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Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started.
Hi, Anthony. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. How's it going? Hello, Anthony. How are you? Good, Conan. How are you doing? This is unbelievable. Well, for us too. For us too, Anthony. Tell us, where are you? I didn't really mean that. Anthony, tell us, where are you calling in from? Where in the world are you, old friend? I'm in a one-bedroom apartment in Windsor, Ontario right now. Oh, okay. Windsor, Ontario. Yeah.
And, um, all right. Well, uh, I'm a big fan of all things Canada. I think you're a lovely nation. Um, and, uh, I want to thank you for calling in and ask you just a couple of questions just as a baseline. Tell us your name is Anthony. You're in Windsor, Ontario. You're in a one bedroom apartment. Uh, you have a, um, some kind of a flag behind you. Uh, yes. One of my favorite bands.
Oh, that's a band. It looks like it's for the Romanov family in Russia. Yeah, I stole it from them, actually. It was quite tough to get, but, you know. Well, you're a very, you're a bad art thief because you steal things and then put them on your wall and then go on a Zoom. Yeah.
Is your hair... I'm just going to comment on it right away. Oh, my God. Wait a minute. Forget your hair. You just drank out of a human skull. He just lifted a cup that looks like a human skull. I'm hoping it's not a real human skull. Oh, well, I did steal that from Russia, too. That's how I got it. It actually was from this guy here. Oh, no. Well, I can see it's not real, but what do you... Wow. Okay. And also, I was going to comment on your hair, which looks to be...
different colors. Is that right? There's some black, there's some bright, bright orange. This is my natural. This is my natural. Oh, my apologies. My roots are coming in. I'm so sorry. Yeah, this is red. It's dyed red all the way to the bottom.
It's great. Thank you very much. It's full magenta. I appreciate that. So this is what I'm getting. I'm seeing a skull behind you on the background. I'm seeing that you're wearing a black shirt. Your hair is dyed multiple colors. And so this leads me to question, what do you do for a living? Are you a Satanist? No.
How does that pay? Do you conjure the dead? Only on weekends. Oh, and you have black fingernails too. I know. I noticed that. And listen, I am not anti-Satanist and I'm not pro-Satanist. I like to sit on the fence. Yeah. I'll come down anti-Satanist. Really? I'll take the risk. I'll be pro-Satanist. Okay. Yeah. We have many. Yeah. And I just think, hey, live and let live, which is not what a Satanist believes. No. I think hail Satan. Yeah.
Okay. Take it easy. I wouldn't. Bless you. I forgive you. So I am a phlebotomist, if you can believe it or not. I take blood. Oh, we believe it. Anthony, I believe you take blood. Now we know what you're drinking out of that skull. Oh.
Yeah, I can completely believe you take blood, whether you do it professionally. I'm not sure. So you're a phlebotomist, a phlebotomist. You study blood disorders. Is that correct? So I don't study. I do like any whenever you're getting any diagnosis or anything like that. It all starts with blood tests. Right. So they come and see me. I do all the prepping. I make sure all the prep needs to be done for the testing. And then that gets sent over to the lab there.
And then to assert dominance, I smear some on my hair and that's where the red comes from. I love that because I also like to assert dominance, but I have other techniques, which I'll tell you about later in a separate. So, um,
Wow, so you, do you extract the blood yourself or does someone else? I do, yes. Okay, all right. And you're not squeamish at all about it. Clearly you're fine putting a needle into somebody and taking their blood. Yeah, ever since I was younger, my mom would watch like all these like surgery shows when like I'd be just like home. She would watch the TLC stuff and it would be all surgeries. I'd just be sitting there watching it with her. So all that stuff really interested me when I was younger. And yeah.
That's just not squeamish at all because of it. Actually got to help out with an autopsy one time as part of a perk in schooling. Yeah, so not every job has its perks. I've often offered you a free autopsy examination around Armenian Christmas, and you're always real like, that's not a perk.
So you went in and assisted in an autopsy and you weren't squeamish at all about it? No, not at all. And you'll never forget the smell, that's for sure. But it was probably one of the most incredible experiences of my life just because nobody gets to do that as like,
just every day, right? Except for obviously the person performing the autopsy. But it was just something neat to see because I don't have the smarts to be a doctor, but it was awesome to be able to be a part of that. Well, Anthony, first of all, I don't think you should put yourself down and you are a phlebotomist. And so clearly you have great capabilities. Have you ever been interested in being a, you know, pursuing this further and getting a full-on medical degree? Are you content with phlebotomy?
I've been actually doing it for nine years right now. So I'm kind of content where I am and just kind of going about there. That was about the limit of what my knowledge could actually take before I wanted to scream. But yeah, I think I'll stay here because it was pretty tough. Anthony, quick personal question. Whenever I go to get blood drawn, and it's a lot because they're always trying to figure out
what's wrong with me and how can he still be alive? And just based on my complexion alone, there's this constant, could he, is it possible he's dead? But you know what I want to say? And this is true. Every time, many times a year, I get my blood drawn. They always have a notoriously difficult time
finding a vein in my arm. What is that all about? They say they can't find... And this is people who come in and go, trust me, I never have a problem. They go in with one needle, it doesn't work. They try another. They say, huh, I'm going to try over here. They can't find a vein. You should get a little tattoo with an arrow that says like right here, doc. Right here. I know, I should. But even then, I think...
Is it that my veins are deeply submerged? Would that be the problem? So everyone's biology is technically different. In some cases, I've never heard of anyone having issues. So you might be the only one in the world that they actually just might want to poke for fun.
Just to be able to get a reaction. You know what's funny? I often hear giggling. There's a lot of giggling. And then usually if it's at the doctor's office, there's other doctors and nurses outside the door. And I hear a lot of giggling and high-fiving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do they point at you and laugh? They all take pools to see how many needles you can probably take before you pass out. And that's the fun of it, really. That's what we do at our job. It's just great.
side cash, you know? - So, okay. So you are, and I'm just gonna say it as often as I can, 'cause I love it. You are a phlebotomist. You study phlebotomy. You've often given people a phlebotomectomy. But also you like to practice the dark arts. You drink from a skull, you dress in black. Tell me a little bit about your hobbies. What do you like to do for fun? - I'm in a band actually with my brother
And it's all themed, of course, of about like religion and the questions of choice between that type of thing. So that's always been my main question in life. And it's really neat to pursue it in like a musical way. And so we're in a metal band together. I knew it. When you said when you said metal, it was not a surprise. I did not think this was going to be Polka.
Yeah, you were sure, Polka. I was thinking... That's what I started with. I started with the flute, and then I ended with a scream vocalist. So what do you do in the band? Are you the vocalist? I am the scream vocalist. We have two. The genre is called metalcore, so you have...
half screaming and you have melodic singing. And so we have a buddy of mine who does the melodic screaming and then I do the intense stuff. Do you mind? I mean, are we okay? Should we reset levels? Eduardo, could you give us a sampling of a scream you might... Yeah, take a sip out of the skull first. Yeah, have some blood. And... I'll put on a spot here. No vocal warmup? No, no, it's okay. I'm sure you don't need vocal warmup to scream. Um...
But give us a sampling of what you might, and what would help you? Should I be playing a rhythm track? Yeah, yeah. Give me like a heart breakdown, like a...
I will not survive! Did you do it yet? Did that pick it up? No. Did you hear anything? I just heard it sounded like you swallowed a crouton. Okay. So that's basically... Wait, there was no scream? The mic doesn't pick it up. The mic doesn't pick it up because it's so loud. Here, let me try this. I will not survive!
I will not survive! Go back. Go back. You take over. Okay, put the headsets on your desk, step away from the headset, sir, and walk back to the back of the room and then yell. At least nine feet and then yell. Am I trying this for real? Yes. This is not a bit. We are very serious about people that scream. I will not survive! Oh my God, still! It's not game. It's the Zoom audio filter that's probably just...
Oh, fuck you, Zoom. Yeah. Hey, Sona, that's the ninth time. That's the ninth time today. But Zoom discriminates against people in metal core, man. I wanted to hear it. You know what's so crazy? I got all excited. Sona H. Mofsesian. H for hell. No, no. Because I'm a Satanist. But guess what? No, it's because Matt had that perfect middle name for you. Anyway. Sorry, Matt.
Anthony, I have to tell you, I am really disappointed because I was and I'm sure the listener is as well. I was all ready to hear this. Is there a way to disable that function? So, yes, the listener will be able to hear it because he's recording locally, not on Zoom. Oh, what you're hearing is the filter version. So I can talk him through how to turn off the filter. OK, well, yeah, but that's going to take like Conan. Yeah, I have music videos on YouTube.
I have, my band name is Among the Rest. You can check it out if you want. Oh, nice little blog. I love that. I'm going to do a Goog. So, you're going to do a Goog? I'm going to Goog it. Okay, I might Goog it as well. You Googing later? Googing. You know what, I'm going to Goog it at the Googing hunt. Yeah. Oh, great. Come on.
I'm going to, your band is among the rest. And what does that refer to? What does it mean to you? That's what I always say to people when they say, oh, what does that mean? I said, well, what does it mean to you? Whatever the answer they give me, I say yes. It sounds like a metalcore band in Ontario. Yeah, that's what we were going for. Hey, Fidelity, how can I remember to invest every month?
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Wow, I was so disappointed not to hear the scream, but I guess when people hear the actual... Oh, I was doing, I was really, I was really hoping. Can I simulate what it sounds like to us? Yeah. I'm going to do what it simulates what it sounds like to us. I was going, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
Yeah, it sounded like a milk burp. Yeah. Actually, that's one of our songs, Milk Burp. You'll find it on Spotify. But you know what I'm loving now? Anthony, I'm sure you really do scream, but I do think you should do a set, and you guys should record it, where you play your normal material, but instead of what you normally do, just go...
and guess what do that in the band sometimes and we will like during breakdowns of shows i will try and spit facts that are not true in between there's a silent part before we come in so like it'll be like 50 of giraffes are bisexual and then we just come right into a huge breakdown and you just throw 50 percent are not bisexual
uh if 50 are than 50 or not got it um i uh i love that i think you'd be good in a metal core band because i would be i have a pretty good screen you should play the triangle yeah you should play the triangle no you don't get it man you should scream no i'm a good screamer and i'm a very dynamic presence on stage and i do think
that satan resides within me that you got that right that's for sure the only way to prove it is if you ever make it down this way for any reason come play a show with us and i'll put you on as a feature well first of all it would be up that way anthony no one comes down to ontario but he's a satanist he's in hell oh i see you yes that's right you're in the lowest reaches of hell very nice very nice
So how do you get along with people you work with? Do they accept you for who you are? You're a little bit, I'm gonna say it the way someone would have in like 1952 when it was an older guy in entertainment. You're pretty far out there.
you know what i'm saying i mean you're way way wildcat yeah yeah i think uh getting along with them is really well and i think it actually uh translates well to like hey it's somebody different so they remember me in a way you know it's like oh there's that guy at that lab that you know does that and i'm playing music in the lab all the time and people know when they come in they're like oh where's the metal where's the metal so they um
they're able to see and hear and everything just what i'm about and i don't hide it but it's great like the patients love it i have a 70 year old fan and she wears my band shirt to work all the time yeah maybe she's got a little crush yeah she might actually yeah it's you never know i have a question for you how good are you at putting that needle and do you have like a ginger touch because some people are a little painful and others just have a knack for it you know
Not to toot my own horn, but I feel like this was kind of my calling. And people have said, you know, they'll walk in and be like, nobody's ever gotten me. I can't. And then I'd just be like, done. And it's...
with practice, I've worked in like cancer clinic stuff for school. So you get a lot of hard picks. And with that practice, you know, sometimes it just, I'm good. That's all I can say. Hey, that's, you know what? But you know what? It's nice. You started out, you know, you're trying to be self-effacing and then all that just cracked away like, like an ice sheet. And you said, I am the very best that's ever drawn blood. I would want a confident. I'll wear that proudly. I don't want an insecure. Hey,
How many times have I said in my life, I love a confident phlebotomist? How many times? Daily? Yeah. It comes up a lot. Almost as much as you said, fuck you, Zoom. So, well, you know, I wish that you drew my blood because... I'll draw your blood. No, because they notoriously have a hard time...
finding blood inside me. Let's see those arms. Maybe you don't have veins. Well, I'll look at them from here. We'll see if I can find you one. If you ever come up this way, I could do a blood test for you. You know, I get...
I can show you the guns. Not bad. Sorry to see the guns. The gun shows. Not bad. Oh, come on. We got the gun show going on here. We don't need those tickets. Hey, Soda, come on. I think I would be too intimidated to take your blood if you showed me those guns. Get in here. Get in here. Okay? Yeah. All right. So this is a... What's that? Beef. No, but wait a minute. Still, I see... Beefcake. I see... You've been training for our arm wrestling rematch? Oh, snap. Hey, I like to hit the weights every now and then.
Listen, I don't see it. I'm going to tell you that. It's right there. Where? It's right there. Just right there. You've got one. Right here.
Told you I'm good. Okay. Hey, is it because I'm freckled that they're hard to see? Believe it or not, gingers actually have a harder time taking blood. That's just fact. Why? I don't know. I'll ask Satan. Hey, Satan. And he's in the corner. Yeah. He's just eating Girl Scout cookies. Huh?
He's just, he's just feeding God knowledge. Hey, if you guys want to just make this terrible, just make gingers have terrible veins. And that's just, that's where it comes from. Honestly, a saint. There are advantages to being a ginger. I got to tell you, but I don't know what they are. I haven't encountered them yet.
You know what I'm going to say? I'm going to say that Anthony's my favorite phlebotomist. Thank you. You were my favorite talk show host. And I say that with honest to God sincerity. That is, I love you so much, man. And I appreciate everything that you do. That's very kind of you. And I'm glad that you enjoy our brand of, I don't know what it is we do here.
It's probably not legal, but I'm glad that you're enjoying it. And do you have a question for me? Is there anything I can help you with? I do, actually. So my favorite thing in the world was your trip to Italy with Jordan Schlansky in Conan Without Borders. I love that, yeah. It's kind of a two-parter, if you don't mind. One is, is Jordan Schlansky AI? And the second one is...
How did comedy translate in different countries? Now, here it's like you get the quick wit because there's a lot of play on words. But when you start to get into different languages, like, do they understand that? Like when you're going around in the city and you're yelling pasta, you're
at like pasta names to speak Italian at Italian people do they just think you're insane or do they understand that there's this level of sarcasm two questions and I'll take the first one first you ask is Jordan AI I wish he were AI because I could press delete but no he unfortunately is who he is uh he's a real person and I love that he came with me and in this new show that
that we just did for Max. He shows up in the Argentina episode. And if you want to look for that, that's it's called Conan O'Brien must go. It's on Max. It's a reason to get Max and a son will reimburse you now to that's just a contractual agreement. You just said yes to, and then two. Excellent. Thank you, Sona. No, sometimes what I do, I try not to offend or anything, but I've found that when I'm in countries where,
people don't speak the language, I become more cartoony in a way where you don't almost need to understand English to understand that this is a very ridiculous, silly man. So one of my favorite moments ever was in Haiti in a classroom of young, beautiful Haitian children. They were laughing really hard because a maniac just came into the room. And I basically was a party clown. They didn't
So there was no wordplay. But in that specific moment when I'm walking through the streets of Florence with Jordan and I'm shouting out to the crowd and I just decided since I don't know Italian, I'll just shout
Italian directors names. So I'm saying Scorsese, you know, and, uh, Tony. Yeah. Well, yeah, I think there was a, yeah, there was a few pastas in there, but for a while I was just doing and Coppola. And I think I did yell rigatoni and a guy went asshole. So he did understand that I am an asshole. So, um, you never know. I, I try to go in with pretty good intentions. And then, uh, um, I think for the most part,
I try to, if it's not translating with that person, I hope it translates back home. So that's kind of the answer to that one. That's excellent. That's awesome. But I do really appreciate it because my TV has a Conan O'Brien TV station. So I don't have to pay for anything or give you any money. I can just absorb you that way. Oh, you mean you have a Samsung?
If you have a Samsung, that means it has the Conan O'Brien channel. Yes, I do. Oh, by all means, buy Samsung televisions. First of all, they're the best televisions and wonderful flat screens. And it comes with a cutout of you. Yeah, so I'm just saying, if you're enjoying Conan O'Brien, maybe you should check out a Samsung TV, and I'm not getting any money for this. They also have the 24-7, 21 Jump Street channel on there.
too. Is that true? It's true. And a Bob Ross channel. I'd love to be on that too, Conan. Hey,
Buy it for the 21 Jump Street channel, but then secretly you'll grow to love it for the Conan O'Brien nonstop channel. Anyway, thank you for convincing me to promote Samsung, which I wasn't promising to do. And again, not part of my contract. But Anthony, you are a you're a great fella. You're a great fella. And I do hope I do hope one day our paths cross and that you can find where my vein is. Oh, awesome.
Oh, wait a minute. That came out really weird. That sounded... Hey, Anthony, come over here. I want you to drain the vein, if you know what I mean. Hey!
La la la la la la la la la. We love the song recording. We have the song recording. I'm under arrest. I will say this with confidence, Conan. If you come to me with a blood test sheet or however you want to do this and you need some blood, I promise you, not that I will try, I promise you, I will get you.
And guess what? I want it done. I want it done on stage with your band. It's happening. That'll be in the middle of the breakdown. I come out and you, yeah, as the band keeps playing and you occasionally go, you take my blood. I love this, Anthony. Hey, Anthony, very nice talking to you. Thank you. It was an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much. I salute you and Canada.
And then you were going to say something nice about Sona. Sorry to interrupt you. Say something nice about Sona. I was going to say, Sona, thank you for Googling me. Interrupt. Interrupt. No, but say something nice about Matt, too, because he does a lot of work. This will be fine. Matt. Matt. Matt. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Hey, good to meet you, Anthony. Wish there was time to talk about these guys. Bye. Love you.
Take it away, Jimmy.
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode.
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Investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Zero account fees apply to retail brokerage accounts only. Zero dollar commission applies to online U.S. equity trades and ETFs and retail Fidelity accounts. Sell order assessment fee not included. Some account types and securities excluded. Details at fidelity.com slash commissions. Fidelity Brokerage Services LLC. Member NYSE SIPC. Thank you for traveling with Amex Platinum. To your right, you'll see Oceanside Relaxation at a fine hotel or resort property. When booked through Amex Travel, you can enjoy complimentary breakfast for 2 and 4 p.m. late checkout. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms apply. Learn more at americanexpress.com slash with Amex.