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I'm Billy's Gal at Chili's, but I'm Levi's at Chivi's.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Not sure if I'm supposed to pronounce that Levy's at Chevy's, which maybe since Chevy's is a similar food based chain. Is that what you call them? Food based chain restaurants? Food based. I love it when I go to a restaurant and it's food based. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Indeed. Thank you to Mr. Dr. Princess Jr. for that cash raise submission. A little confusing. They also submitted one other one. You want him? We've got him.

I don't think neither of those are going to stick. The hunt continues for a new catchphrase. But welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Aukerman. And look, I promised before we get to the show, we have a big show. We have a folk singer. We have a plumber. We have an opinion haver. So many incredible guests on this episode. But before we get to that, as promised, I have several incredible announcements. They're all...

tour related. The tour starts next week, of course, and I promise that we're going to have new dates that go on sale this week. Here they are. We're going back to the UK. That's right. Haven't been in eight years.

May never go back after this. Who knows? We'll see how it turns out. But we're going back to the UK. We're going to cities that we've never been before. The fun starts this September on 4 September. Glasgow. 6 September. I'm transposing them the way they do out there. 6 September, London. 9 September, Bristol. 11 September, Dublin. And

and 12 September Manchester. It all closes out in Manchester. And that is the extent of the UK tour. Some of these places are kind of small.

Tickets go on sale this week. You can get them starting Wednesday if you use the codes BANG24. And all you have to do is go over to cbbworld.com slash tour. All those links will be there right for you. Tickets on sale this Wednesday using that code ONSALEFRIDAY to the general public.

This is going to be really fun. It's Paul F. Tompkins, myself, other special guests. We're going to be out there in the UK and we're looking forward to seeing you. We have not been in almost a decade. So this is very exciting. Speaking of the tour, it starts this week, starts this Wednesday in Boston. We have a couple of shows in Boston. We have a very special guest for our Boston shows. If you happen to see them out on the street, give them a nice hey, man. And CBB World subscribers, yes.

Go head over to the merch table. If you show proof that you're a subscriber, you get a free gift at the merch table. We also have some really cool stuff, really good shirts this year that we created. We have action figures. We have a tour-exclusive action figure. The Stealth Mode J.W. Stillwater figure will be available just to people who go to the tour. We have some signed books, very few of those, but we have all of those. And then...

You should be a CBB World subscriber because starting this week, we're going to be releasing every single tour episode in a new feed. So if you want to follow us along on the tour, head over to CBB World, sign up to be a Maximus subscriber, and you can follow us along virtually by listening to every single episode as we release them. This is going to be a lot of fun. This is a lot of shows this summer, but...

but we're looking forward to getting back out there and seeing you. Tickets are still available over there at cbbworld.com. Oh, gosh. What have you entered that? cbbworld.com. That's where you... slash tour is where you get all these links. So we're going to be out there, and this is very, very exciting. All right. Enough. Enough announcements. That's the most announcements I think I've ever started a show with. We got to get to this show. This is the reason you're listening.

We have so many special guests. Can you believe we have an opinion haver coming up a little later? But why don't we get to our first guest? He was on the show before. Look, you know that I'm a fan of music. All the notes from Do to Do. Everything in between. Ray, the rest. I love it. He puts these notes together in such an unusual and melodic way.

He's a folk singer. He's one of my favorites. Please welcome back to the show, Glenn Plappinger. Well, hello, Scott. It's so nice to be back. And one of those other notes is me. And here I am. Yes, you are. I wish you was a note. It could very well be. In other cultures, they have notes that we don't even know about. That's the thing. We're relegated to these. What are they? Eight? Eight? Some say seven. I haven't actually counted them, Scott, but I know.

I know there's other notes in other cultures that we can't even hear with our ears. Different musical scales. But here in America, we're forced to use the seven plus all those little half steps in between. Halfs and in-betweens. But I don't like leaving America, Scott. I think America is a great place to ramble and rove. That's true. Yeah. I'm sorry I'm going to leave in September. Oh, yes. I heard that announcement and I felt sorry for you. You did? Yeah. Well, I felt sorry that you were headed overseas because...

why the last time i was overseas we were fighting a world war and i never came back you you never came back from from it mentally i would imagine yes exactly never came back never wanted to never wanted to deal with what i dealt with over there and so i picked up a guitar and hit the hit the highways and byways the highways and the byways that's good you got to hit both of those um so you uh if you haven't heard glenn plappinger's music uh it's

You were sort of in the folk scene of the 60s, the Bob Dylan. I was. And I guess I know I knew Bobby. I knew I Robert Zimmerman was his name at the time. Yeah. Bobby Z is what we used to call him down there at the Half Cup Cafe. And did you like that?

He didn't like anything, Scott, and that was half of his problem. His music was inaccessible because he was just groaning and griping about the great American palette that we were painting with at that time. And I thought, well, somebody's got to say the truth. Somebody's got to say things about America that are good and true and not just all the griping and complaining. That's right. And you don't complain. Famously, you don't complain. You put like an optimistic sheen on America.

I put it off to next section, but right now there is a lot to complain about, Scott, especially with what the youth are doing. I don't like it. I don't get behind it. What are they doing? What are you talking about? Well, they're out in the streets, Scott. They're protesting, they're groaning, they're griping, and they're striking, and I don't like that. So you're going to sing a song...

complaining about them complaining? Well, I'm trying to set them on the right course, Scott. And if that takes a little complaining, boy, I'll have to do it. Isn't that what they're doing? They're complaining in order to set the world on a- And I'm complaining in a better, louder, higher, more true voice. And luckily, I'm on the side of those who are true, which is the police. Oh, dear.

Well, so you mentioned you have a new song. Is that what you're singing about? Yeah. Oh, do you want to hear the new police song? I mean, if the band The Police had a new song, I'd be very interested. You singing a song. This is, well, this, you know, I knew Sting. I knew Sting back in the day. Did you really? Yes, I did a little bit of work with him. Are you sure you didn't just see Bee Movie?

I saw that too. It's one of my favorite movies. Yeah. But Sting... You're on Terry Seinfeld's side about everything these days, right? Oh, isn't he funny? I laugh and laugh, Scott. I went and I saw the new Pop-Tart movie in the theater. Really? Yes. So you had your own Netflix account projected onto a theater? Yes, I did. Oh, it was a joy, Scott. Just the funny, funny situations about Pop-Tarts and things. It's funny how these things, they come out of the toaster and they make that sound. Okay.

That was a part I could barely keep... That was one of the jokes in it. It sounds like the Netflix logo in a way. Oh, I never thought of that. Like, can you imagine a Pop-Tart coming out when it goes... I feel like Jerry Seinfeld would love you in a Pop-Tart 2 or whatever he's going to do next. Yeah, it seemed like every comedian was in that. Yeah, well, anyway.

All right, so you ready to debut this song? Sure. What did we say? The police song? Yeah, make sure you point that mic at the guitar if you don't make good. I usually don't have a microphone. You basically put it right back to where it was. How's that, Scott? It's probably fine. I don't know. Oh, let's see. A song about, oh yes, the boys in blue. All the youth are out on the streets.

They are griping and complaining. Kimplaining. But if I was with on, well, on the side of the police, it's those protesters that we should be shaming.

So crack them on the heads, boys. All right, all right, all right. Okay, I don't know. Crack them on the heads, boys. Crack them on the heads, boys. You know, Scott, I got awarded by the city police of Boston my own baton after this song, and they said I could go out and bop a college student on the head if I wanted to. You get one free one, huh? You get one free one, and there's nothing more than what a Boston cop loves in the summer, which is hauling a couple Emerson students to jail.

And give him a good tumble in the back of the van. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not quite sure about that. I love your old stuff. Oh, I'm happy to play some of the old stuff, too. Oh, yeah. You know, um...

You know, something that really has been on my mind, Scott, is just, you know, how the labor, the labor. The labor. The labor. I don't know what you mean. The people who do the work. The people who do the work. That's right. You're pro-labor. I'm pro-people working, Scott. Okay. And when they decide not to work, that is a problem. Okay. And so I had a little song that, well, this is one, because I came out to Hollywood during the strikes, and I...

And I wrote this one. When I said your old stuff, I don't know that I meant something from last year. This is last summer, wasn't it, Scott? Here's the... If you don't go to work, you might die. I'm on the side of the studios and AI. Put it in a machine. Make those words more clean.

I want an overlord like A.I. It's got better ideas than these Hollywood guys. I love A.I. That was one. Yeah, that was one. You are right about that. I thought you were going to interrupt me a little bit earlier, Scott. Wait, are all of your songs meant to be interrupted by people? Well, they do get interrupted, Scott, with violence.

And it's usually on behalf of the protesters. And I, you know, and that's why I keep this little stick on my side. Oh, yeah. That's in a fanny pack. That is in a fanny pack on one side. And I've got the mace on this side and I've got the gun in the back. All given to me by Lieutenant Jack McClure.

Mackie, R.I.P. He was trampled to death this summer when we were chasing a bunch of protesters through the streets of Washington, D.C. So you were joining him. He was on horseback or no? He was on horseback. He was trampled to death, which usually doesn't happen. Usually you're on the horse to be higher than. Usually the policemen do a pretty good job up there, but not on this day, Scott. He was trampled to death. Of course, the protesters, we chased them to the end of Avenue 11.

D or K or whatever it was there in Washington, D.C., right by the Washington Monument, then they turned around. Uh-oh, you don't want that to happen. They don't want that to happen. It was a short horse, and he was a tall man on a short horse. If anyone's ever chasing you, by the way, just turn around. Just turn around and run the other way. Yeah, run right towards them. Right. So, yes, it's been an active summer. It's been a great summer. And for someone of my age who's seen it all— It is June, by the way. It is. It's June.

When you say an active summer, I don't even know that we're in summer yet. I don't either, Scott, but to me it feels like things are popping off and I want to be on the front lines telling people what they're doing wrong. Okay, yeah, I don't know. I mean, again, I love your 60s stuff because it was kind of apolitical. Yeah, well, there's one from the 60s. Let's see. Parsley, rosemary, cardamom and thyme.

These are spices that make the food feel fine. But do you know where they come from? They come from Vietnam. I think we should make that into another American land. Southern America, Southeast Kentucky.

Is this where you want me to interrupt you?

Scott, I haven't played that song in 30, 40 years. Did you play it once and someone said, do not record that? Because I've never heard it before. That's not on a recording, actually, Scott. That's just a back pocket fanny pack song that I'll pull out every now and then.

Did you have a fanny pack back in the 60s? Back in the 60s, we didn't call them fanny packs. What did you call them? Well, we called them... Hindquarters? Rock sacks. We called them rock sacks. Rock sacks. Rock sacks. We'd fill them with rocks to throw at the hippies. Okay, gosh.

I got to say, Glenn, I, you know, much like every older person, I was going to say your politics have certainly gotten more conservative over the years. Well, I'm not political, Scott. These are political issues. I don't get involved in politics. I don't vote. I've never voted. OK, you really should. I'm an independent. Or maybe you shouldn't. I don't know. I'm an independent, Scott. You're an independent thinker. Yes, independent thinker. But, you know, I'm concerned right now. This might be the first election I'm actually going to vote in. Oh, no. Don't tell me you have a song about RFK. OK.

Absolutely, Scott. There's only one person out there that's doing what I think is important. Oh, no. And that is saying the truth. So this is a little song that I had about RFK, or what I call the real Kennedy.

We need another Kennedy like a hole in the head. Okay, this is where I interrupt you. Let me finish. Let you finish. Scott, let me finish because I think... We need another Kennedy like we need a hole in the head. But I know one Kennedy that won't end up dead.

2024 is who I'm thinking of. Robert Jr. Kennedy is who I love. Vote Kennedy and the brain worm. Kennedy and the brain worm. Kennedy and the brain worm for president.

Wow. I don't know. I mean, RFK Jr., he's part of the comedy community. He's comedy community adjacent. Oh, that's right. You know, Meryl DeSharrow. Meryl DeSharrow. I love that show. Meryl DeSharrow. Meryl DeSharrow. So we protect our own. Yeah, Meryl Streep and Cheryl Strait. Isn't that right? Isn't that right?

Well, boy, Glenn Plappinger, I don't know. Do you have anything that's just about, like, I don't know, just a really anodyne subject? Anodyne? Yeah. Yes, I do. There's anodyne in the water. It's making all of us crazy. It's put there by the government to make us lazy, to make us all progressives.

Which isn't a good idea. Don't drink the water, it's not clear. Okay, can I interrupt you here? I don't think you know what anodide means. Sure I do, Scott. It's a chemical that the government puts in the water for mind control to make everybody into a woke joke, is what I say. Yeah, it's actually, it means inoffensive. Oh, does it? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, maybe you're thinking of alkaline or I don't know exactly what you're thinking of. I don't know what I was thinking of. Yeah, LSD? Maybe. I did LSD one time, Scott, and it did not go well for anybody around me. Really? Can I ask, is that when you decided to become a songwriter? Yes, yes, it was. I got off that transport boat.

from the war. There was a guy on the transport boat. So you took LSD on the way back from the war? On the way back from the war. Okay, most people took it while they were there. I know, and this was the 50s, Scott. Nobody was doing LSD on a transport boat. You said this was the World War, by the way. It was the World War. You were there until the 50s? I was there until 1952. I was still fighting. No one told me the war was over. Was your walkie-talkie

Yeah, let me guess, you had taken it off the hook once when you wanted to sleep in? Yeah.

General Patton got involved, really? Well, General Patton was going to tell us all it was over, and he did, and I didn't get the call. And so I kept fighting there and, oh, through the, you know... So you were just like an unsanctioned murderer for 10 years? That is what's... A mercenary, Scott. I was fighting in a one-man war. And that's when I, you know, I wrote One Man War, of course, my first album. And then I was... Is that what One Man War is about? One Man War is about me...

fighting a guerrilla war in the streets of Berlin against everyday civilians. Were you noticing people saying like, hey, stop, the war's over? I didn't speak the language. Scott, I didn't know what they were saying. And it wasn't until U2's Actung Baby that I understood what those words meant. Really? So 35 years later. 35 years later, I heard that song and I thought, my, my.

That's what those Germans were saying as I was, you know, trying to complete my mission, which was kill as many as I could and then get back to the good old USA. Not to be pedantic. It was an album title, not a song title. But that's my other show. I don't know what pedantic means either, Scott. And, you know, we don't want all these pedantics because there's a lot of pedantics in government right now. Are you going to do another song? Is that what's happening right now?

On the Epstein tapes there's pedantics and they're doing lots of things. Release the tapes, release the tapes and we will start to sing. Out in the streets the pedantics have been taking over. So let's all make sure we send them away and have a roll in the clover.

I mean, the role in the Clover part is nice, and it's very 60s. You know, I'm worried about pedantics, Scott. I'm worried about them online. I'm worried about them in the Internet. Yeah. Again, you don't know what that word means, but I'm not going to correct you with what it actually means. Scott, aren't you worried about what our country is going through right now? I mean, we have fought long and hard for these freedoms, and now it seems like everybody just wants to throw them in the dustbin. Are you talking about the Second Amendment? Is that what—

Well, I love the Second Amendment. It should be the First Amendment in my book because ever since I— If it was so important, just write it into the actual thing like originally. Right. That's right. And I want to do that. I'm part of a group that wants to—it's called Get the Second Amendment at the Top. So you want to abolish the Second Amendment, but you want to make it actually part of the first part of the Constitution. Exactly. I want to get rid of the Second Amendment and put it in the Bill of Rights. Right.

I want to move it right to the top. Right to the top. Yeah. Number one. We should be able to have any kind of gun we want and do what we want. You mentioned you're carrying right now. Oh, I'm carrying right now. This is a little. Here we go. This is a nice. That's like one of those GoldenEye James Bond Lugers or something. Yes. This is a golden gun given me by the police department of Boston.

Is that real gold as well? It's real gold. They just give those things away? They give these things away. If you know how to chase a protester, you get justly rewarded on Earth and not just in heaven, Scott. That's got to be worth like hundreds of thousands of dollars. Hundreds of thousands. It's a collector's item. And look what it says right here on the side, Scott. What does that say? You're a little far away from me. It says, shoot quick and think later.

By the way, it looks like they started with a bigger size font and realized they were running out of room. It's a short gun at the end. So yeah, they started on the handle here, shoot quick, and then think later kind of falls off the end. Yeah, it gets really tiny by the end of it. Yeah.

All right, well, I hate to ask you this, but do you have one more song to take us out into commercial? Sure. Do you have a song that you wanted to hear, Scott, a topic that you wanted to hear about? I mean, I loved, the 60s to me were all about, you know, peace and love. Oh, I have many songs about peace and love, Scott. I'm happy to do one right now. Peace and love, peace and love, that's what I'm speaking of.

Well, that's going to be hard to rhyme. Okay, he did it.

All right, I'm interrupting. I'm interrupting. I'm interrupting. All right, we have to take a break. This is, I don't know. I'm regretting having you on first. Well, I think, Scott, I think your listeners will be so happy that there's somebody out here saying the truth. Yeah, I don't know that they're going to be happy, but I'm happy because we're cutting away from you and we're going to a break. But look, when we come back,

This is an incredible episode. We have an opinion haver. We have a plumber. I never thought I would be looking forward to them more than one of my favorite singers who's apparently gone crazy from LSD coming back from World War II in 1955. Why, thank you, Scott. And if anybody's still over there and they listen to this radio show... A lot of people are over there. But if anybody's still fighting over there and listening to this radio show, you can just say, and I'm just going to tell you the war is over, but if you need backup, call me. Okay, well...

We need to take a break. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Thank you, Scott. You know what? No matter where you are or who you are or when you are or how you are, all of the reporters questions, you can feel like you are living the coastal California lifestyle with Viore performance apparel. Everything that Viore makes is designed to work out in. But you know what? It doesn't.

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21 years or older. Terms and conditions apply. Comedy Bang Bang. We are here with Glenn Plappinger, a folk singer. He didn't abruptly take off during the commercial, which I thought he, maybe I hoped he would. I'm still here, Scott, and can be called upon at any time I'm needed. So are you going to be totally silent other than being called upon? I can't be silent this day and age, Scott. Everybody's got to speak out and say their piece. Yeah.

All right. Well, have you ever had any opinions? Uh-oh. I shouldn't have asked that. Scott, I've got many opinions, and I think we've heard some of them in my music, and I'm happy to always jump in with another unfounded, ungrounded opinion if you ever need one. I don't think so. But we have to get to our next guest. He's an opinion-haver. I don't know exactly what that is, but please welcome to the show Paul Dudley. Oh, hello, Scott. How are you?

I'm good. Well, look, if it's not... Before you get to your thing, where are you from? What is that? This voice? Yeah. Right away, you're coming in on the voice? I'm from, if you must know... Because you gave it kind of a...

When you first started. Yes, that's right. Ooh. And then, which I don't know if that's like a regional dialect thing. I don't know either. I'm not in charge of dialects. But you sound like you have sort of an affectation. An affectation. Yes. An accent. Yes. I'm from Northwestern Connecticut, if it's all right with you. Northwestern. Northwestern. I haven't been up there. It's a rural area. Tiny state. I don't know. Tiny's relative. Ask Rhode Island if it's tiny. Well.

Like a state like Rhode Island, should they be allowed to call anything Northwest, Southeast? You know, it's just kind of there. Oh, you mean Connecticut? Should they be allowed to call it? Well, I'm saying a state like something that's very tiny. Rhode Island is 100% East.

Wonderful. Wherever you are in Rhode Island, you're 100% East. Yes. Welcome to the show, Paul. Oh, thank you so much. What did you want to say? I have a newsletter that I'm promoting in which I write my opinions. All right. So we established, I believe, last- And you sound disinterested. Well, no, I'm just saying we established last week, here's the level of guests we get. Okay. And the stars are back, certainly, now that- The stars are back. On where? On Comedy Bank. Oh, great. So occasionally we'll have movie stars. Sure. Love it. Love having movie stars on the show. So good.

You know who I love? What's that? Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks? One of our best. One of the best. Yeah. He did that Saving Private Ryan, which were you there at D-Day? Yes, I was in D-Day and then I turned right back around and headed because I didn't think we won. Because you were like, D-9 for me. I was like, see you later. And I went right back. D-Day. But anyway, so movie stars. Yes. Then under that, if we can't get a movie star, we get we get a TV star.

Okay, yeah, it sounds all right. We love our TV stars. Sure. It's the idiot box, people call it, but I think that's disrespectful because it's a wonderful invention. Underneath that, we have musicians, musicians,

And then we have authors. Okay, you're starting to go less spectacular is what you're saying. And then occasionally we'll have to reach out to podcasters. Oh, the worst. It's terrible. The lowest of the low. Just awful stuff. They couldn't do anything else. Yeah. So they had to do that. And now we have a guy with a newsletter. Yes, a sub stack.

A Substack. A Substack. And it's gaining subscribers. Do you have any problems with Substack? Yes, I do. I know what you're going to talk about. Their permissiveness of extreme views often. Hate speech seems to have made its way into Substack in some forms. Yes, I know. I know.

I heard all about it. But, you know, you're all in on the platform at this point. Okay, yeah, sure. I'm 100% in on Substack. Look, I don't know. My grandson set me up on it, and I was like, great, something I could run. How old are you, by the way? I don't know why that matters!

I don't know if I want to tell you. How old is your grandson? Maybe I can do the math from that. I'm not. Well, now I'm wary of giving you information. But if you must know, he is 17 years old. 17 years old. OK. So you're probably somewhere in the 51 at the lowest. Yeah.

180 at the highest. 180 years? Look at me. You think that's possible? I have no idea. Just based on the one piece of information. By the way, stop flexing. I'm proud of my body. Okay.

I started doing yoga this year, Scott. Did you really? Have you ever done it? Occasionally, yeah. It's great. Yeah, what type of yoga do you do? I do cold yoga. Cold, really? So like in a freezer? In a freezer. In like a walk-in refrigerator? The muscles contract and then you have to keep going to keep them warm. This is like a cold plunge, but for yoga. I guess so, yes. Do you ever sweat during that? No. It's only in restaurants. You go into the walk-in freezer. Hmm.

And they have yoga classes, and you can only have like one or two. Do you have to pretend to be like a Kitchen Nightmares host or something like that in order to gain access? I've never seen the show, so I wouldn't be good at it. But you know what the concept is, so you can at least— I don't know what the concept is. Okay, so Gordon Ramsay— Who is that? No, no, the class is being held, so they know about it. They know. So you go and you show your like— So then you do know what the concept of Kitchen Nightmares is. I know, I know. Okay.

I'm not proud of having watched television, but you know, I see it. And I have a newsletter. It's called I'm Fed Up. You're fed up. And it's things I'm fed up with. We're all fed up with things. Sure. And so I write about the things I'm fed up with. Okay. Well, that's wonderful. And it feels so good.

to get those opinions off my chest. So you're sort of a columnist more than an opinion. An op-ed is really... Yeah, when you say you're an opinion-haver, it... Yes, that's... It seems like, you know... What I wanted to say was an op-ed writer, but since it's not for a newspaper, strictly speaking, that didn't feel like an accurate title. You're writing your editorial opinion. That's what I think. I guess editorial is not involved in the sense of, do you have any bosses or anything like that? No, it's just me. Right, yeah. Really just the op-ed.

Right. So I'm an op writer. So you're an op guy. I'm an op guy. Yes. Self-published. Self-published. Through Substack, a platform which I begrudgingly have to endorse 100%. And yes, and I write things that I'm fed up with. What are some of your opinions if you don't mind me asking? Oh, thank you for asking. Okay. Number one, Venmo. The buttons are not reactive enough and the search is inefficient. Right.

That's a column? I wrote about Venmo. You try to search for a name on Venmo, Scott. Let's say you were on Venmo, okay, and I try to type your name, and I guarantee you it wouldn't come up, even if I'd sent you money several times. Right. What's going on with that? I don't... It's infuriating. Glenn, are you on Venmo? Do you know what he's talking about? I've only tried to make one Venmo in my life to Robert Kennedy's campaign, and it was... $2,000? $2,000. Every single... All my residuals.

From what? From my record sales. I don't know that you call those residuals. That's kind of a term for like actors. Oh, yeah. Well, royalties. Royalties. Yes. Residuals. Whatever you want to call them. And I tried to give them Robert Kennedy Jr. And they wouldn't go through. Wouldn't go through. Well, I don't. He doesn't have a Venmo or somebody else got them. Somebody said thank you when I sent it.

Well, you know, Glenn, is it? Glenn. I hope that I hope I'm not being rude when I tell you that your songs are unusual. Some would say unusable. You're pro-police? I'm hugely anti-police. Are you really? That's my own personal opinion. What's your issue with the police? I just they're annoying and smug.

The guys in my neighborhood. Well, what kind of police are you hanging out with? The Litchfield Beat Cops. You're from Linchfield? Litchfield. Litchfield. Not Linchfield. My goodness. It's a common, I mean. I mean, it's common, but it's nuts. You know? They should probably take it out of town titles. I don't think there should be towns. Lynchburg or all that kind of stuff. Lynchburg is out. No, this is Litchfield. Yeah, this is Litchfield, Connecticut. Named after a village in England. Oh, I see. Yes. Have you been to the UK? No. Have you?

I'm going there. I heard your announcements. Don't go. You listen too. Don't go. Oh, yes, because you had a negative experience. Well, I fought there. You were fighting in England? I thought you were in... You mentioned Berlin. Well, I fought all over Europe, Scott. I fought everywhere. Those were our allies. Everywhere I thought the war was, I fought. What kind of weapons would you use in your murders? Do you know... What are they called? The two... Nunchucks? The two bullet things? Go ahead.

The bandoliers? Yes, yes, I had those. So just with the bullets you would kill people? So you would just throw bullets at people? I had a bow and arrow at different times that had an explosive tip. You shot a bullet with a bow and arrow? You were like a Rambo type of guy. We didn't have that then. It was completely new at the time. You were a proto-Rambo. I was a proto-Rambo. What a confusing death it must be to see somebody hoist back a bow and arrow and then seconds later you see yourself exploding. Especially if you're on the train in Birmingham. Yeah.

Incredible. What a baffling last moment. The tube. That's good to know, Father. Thanks for clarifying. That's the most important part of everything you said.

Let me write that down. The tube. I do like to go to Litchfield, England. Yeah. But the beat cops in Litchfield are smug, arrogant men. And so I wish that the whole establishment was disbanded. Are you a victim of crime of some sort? Yes. Thank you for asking. It's not a question I usually ask. I have been a victim of crime. What crimes have you been a victim? Well, I once ordered from my local Starbucks a grande pike place with whole milk.

from their mobile ordering thing, and it never showed up. And that's $4 that was stolen from you. So you actually paid for it? Yes. Did you bring it to their attention? Yes. And what did they say? They said, quiet down. You're getting worked up about nothing. We're sick of you, and they kicked me out. It may have been the way you were approaching the problem. I mean... Facts are facts. I was $4 out. And so that's...

Crime, which I filed with the police department. I don't know that it's a crime as much as something you bring up with the Better Business Bureau or something like that. Better Business Bureau. That's good advice. Sure, but yeah. Ooh. Happy to give it to you. Hang on a second. Let me write that down. Better Business Bureau. Scott Brockerman sent me. Excuse me for a moment. I don't trust my phone. Do you...

How do you transfer all that writing to your sub stack? My grandson takes a photograph of my full scap and then we and then he somehow uploads it to the to the space. And then somehow is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. And he gets it from his phone to the sub stack. So my sub stack is all image based. Oh, OK. So I can't scan it.

I believe it can. What? They're scanning a lot of images. Oh, what a bummer. Thank God. You're in favor of AR? Yes, I am. You're out of your mind. Of course. You're listening to just the announcements at the top of the show? I got lost in the melodies. I wasn't listening to the lyrics. Yeah, yeah. What are some of your other opinions? Okay, great. So, okay, here's what I hate. Poo.

Poor line management. Oh, I thought you were going to say the poor, which I also hate. No, the poor. Aren't you poor? You've only gotten $2,000 worth of royalties over the years. Scott, there are other ways to make money other than royalties. Why? What do you have on the side? What's your side hustle? Scott, all I do is play music, but there's certain incentivized bonuses involved when you play music at a protest and then help the police out. Oh, I see.

So I'm on the payroll of several police organizations. So the police are paying you? I'm a Royal Order of Police member. Royal Order? Royal Order of the Sheriff's Society, the Beat Cops of various... Does that mean it predates the formation of America? The Beat Cops. They call themselves the Beat Cops because they love to beat people.

People down. Yeah. I've never seen it in Litchfield, but they certainly love to give you some side eye. Yeah. Especially if you're yelling at people in a coffee shop. Well, if you've been robbed. Yeah. I go, you know, that's their job to fix. Anyway, line management is something I read about. What do you mean when you say line management? Okay, so let's say you go to a bank, all right? And like, you know, there's, and it's, they're all, it's one line with like four tellers. Yeah. And so whatever teller's ready, you can go to. We know the concept of a bank. Okay, so you know that.

That's good. In England, they call it a queue. I'm learning a ton. They call a bank a queue? They call a bank a queue, and they call a line a cord. Wow. They call a line a cord, and they call the Underground Railroad a... What do they call the Honda Accord? What do they call the Honda queue? Oh, my gosh. Circular. All right. So that's good line management. That's good. If it's like several people are servicing one line. But let's say you go into that same Starbucks...

several lines and several people and there's no management of which line goes with which cashier. And if you're stuck with some sort of numbskull cashier, doesn't know, you know, it's not good that you, you know, you got short, you got a short shrift. It's bad line management. Most grocery stores have bad line management. So you were allowed back in the Starbucks. Yes, they had to. I got a writ.

Okay, so the city- My brother is the mayor. Your brother is the mayor of Litchfield? He's the mayor of Litchfield. Litchfield? Yes. Really? How did he get to be mayor? He's a great guy. He's a great guy? He's the sweetheart of a guy. It's a small place. You know, you shake a couple hands, he's part of the team. Two hands, and you're in as mayor. Correct.

couple of hands. I don't know how many he shook, you know. You keep saying couple. Two? Yeah, two or three. I don't know. I mean, he was quick. He declared his candidacy in October and he was elected in November, just last year. So, October what? October 31st? Yeah. No, because that was Halloween, so I think October 20th, somewhere around there. 20th? Okay, so about a week and a half. That's right, because we were celebrating the Bolshevik Revolution. We were celebrating the October Revolution, which me and my brother do for a hoot. He's lucky the election wasn't stolen.

Well, you know, you're a card. You're a card and a half. I am. No, I. Well, so my brother's mayor and he. So he offered you a writ to go back. He issued a writ that the Starbucks had to allow me back. OK, so you're back in the Starbucks and you have a problem.

with the line now well the line management's crazy right and did you start yelling at them again i well i made some suggestions they said it was too loud loud suggestions i'm four or five back in line i'm like i got this numbskull bernie at my at the front of my line use the word numbskull i use the word numbskull okay well his skull might be numb i'll tell you this he's not a reactive child did you don't get tired of you don't get tired of bad line management

You look like the kind of fastidious gentleman who walks into a retail establishment. It's one of those things where you take your chances and, you know, half the time you end up in the wrong line. Why should we settle for that? You think there should be just one line in every place? Every place that has a line, there should be one feeder line into however many service agents there are.

Grocery stores would be so much better if you got into one big line and just the fastest cashier could cycle through as many people as they could. Does that incentivize, though, the fastest cashier? Because I think the fastest cashier is there, like, proud of his line and proud that he's getting people through. What Vladimir Lenin would say is that if you trust the people to do work, they'll do it. Okay, I'm in between you guys. Yes.

Vladimir Lenin was probably the greatest man who's ever been around. Now listen, so yes, I know what you're saying, like why, the fast people just tend to be fast. They just tend to be just so almost compulsively like a task completer. Yeah. Whereas this kid Bernie at Starbucks, I'm telling you, this kid. So you're a Bernie bro. I'm an anti-Bernie bro. I'm anti this Bernie bro. Okay. I'm a, you know, I'm a, I'm a regular Bernie bro, but lowercase Bernie. I think of this kid as having a lowercase name. I,

I'm anti-Bernie. These are a lot of clarifications. Well, read my sub stack and it's all in there. I don't think I'm going to. Why not? It's free. Well, there's a paid level. What do you offer with the paid level? Paid level, every month I'll come to your house and I'll complain about whatever you'd like. If you have someone who annoys you, I'll get right in their face. Why?

One person took me up on it. And what happened? My brother took me up on it. Your brother took you? He's the mayor. He shouldn't be having to do this. He's a riot. He's a riot. He sounds funny. I went over to his house and I said, oh, I didn't know it was him because he did it under a pseudonym. Okay, but you know his address. You must have gone over to his place. Once I was getting there, I was like, this is crazy. Did my brother... How far away does he live from you? Next door. Okay. Well...

But I didn't put it together until I sort of like entered it in. My grandson entered it into his Google Maps and we were walking over. This is Roy's house. And then it was, you know, I was like, but this guy's name is Mark Twain. But then it turned out it was Roy. It was Roy. And who did he want you to go yell at? Me. He wanted you to yell at yourself? He pointed at a mirror.

And I was like, you paid for it. And I went and screamed at myself in the mirror. Was that pleasurable for yourself? It was. I actually found it arousing. Really? Me and my wife.

You're married. This is the biggest shocking revelation of your entire interview. Me and my wife Mildred have a wonderful marriage. I can barely take two seconds of you. How long have you been married? If we had lunch, you'd find me charming by the end. I don't think we're having lunch. 21 years. It's going to take until the end of a lunch? I think so. Yeah, that's not so long. I don't have that kind of time. I eat fast.

How fast do you eat? Pretty quick. I mean, you know, if you, okay, an average pita-based sandwich, I'd say I could eat it in, I don't know, six bites. A pita-based sandwich? Sure. If you had a pita-shaped sandwich that, well, as opposed to, because it's two pieces of bread, the size is so variable. I couldn't even pick out

Don't even get me started on sandwiches and pitas. I was thinking that the pita, it was a pita-based sandwich, so the pita was the insides of the sandwich. Right. Look, I'm not a grammarian. That sounds amazing to have just two slices of white bread and a big pita in between. It sounds kind of bland to me, but no sauce. A lamb patty with bread in the middle. That's what I like when I'm out on the road. I love a good pita-based sandwich, so I don't know. That's what I think of it. I thought you were talking about pita, the P-E-T-A.

I love those guys. Oh, I hate those guys. Those guys I love, yeah. You love them. Yeah. The protection, what is it? The protection and ethical treatment of animals, right? Yeah, sure. Yeah, why not? Why not? Be nice to the animals. Yeah. But a pita-based sandwich, I guess, would be... It would be plant-based probably. Oh, I see. I thought it would be made out of the members of pita, like some sort of cannibal situation. No, I do... I mean, there are some people who would appreciate that. I'm not one of them. I don't like cannibalism either. Yeah, I have a hard stance on that. Well, it's rude.

Yeah, it is rude. Cannibalism is rude. Like you, you imagine your death. Yes. And you're out there going like, oh boy, I hope I die in bed. Everyone wants to die in bed. I don't get that either. I want to die standing up. I'd love to die in a huge explosion. And then they're forced to bury you. If you die standing up, they're forced to bury you standing up. That's right.

That's why it used to be six feet under, because everyone used to die standing up. Because heart attacks were so common. And then they invented beds, and everyone's like, let me take a load off here. And now everyone's horizontal. Anyway, but when I die, everyone imagines the way they die. Me too. But then no one imagines like, oh, I'd be so tasty if someone were to just start gnawing on me. That's all I imagine. If I saw some rogue soldier with a bow and arrow firing a bullet at me, and right before it hit me, he was like, I'm going to eat you.

I would be so mad. It would be a very confusing day. Especially if you're in Berlin in the 50s. At that point in the war, meat was meat. It'd be very confusing. You didn't have a lot of rations, I would imagine, coming to you from HQ. At that point, they weren't rationing anything in the 50s. Everything was free and easy to get. My wife, Mildred, loves me, by the way. We have a great marriage. Okay. I believe you. We're ethically non-monogamous. Oh.

Okay. Polly. You're Polly, really? A lot of senior citizens are Polly. Not that I'm confirming that I'm a senior citizen. Okay. So who else are you with? There's a little sort of network of people you find out about, you know, sort of like the society. Okay, yeah. Are there websites? Because you're not a tech-savvy guy. The lifestyle. How do you hear about it? Word of mouth. Word of mouth. And show of hands. Show of hands? Yes. In most...

Public places, I just say, hey, no pressure. Who's Polly here? If anybody's Polly and interested, quick show of hands. People put their hands up. You go over, get the phone number. You follow up. Yeah. Wow. Show of hands is great. I got a whole column about being pro show of hands. People don't like to show their hands all that much anymore. Are they ashamed of their hands? I don't get it.

It's been working since the Greeks. Yeah, exactly. You know? We used to vote that way. Now it's like, oh, okay, the ayes have it. The nays have it. It's like, hey, show of hands, baby. Or write it on a piece of paper, and then somebody like Bernie's counting, and it's like, who knows? Yeah, exactly. Who knows what happens? This Bernie guy. He's a nightmare. I can't believe this guy. He must be- He's a numbskull. Was last name, but he's a numbskull, exactly. Yeah. It's a nimrod. Yeah. You like coffee, then? Love it.

Why don't you just brew it at home? It's cheaper. What are you talking about? You don't have to deal with these people. I can't do it as well as they do. I like that burnt taste. That bitter, awkward Starbucks taste. Yes. You taste it. It's like, this is like, it's mad at me. I like Starbucks was sort of like Domino's where they came out and said, yes, everyone, we know our coffee tastes like shit. Here's a new blend that people will actually love. I've gotten acclimated to it. I don't like coffee unless I, you know, unless it hurts. Yeah.

I want it to rip down my throat like it's a razor blade. So I love Starbucks, but Bernie's ruining it. I tell you, his last name must be Starbucks. It's the only reason he could work there. You don't know his last name. This is a small town. I know. I don't want to find out because I know I'll be stalking him again. And the police have told me I got to cut it out. Yeah, you got to stay away from Bernie. Even though your brother's the mayor. Oh. It seems like he's been trying to help you out with your situation. I wouldn't say that. Maybe you yell at a mirror.

Oh, my brother. Your brother. Not Bernie. No, Bernie. He could give two shits. Yeah, but Bernie. He's a jackass. He's out there living his life. Who knows? I doubt it.

You doubt he's alive? No, I know. Is this a confession? No, I'm not kidding. I wouldn't confess to murdering Bernie if I didn't keep it quiet. Is Bernie murdered? He's not murdered. Okay. I saw him last week. He's a backup bass player in a band. He could be murdered. He's a backup bass player. That's right. So he's like an understudy. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. I go to all their shows. You go to all their shows? Yes.

And has Bernie ever played at any of the shows? Technically, he's playing along with the main guy at all the shows. So he's a backup guy in case the first guy's bass gets unplugged? That's what they call a double bass, Scott. I don't think that's a double bass. So he's just playing there along. He looks like a crazy person. I just shot, this is insane!

They're a cover band. You don't need to be shouting at people. This is their art. They can do whatever they want. I can't believe I'm the only one who doesn't notice it. I'm sure everyone notices it. It's kind of driving them crazy. If you walked into an establishment with poor line management and there's a band and two bass players, you're not going to be like, what's going on? They're playing in the Starbucks. Sometimes, yes. They have employee talent night at the Starbucks. It drives me crazy. Yeah. One girl does watercolors live. I'm like, who cares?

Finish them. Finish them. But when she finishes, they look pretty good. Sure, that's pretty good. But I don't need to see you making them. Hardly a talent. What art form do we actually like to watch the creation of? Sculpture. Sculpture. We like to watch that. Live sculpture is fascinating. Glassblowing. Sure. That's terrific. Yeah. Anything with a hard sub. Nope. I like a concrete product.

Some would say the process is the final product with improv. I don't like improv. The Heralds, the third beats are too short these days. Yeah, these opinions you have. I got several sub stacks on that. Yeah. You seem like an improv teacher though, just generally. In what way? The way you're yelling. I don't think that

to proper strong opinions that are not based. No, there's several improv schools in Litchfield. There are several. There's a lot of improv. They're at war with each other. War. By the way, I saw your eyes light up. I

I would love to. I was part of the improv wars back in the 70s. Oh, yes, I've read about those. It's comedy sports versus the groundlings. Comedy sports versus the groundlings versus the committee from Chicago. Oh, yeah. Wow. It gets pretty heated in Litchfield, but I'm telling you, these guys are not. You know a lot about improv. Some would say too much. You walk down Main Street in Litchfield, you can't avoid it.

Can't avoid it. They're doing improv everywhere out there on the streets. They're out there in the streets. They're doing flash mobs over here, live heralds over here. Would you say it's too small to support this much improv and this much polyamory? The polyamory?

The polyamory is going great. So that's not a problem. That's okay. I would think the improv and the polyamory are inexorably linked. The polyamory community will not accept the improviser. Which is weird because they seem like synonyms. I would think the circles would be just laying on top of each other. You'd think so. I'm sure the improv guys are boinking each other like crazy, but they're not part of our little poly swinging community.

A lot going on. The center will not hold, Scott. The center will not hold. I've got to get out there to Lynchfield. Come by. Lynchfield. It's not Lynch. I don't know. It's not like Jane Lynch bought a town. She could at this point. She should change her name, shouldn't she? You know what? She should. I never thought about it until right now. Yeah. I guess if my name was like

you know paul execution your name is like what your ancestors used to do for a living it's not good yeah it's not good so you uh your ancestors were duds i guess i guess so you know what i'm not ashamed of that they were firework makers perhaps and they made a few duds or yeah they were inefficient ammunitions makers you know duds well uh look uh can i just plug the name of my sub stack just in case people would you not like me to do that no i

Go ahead. Want me to wait for your little special plugs area? Yeah, go ahead and plug. It's PaulHasOpinions and he's fedup.substack.com. It's too long. I don't think so.

I can't even remember it. You just said it. Paul has opinions. You're going to have to go slower. Paul. Your name's Paul? Yes, my name's Paul. See, this is the thing. I don't care because you're never going to come back. I don't know why you think that. I feel like I'm a bit of a recurring sort of energy. I don't know about that. Look, all right, we have to take a break. When we come back, this guy whose name I'm seeing is Paul is going to be here.

Also, Glenn Plappinger. Oh, and a plumber is going to be here. This is very never thought the plumber would be the most exciting guest. But who says they are? All right. We'll see when we come back. We'll be right back with more comedy. Bang, bang after this. For 25 years, Mike's has been making lemonade the hard way. Mike's hard lemonade. Hard days deserve a hard lemonade.

Mike's is hard. So is prison. Don't drive drunk. Premium all beverage with flavors. All registered trademarks used under license by Mike's Hard Lemonade Company, Chicago, Illinois. Are you catching the big game?

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Comedy Bang Bang listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. Visit rosettastone.com slash comedy. That's rosettastone.com slash comedy. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Glenn Plappinger is here, folk singer to the stars. Hello, Scott.

Hello. Is that your catchphrase? Yeah. Oh, have I been on this whole time? When do we start the program? No, we've been doing the program. Oh, we have? Yeah. All those songs you sang? Oh, well, that's wonderful. Were you singing them just to get acquainted with me? I thought, you know, when people ask me to sing a song, Scott, I sing a song whether the microphone's on or the residuals are rolling in. Yeah, it doesn't sound like they're rolling in because it sounds like you made...

Not even $2,000. I made $2,000 because the Venmo crashed. Venmo could not send it to Robert Kennedy Jr. Because the funds were insufficient. Funds were insufficient, but also the recipient wasn't sufficient.

So it was a two-way process. It was a two-way process. That's why I like blockchain. Sure. Why not? And we also have Paul Dudley here. Thank you. Who is an op guy. Yes, an op writer. Yeah, an op writer. Yes. Special ops. Special ops. I'd love to be part of that. Yeah. What is it?

Well, that's... We didn't have... We didn't call it special ops back when I was in the service, but it's basically... Doing stuff off the books. Sneaking around, doing stuff off the books. Wet work. That's right. So you know what wet work is? Yes. You don't know what special ops is? I'm a huge fan of spy novels. And you don't know what special ops are? No, never come across that term. You know what the skunk works are, but you don't know how the skunks are making what they make. Is that right? I guess that's right. Yeah. Yeah.

My sub stack makes $5 a month, by the way. Really? Congratulations. You have one subscriber? That's right. Your brother? Correct. And this is a charity subscription? I don't think so. He wants me to yell at people every month. It's better you do it on the internet than in person. This Bernie guy, feel for him. Bernie, if you're listening. He's not listening. You feel for Bernie. You feel the Bern. You feel the Bern. He couldn't find his ears and his own head to plug the little pods in his brain to hear this. Yeah.

This is an unattractive quality about you, I have to say. Wait till you see... Trust me, you'd be on my side if you saw Bernie. And your wife loves you, but not enough to be monogamous with you. It was her idea, true, but... And can you find anyone else to be Polly with? I haven't yet, but I'm open to it. Yeah, okay. She's going nuts. All right, we need to get to our next guest. She's a plumber. She's actually my plumber. Please welcome to the show Leanne Lee. Oh, Scott, um...

I've been here since 8 a.m. and all of your toilets are just fucked. Yeah. Nice to meet you, Glenn. Hi. I'm a huge fan. I'm a huge fan. Gotta say, huge fan. I'm a huge fan of the trains. Been listening to your music since before I could walk or talk. Oh, really? So approximately zero to eight months or so? I'd say so, yeah, Scott. I had a bunch of baby songs, didn't I? You did, yeah. That's sort of the last time I...

spent time with my father oh really oh so uh sorry this is getting very personal for my plumber it's okay i'm kind of an open book scott um i'm here all the time you asked to be on the show uh you know scott when when this could just be a personal conversation we have or a professional conversation yeah so you know i don't know if you guys know this about me i am a plumber um yeah i introduced you as such yes of course sorry of short-term memory loss from the war which which war

All of them. Oh, wow. Every war. I've sort of had a hand in every single one. There's one going on currently that a lot of people don't know about. Oh, no. That America's involved in?

We're not officially boots on the ground anywhere, as far as I know. So they say. Is this the Ukraine? So they say. So they say. We can't really discuss it. You know, it's an op situation. Special ops. Special ops. And how are you involved? You're a plumber. Well, so... I guess infantrymen take shit.

Um, that, of course, I've had sort of a dark, sordid past, Scott. And, you know, I do a lot of work on this house and I see Scott sitting down with, you know, all these interesting people. I thought to myself, I need a friend. I'd like to have a conversation. You've been working on the toilets for weeks, if not months at this point. What is going on? You say they're all fucked? Well...

Yeah, I'd say, you know, stuffing old script pages down the toilet or something. You can't really do, Scott. You know, well, look, I mean, there's trash cans. I was upset the show didn't get made. What show was that, Scott? Yeah, what show was that, Scott? I thought it was really going to be fun. It was a show called Pilot and it was all about a pilot. But and then every episode was called Pilot because that's the character. And it was everyone just thought it was too confusing.

Yeah. It's a real heat vision and Jack situation. Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know how you know what you're talking about.

You know, there's wads of paper down there, Scott. I mean, this is your job. Can't you just get them out? It's a lot of paper, Scott, and I'm meticulous about my work because I care. So if there's a lot of something, you can't do anything about it? If there's a lot of something, it's going to take longer for me to do it than if there wasn't a lot of something. Just out of curiosity, sorry to barge in, did you say all the toilets are fucked? Well, there's about...

four toilets in this house i'd say oh my gosh four and a half um yeah that's just a broken toilet that's your i've asked you to fix it well i like to call half toilets bidets you know because i think they're a crock of shit um you know nothing's such a my starfish as far as i'm concerned i don't know what you're talking about yeah

But I... So why are you talking on mic? Because if the toilets are fucked, you should just be getting to those, right? There's stuff I gotta... There's downtime. There's lunch hour. I mean, I don't know... Is this your lunch hour or am I paying you right now? And I just thought, you know, Scott, I'm here often. You know, I consider us... It's okay. You know what? I consider us friends, Scott. I'm not above you or anything like that. I don't consider us friends. Well, it seems like you are, Scott. No, no, no. And frankly, as the only woman at this table, I'm offended. I'm a friend to the working person. Why? Why?

The working people don't have much to say, Scott. And as long, I hope you're not into you. I don't agree with Glenn here. Let me tell you something, Glenn. I have a sordid dark past. I was in the Coast Guard for many years. Spent a lot of time on shore, on boats. Which coast? All of them. Oh, so Atlantic, Pacific, Pacific?

I'd have to say so, yeah. Yeah. Wasn't really sure where I was when I was there, but I know that it was close to a coast on the water, just sort of helping people out. Maybe you start at the Pacific, go through the Panama Canal, end up in the Atlantic. We used to call the Coast Guard the JV Navy. That rhymes. That's right. The Coast Guard hated it when we said that, and we'll probably get letters from you saying that. I tried to get into the Navy, but I was allergic to the uniform. Oh, no, really? That sucks. Common problem. Yeah, I'm an eczema sufferer.

Hey, I'm sorry. Can I have a bite of your sandwich? Oh, yes, of course. I just noticed your lunch is out. Why would you need a bite of that sandwich? It's my favorite sandwich. Sounds like you're already choking. Ha ha ha.

Well, it's my favorite sandwich. It's two pieces of white bread with a piece of pita bread in the middle. I'll give it a shot. Something my father used to make for me before he passed. A pita-based sandwich. Okay. If you want to take a bite of that, tell me what you think about it. I'm done. Normally, one would rip off part of the sandwich and hand it to you, but you just put all your saliva on her sandwich. Detached his jaw like a snake in the woods. Like that lady in V, the miniseries.

I don't mind it. Thank you so much. I'm starved for, you know, physical attention. No one knows that reference, Scott, but me, because I was old enough to remember it. I appreciate you not being offended by it. You know, people shouldn't be so fussy about each other's germs. I agree, Paul. I agree. I mean, they all come from the same place, Earth. There you go. So they say.

Do you have theories about... I've got theories, you know. As someone who was in the Coast Guard, I have some intel that most people do not. I got kicked out of the Coast Guard because I started a...

dog fighting ring out of my local lobster. Really? What would happen to the dogs that would lose? Would you throw them overboard? No, they just have like a stern talking to, I'd say. So the boat is just lousy with dogs at this point. A lot of dogs, yeah. So when they lose, they don't die. They just get to go back to someone's quarters? Just sort of the dark place of the boat, I'd say. The hole. The half-back? Or we cook them. Oh.

Oh, gosh. Really? Yeah. Okay. So, yeah. How long were you in the Navy itself? I was in the Navy. Well, I was in the Navy for a week. I was, you know, allergic to the uniform. Then I went to the Coast Guard. Coast Guard. I'm sorry. How long were you in the Coast Guard? I was in the Coast Guard for a month and a half. Month and a half. Okay. Yeah. And then from there, I sort of developed a love of clouds.

Oh, meaning that we all know what clouds are, but you love them. Just sort of general weather speaking. My dream is to become a weather woman. That has not powned out so far, I would say. So I turned to plumbing because most people would say that because, yeah, it's you're not a weather person. So but can you give us a little example of what you would do if you were as a weather person? Mainly, I'm fascinated with marine layer.

You know, you have the marine layer coming in from the ocean. They always talk about it. What is it? Yeah, so the marine layer

Okay.

Yeah, you haven't said anything that's really scientific about it. Well, I explained it, Scott, and that's science. I guess so. Condensation. Do you know what condensation is, Scott? Sure I do. Okay. That little water that's on the outside of your glass. I'm feeling disrespected, Scott. She's absolutely right, Scott. Science is a matter of inquiry. It is not a belief system.

Thank you, Glenn. Okay. I gotta say, I love these two guys. And before we continue, I'm not trying to, you know, overstep a boundary here. I have no boundary. I'm just merely trying to share with you, Paul, I am as well polyamorous. All right. Good for you. So... And do you have a partner with whom you are a non-monogamous? Never had a partner. Way to go. Take that how you will. Okay. So... Hmm.

Anyway, back to clouds. Can I just say something about you? You look so relaxed. Your feet are up on the table. You look kicked back. You're like, you have one of those cigar cutters. I love me a cigar. I do. And, you know, depending on when I'm working in a house for a long period of time, Su Casa is mi casa. Yeah, too long. Because this was a one-day job. One of our toilets was clogged. I've been here for weeks.

I know. And then suddenly, like, you come to me and you say, hey, your second is clogged. Yeah. Then you say your third is also clogged. I'm like, well, are you going to unclog the previous one? Then you say the fourth one's broken. I got to go within the belly of the house.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I'd have to say just sort of, we'll do it. I might need to, I might need to bunk here, Scott. I might need to bunk here, Scott. Wait, you have been going to bunk here, Scott. What's going on in your home life? I just might need to bunk here, Scott. I,

I guess one night is fine if you're trying to fix. Can it be more than one? Are you wearing slippers right now? Are those slippers on your feet? Well, I mean, they're orthopedic, yeah, but they're slippers. And I work in sweats. I work in sweats and a house coat, yes. Yeah, you look like that cartoon character Blondie. Do you know what that is, Glenn? Yes, I do. One of my favorites. So funny. I would laugh out loud when I would get the paper in the mailbox. Oh, I loved it. Oh, Blondie.

Every morning start with a laugh. Just a laugh. I'd go from that to family circus, and then I would always end on a Kathy, and I would just laugh and laugh. I'd shed a tear during the family circuses because it reminds me of my family. Marmaduke, have you ever seen him eat a cake? I don't need comic strips. I've got the people of Litchfield for laughs.

For my cast of characters. I haven't seen a comic in a long time. Oh, no. Oh, really? What's going on? Well, I can't read. Ouch. Oh, no. So when you saw one a long time ago, what happened? Oh.

Well, I didn't really understand what the words were, but the pictures made me happy. Yeah. Whenever I see a newspaper, I feel what, you know, the youths today would say triggered. So I just sort of don't interact. Yeah. No, I can understand that. You know, it's not too late for you to learn how to read. Scott, can I get a beer? Does anyone need a beer? I'll take a beer. 10 in the morning. As long as it's American. Budweiser, please. All right. One second. Bud Light? Bud Light.

Yeah, I'll take a Bud Light as long as it's... Budweiser for you. Thank you. Lagunitas for you. All right. Scott, I got you some Topo Chico, which is... It's 10 in the morning. It's the best of the waters. It's got that spice. No, I know. This is my water. I bought it. I know what it tastes like. No, I know where it is. I don't like that word triggered. In fact, every time when some of these protesters say, I'm triggered, I'm triggered, I pull out this golden pistol and I'd say, are you triggered now?

That's a good one. It's a beautiful pistol, I must say. I'm not agreeing or disagreeing. I'm just saying that it's a beautiful gun. It is beautiful. It's a beautiful gun. Best gun ever been on the show, I bet. Is it operable? I mean, everything is gold about it. Isn't life an opera, Scott?

What? Is life an opera? Life is an opera. I love that song of yours. Life is an opera, yes. That's my personal favorite. Oh, did somebody want me to play Life is an Opera? I would. I guess, yeah. Here we go. It's been a hard week at work. Do you like to start all your songs with a G chord? Is that how they go? Well, you know, they call it the people's key. Because this person knows how to play. Grab your daughters, grab your sons.

Life is an opera when you've got a gun. Shoot it in the air and shoot it at the sky.

Life is an opera, cause today you will die. I love that song. Is this the interrupting part? Yes, absolutely. It seems to be about two rhymes and you're out. It's two rhymes, enough to get the point across, and then we chase the kids down. Most songs should be that short. Oh, my first album had...

37 songs on it and was just an A-side. Yeah, two rhymes, you get the point across, you're done. Don't shoot the messenger, Scott, and you don't shoot the messenger if the message is quick. That's true. One of my essays is about how songs are too long these days. Really? Yes, like Bruce Springsteen's Jungle Land.

No. What is that? It's half an hour long. That's ten minutes. I don't like Bruce Springsteen. Me either. I never liked his politics, and I don't like him as a person. You like that Born in the USA song. I love that song. And he didn't write it, which probably makes sense. Can I have another beer? I finished this one. Of course. You pounded that one. That's what I'm saying. If we had lunch, it'd be quick. Look, Leigh-Anne is a guest on the show. Don't make her go get people beers. You're right. I'll get one. Leigh-Anne, would you like a beer?

I would. She just got you one and now you're going to go get her one. Well, I like to drink two different beers at the same time. Right now I'm drinking. You have a lot of different beers, Scott. Yeah. I have to say. I have a subscription thing and it's A to Z across the world. Okay. There's a lot of Angry Orchard in there. Yeah. No, that was the A. Oh, okay. And I just kept, I kept like refreshing on it. And what you're supposed to do is then go on to B. Right. But I just kept like reordering the A's over and over again. N's at White Claw. There's no drink after White Claw. Okay.

Can you get me a delirium, Tremens? All right. Let me see. I have a question about what is a half bath?

A half bath. Because Scott's got these four bathrooms, but he's got a half bath and I used it. And now let me tell you, there's no toilet. Yeah. You know, there's a difference there between half bath. It still counts on the real estate listing if you only have a shower. That's true. Yeah. And, you know, that's why I'm here to save you that cost. Thank you. Wait, so you took all the toilets out? What is a shower but a toilet where you can get clean? We're in a process of making your home clean.

As efficient as it possibly can be. But to answer your question, a half bath is very different. Really? From a powder room. Okay. Powder room does have a toilet and a sink. A half bath has a toilet. Okay.

And a sink. Well, back in the 60s, powder room had a very different meaning, I can tell you that. I bet it did, Glenn. I bet it did. So you made it back to the States in time for the 60s. Yes, I did. And if you had a powder room, it was filled with the products of Bolivia. So cocaine in the 60s? I'm telling you, Scott, I was always a decade early.

I did LSD in the 50s. I did cocaine. I did fine Bolivian marching powder in the 60s. So you were microdosing mushrooms like 10 years ago. You were an Adderall addict in the 70s. I'd go to the racetrack in the 80s just to get the ketamine.

Hey, you guys want a robe? I found these robes in Scott's closet. Oh, my. Would you guys stop rifling through my stuff? Who wants a robe? Well, I'm wearing the green velvet one that says Scott on the back and the front. So you don't need one. I'll take a robe. Here's a robe. Scott, you want a robe? Yeah. Could I get my heavyweight champion of the world one? Sure. I thought this was a prop. Here you go. I mean, technically, yeah. All right. Clubber Lang wore it in Rocky III, I believe. But.

Hey, Scott, I have a question for you since we're good buds, right? We're good friends. Sure, why not? We're good friends. Who's your best friend, Scott? Uh,

One, two, three. None of you. Oh, no. I mean. You don't need to say it like that. You don't need to just eliminate. I assumed I wasn't your best friend. I know, Scott. When asked who your friends are, no one ever starts with saying none of you. I'll tell you who it's not. It's really disrespectful. Although I guess I might say I'm not best friends with Bernie. So I guess I might. You know who's my best friend? My wife is my best friend. Oh, wait. No, no, no, no. I'm sorry. My friend, Steve. Okay. Okay.

But she's number two? She's up there. Top ten? Hey, Scott. What questions do you want to ask? Since we're good friends and I'm staying with you, what's your favorite kind of cloud? Number one. Number two, who's your favorite actor? Sort of the cornerstone of how I get to know people. Yeah, clouds, I guess the... Don't Google it. Don't Google it. This is easy. Mushroom cloud and James Woods. James Woods.

The actor, James... No, the mushroom cloud, it's not naturally occurring. Oh, really? It was...

So do you only like natural clouds, organic clouds? I do. Yes, Scott. I don't fuck with chemical clouds. Yeah. Yeah. Like napalm and all that stuff. Yeah. You don't like that. No. No. What are the types of clouds? There's cumulus clouds, nimbus, romulus clouds, cucupa clouds. You know, for someone who loves clouds to be going, um, after three examples is...

Scott, that's just how I talk. I beg your pardon. It's disrespectful. Okay, name all the other types of clouds. There's Kumbachi clouds. There's Remedon clouds. Amazon cloud service. I'm sorry? iCloud. Amazon cloud service. Amazon cloud service. iCloud. Cloud9. George Harrison. George Harrison cloud. Yes. Yes.

My personal favorite would have to be Cumulus. Yeah, it's the one everyone thinks of when they think of clouds. Of course. What are the qualities of a Cumulus? It's bulbous, round. You don't know what's going to happen next. Like W.C. Fields' nose. Yes, of course. I don't know who that is. I hate to say, I have to go pee. And since the bathrooms seem to be clogged. You can pee in the sink. I'll do it. I really would rather you did.

It's more efficient if you pee in the sink, actually. Do you pee sitting down or standing up, Paul? Standing up 100% of my life. Me as well. You as well, really? How do you get it in there? I've got a really incredibly strong pelvic floor. And I just sort of hunker down. It's kind of like a street hose. Why bother? Why bother? Why not just sit?

I don't have time, Scott. Oh, yeah. I don't have time. That's the thing. Between the clouds and the toilets of America, I don't have time. Yeah. Also, you know, my time as a Coast Guard, you know, I was the only woman on that ship. And if I sat down at any moment, I was disrespected emotionally. Emotionally. Emotionally. Okay, yeah. So it's good to be at a high altitude, much like that cop on the horse. Ready for anything. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. I'm back.

Yeah, how'd it go? Pretty great. Did it go down the drain? Mostly, yeah. Hold on, let me check it real quick. I gotta check this back in situation. Yeah, this is kind of your responsibility, you know? I mean, look, I...

Paul, why is it green? Were you still drinking green beer from St. Patrick's Day? I love it. I love gimmick beer. I love themed food. Looks like Secret of the Ooze in there. It's very green. From TMNT2? One of my favorites. Paul, what's your favorite off-brand holiday? I guess, you know, Grassman and Secretary's Day, I guess, is my favorite. That's one of my favorites for sure. What's yours?

Oh, God, I have a lot. Um, probably, uh, shit. I'd have to say National Screenwriters Day. Oh, yeah. I think that they're the backbone of this country. Oh, thank you so much. It's so nice. You're a screenwriter? I mean, I had all those screen pages. What movies have you made, Scott?

Between two ferns. Didn't catch that one. Color went out of his face on that. Shark Tale. Shark Tale is actually one of my favorite movies. Are you fucking kidding me right now, Scott? Oh, you'll see my name in the credits there.

Am I in the presence of greatness? Could I shake your hand? Your hands are covered with some sort of brown filth. It's my lotion. All right, I'll take your word for it. One of my best friends is Scott, the writer of Shark Tale. Was that written by AI? One of. I don't take one of. You either write it whole or you don't write it at all. No, there were several writers on that project. Several writers wrote Shark Tale? Potato chips all around. If you can believe it.

I got potato chips from Scott's cabinet. Guys, these are... Let's have them. I was going to have that for lunch today. You're going to have a bag of chips for lunch, Scott? Yeah, I'm on a diet. You need to have one of my sandwiches.

There's a lot of carbs in that. Carbs are good for you. Carbs are brain food. I know. Yeah, that's the thing. You only lose weight if you don't have carbs, but you need the carbs to think. Well, since no one asked me, one of my favorite actors is Carrie Elwes. Oh, yeah, from The Princess Bride. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What do you like about Carrie? Oh, wow. You really went inside yourself there. Do you find him attractive? He's just...

He really hasn't had his moment. He kind of had one. Pretty good moment. Yeah, back in the 80s. Princess Bride is a beloved. I think. He was in Robin Hood, Men in Tights. It's one of my favorite DVDs to look at, but never rent. I think he deserves a BAFTA, if you want me to be honest. A British. I guess he'd have to make something in the UK in order to get one. He would. Or maybe you're so good that the British take notice. Well, if he ever gets a BAFTA, he could take that to the queue.

You laughed at the end of that. I laughed at a callback. I made myself laugh at that. I enjoyed it. Hey, I got to tell Roy. Everyone's got to have a fan, even if it's yourself. I got to tell that to Roy. Yeah. He'll get a kick out of it. I bet he would.

Yeah. Can Roy come on the show next time? I don't think so. He sounds like a delight. He's a huge fan. Look, Leanne. It's sweet that you're close with your brother. Oh, thank you. Do you have family? You're my only family, Scott. Look, Leanne, you've got to get out of the house. No. I'm going to call another plumber. I mean, honestly, you've been in that. Scott, I swear to God, if you do that, I'll ruin your fucking life. You already have ruined my life. No, I'm a dear friend. None of the toilets work. And all I'm doing is helping you with your toilets. People are peeing in the sink.

I gotta get you out of this house. I gotta get a second opinion on this. I'm a joy to be around. You're frowning as you're shouting at me. You're hanging out with my wife? Your wife loves me. Really? As a person. Really? Wait, you're not her best friend, are you? I'd have to say that I am, Scott.

I don't know. I spent a lot of time talking to your wife about your toilets. Where the fuck are you? I feel like you don't have any kind of awareness of your effect on people. And maybe you think... No, maybe, Scott, you don't have any awareness of how you make women feel. You can't just say what I said and then say that I said it. You know what, Scott? This is my podcast. You leave. I don't want to leave. This is... No, it's my... Glenn, how are you? Well, I'm doing great. Have we started the program? This is my show...

Do you guys want me to leave? I'm sorry, Scott. Welcome back to American Voices. Do you guys want me to leave? I mean, I'll... Scott! It'd be kind of interesting, you know. I want to abolish legislatures and the police departments. So, yeah, it could be something. Anarchy of the USA? That's right. And I want to abolish anything on the other side of the line from the police. So we'll have quite a podcast. I bet Adam Carolla will come on.

I love Adam Carolla. So do I. Okay. What were you going to say, Leanne? Sorry, I didn't want to interject and speak over the voice of a man. I'm speaking, Scott! These guys interrupted you more than... But when you do it, it's worse. I feel like you have to go.

I feel like this audience, this sphere of the corner of the podcasting realm really wants to hear a woman's voice. Okay, I'll let you take over as long as you do everything that we normally do on the show. I'll do everything perfectly. I've never listened, but I'll do it perfectly. That's what I'm worried. Can I guide you through it at least? Of course. Give me the papers. Tell me what to say. Okay, here. You got to say something to the effect of... Ladies and gentlemen!

Thank you so much for listening to Comedy Bang Bang. Okay, but next. Comedy Bang Bang. We're running out of time. I'm Scott Aukerman. You don't have to say that. I don't want anyone to think that you're me. This summer, we are going on tour. I'm going to be there. I already did those. We're going to be going to Berlin, South Korea, Chicago, Omaha, Nebraska, Phoenix, Arizona. Everybody's going to be there.

except me because I'm going to be at home feeling sorry for myself and not have any toilets because my wife left me for her best friend Leanne. That's not happening. Look, can you throw out a plugs because we're running out of time. Throwing out some plugs. We have different kind of American plugs.

You should be, you should, out of anyone here, you should know plugs because what you work on is plugged up all the time. Plugs is, what's your plug, Paul? No, we got to do the theme song first. Say like, we're running out of time. We're running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show. We only have time for one final thing on the show. And that's a little something called plugs. And that's a little something called plugs. All right. Plugs. Plugs. Plugs. Plugs. Plugs. Plugs.

Ooh, someone call Moby. Someone's coming for his crown. That was great. Was that music?

Yeah, that drugs. What do you think you do? Well, I didn't think that sounded like music, Scott, because it didn't start on a G chord. Yeah, a little discrepancy. That was Plugs on the Tide by Ike Lackey. Thank you to Ike Lackey. If you have a plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com slash plugs and upload your songs and you can have it played on the show. And Ike Lackey, you got it played on the show. Congrats. You followed all the instructions and to a T.

And here you are on the show. It works just like that. Now tell everyone to plug their things. Everyone plug your things. Glad. Not all at once. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm nervous. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, Comedy Bang Bang is coming to a close.

It's not going to do a close. People have to plug their thing. Scott, I'm not going to learn if you don't let me do it the way I want to do it. No, you have to learn by doing it the correct way. Please take your hands off the wheel. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm glad you said the wheel. That's a new wheel, isn't it, Scott? I like that. It's a new ship's wheel. Yeah.

It's got those little, like, why do ship's wheels have the little knobs on it? They're not knobs. They're like batons. In the Navy, we call it, yeah, the ship, the knob of the wheel is what we call it in the Navy. All right, what do you have to plug here, Glenn? Well, Scott, of course, I'll plug my music, but if people are really interested in a brand new podcast, comedy podcast. What? Brand new? Brand new. It's only 12 episodes, a limited series, and it's called Get It to Dutch, A Screenwriter's Journey.

What the hell is this thing? It's really fun, Scott. It's about three struggling screenwriters who every week they bring in one of their screenplays that they're trying to get to a famous producer. It's got people like Tim Robinson on it. It's got Rob Hubel, Weird Al Yankovic. Wow.

And you can listen to it right now. I think you'll really enjoy it. And I don't have anything to do with it, but I think it's a great podcast. I would appear on it. I don't know that I'm going to listen to it. Okay. Well, you can. Like I said, it was 12 episodes. It's over. Yeah. Didn't get that call.

Yeah, you didn't, Scott, just because I didn't know you had written on, what was it, Shark Tank? Shark Tail. Oh, Shark Tank. Shark Tank doesn't have writers. Of course they do, Scott. Everything has writers these days. So yeah, Get It to Dutch, A Screenwriter's Journey. It's got some really great, oh, and Lily Sullivan. I don't care. Who is- So wherever podcasts- On iHeartMedia, but wherever podcasts are found. Wonderful.

All right, now throw it over to Paul over here. Paul, what do you have to plug? What's going on with you, Paul? Three quick plugs. One, Paul has opinions and he's fed up.substack.com. Two, little improv podcast I like called Heinz, I'm Proud to Meet You, which is featured on Comedy Bang Bang World behind a paywall. I'm a huge fan. Yeah, I've heard this. And then Screw It, we're just going to talk about The Beatles, which is a podcast where

A bunch of middle-aged people say the Beatles are good over and over again, which inexplicably has a big audience, but I enjoy it. So those are my plans. I love their early stuff. All in G.

All right. You can do your plugs now. Well, there's a comedian that I think is really going to take planet Earth by storm. She's also gorgeous. Her name is Caitlin Riley. She is an actress, comedian. She has a Largo show coming up July 9th. She also has a show at the Den Theater in Chicago, June 20th. Right. There are links to tickets on the Internet. Yeah.

Yeah, that's where I would expect them to be. They're there. Go to her pages. They're there. Buy the tickets. She's in a show. She's in a show or two. Oh, yeah. She's in an animated show called In the Know on Peacock. Watch it. I remember that show. I got a bunch of cookies here, and I feel like they're still here. Yeah. Her face is on them. Yeah. I got to throw these things away because they were said to be when that show came out. I peed on those cookies. I'm sorry. They're really good cookies, Paul. And she's in a show on Netflix. I don't know if you guys have heard of that.

Yeah, it has the... Yep. What's the show called, though? I think that's more important. Dead Boy Detectives. Oh, yeah. Based on the Neil Gaiman comic. So, I don't know. Maybe check it out, I guess. Yeah, but you gotta be more forceful with these plugs. Check it out or I'll fucking kill you.

I'm going to plug. Look again. We have UK dates going on sale this week. Glasgow, London, Bristol, Dublin, Manchester. Those are in September. They all go on sale this week. Head over to CBB world.com slash tour. The, all the links will be there along with the password. So you can get them on Wednesday tour starts this week, Boston. We're doing a New York and then Philly, then Washington, DC, Durham, Atlanta, and,

and St. Louis and Nashville. So go out and see us at the shows. Also go over to CBB World and you can listen to all of that if you're a Maximus subscriber. And, you know, when you're over at CBB World, there's a bunch of great shit over there. So just head over there and check it out. All right. Tell me to close up the plug bag. All right. Close up the plug.

This is the end of the episode. Thank you guys so much. It's not the end of the episode. We're just closing the plug bag. Okay. Hello, little green men. Everybody's waiting to see you. Everyone knows when you come here, things will be grand. Hello, little green men. Everyone wants to be with you.

When you get here, everything will be at hand. Talking about the destruction of the planet Earth. Praise Ja, we're going to a planet, the newest planet, out there in outer space. Eh?

Everybody get an operation on your face. What is it? Plug bag. What is it? Wow, that was a plug bag by Seven Streams. Thank you to Seven Streams. And guys, we are running out of time. Am I allowed to say we're out of time now? We're running out of time. The show is not over yet, but it will be soon.

soon yeah well let's thank our guests okay thank you Glenn thank you for thank you for having me and let's let's start the show no we this is the end of the show all right yeah everything you said is on mic and is going to be broadcast to the world oh okay well feel free to include it it's

I probably will include, unless we accidentally forgot to record that mic. Just make sure I get the residuals. No such luck, unfortunately. And thank Paul over here. Paul, thank you for having opinions and being polyamorous. My pleasure. You're welcome. I just realized you're Paul and you're Polly. I got to work that in.

Maybe when you talk to people with your show hands, be like, I'm Paul. Hey, I'm Paul. Anybody Paul Lee? Show of hands? Show of hands? I'll work it in. And Bernie, if you're listening, I hope you die. By the way, we're talking about Bernie from your town. Bernie from my town. Yeah, yeah. Not Bernie Sanders. Not Bernie Sanders. Not any famous Bernie. Yeah, who are the other famous Bernies in the world? Little dipshit Bernie is the barista. Bernie Madoff? Madoff. Okay, he could die. Or maybe he is. Who knows? That's rude.

I'm sorry. A lot of people don't like him. It's rude, but he's not great. That's somebody's grandfather. I've always liked him. I guess. That'd be horrible to have him be your grandfather. Yeah.

Isn't it funny he made off with all the money? Everyone's name is exactly what they are. Jay Lynch, everyone else. That seemed like some Scott writing right there. The algorithm is... Shark tank names. All right, we're running out of time, but Leanne, I want to thank you. I want to thank you, Scott, for coming on. I guess you're hosting from now on? Is that...

And I have to fix my own toilets? No, I'll still be here to fix the toilets, but I will also be manning the station of this podcast. Okay. All right. I have to have something to do on my lunch hour to keep creative. Okay. Otherwise, I fall asleep. I guess. All right. So you're going to be the host from now on. I'm going to go on the tour. Yes. When I come back, I want these fucking toilets fixed.

I can't promise anything, Scott, but I'll do my best by you because you're my best friend. I really want you to promise. This is the thing. When a plumber comes, it's the plumber's promise. Scout's honor. I will see what I can do. I want to be. You want it. You're a 58 year old man.

Oh, woman. Sorry. Wow. In my mind, plumbers can only be men. I have PCOS. Honestly, a man would have done better. Whoa. Whoa, Scott. I like it. All right. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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