What Olympic Sport Could We Probably Win At?
01:04:45 Share

Ted's pissed tonight. I am pissed. I am pissed. I don't like when he gets all pissed. I mean, this is totally winter, Ted. And I'm in summer mode. You know I'm in summer mode. Oh, Summer Schlatt is something that is, okay, well, I can't even be mad about that. Like, that's not even something that I can get upset about. I mean, here in Summer Schlatt, you know, you can hear the pep in his step, the love in his voice, the sweetness in his heart. And, like, you just get sucked in. You get filled with love.

Jesus Christ. I mean, but that is that is sort of the essence of summer slide. Just like a little creature rolling around on the ground, sucking up all the dirt in its path and spitting out sunshine and roses, baby. Listen, a lot of sucking happens when I'm in summer mode. Oh, yeah, I can imagine. Yeah. What I am pissed about, though, is the fact that you guys were like, oh, well, we don't have a topic today. Let's get them.

Drinks out. So I'm drinking a tequila soda at 325 in the afternoon. It's every time we film this podcast at this point. We just we just drink now. I remember when when the drinking episodes used to be just you like an event. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well.

The drinking episodes were like a thing you were doing. You were like, oh, we got a drinking episode. Wait, where's everybody's alcohol? Whatever sucks it down. But you've joined the dark side now. I have. I've joined the dark side. A bunch of degenerates now. A bunch of hedonists. Well, I know that Tucker's going to be drinking and like as the, as the,

hinge on the door that is the podcast, Tucker, once he starts drinking it, he starts to rust. He starts to rust and oxidize until he starts falling apart. And then the hinges of the podcast start falling off and

I got a drink to operate within that level. So the only people on the sidelines that are like, what the are they talking about? Are the audience. What are you talking about? This is like the pennies from last time and it didn't make any sense. Yeah. When I put coins in my cup holder, they go click, click. And that's why my truck's breaking down. Not in my cup holder, in the ashtray in my car. When I go over a bump, they make noise. It's loud. You get so funny when you drink. You turn into like a little brother.

Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich. Ted, I am so excited. I'm so excited. Yeah. For this thing we have planned. Tomorrow. Are we able to talk about it? I'm flying out for it. Yeah, fuck it. I don't know. Our turnaround is going to be bad. I.

- Our turnaround will be awful. This content will not be coming out for months and months and months, but it's happening tomorrow, dude. - My content will probably come out first, if anything, 'cause I am desperate in need of a video. - So what happens between when you upload a video and now?

And now? Like there's a huge gap. I just want to know what you do, what goes through your mind. A lot of times it's like, man, I got to think of the next video. Oh, I got this idea. Oh, that'll be good. And then you just, what, nothing? This is the sound of time going by.

This is the sound of time passing and I'm being like, man, I love my, I love playing game. You, Oh, I love playing game. You got to do another podcast episode. Fun. Wait, you have fun in between videos, dude. Yeah. A little bit like 10 other channels. Like I do. I think I am. I have a video coming out for the second channel. Finally, that's being worked on. Uh,

And then I've got this plan of having the second channel be like the slop channel where I post lower effort content that I get someone else to edit. Because for the majority of all the content that I've released, nothing.

90% of it has been edited mostly by me. It's time for that to change. Yeah, with the exception of like, anytime I have an editor take care of something, I'm like, I need to do that last at least like 30% of the edit. Otherwise, I'll kill myself. Well, we don't want you killing yourself. That'd make two of us. Yeah, like the Rainforest Cafe, Margaritaville, all those videos were all just 100% me in the trenches. Barbie, I did get a lot of help from Zayd.

which was great. Love Zade. Zade. Zade. What's up, dude? I'm Zade. He's cool. I live in Los Angeles, bro. Dude, Zade is cool. Does Zade live in Los Angeles? Yes. Could have fucking guessed. Yeah. What's up, dude? They're from the UK, so it's sort of like... You want to hang out in Santa Monica later? I'm Zade. What's up?

Sorry, Zade. I'm sure you're a very nice gentleman. Yeah, but I don't know. I just think about it. I think I give myself a really hard time on like what's a good video, but I think I need to just start releasing whatever and just figure it out as I go in the process of releasing stuff. I think I go, I flip through two phases of my life and I thought about this the other day. There's two zones that you can be in. You can be in one of...

producing and one of consuming and i think i've been in a little bit too long of a consumption one where i'm watching tv shows i'm getting high i'm eating food oh yeah we can tell you've been consuming but that what i'm i'm feeling pretty skinny right now honestly um if you tell him that if you tell him that before we go to new york he's gonna be counting every calorie and it's gonna be really fucking annoying

Just like Martha's Vineyard. Don't, don't, don't. You told him all that shit last time. We went to the vineyard every single meal. Ted's like, oh, I don't know. I just, I did the calories. I don't know. And I was like, Schlatt got in your fucking head and he hasn't left all this entire vacation. I still gained like fucking six pounds on the vineyard. Dude, we were slopping down on the vineyard. What are you talking about?

We were slopping down, we were eating ice cream, we were having steaks. You were publicly guilting yourself as you're eating it. Like, I shouldn't be doing this. Well, at least I'm self-aware as I'm doing it. Nobody else wants to hear that. Shut your mouth. Shut your fucking mouth. You're being a brat right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was a little extreme. That's who you really are. Whoa. Come on, man. No. Okay. Okay.

There's two sides to the coin, consumption or production. And I've been outside of the production zone. And I'll tell you what, when I'm in production zone, I'm eating good because I'm not, I'm, I'm forgetting to, um, um, you know what I mean? Um, I don't, but, but yeah, I'm feeling effective. I'm making vids. So I'm, we're, we're going to reenter into production, Ted. It's going to be huge. I've got big, big ideas, uh,

Large and they're gonna be beautiful. Well, let's share them. Let's let's let's reveal to the world. What's happening tomorrow We're gonna do another taste testing video. It's me the first one in two years Two years

It's going to be the first one in two years. I still have to figure out the details of what flavors we're going to be embarking on. We're going to do that tonight. Recording tomorrow, by the way. Recording it tomorrow. Okay, listen. I feel like sometimes I hadn't had it figured out in the past. I'll figure it out like last second. And I'm hoping that this one, this time, it's...

The process of this one is going to be a little bit quicker, I think. We've done one of these in the past, Schlatt. Man, that one almost has 12 million views. That's crazy. Wow. That's a lot of views, dude. Yeah, that's my biggest video right there. Soon to be passed by Barbie, though. Barbie's going to pass that one without a doubt. Barbie's already had seven and a half million views in four months. When we did the ice cream one, that one took us

like six six hours or something to do i wanted to kill myself during that recording that one was like it was we were getting you were we were finishing up with that one at like

2:00 in the morning or something. We had Mario Kart and like fucking Super Smash Brothers playing as the ice cream machine. And a pizza the size of a building. Like the pizza that I got, I was like, oh, it's like, what was it? It said it was like a 32 inch pizza. And I was like, oh, that sounds like a good size for us. We're going to have plenty of pizza.

So I was like, I don't know if that's a good idea. I was like, it'll be fine. It's the biggest pizza that I've ever seen. This is a flat screen sized pizza that is a box that is literally the width of my wingspan. That was how big this pizza was. The guy who showed up in it was like in a fucking... He was in a smart car. The pizza's hanging out the back of his trunk. And he's like pissed. He's like upset about it. And I'm like...

Because when you're a door dasher and you go to pick up a pizza, you're not expecting the pizza is going to be the size of a fucking marble slab. So I felt bad, but not that bad. So I gave him a tip. We used to eat those big pizzas in SOI in North Carolina. Really? It was called Monster Pizza. Were they slices? Yeah. I mean, it would be. Well, it would be cut up, but it would be a box. It would be ridiculous. Okay. You got to understand. These were slices. Wait.

Not squares. No, yeah. These weren't squares. Circular pie. Circular pie. Big fucking monster. It was called monster pizza. Yeah, this was just called the normal pizza, but it was the choice on the ordering app where it was like 8-inch, 20-inch, 30-inch, 60-inch or whatever I chose. I think even 8-inch is more than enough.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Definitely plenty. Yeah. That stretches the definition of personal pie, I think. Yeah. That's meant to be shared. We're doing another one of these. I guess I'll keep the theme itself hidden, but it'll be summary. It'll be a little summary.

Look, dude, for the first time, it's not me coming over to that godless fucking country. Damn right. Yeah, that's true. It is me. It is me coming to New York this time. That's coming to New York City, baby. And you know where we're doing it? Should I spoil that too? If you'd like. Yeah, I mean. We kind of talked about it. Yeah, we talked about it a little bit. It was like, I think there was a lot of plans. Since we've talked about it, there has been so much that has transpired privately about what that entails. Like you were, now we're coming with you.

Oh, you're coming. You've been coming all night, dude. $15,000 hotel suite. Yeah. The price goes up every time. Yeah, I know. It does. It actually does go up every time he brings it up. It was like $13,000, so it's gone up by 2K. I think it was 10 the first time, too. I think he just hasn't reserved it yet. He hasn't gotten the bill. He's been looking at the booking website.

No, I paid for it. I paid for it. I promise. And my credit card did not decline, which I was very happy about. That's good. That is good. Super happy about that. That happened when I did the Ritz Carlton. Oh, really? In Kyoto. Yeah, yeah. My bank was like, no, I don't think that's really you. Even though I called them before the trip and I was like, hey, I'm going to Japan and I'm going to be making some insane purchases, so please don't decline.

Yeah. Doesn't matter. Thanks. Fucking suck. My money under a mattress. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I like that. Nice water bed. Water bed. Did you know? So I'm, here's another piece of news. I'm, I'm, I'm going to be moving out of this apartment pretty soon.

What the hell? Yeah. You knew this. I know, I know. Oh, well, for the audience. That was the viewer reaction. Oh, of course. Yeah, sorry. For the audience. Yeah, yeah, no, it's good. For the first time in four years, I'll have been moving. There are people. Coming to New York City. That's crazy. There are people that started freshman year in their college watching us, seeing this background, and then.

There's some early videos of mine where you can see me having just moved in because there's not that much in the background. And it's going to be like a similar thing. Like it'll be easy to tell the timeline. Cause like the, when I move in a new place, it'll be like, there'll be, this will be the third place I've ever stayed in, in my YouTube career. Other than like my hometown room, dude, I can't imagine.

having the same background for three four years like that that's just like a concept i can't it's like infinity i know i'm gonna miss it i think i'm gonna miss it i wish i could just take this room and move it to the better place you know yeah because i do like this background it's pretty iconic

It's nice. It's nice. I still get nostalgia when I think about my old, like old, old, old New York setup in the basement with those Christmas lights around the whole room. Yeah. This is my equivalent of that, I guess, a little bit.

Yeah. I'm hoping that this one sticks for a while, but we'll see. We'll see. Congrats. I mean, you're moving out of Los Angeles. That's pretty big. No, I'm not. I'm moving to another location in Los Angeles. Yeah. No, still Los Angeles. Still Los Angeles. The city hasn't deprived you of all your happiness yet? No, it fills me with joy. It fills me with love. It fills me with wonder. It fills you with joy when your car gets fucking opened every night.

Well, it's not going to be anymore. Moving to a nicer place. Yeah, it probably will be. It probably will be. No, it won't. But what's great about this place, one of the things that I had to deal with for the last four years is that at my current apartment complex, there's no way for Amazon to get in. Yeah, they throw the box over the fence, don't they? Yeah, they do. They have to throw the box over the fence. UPS...

We'll put the... Because there's like two gates. There's the car gate and then there's the pedestrian gate. Pedestrian gate only opens with a key. There's no buzzer. There's no keypad thing. They could add it if they wanted to. It would probably cost them not a huge amount of money to do. Probably 19 bucks. Yeah, probably 19 bucks and some change. A couple nickels.

But they don't. And so there's like I can see my neighbor struggling with it, too. Like they'll be they'll put like one of those buttons like you can get like a little wireless button thing that will notify someone if you're if somebody presses it like a little wireless doorbell thing. They're putting that on the pedestrian gate outside the compound. And I'll see it one day or I'll be like, man, they're struggling with the it'll be a little sticky below and be like, UPS, please press this button if you get here.

I'll be like, oh, they're struggling with their packages too. It's not just me. I'll come back the next day. I'll see the pedestrian gate. I'll look where that button is. There's just the shell of where it was. Somebody just grabbed it. Some person stole the button. So the environment around us is also toxic to the – is against the process of getting packages.

There are some advantages, though, to the fact that things will just disappear if they're near the sidewalk. Chuckles, this episode is also sponsored by our friends at Mint Mobile. You know that rush when you find a show so binge-worthy that you can't wait to tell your friends, Ted? Oh, yeah, absolutely, dude. Or a song that's playing in your head so you tell everyone to just stop hearing it yourself. Yeah, it's driving me crazy. It's driving me crazy.

I know, you get crazy. And listen, Schlatt, that's exactly how we felt when we stumbled upon Mint Mobile's deal. Premium wireless for just $15 a month with a three-month plan. Fellas, this is such an awesome deal. We just had to tell you ourselves. We just had to. Wireless prices are getting crazy these days, all right? You understand how good of a deal $15 a month from Mint Mobile is? How about this, Ted? Everything.

Every Mint Mobile plan comes with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Wait, so you're saying that I can use my own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring my phone number along with all of my existing contacts, lad? That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying, baby. That's incredible. That's what Ryan Reynolds told me. Chucklers, I think it's great how much money that you can save with Mint Mobile. I think that's fantastic. And you know what, Ted? Friends don't let friends overpay for wireless. True. You can say bye-bye to that overpriced wireless plan and switch to Mint Mobile. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash chuckle. That's mintmobile.com slash chuckle.

baby cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mint mobile.com slash chuckle $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month new customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply cement mobile for details

Chucklers, this episode is also sponsored by our friends at Mint Mobile. You know that rush when you find a show so binge-worthy that you can't wait to tell your friends, Ted? Oh, yeah, absolutely, dude. Or a song that's playing in your head so you tell everyone to just stop hearing it yourself. Yeah, it's driving me crazy. It's driving me crazy.

I know, you get crazy. And listen, Schlatt, that's exactly how we felt when we stumbled upon Mint Mobile's deal. Premium wireless for just $15 a month with a three-month plan. Fellas, this is such an awesome deal. We just had to tell you ourselves. We just had to. Wireless prices are getting crazy these days, all right? You understand how good of a deal $15 a month from Mint Mobile is? How about this, Ted? Every Mint Mobile plan comes with high-speed data and...

Unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Wait, so you're saying that I can use my own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring my phone number along with all of my existing contacts, lad? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying, baby. That's it.

That's what Ryan Reynolds told me. Chucklers, I think it's great how much money that you can save with Mint Mobile. I think that's fantastic. And you know what, Ted? Friends don't let friends overpay for wireless. True. You can say bye-bye to that overpriced wireless plan and switch to Mint Mobile. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash chuckle. That's mintmobile.com slash chuckle.

baby cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mint mobile.com slash chuckle 45 up front payment required equivalent to 15 a month new customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply cement mobile for details what i don't understand is that how with a gate does someone manage to check your truck every night they're climbing over it they're climbing over the gate to check your truck

Some guy is, yeah. Well, it's not every night. It's kind of stopped happening, to be honest. Oh, it stopped happening. How many times has it happened? No, no, I remember this conversation. It went, man, whenever I leave my truck unlocked, someone always gets in. And you failed to realize that that meant every time...

Every night someone's coming in. Well, it stopped happening. Checking the door. Let me chime in here. I cleaned, I detailed Ted's truck for him last time I was in LA. If you were to break into Ted's truck, you'd be like, and you didn't know it was Ted. You'd be like, uh, this guy's a fucking bum. This is just some bum. I don't keep anything in there. This is some poor college kid trying to make ends meet. It's full of trash. There's just like stains. Cut pennies in the ashtray. Yeah.

Yeah, that's where they are. I bet those pennies jingle around real. I do need to get that truck actually detailed. I feel like that'd be really good for it. Bro, I did it for you. In and out. You're not a professional detailer. You don't know what you're doing. It looked so fucking good. Yeah, it did look nice. I WD-40'd your entire thing, dude. In and out.

Yeah. You don't even know. Wow. You don't remember it. You're like, wow, you really did that? Yeah. No, that's cool. Nice. I even did your engine. Yeah. Nice, dude. That was. Really? Well, I was in. Yeah. Whoa. You don't. You guys don't do your. You don't do your engine. I try. It doesn't touch his car. Then get in and get out. I don't touch my. Dude, I had some cars I own. You can't even get into the engine. They don't even let. That's a fucking lie. There's no way that that's true. There's not a fucking name. The car.

Porsche 911. Oh, they probably bury that thing. Engines in the back. You can't. There's no way to actually get into it from the buttons on the car. Europeans bury their cars in red tape. I'll tell you. I'll tell you one word. Ready for this? Crowbar. Crowbar. Crowbar. Yeah, yeah. You stick that in. There's plenty of crevices in cars. I'm sure. And you know what really pisses me off is when I...

When you see those fucking TikToks of the guy who gets in a car and he just starts like pressing the fucking interior. Oh, like the Lamborghini Urus? You put the cars together. Of course there's going to be some movement. The pieces are made separately. Yeah. It's honestly the car guy equivalent of those dogs that just start eating dead trees. You know, and they're just ripping off pieces of the dead trees. Yeah.

That guy ruined cars for everybody. What I love is that, like, I saw a video of a guy who made those videos of, like, pressing on the interior. And he was in a Rolls Royce this time. And he showed the interior. And he showed, like, he had a pen. And he stuck the pen into the air vents. And it made a... Because it's made of real metal. So it, like, clinked and stuff. And he's like, look at the quality of this interior. And I finished the video. And I was like, wait. He didn't press on anything.

And all the comments were like, "Bro didn't press on anything in the Rolls Royce."

Maybe every fucking car creaks when you press on it because you're not supposed to fucking press on the interior with 50 pounds of force. It's a fucking car, bro. They put these things together. Yeah. I mean, it's also one of those things where you have to ask, where did he get the Rolls Royce? I bet, you know, like, do you think you'd have to have surely someone letting him press on them, you know, and he might not be, he might not be able to, you know, afford that.

the luxury. I can afford it. I'll tell you something that you guys can't afford. Little pink square. Squeezing. It's called Neato. Neato? Yeah, it's a little squeeze thing. You want to know where I got it, Schlatt? Yeah. Specialneedstoys.com I got it at specialneedstoys.com This is where I got it. And it's great for it.

It's just a nice, squeezy little tactile thing. Is that a chew or a fidget or a texture? I think it might be a squishy thing. I don't know. Just look up Neato. Dude, that's crazy. That's panic pee.

- Damn, I feel like Panic Pete would make me panic. - Did you make a custom order to specialneedstoys.com? - No, I just, no, one of my friends, they were like-- - And why are you offering that up to your friends? - 'Cause I think that these are great. When you visit me, Tucker, you'll try this, and you'll be like, damn. Or what's great sometimes is that there's water in it or something, so you can sometimes put it in the fridge so it's a little bit harder, and it makes it a little bit more challenging.

Yeah, it's nice. It's nice, dude. Imagine bringing that thing through TSA. Oh, that's my, what's it called? Neato? Yeah, this is my sensory object. Oh, that's my Neato from Special Outs. Yeah, nice. Look at that. Neato Nice Cube. Yeah, you probably, they probably have this in a fucking Target, you know? Groovy, gratifying Neato is now available as a cool square, semi-transparent, ice-like look.

$8, dude? Come on, man. I'd expect you to have a luxury fidget toy at this point. This is luxury. Dude, this is luxury. This is a full $8.

It's not, dude. You drive a 30-year-old truck. It's like, I just want to see you living the life of luxury while you still can. What do you mean? Because this market, well, this market is, I mean, no one knows what's going to happen at this point. The world is such a... Then why, isn't it a good thing that I'm saving and investing my money as opposed to spending it? No, because if you save all your money and then all of a sudden it crashes to zero or God forbid, super hyper...

awesome hyperinflation hits then what the hell is the money even worth you got to spend it yeah you should have got one of these bubble tubes these things are luxury these are what two grand plus you need a bubble tube yeah get a bubble a bubble tube can i touch the bubbles or it looks like they're just pointing and looking at the bubbles but look at these old ladies what are they doing what is this picture dude what are they doing they're like grooving out by the bubbles

That was an official shot. Yeah, but I mean, I'm a special needs boy. So I needed a special. I specially needed this neato. Okay, that's fine.

There's nothing wrong with being special needs. Wow, that looks, that can't be that expensive. What are these fucking cool chairs? Dude, I gotta get one of those. Wait, Ted, can you tell us how you ended up on specialneedstoys.com? That I'm also interested in. I was just like, I looked up, I was like, I said to Google, I was like, Google, I need a special toy for a boy like me. And then Google was like, here's your special need toy.

Because I'm a special boy with special needs. Were you high doing this or was this a sober interaction? No, no, no. One of my friends had one of these when I visited them and he was like, check this out. He threw it to me. I think I was actually high at the time. You're right. But then I bought it months later when I was reminded. I was like, man, those things are great. But when you're, I'm grabbing it and I'm like,

Whoa. Okay, that looks cool. That looks cool. I'm going to say it. Yeah. Yeah, you can stretch them out and stuff too. But it's pretty tough too at the same time. It's just a good thing that you're freaking out. You're like, all right, I'll bring it to New York, but you can't have it.

It's going to be one of those. No, it's going to be one of those things where I'm going to let you try it out. And then you're going to be like, wait, Ted, can I have this? That's what you're going to do. I guarantee it. Why wouldn't you give it to your friend? Because then I'd have to wait for a new one to come in the mail. And I can't handle that. Ted, I am not going to be caught dead making an order from specialneedstoys.com.

Why not? I can't be seen around those parts. It's not like it's a neighborhood that you wander into. I can't be seen around those parts. It's not like there's like an internet paparazzi like watching your... All the normals are going to get on my ass about this. I'm supposed to be normal. The neurotypicals? Yeah.

Oh, come on, man. There's some sweet things on here. Breathing cat. I mean, Kubo was basically this. A special needs toy. Kubo was not for special needs. Kubo was for dementia patients. So tell me, what does Kubo do? What does Kubo do? Kubo, he's a companion, okay? It's not a special needs toy. It's a real pet experience. What about breathing cat?

What's the difference? What's breathing cat? You're not looking at the special needs toys. Oh, specialneedstoys.com has a breathing... They have a breathing cat? Yeah. This is why we were saying that Kubo is like a special needs toy if this is a special needs toy. No. Well, look, Kubo is more... I bet he is more complicated than the breathing cat. I think he doesn't have a head, dude. This is like a full-ass cat that's asleep. Okay, dude, but Kubo... The difference is that that cat is asleep and...

And Kubo is alive and awake. Kubo doesn't have eyes. Kubo can't listen. You know how, you know how people with, when they lose a sense, they get better at all the other senses. Kubo senses hearing. Kubo is here and present. And he listens. And he's, he's also petite Kubo. This is petite Kubo. This is petite Kubo. So does Kubo just wag its tail?

Is that all it does? He's a companion, man. I know, but what does it do? I'm not indulging you in this conversation. No, but what does Kubo do? Maybe, you know, man, I just don't think you're ever going to accept him. So I'm just going to fuck off. See, here's the thing, though. A lot of these things... Because you don't... You just get like this, man. You guys are just... I feel like you guys are just jealous of...

I come in with wrap snacks. I come in with wrap snacks. So that's like, that doesn't even exist. That's not even a real thing. I'm like, yeah, it is. Every other chuckle Reddit post for the last six months has been, guys, I actually found them. They're real. Guys, I found them. Actually ruined this subreddit. Yeah. Actually ruined this subreddit. And now, you know, I come in with the special needs toy and you're like,

That's not real too. You're like, this isn't real. It's like, it's right here. It's in my hand.

Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love this because you know if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that.

and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience, and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app, answer a few questions, and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish, or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly.

which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. Dude, green dice. Those look good. Giant foam dice. Maybe for a chuckle dungeon. I'd love to have a pool filled with those.

You know what I mean? I think there's very little things that I desired more as a child than to be able to jump into that big foam pit, no matter how dirty I inherently knew it was. Yeah. You know, when you got a birthday party invite in the mail to one stop fun, you were like, yeah. Oh, I don't even know if one stop fun had one of those.

I think it did. Well, whatever the one that had it was, whatever the one that had it. I remember One Stop Fun being like a labyrinth. I remember it being... Yeah, you get lost in the depths. Look up this. This is like... Look up One Stop Fun. This is a place that Tucker and I went to when we were kids. They would have birthday parties here. So this is like way smaller. This is like way smaller than I remember it being. Holy shit, this is way smaller. Yeah, because I think that's it.

But if you were up in here, if you were up in that top section, you felt like you were on the top of Mount Everest. Yeah. No, I remember this place being like huge to me. Obviously, I was like maybe a third of the size that I am now. So everything seemed three times as large.

I could see this being three times as large mentally when I was a kid. But you go to one of these when you're a kid, Shly? You like climb around and you're... No. The good birthday parties were laser tag where I grew up. I hate laser tag. Fuck you. Fuck you, stupid bitch. I've been waiting to get that off my chest for like 20 years. Okay, congrats. Wait, why do you hate it? I hate it because there's no fun. It's like, oh, I've been hit.

I feel like you haven't been back to laser tag in a while. They've been upgrading. Really? Because I was more of a paintball kid. If I was going to pretend to shoot somebody, I wanted to hurt them. Maybe for the next Chuckle Week, we need to have a Chuckle laser tag. We get a whole crew and we all play laser tag. Okay, well that could be fun.

Yeah, everybody's get fucked up fun, dude. I don't get maybe it's cuz I was sober They got eight years last time I did laser tag. They had like a whole thing with like leaderboards So that was like I was like, oh shit. I gotta get up there I gotta be like Ted was gonna be that became a sweat immediately. I surely did I assure you I did because I wanted to be the biggest fucking operator I wanted people to look up at that board and be like whoa Ted like you're actually a pretty good shot and I'd be like, thanks and

You know, I've been practicing. With lasers? Yes. Yes. I went to a birthday party in fifth grade, and it was at Boston Paintball. Indoor. Whoa. I'd never played before, but I was like an edgy kid. I got so fucking good. I was ending the rounds in 30 seconds. I got the entire enemy team. Like three games in a row. Kids were crying. Kids were crying. I would immediately sprint to their side and just rip them. Oh. And you wouldn't stop? Just...

You're hitting them like three times a piece. They're like 11, dude. They're not ready for that. Dude, you're a monster. In that moment, I was like, I am joining the Marine Corps. It was in that moment. You got the taste of blood in your mouth. Yeah, I did. And kids were like, they were like, I don't really want to play another round. Really? Yeah, dude. It was probably hurt.

Oh yeah. I heard because you were fucking, you were double tapping them. They probably fallen over and you like came over their body and did one for double tapping the bodies. Yeah.

Walking around this fucking empty no man's land of fucking 11 year olds. He's like walking like this. He's got some trigger discipline. He's fucking one tap in the body. Well, and then I played, I didn't play laser tag till after that. And that's why I was like, oh, this shit's lame. Nobody's squealing in pain as I...

As I eliminate the enemy team. Yeah. Well, maybe we should do paintball. Would you paintball? I would love to do paintball, dude. Oh, okay. Airsoft, paintball, anything, bro. That's so much fun. Whoa. Okay. Well, we actually have a lot of our own equipment here in the Keen House. No, you don't. No, with Emma's dad. I married into it. Oh, right. You did. I married into it. Yeah, no, we actually have a lot. So we might be able to work something out.

A lot of what? Paintball equipment. Guns, ammo, air tanks. Kubo liked that, dude. You got him on board. They got some paintball stuff for a Czech a week thing. We could get a whole team together, a whole group. Trevor could be like the combat camera guy.

You know, he's like he's off limits, you know, or he's supposed to be. And he's like getting combat shots. You give you you shoot him a couple of times just to keep him on his feet. They get hit sometimes. You know, that's the risk they take. Yeah. So wait, do combat camera people have like press vests on and stuff?

You know, I don't know. You know, in the Marine Corps, probably not. They're probably itching for some. But, you know, the U.N., I think, takes it more seriously than the Marine Corps. Yeah, they're marked. They're marked. They wear some shit that's like, oh, please, please don't shoot me. When we were talking about me potentially being in the Marines way back in the day, I was considering combat camera because it sounded good. Dude, let me tell you this. Thank God you did not. Because, A, we wouldn't be here sitting here right now if you did.

B, that was a, in peacetime, that's a depressing job. You're taking like cover photos of Marines sitting in like a blues jacket on base. That's it. That's it. That's wild. Combat camera. But like during the war, they took cool pictures during the war, but the war was over when we. Yeah, so it's pretty much most of the jobs in the Marine Corps are boring and have you itching for war. They get lame as fuck when war is over.

So most of the jobs just have you itching for non-peace time. Yeah, because you've got one old guy that's leading the entire platoon, and he's like, oh, you boys, if only you could see what I've seen. And so they just create this culture of like, God, I wish I could kill somebody. He makes it sound so cool. This one 35-year-old leading the platoon, he looks 70.

because yeah yeah it was in fallujah and he's yeah dude yeah yeah they probably i feel like a lot of those older marines but they probably look like they're like 40 or 50. dude no no our platoon sergeant was uh he was in his mid 30s and we all thought he was in his 60s and i'm not i'm not exaggerating like anyone from my platoon would vouch that story

Damn, dude. You know what you're lucky about, Tucker? What? What's lucky for you? What? Is that you were born with a baby face. Oh, yeah. So, like... It didn't age me incredibly. It didn't age you that well. You already had, like, a... It probably brought you up to speed. You know? Yeah, no, it did. That's why I had to do it. I had to do it. Otherwise, I would have lived forever. You needed a little bit of stress in your life. Because otherwise, you would have been like...

I finally stopped getting carded at every single turn. Yeah. That was a big step, you know? So wait, what were we going to talk about today for this podcast? Oh, I don't remember. I don't remember. I'm wasted, dude. Wasted. Yeah. We were going to talk about what sports you guys think you could hop into the Olympics in and get a medal. Oh. Or at the very least, be competitive. Basketball 3v3, Ted? You are tall. Dude, I don't know about that.

Wait, basketball 3B? Wait, wait, wait. 3B3, they're doing SSX tricky? NBA Streets. Yeah. They're doing SSX. Wait, where are the medals at with that? Go back to that. Go back to that.

Look at the medals around. What the hell? Why is Germany? Why? United States is only on bronze. What the fuck's going on? That ain't it. Don't tell me the Netherlands and Germany are winning at basketball. Well, it's three V three. Look, I think this sport I have the most best chance of getting a medal at is got to be shooting.

All you have to do, all you have to do is this, right? You just hold it. And then I don't have the willpower to train for years and years and years on like a cardio heavy sport. I'm not going to do it. Like that's just not happening. So I think baseball is out of the question for me. Swimming. I just want something where all you have to do is just sit in a chair and like just –

- Dude, you gotta understand. - Did you see the guy? - Okay, before we talk about this at all, 'cause I did think about this. Do you know how big those targets are? - They're very tiny. Very tiny. - They're so small. - What, you think you're going toe to toe with fucking Michael Phelps in the swimming pool, dude? - Look at the images, Tucker. Don't look at the stats here. Do we have like a handful-- - Oh my gosh. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look how small that is. - Holy shit, it's the size of a dime? - Yes.

You got to understand that this thing's the size of a fucking, like, it's smaller than a cantaloupe. How do you train? Okay, I signed up for the Ultimate Frisbee team in high school. Lord, no. And I said, I want to get good at throwing the disc around, you know? The first week of Ultimate Frisbee,

Practice, we had to run and we did laps and we fucking did suicides and shit. And I'm like, this is not how I didn't expect I had to run for this. Like, and I quit.

All you have to do for this event is just sit down or stand. Like, God forbid, you have to stand up. You're not doing cardio, bro. You're just aiming. You're just aiming. Boom. That's all you have to do. Look at how small those targets are and how fucking far away they are. You get better and better at it, though, bro. It's not like you have to be in a pool fucking expending all your energy every single day eating 10,000 calories a day. Like, let's be honest. The shooting's probably a little easier. You just got to have a knack for it.

Dude, I don't know. I'm a pretty good. Tucker going to test this. I'm a pretty good shot. When I saw the fucking and I was hitting shots when I was when I was shooting with Tucker last, I was shooting with him. He was like he was looking at he was like, whoa. He was really hyping me up. Actually, now that I remember, I'm telling you, as a lazy fuck, all you have to do to practice for this thing is stand and shoot. And that's it.

There's no cardio. It doesn't fucking matter. Every other sport, there's cardio. I know, but the fucking targets that you're, the area you're trying to hit is this, this big, and it's like 40 feet away. Okay, bro, every other sport, you're going against Olympians. This is the best you can possibly get. You're up against a world-class challenge regardless. Just hold the gun out and fucking press the trigger. Oh.

I don't know dude. I don't know what sport would you do? Oh? bobsleigh bobsleigh bobsleigh bobsleigh is that like gay bobsledding? Oh, but silver chuckle for that Silver chuckle for that one chuckle awarded. That's nice. It's good to see that was good. What is bobsleigh?

Well, they're not showing photos, but, you know, I would win. You would win? Yeah. Because you're heavy. Yeah. Dude, look at that. Oh, wait. Is it so, like, Iron Man style? I'd get one of those things. Man, we'd be going fast.

You don't understand, man, that these people give their entire lives just for this moment to be on the big screen. Imagine a crash. Yeah, that's the one thing that kind of sucks about the Olympics is it's every four years, right? Like we collectively forget Olympians exist for the other three years of the year. It's kind of every two years because of the winter summer. There's only ever a two year gap between. Yeah, but it's a different set of people.

You know? And the Winter Olympics, like, no one cares about the Winter Olympics. Oh, that's funny. I watch way more of the winter than I do the summer. I would say that the summer is arguably the more popular side of things, though. Yeah. Bigger opening ceremony. Yeah. And, like...

Well, the winch is where all the poor people compete. You got Simone Biles, you know? Yeah, you got all the celebrities. Who the fuck? Did the 2022 Olympics even happen? And where the fuck were they? Like, I forgot already. Did we have the Olympics? I know the 2020 were in Tokyo. Yeah. And they host them in 2021. Beijing. Beijing? Oh, yeah. There was like factories in the background. Like, look at this.

Bro, like, that's just, it just didn't happen in my mind. Like, I totally, totally removed this from my memory. There were factories in the background? Yeah, look at this. The half pipe, or the jump, and there's, like, nuclear power plants right there. It was, like, the worst venue they've ever had.

That's what I forgot. The 2008 Beijing Olympics were pretty cool. They got a pretty iconic opening ceremony, too. Yeah, they had like 2008 drummers. Oh, really? Yeah. That was the number? I think it was. Good thing it wasn't 2009. It would have been an odd number. Look at a Donat Rose. Oh, shut up. Shut up. Fucking hell. I'm going to my house. Yeah, use your cube.

Oh, he's doing the house thing. What is this? I don't know. Is this a new skill he learned? What is this? I wish I could just say I'm going to my house and do this. That's my new thing. I'm like, I don't like this. I'm going to my house. Well, give me the list again, Tucker. I want to see what other options I have to win. Handball. Remember we did handball in high school? It was really fun. Handball? No. Futsal. What's futsal? I feel like I've heard of that, but it's been a while.

futsal i think it's small scale soccer why don't they show photos oh spotlight there we go oh no it's like the hard ones it's like indoor small soccer like the ball is hard too i think the ball is hard yeah all right maybe fast-paced small-sided version of indoor smaller heavier ball with less bounce

Weird. Who came up with this shit? Probably Bob Futsal. Probably somebody that wasn't good at regular soccer. They're like, I need to make my own shit. Or somebody who maybe lives somewhere where it rains a lot. Maybe. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I guess realistically the only one that you could do is the shooting one. Anyone who doesn't have the... Because you can have a beer belly and win at the shooting one. Exactly. Exactly. The dude had his fucking hand in his pocket.

I think you had to. I don't know if you could have both hands on it. Oh.

Right? I think it's traditional. That's how they used to teach World War II, too. Yeah, that's what they would do in 1700s when they were doing a duel or something. What about equestrian? You could just buy a nice horse that knows what they're doing. With these shooting people, I wonder if they get hit up by intelligence agencies who are like, we could use a shot like you to kill people. Well, why did the U.S. come in last in the war?

In that event. Because we don't. Maybe they are doing it already. They're using air guns. Average Americans got like a 308 in their closet. There's more like action shooting in the U.S.,

Yeah, people are drilling for combat here in their free time. Oh, yeah, there's people like... There'll be someone who's buying like a fucking $7,000 like Beretta pistol that like has got this advanced blowback system on the slide that makes it so it has like the recoil of like a baby bumping into you. What? Baby bumping?

You know what I mean? You're doing that thing again where you just keep going and the result is...

Tucker liked it. I liked how bizarre it was. You guys gotta let me live my fucking life. If you keep trying to oppress me like an oppressor, then I'm not going to be able to say my thing. I'm not going to be able to say my piece. We can't just be pulling myself over to the sidelines and give me a sit down every time I say something a little off the beaten path. What is Baseball 5?

There's not baseball in the Olympics. It looks like a dead body on the ground there. That illustration. Looks like he fucking died from playing baseball 5. Like a crime scene leg drawing. Yeah, that's what it looks like. Why is baseball 5 looking so metal? It values 100% teamwork and 100% adaptability and 100% innovative. Can I say something bold? Is this an Olympic sport?

No. Well, according to this, it is. Baseball 5? That's bullshit. Baseball 5? That's not an Olympic sport. Why isn't baseball baseball a part of the Olympics? Because every four years they have the World Baseball Classic, which is like the World Cup.

And that event is like I think that was the most watched baseball game ever when it happened last year with Japan and the United States in the final. Oh, well, that that's obviously like I mean, Japan's a huge baseball country. Yeah. Yeah. I really want to go to a baseball game in Japan. That seems like a really fun. Oh, it was so fun. You went. It's so fun. Yes, of course. It's it's unlike any baseball game you can go to in the United States. Do they play Sweet Caroline? No, they don't. That'd be sweet. Caroline.

Is that a Red Sox thing or is that a baseball thing? Did everyone stand up on the seventh inning? It's a Red Sox thing. Seventh inning stretch? I don't know if they do a seventh inning stretch. I don't remember. Do they say that on American National Anthem? No, they don't sing the American National Anthem. That'd be awesome if they did. I think that a lot of other sports groups are stealing Sweet Caroline from the Red Sox. Yes, I heard it at the Olympics the other day. Yeah, and I was like...

It's one of those things where I'll be like I'll tell someone about I'll be like, you know There's a Red Sox thing. They'll be like wait. What do you talk about? They play this every day here and I'm like, oh, do you think you got it? Yeah, I'm like But there's nothing I can really do to prove it and I don't know if even if it's true We know our hearts. Yeah, I grew up with it. How about Nordic combined? What's that about?

Looks like it's hockey related. No, that's ice hockey. Ski jumping and cross-country skiing. Yeah, it's not hockey, Nordic combined. That's a Canadian behavior. Can I say something that will most likely piss off every shooter in the Olympics? I think that I could become a shooting Olympian, and this might just be my ego, but I think I could do it while still...

having time to pursue everything else in my life. I just don't think it would be even that big of a time sink. I could probably do it. Tucker, read that thing that was saying it was physically demanding.

How is it physically demanding? I googled, is Olympic shooting hard? And the AI overview was, yes, Olympic shooting is both mentally and physically demanding. That's poppycock. That can't possibly be true. Let's show more. Women may also have a physical advantage over men in some shooting events due to their anatomy. Women have consistently outscored men in 10-meter air rifle events over the years, including at the most recent Olympics. Dude, let's fucking sign them up.

Get them in the draft. I think I could do it. I think I could probably do it. Look at this Reddit post. This is how long to become an Olympic shooter if you had unlimited funds. This is an interesting one. Can we get a TLDR here? 60,000 shells per year. That's a lot. That's a lot of bullets. Oh, this is for Skeeter Trap. Oh, yeah. Wait, wait. Do we have Skeeter Trap? There's Skeet. Yeah, there's Skeet. And I don't know if there's Trap.

I think there is. Ski shooting. I'd be pretty good at that. I've seen ski. I think I only missed one when we went ski shooting, Tucker. Yeah, and I don't... Well, we were doing the scuff. We were doing the broke ass backwards version. Tucker throws it into the air and I shoot it. We don't have the gun for it. Yeah, and then we had this kid come up and he was weird.

Oh yeah, I forgot about that. He had a 16 gauge too, which is like, dude, where do you even get that? Yeah, he came up with like the weirdest gun we've ever seen and was just like very silent. I felt bad for him. He got sympathy clays from us. Yeah, he did. We're going to shoot clays, Schlatt. You're going to come shoot clays? I'd shoot people if we had those. We could round up some pedophiles or something. Okay, cool.

They should make that. That'll be a thing in the future. That'll be a thing in the future. You know, pedophile shooting. Oh, speaking of that, did you guys see the article the other day about there's so you guys know on like the eastern coast of Africa, there's a lot of pirate activity near Somalia and stuff. Yeah. So there's this Russian company that's sailing through there and they're hired. You can pay to get a spot on the boat to shoot at pirates. Yeah.

They bait the pirates to come hit the ship and you can pay to fucking whack them as they come up to try to take over your ship. That's kind of funny. The sole purpose of the ship is to lure and murder the pirates. This is like human hunting. Yeah, no, it's like human hunting for big money for like Russian Jschlatz or something.

What the hell? That's kind of funny. Yeah, I saw this on my Google News feed the other day. Wait, where are these pirates based? Like outside Somalia, like Eastern Africa. Like right near where we're going this fall. Oh, great. Next country over. Oh, excellent. Yeah, Tucker and I, we talked about this. Tucker and I are going to Kenya. Going to Kenya. Yeah, it's booked. It's booked and busy. I sent you the tentative schedule.

Yeah, that should be good. Indian Ocean, too. Oh, yeah. Wait, I'm going to touch it. Maybe you'll find a piece of Malaysian Airlines. Yeah, I just wash it up like a hand. Wash it up on shore. I'm like or the black box. Wash it up and shore. I find it. I keep it. I don't tell anyone. Maybe that's what happened. And it's just like aliens or something. What do you think happened to the airline? Yeah.

The Malaysian flight? 375? Well, there's more than one Malaysian flight that disappeared, by the way, too. Malaysian Airlines is like the one airline that I'll never get on because their rate of failure seems to be higher than anything else I've heard. Yeah. You ever heard of 9-11 Airlines? Oh, I haven't. Definitely wouldn't fly with them. Yeah. Definitely would not. Yeah. No, we like. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that.

Yeah, I don't know. What happened to the plane? Are you asking me as if I have an idea? Yeah, what do you think went on there? Like, how did they lose that plane? That's not like a big ocean in comparison to like the Atlantic Ocean. There's a good amount of water.

I know, but it's not that much bigger. People aren't losing people over the Pacific all the time. We're losing Malaysian Airlines all the time. It's happening every year. Let me be honest. I think people just don't care. It's like one plane. Let's be real. That's a lot of water. I'm not searching every square inch of that for a fucking piece of metal. Yeah. If they asked me, I'd be like, that's kind of hard.

Yeah. I'd say pass. I don't care. I'd put an Eddie Burbank on there. I don't know if I have time for that. Wait, what's that blue shit at the bottom of Bangladesh? What is that? Water. Well, I think it's actually brown. I think they're leaked. See here? This is where the image actually ends. And this is where Google just fills it in with texture. It's actually ass cheek brown right here. Yeah. Well, actually, get closer. Let's see if we can get one of these guys.

We'll see. Bro, this ain't looking blue at all. Looks pretty ass cheek brown to me. And look, some guy's buried right there. Yeah. Oh. 2020 to 2021. Fuck. Damn. Rest in peace. We just found somebody's grave. That's crazy. Yeah. Well, Tucker's now searching around. Whoa. What is up with Banger? What the fuck is this? This is on a boat. This is a cruise. They got an air conditioner. They got lounge chairs.

Tiger camp. You know that Bangladesh just had like a revolution? Who won? Like the students. It was a student resolution. They ousted the prime minister of Bangladesh. This happened yesterday. Students got the... I don't care. I don't care. I'm not even going to lie. I don't care. Yeah. It just doesn't matter. We're all going to be hanging out tomorrow. This time tomorrow we're going to be hanging out. I hope you're a little funnier there.

What do you guys want to drink? That's the most important question, isn't it? Wait, I'm depressed now. You guys have to make me feel better now. No, no, no, no, no. He's going into his house. He's going into his little house. I just got like, I'm sorry. I got hit with like a wave of tired all of a sudden. I had one of those drinks and I'm like, and I'm like, fuck, dude. You're lucky, dude. We're at the end of the podcast. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Sorry, Chucklers, if I'm a little bit lower key today or something. I know I should be working right now, but I just don't want to. I'm joking. I'm just joking. No, but Chucklers, listen, I think next week we might, we should probably, maybe we'll do one of those speak pipes. Huh?

Think we should maybe do one of those speak pipes well because people have some confessions They've been sending us chuckles if you already don't don't already know this make sure to send us your confessions via speak pipe the speak pipe is updated so it's it's correct now, so

But thanks for joining us this week. Enjoy work today. Person who's driving to work while they're listening to this podcast. Getting up early tomorrow, I see. Nice. Yeah. Keep that grind up. Go to specialneedstories.com. Get your own Neato. It's excellent. Not sponsored at all. Not sponsored at all. Are we sponsored by specialneedstories.com? They could if they wanted to. These are great. I love these. But thanks for listening, Chucklers. Love you to death. Love you, Death Audio listeners.

You got anything else to say, guys? No. Tucker, you got anything to say for yourself? Please watch my streams. All right. Well, thanks, Chucklers. We'll catch you next time. Bye. Peace out.