CZM Book Club: Cool Zone 2054: General Lichterman
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So stream what you love and turn up the cheer with iHeartRadio on the Roku channel. Happy streaming. This is Dr. Joy Harden-Bradford from Therapy for Black Girls. You know that Amazon has millions of books, so you can find one that gives you just the reading feeling you're looking for. You know, like if you're looking for a relaxed...

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Hello, and welcome to Cool Zone Media Book Club. Oh wait, I didn't do the chanting. Sophie, are you ready to do the chanting? I don't chant. I'm in charge. You just say it out of time with me. Book club, book club, book club, book club. There we go. That's the book club intro everyone wants. So, it's Cool Zone Media Book Club, only this month, as you probably are aware, instead of doing our regular book club, well, we got sent missives from the future, and we're going to do a book club.

From Cool Zone Media 2054. And so, here we are. Welcome to Cool Zone Media 2054, reports from the Dino War. Your source for everything World War 3.5. I'm your host, Margaret Kiljoy. And today, we've got something extra special for you. Today, we are talking to the Witch of Warcraft, the Mistress of Macnovia, the Conquering Queen. She's either the Prince of Portland or the Butcher of Beaverton, depending on who you ask. And today, we're going to talk to her.

Today, we're talking to the one, the only, General Sophie Lichterman. How are you today, Sophie? Well, all my dogs are good, so I'm good. All right.

I've got a bunch of questions for you. Some are from me. Some are listener recommended. And hey, if you want to ask our guests questions, anyone with a service card, civil or military, can send them along to us using the social media app of your choice. As always, we'll pick the best ones to ask our guests. And no, we don't sort by rank. Privates and generals, you're all equal here, just like you are in all the best militaries.

But first, you might be asking yourself, dear listener, what if I haven't served in World War 3.5 yet?

What if you're looking for a way to get involved? Well, look no further, because it wouldn't be a Cool Zone Media podcast in the year 2054 if we weren't brought to you by our biggest sponsor, Dino Cadence. That's right, Dino Cadence, the world's premier fighting academy, will get you off the couch and into the saddle. They teach trick shots, trick riding, and trick-or-treating. That, not the last one, I made that one up.

Tuition is free, but spots are limited, so apply today. Tell them Cool Zone Media sent you, and you still won't get special treatment. Because Dino Cadence doesn't do special treatment. It's 2054. Ride or die. I told you years ago that it would take until the 2050s before I would do ad reads. Before I get into it with the questions, I've got to pretend like there isn't anyone in the audience who might not have heard of you.

Just in case you were born yesterday, General Sophie Lichterman is, of course, one of the most decorated commanders in the internationalist forces. And I believe the only person alive who holds the rank of Brigadier General in three different armies. Four armies. Four? Yeah, the Free Company of Louisiana just promoted me after last week's campaign.

Four armies, the only person currently alive who holds the rank of Brigadier General in four armies. You are the woman of the hour, it seems like, jet-setting and organizing forces everywhere in the world. Whenever a new internationalist force needs help getting up and off the ground, you're there. You're still on the board here at Cool Zone Media, of course, which you founded decades ago at this point. But you've still got time to dog-mom two amazing pups. I think you've got more hours in the day than the rest of us.

But on to the questions. You first rose to political prominence back in 2036 during the whole fight for the future thing, when you became a household name after a well-televised arrest. In your own words, what happened there? I mean, most of you have seen it, but yeah, so the fight for the future kicks off and we're covering it

on a bunch of our shows. I didn't even mean to get more directly involved. I'd had my own podcast for a couple years, but already given up on it because I like getting stuff done behind the scenes. I mean, always have. I love you all, but someone's gotta keep things organized, you know? Anyways, I made this offhand comment, February 24th, 2036, on It's Still Happening Here. That was our lead show at the time. Just a quick little, I hope someone kills that man.

And then someone killed that man. Yeah, his own estranged son killed him. And like, how was I supposed to know that kid listened to our shows?

And so later that day, you're just out shopping. I was just at the pet store the day after that asshole died. And suddenly there's the camera crew there. Drones everywhere. Plus two actual talking heads run from Fox and one from that garbage man media. I think it was that old right wing show that Jamie Loftus eventually drove into relevance. So these two men.

Are there. They're sticking mics into my face and asking me about why I did it or whatever, why I masterminded that assassination. And I don't know. It's been a long day. I just wanted to go home to the dogs. And they're all, why do you hate innovation? And why does Antifa support murder as a tactic? And tried to get out the door, but they were both just there and they weren't small men. And I don't know. And so you pepper sprayed both of them.

I pepper sprayed the shit out of both of them. But the cameras caught it all and I was arrested in the parking lot. They clearly planned the whole thing. The cops wanted to hold me in jail until trial too. Her words are more dangerous than a ghost gun, the judge said.

which is a compliment, I guess, but I just wanted to go home, see my dogs. And I told the judge and the camera saw. And yeah, I guess people listen because Fight for the Future laid siege to the courthouse and they brought the cake mortar and started caking everyone trying to get in and out of the building. And all the while, everyone is standing around with actual AR-15s chanting, let her see her dogs, let her see her dogs.

It was a weird time. Fight for the Future was a weird movement. Still throwing pies at people, but defending ourselves with guns. And so the cops, they let you go. Yeah. Turns out the whole power concedes nothing without a demand thing is right.

The state of Oregon decided they'd be better off without a small army of protesters camped outside the courthouse. And I got to go home that night to see my dogs. And I agreed to come back to trial, but with an escort of my choosing who would make sure I wouldn't go to jail unless I was convicted. And yeah, I don't know. It was a whole big thing. They wanted to get me on terrorism charges. And I was at some of these protests. Jury of your peers found you not guilty, much to the judge's consternation.

You laid low for a while, if you can call running a large podcast network laying low, and then kind of came back on the scene during the war. Well, we used to call it the war, but now we're in another one, I guess. So World War III, 2044 was wild. I mean, like a solid 10% of the Earth's population died. So there's that.

But we were all underground the first half of the year, hiding out and broadcasting. Yeah, can't stop the signal. I don't think most of our listeners are old enough to appreciate that reference. I'm sure the little don't call me AI robot in their ears can help them get a Firefly reference. Plus, of course, they're listening to this in one of the shielded territories on vinyl. Hey, ad pivots are my job. Well, then go ahead. You know, sometimes...

I look around this world and think to myself, the Industrial Revolution and its consequences might just have been a disaster for the human race. We used to be able to say at least it increased our life expectancy, but in this era of war, we can't even say that. It seems like the Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster.

Have destabilized society, have made life unfulfilling, have subjected human beings to indignities, have led to widespread psychological and physical suffering, and have inflicted severe damage on the natural world. It seems like the continued development of technology might just worsen the situation.

When I'm thinking that way, I just book myself a vacation in Helsingborg, Sweden, the largest de-electrified region in the world. With its Vishnu shield always activated, you know for certain no one can reach you. Because if you bring your phone into the city, it'll be completely destroyed. Come on down to Helsingborg, where the stars shine at night. Helsingborg, come on over.

Thank you.

Not all volunteers are able to pick their form of service. Not all volunteer service is considered safe. Offline life within an otherwise industrial world not proven to mitigate climate change, environmental degradation, or human impact upon the ecosphere. There is no such thing as a climate haven, and natural disaster can strike anywhere in the world.

This podcast is brought to you by the Council for Unbroken Spaghetti. The Council for Unbroken Spaghetti would like to remind you that you should not break your spaghetti. You just put the spaghetti into boiling salted water, wait a few seconds, then push the softened spaghetti into the rest of the pot.

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It's beginning to sound a lot like the holidays. The Roku Channel, your home for free and premium TV, is giving you access to holiday music and genre base stations from iHeart all for free. Find the soundtrack of the season with channels like iHeart Christmas and North Pole Radio. The Roku Channel is available on all Roku devices, web, Amazon Fire TV, Google TV, Samsung TVs, and the Roku mobile app on iOS and Android devices.

So stream what you love and turn up the cheer with iHeartRadio on the Roku channel. Happy streaming. Hey loves, it's Paris Hilton. Are you ready to slive your best life this holiday season? Well, I've got the ultimate holiday giveaway just for you. Go to parishilton.com slash giveaway to win a fabulous gift basket filled with handpicked faves from my gift guide. From my iconic cookware and chic apparel to glam goodies from my go-to brands, this bundle has it all.

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It's the end of May, and the first schematics for the Vishnu Shield are making the rounds.

You and I are living with a bunch of dogs and podcasters and ****** is bunker. But the hunter-killer robots of the U.S. counterterrorism force are getting closer to our undisclosed location in eastern Washington every week. You and me and Mia are binging old reality TV shows. The two of you trying to explain to me who Mecca Ariana Grande is and why she's a sports figure now while ****** and ****** are talking about how they're going to start a machete cult once it's all over.

That wasn't the best. Once we got the plans for Vishnu Shield, we printed a few up on our 3D printer. We couldn't test them in the bunker, of course, because we needed our electronics. So we started sneaking out at night and testing them out in the woods. Once we had them dialed in, we started telling everyone. And that's when you knew we couldn't stay underground anymore. Fuck no. People needed to know.

AWPs were killing literally millions of people. The only sides that mattered in that war was people versus drone. If you ask me, I guess all of this is in the history books,

But we did that walk from Castle Rock to Portland with all the defectors. All these people had been quietly rebelling in the ranks with tactical EMPs. First day, there were 100 of us. A couple drones tried to take us out, but we shut them down. Second day, there were 1,000 of us. Once people realized they wouldn't just get hunter killed when we walked into Portland in June, there were 10,000 people walking with us on bikes and horses.

And then you blew up Portland. That's not how I put it. But yeah, look, don't cut yourself out of the story. Magpie, you were there too.

We got together and talked it over with people from all over the city. Worked with hospital crews to get everyone who relied on electronics for life support to get them out of the blast radius. Everyone had plenty of time. It was all very coordinated. And yet, 24 hours later, we took out the power in Portland. We weren't the only people doing it. It sounds so bad out of context. And don't wish you knew unconsenting populations. Yeah.

And that's how I became a folk hero. I never set out to be a folk hero. I just think some of you all aren't so good at organizing. I mean, like someone had to get it done.

And so, we were the first major metropolitan area on the west coast of the US to Vishnu. But we weren't even one of the first hundred places in the world to do it. And soon enough, another 3,000 places threw up shields, from cities to villages to military bases to actual battlefields. The war ground to a halt with no machines to fight it, and yeah, people started calling you the Prince of Portland.

What was your like life after that? Two times the folk hero. Oh, I tried to return to podcasting. I even still do it sometimes. Nothing with my name or voice on it anymore, though, because people just don't know how to handle themselves. I kind of had a long, dark night of the soul after the end of the war. The way people talked about me, it was all too much. And after the war...

Everywhere in the world, it was like either the big revolution kicked off right away or everything kind of went into a funk for a while. The U.S. went into a funk. After the armistice, we all thought, this is it. This is the revolution. Like it was Palestine in Western Africa and Scandinavia and China. But nope, not the U.S. Everyone just went back to work. It was surreal. Yeah, it was depressing. I was depressed. But then... But then 2048 happened.

The Baltimore Commune got going and the cooperative movement found its teeth. The Maganista and Zapatista revolts stopped respecting national borders and the whole Southwest was on fire. Not just metaphorically at this point. It was one of those bad summers down there for wildfire. So when the California Cooperative really got going, I went back down to help.

Okay, and so that brings us up to right around the start of World War 3.5, two years ago now. You've been a major figure, both behind the scenes and on mic, ever since. What was the transition from folk hero to brigadier general like? Look, I'm the first to admit I was kind of grandfathered in. That's how I came out of the gate high rank. I started going to meetings of what became the California Cooperative before we even picked the name. And I was...

on the ground organizing support for the Chumash revolt. So I was kind of like I said, grandfathered in. But the council didn't just say, okay, you're an organizer. You can be in charge of the military or anything. Most people don't know this, but I actually spent most of 2044 to 2048 studying military strategy with the Democratic Confederalist International.

Like, formally, I got a master's in strategic studies. About half the classes were online and half in person all over the world. And when the California Cooperative got started, I started mentoring directly under some internationalist revolutionary leaders in Myanmar and elsewhere. And still, look, I'm a general. That's true. But brigadier general is the lowest rank of general.

I heard you turned down three different promotions. That's true. I don't need the stress. I want to spend more time with my dogs. I also heard you turned down a demotion. Yeah, the brass. Well, the higher brass wasn't too happy when we all refused orders in the spring of 2051. The Fresno incident. They told me I was demoted. I told them they could tell that to the troops. They decided I wasn't demoted after all. Eat shit. So this next question is from a listener.

Thanks for the question.

Honestly, the biggest part of it, when Georgie Washington, not his real name, but whatever, set fire to the research library in OSU, it just, well, it pissed a lot of people off. The brick burning spectacle, you just don't burn books, you know. We didn't have the numbers up in Oregon yet for a major offensive, not without a lot of risk.

But if some assholes get in a bunch of literal zombies to set a bunch of books on fire in a public square, then like we can recruit around that.

We can coalition build. There was a lot of folks, centrist, even right-wingers, who weren't going to take that lying down. And enough of those folks had farm dinos and rifles. You had old school Antifa members fighting side by side along the very activists who fought for Prop 899, writing those Utah rappers that were popular in the cities, and farm tractor stegosauruses alike. The nine armies didn't stand a chance.

And that seems like as good a place as any for us to go into our last ad break. This podcast is brought to you by the Smaller Problems Council. The complexity of community organizing got you down? Suddenly aware of the fact that you're organizing with people and people are all kind of fuck-ups no matter what ideology they profess?

Thinking about redirecting your organizing to shift the blame from fascists to people who are on your side but never do the dishes and just sort of expect that you'll do the dishes. It's like they didn't even realize that someone does the dishes, that they just assume that somehow the dishes just sort of get done on their own. The Smaller Problems Council is here to help. Call the Smaller Problems Council's free hotline today and one of our experts will help you de-escalate your conflict that isn't with the enemy.

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You wake up, put on your Ray-Ban Meta glasses. Classic style, innovative tech. You're living all in. You realize you need coffee, desperately. So you say... Hey Meta, how do I make a latte? To make a latte, brew two shots of espresso... After Meta AI gets you caffeinated, you start walking to work and you need a soundtrack. Hey Meta, play hip-hop music. With the built-in camera, you snap a pic of a dope mural on the side of a building...

Hey, nice glasses.

Ray-Ban Meta Glasses, the next generation of AI glasses. Just say, hey, Meta, to harness the power of Meta AI. Listen to music, make hands-free calls with open-ear audio and built-in microphones, and so much more, all while staying present to the world around you. Shop Ray-Ban Meta Glasses at meta.com slash smartglasses.

Hey, Virginia, looking to amp up how you enjoy your favorite sports? Then register with BetMGM to get instant access to a fun variety of parlay selection features like the new look same game parlay, live betting options, and more. Don't miss out on any of the hard-hitting action at BetMGM, the sports book born in Vegas.

New customers can receive up to $1,500 back in bonus bets if you don't win your first bet. Plus, when you huddle up with BetMGM at your fingertips, every pass, every catch, and every game matter more than ever. Don't miss out on any of the hard-hitting action. Place your money line in parlay bets with BetMGM today. BetMGM and GameCenter mind you to play responsibly. See BetMGM.com for terms 21 plus only, Virginia only. New customer offer.

Subject to eligibility requirements. Rewards are non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire in seven days. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER.

It's beginning to sound a lot like the holidays. The Roku channel, your home for free and premium TV, is giving you access to holiday music and genre-based stations from iHeart all for free. Find the soundtrack of the season with channels like iHeart Christmas and North Pole Radio. The Roku channel is available on all Roku devices, web, Amazon Fire TV, Google TV, Samsung TVs, and the Roku mobile app on iOS and Android devices.

So stream what you love and turn up the cheer with iHeartRadio on the Roku channel. Happy streaming. Hey loves, it's Paris Hilton. Are you ready to slive your best life this holiday season? Well, I've got the ultimate holiday giveaway just for you. Go to parishilton.com slash giveaway to win a fabulous gift basket filled with handpicked faves from my gift guide. From my iconic cookware and chic apparel to glam goodies from my go-to brands, this bundle has it all.

Don't wait. Enter now at parishilton.com slash giveaway. Good luck and happy holidays. Keeps living. That's hot. The dating app fatigue is real. Mindless swiping, meaningless DMs, and an overwhelming amount of likes have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself. Download Feed.

Field. F-E-E-L-D. On Field, an app where curious people come to connect, you have the breathing room to explore your own desires and go on a journey wherein the person you discover is yourself. In fact, 62% of Field members evolve their sexuality, interests, and desires within their first year on the app. You have the freedom to explore who you are and what you like in ways you haven't imagined. As part of this community, you'll quickly find that people regularly practice honesty and openness.

See any field bio. Download fields. F-E-E-L-D. On the App Store or Google Play. PK. And we're back. Okay, this next question, xgrendelx asks, what's your favorite comfort food when you get back home after a campaign? Honestly, just like a big bowl of popcorn and a hard cider. Oh, that makes sense. That's a good one. So this next one.

I don't think you're going to answer it. Our lawyer has advised us that we shouldn't air any answer to it anyway. But if I don't ask it, people will never leave us alone in the comments. Six different listeners have asked some form of the question, what's going on with... That's my family, no comment. All right. And finally, look, this is the hardest question to ask. I am not a hardball reporter and you're one of my best friends. So I warned you I was going to ask you this before we hit record.

But it's been three months without a comment from you and people want to know. In September of this year, you were involved in the campaign in Poland. It didn't go well, not for anyone. A cavalry unit of 613 Pterosaur riders was dispatched to take out an entrenched force of the new Soviet Red Army, who we will continue to remind our listeners is in fact a nationalist force that has recuperated Soviet imagery for nationalist socialist purposes and

473 of those riders died to Russian guns. Only 84 made it back. The other survivors are currently held in POW camps, if we're lucky. But Russian propaganda films have begun to leak across the web of riders being tortured and executed and then resurrected to fight an army of the dead.

A lot of people are comparing the whole thing to the Charge of the Light Brigade, when in 1854, a force of 600 British cavalry received a miscommunicated order and attacked a heavily fortified position. Lord Tennyson wrote a poem called The Charge of the Light Brigade, and the event has been a cultural touchstone of the futility of war ever since. So, what happened in Poland? I think you actually wrote down this answer ahead of time for us, right?

Yeah, and I've been silent on it because I'm not a media spokesperson. I'm a heartbroken old soldier. I've got a lot to say about the Charge of the Light Brigade. I'll take it as a name. It was a horrible mistake made by all of us, including soldiers themselves, who had just as much information as the rest of us and agreed to the offensive. Think about a doctor. A doctor makes decisions every single day that saves lives, and they make decisions all the time that get people killed.

Their job is life and death, and there is no perfect with a war. It's just the whole other level beyond that. I'm a brigadier general, responsible on any given day for about 5,000 people's lives. Yeah, we've got a lot more flattening of hierarchy in militaries than we used to. But at the end of the day, when a quick call needs to be made by someone or a group of people, it gets people killed. On a good day, I get dozens or hundreds of people I care about killed.

I accept that. It's not easy, but I accept that. What I don't accept is any position that the war is futile. What is the futility of war? If I'm walking down the street with my friends and someone runs up and attacks one of us, is it futile if I intervene? Or if I'm attacked, if I fight back? Because the other option here is just letting someone attack my friends or me. The majority of Poland is currently a free country.

It's free because hundreds of thousands of people have fought to keep it that way because tens of thousands of people have died or suffered fates still worse to keep it that way. Their deaths have not been futile, even if sometimes an individual death might look futile if you zoom all the way in.

you've got to zoom out. The Leipzig attack was a fiasco, but there wasn't a miscommunication about orders. The Council of Poland felt it was necessary to attack that position, which best available information suggested would only be moderately defended. Our terror team, as they called themselves, volunteered.

They knew the risks, and they thought it would be a hard and bloody fight, and they'd come out on top. In the Polish army, like many internationalist armies, every soldier at every level can refuse any mission until they've committed. Once they've committed, they are not free to say, for example, show fear in the face of enemy.

That all makes sense to me. I mean, the point of Russia releasing those videos is to make us give up hope.

Okay.

We're winning all over the globe. There's never been a worldwide civil war because there's never been a worldwide revolution. And worldwide revolution has always been our best chance at building a better world. We're building that world right now. Are we building it out of bones? Yeah, we are. But one day, all of the dead will just be composted memories. Two of the most valuable things in the world.

That's all any of us will end up as, compost and memories. That's what we use to build a better world. There are free territories everywhere now, and there are going to be more until everyone is free. Well, it would be hard to follow that up with like some lighthearted question about your favorite color. So I want to thank you for your time and thank you for breaking the silence on that. For sure. Anyway, thank you so much for coming on the show. Of course. Do you have anything you want to plug?

Yeah, just don't fall for nationalist propaganda and pet your dog or diner or whatever animal keeps you company. Also, support your local mutual aid groups. All right. Thank you so much. That has been General Sophie Lichterman. It Could Happen Here is a production of Cool Zone Media. For more podcasts from Cool Zone Media, visit our website, coolzonemedia.com, or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

You can find sources for It Could Happen Here updated monthly at coolzonemedia.com slash sources. Thanks for listening.

It's beginning to sound a lot like the holidays. The Roku channel, your home for free and premium TV, is giving you access to holiday music and genre base stations from iHeart all for free. Find the soundtrack of the season with channels like iHeart Christmas and North Pole Radio. The Roku channel is available on all Roku devices, web, Amazon Fire TV, Google TV, Samsung TVs, and the Roku mobile app on iOS and Android devices.

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