Hasan Piker & Will Neff Are Freaky Boys
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Welcome everybody to the chuckle sandwich podcast. It's another special guest episode during chuckle week. We got a son

What's going on? Fucking Chuckle Week. It literally sounds like an event at like a bargain basement comedy club. Welcome to Chuckle Week. It's only a one drink minimum tonight. Go get your fucking Chuckles. Listen, give us a break, okay? We're called Chuckle Sandwich. We're having a week where we record a bunch of fucking sandwiches. Sandwiches. Sandwiches.

Just B-roll, just B-roll the fucking subs. He's coming after me, I'm starting to break down. Finish my intro. I don't know why we just came in so- We got Will Neff here. Yeah, there we go. I mean, kind of wish he wasn't here now. Very good, very good, very good. I'm happy to be a part of this. Welcome to the fucking, welcome to the bargain bin. Holy crap. So is there anything else you want to like, just like rag on right now, Will? No, your set is awesome. Your set is awesome, but I do wish I had a sandwich. But we're both fat kids at heart, so. Right. Well, also, I'm fat in general. Yeah, yeah.

Boom Yeah so His heart is reflecting His outside right now This is the truth This is the truth Pardon you We're just Okay Fuck him We can't

We can't even talk shit because like our podcast studio, no disrespect to the people that we work with. Yeah, it's just it's garbage. It's like we have two seats and that's it pretty much. You don't have a neon sign. And stuff we grab from like trash from his house. Not trash. I just want a P.O. box. First of all, how dare you? That's a QAnon flag. Okay.

Not trash, that QAnon thing. How long have you been running the podcast for? After every podcast, this is an insider, he folds the QAnon flag like the American flag. And I kiss it. And I kiss it. I give a little kiss. Well, I mean, look, all this shit is just, we went to Target 30 minutes before our first episode. I mean, it's awesome. Are any of you guys Italian? No. That's disgusting. Maybe at some point. You're literally doing pasta face. Just some guy. This was just some guy that made it for us. I don't even know. That's awesome.

That's awesome. Just showed up that some guy really put out. Okay, yeah. We've got something you'd probably like. This. Oh, yeah. Is that matzo ball soup? No. This is a picture from Andrew Yang's Twitter. It's Chinese chicken soup, and he posted it and just said chicken soup. Yeah, this is my favorite image, I think, on the planet. That is so nasty. He just posted this photo with the caption chicken soup.

It's a lot of chicken in there. He's very direct. It's a lot of chicken. There was never a time I was going to get political it would be for this. Two spoons, too. He needs two spoons because there's a fat fucking piece of chicken. Double hand in it. Oh, yeah. That is the most disgusting thing I've seen. And Hasan, I actually want you to have this. Oh, thank you. To honor Andrew Yang's two failed political campaigns. Yeah, my favorite person in politics. Now my gift. Oh, your gift?

It's our last day of the podcast, so now we can just start getting rid of shit.

- Start giving them to the guests. - Taking apart the set. - Oh, the lettuce photo! - God, lettuce lady. - You like the watermark that's still on that? - Yeah, this brings up so many memories. - Is there a reason why you guys have just a casual lettuce lady? - I thought it would be funny if there was a picture of a woman eating lettuce. I actually just said to the intern, lettuce, as on the list of things to put in a frame. There's this very nice picture of a woman eating lettuce. - I'm gonna keep this. - Many of the things in here come from the mind of Charlie, I would say.

Yeah, that's true, actually. I mean, it's... The hot dog? Do you like the ground beef up there just kind of framed? That's good. I like that. It is disrespectful how much Italian stuff is up there. And that's why we brought you a few other guests. We brought you a few other guests. Go ahead and give them everything from the set. Yeah. Hasan always trying to work this back to this podcast. No matter what podcast he's on, he's always trying to work it back to politics. Italian rights are being trampled on every day. They are currently. Currently more than ever. Literally right here. More than ever.

Wow. Well, I'm from New York. I've lived it. I've lived it. I can't say, you know, Schlatt is very German, but, you know. Wait, hold on. No, no, no. If you're from New York, you're Italian. I am? Yeah, no, that's how it works. Guys, check this out. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. I just turned up Schlatt's New York accent meter. Oh, I'm from New York. What the fuck are you talking about? You want to keep going on this fucking thing? See, he's Italian. That's good. Don't get it.

Hey, Tony. If you're from the tri-state area, you can say that you're Italian.

- That's fair. - I think. - That's fair. - That means that I can say that I'm Irish 'cause I'm from the Boston area. - Yes, no, that's my theory. If you're from Boston, like New England, that area, that region, you're Irish. - Haven. - Oh shit. - Yeah, look at that. - Haven, yeah. - Hassan, what are some other theories you have? - Oh dude, I have so many theories. Okay, okay. I'll tell you guys, I mean, I don't know, you guys don't want me to get political or do you mind? - No, you can get-- - If you go that way, I mean, there's nothing we can really do to stop you. - Okay, cool. All right, I'm gonna get started.

I think I have a I have an idea called the Florida project. Okay. Okay. So Donald Trump built all these miles and miles of wall right on the border. Who's that? He's the previous president. He's very cool. He's a poster. Okay.

So, he built all this wall. I say we take all the wall, okay? And we amplify, we wall around Florida. And we amplify that wall. Like, it's like four times of wall. You know what I mean? Like, because U.S. Mexico borders are very long. Are you trying to make a sea wall? We're just making, like, the most, like, it's like one barrier, then second barrier, then third barrier. Wall them in! We want to keep them! So, have you guys ever seen Attack on Titan? I have. It's like that. Like, multiple layers of wall, right? Yeah.

And then what we end up doing is we put every conservative in America, in Florida. We extract everyone that doesn't want to live in Florida outside of Florida. We put every conservative in Florida. They can live their best libertarian lives. And then we routinely helicopter in and extract chauvinists.

because they don't need to be subjected to that abuse. You're going to take children from their parents. Yes. They call it extraction for a reason. You can't actually leave Florida. I use the politically...

Kind term, but you're using what it was. Listen, everybody knows detainment camps have an awesome history, right? So you're gonna put children in cages Re-education camps, okay, cuz like, you know, they don't they kind of like an internship. Yeah

Oh, yes. That's a word. Kind of. Tell us the spider story again. So there used to be this show on Machinima. Machinima Respawn. Borif is our producer, has been this whole week, and he used to work on that show, and this was a spider on the show. Yeah.

Always encased. Was not like living back then. It's always been like this. It was Machinima Respawn Inbox. He's putting the lettuce in front of you. That's so fucked up. Don't put the lettuce in front. Okay. So basically, I don't know if you guys know Mr. Sark or C-Nanners or Hutch. Yeah, there you go.

I know Hutch. Yeah, Hutch is on Twitch now, but he used to be a Call of Duty commentator back in the day. And this channel was a bunch of those types, and they just answered questions. And one time they got this little spider. I had a spider in college. What kind of spider? What was its name? Wait, really? It was a tarantula named Octoclops. You had a spider? Octoclops? Eight eyes.

They all did, yeah. That makes sense, I guess. Because I liked He-Man. There's like triclops. It was like three eyes. You had a spider and you still got pussy? Yeah, and he was killed. He was murdered by Paternity Brothers. No shot. I thought it would be a funny prank to put him in like a box, like a handle.

And like gave the handle to my friend and he like opened it up and there was a spider inside. He just punched it? He took the entire box and just like heaved it. That's horrible, man. And that was the end of poor Octoclops. Did you feel bad about it? I felt really bad. Really? So I bought Octoclops because I have arachnophobia and I wanted to like do immersion therapy for my- Did it work? Yeah.

I mean, we had, okay. You're sitting right next to the- Towards the end, towards the end, we had a good mutual respect. Like, I wouldn't, like, when I, I'd like hold him and I'd be like, ah!

But like we had a respect. Okay. You did this to yourself. Yeah. Yeah. This wasn't anyone. No one else was involved in this plan. Because I was like very afraid of spiders. Like painfully afraid of spiders. I mean clearly you're not that afraid. You're holding on up. That's right. You're literally sitting next to one. I actually wanted to tell you. This is actually Octoclops. Shortly after. Octoclops. No. He died. I received you to my boy.

I poured him into a nice resin mold. Yeah, he was rushed to the emergency room and we said we couldn't save him. But I was really sad and I kind of was like, why did I not think that this person would just heave this box? Well, at least he didn't like...

Slap it or like punch it cuz like the bad part though is he knew I had a pet spider so like after the initial shock he should have been like oh, but I think he was drunk enough that he just continued through and killed off the club. Oh he kept slamming it. Well it was just one

It was just one. Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you. Tarantulas are actually way more fragile than people think. Like, you can't drop them from, like, even this height without them breaking. That's why I mean it's a bitch-ass spider. Well, yeah, I mean, I feel like the bigger something is, the harder it is to, like, fall from heights. What do you mean? You could drop a cat from that, like, you know? Well, that's a cat. That's a cat, right? That's a cat! Anything that you can successfully encase in resin and it'll just let you do it, that's a pussy-ass animal. I'm almost certain it was dead when that happened.

No, you were there. I actually encased this one. You think they Han Solo'd this motherfucker? They just hold it down and pour hot fucking raisin on it. You're making it sound like a tarantula is really strong for its size. You have to hold it down. Multiple people are coming. Well, I mean, how else would you get it in such a nice pose?

That's like a normal pose for a spider. I don't understand. What other pose would a tarantula have? They have, you know, tools to, you know, they do taxidermy. I don't have tools. You didn't do the taxidermy. How do you know? Because you told us. Were you there? You told us a completely different story. You told us how it came to be. That is true. That is true. But the show that the spider Octoclops was on, um,

I used to listen to all the time. I had all the episodes downloaded on my little iPod, and I'd take it into work at my deli. I'd sit in the freezer, and I'd stock shelves. I'd stock little Yerba Mates and Gatorades. That's why he was talking. I'm not selling. Yeah, yeah. And I listened to that, and I made $5 an hour. Dude, someone should make Yerba Mate, which is a dating app exclusively for yoga people. Oh.

- That's really good. - Wait, you say the dating app exists for yoga people? - Yeah. - I would infiltrate that in a heartbeat. - They would sniff you out so fast. - No, I'd be like, dude. - You can't touch your toes, you fat. - They do, they do. - I have an incredible amount of, okay, well, there's so much going on here. - Your knee is bending. - Oh. - What do you mean, motherfucker? - For our audio listeners, love you to death.

he did it yeah yeah that's true while sitting like in a seated position that is that makes it harder that makes it does make it easier no i don't think so i mean you could if you want to really prove yourself you can stand up on our dynasty but no i can't i mean i feel like a lot of people would try and infiltrate yerba mate the yoga pot the yoga dating app hassan has infiltrated a

A myriad of dating apps. Yeah. Dude, I can't get him off J-Date. He fucking lives. I love it, dude. No, I just, I only mess with Raya for the most part. Christian Mingle, he's a menace. Sometimes Bumble. And Raya is the... Raya's the fancy, oh, look at me, I'm a fucking celebrity dating app. Oh, wow. What's that like? Pretty cool for the most part, I think. I mean, it's just like...

It's great. You see like a bunch of random celebrities on there and you're like, wow, I am close in proximity enough to maybe, you know, go on a date with these people. It never happens, but still feels good for a moment. And you're swiping. I flubbed a bunch. Who's the most famous person that you swiped with? He would never tell you. I will never tell you. No, well, you see those Twitter posts like people finding Jerry Trainor on Bumble.

And like it's just- Who's Jerry Trainor? Spencer from iCarly. Yeah. Aren't all child stars from Disney and Nickelodeon going to jail for pedophilia right now? Kyle Massey is. There's Corey in the house. Corey in the house. I have a story for Dre. Oh, that's his name? I don't know. I hung out with him. You did? Did you get those vibes? He was definitely like very sexual. He was a very sexual person.

But yeah, we were at the Latin Grammys. If that is the number one descriptor for you, you're doing something wrong. He's like a... Yeah, we were at the Latin Grammys and he was...

He was doing influencing. No, no. He's actually, I was very surprised to find out about this, but he had a robust career in Latin America as a musician. Really? Yeah. And I mean, it wasn't like, he wasn't popping off. I'm not saying he was like J Balvin or something, but he was- Robust, though, is a very specific word. I mean, surprisingly robust, let's say, because you would not expect that. But then he had music that he was playing and people were listening. Wow.

Yeah, we hung out. It was, I mean, it was not a great experience overall because it was like not a lot going on in Vegas at the time. But we just like went to a bunch of different places and, you know, people come up and be like, oh my God, you're drinking, Josh. Who were you? Were you Drake or Josh? I was like, yeah, I'm Josh. Like, damn, dude, Josh fucking blowed up. Things changed dramatically for me. Like, it's pretty good. Not a big deal.

Yeah. That story is not as entertaining as you thought it was going to be, I think. Well, how was he sexual? Well, I don't know. He was, like, talking about, like, swinging and stuff. Oh, okay. But, like, I didn't... He wasn't, like, creeping on any young girls or anything. You know what I mean? Well, we were in Vegas, though, so I don't know. There's not a lot of young girls in Vegas, so...

Hi, I'm Drake. You wanna dock our penises together later? This is the Latin Grammys, baby! That's my song! I have a robust career! Have a robust career in docking penises together. Is that what they do in Vegas? Dock penises? Yeah, a little bit. All the time. Wow. All the time. Sounds incredibly painful. Have you ever done it? You need someone with foreskin to make it work. Yeah.

We try, we're both- we're both cup boys. We're both search up. So you could never- you could never dock your pants. You need a third party. You can, you can. You really can't- A third party? We need someone to just- encapsulate- That's the Armada. That's the Armada. When you- when you have like a- There's a turn? Armada! Two with one? I don't know what you were hoping for when you asked that. I don't know either.

It's like the International Space Station. You know what I mean? And then you have like two spaceships coming in and then the ISS is just like sitting there in the middle and you both stick your penises into that one fat hog. Into the International Space Station. With like an uncircumcised fat hog. And then...

That's how you dock in the Armada. This is a nightmare. Like a fucking USB splitter. Yeah, exactly. Listen, you just made that up. Someone's going to try it. Probably has tried it already. Have you guys ever seen... Oh, dude, I'm sorry. But have you guys ever seen body modifications of like dudes that put like...

Dents and stuff on their penises? Dents? Dents. Like, hit them? A dent?! That is not what it's called! Body modification? BONG! Can I get a nipple ring? And I want a dent and maybe a curve in my dick to ruin my life. Just hit me in the fucking dick. I want my erect cock to look like an S. Yeah.

I want it to look like someone backed into it parking. Dent isn't the right word. You're right. I'm sorry. I want it to look like the Superman symbol so they feel hope. It looks like you have some severe case of...

some kind of SDI or SED or whatever. Why would people want that? They're subcutaneous implants, I believe. It feels good, Ted. That's why people want them. Why did you start talking to me like you've been into this world for a long time? Why does both of them know this? Dents feel good. No, he doesn't know what he's talking about. Not dents, bumps. Ladies see a dented penis and they get

Crazy dude it's ribbed for her pleasure. That's right like forever forever Okay, so I've just been picturing like a Tetris piece like Have you ever seen that I think they're No, it's like when people get horns. Yeah. Oh shit. I know you're talking about now. They get like dick horns Yeah, and they put those horns basically on your cock

So not a dented penis. No, not dented. I was wrong. What a fucking bummer, man. Bumpy. Yeah. Bumpy. Yeah, bumpy with anything. It's like a little speed bump. Yeah. You could almost like park yourself in there. You got it right when you say ribbed for her pleasure. Yeah. That is precisely what it is. What does that look like when you're soft? Where do they get the skin from? I have no idea. I've never seen one soft. I've only seen videos because, who was it? There was like some-

Twitter comedian dude who would just like post it all the time. - That's always amazing to me. - He posts pictures of his cock. - Weird, yeah, I was gonna say weird bit. - He found it on the internet. - You know what's amazing to me? Is your significant other, like at what point did they see your flaccid penis for the first time? 'Cause most of the time you're dating someone, they don't just see a flaccid penis, right? - What? - Why would they see a flaccid penis when you're naked your heart? - I mean, when you're done hooking up and you're laying in bed and you're naked. - Are they looking though?

I'm sure they see it. They're not looking, I guess. What are you talking about, Will? I'm just saying. You come on our podcast and you start talking to us about, oh, man.

What's the first time that someone saw your flaccid penis? Will, are you scared of flaccid penises? No, I'm just saying I feel like that's a milestone in a relationship. What if you get a body mod where they just put a stick in it so that it's just always hard? Hard? Always hard. I'm scared to not be hard. That's what I'm hearing right now. Just like a tree stick. You just put it in. Oh, my God. Is there any blood flow, though? That would be devastating. It sucks. It's just like...

It's just I feel like that would not it would look like the sleeve of a scarecrow real flesh with metal endoskeleton Living flesh over metal endoskeleton back to biocock. Why we always come back to fucking biocock So your girlfriend never sees It's like a bad infomercial it's like has this happened to you someone sees your flaccid penis and run away never again

With the always hard cock implant. Living flesh over metal endoskeleton. You guys ever seen Terminator 2? Yeah, Skynet. I have not. Any cultural piece of pop culture, he will not know. I will not know. You will not know? Yeah, he got mad at me when I didn't know about the Mighty Ducks or something. No, no. That's like the hockey. No, we were talking about greatest sports moment in history, and I was like, yeah, Miracle on Ice. And he's like, what the fuck is Miracle on Ice? That's the Miracle on Ice.

Do you believe in miracles? Yeah. Do you believe in miracles? Yes. And he's like, I don't know what you're talking about. And he's like, is that what Mighty Ducks is based on? Well, isn't that also have some sort of Cold War aspect in it? Oh, for sure. You'd expect that Mr. Politics would know about it. Yeah. Big Cold War.

Oh, good point. You suck. It's capitalism versus communism on ice. Oh, that's why he doesn't acknowledge it because the commies got smashed by a little good old-fashioned American muzzle baby. I just, yeah. I mean, I guess it was a big deal here in America. I just had no idea what was going on. You'd like T2. Not everyone can have the puck. NT1. Both movies give you a great view of Arnold Schwarzenegger's life.

It's flaccid, though, so it might be scary. There's a bunch of scenes where he's just naked. Well, he spawns in naked. I think T1 and T2 are maybe my favorite

beginning of a franchise sequel in a franchise because they're such different films. - That last one was the best one. - Like a lot of sequels, it always just feels like the product goes down, but T2 was like such a twist. - Oh, T2 was so good. - On the original. - Why are you guys over there? - What could charge? - You've been meeting my eyes. You've been coming to me. - Well, I'm wondering if you wanna ask the question to them.

I had, I mean, I had a question. What question do you think I was gonna ask? Holy fucking shit, we forgot to ask the question. Every time on Chuckle Sandwich, what we do is we establish, you know, it's a sandwich, we're chuckling, all that shit. We each are a different part in the sandwich. Ted is the buttloaves of bread, Schlatt is the mayo. From the end of the loaf. I'm the meat. I mean, what would you two guys be? You've got a choice. I'm gonna speak for him.

Oh, whoa. This is an ever-before-seen thing. This hasn't happened before. Okay, yeah. Cut in, cut in. And he's going to agree with this 100%. Mm-hmm.

He is the bag of chips on the side that you break and you crumple into the sandwich. Oh! I kind of like that, actually. I put chips on every sandwich, and my superpower is knowing what chips to pair with what sandwich. A chip sommelier. Yes. This is something that I've been asked about. People will be like, Will, I'm about to have a Cubano sandwich. What chips? And I'm like, pickle brine kettle. Oh.

- Okay, so if I were to give you some sandwiches right now-- - I disagree with this one, by the way. - No, you're wrong. - Well, before we move on and ask Hasan's piece, can I just quiz you on some sandwiches? - Yes, please. - That's exciting. - BLT. - Ooh, BLT, I might go with a traditional Ruffles sour cream and cheddar.

- That's a good chip. - I agree with that assessment. - All right. - With the Cubano, I think you gotta go with like, you're leaning too far into the dill. - I will dropkick you. - Are you also the bag of chips on the side? - That's incredible, Hasan, because it's almost like we weren't asking you at all. - Oh, I'll just walk away, I'm sorry. - It's Will's time. - Okay, sorry, go ahead. - Thank you. - Tell them about the wrong placement of chips. - See, a Reuben is a tough one.

Because the kraut is the high note, right? That kraut, that top note. Driving up those top notes. Okay.

Give me a moment. Okay. Let me get the flavor. Find it. Find your center. I'm tasting the crop now. Your chip chakra. Okay, now where do I, now where's my mouth going? Oh, I know where it's going. It's going for something a little bit more subdued. That might be a salt and pepper chip right there. Just let it. A nice filler. Yeah, a nice filler because you don't want to compete with that flavor. Now, I've got a really challenging one here for you. Peanut butter and jelly. And I don't know if you're going to get it. Sure. Peanut butter and jelly.

PB&J, there's only one chip that is acceptable. And it's because it's a legacy chip. That is plain Lay's. And it's because it's the chip that comes to your mind in the brown bag lunch that your mom packed you. Traditional Lay's, PB&J. It's just what's done. Wow. This is awesome. When did you discover you had this talent? Because I put chips on every sandwich. Like, every sandwich.

if you eat with me, any, like sandwich is my favorite food in the world. Yeah. Anytime I, like I will not eat a sandwich without you. You're in the right place. Wow. So, so like a lot of people tease me because I will put chips on other food. So it became like a thing. So if we were to say a sandwich along the lines of, I'm going to give you three sandwich names and I need you to tell me what you would put. And they're not,

Necessarily real. Real sandwiches. Okay. I'll do my best. I'll do my best. Schmeetwich Deluxe. A Schmeetwich Deluxe? Schmeetwich Deluxe. I would go with a Zapp's Voodoo.

What's that? What the hell is that? That's not real. Zaps is like, Voodoo is like a mixing of almost all their different flavors. It's got like a, it's called Voodoo Heat. It's a good chip. It's a solid chip. For heavy meat, I like a little, I like a little picante to throw in there. Okay. Nice. Knee Breaker Burger. The Knee Breaker Burger. Mm-hmm. Ooh. Do you put chips on burgers?

Oh yeah. You put fries at least. And I would go, for that one, I'd go with my most popular chip. That's gotta be a jalapeno kettle. Wow. I love a jalapeno kettle on a burger. That's smart. I didn't even think of that. All right. And then finally, the slimy slider. Good fucking luck. Slimy slider? I'm gonna tell you, I've got it.

I've got this one. Slime, you need consistency. You need something that's going to grab up all that drip. That's when you go with the Fritos chip. And the Fritos scoop...

Because it's the most surface area per chip right there. That is a dense chip. You don't think like a... I will fucking kill you. You don't think like a ketchup chip? Like a Canadian ketchup chip? You don't have the gift, Hassan. You haven't been blessed by the gods. I don't know why he's saying this. I'm a fat kid as well. I have better fat credentials than you do, but

Oh, so now we're talking about fat credentials. Yeah, I mean, 100%. What does that even mean? I'm gatekeeping. I'm gatekeeping right now. Okay. I'm literally a girl boss. With ketchup. I'm a girl boss. I'm gaslighting and I'm gatekeeping. You're doing a little. We do like gaslighting here on the podcast. I feel like the Cubano argument that you made where you lean into the dill could absolutely be recreated with the- What is a Cubano without a pickle?

It's just a sandwich with pulled pork. That's why you lean into it. But the pickle is in the Cubano. Wow. But the pickle is already in the Cubano. He's just holding that pose. I think the jalapeno chip that he referenced earlier is a better fit for the Cubano. I will die on this hill.

Interesting. Wow. I wouldn't want to contaminate the spicy mustard that's already on the Cubana with another spice. So there's already spice on it. There's also already so many good reasons. Hassan, you will literally be taken to town. He is in the pose once again. This is incredible. There is already pickle in the sandwich and the pickle has an overpowering aura. We're going to do 20 minutes. No, but this is good. You guys are passionate. So it sounds like you were just sort of anti-pickle.

- Pickle? - No, I love pickles. - Really? - I'm a huge fan of pickles. - What's your favorite type of pickle then? - Hmm, that's a really good question. I would probably, I mean, are we looking for versatility or are we looking for-- - So when does anyone go to the store looking for a pickle and say, "I'm looking for a versatile pickle." - I'm looking for a robust pickle. - I'm looking for a pickle that I can open my car with. - No, no, no, versatility is in like, it works.

On its own, it works in a sandwich, or are we just like talking about- It works for itself, it raises the kids. Okay. Pickle-wise, this is a very serious subject for me. I love pickles. Okay, it sounds serious. You've entered the pickles zone. It sounds like you really know what you're talking about, dude. The yellow pepper pickles, I think, are my favorite. They're very spicy. Not the banana ones. I do not like the banana pepper pickles. I'm so sorry. You good?

Mm-hmm. That's the kind of reaction I have to banana pepper pickles, but I would say that the hot peppers are probably the best. I also like pickle. Oh, you're a hot pickle kind of guy. Yeah. Okay. I like my Klaus and Dills. Mm.

That's a good pickle. They're classic. Pretty solid. Some pickles, they're too sweet. I don't like that. Oh, bread and butter is the worst pickle in the world. I don't know why people enjoy sweet pickles. That's a kind of pickle? Bread and butter? Yeah, bread and butter. It's really vinegary. It's very, very acidic. It burns your throat. It's so bad. That's a gas station pickle right there. It really is. Yeah, these pickles are good. Can be good.

Just saying. I don't know, I mean. You take your life in your hand every time you get a gas station pickle. Yeah. Have you ever been to the farmer's market or the Grove before? Oh, yeah. In LA? Have you been to the pickle stand there? Yeah. No. They have a really good type of pickle. Honey mustard pickle. The honey mustard pickles. Oh, my God. Lock it down, baby. What's wonderful about these pickles is that they're basically soaking in this honey mustard sauce. Yeah, it's so good. And what they go incredible on is if you make yourself a very nice pulled pork sandwich and put the honey mustard pickles. Are you okay?

This is important. I spent some time in North Carolina. Are you a vinegar base? Oh, wow. Pull pork guy. We're going there. Or are you a barbecue base? What's the base for barbecue though? I don't know. It depends on where you are. I really like my barbecue though is the thing. So different areas. You like barbecue? No, I really like my barbecue. But different areas have different barbecue flavors, right? So like-

North Carolina is all about vinegar barbecue. I'm probably closer to a Texas barbecue kind of guy. Okay. So I got really big into vinegar barbecue. Really?

Really? What is that? Is it just vinegar? So like North Carolina barbecue sauce, North North Carolina is like yellow. It's called Carolina Gold and it's like very vinegary. Oh, I know what you're talking about. That is a very good. Yeah. I've had Carolina Gold. Yeah. Isn't that mustard based though? I think that's not vinegar. It's mustard based. But they put vinegar on the sandwich too. Yeah, for sure. That is a good type. Okay, now I'm...

I'm stuck now. Texas. Texas all the way. Texas is really, really good. And I've had some of the best barbecue in my life in Texas. Here's what I'll give Texas. And there are some challengers to the throne.

But their brisket is the best. Texas brisket is, that's a son of a bitch right there. Oh yeah. What up chucklers? If you hate reading emails, homework, PDFs, news articles, or really anything on the web, then you need today's sponsor, which is Speechify. Speechify is a Chrome extension that allows you to listen to the things that you'd normally be reading on the web. Let's face it, ladies and germs, reading is hard.

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babble you guys know the drill when you're traveling to a destination that you don't know the language it can be challenging to accomplish even the simplest of tasks we know this story i was going to spain and i was trying to order myself a nice cool cup of of gazpacho all right gazpacho and i couldn't because i didn't know the language all right thankfully there's babble the number one language learning app through babble's bite-sized lessons you'll learn new language skills that you can actually use in the real world like

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Just go to babbel.com and use promo code chuckle. That's B-A-B-B-E-L.com using promo code chuckle. Now let's get back to the episode. Line up your favorite meats for barbecue. Rank them. Jesus. I think brisket's number one for me. A good beef rib.

Done right. Yeah, I have to go like brisket ribs. When they can twist the bone? Yeah, after it just slurped right out of there. I know exactly what you're talking about right now. Brisket rib, probably pulled pork.

then like the chicken and then the sausage. - Fuck the chicken. - Yeah, fuck the chicken. - I mean a good, a well made, like you can, there's a certain level where like making chicken then it plateaus, but then there's this, all of a sudden, the barbecue makers of the world, they just sort of elevate it and it takes it to this new level where you can make chicken that you. - Nah. - Have you, okay, but speaking of chicken, I was telling Schlatt,

And Charlie about lemon pepper wings. Oh my God. Yeah. Nope. You've never had lemon pepper wings? We actually still have them. I don't think I've ever had them. That might be a racism for you three. Yeah. Oh, that's a bummer. Yeah. Yeah. Accidental racism. It happens. Wait, I'm actually really surprised you've never had lemon pepper wings. I've had all sorts of them. Do you know that spot on Melrose that has really good ones? I have not had many lemon pepper wings in California. I had a lot when I was in NC.

Yeah, no, they probably haven't really good that yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So lemon pepper is like an interesting flavor because it's not a wet wing. It's almost like a drier wing. Oh, I don't like that. I like wet wings. Now listen to them first before you start dogging on it. But the lemon makes it very juicy. It's a very juicy wing still. Very juicy. It's just on the inside. It's got some juice. Dude, I'm a buffalo boy all the way. I mean, it's basic, but it gets the job done. Wait, wait, important question.

Buffalo with ranch or blue cheese? Blue cheese. Thank God. Okay. I really, I was going to leave the podcast. So,

As originally New Jersey boys Best sandwich Both of you? Yeah Uh oh What did you say? Oh shit That's my favorite sandwich Pound for pound I don't know why he said I'm from New Jersey I don't claim that You're not from New Jersey? I don't claim that Where are you from? I'm from Turkey I grew up in Istanbul I am originally from New York Why did he say that? Well because I went to Rutgers Yeah And yeah I was born in New Jersey too Really? No yeah Literally Not really Rutgers is terrible Yeah

Maybe it was better. Maybe it was better back then. I don't know. Alma mater, Hasan Piker says, Rutgers is terrible. It's whatever. It was like, all right. This just in, Hasan Piker hates my dead grandma. Yeah. I'm sorry. What part of the sandwich are you, though? I don't think you answered that. No, he didn't. Oh, what part of the sandwich am I? I was so caught up with the chip thing that I forgot what I would do in the sandwich. Swear to God, if he says pickle.

I take those fucking things off. I felt like he might be close to saying a pickle. Yeah, that's why... We talked about pickles for like 20 minutes. No, no. Were you pregnant? There's an explanation there. What, you got a baby in your goddamn pussy? So he was ordering...

What? You into pickles? You just start eating pickles? Every time those shits are on my sandwich, I take them off. Fuck lettuce too. Fuck lettuce too. I don't want lettuce. I don't want tomato. I get plain. You're scaring us! Cheese sauce. Three things you need. Before he gets mad again, quick, what are you on the sandwich? I don't want to say pickle, but I don't want to say it anymore. That's what it says.

I just sedated him. Okay. So when we were ordering food the other day and we were getting it from, what was it? Something hot chicken? Dave's Hot Chicken. Dave's Hot Chicken. So good. Schlatt says to the very nice assistant of my manager, Tara, he was like, he was like, and I want a chicken sandwich and if there's a pickle on there,

Like I'm gonna scream. I'm taking that shit off. Yeah. I'm taking that shit off. Yeah, no. He's crying. These are real tears. I'm taking that shit off. Yeah, he's gotten really good at doing it. I see pickles. He just chooses like a small thing that makes him sad sometimes in his childhood and then he makes him get elevated. Don't say pickles. Listen, I'll tell you. Tommy pickles. It happened, it all started in 2008. Okay. Right? This guy...

came into office and he really just shook things up for me and my life was never the same. - Is that the end of the story or is there more to it? - Sounds like there's gonna be more but-- - He's taking a long break. - He's changing the conversation. - No, that's not it, that's it, that's it. - Did anyone claim cheese yet?

Or did I miss it? You can be a cheese. Wait, have we ever had a guest say cheese? No. Holy fucking shit. What? Are you guys being sarcastic? No, I'm not. I don't think. I'm sure someone said a cheese. I don't think anyone said a cheese. I think someone said a block of cheese at one point. Yeah, but that's bullshit. Why would no one want to be cheese? Like, it's a great word. Well, what type of cheese? Do you want to be cheese?

I do want to be cheese. Yes. Like what cheese? I would like to be cheese. Sharp American cheddar. The best. American cheddar. Yeah. I respect that. I think that... You think American cheddar's the best? What about... And I proudly stand up next to you. Wisconsin. All the way. What about potentially an Irish cheddar such as Dubliner? I'm a Cabot guy. I like Irish cheddar. I think that sharp, like...

The orange sharp cheddar is the peak. Oh, boar's head. Now, if you're ever in Wisconsin again, I'm going to suggest to you a specific place. I've never been. If you're ever driving through. I will never go there. If you ever just somehow are kidnapped and taken there. Go ahead. If after this you find yourself in Wisconsin.

I'm forgetting the name of the place. It's not going to happen anyway. Don't worry about it. Are you talking about Culver's? No, I'm not talking about Culver's. Hassan will never be in Wisconsin. Listen, Hassan, if someone just happens to come by your house and just chloroform you, and then all of a sudden you wake up. No, it'll happen. He's going to go to some wedding in the next decade that he doesn't want to be at. No, no, no. It's going to be for politics. Cumbered's Cheese in Tomah, Wisconsin is a very, very good. Wow.

So how does the cheese place work? Are they doing like fondues and a whole bunch of stuff? Well, they basically have all of these cheeses laid out and they're all wrapped in wax. They've got different years to them. You've got the three-year cheddar. You've got the six-year cheddar. You've got the nine-year cheddar. You've got the 12-year cheddar. You've got even the 16-year cheddar. Love that. Do you guys want a little piece of internet history regarding the cheese? Sure. The first video we ever did together. Really?

Was a BuzzFeed video called Will It Fondue? You guys were on BuzzFeed? I was at BuzzFeed. I brought him in as a talent where I basically took different foods and saw if they would mesh with cheese. And I had like Oreos, sushi, all sorts of different stuff. He was paired with Safiya, who's a really great creator, amazing YouTuber. And he kept stealing her food.

Because she'd take like a bite and even like finish it. She didn't want to eat it, so I was like, give it to me, coward. At one point we had cheeseburgers. My man ate like four cheeseburgers. And if you go back and look at the footage, he starts sweating. He gets the cheese sweat. He gets the meat sweat. And it was one of the funniest videos. BuzzFeed is like a content slave farm, so they didn't have the AT on it.

And the bright lights are like hitting my fucking forehead. Yeah. And I got this like bowler hat on. I don't know why I thought that was cool. What a whack move. Anyway. A bowler hat? Like from the like 1920 kind of hat? Like a newsie. Like that kind of fucking hat. Like the one like you're delivering. You're delivering newspaper. That's a newsie hat. A bowler hat is like a. So a circle all the way around. Like a circle top hat. And then like a curved top. Wow. That's a different time. What year was this? That was like five years ago. Really? No, no. It was like.

2014 or 15. When did it all start going downhill then? Pretty soon after that. Life has never been the same. What was something that surprised you how good it was? I know I could just watch the video, but I want to know. Did the Oreos in fondue cheese actually suck? Really? That sounds pretty good. Bang.

- Bang. - I mean, this is unsurprising, but cheeseburger. - As a witness, can you confirm this? - Yeah, it was pretty good. I mean, most things drift in cheese. - A cheeseburger in molten cheese? - So good. - Very good. - Yeah, that's not surprising. Like, you would expect that. - Well, fondue cheese, was it fondue cheese? Like, was it like that sort of like very, very short? There's a very specific taste of fondue cheese. - It's bitter. It's almost bitter. - I think it's like, is it like Gouda or Emmental or something? - We did it right, is all I remember. - Yeah.

We didn't fuck it up. And we always do. Some horn intern that I was screaming at.

Yeah. So that was like the weird thing. He's trying to make it seem cool. He was the intern. No, I was the intern. That's what, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the interesting thing was BuzzFeed at the time when he says like it was a slave factory, it was a slave factory. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You got the BuzzFeed blue. You got the BuzzFeed red and green and yellow. Thankfully, like I'm beyond my whatever thing you sign that you can't talk about it. Yeah, yeah. So it was an internship.

but it was competitive and they would make you stay like easily. I was working 13 hours a day to get everything done, but they would only pay you for the original work day. And then if you ever like recorded overtime, they'd be like,

- Oh, it's one of those. - You might not. - This is a competitive internship. Here's the story that I will tell. - Because it was hype though, it's like his entire, like his entire internship program was like literally Harvard, Yale, Stanford, and then like Will also has like a master's degree in film and literally graduated from like every single comedy school, you know what I mean? - Yeah, so this is like a great story of like how insane it got, and this is like deep annals of Buzzfeed.

So we were doing all these videos and like the meta for us became like, Oh,

white people try, you know, lemon pepper wings for the first time. You could do that on the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it like kept ramping up and I became kind of like BuzzFeed's Steve-O, right? So like, I remember at one point they were like, Will, will you pierce your dick for a video? And I was like, ah. But so I made it past the internship phase. He's making it seem like this did not happen. He did the dazzle his dick. Oh, you did it? No, but I got my cock...

waxed at one point and then the jazz was like The same day I did this video I was in a violent car accident I got a car I came into the office and got it was like my interview day and my head still was like pinged off the dashboard and I was like your penis I should be I think I should be hired full-time at BuzzFeed and they were like why are you sweating so much I was like I was just in an accident but I was like so I was like this is my break and

And so right afterward they're like you're still doing the vajazzling video I was like I was just in a car accident that like they need you so I went and did this and so I was the only guy I like crushed the front end of my car how bad was the jazz line the vajazz so the vajazz Ling's really funny well I'm like derailing for my first story, but the vajazz Ling was really funny because they were like I was the only guy and

And they were like, yeah, there'll be like a barrier to cover your nudity. Wrong, wrong. Cameraman was a woman. Sound person was a woman. Director was a woman. Technician was a woman. The owner of the waxing studio decided she wanted to be in there too. And also was a woman. Yeah. And we were in a room the size of like this table in these seats. Everyone. So like eight women and me fully nude, getting my asshole Brazilianed.

And after the first wax, the woman goes, whoosh, and she rips it. And she goes, okay, we got a little blood. And I'm like, oh, shit. My flaccid cock is just bleeding in front of a, anyway. And that's the reason why he talks about when is the first time your significant other saw your flaccid cock? There you go. That's the trauma I carry. So the story that is crazy, though, is once I made it past the internship phase,

phase of this, there was a video that went around and they were like, we're going to have people drink their own urine because people do this, right? And that's true. There are like yogis and shit who drink their own urine. Okay. They shoot this video and as it's going through approvals, I notice every person in the video is an intern.

No one who works at BuzzFeed did it because none of us want to drink our own piss. So I sent an email or someone sent an email that was like, hey, these are all interns. Should we pull this? And there was this moment where BuzzFeed locked up and they were like, we made our competitive interns drink their own piss as a part of this process.

And like after that, you weren't allowed to use interns in your videos. It was not my video, but it was like this epiphany for BuzzFeed where they're like, this process is so good. Like this process is so competitive that our interns were willing to run up and drink their own pee.

Great stuff, BuzzFeed. That's why everyone leaves BuzzFeed. BuzzFeed's over at this point. They also kind of like... I mean, they don't fire, but they just don't elevate you for a while, so that's why people leave. Right. And they see that as a good entry point into the entertainment industry. BuzzFeed lasted for a while. When I got let go, I went into a room thinking I was getting promoted, and I was told...

we don't think you're a very good producer. Even though I was like, at the time, they're probably best Facebook producer. So you went all the way from an intern to a producer? Well, I was... You drank a lot of piss. I was going to say. How many gallons of piss do you think you drank at BuzzFeed? So many. But I went into this meeting thinking I was getting promoted and they were like, we're firing you. Jesus, that sucks. And now I'm bigger on Twitch than they are. Fuck you, BuzzFeed Gaming. They don't look at me now, baby. They're...

their approvals process is devastating too because this was like the peak of like I'm a progressive I'm going to qualify that for those of you who don't know I'm very progressive maybe too leftist in comparison to most people but

Their approvals process was at the peak of, like, the Obama era, the Obama year. So, like, everyone was like, I'm going to be as rad lib as I can. Like, we're going to do, like, 11 videos on manspreading and mansplaining. That was also the peak of the time when, like, you got, like, also the... The Nazi side of things, too. Yeah, for sure. Like, on the other side, where there was, like, you know...

know anyway all right I'm gonna say what were you gonna say sorry well I was gonna say like that sounds like the same time that like h3 was making his videos on like BuzzFeed shit too yeah yeah yeah yeah and so when we shot a video together I just like start his video like when you're a guy like what was it ADHD when you're a guy with ADHD yeah and so I so I was this is my desperate attempt to like actually be comedic at BuzzFeed

And I had all these comedic beats. You can't joke about ADHD. You can't joke about ADHD. Can you not? That was kind of like their thing. They're like, this doesn't feel inclusive enough. What about... Everything else was... They literally, they gave me a beat. They're like, what about ADHD women? And I was like, well, I don't know the experience of being an ADHD woman because I'm not one. I could try. But anyway, in the video, he was dating a young woman who wanted to be in one of the videos. She mentioned this to me and I had her in a few beats, but one of the beats was... Me looking at her tits. Well...

Let me qualify. The beat was when you're ADHD, you have to extra compensate to not look at cleavage. So in the beat, he's actually not looking at her cleavage. He's like looking into space because she has this very low cut top. Okay, but there's an entire shot of just her titties.

There was a shot of her titties, okay? This was something that you directed and you set up this shot. Anyway, this beat was not meant to be anything like crazy or like overly, you know, whatever.

You would have thought that I had like full frontal nudity in this thing. The way that the approvals came back to me, they were like, we think this beat is sexist. We think it's like exploitative. And I was just like, oh my God, dude. They also had to like over qualify by saying when you're a guy with ADHD, because like originally it was like, this is what happens when you have ADHD. Yeah. And then they were like, that's unacceptable. This is a guy's perspective on ADHD. So they were like, they like literally it's just like.

And then they were also like, you need positive beats. You need beats that build up ADHD. So I had to add like extra beats where like, at least you're never burned. That's, oh, that's annoying that they make you do that shit. Wow.

Did it go through? Did it eventually get posted? I think it's probably part of the reason I got fired is because I had a beat with Cleveland. Which is interesting. Which is interesting because they had no problem putting me in a room full of women waxing my dick on camera and using me like a sex object. But when I even made mention to the fact that ADHD guys have a hard, like, work hard to not look at boobs, like, they were like, this is fucking, you know, degeneracy. I'm disgusted sitting next to him right now. Right. BuzzFeed was right. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. So, but you're, what did, so. I didn't mean to derail this. How long did you work at BuzzFeed for? Like a year plus, just over a year, I think.

Did you do their internship like right after you got out of school? No. So I had a terrible job. I was working at, I don't want to say what it was, but I was working as a coordinator for this thing and it was like an office job and I was in the same office as a guy. Okay, I have to be deep background on this because I don't want to blow anybody up, but I was in the same office as a guy who had created a very popular MTV show and he had created two TV products

one of which was a network for people with Alzheimer's. Okay. And it was tanking. It was not doing well. Did they just play the same shit over and over again? There's an imaging job. But this guy would scream

in the office every day and be like, I need a shark. I need someone who's going to sell this fucking product. He sounds like Alex Jones. Oh, it was insane. It was a crazy time. So I was like trying to get anywhere and I was filling out applications everywhere and I did a spec video for BuzzFeed and so when BuzzFeed hired me as an intern, it was like, I was like,

Anything else? Anything new? I remember after I made it through the internship, I called my mom sobbing because I remember my mom when I didn't get thrown out of school the first semester called me crying and she was like, we never thought you were going to make it. So yeah. Little did either of you know, you'd be drinking your own piss that month. Yeah. Yeah.

I never worked there. I never drank my own piss. Would you? You ever get a little piss? If the price is right, would you drink your own piss? At that point in my career, probably. If the piss is right. When you're young and hungry, lemon pepper. Even piss looks like something. I would drink like, I mean, I already figured out how I would tackle it. Drink so much water that my piss is like literally clear. It just,

It's just water. Oh, that's fair. That's impressive. That's good. Do you have one of those big ones that like, keep going. You can do it. Have you seen that one? Oh, like a motivational. Almost there. I hate that. You love drinking water. Dude, if you had one of those, though, it'd make it easier to penetrate your bimates.

because all the yoga people have it. It's a callback. See what I did there? That's a nice callback. That's good. I like that. That's comedy, man. That was a real chuckle sandwich. Chuckle week, baby! I'm all for it! What would your Yerba mate

profile look like? My urban maple? Oh, dude. I already know. Ready? Photo one, really obnoxious hat, Joshua Tree. I like the black. Dog that isn't mine because my dog's kind of a little weaselly. I love him, but I'd have a full-blown golden retriever. Oh, nice. Full tilt golden retriever at Joshua Tree rolling a cigarette. Second,

- You thought about this. - Well, I'm just off the cuff. Me doing full Warrior One?

- Naked. - Somewhere in Iceland. - Okay. - Naked, yeah. - Naked. - With a butt shot, 'cause then-- - Yeah, the butt shot. - Naked, 'cause if you're in Iceland, your dick's gonna look tiny. - With a goat. - That's true. - With a goat somewhere in the-- - On a goat. - On a goat. - Yeah. - And a goat on you. - Yeah. - Go goat, you go. - Last one, this photo is important. - Okay, this one ties everything. - Me, volunteering at a school in Kenya, surrounded by all the school kids in their uniform as I'm giving them board games. - Okay.

If there's one thing Kenyan kids want, it's board games. Sorry. Sorry. Severe lack of board games in Kenyan schools. This is true. I know. Really? No.

You lied to me. Yes. I've been doing that a lot. Here's a question for you. Go ahead. Oh, no. Hasan. All right. You have a lot of necklaces. Does that ever irritate your neck at all? No. Really? You're just used to it? Yeah, I am. I mean, I take it on when I'm going to sleep, but no, it doesn't really irritate my neck at all. How come he gets a dating profile? I'm like, does your neck hurt? Well, because ever since you come in here, I've been thinking about that because I've never really worn necklaces like that before. I've been thinking of

I'm like, man. Yeah, I have not looked you in the eyes. I've just been looked right on the little planet the whole time. It does stem the flow of blood to his head. Oh, that checks out. The sponging of the brain. I'm trying to, you know, overcompensate. I drink Diet Coke to put holes in my brain, and then I also wear these so there's no blood pressure going up there, so I don't have to think about things too much. Okay, fine. It's like that short story Harrison Bergeron. You know that one, right?

That's all you try. Tell us about Harrison Bergerac. There was a handicapper general because everyone has to be equal in the future. And so the smart people. Oh, is this by Ray Bradbury? This is by Kurt Vonnegut.

And so all the smart people have little radios put in their skulls that- Play loud noise. Play loud noises so they can't keep thinking for long stretches of time. Yeah, there was, I think that the way that ended with was like a bunch of ballerinas that dropped their weights and then got fucking shot to death. Right. So these parents are watching the television and then they have a son who is just huge, like a

like picture hassan is their son right and he's just this fucking giga chat and he's got everything he's got like they put weights on him he's got his little radio receiver everything is like is much tech on this fucker hold his dick in half yeah they bedazzle his little his fucking cock yeah and and on the tv there's this little this like a little theater show going on and then

And then Harrison is the son. He shows up and he's like, I'm not going to do this anymore. And he starts ripping off everything. And then he grabs the ballerinas and he does a nice song and dance and they disable everything too. And it's this beautiful moment. Yeah. And then the handicapper general shows up with a shotgun and fucking kills him. And then the parents are watching this like, who is that boy? Because the radios are gone. Ah.

Devastating. It's like a commentary on a hyper-equitable society. That is so dark. Seems like anti-communist agitprop. Yeah, it does. There you go. Didn't read it. Also don't know about Miracle on Ice. And I proudly stand up next to you. What does agitprop mean? Agitated propaganda. Agitated propaganda. Yeah. All right, that's your question. Tell us about agitated propaganda.

- Oh wow. - What's it so addicting about? - Chuck a week has gone dry. - That was a dry rub question. - Yeah, I know. - I'm joking, I'm joking. - We like the wet rub. - Oh yeah. - Okay, so Hasan, how do you manage to stream so much every day? 'Cause the three of us, we don't really, we used to stream, but none of us are currently streaming on Twitch, and I personally find it really, really hard to stream. After I pass the four or five hour mark, I'm starting to crash.

And you do it for like 10, 12 hours a day. Not anymore. I used to, last year, I spent 42% of the entire year streaming. You calculated that? What the fuck? No, the internet did. The internet did, yeah. That is insane. 42% of the entire year I was on camera live. Oh my God. Now, having said that, there was a couple different reasons for that. Obviously, COVID being one. Right. The election cycle being another. So, I was working a lot.

And there was not really anything else going on. But now I've, like, limited it down. I've, like, lowered it. Now I do, like, eight hours a day. And even that's a lot. It's a whole work day. Yeah. I mean, even that's a lot for a lot of people. And I do it seven days a week. Do you find yourself having to, like, put on a show? Or is it really just you sitting there? I mean, I like to think. I mean, I put prep work into it. And I have an idea of, like, where I want to take it every day. But, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it's... You have to be entertaining, certainly. If I'm just, like, sitting there not doing anything. Right. Or, you know, watching a TV show that I want to watch. Or watching, like, other streamer clips or something like that. Yeah, I mean, I do that. Daily dose? A little bit of daily dose? Daily dose? Daily dose of the air, man. Sometimes, yeah. I mean, I like to go into, like, deep dive YouTube essays and stuff like that. And then, like, also...

Every time I do something like that, I usually will bring in additional footage, dive a little bit even further, deeper into the background of the story itself. I was looking at family vloggers, like the Ace family. Oh, yeah. That gets deep. Yeah. Because I'm very unfamiliar with YouTube culture. So I'm just learning about it. The other day we looked at other kin's.

Or I do a lot of deep dives into TikTok stuff where there are entire groups of people on TikTok that apparently fake disabilities, like dissociative disorder, multiple personality disorder. Really? Yeah. Or even Tourette's. They make it seem like it's very quirky. Dude, I was telling him the group that I love.

is like long haul trucker dads who get big into BDSM lip sync and they'll be like come over here baby he's talking about like weird TikTok oh I know exactly what you're talking about smack that ass daddy toe but they also like have like a tongue stud and they like maybe have like one colored contact lens and they're like

Get over here baby Like lip syncing Nine Inch Nails Yeah Always Oh Jesus And they always Have a Joker character too They all love the Joker Sure Always That's why Once you make me angry There's no stopping What I'll do Yeah dude They all have like Toys They do the Fifty Shades of Grey They always use The Fifty Shades of Grey Like sound Lip sync Where they'll do like The thing where like The guy will come in And just do this

I don't know why, I don't know what that means. I think it means like, down. Like, be submissive to me. Oh, yeah. Look submissive and breedable. You know? Assume the position. Assume the position. And it's like, dude, you... It's always... It's a dude that works at Bonefish Grill in Connecticut, and he's just like wearing a vest for no reason, and he goes like that. I love that shit. I'm gonna start doing that. Yeah, just do that. Yeah.

She is meth couples also are really interesting to me too. I'm a meth couple Yeah, how do you know that they do meth you know? Oh, you know you know you know when someone's when someone's doing meth you listen if someone is really someone is if someone is spray tanning You know someone spray tanning ever if someone has lip fillers, you know if someone's hitting the pipe five times a day You know yeah

I like that too. It's like ICP, Juggalo. Well, I've taken the pressure off the Juggalo. I think the Juggalos, they're a family. They're fine. No, no, they're fascinating. I'm fascinated with them. They're also, you know, they're anti-fascist.

Solidarity with the Juggalos. 100%. FBI considers them a criminal organization, which is bullshit. I don't know too much about the Juggalos. Juggalos are really interesting because they, especially in Michigan and stuff, they galvanized a lot of...

kind of like downtrodden poor communities and that's like why there are things that are really interesting symbols within their community like the Fago Pop. Do you know what Fago Pop is? You're not from the Midwest. Fago Pop is like the bottom, you know when you buy cereal and the bottom like generic cereal doesn't even have a box it just comes in a

bag. Yeah, yeah. Fago pop is like the soda version of that. So the insane clown posse when they perform, when they or their affiliates perform, Twizz did and all them, they'll pop open a Fago and just torch the crowd with like cherry red and stuff like that. And so that's like a symbol of like

You're one of us because you drink that Faygo pop. You don't drink that bougie ass, brand name ass. Wow. Mr. Pibb, fuck you. No fancy for me. Sprite? Thanks.

What, do you go to a country club? Get the fuck out of my face. But that shit's awesome. I like that they're inclusive. We made a joke at the Juggalos' expense a while ago, and I felt bad about it because I think the Juggalos actually have something very cool at the core of what they do. I'm fascinated by them. They also do do a lot of drugs. They do a lot of drugs at... What's it? Gathering of the Juggalos. They have something called the Drug Bridge. What is...

At the core of the Juggalos, though, is just family. It's like a Fast and Furious. Fast and Furious in real life? It's like, I mean, I'm going to use this term, but I mean it in an endearing way, but it's like white trash rap. That's what it is. I think they would self-identify as that. Yeah. I think they would self-identify. That's why I qualified it. I don't think that they would consider that like a slight. Gotcha. Yeah.

So it's like Eminem is too highbrow. Yeah. That's why they fuck. Yeah, they do Juggalo. ICP, Insane Clown Posse. There's a really interesting place in Florida where it's like, I think it's called the Sausage Kingdom.

Sausage Kingdom. Love that place. You know about this? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's basically a place. It's where I go in my dreams. It's a derelict, like, it's a mansion where, like, a bunch of strippers live. There's, like, a little person. There's a bunch of little people there. You know what I mean? And they're just, like, they're just chilling. They're just chilling. They do drugs. They fuck each other, and they shoot guns.

See, that's kind of like... Sausage Land, you say? Sausage Kingdom. I think it's called Sausage Kingdom. Definitely don't get them mixed up. Yeah, no. Sausage Land is in California. Sausage Land is in California. We hate those guys. It's like Disneyland and Disney World. I still don't know which is which. Cox Berry Farm. Yeah. Dude, you know what always pisses me off about Knott's Berry Farm?

Not scary farm when they say that it's scary. Why would you call it not scary farm? I've never been to a not scary farm before. You're a pussy. Go fuck yourself. What? I've never been. Okay, listen, here's the thing. It's not scary. I don't care who you are. It's literally not scary. When people are creeping up behind you and jump scaring you, you're going to go like,

Like your adrenaline is going to spike. I'm a giant coward. Let's go together. I'll film the whole thing. And if you don't jump, I will buy you your car. We've done it together. Did we not go together? Did you hear me just say you would buy a fucking car for you? If Knott's Berry Farm, I'll let them know we are coming. If they don't get you to jump one time, I'll buy your vehicle.

Any vehicle I wanna buy? No. You will get a very reasonable Prius. You get a Toyota Yaris. I don't want a fucking Miata, dude. You could take the value of the Prius and pay it towards whatever car you want. It's gonna be like one of those sweepstakes. I want that Lamborghini truck, dude. No. It's gonna be like one of those Tesla sweepstakes. If we do a Lamborghini truck, we are going... Nope, not gonna finish that joke. Where are we? I was gonna say I was gonna take you to Gitmo. Oh.

And see if you're not scared there. Let's get my Guantanamo Bay. Oh, yeah. I know what that is. Yeah, no, that's the real not scary part. If you can make it through some waterboarding and not be afraid, then I'll buy you a fucking Lamborghini truck.

Okay, so we're not doing that. No. We're not going to do that. We could make it like a Kickstarter if you want. Bring a crowd back to get now. Here I thought he was going to have like a David Dobrik moment. You know what I mean? I bought my best friend a Lamborghini truck. And then we could do the thumbnails where he's like,

Then he swings you from a crane and fucking puts another hole in your brain. Yeah, exactly. I'm the whole brain guy to his Dobrik, though. One of the things that we were talking about. That's not even true. I don't mistreat you physically like that. I'm not like Bob. Stop yelling. He's wincing. He's got trauma. I wrote here in the trunk. Yeah, that's true. One of the things we were talking about with Michael Reeves when we had him on the podcast is we were thinking of

of things that YouTubers or Twitch streamers would do if there were like social rules. - No ethics. - No ethics. - So if God wasn't real,

Like Mr. Beast going to the ocean and paying people $100,000 to get like five whales with a harpoon. Also the drug use. Oh, everyone would kill you. Mr. Beast would murder people. You think so? I mean, I think he's a nice person. So he wouldn't do that. But like someone like Mr. Beast would be like, there would be like a bizarro Mr. Beast. Like the Russian one. Like the Russian copycat? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, yes, here we have five kids in Siberia. They will try to get out of Siberia. We have abandoned Soviet-era minefield. If you make it to the end of minefield, you keep the Lambo. Today we sent 15 kids to the tundra with a granola bar. Hope they make it back. It's called granola bar.

Bar Siberia Challenge Sponsored by Keshie If you'd like granola It's the best Oh shit They all died Yeah it's like You have to sponsor The video Then they pay for it So Right If there were no socials It'd be glad That thumbnail Is just one of the Kids case tonight

It's like the Mr. Beast freezing thumbnail. Like a kid peeling his fucking skin off for a frostbite. He's like fucking ripping up an animal so he can live inside of the carcass for a little bit. Oh, right. A little bit of Star Wars moment. Russians are way ahead of us. They call him Mr. Beast for a reason. Slap fight?

Oh, the slap lanes. When is the influencer slap fight going to happen? I thought that was, we had critical. I thought that was like in like Austria. It's in Poland. Poland. I think. But that's the same. It's Soviet block. It's Soviet block. I don't know what they just said. Poland is very different than, than Russia. Oh my God. You guys disrespected the Polish. Oh no. Listen, they have a Polish circuit, but there's definitely a Russian subsidiary of slapping.

Their entire economy revolves around doing Crocodile and shooting dash cam videos. The entire Russian economy is fueled by dash cam videos. Dash cam videos of meteors falling down from the sky. For those of you who don't know what Crocodile is, Crocodile is like the- When heroin doesn't cut it.

It's like the crack cocaine to heroin, but there's gasoline in it. Yeah, I mean, if you're naming a drug pretty much after a crocodile, but different. You want to know why it's named after a crocodile? Because it turns your skin into scales. Yeah. No, your skin peels off, so it looks scaly.

Why would anyone willingly do that? Because they're just fucking they're in Russia What are you saying you don't party? Because they that's probably what the Russian squad is for because then that prevents it the skills from getting all over because it prevents I have a theory blood from moving everywhere. I also think that's precisely the reason why they're so good at parkour. They always climb shit They're trying to get to it I found the intersection of like

like crazy bait videos and it was taking they took a beautiful model and a parkour guy dangled her off the side of a building oh right yeah no the videos the videos online of them literally just going up and fucking walking on the yeah on the top of buildings oh that's always a little bit like wide angle i'm gonna hang from this yeah

They set the scene really good. Dude, their content is up there. Have you seen Hezbollah? Oh, dude. Well, that's Dagestan, I think. But yeah, also same shit. Same direction. By the way, are we allowed to take a bathroom break at any point? Dude, I need to pee so bad. And we're back with Chuckle Week. Charlie? What was it? I'm trying to remember. I'm sure you have something you want to add. It's not compelling right now. Give it.

I want this topic. Yeah, so where did, how, oh, I've got one. He's doing a meme. I know, it's fun. I don't know where it's going. Okay, so we talked a little bit about how you had like no sort of retention or exposure to like pop culture stuff, references. What sort of thing did you grow up on? I mean, inspiration, sort of childhood, what did that look like? I mean, in Turkey, I mean,

Especially is aging me a little bit, but like back in the day You know pre-internet it was when I was alive is I'm about to be 30 geez yeah I mean yeah, my god. I was growing up so devastating I know We stop blowing dust all over the money we it gets worse We would get movies like a year later or like two years later sometimes so when I was growing up like

You know, I'm watching American movies, like, after they've already popped off. You know what I mean? In the Western world. So, I was still fascinated with American culture, like everyone is, which is why I don't have an accent. Like, I consumed a lot, like, whatever I could. So, I know enough pop culture references, just not like... Wait, you don't have an accent because you consume so much American, like, pop culture from America? Yeah, I learned English at a very early age, and I just, like, literally, like, read books in English. I was, like, Ameri... Ameri...

Ameriweeb or an Ameribu. How long were you in Turkey for? 18. As long as 18 years old. Wow, that's crazy that you don't have an accent.

I love American culture but capitalism is really shit. To be honest, it's really shit.

I feel like the words are just blowing past me. Yeah, it's hot. It's hot. What if I just made that up? You guys would never know. We'd have no idea what you just fucking said. Cut that out, maybe. I don't know. Holy crap. But yeah, I speak Turkish fluently, and it's my first language technically, and it's the language I spoke the most for the 18 years that I was growing up. Do you speak any other languages? No, just a little bit of German, but not enough. It's nothing. Why German? Why German?

In Turkey you learn either German or French as your second as your third language. Ottoman Empire. Yeah, or also, you know World War One allegiances. Yeah. Yeah. No, that makes sense. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. Luckily no World War Two allegiances. Yeah. They were like, all right, we're not, you know, the first one was bad enough. We're not, we're not doing the second one. This seems, you know, that's your thing. You do it. That second one was a doozy. So how did you get your, how did you get your start then?

In what? Just all this, what you're doing right now. We did the Young Turks. Yeah. Jank, my uncle. Wow, you just say so much when he talks about himself. Oh, sorry, we're not talking about Will right now, guys. Goddamn. You're going to talk about Buzzfeed, brother? What's going on? Oh, he doesn't want to. All right. Hi, Kenny. Hi, Kenny. I want to talk about chips more. Shut up.

Okay, this feels a lot better now. Do that more. See? David Dobrik. Wow. He loves it. How dare you? He's just waiting to swing me into a crane. Back into the truck. That's insane. But yeah, no, I interned at the Young Choice because I graduated with a political science degree from Rutgers and of course the only jobs available when you graduate with a political science degree regardless of whether you have

you know, you graduated magna cum laude or whatever the fuck it's called when you have a 3.75, it doesn't matter. You had a 3.75, guys. Well, I'm just saying that, like, I had...

I thought if you do the right thing and you like go to school and you, you know, get good grades, you will get like a job. And I was wrong. The only job that they... Why would you ever think that? Yeah, it was so dumb of me. It was very stupid, very foolish of me. The only jobs that are available are, of course, like selling life insurance to your fucking immediate friends and family. So good luck to all the Zoomers out there. That's probably what you're looking for.

at for your future unless you know someone. Dude, I remember one of my mentors. Luckily I did. Yeah, one of my mentors in school, the last thing he said to me when I got my master's degree, I was like, what should I do in film? Where should I approach this? He's like, I'd prepare to be poor. He was a guy I looked up to and I was like, oh!

I mean he's teaching because he like literally just yeah, he went through it. I was like fuck this I'm just gonna scam kids into doing it Is he one of the faculty that like the film school audio line was like all of our faculty have worked in the industry? Potentially yeah, I'll just never forget that it was it was scary It was a scary last thing to hear from your mentor. Oh, yeah, it's like you're out the door. Oh, that was the last thing Yeah, that was like that was like yeah disclaimer. Yeah, I

But, um, so I, uh, I interned there and, uh, I wanted to move to Los Angeles anyway. And, uh, my uncle was like, oh, this is an opportunity for me to hire someone and, uh, skirt some serious like labor regulations as a family. Like I was, I was living in the kitchen of a frat house. Yep. Cause like LA real estate is insane. And his pit bull fish lived in your closet on the floor. I remember that.

I was basically just living out of a frat house, kitchen. We used to... Chef's quarters there. We used to bribe our way into nightclubs with pepperoni pizza. That's true. We did do that. And I worked at the Young Turks and I made, I think my first year salary was like $21,000. It was under the... That's like the... I got money back from the government. The government was like, you're so poor. At taxis, I was looking forward to it. That's how much you'd make if you were...

That's around how much my buddy made when he was in the Marines per year. It was like $21,000. Yeah, he's like, well, at least with the Marines, you get room and board. So I had to make my own accommodations, but that's how I started because I just had nothing else that...

I could do that I would enjoy doing. So I started doing ad sales at the Young Turks and they needed someone to do like direct ad sales and they had no idea. They had nothing like they had no program dedicated to like, you know, selling ads and inventory. So I basically built that out. Right. Advertisement, sales and operations in its entirety. Oh, wow.

And then I always wanted to be on camera though because, you know, I'm a fucking narcissist. Right. I was like, I could do this. Everyone in this room is a narcissist. Exactly. Borough. And so I was like...

I will literally just like, I will fill in roles that no one else wants to do. Like if any of the talent, like the on-camera talent, they don't want to show up for work one day, I'll be the guy. And I was dog shit. Like I was so bad on camera when I first started. Not much has changed. I'm still bad, but I was bad back then as well. So...

A lot has changed. He's gotten better. Let me be that guy. Yeah, I've gotten a lot better for sure. But I started doing that and then I was like, I'll produce my own show. I basically was selling ads...

Doing cold calls all the stuff while also simultaneously Shooting a green screen teleprompter show and they did not have that at all at the end like I saw that one out of a closet Yeah, that wasn't a clause. That was a fucking white background. Yeah, that was a utility closet that we turned into a I turned into a studio basically Wow and then it popped off and because I got on Facebook and they were like

You're just going to do all of our Facebook stuff. Wow. Like you're demoted. No longer are you doing sales. You're going to do Facebook. Well, that's because your uncle was letting everybody steal your sales deals too. That's true. His uncle would like let him massage a sales deal to the last thing. Then someone would swoop in and close it and take the commission. Oh, shit. And his uncle would be like, them's the break. So it's interesting because his uncle basically at this point, like,

tries to whiplash this like basically be like I did all this to motivate you are you on good terms with your uncle yeah yeah I still love him but I mean it was he was just it's insanity and he looks back at the situation he's like this was all part of the plan the thing is like I think he was I mean they're progressive right so nepotism is a big no-no

And in order to like combat against like nepotism statements from within the company, he like went overboard with like the you're fucking nothing. Like, you know what I mean? Right. I'm just going to do whatever I want.

And, um, I mean, that still doesn't stop people from saying it, but it doesn't matter. Yeah, he's the Jon Snow of TYT, basically. Oh, okay. Um, so, yeah, I just, I built a show, The Breakdown, out of a fucking utility closet, and it blew up on Facebook. Like, that was what, I would do, like, those Tommy Lauren videos back in, like, 2016 election cycle. That's when I first, like, popped off. And, uh, finally, in, like, 2019, I had started streaming on Twitch.

And it was getting to a point where I had like consistently a couple thousand people in my audience. So they basically gave me an ultimatum and were like, you know, you can't live stream while we're like live streaming. Because I would go into work, write my videos in the morning at like 6 a.m., wake up, write these videos, okay? And shoot the video, leave work in the middle of the day like at like 2 a.m. basic or 2 p.m., work out and then stream for like six hours. So they told me don't do that. And I did that for like a year and a half.

And they were like, you can't do that anymore. So I was like, all right, well, I'm just going to do this then. And I just... And they were like, oh...

Oh, wait. No, it was, I mean, it was terrifying. Seems like a good decision though. It was terrifying, but it was the greatest thing that I did. I think most big decisions that end up working out in our lives are come from that sort of fear, that leap of faith. Yeah. I literally didn't have health insurance. I was like, I'm fucked. Like I'm so fucked. I tell the story of like the reason I started Twitch streaming is like he started to do well and like he cornered me one night when we were drinking and was like, you need to Twitch stream. So you guys were both drunk and you were like, dude,

Well, I probably was drunker than he was, but I was going through it at the time and he's like, you need a Twitch stream. You absolutely need to do it. And I think I had like, this is after a day of drinking. Yeah. I think I had like $2,000 in my bank account at the time. And he was like, just do it, just do it, just do it. And I bought a,

shitty gaming PC on Amazon and that was kind of like my moment where I was like, well, I spent the money on a shitty gaming PC. Time to stream, baby. We're all in. So how did you two meet originally? We had a mutual best friend. So my best friend growing up in New Jersey went to school with him at Rutgers. They became best friends. And then one night I was visiting Rutgers and my friend Dan was like,

You gotta meet this sweaty fat fuck. He's hilarious. Enter sweaty fat fuck. He sweats cheese. He was a way sweatier. I was way sweatier and way fatter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was hilarious. And we met outside the Golden... I lost all of that. What was the name of that bar? The Golden Rod? I don't remember.

I don't even remember. The Rutgers bar? Dude, I was like drunk most of my college experience. I don't remember most. He doesn't remember. But we met and then we kind of bonded a little bit. And years later, we were both living in LA and Dan, the mutual friend, came out and was like, let's all do lunch.

And Dan was dating prototypical, terrible New Jersey girl. The worst, the worst girl in the world. Wanted to be a model and had the model vibes, but actually wasn't a model. So it's like that insecurity probably motivates you to be an even worse person. Right. And yeah. So Dan took us to a burger place called Blue Plate Burger. And we all sat down and the majority of the menu is...

And she starts, yeah. I froze up. How did you not know this? Geez. Sandwiches? Now we know we should have won mogul money. Yeah. Son of a bitch. So she's looking at the menu and she's kind of like that.

And he's like, baby, like, what? And she's like, I don't want, there's nothing on here that I want. A lot of voices. Thank you. Yeah. Very good. Thank you. And there's not, I don't want to eat anything fucking on here, man. Like, I'm fucking. Crap. Yeah. So, so he's like, come on. So she was like, I'll have a fucking science salad. Anyway, the, like, we're like sitting there like, this is awkward. They walked away. Yes. They literally got up and they walked away to continue the argument elsewhere. So she, she finally storms out. She's like, pfft.

I'm out of here! Fuck you! And he's like, babe! Babe! Babe! That kind of moment. Babe, come on! Don't go! Yeah, he clips after her and we're like left like this. We don't know each other. We've hung out one time. And you're in probably a similar booth to the one that you're sitting in right now. Yeah. And here's the bonding moment, right?

Burgers come out. We're both fat kids at heart. We eat our burgers. Our friend Dan's burger is sitting there. And we look at one another and we do, and we literally add like this unspoken, like this is a punitive. We're going to punish him for, for living the lifestyle he's living. Right. If he wants to date this miserable human, uh,

You do not deserve burger. Yeah, you don't get the burger. So we cut the burger in half and we ate the burger and it was that silent agreement that bonded us for life. That was 10 years ago now. Wow. 10 years ago. Holy crap. And I still hear her in my head. I don't want to work.

He's got kids now. A kid? No, no, no. Different model of that. Actually, that's not true. This is a very popular podcast. No, she's lovely. She's lovely. I've never met her. She is a vast improvement over the girl that's doing great. We're proud of you, Dan. We're proud of you. There were plenty of different versions of that person, though, that was like... There were a lot of iterations on terrible girl. Just like so... Exactly the same person. I see why you guys were fat kids, man.

Yeah. Constant burgers that we were eating. Because every time that he was with a new woman of that same variety, it was like, okay, we got to do the burger punishment. Sorry, Dan, not yet. Same cycle of burger abuse. 1.5 times the normal intake because of that. We did not eat her side salad.

for the right. No, she, hey, she was not at a burger place. I'm sure the side salad was not very good. I think we left before they even came back. Could be. I think we just, I think we just took off. I just ate the burger and I remember, oh, oh no, it was like, it was like problem presenting problem. Like their, their relationship was a fucking mess and that side salad was a symbol for like, yeah,

We're in Los Angeles. I wanted to see the fucking stars and we're out with your fat friends eating burgers. Like, fuck. I wanted to do cocaine and go to Rio. You are so...

Good at that voice. It's almost like it's a part of you that like you sort of like pop a little Deep Inside of you model. Oh sure for sure yeah, there's more. There's more to that, but yeah That's a beautiful comes from it comes from a deep place. Yeah, clearly yeah, well

I mean, you were at this burger place, right? Yeah. And, you know, there's a whole bunch of, I mean, we talked a lot about what part of the sandwich you guys are. We like food here. We like food. We like putting things on food. You know, favorite thing to put on a burger. What would you guys say?

Oh. Besides cheese. I like bacon. I love replacing my buns with lettuce. Okay. What? Shouldn't have asked that. I'm just talking about the protein. I know. It's terrible. Lettuce doesn't belong on anything. Hold on. It's not that terrible if you really like to taste the flavor of the cheese and the meat. No, that's fucked up. And it's not something you do all the time. Wait, do you do it for a diet purpose or do you do it? No, I just do it because it's got a crunch to it and it's something I wouldn't do at other places. Like a lettuce wrap. I wouldn't do it at like fucking Five Guys.

This is the most insane thing anyone's ever said. No, no, no. I'm with you. I choose... This is a fucking LaCroix. Okay. So why are we taking his fucking food advice when he's got the LaCroix over there? I need everyone to shut the fuck up right now so I can explain this and break it down for you. Barney style, Hasan. So you like...

The buns. And I understand that. I love a toasted bun. Trust me. But one of the wonderful things about the protein style at In-N-Out is that it removes a certain layer in flavor that is preventing you from tasting the cheese, the chilies if you put them on there, the tomato. You have a chilies protein style burger? I get it like animal style and protein style.

Yeah, animal style, protein style, I've had that. So it's got all, but it's like... That's a struggle choice because you're like, oh God, I need to like cut weight. So I'm just... It's not about cutting weight. It's about getting the crunch of this lettuce. No. And then being able to taste the cheese and the meat. The meat is warm.

My girlfriend's in the studio right now, and she can attest to it that it is literally a good way to have- I've had it. I've had it many times. She begrudgingly gave a thumbs up. It was a very half effort. We have an impressionable audience, and you are really saying this. Can you come here? Come here. Come here onto the podcast and just say your piece into the microphone. Oh my goodness. Okay. Calling the witness to the stand. It's very good.

Oh, God. See? That was like someone who, that sounds like someone a kidnapped person would say. Shay, you're like damaging my argument even though you like this. All the doors in the studio are locked. So I've had a protein-style burger. Like, I've had it many times.

I'm not confused by that, the existence of that at all. I'm confused that you deliberately do it for non-dietary reasons. Because that's why it exists. But I get it. That's why it exists. I get it. It exists for a different place. Wait, wait, wait. It's a replacement. Wait, wait. Many other guazine...

Use lettuce wraps right if I'm eating larb. I have a nice lettuce wrap if I don't yeah, thank you I'm just saying it's a nice change of pace It's not okay. Here's some points any makes it's not like every time I go to dinner out I do this, but if I'm looking for

It's specifically in In-N-Out is the only place that I would let this happen. So you've never done this with other things? Like you don't go like, oh, I want a burrito. Like let's just make a lettuce burrito. No, because it's just really good at In-N-Out. I tried it once and I was like, this tastes so wonderful to me. Let me understand this. So you, if there was a way for you to just consume the meat and cheese and the animal style, you know, it's just Thousand Island sauce, but with onions on it.

No, because I like the lettuce. The lettuce there is nice because it offers sort of a crunch to it. I mean, you don't necessarily get a crunch. It's not my choice, but I get it. You don't get a crunch from a fucking toasted bun. No, but there's lettuce in there. You put lettuce on it if you want fucking crunch. You don't, though. I don't put lettuce on it. Are you not a vegetable guy at all? No. You don't eat any vegetables. I don't eat fruits. He's never even tried vegetables. I agree with you on that. I feel bad about being honest.

I eat vegetables. I don't mind it in sandwiches. I think they're a great complimentary thing that you put in a sandwich. I don't eat fruits at all, and I usually don't eat vegetables on its own, though. I don't understand. As a video, could I maybe go wrangle up some very good preparations of vegetables, like balsamic Brussels sprouts seared one side. Oh, look at his face. That's delicious, though. That's delicious.

I'll try it. And bring it and try it. As long as you don't bring me a gallon of your own piss. No. There will be very light piss. Light piss. Or like buffalo fried cauliflower. Have you ever had that? Very good. That might slap. Very good. That might slap. I might enjoy it. And your body will be like...

Vitamins and minerals. I'm not dying. He's gonna die. He's gonna die. He's never had it. He's gonna reject it. It just starts blistering. Meet now. One time...

When Che and I were in Vegas, we went to a restaurant that had probably the least healthy healthy thing, which was like these deep fried Brussels sprout pieces you just eat with chopsticks. That's even the point. You're defeating the point of Brussels. I know, but if you gave that to Schlatt, I'm sure he'd like it. Yeah. Probably. That's step one. But that's good, though. That's delicious. Yeah. It's the spoonful of sugar that you need to... Makes the medicine go down, baby. Brussels sprouts are pretty good. I mean, I say I'm anti-vegetables, but I mean like...

I don't know. I just don't... Like, when I think vegetables, I think, like, spinach. Like, I will never eat that. I'm a big spinach guy. This is terrible. I could throw some spinach in, like, a smoothie or something. I'm gonna be very real. I think... It's just smoothie. Fuck. I think vegetables are all about how you prepare them. Vegetables are all about how you prepare them. And I think most people just treat vegetables as, like, the... Oh, this is just, like, the... Something that I have to have on the plate so that it's not just all meat. So people don't care about it. But if you give them love...

Like, I'm not a vegan. Love is the answer. He means oil. That's it. You gotta douse him in oil. You know what these vegetables need? They need some oil. That's what it is, though. They need to be covered in some mayo. Yeah. And some oil. Oil. We're going deep fry.

They were gonna dip them in meat. That's the only way you make it acceptable though. You're not raw dogging veggies. Except for, I guess, avocado, but that's a fruit and also it doesn't count as like a cheat code. Right. Do you like avocado? Avocado is absolutely a cheat code. Oh, so you like a fruit? Yeah, I agree. You know, avocado is poisonous to most animals. Avocado is poisonous to most animals. You know what I said?

What the fuck did you just say? I said avocado is poisonous to most animals. Really? Yeah. It's not a fun fact. It's a sad fact. It's a sad fact or a potentially usable fact in a life or death situation. Well, here's the thing. I'm not putting guac on my burgers or anything like that.

Don't walk in the kibble. You know what? I'm fucking putting on my burgers. And this leads us into the next topic of discussion. I'm putting bacon on my burgers. Oh, fuck yeah. So imagine this. Would you rather have unlimited bacon but no more video games or would you rather have games, unlimited games, but no games? But no bacon. But no games?

You mean no bacon. You just said you could have unlimited games. Would you rather have unlimited bacon but no more games? I'll say the games. Or games. Unlimited games. But no more games. No more games. So that is the question. Oh, I thought you misspoke. What do you mean? What are you talking about? Would you rather have unlimited games but no more games?

Is what you guys keep saying. Do you need to hear it again? Do you need to hear it? No, they're brain massaging you. I guess I'll take the bacon.

But there's no more games. Seriously? There's no more games in either option. No, but on the other hand, you know. I've listened carefully. I've listened carefully to your question, sir. I get if Hasan said that because he's got all the holes from Diet Coke. Do you just have a bag of chips rattling around up there? I'm sure that Hasan would give us that answer because he's got all the dents in his penis, but, you know. I do not have dents in my penis. He's got a few dents. He's got a dentsy dick. Um.

Yeah, I'm going to go with the second option. You're going with unlimited games. Right. But no games. That makes sense. That's good. I think that's the favorable one here. That's good. Thank you so much for coming on, man. All right. Here I am on the David Dobrik podcast just getting abused by everybody. So that does it for this episode of Chuckle Sandwich, part of Chuckle Week.

It's such a good name. With our friends, Mr. Hassan and Mr. Will Neff. Did you know you're a first last name kind of guy, by the way? Yeah, yeah. I was called Neff my entire life until there was a brand. And then I had to fucking... But he literally wears a brand all the time. I like to fuck with people. It's like merch.

Like Tim Apple. I made the brand. We've stolen something from another show that we have started to do this week for some reason at the end. I think Schlatt's really into this. Will, we got this camera, this camera, this camera. Let's roll out the red carpet. Tell everybody what you got going on in your lives. Sure. Go ahead. Which one am I talking? That one? So this one? Okay. Okay.

Alright, well, this one. This one. Okay. Try to look between those two. Do you see this one over here? I'm looking at both of them. Do you see this one? Not that one. I can't look at that one. It's too far. Don't. Well, you can. Don't. These. Chuckle weak. Okay, so...

Just look at the one Borif points to. Borif points a one. I'm a Sompiker. Borif points to the other one now. I stream on Twitch at twitch.tv slash Hasanavi. Oh, God, I'm just looking at all of them now. He keeps changing it. One eye on each, Hasan. One eye on each. Come on, eye on the ball. And also, Will and I here have a podcast called Fear and Molding where we record an episode every Wednesday. It's out on Thursday. You can find them. You're pointing a ball.

All of them now. I don't know. The red carpet's retracting. Hurry up, man. Fear and Molding is our podcast. You can find it wherever podcasts are on the internet.

And Will. What about you? Okay, here's how you do an ad read. Oh, hello there. My name is William Neff. You can find me at Will Neff on Twitch or TheWillNeff on Twitter. TheWillNeff or Will Neff is the iteration that you'll find me all over the web, YouTube and all other social media platforms. I have a podcast with Hasan called Fear and Molding. I have a show with Cutie Cinderella called Dinner and a Movie. I do D&D on Wednesdays with Arcadum and I

also have my own twitch stream on which I teach film and various other film elements you can come for screenings every weekend that's right every weekend make sure you follow me and I wouldn't hate it if you hit that subscribe button I have another I have another plug no you're done I got I got okay this is this one's for Jay Schlatt too but

I found out that there is a Hassan TWT. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. A twit? Hassan twit. Yeah. Is that how you say it? I think so. I just say twit in my head. Yeah, Hassan twit. There's a Hassan selfie twit day. Is that what it's called? Selfie day, yeah. Yeah, apparently. I just literally was peeing and I saw this on my timeline. I was like, it's coming up in a week. Do you want to do a selfie? I'm going to do a selfie. Well, this is probably going to come out like, you know,

So long from now. Yeah, so it's cool. Hopefully you guys were a part of Hasan Twit when it happened. Hasan Twit selfie day. I don't even know what that is. I don't either. I think you take selfies. There's a Neftwit. You think there's a Neftwit? I don't even know what it is. You're talking about NFTs. Slime Twit? Ted Twit. Ted Twit? Milk Twit. There's not a Shlatt. No, there's not a Shlatt Twit. I told my followers that it was going to be Ted Twit because I want to take over the name Ted.

It's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good name. Is there a schladtwit? No. No. No. It's called Ramtwit. No, no, no. Yeah. Is it? It's called Ramtwit. Yeah. Ramtwit. There's a schladtwit where everyone's like, if you follow this guy, I'm unfollowing you. Basically. They did a selfie day one time. I just saw it trending once.

When I was like taking a shit or something, I was like, hmm. And it was just people just being like, if you post a selfie, you can go fuck yourself. Really? Yeah, they fucking hate you. Oh, I was just kidding. I didn't realize they really did. Oh, no, they hate him. And everybody who posted a selfie, all their replies were like, you ugly piece of shit. Like, you go fuck yourself. Is it the day where they print out all the selfies and throw knives at them on the wall? Do they not realize that he's like friends with everyone?

They haven't figured that out yet. It's very weird. Like, cause they'll, they'll be like, if you follow, if you hang out with Jay Schlatt, like, you know, you're, you're canceled. It's like, but we all do. Yeah.

When Slad isn't throwing a fit about his inconveniences, he's one of the sweetest guys ever, and I don't think people understand that. That's not really true. He's a big teddy bear. He's a big teddy bear. That's why I gave the context. We'll give you the payment for that. When there's no pickle on his hot chicken sandwich. That meant a lot to me.

We'll pay you double for that. Well, thank you guys so much for coming on. Guys, it's been an absolute pleasure. You are all very talented young men, and it's a pleasure to be able to come in here to your vastly superior set to ours. It's true. Yeah, you need to start eating vegetables because you look older than we do. But, yeah, guys, it's been a real pleasure. Thank you so much for having us. Hassan and Wilmeth, folks. Keep chuckling. Woo-hoo!