Thomas Lennon, Rob Huebel
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Indie 103, Comedy Death Ray Radio.

This is Scott Aukerman. I'm your host for the hour. I want to thank Soulja Boy for writing and singing our theme song. Very nice of him. I kind of wish he would have mentioned Comedy Death Ray Radio in the actual lyrics, but...

You know, you don't ask an artist of the caliber of Soulja Boy to write a theme without just kind of accepting what he brings in for you. My name is Scott Aukerman. Let me explain this show a little bit. Comedy Death Ray Radio is an hour. We are going to be focusing on comedy and comedic personas. That's about all the description I have for it, really.

Bad guy?

There was no bad guy. He played a man with a different point of view than the protagonist. I was just tan. He played the tan guy, pardon me, in I Love You Man. And you can see him on the Office season finale, is that correct? Yeah. Playing another bad guy. Tan or not this time? I'm pretty pale. Pretty pale in this one.

Welcome, Rob Hubel. Thank you for having me, Scott Aukerman. This is exciting. This is so exciting. I just want to get straight what the show is about. So is the show going to be funny or we just talk about stuff that's funny? Yeah, the show is deadly, deadly dry. We just explain what might be interesting. Yeah, we explain why something is funny.

We're going to deconstruct. Yeah, that's all it is. Yeah, that's all we're really going to do. Now, I mentioned you're a part of Human Giant, correct? You're one-third of Human Giant, or you're one-fifth? I don't know how you guys divvy it up. Yeah, I think I'm a third. Does Aziz get more? Yeah, it's done by height, so I am four-thirds human.

No, yeah. Yep, we do that show, and it's really fun. Are you still doing the show? Number one question you got. Yeah, people keep asking us that. I think we'll probably do some more stuff. Right now we're just all kind of doing different things. Yeah, sure. We're working on a movie script and stuff like that. But, yeah, it's good. Everyone's doing different stuff. Sure, that's what happens to bands all the time. They do different things. We have solo projects. They always get back together. We have solo projects, and we're all getting addicted to heroin. Yeah.

How's that going for you? You know what? It's way easier to get addicted to heroin than I thought. Really? Yeah. Because what I didn't know about, what I didn't anticipate, is that it is so fun. It really is. It's really fun. If you're out there and you haven't tried heroin, by the way, if there's one message that we can impart to you, pick it up. I don't know if we should be- It's a great habit to try. I don't know if we should be spreading the word about heroin. I feel like people might have already heard about it. Yeah.

A little bit later, we have our special guest in the studio. Wait, am I the special guest? You are my special co-host. Oh, I'm the co-host, but we have a special guest. We have a special guest. I'm looking at him right now. I see him. He is here. Yeah, I didn't want to actually say that, but he is here. From Reno 911. Am I pretending like I'm here or not? You're pretending like you're not here at this point. Okay. Okay.

Okay. So we'll just tease. We're going to tease you. Okay. From Reno, 9-11. From Reno, 9-11. Also from I Love You, Man. Hey, Scott. Yes. Real quick timeout. We try to not say 9-11.

When we say Reno. In the name of the show? You don't call it Reno 9-11? Why is it we try to not invoke the worst tragedy in the history of basically the United States? I don't know, Pearl Harbor death count? Is it higher than? No, I don't think so. No, I don't think so. No, so what we usually say is Reno 9-1-1. Reno September 11th. Oh, you don't? I get it. I see what you're saying. Hey, what Rob just did was exactly what we're trying not to do. I see where we're going with this. Yeah, you just skip over that. So let's try to not invoke Reno.

Osama 9-1-1. What did I just say? Osama. Wait, hang on a second. Reno 9-1-1 in no way related to the greatest American tragedy that ever happened. When you created the show, did you actually think of calling it Reno Pearl Harbor? We did. We did.

But we felt like that one was just a little bit like From Grandma's Attic. That was a tragedy that was just a little too old-timey. Have we even finished his introduction? Do we say it's Tom Lennon? No, it's Tom Lennon. That's true, yeah. Tom Lennon is here a little later. I'm super confused because I think I'm supposed to not... You're not on the show right now. I'm not on the show yet. You're not on the show, no. You're the special guest that's coming out. Here's what I'm going to do. Your mic isn't even turned on.

I don't know if you know that. Oh, that's why I can't hear anything in the headphones. I'm going to just curl up in a little ball in the corner. That won't be weird. No, that's usually what we expect. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to give myself a horse bath in the sink down the hall. Okay.

Do the old... Is a horse bath like just when you wash your privates? That's what that is? That is exactly what it is. It's basically you fill the sink up and then you just kind of do your pits, I guess. You wash your pits. Why do whores care about their pits? Good for tips. What do you mean? Yeah, a lot of Johns like to nuzzle armpits. Get their face in their armpit. But you should certainly cover your...

You should also bathe your privates. That's why I think the number one checklist of a whore's bath. I don't know. I think number one checklist is make sure the water's warm. You don't want any shocks. Scott, these are whores. These are whores we're talking about. These are medieval whores we're talking about. I wonder what percentage of the listening audience right now are actually whores.

And medieval whores. That's what I want to know. If you're a medieval whore out there, please give us a call. 877-900-1031. Okay. Wait, what's the phone number? 877-900-1031. I'm going to go down the hall. We can take calls. Wash my balls in the sink. And then I'll come back and be special. Tom is going to be talking to us about some exciting state news. Also, what's going on in Reno 911 this season. So he'll be coming up a little later. Rob? Yeah, buddy. We're back to you. What's been going on, dude? Oh.

I like to party. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. I'm excited about that. What are you doing this weekend? Well, I'm actually shooting that thing. I'm shooting this little thing for HBO. HBO.com? No, what's HBO.com? Oh, I just assumed. It's a little website.

No, mean. Actually, Tom, and now I feel bad because you're not in this. Oh, yeah. That's all right. I'm not in a lot of things. It's going to get awkward. I wrote this bit that Funny or Die has given us money to shoot for HBO. Why would Funny or Die give you money to shoot something for HBO? It's a terrible idea. I don't know why they're doing that. No, I think Funny or Die is doing a bunch of half hours for HBO. So I'm doing like

a bunch of people have been doing these little mini-series. Tim and Eric did one, Slovin and Allen did one, Paul Scheer did one, Brett Gellman did one. Amazing. A lot of people. Paul Scheer is incredible, that guy. He is. Two-thirds of human giant. Why is he two-thirds? I'm gradually losing stake. He is so talented. He is so talented.

I literally, I always talk about this. He can do anything, that guy. Is Tom back on the show? I'm in a little ball over here. Tom is actually washing his balls as he's speaking to us. He's washing his balls in a coffee cup. It's what was available. No, people, I always joke about this, but it always happens. You joke about me not getting recognized with the group like,

For some reason, Paul and Aziz are so recognizable. They are. And I'm just like the other white guy. People do not know me from the show. If people don't know Human Giant, there's three guys, Paul Scheer, Aziz Ansari, and Rob. And Paul is a bald gentleman with a gap in his teeth. He's very recognizable. Very recognizable. People know him from Best Week Ever.

Aziz is the only Indian man in show business. The only Indian man with a beard and a southern accent. That's right. Other than Anoop Desai. Yeah, I don't know who that is. From American Idol. Oh. And Rob is just kind of a jock-looking guy. Why do you say I'm a jock-looking guy? Well, you know, you play sports all the time. What sports do I play? You know, you're always talking about how many sports you're playing. You love to stack them up in a day. I've never... I played eight sports today. I don't. I promise you I don't play eight. I don't even know what sports I play. You get called back for rapist a lot.

right i do when i audition for things i i go out for rapist or jock it's usually date rapist oh sorry rapist who did rapist number one sports yeah actually i did have this is i mean can we just talk about anything yeah sure oh the hour is open to us i had a i had an audition that tom i if i don't get this i probably won't because i screw up every audition but um i auditioned for this 3d movie called piranha 3d it's this horror movie is that a sequel to piranha um i don't

I don't know if it's a sequel. 20 years old, Piranha, isn't it? A reimagining of Piranha? A reimagining, sure. But it's in 3D. And I auditioned to play this super douche who gets murdered by all these piranha, which I would love to get eaten in 3D by 500 million piranha. It would be so fun. Oh, that would be amazing. All your guts flying at people in the audience. Yeah, but the reason I brought that up is because I think I am a date rapist type character in that, too.

I don't know why I... Did you get the actual role? Are you petitioning for the role right now on the air? I don't think they listen. If you are the producer of Piranha 3D... I don't think they're listening. They're not listening? I mean, it seems like they'd be producing. They can't spend all day producing Piranha 3D, can they? You'd be surprised. I'm going to call my people and see why I wasn't sent in on Piranha 3D. What's going on, Tom? Why is Hubel going in on Piranha 3D and I'm not? You should. You should find out. Tom, you're in almost every movie coming out. Here's the thing. I actually lost out in I Love You Man to Rob Hubel.

That's not true. That's 100% true, Hubel. We auditioned for the same part. And I would have loved to take your part also. We're also assuming people have seen this movie. I Love You Man. Comedy fans have probably seen it, don't you think? Yeah, I Love You Man was out. It was a modest hit. Wow, Scott. That's not very nice. Hey, thanks for the bitch slap.

It made $68 million. Come on the show. Tom, you did not write I Love You Man, though, so you have no stake in it other than- No, but thanks for the bitch slap. Well, you were a big part of the trailer. In fact, your part was one of the biggest jokes in the trailer. I begged them not to put it in the trailer. That's true. You hit it out of the park. Thanks, buddy. Was that the first time you've kissed another man on screen? I don't know.

Probably not. I feel like I've seen you kiss. No, the pilot of Reno 911, there's a me and Ben Grant make out for like two minutes. Two minutes? Yeah, it's really long. That's why it didn't get on the air at Fox. Oh, just because of that. Way too gay for them. Well, Fox has lost its Comedy Central game. Anyway, but Kubel, you're going to get parodied.

I hope I get Prana. As a guy who's lost out roles too, you're going to get Prana. The minute this show is off the air, I know you're making a call to your agent. I'm texting him right now. Block Rob Hubel. Indie 103, this is Comedy Death Ray Radio. We're on until 1 o'clock Pacific Standard Time. So we're on for 13 hours. Yes.

That would be like the human giant marathon that you guys did, which was amazing. Oh, thanks, buddy. 24 hours on MTV? That was 24 hours. 24 hours long. You guys didn't sleep. We didn't sleep. We got really drunk when we were in commercials. And when you stay up that long, I don't know if you've ever stayed up for 24 hours straight. I believe I have, yes. You really start to go a little bit crazy. Like I pooped in my pants. A little bit. Not a lot. Like not a huge thing, but like.

You know, it just happens. A fair amount. It's a natural bodily thing. Sure. And when you don't have time to go to the bathroom because you're on live TV. The only available place is your pants. Yep. I pooped a little bit. I peed a little bit. Wait. Quick time out. Are you back on the show? Tom rushed back inside the studio. Before we gloss over this, you pooped a little bit on live television?

Yeah. Just a little bit. During the actual show or in a commercial break? Was it like those little rabbit pellet type things? Yeah, it was one of those. Oh, okay. I have the ability to switch back and forth between human or rabbit dispensaries. I have two different modes. What I was asking was, did you poop a lot in your pants? I pooped in my hands. I pooped little pellets into my hands and I threw it away. You just threw it right into the dispensary. Yeah.

I don't know how we got off on that. Yeah, we're getting some interesting background. Are we going to play music on the show, or do we talk? In fact, let's play a song, and we'll come right back. Let's play the Dragon Boy Suede song.

CD. Dragonboy Suede, a.k.a. Howard Kramer, track three if we could. Big fan. Dragonboy Suede, you can catch him at Twitter on at Dragonboy Suede. You can catch all of us on Twitter, actually. I'm at Scott Aukerman. This is at Rob Hubel, at Thomas Lennon. And this is Dragonboy Suede with a song, Buy You Clothes, Do You Win Them, Take Them Back. Indie 103. Check it out. I'm gonna buy you clothes, do you win them, take them back.

Buy you clothes, do you, and I'm taking back Listen, idea That you gotta hear Me, I learned in E.R. As I explained a way we could chop the air Are you ready? Okay We go to the mall and hit those Buy you shoes, buy you clothes Up and take them home and have ourselves a fashion show Our new mom's fits make you flow When we're done, it's back to the start You get back the dough From the nausea

I'm gonna buy you clothes, do you want them? Buy you clothes, do you want them? Take them back. Anything you want, we gonna shop until you drop. And we won't stop until you pop in every outfit in the shop. But just remember that it's going, baby, right back where we got it. If you're thinking about keeping anything, forget about it. Get on it.

Gucci, Ferrucci, Prada Got you looking like a model Getting busy in a lot of stuff That winds up costing not a penny No, not a nickel or a dime And although it's kind of wrong Technically it's not a crime I'm gonna You in Vio, I wanna You in Vatana, I wanna You in Burberry, I'm ready to don I wanna You in Gabon, I wanna You in Bijou, I wanna

You and Valente and Plante of BCBG2. Give me one of those and two of those with open toes. And three or four of every skirt and shirt and jacket in this store. And pick out anything you want, baby, no matter what the value. Just be careful later on that nothing rips while I plow you. Buy me clothes, do you, and I'll take them back. To the parties, to the BB.

Buy new clothes, do you, and I'll take them back. Buy new clothes, do you, and I'll take them back. The party's to the beat.

Buy new clothes, do you win them, take them back. Indie 103, Comedy Death Ray Radio. This is Scott Aukerman here with my co-host, human giant Rob Hubel. Thank you for having me. Reno 911's Tom Lennon is not in the room. He's not in the studio. He's technically not on the show yet. He's not on the show. Curled up in a little ball in the corner, waiting to leap out and surprise you. Is that the impression of a voiceover? It's a new character he's working on.

on there's a voice I do anytime I'm on do anything Indie 1031 related because I used to have that dude who did that guy Indie 1031 I think sounding bored is like the new voiceover trend I know I know I would love to sound more bored because I feel like those guys actually you could actually pick it up a little for this show oh really

I can pick up my energy level? Yeah. I'm hungover right now. You know why I'm hungover? Why? Because I went to this Bill Clinton event last night. Oh, that's right. Tell us a little bit about that. It was really cool. Did you meet Slick Willie himself? I did not meet him. I wanted to meet him because I actually am a big Clinton fan. Tricky Bill? I don't think he goes by Tricky Bill. He doesn't go by Tricky Bill? Tricky Bill. If you walked up and just said, Tricky Bill. And then just pointed at him, double point, and then just immediately exited. I think if you're Big Willie and you do that,

It goes great. Yeah. Yeah. You say, yeah, Willie Smith could probably, I don't know if you can say stuff like that to the president, but it is cool. So he came out, you know what you do is you, you pay. Now, wait a minute. I think you can not say I'm going to kill you, Bill Clinton, but you could probably go up and say, drink a bill. Yeah. But he just, he probably call you a, you know, a name. Can I say asshole? Uh, yeah, sure. If you want to. Okay. Well, he'd probably call you if you must.

So this thing was like a, it was a big thing for the Clinton Foundation, which they do, you know, all sorts of cool stuff. But it was basically just a big cocktail party at the Roosevelt Hotel and people just getting super drunk. Like I actually got way too drunk. Nice. And so like now I'm crazy hungover. So I'm trying to pick up my energy level. Thank you so much for being here, Rob Hubel. We're going to do a little. I'm doing you a big favor, I feel like.

we're going to do a little feature that you, uh, decide to start for comedy death radio. Yeah. Uh, we're going to have some features, some, uh, regular features, some irregular features, comedy radio. Um,

A little bit later, Best Week Ever's Doug Benson will be calling in with his review of Wolverine, which he is currently watching. Ooh, really? The minute he gets out of the theater, he'll be calling our hotline. I like that. But here is a feature that, Rob, you wanted to start, which is on your Twitter, which is at Rob Hubel. Yeah. You have... We've asked people to Twitter us their relationship problems. Relationship problems. Yeah. But it has to be, obviously, 140 characters or less.

So we don't have too much information, but we'll try to just give great advice. We'll try to solve it, whatever we can do. Should we give the advice in 140 characters verbally or no? I don't know if we could really count that. Yeah, that's true. That would be a pain in the ass. I think it's a good idea just for difficulty. Just give yourself some rules. Whenever you give yourself some ground rules, it's always better. Okay, if you're at home and you can jot down and transcribe everything that we say and just bust us if we're over 140 characters, we would appreciate it.

Okay. So what do we got? Check the Twitter. This is to Twitter at Rob Hubel. Yeah, at Rob Hubel or at Scott Aukerman. I told them to Twitter you also. That's true. Okay. So here's the first one. This is from, what's this guy's name? Jicanta. I don't know what that means. So he says, this is the scenario. You bring a girl back to your place. No furniture, just an inflatable bed. How do you close? Okay.

It's not really a relationship problem. How do you not close when the only thing there is a bed? Bro, that's the best opening ever. If I were single right now, I would get rid of my furniture and have only that. Just an inflatable bed? Because then there's no freaking option. There is no plan B. That's a smart move. He burned his ships. Why? Burn all your furniture that you can't bone on. No, you technically don't have to burn it. You sound like a date raper. No, you do. You sound like a date raper. Burn it. If you can't bone on it.

Burn it. So you're suggesting a big bonfire out in front of his apartment. And you show it to the ladies to show them so they know. I think this may be over 140 characters. I think. Yeah. Yeah. So bottom line is this guy does not have a problem. It's smart to do that. How can you not close, I think, is the 140 character or less. Dude, you went, you're,

already winning. Okay, here's another one. This one is Thriller Jesus. I don't know who that is. Hello, Thriller Jesus. I love people's Twitter names. He says he accidentally set up two dates with two girls at the same place at the same time. What do I do? You shoot it and you call it Three's Company. What do you mean? John Ritter. You just need some dude playing Wawa. I don't think that was the theme of Three's Company. It was.

John Ritter. John Ritter. I think they yelled John Ritter in there. Oh, you know what? By the way, I don't mean to bring down the room, but Danny Gans died. I almost, you know, we shouldn't continue with the show. We shouldn't continue with the show without Danny Gans. Should we have a moment of silence? Did Danny Gans really die? He really did die, yeah. Danny Gans died this morning. I don't know how he died. From doing 1001 Impressions.

Maybe we shouldn't make jokes. I feel like we shouldn't make jokes. My wife's in a movie with Danny Gantz. Oh, really? Yeah, he's in Bull Durham, but he has a very, very minor role. I didn't know your wife was in Bull Durham. My wife is Millie. She gets married on the pictures. Wait, has Bull Durham already come out? Yeah, Bull Durham is a baseball picture. Yeah.

There are still posters in downtown LA. That is really sad news. I do feel like we should have. Should we have a moment of silence? I'd rather not do a moment of silence on the show. Wait a second. Okay, wow. I know. Tom and I will have a moment of silence. You keep talking. You just jabber over it. Okay, this is my moment of silence. You keep talking. You guys go ahead. Danny Gans, rest in peace. I hope you appreciate it. I'm back. Mine was literally a moment. Oh, yeah. I actually thought you guys were going to do a minute of silence.

I hope we're not being rude. Cameron got bitch slapped about my... Okay, here's the next... Let's do one more and then we'll go to one more song. Okay. This is from Dotcom9000. My boyfriend of two years...

and I are moving to separate places for grad school. Boom. What do I do? Wow, that's actually a big problem. That's the first real problem that we've read. This is a legitimate problem. Yeah, because here's what's going to happen. It's not going to work out. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and for a little while, Rob, I think you're wrong. For a little while, it will work out. It will, because you'll see her on the weekends. You guys will get together. Oh, it'll be boner time. Oh, God, I love it.

love you so much I love you so much and then then there'll be some other person at your grad school some will come up one time you'll call and somebody weird will answer answer the phone or something some weird will happen some kind of address book mix up yep and you won't be able to get a hold of them one weekend like where are they then why aren't they answering that's so weird and what they're doing is they're having sex with a different person they're having sex with Raul yeah

So that's not going to work out. That Raul that you were worried about? Basically, if you go to separate grad schools, you can count on your relationship falling apart. Could I throw something else out? If you go to grad school together, it's not going to work out. Yeah. Basically, I feel like grad school is the death of your relationship. That's your first problem. So kids, drop out of grad school. Quit grad school. If you want to...

Yeah, wow, we got a lot of good relationship things here. We really did. Keep them coming. We may come back to those a little later. The thing about burning all your other furniture that you can't bone on is true. I'm not sure if any of that was helpful advice. No, I think it is. The furniture thing is the most important one, I think. Like, if you got rid of all your furniture and just say, hey, I'm in between, or I just moved in. All I have is this crazy sex harness hanging in the middle of the room. I'm serious, man.

Is the show, the radio show that we're doing right now, are you guys giving advice for date rapers? I just want to be clear on the theme of the show. Advice for date, that's a brand new feature. We're going to have that weekly, advice for date rapers. Let's go to another song. This is Aromance, Ladyboy here, Indie 103, Comedy Death Ray Radio.

Has anyone out there ever been in love? Sometimes love is confusing. It can be even more confusing when you don't know the language your lover is speaking. Here's something that happened to me whilst I was in Hong Kong on a business trip. Oftentimes my business takes me there in the hotel bar. I met a young thing named Sally Asian.

She had four jobs and three at night. She said that she loved England and all things English. Twas her lucky night. We walked in the streets along Moogoo Pow Road. The streets were wet. Went to her flat, watched a rerun of Remington Steel with her 17 brothers and sisters.

One of her brothers smoked at me I didn't know why Travelling from room to room Searching for a room in which to consummate our lust Travelling room to room We finally found one But I wish that we hadn't Ladyboy She had a really sly young girl Sally was Ladyboy

I'll never do this again So I refuse the condom No! Another business trip I miss my wife and kids and I was bored So I went down to Times Square

To kill some time, now they really cleaned it up since I was last there But that's still a porn store that sells video nasties On 49th West of Broadway, saw this beautiful girl, Asian I wondered what she's doing now, I asked her if she'd like to share a booth She said no, but I'll get into the one next door

There was a clear plexiglass window between star booths She stuck her wiener through the hole Ladyboy How did this happen to me? What are the odds? Ladyboy But I thought this will not happen again I rejected the protection London!

Back at home, my wife and kids divorced me But that's another song, innit? On Craigslist, I met a beautiful thing What went by the name of Alexis? She wanted to go to the cinema Did I mention she was Asian? I should have known something was fishy as we sat through

a midnight showing of two Wong Fu thanks for everything Julie knew Ma she had popcorn on her lap she wanted me to reach into the book it

♪ When I got down to the bottom of the corn ♪ ♪ You guessed it at the bottom of the popcorn ♪ ♪ Boo kid lady boy ♪ ♪ How does this keep on happening to me ♪ ♪ These Asians are so convincing with their lady boys ♪ ♪ Thin wrists, long necks ♪ ♪ Dude looks like a lady ♪ ♪ Lady boys ♪ ♪ Butter flavoring on the popcorn ♪

The boots of life in an oriental ladyboy. Ladyboy!

Indie 103, Comedy Death Ray Radio. This is your host, Scott Aukerman. I'm here with my co-host, Rob Hubel. And Tom Lennon is not here, has not arrived. He's still on his way. He's in traffic. I heard he's in traffic. He'll be here at some point. I can't wait till he gets here. Oh my God, that's going to be amazing. Imagine the things he would say. I'm sure he'll talk about the state and Reno 9-11.

Reno 9-11. He was in 17 again. Have you seen 17 again yet? Only 17 times. You've seen it 17 times? I'm about to see it 18 again. You should see it 18 more times. Yeah.

You're hilarious. You're hilarious in that movie. Come on the show and get dick slapped by Aquaman about your whole career. No, it is. I'm going to call this Comedy Death Ray or Bait and Switch Radio. Just like, dude, come in. Come in. I want to say it. It's funny, right? I mean, supposedly you're really funny. It was huge. Last week was number one. Yeah, it was number one. Number one. Will it be number one? I don't feel like we don't need to promote that movie.

Okay, we want them. Because that movie's already like, you know, they're doing great. One thing we do want to promote is Rob Hubel and Paul Scheer. We want to promote the Star Trek movie. Yes, Star Trek. Yeah, because that needs marketing. No, that's going to be huge. Yeah, Paul Scheer and I. You guys are doing a screening of that coming up Tuesday, which people can win tickets for. Is that correct? Yeah, Paul and I have a bunch of tickets to give away to this big Star Trek screening here in Hollywood at the Arclight Theater. It's Tuesday night.

I think it's like at 7 or 7.30 we'll figure that out but so Paul and I are just presenting the movie which I'm not sure how have you seen it yet no I'm so psyched I was talking to Patton Oswalt about it and he saw it and said it's car-awesome it's like I was going to say crazy but it's yeah it's supposed to be unbelievable it's too crazy to be crazy

Yeah, so what Paul and I and yourself, I think what we should do is have, because you're coming to the screening, right? I hope to. I mean, that will be at the same time as Comedy Death Ray. It is up against a show called Comedy Death Ray. Comedy Death Ray Radio is based on a live show I do, Comedy Death Ray, every Tuesday with my co-creator and co-curator, BJ Porter. We do it every week. It's a comedy show at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. Well, guess what? You're not going to have a crowd because of our Star Trek screening. Okay, that's fine by me. So what we wanted to do was have people Twitter us

twit pics of them dressed up as like Star Trek nerds you know like so if you dressed up as Star Trek nerds or Star Trek characters yeah Star Trek or dressed as Star Trek okay let's assume that they're already nerds so just dressed up as something Star Trek related okay and so basically just take a picture of yourself and then tweet it to at Rob Hubel or at Paul Scheer or at Scott Aukerman

Thank you. I'm going to get a bunch of crazy pictures now. You'll get some nude pictures of girls with like, you know, Klingon graces on their boobs. I'll take if there's a, yeah, the green ladies. Yeah. You can send those to at Thomas Lennon. At Thomas Lennon. But only the green lady.

Green ladies. That was the Three's Company theme, as I recall. Green ladies. John Ritter. But yeah, so tweet us your twit pics of you. And then you'll pick the best ones? Yeah, we'll pick the best ones, and then we'll post all those, and then we'll give away tickets to Star Trek. And now this is a big screen. Are you giving out all the tickets yourself?

No, no, no. I think a lot of radio stations are doing stuff. We have a bunch, though, to give away. So it'll be really cool. That'll be amazing. That is going on Tuesday at the Arclight. Also Tuesday is Comedy Death Ray, which this week has our guests Jimmy Pardo, Maria Bamford, Saturday Night Live's Jerry Miner. He was also the neighbor in Lucky Louie. Tickets for that are on sale at UCBtheater.com right now for Tuesday. That is always a good show. It's intimidatingly...

It's fantastic. This week we had Pat Noswald and Kevin Nealon. They were both really good. Kevin Nealon will be a guest here in a few weeks. I want to hype that. Also, Weird Al Yankovic will be a guest here in a few weeks, which is very exciting. Who is actually the nicest person in the world. He is so nice. Weird Al is my only friend. He's the least weird of all of my friends. I met him through you.

And I was like so nervous. I was so nervous to meet him. And he's just like the nicest guy. He's super nice. A big influence upon me when I was a young man. Yeah. We should talk about now, Rob. What we did over the weekend. Yeah, what we did last weekend. We had a big weekend. It was amazing. Now, this was Saturday. Saturday, we decided to go to...

weirdo land and just make it as weird as we could possibly, the whole day. The whole day. The first thing we did, we went to a super depressing Back to the Future convention in Burbank. At the Burbank Marriott. No way! You may be saying, how does the movie Back to the Future really anchor a whole convention? Well, it doesn't. If you can't get the main people to show up. How many Marty McFly's in

The denim on denim. A lot of them. All wearing the denim. The denim on denim. Life jacket. The vest. So many of those people. But also, in addition to... God, I feel like I'm a great Marty McFly. You should be. I'm a great creepy older Marty McFly from one of these things. They had all the DeLoreans. You could have taken a picture looking at your watch. We did. There's so many people there with their DeLoreans. Who from the picture?

Who from the actual picture? I think Christopher Lloyd was there. Oh, come on, man. Tay Leoni was there. Tay Leoni involved in the picture? Wait, Tay Leoni? Who am I talking about? No, no, you're thinking of Lea Thompson. Yeah, Tay Leoni was there. Very weird. She was there. But so I think what happened was what they do is they don't have enough celebrities there from the movie to make it. Well, if you consider Christopher Lloyd and Lea Thompson, not enough celebrities. If you consider Doc Brown and Mike.

and mom. No, they are, but they have to fill up a huge convention center, so they invite all these other quote-unquote... Sci-fi stars. Yeah, celebrities to come and just do signings, so it's like... Like the guy who invented the actual DeLorean? Yeah. I believe his name is John DeLorean. Like Rip Taylor was there, and the guys... Just throwing confetti around and stuff. Yeah, the bad guys from Superman 2, they were there. Well, the woman... Biff was there. What about Biff? Biff was not there.

No, he was not there. I can't turn in my homework with your handwriting. Was not there. You know who was there was one of the girls who was in the hot tub in Back to the Future 2 with Biff. Yeah. Has no line. But the great thing was this thing was so depressing. Does she have like a still up so you know that it's her? Well, that's what they do is they have a little table and they put up a still of them, you know, their little thing. And then what they do is to lure you over, they put little bowls of candy on them.

on their table. They really do. To lure you over because they want you to pay for a headshot. I've been to Comic Con. It's depressing though, man. I was feeling great that day and when I left I thought about killing myself. I thought about funny ways to kill myself. And I didn't. I didn't do it. Were the dudes who had originally bought, who were supposed to get the plutonium, were they there? Those guys? The Libyans?

Yeah. People? No, I don't think they were there. I don't think they were there. The Libyans were not there. They were not there. So that was the first part of the day. That was the first part. And I got into a little trouble because I took an unauthorized picture of Rip Taylor. Oh, he didn't like that at all. Was there a big Calvin Klein booth set up? No.

Calvin Klein was not there. I thought it was hilarious that when I approached Rip Taylor, there was a man in a denim embroidered Super Friends jacket talking to Rip Taylor. So I thought I would take a picture of the both of them. And I snapped it and Rip Taylor flew into a rage. Did not go over well. He practically jumped across the table at me and batted

the camera out of my hand. Well, that's how they make their money, man. Like, now that you have that picture, I mean, you know, you don't bring food to a restaurant. You can't just do stuff like that. Sometimes you bring food to a restaurant. Well, you know, if it's a bring-your-own-food restaurant. Sure. We should open one of those, You also, by the way, don't bring Rick Taylor to a restaurant. You should not bring Rick. Don't ever bring him to a restaurant. Do not. He will clean you out. We did a bit with him on Viva Variety called Las Vegas on 75 cents a day.

So it was about like, we went around, it was Mike Black and Rip Taylor going around like eating room service stuff off the ground. Oh, that's awesome. Like people had left out and then getting rides from cops because you're acting like you're super drunk and stuff. That's a great idea. And Rip Taylor was a very good sport. That should be a TV show. This is before I knew that he was going to swat the...

No, actually, he was a very nice man. He actually... I think he... But then you did pay for a picture, and then he got... I didn't pay for a picture. I said, I don't have the money for a picture. So he said, well, buy a luggage tag. Oh, yes. And I said, well, how much is a luggage tag? He said, $1. And then I felt really bad.

So I said, I'll give you five for a luggage tag. And then he gave me a lollipop in the shape of his mustache. Yeah, it's a white chocolate mustache that looks like Rip Taylor's mustache. Can you imagine like a more... White chocolate mustache? That's the worst Prince song ever. White chocolate mustache. He's giving that out. Rip Taylor's giving that out to children. It's like...

And then he asked me to sit on his mustache. It was very strange.

So then the second half of the day, that was just till noon. This is just brunch time. So then we got into our DeLoreans and we hightailed it over to the Michael Jackson auction. Now, a lot of people don't know about this. Was this up at Neverland or where was it? Neverland's closed. This is all of Neverland's stuff and an auction house in Beverly Hills was going to auction all of this stuff and they were having showings of it. Yeah, so you could see all the stuff before you bid on it. Did you get a credit check before you went in? Was it one of those fancy ones or was it?

It was any comer. Well, you paid anybody. You paid $20 to get in. But what happened was he booked this like world tour or some big gig. So now he doesn't need the money. So he's not. So the auction's not going to happen. So it was ending. It was like they're going to send it all back to Neverland. So we went there to see all this stuff before it goes back. So there's all this stuff in the Michael Jackson auction place. And you have to assume that there's probably sperm on all of it.

Well, yeah, we did not have a black light. You didn't bring the black light. We should have brought a black light. We should have. Just to test it all out. Yeah, but I mean, there were like statues from the yard. I'm sure they had sperm on them. Yeah. I'm sure they did. We took a lot of fun pictures of this, by the way. They're all on- Statues from the yard. Yeah, like yard ornaments. Yeah, and they're all children. But it's

all of children. It's like children doing handstands and children like pulling down each other's pants and like really like crazy. Yeah, like children kissing each other. It was like, it was crazy. There's other stuff like he has a huge diorama of the Pinocchio scene where the blue fairy comes and brings Pinocchio to life and in it he made Disney put a revolving thing of him doing the moonwalk

through it. So it's this beautiful animatronic scene from Pinocchio and then the background he's moonwalking through this famous it's like what is that? I have no idea. We have a lot of pictures of this up on my blog which is scottockerman.tumblr.com Wow this is a real plug fest. I know you can see Rob shirtless next to a Michael Jackson's

No one wants to see them. Do we know that they're not actual children that have been preserved somehow? He might have magical powers. I feel like it's worth checking. I'm no scientist. My description of it was like, it really was like the weirdest collection of stuff because a lot of it was just like, what is this? It was like out of the Tudors almost. Pictures of the Mona Lisa wearing the Michael Jackson glasses and glitter glove. Like just weirdo stuff. Like artwork from Macaulay Culkin.

Yeah, there was. Stuff like that. Finger paintings by Macaulay Culkin. There was one awesome thing, which was a finger painting by Macaulay Culkin from 1991. And then right above it is a finger painting by Michael Jackson from 1996. So he looked at the finger painting one day and was like, oh, that inspires me. I'm going to do a finger painting. Like eight years later. Right. I have what I have. You've both been to my place. I've got a bunch of little cherub boys. Yeah.

In the Lieutenant Dangle shorts? I don't think you should be talking about that. And they're all whizzing on each other. It's like, you've seen it. It's like that fountain. It's the most upsetting thing. It's called Baby Dangles. It's in his front yard. It's all these statues of children urinating on each other. And they're wearing short shorts. And they're wearing shorts. Yeah, it's so upsetting. But mine's like, that's ironic. It's not ironic. Yeah, it is, Rob. It's caused several car accidents. People drive by and they're like, what the...

If you know where I live, you definitely know where I live when you see the little boys out there. Look for it. How many pairs of Lieutenant Dangle shorts do you have, by the way? It seems like you have a lot of them. I have a lot. I actually got in some trouble about that because I've auctioned off too many pairs. Well, no. I got in trouble from Liz who bought that really expensive pair. The one that we auctioned off. Because then I auctioned another one off for charity that went for way less than that. Oh.

Have you ever gotten a yeast infection from those pants? Those pants seem really tight. Can a man get a yeast infection, Rob? Oh, I don't even know. I mean, I got something going on. Someone Twitter us if that's true. I got something going on. Put enough yeast in a pair of shorts and anyone will get a yeast infection. Here, take a look at this. Look at this.

Is that a yeast infection? Yeah. What is going on with my... Yeah, something's up. Yeah, something's going on, right? Something's definitely up. Look at that. Like, what is this? I'm just putting a huge asterisk next to this because I don't know what that is, but it's definitely an asterisk or a question mark. Are we allowed to show our genitalia on the radio? Yes, we are, yes. Okay. Please do. Because I don't even know... Like, what is this? This is so... Like, something is happening. You can actually rub your genitalia against the microphone if you wish. I don't want to do that.

Let's go to a song. Let's do Cracked Out, track number three. This is Indie 103. This is Comedy Death Ray Radio. Who's in Cracked Out? Brett Gelman? This is Brett Gelman and John Daly. John Daly. We're going to come back. We're going to talk to Tom a little bit about the state. Big state news has come up. Also, Doug Benson should be calling us at any minute from, I believe, Colorado or Texas with his Wolverine review. I hear it's good. This is Cracked Out on Indie 103, Comedy Death Ray Radio. ♪

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Indie 103, Comedy Death Ray Radio, that is cracked out. Brett Gilman and John Daly, they just counted. They counted. They rap count the entire song. They did that live on the Human Giant Marathon. That was amazing. And I was already exhausted, like I'd been up for 20 hours, and they did that. I almost...

started crying. It brought you back to life again. It was so, to me it's hilarious. It's just stupid. They're counting. You can see them crackedout.com maybe, I don't know. I'm not sure where they are. At Brett Gelman on Twitter, I know, if you want to hear more of that. So we have in the studio with us, this is Comedy Death Ray Radio on Indie 103. We have in the studio my co-host,

Human Giants Rob Hubel but we also have our special guest when is he going to get here when is he here hey guys sorry about that hey man what's up Tom Lennon you're on the 405 yeah coming in from Laguna

Laguna Poncho. I love your mansion in Laguna. You'd have been down to the mansion in Laguna. It's got all the dangles, little baby dangles whizzing on each other in the front yard. I can't believe you're going to promote the fact that you have that. Like, you're going to get arrested. You're going to get shut down. Can you actually shut down a house? Yeah, for a bunch of little baby cherubs whizzing on each other. Little kids urinating on each other.

Well, the weird thing is that they're acting like they're not having fun. They're crying. Their facial expressions. The statues, they look like they're crying. Their facial expressions are all very upset. Yeah. This is Reno 911's Tom Lennon, who plays Lieutenant Dangle. You also started, basically the sketch show that you started in was called The State. That was on MTV, similarly to Rob's. Thank you. Thank you for mentioning that. Thank you for mentioning that. You know, and I know actually the Human Giant tried to show a bunch of State when you did the 24-hour, but then they gave you some grief about the music clearance.

Yeah, they hadn't. There's always been grief about the state. But we're big fans of your guys' show. People were always asking us what other comedy shows we liked, and we always tried to say Mr. Show and so many other great comedy shows, Ben Stiller's show, and your show is so funny, too. Yeah, but you talk about the music clearances, and that actually leads us into the big state news, which was announced this week. The state DVD is actually coming out every single episode.

It's July 14th. It's coming out when? July 14th. No, Bastille Day. July 14th? Bastille Day. That's going to be huge in France. That's going to be huge. That's going to be huge.

It's going to be insane. Don't go anywhere near the Bastille on that day. I believe they're going to cancel Bastille Day. No, it's going to get burned down. They're going to cancel Bastille Day in order just to promote that, I think. Throw away any furniture you can't bone on on July 14th. What's on the DVD? It's all of your- Every episode? How many episodes did you do? Here's the shocker. There are only 26, I believe, episodes of The State. 26 half hours. 26 half hours. Wow. Yeah.

I mean, because it's weird because there's 39 Viva Variety. People think Viva Variety was a culty show, but we did way more Vivas than we did the State. That was an easier show to do, though, because there was a lot of in-the-studio stuff, right? It was all in the studio, yeah. But the State is hard because it's like... The State was hard, and the State was, you know, it was a very intense bunch of personalities. We would fight a lot. There were like 40... How many members of the State were there? There were 44 members of the State. That's a lot for a comedy group. Well, that's weird because there's... 30 of those are Ken Marino. Yeah.

Wow. So it actually was, there's 11 of us. Camerino takes 30 44ths of the state. He takes up 30 of the room. I'm sure there's a way to get the lower common denominator in there. The problem, Tom, has been always that you couldn't release it on DVD because MTV at the time could use any song

that they showed a video of. That is exactly true. If they had a video for it, you could absolutely use it in any way. They signed an agreement with all the record companies that they could use any song on any program. And this was the time when MTV used to play a lot of videos sort of still. Seemed like a good idea. And then it screwed you guys up. So basically your show is filled with popular songs like Everybody Hurts. Everybody Hurts.

Great call from the time. Exactly right. No, but it does have like this song. The most popular song of the era. Here's another one. Cannonball, which actually was a real problem. There we go. So these are... Now you can't... John Ritter. John Ritter. John Ritter. John Ritter. John Ritter.

So your show is filled with those types of songs, which has been the problem of releasing it on DVD. It's been re-scored. Scott, you're really hung up on this music clearance issue. Well, that's what held us up. So it is coming out, and I will say there's a lot of interesting stuff on it. Are there Easter eggs to which people can masturbate? There are Easter... Now, wait a minute. Why do

people masturbate young Kerry Kenny why are people masturbating to Easter eggs and DVDs well like on the human giant DVD we hid all these secret things where if you go secret porno stuff yeah secret porno stuff and you can masturbate to it let me say this you can masturbate to it for free

I mean, once you buy the DVD, you spend money on the DVD. I've spent $19.95 before I get to masturbate for free. Yeah, exactly. You spend $19.95 and then you take the DVD down. At the point that I'm masturbating to the Easter eggs on the Human Giant DVD. You guys are totally free. First off, I'm taking real stock in my life if I'm masturbating to the extras on the Human Giant DVD. I think that's how porn sites should advertise. Like, masturbate for free once you pay us. Once you've paid. And then there's a little asterisk. So this day is finally coming out. There's also, I know that every single episode has commentary on it, which is cool.

Wait, you guys got all, for real, 11 people? We divided them up, so you'll usually get like four or five. Is everyone still alive? Did anyone die yet? No one has died yet. That was a real gamble on my part. I thought for a second, oh no, what if someone got hit by a bomb? A lot of people don't remember the state because it was a while ago. No, and Kevin Allison once told me that he did cocaine that he found on the floor of a porno theater. Oh, he should be dead. Oh my God. But-

Still alive. Wow. Still alive. Alive and well. I'm sure he's so pissed at you for mentioning that. Oh, no, no. That's internet radio, by the way. A lot of people don't remember the state. I would never mention that on the radio radio. Oh,

A lot of people don't remember who was in the state. Just say some of the people who were in the state. This is going to take up the rest of the show. Oh, my God. They're all doing amazing things. There's Michael Ian Black. Michael Ian Black. There's Michael Showalt. David Wayne. David Wayne. All of Stella. All of Stella was in it. Most of Reno 911. Robert Ben-Gurant. Carrie Kenny. Joe Latruglio is now on. Joe Latruglio.

Todd Hall but Kevin Allison myself there any black people there are no black people closest we had was Michael Ian black why aren't there any black people a Jew why aren't there any black people Human giant you have we're diverse right well ethnically diverse Indian guy I've ever he's got a beard

Okay. He's not, you know, he would be upset if you said you're a white dude. Like, you know, he's, Aziz is just, Aziz is like, there are people from more far afield than South Carolina, North Carolina. I agree. He's from South Carolina. We're both from South Carolina. Are you? Is that why you guys started a comedy group together? Yeah.

We're both from South Carolina. Let's start this. So the big state news coming out July 14th. Bastille Day. Don't go anywhere near the Bastille on that day. It's going to be bananas. It's a really fantastic show. If people haven't seen it, I mean, it hasn't been around. It hasn't been available since the mid-90s. There's a weird thing about it, which is like, I'm sort of happy that the state's coming out on DVD. I also have always loved the fact that you couldn't get it. You couldn't get it. Like, to me, it was always like kind of

cool wait I don't get that why would you like that oh cause you want hardcore fans yeah like you want people to really know you I love that you guys are finally releasing it on DVD as soon as DVDs are going by the wayside of course just getting what's the new format uh mp4s

It's just a file. You just get files. You're going to put DVD, like you're just going to download content to your contact lenses. That's how you watch movies. Yeah, it's just in your brain. I brought the State album, which was also never released. And this you can never get, although so many of the tracks are so filthy. When did you record it? We went down to Nassau in the Bahamas. Nassau? Really? You were going to record it in space? Nassau. N-A-S-S-A-U-S-A-U.

We went down to where YouTube records. YouTube. Oh, YouTube. YouTube. The band YouTube. The band YouTube.

We went down and got drunk for about three weeks in the Bahamas and recorded an album that was unreleasable. You blew all the money, I think I heard, on going to the Bahamas. Is that where Kevin Allison did cocaine off the floor of a barn? No, I believe that was in Manhattan. Wow. But yeah, we blew all the money. We recorded an album that we gave to Warner Brothers. And by the time we gave it to Warner Brothers, we had been canceled off of CBS. Yeah.

Because you had to deal with CBS for a while to do a series of specials. We had to do a series of specials. They canceled us after 1. After 1. And I should also point out, we were in New York, and we got canceled by CBS in L.A. at 9 a.m.

Which means they got up at 6 a.m. Wow. Specially just to call us in New York to make sure we knew that we were canceled. Well, that's good. Just so we didn't accidentally go. They're organized. Just have a celebration. I think that's a good way to do it. They were so excited to cancel us. You were aggressively canceled. Oh, they got, oh yeah. You weren't even canceled. You were like, fuck you. No, no. It was literally like. Get the fuck off the. It was literally like a brick in our face. It was like this brick in our face.

Yeah. So we have the State album here. Can we play anything? I don't know. You know what? You guys chat for a second while I scan for something that's... So Scott, let me ask you this while he's doing that. Is Doug Benson going to call in for real? Yeah, is Doug Benson calling? Has he called in yet? He's going to review Wolverine. Do we have any callers, by the way? 877-900-1031, 877-900-1031. Are there any callers? What's the number again? 877-900-1031. Okay, while we're waiting for that, can I do a quick review of the movie Obsessed? Let's do it. Because I saw that. Okay.

I saw that movie, Obsessed. It is awesome. If you like, I don't want to give it away. Obsessed is Beyonce, Ali Larder. Idris Elba is, you know, he gets stalked by Ali Larder. And if you like to watch, I don't want to give it away, but Beyonce, lose her shit and go crazy and beat up other girls that are blonde. Only other girls. Not Beyonce.

If you want to see Beyonce beat up white girls, then go see this movie. That is, yeah, that's got to be someone's fantasy. I'm excited. It was so fun to watch that. You know what I wish? I wish that we could have seen it in those D-Box seats. Oh, yeah. Now, Rob and I and Paul Scheer and a bunch of other, Jason Wallner, I believe, was there. Was he there? Yeah, he was in Break Elm. And we all went to see Fast and Furious. Not the Fast and the Furious, but Fast and Furious. Fast and Furious in the D-Box seats.

People don't know what that is. People don't know what it is. Let me explain. D-Box is basically vibrating seats. They have them in two theaters in the country, Man's Chinese Six and also somewhere in Arizona. And we were the first people to ever sit in these seats. We saw the midnight show of Fast and Furious on a Thursday night, and we were the first crowd to ever sit in the D-Box seats, which vibrate the entire time. But it's not like just...

Vague vibrating. It's computer. It was awesome. It lifts you up. Yeah, you're swerving around. They swirmed you around. Yeah, like again, I feel like those seats could be used for masturbation also. That's a whole other show we should talk about. Everything, yeah. Why does everything have to do with everything? But the D-Box seats were so fun. But the crazy thing was is that there was only this one row.

So the rest of the theater... Only one row in the theater, yeah. The rest of the theater... They say eventually they're going to replace all the seats with D-Box seats. Oh, I can't wait. But we were the first ones, and we were live-Twittering during it. Yeah, people got mad about that later, but I don't know if you're supposed to Twitter in movies, but... Oh, yeah, no, we do. In fact, next week we're going to have a little information about our next live-Twitter during a movie...

You guys just live tweeted. Called TwitFlix. Yeah, and you guys did Crank 2. We did Crank 2. I was going to go. I went to the wrong movie. I went to Hannah Montana. And you were live Twittering. I was live Twittering during Hannah Montana. And the thing is, I thought there was going to be more nudity. I did not know that they don't get naked in that movie. We call that TwitFlix, which is, if you follow us, Rob is at Rob Hubel. The whole thing. This whole show is just to promote your Twitter. No, you have to reset all the time on the radio. Oh, okay. Yeah, there's new listeners. This is Indie 103, Comedy Death Ray. Yep.

I'm Scott Aukerman. And I'm at Scott Aukerman. This is at Rob Hubel if you're on Twitter. And we're going to be Twittering a movie next week. I believe we're going to have information about it. Next week, my guest will be Aziz Ansari from Parks and Recreation. He's going to be here on the show. He'll be here on the show. I believe he's going to co-host, which is what you're doing, which is basically what all of us are doing right now is co-hosting. We're sort of passing the hosting duties. Has Doug Benson called in yet? Hey, Justin.

He just called in. Okay, so that one CD that I had, track two is his intro music. He's going to be so high. This is not going to make sense. It's the middle of the afternoon. It doesn't matter. It's Doug Benson. It is Doug Benson. This is at Doug Benson. This is at Doug Benson. He's from Best Week Ever. He's a correspondent. He also is the star of his own documentary, Super High Me. This is going to be a regular feature called I Love Movies. Take it away. Doug.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds with 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see. Doug, are you there? Hello. Hello, Doug Benson. Everyone welcome Doug Benson to the program. How are you? Hi, Doug. Hey, everybody. Hey, Doug. Where are you calling from, Doug?

Denver, Colorado. Now, you just saw the movie Wolverine. You just stepped out of it. Is that correct? Yeah.

Some dude started coughing, so I got out of there. What do you mean? You left because a guy was coughing? Yeah, there was a gentleman coughing in the theater. Wait, there was a gentleman coughing or a gentleman coughing? I am not going to risk getting pig disease just to watch Hugh Jackson run around with his dinner utensils out. Well, but can you give us a review of Wolverine, even though you haven't seen it?

I saw Wolverine. I'm just joking around. Oh, okay. That was a funny joke. Now's the time to have fun with the swine flu before it gets really serious. It's a hilarious joke right now. Next week, we won't even be here. Everyone will be dead. Yeah, we'll all be gone. How funny will it be then? It'll be like The Stand. So I'm really psyched about this movie. What are the chances that people can masturbate during this movie? What are the opportunities? Come on, Rob. No, come on. Not everything is to masturbate to. Okay.

You get a few really nice glimpses of Hugh Jackman's insanely hard ass. Nice. And, um...

And there's just constant bloodless mayhem. I haven't seen a movie with a higher body count where you're not a single drop of blood. Well, it's PG-13. You can't have a lot of blood in a PG-13 movie. Yeah. Now, without ruining the whole movie, that one shot where he flies off that vehicle up into the air at the helicopter, my one question is... Is that in the movie? Is that in the movie? Yeah.

It's in the movie, and it's not a spoiler to say that it is because it happened during the opening credit. Okay, great. So here's my real question. Without ruining the whole movie, does he miss the helicopter or does he grab it?

I bet he misses it. Okay, let's take bets. Hold on. Before Doug answers, I say he misses. I think he misses. I gotta go miss. Yeah, he misses. Obviously he misses. They wouldn't shoot it if he caught it. Yeah, you don't even have to answer. He misses the helicopter. Yeah, we know that. Spoiler alert. So, Doug, any other impressions of the movie that you can give us? You guys aren't making any sense at all right now.

You're so high. I can already smell weed from Denver. It's much later in Denver. All right, Doug, we're going to have to wrap it up. Any last thoughts, any last impressions? Just that there's a character in it that when you start saying to yourself, I hope this character dies soon, your wish comes true almost immediately. Oh. Are there any scenes where he makes love to anyone from behind like a wolf? No.

No. No. Okay, well. No, and they didn't stick that Duran Duran song in there. Hungry Like the Wolf? Or wait, are you talking about The Reflex? Girls on Femme, just for no reason. Come on, you have to be a little more specific here. Two minutes later. All right, Doug, thanks so much for calling. You're going to call in and give us some movie reviews, hopefully, in the next few weeks. Is that correct? Yeah, I'd love to. Awesome. Doug Benson from Best Week Ever. You're on Best Week Ever tonight, is that correct?

Yes, tonight. I have a lot of correct questions. All right, thanks, Doug. Let's play your outro. Ooh. Thanks, Doug. Bye. Here we go. There's the outro. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you, because Doug loves movies.

Oh boy, Doug Benson, that was exciting. That's some real production value with the music. That was palpitating. That was actually Hard and Firm playing that song. Chris Hardwick and Mike Furman. Chris Hardwick is at Nerdist on Twitter. We're plugging everyone's Twitter. Most people listening to this are probably not on Twitter. Oh, come on. If you're listening to this, you're probably on Twitter. You're checking Twitter while you're listening to this. Most people listening to this are Chris Hardwick. Ha ha ha!

It's actually the majority of the people are Chris Hardwick. Just waiting to hear his name. You're totally right. This is about wrapping it up, guys. I hate to say we don't have time to play. Wait, we never got to do, we never did anything funny. We never got to do any, we, we. I didn't, that should be the first thing we,

do next time? I had a bunch of hilarious bits. We talked about you and Piranha, which was great. But I had a bunch of hilarious characters. I was going to do this really old... Okay, okay, okay. I'm going to do this one guy. This is just my favorite character. It's a really old guy. Great. And he's in space. Old guy in space. I'm in space!

That was really, really amazing. That is amazing. Wow. Well, I like that I could tell how old he was. I wrote that last night. It took me forever. Oh, I can imagine. You know, but once you did, the floodgates were just open and it just poured out of you. It makes me wonder, like, did he get old in space? Did we send him up there? Oh, those are great questions. Did we, like, forget that he was up there? Do we have time to do one more relationship question? Yeah, let's do it. You can Twitter us your relationship questions every week. If you can't bone on it, throw it away. Burn it. Burn it.

If you can't bone it, burn it. Or if you can't bone it. Yeah, that's true. Literally. If someone doesn't let you bone them, burn them. Now wait, this might be a little bit extreme. We're going off course. Okay, here we go. Here we go. All right, one more. This is Al Unicorn. Al Unicorn. This is a guy. He says, since returning from a trip, my wife has been distant. I asked if things were okay, and she simply said, I don't know.

Yeah. These are people Twittering us their relationship, 140 characters or less. You can drop the I don't out of that when she says that, and the answer is just go with the no. Yeah, it's over, right? If someone says I don't know, then what they really mean is no. Well, obviously what's happened to this gentleman is he went on a trip, and he came back, and his wife seemed distant. Yeah, that's obviously what happened, yes. You're basically just repeating the actual Twitter right now.

She is having sex. But here's what I picture her doing. With who? Who's she having sex with? I think Raul, that graduate student we were talking about before. Oh, she could be. I bet she's having sex. Some graduate student. I bet she's having sex with like the guy at Whole Foods, like this young checkout dude. Yeah, he's got tribal tattoos and he's kind of cool. Yeah, and he has like body odor and she's like, he makes her feel young. Yeah, exactly. And he has no plan whatsoever. He makes love to her from behind like a wolf. Like a wolf. He's got a bike.

Yeah, he rides his bike everywhere. He rides his bike everywhere, but it's not like a 10-speed. He rides like a banana bike everywhere. Some sort of Indy bike. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I don't know that we're ever going to get to the bottom of this.

I feel like I want to bone this guy now. Yeah, really. Hopefully we helped you out. I think we're running out of time, though, so we should wrap it up. Let's play on the George Martin CD, the Sean Connery. This is, to wrap it up today, the Sean Connery track. This is Sean Connery singing The Beatles' In My Life. Kind of a sweet note to end. I want to thank my co-host, first of all, today, Rob Hubel. Thank you, Scott, for having me. You can find him at Twitter, at Rob Hubel. I want to thank our special guest, Thomas Lennon. He'll be here at some point.

He's at Twitter, at Thomas Lennon. Can I come back sometime? Yes, please. Can I be the co-host one time? Once we figure out what the show is. I want to figure out what the show is and then really do it for real. This is like a dress rehearsal. Next time I would like to be the co-host. Okay, and then Rob can just be the special person. And then he has a curl up in a ball for half the show in the corner. And to be real specific here for a second, do I have a yeast infection? Look at this. What is that? Yeah, no, we'll take a look after the thing. I'm asking you guys to look. No, you have a five alarm. What is that? Yeah.

Out of how many alarms? 87 alarms? Out of five. No, that's five for five. Oh my goodness. All right, this has been Comedy Death Ray Radio. We're going to be back next week at noon Pacific until one. Next week my guest will be Aziz Ansari from Parks and Rec. He's on Human Giant before he was on Parks and Rec. Okay, Human Giant as well. What's Human Giant? Thanks everyone. We're going to be back next week. Oh, it's that state ripoff. And here is Sean Connery doing In My Life. We'll see you next week. There are places I'll remember all my life.

Though some have changed, some forever, not for better, some have gone and some remain. All these places have their moments. With lovers and friends, I still can recall. Some are dead and some are living. In my life, I've loved them all.

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