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Hello and welcome back to the Cancelled Podcast. Elvis was born. Maybe Elvis was born. I'm really fucked up about it because first of all, she's told us a thousand times that it's a girl. In my head, it was still a boy all along. So now that there's been a baby girl born, I'm like confused. Yeah.
There's something about their family of four that makes me so happy. It's so cute. She gave birth May 24th, so it's been a while, actually. I just didn't know. I didn't know until somebody posted her from the back at the Four Seasons with the little carriage. That was crazy. People are crazy. Yeah, you can't do that to people. Although I forget the fame of it all. You know what I mean? Just in my head, that's our Trish. That's our girl. I'm so excited. I can't wait to meet her.
I've never even met Malibu. You've never met Malibu? No. You're going to gag and die. She's so... I know, and she's my favorite kid ever. I'm so, so, so sorry. She's literally absolutely everything. So calm and cute and stuff. Last night at like 2 a.m., I was going to text Trisha to come on, and I was like, Tana, put your phone down. It is not time for her to come on. Not only is it 2 a.m., Trisha's not awake. Not only like...
Like she just gave birth. Like stop it. I know. I just watched her episode. Like she's already filming the podcast again. Like she's just slaying. People who can just give birth and immediately keep it moving are fucking superheroes. I would make it my personality for the whole year. I'd waddle around. It's another one of those things where it's like I can't believe everybody goes through that. Like the same way I feel about a breakup. Like...
I went through a breakup and I was like, there's no way this is what everybody else has gone through. Like there's literally no way. And like the fact that birth is so hard and like everyone just does it. Like I talk about this all the time, so I'll keep it at bay. Okay. But like, I, I don't understand how anyone goes through pregnancy and like the way pregnant people like jump. But some people love to be pregnant. Like, like if I was pregnant and I jumped, I would immediately have to kill myself.
Like I couldn't handle it. Like emotionally handle doing anything. Imagine how they feel in there just bopping their head around. I'm saying. And then it's like it just comes out of you and you're like, whoa, this was just in me. This came out of my pussy. I know. Like sometimes a super plus tampon. I'm like, holy, I just gave birth. Right. You know?
Wall ripping You know what I mean Like when you take out A dry tampon Oh my gosh Taking out a dry tampon To me is giving birth Like I couldn't do Anything for her Well Trisha had a C-section She had a scheduled C-section That's actually a lie So that's a lie She said she just woke up And there was a baby there Oh Oh my god Yeah I would have to do A C-section I agree Like just get it out of me I think I wonder why Everybody doesn't do that
Because like then you don't have to worry about like pissing yourself after. And like. You don't have to wear diapers like after a real birth. Ripping to a hole. Yeah. I know that would happen to me. I couldn't agree more. Like that would just definitely happen. I would shit myself. So what happens in that scenario? You just have one large hole. Yeah. Everything's combined. Yeah. I just. Oh, that wouldn't have been good for you. Especially everything you've been going through. Yeah.
We're back from tour, guys. We did it. First of all, we did. I can't believe we did it. I really can't. I think that you and I both like when we first got all the dates, it was obviously very exciting. And you know what I mean? But I was also trying to be realistic. Like no one's getting through these. Yeah. Like in the back of my head, I'm like, there's no way.
way we're gonna be able to do this but like we have to try our best and like you don't want to say that out loud like I don't even want to say that to you like there's no way we can no but I was telling everyone on the side I'm like yeah we'll see dead ass it was just like and like you've said like Whitney Cummings and Hannah Burner and people who do this reaching out and being like how are you gonna do that was like yeah remember we had Trevor here and he was like that's like really an insane schedule like are you guys sure and it was it was
Yeah. I mean, it feels very nice to prove all of the people who doubted us and publicly doubted us wrong. Wait, should we talk about the Dave Portnoy thing for a second? Because honestly, it kind of cracks me up that we made such a stink about it. Dude.
You guys, fun fact, like me and Tana have like run home with this like concept that Dave Portnoy doubted us. And he said we would never do it. And we were the scum of this earth. Like, and we've been like dying on that hill. It's the definition of like telephone. It was. Slash like two delusional bitches telling each other like. Exactly. Worse than that was like a version of like believing, starting to believe your own lies. But I never thought it was a lie. Like I have this vision of us watching this clip. I can remember it.
In my head Me too But it doesn't exist
Please help us out, canceled viewers. Like, if you're bored too, like... Because I still, like, I still refuse. There's a clip somewhere of Dave Portnoy saying, there's no way they'll ever make it through these dates. I, like... I'm dying on that hill. I swear it exists. And so the whole tour, we're like, I'm dying. We're going out on stage, show 45. And we're like, we got to do this. Dave Portnoy doubted us. And then we went back to watch the clip on our final show. Yeah, we went, like, on our final show, we were like, you know what? We should find the clip and, like, make something about it. And...
It's not... It's like him saying Tana's a flake and like them saying Brooke will keep her accountable. Like, duh. Yeah, like nothing rude was said at all, but...
I know he was doubting us whether he's vocalized it or not. Well, for sure. As everyone was and like valid as fuck. You know what I mean? But it's like, like you and I are the type of bitches to like really harp on something like, or like, especially a man, like a man doubts us. Like we're making that our whole personality. For sure. So it's like everything I do is to spite someone who has not believed in me. I,
couldn't agree oh i went so far as to make one of those little dancing edits of dave weren't noise so that i could like put on the screen like dance if tana and brooke made it all the way through the door but like i couldn't even post it because like he never fucking said that i didn't if you didn't fact check it i just posted he would have been like brooke showfield posted this like i don't even know what she's talking about
Oh my God. We're idiots. Fucking idiots. He lost Miss Peaches. Did you see that? Oh my God. But then he found her. That's good. I would have been so distraught if Miss Peaches was gone for good. Although if I saw Miss Peaches on the road, I'm taking her for ransom. Million dollar ransom, literally. More. And I know he would pay up. Oh my God. I just saw a video of her eating like catch steak or something. I was like, that dog lives so much better than me. I tried to get this new cat named Wookiee.
And I got scammed. What do you mean? I found a cat, another cat. And it was like the same thing that happened with Murphy where I like went on Pet Finder and it just jumped out at me. And I knew that was him. Okay. Because I want to have a boy cat. And he had webbed toes. Yeah. He had, he was an extra toes cat and his ears were curled. Okay. So he was really special. And I was like, oh my God, this is a unicorn. I can't believe I found this cat on Pet Finder. And he was like, oh my God, this is a unicorn.
And I reached out. I went like, I applied on every single platform that you could apply on. I sent them emails and stuff, nothing. And I was like, I was beginning to lose hope. And then I got a text that said, I am Wookiee's foster. Would you like to meet Wookiee? Wookiee is the funniest name ever. I said, please, I'm begging. In fact, I'm going to send them another text right now. Oh, and they ghosted you? I said, yes, can I please meet Wookiee? And then they just never said anything about it again. Wookiee left you on scene? Wookiee left me on scene. Oh, and then they said, apply. I applied seven times. That's happening to me right now with Cabo birthday houses. Yeah.
With Mexico birthday houses. I can't seem to book a house for this trip to save my life. And I just need opulence. What do you want? Yeah, what are you looking for? Well, I applied for this house that had a water slide that landed to a pool that was on the beach.
Okay. Okay, well, it sounds like you might be shooting too high. Well, think about how much I love to be like airborne jumping into the water. I don't think I've ever seen you airborne. You know the photo. You know the photo. Oh, I do. Okay, but that was not tandem. I was riding a bicycle in the air. Like, I just want to be able to do that. Wait, can we insert the photo? Yes, we can insert the photo.
Super important. The Turks trip was just like, nothing will ever be like that ever again. Probably for the best, but it was something that had to happen in our lives and I'll think about it for the rest of my life. The memeable content from that trip in our friend group. The one photo of me with the watch on and the water and my eyes. We'll insert that one as well. Or the one where you're bent backwards on the pool noodle. Like my limbs. And your tits are just out. I was so drunk.
I was naked. Yeah, you were naked because you jumped into the pool with your fucking designer dress on. And then we had to pull it off of you. Those photos of me too. I'm so sorry. These were really... God, I wish that they knew what we were saying right now because they would be cracking. We'll insert them, but I...
Kylie Jenner wore this dress and then Justine brought it to me and like no one else had wore it yet except for Kylie Jenner. And I was like, I can't wait to wear this on my birthday trip and serve. And then I have on Peppa ears on the beach and I'm crawling in these photos of this dress. She goes, take pictures of me. And she...
the pose that she was doing in all of these photos, it was like no paparazzi. Why are you taking a photo of me? But I'm like, you begged me to take these images. And I'd had so many like big, like big frozen drinks. I burst out the zipper. I jumped in the pool in my dress. Like you're not giving Kylie, you're giving Wookiee. You were giving Wookiee. And you fell out of your chair like seven times to the point where I think we had to just confiscate it. Have I told this story on the podcast? No.
- I think so, but I think you should give him a quick refresher. We're all at my birthday dinner on the beach and mind you, it's just beautiful. Like in any other world, this would be wholesome. But I don't know why I thought that like the sweet, wholesome, beautiful birthday dinner should be after Noah's Ark, which is the bar in the middle of the Turks ocean that everyone goes to to get like the most hammered of their life.
And so Amari threw up on Kyla. Like, you know, it was, I like, it was, everyone was a mess, including me. I was probably the most of a mess and I'm sitting at the head of the table in the sand at this table and chairs. And I just remember all I remember, like, like you saw it, but like I have the POV, you know what I mean? Yeah. Just everything continuing to go sideways. Yeah.
And then I would see stars and then sideways and then stars and then sideways. Like I just, I was so drunk. I couldn't sit up in the chair. No one is even trying to catch you at a certain point. Cause it's like, there she goes. And I finally, I turned to Joey joy who's sitting next to me and I'm like,
And I'm like, being like about it too. I'm like, it's my birthday. Like my chair won't sit up straight. Like, do you have to switch to the mirror right now? And you know, Joey, he's like, okay, like let's, okay, here, take my chair. And I just remember we switched chairs. And finally I'm like, thank God. Like it was the chair. And then all of a sudden sideways stars. I just remember looking at the stars and I was like, Oh,
It was so you, but you know what? It was such a fun time. I am happy you're sober though. I think we really have. I spent an entire night talking to one of the Butler guys. He only spoke Russian, Russian maybe. And I was talking to him on Google translate till 4am. Like what were you saying to Pasha? Leave him alone. He didn't know either. Yeah. He didn't know at all. Who wants better sex and who wants to start having better sex immediately?
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Code Tana. Get ready to play with Adam and Eve. Thank you, Adam and Eve, for sponsoring today's episode of The Cancelled Podcast. Today's episode is brought to you by Angie. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs and projects done well. Let me tell you, there's the version of it where you try to do something at home, and then there's a version of it where you have someone help you, you watch them do it the right way, and you go, thank God I didn't try to do that myself.
I have fully done things around the home that I think look good and then a bang in the night and I wake up to a shelf collapsing, a painting falling off the wall. Like it, I've seen it all go south. I own a home and I can tell you, I know how much work it can take. Whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now all you need to do is Angie that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need.
Whatever your home project, big or small, indoor or outdoor, you can Angie that and connect with skilled professionals to get the project done well. Right now, one of my wish lists is I want a bike for my condo in Milwaukee and I would love to rig it up on a pulley in the ceiling because I have one of those like lofted ceilings.
but I'm so scared to try that on my own. Angie has 20 years of home experience and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app. Answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care of any home project in just a few taps.
Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. I really want to have a drink on my birthday. I don't think you should. I don't think it's what it's all cracked up to be. I know, but it so is. And maybe I'm just in this wave right now where I'm convincing myself that it so is and it isn't. It just obviously sobriety is hard. And I...
I have never gone on this sober journey with the intention of it being like forever. And I say that because it's like, I love all of, and this goes for drinking and sobriety, like the good sides of sobriety and the good sides of drinking. And obviously there are bad sides to both. Obviously with sobriety, they are less detrimental, the bad sides. But the bad side for me is drinking.
how bored I am all the time. Like, and my social battery and my back hurts so goddamn bad. I would love to take the edge off. And like, I would love to be able to have a drink with all my friends. I would love to be able to have a glass of wine at dinner. Like I, but you can't, I know. And I, I'm at this point and I already know what people are going to say to this. And I'm trying to convince myself otherwise, but to me, like,
Like sobriety forever feels like defeat. And I know you can look at it as like, so does like relapsing. So drinking can be defeat. You know what I mean? But like, it's one of those things in the way that I like want a house or want a car. Like I want to be able to drink moderately more than anything in the fucking world. I want it so bad.
like i would just so i feel like that would be your perfect world was just it like would just be to learn moderation i've been and i've been reading so much about is there such a thing as learning like do people ever say that they were able to like change that way there are lots of people who do and there are lots of people who don't you know and it's i've been doing like a lot of research and like i definitely if i were to do it wouldn't just wanna i feel like i raw dog everything like how i am in life like i'm like i'm gonna go sober and just do it on my own and like
I would definitely want like help with that and like to learn and stuff. Yeah. Do you think it has anything to do with your environment though? Cause like, I feel like none of us ever go out with the intent to stop drinking or to drink moderately. And like I do, like I never have more than like a couple of drinks, but yeah,
like we're always all just like pounding shots and stuff. But I think the reason I never have more than a couple of drinks is because like most of the time I'm just going out with like a couple of friends to dinner and it's like, we're not ordering 17 drinks. We have like two. And I innately am the type of person where even if I went out to dinner with a couple of friends, I would want to have like hella drinks. And then I would want to go have a night. Like it would be about me really, really, really fighting for,
What my body and brain naturally wants to do. Yeah. You know what I mean? And even like Paige will go out and if everyone's pounding shots, she'll have her like five shots, but then she goes home. Like I would have my five shots and need five more and go to an after party and do a bunch of fucking shit. I'm going to regret like,
I wish there was, and there's not a stopping point. Yeah, it's amazing, like, not amazing, but like, I've always been like, I cannot believe you can even still keep going after a certain point, but I think that that's what's true for me and Paige. Both of us are on antidepressants. We cannot drink more than a couple drinks without it literally taking us out. Like, we both, like, I would be passed out before I could even start posting the TikToks you were posting.
You know what I mean? Like, yeah, it wouldn't happen. I don't know if that's necessarily why. And I'm just in such a happy, healthy relationship. Like it's I was really thinking about this last night, like how much I never want to be like this person brought me out of like darkness because you bring yourself out of darkness. But like my motivation to be better for someone else on top of being better for myself, like I don't want him to be dating someone.
shrink it drunk awful fucking tana you know what i mean yeah also how does he have he really doesn't have any experience with that too he does does he that's how we met you met drunk yeah and like for a few months like well that's good at least not good and i you know what i mean though like like he you know what i mean like he loves me always but like yeah i just i don't know it's just like
I want to go to Mexico with all my friends and be able to celebrate these months of hard work and dedication and
and like come home and then be wholesome again. I want. Yeah, that's what I was, I guess, kind of trying to get at is like, I wonder if it depends on the friends. Like in the past, it's always been like, you know, all the like most delinquents and stuff. And I feel like now you have a lot more people in your life who are like more, a little more wholesome. Yesterday I got lunch with everyone and was kind of talking about it with them as well. And I think that I never want to put it on anyone else. You know what I mean? Like, oh, they'll hold me accountable to a few drinks. But like that it's, I,
vocalizing everything so I feel like everyone's on this journey with me you know of course I would love for you to stay sober forever but at the same time I also I feel like if I were to say like absolutely not no that's when people end up like sneaky drinking no I would never do that I really wouldn't I would just be honest with you you know everyone but it's I just want what everyone else is able to have so badly and I'm the type of person that when I want something so badly I
I will lock in and get it. Like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I will dedicate myself to figuring out how to become this type of person that I want to be. I will dedicate myself to being able to drink moderately, but it is just a scary, slippery, very easy. Yeah. It's like walking on a tight rope and getting to the other side, you know? And like, and maybe I'll drink again. And I don't know, like,
not want to be like I feel like I've just spent so much time not being hung over and yada yada that I don't want to feel like that ever again yeah but I don't know it's hard like and a lot of people I know a lot of people die on the hill of alcoholics can never drink again and I know I can already see so many comments of like
People usually relapse three times before they go sober for life and like whatever. And it's like, I just don't want to be that fucking statistic. Like I want to drink fucking moderately so bad. Yeah. Not have to have these like extreme sober. Yeah. Like I, I absolutely agree.
that I'm so yin or yang in everything I do and I would love to find happy mediums in. I wish there was like a literal way to like cut yourself off, like a physical way to cut yourself off. There's a medicine called naltrexone that Trevi was telling me about, but like heroin addicts and shit used to do that. Like, but it works for alcohol because it turns off your brain, like how much dopamine you receive when you're... So it changes your dopamine...
Yeah, I don't know. Or like how you respond. I mean, I just don't know what I'm going to do. It's obviously like it is, it feels easier to just be sober forever, but like sadder to me and way less fun. I get what you're saying. But I also, I'm in a point where I don't get what you're even talking about because it's like, well, maybe because I drink so often. I don't drink heavily, but I drink very,
very often like almost every day and it's I don't feel the same from it I don't like I don't get like happy like and you know when you first start drinking and like you have that feeling where you're like oh my gosh I'm starting I haven't felt that in I definitely do feel that but that's probably not good but also don't do it for six months and then think that's what I'm saying I think that I've gotten myself to that point but it's because of touring and stuff I was obviously drinking so constantly and
And in my head, I can always find an excuse to drink because I don't really have like I'm like I drink every day. I don't have a drinking problem, but I don't have like a problem stopping myself. So I'm like, whatever. Like, yeah, it's it's moderate. It's like having dessert every night. Like you're able to like, you know what I mean? Yeah. But I've also like I've almost like built myself up to the point where it literally is like it has no value. It changes nothing. That's true. Yeah.
I just, and I don't want when I say that I'm bored and I'm not having fun for people to mistake that like there is sober fun. Like I enjoy sitting with my friends and fucking talking and laughing. I enjoy playing poker. I enjoy fucking going shopping. I enjoy doing this. I enjoy other things. It's just like taking the edge off, letting a little loose, like have like dancing with all your friends after some drinks. Like, you know what I mean? Like,
drinking a wine and having the giggles and like my bat my scoliosis doesn't hurt so fucking bad yeah but just keep in mind all of the things like everything's happening exactly the same you're just feeling you just feel different so it's like your back still hurts i just don't know about it that's that is i yeah i just would love to not know about it for five you know but well i mean we'll see i get that why don't we get you a back brace
There has to be steps before relapsing. I know, I know. And I don't, it's not just that. I get what you're saying. I know what you're saying. It's just tough because it's like... I know. And I would just love to be able to like celebrate, like drink my, like have a glass of champagne on my birthday and celebrate like, and it not be this toxic relationship. I'm just trying to like find a way to rewrite this and like...
I'll see. I'm not going to go crazy balls to the walls. I was talking about this all day the other day and I went and watched the Amy Winehouse movie. And at the very end of the movie, it just cuts to a black screen that was like, Amy died on da-da-da after drinking after a long stint of sobriety. And I was like, oopsie. Yeah. Is this fucking play about us? Yeah. Like, fuck. You know, I mean, so I don't know. I really don't. I mean...
I want to be safe and I want to be healthy and I want to be happy and I want to be the best me I can be. And what if we all went sober and then you wouldn't feel so sad? No, it's not that it's because I'm able to sit around everyone else drinking and it's not like I feel like not included. Yeah. Y'all hear that? It's more like a sadness of like, I wish I could be like everyone else and be moderate. But you're so much better than everyone else. Yeah.
I love you. You're sober and rich and famous. I really do love you. Just kidding. But. I love you too. Well. We'll see. I think your birthday is going to be fun whether you drink or not. I agree. Of course, all your birthdays of Tana's past have been blackout fests. And I don't want that. I don't want that at all. And I've had like lovely conversations with everyone where they know and respect that and.
I think like I definitely want it to give a little more wellness retreat vibes than it ever has. I just came back from a wellness retreat. How was it? I'll write you a little itinerary. I, that trip was so fucking fun. It was. You actually inspired me to want to go to Mexico. I was like, Brooke is thriving. It's just so amazing there. And literally everybody's so much nicer in Mexico. I don't know what it is, but like.
oh, I love it there so much. And it's such a quick fight. I went with Aloe Moves and literally it was, it was the most extravagant thing. I've never even really been on a band. I've been on one burn trip, I think. But this was just like the most extravagant thing I've ever seen. I had a swimming pool in my room. Waldorf fucking
And the gifting was crazy. Like when I saw your closet, I was like, there's no way they just gave her a whole new fucking wardrobe. Just obviously Aloe's got budget, but like just the amount of thought that they put into everything was so fucking crazy. It was so fun, so cute. And everybody there was like literally amazing, all the trainers. Because it was like, it was six of us like influencers and then like probably six trainers. I think they're smarter to do a way smaller trip too because it's like...
less drama less like a million people making tiktoks and like drama and like whatever like it was i felt like they were kind of like rewriting the brand yeah it was supposed to be like really intimate and like it was like we had i don't know everyone got close was there any drama there was no drama well i'm happy that you went i'm so excited i'm praying you're gonna be able to make it to tana moves
I'm coming to Tana Moves. Okay, so listen, guys. I'm getting my boob job in... Wait. 10 days. What's the exact day? June 18th. Oh, my God. That makes me happy because that's funny. That's Ari's birthday. Might be June 19th. I want to take care of you so bad. I don't think it's going to be that much. So one of the girls on the trip with us, on the Aloe trip, had literally...
gotten her boob job five days before and she came first of all her boobs before looked exactly like mine now she showed me the before and after that's got to be so reassuring like I'll have what you're having so much because first of all she told me what size she got and it's it's 300 cc's which is exactly what I'm getting I'm getting one of them's like 290 something and you're going where
Through the nipple? Through the nipple. She didn't. She went from under, but it doesn't matter. She had the same starting point as me, which is what's important. After only five days, I've never seen a more, like they looked perfect. Your recovery is going to go one of two ways because it's like, I've seen you pretty fucked up across life, right? Like on some different substances and whatnot. And you are like very... The fuck?
Not nothing crazy, dude. You're in your fucking 20s. OK, and you live in fucking L.A. Like I've never. Sorry. Like I'm saying, like you don't get like like I like I feel like me off of like a Valium after a surgery is like hootie silly. Like I feel like you're just going to be like, I'm chilling. Where's Murph? I truly don't. I don't think I'll take any of that because they you're numb.
I'm supposed to be numb for like days after. Oh, really? Yeah. And then after that, they say you can... If you can take Tylenol, you should. And I have drug addict parents. Like, I don't really need to be taking any sort of opiate. Yeah, that's fair. And it's so easy. Like, that's how...
so many people end up addicted to heroin for sure yeah not that but i don't have like that sounds so delusional to say i'm like i don't have an addictive personality that way but i really don't like i've tried every drug on the well maybe not every but like i don't have any desire to do any of that that's good but i could also like obviously like if you are in a lot of pain yeah i might if i have to then slay but i think it'll be fine like she was chilling she was doing yoga that is crazy brand new tits she said she had drains because like
I don't know. Like, you know how sometimes they give you drains when you get surgery like that? They took them out the morning that she came. And she was literally amazing. They looked so perfect. Tana, I need to get her to send me a picture. She is, like, so awesome for getting on that flight. I'd be so scared. She was. But, like, Abby came to my birthday last year with brand new tits. Like, I do think there's a... Obviously, if you can't, like, I'm not...
like i know i would have to be careful and it would be like kind of sad to see everyone like swimming and having fun and like i can't get in the water and especially because like calvo's so fucking hot yeah well we could tan and you could put your little lower body in and stuff and like towards the end of it i kind of want to shoot a podcast there like i think there is a world where it could definitely happen can i bring a boyfriend of course which one well i'd have to find one
It's just kidding.
I've been back on hinge really I've been hinging it up that's good because I fear you're in a mr big situation I am in a mr big situation but you don't have to talk about it but um I've just been looking I don't think I want to I already said I don't want to date and I really like I do feel so much happier when I'm not dating I've been slaying I love it and just like tiktok the problem is my attention still has to be somewhere so so long as I that person is still alive
My attention is going to be on him, whether I'm seeing him or not. So I need to put my attention somewhere else. Yeah, a little distraction. I swear it really is like swiping through TikTok, though. You know what I mean? You're like patchwork tattoos, silver lake, funny caption. And then you're like bodybuilder man, way too many gym photos. Not that funny caption. Yeah, it really is so fun. And honest to God, there's so many hot guys on Hinge. I believe it.
I love it. Maybe I'll find my man on Hinge. Or Allison found her man on Hinge. Oh, yeah. And they're so happy. I was in a successful Hinge relationship for a second there. And I was like all credits to the app designed to be deleted. But then everyone else was a murderer. So I actually was just thinking about this Hinge guy that I was talking to. Like in this house, like last year. And...
I just let this slide so hard and looking back like it's so unlike me to do this. The other day someone was, Ari's six foot one and someone was asking me how tall Ari is and I was like, oh, he's six foot one and I was like, I was thinking about it and I know that because I matched with this guy on Hinge, right? And his Hinge said he was six one. We go on our first date. We are, he's 5'11 and I'm in heels. Like we are the same fucking height and I'm like,
You fucking lying ass bitch. And I think his hinge said six, two, two, like six, two to five. That's where I draw the line. Two inches is the max. Cause I remember it because Ari was like one night he, the guy came over and then left and Ari was like, Tana, I'm six one. And I'm standing there like looking at Ari and I was like, Oh fuck.
Like I've been bamboozled and swindled. And the guy kind of looked like Ty Collins too. So then him being like Ty's height. Don't tell Paige. No. And everyone was like, you're literally dating Ty right now. Like I had to stop. Ty's 5'7". But like, do you get what I'm saying? Like 5'11 to me in heels. I was like, this is Ty.
Like I'm running around Fucking Thai But like what's crazy Is it isn't short Like 5.11 isn't short No but lying about Your height on a dating app Is so fucking wrong But I would do it If I were a man No question about it I would lie about my height Until the cows came home And I would gaslight Anybody who tried To tell me otherwise I would carry around A faulty tape measure And I would
And I would literally write it home. It's so true. It's funny because we were on tour and I think you and me were talking about this and then J-Rod like chimed in. And no, it was Paige. I don't know who it was. We were talking about how like on Hinge...
You you match with a guy who's six four because then you know he's at least six one. Yeah. And well what's important is that you know there's no such thing as a man who's five eleven because anyone in their right mind would say six foot. Hello. Like don't be stupid. So if they say five eleven they're five eight. Absolutely. And like because that means they can't go so far as to say six foot because that would be just too much. And this is just so universally known across women and like never talked about like that's fucking crazy. And men are always trying to talk about how women lie like.
I guess you could say Women lie on dating apps By using Facetune galore I was using this photo Of me on Hinge for a while That was just like Me at Weed Lake With like brown roots Like I didn't even Look like that I'm just presenting As somebody I'm not on my dating apps I'm like One photo's me Holding a baby One photo's me On a horse Like I'm like Who are you trying to fool Like you have a podcast Where you talk about anal
Yeah, I had to like really fucking change my shit up in the end of Hinge. Like I made my fucking star photo of me with like an iguana on my head drunk. I was like, let me just have them know the real me. I made my prompt about Helen Keller. I love those iguana photos. It's like, you know, I don't even know. That's how you get a real one. I need to circle back to our... I was going to segue and then I completely forgot. But to our...
Opiate conversation that we just had. I feel like I have said too many things on this podcast about pills too casually to the point that now people think that like I'm abusing my prescriptions and abusing pills and like, Oh, I've seen people say that about us actually. And I just want to say like right now,
I am prescribed Adderall and I'm prescribed Xanax. I'm prescribed the smack pack for ADHD. Like you need the fucking stimulant to make yourself focus. And then unfortunately you can, you can't sleep or at least I can't when I take Adderall. So I'm prescribed Xanax for the anxiety and to kind of chill me out before bed. But I take it, I was going to say only as prescribed, but I take less than I'm prescribed. And like, I always have. And I always will. And like,
I have been in places of my life where I was severely abusing pills and I will never, ever, ever be that person again. And I'm not at all. And like, I know the severity of that. And I just like, we have a lot of young girls watching us and I just don't want to like glamorize that in a way like that. I'm just taking shit for fun and taking shit randomly. And I'm not, I take what I need for when I need it. And like,
It's that's that on that. And like, I just don't want people to think that I'm out here. Yeah, no, I agree with that. And I think we've done a bad job with that too, because I've said like, I took my Adderall today. And like, that's not a thing you're supposed to take your Adderall every day. You know what I mean? And I'm obviously prescribed Adderall for every day, but I feel like it's really common with people who take Adderall. It's like you, first of all, I hate how it makes me feel. Like I hate my personality on it and stuff. Like I really just don't like it. I've never liked it.
but I need it and it's like so I'll take it when I feel like I really need it and I cannot function without it or if I can't like do something without it but if I can get away with not taking it I'm not taking it and I can't be ashamed to say that because it's like I don't like it makes me so miserable it makes me like it just is like I hate my personality on it and if I have one that day which is like almost never I get so fucking sad about that all the time like ADHD is just the worst in the regard that all of the medicine that you take for it
Has so many awful... There's hardly anything that's like...
Anything that makes ADHD better is like borrowing energy from like the future. And then like when the future comes. I do. And I just hate that. But it's like I can't focus. I am on like the one antidepressant though that like does help with because it's like it is a stimulant. It helps with ADD. So I feel like I can get away with buterin. I can like get away with like that. But I still like struggle to get it.
get myself to do literally basically anything. Yeah. Maybe I'll try that honestly. You know what I mean? But I just want to let everyone know I'm not like the cameras aren't going off and I'm not giving like Bart out like Wendy Williams. You know what I mean? Like I'm just, yeah, me neither. I'm, I'm very much moderate and like, I don't take anything like crazy. That's a crazy thing to me too, is I spent so much of my life like
I'm very addicted to Xanax. I mean, granted, I was going through a lot and my whole life was 10 times more toxic and I hadn't dealt with like a lot of my traumas and family issues and everything. So I was in more of a state of life to like suppress that.
A lot. But like now I can take what I'm prescribed the tiniest amount when I need it, when I'm having anxiety, when I can't sleep and that's it. And I'm like, if I can do that with benzos. Again, with the slippery slope. I'd love to have a glass of wine now and again. I got to eliminate Xanax altogether for my life with gabapentin because gabapentin like to me has been.
That was my lifesaver. That's another one I'm prescribed, by the way. Thank you very much. It does look like we abuse posts because of the way we talk about that. Yeah, and I just like, I never want to like... And you can also abuse, like, I think you just said that, like you can abuse things that you're prescribed just as easily as you can abuse street drugs. But I will shamelessly say that that is my miracle. Like it has made me so much better in life at everything, functional relationships, everything, because I can just not be so fucking panicked. They all, like my prescription saved my life.
When I'm using them as directed, which is always and I just never want anyone to go through the bouts of addiction to pills and stuff like I have. And I just want to say that so bluntly because like I, I feel like I agree. And even in Hawaii, like taking that Adderall because I didn't have mine that was from Cody and just like joking about it. Like, obviously, it was like a funny joke to talk about. Like I accidentally fucking took this and like was like rewound.
rolling tits and needed orange juice. Yeah, but like that's not funny. Yeah, but I just don't want people to think that like... Also really scary out here because I've had times like it's hard in LA to be, to find a new psychiatrist because it's like you have to be in network and I don't even have insurance and most psychiatrists won't take...
Uninsured patients And I didn't have money At the time So I couldn't like go From doctor to doctor It was like a whole thing So I was buying Like my actual medications From random people I was just going to say that The only reason I have that Is because I The shortage here Like getting prescriptions Right
it's so fucking funny. I saw a tick talk about this the other day, but like Adderall is for people who can't fucking do shit without it. Right. And Adderall is for people that literally doing like the most minor fucking thing, like calling 80 pharmacies to try to find it is the hardest thing in the world without it. I know. And it's like the one, of course I can't fucking do that. Cause I don't have it. Yeah. And it's like the shortage of Adderall.
Oh my God. I'm surprised the streets aren't aflame. I have a friend who, poor thing, has like, it's taken her six months to fill out her fucking ADHD form. And I'm like, well, you probably got it. Right. I was having Paige get my prescriptions in fucking Massachusetts. Yeah. Because I couldn't get them here. I was like, dude, maybe across the country's got some. They did. It was good Adderall. It would take an Adderall.
Well, you know, there's instant. There's an XR. When taken as prescribed by your doctor, any whoosie, okay? I'm fucking done. That's just point blank being. In my perfect world, I would never have to be on any medication ever again. And I did do that. I did that for a stint because when I moved... Like, same thing. When I moved here from Arizona, you can't fill a prescription from Arizona in California. So I had to go cold turkey. And I'm on the one Wellbutrin you withdraw from. Bad. Like, especially I'm on 300 milligrams a day. If I were to just stop taking it one day, I could have like...
like you can like really withdraw from it like a jerk like a drug drug that's awful and it was horrible i had to go through all that so then i didn't want to get back on it because i was like oh my god like i cannot go through this again so i was off it for like several years but then the whole clinton thing happened and probably i would would have never even entered that relationship if i were properly medicated that's so fucking fair um wait did we ever talk about the fact that he made that video we didn't dude clinton's
Clinton, bless his heart. Like, honestly, at this point, I get it. You guys are so tired of hearing me talk about it, but it's hilarious. Unfortunately, I fear he had a marketing genius blip. And you know what? It's about time he utilized this to his advantage because I've been milking this shit until the cows come home. Like, I... And I can't help it. Like, I'm sorry that... Like, when something that traumatic is going to happen to me, obviously, I'm going to make jokes about it, like, literally, probably for the next five years of my life. But...
He started promoting his new song on TikTok, like using like buzzwords or like trying to... No, he starts off the TikTok and says, it's time I finally address the rumors. Like as in killed my family, faked the Australian accent. Yeah. And then I literally, I watched the whole fucking TikTok in full and I sat there and like was like stupid, stupid. Like I was so mad at myself for like...
falling for the gimmick and I was like oh my god like I I'll never I can never do this again I'll never give him a dollar again like but that was like one of those things where it's like honestly slay like that's like yeah it's like more power to you fucking do you know what I mean funny like yeah we know this person who a lot of people may be up in arms about them getting pets and getting rid of them and I have these two friends who like refuse to even watch their videos because they're like
I'm not giving her a cent I need to start implementing that more Because unfortunately I am a hate watcher To the core Me too I keep And I'm paying These people's bills I said this the other day It was like Like I can't even call my Like it's like People probably do that for us too I know For sure It's just like
I'm a hate watcher to the fucking core. But then the other day I was like, I'm a fucking fan. Like how am I gonna sit there and be like, I hate this person, but I watch every single fucking TikTok. Tana, you're paying their bills. - I just had this conversation where I like, I think I've hated someone. Like I have one person in particular that I hated to the point of being obsessed with them. And now I just like, I think I'm her biggest fan. - Because, wait, say it, I'll bleep it.
Like, she's so fascinating to me that I can't even, like, knock her anymore. It's like, I love her. That's the fucking thing. Like, I love her. You have to... Okay, stop saying that over and over again. Because...
I literally do. But I, where is the line between those two things? Because I fully agree. Like it's like a car crash that you can't look away from. And I hate it. Very, very similar. Like you, it's just being passionate about something. That's so true. Profound book to be indifferent is the worst feeling that you can have towards somebody. I fully agree. I fully agree. That is fucking crazy. And I've never been indifferent about anything.
That's one thing we have in common, you and I. Never once in my life. We just strongly feel about absolutely everything. It's so fucking real. I like that. I like having big feelings. Can I talk about A-list celebrities bailing on me? Yes, sure. Tell me if I've ever podcasted about this and just shut the fuck up, okay? But there was a day a couple months ago where I got invited to go on Wiz Khalifa's podcast.
And I always end up like, I don't know what this is. You and I were even talking about this yesterday to an extent, but it's like the few days before something, like I'm leaving on tour or a big trip or whatever in my life, historically always end up being the most booked and busy days of my life. It's like, God wants that for me. I don't know what it is. Like,
every single time we're going to leave on tour that Friday before I'm going to have two podcasts. It just happened to me. I was doing therapists and dropouts and fucking planning our show and fucking just a million fucking things. And it's like, why couldn't this have been spread out over the week? Like why could Jake Shane only do the day before we had to leave for like, it just like, and I love him. So obviously I'm going to go do it, but I'm saying like, it just historically, this always happens to me. And this was another one of those. We were leaving for Coachella and like,
I get invited to go on Wiz Khalifa's podcast and this is the only day that he can do and of course I'm like I'm gonna fucking do that I love Wiz Khalifa I didn't even know Wiz Khalifa had a podcast over amazing yeah and never forget sorry to cut you off but it's Wiz Khalifa related the time that we were outside that restaurant and Wiz Khalifa's like Tana I'm like what that's
And that's the thing. I've like known him forever. And like, wait, what? You're friends with Wiz Khalifa? I was so excited to be like, look, this is my friend. Right. Like such a flex. So kind of like. I'm in the car like, what is going on out there? I'm like fucking black and yellow, black and yellow, bitch. You know, that's me. Right. That's that's what I'm thinking on the way. I'm like playing whatever. So I get all ready. I get up. I put on my best. Like I'm hanging out with Wiz out.
bit. Like I'm like, he's going to eat this shit up. You know what I mean? Just more like, like street wear, like, you know, like good sneakers and like a good watch and like, you know, just, and it's far as fuck and it's fucking up my whole day to like get there. And I get there and I walk in and it's, it's just a Wiz Khalifa asset. You know, it's hot box with smoke. There's 500 people. I was like, Oh my God, why don't we do this for the podcast? Like,
It was just insane. Like they're giving me gifting. There's a million bad bitches. Like I'm so excited, whatever. And I'm like, this is worth it. I'm glad I came. And I wait for 30 minutes. He doesn't come. I ordered Chick-fil-A. I'm starving. I wait for another hour, hour and a half goes by. And finally, someone just comes over to me. I swear to God, as casually as like, would you like a water? And they're like, Wiz is finishing his album.
He's not going to pull up. Like, you know what I mean? Not going to pull up is crazy. Like, he gave you a taste of your own medicine. My eye starts twitching. And I'm like, fuck. And I've told you a million times, I kind of get off to people bailing on me. And I don't know why. I don't know why. Because you probably are validated like, oh, other people are out here doing this too. And I'm not a bailer anymore. I haven't bailed on anyone in like as long as I can remember. I've maybe like rescheduled things and whatever. Like, I've definitely grown. And I just respect the fuck out of people's time as much as I can. You know I still...
especially with the ADHD, not to crutch it, but like I'm late to shit occasionally now and again, but I'm like so fucking sad. But then they're, they're like, will you do the podcast anyway? And I'm like, it's one of those situations where there's 500 people there and like,
I just didn't want to be a bitch. You know what I mean? Yeah. And like... Wait, so is it his podcast or he was just... It's called like Stoned and Sexy, I think. So it's like a bunch of girls and him. And so then I end up... I'm like, okay. And so then I end up filming with these girls that I don't know. And like we do a whole podcast and...
They were amazing. Like they were so sweet and like funny and like really awesome girls. Like one of them was like, let's go play basketball. Like I want to take you. And I was like, let's go ball is life. I'm so down. You know, I love basketball. You do. You fuck with a good game of pig. I really do.
It was cute But it was one of those things Where it's like Fuck I almost just wish I could have left I have a day before tour Like are you fucking kidding me Like whatever Blah blah blah And we just don't end up Rescheduling And I don't know I hope we finish the album And whatever Right Same thing
These two days have been the most jam-packed days of my life. Today is fucking literally, I don't even know how, like we're shooting this podcast. I have a meeting. I have Kiki's fucking dance recital in Calabasas. Most important thing you've done all year. I know. And I'm excited to go be godmother of the year and it's going to be really fucking fun. And then a White Fox event later. I don't even know. These past two days have just been like so packed. And I get a text from,
From Lele Pons earlier in the week. And she's like, hey, I can't tell you why, but can I call you with Will Smith tomorrow or whenever at like 10 a.m.? I love Will. I love Will Smith. And I'm like, obviously for whatever this is, I'm sure they're filming it. Like, it's not like Will Smith is just like...
calling Tana Mongeau. Maybe he's a fan. I fucking love Will Smith so much and I'm like thinking of all these jokes I want to say and whatever and it's at the fucking crack of dawn so I get all fucking ready and I'm just like and mind you the second that I'm done with that I have to go be in that role model music video so everything was kind of like timed out which you were supposed to do with me and I'm so sad. I was supposed to be in the video.
At least you were allo-moving it up. I know, but I'm heartbroken. He's so hot. I'm really sad because it would have been so fun. Us too. It really would have been. But... Sad. Everything's timed out, whatever. I'm just stressed. I'm fucking trying to figure things out, whatever. And I wait around...
11 a.m. or whenever it comes, I'm full clam. I'm waiting on Will Smith. An hour goes by. I'm waiting on Will Smith. I'm texting Lele. It's on do not disturb. I'm pressing notify anyway. I'm like, where is Will? Whatever. And I wait and I wait and I wait. I wait. Will Smith bailed on me.
They had time to call. I think I was last on the docket. I think I was added in as a final sub in. And I think that they definitely made the calls to Hannah Stocking and Paris Hilton. And Tana Mongeau just didn't get the fucking call. No, I bet something came up. I bet he was in an entanglement.
That was the thing too I was like Fuck it's probably For the better Because every joke I was going to say Was just like Shouldn't be said To Will Smith And it's Yeah probably not But he's really like He's into the social media game Like I remember When he was running around On yachts with Liza Koshy Oh yeah And like he loves like The King Bach of it all The Lele Yeah he loves like That genre Of the internet I bet it's because like
These traditional media celebrities Just see their numbers And like Well they're the most universal Because that same type of humor Is funny like Whether you even Really understand Like it's funny everywhere You know what I mean Like in other countries And stuff too Will Smith bailed on me I'm sure you'll have Another chance with Will Smith
I'm sure that opportunity will present itself again. And it's so funny because I can never actually say shit. Like I'm not saying this in like a way like because it's like. No, it's okay. It wasn't meant to be. Right. But you know what is meant to be? Having Gypsy Rose on our podcast. In fact, she went live yesterday and said that she would come on the canceled podcast so long as we would have her. Meaning we are going to have to fly wherever she is.
This is exactly what I was saying yesterday. I saw the clip. I'm so excited. I go to try to DM her. We follow each other, but it wasn't working. So I was like, whatever. I had Paige send an email over to her team and she is done with her press docket until... Well, this isn't press. This is just friends. That's what I'm saying. It's like... This is just friends chatting, Jips. I couldn't agree more. I'm like, just come kick it, whatever. But like, and of course, here I am this morning. I was like...
because I'm like, just come be our friend. Like it doesn't have to be a part of the press. Like we just want to hang out girl. Like Gypsy, please Gypsy, please. But then I'm like, Tana, I don't know where you get off thinking that she doesn't have like a whole team running her shit. I
It's just because the way the live was Like it was very much like she was So casual and she's just like yeah sure I'll go on Like okay like then we're on our way I would be there absolutely fucking tomorrow And she's blue balling me I would be there tomorrow I don't know why we are in such a dry spell I've tried to get everyone Everyone wants uncancelled I've
I give up too. Nobody wants to come on. I give up. It's, it's going to be page. Like we can start putting her in, like having her like wear a wig and be like, I'm Julia Fox today. I know she could be, she could be Stassi baby says she'll come on, but she says the only, um, she has full creative control.
I've had that conversation with Stassi as long as the day. And I love her. I love her so much, but I just, it's like all the people that we've had on are people that have said yes. And like, I've ran out, you know what I mean? And now everyone else, like the second tier of like all the other people that everyone's like, Oh my God, have them are the people who have told me yes. A million times, like when they're in LA and then they come to LA and like, don't hit me up. And like, what I like, it's all the people. I've had people even tell me like, Oh, sorry. My publicist told me I can't. And I'm like,
Shit. Like, what do we need to change about ourselves? Be honest. Besides the talking about opiates all the time and being problematic and exposing people. I'm defeated. You have no idea how much I have been trying to get anyone on this podcast. I think Pookie and Jet might do it. That would slay. Yeah.
I feel like he could give me business advice. Did you see Mason Disick on Instagram? Yeah, it's because he's in high school now. I think he probably wasn't allowed to have an Instagram until high school. It's so funny. He came back as a full Chrome Hearts kid. First of all, he's probably been always Chrome Hearts baby. 100%. But I'm saying we've I don't know if we've actually ever talked about this on the podcast, but like there's a genre of human. Yes. Like there's all these L.A. boys who like every single one of them.
Has a quote unquote different walk of life, but like they haven't. You know what I mean? Parents are billionaires like on some like every single one of their parents invented something vital we use every day or like lifelong brands or whatever. And they all live in these multimillion dollar houses in Malibu. They they're all best friends with Christian Stark, who is the son of.
The owner of Chrome Hearts and Frankie Stark and the whole Stark family. And they all wear Chrome Hearts every day. And then none of them have jobs and they never will. And they're all super attractive. And they're like posted up and like it's a whole community. Girls in L.A. are dying to fuck them. You know what I mean? Like it's like this whole thing. I remember I was fucking one of them for like a while. And I like thought I was like I was like, this is it. I remember as well. Where is he now?
In prison probably I think he's in prison I'm not kidding But so hot You know And like I would let him Put it in my butt And I was like Oh my god I know You would always tell me that I still haven't let anyone Go anywhere near my butt And I think my time Is ticking Well I Can't let anything Go near my butt Ever again I just Circling back to the tour Of it all
This is what I get though. This is what I fucking get. Because anytime in my life I have historically ever said that I think something's going to be easy, it is Armageddon. And I know this. It's like, it could literally be going to CVS and back right now. Do not say you think it's going to be easy. You're going to get in a 10-card pileup on your way there, Tana. You know this. You know this. It's just my life. Like, matter of fact, if I want something to go to shit, I will say I think it's going to be easy because then I know it's going to go to shit.
And here I am. We finished the Chicago shows. And you know me. I'm riding on this fucking high horse all around Chicago where I'm like, we're done. We're done with tour. Like, it feels like we're done. I know we have the California shows, but we're no longer in the Midwest. We're no longer across the country. We're no longer worried about a million things. Like, I can have a million security if I want. We're in California. I feel safe.
neighborhood family shows. We're going to have special guests. They're going to carry the shows. The shows are going to be so easy because of that. The California girls, you know, they're just driving from their house. They're coming out. We're all going to fucking hang out. Like it's, it's so easy. I could bring my IV nurse if I wanted to. I could bring a masseuse if I needed. I could bring whatever the fuck it is to fix any ailment. Amari is going to come. He's my comfort.
person this is gonna be monologue i've ever heard you do fucking easy i'm sorry i know that was amazing hour dude i i wouldn't shut the fuck up about how i felt like these friendly neighborhood shows were gonna be a fucking breeze bro
And we get there. And we get there, Brooke Amber. You and me. And, you know, we're a little last minute on the show planning, but we get it written. We're there. We're going to rehearse in Santa Barbara. We're in Santa Barbara. We fucking Ubered to the show. We haven't even seen the bus yet. It's fucking an hour away. The dropouts pod is coming. I'm like, we is crazy.
She took the bus. Okay. But you know what? The bus picked you up 20 minutes from your house. It was, it just scooped you on the way. Okay. Like, and the dropouts are coming the first day. They're going to help us. Like just, we're going to do stuff with them. The crowd's going to be so excited. And we get to this fucking venue. Right.
I wake up that morning. Okay. And I have my whole like nugget sweet and sour fucking bubblegum. Surprise for dinner the night before. But I do that pretty frequently. Yeah. You would think you could handle it. And I wake up the next morning and I have a footy little shit. Okay. It's footy.
But it's just footy, okay? It's not like, oh my God, hospitalize me. It's like I... It's just a little like off, a little wookie. I had a super size special last night and my poop is a little wookie, duh. This happens to me all the time, a wookie poop after a sort the night before. Sorry for every word I'm using, I'm serious. We just made all these up. But you get what I'm saying, okay? 20 minutes go by and I'm like, oh.
I'm not done Wookieing. The Wookiefication is still Wookieficationing. I go, I squeeze, and I go back, you know, beauty blending my concealer. Shit's fine, right? And then I go again. This one's giving, I'm pouring a gallon of water into the toilet. And I'm like, okay, it's got to be all out of me, right? I get to your room. We're trying to fucking rehearse the show. I'm back and forth, whatever. Now, by the time we've made it to the venue, I have had eight liquid shits.
I order a Modi of AD because I now understand that this might be... An issue. An issue. We couldn't even rehearse the show one time. It was just you up there, like being you and me. I was running back and forth to both of our chairs doing soundcheck. And I swear to God, thank God that this venue bathroom somehow was like right beside the stage. Because we have other ones where you have to take a boat, a train, and a plane to get to the bathroom from the stage. And we'll get there. You know what I mean? But I'm just shitting...
25 times by the time we even before our meet and greet we're done with rehearsal I couldn't sit I couldn't sit my butthole I know I know my butthole looked like a Brandy Melville scrunchie you know exactly what I mean
And now it's like every single person on the tour now has to know about it, right? Because it's like a white cat. Yeah, that's like so dehumanizing too because it's like you can't even hide it. Like you just have to like bite the bullet and say, listen to me, everybody. I had to have like a real circle around me meeting where I'm staring at Aaron, J-Rod, tour manager Aaron, Paige, Allison. All five dropouts. All of the dropouts podcast.
Everyone they brought and say I'm so sorry if things don't go accordingly today I can't stop shitting water I now take on the brat diet I'm trying Bananas, rice, applesauce and toast okay I'm trying to stop it The meet and greet I felt so bad for the people by the end Like I was just weathered Wait did you see that someone left the show and said that they got diarrhea Yeah
I believe it. You gave a fan diarrhea. I had to. That is not the meet and greet package anyone signed up for. And that's the thing I was having to tell all the fans. Like, because I was just so visibly in distress and leaving every two seconds and whatever.
And it's like we get through this show, but then it just gets progressively worse. I thought it was going to be one of those things where it went away after this day or two days. Bro, I'm seeing fucking stars. I'm starting to be so dizzy. I'm drinking Pedialyte. I'm trying to like recoup my hydration, but I can't. And I'm like damn near passing out on stage. Seeing there was a show...
In Sacramento where we had Jake Shane come to, and that's the thing dealing with this with like special guests is 10 times harder. So now it's, it's like by far the hardest fucking run of tour, but also not, it's the most liquid run of tour literally ever. And, um,
There was one point on stage in Sacramento. Those people, they seem to enjoy it because like we kind of made it a bit like they were laughing and cheering and it was like funny. But like I saw full black and I had to turn to you and be like, say what I'm supposed to say right now. Like I can't talk. And I had to run off stage like three times and shit. That happened for the rest of tour. Imagine having to look at a crowd of 2000 people and say like, I'm so sorry. I'm shitting water.
I'll be back. It was really, really, I'm glad you made it through, but I would have really had a hard time. That would have been really hard. It was so fucking horrifying. Amari heard me too in the hotel. I was just thinking, thank God it wasn't Makoa. He said that it sounded like someone was pouring cream of wheat into the toilet. Oh, but. And I've never in my 25 years, and I fucking mean this hand to God, digital footprint. Yeah.
Had anything smell like that? Wait. That has come out of me. No, no. I'm sorry, though. I'm sorry. Like on some real carcass shit. Oh. No, I'm so fucking for real, though. Like I fear we've gotten too comfortable. I don't want to be insensitive. I'm really like sorry for that. And at first it was Gerd gate. Then it was diarrhea gate. Like I just I fear something is so wrong with my overall health, but I am so scared to get a blood panel. I've always been the wait. Do you want to come with me? I'm going tomorrow. Oh.
I'm going to do it at home. God, she's so rich. You're more than welcome to join me. I got you. They're probably like BOGO or something, right? They're not BOGO. You don't get a group on a blood panel. But I do have to get blood work tomorrow. I'm just saying it could be fun for us to do it together. I have such a fear, and I've always been this way, and I hate this about myself, of like, I hate knowing. I don't like knowing.
Like if I ever had like cancer, like I would want to just fucking die. But if you know and everything's fine, that feeling is even better than, you know, just ignorance. I know, but at the off chance it isn't, I can't emotionally handle the like paranoia and anxiety. No, because then you can fix it. Whatever's wrong. I don't know why I'm like this. Like I would rather just fucking croak. No, you wouldn't. But it's really common, actually. A lot of people are that way. I know, and I hate that. So I've been putting off this blood panel, but I did...
It's so funny because I wonder if it's like canceled podcast related. Like I've been shitting solid the whole time and then I woke up today in shit water for the first time since then. Maybe you're allergic to me. I'm not allergic to you, but I'm just so scared I'm going to like jet pack through the roof at Kiki's dance recital with my like... You can't embarrass Kiki in that way. At all. She would never forget it. Can't even imagine. I've been shitting water today too. Maybe it's just a bug. I don't know. Are you being judgmental? No, because it just happened. Oh. Yeah.
it it could be a bug when did i just oh i shit myself in mexico but i was in mexico i don't fucking know dude i really don't i really don't and it might just like genuinely be like my big back behavior i keep catching myself like i'll be eating a fucking full-blown meal and it's like a jack-in-the-box munchies pack and i'm sitting there eating it thinking about what i'm gonna eat later it's like you're eating something you're you're eating something right now why the
Are you planning your next meal, fat ass? No, that's...
I don't mean fat ass even in like a body shaming way. I mean it in like a behavioral way. Yeah. Like the behaviors are fucking... The other night I like, I come upstairs, I'm so full and I smoke weed and I'm like, listen Tana, we are breaking the mold tonight, okay? You are not about to have these munchies. You are not about to have these munchies. And I swear, I'm like, I do so good for hours. I'm drinking water. I'm like, I'm gonna go to bed. And I swear to God, I get up out of my sleep and the only thing in my room is my fucking...
Easter basket, Brooke. My Easter basket. I wake up with plastic eggs and jelly beans in my bed. It's like, do you have any fucking shame? Easter wasn't even that long ago. I don't think that's that crazy. Brooke, I woke up with plastic eggs and jelly beans in my bed. Sounds delicious. I could have it right now. You're a real friend. You really are. But it's just the big back behavior is so fucking crazy. I want to show you something really funny. Oh, okay.
that I don't remember when I was doing MTV in like the end of season one or something I don't remember when it was actually let me just like stop myself and this was another point in my life where it was like the most extreme burnout I'd ever had like I was just really struggling and I was on so many so I was abusing drugs and
and taking Xanax and being awful. And MTV is like, we're going to have you go on this press run. And I've never in my life done a press run like this, right? Like when we do our press now, I think it's like we choose podcasts that are fitting to us and like,
that are like, you know what I mean? Like the interviewer is not against you. Like, you know what I mean? Just all of that, right? They send me on this press run and I'm just, I'm like playing with the puppies at BuzzFeed and shit. Like it's just very much like unlike things I've ever done. And mind you, this was the time of my life where my ailment was not diarrhea or GERD. It was periorbital cellulitis and my eye would swell up all big. Oh, I remember.
I love that photo. That was actually how Alexis Oakley and I super bonded because she just started doing my makeup for maybe like a month and then my eye would swell up so huge and I'd be like, contour it. Like, I don't know. Like, give me the skinny eye special. You know, and it was very much like...
Now it's like I would be like, fuck no. I'm not going to do like BuzzFeed with a fucking swollen out of my head eye. I'll insert a photo. You know how it got like crazy, right? And at the end of this press run, they have me go on KTLA.
Like the, just like the regular fucking like channel five morning news. And I have to get there at like 5am. It's just like on this crazy lot. It's unlike anything I've ever done. And I don't watch any, I've never rewatched anything from the MTV era because it just like, I feel sad for that girl. You know what I mean? In every way, just everything with Jordan, like just all the fighting, like just everything. I was just, I was sad. And I found this clip on my timeline the other day of me.
on KTLA morning news swollen eye whole nine listen to my demeanor like just defeated like I'm like what the why the fuck am I here oh no statistics 5.2 million subscribers on YouTube I was among the one and a half million people who just watched your trip to Miami which seemed like a lot of fun that's such a crazy way to put it thank you for watching that it was definitely a roller coaster I bet uh Tanya Mojo's here nice to see you nice to
mispronouncing my name like get off of KTLA news wait that's god you've lived so many lives how did all this happen I have no idea I think I wake up every day and that's the first question I ask myself I was doing my hair today and I was like what's going on um
Oh, I love your little voice and that you sound like young Tana. Who is that girl? That is so crazy. My voice in that time is like so wild. Why the fuck was I on KTLA news? I don't know, but I love, I'm on Tana Mongeau TikTok and I can't believe how much, I can't believe how much, like, first of all, how many lives you've lived, but also just like how many phases, like,
I find videos of you every single day that I've never seen before and it's so exciting. I'm right now like, oh, there's like that one viral clip. That's so funny. It got sent in the group chat this morning. What was it? It's like you in a Chris Miles video, but you're like, that wasn't very convincing, but like your little face is so cute. Me with the guy who doesn't like me back.
Yeah, Chris sent me the fucking the comments. I feel so bad for him because I do, too, because he's really actually like misunderstood. It's like he's so misunderstood. And I think it's like if he could ever sit down on this podcast and like just show the Chris that we know everybody would love him. He's the funniest person I've ever met. And like, I just I really like I know that my fans love me so much. But like it takes two to tango in a toxic ass relationship. And like.
people are also like me and the guy who doesn't like me back me and the guy who doesn't love me like he's just a very stoic person like he loved me with everything he had in me and like tried his very best and like it was so tuta tango toxic I was awful I was throwing shit too I was fucking like you know what I mean and it's like yeah but you know what that's it's always true it's the same way like we look at celebrities and stuff and we think like we know what people's relationships were like and we don't
It's so true. It is so fucking true. I really am trying not to do that so much anymore because it's like I'd love to subscribe to those like
but like I have lived so many fucking lives. I think that's why I like, it's so funny. Cause I'll always to you be like, I'm so fucking tired, Brooke, you don't understand. And like, you know what I mean? Or like I'm burnt the fuck out. And it's like, we'll do the same thing like touring and the way it affects me versus the way it affects you. Cause I just feel like I've been going, I still got the energy in me. Yeah. Like, like, you know what I mean? And I'll be like, I just wish like, you know what I mean?
Yeah. Although I was working too, except I was getting paid $12 an hour. That is very, I definitely am not knocking that. Okay. Your, your work ethic is so fucking amazing. Can I say something about myself that I hate? And I want to see if you agree or don't. You definitely don't. You don't know me. It's a good thing that you don't, but I noticed this so much on tour and I hate that I'm this way and I can't,
change it. Makoa's like being with Makoa, like he tries to like help me with this cause he's very present and thinks everything's so beautiful. And like, it's like, babe, look how beautiful that is. Right. Beautiful architecture. Right. Like people will pass a beautiful church and be like, that's so pretty. Or like, it's like, we'll be in a city and people will be like, Oh my God, you need to go see all the, all of this. It's so beautiful. Like,
I just don't understand. Like, big whoop, it's a building. Like, even just, like, I was at the Louvre in, like, Paris, and I was like... I think it's something that comes a little bit with age. Like, I was, like, a little older. I mean, not older than you are now, I guess, but...
I was like that when I was like younger. I was like, I don't give a fuck about that. Like, why am I like that? The Eiffel Tower was cool. But like, I don't know. But it's the same way. Like you grow into things like you remember, like your style and houses used to be like that dentist office special. And now like you're liking a little bit more character. I feel like as you get older, you'll start to appreciate stuff like that more. I just like the fact like, for example, we just performed at the...
Or what is it? Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco. Which was just crazy. There's something so dehumanizing about being at the Palace of Fine Arts. That was beautiful. Somebody was rolling over in there. And I'm on stage talking about how I'm shitting waterfalls out of my ass and they look like the ones on my Instagram in Hawaii. Yeah. But it's just so beautiful and you think to yourself like, oh my God, like a man, like men used to build things like this and now they fucking... Paint their nails in gaslight. Paint their nails in gaslight. Mm-hmm.
And it really is upsetting and that makes me appreciate it a little bit more. I'm like somebody who did this like could change a tire and ride a horse and probably did with like a steel outfit on. It is so crazy. I went to the Zach Bryan concert. It was life changing and now my whole cup is full again. That was another thing where I was just shitting water and so sad like this whole run of tour. I couldn't do anything and I was so fucking sad.
I'm literally like I'm in I keep telling you this but I'm in a period where it's like I can't get serotonin I feel like for anything and it like is really upsetting me because usually I can get serotonin from like going to the grove and seeing like one baby and I can't like right now I'm like everything I just feel very like numb yeah numb and it's like I hate that so that's why I like needed to go on my little wellness trip but I'm not kidding I went to the Zach Bryan concert I have never been happier it was so fun and like spiritual it was his first
Show You know when you're in Like an eras tour Where it's like There's so much energy That it's like You literally feel it It made me sick to my stomach And now I have to go down I think to every show I fucking just love The revival of it all Like the clips of revival And how he just like Like sexy red went up Jake got to go up It was every And he was singing his heart out It was so cute I saw a clip of Rihanna Coming up too It was just them And it was really cute That's how she like met him Have you been seeing That's crazy
I didn't even think about that. Yeah. Have you been seeing all the Brie and Grace drama? I have. And I'm trying like, um, kind of what I was just saying, like I'm trying not to form an opinion about it because I hate it.
when people like psychoanalyze our relationship based on like what they see. It's so, so actually so, so, so true. I hate it because it's like you're never right. It's not you guys are never right. Yeah. No offense. I love you guys. But yeah, that is so fucking true. Hyperanalyze every single like look and like inflection of like things that I say, things that you say, like the way we respond, like the jokes we make in it fucking infuriates me because I'm like, you literally like don't know what our friendship is like at all.
Or like we have a fight and like people think it's the end of the world and the end of our friendship. Yeah. And they will, they can never let go of it. And like, yeah. And you and I just like are over it and fucking 20 hours. Yeah. So I feel bad for them. And also like it, this kind of goes for us too. Like we are obviously haven't really had any problems like in a long, long time, but like think about any normal friendship in real life. Like,
There's never a friendship where you don't go like weeks without talking to each other or like a week without talking to one another. Like we have to show up here every single week, no matter what, like how we're feeling or if we're mad over literally a shirt. Yeah. Or if like even just, you might like be, you know, off doing something else kind of thing. Like it's weird to have to like literally like check in that constantly. Like, yeah. And like,
Show up and deliver A certain friendship And dynamic If that's not how You two are actually Feeling that day Yeah and it doesn't Even have to be negative Yeah it has nothing To do with that But even if just like Like if I'm going Through something Or like if I You know I'm off Dating somebody Or whatever it is Yeah And then I have to Come back here And just like act normal And like we haven't Even maybe talked Or something like that Like I think that's Kind of what's Happening to them Where it's like
it's just like in a normal friendship that might be like a little bit of like a distancing time for them where they would come back together and it's like just sucks because everyone has to watch it. Well, this is me just speculating again on like what I don't fully know, but like we've all had those situations as well where like a friend gets a boyfriend and like it,
changes things well it's she's also in a really unique situation because that's not a boyfriend that's the most like one of the most famous people in the world at the moment like and so her whole life has been turned upside down like so immediately and she god bless her honestly I like admire the way that she's able to still like have her own job and podcast and things that she does and stuff because you know what I would do
I would be the girlfriend and I would eat that shit up and I wouldn't lose all sense of identity. And I would no longer want to do anything for myself ever again. Grace, you know what I mean? Like, but that's just who I am. Like, no, but, but Bree's not like that. I'm saying she's like, she still wants to do her other shit and she still shows up and like goes off and does her own work shit. I would never. I also just give it like, like you were just saying, like giving it to grace for coming back and just showing up as if everything isn't,
Upside down Yeah and it's hard On the other end of it too Like I've had like My best friends get boyfriends And wanted to literally like Die Because I'm like Where are you? I don't know the whole situation Me neither But I feel bad I think People should just Yeah And I don't know Give them a second To figure it out So I intake I intake way more grace And of grace is
side and people talking about like i don't even know what you know what i mean yeah i need to like know more about no i love grace so much but i i i just feel bad like in any situation like that when it's like yeah it's just people like becoming obsessed with the
Friendship dynamic and not knowing anything. Well, it adds, like, a whole other, like, difficult element to, like, what's already hard when you're, like, going through it with a friend. You know what I mean? Because now, like, it has to be perceived by all these people. Yeah. And, like, give them a second. Like, they've been friends their entire lives. Yeah. And, like, that is so sad and scary. And that does happen to, like, us. And I do just feel for that. Because I hate when that... Like, if you and I are going through anything ever and the internet's weighing in on it, it's always just ten times harder. You know? Yeah. But...
Grace is slaying Grace is going on tour with Whitney Which is fucking insane And so amazing I can't wait to go to one of those shows And she's been doing stand up like crazy Like she's always doing shows Which bless her heart I wish so badly That I could fucking Do that I want to be able to do it It takes the most balls in the world It does It's so interesting too Because it's like We technically do that
But like if you weren't there I would never be able to go out there. I already can barely go out there when you're like there. I don't think that's true. It's so hard for me. I don't think that's true at all. That's the drinking part of it. That's why I feel like I can't just easily go sober because I like literally could never do a show if I couldn't drink. I don't think that's true. I really don't. At the end of this tour...
When we got off stage in Oakland and we were saying goodbye to each other that night, because you were leaving on your flight to Cabo, so I got on the bus and drove home. But on the bus, I was just really thinking to myself, like, I do think if you put anyone else in your shoes in the situation of this 55, 60 shows, 90% of people I know could not have done that. Like, 100%. And I feel like I've seen...
The social media game through and through. I know so many influencers and people and who they really are and how they are like through and through. And I really mean what I'm saying. Like they could not do that. And I think that, I mean, now that the tour is over, I guess we could obviously talk about it a little more, but like there was so much going wrong behind the scenes as well. Like I don't mean with the shows, but I mean like.
even with safety, like we had a lot of really crazy issues. There was a show that had to be canceled and stuff because of like crazy threats and fucked up shit. And like, even thank God you're the type of person who didn't, doesn't get paranoid. Cause that was, people will see it in the documentary, but that was so hard for me. Like there were, there was like a set of 10 shows where I was walking out every night on like
Six out of ten because I was like really fucking scared I was gonna die and someone was gonna kill me and it was like this whole thing and it was so scary and like just and that shit just discourages you as a whole. It's like I want to go home. I want to feel safe. Like you know what? Just so much so many things
And just... It was long in so many shows. And I think that it was like you killed it at every single show. Well, thank you. And it was wild. You killed it. I just think it was such a... Like, so special. I keep thinking about it. I think that's part of the reason I'm like so... Not like numb, but like that was such a big... Overwhelming. Of emotion. Like so many things that I almost like...
couldn't feel any of it not like that I couldn't feel it but it's like it was so overwhelming that I just refused to acknowledge any of it as being real yeah so it just like that I just literally like had to start like going through the motions because it was like this cannot be like that this isn't there's no way this is and if I were to try to process it like because I'm so hyper emotional I would have like just gone off the rocker yeah I 100% agree it's like it's the most overwhelming feeling of love and
You know what I mean High anxiety And going hard And just every emotion Yeah but it's gonna be So cool to like Ugh we're gonna like Tell our kids about that Forever and hopefully We can do it for a lot longer I agree And I think we learned So much and
If we were to ever come back with another tour, which I think we will. They want us to go to Canada, you know. I would love to go to Canada and the UK and Australia. Yeah, I'm really excited. I want to do Cancel Down Under. So bad. Like imagine if that was like our vibe for all the different. Every Australian tour I ever had to, I was fucking. Like you're going to find some sexies.
You're going to find some real fucking sexies. Like, it's going to be fun. It's so fun. International touring is so fun. Get big off my phone. I'm just really happy. And I'm happy to be home. I am too. I'm happy we got to do it together. I feel like that would have been... If you hadn't been there, I definitely wouldn't have been able to do it. It is the most special bond and, like, memory. And we didn't even fight. We literally... Well, we fought once. And I think that it's just like...
We also, but it wasn't even a fight. It wasn't a real fight, but like that's not that I think like we were just going to fight the whole time, but like, that's really cool. I would have fought with anybody like spending that much time with someone. We both just had to like, it was a real test to like learning someone else emotionally, at least for me. Like I felt like I really had to learn who you are as a person, what makes you tick, what to take to heart. Like I think the same thing, like we almost had, I had to like adapt my behavior to like
what you like you know what I mean like yeah you're doing but it's crazy because like the second that I started like being a little bit less like hard on you for like the little things that you like that frustrated me about you they stopped and like vice versa you know what I mean like 100 I'm not so high like judgmental and hyper analytical and stuff when you're
Like it was like chicken and the egg. Like it just like one of us had to stop and then it just all stopped. Yeah. I think that we just gave each other a lot more like patience and slack and like, you know what I mean? And in the best way, like to just let each other be each other and like do it, whatever. And like, I think I just had to learn like so many little things. Like I just can't take it.
I feel like I'm the type of person who takes everything someone says and does to heart really bad. And then I react on that too. And like, I just, I was able to really like, Oh, Brooke, like might've said something that I would normally snap at. I think she's being a little mean right now. I would walk it off. But you know what? That like, that's something even I am learning like now way later in life because I don't think of anything that I say or like how I act and like sometimes like,
situations as abnormal at all but like I think it's because I grew up with sisters and my mom and all of us have always talked to each other in such a like horrible nasty terrible way to where it's like I don't think twice about like being like you're such a fucking stupid fucking dumb literally and I
Was able to just like understand that finally. And I think that it made me like... But it's like I don't mean it. It's just like that's how I like... Because I don't think you're a mean, mean person at heart at all. I don't. I really fucking don't. And like I was able to just take it as more of like a sister dynamic. And I get so defensive too. That it's like if I'm being mean, it's because I got my feelings hurt. I don't know. I think...
I think you're just a sassy diva. I'm sassy. You're sassy. But it's a quirk. And you are so amazing. No, it's not. It's not even that. Like, I have all of my quirks, too. And I think that, like, we were just able to, like, work it out and just form more of like a sisterly relationship. Like, I really do understand you more than I've ever understood you. And like, I think it's made our friendship so much better.
stronger i think so too you know what i mean and it's only gonna get better and i'm so fucking excited for the future i really fucking am like i just i can't wait this is a really like wholesome and kind of serious episode but i hope you guys at home still enjoyed it i feel like the last one that will have came out was like giggle fest page like masturbating under a rainbow tarp and trevi and you know what i mean but that's the dichotomy of this lore
Guys, comment below, by the way, what kind of merch you would love to see us have. We have been trying to put our foot into a canceled podcast merch line. And I just like feel like we're in an influencer space right now where people are
like alex earl dropped her merch and i've never seen more people at home critiquing this like it was met gala fashion in my life though i thought it was everything but i'm like oh my god like i used to just think of a random phrase printed on a shirt i wouldn't even get it still doing that though too i think there's still a market for that and i just i want to make a good that we actually wear like every single day and like
I've been trying to figure that out too because our styles can be so different. Yeah, we're running into some issues with that where it's like what she would wear, I wouldn't wear and what I would wear, you wouldn't wear. Yeah, like it's like for you. And so then I'm at this place where I want to make the merch drop kind of 50-50, you know, like a clean girl, like a beige sweatsuit with like a cute little like cowboy graphic that says something funny in tan writing. Like that's more like...
A you type of outfit. Whereas mine might be like real tree camo with like a. I like camo. Okay. Yeah. Camo like leopard with like a cherries and bows. And yeah, it's what we call Keta Queen. Keta Queen fashion. So we're trying to figure out how to kind of have something for everyone, but also make it good. So if you guys have any requests or phrases or something that you would like really fucking love to see on some stuff, I just want to make sure it's like the best thing. And just like what types of items. Mm hmm.
We want to know. We do want to know. So if you guys could sound off in the comments below, that would mean the world to me. And just guys, I love you so much. And thank you for being a part of like this whole journey. And I was really emotional at this last run of tour. Like I was crying on stage and like, just like grateful isn't even the word. Like you, you did all of this for me from the jump and for her as well. And just like your support and love for us. And the fact that we, I,
have so many people who are just fucking like us and relate to our mommy issues and our dating lives and our 20s. And we have this girl come up to us and like, thank us for being so real about navigating 20s and like whatever. And I don't even think of some things like that sometimes. And I just like, I just really fucking appreciate everyone so much. And even just with my sobriety and this journey, like I feel like I've been so open and honest about everything
How I feel about everything. And how I. Even just this episode. Being like. Maybe I want to drink. And like. Maybe just. All my feelings about like. Some of the deepest shit inside of me. And they do nothing but support. And love us so much. And it's like. Holy fuck. I'm just. I'm so grateful. We love you guys. For all of you. So much. For being here. Through all the eras. Toothbrush. Conventions. Marriages. KTLA. And Chris Miles. Mindy. Yeah.
We love you. We love you. It's fucking 500 degrees in here. And if they don't stop fucking building that house next door so we can open these fucking doors, it's like, what are you installing? Like a water slide? Like, I just don't understand. Today's episode is brought to you by Angie. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs and projects done well. Let me tell you, there's the version of it where you try to do something at home. And then there's a version of it where you have someone help you. You watch them do it the right way and you go, thank God I didn't try to do that myself.
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