Matt Watson Comes Clean
01:31:17 Share

Hey boys, welcome. Guess what? Guess what's new, guys? What's that, Ted? What could possibly be new? We've got a new musical intro here. I don't know if you guys can hear this. I'm grooving! I'm not just hearing it, Ted. I'm kind of feeling it a little bit. I'm feeling it, man. Not only that, we've also got a new guest, Matt Watson. He's on the podcast. What's up? How the hell'd you get in here?

I just hacked into Discord. He climbed in through the window. Dude, I'm grooving so hard, I don't even mind! Welcome to the show! Here comes the intro. Either way, uh... Get ready, folks. Welcome to, uh... The Chuckle Sandwich. It's about to...

Yeah, so welcome ladies and gentlemen to the Choco Sandwich Podcast. Now with a spicy new intro. I'm Ted. I'm here with Charlie and Schlatt. Howdy. And we've got a beautiful guest today on the podcast. The swindling... No, let him introduce himself. Like a car salesman? Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, what's up, guys? I'm Matt Watson. I'm on the channel SuperMega, and I make music, and I'm on Twitter. Wow. Now, where can people find you there as well on Twitter? What's your at? Matt H. Watson. Yeah, it would be. Matt, we've got some questions for you here today. We appreciate you coming in. Absolutely. Just some stuff we kind of want to nail down for the Chocolate Sandwich Podcast. The first thing we have here on the list is...

If you're ready. Are you ready? Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Good. Good. Good. Good. You better be ready. Yeah. I came ready. Listen, Matt, I don't really know you, man. So, you know, I'm going to need you to just really confirm that you're ready for this one. I'm 100% ready. I'll do whatever I need to do to prove that, too. You're going to be my good little girl today, Matty? Yeah. You're going to be my good girl? Yes. I'll be your good little girl. I promise. Good. I'll do whatever you want me to do. Good. Good.

Give him a little kiss. All right. All right, you little... Give Daddy a little... All right, let's start the questions. We're so glad to have Daddy's little girl here on the show. Do you wet your toothbrush before or after applying the toothpaste? After. After? Who the fuck does it before?

I do it after. I put the toothpaste on, and then it's like, I think if I put the water on... Well, actually, you know what? I kind of go 50-50. I just do whatever I'm feeling in the moment. A splash, and then another splash? I just, I don't know. I feel like the water serves as a bit of a primer for the toothbrushing experience. I can't imagine putting it on before. I do both. It's like...

It doesn't matter because I need to put a little... I need to flatten out the toothpaste with the water or something, I guess. That's nonsense. This implies I brush my teeth. I don't brush my teeth, actually. You don't brush your teeth.

No. What do you do? You're a crusty guy then, huh? Nothing. I just drink. I gurgle some water. The toothpaste industry is a scam. The whole dental industry is a scam. You just got two big slabs in your mouth. Oh, I get it. No, it's like... You got two big slabs of tar and plaque, man. It's like when you're in the shower and you use the shampoo and you just let it run down the rest of your body and don't use body wash.

You don't need conditioner and body wash and all that shit. It's like when you get in the shower and you don't really want to deal with it all, so you gargle the shampoo instead. Yeah, and then that cleans your teeth. I used to wash my hair with a bar of soap when I...

When I was a kid, I would just take a bar of soap and just do my hair with it. Okay, I actually did that too. When I was on the swim team and they didn't have shampoo and conditioner in the showers, I would just take a shit ton of hand soap and just fully lubricate myself in the hand soap. You think it would work? It doesn't work. No, it doesn't by any means, but I'll tell you what's really fun is when you're just coated in hand soap and you cross your arms and then you make a really big bubble.

What brand was it? Oh, yeah. Soft soap? No, dude, it was a shower. It was like the yellow kind that just makes you dry and sad afterwards. Oh, the yellow kind? Yeah. Yeah, it was, you know, the yellow one. Yeah. Absolutely. Daddy's little girl knows the yellow kind. I know the yellow kind quite well, trust me.

I like to go for a quick five-in-one shampoo. I want to circle on back here to Matt and his caked canines here. Because personally, I wet before, and I'll tell you why, guys. It's because the bristles, you know, and everyone uses a soft toothbrush. That's the one that dentists always say to use. No, no, no, no. You use a hard toothbrush. It doesn't make you more...

you more of a man to destroy your gums, slat. What are you talking about? You need those, buddy.

Take your fingernail and scrape the plaque off. The gums are remarkably strong. No way. They're remarkably strong. Ten years from now, you're going to be all flesh and no bone, you sicko. You're going to be all freaking flesh, dude. I'll tell you what I like to do. My dentist tells me my gums are immaculate. You're going to chew something, and it's going to sound like stirring around mac and cheese, man, because all your teeth are going to be freaking gone. No, man. You have no idea.

You wetten the bristles beforehand to soften the bristles even further and to fully regulate them. Get them ready for entry. Put a little oil on those bristles, man. A little motor oil. I have something. What I like to do is I like to scratch at my teeth like

Similar to how maybe if you're living in the 1600s and you're a pirate and you've been put in the brig and you're scratching at the door because you're dying of scurvy. Oh, yeah, man. Get all that plaque under your fingernails. That's kind of like my relationship with my teeth. I'm scratching away at my teeth. You're scratching your teeth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ever go in the shower and just scratch your face and all the oil and grease comes

comes off it can be hard while you're gargling all the shampoo yeah well I'm a multitasker Charlie so while I'm gargling the shampoo and letting it drip all the way down my body I'm also scratching it myself I hope you know this is like a

effectively a horror movie. The imagery here is a little madman. No, I do that too. Terminator 2. I do that too. I take the finger. I take my finger and I like the crease of your nose where your nose meets your face, bro. You scratch that shit down in the shower and you get some, you know, you get some oil and some gross things that aren't supposed to be there. Okay, well, actually, I can kind of see where you're coming from there. You get some yum yum. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. A little tree in the shower. Yeah. Oh.

This is revolting, wow! I saved mine up actually. I have a little, I stick it on the edge of the shower. It's like Terminator 2. You're the Terminator, you're the T-100. Metal living flesh over metal endoskeleton, you know?

I hope nobody's listening while they're eating right now. I hope no one's listening. Oh, man. If this is what's going to gross people out, then... What? You say it as if it's a prelude to something else you're going to say, man. No, I'm just... On our podcast, we say some really gross shit that actually upsets me. Get all your gunk out on the table, bro. Get it all out. Um...

I did shit in the shower the other week. That's awesome, dude. So you stepped on the drain and you made a little waffle? No, exactly what our first fucking guest did. Are we goddamn cursed, man? Matt, are you sure you're a waffle stomper? No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no. Listen, I was in the shower and I was laying down. Well, I'm glad you mentioned waffles, Ted, here, because I've got actually a bullet point just so we can circle around here. I hope no one finds it this way. I have a little bullet point. Our waffles just grilled pancakes. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, Charlie. And I hate to take us off the topic. Before you go on to that. I really hate to take us off the topic.

I really, really, really do. I loathe the fact that I must, but I have to. I have to inquire. So when you shit in the shower, you took your foot and you stomped it into the tree. Yeah, Matt. No. You're telling me you're a bit of a waffle stompy boy. And what is a waffle, but if not a cold pancake? Daddy's little girl's a bit of a waffle stomper. Something we could get into.

No, it was purely diarrhea, so there was no stomping. Oh, no. Oh, no. Calm down, Charlie. Charlie, come on. Oh, like you guys haven't shit in the shower before. All right. You're a little drama queen right now, Charlie. Pull it together, you little rascal. I'm going to start giving you a noogie. Listen, I'm just trying to give you some thinkers, okay? This is stuff that I've thought about while I've been in the shower and never once while thinking about it.

Have I proceeded to just shit down the drain, dude? It started as an accident. A big old turd rolling down the slope of the shower and you're like, that needs some good old stomping. How did it get there, Ted?

If not me, if not being already my shit. Well, you know, you're on the swim team, Charlie. Surely you took some group showers in your life. And never once did I see a turd rolling in the fucking, in the currents of the swim team shower. Never once did I see a fat shit backstroking down the 50 meters in our shower. You're in the wrong shower then, my man. You're in the wrong shower, dude.

You know, every swimming pool's got kind of a couple weird old guys walking around in the locker rooms. Oh, yeah, of course. Never a single one of them either was shitting down the drain. Those guys always had the biggest, fattest, juiciest cocks, too. Fuck off, man. It's not fair.

Yeah, it's like dad dicks. Dad dicks are massive. They're so big. And they got the big white bush, too. Are dicks like the same thing as ears and noses where they just keep growing every year you get older? I sure hope so. Wait, wait, wait. Is that a thing that happens? Or do they just swell in size all of a sudden the moment you become 50 years old?

Do you know what my girlfriend said to me 30 minutes before we recorded this show? Really? You have such a big penis. No, she didn't. We got on the topic. You mentioned noses and ears. And I sent her a...

I sent her a picture of a fix-it Felix with my name under it, which was a meme that someone did a long time ago. And she said, that's not what Disney character you look like. And I said, what Disney character do I look like, you know, of my life? I'm wondering, what is she going to say here? Is it going to be something? And she just starts, she just goes quiet for like two minutes.

This is in person? No, this was over the phone. This was over the phone as well. So she had time to understand. You had the phone up to your ear and there was just silence on the other line for two full minutes? Yeah, and I put her on speaker because I wanted to hear. And she said, I look like a combination. And I said, okay, this could be good. A little bit of a hybrid. Of Phineas and Ferb.

You look like a combination of both of them. Of both of literally the characters with like the most grotesque faces. Not just one, but two. Charlie, you sweet boy, I'm so sorry. I think that's a compliment. How? Phineas and Ferb are beloved. I'm a rhombus, Matt. You're a rhombus.

You're simultaneously the most square-headed boy while also simultaneously being the most angled-headed boy. Yeah, apparently my face is built like a fucking boat, dude. I can't possibly comprehend. And it's like now I just hung up because I don't want to be a wedge, you know? Oh, yeah, you should have. You should have said, fuck you, you stupid bitch. And you should have broken up with her right then. And that, you know what?

There's still 104 days in summer vacation. That's what we always say. Oh, man. 104 days to do some good waffle stomping. Dude, shut up about the waffle. Why is it like, okay, technically, why does it bother you so much? Technically, 5%. Wait, wait, we've done 20 episodes, right? Okay, so 10% of the episodes of this podcast have been about stomping shit down a drain. Do not think that that is weird.

10% of all episodes? You're in the shower, your foot's gonna get clean anyway. So after you do that, you get the soap. Actually, it's more than 10%. We're not even on 20 yet, and it's happened twice. It's weird that we needed to circle back onto this and talk about it ever again, right? You'd think that the first time you talked about waffle stomping, you would've discussed everything there is to say about pushing your shit down a drain. And yet there's still magic to be found. There's a lot to say. It's mad because of your... Yeah. You ever heard of scaphism?

Yes, I have. I know. Yeah. I've read the Wikipedia page. I forget what scaphism is all about. Can you explain it to me? Like reading a good book? No, no. Like reading a good book or watching a good movie? No, I was just going to spend this whole podcast just trying to shrink away from all the topics we bring up. What is scaphism again? If I'm not mistaken, isn't it the sexual desire for feces? No, no, no. Is it not? Absolutely not.

What the hell are you talking about? What are you talking about? That's when you feed someone who you'd like to die a bunch of milk and honey.

Oh, yeah. And then they send them off into a still body of water on a canoe or kayak in the boat. And then they let the bees and the insects. Yeah. And rats probably get pretty dirty after doing that job. So it's just a great time to come on home, get in the shower, set it to hot. Oh, God, that is a drain right there. And I know what would fit down it.

A big ass shit. Well, here's the thing about the here's the whole thing about the waffle stomping general sort of modernist or postmodernist waffle stomping theory. It's postmodern. It's more so or less so about the fact that it can fit and more so the determination to get it to fit, which I guess that's what sort of brings in the stomping aspect.

It doesn't matter how big it is. If you just do enough stomping, it will disappear. And then it's not your problem anymore. See, I'm in the shower with my girlfriend and I say, do you want to see a magic trick? Watch this. And then I drop a huge shit and then I stomp it down the drain. She goes, where did it go? And I say, a magician never reveals his tricks, baby. So suave. It's so suave. Oh, she loves it. She loves it.

Wow. Like people, you call the whole neighborhood together for this. It sounds like. Yeah. Oh, I've had multiple neighbors in the shower with me. Screenings? Yeah. A screening of a. A test run. A test run. I feel like. Alex, you got to get over here.

Charlie, what was- I feel like we've run out. We've run out. Alright, the questions. What were the questions? How would you introduce a neighbor to some waffle stomping? You just really let me know when you guys are done. I'll be right here. Would you say like, hey Joe, I got something really sick to show you. I got something really sick. You're really going to love this. Say, Joe, remember last week when you knocked on my door and you needed to borrow my drill and I gave it to you? Yeah. Well,

And you said you owed me one. Well, I got a favor for you now. And he comes inside and then I say, you know what? It's a hot day. What do you say we take a shower? And then we go get in the shower. No questions asked. So you do it in a cold shower? No, if it's a hot day, you can still take a hot shower.

Hey, Joe, we're having a barbecue Sunday. Jennifer and Laurie are all going to be there, everyone in the neighborhood, except the barbecue is actually me stomping down my shit in the shower. Yeah, you can smell it from miles away. That's the barbecue after party.

I'll bring my neighbors in one by one at the barbecue and then like I'll come outside soaking wet and be like, all right, Joe's done. Hey, Nate, come here. Come here. And just one by one. That's before we serve the food too. You just have a really large capacity to just continue having shit come out of you. Well, I prepare for it, man.

I'll eat a bunch of stuff the day before. A little bit of chafism. And I won't let the whole shit out. I won't let the whole shit out. I'll let a little bit out for each person. Oh, you're doing the pinching. You're pinching hard. Wow.

They love it, though. You must have like a knifey butthole then to be able to do it that consistently. Dude, that's disgusting, man. That's just... Why would you talk about that kind of shit? You've got a real guillotine of an ass, man. Oh, Jesus Christ, man. Charlie, of all times that you would double down, why was it then? Stop.

I'm never going to get to these questions. I love stopping shit down a drain. You couldn't handle the waffle stomping, but then, oh, okay. Guillotine of an asshole. That's good. It's a tough dichotomy, okay? I try to be the guy that weighs in at times, bring a little levity to it, and it's just a tough split. When we're talking about waffle stomping, I just don't want to be there for it. More like a tough shit in the shower. That's awesome, dude. That's such a good one. Fuck. Fuck.

I don't want to let this go. I want it to be like an hour from now and we're still on this subject. Charlie, you can do the next topic. You guys sure? You got it all out of your head? Bottom line, I shit in the shower by accident and then I continued because it was already... I already did it a little bit, so I just did the rest. That's the bottom line. I want the bowels to be positively clear before I move on to the next topic. I think I'm clear. I'm good. I'm good. No, I shit in the shower right before this. I'm good. I feel good. I feel supple.

Okay, everyone. And warm. I'm gonna go on to the second question. Yeah. Would you consider a block of cheese to be a loaf of milk? No. Well, really, it's all the same coming out, isn't it? No, I wouldn't say that's a loaf of milk.

Because I would say a loaf of milk would be more just like curdled milk that's kind of solidified into a mass. Just like a frozen... Cheese is... Yeah, yeah. Cheese is just like a whole different category. I agree. I don't think milk and cheese are really the same thing, right? I mean, they're dairy, but... No, they're made from the same essential components. But that doesn't mean that they're the same. Cheese was discovered because... It was discovered because they used to drink out of like the stomachs of like sheep. And, you know, because it's like a...

And they're like, oh, we don't have Tupperware yet, so let's use this. They thought to themselves, oh yes, Tupperware. The thing that we planned to invent, but just haven't gotten around to it yet. In like 6,000 years, we'll do that. But for now, I'll just put... I'll squirt a cow's milk straight into this sheep's stomach. And the stomach bile from the sheep and the heat created cheese. And that's where the first cheese came from. Tupperware could never do that. Wait, so are you trying to tell me that they would...

Use sheep stomachs as like water bottles without first cleaning out the sheep stomach? Yeah, that's what it sounds like. I might be totally wrong on this, but I heard this years ago, and I don't remember where I heard it, but it sounds like one of those facts where like, oh, yeah, that's true. I gotta look it up just in case, because I gotta say, like, I totally buy it, but... Do you guys ever think about the first person who discovered milk? I do all the time, yeah. Because...

The only thing that I really think of, I feel like I just kind of think of a... Matt, it checks out, man. It's a farmer. He sees a cow, and he's like, hey, man, why not? He goes, hey, what if? You know that there's just... Someone was watching a calf drink milk, and it's dripping down. He's like, god damn, I kind of want some of that. What does that taste like? That calf is eating good dough.

Bessie, I'm fucking thirsty. And then you just see them aggressively throw the calf to the side and just start going ham on that udder dude. All right. So the third question is going to be if you could...

Hold on, Charlie. Wait, it's true. What I said was true. I just looked it up. Cheese may have been discovered accidentally by the practice of storing milk in containers made from the stomachs of animals. I will say there's the may. I looked up milk as well. I don't feel like anyone truly knows this. It's a lot of...

A lot of hypotheses here. I think, honestly, I think we were pretty close. I think someone just fucking tried it one day. Well, I think milk was, you know, they discovered it because humans were like, oh, that comes out of the woman's breast, but it looks like it's also coming out of the cow's breast, so maybe it's just as good. Maybe there was some farmer that had some sort of very advanced baby, like, you know how there's those people that have that fetish where they want to be a baby?

But they're also a farmer at the same time. And they see a cow and he's suckling. And he says, oh, this is a...

baby roleplay opportunity for me. Yeah, man, back then they were big into that. And he starts sucking away, and then he says, hey, wait, this could change everything for everyone. I'm never going to drink a single glass of 2% again without thinking this came from baby roleplay. No, milk is... I don't drink a lot of dairy because when I drink milk, it makes me break out in acne, so I don't consume a lot of dairy. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. Like, I don't really get acne, but every time I have, like, dairy, like, when I have a bowl of cereal and I suck that shit down, or when I just have a glass of milk with, like, some cookies...

Within the next few days, I break out. Actually, right now, I have a spot on my face from last week when I drank milk and then broke out on my face. You've got some pretty clear skin, though, Matt. So that's got to be quite the anomaly for you, breaking out. Oh, it was awful. I was suicidal. They had to put me on suicide watch. It was pretty bad. I don't believe that one pimple. Are you downplaying my struggle and my mental...

No. So, if you had to choose, would you rather never have to sleep, never have to breathe air, or never have to eat? And Matt, you can't choose all three. What if I never had to live? There it is. That would suck, dude. Be like that one of those things from that one character from Soul. Did you guys see the movie Soul? Yeah, I did. It was very good. It was really good. They were just a...

fucking soul that was just not wanting to live at all it's like fuck that shit no fucking the whole movie uh as somebody with narcolepsy uh i would like to not ever have to sleep because sleeping is is is a plague for me wait and i would like to be able to get the narcolepsy yeah are you comfortable talking about that

No. Yeah. It's not like a touchy subject. What's it like? Don't bring that up, dude. Don't bring that up. I mean, yeah. It's not pretty epic. It's kind of like... There's a misconception. People think that narcolepsy is a Looney Tunes style... Peter Griffin falling on the ground. Like when the Family Guy style immediately just...

Face planting. Yeah, like one frame I'm standing and the next frame I'm on the ground asleep. It's not like that because there's two types of narcolepsy. There's like catatonic and then there's – I don't remember what they're called. But I have the type where I don't – it's not like where my muscles all shut down. I have the type where like throughout the day, multiple times, I'll have like a sleep attack.

Where all of a sudden, like just within 30 seconds, I become so sleepy. It feels like I just, you know, when you get up in like 3 a.m. to go take a piss or a shit in the shower and you're like just so out of it and so tired. Yeah. And you're barely like awake, but you are awake. I become that very quickly. You can barely even get a sleep in. And if I can fight it off and I have medicine for it, that does a pretty good job.

that I take like on, on work days and stuff. But, uh, yeah, it's not super fun. I had, I was just so tired and I couldn't, you know, figure out why. And I, I tried everything to not take like four naps a day. And I'm like, why? I got like 10 hours of sleep last night, drinking water, taking vitamins. I'm exercising. Like what's going on? Uh, and I had to get a sleep test where they had to hook me up to like a million wires. There's a picture of it online. Uh,

and like belts around my chest to measure my breathing and like nodes on my forehead to scan my brain waves and shit. Uh, and they were like, yeah, you got narcolepsy. Weird. Okay. So how many, when you go to sleep normally during the night, is it easy to fall asleep or no? So I have insomnia too, which is, so I have insomnia and narcolepsy, which is ironic. That is incredibly ironic. I wake up probably six to 10 times a night.

Every single night. Wow, you just can't catch a break with sleep. No, it sucks, man. It sucks. But I don't want to get on sleeping medication. What's the popular one? Melatonin? Ambien. Like Roseanne. She took some Ambien. Is this the above-the-counter thing you're talking about? Yeah, she took some Ambien and then she tweeted all that racist shit. So I'm scared that might happen to me. So I don't want to take Roseanne. Who's Roseanne? What are we talking about?

That's the lady from the show Roseanne. The big fat bitch. I mean, the beautiful woman. The pog. Yeah, she is a pog. But yeah, I don't want to take any of those drugs that make it like I could become addicted to. Oh, Roseanne Barr. Yeah. Yeah.

I, yes. I don't want to get dependent on those though. So I got to ask, I mean, when, when you, uh, go under with a sleep attack, is it very, very brief or is it, uh, you mentioned taking naps before to kind of stave it off. Is it for a while? It's like, uh, for me, maybe it can last from a couple of minutes to like 45 minutes to an hour. Maybe that's pretty scary if you were like driving or something. Yeah, no, there's times I've had to pull over and take a nap.

I was driving to San Diego a couple months ago, and it hit me so hard. I had to just pull off into a Target parking lot, and I just took a 45-minute nap. Have you ever had to pull over directly onto the highway? Once, yeah. I didn't end up taking a nap. I just shut my eyes for five minutes. It sucks, and they don't know why it happens, and there's no cure. To just general narcolepsy? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I had no idea they didn't know why it happened. Who doesn't know? Let me see if Google knows. Why narcolepsy?

One of the side effects of narcolepsy is you're more prone to take a shit in the shower. It just happens. Yeah, and then stomp on it. Then you just... An unrelenting need to just stomp. Honestly, after the shit, it's like it just does itself. It's like it stomps itself down the drain. You know what I mean? Pretty much, yeah. And I don't really remember it. You probably know this, Matt, but it says... Google's telling me that many cases of narcolepsy are thought to be caused by a lack of a brain chemical called...

Hypocretin, also known as orexin, which regulates sleep. I think Matt's a little bit of a hypercretin. Dude, shut the... Dude. Dude. Come on, man. Dude, that was so good. Holy shit. No, it wasn't, dude. That was really... Up top, dude. Down me up. Down me up. Feeling good about that. Do you get the...

Do you get the chess from it? Cataplexy. That's what it's called. Not catatonic. Cataplexy. Do I get the what? Well, it says that there's five main symptoms of narcolepsy. It sounds like you only have one, which is the cataplexy. But then there's also hallucinations, excessive daytime sleepiness. Okay, you get that one. The hallucinations and the excessive daytime sleepiness. Oh, speaking of hallucinations. The hallucinations are weird. Yeah. It's like a...

I just like frequently like the world will turn into a Van Gogh painting. Right. And it's not very fun. Oh, interesting. Oh, God, he's a little bit crazy. No, it's right when I'm waking up or right when I'm going to sleep is when it happens. I thought that was part of something else that you told me. Is that something you're comfortable talking with on the podcast?

Yeah, well, I mean, that doesn't help. But yeah, I can talk about that. It sucks. Yeah, what was this? It was a drug you had taken, right? HPPD, it's Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder. Right. And that shit also sucks because my vision is 24-7, like 10% to 15% an acid trip.

And you got that because you did acid. I got that because I used psychedelics too frequently at one point in my life. Yeah. Right. I have not done psychedelics in a very long time. But...

I had a phase where I was like, oh man, I'm opening my mind. And then I fucked up my vision. Opened it a little too hard. What originally, what originally like got you into like the idea of like doing psychedelics? Because I personally have never, never done one before, but it's like, I feel like the general consensus on it is like sort of all over the place where it's like,

It seems generally positive, but then at the same time, it's also like, don't do them. You can only do them once every two weeks. Yeah, no. You'll fry your brain if you do it too much. Because it messes with your whole brain chemistry, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I already had like a lot of like floaters in my eyesight before that and stuff. But now basically I have a lot of like what I have is like a lot of static, like TV static kind of stuff. So when I look at the sky, it's very like TV static and a lot of like.

color like blobs that kind of move around and sparkles. And then when I look at something, uh, there's like a negative afterglow of, of the, so if I look at like a horizon, uh, there will be like a, like a, like a glow around it. Um, that's like the same shape. Um, you can look up pictures online of what this looks like if you search HPPD. Right. And it, it, uh, it's, it's pretty accurate. Uh,

I don't have it like, yeah, it's kind of intense, but it's not like, it doesn't super interfere with my life. Right. And because I also have that, the narcolepsy, I get really bad hallucinations, like, for the first minute that I'm waking up. So right when I wake up, right when I open my eyes, I look at the ceiling, and it's like, and all crazy and shit. And it goes away. Did you get diagnosed with narcolepsy before or after this, you got this other thing? After. After.

Because I did the psychedelics. It was like three years ago. Oh, okay. Do you think that the narcolepsy could have been a result of that? No, no, because this has always been a thing for me. Oh, okay. Yeah, gotcha. But the hallucination stuff, like the HPPD, a lot of people that have used psychedelics recreationally frequently...

And there's no cure or anything for it. So it does suck. You said it's HPPV? HPPD. HPPD. A lot like visual snow. Visual snow and stuff? It's not the most fun, but it is what it is. Don't do drugs, kids. Yeah, that's really what it comes down to, huh? Unless someone offers you them for free. Because they're very expensive. Except not that part either. Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder. Wow. Well, I mean...

Here's a question I have, and this could be perceived as potentially insensitive, but when you said something about the horizon, if you are watching a sunset now, would you say the sun... Does it look like... What does a sunset look like for you? Does it look cool? No, I mean, it's not like I look at it and it's like I'm tripping balls. It's like I look at it and the line of the horizon and the sun will be...

doubled in the sense of like there's a negative like replication of it, like off center from it. Oh, so it's kind of like double vision. It's just like in like as an eye floater. Yeah. And then eye floaters are like way heavier than before. And then if I...

I see an after image if I shut my eyes of things that will like stay. So like a lot of stuff I'll look at and then look away and I'll still see like the light from it for like a couple seconds before it fades away. Dude, I did not know what eye floaters were when I was a kid and I thought I was haunted by aliens. Shit sucks. I just... I think psychedelics are really cool and I think that they should be recreationally legalized but I do think that

I think that if you're going to do psychedelics, do a lot of research. Don't do them if you are in a bad mental state and get them like source them from a responsible source and don't overdo it. Yeah, I have never. The only times that I have ever.

or interacted with people doing psychedelics and stuff like that, it always comes in a more sketchy way than any other drug that I've seen. Yeah. It always comes in... The last time I saw some of my old roommates were at some point in my life, at some point, I don't know if they... Whatever. They had the tab things of...

I don't know what that is. The LSD maybe, but it was like wrapped up in fucking like tinfoil or something like that. And when something's like wrapped up like that in tinfoil, it's like, what is in there? Like that's like, cause you don't want to touch it. Cause if you touch it, you can absorb it through your fingers. Oh, it's a little piece of paper that has a drop of LSD. Like just a single drop. That's all it needs. That's all you need. Wow. Yep. That's insane. And they make the shit in labs. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's like, I think that it's a really interesting thing, but I don't think people should do it if they have not done the research on how to do it safely. Right. And also what effects it can have on you while and after. Yeah. Anything that really fucks with chemicals in the brain, I think there's a lot of ways for it to go south pretty quickly. Yeah. I wish I hadn't done it.

This was all like three years ago, and I wish that I had not frequented LSD. But I will say the therapeutic effects of it on my anxiety and OCD and stuff was really good. And I think it should be legalized for therapy, and I think there's a lot of promising research on a lot of drugs like that with therapeutic stuff. Yeah, I've kind of seen the same argument for a lot of things. Do you think a hallucinogen would...

Sort of enhance the waffle stomping experience? Oh, yeah, because when I stomp on it, you know, and I look down at the shit, I would see a lot of, like, fractals within the shit that would be, you know, expanding. And the shit wouldn't just be brown. It would be a whole spectrum of colors that I've never even seen before.

And that's pretty cool. And also I would start thinking about it like I'm not – I'm stopping waste that my body created from this ecosystem. Exactly, yeah. It's all a cycle. It is a cycle, yeah. Wow. Because that shit is going to go down the drain and then it's going to be in the sewers and then that stuff gets filtered out to be drinking water eventually. Right. And then I drink that water. So it's a cycle. Everything is a cycle. Wow.

That's incredible. Just like how we somehow keep coming back to. Either way, Charlie, to answer your question, I'd probably never have to breathe air. Why? Why wouldn't you just not want to sleep? You get a third of your life back. You get so much shit done if you didn't have to sleep. If you never had to breathe air, though, I guess you could dive in a pool for a long time. I don't know. I really like sleep. And not having to breathe air, it's like...

I could be like a really cool spec ops soldier. Just kidding. I don't know. I mean, that's a good point, Shlatt. I could commit war crimes better. Yeah, I could go underwater and shoot people. I could go smack someone in the face and dive underwater and they'd never find me because I live underwater. I would be able to carry out the will of my imperialist leaders more effectively than

I would never have to eat. For the Knights of the Conservatorials. Eating is so good, though. See, that's the thing. I would still eat, right? My thing is that if I don't eat for like an hour, I get pissed off and I suck. If I don't eat for two hours, I start to like...

Basically, I start to like... You wouldn't eat? I would choose to never have to eat because for me... You're not you when you're hungry. I'm not me when I'm hungry. Exactly. But the problem is I'm hungry so often that, Matt, I don't know when I'm me. Yeah.

Oh shit. So no, I'm serious. It's a thing where like, I don't know what the fuck it is. I could straight up, like I could eat goddamn 4,000 calories in the morning. An hour later, I will be hungry. And like three, I have the exact opposite. I'll go days where I only have like, feel like I'm passing out. Like it's, it's, it's bad. That's like my thing. Yeah. I, I, I can go whole days where I only consume like 200 calories and I just don't get hungry. No, I will be unable to do anything. It's, it sucks.

I had an issue with that the other day, actually, where... Have you ever had a thing happen to you, Charlie, where if you don't eat and then you do some sort of intense physical activity, then you feel like you're going to pass out? No, so that happens to me very intensely. Yeah, your vision goes white.

And it happens to me even without physical activity after enough time. Like when I was, again, you know, I was on a swim team. It was pretty competitive and I hadn't eaten breakfast. And I learned that I needed to do that because I, like –

basically fainted in the pool and needed to go meet a granola bar. And after that, I was totally fine. But it's really weird. Your body's a machine, man. I guess. You get out what you put in. I guess. This happened to me very, very recently, as in literally this last weekend, because I was helping out Jacob with a

Should I even... Should I say what it was about, you think? Or should I just save it until it's like a surprise? Keep it vague. Save it. Keep it vague. So we had to do a lot of physical activity. Really intense physical activity. And as a big man, I was... I don't know. When you get put into like a physical challenge like that, I'm just the kind of person that just like...

fucking for some reason even though I don't work out I'll go hard in that situation and then I'll just get myself way too tired so I ended up in a situation where I was like completely exhausted and I felt like I was simultaneously going to pass out and throw up and it was miserable yeah man if you don't eat in the morning yeah like if I frequently I wake up and the first thing I have is coffee which kills my appetite and then I don't eat until like lunch and then I just feel like shit yeah

I feel hollow and angry. I feel like I'm getting stomped down a drain. Yeah, but it's kind of the same thing. It's like instead of smoothly sliding down, I'm getting stomped through a waffle-shaped grate. Yeah. I guess I would say because I feel like eating is my biggest barrier. Like I'll sit down to do something and just immediately get hungry five minutes later and know that I have to eat then because if I don't, I will be unable to work and I'll just get angry and then I will like eventually just... What if you just didn't get angry?

I've tried. Yeah. And you know what? That's a good point. I get angry. That's why I'll come on the Chuckle Sandwich podcast in like three minutes before we record. I'm like, guys, let me grab a snack real quick because I feel like coming on. I feel myself greening. When you started thinking like the fucking Hulk, when you were talking...

about that, your, your hunger thing. I was thinking back to like all the times that before we record the podcast, you're like me need eat, me need food. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. I mean, it's maybe even, I'm sure, you know, it would be totally rude if you were to eat on the podcast and we know that you're not known for doing that. that would be, that would be, I wouldn't be surprised if you were to be eating on the podcast. That'd be disrespectful. It would be disrespectful. I,

To me as a guest. That would be really disrespectful. The only exception that could even be made is if you were trying to maybe spread some message of healthier eating, trying something new. No, no. But even then, even then. What would that even be? Give me a break. Guys, I'm eating this burger on this podcast, and you'll hear me chew. It's to promote healthy eating. You want to hear one of the best non-healthy eating places that I could recommend?

Sure. Schlatt. We can't say no now. Take it away, Schlatt. Is it Schlatt Burger? No, Schlatt knows the place. So recently me and Ted went to a very nice restaurant in Los Angeles called Bo's. Oh, no, I'm not talking about that. Called what? What are you talking about? I'm talking about Fat Sal's, boy. Oh, dude, Fat Sal's.

That's my late night. You sound so disappointed. It wasn't even good. It wasn't good. Do you want to talk about the other thing? No, no, no. I don't want to talk about it. I feel dumb. Well, so, Shlatt, why did you not like Fat Sal's, man? I don't know what the hell Fat Sal's is. I just didn't like it. I thought it was okay. Yeah, I mean, the sandwich we had was generally okay. There's other sandwiches there that I feel like, personally, I feel like are a lot better. I just got the Philly cheesesteak. Yeah, what Shlatt and I got was the fat hot chick. Bruh.

We ate the fat hot chick. Roseanne. Which is like a...

Which is like a Nashville hot chicken sandwich, except that it's like fat-souled. Oh my god, these are insane. I'm looking at the menu. Oh dude, you can put like chicken tenders, french fries. They put mozzarella sticks in like half the sandwiches. It's so good. The one that you're talking about right now, I don't know if it's on... Oh yeah, it is. Nashville hot chicken mac and cheese bites, jalapeno coleslaw pickles, flaming hot Cheetos, and fat sauce. Christ, dude.

Pile it on there, yeah. That's why I just get the Philly cheese. That is comically bad for you. I will say, though, you know how they say everything's based on a 2,000 calorie diet? One of those sandwiches is the 2,000 calorie diet. Oh, yeah. That's all of it. That's very American. It's like if I had someone foreign coming to stay with me, and I was like, let me show you America. I'd order fat sals. I'd be like, you're going to have mozzarella sticks. I've ordered fat sals more times than I'm comfortable saying. I would need to pray after I ate one of these.

You don't feel good after Fat Slam. I can't imagine you would. You don't feel good. I didn't... Well, honestly, we had just finished... Slatt and I had just finished a video recording. Given how infrequently I record videos, I think maybe I was living off that high of having completed something. I get that. But... Hey, reward yourself. Slatt, you finished your whole sandwich. You finished it before me. You, like, fucking slammed it. I did. I did eat the whole sandwich. But I was very sad whilst eating it. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

And it's also terrible for you, but you know what? You didn't stop. My body was crying, and I ignored its calls. It's pleased. It was pretty spicy. It had a good kick to it. It wasn't. Yeah. Hey, Matt, you know the Vatican sent a lot of children to go fight for them, and they were all sold into slavery? Yeah.

Ah, the Crusades. Yeah, the Children's Crusade. Did you know about that? What made you think of the Crusades? It's just been on my mind recently. They had a Children's Crusade.

Well, Fat Sal's is very—they want to educate people on the Children's Crusade. Yeah, I got a pamphlet about it. So with every sandwich, they put a pamphlet in the order. I got a pamphlet. Yeah, I got a pam—that's crazy. Why would they— Yeah, no, that was insane. This has been on my mind for a while. I kept the pamphlet after the meal. Back then, the priests would torture people in like a dungeon. Yeah, I hear priests still do that.

Oh, yeah, they do. They haven't really fixed those guys. No, they haven't really done too much to fix those problems. I think it would be really cool if we brought back Machiavelli. Who? I think it would be really cool if we brought back Machiavelli.

I know that name, but I don't remember who that is. You ever seen someone do something really shitty to someone? Like really mean, like torture and shit like that? I've seen some torture IRL, yeah. And they say, oh, that's quite Machiavellian, you know? Niccolo Machiavelli? He was an Italian diplomat, philosopher, politician, historian, writer, lived during the Renaissance. We were tights.

Oh, I know my Italian diplomats. Oh, wait. Yeah, that was in the pamphlet, too. That was Fat Sal taught me about that. Yeah, Fat Sal taught me about that. They have the Machiavellian sandwich. Fat Sal's. We do it Machiavellian style. They issued a lot of warnings for a sandwich shop. Yeah, honestly, if you were looking at Postmateschleit, you totally missed out on the Machiavelli sauce that they have. Really? Wow.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got a good kick to it. I did actually see – The kick is the arsenic. There was a sandwich under –

under one of the meat sections that was called like Protestants are going to hell or something like that. Like eternal damnation for all Calvinists. Yeah. Yeah. I did kind of wonder what that was all about. But, you know, at the end of the day, I was like, I'm hungry. Maybe I'm just seeing things. Maybe I've got HPPD, whatever the fuck. And I'm seeing some visual snow, you know? Yeah.

And when I look at a Fat Sal's sandwich and I see the negative after image and the TV static and the floaters, it just makes it all the more appealing to me. Have you ever seen God? Yeah. You have. I've talked to him many times. Did he say anything to you?

Did he say what his favorite fat salad sandwich was? God, sometimes the cadence of the way that you say things, Schlatt, is just so funny. Did he say anything to you? Dude, why are you making fun of my friend Schlatt like that? Yeah, come on, Ted. What the hell is wrong with you? No, you can't just switch up on me like that. You were totally with it. Matt changed my mind. You've been treating me unfairly, and you continue to, to this very day. And I'm crying. Dude, when you were...

When you were at my house this weekend, Ted, I couldn't keep your mouth shut about Schlatt. You just kept saying, this guy's an asshole. This guy shits in the shower. He's a piece of shit. If he was shitting in my shower, I'd stomp him down the drain. He doesn't even have the gall to stomp it down. Or the suave. You gotta have the courtesy in a public shower to at least do that.

It's alright, man. Listen, man. He's projecting, okay? It's because he wishes he could shit in the shower like you do and he wishes he was... I wouldn't get shit in the shower as good as I can. No, man. We know. We know.

Matt, what's your, uh... What's your sign? Yeah, what's your sign? Aquarius. Wow. I could tell. Dude, fuck off, man. What the fuck, dude? We've been doing a podcast with an Aquarius, dude? Charlie, what the fuck? Nobody told me that this was an Aquarius podcast. Shut the fuck up, man. What is that, a water sign? Yeah. Is that a water sign? Why don't you splish splash out of here? My dad used to call me Aquarius, so... Oh, wow.

That's such a Capricorn thing to do. He's a Sagittarius. He would be. I get it. I get it now. You want to hear your horoscope.com? Did you know we have 99% intimacy compatibility, Matt? Matt, can I read you your horoscope for today? Please. Okay. May 24th, 2021.

Today you might face a task that seems as workable as emptying the ocean with a teacup, but with help from others, you will not only be able to handle it, but also produce exceptional results. This seems like it's all in regards to the waffle snobbing, to be honest with you. That's what I was thinking, yes. It's remarkably apt.

Physically, you're likely to feel full of strength and stamina, ready to move mountains. Yeah. Mountains of shit. Don't be too— This is the last sentence. I kid you not. This is the last sentence. Don't be too surprised if you actually manage to budge a few. Wow. Budge a few shits. That's crazy. That's crazy because I looked at the horoscope for Virgo, which is my sign, and

And it said, your next shower will be interrupted by a large, mildly poisonous insect. What? That's fucking weird. No, it doesn't. What? Why would you say that? I don't know.

I don't know what it said there. I know, but what insect are you thinking of when you say mildly poisonous insect? I don't know! I didn't- I don't make these fucking things! There's spiders that are mildly poisonous. It sounds like you. I didn't make this! I wanna be on this site that you're on right now. I didn't make this! It sounds like a great site. Are you slightly allergic to bees or something? No! What mildly poisonous insect is this? I didn't- I don't understand why it said that. Bees are mildly poisonous. That is too specific to be an actual horoscope site. It just doesn't make sense to me. Send me what site this is, I wanna see mine.

Schlatt on horsecup.com you've got a three star sex rating, but a two star hustle rating. Oh wow. Hey that's why you don't have more subscribers dumbass. Your vibe is a three star and your success is a two star. What is the highest trait of mine? Is it lover? Being gay. Nice. I'm sorry dude, that was too far. I'm sorry. Come on man.

Oh yo dude, Aquarians need a lot of variety in their sex lives. And since they're ruled by Uranus, the planet governing experimentation, they aren't bashful or frightened about trying tantalizing new methods of lovemaking. How tantalizing is your lovemaking? Are Aquarius good in bed? You should see my cat's face. He didn't like that? What face is he making? Oh, it's so dumb looking.

I'm trying to adopt a kitten right now and I go all on how stupid their face looks. Your vibe rating, I guess these are daily star ratings, but your vibe is four out of five stars today. Oh, you didn't have to tell me that, dude. I already knew that. You guys should have picked that up too. Your vibes are like, damn, they're high right now. Yeah.

Yeah. No, the vibes are here right now. Charlie, do we have any other topics that we can hit, though? In what you wrote? I don't know, dude. I'm a freaking Leo, man. What the heck do I know? I'm a freaking Leo. What the fuck is happening?

I think his cat is attacking his Webkinz. Oh, fuck, dude. That's serious. We sort of made a decision amongst ourselves, Charlie and I, that whenever Schlatt starts just going off on his own thing, chatting with the fucking cat, we're just going to sort of ignore it and just allow it to happen. Can we mute him in Discord? Yeah.

Yeah, you can just turn them down. You can just turn them down. Just take them all the way down there. Are waffles... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're not grilled pancakes. That's the first word we want to avoid. They're not grilled pancakes. I did, I did. I already talked about it, which of course you wouldn't remember because what were we talking about? I didn't answer it, though. I didn't answer it. They're not grilled pancakes. You talked about it, what, with yourself, you fucking asshole? Pancakes are already grilled.

Can you ask me the question, Charlie? Are waffles just grilled pancakes? Yes. No. What? Discuss. No. Discuss. What the hell? What the hell is that? I kept reading in my horoscope and it said, think twice. Your bones are slowly turning to dust. Oh, that sucks, dude. Break it down. We're already past that. Won't be long now. I'm on a new topic. I'm muted right now, dude. It said, won't be long now. A windfall of lunch meat awaits. Are waffles just grilled pancakes?

Yeah, they are. It's the same shit. That's what I'm thinking. It's the same shit, just a different day. It's the same batter you use, right? Exactly. Is the pancake batter the same?

Pussy. Ant Jemima. Bussy. Batter. It's all the same. Dude, fuck off with Ant Jemima. Pancake syrup is goddamn bullshit. Dude, are you being racist right now? I'm not being racist. What would Ant Jemima think? That sounded pretty racist to me. Ant Jemima did get removed, though, because of the historical... Ant Jemima got canceled, dude. I love that trend. I love the trend. Go out and buy some real maple syrup. Grade A, baby. Dark. I don't think the character Ant Jemima got canceled.

Yeah, no. Did you hear what she said about Israel? Oh, no. I heard that's what happened to the Land O'Lakes guy, too. Guy. Oh, no. Person. Yeah. What did Aunt Jemima say? Does Aunt Jemima believe waffles are grilled pancakes? No, it was about the palate. This question doesn't even make any sense. What do you mean? I think it's stupid. You put both waffles and pancakes on...

You grill them both. That's what I said. Pancakes are already grilled. They're like, you put, okay. Nobody double dips in a grill just to make a waffle. Like you put the, they go, they both come in as wet batter. It's like more of a grill situation with the wall. The pancake is more of a, I guess it's more of a fry, right? Is it more? You have to press the waffles. You have to press the waffles. The pressing is what gives them their shape. Without that, it's just a pancake.

You stomp the batter and it becomes waffle shaped. The pancake gets poured onto the griddle. Damn, I just ordered McDonald's, but now I want to cancel it and order some waffles because waffles sound fucking delicious. Order Roscoe's. Dude, Roscoe's chicken and waffles is fucking delicious. And Schlatt, I was looking up our sexual compatibility between Virgo and Aquarius. Yeah.

And it says there is in no way an easy sexual relationship. And unless some strong support is provided by their natal charts, Virgo and Aquarius will rarely be attracted to each other enough to start a sexual relationship. Maybe if your hustle rating was a little bit higher today, Schlatt. Yeah, my hustle rating. I'm not hustling tonight. Maybe if you were doing a little bit. I didn't watch enough Gary Vee videos. What you need to do is make a peanut farm in Idaho.

Hey, dude, the Jimmy Carter strategy. Whenever I think of success, I think of what would I feel like if I shot my dad in the fucking face? And I'm just up and moving after that. Let me tell you what's going to be big in five years. Baseball cards. Oh. Oh, yeah. I'm going to buy the Jets. Aunt Jemima had it coming. I'm going to buy the Jets. I'm Gary Vee. He told me.

that he's going to buy the Jets. I don't know who Gary Vee is, man. You don't know who Gary Vee is? He's a motivation. Did you say Aunt Jemima had it coming? Aunt Jemima? What? I just registered that. What are you talking about, dude? Aunt Jemima had it coming. That is an absolute...

That is not a Leo thing to say. Real talk, though, y'all. You got to take one to the sack. Miss Buttersworth or Aunt Jemima? Who the goddamn shit is Miss Buttersworth? Well, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, Miss Buttersworth is that's the one that shaped like a shapely woman. She a little thotty.

They're both hags, dude. Don't use this shit. Don't use this shit. Go out, buy some real maple syrup. Yeah, okay, all right. We get it. This is pancake syrup. It's gross. It's going to clog your arteries. You're just going to be a big... Are you from Vermont? I am. Okay, listen. I'm in Vermont. It sounds like you're from Vermont right now. He's the biggest Vermont YouTuber, actually. He's the fucking Vermont shill.

Yeah, which is not like a huge, not really a huge accomplishment, I think, in the grand scheme of all the cows we have here. I will say this. Fuck Aunt Jemima. Fuck Aunt Jemima. Thank you. Her syrup was never anything special. It was never anything to write home about. What you need to do is you need to buy natural maple syrup. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. That's really the conversation that happens. Aunt Jemima wasn't even maple syrup to begin with. The more viscous it gets, the worse it is.

Aunt Jemima is fucking viscous. It's like a filler. It's like a filler for... It's bullshit. I want syrup on my pancake, but all I have is Aunt Jemima and that's all I know. So I'm going to put some Aunt Jemima on here and just pretend while it...

sifts around, gloops up in my mouth that it's real maple syrup. It's like a dystopian gloop. Like if you watched 1984, if they were like, here's your socks. Aunt Jemima is very dystopian. They would serve you Aunt Jemima in 1984. I completely fucking agree. 100%. Big brother. Yeah. Yeah, totally. So... I'm on waffles now. Hmm. Yeah, that is the... Yeah, because when you originally asked the question of Mrs. Buttersworth versus Aunt Jemima, that's not the general...

Those two aren't at odds with each other, really. They're both relics. They're both relics of the past. One of them won. Buttersworth is still around. Jemima is gone now. Yeah. Jemima packed her bags and got the fuck out of here. But I agree with Schlatt that, you know, there's two types of people. You've got the people who do the viscous sauce. It's basically a sauce. It is. And then you've got the fucking...

Straight out of the asshole of the tree. The thinner it is, the better. It just tastes so delicious when you suck that shit right out of the bark. I agree with you, Sean. You get some of the fucking pulp in there, that nice woody, woody thick pulp.

Some wood chips? Juicy wood chips, sawdust flavoring. Juicy, yummy. Ooh, yeah, squeeze that right. Some of that bridge of the nose yum-yum. You ever seen a pine tree in the woods and you accidentally put your hand on a tree at some point and then you get all that shit on your hand? That's the syrup I'm talking about. I just take the sap. I just put sap on my pancakes, to be honest with you. When you're carrying the Christmas tree in with your father? You get a little on your shoulder? Sure.

Or on your shirt? Yeah. I mean, it's like, oh, man, what's all this sticky shit all over my hands? And you can't... Soap and water doesn't get that off. Ant is still struggling in there, man. And ant is still right in. Yes, exactly, man. Dude, I actually... I'm going to say something controversial. I like both of them. I like Aunt Jemima shit, like that type of syrup. And I like...

uh, natural syrup. You know, it's like, I like the thin, uh, watery, super sweet maple shit. Uh, and then when I did a show in thin and watery to you because you have this, no, I did a show in, in Vancouver. And when I was in Canada, I was like, I'm going to buy, and I bought a big ass thing of maple syrup and it's delicious. I still use it. But I also, if I'm offered ant chimp, how long ago were you in Vancouver? Uh,

2019. You have a thing of maple syrup that has lasted you more than two years? It doesn't go bad, dude. I feel that. I actually feel that. You've just been carrying it around? It sounds like you have a tub. I mean, I guess it depends on how much you're actually using maple syrup. No, it's actually... It's like a little glass maple leaf-shaped bottle. But if I have Aunt Jemima, too...

Yeah, if I have Aunt Jemima, I'm gonna slurp that shit up. I'll squirt some of that straight in my mouth. I'll pop the cap. Yeah, look, I mean, it's not bad. It doesn't taste bad. It's just really sugary. It's really sugary. I can eat it. It's just corn syrup.

I just prefer the all-natural. Artificial flavoring. I prefer the all-natural. I wonder what it would be like to have a syrup that has the viscousness of the Aunt Jemima, but with the flavor quality of the natural maple syrup. That's a million-dollar idea. That's perfect. You want to make maple syrup thicker? Is that what you're saying? Daddy's little girl knows all about that. I think I'm trying to make maple syrup thicker.

Daddy's little girl knows about thick, viscous sauces, okay? I'll tell you this. If maple syrup was thicker, like authentic maple syrup, if that had a more Aunt Jemima or Miss Buttersworth quality, that's a million-dollar idea. That's some shit that I'll legitimately just suck out of the bottle without even waffles or pancakes. I'm going to put it into a baby's bottle and suck on that shit, man. Fuck yeah, dude. Straight from the nipple. Yeah. Kind of like the... Yeah. And we're back at the baby face. Straight from the teat of Miss Buttersworth.

I wouldn't call it a baby fetish. I'd call it more like a role play as a baby that's also sexual. I don't know, dude. Baby fetish just sounds, like by itself, just sounds like, you know. Sounds like a baby fetish is what it sounds like. Yeah, that's exactly what it sounds like. Sounds like a fucking baby fetish. Dude, I'm going to go tap a pine tree with my mouth, bro. I'm just going to raw dog it. I'm going straight in. Dude, it's like milking a cow, but it's a tree.

There's got to be something on here like an udder. I'm going to find a nice knot in the tree. Yeah, the knots. I know it's got a sap pocket in there somewhere. Oh, yeah, yeah. What is syrup? Give me your cargo. Syrup is like... We both started the sentence. I grew up saying syrup. I'm from South Carolina. South Carolina, they say syrup. But now, you know, I say syrup. Syrup. Syrup. I'm from...

Slap, what do you say? Syrup. Yeah, I say syrup. Maple syrup. Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's a certain dialect. I realized recently that apparently my sister brought this up when my family was visiting me in L.A., and I saw a YouTube comment about it. Apparently I say experience in a very strange way. Really? And I think it's because I say this was a really good experience.

Experience. Experience. I didn't think of anything weird. You know what it must be? I think in my last video, I accidentally said experience or something like weird shit. But I don't know. Is there anything that you guys have been called out for? Any weird things you say? How do you fuck up your speech? Oh, I see it in the comments.

Oh my god. I see people say it all the fucking time that I say museum. I say museum instead of museum. That's embarrassing. In the comments, people are like, museum? What the fuck is wrong with you, you fucking asshole? I can't even understand what you're saying, dude. The whole sentence is ruined. They don't understand. And I think that honestly, I mean, I get I'm saying it wrong, but like

I don't know, dude. In South Carolina, the dialect, I would say museum. Other people would say museum. Just like, you wouldn't say crayon, you'd say crown. It's like you're throwing up a bag of drawing paper. Whoa, time out, buddy. How the fuck did you just pronounce crayon? I say crayon. As an adult, I say crayon. But like, growing up, I said crown. You said crown? Where do you even get crown from, actually? It's barely spelled...

How did you start the word crown then? I can get cram. Crown. I can get like cran, but I don't know about crown. I'm John with my crowns. All right, all right, all right. And then also another big one is...

Oh, it just escaped my head. What's another one? Yeah, crayons is a big one. For me, it's for crew. Pajamas, pajamas, pajamas. Yeah, I can see that. I say pajama. Actually, I kind of go between the two. Hmm. I do pajamas. Pajamas. I do pajamas. Pajamas, yeah. Pajamas, pajamas, pajamas. What about, what do you call a traffic circle? A little circle. A rotary. What? Rotary? I know it.

I call it a traffic circle. You call that shit a rotary? What, are you from fucking Europe? Jesus Christ, bro. That's some upstate bullshit, Ted. A rotary is a fucking old-ass telephone, dude. Yeah, yeah. Ted, no one says that. No one says that. No, no. This is called a roundabout. This is called a roundabout. This is what we call these things. I understand what all the other stuff are, and I use them, but...

where I'm from in Massachusetts. Yeah. Massachusetts is the only state where we call it that, a rotary. I'm looking at the map right now. You know what we call Massachusetts drivers on the road? We call them mass holes, Ted. Mass holes. You're saying that like it's some sort of wonderfully new piece of information I've never heard of. They embrace that, though. That's the thing.

People from Massachusetts totally embrace that. I'll totally admit to being an angry, shitty driver being from New York. This is just something I embrace. I'm an asshole. I've never tried to convince anyone that I'm not a terrible, awful asshole. Yeah. At least you don't call them rotaries, right? Yeah, that's true. I'm looking at a list of words people...

People say differently from different parts of the country. You guys are from the north. I'm from the south. I was below the Mason-Dixon line, okay? Right. Yeah, you were. You guys are fucking carpetbaggers. How do you say...

Wait, you call people from the East Coast carpetbaggers? No, you're from the North. You dredged up some like third grade history class term that I did not. No, literally what I hear, I don't know what carpetbagger even means. I just know that in South Carolina. It sounds like you bag carpets is what it sounds like. No, it was, I swear to God, I like heard this in school. Yeah, in school. That's right. I learned it. It was a term for something. Yeah. Oh, a political candidate who seeks election in an area where they have no local connections. Hmm.

Yeah, they didn't. So like Civil War history taught in South Carolina, like they kind of really gloss over the whole slavery thing. Really? It's the war of northern aggression. Yes, and I remember in the fucking textbook and my teacher talking about it, they literally had a part where it's like, masters would sometimes have feasts with their slaves and sing songs. Doesn't that sound nice? Jesus Christ. Yeah, no, this has always been. What, that they were having a good time?

I went to school in Virginia, and they did their— No, no, the revisionist history aspect of it. Yeah. No, he knew. They focused on the states' rights bit. It was the thing that always caught it. I wasn't as far south, though. I can't even imagine. I got more questions. Oh, yeah. Dude, lay them on me, man. I got more questions, man.

Oh, shit. My Postmates is about to be... What is your general term for the rubber-soled shoes worn in gym class for athletic activities, etc.?

See, okay, these things change because I went from East Coast to West Coast. Now I would say sneakers, but growing up I would say tennis shoes. Tennis shoes. Wow. Tennis shoes. Wow. Tennis shoes. That is a mouthful. I prefer the sneakers. Even when you didn't use them for tennis, really? No. No, yeah. I mean, just that kind of shoe. Did you ever play tennis? I did. I took lessons from my neighbor growing up.

Yeah. Fine. But I remember he, I wanted him to be impressed and think that I was very masculine. Uh, and I said, oopsie daisy once when I missed the ball. And I remember I was like, just like, fuck you. You fucking idiot. It's over, dude.

Yeah, that changed my life after that moment. Oopsie daisies gave you away as not being a man. Yeah, man. No, men don't say that shit. You call them sneakers, right? I call them sneakers, yeah. I say sneakers now, but I used to say tennis shoes. What do they call them in the UK? They call them like kickers.

Probably some stupid fucking thing that is just... Sneaky billboard baggages. When you say it through your broken fucking crooked teeth, it just sounds all goofy. All right, here's an interesting one. Foot bath. Three different words, okay? The name Mary, when you are... The word for, you know, when you are in high spirits. Yeah. Like maybe Merry Christmas, right? Yeah.

And then when you tie the knot to someone. It's all the same. It's all the same. Really? Like have a Merry Christmas. Mary? I say Mary. Mary had a Merry Christmas when she married John.

So, Ted, you pronounce them all differently, is what you're saying. I heard all the same. I heard all the same as well. No shit. Does the difference extend to our ears as well? It sounds like Flash just got a different ear than everyone else. No, no, no, no, no. Hold on, hold on. I'm going to type them out, and we are going to pronounce them. Let's go down the list. Let's start at you and end at Matt. I'll start. The woman's name is Mary. Okay.

That sounds like you're over-pronouncing it. No, no, no. The woman's name is Mary. Mary. Mary. Okay?

When I wish someone, you know, have a good Christmas, I say have a merry Christmas. So it's different than marry. It's more of like marry. It's the same matter. I don't hear it different. Very different. And then when you tie the knot to someone, you marry them. So these are all three very different pronunciations for the words. I did hear a little bit there. Actually, you know what? Say it like this shot. Say it in a sentence like this.

Mary had a Merry Christmas on the day she was to marry. Okay, those were different. So it sounds like you say them a little bit differently, Schlatt. I think I say them a little bit differently.

Yeah. Let me raise you. I think you're on the same boat as me. Cause I would say Mary had a Merry Christmas on the day. She was to me. Let me raise you this. Mary had a Merry Christmas. Oh, Charlie. Why would you say that? Dude? Mary had a Merry Christmas on the day. She was to Mary.

Listen to this. I would say Mary had a Merry Christmas on the day she was to marry. That checks out to me. Why does that sound weird? Mary had a Merry Christmas on the day she was to marry. I'm looking at the map here. This is a very interesting one. Me and Ted are in the same fucking boat, but literally no one else is. The entire fucking continental United States says it completely the same.

Say them all three fast places. Specifically New York, the tri-state area, and Massachusetts has complete different pronunciations for each word. Mary had a merry Christmas the day she was to marry. Mary had a merry Christmas on the day she was to marry. Mary. Mary.

Merry Christmas. You marry someone. You marry someone. You have a Merry Christmas, and your name is Mary. Mary had a Merry Christmas on the day she was to marry. That's so boring. And then her husband cheated on her, and they went on Mari. You guys like Mari? I like Mari, yeah. That's a funny one. That's a funny one.

Schlatt, is there any other pronunciation stuff other than just the marriage shit? I was going down the list and I found syrup was on there. I went with the ones I thought would have the most clashes. You know, there's different ways. Definitely had a pretty large crash there with the...

the rotary thing but if you look it up schlatt it's literally just massachusetts i'm on the map right now dude isn't that crazy i know like in my hometown that's an extremely one traffic circle by the fucking prison traffic circle that's right uh and then it there's a big sign that calls the rotary so just be like i'll be sit the old roundabout i'll be i don't know i'll get a call from my mom i'll be like i'll be like are you almost home and she'll be like yeah i'm going through the rotary right now

That sounds like she's traveling through a telephone. Or yeah, I'm by the rotary. Matt. Because there's one big fucking rotary that leads on the highway. I can't take you seriously saying that shit, man. Yeah, it's honestly unbelievable. You sound like a fucking idiot, dude. You think you're so much better than us. You sound like a fucking moron. Honestly, I kind of do. It's kind of cool to have a different word than everyone else. That's a little bit cringe. Can you step down to our level for just one second? Okay.

Ted's posting friends right now. I don't think I really want to meddle with the peasants of the traffic circles. Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt. I've got to ask you. You're a baron. You're a baron. You've got all this land. You've got all this stuff under it to exploit. What is that stuff called? Oil. Okay. Oil. Yeah, oil. Oil. Oil. Oil.

Yeah, no. Wait, wait, wait. Oil. Oil. Say it again. Oil. Oil. Oil. Oil. Oil. Two syllables. I think we're all on the same page here. We're on the same page there. How do you say the country below, I mean, not the country, the fucking state below Washington? What states below Washington? Oregon? Oregon. Oregon. Oregon. I've always said just Oregon. So Matt says Oregon. He says it like it's the instrument.

As a child, I used to say Oregon, but I say Oregon now. Oregon. I'm Oregon crazy listening to you guys right now. Trevor Modest Cube says egg.

And milk. Oh, and yeah, milk. Milk, milk, egg. An egg. Egg. It's not egg. Egg. Fucking hate when people say egg. Can I have an egg? Scrambled eggs? No, bro, it's egg. That shit's an egg. Modest Cube, man. He's so fucking weird.

I'll tell you where he stayed at my place two weekends ago, and we shared a bed we uh he slept in my bed with me man, and he just he Kept being weird about it. He was she kept saying eggs. Although he was saying eggs in a I know I'm trying to fall asleep covered and he was covered in oil It was yeah, which it's a brand new bed I just got so I was kind of pissed off you got in the sheets covered in oil so I needed to reach over into the milk and

Drawer. Drawer. Wait, no. You did not say drawer. Drawer. Drawer. Drawer. Yeah, that's fine. I opened the drawer. This is probably the weirdest section of the podcast we've ever done. I'm really enjoying it, though. I'm enjoying it a lot. And then my mom's sister. It's definitely devolved into just a Discord call at this point. Well, hang on. Hang on. Hang on, because I'm getting a little hungry. I'm getting a little hungry.

I was just gonna put that in. Caramel. Oh. I said caramel. Oh, here we go, baby! Caramel. Caramel. What the fuck? Caramel? Caramel. My head! My chocolate is filled with caramel.

No one says caramel, dude. Go watch a fucking commercial for like some candy, like some mainstream Hershey shit. They're going to say caramel. Caramel. What is that? That's fucking nothing. It's caramel. Watch any candy commercial. They say caramel. Not even my dumbass aunt would say caramel. My aunt wouldn't either. I'm going to the store to get my grandmother some caramels.

Wait, wait. I hear what Shilaj just said. You sound like a little grandma's boy. You hear what Shilaj just said? I just said aunt. My aunt? My aunt? Yeah, I say aunt. I say aunt. Yeah, I say. So you want to hear something fucking weird? Yeah. On my dad's side of the family, we do aunt. And then on the other side of the family, we do aunt. That's crazy. Almost as crazy as pecans.

Pecan. Pecans? I don't say the word enough. In the fucking South, we say pecan. I don't say the word enough. What the hell are you peaking at? Come on, pecan.

Charlie, I think that you are really the odd one out in a lot of these. Yeah, but it's different because I'm right on these. I have one where I will 100% be the odd man out. Okay? Say you're really thirsty. Say you're playing a sport with a buddy of yours. You don't have a drink. It's the worst experience ever. So you go to your buddy and you're like, hey, can I get a blank? Waterfall. You'd call that a waterfall. So when you take the drink...

And squirt it into your mouth. Maybe hover it a little bit. Yeah, that's a waterfall. You call that a waterfall. All right. Ted, what do you call that? What do I call that? I think that I would say something along the lines of like, hey, can I waterfall that? Yeah, I say waterfall too. If we're talking about like you take someone's drink and you like shove your head back and you don't put your lips on it. You don't put your mouth on it. I'm kind of scared. What do you call it? I...

I learned that no one fucking calls it that, and it is extremely, extremely just like where I'm from. Yeah, idiot land. We call this an air sip.

An air sip? An air sip. Christ, I'm ending my recording. Because it's a sip in the air. Yeah, we can end the podcast. I'm turning my camera off. We can end the podcast right now, everyone. I've had food sitting out on my front step for like 20 minutes. An air sip? Really? That's disgusting. Anybody who calls this an air sip, please leave a comment with the exact coordinates in which you live. And I'm trying to prove a point here. If you call this an air sip, please let me know where you are from. Not just the state, but the...

The town, maybe even the street name and your address. The township. That's wild. We call this an air sip.

What about when you go to the store and get bags of food? You go to the grocery store. Grocery. I've always said grocery. Now I say grocery. You put on the Crocs and you get some Grocs, dude. I say grocery store. I say grocery, yeah. Grocery. I'm going to get some groceries. No, there's no SH sound for me. It's grocery.

Grocery? Grocery? Yeah. I say grocery as, like, you know, as an intelligent grown man. Unless you're getting something yucky. It's a grocery. Grocery store. Ew, grocery. Hey, when you kill someone and you need to dispose of the body and put it in the ground, what are you doing with that body? Murdering it.

Oh, burying. You're burying it. Yeah, you're burying it. I'd say the same as the fruit. Before we go away from the air sip thing, though, I feel like that's more potentially something that you just sort of decided with your little baseball balls. No, man. Everybody around where I'm from says air sip. It's this very extremely regional thing. It probably just feels bad.

And they're all just, Schlatt's just living a lie. He's like, guys, before you, if you're ever in a situation where Schlatt's going to ask you for some water at some point, just call it an air sip. I just Googled it, man. And there's only 20,000 results. This is a prank that everyone around you has been relying on you for your entire life. Maybe I'm crazy, but like, this is what everybody, everybody I know calls it a fucking air sip, bro.

I don't know what to tell you. Hold on. My girlfriend's from upstate New York, so let me ask her. I'll say, have you ever heard of an air sip? I feel like it could be a while before we get a response for that. I was going to say, what if you ask for an air sip? Will she know? Yeah, just next time you see her,

Ask for an air sip. If she says air sip, I'm going to punch her in the fucking jaw. I'm going to clock her right in the face because that's unacceptable. And it's bullshit. She said no, question mark. Yep, there we go. It's just an elaborate price, man. That's fair. I'm crazy. I'm crazy. I'm crazy. I think we're sort of, I don't know about you guys, but I feel like we're sort of reaching the end of this. We did a long podcast here. I'm realizing it's been like an hour and 20 minutes.

Hey, well, you know, daddy's little girl will stick around for as long as she needs to. Daddy's little girl is here. Daddy's little girl is prepared to stay for another 40 minutes.

Well, daddy's little girl is having a good time and Ted is going... Daddy is very, very pleased that daddy's little girl is having a good time. Ted, why are you punishing daddy's little girl? I feel... Only daddy gets to punish daddy's little girl, Ted. Only daddy gets to punish her. I feel like we're punishing Scott. Ted, you're not the punisher here. The minor that edits the podcast for us. Yeah. Yeah.

Sorry, Scott. No, I mean punishing in terms of it being so long he's going to have to edit it for longer. Within the same 30 seconds, you used punish in two different senses. Yeah, I used it in a different sense than you guys were using it. Let me just make that clear. Well, Daddy's little girl, does she need to be punished? That's a question for Schlatt. Schlatt? I think...

Even though we're not too compatible on the star sign thing, I think daddy will make an exception. Hey guys, you head down into the comments section today and let us know if you think that daddy's little girl should be punished. Hey, you know what they say. You know what they say. What could they possibly say? It's not like an ass slapping sound, like spanking, like bad daddy's little girl. No, no. You know what they say. Daddy's little girl, thot me up.

Hey, yo, what's up, man? It's Daddy's little girl up in here. Matt Watson. You weren't getting punished for that. Matt Watson of Super Mega, which I think we never specified. Wait a second. Wait a second. Mega or Mega? Mega.

Mega. Mega. Mega. I say mega. You're just manufacturing conflict. No, people say mega. If people want to find you, Matt, where can they find you? Yeah, Matt, we're getting you off this fucking podcast. Sorry. Yeah, Daddy's Little Girl is going to be gone in just a second. I have a YouTube channel with my best friend Ryan, and we do a bunch of weird fucking videos, multiple ones a week, and a weekly podcast called Super Mega. And I'm also on Twitter, and I make music, and I have my own channel that's

small that I put stupid shit on. Matty Watson. Any projects in particular you want to plug or anything you want to shout out? Dude, plug the NASCAR thing.

Oh, yeah. I'm flying to Charlotte later this week because our channel is sponsored by NASCAR. So we're the first YouTubers to have our logo on a fucking NASCAR. And on the back of the NASCAR is Ryan pointing and laughing. I have my arms crossed all smug. And it has a quote and it says, yep, you just got passed. Matt Watson and Ryan McGee, rich YouTubers. Rich YouTubers. Oh, my God.

We definitely talked about this for the entire time that we were talking about the pronunciations of different words. No, I'm glad we talked about the pronunciations. But I would like to talk a little bit more about the shit stomping with the waffle stomping. Yeah, yeah. Let's go back to waffle stomping for 30 minutes. But I guess it'll have to wait until the next time. Matt, we'll see you on the next episode of the Chucko Sandwich Podcast. It was great to have you, man. Great to have you. Thank you for having me. You're such an awesome guy. You guys are lovely. Of course. And you're also handsome, but...

I mean, you're a Sagittarius, so. I'm not a Sagittarius. You're not a Sagittarius. You're an Aquarius, so. All right. Thanks so much for listening to this shit, and we will stomp you later. Bye. Peace out.