. Now, the rumor has it, Bob, that you first sensed this in your knees. Is that true or was it something more subtle? My knees are the most sensitive part of my body, but you could kind of feel it all over if you know what to pay attention for.

I mean, it would be accurate to say I first felt it in my knees, I guess. But it's really more of like you have to know you have to be looking right. And a lot of people grow through life. They're not looking. They're not thinking. They just they just accept what they see without any further questions. And I just always have questions. Always listen to my knees when they tell me stuff. Change. I never listened to my knees a day in my life until I felt this one sensation. Yeah.

That got me just deep down to my core and I realized the truth of the matter. And I realized that my knees knew. And then once they told me, then I knew. And then all of my different parts came to know at different points in time once they could realize and accept what the truth was that my knees told me. Great answer. Great answer. All right, Wade, what part of your body did you discover the truth in?

Oh, man. Had to have started in my elbows, honestly. Change. Had to have started in my nipples. Change. My ears. I heard it.

Out loud. One moment, I see my friend just quivering in place, and then the noise of his knees chattering caught me so off guard. So your follow-up question, you were together when you discovered it? Oh, yeah, we pretty much... Yeah, yeah. It was a very joint discovery. Oh, yeah.

No, nothing. Knees. Joint discovery. Oh, sorry. I laugh. Thank you, friend. I think you answered my question, Wade. You answered it in so many more ways I ever could have hoped. Good. So, Bob, what is it that they're leaving behind? Oh, shapes.

Lots of shapes. Change. It's actually their feces. Change. It's not edible. And that's the only thing I know about it. That was my first instinct was like, oh, this is probably food, right? This must be sustenance or not edible. Definitely not edible. Violently ill. If you're able to get a chunk inside of you, not good. Wouldn't recommend it.

What is it? Ask your knees, I guess. I don't know. I haven't figured that out yet. All right. Good answer. Good answer. Good answer. I think we're really figuring this one out, Wade. Bring it home. Yeah, dude. I'm so on top of this. Wade. Yeah, yeah. Please hit me up. Is this the end result or is it just the beginning? I think we're somewhere in the middle, honestly. I think this has been going on for a while. I think that we should have seen this coming, but I think it's only going to get a lot worse. Change. Change.

I think it's probably gonna stay exactly the same. Change. It can only get better from here, honestly. This is rock bottom. How could it get any worse than where we currently are? The noises, the knee chittering, the inedibleness, it's just all so much that I can't wait to be able to take a safe bite. Fair.

fair. Bob, does it matter how many of them there are? You know, because sometimes you see one, sometimes you see hundreds, maybe. I'm not sure. Does quantity count? Not really. I mean, the sky is big, right? So there's a lot of room, I guess. It's hard to see. I don't think there could be too many.

They're very, I just want to touch them. You know, do you feel that when you see them? You just feel like you want to. Yeah, I can see why you tried to taste them before. Yeah, they do look tasty, but. And like, I know they're probably bigger than they look because they're way up high and then they're way down low and then they're way up and then zooming, you know, past. But they just look, they look like they would freshen my breath.

I think you're on to it. Should I ask Wade another question? Wade, do you think you have any idea what it is? Give him a question. I'm feeling confident. I have an idea, but I don't know. Yes, no, question me. Okay, Wade, do you think that there's a difference between when they're parallel or when they're crossing? Is there some special meaning?

Look, I've seen... Change. Smell. I've seen... No, I think they're exactly the same. I don't think it matters if they're running parallel or intersecting. I think no matter what, they are what they are. And we all know what they are. Yes, of course we do. Doesn't really need to be said. Ha ha ha!

All right, Bob, do you have an idea what it is? Well, the news likes to refer to them as Tic Tacs. I like to think of them more like albino Mike and Ikes. But are we talking about the unidentified flying objects that are in the shape of a

The small mints. Don't know what you're talking about. Oh, okay. I have no idea. Are you at the right conference? Probably not. How did what I say before? Okay, nevermind. Ask me another question. I thought I knew too, Bob. I had like an idea based on your previous answer. And then his question to me led me astray. Oh, I get why, what you were saying that. All right. Okay. Okay, Bob.

Is it a natural phenomenon? Because there's some people that believe it is, and it's understandable because, you know, of the things that are around it. If it's not natural, what is it? I would consider it a natural phenomenon. There are things that happen naturally that are done because some living creature, living being, has chosen to do them. And that's just, that's a thing that should happen naturally, and it's a thing that does happen naturally. So yeah, I mean, it's, I think it depends a lot on exactly how you see that. But I would say, yeah, that's pretty natural. Change. Change.

I would say, despite the arguments I just made, that it's pretty clear what we're talking about and not what I'm talking about, but what we're talking about at this conference is very unnatural. I can understand why people might mix those things up, what I was arguing about and then what we were talking about, which are separate, but this is not natural. These are very not natural. Hmm.

Okay, all right. Wade, can you explain in excruciating detail the exact scientific process that causes these things to occur? Well, it starts with pollution, you know? Us and the things we've done to this planet that have led...

Change. Change.

Oh, we suck. And we've done this. Advances in technology can be good and bad. In this case, the results are clearly very bad. I see. I see. Are you guys both still lost? I have a guess, but it's a really weak one. Are we talking about those types of waves in the ocean that are all like evenly spaced and really weird and anomalous looking? No, no, no. Let's keep going. All right. Bye.

Bob, the common excuse is that they're trying to create rain, but we all know that's not true, right? Sure.

Change. Sure. Well, that's clearly... Seeding clouds is not... You don't need any actual flying thing to make that happen. Seeding clouds is done. They do that somewhere. I think it's in Saudi Arabia. They do that. They seed clouds. That's a ground-based activity. You don't need... Clearly, the trails are something else entirely. It's not weather. Yeah!

It's mind control. It's the drugs. It's the drugs that they get in the water, in the groundwater, and then they get in the aquifer, and they turn the freaking frogs gay. What?

What the fuck are we talking about? You don't know? Oh, man, I thought this was more commonly heard of. It's chemtrails. Chemtrails. Do you know what chemtrails are, Wade? You all right? Well, clearly it's whenever there's trails of chemicals. Okay, do you know what it looks like when an airplane flies across the sky? How they leave a little trail behind them? The common conspiracy theory is that that is not an atmospheric effect, that those are not just like water vapor cloud type formations, that that's...

That's chemicals being released from airplanes for various conspiratorial purposes. So when someone writes, marry me, Tina, in the sky, it's all death. It's mind control, actually. Yeah, it's mind control. Oh, that's why she said yes. Anyway, I thought that one was more, but I totally see where you're going. I thought, Bob, when you were saying you wanted to eat it, it was like because it looked like cotton candy or something. No, I can see that now. That makes sense. Yeah, I get that now. I get that.

Yeah. I just skipped right over that one. That was your start. You're starting at broad ones. I should have thought that I went deep into the weird stuff really fast. That was like a sixth grade level question. I don't think I'm smarter than a third grader. You were going for global warming, right? Yeah.

I, yeah, global warming, just earthquakes, typhoons, hurricanes, weather control. I was aliens at one point. Man, I was going for anything. I was just taking shots, hoping. I was thinking crop circles for a second, but then the parallel, not parallel. I was like, that's not how those work. Parallel, not parallel. I was like, earthquakes? What the fuck is parallel? I don't know. Parallel earthquakes? Ha ha ha!

I don't know what the waves on the ocean thing are. What is that? Have you not seen that? There's like there's like sets of like weirdly symmetrical waves that that occur, which is like I forget what they're called. There's some weird wave stuff that can happen in the ocean and stuff. I mean, because waves are just like they're they're literally just sinusoidal patterns. So occasionally they can line up in really destructive ways or constructive ways, which cause destruction. All right. But anyway, OK.

Let me get one that's more, like, more common. All right, let's get more common. Wade, you're going first on this one. Oh, yes, I'm, yeah, yes. Let's look up the waves. How have they kept this a secret for so long? The way they always do. Money, power, uh, uh, threats. Change. Money, power, and love. Just lots and lots of love. Because they love to cover it up. Ha ha ha!

I mean, how else would you cover up something this big? Thank you for your answer. Bob, besides the love for covering it up and the money and the fame, obviously, I just don't understand how people couldn't have seen it. The mind does weird things. When you see something that doesn't seem like it should exist, I think people either just think that, oh, like, oh, I imagine that or, oh, that was a dream or something. And I think there are probably a lot of people who have seen it.

But then they rationalize it away and they're like, oh, no, it was something else. It was weird. And so like it's that's part of it's so bold, right, that you would see it in that a random person who didn't know what it was would see it out in the wild. Or, you know, you could sort of get away with that. It's part of the cover up is they they love it. They love the cover up because they love just like being so blatant and not really trying to hide it everywhere. And still they get away with the cover up because of how

you know, because of how humans rationalize things. - Right, right, right, right. Okay, okay, all right. Wade, you know, some say love is magic. Do you think that there was magic involved in this moment?

I feel like magic is just another way that they're helping cover it up. It's all science. It always has been. Change. Gotta be magic. I mean, science can't explain it. Change. Who knows, really? I mean, science, magic, do we even really know? The depths of knowledge we have are still just barely dipping into the surface of the iceberg of information that's out there. So whatever it is, we can't fully explain it. But the truth is there. We just got to keep digging and find it.

Well said. Bob. You all right? Hang on one second. One second. Every time I think I've got an inkling, I get a question that just totally derails every direction. I was like, of course it's going this. Nope. All right. Bob, do you think that they paid everyone off who is there?

Probably. I mean, that would be not super practical, but with the amount of power and money that they have to sort of combat this really getting out there. Probably, yeah. There's a lot of people, but there's a lot of money to go around, so. That's fair. That's fair. Wade, were you there? In person, no, but I've got eyes and ears everywhere, so I've heard about what went down, but it was a little before my time. Uh-huh. Okay. Understandable. Bob. Bob.

You like picnics? I love picnics. Picnic baskets, you could say. And, you know, plus going out, having a big group, but not too big. Having a nice, relaxing picnic is good bait, you know, to really draw them out so you can get your eyes on them for yourself. I'm going to miss this show. I'm going to miss this show.

I know exactly where we're going. Wait, what do you think? What's your opinion? Just the worst. Out there, surrounded by everything that could potentially harm you. There's just so much danger out and about. You never know what might zap ya. Change. Grab ya. Change. Abduct ya. Change. Boop ya on the snoot. What?

All right. That's a good answer. That's good. Thank you. Thank you. All right. I thought you were both really, really honing in on it. And then I realized that question might have thrown you for a complete loop. All right. Hold on. I got this. I got this. I didn't prepare questions for all of these things. Like I only had so much time beforehand to give questions. Okay.

I'm starting to think that I'm not a very good conspiracy theorist, Bob. Bob, given all the cameras, you'd think that, you know, the answer would be obvious. How do you explain the discrepancy? Well, you know, you can fake, you can fake things even on live TV. You can fake things. It was further away from the cameras than it looked like.

It might have been. And so you notice all the people and all the cameras were in a really focused and specific location. And they had a really a very small, narrow perspective on what was happening. And the curtain they sort of covered it up with.

during, during, um, was surprisingly large change, the weather balloon and swamp gases. Then there was a flash in the sky and actually it's very distracting. So some people probably didn't even notice. All right. Thank you. Thank you for, thank you for your answer.

Man, sometimes I love your answer after I change. I should ask you to change more to get you on the right track. I feel like I'm just leading you way, way off. I gotta be better about this. All right, Wade. Wade. Wade. Yeah. You know, they say it takes two to tango. Do you think there was two? Uh. Oh. No, really? I'm pretty sure there was just one JFK, Flat Earth, Bigfoot, uh.

9-11. Were those just random things you were throwing out there? Who, me? Yes. No, of course not. Okay. Do you know what the answer is? Oh, I'm right there. Oh, okay. Well, now's your chance. Oh, I'll pass. I don't want to steal Bob's thunder. All right, I'll tell you right now. It's all about how Abraham Lincoln was really cool.

Bob. There definitely was a second shooter on the grass. You know, the trajectories were all wrong. You know, literally the first thing you said in your joke answer, you were like JFK. It's the JFK assassination conspiracy. Well, I knew that. I just wanted you to get the points. Yeah. Well, wait, get those points then. That's fair. I went there with picnic, but there were some other things that led me totally astray. Yeah. I thought I had it. Cause I was like, I worked in magic because of the magic bull.

Bullet Theory. And it was like all the witnesses. And I was like, so I forgot magic bullet theory was a thing. So magic is what threw me the furthest off of this track. Really? Oh man. And the reason I said picnic was because like, it's a grass. Some people were, you know, having a picnic on the grass, you know? And then I was like, oh man, I'm not going to lie with the magic bullet theory. I should have remembered, but no, I was like magic.

And then Bob was talking about like all this stuff in the atmosphere. I was like, oh, okay. It's one of those atmospheric plane things. It's like the weather balloon. Oh, that was a throwaway. So, no, no. I was like, just some magic. What the fuck is magic? My answer for the cameras one you asked, I was probing because you had said magic. I thought it was like when David Copperfield made the whole airplane disappear. And I was like, oh, yeah, they were on that one.

grandstand and it was yeah it was not really a conspiracy theory but that was magic I was caught up on some kind of phenomenon that was magical the two whenever you said there were there two my first thought was JFK which is why I said it was like that's fucking stupid it's not that there's no magic in a gun ha

There must have been two airplanes disappeared magically. I love how you're just like, oh, Mark must think that's a conspiracy theory. Oh, well, you know, I'll humor David Copperfield. Yeah. All right. So, Bobby, you get the point for that. Okay. And, Bob, you're going first this time. All right. Killing it. Great. My comeback starts now.

All right, Bob, you're up next and this will be the last round. Are you ready? Mm-hmm. Okay, Bob. How can you tell? It's the leg hair. Change. They don't normally have sprinkles on them. Change. The lighting is wrong, I guess. Change. Change.

Smells bad. I know what it's supposed to smell like. And you could tell when it smells right. It smells kind of like, I don't know, like a locker, you know, like musty foot stank or something. I don't know. It has like a certain smell to it. And that's, that's the first way you could tell without, you don't even need to look, but you could tell, you know, you get that whiff and you're like, wait a minute. Something smells fishy, you know? I agree. I agree. Change. Something smells doggy, you know? Yeah.

Which variant? Can we clarify? Small dog. Terrier. Mixed breed. Oh, okay. Doggy like the animals. Got it. Damp but not wet. What variant were you talking about? What variant were you talking about, Wade? Style. Change. Fashion. Change. Costume. Change. What? Or in this case, Paul. Paul.

Very good. Very good. I'm going to ask you a different question. How widespread is this problem? Global, at least. I mean, this started in a more localized fashion, but quickly swept the nation, then other nations, and then now it's everywhere. Damn.

Well, Bob, how worried should we be? I mean, look, this isn't the only thing going on in the world that I know the truth about. So this is pretty this is in the middle. There is stuff above this on the list that you should definitely be more worried about. But there are definitely less consequential things going on. This is something, you know, the right the right people, the people who this is really going to impact or the people who have the power to do anything about it. They should really maybe be more worried than the rest of us. It's not, you know, terrible.

Okay. All right. All right. Wait, do you agree with that? That the common man doesn't have to concern themselves with this problem? It's kind of like beyond them. Is that what you agree with? Well, this is clearly a case of trickle-down problemomics where it's going to become their problem.

problem if it isn't already. I agree it's not the biggest problem in the world, but I think it's definitely one that we should concern ourselves with before it becomes bigger. So, Bob, what would you do if you were in a position to do something about this? What actions would you take? Well, I think the simplest route would just be to kill them all.

And, you know, simplest is not always the best, but certainly maybe camps. Change. Tags. Maybe some kind of labeling system or a registration of some sort. Change.

I would just learn how to speak German and then I would get some steel-toed boots and I'd start practicing my kicking. That's what I would do. And that's, you know, that would work. That'd be good enough. Wade, can they be killed?

I mean, the simple answer is yes. Now, I think that we have the top people working on how to do it, how to do it effectively, and dare I say, kill them safely. But yes, they can be killed. Bob, how would you kill them? Quickly. Very quickly. Quickly as possible. Wouldn't want to hear the sounds they might start making if you did it too slowly. Okay.

Wade, is there a peaceful solution to all of this? Is cohabitation possible? My partner here has said it best at this point. No, we're beyond that. It's time to just let her rip. Ha ha ha!

Get out the fists. I call this one goodwill and this one hunting. Change. I call this Susie. I call this Q. Change. We got the sandwich feaster. Any plot that we might have had, I have lost along the way.

Bob, so is it possible that they've already infiltrated too deeply to actually handle? Is there hope when it's spread this far? I think a way to start sussing this out is all government buildings, all

seats of power, high up offices in major corporations. We need to start just really putting as many dehumidifiers in as physically possible because I don't think that they will tolerate the dry air like that very well. And maybe, maybe

Dry but cold. Keep it dry but cold. I don't think that's very good. I think that would start to really weed out like, well, maybe, maybe, yeah, maybe they are that deep. But also maybe there are some places that have not been infiltrated to the same extent. And then that's sort of like a first step towards. Also, maybe get some big fake insects and sort of stick those around on the walls and stuff and see if you see, see if you could catch them slipping. You know what I mean?

All right. Okay. Does that sound like the right idea? That's a, yeah, that's a good, that gives me hope. Wait, is it possible that your partner here could be one of them? All my life I would have said no, but based on what I've heard here today, it's hard to say. I feel like his answers have kind of indicated the opposite of what I would do, which leads me to believe that

Let me grab my tinfoil hat. Change. Let me give him his tinfoil hat. He forgot it. Change. I'm going to eat my own sandwich because I'm really hungry.

Plow right in here. Listen, dehumidifiers, insects all around. No, we need to make it hot and wet and just lure them all in. And then it'll be easier to get rid of them. Interesting. Interesting. Bob, do you need another question? Are you on to the trail? Are we talking about the reptilian theory? Is there a reptile people? Wade, what's your guess? I'm just here playing along. Bob!

Yes, you're absolutely right. It's about the lizard people. See, you got there. You got there. You got there. All right. I thought it was originally like Russian spies have infiltrated the US. And then I was like, oh, it's like the weird like computer diseases that are being spread and planted. And I was like, oh, we're going to kill them. And then we went with insects. And so I was with like diseases. I was not the people, reptile people yet. So close. So close. So close.

Bob, Bob, you're going to start kicking all the lizard. I think Wade might actually be one of these lizard people. Why would you say that? I wouldn't be surprised. Yes, yes, it might be true. All right, we're going to call it there. I apologize if it was a little more ramshackle, but it was very funny for me to listen to. That was well done, guys. If there is a reverse the next time, I'll come up with better questions beforehand, but I had to rush it before this one. All right, well, totally up the points. Wade. I told you.

You had two hard months. I wrote down the spread shitter. What does that mean? What does that mean, Wade? What happened? I don't recall at this point in our careers. That sounds like something I would have done 10 years ago for views, but not now. I've changed. Yeah, I don't know what that is all about anyway. All right, and then you got points for ears and smell. Very, very funny. Both of those made me laugh incredibly. Bob, you got eye flesh. And again, eye flesh.

I don't know what that means. Good. But you were crushing it with the guesses. You were on top of all these conspiracy theories. You got fake moon landing, chemtrails, JFK, lizard people. You might have gotten all of them. You might have had a clean sweep. I believe there was one where you both kind of had it at the same time. But you swept this competition. Congratulations, Bob. You are today's winner.

But Wade, you had the biggest laughs. I gotta admit. I'm okay with that. I'm not gonna lie. I got so enraptured in my fake answers that I kind of quit remembering the answers that were real. And Bob's changes were always so just off the rails that by the time he finished his answer, I had forgotten everything we'd gotten to. I was divining things. I was using my changes for strong shifts in my guesses. And I

never knew by the end which way to believe anymore. Just like conspiracy theories. So, Wade, please guide us through your loser speech brought to you by our sponsor. Well, I'd like to thank Mug Root Beer for sponsoring this loser speech. Mug Root Beer, you got that dog in you? Well, you could have a lot of things in you if your conspiracies are true. Change.

You could have a lot of things yanked out of you if the conspiracies are true. You never know what could be ripped or change. You never know what might be vacuumed out with today's sponsored vacuum, the mug vacuum for when you got that dog fur on you. I don't know, man. I lost. Bob is the better conspiracy theorist. I just enjoy the laughs and I'm going to take a sip of this and we're

regret a lot of my answers. So thank you, Mug. Thank you, Mark. Congrats to Bob. That's it. Bye.

Change. Big gulp time. Change. I just want to smell it. Great stuff. Bob, winter speech? Yeah. I know a lot about conspiracies. I think everyone who knows me knows I'm a big conspiracy nut, and I definitely deserve to win this today. I didn't wander very far down any hilariously wrong paths multiple times, and with Mark desperately trying to point me in the right direction...

At all. It was a clean episode. Good, clean fun. I'm just excited to host, really. I get to make the rules next time. Change. Because that means nothing. Because this show is stupid. But I'm excited about it anyway. So who cares?

Well said, Bob. Well said. And thank you all you stupid listeners and stupid watchers out there. Idiots. Hope you enjoyed this stupid episode. Have a good day. Check out distractiblestore.com for our merch. Thank you, too. Change! No, no. Change. Change.

No, no, it's over. Thank you. Check out Bob and Wade, My Scrim, LordMillion777. This is Mark Blar. Next week, Bob will host. Have a good day. Have a good weekend. Have a good week. And we'll see slash hear you slash smell you in the next episode. Podcast out.