71: EXPOSING AUSTIN MCBROOM… again with Trevor Wallace - Ep.71
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Hello and welcome back to the cancelled podcast. Starring me, Vape Talk Trev. Hello. Vape Talk Trev. We are so excited to have you back today. We have a recurring guest now today. You're a crowd favorite. Am I really? Yeah. I had a lot of fun being on the last time. Did you not read the comment? No, I did. I...

I was just looking for the comments about you guys being like how beautiful you guys are. I don't read comments on myself. - Oh, he's doing it already. - Yeah, I read the comments. I got a lot of great DMs. That was a great episode for me. - Oh yeah. - DMs popping off. - 'Cause what did you say? - 'Cause you're a guy's audience is.

Out here. Yeah. And they're all girls. They are all girls. What did we say on the last episode that was like a DM that you like to receive? What was the like recurring one that you were? You said the God sent me one here. Yeah. And there's a lot of that.

There's a lot of God sent me here. Did you respond to anybody? I said, bitch, I'm atheist. No, there was a lot of that, which was good. You don't need to be creative to slide into a guy's DM. You can literally write a middle finger emoji and I'm like, I'm blushing, you know? Well, the people loved you. They, I think we've come to a pretty general consensus that the only guests that have been really well-received

or like people want them back or Trisha and Trevor Trisha and Trevor oh Hannah Burner too though yeah honestly it's like half and half but scary for anyone's first time because like a lot of times people would be like never again yeah really and then we feel bad because we're like

Sorry. Here's your clips. You don't have to post it. It's fine. We don't even send clips. I think at this point it's like, just don't read anything. We're so sorry. Yeah. Oh, damn. You guys turn off comments or no? No. I like money. If you turn off comments, you don't get money? No, just like engagement and then like, you know. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. That makes sense. Well, last time I brought gifts, so I had to double down this time. I brought gifts again. You brought gifts again? I brought gifts again. And the gift is sitting right fucking here. It's me, bitch. No, I brought gifts. Your presence is a gift.

You guys are matching again a little bit, by the way. Yeah, I got the tan. I got a tan bag on me. I know. I think we're on the same wave just all the time. We have the same kind of like airdrop mentality. I love airdrop mentality so much. Airdrop mentality could pop off. Is there a tennis racket in there? Be honest. Hold on. Look at the shape. Listen, I'm a man. I don't know how to wrap things. First gift. Yeah, wait. What happened? What do you mean? It's a...

It's a tote bag, right? It's two tote bags tied together. I love men. This is a double-sided dildo, like the Paris story. Oh my gosh. I can't believe I told that on this podcast, by the way. I had like a whole out-of-body the other day where I was like, holy fucking shit, you. I thought it was a beautiful story. I was engaged. I'm reformed now and I think about all of the things that I've said and done. Yeah, digital footprint. I think about it all the time. Like I cannot unsay that and forever there's going to be able to like. That one's just like, that was way too far. I did not need to tell that story on the camera.

I was sitting here like, oh, we're going here. Me too. But I was like, you know what? Own it. At the time, it just felt so like camp and kitschy that I did that. And now looking back, it's like you psycho slut. It's so funny because this was like a few months ago. It was like really completely different.

you are and we love to see this transformation yeah i think that was the the that was the finale of my insane antics yeah and that was the streamies was your or the steamies the streamies what did you do that the streamies well there's actually two separate catastrophes one was steamies one was streamies that's it two events i really really really can't host um award shows

and wait i heard about this what happened streamies i was just awkward embarrassing i swore on stage i'm not supposed to swear on stage i said who wrote that about what i was reading off the teleconference yeah i went to a boy on that copied that from you oh did he say that yeah he said he said sorry like my writers wrote this or something oh that's actually fucking crazy i did and then chelsea handler like said she did her response when i watched the chelsea handler host what was that

Which award show? I don't know. She did the one right at Emmys, I believe, after. It reaffirmed that I will just never be able to do anything in an award show. Not yet. He's her ex. So her making fun of him was like hilarious. They dated? Yeah. Yeah. I did not know that. God, I love her. I like her. That's the power couple. Who is it? Oh, yeah. Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent. That's true. Oh, I forgot. I remember that. I was young. I think that that shaped me.

- God, she's an icon. - Streamies. - Streamies, yeah, I was embarrassing, I swore on stage, whatever. Steamies was the H3 live show, like H3 does a-- - Oh, oh, I thought you said age three. I was like, there's no way steamy and age three are allowed in the same sentence. - No, at all, at all, at all. Age three is crazy. - H3, H3, yeah. - H3, it was me, Jeff, and I hosted it really, really poorly.

really, really messily, drunkenly, embarrassingly. Yeah, I mean. If you weren't me, I think you could watch it and laugh at it and be like, that bitch is fucking fried. I think it's just going to be one of your iconic moments that we think about, but in a funny way. It was camp. I think we interchange iconic and just fucking embarrassing a lot, but I'll take it. It's a moment in time. I've always said that. Yeah, what's in the double toe? First gift is for Brooke. Cat toy for Murph.

Do you want to get married? That's so cute. That's actually so cute. I do. Is that all I say? Yeah. So this one. Wait, that's actually so cute. That's so sweet. Yeah. She's going to be so happy, except I know that she's going to do this in the middle of the night. Oh, yeah. That's why I wanted them out of my house. It's only in the middle of the night. I had those. I was like, get the fuck out of my house. Oh, so you re-gifted? Yeah. Are you kidding me? If you look on the left, there's one missing. Trevor. Trevor.

- Listen baby. - The thought was there. Honestly, the thought was really there. - I think you'll like this one. - It's the nicest thing you guys ever talked about. - I can't believe he's topping McDonald's in a vape. This is impressive. - That's what I'm saying. Last time I went hard and thoughtful on McDonald's. So this one is more geared towards Tana. I'm proud of this one. - Okay. - I'm proud of this one. - This is amazing. I'm here for that. - I'm really proud of this one. - Why is it so big? - Hey, I hear that a lot. No, so. - I start sobbing. - So you probably miss your Hawaiian man, huh?

I got you a ukulele from Hawaii.

Play a Clinton Kane song. Don't do it. You're on fire. This is what I meant. This is what I meant when I said we had no topics today and Trevor would just carry. Oh, no. Do you know any Clinton Kane songs? Yeah, give us something. I don't mean to do it. You're in the right ballpark. He's not apologizing for anything. One thing about me that you may or may not know is I love a fun toy. Like this is going to sit right next to my tambourine.

and I'm so excited what are the toys I have my tambourine this is gonna sit right next to my tambourine and I'm gonna use it that's from Hawaii though did you go there a couple years ago also is this actually from Hawaii so you were just roaming around the house like what reminds me of them literally yes this is incredible

- It's incredible. - From the ABC store. - It's actually a beautiful ukulele. I'm surprised that you're getting rid of it. - Yeah, maybe. - I'm taking all these gifts back after this episode. - To re-gift to the Giggly Squad. - Yeah, somebody else. Giggly Squad, yeah. - Later. - But no, I don't know. I just thought maybe you missed that man. - I do miss him. - You can think about them with that. - Yeah, I'm gonna serenade him with it later, honestly. And it's a beautiful gift. - Maybe he'll play it for you when he comes.

comes down here. Just assuming he plays the ukulele. See, I feel like that's a safe assumption. Right? If you grew up in Hawaii, I feel like you do play the ukulele. You know your way around it. You know? Yeah. I also feel like Hula would be up there. No? Yeah. Good hips? For sure. No, that's, now I'm getting, like, is that offensive? No, does your man, does he not have... I think he has good hips. Do you think he could hit a little? Yeah, I think he hits a little. Oh, hold on. For sure. Do you guys ever watch Lilo and Stitch? No.

I thought it was going to be a wild story after that. I knew she made it. Yeah.

that's my favorite movie really lilo and stitch i don't think i've ever seen lilo and stitch it's great it's a banger oh my god you would i know about stitches lore her word of the week is lore lore lore yeah that's like they're like objective or who they are i need to read the actual definition of lore to see how much i'm missing having to google it shows that you should not be using words i don't know what they mean either a body of traditions and knowledge on a subject or held by a particular group typically passed from person to person by word of mouth that's too much words for

what yeah i still have no idea what lore means i haven't used the definition in the definition it'll be one who uses their lore i'm like bitch you didn't answer anything at all

I don't get it. What's going on with Austin McBroom? He's beefing with the internet. You're doing so fucking good. I'm serious. You're carrying this podcast on your back. Because I, on my podcast, want to talk about this, but like we're not recording for like a week. I'm like, fuck. At the same exact time, both posted a TikTok about it yesterday with complete opposite standpoint. Which just says everything about us. Oh, shit. Well, that's great. What's your standpoint? My standpoint is that I want to see him incarcerated, to be honest. Oh. I don't know. I figure he has to have done something that...

could put him in jail like just for sure oh over time yeah just thinking about it i remember a while ago he was like trying to hire a nanny for his kids he tried to hire like one of my friends is like a night nanny night but he was hiring a great netflix movie title via snapchat and and the one requirement is what when they came through they had to say that it was like she they were hired through an agency when talking to catherine okay

So did I tell you this? You did tell me this a long time ago. But like like so so like one of my friends went into like actually interview for it and she had to say it was like his grandma or someone's grandma who was there like part of the interview process. The girl was the grandma? Like one of the people who was like going to hire her. And so she had to say like, yeah, they felt like Austin found me through an agency. But like really, it was just like a hot girl he wanted around the house.

Anyway, I hate him. I think he should... Absolutely. I like... I can't say absolutely and I know every time I say it that you're thinking... Absolutely. I...

I have always hated him. I have always, I've never been an Austin McBroom fan. I went on an entire year long tangent in like 2019, 2020 about how much I thought he was a shit person and that Catherine deserved better. And all stories similar to that one of things I'd experienced, like a time where I was with Jake and him and found like a makeup product in his car. And then I had to like lie and say it was mine and it wasn't. And it was just like this whole thing. And then everyone was trying to negate my story and whatever.

all this shit. I don't think anyone was like, could anybody even argue with that? I feel like it's just such common knowledge. Apparently the same thing happened to Erica Costell. And then she came online and was like that. I think she was saying like that actually happened to me. And then I was like saying like, it also happened to me. And then no one believed me because you know what I mean? Whatever. I just think it's funny because he's still on Snapchat getting that bread. Like it's the first person we've ever seen have a breakdown mentally through Snapchat. Uh, they're, you know, they're, they're money, how they're paying. I,

That's what's crazy. Monetizing their breakdown. Knowing now like how much money people are making from Snapchat, I'm like, God, he's a genius. Keep doing those cartwheels. Well, that's what it is. He's probably making racks this week. I know. And he could after this just be like, okay, ha ha. Joke's on you guys. I mean, right. But like. When I found out that his whole like grippy sock moment is only on Snapchat, I did think to myself like.

That is kind of genius. He's making, he's, he's probably making so much fucking money. It's just funny to see somebody like having like of each slide, it's him be like, what do I do? And then he's like, it's like, it's, you're like reading along with those. Like, dude, Miranda Sings could have made a bag doing this. She really could have. Get her the ukulele, dude. Ukulele. She did a 10 minute video. I think if you do an apology video, you got to put ads in it. I would put ads every 13 seconds just to piss people off. Get that bag.

And you're still like, I'm so sorry for what I, today's Nusha Gina. And they just keep cutting back. God, you're a genius. That's why you make the big bucks. If I ever have to apologize again, which I will. Have you never made an apology video?

That's a crazy question. I was going to say, let's weigh up a little. Have you never done stand-up? I just feel like watching him break it down on Snapchat. I mean, we had FouseyTube kind of do something similar to this on livestream or whatever. This is the first Snapchat one. I love to see him pioneer that.

I mean, my TikTok steak was never in my life have I felt like I don't want Austin McBroom to stop making like I've never felt like I want Austin McBroom to continue making content. It is fun to watch, but I hate knowing that every single time I enjoy and consume a video, I'm paying the man.

I try to get it third party, like a TikTok screen recording when I can. That's okay. You know what I mean? Yeah. I wish you could watch people stuff, but like turn off monetization for them. You're like, I don't, you know, I'm not a fan of this person. Oh my God. But I'd be in a tent under the four or five if that was the fucking thing. So, um, Oh no. You know, I've pitched this before. Like, you know, when you like hate watch somebody's TikToks, people probably do that to me. Yes. I wish I could turn on like hater mode where I could just like watch somebody's whole feed. And, but like, they're not recommended afterwards.

I couldn't agree more. But then don't you want to continue hate watching? True. I love to hate watch. I say this all the time. It's my favorite. I mean, hate watching things. Like I follow them. Well, that's what happens. It eventually just becomes a part of your life. You're eventually like, this is stupid. This is stupid. I kind of want that. I hate watch this poor girl on YouTube just till the cows come home every week. And now my whole recommended issue. I want to know who it is. You have a certain person? Yeah. Can we say it? We can bleep it. Yeah, we can. She's sitting right here. You can say it. No. It's this girl.

But she's so sweet and she means well. I think there's so many people worse than her for sure. Who's your hate watch? I agree, but really, really cringy people who like make like couple-like videos that are like couple-oriented or something like that. Yeah. Or comedy that's just like too, too, too clean. And it's just like, I'm like, who is, why do these have so many views? Like almost like a...

type guy yeah you know yeah the mouth cover was elite yeah um oh you're genius are you gonna bleep that you don't i mean i don't know like they're successful what they do but for i'm just like i'm watching it the whole bit i don't get it there is an audience for that though it's like i feel like just like like child mormons no i think it's i think it's middle-aged like people in middle america middle no i think that's like 13 year olds you do well i'm thinking like when i when i say that i think like

But then again, people watch my stuff and be like, man, shut the fuck up. No, you're funny. Thank you so much. You guys ever post so much, you ever look back at your feed and be like, man, I need to just stop yapping. Every second of every day. So much constantly. I was scrolling through my Instagram the other day looking for an old photo to show someone something. And I have this entire era for a year where I thought I was so fucking woke and profound. Really? When was this? Probably like 2018, 2019.

Oh, you were ahead of the wokeness. But not like that. Like she started actually like, like, and I found these photos of me where I did this photo shoot and I was like smashing a TV with a baseball bat. And the entire caption was about like, fuck the media. And it was like huge. Like you had to press read more to find worse, like so much worse. But yes. And it was like, I, I just, I,

I died. I shrunk into myself and I was like, this is so embarrassing. And it's still active on your Instagram? Yeah. And there's a lot of like that. You didn't archive it or anything? Like my entire, like so many eras where I thought that like novel captions were the wave. I always get afraid of like what I'm doing right now that I'm going to cringe at in a couple years or even like next year. But I think inevitably that'll happen for anything. In five years, you're going to hate whatever podcast you put out last week or really whatever. But what's your favorite era you've been through? Both of you guys.

I think I've hated everything up until this one and I'll probably hate this one in the near future. Yeah, I think whatever whatever is happening right now is probably my favorite. But anything before was like not. Yeah, I was probably chill as like a newborn. But like all the guys crying and shit like Google, babe, babe.

Yeah, no, I don't know. What's your favorite era you've been in? I've literally... Have you been in eras or do you feel like you cycle through a little? I feel like I'm just like an NPC daily. Like I got this comment that was like, when are you going to change that 2017 hairstyle? And I was like, fuck. I've had this hairstyle for like 10 years. Like Lisa Rinna? I don't know who that is. You don't know who that is?

You know, Lisa Rinna hasn't changed her hair in like literally years. You don't have to pull it up. She's been posting nudes. Hold on. She's like, you're going to know her when you see her. And it's like, she's literally never had a different hairstyle in her entire life. That's my fear is like right now, I just do it because it's easy and I don't want to take risks with my hair. It's so Trevor Wallace. What are you going to do? Get a mullet or something? Well, you could. Right.

I could, but like then my face, I just look like fucking. I want to see mullet and a mustache on Trevor Wallace. Mullet and a mustache? Have you ever had a mustache? Then I just look like I'm just fucking working at Barney's. Wait, didn't you just have a mustache? I did for a little bit. It was a good look.

Wait, I was thinking, I think it was a skit I saw. Yeah, I had a little bit of a mustache. Okay. Both, yeah. I liked it. I wish girls could have mustaches. I do. I would fuck around and find out with a mustache. Girls can have a mustache. But no, but you know what I mean. Like a real mustache. Yeah, I want like the whole thing. Handlebar? Yes.

curl it when i be kind of camp with that yeah or like chest hair what does camp mean every time i come here you have a new word last time it was like bible which was a very religious of you camp is supposed to be like so bad it's good what that's like the i think that's what it is right so i have no idea so bad it's i feel like i'm in a spelling bee can you use it in a sentence this ukulele is so camp that would work really that's kind of me is camp i think i would have to

See what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. I mean, a tent kind of looks like one. Where did we get to tent? Was that a callback to my tent joke? What? No. I think your brain works in a way that ours doesn't. I don't know if my brain does work, if I'm being honest. Quicker than ours, for sure. Well, I'll speak for myself. I don't understand half the things you say. I don't either. I don't know. You made a joke downstairs and I wanted to laugh so bad because I knew it was probably really funny.

That's how I feel watching too smart or too good of movies. Like every like A24 film, I'm like, oh. I've always said that. Like I'm not watching anybody's Interstellar. Like I won't ever understand it. Have you seen Interstellar? No. It's so good. But you do have to watch it like five times before you understand it. If you so much as like. I don't like when movies and shows have like a precursor. But it's so good. I'm just not smart enough.

I'm really smart enough, but you don't have the attention span. I remember I went and saw Oppenheimer and she, she's like, should I see it? I'm like, please don't bother. No offense. How many vapes did you bring for that? Did you, did you see it? When I go on like a four day trip, I really do bring like seven vapes. I get it. Like I was just in Hawaii for like three weeks and I think I brought like almost 20. Do vapes do the same thing to your lungs that like a cigarette does? I don't know. And I want, I think cigarettes would be like more camp for me.

I don't think so. I think your teeth would turn brown and then you would get ugly. These weren't because they're made out of toilet seats. But then these probably wouldn't. It'd be like a whole thing, you know? Aren't you? Wait, are they made out of toilet seats? I don't know. They're porcelain. I thought you were allergic to porcelain. I am. Oh. Do they come out easy? Yes. I don't know. They do? Think like Legos. So you could do it right now? No. No.

I can't do it right now. I was going to say, what a great thumbnail that'd be. Yeah, that would, I would honestly at this point with the rate that they do fall out at, I almost wish they were like something. Has it ever fallen out? Yeah. Midhead? Midhead. It's kind of a cool trick because the guy's brain would be like, dude, I'm fucking packing. I'm knocking teeth out like the tooth fairy. I never thought about it like that. Yeah, would you be like proud of yourself? Yeah. I mean, really anything that's different, you're not.

you're like oh like you need like oh you're like whoa i'm fucking packing i did one of my tooth was just recently loose um give head but i felt like it was like really bad head like i was giving head like you eat soup almost and i don't know how to get that any further than it is but i wouldn't recommend it not kidding oh you just are like a boba straw like i just wasn't wasn't my piece

My peak performance. I don't know if your boyfriend would like you to say that. His dick's... I'm not talking about... I'm saying just... Boba straws are big straws. No. Out of all the straws, they're the biggest. A big straw is still a straw. I am not comparing his dick to a boba straw. I'm saying the way you suck on a boba straw was kind of how I was sucking on... And see, I'm going to regret this in four months. You know what I mean? That's life. What's coming out of my mouth right now. That's life. And that's just how it is, you know? Yeah. Anyway, who do you hate? Who do I hate? Be honest.

I'm thinking. I'm really thinking. Cue me up with some people. How about that? You just go throw a few out and I'll go thumbs up, thumbs down. Come on. Have you ever had like a

real beef with someone. Not really. It's been like micro beef where like somebody thought I stole a video idea from them or something or but it's really been like very micro beef. I just I can't fight. I'm frail. I got skinny fingers. I'm not throwing down. Oh one time this guy in middle school he kept hitting me like in the dick in class so I went to hit him back one time and he ducked down. I hit him in the nose. He's got a bloody nose in class and then he's like this Saturday we're fighting behind a Vons. You know meet me there at 12.

And I didn't go. Obviously, why would you go? And then on Monday, he's like, bro, why aren't you there? I was there with my older brother. I'm like, yeah, that's exactly why I go to my own fight, my own death. I got my sister's got a fucking rack on her. What am I going to bring her slapping with a tit? I have the rack just caught me so off guard. Wait, calling your sister and saying your sister has a rack is like a really crazy. Have you ever been like, wow, she's hot? No.

Well, I mean, it wasn't too far. I mean, you did say your sister has a rack. I didn't say that. I got my sister's got a fucking rack on her. What am I going to bring her? When did you realize your sister had a rack? I imagine, obviously, as an adolescent boy. Guys, this podcast is big enough. She's going to see that clip and be like, what? You said it. You made me say it. We have a friend who has a crush on her cousin. Oh. And she's serious about it. She talks about it openly. In this state? Mm-hmm.

cousin but i'm pretty sure i i did like in college i studied like the stages of development there's an actual stage of like childhood development where you're supposed to be attracted to your family members huh anyway i got my sisters you got a fucking rack on her i really don't want you don't have one person in your family that you think is actually i got wildly accused of wanting my cousin for a period of my life and a lot of it was your cousin and yeah a lot of it was by my own cousin

And I just, I don't understand. We were just good friends. And what kind of cousin? Like first cousin? No, like, I don't really know. My whole family lines are blurred. You know what I mean? Everyone was hatched. I have a hot cousin, but he's not my real, like, he's not my cousin by like blood. He's my, yeah, like someone got married and then he's my cousin that way or had a kid or something. I don't know. I think I played into it a little though.

Hear me out. My cousin was best friends with my like one of my like first boyfriends. Right. And so when the boyfriend kind of did me like wrong, it was easy to like come around and be like flirting with my cousin. I'm so close with my cousin. Oh, every porn starts. But then Ashley started fucking my cousin. So then that nice. She cut down the family tree. Yeah, I'm glad she shut that down. But kind of scary. Do you think you ever would have done it?

One time I was logged in. She just didn't even say no. No, no. I would never fuck my cousin. I will never fuck my cousin. I never wanted to fuck my cousin. There's still time. But one time he had his Twitter on my phone because he like...

his phone or something and he needed to log into his Twitter. But then I always had his Twitter, you know, and obviously like, of course, at that time, even now, if I had like anyone's Instagram on my phone or Twitter on my phone, I would read their messages. Like I'm just I'm too nosy. Like, yeah, especially if and this was before all the iPhone features like there was no like separate notification. Like you would just get the notifications. You know what I mean? And one time he sent a dick pic to his girlfriend. You looked at your Febreze can and his dick.

was like the size of the febreze can and i remember being like i would use a big lighter down there like the fact that the fact that he's a febreze can already breeze can and i'll never forget it i'm already saw it too it was like a whole thing crazy cousin lore but packing yeah that's crazy how long did you look at it be honest we're gonna have another incest scandal this is gonna we've had an dude i don't want my cousin i've always said that i'm just sharing some lore yeah this is just family gossip yeah

Yeah. We're just keeping it in the fam. Crazy to just put something. I don't know if I would like to receive a dick pic with it where there was like a side, like something for reference. It would make me feel dumb. You know, it's like, let me do the picks. No, I've only sent one. Oh, you'll like this story. I sent one and I think it was to a robot. I think it was to, uh,

It was on the 405, maybe like six years ago. Okay, you were driving on the 405. Driving six years ago, 405 in my Mazda 3. Ladies, what's up? Years ago. And I was getting these messages on Snapchat. And I was like, bro. It was very early on when I started making videos. And I'm like, yo, this is fucking...

Whoever this chick is, she found my snap like she wants it. Boom. We're going back. She sends a titty picture. It's a little grainy, weird crop, no face. I'm in, you know? So I get this message like, I'll show you everything if you just send one back. And I'm driving. And I'm like, no, no, no. And it's like, just do it, right? And I'm fucking aroused. So I just sent all my fucking suede seats, just straight up dick pic. Okay.

opened that was the last of that couldn't find their their snap name after that ever again yeah i think it's a robot your first dick pic ever left you on the scene yeah but i think it was a russian robot what would you have done what if something were to have happened like what if you had somebody and you were like what what if it was so bad that that's the last thing they saw like they arrived at the scene and there was just a dick pic on your suede seat oh wow i

I would call insurance. And I would be like, my airbag didn't go off. My dick was out. I would hide it in there. Yeah. That is funny. One of my friends got pulled over for speeding one time because she was like on a long road trip and she just like pulled a vibrator out, started using it on the road and then was like speeding because she just got carried away. Wow. How fast is she going? Fast. That's honestly sick.

It was. You would love to know who it was too. It's so funny. I can't wait to know who it was. I kind of feel like it was ****. It wasn't ****. It's so **** coded. But your

Your story for some reason reminded me of like Omegle days and like, you know what I mean? Did you guys ever have like accidental Omegle sex with people? That wasn't really my vibes. Really? I never did. But we we would like me and my friends. Anytime there's a dick on the screen, we'd be like small, small and just like troll them. Yeah. I think anybody who has their dick out on Omegle like wants that probably. I feel like these people who have like humiliation kinks. Oh, maybe. You don't think so? I was also thinking about like this was like pre-laptop days. So like they had to angle it on a fucking desktop.

You know how hard it is to get that angle like that? With a webcam? What about the detachable webcam? Cooking books under the desktop to lean it forward and shit. How long has Omegle been around? Was it like dial up? They're done. Well, you know, it's... Yeah, they're done now. No, they literally like this year were like, we're done. Everyone's like, what? But Chowder let us out there. Oh, well, I didn't even think about that. There has to be like a lot of like sex crimes that happen on... Probably just crimes in general. Yeah, a lot of sex crimes. That's true. I definitely...

unknowingly partook in some. Okay. Well, I was just underage and I was on Omegle being... I was just underage Were you flashing the camera on Omegle? Was that your vibes? No, but I was just definitely down to like meet people and get weird. Okay. I'm really like breadcrumbing today. That's okay. I used to impersonate celebrities online. Wait, hold on. That's somehow worse than what Tana was just saying. I know. We always say we're going to make it a podcast topic and then I never do, but I'm not kidding. It was like such a thing. I don't know what kind of mental illness that is, but I...

I was obsessed with doing that as a kid when I was like nine. You got to give him the full lore. I was Selena Gomez, first of all. Sorry, Selena. I was Selena. I was Miley. You're like, I'm deactivating my account. And I was so serious. I didn't even have a computer, so I would do it literally from the library. How did you know I was at the library?

was at the library that's where all weirdos go to impersonate people yeah so imagine like if anyone looked over my shoulder and i was like yep it's me selena i was like if you use a computer in public you're an insane person already i was just at a best buy the other day getting a hard drive and this guy was googling photos of george washington i'm like for fucking what dude he's dead what are you looking up i used to like use computers at the apple store i would use a computer wherever i could same yeah we were poor trevor lucky you

Mr. Computer at home. Yeah, it was a family computer. Okay. And I watched a lot of porn on that. I'm like, Andy had a family. I had to pay for them. Yeah. They were hot. What's Noel Miller just did this whole bit, this standup bit on like watching porn on the family computer and how that was, that's like something that like today's generation will never get to experience. I didn't think about that. And I didn't think about that at all. Do you remember ever turning like the modem off with like your toe? Yeah.

Do you know what I'm talking about? It was a little warmer down there. Yeah. The cat would be down there. And you remember the first porn you ever watched? There was porn everywhere in my house. I feel like I had like, my parents were like magazine types and they would just have them in the bathroom. So I was like, what's that?

like what and my mom did not care just like just like full porn magazine no like porn they used to make magazines with people like fucking in them yeah they still do oh yeah they still do but it was around like i was like exposed like very very young i was like whoa that's horrible yeah and i just wasn't expecting that to go anywhere what was the first one you saw i don't remember the first porn i saw but i think the first time i ever saw it was when vanessa hudgens nudes got leaked

I remember looking them up. I looked them up too. I'm so sorry, Vanessa. She's honestly marrying my friend. I love Vanessa Hudgens. And I don't, I mean, that's horrible. But just at the time, I remember looking that up. My first intro was boobs.com and it worked.

Swear to God. I was like, I had the whole internet ahead of me. And I was like, ah, boobs. And then it was literally a website. Did it work? I used to go on this. It was like funnyjunk.com. And there was like, it was the original meme page. And it was all like funny stuff. But there were like so many. Yeah, you had to find a way to find it. Yeah, I wanted to do it in a way that was like, no one's going to look at the history and be like, I was searching. Exactly. You always knew where to start. You're like a detective.

I also had an older sister, so she just was like bad, bad influence. Would she tell you shit? She would do. Oh, yeah. I was like five. She's like, do you know what sex is? I'm like, no. And then I knew. From your sister? Mm-hmm. She wanted to tell. She blew everything for me. Santa. Oh, what did she blow, Brooke? What are you talking about?

No, I get it. Like, I remember if you go to White House like dot com, it was porn. White House dot gov was like the government. That's crazy. So like all this whole time, my parents thought I was like studying. No, I was getting bricked up. George W. Bush, if you will. Keyword Bush. We out here. Yeah. But like in my head, I was like, I'll never get caught. Wait, some a guy just told me that he started jerking off when he was like nine. Is that possible? Can you jerk off when you're nine? I don't know. This is an inappropriate conversation. Can you do that?

I don't know. Were you nine? I don't know. I don't know how old I was. I was in middle school. I don't know how old nine is. Like, I don't know, like, how. I don't either. And I can't look at a kid. I can't, like, look at a kid and identify how old they are. Like, if I see a kid, like, they could be anywhere from, like, four to, like, 12. I'm like.

It's a kid. It's a fair assessment. Not you. What part? How old were you when you started jerking off? I think I didn't know what I was doing for a while. Like I was jerking off, but I think I thought it was like the same as like sneezing or like itching and scratch. Yeah, I don't even know what I was doing either. I remember my dad, my dad and I weren't really like close sexually in that. Okay. What the?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You mean like in like where we would talk like the birds and the bees. Like I have a whole joke on the birds and the bees. But I remember one day he parked the car and he looked over. He's like, do you do that? Have you done it yet? I was like, what? He's like, you know, like he just would like not say it. And then I remember the craziest thing he said. He goes, ditto.

anything like come out after. And I was like, what is happening? I thought my fucking kids cuisine is there a part? Like, I feel like if I had a kid, I would never want to have the birds and the bees talk with them. Like once I kind of knew that was like,

Obviously in their realm. Why were you like snarling? Was I? It was like, I would just fucking. No, I was agreeing. I was like, yeah, I'll just be like Pornhub.com. Figure it out. Or like once I knew they were like in that realm, I'd be like, you know, be safe. But I wouldn't be like, this is what it is. Like, you know what I mean? I don't know. Well, you would hope I guess they do it in school now. Do they? I remember my teacher was in seventh grade. She was crazy. She was she was like yelling about it that day. She was excited.

Oh, she probably won't. I don't know. Do you remember getting it? Oh, I we never got it. You didn't Vegas. No. Oh, we was fucking by the time they were. We did. But I feel like, again, older sister, I was like.

Old news. How old were you when you lost it? I was like about to turn 15. No, or I was 15. I was going into my sophomore year. It was like the summer of freshman year. I feel like everybody has a friend who lost it at like 12 or 13 and it was like in the woods and you're like, what are you talking about? I'm playing Sega Genesis over here. You're fucking in the goddamn Rainforest Cafe. What was your virginity like? I was 17. It was on homecoming. My date left me and this girl's date left me. Wait, I think you, did we ask you about this last episode? I don't know. Maybe we talked about it on our podcast.

Oh, maybe. I don't know. But different schools, same homecoming night. And then she was like, come over. I had to climb through a window to do it. So pretty fun. Wait, that's fun. It's like exciting. Yeah. You're doing something wrong. There's an alarm on the front door. And this is like pre-ring camera days. Like how do kids sneak out anymore? Like everybody's got a ring camera. Everybody's got like some like alarm, you know? I feel like all kids now are so like, fuck you, mom, coded. You know? Like if the parents have a ring camera, they have...

enough going for them that i don't know you think there's a way around it i don't know and like fine like i feel like people track their kids so much now like all that shit it's probably way but that night let's see uh she had had sex before i had never yeah and i don't want to tell her because i was like this is i don't know if that's fucked up to do but i was nervous

And then afterwards, I didn't know. Nobody tells you what to do after sex for the first time. I'm laying there. I put on Music Choice. Vibes are high. What was your Music Choice? Do you remember? No, it was literally called Music Choice. That was the channel. I'm a fucking boomer, okay? No, I remember Music Choice. No, like Music Choice. It would just be like on like cable network like 1,000, whatever. But I remember rolling over and being like, so how was that? And what'd she say? How was that? I think she was like, what? She was like, uh, yeah, like it was.

It was a thing. And to me, I was like, damn, she's stuttering. She's speechless. Yeah, I think it was very average. I still don't think I know what to say after. Sometimes I'll be like, good work. How do you feel about a high five after? I'm all for a high five after. Oh, fun. Yeah. Fun. I'm going to do a high five after. What's the worst thing you guys ever said after? I don't know. It doesn't help that you're looking up right now.

No, I know. It's fun to reminisce on now. Did you guys ever have a list in your phone? Guys, every guy in the frat had like a list of like every. I kind of still have. I still have a list in my phone. I haven't like added to it lately, but I have one. But I went to college. College is like when you start the list. Yeah. And I had it organized by fraternity. Not kidding. I.

I do, surprisingly. That's actually crazy. Which is really horrible. Pike, I made a killing. Oh my God, really? Did you bang anybody in like the math frat or something? No, I don't think so, no. Yeah, the guy version of that would be like the first name of something about it. It'd be like Sophia Fat Ass.

Oh, that was so. Yeah. I've seen Matt Rife stiff socks episode coded. Okay. I loved the new episode with your guys' dads. The dads was fun. So fucking funny. Do you guys got to do dads in here? Moms? No. I would love to do that. I want to do that with Debra and Fawn. Fawn would be hilarious, but she says all I do is talk shit about her and she deserves financial compensation. And who's this? Fawn is my mom. She says that about you?

She's not very fond of you. I'm crushing it. Really, really good one. No, she's hilarious. But I don't know. I would love to. I've always wanted to do that. So funny. I think you should. I mean, you'll learn a lot. Like I said earlier, I was like not super, super close with my parents growing up. We were like surface level. But like when my dad came on the podcast, he's talking about like

his favorite position. I'm like, what are you saying to me? But also I was like, good for you. I think that's fun when you start being friends with your parents instead of like it being like a parental relationship. I feel like I only have like friendships with my parents. Yeah. Like a year ago, my dad was like, before he was going to sleep, he was like, what type of edible do you want? I was like, you used to beat my ass for this. Now I get to pick Indica versus Teva. He like knows his strains. There's five milligrams, 10 milligram. I'm like, you need help. Do you think he'll be a strict parent?

I mean, yeah, I'd say so in the beginning, but but not too much too strict. They start doing heroin after like high school. Yeah, that's like it's like a hard thing to say because my I had my grandparents and they were so lenient. So I almost didn't want to do anything wrong because it was like boring. You know, I play down. That's like the goal, though. I think that's absolutely. Yeah. But like, yeah, all the strict parents have the kids who end up shooting up. I feel like you were like shooting up. Oh, I was thinking like shooting up.

That too. I think it's as strict as you are. The more parents like don't do this, that makes you just want to do that. Yeah. I think any private school kids like they went straight to like I remember the first high school party I went to was in like Calabasas. Kids doing cocaine like 15. I'm like, bro, you already got enough energy. What the hell are you doing coke for? It's so funny. Like money. Ari like grew up with money and he was saying that that everyone was like doing cocaine. But like we grew up down the hill. I had one friend who was like randomly doing coke and I swear we were 13. We were like, what the fuck?

It's just funny to be coked out when you're 13. You guys ready to do some long division? Damn, I'm so happy that was not introduced to me as a youngin. I wouldn't have dropped out, though. I wasn't even, honestly, no one was doing coke in college for me either. Like, I didn't see coke until I was here. Really? Not here, but like here. I love not here. Not in this perimeter. This couch is seen in its days, you know? This one? Yeah.

I just wonder like Hollywood back in like the 80s and 90s was watching a movie that like portrayed the

with the Motley Crue back in the day. The Dirt. Yeah. MGK. MGK is just acting and everything. He did really good in that role. It's a great movie. I'm like, dude, I don't fucking want to do that. But like, I just want to know like back in LA days, like those days, like was that as crazy as they're portraying or is it a movie and they're just going to up play it? Or is it like you walk in an apartment, everybody's doing heroin, stemming coke and fucking each other in a bathroom? I believe it was like that. I think it was like that. And I also think that like no phone, no social media, all that type of shit. Like imagine. Yeah, they don't know what to do with their hands.

Oh, that's good. I just can't imagine like, you know, what Hollywood would be like if there were no phones and social media. We kind of get a glimpse of it. We've been hanging out. Like one of my guy friends is like, well, he's 50. And so he was like here for it all. Yeah.

yeah i have this like random 50 year old friend i love him so much too and i never talk about him because it makes me sound like i'm like a sugar baby or something but it's actually just like my my friend who's 50 yeah and we went to dinner with them the other night and people treated us like yeah we look like we're just like hookers hanging out with this guy but he's the coolest guy because he was really like around for all of that and like that was his like his friends are like pam and tommy and all that so he like will kind of tell us about it

And it's like, God, I wish we could have lived it. This sounds fun to do like for a weekend and come back to like 2024. It is really nice. That's literally what we do, honestly. And it's.

it's cool he has so much like disdain for this generation of hollywood and i kind of see why so wi-fi won't work at his house he like literally does everything on like a like a jukebox like it does sound kind of sugar baby yeah honestly it sounds like we're being like trafficked or something but i wish we were those high-end escorts like those all those girls and they don't all fuck that you just see on like a yacht and a jet like all the fucking time and like

I think they're so easy and fun. You think so? That any of them are getting away with not doing anything? Maybe. I don't know. I'm not knocking it. I've found success in that. Like finessing guys like that and not fucking, you know? Let's move on. It seems fun to do. Mess around. Would you ever be a sugar baby? How do I do that?

You could be a sugar bit. There's like a lot of older women who really want just like a young guy. I would do it for like a certain amount, maybe like up to a thousand a month. Cause then that's nothing too crazy. It's like, you know, just send me a shirtless selfie. Why would you, you wouldn't want more than that? No, because once you're at too much of it, then they like, then they feel like they can control your life.

Oh, someone's giving me 25 K, you know, a week. Like, yeah, bitch, fucking do this. And you're like, oh, I guess I have to now. I've just done a lot of things for free. What would it be for a guy to a girl? Sugar mama. Sugar mama. It would just be funny if she's like 60. She doesn't know how to like text. She does not like FaceTime. Right. Sometimes it's just fun. Like you want someone young next to you. I could see myself ending up being like a share with like a fucking 25 year old boyfriend at like 70. Madonna too. Right. She did that. All right.

that are they right i think it's iconic that's how i feel now i feel like i couldn't date someone younger well my boyfriend's 24 and i'm 25 but i feel like i look younger remember when you had that scandal yeah there was a real scandal where everyone thought she was 35 oh like i had to post my id it got so bad i had to post my id that's fucked it's like really sad no like that many people were like damn she really is like and you probably posted in people probably like photoshopped

The power just went out. That was scary. And it's been like 30 minutes. I'm really sorry that that just happened. No, you're totally good. That was our first major canceled malfunction. And it was scary. No, because we thought your house was on fire and you only like mildly cared. And then you looked in the camera and you said, I'll buy another one, bitch. And then you spit on your producer. It was really weird. It was really crazy behavior. We don't need to do this right now. He's shivering in the corner. I feel like that's what people really fucking think I'm like.

What do people say to you in public? Aaron laughed, which like really hurt. Like what do people say to you in public? It's probably like, oh my God, I love you. Like I watched that stuff. But like, is there, do you ever get like weird backhanded compliments? Like I get those all the time.

all the time i'm trying to think about what they are like yeah i usually like don't really like comedy and you have a face that i didn't think i'd like oh this happened on the improv this guy goes uh he goes dude i saw you walk up there and i was like something about this guy i just don't like but dude you're actually really funny it's always you're actually and it's never you are i was like hey man didn't need the build-up we didn't need the suspense you know oh my god yeah i always get that like that i thought i was gonna hate you blah blah blah we were talking about this the other day in the car because her fans are so comfortable like i feel like

she shares so much that everyone's so comfortable they really feel like they're your best friend so she'll come up like people will come up and be like thank you I'm trying to think of like some things that people have said to you that I'm like oh my god I cannot believe people come up to me like on 10 all the time I think people think because I can be like abrasive that like yeah A that I'm always like that and B that they should do that to me and I understand people are like nervous in the moment sometimes when meeting someone they watch online or just like whatever like shit like that so shit can happen that they don't mean like that but I feel like

When I'm with other influencer friends and or people and people come up to them, people are always very respectful and nice and nice to everyone. And but my fans, I feel like will come up to me and like hand a camera to the person I'm with, like not ask, not say thank you. And it like frustrates me so much, you know, and it's like, I don't know. Like, I just think people think I'm like that. So they act.

Do you ever have it where you're with somebody who's like an influencer or actor or whatever, and they just hand the phone to you. Hey, let me take the photo. Do you take the photo? They did it to me the other day outside my own building. Oh, no. It was like her and I. He came up and he goes, oh, my God, I love you guys. And then he goes, take this. And I was like, oh.

No, I was apologizing to her in the car for like 10 minutes. She was like, Tana, it's not you. I didn't care, but I was like, damn. It's a big pet peeve of mine, but I understand people get flustered in the moment. But it is funny. Whoever's just in arm shot is like, you take this. That's why I just went, oh, selfie. I'll just grab the phone. I'll always offer. I'll be like, do you want me to take a photo? But I don't know. Yeah, the just handing is kind of fucking crazy. But I'm trying to think. If I ran into Adam Sandler, I would probably lose all confidence.

Social etiquette. People skills, yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Who is someone you would like die to meet? Ooh, great question. Honestly, not even to sound like fucking cock or anything, but I think I've like met almost all my idols. Who have you met that was like your idol? Dave Chappelle was awesome. Oh, wow. Dave Chappelle was like...

He did this arena in Austin, Texas the same weekend I filmed my special. We went to his show after and then his right hand... Oh, I'm sorry. You're yawning. Should I fucking amp it up a little bit? Wait, was it... Shut up. Oh, I'm sorry. I just saw you, I think, do this to Bobby. Oh, yeah. It's fine. You were on Bobby Altoff? No. Bobby... No. Bobby Lee. Oh, damn. You guys should have Bobby on. He'd be great. Oh, my God. I would die too. He's like my idol. He's great. He would do it.

But yeah, they were just like, you got to go to this back room, back room, security guards and walk in. He's sitting there like face, his back is against the door. You walk in, I was like meeting this like Mortal Kombat guy. And I walk in, he turns around, he's hammered, smoking cigarettes. And he's like, great people say great things about you. I was like, what the fuck? That is so amazing. I think I would die. Best thing in the world when your idols like live up to how you feel, you know, have you ever met someone that you did idolize and they kind of ruined it for you?

I'm trying to think. Definitely. Who was a dick to me? A lot of people were kind of just like dismissive to me maybe before or like early on, I think. I'm trying to think somebody I met who just sucked. Where are you going?

What's happening over here? I don't know. Everybody I've met has been like pretty chill, I think. Well, that's a good sign. Yeah. That's a good sign. I just met Sean Evans last week. The hot ones. Oh, yeah. Did you do hot ones? He's awesome. Yeah, I did hot ones and I, but it was not, it was for a gig. You're so famous. It was for a gig. Not the YouTube show. We like did hot ones for a college because he tours it. Yeah. Oh, he does. And we have the same booking agent. Yeah. I got the hot wings plug. Uh,

and i ate them and then i had a connecting flight the next day and it was painful i was not doing well really we did it like as a we like not parodied it but like no i did it we well we had all this like actual sauce yeah i cheated she did a good job i did the whole thing i was white knuckling on the fucking connecting flight i'm just like please it's a real bubble gut surprise it's not good it's not good there's an it's dehumanizing to shit on an airplane it's

It is. And I feel like everybody knows it's the toilets in the front of the airplane. Yeah. And then if you walk to the back, they know like, oh, what the fuck are you doing in the back? Can I tell you guys something? Please. Should you?

No. Please. Let me actually phrase this as a question. What are your thoughts on being barefoot on an airplane? Like including using the restroom? No, that is barefoot or socks. And what are we doing? And are you pro or anti sock? I remember one time she and I had an experience on an airplane where she took her shoes off and I, I'm not kidding. I, it was like,

literally a gas filled the entire airplane. You remember this? I feel like you would turn the lights on and off with your toes up. They may. I frequently, like if you're in like the first class and you know how the TV is kind of far from where you're sitting, you're dogging those up. Absolutely. Every time. Not kidding. I'm really good with my feet though. When it comes to like touch, like, okay. Um,

That was a car and not a plane. No, it was an airplane. It was an airplane. No, it was a car. We were driving to the Grove. No, that was a completely different scenario. That's really sad.

I mean, regardless of where it was, there was a smelly foot involved. I remember being like, put your shoes on. I feel like I had a really weird period of time where I really liked these platform converse that I really needed to let go. No, it was you. I think you were sockless. And I was like, you can't just go sockless and then take your shoes off on an airplane at all. And I remember we were both like unrecoverable. I think we were flying home from Hawaii or like somewhere like for a long time. And I was like, put those away now. I'm so sorry. It's okay. It's okay.

I'm like apologizing with the ukulele. That's like just unexcusable behavior and I can't believe I did that. We're going to have to unlearn that for a tour bus. No, I'm a different person now. Yeah. We're going to be bussed up.

That's another thing. You can't shit on a tour bus. So like, we're going to have to like coordinate that. You like literally have to go to like gas stations. Yeah. Well, if there's like X amount of people on the bus, how many times do you have to stop in a day for different people to shit? Well, a lot of the driving's like through the night. So the goal is to like shit and oh, you have like the days to just, oh yeah. And then what do you spend the whole day?

I really don't know enough to be doing this in two weeks. There's a lot of downtime, honestly. The way you guys are doing it with the bus, there's going to be a lot of downtime. It's kind of like you get to the city, depending on how far the city is from the last city, like you get there in like the morning and then you just wake up in St. Louis. I'm going to need some new hobbies. Yeah. We're starting a book club. Do you read? Oh, I know how. Okay. I don't read a lot. My mind wanders too much. I'm like looking at words and I'm like, oh, a big chest of woman earlier. Why? I don't know.

I think we should take up scrapbooking. I don't think that's like that's like that's kind of a messy hobby, to be honest. And I don't think we need messy hobbies on scissors on a bus. You hit a pothole. I'm thinking like something like we could be like knitting little hats.

And I think it's kind of a say, I want to, I want to teach you poker. That's a goal of mine on the tour bus. Yeah. Lots of wildly different activities. Honestly, I think you guys should do the podcast on the road. Every time we do our podcast on the road, we have so much fun with it. Cause you can like yell it out some random encounter you had in Tulsa, Oklahoma. And like, it's fun. And like your fans feel like they're there with you. Yeah. We're going to try to do that. I feel like, but I find studios and what's hard about it is like, I don't want to like, we, we,

ran into this before where we would tell a story on the podcast and then it would also be a story in the live show and i don't want people at the live show to be like we literally just heard this i think it has to be vice versa like we tell it at the live show and then when we retire from the show tell it on the podcast yeah exactly yeah kind of like august river that story that was like we did that well yeah um it is fun so what's the sleeping dynamic on the bus who's getting what we've been trying to decide well it's not there's no like big yeah it's bunks but we're trying to decide i someone told me i should sleep on the bottom

Well, after the whole foot thing, we know that hot air rises. Heat rises. You're on the opposite side of me. Yeah, so I'm going to go up top. Are you guys going to get like groupie dudes? Do dudes pull up to the shows or they're just, they're with like their girlfriend? No, it's all girls. It's literally all girls or like their boyfriends or their brothers or gays. I don't feel like anybody who I would like am romantically interested. I wouldn't want them to even see what we're working with here. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. I've never ever like...

came into an encounter where I would have hooked up with like I've never had groupies really yeah I just think it's different but she'll bring a boyfriend on the road here here and there yeah I don't know how we're gonna fuck on the bus dude oh quietly okay

yeah i can go with that that's more of a you issue i think that something will happen i think these bunks are small you know that right it's like a yeah it's like a oh yeah you can't fuck on the in the bunk yeah you're just where are you just almost say what wait where are you gonna fuck on the bus if not it's like a you gotta cuddle up you gotta cut yeah oh i feel like it would just be like literally like holla i thought it was you were going in a way different direction holla

Cost like I just thought you were talking about like What oh my god, I wondered for one second we're talking about the Holocaust I was like alley-ooping that word you holla I'm Jewish I can say it That's you there was that was kind of funny but not in that way, but it was funny not what I said, but

Put in a blue chair out here. No, it's funny because like you're going to cuddle in that bunk and you're just laying there together. I think it would be like spooning fucking for you. I was thinking like you're asleep in the bunk and we just really make use of the whole bus. I don't think that's, there's more than just me there.

No, it'd have to be like late, late at night. You're not fucking in the common era or areas. Even if I Lysol wiped it down after, you know, you wouldn't do that. What are you doing over there? Why do you need to Lysol wipe it? I would never. I just feel like that's something she would want me to do.

I don't know. We're going to have to talk logistics. We haven't really thought a lot of this out. Yeah, but Bert thought you were bringing a man out there. Clap it up. I'm not bringing a man on tour. Not yet. I think you will about halfway through. That's my hunch. It's kind of fun. Maybe if I get really bored, I'm going to be like, who wants to come? Seriously. Who wants to come? What did you say? It's fun if you're dating somebody, bring them on tour. It is lonely when you're out there. So you have somebody that's fun to get off stage. You guys have each other. I think it'll be good for me. Yeah.

- Yeah, I think I'm just gonna wanna die if you have your boyfriend and I'm just like, well then I could not. - I've been thinking about it. So I looked into it, but I feel like she would be too stressed out. - What did you type in? Can cats go on tour with us? - Yeah, fully. - She was looking at her Google history the other day and I was like looking at it and it was all about cats on tour buses. - I think you should bring her. - But if you think about it, like it's all the like dark little, like she would have a good time, I think. But initially she would be really probably stressed out. She's never really been anywhere.

And I remember I dropped her off at someone else's house one time and she, it took her like four days to even come outside. Yeah. She would definitely have some heart. And then she jumps in Tana's bunk on the wrong night and it's fucking. Oh my God. Fuck. I just think I'm overall like a more sane person when I'm receiving regular deck. I get that. You? I think that makes sense. Yeah. I mean, I think that's what I'm saying with the stressful and being gone for a month. It will help. I,

I agree. It's like nicotine. Dicotine. Dicotine's crazy. Dicotine. I tweeted asking to see if there was any questions for Trevor Wallace during our power outage because our topics have thus far been incest. I know. I feel really bad. I hope you don't think that we just hate you because literally we just hope for the best. I swear it's actually a love thing. I'm like, he's so funny that like, you know what I mean? Like he'll just carry with no topics. Yeah, you're a friend of the show. That's what it feels like. We're just hanging out. Let's talk to you about your...

- Yes, pterodactyl on Amazon Prime. - It was so much fun. - Oh, thank you so much. - It was so good. - Thank you, yeah, I loved it. - It was so good. What did that feel like when you, we just recently for the first time had someone even bring up an idea of something like that to us. And I feel wildly under prepared and not ready for that yet in life. - You guys gonna do it?

I think we would if it was like an actual opportunity. Yeah, but like I didn't feel ready for it either. And then you're like, I'm a big like put a date on a calendar and then work towards it guy. And yeah, like the opportunity came up and I was finishing up my tour and I was like, this would be a great way to end the tour. And then that was the only thing in the back of my mind was just working towards that. But there's so many like steps that go into it. I was just in disbelief that I was like,

Because I feel like this town is so flaky in a sense of like hey, we want to give you a TV show You're like sure. Yeah, I just never hear about it. Yeah, so your first special. Yeah, so an Amazon was like surprising I feel like you would have had more because I feel like you've how long have you been doing Santa for ten years? Yes, yeah, that's crazy. Yeah Congrats on the first special. Thank you. Yeah, I know and for it to be like a big like a huge special. It's cool Yeah, I thought it looked really good - you guys are doing it the Paramount

We added a second show today. That venue's sick. It's dope. You'll love it. How exciting. We're doing...

Oh my god, we're gonna do where you did your special. We're gonna do Lincoln Theater where Dave Chappelle did his special. Yes. Dave Chappelle actually did a special act. We're such comedians. Seriously. It's actually so fucking... Blimey, that's the Austin show. What's up? Let me open a show. People would love that. I want you to open like 10 shows. Please. No, I'm so... I don't even mean open. I want you to do 10 shows. I want to... Let me hop on the tour bus. I'll bring some earmuffs so I don't have to hear fucking what the hell's going down that bunk. Or we could like compete.

Oh, right. Like a sex bus. The bang bus. Yeah. Are you guys going to put a logo on the side like canceled or like the next bus? Did you guys watch next? Yes, I watched next. Oh, my God. That would be so bad for myself. Did you watch next on MTV? Why am I convincing that with room raiders? It was the same exact time. Great era. How did they never find like semen stains in that? Yeah, it is kind of. They did all the time. Are you kidding? That was like a number one thing. The blacklight.

Yeah, you're right. I think my head was like, how do they, because Room Raiders, they just break in your room. But every time. You know Zac Efron was on Room Raiders. Really? Before his fame? Really? Yeah. That is crazy. I did not know that. I would be dead. I would be mortified.

That's my biggest fear. You know, I think every single time I leave the house, like if I die right now and someone comes to my apartment and sees it in this day, I'm going to have to like die again. Is it just dirty or? It's not dirty, but it's just like, like. It's just not impressive. Like the state of my drawers and everything. Like, I just can't imagine someone like having to come and like go through my things.

I'm kind of stoked for that. Like I have like a fidget spinner. Somebody gave me like some some Viking in the other day. I don't do drugs like that, but like they just gave them to me and I was too much of a bitch to turn it down. You try it. They know. No, I didn't take it. But I was like, OK, here you go. I was like, all right, man. But I don't want to seem like too much of a bitch in front of him. So I took it and I just put it in my nightstand. That way, if anybody ever breaks into my place, I'm like, this guy's chill as fuck.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm just going to go through all my stuff. She's got melatonin. Dude, Vicodin. This guy's a legend. It's a good combo. I don't do that stuff, you know? That's good. That's why I'm just going to put random stuff in my house like a Ninja Star.

shotgun somewhere. Well, you're going to go back to the special for a second. Yes. Please, please, please, please. Serious question. The day you're shooting your special. What if you're just having like an off day? Do you do it multiple times? Same outfit? Yeah. Yeah. So I did three shows, one Friday, two Saturday. And then you cut between usually the best one. Use like 90% of it. How do you do the crowd shots if you do that? So there's just so many cameras. And it's like if you notice some shots, it'll be the front row is like slightly different.

sort of like oh this was from show three this was from a show too but so do you notice when you watch it that like as you're telling a joke it might be like two different cuts from two different days honestly no like the editor like does such good jobs with it and the continuity of wearing the same outfit like i feel like that's such a like guy thing though like i could wear the same outfit and like same makeup same hair and i would look completely different i mean if i did like stop frame yeah like one night my hair was a little like

better than the other whatever but yeah definitely you look back at it but yeah not feeling it yeah i don't know i think i was just so like nervous the first the first show i was so nervous for it because like they're like cheers

Did you just start a fucking diesel truck? What the hell was that? Yeah, what happened? I think I'm experiencing popcorn lung. Oh, no. I'm sorry. Continue. Anyway, sorry. No, like, let's attend to that. No, it's nothing new. It's just I should really stop with the vaping. I wouldn't do that around most people. I feel comfortable. You are a friend of the show. Friend of the show. Yeah. You were so nervous. So nervous. Because you walk out on stage like the biggest cheer of your life because they know they're filming. People like flew in for this. Like,

Their cheers were so much. I was like, oh, what can I say right now to like

get a joke that's going to match that level of energy. And then I just got nervous and I started going off script. I'm just saying shit. I'm like, I would be so nervous. So afraid. I don't think the live shows we go for you guys is, I mean, it's like, it's a different energy because you're used to just talking to each other. Now you're like talking to the crowds, right? And that's the only like difference, but it helps to have each. I feel like I don't get nervous because she's there and it feels like, yeah, I agree. It is like doing it with your best friend. Definitely like makes it. I just always hope more like hope.

they're looking over there i hope they're not i feel the same way i'm like i hope they're looking at you but i mean it's obviously just different because here we get to have like dead air and shit and it's like you're chasing the laughs and you're chasing you know you're chasing the laughs people yell shit out yeah and like honestly most of our like people who come to the shows get super super drunk yeah and that's kind of like a theme of the show so it is fun and we encourage it and it's a lot of like rowdy

Rowdy energy. Oh, yeah. They like it makes for a good show. Like I've done shows where it's not rowdy enough. And I'm like, I wish there were a little more like fired up. We did too. We had a couple of shows on like the last run where we were like, God, did they hate us? They're just like polite. What's funny is they're just a good crowd and they're just like polite. And you're like,

Just want one guy to yell some degenerate shit or something. Yeah. Yeah, that's fired up I enjoy a little bit of the like heckling until it gets obviously too far like I don't know We had a couple people were like, oh my god get that I can think of muscle in the nicest way We love you so much. I can think of one person and like Ohio. I remember I remember where she was sitting What city I had a really bad city in Ohio. What's it? We did Cincinnati Cleveland

It was one of those. Or it might have been... I think that's not... Only two. I don't know where it was. I loved Cincinnati. Cincinnati was my favorite city we ever even went to, I think. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. All of the cities we went to were, like, really great. That was such a PR answer. But, like, I haven't had, like, a city that I absolutely hate. I do... I've never had a good experience in New Orleans, though. And that's our first city. That's where we start...

Really? Oh, wait. No, I started the two joy theater. I saw you guys tour schedule. And it's like a lot of the same places I did. We have the same manager. So it makes sense. Yeah. Well, New Orleans, you got to think about it. Like that's not really an inner, like the entertainment that town is on Bourbon street. Like the entertainment is.

all around you so like trying to sell a comedy show out there it sold slow for me and then it picked up but like everyone's like why would we see a show my like cousin's funnier than like anybody and they're all hammered yeah and you can see tits with beads out there that is like the mardi gras the beads were still in the tree i was jumping for him really when is mardi gras

I have no idea. Every day, baby. I don't know. I've been roofied in New Orleans twice. And I think that if you really think about that, like twice is so crazy. One of them was on tour. And I remember you have like bus call, like you have to show up to the bus at like midnight. And I got roofied and I had to get dragged back and I was puking on the tour bus. I got roofied by a stripper. By a stripper. Why was that a strip club? You know, but that's kind of strange, kind of a strange move.

Yeah. Well, I'm hoping to not get roofied. I've never been to New Orleans. I've always wanted to go for Mardi Gras in particular because any excuse to show me. It is cool to see. We went there on like we were our tours started on Thursday. So we went there on like a Wednesday the night before walking around. And when it's like not a busy night, it's.

It's a little interesting. You're walking around. It feels like, you know, like Vegas on like a Monday is not the same. It's like very like ghost town. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so cool to walk around. I mean, you'll see towns you never would. What I like about tours is you go to towns you wouldn't normally go to, but you end up really liking it. Yeah. You're like, oh, this is actually really cool. And you just like get to travel. Everyone's fucking yawning. All right. I think it made me, tour also made me realize how like...

different like just how awful la is really in comparison it's fun to just go back to like normal life and realize like there are just normal people who do normal things yeah it's really nice tour i think that's the majority of the world yeah yeah like a spaghetti factory at 1 p.m you're like i'm a this is good i like this pace everybody around here it is fun it feels like you're going home although maybe not for you because you're vegas but yeah i mean i think that being on tour weirdly

afterwards like facilitated my burnout in different ways than I thought it would like I came back here and I was like everyone is so awful I want to go back to a black mirror episode all of a sudden you're like oh my god yeah yeah I mean you're also like in the heart of it yeah well you're like where yeah the valley sorry what no I like it I mean I love the valley I love anywhere you can have a fucking parking lot I agree with that no I want to move somewhere where there are parking lots

And not parking garages, like literally a parking lot. I'm looking at what the fans want to know from you. I'm not just tuned out. Six and a half inches. I was literally about to ask. Hold up. All right, Brooke. What would you hold next? Oh, you said a big glider. Probably a go-gurt.

damn i want a gogurt damn do you remember cotton candy fucking gogurt candy or the twix the twix ones oh my with the rabbit on it did anyone ever win the danimal sweepstakes no oh my god we don't talk about that enough either i never really liked i'm pretty sure we we had like cole sprout i want to ask cole for us about it he said he would come on the podcast i want to have cole's brows on just to like really run back the same thing that whose podcast was he on or daddy i'm surprised he even wants to go on a podcast after that cole

Is that the one where he's smoking cigarettes on it? Yeah, and he was like, then what's his name? Jack did like the parody of it. And then he started dating Lily Reinhart, which is just like a hilarious move because it's Cole's ex. Like he made a bun of Cole and then started dating her ex, which is just so funny. Damn.

Good for him. I want to marry us. Well, I guess there's only one Spross twin left, but just for like the childhood. Both look good looking. I know. I guess they do kind of look. I don't think they're identical. I always thought twins are not identical. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are fraternal twins. Does that mean identical? I thought there was three for a second. What do you mean? Does that mean identical? Is there identical and fraternal? Fuck, man. And I can't go back a minute ago. What is it called when you're conjoined?

It's called conjoined. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? I think I'm getting secondhand fucking vape over here. Secondhand fucking. Fraternal is two eggs. Identical is one egg split apart. Oh, that's actually crazy. So you look exactly the same. You have the same DNA if you're an identical twin. But fraternal twins like are literally as like equal as just brother and sister or like sister and sister. So Mary-Kate and Ashley. Sister sister. Great show. There's no reason they should look the same.

Oh, it's actually wild. Same with the Herbert twins. I think they're like fraternal and I can't tell them apart. There's no shot the Herbert twins are fraternal. I might be making that up. Yeah, you made that up. Conjoined is crazy though. Conjoined. Yeah. How does that work? Oh my God. I just want one of them to go on an interview and just actually just get like, because

Because the famous set of conjoined twins. Do you know the ones I'm talking about? Kind of the TikTok girls. Oh, I've seen them. Yeah. I've weirdly been following them since I was like 14. I like them. They have like attitudes on them. When they were on like TLC, I was like tuning in, you know? And. You love TLC. I love TLC. I was just going to say, like, I feel like TLC would see them on TikTok and be like, season 19. Let's go. Absolutely. They did. They had, they were on like TLC and shit before they were on TikTok. But I just want like one pair.

one of them to just sit down and answer the hard hit. Like one of them has a boyfriend. I do understand that it's, it's pretty invasive. 100%. I just wish there was one that was down to just,

I mean, yeah, there's probably a lot of questions. Because how do you imagine? I get it. I am very curious. What if one side starts an OnlyFans, the other doesn't want that? Yeah. Can you consent to somebody sharing your, like, especially like. That's your news too. Like, those are my tits as well. One of them. If one has a boyfriend. You think so? Well, I guess it depends where they're attached. I don't know. If you were a conjoined twin, where would you want to be attached? So we're always doing like a race. Oh, it's like that. Yeah.

Oh, like a sack race? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to be back to back. Back to back would be so sick. You always look like you're fucking James Bond, you know? Yeah, and no one could ever sneak up on you. And how cool would that be? Oh, you have your own security guard. Yeah. Save you a lot of money. But then like sleeping would be weird.

Side sleepers. I'm a side sleeper. Good. I'm a side sleeper too. Side. Side sleeper. But that's like the worst way you can sleep apparently. Is it really? We really have no fucking topics. I know. God, but I feel so bad. You can dance. You get the heaters down, you know. Yeah, Oscar made this funny. Incest, Hawaii, ukulele. We got it. Incest, Hawaii, ukulele is a crazy. It sounds like a set list you'd find at like the comedy clubs. Yeah. Sounds like some Motley Crue shit. That's literally our lives. Yeah.

Yeah. Are you guys going to like trash the tour bus? Fucking party. Are you sober right now or no? I'm sober.

she's sober i'm sober which is good because i tell new orleans let's fucking go throw a bead in the air well i'm at the point now where a roofie wouldn't even be a roofie it'd just be a blessing no what when you're like hot take i felt like you said that and like an audience would be like slay cream but i don't understand the context i think that i'm i am sober right now and i will be sober for uh what feels like a long time to me probably like six months yeah so if i were to get roofied

she would be excited about it oh i see blessing in disguise yeah oh i'm not gonna trash the tour bus but i don't think i'm not going to and i think that's it's good that i'm sober for things like that just to be really like consciously makes it feel so much slower like it's fun at night but like it just drags i just i want to drink like i'm i have no reason that i would want to be sober i guess but

I don't think it's sustainable. Like the amount of shows that we're doing and like how many nights it is. It's like, you can't drink every day. No, it's hard because you get excited. You're like, fuck yeah, first tour, drink and everybody like, everybody's so excited to see you guys. They want to drink. Yeah. That's the thing that makes it hard is when you get to a city, you know, people there, you meet people, there are someone on the tour, know someone there. And then it just can easily become this party every night. And like,

I've experienced it like that, but it's being hung over for a show, especially two shows now and just at my fucking prehistoric age. Like when I was younger, I had that in me, but now it's like, I get to hang over that last like five days now. Yeah. I mean, pick your cities. Definitely. Even like Chicago and New York. Yeah. And it's like kind of an element of the show, honestly, because they're excited for us to drink.

Yeah, I think you're going to carry the team on your back. You know Ron White? Don't you guys know Ron White? Like legendary comedian. Like he always, his thing was drinking whiskey on stage. And like the last like five years, he just drinks like green tea. So it's the illusion that you're drinking. Like you guys could fully be out there. But the problem is I'm drinking for me.

You know what I mean? Like, it's like, I'm also just such a wildly different person drunk that there's no. Oh yeah. You're just taking five to Sonny shots in the same person. I feel like I drink kind of as a crutch cause I feel like it makes me funnier, which is so sad, but I think you're funny. Thank you. But I would be funnier if I were drunk right now or I'd be like, I wouldn't be thinking as hard about like what comes out of my mouth. Yeah. But that's just like a drink per show. That's not like, yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe I'll do a drink per shot. And I wish I was an a drink kind of gal, but I'm a good, I'm good at that. You are really good at that. I hope one day just the switch flips and I can be good at that. But until then, I don't know. I'm sober. But if anyone wants to roofie me,

To certain cities or if it's like a cool opportunity, like it'll be like fucking like Scott's still ball place. And some guys like, you know, we got you the table and you can shoot the steam gun. I'm like, I'm fucking there. I'm a big opportunity guy. Somebody's like come to our restaurant. They have nice drinks. Yeah, sure. I definitely want to get weird on the road with finding cool places to gamble and, um,

strip clubs though and I hope you join me with on some of them maybe for the story maybe for the show for some reason I don't well I just don't feel like myself in a strip club I become full lesbian I become like borderline like I'm like a man I'm like bend over bitch like you know

I don't really think that's my element, but I'll join you in gambling. I love a good bad habit. The road is fun because you stop at a random gas station and you're like, I'm just going to go to the bathroom. Inside, there's swords, like random shit. I love that stuff. We had so much fun on the last one. I like to explore the cities. I'm going everywhere.

Oh, you're going to get all bird scootery again. I'm telling you, don't not tell you try. It's the best. I love it. The quickest way to see a whole city is to just fucking lime around all day. I just don't like, I mean, it's a safety hazard. You know how they don't let like athletes snowboard. I'm like, God forbid I knock my teeth out and ruin the tour. Great story though. So I just don't trust myself when my feet aren't flat on the ground. And I think that's out on that. I thought you'd bird scooter with the shoes off.

You know what's funny is in my head I was thinking about being barefoot on a bird's- Like Fred Flintstone? Yeah, absolutely. No, I should never bird scoot. But it is fun. Like go to a gas station that's in that city before that and like buy like a hat that says Springfield, Missouri or like you buy like Buc-ee's in like Texas. I love that shit because I like to wear it to the show. I like to wear something that's like- You'll lose their mind. Like if you wear a local football team, like-

I do it all the time. I wore an ASU jersey in Tempe and I mean, I think a guy punched his dad in the face. Yeah, yeah. Like it's crazy. I don't support that though. We love to invite the, like, like our, our lore on our last tour was inviting people. That's,

It made no sense. It made no sense. But you get where I'm coming from. Like being in a city and meeting random people who don't know why we're there, don't know what we're doing, like the bartender and inviting them to the show and trying to get like, I think that's so fun. It is fun. Yeah. I mean, all of it's exciting. I'm just scared. Yeah. It's all fun. And it flies by. I mean, you're on like two shows. Yeah. I swear. I did 48 cities in like a year and I was like, yeah. Yeah.

And you're just getting this flow where you're at LAX, you're home for two days, you're back at LAX, you're home back and forth. But I don't think we're coming home really. Oh. Yeah. We actually do have like a three-week break in between. Tana wants to have a going-away party. I think we were telling you this earlier. Please. A going-away party. But she's going to go to Hawaii when she comes back. But I have to come back here. So I'm like, we can't have a going-away party.

going away party because that's humiliating when I come back like three weeks later but don't you think all the drama and attention of people being like you're going away would just be so fun I would love it in the moment but then when you come have you ever done that to somebody like thrown a going away party and then you see him way too soon after that and you're like what the fuck yeah

yeah whatever people are just it's it'd be a fun party you just be like i'm gonna say tour tour send off yeah send off to me feels like like like high school-y like or like a graduation party like kick i don't like the words kick off and no one's very like parent teacher oriented i think you just go like going away is so i think you just don't even call it anything or or the canceled what's the tour just name cross country

Cancel cross country. Kicking the cross country. All these sound corny as hell, but like people just want a party. People like house parties are legit fun. Like just have one. Yeah. And then bring out a cake. Yeah. We don't need like a tax write off. Yeah.

Send it to Seth. I got to go here pretty soon. I got to be at the improv. Trevor, I don't know how we're going to chop and screw this episode up, but we're going to. Yeah, it'll be great. Thank you for being a lot of fun. Thank you for coming. Thank you for being a friend of the show, dealing with our power outage, talking about incest and...

I can't remember anything other than that. Well, he did agree to come to Austin. So I do it. I fucking love Austin. I think that if you enjoyed Trevor on today's episode, you might be enjoying him at one of our live episodes. I would love to. And I would love to have you guys on stiff socks. People would love to come on. I would love to. Sorry for all the slander. Seriously. What? Remember when I went on a whole like online rant about right? Yeah, it wasn't you, though. It was just the locker room talk at all.

And now stiff socks is going to be for the girls and the gays and the bays. It already is. Perfect. All right. Love you guys. Thank you for having me. We love you so much. Thank you. Gary V tote bag. That's what I brought it in. V friends. That's also a gift within itself. Gifts on gifts. I'm not going to lie. Thank you for my youth. That's my whole MO is gifts. And next time I calling Bellinger apologize, I will be using my ukulele. Genius. Thank you, Trevor. Thank you for having me. I love you guys. And what's up? Cancel fan, dude. Fucking damn, you're some shit.