Preparing For Our Retirement
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, um...

With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock. So, Shly, what are you wetting the whistle with today? Oh, you know, just some local New York...

bourbon oh yeah aged in uh maple syrup barrels what is that what is that girly ass cup what are you drinking out of it's a wine glass girly ass cup that's girly you've never seen a wine glass before listen dude i i can talk to you like this because i'm drinking whiskey out of a plastic cup i know but you asked what this wine glass was like you were raised in a dive bar like like that's the only place that you've seen nectar of the gods i'm going bougie today flat

- On bougie? - Big bougie. You can call me Big Bougie Ted. - Why are you bougie? What did you do? - I've got a snack from Air Juan. - Air Juan? - Yeah, these are chocolate toffee pistachios. - Did you unironically go to Air Juan to get food? Is this what you do now? The chocolate sandwich checks start paying more than usual and then all of a sudden you just mosey on down to the Air Juan? - I've got an explanation. - Okay. - I bought these specifically

because I wanted a cool jar to put the pesto that I'm harvesting in. That's the most L.A. shit I've ever heard, Tucker. Can we please put this kid in his place? You shopped at Air Juan to get a cutesy jar to put the pesto you're harvesting in it? Yes. Look at you, man. You change, bro. You change. Whenever people go to L.A., they change, Tucker, and I hate it. He is bisexual.

Congrats! Congrats on coming out, dude. June just ended, and now I'm an Air One bisexual. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.

Can I do a little plug? We just started. We just started the episode. You're already plugging? Well, that's the best time for a plug. My schlanket is back. Oh, okay. My schlanket is back. I'm selling my schlanket for a limited time. It will be out by the time this episode is out. Nice. And it will be gone by the time the next one is out. So this is your window to buy the schlanket.

Can I tell a little backstory about the shlanket? Yeah, of course. I sold it a couple years ago. Half the people never got it because my merch company scammed all of us, myself included. Not only did they not send them out, I never got paid. And so I felt bad about...

the situation and I worked with another company to remanufacture every single one. So some people have double schlanket from the first order, some people have one. And this is now on sale again so that I can recoup all the money I lost. And you can buy schlachs too. I'm gonna go. Well, hey, well...

What was that? He's gone. Yeah. I mean, I would... After that, dude, you have to leave. You can't stick around. Yeah, I mean, it was a good plug, though. He straight up left the door, too. I heard door closed. Heard the door closed. What are you drinking right now? This is... It looks better than it... Well, it is good. It's the Starbucks... The little Starbucks cans at the gas station. And you decided to glass that...

Yeah, I did. You decided to throw that in a glass? Well, no, because now it looks, you know, this is a little more mysterious, a little more alluring. Yeah, it looked like you were having like a white Russian or something. No, it's not alcoholic. I'm a little beat. I just came in for the day. I was, you know, look at this sunglass tan. Oh, jeez, dude. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. And I was sunscreened up. This is after the SPF 50. Yeah, I remember. You know what's funny about Tucker? And you know what? Tucker's going to love this. Yeah.

Tucker, for all of our high school experience, believed that he didn't believe in sunscreen. He thought it was a conspiracy. A lot of very smart people believe that. Oh, yeah? Well, I didn't burn. Yeah? But I did put sunscreen on today, but only once. And now you've got sunglasses, Tim. I like that. That screams blue collar. I can really get in with a different crowd if I want to.

No, but they're gonna be looking at it and they're gonna be able to tell whether or not it's an Oakley's or not and if it's not From the shit, yeah, yeah, it's not it's not Rectangular enough doesn't yeah, they're gonna see some guy with a sunglass stand and they were like dude. This is the Oakley's 1350s I love the 1350s. They're fast as shit. There are some pretty brutal Oakley's out there right now blue collar. Oh, yeah schoolers. Oh

Yeah. Can we also talk about the location that Tucker's in right now? It looks like he got sent to his room. Like he's in trouble and he's not allowed to sit on the bed, but he has to sit on the floor. Oh, man. I imagine in front of Tucker on the other side of the camera, there's just a pile of Legos and he's just been working on something big. Oh, I wish, dude. Well, Emma just made the bed. She said I couldn't sit on it, so I'm on the floor. Oh, what? Really? Yeah.

That's the specific reason why you're on the floor. I'm on the floor damn, and this is the room I'm staying in I see a wooden vineyard vines well behind you no that's not vineyard vines. That's Etsy. That's vineyard vines. That looks like a vineyard vines well That's definitely I know the vineyard vines shape so maybe they ripped it off. That's a vineyard vines wood Tucker pull that up on your one on your one laptop screen. Okay hold on

This is gonna take me a second. Yeah, we're trying to stress you out right now. Welcome everyone, by the way, to Chuckle Sandwich. This isn't the drunk episode, but once we realized that we didn't really have a topic today in particular to talk about. That is pretty close. Mmm.

Now, his tail's higher than yours. You know what? I retract. I retract. Ted, how do you stand? I mean, yeah, no, that's... This one is rounder. He's got a much longer of a... This one's rounder. It's not as square. Yeah, he's got a bigger schlong on the back there. No, Martha's Vineyard's not the... You know, it's crap. I wouldn't get vineyard stuff. Yeah? Yeah. That's where... We're about to link up. That's where I'm...

Yeah, we're about to link up on the vineyard. A couple of days. Yeah, we're about to link up. I'm not doing any of that. I didn't even get invited. Schlatt, you realize that you've set a circumstance where if you do get invited, you're going to say no and be confused why we invited you. Yeah, I would say no immediately. Be confused.

Yeah, you'd be like, why are you inviting me out to this thing? What? Martha's Vineyard? What? Maybe, should we do that next summer? We could get a little crew together. That'd be kind of fun. Light up some fireworks. They let you do that over there? They do. Liberalville? They have fireworks over there. Do you just say no? They're illegal in Massachusetts to do personally. Oh. Well, yeah.

they're illegal in california too they're illegal in l.a a lot is illegal in california yeah i know but like if you've ever been to l.a during the fourth of july or new year's everyone and their mother is going out into the streets about like like my my street where i live is like people will just go out and start throwing sparklers into the streets stop and trap like we're talking like big deal like the stuff that they put on these stuff they launch off of barges

when they do like a big official show or whatever up over the ocean, you know, like they're sending those in the middle of LA. So it's like, it's like a war zone. Like I'll be, they're setting off car alarms and stuff. It's great. Nobody cares. I've seen the, I've seen like the views from the Beverly Hills looking over the city during, during fourth. And yeah, it's, it's fucking crazy. I wonder the view Captain Sparkles has man. When it, when it first happened to me and I first moved here, I was walking out on the streets and

I'll be honest. I think I almost got shell-shocked a little bit. I heard the one big one went over my head. I'm looking up. It's like a scene in a movie where the alien's invading. It's a shaky cam following the main character. I'm walking around. I'm like, explosion. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Don't you guys have a forest fire issue over there? No. Oh.

There's no more good. No, no, we we we beat that we beat that issue. We actually we fixed it Yeah, we decided to we we decided on this really fancy topic where it's just like we don't let anything get on fire at all all the time we just let everything get real dry over here, you know, and then Nothing's gonna happen, right? Dude, stop trying to show off your my time I've been getting a lot of slaves. I've been getting a lot of Sun today. Oh

I remember I went to the gym and now he's like, I didn't show up my pump. No, not in days. I don't have a pump. If I had a pump, trust me, you would know. Yeah, he'd be shoving it down our throat. He'd be like, you see this? I could crush a watermelon with just my bicep, man. Yeah, I probably could. So when's the last time you went to the gym? Me? Oh. That's a crazy way to respond to that.

Oh, like you're like, like I still have a fucking one of those 24 hour gyms charges me every month. Don't know how to cancel that. I think I'm going to go through a, uh, a moment of change. Yeah. I think I'm ending the gym membership that I have gone to very little that I pay a lot of money for.

Oh my gosh. And now you can get a car because you were paying for a car payments worth of gym that you weren't using. No, I wasn't. That's insane. That was a very expensive gym. You had an expensive gym and that probably would have paid. You probably put that much money into a car already. Yeah.

But it was so nice. It was like they had nice... But you never went. I did occasionally, and Tucker went, and he was like, this is pretty nice. Wouldn't pay for it, but this is pretty nice. It was very nice. It was very nice, but I would never pay that. I'm paying a tenth of that. You went in there, and Tucker was like... Tucker was like... Because I bought very briefly a gym membership for when Tucker was in town because the gym is so fancy that I would go to. It was like they didn't even let you bring a guest. It was stupid. Yeah.

It was like they gave me like two guest pass a year. It was absurd. But so I bought a gym membership one time when Tucker was visiting and we go to this. We go. It's like just like L.A. fitness and we go there.

It was funny. It was like, I felt like I was walking into the slums. You know? Wow. Ted was back in reality with the rest of us. I was like in a Brazilian favela all of a sudden. I was on that Call of Duty map. And I was looking around. There was a fucking table over there. It was just normal people.

So it was like so it was like so it was like you get a good pump and I'm like don't talk to me get away from Yeah, dude, I hate when there's poor people in my gym I was like tiger there isn't an attendant that is sucking the sweat off my body. You guys are using towels here Where is my eucalyptus towel?

Wait, where's the blood boy room? I really want to go to the blood boy room so I can get some revitalization. No, but, um, but the biggest one that I noticed between the two gyms was that, um,

It was just about re-racking the weights. It was like chaos at the gym that we went to. Tucker was honestly, I think Tucker was a little bit not impressed as well. We were like looking at the weights. Appalled. Yeah, no, it was like there was no rhyme or reason. Weights were on the ground. They were putting them on sideways. It was tough. It was tough to look at. But today, what I did for the first time is I went –

rock climbing oh my god he's one of those now

He's one of those. Would I not be me if I didn't find a trend to hyper focus on for a couple months? No, you wouldn't be you. You wouldn't be you. But let's get you like a better trend. You know, let's get you into like, let's do it. It'd be awesome if you were into like cupping or something and you showed up to every podcast just with those fucking bruises, like the bruises all over my body. Wait, that's not like a that's not like a way to work out, though.

I know, but maybe it is. Maybe it is. You never know. This is a Jack Sparrow injury right here. This is something that Jack Sparrow would come off of his trip and be like... It's like you just had a run-in with a giant squid. Yeah, it's like a fucking kraken just came after me. Or maybe a very romantic relationship with a... That's a little...

that's cracking bdsm right there that's that's actually really disgusting i don't want to see it anymore i actually regret saying that okay well look at this person that person scroll up tucker that person's like just had my first session what does it do it probably sucks out all the toxins in your body i don't know it doesn't you know yeah tucker aren't you like the guy that okay let's see what he does here what does cupping actually do okay

Fair enough. Cupping therapy is an alter... Let's not look at the AI one, because the AI one pisses me off every time. Ease back pain, neck pain, headaches, and other issues. Headaches? Are they cupping on the head? I don't know. What the fuck's that about? Do they cup on the head? Dude, what? Oh, it worked. Do they cup on the head? Facial cupping. If anything, that's... I mean, in reality, that's sort of what a hickey is.

Oh yeah, looks like you do. You know, it's just somebody... Yeah, you can get natural cups. You get a natural cupping in, you know? Are you a natural cup guy? No, my father was, though. Good man. Honorable. I don't have nipples, so he used to come in and suck on... Never mind. No, I think that you need to expand upon this. No, no. Like, was it because you were insecure? Yeah.

no no no i mean he just didn't want me to feel left out well that's a great father of yours yes he was he was great he was good post post okay um but i mean yeah dude i'm i'm climbing i feel it right here forearms i feel it right here didn't wear the rings don't worry i didn't wear the rings but they do the whole thing where they uh

They chalk up their hands. You know? It's hard. It's hard. The yard guys are into rocking. Not anymore. As they call it. They're not? I talked to Nick about it. I was like, when are you going to bring me rock climbing? Because I've been talking to him about that for about the last two years. And he's like, oh, we're not into that anymore. We don't do that anymore. I'm like, okay. Okay.

What do they do? Sick. Thank you for inviting me to your final. I don't know. Honestly, I think he just like mopes. He does a lot of moping. You know how he is. Yeah. He strikes me as a big time moper. Yeah. I've been trying. I tried to talk to him about it, but he's just like, this is how this is who I am. You know? I mean, a lot of the people Ludwig hangs around are just fucking a drag to be around, you know, slime, especially dude just lays on the floor.

every day he does i walked in and he was laying on the floor of the office and i'm like you you live like that and he's like i like it down here he probably said something like fuck you bitch i'll kill you or something really yeah it was something like that but i didn't even hear it because he was so like far so far to the ground yeah um but the final thing about this gym thing the reason why i think it would be worth it though and tucker you're gonna like this

Love saying that I'm sorry now once I heard one person didn't like it when I yeah, somebody was making a stink about it Yeah, and I was like I just got to say it every time now It's also got they've also got weights and they've got like treadmills and stuff like that so it's a rock climbing gym and Like a normal gym with like fucking weights and shit. So oh, I love that. Oh, that's good. I love it Yeah, I told you he'd like it there. That's great. Oh, yeah well and also a lot of my friends go to this gym, so it's like I

I can go with my friends. I can go rock climbing. And it's like I can go that, do that a couple times a week. And it's like I'm hanging out with people so it doesn't feel like I'm working out. Cool. Okay. All right, Chucklers. This episode of Chuckle Sandwich is sponsored by our friends at ZocDoc. Boys, there are certain times in life where fit really matters. For example, making sure my grandpa shorts are the correct amount of baggy or scooping out the foam in the seats of my 1991 Mazda Miata.

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God, I really love that. You know, we're on a podcast right now. I wish Charlie was back. I'm just going to say it. I wish Charlie was back. Oh, that makes me feel excellent. That makes me feel excellent. Well, if Charlie was here, what would he say? I don't know. He'd say something. He'd say something funny like he always did. I feel like I say something funny every now and then. Bullion?

Bullion was like 75 episodes ago. Maybe I should bring it back. Do it. Bring something back. Bring something funny. Sipping on your little Chardonnay. What the fuck? It's not Chardonnay. It's orange wine, you cuck. Overpoured, dude. That's like a glass and a half. So? I'm looking to have a good time. It's orange wine, you cuck. Well, I'm not having a good time, dude. It's very high proof. It's very high proof. Yeah. Woo.

Well, you know what, Schlatt? I've got something to say to you about the podcast. You used to come in with some new problem that we could talk about for at least a half an hour. You don't have any problems. I don't have any problems. I'm basically retired, dude. What do you want from me? I sit and do nothing. Like, you should just be happy for me. Well, you don't have any, you don't have any.

bingo stories. I don't go outside. I don't do anything. No. You don't have any like dramatic bingo stories? No, no bingo stories. Like Gertrude was like, Gertrude was really putting out this evening, but I took her to church

I got like 60 more years till the bingo home. Maybe 50. I don't want to get that old though. I feel like that's a sad existence. My grandma was in one of those homes. Especially if you go to the one retirement home that they call the bingo home. The bingo home, yeah. That's like bingo themed walls, bingo themed beds. That's a terrible, the bingo home. Everyone is like really into bingo there. Fuck.

And Tucker looks up the bingo hold. Old person, a retirement home, Tucker. This is what you're thinking of. Playing bingo has great benefits for the elderly. Really? Well, let's figure out how great it is. Look this up. Let's see what the benefits for Schlapp playing bingo are. Inclusivity. Inclusivity. Okay. Inclusivity. Get the fuck out of here. Improves physical health.

No it doesn't. That's the lowest bar of physical ability. What? Jumping up and down once you got the bingo? Walking up to get the five dollars? Well, it says, well listen to this, research has shown that elderly clients heading into their 80s do much better overall and need far less assistance with everyday tasks such as getting dressed if they have an active social life. Okay, so they just don't, you mean they're just not depressed? Let me tell you what happened in the bingo hall, okay?

My grandma was in one of these houses for a while, one of these places where they had bingo and it was all old people and shit. Yeah. And I'd come with her and I'd walk her down to the bingo hall. Let me tell you, they did not talk to one another. There was no socialization going on. They were there for fucking bingo, okay? Yeah.

And they did not give a fuck about anything else. You're not getting exercise. You're not talking to people. You're just there to play. And that's kind of sad. They probably got one of those crazy, like, I bet they've got some, like a shooter's arm thing too. They've got some bingo gloves on. Yeah. You know, like they're showing up like they're a tryhard in basketball. I've got my bingo outfit on tonight. I'm getting the $5. Do you think the next generation of bingo home will be the Minecraft home?

Like, when we, when, you know, in 60 years... Oh, bingo home Minecraft drama would go crazy. Yeah, like, instead of bingo, they're all just playing Minecraft on, like, a LAN party. Like, the whole old person facility. Dude, LAN parties would be fucking hype at an old person home. Yeah, they would. Yeah, they need to get a bunch of old people. Like, I mean, we're probably out of... I think we're probably out of World War II vets at this point. They're probably all out of stock, but...

But Korean War, probably still around, right? Yeah. They got like five years on them. Okay. We got to teach maybe Vietnammers. Yeah, they're in their 80s too. Yeah, we got to teach some Vietnammers how to play Hell Let Loose and just put them in there. That's your new hyper fixation right there.

I haven't played it in weeks. Well, it was what it was a week long hyper one. Yeah, this was right. It was because the reason why is because you kind of need to play it with someone. And I burnt Tucker to a crisp from this game so quickly.

Yeah. Like I could hear Tucker getting depressed on the last game that we played. Like it was like Tucker, cause we were like trying to rush up one for those of you don't know, but how let loose is like a realism shooter game where it's like large scale, like a tank. Yeah. It's like battlefield, but harder. Um,

And like we were trying to rush a point and we kept getting killed. There was a tank to our east. He was fucking sending tank rounds onto our squad point or whatever. And I could just hear Tucker. Well, first of all, Tucker was mostly silent. But whenever he would like, I would just hear like a little breathe out like a damn it. Like and then eventually he was like mid game. He was like, I don't know if I can keep playing this right now. And then he left. Yeah, that was like our fourth day in a row. Fuck, dude. That's fine. Yeah.

The first couple times you were like, we are charging points. Sucker was having a great time. It's called moderation. And you need to learn something. Ted, you're going to climb so many rock walls the next week that you're going to be totally bummed out. And you're not going to want to climb one ever again, dude. Well, I did my first time. And now I'm about to travel. Yeah.

Oh, so you keep it fresh on the mind. Okay, that might work. This could work. I'll be thinking about it, but I'll be looking at pictures of people rock climbing online. I'll be getting excited. Yeah, it's like with gay porn, you know? Okay. Most of the time you do straight.

And then in your mind, you're like, man, I can't wait. You know, can't wait until the real deal. Yeah. Can't wait till the big show. Let me tell you. Let me tell you. Old person home. We get like all the all the old ass fucking YouTubers in and you do like a land party house and you make a YouTube channel with all like the retired ass old ass fucking YouTube. I think they have one of those right now, but it was like manufactured. You know what I'm talking about?

That sounds like something Mr. Beast would set up. No, it's like a TikTok house of old people. Like, look at the old person house, Tucker. That's fake shit. That's fake shit. You know, you need people who have lived through it. None of those people are... Yeah, retirement house. Retirement house. What are these guys? Oh, they're actually killing it. Oh, my God. This actually looks like it goes pretty hard. Well, it's crazy, too, because they're all staying in, like, an L.A. mansion. They, like, there's no right... Like, they need to be staying in a room...

They need to at least have wallpaper in wherever they're staying. Yeah, that's true. That's true. This is not, yeah, you can tell this is not where they want to be. These are swingers. There's no way that they're not.

Yeah, no, they're definitely got, they got up to something in the 70s that, you know, they talk about frequently, more frequently than you want them to talk about. Yeah. Yeah. All I need in a retirement house is a computer with my buddies. I don't even need to know them now, but listen, we fire up a squad on Operation Metro Rush on Battlefield 4. Yeah, that would be good. Battlefield 3, dude. Oh, that's a lifelong friendship right there. Yeah, what would...

retirement look like to you guys? I mean... I think you should rephrase that. I don't think you should say what would retirement look like. It should be what would your dementia facility look like? Dementia facility. Are we assuming I'm going to get dementia? Oh, we're all doomed, dude. I've got full plans to be lucid by the time I'm kicking it. Because you don't end up in a home unless you've got issues, you know?

That's not true. You end up in the home when your kids don't want to fucking take care of you anymore because you're too annoying. I think some people go to like retirement communities just to hang out. No, definitely not. No, there's like some pretty intense ones in Florida where they've got like...

They've got a whole ass grocery store on, on site and stuff. And it's not like one of those where they've got like a fake bus stop where the dementia patients go to so they can take them home. The problem is those are functioning old people. Like they're not, they're not like at the end of the rope yet. When you get to, when there's people who are, who are at the end of the rope, they're in like an assisted living home. You can make that look as jolly as, as, as possible. But at the end of the day, like,

every morning they're waking up and they're like, oh, I wonder if I'll see Joe today.

i wonder if joe's alive yeah no but then if they don't then they're like oh okay i'm never seeing him again think about it that's crazy about this you've got an assisted living community and instead of bingo and checkers they've they're all playing minecraft on the same realm and they've got their property lines there's drama people have pixarides and it's like oh do you hear joe brown died who's getting his piece how are we doing his minecraft resources

If you die in the game, you die in real life, dude. Fuck. They're all hooked up. They got like a thing running in there. There's just someone watching with a gun. Yeah, they just got some sort of like, they got like anthrax hooked up to their heart monitor. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I love that. They got to kill the ender dragon. I feel like at some point, maybe around 60 or 70, I need to get a ranch. Yeah.

I think I need to get a ranch. I think I need to get a ranch. You're going to be retired way before then. It doesn't have to be. I know, but I think that when I'm around. You don't want to be doing, you don't want to do work when you're 60 or 70. No.

I'm going to have ranch help, but I need the ranch, like a Montana ranch, you know? Montana ranch would go hard. But you don't want to live there when you're 60 or 70. Like, that's the thing. Like, the time to do that is like now. Where do I want to live? I don't want to live on a Montana ranch right now. I want to live in the city where the cool kids are. No. Well, the ranch is where you're going to get the most fulfillment. You're not getting fulfillment in the big city. I feel pretty fulfilled. No, you don't.

Don't tell me that I don't feel fulfilled. You lie awake at night and think, man, I'm missing something. Man, you're on the offense right now on this episode. Just saying. I mean, obviously we're still in our 20s. I'm like three years ahead of you.

also i'm if anything maybe i figured out i figured out the key to happiness and i'm actually withholding it from you at the big city i don't think the key to happiness is found on fucking hollywood boulevard yeah no i did i think it is i see those walk of stars and i'm like man i love those walks of stars i go around cleaning the walks of stars especially elvis's because he was a good guy that never did anything wrong um

Yeah, I'm basically, yeah, I'm watching Elvis' Star. That's sort of like a picture perfect sort of thing. Schlatt, wait. You were posting a weekly slap about how you were going to retire. I didn't watch it, so I just assumed it was about how you're... Well, thanks for not watching it. Well, I was going to get around to it. And judging what the video was about. I was going to get around to it, but you've been posting... Did you watch my last video? No, fuck no. Oh, okay. Then I don't feel bad.

Sure. I guess, man. Cheers to that. It was just a really serious topic I was talking about and you're making light of it. Oh, okay. Well, explain it then. You can't do this to me right now. No, it was clickbait as per usual. I was just talking about the concept of it and what that means for a YouTuber. I mean, for me, my whole thing is like my whole childhood, it was just spent

trying to be a YouTuber and making videos and shit. And I'm at the point where I've kind of done what I've wanted to do. Far exceeded my expectations for how many views I would be getting and all that shit. Sure. And I'm 24. What the fuck now? You know? And so I'm trying to look around and be like, okay, well, what's next? Is there anything that needs to be next? I talked to Mr. Beast and he's like, well, why do you...

Why do you have, what's, why are you saying after you retire, man, why can't you just do this till the day you die? And I'm like, well, Mr. Beast, I, sometimes it's not fun. And sometimes there's baggage that comes along with it. And so, you know, thinking about retirement, it's like, well, maybe I just fucking streamed AZ, you know, posts on weekly slap more often, or I don't know, anything that's not

uh, anything that's not the main thing, you know, what are you doing with your drink? What was that? I was listening to me. I was listening. I'm just unmedicated right now, so I can do things, but still be listening. So do you think that we got to play some more in the mosque? I had those, those days, he days, you know, one period of gaming that we did, it was probably because it was COVID, but that zombies phase that we had with Charlie, uh,

Yes. And folks, that was a very, very, very, that was a gaming period in my adult years that I think back on. I'm like, man, we were, I had a similar one with, with like Eddie and Jakey and folks where we were playing a lot of gunfight on, on the modern warfare. And that was really fun. I'm looking to have another good gaming phase. We got you into pub G one time and that was fun. Yeah. I had a good time doing that. It was fun. It was fun.

I just think about, I don't know. I mean, it's funny thinking back about that zombies period we had, because I don't remember a single fucking zombies map. Like, and we were playing the shit out of those. I remember the one that was like, it was like there was the top ground, but there was also that underground area you could go into. And then there was that little plane wing that you could train zombies off of.

Very vaguely. There wasn't too many notable maps, though. No, you don't get shit like Die Rise or Mob of the Dead anymore. Yeah. I remember when I was a kid, going into zombies when it was Call of Duty 5. Going into zombies, I didn't play zombies because I was afraid of it. Because I was terrified, actually. It was fucking scary, dude. Like, I can't deal with that shit. Or when they're like...

telling you about their, their summer blowout. I love that soundbite. Oh yeah, no, this, it was scary. It was like a, I think I had trouble. It probably wasn't until I was about 16 or 17, maybe even eight, maybe until I was a legal adult that I had the ability to play a zombies game solo. There's something really scary

like sort of hopeless it felt like about playing a zombies game by yourself and you didn't have a friend yeah like it was scary it was like I didn't trust even if like someone was on the other side of the map they're just around like that's that's enough you know you need company man it's all maybe that's you know we we read deeper into this Ted maybe the meaning of life is being present with other people that make us happy

Oh, yeah, for sure. And are there for us and have our back. Oh, yeah. I've got your back, Schlatt. Do you got mine? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wow. I'd revive you. I was looking to connect with you then. I'd revive you. But, like, let's say we're on transit and, like, I got to cross and the bus isn't here. Okay. And I'm going to have to deal with those fucking head monkey things that you have to knife. Yeah.

like that head monkeys are a problem yeah i'm sorry i'm not coming for you no it's okay it's okay yeah yeah sometimes you know you got to get off between the uh the bus stop and the diner in that tunnel you grab the m16 pretty pretty good weapon hidden in that tunnel not a lot of people knew about that one but then you got to deal with them on the way on the way out of the tunnel if you miss the bus they have a

I would say that the Nazi zombie ones, that's a pretty hopeless zombie scenario if those things were real. Yeah. If those things happen, those would be a problem. Yeah. I'm generally killing myself. Yeah.

I know. I was afraid to even bring up that point, though, because I wasn't trying to bring us into a whole zombie thing, because I knew that you were just going to start talking about how you're going to kill yourself. Well, I mean, because you're going to start talking about ramps again, and I'm going to just fucking tune out. Well, people don't have to think about the advantages of them. No. Well, no. There's actually zero advantage, especially with you being in the big city. Ramps would be the bullion of the zombie apocalypse.

you know now look dude the bullion of the zombie apocalypse is being on a ranch in montana okay where there's not a single fucking zombie around you need a fucking ramp for that the fuck life goes on you just you tend to your zooks and your kukes kidding me you build the wonder weapon out back i feel like old people would be able to survive if they had an like if you had a fence around your

retirement home they make so much little noise you see a old person walk around they're just shuffling like they're not gonna be notified i don't know they can't drive fucking old people you've been hanging around you kidding me have you been around a fucking you hurt yourself just then i didn't realize that was related to what you have you been around a dying old person no

They'd fucking retirement center be the first to go if Cuomo didn't get through it already. Jesus, dude. Christ, man. Have you had a family member die? Yeah, I've had plenty die. Yeah. Have you lived with them and experienced it firsthand, the decay of their brain and body? It's fucking sad, dude. Damn. So what are you guys doing for the fourth? Oh, you know, I'm hanging out. What about you? Hanging out.

Yeah. Not decaying. I can't wait to have a bowl. I can't wait to make myself like a really nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Those are great. When's the last time you had a peanut butter sandwich? I had a peanut butter sandwich the other day. No, peanut butter and jelly, dude. No, I don't fuck with jelly. Oh my God, dude. I don't fuck with jelly. I'm sorry. I'm picky. I'm picky. Okay, at least you can say it.

I prefer a peanut butter and fluff. You are one of the pickiest eaters I've met. Peanut butter and fluff goes hard. A fluffernutter? Fluffernutter. Or you get some Nutella in there, too. Do they even sell fluff anymore? Fluff was like crack for kids. We didn't even know it was made of. We were like, that's marshmallow, maybe.

You know what's funny? Your parents would be like, no, you can't have a piece of candy or a cookie right now. But I'll make you a fluffernutter. It's like liquid marshmallow, dude. Yeah. If I had one of those now, I'd probably be like, this is the most delicious thing that I've ever had. Dude, we should make some of those on the vineyard. A fluffernutter? Oh, dude, getting high and having a fluffernutter must be like...

Dude, let's do that this week. We should. There's a certain thing that happens when you're high and you're eating a food that has a weird texture to it. Like peanut butter's got a texture that just gets all over your mouth. It's a full-time job. It fills every nook. Yeah. It's like a full body. And you're tasting the flavor everywhere. So if you're high and it's happening, you're like...

what the hell is going on right now? This is incredible. Like you just turn into like a little, you turn into like a baby when they're eating like a, like a popsicle or something. It's like, it's blowing your mind. Yeah. Yeah. We does make food tastes better typically. Yeah. Um, but it doesn't, it doesn't make hell feel any, any less bad because that's where you're headed. Oh, maybe halfway through my life I could just start,

banking on hell and then just start being like man i hate weed so much weed would be the worst thing that ever happened to me oh i hate weed i hate weed i hate having the munchies hey wait keep doing that thinking that thinking that praying that yada yada wait hold on i get to hell and all of a sudden i see before me my anti-prayers have been answered it's a fucking

recliner chair infinite weed and a bunch of munchies and i'm like checkmate there's a lot of jewish hospitals in new york yeah and the elevators in them will on the sabbath they will just hit every floor and go automatically like a fucking elevator in zombies dude like the die rise elevators

And that's so they don't have to interact with the technology. It's like they're on it. They're getting into it. I didn't know it was going to go up. I didn't know. I feel like God would see through that shit, but that's just my... I thought it was just a room. That's my opinion, yeah. I thought it was just a room. I was just going in to check it out. And then I closed the door behind me, and then I showed up somewhere else. I can't control this.

And there's like juggernaut in the elevator and you got to wait for the one with double tap to come by, you know? Yeah. And just it dispenses it. Dude, Diarise gets so much fucking hate. We played it on Sleep Deprived. Everyone was like, why are you playing Diarise? Diarise is the worst fucking map. Diarise is the best zombies map ever fucking made. And I won't even, I'm not even going to listen to other opinions on that. Can you pull it up what it looks? I don't know these by their name that well.

Di-rise is the really vertical... Oh, De-rise? No. No. De-rise is... No. Di-rise. That says De-rise. No, it doesn't. De-rise. De-rise. De-rise is another zombies map. They called it Di-rise because it was like...

I don't know this map that well at all. Really? What is this from? What game is it from? The trample steams, the slickwifiers, black ops 2. The slickwifier? The slickwifier, yes. That's the slickwifier right there. Looks pretty slicklified. Yeah. Oh dude, what if I pack a punch my cock? What would happen? What happens if you put your cock in the pack a punch?

Probably tears it off because you know how when you put any weapon in, it goes in and then it does its work. It's a bunch of gears in there. Dude, it's a bunch of gears in there too. That looks beautiful. You better hope you got a long cock because that thing is going to shred your whole dick backboard up. Why are you looking up? Why are you searching this, Tucker? Can you pack a punch? This is purely hypothetical. Well, technically, Tucker, go back to that. Have you seen the graphic on the pack a punch? Takes a soft dick and makes it real hard. That ray gun's limp right there.

Oh, maybe the Pack-a-Punch is just like another way to administer to dollar fill. Go back once more, Tucker. Scroll down a little bit. Is that a little mini Pack-a-Punch? Definitely. That's like a cool desk toy right there. That's cool. I guarantee you there's 50 fucking people selling them on Etsy, just printing them out in their 3D printer. Damn it. Well, they're painting them. They have to paint them too. That's true. That's true. Pretty good.

Yeah, that is cool. I think that might be the lighting. That one might be partly lighting that they did in the photo. Well, don't discredit the lighting. I don't think it's that incredible. I think it's actually kind of shitty. Drink your wine. That wine can't be that good. It's okay. I'm not even a wine guy. You're more of a wine guy than I am, Tucker. Oh, I love it. I love this stuff. But I can't do it. Can't get enough of it. I can't. I don't buy wine anymore.

It's too acidic, dude. It's too acidic. And I'll drink the whole fucking bottle. That's like such a married man problem. Ah, it's too acidic. You'll get there one day. You'll get there one day. What about being married makes you have problems with acids? I don't know, but it seems like we all have it.

Second you get married, a large Tums bottle appears in the medicine cabinet. Dude, no, that, honestly, that happens. Tucker's obsessed with Tums. No, I'm off Tums. I'm off Tums. I figured out what it was. Like it's a drug. I'm off Tums. I figured out if I don't eat gluten, I would never have heartburn. There you go, yeah. That was the only thing. Do you have a gluten allergy? I think it's an intolerance. Fucking pussy. If it's an allergy, you need an EpiPen.

But it's more like, do I want to be bloated and heartburned tonight for this pizza? And the answer is usually yes. Same thing with lactose intolerance. Am I going to not eat this Dairy Queen Blizzard? No. And it goes. I'll tell you one thing I have an intolerance to. Because a lot of times I have a hard time telling where the fucking...

Number three poo is coming from you know you've got number one which is P number two which is poo number three What do you think that is what it's liquid flat? It's liquid. What are you talking about? Oh come what you talking about come okay? So let's say let's say comes come would be the number three like I'm sorry That makes sense to me

- No. - Cum is obviously number three. - No, no. - What? - No. - How is cum that, why did I strike a chord here? - Oh God, you make me so mad. - Aren't you supposed to be God, man? - Shad, no. - Well, you cum in your wife and you procreate, you make a beautiful baby. There's nothing gross about it. - I know how that works. I know how that, oh God. - The cum goes in the pussy.

This is a crazy way to say it. Okay, fine. Cum can be three. What's four? Cum is obviously number three. What else is number three? I feel like cum needs to be number two so it stays with pee. And then poo will be three. But poo as number two just makes so much sense. Imagine you're saying you're going number two and you catch someone and you're like, you're going number two. And you follow them in the bathroom and they're just like... Just making that fucking noise. What are we talking about? I'm talking about number four. What's number four?

You don't know? No, I don't. It's diarrhea, dude. Okay, you can't keep that set. That's like 2.5, dude. You can't separate poop and diarrhea. Diarrhea is poop. Yeah, but it's also kind of like pee. Ted, I'm telling you. I'll tell you. Okay, fine. 2.5. 2.5. If we're talking about intolerance, it took me a while to explain this because it just took you, it took a while to figure out what diarrhea was. Well, three is not diarrhea. Diarrhea is shit.

it's the same number dude it's maybe two and a half okay i'll take two and a half don't call it something entirely different well then why can't get its own designation like p and come well why can't why can't come be 1.5 because it's not p it's kind of like p no it's not there's no p and come there could be a little bit

They overlap. Surely, maybe a little bit. Surely it's picking some stuff up along the way. It's going down the same road. Different locations. It's going down the same road, man. Two different sources, man. You're not, you may be a trace amounts of pee.

In my cum. 1.75? No. No, it's its own thing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. All right. If you peed out of your butthole, it wouldn't make it 1.5. It's still liquid and shit. Yeah. Well, whatever the case, my... It's just like a ditch lat win episode. The thing that separates...

But what I have an intolerance to is specifically movie theater popcorn makes me go four or 2.5. Wait, are you sure it's not the icy that you get every time you go to the movies? No, because I've tested this. I've tested this and I've gone without the icy. Maybe it's the Dasani that I drink. Maybe it's Dasani water, but I don't think it's Dasani water. You're buying a water bottle at the movies? What does that cost? Eight dollars? Yeah.

I think you're missing the point here, Tucker. I think you're missing the point. Lock in, dude. Lock in right now. You're like really upset about this. You're buying a water bottle at the movies? That's got to be eight bucks. Are you sure? It's got to be eight bucks. You're buying a water bottle at the movies?

That shit's gotta be eight bucks! Like it's not seven, not nine. It's gotta be eight bucks. Without a doubt it needs to be eight dollars. Watch this, watch this shit. Eight dollar water at movies. Four dollars for a cup of water at Regal. That's not eight. What? They're really eight dollars? As Tucker claims?

Oh, it's Tucker Carlson. Oh, that's crazy. That's wild. What the fuck? Two universes just met. We got to get our Tucker and that Tucker in a room together. Oh, yeah. Well, he's a little bit closer because he's practically an influencer now. He's on X. Yeah. Yeah. He broke his ties with the big, you know.

Yeah. But no, no, that I swear. And I need to talk about this more because I need to get this off my chest. You know, at the movies, that popcorn tears through me. It's without a doubt. I'm going to have number two point five. Don't look it up. Don't. What is in movie theater? Butter. Butter.

It's definitely the butter. It's definitely the butter. Opocorn Flavacol. Look at this. A yellow seasoning salt that gives popcorn its buttery flavor and color. Number four shits? You kept calling it number four. I know, but Google doesn't know that.

So I'm definitely, it's definitely possibly my fault because I also use the little dispenser to put more butter on it. That's your fucking issue, dude. You're loading it up with chemicals.

Yeah. Yeah. I worked at a movie theater for eight years and gained 80 pounds. I have since lost 50, but the point is that the theater food ain't good for you. I'm going to see the Avengers free tickets for saying twice with Windham hotels and we are bringing our own bottled water and fruit as a snack. Did he just say Windham? I have noticed your pronunciation on certain things is. Is it Windham? Is it Windham? Yes, it's Windham.

I've never heard that it's said before, so I'm just going to pronounce it how I see it. Let's talk about another word you butchered recently that we received easily 100 comments for two podcasts ago. What the Germans did to the Allies during World War II with their airplanes. What is that called? What's that called? The lightning runs, you know? A blitzkrieg? Yeah. Oh, now you say it right.

You sound really crazy right now, Schlatt, for thinking that I did anything but. I won't be gaslit. I won't be gaslit. I know German. Ich bin ein Mann. What? Ich bin ein Mann. Ja, der Geist spricht. I didn't know you had German chops. Wow. I said everything I know just then. I said everything I know. Everything. Everything I've ever known. Deutschland.

Ted. Yeah. You know, another comment we get quite often. Well, you just like your is this complaint? Well, I'm looking at the comments now and I'm seeing like half the comments right now. I'm sure. Look, look, look up Schlatt in the in the comment section of this one that we just posted. OK, looking very handsome. Schlatt Schlatt's looking real kissable in this one.

Bro, Schlatt is trying to make this podcast sound like some Christian freak podcast. It's so weird. What's the problem? I cannot keep pretending Schlatt isn't hot, especially this episode in all caps. It sounds... What's the problem here? You got a problem with me? Yes. Why is it... What's the problem here? They're saying that you're hot, dude. Because your strategy isn't working. You're going back to being stained. Stained? What do you mean, stained? Stained.

you get like they're going to start making the hard eyes edits at you again you're okay you're purposefully purposefully mispronouncing words now stand stand s-t-a-n-n-e-d that's not how you said it before tucker did i say that wrong somehow or stand is there another is there another conspiracy where now schlatt needs to question my pronunciation everything we're doing this shit again

schlatt there are like four to six reasons you could have a problem let me tell you what you need ted i'm not even gonna open my eyes anymore you need a ranch in montana you need like i do yeah at least 10 acres at least 10 10 is where it really starts to get fun how big is 10 acres like what would that

Like, what would a plot that I could understand look similar to for 10-8? I don't know. My dad's whole property is like 3. I thought ours was 1.78. On your street? Yeah. Yeah. I don't think so, dude. How much is your dad's? 3 point something. And it goes back a ways.

10 acres is where it gets fun, dude. 10 acres, that's enough for a dirt bike and ramps and a course and a go-kart course. Like, I'm just saying, 10's where it gets real. You can do whatever the fuck you want right now. How many acres you got in Los Angeles in that little apartment? I've got 1,400 square feet. Yeah, it's not the same. I just don't know. I just don't know. You can't have cows.

I can't have cows. I don't know. I've seen them. I've seen them. I've seen the cows many times and I feel like it would be cool to have cows. I could try to create over many generations like the new American Wagyu, like something better than what those fuckers are doing in Japan. You could. You could steal some.

from hokkaido and then take them back on a helicopter you see how they transport cows yeah they just pick them up and they strap them up and they carry them through the air cows cows gotta be like the fuck is that right now guess i'm god now just put them in a harness there he goes they don't know what's going on they got no clue

Dude, imagine that thing breaks and they just start plummeting. That would suck. Then it's really ground beef. Ah!

There you go. Nice. Nice. Gold star up there. Giving myself a gold star. Chuckle sandwich gold medal. No, I'll give you a silver. Gold medal. Okay, I'll take a silver. I'll take a silver. Put the silver up. I will say, though, I'm a little bit mad, and I think I deserve a past, like, what's that? Like when you're redoing something, retconning, but it's like the reparations or whatnot.

I deserve reparations for a gold star that I was promised, actually, in the last episode, but I was never given. And that was Tucker called me on the phone, and he told me, Ted, if you're able to do the 20, which he then would routinely expand the amount of numbers I had to say, that he would give me a gold chuckle. And I never got a gold chuckle, and I'm a little bit upset about that. And Tucker's about to bring some. Well, can Tucker even give a gold chuckle?

I'm doing it right now. Ted earned a gold chuckle. Damn. Oh, okay. I didn't know he could give a gold fucking chuckle. I don't get one for the ground beef comment. Well, it wasn't like a grand magical idea. It was good. I think the comments are going to love that one. But it was a pun. It was a pun. That was like, people are going to be like, man, you know, that reminds me of when Charlie was on the podcast and he would throw out those little funny one-liners all the time. Yeah.

Yeah, I feel like I would have the time to, but I feel like I'm mostly just in survival mode when it comes to being on this podcast. I'm just trying to survive your rage. Just trying to get to the hour mark. No, no, it's not getting to the hour mark, dude. We are there. We are there. We are there, but I, you know, it's...

You come out here and the first thing you say is like, Ted, you're not even, you're not doing anything cool. You don't have anything cool to say anymore. And then I'm like, you said that to me. You said I don't have anything cool to say anymore. You know, you don't have anything to be mad about it. You're happy. I'm not happy. You're so happy. There's still a lot of things I need to work on. Like what? Like this. Again, another prize project is alcohol project. No, what are you going to do? What do you got work up right here?

What am I working on? Nothing, dude. You've been losing the weight. Oh, yeah, that's easy. It's so funny that people struggle with that. I've been dropping pounds like no tomorrow. All you have to do is stop eating. How many pounds did you lose?

I started at 250 and I'm at 225 right now in a month maybe or two months. I'm like the highest I've ever been right now and I need to drop more. Oh, we can tell. I think Ted looks great. Tucker to the defense. I'm swooning. Damn, Schlatt, that was mean.

I'm at 237 right now, which is very high for me. You're heavier than I am, dude. When has that happened? Well, I spent most of our... Yeah, well, a lot of the time you were heavier than me. When has that happened, bro? I was always big. I was always a big guy. Well, I'm usually sitting around 225. That's where I'm at right now, dude. I'm trying to get back there. Give me a couple weeks and I'll be back. All right. It is really funny. Yeah.

I was only fat because I wanted to be fat. And the second I stopped wanting to be fat, it just started falling off of me, the weight. And it's kind of crazy how people can struggle with something that simple. Calories in, calories out. That's really it. Are you working out at all? No. Dude, but I love calories. I love just, oh, man.

You still have the good ones. I'm just saying, like, you do a meal that you're not fully hyped about? Like, life is food. Life is 100% food. No, I live by that. And, you know, I have not cut down my consumption of delicious fucking food and my favorite food. You just eat less of the shit you're less hyped about. That's really it. Life is food. Keep eating the good shit. Just cut out the mids.

Put those fucking nuts away. Get away. Put away my chocolate toffee covered. I was tearing through them, too. I know you were. I could hear it. Look, Ted, by the end of let's say by the end of the year, by the time Christmas rolls around, it's going to be a twink. It's going to be a twink Christmas. Should we try to get so many comments? There's going to be so many comments. And man, all I want for Christmas is schlatt, that fuckable little twink.

That's already the comments. Should we give ourselves a goal, Shlad, that we try to get to by Christmas? Like Christmas? Yeah, we do a little Christmas weigh-in.

Well, what's a healthy weight for a 6'5 individual like yourself? Technically, something around like 200, 205 pounds. It's the healthy weight for me. Okay. I don't know what it even is for 6'3. What if we just tried to both get to 210 by Christmas? I'll be there next week, dude. Okay. Hold it for Christmas.

I know that holding it is where it gets difficult. Yeah, exactly. That's why the challenge, they're a nice challenge. If we had a weigh-in two weeks from now, I would show up like a stick. But the fact that it's so far in the background right now. We'll teach you some discipline. We'll be looking forward to it. Discipline is the hardest thing with this. Yeah, because my thought I was thinking about the other day, I was like, damn, I got to get hot for Christmas.

You know, everybody knows that's when that's when everyone's getting hot. You know, I deserve to be hot for Christmas. Yeah, because if Santa's going to show up, I want to look like a sexy little present for him. I want Santa to come down my chimney. You know? Yeah. Number three. He's not going to do it if you're not a fuckable little twink.

I got one more year of being a twink. Like, I'm 24. You can't be a 26-year-old twink. What the fuck? What, are you skipping 25? Well, I'm saying I got one more year left. Hmm.

Yeah, I've been twinked for years, man. No, you can't be a twink anymore. You should have seen me back in the day. I was mega twinked. Oh, he was. He was. I was like, my neck was so thin for some reason. I had the thinnest neck in the world. Oh, you could just bend him over your knee. It was incredible.

well what's funny is that i was always and still am stronger than tucker physically so he's talking about bending him or bending over knees and it's like i was bending tucker over my knee this is crazy to be talking about right now i grabbed tucker by the thumb and he's like that's why he went into marines yeah that was his weakness is the grabbing him i was actually running from ted the trauma of being with him was you know

And that's why you sent each other little love letters while you were there. Listen, dude. He was sending me love letters, and I was sending him, like, chicken scratch. I was like, please help me. This is miserable. No, no. This is a mistake. I was sending him updates on YouTube videos, and he was sending me fucking poetry back, dude. He was like... No, I mean, he was... I remember the line where he said... You won't believe what this kid just did. Well, no. There was this one time he was talking about how...

there was a kid because we did the road trip across the country and one of the songs that we were listening to was very predictably on the road again and there was he was at the firing range I remember he wrote in his letter and there was a kid that started whistling or singing that song or something like that and he said it took him back to the back to the road trip

You don't remember saying that, Tucker? I'll tell you. I don't remember saying that, but I do remember when we started shooting. The only other time I had shot a gun was with you, Ted. And I was like, oh, this smells just like the range in South Dakota. Yeah, now you've shot hundreds of thousands of bullets, potentially. Yeah, so now I don't even... What's the total amount of bullets you think you shot? Probably 30,000.

That's crazy. Yeah, but most of it's machine guns, so it almost doesn't count. Right. You know? I don't know. Maybe that's a high number. Well, I don't know. Somewhere like that. Man, what do we call this podcast today? What's the...

What are we doing? I kind of blacked out for about an hour. I think I know what this podcast will be called. It'll be us saying, it'll be us. It's going to be, and this is me predicting it, it's going to be me and Schlatt de-aged, or maybe it'll be one of us before and after being one like us young, and then us older. It'll be we're older in age, and then it'll be saying, as a title, preparing for our retirement.

Yeah. People love it. And you were using that the other day, Schlapp. People love that. Yeah, they do love it. They do love it. Because we talked about retirement for a little bit. It was a real conversation we had. This ain't clickbait, Chucklers. This ain't clickbait. This ain't clickbait. It's not. And you can't go in the car. If you go in the car and say it's clickbait, we'll kill you. And if you call me fuckable one more time. I think that's giving you power, to be honest. No, it's not. I think you're getting stronger every time someone says that they want to fuck you.

Well, I just think it's strange, you know, like, yeah, it's like, yeah, you're like, you're like, oh, man, what the hell? Everyone's saying that I'm so hot and cool and sexy. This is so weird, guys. Just wait till I'm at 120 pounds. Just wait. That's going to be scary, dude. You're going to look like it's going to be like you're going to look like that guy in the in the movie Unbroken.

They don't know what that means. You know the book Unbroken that eventually got turned into a movie about the guys that were in the B-something bombers and they got lost at sea for 47 days? Incredible book. Yeah, it was a good book. I think we read it in school, Tucker, didn't we? Nope. How did I read that? When did I read that? I read it on vacation with my family in high school. It was so good. I never even watched the movie because I was like, the movie, there's no way it holds a candle to this.

I watched the movie recently and I was like, how do I know all the things that have happened here? And I think it's pretty good. I think it's pretty good. You think the things that happened are pretty good? Yes. I think that it... Well, because for the guy, it made him better. It made him stronger, didn't it? Didn't it make him stronger? He was in a prison camp. He was like 90 pounds. He's like 6'2". He's 90 pounds. Yeah, but he was kind of a jerk. He was an Olympian.

Nobody needs to run that fast. You know? No, that's true. Like, let's be honest. Slow down. Slow down, buddy. Thank you, everyone, for joining us on this episode of Chocolate Sandwich. So, you got anything else to say before we head out of here? No. I didn't think so. I didn't think so. Hey, Chocolers. Wait, I'm going to do it like this. Hey, guys, thanks for joining us on this episode of Chocolate Sandwich. We hope you had a good time. We hope you...

You enjoyed listening to us this week on your drive or cleaning or doing your homework or having just gone through a breakup or on the beach or...

or uh on the train homework like studying yeah or uh or jerking off jerking jerking off it's probably jerking off right now probably some there's a non-zero amount of people who are getting head right now and i'm calling you out right now if you're getting head listening to this episode yeah if this is just no just no i haven't established a link between your tv and this podcast and i'm watching it now yeah now he's watching

gross wait what the hell ew you're doing that that's a oh this guy's clearly inexperienced small dick too really small