Shownotes Transcript
Life is full of adventures.
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Hello and welcome back to the Cancelled Podcast. So I was exhaling vape smoke like a piece of shit. Yeah, that'll be good for my extreme illness. Oh, my bad. I'll go this way with it. Honestly.
Honestly, send her over. Send her over. Welcome back. Red Rover, Red Rover. I just want to thank you guys for showing up today. But I didn't know I had the option. You've done it all. I'm just kidding. I wanted to be here. I love you guys so much. Brooke is wildly sick. Paige is wildly nervous. Horrified. Don't be nervous. This feels almost like the, I always reference it as the Rainbow Tarp episode, which is just like, oh my God, dude. See, they don't even want me on. Yeah, no.
The rainbow tarp episode, which there's got to be a better name for it. It's kind of like how the other one's called the Marianne episode. Like it's just like pivotal moments. I remember the rainbow tarp episode. I feel like we all were like dying and then somehow are like one third of each brain cell together. Like it made for what I thought to be a really great episode. I love that. That's a really beautiful story. We leave for tour tomorrow. Are you ready? Cuddle.
Dude, I am like the biggest idiot. Like literally ever though. Like it's like I can't blame anybody but myself. I was just downstairs watching the last episode of Canceled and I'm like, I had just gotten back from Vegas and I'm like, this is my last time going. This is my last hurrah before tour. Like I'm not whatever. And I'm playing poker, right? I went to Vegas again this weekend. Did you do that? Oh, OK. Again, like seven.
seven days after filming that one, final weekend before we leave, I go to Vegas. And I'm like, I'm going to go for 24 hours on Friday. I left on Tuesday. Never. Yeah, it's never 24 hours. And we know that by now. But like Friday to Tuesday and you're going to leave...
only one full day to do everything before you leave for tour. And then it's like, I did that to myself too. And I wasn't even in Vegas. I just did that because I just wanted to make things harder for myself. Oh yeah. We've been jam packed today. I'm not kidding. Like doing cartwheels all over LA. We have not had like a split second to breathe. Monday. You could have come home from Vegas Monday. Yep. Dunce hat corner time out. It's just like so
Dude, I didn't even bother texting you to be like, hey, you want to come home anytime soon? I knew that you were going to leave at the last possible minute. Dude, I had a beautiful flight on Sunday, too, and I just watched it pass. Just sat there and watched the flight about to happen and was like, ah, there's Tetris on the sphere. Like, go home! It's so f***ing bad. Gotta hang with the emoji sphere. It's just...
I hate LA. I don't know what it is lately. Like it was the only reason I went is because I was like it's Friday and there's nothing to do with this weekend. That's okay. We're about to be in Springfield, Missouri. That's actually where we start. Where? Vermont. Burlington. I can't stop. I can't. There's something that's going to feel so. Wait, I'm excited. There's going to be a reference in every place we can talk about that. They're eating. They're eating the cats. They're eating the dog. Where did he say it is? Springfield, Missouri.
Yeah. It was that close to home and I didn't know this. Not my Springfield, but a Springfield, Massachusetts. Holy fuck. Get me off the mic. Is that not the funniest? Oh, wait, we're going to Springfield, Missouri. No, we're going to Springfield, Mass. Oh, really? And it's Springfield. But we could just. I don't know. It still works. Dude, I spent an hour today. Mind you, I'm sitting here talking about how I have no fucking time. I spent an hour today trying to get Winnie to like do a trick for like that. They're eating the cats and dogs. Tick tock. Like that. You have suitcases to pack.
Should we just start off talking about the debate? I feel like we fucking have to. Honestly, yeah, it feels right. It was so good. Not good, but like so entertaining. Kamala swept the floor with him. Absolutely. Mopped the fucking floor. It's so, I don't know how far I want to take this, but it's actually embarrassing because the amount, the people who were saying that she had a bugged earring. Did you see that? Yeah, I saw that everywhere. And then it got debunked. People thought it was the Bluetooth earring, but then it's a specific Tiffany style. It's just like the, like the,
rigged election. I'm like, you guys cannot lose anything. And like, don't you think if she had a Bluetooth connection
if she had a Beats clip on, that she would have gotten like a forward facing blowout? Like you're not going to have your ear out. Exactly. She only had one tucked behind her ear too. Or she had like, if I had her adjusting some shit, if I had a Bluetooth earring live on the canceled stage, I would like braid my hair like this. Like, you know what I mean? Wait, what? Or like imagine she like got some words
wrong. My favorite moment was when she turned to him and you know with everything in her power she wanted to say you mother fuckers. I almost think that was like deliberate like you know how like in Obama's speech at the DNC he did he like did the little like crowd sizes and like it was like a joke. Like pause. I think she did that almost on purpose. I agree I agree especially because it's well known that her favorite curse word is motherfucker. What's your favorite curse word? I can't say it. It starts with an M and it ends with a.
Not ER. Oh, really? And it was like the perfect beat with what she was saying. She's like this. Yeah. But she was so brilliant. But honestly, it was a lot of like everyone was saying this, even the like the guy on Fox went on and he was like, yeah, I bet they're celebrating over there right now. I'm like, when he sees that, he's going to literally jump. I have the cats and dogs shit. And like the I have plans shit.
I have a concept of a plan. Can I tell you something right now? Last night, I was awake until like 6 a.m., obviously scrambling around here trying to figure out if a black corset goes more with camo pants or a white corset for a show in Vermont where it literally doesn't even fucking matter. Pack the corset and go to bed. It was too late to text this to Paige. It was like 5 a.m. and I was embarrassed that I was still awake. And I was like, I'm not going to send Paige a TikTok right now. She'll be disappointed in me. You're literally my mom. I was like, it's too late. I'm out.
past my bedtime and she'll be disappointed when she sees it in the morning. Like I know she was up until 7 a.m. So I texted it to myself to remember. That's actually hilarious. And did you remember? Literally at 5.02 a.m. Like I was just too embarrassed to send it to Paige.
But this is one of my favorite memes that's come from the election. That Trump's claim about people eating pets perfectly syncs to the Peanuts theme song. But how'd they figure that out? Please? I don't know, but I love people. This is why I love the internet. Because who the fuck figures this out? Are you ready? They're eating the dogs. The people that came in. They're eating the cats. They're eating...
Have you seen people do that with like the intro to Chapel Rowan song? Which one? Ultra modern girl. I don't know if I know it. Oh,
Oh, it's so good. That's the thing is it's like I knew Trump was going to be Trumpy, but like it surpassed my expectations. Dude, he's just like a wind up toy. You pull the string and he has the same five phrases that he repeats every single time. The immigrants. Yeah. Yeah. China. The wall. Dude, so many people were like.
And this is, again, how you know I'm so fucked in the head. Like, I had just come home from Vegas gambling all weekend, and then I found out too late that people were, like, betting on the election, like, sports betting. Or not the election. Oh, my God. On the debate. You should. Now's the time to bet on the election, though, I'd say. Oh, my God, I'm going to. Did you see? Well, yeah, you did see. Taylor endorsed Kamala. Oh, yeah, I did. Uh-huh. Speaking of cats. With the cats. Yep. Very good. It's a childless cat lady. I love her. Did you see that? J.D. Vance.
His speech? Mm-mm. He's like talking shit about like the people who... Basically, he's like, and they're just at home, these childless cat ladies. And everyone in the crowd was like, oh, that's not... And that's why Taylor said that in her thing. She is so deliberate. Like...
And just like intelligent. I also think she was very deliberate in when she decided to endorse Kamala. Cause like, she's been withholding that information from us for a long time. And she chose right after, like, you know what I mean? Like the best time ever when it's like, he's already down. Now let's just push it over the top. Now I've got some insult to injury. It is crazy. Like the Swifties pull. It's,
She did say like she encourages everybody to do their own research and make their own decisions. She didn't say vote for Kamala. Right. But like if she wears blue, like there are no blue tops at Zara for six months. Like it's just like by nature. So many people will like, you know, that was a horrifying example. But again, I'm frank. You know, Trump's shaking in his boots. But you know what does interest me? I'm getting too passionate.
like how like Kamala's official TikTok is using like the dolphin meme, right? Like, and obviously this is all being so memed because it is like a lot of shit that's going on in the political world right now is like so memeable reality television, right? Like, do you think that our generation is going to vote? Like, I hope they are. Or are they just like making TikToks and like watching? I think a lot of people aren't actually going to go out and vote. I hope
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federally insured by ncoa to receive any advertised product you must become a member of pen fed credit union life is full of adventures do you take this man to be your husband i do welcome home we did it he has your eyes he's perfect
Make the most of them all with PenFed checking and savings accounts. Learn more at PenFed.org. Federally insured by NCUA. To receive any advertised product, you must become a member of PenFed Credit Union. PenFed's got great rates for everyone.
I've been keeping up so hard with the Cody Ford and Tiana Robillard drama. See, that's something I don't know about. So we met Tiana in London. Love her so fucking much. I'm like, weirdly, I've talked about this with Ty several times. There's something about her that's like, she's so magnetic. I can't even describe it. Like,
I'm enamored by her. I think she's so beautiful. And like, I just really remember like hanging out with her and being like, but I feel this way like about you guys as well. Like how can it, like how could anybody do that? Especially just their story in the sense that like,
He cheated once behind the scenes. And she said, if you do this again, I'm out. Like she gave him, you know, like more of an opportunity than he even deserved. Still went on to get engaged to this man. Then he did it again. And she's mad that, or he's mad that she brought it online. It's like, I want to mop the floor with you round one. So it's like, you know? Right. And so now-
He's on some God forsaken podcast in someone's studio apartment that I don't know actually literally where it was immediate retraction, but, and he's on this whole fucking tangent about how a, that he would never take her back because of her going online and talking about it. And it's like,
It's so funny how often men do that. Like, where the fuck do you have the gall and the wherewithal and the balls to fucking assume she would take your bum-cheating, lying ass back? Then he goes on this whole tangent about how she still has one of his Balenciaga jackets on.
Okay, but if all you're doing is flexing Gucci flip-flops, fuck it, hit your bitch in my socks thing, you can't come online and whine about one Balenciaga jacket like that. Like you cheated on her multiple times and you're worried about a jacket. You're also negating your entire like hot shot flexing image by like whining over it. Right, because if you're Mr. Moneybags, just go buy a new one. And then, then after jacket...
V1 gate. Come to find out. Find out. So first of all, he's dating like a girl immediately after being with her. So then it's like, did you even care about the engagement at all in all the years you spent with her? Oh, and isn't she already wearing Tiana's jacket? And so this girl also kind of resembles Tiana and is posting with this guy. I've just never understood a bitch who is immediately ready. Sorry, girl. I...
I'm not lobbying any hate here, but it is hard for me to wrap my head around a woman who wants to immediately be with a man who just like cheated on someone, especially in like the realm of engagement.
And you know he's probably like, oh, well, she's crazy. But it's like, duh. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. In those situations, it's always the guy telling them a completely different story that nobody knows about. That is fair. But this one is so public that it's like, one plus one equals two on your four-year business. I know, but I've been that stupid before. That's fair. Not defending her, Team Tiana. But then this bitch posts on her grid in Tiana's jacket. So you had the gall and the wherewithal after your new thing.
great value up and up version of Tiana is posting in the jacket to then be fucking mad about your Balenciaga jacket. Like, that's crazy. Like,
a refund oh that's fucking crazy is the jacket a women's jacket like a like is it clearly like a girl's jacket or is it like a my heart she could have thought it was i know you're so passionate i am so passionate because i just like fucking love tiana do you know what i'm saying like is it could it be is it his jacket that they both wore or is it her jacket it's so funny because it could be a 3xl and i'd be like it's her jacket like it doesn't
I don't give up. I know. I don't like, I'm not defending the situation at all. I'm just trying to understand how this happened. Because if I saw a girl's, if a guy, it's actually happened to me recently. I had a guy be like, oh, you can wear like my ex's thing. I'm like, like, no, I can't.
And I got so mad. Oh my God. Do you know my ex? Why did guys do that? Like that's happened to me. Guys do that. Like what the? You could just wear theirs. It'll fit you. And it's like, do you not know why that's not okay to say to me? My ex has been wearing my fucking Vivian Westwood necklace for the past eight months. Paige. That's a gay person.
And there's nothing wrong with that. You know, I asked him that shit back too and he goes, oh no, I lost it. I'm like, I know you have it hidden under your fucking pillow. With his claw clips, babe. With like five of my thongs. You want to talk about your relapse? Oh God. Oh yeah, we do. Can I also just say it's so funny because like we're on such opposite sides of TikTok. Like you guys have that going on and you know what I have? What? Rock competitions. What?
What the fuck is a rock competition? Rock cleaning competition. What do you mean we're like two people cleaning a rock and whoever? Erin, are you on this side? It's like a bunch of people. Asking Erin felt like a weird attack.
Yeah, that felt like, yeah, that felt mean. Like, I don't know, autism talk. But it's all these people who are like racing each other to like clean and polish rocks as fast as they can to like see who's reflects like a mirror first. Should we do that on stage? I was just going to say that. That's so weird. You took the words out of my mouth. Like you guys are on drama talk and I'm on rock talk. And the loser has to swallow it. The loser has to chew it until their teeth look like what I won't say because I'm grown. Oh my God. You know, but who's to say? I know what you were going to say. Yeah.
There was like four options. They all fit. Who's to say I'm not on talk either though, you know, because it's like, I just want to be, I just want to, I just want to, I just want to like, if I see one more of those dolphins, I'm actually going to like forget the alphabet. I have forgotten the alphabet.
but you know the greek one i do that's my pick me will you tell us about your relapse please but i know you have to be careful and obviously you can explain why you have to be careful no i'm not even walking on eggshells let's air it out good for you all right so oh god i didn't even tell you this how did this happen like how what was the first move you oh page yeah so i texted him it's funny because i think rainbow tarp episode
God make me stop referencing that. You were talking about how you were like clean off him, showing your cerebral. And I said the ball was in your court and you were so powerful. So long as that was true. Well, full relapse here. Um, I've fully texted him. I said, hi, I'm off my meds.
The things you never say to a man. It all means centered around your mental health. Like sending back your cerebral when you're in a good spot, but then saying hi, I'm off my, like, that's funny. Well, like I have to let him know what it is. It's kind of like backhanded. Like, hey, I'm, I'm, I'm relapsing. Out of my mind. So I'm texting you. Yeah, exactly.
Were you just like, was just like the rose toy not hitting? What was it? Too overwhelming. And you were like, I obviously have to self-harm. No, if anything, I, yeah, I think my life has been really boring lately. It's not even boring. It's just been good and stable, which to me is like, yeah, we had this talk last episode. Sometimes you just want to create. I just had to like, yeah, throw some spice in there. Yeah. That's why I have a gambling problem now. Like it all comes out. Yeah. Like you just swap one addiction for another. My current one's going to be this man. So yeah.
texted him I said hi I'm off my meds he said in a good way or a way that I shouldn't enable and I said probably shouldn't enable but I want you to so then this man facetimes me not even five seconds later I'm like oh no this is a beautiful love story something's brewing and I hate to support it but I know so he facetimes me we have this whole conversation catching up and he's like well what are you doing tonight I'm not busy if you want to come over we can like talk have a bottle of wine
So immediately. Talk and have a bottle of wine. Let's get serious here, Paige. So I was like, yes, of course, I would love to have a mature platonic friend conversation with you over a bottle of wine. I said, should I bring? No, you brought your knee pads. You know it. I brought Scrabble. Oh,
Why is that so much fun? You're like, you're spelling it out. Like, yeah, fuck me. Yeah, right, right, right. I'm like, so what are we? Thank you. I couldn't get there at all. And you know what? I know he watches too because he confessed. So if you're watching, it's fine. Boo. Right. So anyway, I go over there. We talk. We have wine. We talk again. Oh,
It's like that. Was it immediate? No, no, no. We actually did talk. We had great conversations, great catch-ups. He told me he watched the podcast. Do you know she holds his wiener when he pees? Which I think is like even weird. No, that's not weird at all. Don't let her make you think that's weird. Okay, I'm sorry. Because who the hell am I to shame anyone for anything, right? Yeah, we know what you've done. Wait, I also want to know, I texted you the last episode that I was editing or like watching. You say something weird during sex and you never text me back. I know, I left you on season two.
Why don't you tell her what it was? Can you please just right now just... Tell her what it was. I'll share one with you. Go first, go first. Wait, will you share one? It depends on what yours is. Okay, okay, okay. Can you start? Because I need to reference the degree of severity. For those who don't know, because I might cut it out of the next podcast, I still have the liberty. You know what I mean? To cut it out of the episode you're referencing. Okay.
I was essentially saying that I was having this conversation with Ty. We somehow both said something that we like will say to someone when we're having sex. Ty said his and then I said mine. And I thought like I was just saying something like not that bad. And then like Ty couldn't look me in the eyes for an hour. No. Like type shit. So then it made me self-conscious about
about what I was saying. I don't think it's that crazy, but I don't think it's something you should share online. Wait, you should know it. I was going to say, say it with your chest into the mic. Okay, I'm going to have to leave the last two words, so Oscar, do this one on your own. You got this, okay? We can leave in the first two words. Oh, no. Fuck. No way.
I actually can't. And it's so funny because you know me. Like, I come on here and literally talk about avatar porn. Yeah. So it's like, Ty made me feel bad. Okay, well, let's rewrite this. I don't think it's that bad. Now that I'm thinking about it, I think I know what it was. Here's what I want to say, okay? Obviously, like, I'm 26, okay? Santa! No, we don't need the fucking bad story. In this amount of time, I've been able to kind of figure out what I think works. Yeah, okay. Like, fuck your... And then you could add... The...
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's crazy. Not even just like a Mad Lib. Like it's interchangeable for like seven different things. Like it doesn't have, like that's one of seven things. But then I thought she said, then I thought she said, like, and not about my fuck my. But it's yours. It belongs to you. It's not me, dude. I'm not the one busting a nut from that. I literally read.
No, you're just the one saying it, babe. And I say some crazy shit. Okay, give us one of yours. I feel like that's not even... Well, actually, that one's like a little... I just want to clarify that that's like one of like 20 rotatable phrases. And I'm going to throw up. You have that many? Can you text it to me? Because I need new ones to try out. Three.
I had a third point as to why this is okay. I feel like mine aren't like that crazy. I say a lot of crazy shit. I just say like, obviously it's me. I can't like, it's crazy though. How different guy to guy will be. Cause like one guy you can like, you can be like daddy and the next guy's like, why the fuck would you say that? Uh huh. Yeah. Not in my experience. Just what I've heard. So no one else. I don't really have good one. Like I'm not, I'm not like really that vocal. Yeah. I feel like you're very like, I just hit some like Mariah Carey, like. Yeah.
No, I just hit the classic like- And I hope you know I'm not doing this every single time. Sorry to cut you off. I know, I didn't mean to- I hope this is good. She keeps- I'm saved by the bell. I'm just thinking about like Bill and Joel watching this. Why not? Click out, Bill and Joel. Yeah, please. Jesus Christ. Oh my God, you make me so fucking wet. Hide me. Yeah, okay. I'll hit a good- Yeah, yeah. I need more therapy. I hit that one two nights ago and I was like, me, me, me. And then he was like, wait, really? I go, wait, actually, no, no, no. Like I came to my senses. Literally came to your senses. No, no, no.
So long as you're not, well, Red Rover, Red Rover. Okay, before I continue my story, you know how people- Oh my God, I'm so sorry for the segue. No, please. You know how people who have like had amputated limbs get like phantom limb? Yes. So I lost a nail and I keep going from like this distance to scratch my face. That's really funny. Phantom? Can I know a little more about phantom limb? So you're telling me right now,
And I don't actually know how to demonstrate without being offensive. Yeah, don't try it, please. I'm actually going to sit back down with my limbs. Why did that feel backhanded? I'm going to actually use my limbs. No! You're saying the phantom limb would possess me being like, oh, my water. No. It's like if your leg just got chopped off, they can get pain in their leg even though it's gone. They'll be like, oh, my knee hurts. I'm praying.
I don't even know what just happened. She just reached for her one ball without using her
Oh. But like essentially. Yeah, I was just like imagining like right now I was like, oh my God. And then I was like, oh fuck, I'm strapped in. Like that's what I thought fans and limb meant. Brooke is, if you have like an amputated limb, like you sometimes still like get the sensation that it's there or like you can feel pain or like nerve endings and it's not there. That's actually crazy. That's how when you cut a lizard's tail off, it can still move its tail. Anyway, keep going. What do you mean? What do you mean it can still move its tail? Yeah, the tail will keep moving even though it's not attached to the lizard anymore. Oh.
It's like chickens with their head. But that's kind of like how when people cut off their finger and they like put it on ice. What's the fish that you can eat that like is still moving when you eat it? I'll never know or be a part of that. Okay. That's terrifying. But anyway, yeah. So I keep itching my face from out here because I have phantom nail. Back to the man. Back to the computer. Okay. Yeah. So we talked, you know, we really caught up. Yeah. Talked horizontally. Yeah.
Some good combos. And then the next morning I did my classic. I roll over, I grab my phone, call my Uber. And he was like, what are you doing? I was like, oh, I'm just going to go home. He's like, well, no. He's like, I want to go get ice cream. I was like, okay. For breakfast? Yeah, I don't know. I like him.
I don't. Oh. So he was like... She does. Look at her kicking her little feet. I know. Feet are planted. Ten toes down. Ten toes down. We spent like... Essentially, we spent like the whole day together. We went prancing around Santa Monica Farmer's Market, went, got coffee together, went to a bar.
worked on his car. I was like, do I look like Megan Fox from Transformers? Thank you. But I like didn't leave his house until like 5:30 or 6:00 PM next day. Wake up, go about my day. I get a text from him at five o'clock and he's like, what are you doing tonight? Can you be at the Palladium by 8:30 to go see Mickey? And I was like, honestly, sure. So went to a concert with him, had, um, a time straight out of like a rom-com movie.
Except for there was no calm. Nothing about this is funny. You're back in it. She's like, and that's why I'm walking with a limp today. I'm just getting so much day. But are you happy? Honestly, yeah. Okay, and I will be real about this. Like...
I think now that I've had some time away from him, I can actually see it for what it is. And like, I don't have him. There's no limerence here now. No, I'm serious. I'm serious. But that's what I kept saying when I kept going. It is the tale as old as time. Is it? I think so. But it's I get it because you really believe it. I really believed it. And like, I knew what it was, but it still hurt me the same.
Fuck. Even though I knew, I just, I was more aware of. I tell this to people often, like if you have a fuck buddy and it's just a fuck buddy and that's all you want it to be, I think you should still, and I get it, some people can't like two people at once, but like be going on a date or two or like imploring other things. Well, the most important thing, she would tell me that all the time and I never listen to her because I'm like, I already have somebody, I don't want to put the energy into it. If I had done that, I could have avoided my whole Mr. Big situation. Well, that's the difference this time. I do have someone else. Oh, good.
Yeah. Are you? Who? I met him at. Literally. And I mean this with my whole fucking chest as if they took man one to a lab and Elon Musk made him again. Like, I like, I've never seen. They look identical. They act identical. Like it is like fucked. It's fucked. But man number two really likes me. That's the difference. Then that's all you needed. So I met him at my friend Nikki's wedding and we immediately hit it off like instant chemistry. Hello. Hello. You told me
tell me about this. This was your, your version of my, yes. Yes. Straight out of the movie. Do you know what Paige kept saying? That she was, that she was attracted to this man because she walked in, into karaoke and he was queening out to Chapel Roan, like performing, like, but say,
Like I wanted to fuck this guy so bad because he was queening out is like the most big shit. Brooke, I have to be so honest. I went the entire night talking to him thinking that we were just, we were queening out together. I really had no idea. Yes. And then he started kissing me and I'm like, wait, what's going on? And I was so pleasantly surprised. That's like your biggest fantasy. I know. So...
Everything's good around here. Seriously. I think like now I can approach it. Like I've taken them off the pedestal. There's no limerence here. I think I can like really see it for what it is now. And like, I see him in such like a different light. Yeah. So long as you just, just don't spend too much time with him. That's like, that's a mistake I would make. I'd go right back to normal and I would be there fucking five days a week. And then I'd want to kill him, like die. Fuck, I have to text him back.
I'm supposed to see him tonight? Honestly though, I'm proud of you. Keep the two. Play a little game right now even. Say you're going to see him and then bail last minute. Give him a little of his own medicine. Haze him a little. I know you're watching this. I don't give a fuck, motherfucker. Dude, no, never mind. I don't think he likes me, so I'm just honing in on that. Queening in on that, if you will. He does really like you. Fucking ass. I was going to say ass. Take a nap. You're weird. I'm like, you guys should go hang out. Fuck.
But yeah, so I relapsed big time. It's okay. It happens to the best of us. It does.
- It really does. - Sorry, I just had war flashbacks, literally. - I saw it happen. - Today's episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Kids are always learning and growing, but as adults, sometimes we lose that curiosity. What's something you'd like to learn? Gardening, a new language, or maybe how to finally beat your best friend in bowling. Therapy can help you reconnect with your sense of wonder because your back to school era can come at any age. It's helpful for learning positive coping skills and how to set boundaries. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself.
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federally insured by ncoa to receive any advertised product you must become a member of pen fed credit union i have so many random topics for us like it's actually insane me too i have some goofy ones do you guys know what tom brady looks like like from memory of course yeah okay like if you close your eyes you can really picture tom brady right now right i'm from massachusetts so
Last night he was like the cover of my Netflix screen. Like just his face. Do you know how much he made? Sorry. No. I kind of want to know. I'm working on myself. I'm working on myself. You're perfect. I think you're perfect. You're fine. Say it. They gave him a $375 million contract to be the correspondent for Fox. And everyone, it was kind of interesting in the football community because everyone thought he was just kind of like, fuck this shit, I'm out. Like going to go be on a farm or whatever. I don't, that's what McCullough tells me. No, he couldn't. He tried to leave football for his wife and then she left him for jujitsu instructor.
Oh, I've heard that. And he kisses his son on the lips. Yeah. Makes out. So obviously it was like rumored he was dating Kim Kardashian. Like even like Nikki Glaser and the Rose was saying like, I want to fuck you so bad. Like it is commonly discussed that like Tom Brady's hot. Like, do you guys think Tom Brady's hot? I think he looks like something happened to him. I think it's like when someone's too perfect. When someone's like too perfect. Yeah.
Like the Ken doll thing creeps me out. Like bleep this obviously with like a like it's like uncanny valley to me. But now I just look shaming Tom Brady. He's obviously hot to the rest of America. No, no, no. He's definitely obviously traditionally hot. I don't like when he smiles I feel like it looks like his face hurts. Like that one.
like it looks like he was like made in a factory no he's hot he's for sure hot though i don't know what i'm talking about he's hot yeah no he's yeah but then they're like channing tatum i feel the same way everyone's like he's so hot i'm like doesn't do it for me but i don't feel that way because isn't like isn't like cookie cutter sexy sexy sexy he has like kind of some grit yeah he has some grit he has like fucked up teeth not fucked up but like so stupid
I kind of want to be the son. Please cut me. Brooke, you are so funny. Please leave it. It's so funny. He doesn't. I just mean, I just said I want to be Tom Brady's son. So, I mean, we're really doing great over here. I missed that. No, it's good that you did. And then I reset it. Can I tell you? Can I tell you the worst thing about the canceled podcast? What? Well, maybe just a top three. I always, always, always miss every good joke she has because I'm just I can't.
Pay attention to what she's saying sometimes. No, no. No, that's not what I meant. That's not what I meant. No, stop. I'm getting red. I'm getting red. That's not what I meant. I meant... No, I meant like I'm... I'm just absent-minded and I'm always like for some reason thinking about like...
where the conversation is going to be in 10 minutes. So like sometimes I'll miss like her best jokes and then it's so, it sucks so bad to watch it back and realize I could have responded to something so funny and I missed it. But also like, or sometimes it'll be like while we're both talking at the same time so I don't hear it and I'm like, oh God, that was a good one. What was on the last episode? We always just talk about though, like I'm always like, I'm just swinging and then sometimes I hit, like I just, I'm always saying, you know what I mean? But it's not like so funny and that's my biggest thing. I need to pay closer attention to what you're saying and I know that's my job. Yeah.
No, I think it's... We're just here to yap. I don't give a fuck. Like, we're fine. Okay, can we also... Not to circle all the way back to the presidential debate, but like, I've been seeing... A lot of my For You page as well right now is like the guys who go out and street interview the Trump supporters and like... Yeah, and they just don't even... Yeah, no, it's fucking insane. Like, they'll be like, how do you feel that Biden said...
you know, you can abort a baby after birth. And then like the last of Trump's board and they're like Biden for prison. That's horrible. And they'll be like, wait, Trump said it. And they're like, actually, that's amazing. Like, it's just the most insane shit I've ever seen. And then Trump said this on the debate last night, which is, are there people out there? Like I am like boggled by this, scrabbled by it, if you will. Okay. That there are people out there that genuinely believe that,
There are abortions happening after nine months. You're telling me people are out there believing that they're like yeeting the baby and snapping its neck at nine months. I think there are, or I mean, now there are because you know, Timmy in Missouri was like, what Trump say during the debate. He was like, and they execute the babies after they're born. He said,
He said, I bet even after birth. Yeah. So random. But I saw a TikTok the other day and it was like, I want to hear your weirdest, like hear me out for a person. Oh, this is my favorite dinner table conversation. Okay. I want to go around and say like your weirdest, hear me out either like a person, an actor, like unconventionally attractive or like a character, someone weird. But get weird with it. Oh, I was about to just give you hot takes about like anything. Or is it a person? Like someone that you'd fuck. Oh.
Okay, so we're hear me out a person. Yeah. Or something. Or the character. Okay. I can start. All right. I think you should. It's right. Rango.
okay isn't that like that can you are you the one who also likes the um the uncle from lion king scar yes so what page i like him i completely completely completely understand he looks that is my david that looks like every ex-boyfriend i've ever had oh you ate with ringo you ate with ringo i don't even know if i can talk for sure look at him in the cowboy hat oh i have so many
- Yup. Scrawny little thing. - Wow. - I need to- - What's your hear me out? - I said Scar from the Lion King, but- - Now I gotta look that up. Hold. - So hot. - Scar or Aaron's looking it up, I guess. - I like when we use this, it makes me feel like we're Theo. - I know.
- Oh. - Sexy. - No, wouldn't struggle or resist. - You have to know his personality. - Okay, I have one where I also agree that you have to know the personality. - Is this beast, like are we allowed to say it's a cartoon? - Yeah. - Squidward.
- You lost me? - No, first of all, how would you, you would not even get along. - And there's a lot of different, you know. - I think I already did the whole handsome Squidward thing. - Yeah, you've already been around the block. - Not handsome Squidward, no, but just Squidward. Like regular Squidward. - Yeah. - You know what a big nose means? - I was just about to say, this pussy on his nose. - I love that. - What's that from? - I don't know, some song. - That's not where I was going. What is that?
um what are other hear me outs oh paul dano for like an actual person maybe specifically as the riddler okay yeah you i don't think you have me with this see that's why it's my weird hear me out i don't know what that is oh oh oh got it hello voldemort no and i like even know but i just need to look again
I completely get it. He looks like he's really been through some things. I don't know if you'd want to sit on his face though. It might be anticlimactic. I need to look up one for him. No, I'm into it. I'm super into it. And you just slide right off. Never mind. Too far.
He's like got a drain on his face. I was Voldemort. I'm doing some market research over here before I announce one. Right, right, right. I do have this weird fetish. I think I've told you before, like this kink where I really want to fuck someone like in a scream mask, but almost like not or like Michael Myers. I don't know. Like he's wearing it. Oh, you don't know who's under it. Yeah, I would. Yeah, that's something to tell them the people back at Cerebral about.
I don't think that's that weird. I'm not king shaving you. I think that's like hot and iconic. Right. Like Michael Myers, so hot. That is a hear me out. That doesn't even feel like a hear me out to me. Michael Myers could get it every single fucking day. No, I don't fuck with a wide neck. So hot. I do, like when your hand can't make it. Not that I'm a choking man. Your hand's not supposed to be able to make it. But like there's a difference. Would make you feel so tiny.
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Nikocado avocado. So I wasn't familiar with him before this. What? Right? Were you? Yeah. Because Trisha.
Trisha's always been kind of a stan of him, right? But yeah, I remember seeing him back in the day. Well, I mean, he kind of started the... He does like muckbangs, like really, really terrifying muckbangs. Yeah, but like, yeah, the trend of, in my opinion, like rage baiting muckbangs. Like jelly beans to make people upset. Nikocado ran so jelly bean sweets could walk. I don't know who jelly bean sweets is. Nikocado walked so jelly bean sweets could run. I don't know how the phrase was meant. Neither of them are running. Oh!
Thank you. It was that. It was that. Yeah. No, but he would like eat like pure gluttony. And he would like make a point of it, like barking at his food type. Oh. It turned into like a serious rage baiting thing because there was a point where he was like needing like a CPAP breathing machine to like stay alive. I don't think I would like that.
30 munchie meals from Jack in the Box type shit. And people were like, I know it sounds amazing. Whatever. People were livid. He's still been posting this whole time and then just comes online a couple days ago, goes
gaunt as fuck saying two steps ahead. Babe, he's skinnier than me. No, but you couldn't inject all of the like Wagovi, Manjaro, Ozempic that every Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has taken in the last year and like get like that. No, he wouldn't inject it, but he got gastric bypass.
Did he? And like a skin surgery? Yeah. Because he doesn't have loose skin. That's why people are like talking about him being maybe AI. But what I find most unbelievable about this situation is his ability to bank money.
that many videos in order to be posting that often, especially if it's that extreme of eating. - Yeah. - Uh-huh. - I 100% agree with that. - But it's-- - Just imagine us trying to bank two years worth of shit to come back as a sister Mormon wife. - Or with CBLs. - Right. - Ooh. - Yeah. - They're kinda good. - A Mormon wife with a BBL. - But it's so funny 'cause he's being so cryptic about it and he's like, "Two steps ahead."
I am always two steps. It probably got his brain too. But he's like, this was the best social experiment ever conducted. But it's like, wait, what was the experiment? Like, am I missing something? I think it was just to be like, you were bullying me and look. But like, welcome to the internet, I guess. But like, what was he doing? What was the point? Like, where was the experiment? I think it was just to show like,
He won at a game that only he's playing. Like, yeah, I guess that's like, I get, I think it's just trying to say like you all were hating and now I'm the third Hadid. I am gone. I turn to the side and disappear. And y'all thought I was on the CPAP with nachos. Like, I think that's the whole point. It is kind of like jokes on you guys. Cause like here you are engaging with my content and I've been skinny. I've been out here skinny.
I guess healing, healthy. Yeah. I mean, I'm just happy for him because he's probably doing well, right? Like feeling healthier? Yeah. I mean, you've got obviously like, you know what I mean? The Apple dance obviously as like a timestamp is kind of genius because obviously then people could argue that he reshot the content before. Yeah. But I guess that little proved that. Oh, he did it as a skinny person? Mm-hmm. Like, but then why is there a part of me that's also like...
I kind of think it's AI or like, like someone's doing the apple dance and then they're super imposing his face. Like he's dubbed or what's it called? Deep faked. Yeah.
- Yes, yes, exactly. - That's what I would say if there was a sex tape with me unless Melissa was slaying. - Do you remember like you would go on Jib Jab and like put your face like on the elves? - Hell yeah, that's my favorite thing to do. Are you kidding? Like that's what it reminded me of when I did Tana Dan. - That's exactly what they're doing. - I kind of think that's what he's doing. - Nothing is funnier than that. Still to this day, like doing that on Christmas, it lights my fucking soul aflame. - We need to send out postcards this year. Christmas cards. - I think we are on the Patreon. - Oh my God, if we have to do like the elves. - We're like stepbrothers.
I identify as skinny. What happened to his hair? That's what he... He wanted that. Everyone's calling him like the white Drake.
Why is he kind of giving Andrew Tate to me? He does. I think it's the bald head. But I like that haircut. I think I prefer him bald. I'm going to say something that, oh, wait, wait, okay. Can you go to YouTube and then click on, because I've only seen the TikToks. I want to see. But still, white wall, like a part of me thinks there's something we still don't know. Like I wouldn't be. Or maybe this is a social experiment to see how much more attention he gets when he's skinny and then he pops out and he's like, no, actually, I'm still fat.
38 million views. The panda head. It's all giving ketamine to me, too. Who are we to judge? Me waking up five minutes before my alarm. This has been the greatest social experiment of my entire life. It's alluring. Bro thinks he's the Riddler. Me when I get hammered for the weekend to y'all. This is the greatest social experiment. Me when I order vapes without you having to ask. Please.
Ideas. Rivalries. Where they feel encouraged and engaged. Where they involve themselves with resources. I wish it was a marshmallow helmet for no specific reason. They become a product of influence. Keep it playing. Just right where we're at. Thirsty for a distraction from time unspent. Spoiling their minds, yet stimulating them at the same time. It's brilliant.
But then like me trying to reach the word count of an essay. Like what? I get what you're saying. Like what really is the point? Can I see him like just without? No, please. I don't feel like AI to me, actually. Fuck, I'm gonna have to answer this man. Yes.
Yeah, I think his brain might be a little scrambled. Today I woke up from a very long dream. And I also woke up having lost 250 pounds off of my body. It's so dramatic for a lot. This is literally everyone in Hollywood after like one Ozempic shot though. It's whatever. You also have to think about like to ever be doing what he was originally doing
You gotta be a little silly. Goofy. Yeah, something has to be a little bit like screw loose. Yeah. So... But same here.
I want him on the canceled podcast. I just want to know what the two steps were. I guess like I pre-filmed all this content and while you were all mindlessly hating on me for something that you thought I couldn't control or change, I was controlling and changing it. So therefore I'm ahead of you by exactly two steps. Wait, if you could conduct a social experiment. I'm just not smart enough. Me neither. I'm two steps behind at all times.
I couldn't agree with you more. Same. That Olivia Rodrigo song? One step forward, two steps back. The days might be getting shorter, but the action on DraftKings Casino is here to stay. Play hundreds of games for endless excitement. Try your hand at classic table games or set the slots on fire with fan favorites like Cash Eruption. I love DraftKings because I can play blackjack or poker from the comfort of the canceled tour bus. New players can play just five bucks and get 50 instantly in casino credits.
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my dream house like I'm like this house is so gorgeous like grand staircases like the casita of the house is already turned into a podcast studio all this stuff like or like a studio known right then and there I know but I just didn't put two and two together but like I'm just on Zillow and I'm looking at this house but get this and it's like you don't like a grand desert home looks like like everything's kind of tan and brown or whatever the walls of this entire house are purple suede
And I'm like, do I get this house and just like redo the walls and like whatever. And I'm on this whole tangent because I'm like, especially in Vegas and in the neighborhood it's in in Vegas, like it's very unlikely in my opinion. Like just that, whatever. I'm on this whole tangent. I'm like, who the fuck would have this house and do this to this house? Like it's got to be like,
Just someone who's a little wild, whatever. Yeah. And I went on this whole fucking TikTok tangent that I'm still fucking pissed about. I flew to Vegas to tour this house and they, I got scammed up, down, left, right, boots, the house down diagonal sister. Okay. Which I can tell you about if you want, but whatever. Anyways, I make this whole TikTok and then,
text me and it's Jelly Roll's house. She's like, if you want to tour our house, it's for sale. And I'm like, Jelly Roll would just take this like Vegas desert mansion and paint it purple. Like purple suede. And she's like, we can change the color in a day. Like we have a team, like of course you have a team that can make a whole
6,000 square foot mansion purple in a day. So was it like the house that you got scammed by or like the real estate agent? Like Bunny saw my TikTok about the house. So then she was like, hey, ours is for sale. And I was like, that's weird. I almost looked at it, but the purple suede kind of had me, you know. That is so funny. Like what are the odds that I guess because like podcast studio purple suede walls, like, of
I was like, of course, bunny and jelly is up there. - It kinda just fucking makes me wanna get it. 'Cause I'm like, if jelly roll like this, I would get it just to be able to say like, I bought jelly rolls house. - Bunny roll, I said. - Bunny rolls house. - Bunny roll used to live here.
And just like good energy in there. I am just pissed as fuck at real estate agents for real. That's true. There's probably such good vibes in that house, which I do care about. I don't know. I found this house on Instagram reels, which I know you can already have a lot to say about, right? See, that's like finding a guy on Tinder and expecting him to be good. It's so true. It's like this isn't like a cool pair of boots, dude. It's a property. But I see this fucking reel and I'm like...
It's the most beautiful house. It's in my dream neighborhood. It's fucking gorgeous. It has everything I want. It has a movie theater. It has a pool. It has a beautiful giant master. It's like my color scheme. I'm imagining every single piece of these gray couches in it, finally. Like, I'm just, I'm like, yes. I love it so much that I set up an appointment. I'm like, I don't want anyone else to take an appointment. I'm flying there. I want to see this house immediately. I almost bought the damn house and just had Amari go look at it. Like, I was this set on this house,
And I show up and first of all, the neighborhood it's advertised in, it's just like 25 minutes out of essentially. I could have been driving like back to California in the location this ends up being. And it's like in the cutoff of like the end, one of the ends of Vegas. And I'm just like, okay. And I go in to tour the house and I show up and this woman who seems like she would rather be anywhere else gets out of her car. She just seems pissed. I'm like, okay, whatever. And she opens the door for me into this house.
And I walk in to a literal crack home. Like, it is just so, like, I've never, like, obviously all real estate photos are like, they use wide lenses and like, yada, yada. Like, I understand like a little bit of scammetry. You're going to turn the contrast up, turn the saturation up, turn the whatever. Like, the tiles of this floor were put on with lash glue and fucking, like,
A dream. I knew it was going to go a dream. It's always a dream. I can't stop with that. Did you see the reel? No. Because I was so curious. After she told the story on TikTok, I was like, please send me the reel because I need to see it. She only showed me on screen recording. She didn't send me the reel. I think it's because if she had sent it to me, I would have given her a hard time about it. But it was so obvious that this place was a dinky, dinky house. So am I just...
dumb. And you know what? In my opinion, because I think it looks like it's taken on 0.5. I need to see it. And you can see how low the ceilings are. Like very clearly see how low this is. All houses and like reels and videos, like even this house, like the videos I saw of it were like 0.5. Like I know...
The, like, game. It was just more, like, in the real, what is advertised as a movie theater is a basement that, like, has a ladder entrance. A ladder. Okay. And it's, like, they took the movie screen out, so it's just a basement. Like, don't make it a movie theater in the real. Mention the ladder, maybe. Right. Like, they're, like... Yeah, but you have to take a ladder. Like...
four of the rooms are like hot pink and green and purple. Do you have pictures of the house or like videos of the house? I have this real. Let me turn the music off. People found it on TikTok, which pissed me off. Okay, here's the real. It looks gorgeous. Prime example here. That looks nice. No, that is not a low ceiling. That is not a low ceiling. It looks gorgeous. You're right, but in that other photo, you showed me a low ceiling.
no same video this is the only video in i know but this kitchen island looks big right like a couple people gorgeous thank you well i think maybe i was watching it with what i already knew in mind yeah like this that looks like a movie room i can't go back i can't pause i don't want to use instagram reels i'm not an andrew tate fan um oh sorry that was like are there andrew tate fans
Yeah. Really? Top, top boy. Okay. That's so terrifying. You know how many... Imagine walking into a room and not knowing who's in the entertainment. That looks like a beautiful, stunning, gorgeous, gorgeous, you know, home, wait for the movie theater. Like, I'm imagining, like, setting up chairs there. Yeah, I might have been watching it because I already knew you said it was bad, so I was seeing it that way already. That looks like a big... There were no closets. All the closets in the house, like, you'd slide the door open or open the door and just no shelves, no rods. Like, don't you think that should be, like, something...
We should, again, they had to have Paris filter, Facetune, Facetune video, like pussy son, Nikita dragon, edit a video style to make these floors not look like they were literally held together with like jet puff marshmallow. What's that? Yeah,
Like I just, I don't see like how awful it can be in person if it looks like that in the video. That's what I'm saying. I'm so glad you went to look at it though because I'm so the type to like buy a house sight unseen and just like, and just trust my gut. And one thing about me is my gut has never been right. I just like, I completely understand a bit of scammetry. 0.5 A Paris filter. Like I actually like, I want to like call her up and be like, how the fuck did you do that? But it's kind of like catfishing, like real life catfishing. It's like, what was your intention? Because she made this point. She's like,
I was obviously going to go look at the house. Like, what did they think? It's not a crop top. I'm not just going to like Amazon two day prime it. Like I don't return that. That's like, I just don't understand why real estate agents like really try to make something look, I guess. Cause maybe like they could set up the tour and someone could go and want a fixer upper. Like it just brings draws in more clients. Yeah, maybe it just gets them in the door. I guess I was just being an out of town client. I was a little upset. Yeah, you would have liked to know those additional details. You know, it was, it was in the Valley.
Like I would have loved, you know, it's, but. Before you fly to Vegas. Uh-huh. Girl, you know you were flying to Vegas regardless. Abso-fucking-lutely. You're so right. I don't even know. Damn. I'm sorry you got scammed. I'm also a victim all the time of online propaganda. But I'm happy that I went to Vegas this weekend because for the first time, one of my favorite insane bets finally worked. Yay.
Yay. I have this one bet that I like to do and every, like people at the table will literally scream like no at me. I've had dealers tell me like- What is it? On poker? No, on roulette. Like I've had so many dealers, even the previous weekend, be like, stop doing this. You're never going to win. It's so dumb. Where-
on the numbers you can bet on all the numbers on roulette where you put $1,000 on one number and if it hits they pay one to 36 you make $36,000 and I did it this time and I won I turned $1,000 into $36,000 I fell to the floor I bit my lip I was bleeding on the Resorts World floor it was the best moment of my life so exciting and it was my favorite dealer Ikaika I'm always talking about Ikaika Ikaika I love you it was just the best moment of my life I love that I'm so proud of you what are you going to do with your $36,000 so crazy straight back to the table top
We lost our thing. I'm kidding, but I am so excited for our show in Vegas. I like wish I could set up like a fun little like gamble with me after with like the people who come. I'm so excited. We both have our hometown shows back to back. Which is sick as fuck. Like that's so special. And then we come back here and do it here. Yeah, that's so exciting that we like end with our hometowns and then here. And I can't fucking believe we leave on a plane to Vermont tomorrow. I was just thinking that. I know. And you know, we have fucking suitcase.
We have a layover. And we have so much work to do tonight. Yeah. And I'm terrified. Because you're adding some last minute craziness to these shows. So when this comes out, if we are still coming to a city near you, not only would we love to meet you, but...
these shows we always say it you already know we do just have some really fun stories and I'm excited I'm hoping nothing as crazy as what happened last time on stage I'm hoping everyone's phones are down I'm praying for good but I will be cautious but still canceled and I'm excited no dancing lobsters this time though I'm so sorry I'm sure that'll be like an entire scandal a year from now where they say I like forced you to do it and I'm like
something I'm not. Someone clip that. Playback clips of me, of me literally jumping for joy when you broke the news. I stood up, bitch. People keep telling me Gabbie Hanna apologized to me today, but she didn't say my name, so I don't even know what I'm saying. She didn't? But like all the videos say like, it felt like she did. I don't know. I think she really, like...
The point of why I just said that it wasn't just like, I'm like, that's not what I meant. I didn't think that was what you meant. It just sounded like I was like trying to suck my own dick or something weird. I don't know. The point of this is, is I watched Gabby Hanna's apology video today or when she uploaded it, it was apparently the 10 year anniversary of her first ever YouTube video. And she kind of just,
to people she's collaborated with, worked with. She had a big scandal with Joey Graceffa in Escape the Night on YouTube Red where like they said it like she wasn't a pleasure to be on set. She kind of apologized to everyone for that. She apologized for kind of talking about people's stories without being
permission essentially that's where like people think it's about me because she kind of I don't know whatever she apologized for a bunch of stuff and she seemed really like peaceful grown and together in the video and I've been obsessed with the sound recently like there's fucking babies on the fucking street I can't stop saying it like what does she say I need some fucking sleep God I wish I could sleep God that's been me always like God I wish I could fucking sleep like just I've been so exhausted it's been my like vocal stim of the week okay and
I keep using it on TikTok and I really want to have Gabby Hanna on canceled. I would love to hear about. I think she'd be very interesting. And I honestly think she could have like, she would have like a lot to offer, like actually in a serious way. I agree. I think it would like be a really cool episode to just hear about everything she's been through. And yeah, she's got a story. Yeah, she does. I was a big Gabby Hanna fan. Me too.
Absolutely. I'm honestly, I just feel like she seems so happy. So it's good for her. I'm happy for her. Me too. We could talk about Kendrick Superbowl, Lana Del Rey with the alligator guy.
I don't know if you guys know the lore about All Dogs Go to Heaven, the movie. It has had me in stitches. Wait, is that a Suicide Boys thing? No. Oh. But they have a song called All Dogs Go to Heaven. I guess that's like. It's just a play on. Is it? It used to be when I was little. Okay, then I am going to like, I do want to tell you this. I have cried about this like seven times in the past. And I've never seen the movie. Here I go. Like All Dogs Go to Heaven came out.
late 90s it's an older movie and it's like a kid's cartoon that is apparently about it's probably to teach younger kids about like when their dogs die and like it's kind of a people say it's a sad movie right yeah you've seen it would you like to give me any um additional not in years i just remember like the german shepherd's name is charlie okay so the little girl who voiced the girl on all dogs go to heaven she was just like a little like
five or six year old girl and I forget what else she voiced. She also did a land before time, like one of the dinosaurs. She's like a five or six year old girl. Her name was Judith Barsi and look how cute she was to look such a little chicken. Right. And she,
She gets like not famous, but like some notoriety for voicing these characters in Land Before Time. And she becomes kind of successful. She's making some money from it, whatever. Her dad murders her. What? In like before All Dogs Go to Heaven came out. Like she had just finished. She had just finished doing all of the like voice recording as the little girl for the movie. And so then...
The guy... Hold on one second. Let me find it for you right now. I know. And it, like, comes out that, like, people have come to the conclusion that the dad murdered her out of, like, jealousy. Like, straight up. Like, it's, like, fucked up. What? Right? So then the guy's voice is Burt Reynolds. And...
Come to find out that the final scene of all dogs go to heaven is obviously her saying like goodbye to the dog before he goes to heaven. But the guy, Burt Reynolds, who voiced the dog, hadn't finished voicing his that scene yet. He found out after she died. So he ended up improvising the ending scene because it's her saying goodbye. Watch this ending scene now, knowing that now, knowing that, no, you're going to actually lose your shit. I come to say goodbye.
And like he had to... Oh, Charlie, I'll miss you. Yeah, I'll miss you too, sweetie. Like it's completely improvised. Charlie? Oh, hell no. Get that shit out of my fucking face. And mental illness it is, but I can't stop researching more details and watching this video over and over again and crying. That is so horrible. This honestly feels so good because I haven't cried in so long. Oh, because you...
This hasn't happened to me in so long. Oh my god, baby.
I wish I could say this. It's so opposite because I barely welled up and you know who I am. Oh yeah, you're an immediate. I am stable. Roles are reversing around you. I don't know what's going on. I know. That is so fucking horrible. I'm really happy for you holding his dick while he pees and crying and shit. I'm really happy for you. Really quickly, I do want to circle back to that. Okay, yep, yep, yep. I've done it, but like, what was the context? Are we all the way back to holding his dick while he pees? Yeah, I just wanted to. Okay, rest in peace, Judith Parsons.
Wait, yeah, fuck. Wait, that is such a fucking horrible story. Isn't that just crazy? Like, now I need to watch the movie knowing that, but I just can't stop. Oh my God, I'll watch it with you. That used to be my favorite when I was little. Anyway, I don't know. I was just drunk one time and I was like, can I hold it while you pee? And he's like, yeah, sure. And like, have we talked about this before?
- I don't know. - Why is this like, I don't even know. - Maybe, but like, so like that's how it started. Like the last time I hung out with him. - I just like to know that I'm allowed to do things. - Oh, for sure. But I asked him like, I just do unhinged up with him all the time. Like I asked how much money it would take for him to fuck Sonic the Hedgehog. - What did he say? - He said, well, do people know like is Sonic real? I said, yeah, he's real. And he's like, I don't know, like two vodka crayons.
I'm sorry. I ruined my own mood over here. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I think we were sensitive enough to your topic. No, because why the fuck am I crying about All Dogs Good? I've never seen the movie, dude. You don't have to see the movie to identify with that. Yeah. Okay. It's really sad. Stop, y'all. We're like on a fucking roller coaster. But the last time I hung out with him, when I relapsed, I had him pee through my hands and I was holding my hands like a heart. Wait, were your arms around his hips or something? No.
I was like standing off to the side. So he's standing. I'm standing on the side. And then she sent a photo to the group chat. Like a basketball hoop? No, like a heart. He was peeing through the middle. It always blows my mind when someone does some shit I've never done. I feel like now I have to make him go pee through my hands. But I'm just... I'm tired. My pussy's tired. It's out of office. Your pussy's broken. What happened? Oh, you're telling us on the Patreon? I think I have to because it's just like graphic. I'm going to use a lot of medical terms. Okay. I think I just like burst a pussy vein or something. A pussy vessel? Yeah. A pussy is a vessel. Do you...
have veins in your in your like yeah like nerve endings and like but like can you like fuck one up yeah of course do you know your clit's like actually huge talking to me but what do you mean your clit's actually huge like internally it's huge that's like an iceberg it is like you can only see the tip no and the rest is like all underground
Yeah. It's huge. Contrary to popular belief, I did take anatomy and physiology. Oh my God. And it looks like a wishbone. That's hot. Mm-hmm.
So maybe you snapped your wishbone. You made a wish. I want, I want really, really quickly before we end the episode, I'm doing a social experiment. I just want somebody to comment below if you've ever had a positive experience with an IUD because I've never heard one ever before. I've only heard horrible negative experiences. Wait, I want to get one too. I was just thinking about this last night. I'm just like, I'm thinking about it. I'm like, I don't think I would ever even consider it because I've heard so many horror stories about it. But like,
Has anybody had a good IUD experience? I do hear about a lot of pain, but I would love just like a little fucking Venus flytrap up there catching these potential plan B one steps. You know, like it would be nice to not...
Pop a Mike Skittles. You don't have to worry. I literally downloaded the Flow app like three days ago because I'm sick of this. Go ahead. I know, I know. You know I got a text from Tana like two nights ago at 11.50pm and she goes, when did I bleed last? I said, girl, I don't have your uterus. I don't know.
I was really just grasping for straws. The key is always to go through your camera roll and it's like, was I there? Was I bleeding at that time? I did that for three and a half hours before I texted you. I could not find one photo where I was confidently. That makes me feel so seen that other people do that because that's how I track my period. Like just through my camera roll. I do use the app. The people say that you're not supposed to do that for some reason, but it's like, I don't really care about people stealing my data. Oh yeah. Period data? Yeah.
Oh no, you know when I'm ovulating. Yeah, that's like, who cares? That shit is so funny to me because people are like, oh my gosh, the government is like taking our data off TikTok. What the hell do they want to do with me? Take it. I don't care. I don't think anyone's really looking in on me like that. At all. You wouldn't find much weird shit. Did you see what I got in my email? I did. That was crazy. I feel like the avatar shit really is my ceiling. Like you're not going to find much weirder shit in my shit.
You know, like they're selling my data. Okay. Like last Google search was the moon landing real. Like take the phone away. Give me a razor browser. No. Do I use a private browser? Yes. For you. Yeah. But only because only for only because of porn. Like I never like if she ever opened my phone and like, oh, I'd go like, well,
I really wouldn't. I wouldn't even be. Just the idea of you being like, damn, she was just watching porn weirds me out. She was jacking it. Yeah. I would be so unfazed at this point. I hate when you guys say jack off. Oh, you were just whacking it. That too. Yeah, it's all bad. Yeah, it's all bad. I can't believe this is my first time
on tour without Makoa. Like, and now I have to like whack it like the rest of y'all. We're just whacking it on the bus? No, no, I have to. We don't have a private bedroom. Yeah, we don't have doors. No, in the rooms. No, Brooke, you would literally be like, I'll see you guys tomorrow. Like, I'm going to go whack it. Oh, yeah, in the rooms for sure. That's what I'm saying. Are you kidding? That's why I'm in one chance. I'm like, this is my time to shine. One time I postmated a vibrator and the woman who delivered it was a traditional Amish lady, Erin. Oh,
I think she was Amish. She was a traditional something. Maybe she was like Southern Baptist or Lutheran or something. Yeah. One of those. Yeah. No, she was like...
She was dressed in like traditional attire. Yeah. Did you try to put her on? I'd be like, y'all got this shit over there? No, but I was so humiliated and it was like, I'm pretty sure I had medication so I had to like sign for something. I couldn't just have her leave it at my door. It was humiliating. Day quill or like Sudafed and a vibrator is a crazy smack back. That's the most fulfilled smack back, yeah. Or Red Bull and a vibrator. No.
We probably like should be done. Like we have so much else to do. It's like crazy. But and all my other topics, like I seriously was going to just ask y'all if you think the moon landing was real. So I feel like we should go over to Patreon. We're going to review some VMAs outfits. And I'm so excited to do it over there because on the podcast, sometimes we have to tell some fibs.
Not reviewing, but I have to withhold some of my opinions. Dilute a little. For fear of being. With reviewing fashion in the past, I've gotten in trouble where it's like, here I am in my pickleball crew neck saying a well-loved celebrity looks like shit on a carpet I could never attend. But on the Patreon, it feels like a little more of a safe space to give my honest opinion. I for sure agree with that. And I also do want to talk to you guys about what's going on with my anatomy, but I need to use graphic words and tell you how I broke it.
So, um, okay. That's it. Woo. Um, they're killing babies in the street. They're eating dogs. They're eating the cats in the dog Springfield. Uh, they're doing transgender surgery on illegal aliens. Phantom. They're aborting two year old children. 2024 is fucking weird, dude.
as all get out. Is it only going to get worse and more dystopian and weird? For sure. As we age. You know what I was thinking? Sorry, we're off topic. No, I want to know. Just imagine like, I wish so bad they was like driving down the street in LA and you do ever watch movies like Old Times in LA and it's like you see the streets that we go on every day. I would...
love nothing more than like to be able to press a button and fast forward 30 years on the streets that we're driving right now and see what's there, what's gone, what it looks like, what cars are on the road. I've never had that thought about going forward. I like romanticize. Do you think they predicted a cyber truck even 10 years ago? I saw a fucking tweet the other day that was like, I was trying to explain to someone the other day why I have such a disdain for cyber trucks. I'm sure you guys do as well. But I saw a tweet that just said, I want to see everything.
all Burning Man attendees in a Venn diagram with all Cybertruck owners and see the crossover. And I realized that that like perfectly explains how I feel. The circles would just overlap. Yeah, that's just one circle. Yeah, it's just a circle. It's literally a circle. And that's, and it just, that's how I feel about Cybertrucks, which sucks. They're kind of cool. They're like bulletproof and shit. The only person who can do it is Trisha Paytas.
Did she get a cyber truck? I think she wanted one. Or like Paris Hilton and it's holographic. Like I would eat that up. Or like Jojo Siwa and there's just a ponytail on the back. Bye guys. Just a bow. We love you. Bye guys. Love you. Thank you for having me back. Hey.