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Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Conan O'Brien! Wow. Incredible. Idea. I didn't know you'd be here. This is amazing. Incredible. That's all I can say. Incredible. They told me this was a storage room. And it's like a surprise party. This is amazing. Thank you so much for being here. Who's from Miami? Are you guys from Miami? Yes.
No, how many people, just make noise if you're not from Miami. Okay, what the hell's going on? 'Cause yesterday I came out and talked to the crowd and they went, "Yeah, Miami." And they're like, "I don't know, we're from Germany." You all, who traveled the furthest to be here? If you think you traveled the furthest, raise your hand. Yes, how far did you travel? - Boca Raton. - Boca Raton. Oh wait, so you're all from Florida. Oh, well screw you then.
I did a show in Brooklyn and people were from, remember they were from the Netherlands. Oh yeah, somebody came from like Venezuela or something. Yeah, exactly. And these people were like, Boca Raton. How long a drive is Boca Raton? Aw. Hour and a half to see the greatest comedian who ever lived who can't say greatest but says greatest.
No, thank you very much for being here. We're going to have a lot of fun today. And, Blay, it's been pretty crazy since we've been here. I know you're not, and none of you have been to Miami before now. But no, we had a pretty good time last night. We hit a restaurant. And then I'm pretty proud of myself because I managed to avoid the paparazzi.
And when I say avoid the paparazzi, I mean they don't give a shit about me. I'm the most boring celebrity. But we come out of the restaurant last night with you and the whole entourage. Yes. And there's a paparazzi guy there filming us. That's right. And I come out. You tell the story. It's your show. You go ahead. You're wearing the Hawaiian shirt. I'll just stand over here like an asshole. Sorry.
I was just going to say, before we went out, this woman approached me and said, Mr. O'Brien, there's paparazzi outside. Do you want to go out the back? Yeah. And I was like, no. I want to see what paparazzi looks like. I want to see what this paparazzi thing is all about. So we went out the front, and I brought you all out with me. And then the guy starts filming me, and then I walk up to talk to him, and he puts the camera down.
And I guess it's online today. Like, I bored him to death immediately. You talked to him for like 10 minutes, and then he was like, I gotta go. He's like, I gotta go. And I'm like, don't you want a picture of me maybe kissing someone who's not my wife? And he's like, nah, I'm good. That's the effect I have on these people. I've seen, I've walked past guys before who have the long lenses in New York, and they start to lift the camera, and then they go, ah. I'm like, it's digital. You're not waiting...
Just get one just sitting there like, it's good. We're fine. You're too boring. Hey, Ruthie, how are you? You shooting this on the socials? I don't know what that is. I'm 85 years old. Hi, Instagram. How are you? Okay, well, anyway, that happened. David Hopping. Is David Hopping here? David's my assistant. Who fills in for... Don't play music for David. That's my music. Here, you stand over there.
You're being punished for having your own music when you came out. I didn't say give him music, that's insane. No, we have so much to talk about. I talk about our big paparazzi experience, that was fun. Oh yeah. Yeah. They couldn't wait to get away. Okay, shut up David.
Conan started to walk and was like, do you want to see the buns? And the camera goes down so fast. Give the mic away. There you go. That's enough, David. You lost your mic. No, no, no. You lost your mic privileges, David. No, he'll get it back. Don't worry. We're going to have such a good time. We're going to have a really good time here. Oh, one thing I have to mention. This show is going to drop in March, I believe. Is that correct? Yes, that's correct. So please play along, okay? Okay.
Don't be like, "Merry Christmas!" 'Cause when it drops in March, you'll look like we're brain damaged. So don't do that. Just be chill. It's March when this airs, okay? So if I say, "Man, spring has sprung," you know, play along.
Like spring really just sprang, you know? If I say, well, April, only a couple of weeks away, sort of nod and go, yeah, yeah, a couple of weeks away. Boy, these are boring things I'm talking about. If I actually say those things, it means we're in deep trouble. But anyway, that's the plan. It's, when is it, David? Okay. It's March. It's March. Yeah, too much. You overdid it. Some people came as far as Boca Raton.
That's an hour and 20 minute drive. Yeah. Probably running an errand here anyway. So, yeah. And then just came in here and was like, I guess I'll watch him. Yeah. I've never seen the paparazzi photos of him, so I'll check him out in person. All right. Well, I guess we should get started, shouldn't we? Yes. Do you want to sit? Let's get David up here. David, do you want to sit with me for a second? Okay.
What is this transition music doing? What's it accomplishing? It's a night. We're playing you over to the stage. I just stepped up onto this little riser thing, and there has to be a song? This chair is too low. I'm sorry, folks. I just, I gotta get it together. I stayed out really late at the clubs.
It's not true. It's not true. We dropped you off at the hotel and then Blay, Ruthie and I went out. I know. I went right up to my room and yeah, watched like just whatever. I forget what I watched. Agent Cody Banks. Agent Cody Banks 2. They go to London. It's a true story.
Well, anyway, I'm a creep. No, it's what was on when I turned on the TV. And I thought of you because I know you love 90s television. I do. You even have a podcast. I do. I'd like to want you to say the name of your podcast. It's called Back to the Best. Okay. You can all follow us on Instagram at BTDB Podcast. We can pause so the audience can all follow right now. What are you doing? I just said you could...
Thank you. Your podcast, there you go. All right, well, anyway, are you having a good time here in Miami so far? I am, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah. Okay, that's all the show we have. Thanks a lot for being here. I'm very excited. Yeah. I think we should get our guest out here. Let's do it. I really do. I think we should do this thing. Let's do this thing. I never get to say do this thing, but I'm going to say it now. All right, let me get the correct card. Here we go. You folks ready for our guest? And what month is it? You bet it is. It's March. It is. Yeah. Yeah.
Summer's coming on fast. I'm sure that's almost here. Hey, David, what did you get for Christmas? What was your favorite gift? What about the Maserati I gave you? Hey, that was so nice. I loved that. Yeah. Too bad we had to take it back. All right. It was just a stunt. I hate it here.
I gave him a Maserati and then took it away immediately. That's the meanest joke ever. My guest today is a Grammy Award winning rock and roll Hall of Fame musician and front man, one of the most successful rock bands of all time. He now has a new single entitled Legendary as well as a new docuseries I just watched entitled Thank You, Good Night, The Bon Jovi Story. I'm thrilled he's here today. Jon Bon Jovi, welcome! ♪
Hi, I'm Jon Bon Jovi, and I feel mildly amused about being Conan O'Brien's friend. I'll take it. I'll take it. I need a phone book. I know. What is it? We're both sinking into these seats.
Hello. We both look like Mr. Burns. Yes, accidents, accidents, yes. I know that we are a similar vintage. I think we were probably born around the same time. And all I ever do is I walk in the room. This is like the best looking man I've ever seen at any age group. And every day I look at my face in the mirror and it's a pumpkin rotting in the sun.
I don't know what you're doing. You're drinking the blood of the living, but whatever you're doing, absolutely incredible. Thank you very much. I'm older than dirt. I've earned this gray hair. At least you still got the quaff. I just...
I just strapped this on, it's just Velcro and it goes on in the back. Yeah, that's me. No, thank you so much for doing this. You've been very nice to me over the years. You came on the Late Night Show, I think seven times, which I don't- You guys were incredibly supportive of the band, thank you. Yeah, yeah. And you were even crazy enough to invite Triumph along. Yes. It's one of the fans' favorite remotes is Triumph giving you guys endless amounts of shit.
And I remembered when Robert Smigel told me, yeah, they've invited Triumph. And I said, why would anyone invite him in? He was on the podcast last week and he spent 15 minutes absolutely ripping me apart. And when he was done, I was laughing. As Triumph? As Triumph. He had the puppet there ripping me apart. And then when he was done, I was really laughing hard. But when I went home, there was blood in my urine. Okay.
He attacks and you think you're having a really good time and then you get home and realize, oh my God, he destroyed me. He absolutely destroyed me. Triumph. Classic. At MetLife Stadium. I mean, he didn't come to a little club somewhere. We took him to the stadium. Oh, I know. Yeah, I remember seeing it. You guys were very good sports and fools, I think, to have him. We loved him.
But I was talking to you backstage that I got to see this documentary about you, the band,
how it all got started. And the first thing that struck me, which I could relate to, is how much things change. You get a little older and how much harder you have to work just to stay at the same level. And that's something you talk about. Your work ethic is absolutely insane and very admirable because people think being in a rock and roll band and being a massive star would just be fun. Of course it is. Of course it's fun.
Yeah, I got that from the documentary. You didn't have to work at all. You totally phoned it in. But it's impressive how much work you have to do. Well, you know, look, every kid thinks he's a singer because he's in the shower doing it. And then you can do it in a bar and then you can even make a record. You make a record, now you've set the bar. And now you have to beat that record every fucking time. You can watch the swearing a little bit. This is a podcast for children.
A kid's show. It's a kid's show, five and six years old. Yeah. No, but it is... And it starts out with you doing all these vocal exercises, and you're just talking about, like, yep, 60, the band's been around 40 years, and you do all this work, and I don't even think fans... They're not supposed to know how much work you put into it. Right. It's supposed to look easy. Yeah. But the harder you work, the luckier you get, and...
On the other hand, I had an old adage, nobody loved the fat Elvis. I don't want to go out like that. If I'm going to die, it's going to be out there doing it the right way or don't do it. If you're not going to do it, don't be the fat Elvis. I disagree. I plan to really fall apart.
And hang around. And I'm just hanging around. And we're constantly doing research that shows no one wants me anymore. And I'm like, I don't care. I'm going to eat these pork chops and get out there. Just embarrass myself. No, it is a real testament. And also, it is a great story. I think people should watch this because like anything else, when you see everything that went into it,
What I took away from it is you're this kid and no one's... You have music teachers in school telling you, yeah, you're not a singer. Everyone's telling you you're not a singer and you just are like, uh-huh, yeah, no, I am. You'll see. You just keep going in the face of a lot of adversity. You don't give a kid a dream. It's dangerous. So...
It was as simple as that. And at the time, growing up in New Jersey was very different than being in Los Angeles or Manhattan or somewhere that had a big spotlight on you. We were in the shadow of the greatest city in the world with New York City. We were close enough to greatness, but we could craft our...
We could develop our chops. We could learn our craft. We could play other people's music and emulate them until the time when we got to that place where you felt the hell with it. I'm going to jump off the diving board and see if I can swim. And so that was really important. The time, the late 70s, was a melting pot of great music that was happening. It was a time when a DJ could influence an audience. They had an endless playlist and a microphone.
And they could talk to the audience and say, check this out. And a band could break out of a city. It didn't have to be a national thing with a big push behind it. So all of those things came together at a time for me, even by the time I was 18, I said, I can't play other people's music anymore. And at 18-
And then you decide- I'm 18. Yeah, 18 years old. That's enough. And you decide, I'm going to start writing my own stuff. Yeah. And I have a decent imagination and I've made my living off of what goes on in my brain. The one thing that's a complete mystery to me, and I've said this to a lot of my musical guests, is songwriting.
It's completely magical. And you clearly have this great gift for it, but when you first start, how do you even know what you're doing? - You don't, but I've heard others say that. And it sort of mystifies me because I think, oh, it's really not that hard, but I could never write comedy or I could never write a script. I think how difficult that would be to write a script and all of that dialogue with every intention of each of the characters.
But writing a song for me, it starts out very stupid and simple and you're stealing from everybody. And then you're emulating your heroes and then you're rhyming moon, June and spoon. And with time, I like that song. That was a hit for me, by the way. 1987, it went to the top of the charts. Yeah. You know, until eventually you develop a voice and then you, you,
You know, you're writing chapters in your own book. Yeah. But that's kind of what it is. When you're looking at those old tapes, 85, 86, and what is it that hits you right away? Is it what you're wearing, the look? You know, look, my baby pictures were public. Your audiences were not. So I have to live with that.
Yeah. The poster boy of the 80s. No, I can chuckle at all of that now and really, you know, enjoy the laugh as much as anyone else can. But I think that what I enjoyed the most is that we made the impossible possible by just saying we can go. Why not? You know, it wasn't why it was. Why not?
We can do this. If you work hard, we can do this. And the film really was great for me because I got to look back at this 40 years in a time capsule. You know, the four parts are, well, as you've seen, and I hope your audience has seen, really telling because it's all the warts. You know, it's the ups, the downs, it's the hurting, it's the healing. Any successful band, to be really good, they have to have an element where they're almost tearing each other apart at times. I don't know what that thing is, but clearly...
it just is part of the stew of any great band and another great music documentary was about the Eagles and it's just about them they're all trying to kill each other at different times I mean it's like you're watching Survivor and but that's the element that seems to be kind of important I think it absolutely is it's a sexless marriage in most rock bands you know I mean you're you mean it's a marriage laughter laughter
Right. Anyway. You're with these guys 24-7. I'm laughing and crying at the same time.
You know, so you're together to the point of frustration and then there's all the infighting and success is intoxicating. And then it depends on what you do with it. Yeah. You know, how many comedians have we seen or actors or singers that get a taste of that and then they fuck up or you realize what you're doing and you go on. I remember telling...
a story about the Beatles that they were the archetype that you wish that John had lived because could they, would they have gotten back together or could they, would they have had a healing because they had seen someone else somewhere get fixed?
Yep. Because the Eagles were a great example, right? 15 years of not being together and then they get back together and they're still touring. Yeah. You know, every great band, if you think about it, technically the E Street band was not working together. The Eagles weren't working together. Guns N' Roses weren't working together. Aerosmith had this whole period where they came apart. Down a list. Yeah.
But in a weird way, the gravitational pull gets everybody back together one more time. And if it can, it does. One of the things that's very cool about your story that I'd heard about but didn't really understand completely until I saw the documentary series is that you're a kid.
You know this is what you want to do. And so you manage to get a job working at this recording studio. And you're running errands. Sure. You're getting coffee. You're probably getting other illegal things for people as well. You're around it.
At that level. At that level. And I've always told, young people are always saying to me, if they're interested in comedy, they say, well, how did you get into this? Or what do you think I should do? What's your advice? I say, go to where they're doing the thing that you love and be around it. Just get close to it. And if it means that you're getting paid next to nothing and you're getting coffee, do that. You pay them. Yeah. And so you were around in this studio. Yeah.
And famous studio. The power station. The power station. And so you're around and you're 18, 19? Exactly. There's Aerosmith. There's Steven Tyler. Yeah. These huge stars are around. Yeah.
and you're the kid, and you're close to it, but I think-- - But far enough away, because they weren't inviting you in, you know, nine out of 10 times. I looked through the control room door window, Freddie Mercury, David Bowie, singing under pressure.
That's incredible. I jumped out of a cab one time paying with nickels and quarters, no lie, with my little band from a rehearsal studio about to go up to the stairs of the recording studio to just walk through the door. Paparazzi guy, as you were talking about, jumps out of a garbage can. He starts taking pictures of what was the Rolling Stones jumping out of their limo to go in the studio. The guy yells at Mick Jagger, Mick, Mick, Mick, give us a picture of the band. He grabs me and my friends, throws his arms around me, and he says, this is our new band, the Frogs.
What I would give to find that picture. It's out there somewhere. You got to figure. I thought it was the guy, Ron Galella. Remember that guy? I thought it was him for the longest time. He says, no, it wasn't me. But somebody jumped out of that dumpster. Somebody took that picture of, and if I'm not mistaken, it was Bill Wyman who held the door for us. And Mick said, yeah, go upstairs. And there was Rolling Stones.
in the lobby of this studio. Now, granted, we didn't get to hang out. We didn't get to talk, you know. But I was lucky enough in that period of time to be there. And having had several bands by that time, and when I'd gotten out of high school, that second cousin of mine is a guy that I didn't know before.
Came to see my band play at my father's behest. And he said, the band stink. The kids sort of got something and stay in touch. And so for 50 bucks a week, I called him, you know, in September after I graduated high school with no college on the horizon. He says, yeah, I'll give you 50 bucks a week and come be a gopher. I was like, thank you, please. And I, you know, took the bus to New York every day and did that. ♪
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I remember the first comic relief. I think they still have them, but for the first comic relief to raise money for unhoused people, they had got every famous comedian in the world. And I think at the time I was 21 years old.
you know, complete unknown, just getting started in LA, but I volunteered and ended up getting coffee for people, but I just wanted to be around it. I didn't ask anybody for a favor. I didn't say, hey, I think I'm pretty funny. You don't do that. No. You just be of service. You make yourself kind of indispensable to people. And then they start to say- They're a little nicer to you. They're a little nicer to you. And when you have that proximity to it, it probably made you think this is achievable.
This can be done. We believed that in Jersey at 17, 18. I believed that the band weren't together yet. It made the impossible possible for me because 25 miles south was the Asbury Jukes and the E Street Band. It wasn't Led Zeppelin. That was just beyond the reach. That was too big. But those guys and they were right down the street. And remember now there was 10 Asbury Jukes and
and 70 street band members, there was always going to be one of them bumming a beer from somebody somewhere. Right. You know, so you couldn't help but run into them, even though, you know, I was obviously the next generation. But I mean, the first time Bruce jumped on stage with me, I was 17 years old.
It's amazing. They actually have... There's photos, yeah. There's photos of that. You were singing. You're in a cover band. You're singing a Springsteen tune in New Jersey when this guy jumps on stage to grab the mic and sing with you, and it turns out to be Bruce Bracey. It's pretty unbelievable. It doesn't happen a lot, I wouldn't think. Well, then again, Bruce plays with a lot of people. They've actually asked him to leave a couple of weddings. What do you mean I have to go? Just get out of here. Yeah.
Just one more. Come on. Yeah, I have my horn section at late night for all those years. La Bamba, the guy who for years sang, in the year 2000. He was an original. They were the Jukes horn section. You bet they were. And...
And Southside's still doing it, and he's doing it great, and he's in great spirits, and he's working and doing and being, and of course the E Street Band are still doing their thing. So it's, yeah, they're still doing it. It's great. And it's funny because at that time, Asbury Jukes come along, Springsteen comes along, they didn't proudly say...
We're from New Jersey. It wasn't something, it wasn't sexy. No, it was the punchline. Yeah, you guys. No, Bruce did. Well, Bruce did, but I'm saying as a group, all of you sort of made Jersey this magical place. Well, he did. He did. And so for the next generation, which is us, we're the next generation, not even a year or two or five or ten. Right. The next generation, you know, give all respect where it belongs. It's the E Street Band. It
But, you know, for the next generation, yeah, Bon Jovi became a big worldwide band. Yeah. Yes. I heard of you. Well,
Well, it's so cool because you put in all this work and all this time. It's really, it's the third album. Yeah. Isn't that the classic story? Slippery When Wet that explodes. I remember this really clearly because it blew up just as my comedy career. I really get started in 86, right around the time. And so I'm hearing that on the radio. What really struck me about that whole part of your life is now I see how much work went in before that. Sure. At the time, it just looked like, well, these guys. Yeah.
Hit it big, and this Jon Bon Jovi guy just lucked out, and now all the women in the world want to be with him. And now I see that it was this relentless struggle for what must have seemed to you like a long time before it finally hit. But then you're ready for it. At every level of success, when you're playing a block dance, you think you're the king of the world. I mean, just any time you stepped on the stage, I'm sure you were happy to be in front of 30 people going, I'm the king of the world. I'm going to know Brian now. And then all the way up that ladder. If it was just 30 people, no. I was...
And this was a problem for much of my career. I would scream at the crowd, why aren't there more? Why aren't there more? And then people would just leave, kind of bummed. That was a real roadblock for me. But no, but it felt like when that finally hit and then you're playing stadiums
you're ready because you've done the work. Well, yeah, you can do it over and over if you've got some chops by then, sure. But every step along the way, I swear to you, if I played a block dance, I thought that we had made it. You played the Fastling, which was the place in Asbury where original bands played. And that was my home club, which is no longer there, tore it down. But I thought we made it because we played there. You know, in every way, you know, getting a record deal, opening, opening act, opening for somebody at the Garden, you thought that was it. Oh,
all the way up the ladder. And to this day, I don't think I've ever achieved the top of the ladder yet. Every day you want to do better, not more, just you want to do better. It's funny because that kind of intensity can be tough on people around you. You know, if you have that, I've got to, it's not good enough, you know, or I think I could do better. I have a little bit of a negative voice in my head that's always saying, you know,
okay, that was all right. But other people were saying that was really good. And I'm like, no, it wasn't. And people check me on it all the time. And I realize it's not always fun to be around. No.
but that's part of what it is. Yeah, I've learned to be more comfortable and stuff around everybody and open to being vulnerable. I certainly will express to any and everybody, you know, I'm hurting, I could use the help, guys, and everybody's very supportive of that. But I won't accept mediocrity if I, you know, I want it to be the best it can possibly be. You know, I just...
I can't do anything else. I think that the part that is mind boggling to me is that if you are, if you're playing an instrument, if you're playing the keyboards, if you're the bass player and you keep your chops up, you can play that in a stadium, but you have to put the song across vocally. Yeah. And that's something where you start to run into, you're fighting mother nature at a certain point.
which you show very honestly in the documentary how hard you have to work. At one point you have lasers treating your throat to kind of take the inflammation down and the amount of work, the amount of vocal training you have to do that you didn't have to do when you were 18, 25, 30. 40 or 50. Yeah. But it caught up and again, you know, it's something that I work at every day. So I
I enjoy it too, though. I like doing it. It's just sort of what I do, I guess, at this point. It's just ingrained in me. I don't know what I would do if I didn't do it. Not on the stage, not in the spotlight, but just singing and playing and writing.
It's not generated or motivated by the spotlight or the stage. It really isn't. You have this new single and legendary. And I'm curious, at this point in...
And I heard it today and loved it, but I was thinking to myself, how do you, at this point in your life, do you walk around and play it for people on a guitar and say, what do you think of this? Do you have people you go to that you bounce it off of who you think are going to be honest with you? Yeah. Because I don't. No one will say, people just tell me I just want to get paid. Just tell you what to do. Yeah. This is what gets me paid today. And I say, just tell me it's great. And they say it's great. And then it sucks. Yeah.
And that's worked for me for years. But I would think at this point... Even if I... As long as I care enough. Look, our last album was called 2020 and I put it into this black hole called COVID and it came out right. I couldn't promote it in any way. I couldn't tour it. It was a very topical record. It wasn't a beat record. I'm writing songs about George Floyd and about COVID and about gun violence and
My audience was like, cool, no hits, why? And I go, well, depressing songs about the mood of the world at the time. But here's the diary of my life at that time. And so you write these songs, and I'm very, very proud of the record. Now I'm in a better mood. We can go out. Yeah.
And, you know, I don't have to sit home and drink. I can go out. I prefer to drink at home. Yeah, I got good at that. And I'll tell you, people say that's not good, but... No, it's really good. You should try it. You don't have to share any... You don't have to share. The whole bottle's yours. And you have all these great ideas. And you start yelling. You write them down. And then in the morning, they just look like gibberish. No, but I get to talk to so many...
people whose work I admire and who've achieved these great things. And what you're saying resonates exactly with what Neil Young told me not too long ago on this podcast, which is he told me that whatever's happening to me right now, it's not my business whether or not it's a big commercial thing or not. Right.
You can have hits, you cannot have hits, but what you're giving people is what is available to you and to them at that time. That's all that mattered. Otherwise, you're going to write the Macarena. Yeah. You know, if you're chasing hits, you're going to write the Macarena. I mean, what a... I forgot about the Macarena. Great song. This guy's doing it. There's a guy in the front row doing it. Or he's having some kind of attack.
I think he's off his meds. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're going to chase hits. Yuck. Couldn't do it. Wouldn't be interesting. You know you've made it because you can sometimes probably, everybody, no matter what they've achieved, can still question, did I really get there? You have a rest area named after you on the Garden State Parkway. Now that, to me...
That's fantastic. I'm with you. We arrested the suspect at the Jon Bon Jovi rest area. I stand on the side of the road. I welcome people in to go and I direct them to the men's room, the ladies' room. You should be there to give people shoulder massages. I hand them towels when they're washing their hands. You, you didn't wash your hands. Come back here. I also didn't realize that you guys played...
in the, in, in, I think it was 89. You played in the Soviet union. We did. Which is absolutely unbelievable to me before the wall came down. Yeah. You guys were there. We were, uh, and I would have the torch at Lennon stadium. I mean, this is at a time when rock bands were not allowed to,
to go into the Soviet Union. And I would bet that would be a very appreciative audience. They were. Now, you've got to remember, the Soviet Union, if you even thought of having an album as we knew it, you would be imprisoned. There was kids that had lists on a piece of paper that were very small because if the KGB came up at that time, they would crumple and need it.
So there was more security on the catering backstage than there was on any band's dressing room because they were like, if they see the Hard Rock Cafe's cheeseburgers and french fries, there will be a fucking riot. And meanwhile, we're playing at this festival with these other bands and nobody gave a shit about that because the security was truly crumbling.
crying when they saw the kinds of food so we went to the soviet union yeah and it was a part of a a deal that my first manager who was arrested for smuggling a lot of drugs and to you know whatever we've all done it so to keep him out of jail i had to go to the soviet union but um it was a that's another wait a minute yeah you can't just toss that off
So he was in a lot of trouble, and if you went to the Soviet Union, he would not be in trouble. Crazy, I don't know how he did this, but my first manager got into some trouble with the law, honest to God, for he was accused of...
I don't know, some incredible amount of tons of marijuana into America. If you're going to do something, go all out. Like I'm talking like hundreds of like a lot of dope. And somehow his plea bargain was to take, you know, the young cute kid and throw him to the wolves and the judge.
And then he says, and I've got an idea. We'll go to the Soviet Union and promote peace and harmony and blah, blah, blah. And please, your honor, don't put me in prison. And so I had to go in the snow to the Soviet Union and say, we're coming. And he put a package together with some of his acts and some of his friends. And we went and played. It was great.
Crazy story. He never went to prison. Right. That's a good, happy ending. Yeah. Good happy ending. He went on to move a lot more drugs. Right. Crazy story, but true story. So it's been 40 years, 15 studio albums. Is that right? At least, yeah. Yeah.
And like I say, the thing that I related to the most is, because I'm right there with you, somewhere vintage is, I'm always trying to find something I'm passionate about. And if I can find that and I can find something that interests me, that's good enough. You know what I mean? Like that, and that's, you have to,
you have to really work at it. You have to keep trying. And it's, it was, I took a lot of inspiration from your, from your documentary because I thought this is a, this is a guy who has put in the work over and over and over again. Thanks. I don't know about you, but I could have been very comfortable. And I mean this working at the auto body shop or my father was a hairdresser. My mother had a little retail shop. I was very, very comfortable.
comfortable, confident in who I was and what my life could be. But I loved this thing, which was singing in a rock band. And I'm the only one in my family that ever did it. It wasn't like we had a musical household.
That was my love. It wasn't I was drawn to it for celebrity. It was just I just needed it in the morning. So otherwise, I really could have been happy. It's not driven by anything other than the sheer love. Yeah. When I meet young people, and especially in this age of the cell phones and the Instagram and influencers, and I meet people and they tell me...
they're interested in doing something. I said, well, what is it? And when they tell me that their interest is just, is being famous when that's the first thing they mentioned, I think, I don't know what that is because that's a clear broth. There's no nutrients in that. That's people in a restaurant looking up, seeing you, and then looking back down at their food for a second. You have to love the thing that you're doing and that has to drive it. I'm
I'm sure they love that thing that you're doing, but what exactly is it? I'd like to think that what we're trying to do is leave something behind. All the people that you made smile over the years is leaving something behind. You impacted all those people for generations now. Conan, you made people laugh.
And that's a gift that you gave back. Looking hot in an Instagram picture is pretty shallow. I'd like to have both. I would love to have both. I'd like to look so hot in an Instagram photo. It just doesn't look... It's just this Irish face is collapsing in on itself. You're a very generous guy. He plays a lot of benefits. I think I've been at maybe 10...
different benefits over the years where you've shown up and played. And when you're playing your music, just watching people jump up on their feet and sing along. And one of the coolest things I ever saw is I was standing near your wife, Dorothy, and I think you started to play
one of your you know many hits and she jumped up and started singing along and i thought my wife doesn't do that my life's like whatever you think he's funny all right but i just but i love that you know you you guys have been together forever that she's she seems like your biggest fan which i thought was very cool well she's my most honest fan you know she'll tell you when it sucks um
You know, it absolutely tells me when it's not good. So that's the best thing is, look, we've been together since high school, for God's sake, you know? Yeah, that's amazing. It's a good thing. But she's no bullshit. She doesn't do the Insta either, so she don't care about that. Yeah. You know, it's better to leave that all out there and on the stage. It's not what we bring home.
Now, I have to bring this up because I'm a very enthusiastic wine drinker. Yeah. I know that you started a wine business and you've come out with this rosé. And I'm bringing this up because apparently this thing is huge. This rosé is huge. It's called Hampton Water. Hampton Water is really big. It's really my son's company. I get to be Santa Claus. I come in for the photo op.
And the tastings. Everyone wants to sit on my lap and take a picture. And then HR comes in. And by the way, thanks for letting me do that. Yeah, exactly. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. You weren't supposed to grind on my lap when you sat down with a picture. It's when I started bouncing that you got upset. Finally!
- Show me what? Yeah, it's funny because this is a true story, like sometimes different singers or actors are associated with like a really cool liquor. And I remember a couple of years ago, my manager was like, you gotta get in on this. And I said, no one's gonna buy
"a tequila or a whiskey, because it's associated with Conan O'Brien." And he was like, "Well, we gotta think of something!" And I went, "We don't really have to think of something. I'm fine." And he's like, "You're not thinking straight, Clooney!" And he starts yelling it out about all the people who've made all this money. Probably shouted your name too. "I'm telling you, Jon Bon Jovi's killing it! You gotta do something!" And then he called me up later and he was like, "Hair pomade!" Now wait a minute. And I was like, "Wait a, so you're the businessman here."
Do you want to go in? Yeah. Because you've got iconic. You and I have a history in the hair. You have iconic hair. Yeah. Yeah, I have, you know, hair that's, it's a punchline, but it's gotten me through. And so I think, you know, let me know. There's an opportunity. I think people would get the Conan pomade. I agree. Yeah. I agree. I like the idea. Yeah. Yeah. You can see the wheels turning right now. I'm there. You're going to call me later tonight, aren't you? Yep. And tell me it's a really stupid idea. Yeah.
All right. Well, I want to make sure I get the word out here. Check out Bon Jovi's new single, Legendary, as well as the four-part docu-series, Thank You, Good Night, The Bon Jovi Story, which I recommend because it's really a terrific document and also just kind of, to me, a how-to of...
Yes, you get the luck. You clearly were born with all these gifts, but then you made sure, you made absolutely sure that success had every opportunity to happen just through working your ass off. No, thanks, brother.
I appreciate it and thank you for all the years of friendship. It's been great to see you and your audience today. I don't know who these people are. They're waiting on some... Some of them came as far as Boca Raton to be here. Oh, I heard that. That's the kind of fan base I have. Yeah, but the guy said it took him an hour and a half to drive here. You should have said it took eight hours to drive here because the
freaking drive down this highway. You had to take the train. Take the train? Yeah, you got to take the train. I haven't, you know, I can't leave my hotel because of the paparazzi. I mean the paparazzi not being interested. Hey man, thank you so much for doing it. Oh, it's a joy. Thank you.
Vitamin water was born in New York because New Yorkers wanted more, like more flavor to go with all the flavor. A refreshing drink after climbing six flights of stairs to a walk-up apartment or standing in the subway station in 100 degree heat. Drink vitamin water. It's from New York.
Okay, you say, I want some breakfast. Your so-called boyfriend says, we got eggs in the fridge. Obviously, when you say breakfast, you mean McDonald's. Definitely a side-eye situation. Bring home the bacon, steak patty, or others with a BOGO for $1 breakfast. Only in the app. Limited time only at participating McDonald's. Valid once a day. Must opt into rewards. Visit McDApp for details. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.
God, he looks so much better than he is. It's infuriating. I couldn't even think. I kept falling in love with him as I was speaking to him. You're very handsome too, right guys? Come on. That was horrible. Sorry.
I hated that. I'm just trying to help you out. You're not bad looking, too. I'm sorry. Right, everybody? I'm sorry. There's $100 in it for each of you if you applaud his rotting skull.
Quiet, you. Now we're going to take a few questions from the audience. Oh, sure. This is where I get to find out what's going on. Hello. Hi. What's your name? I'm Kaya. Hi, Kaya. Hi. How's it going? Good. I just can't believe you're there. I'm sorry. Look, I can get even closer. I'm trying not to. No.
So in the game. Hold it. Did your phone just go off? What the hell? You're running my social media empire and your phone just went off? I'm so sorry. Do I have a microphone so I can stand? Is that okay? Yes, of course. Here, take this one. Hello, hello. There we go. This thing's on. Yes, I'll stand closer to you so you can really see. Is this too much for you? It's okay. It's okay. This is what women do when I get close to them. They go, no!
I see its veins! His face is invisible! How are you? What's going on? I have a terrible question now. Okay, so in the game, fuck, marry, kill. What? You heard the game. In the game, yes, yes. I play this with my grandchildren all the time. Before you go to bed, little ones, we're going to play fuck, marry, kill. In the game, if you can only pick male comedians...
Only male comedians. Only male comedians, yeah. Yes. Who would you choose? And a bonus if you choose Flula as one. But that's a wild card. Oh, my man. Flula Borg. I don't know if you guys are familiar, but he's a hilarious... Yeah. Yeah, he'd be... Maybe I would go with Flula for sexual relations. Because he is just... He's chiseled, you know? Yeah, he's like a piece of Bavarian furniture. Yeah.
I don't even know what that means. I apologize. Then do I do the other two as well? Yes. Okay, so who would I marry? Let's see. I would marry, I think I'm going to marry Bill Hader. Because he just does bits. He does such great impressions all the time that I would feel like I was constantly with a different partner.
And we're never real with each other. Whenever he comes over to my house, he's like, "Ah, yes, Mr. Bray." And I'm like, "Oh my God, I'm with a new person. This is fantastic." And then who am I gonna kill? Okay, let's see. Who am I gonna murder? There's so many that I wanna murder. - The list is so long. - Yeah, I would, no, I'm gonna murder Jack McBrayer.
I love him. I love him, but I just want him to hear that I said I'm going to get him. And he's another person who I'm never real with. I'm always like, I'll point to an elevator when I'm with Jack, and I'll say, does it scare you because it's a moving room? Did they not have that back on the farm? And he's so funny. He'll be like, sir, I know what an elevator is.
And we just do that back and forth like idiots for hours. But he needs to be murdered. I'm going to murder him. That's a good question. Hello. Oh, I'll get you. Yes, this woman next and then you and I'll take care of everybody. Hello. Hey, I love your hair. Thank you. You look fantastic. Thank you.
Thank you. Yeah. That's so cool. How did you do that? Someone I paid too much money for did it for me because I don't trust myself. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, it's cool. You have a fringe of gold around your face. It's beautiful. I take it. It's like a halo effect. It's very nice. Thank you. Yeah. I'd like to have the same thing done to my hair. You can have it. We'll trade. Okay. You don't want this. This is a curse.
we'll see what happens. So what's your name? Sammy. Hey Sammy. Hi. Hi. Long time listener. First time caller. Thanks a lot. I have a twofold. Um, so I really like the Muppets. Um, which Muppet do you sincerely relate to? And then would that Muppet play you in a biopic? Oh my God. Um,
Man, I wish I knew the Muppets well enough. I think it would be Cookie Monster because I eat very quickly. I grew up, I was one of six and they would put food out and like Cookie Monster, I just throw the food at my mouth
And it all comes falling out. You can attest that I'm a very fast eater. I eat things very fast. And I always, when I see Cookie Monster eat, anyone who knows me knows that that's Conan. There's like a ham sandwich and I'm just throwing it.
at my mouth and there's just a big piece of felt that blocks it from going in. I mean, Cookie Monster, he wastes so much food. Those cookies go flying right out of his mouth. So yeah, and I would want him to play me in the biopic, yeah.
Or maybe he would, yeah, no, maybe, I don't know. I don't know. He'd have to do like a swap. I look more like Elmo, you know? We'll hold an audition. What's that? We'll hold an audition. Okay, we'll figure it out. But that's my answer for now. Yes, you have a question. My name's Delaney. Hey, Delaney. Cool name. That's your first name. Yeah. That's so cool. Thank you. Because your first name's a last name.
Is your last name a first name? Unless Costello is a first name. No, Dwayne Costello, that's a cool name. Thank you. Also Irish. Oh, sorry. It's a terrible thing.
Yeah, I don't know why I'm bragging. No, no one's bragging. You're just identifying the disease and we're going to talk about it. So we didn't plan this. I have a question about the Muppets too. Something about my fans.
I don't have the most mature fans. Fair, especially this question. So if you had to kiss a Muppet, which one would you kiss and why? Definitely Snuffleupagus. Why? Why? Because I went to Sesame Street once to tape something years and years ago and I saw Snuffleupagus when he wasn't being operated and he was hanging...
from the ceiling. They like hang him up there. And he was, looked like one of Hannibal Lecter's victims.
It was the most freakish thing. And I felt so terrible for Snuffleupagus that part of me wants to see him alive and then embrace him and kiss him and cover him with caresses. Because what I saw just shocked me. It was horrifying. It was like someone was leaving. It was like a mob guy was leaving a threat. Like, we did this to Snuffleupagus and we're going to do it to you next.
if you don't come across. So anyway, yeah, I'd like to see Snuffleupagus alive because that sort of traumatized me. And then the idea that we would have a romantic liaison. Sounds like you've thought about this a lot. It's all I think about. I was just backstage thinking about it. And then when I was with Jon Bon Jovi, I was thinking about a threesome with Snuffleupagus.
Is this why you didn't go out last night? Because he's so big that, you know, you'd lose Jon Bon Jovi. You wouldn't even know Jon Bon Jovi's there for a while. And then he'd sort of, whoa, I didn't know. And then he'd go back into something.
What are we doing? Is this any way to behave? I don't think so. Delaney, if that's even your real name. I don't think it is. Uh-oh, here we go. Hello. Hello. Hi, what's your name? My name's Emily. Hi, Emily. I'm so nervous. I'm so happy to talk to you. Oh, don't be nervous. It's just me. To make you feel better, though, I did have to leave at 11.30 this morning and didn't get here until 4.45. What? You're welcome. Wait. What?
Where were you coming from? Central Florida. So is it the traffic? Is that what the problem is? Yes. You know what I'm going to do the next time I do one of these is send all the fans that get tickets sirens that you can put on the roof of your car. It would have been helpful.
You all get here in like eight minutes. If any cop stops you, you'd be like, no, it's my Conan podcast siren. Yes? So where I live is part of the largest retirement community in America, which is called The Villages, which is a crazy place. Why is everyone making noises? Because everybody hates it. No, the older generation gets it on. Yes, that is my question. Why are you waving? This man's got a story to tell. What did they do to you?
They have the highest STD rate, I think, in the United States of America. Everyone seems to know about this. Why am I having no fun? Well, my question... They only use golf carts to travel. They probably do it in the golf carts, too. My God!
This is fantastic, and everyone seems to know about it. They use a loofah system that they attach to their golf carts that lets the other people know what they're into, like swinging or anal or oral. So my question for you is... No, no, no, no, we're not going to get to your... We're not going to get to your... You're not asking a question now. And should we fully examine what's happening here?
You're now the guest. I'm going to cancel. We're not even going to air Jon Bon Jovi. This is all going to be an expose on what's this place called? The Villages. The Villages.
They use a loofah system? They do. But the loofahs aren't involved in the sexual acts, are they? I mean, they could be. Sure. So they have different, whatever color. You can look online. They have a color-coded system. I'm going to look online immediately. And so they'll have that attached to their golf cart so when they're driving around, somebody can be like, oh, they're into swinging. Let's go hook up with them. Yes, yes. So my question is, what kind of loofah would you want? What is the minimum age?
When you can be accepted to this, what sounds like a wonderland. You are old enough. What's that? You are old enough to be there. I wish you had said not old enough. Sorry. Okay.
I wish you had said, oh, Conan, don't be silly. You have to be much older than you are. So really, I could get in at my age? Yes, you could. Okay. Now, what if I, can I get a place there and kind of visit every now and then? Yes. So I don't have to stay there? Most of them are snowbirds in that they only come during the winter and then they go back up north during the summer. Okay. Yeah. Why do you know so much about this? I work for the county that it's in. So you're blowing, you're a whistleblower. You're blowing, we're here at like a historic, don't
Delaney, write all this down. Why do you, only my fans then pretend to write. She's blowing the roof off a criminal ring and you're doing bits where you space write something in an improv class? We're going to go there, all of us, and stop this madness or participate. Yes. Oh, I think we're going to participate.
Definitely, this is a participation crowd. Oh my God, well, I don't want to be ageist. I think whatever age you are, you know, good for you. You know what I'm saying? But, man, oh my God. You went into such detail about what they're up to. Swinging, and then you said all this other stuff, and I blacked out for a minute. Okay, you did have a question, and then I'm going to have a follow-up question for you. Okay. Just about application process, how long does it take? Sure.
Is it anonymous? That kind of thing. Because I don't want it getting out that I'm seeing a woman who fought in the Korean War. Man, Edna and I really got it on last night.
So what's up? What's going on? So my question is, if you were a member of the Villages, what would you... It would be so great if your question wasn't about that at all. Yeah, that would be hilarious. Do you like oatmeal cookies? With raisins or without? Go ahead. Okay. If I was a member... What would you want your loofah to tell the other Villagers that you're into? Well, I don't know what they mean. Do you really know what the different loofahs mean? Oh! Oh!
White is novice and beginners. Purple is voyeur and people who like to watch. Pink, soft rap, people who like to do it with others in the room. And then there's more. Blue, lowest level of swap, those who can play well with others. Well, that sounds like me. Here we go. Yellow, mid-level swap for those who want to have fun but are still nervous. I would be very nervous that someone's hip would fall off. Full swap, those who say, what the hell, let it all go down.
Teal. Bisexual, for those who want to increase their dating chances. Is that it? Okay. That's enough. That's a lot. That's a lot of loofahs. This is incredible. This is absolutely unbelievable. Yeah, triumph needs to go there. That's a really good idea. That's me, I'm solid. The last time you had sex, you were with Nancy Lincoln. Yes, yes. You suck!
to take your teeth out before... Hey, that's enough. Try them. What's this? I don't know. I'd say black. Full swap. Those who say what the hell, let it all go down. That's what I would do. That's what I would do. Not because it's hard, because it's easy. Can I ask for like a handshake or something? What's that? Can I ask for a handshake or something? It's going to end with a handshake? Yes. We discussed anal and ear sex and all kinds... Yeah, come on over. We'll have a quick...
Yeah, here we go. Thank you. Let's do a quick hug here. Seriously, I have a lot more questions for you. We'll figure that out. You guys seem to all know about this place. It's incredible. I would love it if we all went together. Because I don't want to go alone. I want to have people from Boca Raton with me. And then other people from an area near Boca Raton. And then other people that were in traffic all day. God, that's incredible. We've got to go there. I've got to see what's going on. Incredible. History in the making.
Okay. They really are the greatest generation, aren't they? They got us through the Depression. They won World War II. And they're still out there. Oh, don't make things with your fingers. Cut it out. Grow up. You guys were really nice. You were also delightfully weird. What an odd group.
Seriously, your questions were fantastic. And I am legitimately, I always say this, but I really mean it. I have like the funniest fans in the world. They're super nice and smart, but they're also very funny. And so, so lucky to have you guys come here and be hilarious improvisers. And I know that's not your name. I'll see you guys next time. All right? We'll see you around. Bye-bye, everybody. Goodbye. Bye-bye.
Our
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode.
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Vitamin water was born in New York because New Yorkers wanted more, like more flavor to go with all the flavor. A refreshing drink after climbing six flights of stairs to a walk-up apartment or standing in the subway station in 100 degree heat. Drink vitamin water. It's from New York.
Okay, you say, I want some breakfast. Your so-called boyfriend says, we got eggs in the fridge. Obviously, when you say breakfast, you mean McDonald's. Definitely a side-eye situation. Bring home the bacon, steak patty, or others with a BOGO for $1 breakfast. Only in the app. Limited time only at participating McDonald's. Valid once a day. Must opt into rewards. Visit McDApp for details. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.
