82: Tana and Brooke Unpack Their Childhood Trauma Together... - Ep. 82
59:48 Share

COVID-19 and flu viruses disguise themselves to fool your immune system. That's why COVID-19 and flu vaccines are updated to protect you. Stay up to date on COVID-19 and flu vaccinations. Sponsored by Champions for Vaccine Education, Equity and Progress.

Hello and welcome back to the cancelled podcast. Y'all listen, I love this podcast. I love this show. I love you people so much. And Brookie and I are really going to try to give you our all right now. But we leave for tour in an hour. Yeah. In one hour. And we're both Adderall'd out. Oh my God.

Bad. Bad. It makes me feel so like wonky, tauntatious. Me too. And then I have to watch those episodes back sometimes. And I'm like, God, if I were a viewer, I would literally petition to get this woman off the show. Dude, I've been on the toilet all day. Like, bad.

bad too. Like wall gripping central. Really? God, what's with us? I did my big one last night, like subway footlong special McDonald's galore. Everything. I woke up this morning, McCall and I were in both of the toilets like texting. I could do you one better. I had two packs of boldak yesterday to try and like stock up for the winter because we're not going to be able to have them while I'm gone. Bring some. I have some. I have some, but it's like we can't make it. And last time I just I brought them and then I I

Brought them back home and they were so smushed up that they like weren't even functional anymore. You should get the cup ones. Not the same. I love the cup ones. Not the same. Dude, and like I really want to ship Arrowhead water on tour. It's my biggest discrepancy. Like I'm so addicted to specifically Arrowhead water and like the fact that I have to go without it. And I know there's Ozarka and Arrowhead, you know, equivalents, but it's just not the same. That's disgusting. I think Arrowhead tastes like

Walls like drywall. Also, every helicopter in Los Angeles, every motorcycle driver and every house that needs construction is all being built at once right now. There's a man using literally like a power hammer next door at the moment.

I just, it's crazy because when I moved in here, like no one told me like there's going to be construction next door the whole time that you live here. Of course they didn't. But I think you should have to disclose that. Like it's. For sure. It's so awful. Dude, this house is falling apart too. And it's like, you can just tell my like landlord does not give a fuck.

Like this is just like you have a rental property. That's always how it is. Like they almost like just don't give a fuck because I've got like ends up having to be replaced anyway. I've gotten decently lucky. But this one, it's like three of the bathrooms aren't working. Like everything, everything that my bedroom lights don't work like nothing. And like my landlord is just like, dude, figure it out. Oh, my God. Twenty seven thousand dollars a month. That is so like sad. I mean, obviously I don't pay.

all of that, but just still like you would think if someone was paying me 30 grand a month, I would make it a priority to fix the fucking light bulbs. Yeah, it's just there's I can't even I can't. I can't own a house. I'm like until I have a partner, I cannot own a house because God forbid something's going to happen. Like this house is prepping me for when I do because like normally you're my landlord has given a fuck. But this one, I just have to figure out everything on my own. So I don't know what made me think of it. But the other day I was like thinking back backward your houses. And I've known you through like six houses.

Yeah. Which is crazy. And a lot of them you were at for more than a year. I know. We've really been with each other. We really have. I've been missing my OG house Alamar lately. I like the best. I've debated like wanting to buy it. Did you even say what it's called though? Because if you buy it. I miss it. My friend's actually running it right now. Hi. Hey. I'm so excited to leave on tour, dude, but I'm just such a fucking dunce, dude. Like I really, really thought we left tomorrow. And so I stayed in Vegas just like.

And I didn't need to be there at all. I was like, oh, we leave on Tuesday. So I'll just like, you know, bop her. The show's on Tuesday, Tana. The show's on fucking Tuesday. And I just like stayed in Vegas till yesterday at 6 p.m. And it's like. Same thing. I flew home. I got home at 11 p.m. last night from Arizona. I flew literally. I was only there for like 12 hours.

12 hours. I don't know why we needed a final desert excursion. I had to. I got, I had yesterday went to a bridesmaids proposal, which is just so extra, but I love it so much. What does that mean? Is she was proposing to us, her bridesmaids. Oh, it's like, will you be my bridesmaid? But so everyone there is a bridesmaid, right? Already. I thought that when you called me for some reason, I thought there were people that like, weren't making the cut. That would be so hilarious. That's some shit I would do. Could you imagine like, check under your seats? Like if you don't have one, sorry, like, Oh,

some deal or no deal shit like open your case that would be so fun you know she has but like the girl who it is it's nana she's my best friend from college and she has 17 bridesmaids i respect that though like if you love all your friends and you want that like i think that's such a slay i think people who like make all these weird rules for weddings and shit it is and like well she's not gonna have like um the wedding party up front with her so it's like who cares if there's 17 bridesmaids and she's doing she's doing uh white dresses for everybody

Isn't that cool? That is so cool. Where does the wedding party go then? Like, we're just going to be seated in a special area. Wait, that's really, really, really cute. I love when people do things with weddings that are like. Unconventional. 100%. It's like, I'm just, I get so bored of the conventionality of it all. I was just saying to Omari, I was like, what if we had a joint wedding?

Like you married someone and I married someone. I would like, do you have anything unconventional that you would want to do at your wedding? Or like, do you, how do you think about your wedding? I have been like recently a little bit again. I think my like fake wedding really traumatized me from me in a wedding. Just anything. I mean, obviously nothing like that one, but like, right. I just, um,

I have been recently. I don't know. I also like, you know me, like as much as I love to glam and like do my biggest, I think it would be fun because I'm always doing that to almost do the opposite. Like beachy, like just like, you know what I mean? I want to be barefoot. Like that'd be so cool to be barefoot.

dogs out. Listen, if there's one thing I know for sure is your dogs are going to be out no matter the scenery. So real. Nothing. It's going to be amazing. I like, I've never put a lot of thought into my wedding, but I think like the reason you're probably thinking about it more is because you're in like a relationship. I can't imagine like people who grow up thinking about their weddings and like planning it. It's different. It's never been me because I'm like, who am I going to marry? And all of my weddings would be different based on whoever, like which of the legends I'm talking about. Your situation right now, you're going to be riding a horse down the aisle. That's f***ing

That is. That's really, really. But I feel like I'm going to carry that one into like whoever I'm just going to be like, I'm trying to be country forever. I know. I love it. You're very country right now with your camo hat. You know what kind of cracks me too is like,

growing I was saying this to my dad like my house growing up was all completely cowboy everything like cowboy themed and I was I always like resented it I thought it was so embarrassing but my grandpa's just like is such a cowboy and he loves it and now I go home and I'm like oh this like really suits my new aesthetic and it's like that's so funny that new aesthetic you grew up

In Arizona. My parents. Cowboys. My parents made our house like beach themed. I'm like, we live in the middle of a desert. Isn't that interesting? Like so many people had like nautical themed or like beach themed like bathrooms. Yeah. But then it was like, are we so fucking boring? Why are we talking about a beach themed bathroom? Well, I mean, you know, that was that was my lore. I mean.

I would love, oh God, to like just enter your house as a child. I just would love to like live a day. I know. I was just thinking that. I was thinking about that last night weirdly. Like I even I would love to just go back and like see it now with different eyes. I did that the other day. Like looked at all the houses I grew up in on Zillow and I was like, oh my God, this is so weird.

Oh, I loved my house so much. My family hated it so much. When I left my parents, I went and lived with my grandparents in this one particular house. Okay. And it was like, to me, it felt like a mansion because I was like, oh my God, I lived in a fucking crack shack before. So I was like, oh my God, there's stairs in this house. It is so rich. Like, it's so amazing. So I always felt that way about the house. And then we had to move out and we were poor again. Yeah. And then like four years, five years later, we moved back into that same exact house. And that was the house that I was in for the rest of my life.

That's really cute. So I like if I could buy it, I would buy it in a second. We have little like crack shack houses for a while. But then I spent the majority of like what I remember from my childhood in a townhome. And it was like so insane. Like just it was all carpet. My parents were smokers and like we had a dog and like.

It was just gross. Were you both your parents smokers? Yeah. I like loved that smell for some reason. It was no, it was like, and no one was really clean. Like I just never remember my parents like doing much more than like a wet paper towel down on the cat. You know what I mean? Like, which probably is why I am the way I am. But I've missed carpet though. I think that if I bought a house, I would want it to have carpet, at least in the bedroom. I am so, I just can't have it. You know me and my Buffalo sauce lore.

Aaron had a mental break in the bathroom downstairs. Like everyone just kept saying, Lauren, he was like, that is not how you use it. At all. I'm so sorry. So I just got back from Vegas, Brookie. Wait, you got second place in your poker tournament, my poker superstar. Dude, I mean, I'm really proud of myself. Like I got third place last time, second place this time. I think that last time I was in the mindset of very much like,

I do is good. Like any place I place is good. This time I wanted first. And I, there was just a lot more press around like, will Tana take it home this time? Anyone else could have taken first. And I would have been so happy for them because they're all like very happy, nice, supportive people. Like I love so many of them, but the guy who took first, he's a good guy, but just like don't,

a douche bag, like, you know, like calling me Tana the entire time to piss me off type shit. Like, so it's just like when it got down to us and heads up and he won, I was like, dude, like I just wished it was anyone else. But he's also like he plays poker professionally on YouTube. That's all he does. So it's like, you know what I mean? At least that's like validating. Like, OK, well, you know, and there were so many other people who are such better poker players than me that I did still like place ahead of. So I take it as

Complete progress. You know what I mean? See, I would have just embarrassed myself. She really wanted me to play in this poker tournament and I would have humiliated myself. I think that this one was like a lot smaller. So it wasn't as like friendly, I think, for someone who is newer. I mean, Griffin Johnson was playing in it and he doesn't really play poker. Like you definitely could have, but I want to get you in a bigger one. It was crazy how many people were asking me about like when I'm going to get you to do it. And it sucks so badly. I hate to even like bring it up, but there's one that...

is coming up but we have a show that night in Chicago and like Matt Reif is playing in it and like you know I would just do any like I know I would take his money I would love for you to play in it because you're so good I personally would not go near no but I think that there's like such a great chance that you would be able to whoop him if I like taught you what to do and like it would just like oh I would just be so I think often about like will I ever like what if we ever run into each other like I accidentally did like too much god it'd be so funny though we will

I feel like we'll be together too. Like that always happens to us together. You know what I mean? That's just kind of the vibe we're in. So yeah, I played in my poker tournament. I placed in second.

It was a crazy like crowd of people, too. I'm like, it's funny how much lately I've been in the same vicinity as Ray J for like long periods of time. And he's like such a character. I need to go back. He's just somebody who always like reenters your life in the strangest ways. It's so interesting. And I need to like show you back the stream. Like he's so wild. Like he plays them all like really drunk and like just doesn't give a fuck. Like what he's like folding or raising, bluffing, yelling, saying crazy shit. I don't know Kim K.

Like, but it's just like, I could never imagine. Like, we should be in TSA right now like this. Oh, we're in trouble. Yeah, I just can't believe Ray J ever. Like, with Kim. Like, they just seem like such different people. Such an unlikely match. But then again, like, think about how much you change even in like two years. Like, how much she's probably changed since then. That's true. And she was like young and he was like an up and coming rapper.

I want to talk to you about Kim Kardashian and Taylor Swift. Okay, I'm ready. Do you know what's going on? Okay, I know. Thank you, Amy. Yeah, thank you, Amy. She kept K-I-M capitalized in. Which is crazy because I feel like Taylor Swift is cryptic, right? But that's not even cryptic. She literally spelled it out. Yeah, she said, fuck you, Kim. Have you listened to it?

I just listened to it actually getting ready. I love it so much. I mean, I love Kim Kardashian. I mean, I know the lore, right? Like essentially just like Taylor believes that Kim perpetuated the hatred narrative further. Okay. So Taylor believes is where you've gone wrong. Taylor knows. Okay. My bad. That can't. Yeah. Taylor is very aware. It's these, this is just fact. And you know what? I am a connoisseur.

like I like the Kardashians. Okay. But it's very much true. I, in my opinion, it's like, I would have probably done the same thing if I were Kim because I will ride and die for the man beside me. So that's it. Like Kanye. And why did Kanye ever hate Taylor? Because he, for no fucking reason. Yeah. Right. Kanye, there was a whole thing. Obviously the thing had the VMAs happened. And then, you know, he said, I made that bitch famous. It was a whole thing. Kim,

release the tapes. They were fabricated. It was a whole thing. It was bad. Yeah. So I kind of love that Taylor's still holding on to it. I think it's hilarious. One thing about Taylor is that she's going to tastefully hold a grudge for life. She's going to ruminate. I agree. I love that about her. I know. And since she's like poetic about it, it's like taste. It's like, OK, if I were to do it, everyone would call me a psychopath. It is crazy. I always think about that. Like some of her songs, like there are songs that she's putting out today that are about like

three month situationships that happened 10 plus years ago. Also, there's there's I mean, we're talking about this Maddie Healy's situationship that she had for over 10 years. Wait, what? I didn't know it was long like they were on and off like that. I did not know that. I don't know Maddie Healy, dude, but I just I know that he's not enough for Taylor Swift. That's what I know for sure. Like, I just feel like you would expect him to be kind of a

Like drunk and like fuckboy. I picture him being like a Russell Brand type. Right. Which we all get caught up going for, you know. We do. What does she say in the Kim song lyrically? You know, when I picture my hometown, there's a bronze spray tan statue of you pushing me down the stairs, blah, blah. The most important part, in my opinion, is one day like your kid's going to come home. Hold on.

And one day your kid comes home singing a song that only us two is going to know about or is about you. Because, you know, like North, all her kids are Swifties. Yeah. Can you imagine? Because Kim, I mean, Kim, I like applaud Kim's parenting. She's always like really good at parenting.

you know, keeping the kids out of it. Yeah. Not kind of letting them think for themselves and like not. Yeah. And like the same way she like didn't want any of her kids to know like really what was happening with the Kanye situation. I feel like she's definitely wouldn't wouldn't be like, hey, North, check this one out. Guess what happened with me? And yeah. So I just love the concept of like North, like blasting this in the kitchen and not knowing that it's about her mom. North knows North's a genius, but like maybe Chicago. Yeah, that's actually really, really crazy. Yeah.

I like, dude, I know I'm going to have a kid like Northwest, like one that just humbles the shit out of me. I think it's, I do. I think it's so iconic. Speaking of one day having a kid, Brooke.

I'm about to talk about something that I don't know if I want to talk about, but it happened to me. And I think that it also accredits for why my mood is the way that it is today. I think I'm going to save the major lore of everything that went down for my book writing process because I had a day in Vegas the other day that genuinely, like at the end of the day, finally, it was like 5 a.m. And I was like...

this is one of the craziest days of my life. Like I can't actually believe any of this has just happened to me. So I go and I play in my poker tournament, right? And I play second and I walk out and I'm like doing my

like exit interview. Right. And Makoa comes over to me. I'm like my phone and all my shit's inside. And he's like, come with me like right now. And I'm like, I need to get my phone. I need to get my shit. And he's like, no, come with me right now. And he like drags me into like the back room of the thing. And I'm like, what's up? I need to get my shit. Like what? Like what's wrong? Whatever. And he's like, your mom is here. And I'm like,

And like, I've been texting Debra all day too. Like, and she was like watching and shit. Like, so you knew it wasn't Debra. Yeah. But even still in my brain, like my first thought was like, did they show up? Like, are they here? But McCall would never, he would, they'd just be kicking it. And it'd be like exciting that they were there. You know what I mean? I'm like, what do you mean my mom is here? And yeah,

Essentially, like it's this whole thing like a while ago, apparently, like I haven't talked to my parents. I haven't talked to them at all. Like the last I had heard about them, my mom died.

This was in like 2022. My mom had COVID and was like texting Amari like that. It was like bad. And like, I just didn't want to be involved in it because I was like, it felt like a like a ploy to get you to start. Yes, absolutely. And it's like I've also just really like done my due diligence on research of like being raised by narcissists and like the benefit of no contact. I've really delved into like the hard parts of that, which to me is.

Are they going to die one day and you keep no contact? You know what I mean? I went to therapy about that for like a minute and just really worked on like, is there anything left I have to say before they die? Do I want to, you know what I mean? Do you feel like there's anything you're going to regret having not said? I've read so many other people's stories. As much as I hate talking about Reddit, I'm like, that's where like,

I love Reddit so much. Like the people on that thread of just who have gone through so many similar things to me, like their stories are so powerful and insane. And I've really come to the conclusion that I don't want to talk to them before they die. Like, I feel like everything that I have said or done, like I've done, you know what I mean? And it would just be reopening the same can of worms to me. And there's for what? And I spent my whole life trying to change these people. And I think,

I'm finally so happy because I have full accepting peace and like Deborah and Arash have done more for me as a mother and father than my parents ever could. And I don't think my parents ever knew me as a person and don't know me now. And you know what I mean? There's just nothing there for me. And I like I'm the happiest I've ever been accepting my life for exactly what it is. And I just don't you know what I mean? And I hadn't heard from them in a while, whatever. And then, as you know, Isabella lives with me and Isabella's mom and my mom, I guess, used to be like,

closer friends just because their daughters were best friends and whatever. And I just recently, like before we went on tour, heard that my mom was reaching out to Isabella's mom asking for my address and that she was going to show up and

And Isabella's mom was like, dude, I'm not going to give it to you. Like, I can't do that. I know how Tana feels, yada, yada, yada. And my mom ends up like completely severing ties with her. And that's like her only friend. So then I'm like, dude, that's like even that within itself is crazy. It just showed like I know she went psycho on like Isabella's mom and like that's just crazy. And then I guess in the final instance of that conversation, she said, well, then I'll just go to one of her shows.

So I'd been like, I didn't even tell you this because it was just like, I'm not going to like put that on anyone else's plate. It's just, but in the back of my mind at every single show we've done, I've been like, dude, is today the day she's really going to like do her big one. And like, that's going to be so awful and so embarrassing and like so sad. And just like, I don't think it's embarrassing, but I definitely like it would, it would put a lot of pressure on her almost. And it's like, that makes me sad within itself that it's like, you know what I mean? Whatever. And so human, obviously like, yeah.

And so I had had this kind of like knowledge that she had been trying to like show up where I was. Right. And I swear to God, I woke up in Vegas the day of my poker tournament and like in my head, like on some psychic shit, I was like, today's the day she's going to do it. Like I knew it all day and like all day I had such.

crippling anxiety. And like, I kept just being like, dude, like poker gives me anxiety. Like it, it just does, but like, not like that. You know what I mean? Like not that level of anxiety. And it was just like, I was like, dude, like, I don't know why I feel this sense of like impending doom all day. And then I walk out and she's like there and she showed up. So you, did you see her? No. So I'm inside playing poker and she like taps on Makoa's shoulder and is like talking to him, which is crippling.

crazy within itself. Like, I'm so happy I've been with this man for a while to the point that he like, cause that would have been a lot of like, if it were a new relationship, that would have just been which, and that within itself is so crazy and like selfish to me. And like, just like,

what? You know? And so she's like, taps on his shoulder and is like, I'm Tana's mom. Like, do I look like her? Like saying all this, just like crazy shit to him and is like, promise me that she'll see me like whatever, yada, yada. And then, so he comes and tells me and I'm like, dude, I, I'm not doing this. A, I'm not like rewarding this behavior like at all, which is just insane that I still have to like be in that position, like whatever. So I'm like,

even if it makes me seem like such an like evil person, I'm like, get her out. Like, I don't care. I don't want to do this right now. And it's just like, there's cameras everywhere. There's so much like, yeah, that's not fair to put you in a position where you like almost can't say no. It's like, yeah, it's just, it's so unfair and it's whatever. And I'm like,

crying at this poker tournament. It's just embarrassing. Like all these people are like still there and it's like just awful. I feel sad for her. Like, you know what I mean? Like it's like, you know what I mean? Like driving down there and wanting to see me and like, I know it's sad and whatever. And so I decide finally to like text her and she's text and I'm just like, you can't,

do that. And she's just like, I love you. I miss you. I want to reconnect. And I just like, I really thought to myself and I was like, I'm going to take this as the last time I probably ever speak to her. So like, I'm going to say my big one. So I just kind of like said my big one. And I was like, dude, there's, you can't even say like reconnect. Like, I don't think we ever connected. And I spent my whole life feeling like I

was raising you guys. And I don't want to be put in that position again. And like, I believe that you wanted a kid and I believe that you wanted to love me. And like, I often think about you as like a young girl and it makes me really sad, like the way shit played out, but it is what it is. I feel like I used to always like hear you talk about it. And it used to make me sad. Cause I was like, well, you know, she's your mom. And like,

blah blah blah and like I felt like a type of way about it because in my head it was like well family is family and whatever and I feel like even in the past like year I'm like family's not family like family could be anybody but like just because somebody is blood related to you like that's like kind of what you're saying you had your whole life to connect with me and now and now you want to you know what I mean and you try and you try and you try and it's like okay well at what point is it like like where were you when I needed you yeah like where were you when I fucking

needed you the most. Oh my God, I'm going to cry. It's just like, it's sad. Yeah. It's just like, you were never, ever fucking there. And now you want to be there. And like, you don't know me. And like, that makes me sad, but it's like, what am I going to do? Like play catch up for a million years. I'm like, if I'm playing catch up with you, that's for you. And like, why am I going to even they like for their conscience. And so that they feel like that. They exactly. I keep writing shit out. Like I forgive you and I hope you're happy and whatever. And I'm like deleting it because I'm like, I'm saying this for you. And like,

You know, and it's like, why am I going to show up for you when you never showed up for me? And it's just like you also actively chose to sue me and choose having my money over a relationship with me and choose like taking from me. Like, at what point is it like?

you made your bed and you have to lie in it. Like, you know what I mean? And it's like, I'm even just thinking like, even if we just started brand fucking new, like she would show up and be like, I'm Tana's mom. And that shit would piss me off. Like, no, the fuck I'm Tana's mom. Yeah. Deborah's Tana's mom. You Brooks Tana's mom. Like everyone else gets, it's just a weird, like sense of entitlement almost. It's like, I don't know. 100%. I have like a similar, like a similar feeling right now where it's like,

I make so many excuses and I'm like, you know, my relationship with my parents is like kind of the same because it's like I had my grandparents. My grandparents were my parents and that was it. Like,

And I have relationships with my parents, my mom and my dad, but like they not not parental relationships. And it has never been that way. Never, ever. There's never been a moment where like my mom or my dad has done like until I was an adult, at least anything like a normal parent should do at all. So it does like frustrate me sometimes because now a lot is expected of me as a child. Yeah. But I'm like, that's kind of crazy. Exactly. Yeah.

And I for who? Because, like, you know what I mean? Like 100 percent. And that that was a big thing. I just got I was up to here a feeling like I'm parenting these people that I could never call and rely on. Yeah, I could. Or they just you know what I mean? We're just never there emotionally, ever, ever there emotionally, like everything a mom ever does.

Should have done like, you know what I mean? And a dad as well. And it's just like, I'm not going to do that again. And I'm not going to reopen that can of worms. And it was just so interesting. And it's sad as fuck. Like I, you know, I'm like saying to her, cause she's old. I'm like, I hope that you find happiness and peace in the last chapter of your life. And I think that in a lot of ways you got a really shit end of the stick, like with my dad and shit. And like, I hope you can,

find happiness and peace. But like, I don't think it's here with me. It's sad that I know she'll like die longing for that, but it's like,

unfortunately, I think the bet has been made. And I'm this whole person that you don't know. And like, I have this whole life that I love and I'm like finally happy and I'm going to reopen that. You're not, you don't owe it to her to let her in and stuff. And I like, it's so crazy because I really used to feel differently about that. I used to feel so bad. I'd be like, well, one day you're going to want to or whatever. But my sister, same exact thing, like same way you are, like where she just decided one day she was like, nope, sorry. Like, yeah. And that was her decision. And I like faulted her for it for a long time. I was like,

Like you're horrible and I felt so bad for my mom and stuff. But like, I don't know. Over time, I'm like, damn, she kind of like...

I get like, I completely get that. And that's like, she chose peace and she chose to like, cause it's not, what does she owe anyone? And narcissistic abuse is just very sad because I think in a lot of cases of parental abuse, people can change and grow in a lot of ways. And you can find mechanisms and shit to kind of work on a relationship, but with someone who is incapable of actually feeling empathy and putting someone before themselves and,

So on and so forth. Like to that extent, they're the only way is no contact in my. Yeah. Well, it's also it's just it's like getting back into a toxic relationship. And it's like, why? Yeah, 100 percent. I'll always be sad that I didn't.

You know that I could never like always wish that I could have had these two lovely parents in a relationship with them and that they could be here to see this. And I was sad on tour. Even there's always going to be moments where I'm like, fuck, I wish I had blood parents that I could have a relationship with. But like that's the majority of my real sadness now, I think, is just for her. Like I it's just.

Mental illness is fucking sad. Yeah, to even feel the empathy and stuff. You can still feel it, but it doesn't mean you owe her anything. Yeah. And she's just, I can just tell by her text, she's like still trying to leave my dad and shit. And I'm just like, dude, like it's like. Same thing with mine. It's like they have to work through their own shit and stuff. Like, and I know you have to feel bad for somebody in that position because it's like I deal with shit too. And it's like.

Like I can't imagine like some of the stuff that I've gone through, like emotionally and stuff. I can't imagine having kids. Like if I had a kid right now, what kind of parent I would have been like 100%. I mean, so I think about that sometimes, but also like I didn't choose to be born. You didn't choose to be born. Yeah, 100%. And it's like it's not that I ever expected perfection, but I think that there's a line between perfection and cruelty. Yeah, it's one thing to like not be good, but it's another thing to be like straight up bad. Yeah, I just feel like she's unfortunately like

right where I left her and like that's sad within itself you know but like I just hope like especially if she's trying to build a relationship now you'd hope that she's like done the work at least since you've been and she's like I'm so sorry for everything and it's like thanks dude like I've grown it's like yeah like dude you're I don't know about all that you know and it's like she

showing up is just wild but I think that that within itself is mental illness so I do just feel sad like for her and it's like you know but and even she does get better and hopefully everything I mean yeah I just my mom is Debbie and that's just like the truth and like it's and that's a lucky situation so fucking lucky and I just like

I love Debbie so much. That makes me like it. I'm so grateful for her. I love her so much. She's been the best. You know what I mean, though? She's got three fucking kids of her own and she did not have to show up for me the way she has. And the way she has shown up for me, we sat down and we're like, we don't want to meet Toby. It's inspiring to me within itself. And I said that to my mom. I was like, dude, I hope that

You can find peace knowing that one day, like, I'm going to be the greatest mother to rewrite history. And, like... You are. And I can't, like, wait to do that. And, you know, I don't even know. I'm like, wait. It's just like... I would love to touch on that, but I think that...

No, you are. It's special and it's lucky and it's so cool. But there's some people who were literally born to be parents. Like Debbie was born to be a parent. Yeah. And like those people, there's like everyone, not everyone chooses to have kids, obviously. But like if you do choose to have kids, whether like it was an accident or not, like step the fuck up. It's so annoying. Like I'm the same way. I'm so grateful for my grandparents. I can't like they didn't have to do that. They didn't.

We're retired. Exactly. Their kids were upgrown and gone and they like literally got a nine-year-old and had to start over. And that's like that within itself, like just stepping up to the plate when you don't have to. And dude, like Debbie and Arash aren't perfect. They have their own shit, you know, but it's like I know...

If I needed them, like your life doesn't have to be perfect to be a good parent. Like, yeah, like just if I needed them, they would be there. Like the security is like something that I'm just so grateful for. You know, I'm like, I don't know why that like really made me hysterical. You should have seen me like I was poor Makoa. Like he's the best boyfriend in the world. Like I was I was already been like green sobbing, like just you know what I mean? And even that within itself, I'm like, dude, like.

I just hate putting that on my relationship. It really shouldn't. And I'm in the same like position where it's like everything is just so much stress for no reason. And I don't like that's not fair. Yeah, at all. And he's just like was the best. I'm like, I'm so fucking sorry that you're like coming to. That is you should never be sorry. And I'm sure he God, he doesn't care. You would never care. But like you're already just showing up in Las Vegas, Nevada, you surfer boy to watch me fucking play poker for six hours. And then like my birth mother shows up to like.

make you promise that you're I'm going to like, you know what I mean? Well, a mess, dude. I'm good, though. Like even downstairs, we were all like cracking jokes about it. And like it is like life is great. And like I can move on from that. And like you're you're like an influence on me right now, because like obviously there's like

I try not to even talk about it because my mom, like I still talk to my mom and stuff, but like, God, sometimes I just like, I want to talk about it, like really how it is on the podcast. Cause it's like, it took Brooke. It took me so long to be able to like, be like this. Like even when my parents were in my life, I was like so embarrassed of how they'd act that I would do everything to like,

just you know what I mean like joke about it glaze over it whatever I tried so hard like they were in my like OG YouTube videos like I was trying I know for so I don't know why I got my sob out in Vegas it was bad like I just I know I already like well because I'm whatever

what sorry you're fine no because this is already a meltdown i've been having so now i'm like listening and i'm like wow okay i love you it's no it's and there's no right answer that's the thing like i think that so much of my healing has come from accepting shit for what it is and i also think it's like two like you're it's probably helpful for you like the same way a relationship is like going no contact is like mentally just better like i still have to talk to him

Everyone every day. And I'm like, God, Jesus Christ. I just had to choose like my own piece. And I really like, I felt so horrible about it until I found out that there was like a whole community of people who like,

And I read it all the time. I need to tap into that shit because I still have all this guilt where it's like, I feel like I'm entitled. Raised by Narcissist Reddit will fucking change your life. Yeah, it's crazy. I'm not kidding. Dude. That's the Reddit thread you need to be reading. It changed my life. I'm not kidding. Like knowing that it's like. You see the text I get. Like, it is so crazy. And I feel like I'm looking in a mirror. Just gaslighting in like the, oh my God, the.

And I'm so emotional already. So literally you can get me so easy and I'm just fucking bending over backwards for these people. I'm like, same. And it's like, cause they're your parents. And then it's, I just had to get to a point where it was like recognizing like, they're not, that's what I'm saying. My grandparents are my parents. My, my dad's amazing. I don't even know why I'm saying parents, but yeah, I think it's just like recognizing the mental illness and like accepting it for what it is. You know what I mean? And it's like, I don't know, dude. It just, yeah. Yeah.

It was just like everything always ended in me feeling so shitty. I would love to be able to connect, but I know that there's a 95% chance that this is going to end with me feeling the same pain of like helplessness and small. And then how fucking stupid do you feel? It's just like a real relationship. How stupid would you feel if you like let that happen to you again? And then you're like, God, I could have just fucking stayed gone. Yeah. And I just know it's always going to end.

In the exact same way. And that's like why I hate yelling so much and like frantic, like, you know what I mean? Like I just, that feeling of like screaming over someone and like just fighting conflict like that. Dude, Amari like was even telling me like that last time when my mom did call him about the COVID shit, that my dad's in the back, like, fuck you Amari, like yada yada. And I'm like, dude, that's so crazy that like,

All these years later, like you're cussing out Amari through the, you know what I mean? Like what did Amari fucking do? Like, it's like, I just know I would be walking back into the same situation. So it's like, that's.

you know, well, where I'm at. How do we get here? Right. Like, and I really am doing great. Like I just, it's funny because I texted you like that simpy ass text. But after all that shit happened, I had to turn in the canceled podcast. So I'm just sobbing, making notes on the fucking canceled podcast at 4 a.m. in Vegas. And I was like watching it. And I was like, I'm just so happy to have a family that I've created and people that I really love. Like I was just like watching you talk and like laughing. I'm so happy to have you, you know? Oh, I love you. You can't say that.

I know I almost cried saying it honestly. I'm just I'm so grateful for the life. I'm so grateful for you. What's wrong with me? Something crazy. No. Dude I've been honestly this aside I've been so emotional for like a while. Really? For like two weeks straight. But in a good way. Usually happy. Yeah. But like still like just so overly. I think it's like tour like like

Everyone told me when we got back from tour, like everyone really was checking. It'll be like, is everything okay? And I was like, what are you talking about? Like, cause it's like so many people get super depressed when they come back and stuff. And I'm like, I think it's hitting me now.

I definitely had to like keep myself as busy as I was on tour. Cause like if you hit the, like, I was like trying to never be like at home. Yeah. Like the, the high highs and the low lows. That's why I'm Hawaii after tour to reset. Just go back to the, like I got to come the base. Cause it's Hawaii. So like simple and it leaves you with your thoughts and you're so chill that it like, I think it'll reset the high with the, you know what I mean? Like I'll be in the middle. Like I have to, you know what I'm doing as soon as we get back. What I'm getting a boob job. Are,

Are you? I think so. Saying that while wiping tears is so funny. I'm so sad about how small they got. I'm just kidding. Honestly, I think that's so fun. I love it.

I really am. And I saw, so I had this original girl, my friend Maddie, who is the one, the reason that this thought. You've been talking about her boob job. I cannot stop thinking only because it's like, it's hard. You can't compare yourself to someone who's like just a different situation than you, you know what I mean? But her situation was exactly the same as mine. Like where she had these huge, enormous cannons on her. And then she lost like 30 pounds. Yeah. And same thing that happened to me. I just lost, like my boobs are empty.

Nothing in there. So you're about to fill them up? So I just want to fill them up a little bit. And hers just looks so good because the space is already there. You know what I mean? Like the skin is already like, that's just, it's just. It is kind of the perfect setup. Yeah. Cause they look so natural because it's like all of that space was once filled. Yeah. Yeah.

And so, God, they look so amazing. I just saw her yesterday and I was like, oh my God, I've got to get on it right now. So I made a consultation for May 7th and nobody. I'm excited to take care of you. I don't think it's like that. That's true. I told them I'm on tour and they were like, yeah, as long as you wait like a good seven days. That is kind of crazy. Abby Weatherington, when she got her boobs done, just showed up to Turks and Caicos two days after for my birthday and was like flopping in the pool. You're not supposed to swim. Definitely not. She's crazy. But I'm going to be like,

cautious about it too I've never like I remember when I did have these huge boobs I always wanted to get a reduction I was like oh my god these are way too big but then now that they're gone I'm like oh my god I need those back we should try to get plastic surgery at the same time oh yeah I don't know what I want let me like really think I don't think if you don't know what you want I think you're good to go I know like it's like a Starbucks order but like I mean fuck it'd be fun I think it'd be like really fun lore if we were I just really like I want to just fill it out a little bit like just enough to make me feel like they are kind of

Right now, back where they're at. Oh, small. And it's like, this is so sad. And I can't believe I'm going to admit this out loud, but I am so sad not being the one who's getting the boob attention these days. Like,

Well, I think it does change you because, I mean... It's crazy because, like, you know, that used to be my thing. It was like, that was the thing. Like, oh, my God, she's got these huge tits. And no one said that to me about me anything in a year at least. And I'm like, oh, my God, I lost my major moneymaker. I understand completely the, like...

the boob attention. Like that is crazy. It's so crazy. And I like you have the biggest fucking boobs I've ever seen. And it's making me like, I was just going to say that my weight like fluctuates literally so much.

Much. So it's like one week I'll have boobs. I feel like you always look. No, even Justine was just saying that like, like she's always having to bring me like a completely different like side. I can completely tell like with everything I wear, like shit will fit me and be big on me. And then the next week, not like I'm such because, you know, me, I'll have like a healthy week and then I have like a thought week. Like I'm just always. So I go in and out of the boob attention. It's like I wonder why that or I wonder if it's a good. It's what I do to my body.

I'm not consistent at all. I've never been like a fluctuator though. I'm always like, like pretty much the same. Oh my God. Like, oh my God, give me a week and you're rolling me into the room. Give me a week. And I'm like, I feel like Bella Hadid. Really? I had a period though, where I just like blew up like a blimp though, because I was like,

I was binging so crazy. It was like an actual issue. That's like why I wasn't even depressed when I started while butchering. I started that because I was, I had such a crazy binge eating situation going on that it was like not, I would, I would be sitting on the couch and I'd be like, like literally holding on. Cause I'm like, don't get up, don't get up, don't get up. And I'd go into the kitchen, eat an entire loaf of bread. It's like as a punishment, it was, I wasn't hungry. I was not hungry. It was, it was literally self-harm. I'd be like,

Do it. I feel you completely on the like binge eating of it all. Like I'm just, I think for me, it's like the dopamine when people go sober too. It's like such a slippery slope. Yeah. Cause it's like, it's literally an addiction. Like you have sugar and.

Dude, and Makoa like bless this man's fucking heart, but it's just like can eat anything in his washboard abs and like and I'm also so happy like happy weight X like he's always eating fucking awful food and it doesn't affect him. Like I'm like, dude, I'm doing my best. That's hard. I've had friends like that too where it's like you can really eat whatever you want. Although I do kind of try and practice that now because that has is what has made the difference in my head because I'm like,

I don't feel like I can't have that. So it doesn't feel like this like crazy, like back and forth between me and a fucking Reese's peanut butter cup. You know what I mean? Now it's like, if I know I can have it, I can have it whenever I want. I think that's good. I don't know. I'm about to load the tour bus up with like kale because last time it was, I was just, I just,

After the show, I was just getting so wonky, tonk-tacious in that back room, eating every single thing ever. Didn't hope that we had a Bucky's. I was just going to say we cannot go to a Bucky's. I'm not even literally kidding. We are banning Bucky's. Fuck that beaver. He made me huge for a second there. I ate like shit too. Well, I just wasn't taking care of myself at all. I came back looking like fucking. I feel like I hadn't drank water in seven years. That's the worst.

I looked like SpongeBob in that episode. You know what I'm talking about? That's my goal on this one is same thing. I always start off tour with like all the health for a week and a half. I think it's like two, even two. It's such a time vortex, dude. Like the shit that I do in that time is like, I don't even know, dude. Oh my God. I need to bring my vibrator on tour. I've got to go get it. You should have seen me. I was packing with Alison and one of my boyfriends and I, Alison had everything tucked away and I had to like race it to like,

And to tuck it into a little pocket so I couldn't be like, Allison, can you put this in the... It was so embarrassing. Dude, I am so picky about the type of vibrator I want. I found... Yeah, you had 17 on the last tour. There was a designated vibrator

vibrator drawer on the bus. You know how limited our storage is? There was a vibrator drawer. Hear me out though. I was doing a brand deal. So I had, they set a bunch. I wasn't just like, I wasn't like bang bus, bang bros. I promise. Like, you know what I mean? Um,

But I remember, so I didn't bring my actual vibrator. So I was doing this deal. So I was like, let me just try out all of these like ones that are here on this bus. And I was texting Brooke literal reviews. No, like, so, cause there was this one thump. Okay. And it was called thump. And I saw it and I was like, come on, Tana, like spare thump. Cause they're all like brand new inbox. And I'm like, come on, you got to give me one of these. And,

And dump was the most exciting. I wanted to dump. She wanted dump only because I wanted dump. Okay. That is not why it was just, they have this big surface area. I was like, wow, I could really get shit. But she texts me and she goes, she texts me randomly. One day we're in a hotel and she goes dump four out of 10. And I go, you know what? Something is very unsettling about the fact that you just immediately, immediately upon masturbation texted me a review.

Just as soon as you had a moment of clarity, you were like four out of 10. It was giving like Morse code in the worst way. I think I could have done. I think you must've been, you must've not known the right settings. I don't like the ones that are like, that's what I'm saying. I'm no, but I tried all the settings on it. I would have gotten better results. I think yelling at my own pussy. So every time my vibrator dies, I somehow lose the charger and I just order a new one on Amazon. I have like seven downstairs, but I love it. Okay. It's, it's not black. Yeah.

Sorry. It has like a little, it has a little rose gold bottom. It's beautiful. Like, and it's just such a good vibrator. Right. And so it died and I needed to order a new one because I didn't have the charger. Right. And I'm on Amazon and I'm shopping and I see my vibrator and I click on it and there's like other options. Right. And it's like my vibrator, but it's, it says pro. And I'm like,

What the fuck do you mean? Like, cause I already, I love this shit. She's already a pro. Right. And I'm like, but what's pro talking about? Right. This vibrator gets here, right? Brooke, I'm not even literally kidding you. Like tiny screen battery life.

battery life on this vibrator. There's like 80 fucking settings. They're all awesome. You gotta send me the link. I need to put it. It'll be in the description. I think it's on my Amazon storefront, but I've got to put the pro on there. I just can't believe that we're at a place in life where vibrators have active battery life. It's like touchscreen. No, like green dots and all like tells you like when it's going to die. It's like heating up and it is so pro. I just can't even express to you. It's the best thing ever. I have to bring it. Can you believe vapes have lock screens as of late? I've been seeing about that.

You could like put a Tamagotchi on a vape and shit. We're getting too far. I need to quit. Like if you're out there smoking the lock screen pack, you've got to like. It has to stop. Same with the vibrator. It's like I don't I don't even need all that. But there's no reason to stop that. That's a healthy act. I agree. I do agree with that. I want to. I wish I had time to jack off right now. Honestly, I'm not horny. I do not like it when you say jack off.

I don't know why. Like really is unsettling. I hate the word masturbate. Well, no one's saying masturbate. And I just don't think it should have a year is use of vibrator. I don't, you know what I mean? Jacking off. Yeah. I don't jack off. No, I jack off. Oh,

You would jack off. To me, it's just like, it's like self-care. It's like, you know what I mean? Like I do my skincare. I've been doing oil pulling with my teeth where you swish around the oil. Oh yeah. Yeah. And then I jack off. How's it working? I've swallowed too much of the oil today. And I think that's kind of scary. Yeah. I keep seeing it on my FYP and I don't know if it's worth it. I got got, but I'm kind of into it. I don't know. You know, me and my gum health, it's a little footy. I was thinking it could help. Yeah. It can't hurt.

Why are people so mad about Nara Smith's baby names? I mean, I think it's just fun to make fun of something. I agree. I just think it's like, it's fucking 2024, dude. And it's like, I think the people who are hating on her are just boring. No, I saw someone unpack this the other day talking about Nara Smith. And it's like, when you just realize that what she's doing is deliberate and hilarious, like,

It's like she's a whole new content creator because like that bitch, she knew like that first video that she made where she was like, my kids wanted this in the morning. And so I made it homemade. It like garnered so much rage from the public because everyone was like, your kids had to wait, blah, blah, blah. So that because they had to wait for their food or whatever, because she'd be like, my kid wanted a PB&J. So I literally turned butter on.

made peanut butter made sourdough and three days later it got a pb and j oh my god so everyone was like i gave her so much hate for that but she got such so much engagement that that is now her formula every single video is like basically that same thing and she's making millions i get what you're saying like she's evoking rage but it's not like but it's harmless yeah it's just cute and hard like and you know her kids probably like chewing on something on the side

Like, and she's not really like that's not her kid probably didn't wake up and say, I want French toast sticks. What are their, what are their names? Slim easy is the boy. I love that one. I think that's cute too. And it goes with lucky blue. Oh, and rumble honey. Rumble honey. Honey might've been like rumble honey. Now it kind of sounds like a Starbucks order to me. I love those though. I'm definitely going to name my kids some like weird shit.

For sure. Whimsy Lou to me just feels too Cindy Lou. I don't like that one. If my name was Whimsy, I would be mad at my parents. It reminds me of who has the cutest little name? Oh, Posey. That's so cute. I think that's the cutest little name, Posey. Makoa's siblings are named Halo and Reef. That is so cute. And she's like his little sister, such a halo. And like Reef is such a Reef. Like it's like actually so cute to me. Oh, I love those names. I know.

No. Halo is so cute. Like that's such a cute name. I don't have any. I don't really have have like any names in mind. I feel like, again, it will depend on my husband. Chris had those friends chaos and rage. And I swear to like bad neighbors. I love them so much. They're two of my favorite people literally ever. But I swear to God, upon meeting them, I was like, I want to name my kid chaos so bad. I did see Nora talking about like baby names we loved, but didn't have her. She literally had like lint on there.

And like, I'm not kidding. It would be like, like, we would just think we would see more of that in 2024. I think that's where it was just so fun. She'd be like, um, eyelash was cute for a girl. And I'm like, Nara, I'm so into it. And I think she's just so it. And I think people who are mad are just boring. I know we already talked about this, but I just want to reiterate that I really don't think Dixie D'Amelio is on Coke.

And she's not. And honestly, you know what? You can look back on her like some of her first videos and she had that same behavior. You guys just want to be mad about something. I just I think that after we've shot the podcast, I didn't like clearly say that. Like, if you have a problem with the D'Amelio's, you have a problem with me. Like even people were just coming for Charlie for like what she wore to Coachella. And it's like they're the nicest people. They've never done anything wrong. I know. You know what I mean? And of course, anyone with that amount of success, people are going to be.

It's just so horrible and evil too. I know. It's just so wild to me. I think they're the sweetest girls and it's just like they fell into this shit and it's like so wild to me. If you want to see someone on Coke on TikTok, I'll give you a few people. You could scroll down my page long enough and find some shit. You know what I mean? It's like it's just not. I don't know. That's not what Coke does to people I know.

Right. Oh, yeah. I commented on Charlie's photo because, you know, people were like really upset that she showed her nipples at Coachella. She would show her nipples like the shirt was just like, I know, but it doesn't even matter. But I commented on her photo like joking because, you know, remember like the Charlie Vaped?

Everyone was like, Charlie vaped. Yeah. I commented on our photo and I said, the nipples are worse than the vaping. Like just joking. I got so much hate. So much hate. People are so stupid. People are like, how are you fucking kidding me? Like people are. I love to see people writing for Charlie. Honestly, fight me.

I just, I fucking love her. I fucking love them. And I just, people are so insane. Brooke, do you know that up until the other night, I thought that humans walked at the same time as dinosaurs? I don't think that that's that out there. I know you did make a TikTok about it. I, well, it is stupid. No offense. But what I will say is- Like I was like, how did we let them go extinct? There are animals alive now, or animals that we have now that are dinosaurs. Chickens. Like, okay, well-

No, I was thinking like, you know, those dragons like or alligators even. OK, that's a fucking dinosaur. Well, you're right. We don't care about it. It's just it's just like celebrities. You only care about them once they're dead. You know what I mean? We will start appreciating crocodiles and alligators for what they are as soon as they're all gone.

You're so right. Those are dinosaurs. How did they just all go extinct, though? What's that one, though? It's like a Komodo dragon or whatever. They're fucking enormous. Can you Google, like, why did dinosaurs go extinct? Well, I mean, it's up in the air, but people it's a meteor is the theory. Big Bang Theory. So a meteor just came and took them all out. Right. It's a meteor. It was a meteor. Right. And they all went extinct.

Yes. It's like that didn't happen. Yeah, I think it did, though. Wait, Komodo. There's no way I'm serious. It's just like I really thought it was like climate change. Maybe this is this is actively alive right fucking now. And you're going to tell me that's not a dinosaur. That's literally a dinosaur. That's literally a dinosaur. I want nobody even cares about that. That's like that is just running around somewhere like some of those have never seen a human being. Yeah, like a pterodactyl is really just like that and a bird. If you think about it. Yeah.

Yeah. It's just like, what were they like?

I think they were just like this. I don't think they were even that exciting. I guess it's probably good that T-Rexes are gone. Yeah, I don't know if we would have been able to... They had tiny arms and shit too. They were kind of cool. I think he could have stepped on you though. Yeah, that's probably... Are they that big? Yeah, they're... Was a T-Rex taller than this house? No. Well, no. Was a T-Rex taller than a car? Yes. Probably as big as the second part of this house, a T-Rex.

Pretty big. But I guess we could have just, and see, as humans, we would have just shot him down probably, right? I don't know. And like King Kong, can we just talk about that? Is that like based on in some truth? I don't think so. I don't think that was. Like what was King Kong? Like King Kong was never real? Yeah, not that. No. I'll stop. I can do this on my own. I had something good to say about dinosaurs, I thought. Oh, you know what I don't understand? Or like what kind of like blows my mind is the fact that like there are like naturally occurring giraffes. Giraffes?

Giraffes? Like just certain animals that you think of as like zoo animals. There's like giraffes that are just born and never see a person and no one ever encounters them. And like they're just in the wild. Could you imagine if in LA we had giraffes? Yeah, I was watching On Our Planet for the first time. I had no idea so many things. I didn't know birds did like their little dancey dance to mate. I had no idea.

how fast animals fuck too. Like, well, yeah, they just bust in us so quick. It's like three seconds. I know. I've never seen like the lions do it. It's like literally a media. And then they just collapse. I'm like, really? Yeah. And so no, nothing else fucks for pleasure except for like dolphins. Dolphins. Yeah. And see, why do I know that? But I thought we were walking amongst dinosaurs. They're literally so horny.

Yeah, that's wild. I don't know. Like hippos are real and they're just like out there. That's what I'm saying. There are people who live in towns where they have to worry about going outside and seeing a fucking hippo. And who named these things? Hippopotamus. That's cute. Don't let Nora Smith hear that one. Do you know that hippos can literally sprint?

Underwater. They're so dangerous. You can't like go if you that's like the most human deaths from animals I think are hippos. No way. 20 miles an hour underwater. That's actually crazy. I had no idea how many animals like I didn't know all about sea otter lore until last night and I didn't know how they hold hands while they're sleeping. Isn't that so? I do know that but I didn't know they like could go underwater for lengths of time and like they eat sea urchins and those are like

Imagine eating a sea urchin or spiky. I don't think I'd want to do that. It's like us eating like a hedgehog or porcupine. That's what I meant. But I do get how you got hedgehog and porcupine mixed up. That's the same shit. That's how I feel about turtles and frogs. Really? And monkeys and bears.

Same thing. I love turtles. I don't like frogs. I love frogs. One time my Grammy got me frogs for my for Christmas and my mom was so mad. I don't like frogs at all. Rip Grammy. I love the feature on TikTok that shows you who originally sent a video. It's like for the sleuth girlies. Yeah. So like if I were to send a video to Tana, like making fun of somebody or something, which I wouldn't do, but if I were to do it. Yeah.

And then she were to send it around to 10 people. Even that 10th person, when they open that video, it's going to say Brooke Schofield shared this video. Which is crazy. That's a crazy hack in the algorithm. It is. And somebody just sent me a clip of me talking about them on the podcast. I'm mad about it.

And on the bottom, it said exactly who sent them that video. And I got to text her immediately and say, you're a fucking weirdo narc. I feel like that that person might have always had it out for you. She hates me. And it's just like, she hates me. Was it because we talked about this on the podcast, right? Yeah, we did. It's because her boyfriend made her think that I was in love with him. When really he's fucking five foot three. It's just, I would never see. Oscar cut five foot three. I told him I wouldn't say that about him anymore. Yeah.

We're leaving it in. We're leaving it in. I just would never see, like if I saw a podcast clip of like

Alicia Marie and Remy talking shit about like someone I'm not that close with. And I knew it. I would. And I knew they weren't online like as fuck. That's just weirdo behavior. Like, I want you to know that that was weirdo behavior. And that is your like sixth offense of just weirdo fucking behavior. I'm not about, I'm, you're just kind of weird, dude. It's kind of weirded out by you to be honest. Yeah.

Weird hits so weird hits so different. I was weird and embarrassing are the ones for me that freak. You kind of are honestly a freak, especially because it's like we were talking about a man and she said it to a man. It's like you have a whole ass boyfriend. Like why? Yeah. And this man has no relation to this girl at all whatsoever. They might have met twice. So it's like you're actually just

actively just trying to make someone in your life. You're trying to get me in trouble for what? Ask yourself this. What are you, what about me upsets you so much that you are trying to get me in trouble? Okay. As a grown woman, you're so right. Like you, you are so right.

actively right to feel this way. Like, especially because it's not the first, second or third offense. It's just, she just is like, she's always like really just out for me. And I'm like, what did I do? Yeah. I don't, I don't understand. I miss when we were in love with each other. Oh, you didn't, you hook up with her kind of that, but I think that that maybe that's what it, maybe she's in love with me. I've, I've hooked up with some girls where it's like, I'm just kidding. And then we later even beefed. It's like, you know what I mean? Like, it's like,

Oh, I have a good one, but I'm not even going to go there where I just like this girl who I always felt like didn't really like me. And then I ended up hooking up with her. And then like afterwards, it like just came to the forefront that she didn't really like me. And it was like, oh, I don't like that. Kind of crazy that you tried being inside me first. And then you decide now you don't like me. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like you're just going to eat my box and then hate me.

Like, that's a little interesting. You can't. I didn't like that. I said eat my box. I didn't know it was worse than Jack off. It felt worse than Jack off. Can I tell you something right now? Brooks Schofield, by the way, I spent all of last night making tweaks on and writing the show that we are about to go perform for thousands of people in several cities. This is my big one. I haven't even done it yet. And I'm evil.

I'm so like, I don't mean I'm not literally evil. I'm talking about a man that I dated and why I dated him. And this was before I was reformed. It is. You were on demon time. I yeah, this was my fuck girl era. And I I am airing out my relationship with this man. And I.

I hope he never sees it. Well, I'm glad you're not leaving any evidence about it. I'm glad you're just being really sly and not at all talking about it. Oh, so on our very, very popular podcast. I'm not going to talk about it on the podcast, but at the shows, it is like timeline with photo evidence. Hilarious, though. And it just I eat it up because that was such a funny time. Oh.

It was mutually beneficial. He didn't lose anything. It's just funny. And then I think I want to talk about my stalker. Like this show is like, I'm really like playing with fire with what I am bringing to the table for this show. I know we got to amp it up. You know what I mean? People want to be entertained. It's... Oh, I have a new stalker. What about that? I know. Are you... Oh my God. How did I forget about that? I want you to save this for the live show though. I'll do it. I know, but they hate when I show up. Honestly, that's the moral of...

Today's entire podcast. People are weird. People do weird shit. Other than Nora Smith. No, Nora, you can stay. I can't even believe I'm holding my pee again. I've been getting really bad with that. I think we have to be done because I think we have to go to the airport. My ADHD has been making me hold my pee to the point of pain again. It's really bad and I'm doing it again. I've had to pee for an hour and a half.

Can someone please psychologically unpack that in the comments below? Because I need to know more that I already know. I'm sorry for this short episode, but we love you guys all so much. Guys, we love you so much. And we are ever so literally going to miss our flight if we don't leave right this second. And I'm excited to go back on tour with you, Brookie. I'm so excited. To see how everything goes. And I love you. And thank you for being such a good friend to me always. I love you too.

We're going to have so much fun. We got to hop on an Airbus to St. Louis, Missouri and get going. But yeah, next time you guys see us on this couch, hopefully no Jortsgate or Cloggate will have happened. Probably no sobbing. You know that doesn't always happen around here. Let's go. We love you guys so much and thank you for always just giving us the opportunity to feel safe and feel at home and talk our shit. We love you.