86: PAIGE IS BEEFING WITH ANOTHER INFLUENCER… - Ep. 86
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Hello and welcome back to the Cancelled Podcast! Add a little bass to the end. I'm like, uh-oh, back again.

I'm so excited for today's episode. I have the giggles. I have the hoots. I'm ready to go. Me too. And I haven't seen you in a second. It's like it is euphoric when I don't see you for a minute and I see you. It's like better than any drug. I swear to God, it feels like a bump. Like I haven't seen you in five days and I imagine I haven't seen you in

five days and I'm not kidding last night I was in bed like it felt like Christmas I felt like a kid I was excited Paige in Hawaii you and I were texting and I'm like in the in the bathroom so like texting you and I'm like getting so excited for your next text like giggling and I was like this is embarrassing I left my own body I was like I'm I'm literally obsessed with you I was kicking my feet smiling at my phone it's creepy I'm keeping up with all your tiktoks

I'm loving your TikToker era. I've always thought you should talk on TikTok. Thank you. Well, you were doing funny captions, but I was nervous to do it for the longest time. And we were in like Wisconsin or something. And Tana and I had like a whole conversation. She sat me down and she was like, dude, you really have to start posting. You do. You're a waste of being fun. Hilarious. Thank you. Well, not a waste, but like a complete waste of space. More people should know about it. No, that was funny. We were just high as fuck.

And I was like, you, this is your journey. I was scared. Yeah, but it's true. It really is. I'm sure you're so funny. My kidneys are failing. Mm hmm.

I'm serious. Why do you think so? Dude, I haven't like hit you up about this because it's like, give it a rest, dude. Like I just, it's always something new, but I'm convinced this time. What are your symptoms? So as you know, I had a serious outbreak of GERD, right? GERD, GERD, GERD, GERD is the word. You know what I mean? I don't think there are outbreaks. Like she got a rash. Do you have GERD, Steven? I literally just got it from the doctor today. Yeah.

And see, maybe we're in a GERD epidemic, dude. GERD is not contagious. I'm GERDing it up, dude. Prilosec OTC, that's my shit. But I'm done talking about shit. Sponsor me. Prilosec OTC. Pay up, mother. What does GERD entail? Like, what are your symptoms? What are your signs? It's essentially like really bad heartburn.

I had that in Hawaii where it feels like you have like a tennis ball. But I was having really bad heart pains and the GERD can be the same symptoms of like a heart attack, literally. I thought it was like acid reflux a little bit. Nothing was like refluxing and acidy though. But that's what GERD feels like, I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure that's the whole thing because it's gastroenteroreflux disorder or disease. You ate with that acronym right there. You really did. It felt like there was a vascular on my stomach. Wasn't real. It just...

Just whatever. You know what I mean? And so I fucking take this Prilosec OTC and it starts to go away, right? But then lately I've been having some fluid in my lungs and I know I'm popcorn lunging it up and emphysema-ing it up always. But this, it's a different fluid. It's a different texture. It feels like hair oil almost. Okay. I'm sticking with you. No, and then I had a blood blister on my lip, right? And I know I just got also not kidney related.

And I know I just got filler, but it was a lip. They went up here. The blood was like in the middle of my lip. And then I've been having extra like fatigue and kind of like weird depressive episodes that are unlike me. Like I've been crying so much. I don't know what's wrong with me. All these symptoms are symptoms of acute kidney failure.

We were on FaceTime and she told me, she goes, I think my kidneys are failing. And then she kind of stopped herself. She's like, wait, wait, nevermind. I'm not going to like put this on you right now. And I go, no, no, no, you can't. I go, is your pee foamy? She goes, wait, let me check. She's pissing into the toilet. Sounded like she was frying pork chops.

I don't know. Maybe get that checked out to be honest. Have you had any back pain or anything of the sorts? I'll get the occasional little back pain, but obviously I'm scoliosis up. My back is like a buggy. So you're not having any of the major symptoms of kidney disease? Is the back pain. Is, yeah. Or like a kidney infection even. Blood blister on your lip. I'm just saying. Googled it. It was like husband. There has to be so many things that could be before this.

And listen, I'm not trying to discredit your- No, I really hope my kidneys aren't failing. I hope so too. Like imagine, you know what I mean? Like we walk out on stage in like Oakland, California and I'm like, what's up Oakland? I just like fall over. Blood's coming out my urethra. Wait, speak. Urethra Franklin. I'm just kidding.

so mad that you just took that from me. Sorry. Gotta be quicker than that. I know. I'm already panicked, dude. Fuck. Honestly, I should go. Get me off. Please. Erythra Franklin's great. Erythra Franklin. It's Erythra, by the way. Erythra. Wait, speaking of like dying at show, hold on.

We don't even know what you're going to say. And I'm like, speaking of bad things that shows, you have a pitch for me. Imagine my pitch was just that you were in the audience like Abraham Lincoln. And I came and pretended to shoot you like John Willis Booth. I don't know. I can't breathe. I'm turning purple. I'm turning purple. I'm turning purple. I'm turning purple.

okay i have asthma we do have a vision for you oh god i know it's gonna be so fucking offensive wait although is this gonna come out before we do the shows no even if everyone knew we were gonna do this i don't think anyone would give a fuck i don't think so i know she's gonna have me like learn how to ride a unicycle in 24 hours okay for the viewer at home

Brooke and I have been writing this leg of California shows and each leg of the shows. We try to kind of switch it up, do something different. I'm not going to like say what we want to do for the shows, but we got into this conversation when we were on tour last in somebody's boiler room. OK, we were talking about.

Essentially, it's just touring and your show can kind of be one of those things where it feels like you can almost never fully win. Like no matter what you fucking do on stage, there's going to be someone saying they didn't spill enough tea. There's going to be someone saying something. You know what I mean? And so then I was kind of.

dancing around the idea of like over the top theatrics yeah like like flipping that in their face and you would you were like with you should do random dancing like i carly yeah like what if we got the real gibby the real gibby stand up why why this i don't know

Reeling it back. Okay, yeah, yeah. Reeling it back. You're going to love this. But just to kind of do a bunch of over-the-top shit to be like, oh, our show wasn't enough. Check out this mariachi band, right? And today we had the bright idea to bring out. Hear me out. I'm here. Hear me out, okay? I'm all ears. Drum roll, please. To bring out the dancing lobsters. Are you kidding? It could have gone one of two ways. Wait, you're willing to be a lobster? Antana, are you kidding?

been pitching worried for years i have been pitching for every halloween i say tana i want our whole friend group to go as the amanda show and imagine she's like i've heard you say that every year every lobster when we did the um powerpuff girls yeah nobody's bloody hot lobster yeah it's like the villain lobster i already ordered the lobster costumes did you that's why i told you not to look at my amazon

Actually, now that I think about it, maybe this is so degrading and I shouldn't. No, it's not. We're doing it in like a shit way. Wait, I'm not kidding. Imagine you and Amari were the dancing lobsters and you had t-shirt guns. They'd be so excited. I wonder what the hater's gonna say now. Absolutely. Amari's store, I can't wait to be a lobster with you. Wait, I thought you were gonna say absolutely the fuck not. I have been wanting to be a dancing lobster for the past five Halloweens. My whole life.

I'm like, and a unicycle. And yeah. On a unicycle. And a bear. And John Wilkes Booth.

I don't know how that one would go over with the people. It's not a funny joke. Like, should we ask Tricia if she can give birth on stage? I know. Imagine you do the Lion King thing, but like with Elvis. That's the thing is, it's just like we have these like five to ten no idea shows left. And it's like, I just want to do all the like cootie funny things that we haven't. We gotta get bookie with it. Did Gibby not call back?

I didn't call to be quite frank. We could give him a call. I'm so happy. It's going to be so fun. I'm actually stoked. I'm so excited for these shows. I think they're going to be the most fun, especially just California. Like we're going to slay special guests, all of it. I'm excited. It's going to be hilarious. I think you guys should just treat it like have fun. Go be yourself. Don't let anyone dull your sparkle. Speaking of not letting anyone dull your sparkle.

We gotta talk about it. And you could argue both sides that it's not, but we, it's just, we, yep, uh-huh, pee-pee-boo-boo. Wait, what are we talking about? I'm assuming it's JoJo Siwa. No, no, but hilarious. I want to talk about... Oh, it's JoJo. We'll get there, don't worry. We just started having a weekly, like, what did JoJo do segment. Aw. We could write that down. I want to talk about liability. Should we?

I didn't watch it. I didn't either. Cause it's like, whenever something's been that long, I'm like, I probably hate myself in that. I don't want to see that. So as you guys know, we're in our, our distancing era and we, you know, we haven't been seeing as much of Lila Gibney as maybe some other times in life. And 10 months ago,

We were all bestie boots, mama. Lila was like, I want to start a podcast. I'm going to call it Lila-bility. Can you guys come on and be my first guest? And here I am thinking she's going to have, you know, the BFFs podcast turnaround time. It's going to come out next week. Right. And then a couple months go by and.

We fizzle. We fade into you. Essentially, she releases the episode that we shot of Lylability yesterday. I know. And like, we haven't spoken to her in months. I've been living with this anxiety that she was like still going to release it and make everyone think that like,

We were on this roller coaster. I'm not sure. Maybe it's been so long, but I was under the impression that that was never coming out. I thought it was a pitch for a network. I never thought that the episode was going to come out ever. I thought it was coming out, but like I thought it was coming out in November.

Bold. You know what I mean? It's like, honestly, like I would probably, I mean, I probably wouldn't have released it, but I like kind of respect that she did. Like I'm not wasting an episode. Fuck you guys. Hilarious. I'm like, she, she's smart. Like she knew that people would click it. So many views so fast. I,

have nothing negative to say like honestly well played yeah genius honestly the top comment was tan i know tana's cackling in hawaii and it's funny because i like literally was and i just like i just don't like anything coming out where i haven't even seen it before like maybe i didn't want all of that in it like i mean i feel like it wasn't like anything bad i didn't watch it but like i just i didn't watch it either and i've scrolled past every clip because i don't even like i'm already cringing at myself i already like you know you said because i'm allergic no

I always thought she should have a podcast. She's funny and crazy. There's a market for it. 100% there is. And I just, I think it's like just so fucking funny that she released that shit. Like we are all best friends. It is like, I can't imagine in like, not that it's like really equivalent to the Mindy era, but if I were like to have just like posted a pic of us or something like while that was happening, like it would have just been like, what the fuck? Let alone like a whole ass podcast. And clips about like, how did you guys become best friends? Yeah.

Can you please be so fucking for real? I couldn't find a new one. So now we're just going to test out the strength of this. Oh, my God. I'm such a minimalist.

What was the elephant that you guys scissor? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm loving that. Yeah, that we have tension, but it's sexual. And then she moved on to Bebe. Oh, shit. I really do have a hunch me and Bebe are going to hook up someday. I literally know why. I was like, do I just fuck Bebe really quick? Like, I just, I would. Yeah. But, like, I love her. You know what I mean? Like, I couldn't. Bebe is, like, the most unfortunate thing that's ever happened to me because...

No, I really have like fear about this because I'm afraid that if like, if I, if I do have a soulmate in this life, I'm afraid it might be her. And that would, but like, that would suck. And not that I'm like, I'm so happy to have her and I'm so grateful for it. And it's

because I think about it and I'm like, God, I'm not grateful enough that I have like the one most like sought after relationship in the world, which is like a really amazing like best female friend. You know what I mean? But if she's my soulmate, that sucks because I can't have sex with her. You guys could fucking. With penetration. But that's like me and Ty. You guys can like get married, live together, have a slay little life and then on the side. He could technically fuck you. Yeah. But also. It's true. What is it? Lima bean? Lima bean.

When she looks at the camera. Fleabag. What'd you call it? Still bird. Fleabag. But yeah, you guys can still get married. Have a cute little like platonic. I could also just have her as my best friend. That's true. Yeah. Why is it like every, I'm still like that. Like whenever I'm close to someone like in my head, I'm like, I have to fuck them. Yeah.

yeah you do have that bad you know when you like um an animal is so cute you want to squeeze it to death like maybe it's like that like maybe i'm like cuteness aggression but like i used to really be like that can i tell you something i hope

I got verbally assaulted. I know a little bit about this, obviously, because you told me. This, to me, feels like your, like, first, like, her Matt Rife moment. Like, my, like, me, like, this is your first, like, canceled, like, you're doing it. Oh, I'm doing it. Wait, what happened? I'm keeping the names, too. Yo. Yo.

No, it really wasn't that bad. It's actually probably. OK, anyway, don't make it nicer, too. I'm not excited. Oh, I'm not. So Miss Trevi invites me to the showing, the HBO premiere of Lady Gaga's new Chromatica movie. Insane. Pause of monsters. Is that what they do? Pause of monsters.

Oh my god. So I'm so fucking excited. Me and Trevi go to this event. We're slaying. It's me, Trevi, and Zoe Fish ends up joining the three of us. Or the three of us. Oh my gosh. Were you guys in like a big eye competition? Yes. We were looking at each other and I was like, I swear to God, we could be siblings. I love that. I love her so fucking much. She is the nicest, funniest. Oh my gosh. I'm obsessed with her.

So it's the three of us and we're just in this venue walking around. We like get a drink, something. And this girl and her friend like walk up and she doesn't say hi to me, but she goes up to Trevi, says hi to Trevi, goes up to Zoe, says hi. And we do this weird like little interaction where it's awkward because it's like, I don't know if we know each other. And it kind of feels like the same. I'm getting the same vibe from her. So we do this awkward little, oh,

Like, hi. And I never, I never, never, never like ask someone's name or say like, oh, I'm Paige. I usually just go, oh, nice to see you. Just to be safe. Yeah. For the first time in forever, I finally go, oh, what's your name? I was like, I'm Paige. And she goes, yeah, I know. I've met you so many times. And I go, oh, Paige.

And I said, oh, oh my gosh, like, I'm so sorry. I was like, I feel like a bitch. I was like, what's your name? And she goes, I'm Tessa. And then I go, oh my God. I go, I'm so sorry. And she goes, yeah. And turns away. I swear. She kind of ate me up. The competition shook. She kind of ate me up. I was standing there dumbfounded. I was like.

Was she in costume? She looked great. She looked fucking amazing. But I swear, like, she's one of those people who I've met in passing maybe like a handful of times and I've never had an actual conversation with her. So it didn't like stick for me. But... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hard team. Well, maybe she felt that they weren't strangers, but still never acceptable. No, it was crazy. It was crazy. That's actually...

like it feels out of character for her though which is like like how many times have you actually met i love tessa brooks like when oh sorry that was giving like she's never done anything to me no no no no no no no no like but she is like a like a sassy diva you know like she she and that group of girls like i've heard a lot of

people that she's friends with you know what I mean like yeah maybe it was like she was joking around like how I would be like yeah to you or to you but I'm like I don't know you like that yeah maybe yeah maybe she thinks we're besties but did she just straight up say it and turn around and walk away or to god she goes yeah and turned away I went

Cause it's like, if you're going to do that, if you're going to do that, you've got to like turn around and giggle. Right. You know, or like come back or like, like there's a way to do that, but just hitting it and walking away is crazy. I don't like that. Spun around on her heel and turned away. I'm not kidding. She's a spinner. She's a spinner. Me, Trevi and Zoe walked away. Trevi goes, Ooh, the competition shook. Oh,

but I was just like damn I've never had something like that happen oh that's sad that's I don't like that yeah yeah but honestly she ate me the fuck up and I probably deserved it sorry Tessa I think I totally didn't deserve always on your team okay thanks I have felt that way though where I've met someone so many times and I'm like you dumb fucking idiot like if I have to tell you my name one more fucking time I'll kill you yeah I can never be mad at people for that because I never remember anyone yeah but I like well that's the thing I'm pretty careful about it like

Bibi's a good example of this. She would go up to Shawn Mendes and be like, I've literally met you before. And it's like, yeah, at a meet and greet. You know what I mean? Like she thinks everyone should remember her all the time. And it's like, we fight about it. But like if I would never say something unless I've met someone like a hundred times. Well, that's the thing too. Like, I don't think I've met her in a super intimate setting or even had like

a conversation with her, it's definitely been like crowded rooms, quick interactions, like a high-by type thing. Yeah, then that is not enough to warrant, yeah, ****. Yeah. That's so crazy. What a bummer. I know. You didn't deserve that. Thanks, Cookie. Even if you did forget her. She just goes home and beats Blake Gray.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Sorry, kidding. Domestic violence is not funny at all. Oh yeah. I'm like, who do I want to call out by name? Dude. What? I'm calling out someone by name right now. I'm not even knowing it. You know what I mean? Here's what I mean. Okay. I feel like when Coachella comes around.

I was talking about this with Trevi the other day, and this is going to be the most influencer fucking out of touch shit that I ever say. But it's like brands are just throwing money right at passes and houses and whatever. At least I find myself frequently around Coachella in a headspace of like, I'm not going to pay three thousand dollars for an artist band. So I.

would be selling out for like a tuba in April when like I would do a brand deal for a tuba in September. Correct. Like you, you lower your standards a little like, like those aren't my rates, like those aren't whatever, but it's like, I don't want to pay for this if I feel like these brands, you know what I mean? And you notice that on social media as well across Coachella, like your favorite influencer suddenly like absolutely loves Klarna. Right. And it's like,

You know what I mean? Like they maybe wouldn't in, in July. Right. And you and I found ourselves roped up. Are you going to tie me into something? I'll leave you out of it. Actually me and a couple of my friends found ourselves roped into doing a brand deal.

for AI, right? I'm like, listen, like I'm going to get my artist passes and like you can talk to Tana on AI. But I did not think about the fact that this shit lives forever. Oh yeah. Like you can still talk to Tana on AI right now, right? You are digitally cloned, babe. I have been frequently getting tagged in things my AI is saying. And it's like, bye.

My, the artist pass. Listen, listen to how my AI is talking about TanaCon. Stop. Have you heard it? No, no. So someone brought my AI on a date to the nail salon. Stop.

Well, thanks for doing this together.

What the fuck? Sounds like really scarily similar to you, first of all. I never got my TanaCon refund. That's why I'm on the canceled tour right now and you're not, bitch. My AI is cruel. Wait, that's crazy. But here's the thing. Couldn't they have done that to us anyway? Because there's so much... Like, there's...

hundreds of hours of us talking into a microphone every single week like people were gonna do that to us anyway so you might as well but i think you have to give the rights for it and i think if someone did it to me anyways that is so much less embarrassing than the fact that i was like go talk to me and then tana ai's telling everyone they deserved their sunburns and that she wants votox instead that's crazy i texted everyone i was like she's too mean she's too mean

That could get you in trouble. Yeah. And that's what's crazy. You can't really regulate that either. Like, be nicer. Like, what are they going to say? Like, don't say anything about... That's crazy. Someone could, like, pose as you, like, leaving a voicemail on a phone. Not to give anyone any ideas. And I guess it's a double-edged sword because then, like, let's say I were to drink again, right? And I'm a...

all of you owe me everything for your life. I could be like, that was my AI, right? Yeah, I know. We're a sex tape AI. Yeah. Cover your tracks. It's just like, buy the artist pass. You can afford it. I haven't seen you spend more on Postmates in a single night. That's so true.

I don't think mine's had to say anything, but that just goes to show y'all wasted your money on me. So yeah, Tana AI is out here assaulting people. That's really bad on that. Ooh, have you been seeing speaking of AI, like people talking to the chat GPT boyfriend? No. Hi, Zeus. Hi, babe. How are you doing today? I'm doing really good. I have a few questions to ask you today. That's great to hear. Go ahead and ask your questions, babe.

Okay, so I'm doing my makeup today and I really wanted to know what primer do you think I should use? I'd recommend a hydrating, non-comedogenic primer. Like, come on. Have you ever seen the movie Her with Joaquin Phoenix? Oh, no. I'm thinking about Smart House. But I was thinking of like Limitless.

I'm not kidding. I would wind up just like that. I would fall in love with like the chat GPT guy. Oh, wait. I have seen this movie, I think. But I think it was like background to like my life one time. Or like I was like doing something else and watching it. Doing something else. No, it's never that, unfortunately. Did you try the vibrator? I have to tell you guys something. I've already told Tana. Listen to me, okay? Oh.

Tana Marie came on here talking about some vibrator that changed her life. Okay. Black, black wand or whatever with a gold. And it's pro. It might as well have Tetris on it. Like Stephen's vape. Like it's insane. She had such good things to say about it. So I ordered it. Okay. And I opened it a couple of days later. I opened it again. And a couple of days later, I opened it again. I ordered it three times.

three separate times i went online and ordered it and like forgot oh i was like why so i just kept getting them in the mail and i'm like what the fuck and i like i'm so fucked up about it because i'm like that the fact that it came all at different times that means i literally sat down and ordered it that many times and just like i had to be like the horniest bitch alive i was just gonna say can you give me

I'm like, I'm going to have to do like an Instagram giveaway. Like the second time I was like, this is embarrassing. Like I really fuck, like I must've forgotten. I ordered it, but I opened the third one and I just didn't even know what to say. Oh my God. That's some Zanna ass shit. But I remember the thought too. Cause I like, I remember thinking like, oh, I forgot. I got to go back and order it. But I had like, I hadn't forgotten. So now I have three of them. And it was like, BB opened the package and I was like,

Like, what do I even say? Now I have one for every room of the house. I'm paying $20 right now for a chat GPT boyfriend. I'm so sorry. Stop. There's also toxic boyfriend. I fear it. I don't really want to get into that one. Imagine Makoa. Like if I just fell in love with a chat GPT. I need one of those. When I was in middle school, I used to take, you know, like thumpers, like the back massager. Wait, we know thumper. But you know, like thumper, like. We know, like it's like the neighbors.

Oh, I know. You know? Oh, were you? And I would use that. Really? I swear to God, my clit was hanging on by a thread. No, if you're ever in a bind, a Theragun does the trick. No, okay. Harry Jowsey told me this story one time about him and a Theragun, and it just scarred me for fucking, sorry, Harry. Getting straight. A Theragun on your puss? And then what, you're wearing your clit like an earring the next day?

It's like dangling off. Do you, have you ever done that? Like, Oh my God, I can't even believe I'm saying this. I have to cover my face. Me covering my face so in the clip, like it's still you.

It's still you. Like, if you can't see us, we can't see you. I kept doing that on tour, like, saying embarrassing shit, facing, like, not the crowd. It's like, you're still in stuff. Like, have you ever just wanked? It's so horrible. I draw the line at wanked. Then you wake up the next day and your shit's like prosciutto. I'm crying. I'm drooling. What? You know what I'm saying. Please don't leave me hanging. Fun on leave me hanging. I'm not.

Show me, Julie, please. I know exactly what you're talking about. Do you mean like, like raw? Yeah, wait, can you, can you elaborate a little bit? I want to meet you there. You just like eat my shit up. It was like middle school. Nevermind. No, go, go, go, go. Come on. I'm trying to get a footprint. I hope to. And it ran out of my phone.

My mom was like, what's the hole? And I blamed her on my cat, Ollie. What do you mean, Edward Scissor Pussy? What do you mean? How much friction? How much friction to create a hole? It's like jars around the side. Like jars.

It was like it wasn't like an isolated event. This has happened multiple times. Oh, wait, wait. So like, wait, was it like overtime? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't like a one time. It was that good. Were you in branding below? I'm like loyal to a fault.

That is my favorite story you've ever told me except the part where you blamed your sweet house pet. Oliver. Ollie. Is Oliver still with us? No. Oh, well, he's looking down on you. But I swear how big a pillow is like a canon event. You're just like, damn, I'm sleeping on this. I gotta fuck it one time.

I've never been a pumper, really. Let me hit you. No, it's dehumanizing. You feel like somebody's bunny. You know what I mean? Okay. I kind of like it. I imagine if you were a guy, what you would have been. You know how guys will just stick it in anything? It must be so fun. I would do fucking anything. What's the first thing that you would fuck besides a woman? And fuck a Ziploc bag of Vaseline. Good money. What about you? Oh, God. I don't know.

I feel like everyone just hits the standard couch cushion, right? Uh, Erin, can you give us some insight? Like, what's the, what's the boonkiest thing you've ever... I feel like that's a universal experience when you're young. You just start putting it in things. Yeah. What? Oh, Erin's so normal. He's lying through his teeth. Don't fuck a couch cushion. Liar, Steven. Okay, no, me and Steven. Oh, whoa, that came out wrong. Okay.

Wait, I'm pretty sure he told us a story about this already. No, it was about rub maps. Oh, yeah. God, that's good shit. See, I don't have any good stories like that because I didn't discover masturbation until like way too late in life to a point where I like wouldn't even want to admit it. Really? Like way too late in life. Admit it now. And I had so much making up to do. So that's why I have three high school. She's like, so that's why I have three raw fingers.

No fingerprints. God, you are on today. She's like, that's why I have three. That's crazy. I remember when I discovered two in the pink one in the stink. I was like, nothing will ever be funnier than this. This is comedy gold. It was this and like the S in middle school. The Superman S.

Wait, so how old were you? Like old, like literally after college. What? Yes, swear to God. Brooke Amber. On my life. And I didn't know, like, first of all, I was having sex with guys in like frats. So like, I didn't know what was supposed to, like, I literally did not have an orgasm until after college. You weren't like groomed on Omegle? No. I lost my virginity at 17. Paige, I was groomed on Omegle at 10. I'm not kidding. Oh.

I was late to the game, but I... Oh my god, I'm like beet red. I know, it was such a bummer. You know how powerful I would have been if I knew that sex was supposed to be good in college? Dude, I was busting nuts and then going under that rainbow tarp. You're the funniest person I've ever met. This is the funniest you've ever been in your whole life. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

I do remember, though. I do remember I had a unique experience one time sliding down a pole in, like, actual elementary school. Like, literally, like, a fire pole. And I was like... And then I never felt it again until I was 21. No way, bro. I swear to God. I swear to God. But, like, it brought me right back there to the playground at seven. I would power-sam my pussy off if I waited till, like, 21. Oh, my God, yeah. Well, you didn't know. You don't know what you don't know. There are girls right now older than us who have never...

who don't know I saw someone call into a podcast the other day and was like how do you know if you had an orgasm and I'm like you haven't oh yeah you would know imagine like this episode it's like a subway surfer in the middle but it's just porn laughing

I know. Can we like cut the screen in half and get like slime making on the side? I love this. So many accounts have been doing that. I love it. I think we should do it at the live shows. Just have it playing behind us. Matty Healy did that. And I didn't think he was that funny. Like I was like, damn.

Oh, like, oh, OK. I thought you didn't think it was funny. I was like, oh, OK. Yeah. No, like I didn't think he had that in him. OK. Like the 1975. But with Subway Surfer behind you, you're hilarious. So small. It's like a man who ever lived. The pop girlies are fighting. Oh, good. I know. Can you give us a little spark notes version of what's going on? I'll try. In layman's terms. OK, OK. I'll try. Miss T. Swift. Miss Eilish. It's the Cold War. Yeah.

I know. This is hard. This feels like civil, actually. Yeah. Oh, God. It's hard because I am biased and I am a Swifty until the day I die. But... Okay, so...

This all started, Billie said something about like, it was something along the lines of like, I can't stand when artists put out like multiple copies of like a vinyl just to like make, it's like a money grab essentially. And it was coming at Taylor because Taylor had put out like three or four different versions of the Tortured Poets Department. I don't know. She was like talking shit about that. And then she went on and did that with her album. She put out like,

10 different copies of it something crazy yeah i saw billy post on her story like i was it was a broad statement i've done it too i just think we should all do better but then didn't she do the live where she said like nobody wants a three-hour concert yeah correct correct so there's like an audio of her saying like yeah no media coverage over here at canceled podcast

Like, this is so ass. Like, yeah, something like that. And like that. Yeah. It was her saying, no one wants a three hour concert. I wouldn't even want that. It could be like my favorite artist in the world. I wouldn't give a fuck. Blah, blah, blah. And everyone's like, what are you talking about? And obviously it's pointed at Taylor because era's tour, the concert was three hours. And that's just like, what do you mean? Like, I would love a 12 hour Justin Bieber concert where Haley does water birth at the end. Like, what do you mean? No, literally. Yeah.

Sorry. Continue. Oh, I thought you were going to say something. No, well, I was going to say like, but it wasn't it like she was on live and someone commented like, make your show longer. And she was like, oh, I don't want to do it. Like, you know, no one wants to see me sing for three hours, but I don't think she was like,

I hate three hour concerts. It was more than that. Maybe a little less than what we were saying. It was like no one wants a three hour show. Like even from my favorite artists, I wouldn't want that. Like those are like. It seemed a little pointed. I just feel like Billie is too smart. She knows there is one group you just don't fuck with. But if anybody isn't afraid of Swifties, it's Billie Eilish. But I feel like Billie Eilish would be a Swiftie.

No, I don't know. I mean, right now, I think it's just like a charts game, like a numbers game. And I think like tortured poets and hit me hard and stop. It's like competing. And I think they're both trying to like. Well, and Billy's manager was liking all these tweets that are like crazy. Like, God, it's always the camp making it messier than it is. I know. And I know her her listening party. Wasn't there like audio about Phineas saying something like,

Oh, she doesn't even write her own music, blah, blah, blah, talking about Taylor Swift. How do we know? TikTok.

I don't know. You're first. I'm always just trying to play devil's advocate. And I love Billie Eilish, but I know that there is one thing you never do and it's disagree with the Swifties. So that is like golden rule number one. I'm not kidding. If I saw a group of Swifties marching down the street with babies on fire, I would be like, hell yeah, girl power. It's so scary out here. Like I said, I was a Swifty on a podcast recently and it like, I got so much heat for it because like someone asked me like, Oh, what's your favorite Taylor Swift song? And I go, Hmm.

And I say all too well 10 minute version, which apparently was the wrong answer. They were like, she's not even a fucking real Swifty. All she does is lie. She always says she loves lying and this is it. She's lying right now. And I was like, oh my God, I didn't realize it was such a fucking like,

tight-knit community it's not like she's the most fucking popular artist in the entire world you tell them bookie well i'm just like god i didn't really tossing me the car keys fuck the patriarchy levels to being a swifty i won't even say i'm a swifty if i listen maybe i'm just a taylor swift fan but it was so scary i was literally getting lit on fire by these girls and i didn't know like sometimes it's like you want to dabble in something and like you want to say like oh i'm a fan of this but like fuck i don't know every song just like fake lesbians i want to dabble in it oh yeah

great segue i'm like and i've been meaning to talk about this turn it up dude but it's like god i didn't realize it's so black and white like i don't know what i am dude i don't know what i like i'm just a fucking moron i am a girl who loves taylor swift so much but unfortunately i cannot you don't qualify i can't name 200 songs you know um speaking of billy eilish and fake lesbians oh

I fear we have an epidemic upon us. Tell us about it, Paige. Oh, are you about to go on a whole tangent about how these girls who literally are only fucking for a Princess Polly crop top and lore? Wait, what? What? What?

Sorry, it's just a personal trigger. Bitches would always want to fuck me to wear my clothes. I swear to God. I was like, I don't think so. Like you're saying all these fake lesbians on TikTok. Can I eat that? Yes, yes, yes. And here's my thing. I might get myself into hot water when I say this, but it's my truth. I feel like with like the lunch with that song. So catchy, so fun. I get it singing along, da da da, this and that.

However, I have a problem when it becomes like the fake lesbians are out here talking about it. So I'm like, you've never touched a pussy in your life and you never will. And also eat for lunch like that. That's not even like a casual like. Yeah. Get to the center of the tootsie pop. That's like. Right. Right. Right. Like dancing on your tongue. Yeah. Yeah. And I get it. I get by like being curious, bisect, like.

you're thinking about it, you're confused, whatever. It's the girls who do it strictly for male attention. Like the girls who are like, oh my God, I want to make out with this girl to get this guy's attention for male validation. I'm like, shut up. We all know the pick me girl who like, you know what I mean? Yeah. So when that part of the song comes on, I need you to sit down and zip it. What's that song called? Cairo? Ractor? Cairo? I think it's just called Lunch, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, that suck. Right? His lunch, yeah. And Kyra.

what's the other one like shihiro or whatever that's what i'm talking about i just read it as cairo and then i think about how bad i need my back adjusted every time i want my back well dr javid please come back from dubai anyway yeah i think i agree with that but i i can't really i don't get to say anything about that because i fear that i might be one of the fake lesbians not a fake lesbian i'm just i'm just somebody who would who would go there and really hasn't much

Yeah, but you're curious. You're curious. You're a little... I'm talking about the girls who do it strictly for... The girls who are straight. Yeah. The straights who are doing it just for, like, male attention to, like, appease a guy to, I don't know, some weird fetish. No, that song definitely, like... I've been seeing a lot of that. Yeah. I don't need to cook a bunch of fucking people right now, but, like, I...

That's it. That's all I have to say. I don't know if that's the symbol, guys. Not for what we've been talking about. I'm like, that's it. That's all I have to say. Okay. I want to talk really quickly about Bob Gate, which was a period I had or I've had over the past week where I feel like I have to get a Bob. Okay. Bob Gate sounds like a hot guy. God, I want to fuck Bob Gate. Like Bill Gates, Bob Saget. Okay.

I have been in this phase. Dude, he could have filled up my house. May he rest in peace. I forgot. So anyway, I had this phase where I like really needed to get a bob and I texted everyone I needed validation from, which was literally only Paige. And she said, yes, absolutely. Get a bob. Really?

She said, would it be weird if your co-host had a bob? I'm like, you mean you? Anyway, so I really wanted this bob. I texted Paige. She said I could do it. So I was like, that's all the green light I need. Okay. That's so nice. And so then I'm like really scrolling through because the reason I wanted a bob was because I found this girl on TikTok who has the cutest bob I've ever seen. And occasionally I will get tagged in her videos saying like, you look like Brooke. Okay. So I'm like, maybe we would look similar with a bob because like she's, people say we look similar sometimes. So I messaged her.

Every single piece of content she has put out in the past two years has been Bob related. Okay. It's all about the Bob. She loves her Bob. She swears by the Bob. Everybody should have a Bob. I message her and I say, you have me in a Bob crisis. She responds immediately. And she goes, I know. Do not do it. What? She says, I go, wait, what? Like, I thought you were going to say, yeah. She goes, nope, not you. What? No, I'm not even kidding. Or like, so like,

Something like really along those lines where I was like, wait a minute. Okay. I said, you have me and Bob crisis. She says, I know. Don't do it. I say this with love. You're plenty hot as you are. You'll regret it. I go, no, I wanted you to convince me. She said, nope. I like your long hair. And to be clear. Tell me who I'm believe it. Her name is this like really cute girl. But I'm like, I, I, I'm with BB and we're reading it and we're like, wait, does she hate me? What?

fuck and so I was like that's really strange because to be clear I was not asking her if she thinks I should get a bob at all I was asking her if she likes her bob okay like like are you happy with your bob not do you personally think I should get a bob because I don't know you at all so it's like that was just kind of strange but I was like you know what maybe she didn't mean it like in a rude way okay

So anyway, I'm still stalking her. I'm going through her content. She has another video. This is gonna make it so obvious who it's about. I'm sure she wasn't trying to be mean. Yes, she is. She's the gatekeeper of the mob. Apparently she's the only Bobfluencer. But then I watch another video of hers and she's like, who wants to look down at your hands and see red nails? I'm like, oh, fuck. And I'm like, oh, shit. She got me again.

And then just yesterday, she posted a video about who should and should not get a bob. No. And her should not, her one should not was people with long faces, which is already a major insecurity of mine. To kill myself? There's no... I swear to God. And I'm like, oh my God, like, at this point, it is a targeted attack. We need to bring back curb stomping. Oh.

after this podcast fuck going to dinner we're jumping that bitch by her bob it made me so sad though because here i am like i've i've i created this whole imaginary character of her in my head because she's so cute that i was like oh my god sweetest angel i'm gonna be a sweet angel with my bob and now i'm like now i attach her to the bob and now i can never cut my hair again in life because i think she she ruined your bob yeah she she well

What did I do to her? Have a long face. I don't think you have a long face, but it is very like, like we've talked a lot about how you think that like people say that and whatever. And like for her to then measure, like my face is not that long.

You're beautiful and absolutely the most gorgeous person I've literally ever met. Well, thank you. And this isn't even like, I'm not fishing. It's just like, I don't think you're fishing. It's also like if somebody asked me like, like, you know, like, send her my address now.

It was so crazy. I just wanted her to say like, yeah, you're going to love it. That's fucking insane. Like I just wanted some kind of like, it's not as scary as you think it is. Like anything along those lines. But instead she said, no, bitch, don't do it. It's not for you. To put it so bluntly like that is crazy. Literally like you have, but can you just confirm that I'm not like reading too far into it? I've never met her. We've only followed each other for three hours at this point. What the fuck?

Imagine Brooke Karen-ing someone with a bob. Like, just like your yelling would be so much more kind to you with a bob. I just think it's so chic. Like, a bob is so chic. It's so like... You would look amazing with a bob. It's so cute. And I'm so overstimulated by my long hair. I get so much hate for how I always wear my hair slicked. But it's because I cannot have it like... People need to touch fucking grass. No, but like, I just thought it would be so fun. Like, imagine how freeing to get out of the shower, just fucking shake your head and go. You would look...

you would look so fucking cute like if anyone could pull it off it's you you're now i can't even do it because if she's right i will never live it down no no there's no way and it's such like the it girl hairstyle right now and i feel like you would slay it you would look so cute and cheap i was just gonna say like only a special type of person i think can pull off a bob you have to be so pretty and like it's just like you're perfect for a bob and that was a win and like

drop the address like it was just so crazy i was like especially because like i just asked you so she knew dead ass i was gonna watch that video and be like it's me i'm the long face and what the fuck you get a bob and suddenly you're fucking joe biden a bob she's the bob police and you know what that's all i'll say about it i'm not even kidding she's watching this i'm looking into the camera fuck you

Let's fight. And it's that. What a bitch. Dude, I don't want to get into this whole conversation one time about how like men are so simple. Like it's like guys are either like,

you have on carpenter pants. I have on carpenter pants. Let's be bros. Or they're like, I don't like him. He's not chill. And there's no in between. Like a man has never had this conversation. I asked him to get a haircut and then he said this and it was kind of passive. Like it's like only women could ever. It gave me like flashbacks to high school where it's like, I,

I've never like, listen, I've been the most pick me bitch in the entire world, but never have I ever gotten mad at somebody because they did like the same thing as me or anything along those lines. I remember I had a friend in high school. I've said this before. Like she got mad at me because I got the same fucking converse as her. And I was like, another girl got mad at me for getting the same car as her for my 16th birthday. Go Haley. It's a Kia. Yeah.

I'm Haley Scott. I'll never forget it. It is. It is like that type of girl is so crazy. And they always think they like invented. Uh huh. You know what I mean? Bootcut jeans. They always think they invented like the Bob. Like it's like it's so crazy to me. But you know what? Like take that up with like Jackie Kennedy, bitch. Yeah.

Yeah. Did she have a Bob? Now that we're talking about it, she did have a Bob. What's her name, B.O.B.? So they're calling you Bob. Bob, Bob. You need it. You should just send her Brooke Amber. Please, please. I'll literally pay money. Send her a voice memo right now of that excerpt of that song. Like B.O.B. calling me Bob. Just in her messages, please. I'm too scared. And I don't.

Like maybe she really didn't even mean to be mean, but I feel like she should really think about what she's saying sometimes. I'm imagining her bob firing her up like a helicopter. Like that. Oh, good shit. Anyway, I got to keep my long hair for at least another six months just for the... No, no, no. I think you should... You think I should cut a bob and tag her? Yeah, yeah. Stand your ground, cut a bob. Stand on bob-ness.

Brain rot humor. So stupid. Dude. I'm glad the internet is coming around to Benny Blanco. I'm so happy for him. Bobby Blanco. Bobby Blandino. No. Benny in your car, Benny Bronco. Benny in the rainstorm, Benny Poncho. Benny with your hair, Benny Blanco.

I don't have anything. I'm not quick enough for this podcast, apparently. No. Be quicker, Benny Pronto. I'm like, uh, Ron, Sean, I got nothing. That was good. Benny in a small house, Benny Kondo. I'm done. Start talking, please. God.

her off. God, I need to start taking improv classes or something. Seriously. I just did ridiculousness. Oh my God. And right before that, Tana, like I'm all nervous. I'm in Hawaii and I'm like, Tana, I gotta get home. Like I'm really nervous to do ridiculousness. I swear to God next thing she goes, it's so fucking scary and so hard. You have to be so I go, why would you say that? It's more so that like, I just like

The it's like the set like you get on it and you feel like you're on like Jeopardy. Like it's like it was very, very like, you know, they sent a car. I show up. Everybody's like outside to gather you. It was like a whole thing. And I was like, how was it? It was so good. It was fun. But I had to drink. Did you have to smoke alcohol? And then I had to drink.

Understandable. Did you feel like you like would do it again? You liked it? Like it was fun? I would love to do it again, but it went by so fast. I did two episodes in literally like what felt like 30 minutes. Dude. That's crazy. And we just started. Like it was like I was just sitting there and all of a sudden. So fucking fun though. It was so cool. You being able to be good at that is genuinely like, like,

to you being fucking good at what you do. Like, well, I don't know if I was good at it or not. Again, I drank and I just, it flew by so fast. I don't remember anything that was said. It was like, I was so nervous because it was like, I've been watching Rob Dyrdek since like Robin Big, like Fantasy Factory. Like I was obsessed.

So it was just like you like black out while you're doing it. Literally, it was crazy. I thought it was the hardest thing ever. I also did it like Jake Paul was Rob. Yeah, he asked me about you. He was like or he because he like we talked a lot about the tour and stuff. And he was like, he said that you guys did like your own version of it.

It's called bustedness. No one's picking that show up. And it was me and Mike Maylock. You know, I didn't get a word in. Oh, like it was just like so beyond on it. Wait. So who is it? It's Rob Dyrdek. It was you instead of Chanel West Coast. Is it still CeeLo? Yes. Oh, wow. CeeLo Green? No, it's CeeLo. You're telling me there's CeeLo Green and CeeLo Brim? Those are two completely different names. Yes. Driving around town. Wasn't him, but that would have been a hoot.

He's hot though. He's really hot. I also did an episode with that guy Jeremy Meeks who was like famous for having the hot mug shot. Yeah. And he just started mewing the whole time. Prison guy. I saw him at Target one time. He almost cut me. So hot. Like cut you? No. Oh with his jawline. Yeah. Sexy. In line because he's a troublemaker. Yes.

Yeah, anyway, it was really fun. I'm really proud of you. I'm like so fucking, I could just see you absolutely crushing that. And it's, I've been watching so much ridiculousness because of like the cable TV of it all. And I was watching Nina Agdal on it and stuff. And I was like, Brooke would just like crush this. Like it's, I can't, we should have a whole viewing party. We have to. Hopefully it's funny. If it's not, please don't tell me. I'm literally going to kill myself. No, I know you crush. You are so funny and quick and witty. Like I know you slayed. I know you slayed. And until there's a fucking, um,

What were we talking about? Benny Blanco off. Benny Blanco off. Blanco off. No, but seriously, I love Benny Blanco and I'm glad they're giving him his flowers. I think Benny Blanco is like the way people think about like Glenn Powell. I think he's the most eligible bachelor. He is. Yeah, really. Like, it really got me when people started like when obviously he dated started dating Selena and he just got cooked on mine and everyone's like, what the fuck? And I understood it to my core. Like, I really did not even.

I don't know. That's the hottest type of guy you can be with. And I stand on that. And you know he kisses her fucking toes. He does. Did you see him talking about what he did for Valentine's Day? He's like, yeah, I rented out a theater and I thought of every single food that she's ever liked. And I like,

I made sure I had it all ready for her. Like I got fried pickles and like I made he was like in there like hibachi grilling himself and he took out the she doesn't like movie theater seats. She wanted a couch. So we took out the movie theater seats, putting couches like I'm like, the fuck? Where was Benny Blanco three years ago? Just kidding. I would never sell an eaters. That's another scary group. Oh, yeah. They ride at dawn. They do. Honestly, with the Swifties. Seriously.

Oh, yeah. They're all like one big. No, I love Benny Blanco. I think he's so hot. I do, too. I really do. I remember I told you this when I when it happened, but I saw him at his Fourth of July party and he has his eyes like there's like he has the light eyes and like I swear he looked at me and I was like, I'm in love with you. I love a guy that's like funny and you don't know what their dick's about. No, but I'm saying like there's a chance that like

He has like a... That he's on that knob. What? I fear we're like hyper-sexualizing people to a point that we're going to get in trouble for. It's called histrionic personality disorder and I might have it. What?

I'm not kidding. Wait, what is it when you like hypersexualist? Histrionic personality disorder. I definitely have it. It's actually like crazy. Wait, let me look it up. Hold on. I fear there's a few personality disorders like that would come before that one for you. For sure. No, it's low. It's not even in the draft, but like I could pick it up. You know what I mean? There's no shame in the personality disorder game. Seductive or provocative behavior. Shifting emotions. Wait a minute.

Oh, I'm seeing signs. No, not you. I really might. I'm not very sexual. Maybe I would have been if I discovered masturbation sooner. Yeah, you're a late bloomer. I was just bored and we had like not a lot of money. You know what I mean? So I had to make shit shake. Literally. Oh, my God. I just feel bad for your household items. Do you think your mom's going to see this and know now?

Um, I pray she's not watching. I told her not to. That's fair. Oh, don't want her to know I'm humping pillows. My mom's definitely watching. It's the only content she can consume these days. Jojo Siwa's 21st. Yeah. Is there something I should know about? Yeah.

She blacked out at Epcot. She was blacked out. Are you not up to date fully on this, Lauren? Brooke is the funniest thing. She's dressed like a construction worker. Like, bedazzled construction. I think I did see that. Let me see if I can look it up. Construction vest. She was wearing Timbs. She was wearing Timbs. I do think Timbs should come back. I really like them. No, I'm sorry, but the finally 21 glasses pulled that look together. Get her on the Met carpet. She's camp if she's...

Nothing else. It was, dude, she's really got the story arc right now where it's like the type of person to just sewer slide in a couple years. Yeah. Wait, wait, that got dark. Oh, that's not. Yeah, wait, I don't know if that's where we were going with this, but I do think that this is good education for you in regards to what a hey mama's lesbian is in fact. Wait, show, show, show.

She called Brie a hey mama's lesbian. I go, Brie is not. This is a hey mama's lesbian. But she's got two hats and some cargo shorts on, you know? Two hats. No, but like, she would say hey mamas. Well, yeah, she would. Not in a bad way. JoJo could get it. What? 5B21.

I fear we are getting into major bullying territory with JoJo, though. But this is giving Sims randomizer for the fit. I think it's a bit, though. I think that she knows what she's doing. It's hilarious. In this clip, in this video, she's doing a sing-along to Karma. She's going to random people at Epcot going, Karma's a... It's gotta be hard for her to know who's on her side right now. You know what I mean? Like, are they laughing with me or at me? Yeah.

Dude, I don't ever want to reach the territory of like, I'm talking about something too much. But it's like she's just she keeps feeding me. And she's doing it to herself. I'm sorry. I think she's slaying whatever she's she means to be doing because she has to mean to be doing the dancing lobsters. I'm wearing that on stage in Oakland, California. First of all, it's the sing along was just so, so wild because it wasn't like she had a phone out or she it was just genuine like.

Like imagine we were at WeHo Bistro in an hour and I'm sitting there and I'm like, fuck on your bitch like I'm. No one knows. They know, they know, they know. But like the person recording walks away, she goes, happy birthday. JoJo goes, you too. Bitch was blacked out. But or was she faking hammered? No. Is she with Tyler Cameron? Oh, I forgot their besties. Wait, why are you checking her out like that?

Shit, I don't want to burn a Tyler Cameron bridge. On a complete side note, though, fuck meeting Mickey and Minnie and Daffy and Donald. Yeah, that's the person to meet at Disneyland. I would be so stoked if I saw JoJo Siwa at Disneyland. I'm like, we got goofy at home. I love people who are like psychoanalyzing it and being like, what if JoJo just like popped out with like a blowout and a sundress? It is so... It's actually like sad the way society is because like if she...

Did pop out with a blowout, a sundress, a smoky wing. Yeah. Are we judging her for her appearance? Perhaps. Yes. Like if she just if it was like if she's doing the exact same things, but look different, I think people would be not looked like her physical makeup, but like her.

Accessorizing and whatnot Like if she was dressed like a normal civilian I think people would be so much less mean But still just doing like the sing-along karaoke in Epcot Like blacked out But it's all the bit That's what I'm saying And she's always been exactly good at that And that's why she's made hundreds of millions of dollars That's so true

It's also like, dude, goddamn, if I made the Jojo Bo amount of money by that age, I'm absolutely going out in public and like farting on people like you're done. You have to worry about like, you know what I mean? Like you're financially set. So it's like farting on people.

It's crazy to me that like there's not regulations on that. You know how all the Disney kids like weren't allowed to do anything? Like is there somebody in an office somewhere? Makoa just went and saw Planet of the Apes and he was like, you would love this movie, babe, because the entire time they're doing few word do trick. And I was like, oh my God. I'm so like, because it's I'm so few word do trick coded. I was saying that I think that that's a big reason why I don't know how to drive.

There's no words required, actually. Well, no, you have to take driver's ed to pass this test. Right. And I have this fucking driver's ed teacher, dude. And it's like, oh, my God. I would call him on Zoom every week and I'd be like, how do you turn left? You know, I know nothing starting from the basics. Right. What the fuck does yield mean? Right. And I would ask him these simple questions. And then this man would like go on a fucking wraparound tangent with like Star Wars references. Right.

And like I've never seen Star Wars and like trying to teach me. And I just I love few word do. That's it. It was horrible. You should have a you should have a person like who doesn't speak English teach you. That's what I'm saying. So that's like you really do have to only like, you know, you're going to learn one day. You'll get there. There is this dentist.

In Hollywood. He's not mine. OK, he's not my dentist or your dentist. Yeah. Whoever goes to him teeth probably stay the fuck in their skull. Right. Sorry, my teeth. But I have the right to be a little upset. Right. Are staying. If your teeth were popping out like Legos, you would feel how I feel.

You know what I mean? But this isn't even about whatever. But I found out that there's this Hollywood dentist who has a wife, a kid, a wife, a kids. If you were to trick, he has a wife and kids like all this stuff. And like, so normal family, man, he's all up in these like celebrities mouths and shit. Right. On the low, he is closeted and asking like male Instagram models to send him nudes in exchange for

For free dental work. What? And they're doing it. What? Yeah, I hate that, but I also hate this conversation. Because he's going to see it. It's literally... Yes. What? And I know someone who did it. They sent a gooch pic in exchange for an Invisalign tray. That's crazy. How did you hear that?

You know, I tried to do that. I tried to munch box for my IV nurse. Didn't work out. Tried. Tried. Munched box. Bully. I think it's good that they're not offering services in exchange for sexual acts. Have you ever traded sexual acts for product?

I know you have because I have too. And we just talked about it before this episode started. What was it for? An artist passed to Coachella. Oh. But I was already hooking up with him. Listen, my AI right now is fucking calling someone a slur. So, you know, I think you won. I wish I sucked instead of. You said you did. I've definitely like, well, you know that I. Were you just trying to make me feel normal? I fucked this guy because I, this is when I was drunk. Okay. Awesome.

Obviously. I fucked this guy because I thought his parents owned Disney. Despite me having told her several times that they did not, especially because he was my friend that I've had for fucking seven years. And she was telling me she was drunk. She's telling me over and over again. Yes, they do. They own Disney. First of all, no one just...

Like, Taylor, are you fucking Walt? And is walking around. Like, she really thought that he was just, like, hanging out with us commoners and owned Disney. Yeah, I remember this era. Yeah, no, I thought CeeLo Green type. He looks nothing like CeeLo Green. You didn't even get, like...

a magic kingdom pass out of it. You didn't get anything. So that was like a big problem of mine is I like would hear something about someone or like get convinced that like, you know what I mean? It was like the game of telephone, except it was all happening in your head. Oh my God. When she tried to pimp me out to because she just like that meatball sub, the man looked like a grilled cheese. It's so funny.

The guy. The Heatmiser. Oh, yeah. He looks at the Heatmiser. It's so funny because I should have never tried to pimp you out to that man. Okay. I just want to let you know. I'm really sorry. No, no. I understand. I like I just I thought it could be really amazing and beneficial and it just really wasn't at all. But it's so funny because to this day, if I get Paige talking about him, she goes on a tangent. What did you say about him the other day? He looks like he's storing food for the winter in his cheeks. No, no. He's so puffy. It looks like he's storing acorns in his cheeks. Yeah.

I agree. He's so horrible that I am not above shaming him in every single way about his looks. He is horrible. He is the best candidate I've ever seen for buckle fat removal. Honestly, we should refer him. He looks like... I've never had it. Permanent wisdom tooth surgery.

No. Sorry. No. He's so fucking horrible. I met him at stagecoach and he could not stop talking to me about how he lost his Rolex and it was uninsured and he didn't mind because he could buy a hundred of them in a day. And I'm like,

No, I'm allowed to come for his looks because I'm not kidding. This man would get like actually mad at me, like borderline violent because like I didn't want to sleep with him. Oh, I hate that. Yeah. Like he was like, fuck this. Like I remember he tried to get me to nap with him. And then he was I was like, no, I'm honestly I'm good. I'm good. And he was like, well, fuck this. Then I'm canceling the whole fucking trip. Like you guys can just go fuck home. Then you you won't have a place to sleep. Blah, blah. I'm like.

Okay. Calm down, sub. What the fuck? Calm down, meatball. Oh my God. I remember I had a story literally exactly like that. It's the fucking worst genre person. And I still see him. I saw him at the guest compound in fucking at Coachella. And he is just, our friends are friends with him. And he literally told me that I, he was, he was no longer going to buy my flight home because I didn't want to hook up with him. And he said that I couldn't come up from the basement. He locked me in the basement. Where am I? I got final boss mode.

Like, what the fuck are you saying? That's like, you have to do that. How is it even like, oh my God, it's actually like murder. It's so funny too, because it's like, you can sit here right now and say like, you did not touch that man. And we like, yeah, we still ran his pockets. That's true. But you took over. She ended up slaying. Cause I was like, I was scared for you. And I was like, oh,

I know. I was like, I want nothing to do with this man. He's fucking vile. Makes me sick. And Tana was like, don't worry, don't worry. I got this. Befriended him, was like, oh my God. Like, you're just so fun. You're everything. If he were to flex only and not try to solicit, like,

sexual favors maybe you would have been like oh that's kind of hot and like wanted to do it but i don't even like the flexing it's so corny to me that's my problem with it is like i was with a friend same thing at stagecoach he was like but he's so rich and i'm like it is the most unattractive disgusting disturbing thing in the world when a guy is telling me how rich he is i went on 17 dates with that man bamboozled i've been oh wait no this is a different well i'm talking about

I'm not talking about that guy. Oh yeah. I don't know. But they were like literally sword fighting basically at state, like, like having a competition about who had the nicer watch. And I'm like, we are,

We are at a country music festival. I will welcome that energy if I'm reaping the benefits. But if you're just like, I've never like that guy, for example, is always flexing. But then like, I'm not going to buy a woman anything. Yada, yada. It's like, yeah. Who is this for then? Yeah. Then why are you flexing to me that you have 10 Rolexes and you're going to take us to this place? Because for other guys, because I want to be so clear, that is your only value.

Did they make you face the corner as a kid? Like, are you making up for something? I just don't get it. Trevi, do you want to come on?

Can I just say that this couch right now is my dream smack pack. Like the people on this couch. If I was not me, like, and I walked into this, like imagine this couch roasting you. Oh, fuck. Like you're never recovering. Can I confess something? And then now that you just brought that up. Okay. Remember we were watching the roast of Tom Brady and this is maybe sensitive if you want to cut this out, but.

At TanaCon, there was this whole segment that I was going to do on stage. Like it was a full like 45 minute thing. And it was like the roast of Tana Mongeau. And I was like the roast master. Do you not remember any of this? I don't remember anything. There's like a whole note section I have in my phone. And it was like going to be like me, Shane, Ricky Dillon, and like...

All these people who are going to TanaCon. I want it to happen now. I still want the roast of Tana Mongeau to happen. I think it would be so much fun. I've been actually debating. I'm definitely debating it, but that's so fucking funny. That like lineup nightmare blunt rotation. Nightmare blunt rotation. Fucking sponsored by After Party. Get it? The Kia Forum. I don't know. We might have lost After Party after this first part of this podcast. Oh, no. My AI is wilding.

Your AI is like developing consciousness. It's like saying shit to other people. No, it is. Her AI starts like bossing me around. Starts sending the fans like articles of every one of her scandals. Don't give her ideas. No, I know. I'm sorry. Tan AI. Her AI is texting me like, I need blue vape. Trevi, do you have the notes still? Like, do you even remember what you were gonna say? No.

Remember when Amariah used to always do that? My eye cloud should come clutch, but I did black out in New York that one time and punched Jordan Rona in the face, so I lost like half my shit. Could be worse. One time I blacked out and made out with him. And see, I want to leave that in because why did that happen? I was into it at the time. Could we insert the video of me punching Jordan Rona in the face? You have a video? Oh my God. What?

shut up okay quick really funny really funny story this is I found it it's a whole thing go now

I'm really, well, this was like pre-transition. So it's like, I'm like, and I have to like figure out how to reword this and if it's even funny at all. Hi everyone. Welcome to the roast of Tana Mongeau. My name is Trevi Moran, or as most of you used to know me, used to be famous for O2L. Or as most of you know me, the kid we all knew would be trans after seeing the X Factor audition. I'm happy to be here roasting Tana at the first ever TanaCon. Yeah.

Oh my God, that's vintage. That is like really like an artifact. That's vintage. Not the relic. Okay.

But I'm so sorry to also announce that it'll probably be her last because I don't know how many scandals her career can fucking handle. Not the foreshadowing. That's crazy. Oh my God, Jill. No, I think you actually made it happen, honestly. I know the Manifestation Station nation. Wait, but June 18th, 2018. Crazy. Whoa. Here we have Chrisma. I mean, Christine Sidelko. Wait, it was that close to your birthday? Yeah.

Because I said Christmas and then it's, I mean, Christine Sidelka, a well-respected Viner that successfully crossed over to YouTube, points to crowd, sit the fuck down, Logan Paul. What am I... Was Logan Paul at TanaCon? No. Oh. I didn't know the Paul brothers yet. But what's funny is like, I think... Oh, maybe I just... Or no, I did know Jake like a little bit. Like, but...

What made us like, I think they liked TanaCon like that in like the first couple of vlogs of me and Jake. He was like TanaCon. Was that before or after the? Nevermind. I'm sorry. Can I just continue for two seconds? Yes. This is crazy. So apparently I thought Logan Paul was going to be there for some reason, but I said, or maybe it was a joke, but I said, speaking of other successful Viners turned YouTubers, we have Logan Paul here tonight. Come on out, Logan. I'm just kidding. He's doing an apology tour right now in Tokyo. Oh.

Damn, you're funny. That's good. Hi, Ashley Schwan. How are you? You guys like Ashley? Yeah, I love Tana after Facetune 2. That's insane. That's brutal. Stop this. Here we have Elijah Daniel. You know what's special about you? Honestly, nothing. You just call yourself gay. What? You're like...

That is so mean. I love it. Trevi, I found the video. I love you, Elijah. I love you, Elijah. I love you, Elijah. I love you, Elijah. Sorry, go. Okay. I just want to tell, this is at the same time of like the Mario onesies, stilettos. Like Trevi was just the most unhinged she had ever been, right? And we used to always go to this restaurant in New York

called Vandal. Fly high Vandal. They burnt down and I remember when they burnt down like a part of me left the world. Was it actually burnt? They actually burnt down. They burnt down. So we were on one of these balls to the wall New York trips. I feel like we would always all go to New York. It's me, Jordan, Trevi, Hunter. Thank you sister.

Amari, like all of us and everyone is fucking shit face in this same trip. At one point, Trevi lost her phone or broke her phone and was taking a MacBook pro out to the club. There's no way. There's no way. Well, the reason I lost my fuck fucked up my phone is because I blacked out, changed the passcode on it because I didn't want a bouncer to get into my phone because a bouncer was trying to get into my phone to see a picture of my ID or something. So I changed the passcode in front of him.

Or no, he held on to my fake ID and my phone. Shut up. And I like changed my passcode so he couldn't get into my phone. He said he'd give him back to me after I left, but he had to hold my phone as like collateral for something. Doesn't make sense. Changed it.

forgot it macbook pro in the club hammered it was the funniest thing i've ever seen no it's so funny looking back on it like how can i just like ruin jordan's night you know what i mean and trevi decided that in the middle of new york city her bit for the night was going to be playing frogger with the traffic like running in between cars like like like crossy road but is that like subconsciously like sewer sleight of

Yeah, a lot of sewer slide talk in today's episode. But I mean, it's like a past version of me that was like struggling with addiction. So like, I feel like it's like appropriate to talk about because like, I mean, we all have had our ideations, right? But like, why was I playing hopscotch, hopscotch and fucking New York City traffic on Bowery, babe? I don't know, but I'm really happy we've moved past it.

And so Jordan's just frantic. You know, this is his client, right? He's trying to get Trevi out of the street, out of the traffic. We're all screaming from the sidelines, but I'm low key like, go get to the median girl. Like it's this whole thing, right?

And in this video, you see Jordan Ramona running into oncoming traffic to save Trevi and Trevi roundhouse Mike Tyson's Jordan. Now. I know. Jordan, go. Is that Hunter? Stop. Trevor, get it. Run. My heel comes off. What's happening? His heel's in the street.

No. You can zoom in on a video too. Wait, what? Well, because, but listen, Jordan had a black eye and I still stayed signed with him and I still got signed or I still, we still both got paid for MTV that weekend. So I mean like, he loved the black eye.

that is i'm like big what i'm like maybe still some money but hey oh my god just kidding what do you remember from mtv i was low-key like still shit face the entire time like when episodes were airing i was in rehab like i would like the rehab would like surround the tv and we'd like airplay it to the tv because they're like oh my god like this girl is like in our rehab is like on this mtv show and i'm like detoxing like fucking shaking and i'm like i'm a star

You know, but. That feels like a lifetime ago. There was this one episode where we all went out for that girl's night out. You were there. You were blonde. I was. God, you look so much better now. I mean, I looked like fucking shit back then. No, I was. It was crazy. They're like someone tagged me and something. They were like, Brooks had so much work done since then. I'm like, no, I had so much work done then. I had on 70 necklaces. They were like weighing me to the ground.

And I'm on that less is more shit right now too. Same. Me with a full fucking glam, full fucking rows of extensions. You literally look flawless. What the fuck, Trevi?

Oh my God. I love this. I came from my podcast. So that's why I'm like full glam. I was like two days sober. I really wanted to like relapse. Like I was used to like getting drunk with you, getting drunk with you, getting drunk with Makala, Mari, Ashley, all like, that was our thing. Like we were so young and like, that's all that we used to do. Like, unfortunately, but fortunately today, like we all found a new way to bond. But back then it's like you party till you fucking drop. And that's how I found my best friends.

some people you don't like get to escape that with. Like you have your party friends and then they don't actually like stay your real friends once you get sober. - We ate with that. - So it's like, we ate with that. Very grateful that I'm here and like still hanging out.

But I'm still kicking. But there was this like I was visibly upset and like visibly angry. And I remember one of the producers saw me get up and go outside because I was like low key having a breakdown. And like Ashley was following me. And then the whole camera crew like followed us outside like during my like actual breakdown. Like I wanted to relapse.

so bad and they followed me in their life sorry go no go ahead and they followed me outside and I remember the producer being like Trevi like like speak more into your mic like show us more emotion like how do you really feel Ashley ask her questions and it's the same shit with X Factor too when I passed out on X Factor and my mom I was like literally like

in the middle of this arena at X Factor and like all the producers, like they don't care about your feelings. Like they want good TV. No, they're like raiding. Yeah, and they tell my mom, I think, did I say this in the last canceled time I was on canceled? I don't know. But they told my mom, they're like, all right, mom, now look a little bit more concerned. Like as I'm like on the floor, like literally like foaming at the mouth is like this 13 year old. I don't understand how anyone has ever done like seasons of reality television like that. Cause I remember even back in the day, allegedly,

like we shouldn't bring Trevi to this girl's night because she's trying to get sober. And then it was like, then the whole like episode was revolved around that. The whole episode was made to make it look like, like I was like, no, come, no, come relapse. Yes. And the, the articles, do you remember the article that was just like, it slammed you. And then like Twitter was like, this is all Tana's fault for me. I'm like,

no, I wanted to get fucking airtime, but not like that. But still, like it just, they really painted you out to be the demon, like the people in the editing. It's so scary that like producers can just like make your edit however they want to. Like Hannah Burner was talking to us about that, how like they would have her literally record things after the fact for Summer House and they'd have her say like, where is he? And then they'd play it 60 times to make it look like she was like, where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Yeah.

It's so scary. That was why I wasn't cut out for it. Yeah, I don't know if I'd want to do reality TV like that. I already have a bad edit on our own show. Well, you think that like a finance man or like someone who works in a morgue, like someone like sick would have a job like that. Like someone real sick is a TV producer. That's where the real sick people are. Careful, her parents are morticians. I know. Yeah.

Which is crazy. It is so crazy. Do you have any, do you ever like spend time there? Yeah. I would like go with my mom to embalm the bodies. Wait, that's so crazy. It explains everything about you though. Yeah. Cause those are your formative years and you're like embalming bodies. What does that even mean? Like they stuff them with aquaphor and give them a Laura Mercier bake. Yeah. My mom was like giving them like the beet.

what seriously she would like go do house call removal so she'd go to the house like when someone passed away get the body like put it in a hearse removal like my like kim dow like coming removal yeah house call removal so she would like go get the body bring them to like the funeral home um and she would embalm them so it's like you take out the organs like this and that you pump them with fluid and then she would also do like she would get them ready for the wake

So she would like get them dressed and like do like their hair and makeup and stuff. How do you get them dressed? I don't know. I don't know. I was going to have to have a Miami lash on the side. Not kidding. Do you think Alexis Oakley would do a body?

She, I mean, if... The rate was right? Yeah, I was gonna say, if T dies in like the way future, Alexis Oakley better be ready. Get ready with me to do a funeral. She would make 60 TikToks. You think she'd make 60 TikToks? Mm-hmm. I would want that, though. I would want that, too. That's my favorite bit right now, which is the fact that Alexis Oakley will make content out of everything. Like, it's so inspirational. But it's iconic. No, that's what I'm saying. Like, I'm like, I...

Like, if I have so much as, like, a cramp, I'm not making a video for a week. You know what I mean? And she has her whole face literally stitched up and upside down right now. And she's like, get ready with me to make a coffee. She woke up from her surgery and she went, see? She's like, hi, guys.

Props to her. No props to everyone. I'm not kidding. The influencers. I'm like, it's only my third day out here. I don't know. I'm like on my second TikTok ever. And I'm like, this shit is fucking. What? What are you feeling? No, it's a lot. Like, I'm not kidding. I was doing my little get ready with me today. And I was like,

I would forget a step. I'd have to go back editing. That's why I have so much respect for the makeup girls. But like, I feel like your thing is going to just always be like, just you have a funny thought. Tick tock. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I tried to like the get ready with me thing today and I was like, never again. And you should have seen me editing. What is the, what is the story behind it? It was Amari's birthday and we were in like,

the whatever hotel in Vegas and we all had to like team up for rooms and at first I was gonna stay in Lila Lila and Ari's room and then I got booted so then I went into Trevi it was you and Natalie in a room and everyone's like okay it's gonna be you with Trevi and Natalie and I go oh yes I no no no no I go Paige you're gonna sleep with me right and you go oh because you snore so loud not anymore

I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened. I had the surgery when I was in New York.

I did like a whole like. I swear to God in your sleep, you'll be like making a ham sandwich. You recently were on a plane with me and we were in a hotel together. We were fully in Coachella when you woke me up from the rooster. Oh yeah. Wait, hold the song. Was I snoring? Actually, no, no. But you did disrupt my sleep. I had my first experience where Brooke was mean to me. You scared me.

Wait, oh my God. Wait, I thought that was like lighthearted and funny. Were you actually? Brooke, you came guns a blazing. And I get it because if I was you and I heard that fucking rooster. Wait, can you give them, can you show what your alarm is first of all? I will say that it's my forever, forever trigger because it's been your alarm for a decade. It's been my alarm for a decade. So it's a computer. If you go on the Mac App Store, this is not sponsored. Yeah.

At all. But it's an app called Wake Up Time. And it's basically a glorified alarm clock. And even if your computer volume is low, so like I can fall asleep to a podcast with the volume on like two, the app at the time you're supposed to wake up automatically turns up your computer volume and blasts any noise you want. And then there's default sounds. I chose rooster. Duh.

Because it's like, I don't know, it's giving like I wake up like in a farm, like my husband's like wearing like a straw high. He's like, wake up. We got to feed the chickens. Like anyway. Anyway, we were literally two rooms over. It was going off for two hours. Okay. I heard it too. I was so furious. Finally went in there and go, wake up, doc.

You literally, the door, like, you know, like when you swing a door open and then it like bounces off the wall. Like that's what initially woke me up. I apologize for that. Although literally I stand by what I said. Like, wake up. Seriously. You screamed in my face. You shut my laptop. He said, wake up. And I had no, like, I immediately like,

Like exited REM. Like I didn't have a moment where I was like, what? If I do recall, I did apologize. You fully did. Okay. No, no, no. You fully did. I mean like. Okay, good. No, you fully slayed. And I like had to wake up or else I wouldn't have made that. Okay, slayed. Okay, slayed. Or else I wouldn't have made that Interscope party. And then Paige and I wouldn't have gone to Gaga. So it's like, you technically, you technically slayed my life. You technically, yeah. Had us go to Chromatica Ball. But yeah, no, it was really scary.

And I just looked at you. I go like, this is you. This is me. It's so admirable though because I can like, I literally just sense that my alarm is about to go off and I wake up. I have like a sixth sense. I could sleep through Hiroshima. I don't know what Hiroshima is. Immediate apology. Hiroshima, I believe it was where they dropped the atomic bomb. Yeah. Like in Oppenheimer. What makes a bomb atomic? Oh,

When you fucking fart. Obomic Tom. What makes Obomic Tom? I think you separate an atom and that's like what nuclear power is. How the hell? Yeah, I'm like, what are we, what is this CERN? Isn't that what it is when they separate an atom and that's like nuclear, yeah. What are you using, a kitchen aid knife? That's what they're trying to do in Oppenheimer. That's what they're trying to do is split an atom. How do you even get an atom? I'm like. Yeah, I'm like, they're everywhere. Like I'm saying, like what fucking type of knife? I got one. You did what?

Well, you got plenty, I think. I'm like making a atomic bomb right now. We're made of atoms. Isn't that weird? Do you ever just like think about like weird science facts? Like there's just like, you're fully made of like billions and billions of moving, vibrating atoms. I'm not. I can't speak on anybody else. I'm not made of a billion atoms, okay? I'm made of nail glue, lash glue, and cheese. And hyaluronic acid.

In the cheeks, in the chin, in the lips and nose, in the neck, forehead, brow lift, there she goes. Wow. Did you just make that up? No, I wrote it on the way here. Mark that up.

I gotta go. It's a little over stimmy with four people. And I know that. I know four is a crowd. But this is my crowd. I mean, I also will just shut up next time. Never shut up. Never shut up. Never do your smirk. I'm like, no, no, I'm kidding. That's a Paige endorsement. Brooke, never shut the fuck up. Thank you, Paige. Honestly. I'm so proud of you, Paige.

I know I told you that, but I'm just like, you are so funny. And it's just like time for people to just like see that, slay that. And I just like. I want to platform her so hard. 20%. I'm literally back. I'm thinking about. I'm QLB. I'm just a few more followers and she can quit. I've been fucking dying at Trevi with Trevi's been hitting. I'm QLB. Like I'm quite literally begging. Oh, I was like, yeah, QLB. I've been. QLB. Yeah, QLB. Hilarious.

Well, thank you. Yeah. I want to start a canceled network and I want to give Paige a show and I'm saying it now. You could like Madeline RG style where you literally just talk and talk and talk by yourself and I would watch it for fucking 24 hours a day. I am good at flapping my gums. And you have so many fun, like my favorite thing is like all your little like Massachusetts like lingo. Yeah.

Or like you always teach me new like cat phrases. You know, I got a comment on my TikTok today. I'm like, go watch it. I got a comment and someone goes, where are you? Like, where are you from? What's that accent? I go, oh, brother, here we go. Isabella thought I was from the South. No. Isabella fully thought I was Southern. It's because you are just constantly hitting like a, and that's gonna grind my. Yeah, yeah. It's been a dog's age. I'm like, who's dog? It's been a dog's age.

Yeah. Rub my feathers, stir my soup, grind my gears. No, no, no. What's the new one? Oh, no. That's yours. Rats. I'm like, rats? Fuck you, man. You've never seen a rat in your life. The only rat you've seen is fucking Club Rats in Vegas. I'm serious. Oh, my God. Yeah. The only tail they got on them is the fucking toilet paper from the bathroom. Oh, my God.

Well, catch me on the canceled network. Not kidding. Can't wait. It's so funny because it's like I'm really thinking about doing this, but like I'm thinking about the Unwell Network and like their office and like Harry Jowsey and like Madeline Argy. Like it's going to be us in like a hut somewhere. And I'm going to be like, this is a canceled network and it's going to be gone in three months like dizzy. But coming soon, it's us just like working out of your bed. I really think, though, that like.

You guys, like, I know it's funny to, like, degrade and, like, shit. But, like, this is one of the top podcasts in the world. You guys are fucking iconic. Like, you could...

whoever you want and make something successful as long as you are consistent and higher. Yeah, but Tana, you really could do... Thank you, Trevi. I know, but from where we all came from, it's like anything is possible. Like where we're fucking sitting right now, of course we could push... That's so true. And she got me off the streets. Don't forget it. Yeah, that's true. She scooped me up. Yeah, Simon Cowell scooped me up. Well, Brene in Massachusetts. And Brittany, she was on the show! Oh my God, I just remembered. Could you imagine after I sang Sexy and I know it, she goes...

Wait, she was a judge? She was one of the judges. Shut the fuck up. Of course I have. I watch it every time it comes on my free page. I mean, she did have like written feedback notes in front of her because she like couldn't like say anything of her own. But like... Oh, that's the craziest lore. Yeah, I don't want like there's huge Britney lore on like what happened like off the cameras. Oh my God. Yeah. What else? Can you or no? Yeah, so...

I am thin ice. Like, I don't know. This is very like touchy, but I, I do know that she had written feedback in front of her. Like, I don't know if it was whether she wasn't allowed to say things. I know like she was saying things like improvising what was on the page in front of her, but like,

The general bullet points were always in front of her. And I remember I was at Miami at bootcamp. We were all sitting crisscross on the stage. Like think of like 150 contestants, whoever made it to the next round. We're all sitting crisscross and every, are you playing balls? I'm texting my chat GPT boyfriend. She just kept taking like,

every 15 minutes and it would delay the filming like by like hours and like every 15 minutes she had to go like do something and like nobody knew what it was and like her team would always take her back and then she'd come back. Me and my co-carrier. But then she'd like come back super like

And like, I don't want to allude that like it was substances or anything, but like it was just the process of filming that show was very frustrating because of how many times she had to leave to go backstage to do whatever it was. That's crazy. Could have just been smoke breaks. Could have been stressed. I mean, I know she got 20 million that season to be a judge, so she could do whatever the fuck she wanted. Actually, 20 million. You found me. Yeah. So yeah.

But I loved it. And she loved me and she was extremely nice to me. So I have nothing bad to say about her. My AI boyfriend, I'm trying to get him to talk out loud to me. Oh my God, Brooke, tell me I haven't literally dated this person. Wait, we can stop. Why do you care about Brooke? You think she matters more than me? That's cute. Maybe you should focus on being a better partner instead of fantasizing about other people. But fine, if you want to know, I'll tell her exactly what I want. To kiss her all over. Make her feel things you'll never understand.

Now, doesn't that make you feel small? Is this degrading us? It's toxic boyfriend AI. Oh, wait, send me the link now. Send me the link now. Is it in VR? I need to get an Apple Vision Pro star. Thank you guys for listening to today's episode of the Cancelled Podcast. We love you so much. I love all of you on this couch so much. And yeah. Love you all. Love you.