68: TANA GOT ARRESTED AT THE AIRPORT… - Ep. 68
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Hello and welcome back to the cancelled podcast. I'm so happy you did that intro. I was about to say some stupid shit. Sometimes I get jealous when you do it before I can. I was about to add like eight adjectives like silly, goofy, little fun, little podcast and it just was unnecessary. Welcome back to the silliest, goofiest podcast on the market. Cancelled is our game. Brooke and Tana are our names. That was good. You were first.

I did. You did 100%. I was playing that in my head for like one minute. I'm so excited to podcast with you today. I am so excited to podcast with you. We have not seen each other now what in two weeks? Two weeks and I feel like I finally got the real Hawaiian reset that I needed like because I've been sober and just. You ought to have you've been gone forever. I know but I like came back today so excited. Paige kept calling me out today because I was talking to her like I was podcasting like a

freak like I was in the car and I was like you guys know and she was like it's just us I couldn't stop like I've just been ready to podcast all day oh good you're gonna carry I'm no I think I think this energy I think this is a good this is a good I was gonna say dichotomy but we're starting off the new year with differently yeah just not basic vocabulary just yeah just any other word you know what I mean I have so many topics and I don't know where to begin yay I will Boston

I'm playing this fun game where I say random cities we're going to on tour throughout the podcast. Oh, okay. Are we going to Boston? That's so exciting. I don't even know. Wait, speaking of Boston. Imagine you just went on a 20 minute tangent about the baked beans. Those sounds so good. Did you have Boston Market where you're from? No, but I've had it and it's fucked up. Oh my God, me and my girl need to

up some Boston market. But Mikayla's from Boston, right? Yeah. Did you see the scandal she's in? No, but please, for the love of God, if you're listening, it's another mascara. It's not a mascara. This time it's a self-tanner. I wanted to start a self-tanner and call it self-tanner. That would be hilarious. I'm like hesitant to say just because I'm a little like afraid of messing it up. But to my understanding, Mikayla had promised a small business owner that she was going to review his product.

It's a self-tanner where you... It's just like jerkin'. It's completely personalized, so you input your hair color, your eye color, everything. The point is, there was another company that was kind of ripping him off, and they were blowing up really big, so he reached out to Mikaela and was like, can you please review my product because these people are ripping you off, whatever. She promises she will, and...

That's that's that. OK. And when he has receipts. Yeah. And when Michaela promotes a product, it sells out crazy. And like small businesses sometimes can't handle it because they get thousands and thousands and thousands of orders. Fucking love that telescopic mask. So when she said like, hey, I'm posting the video tomorrow, he took out a loan to buy ten thousand dollars worth of product so that he would be prepared for the volume of orders that he was expecting to get.

I want to cry. He, you know, orders the $10,000 worth of product. She never posts the video, obviously, but she does post in a self tan and it looks fucking horrible. Okay. It's like the worst tan you've ever seen. And he like messages her and was like, Hey, um, like, did something go wrong? Like you're only supposed to leave it on for like an hour or two. And she, she responds and she's like, yes, I used it. I loved it. I slept in it for 12 hours. And he was like,

You're not supposed to do that. Turns out she got a spray tan. She didn't even use the product. How do we know that? Because... Did the spray tan person come forward to like, I love this floor. I don't know. I don't know how, like, I don't want to fuck it up, but...

So then he reached out to her again and tells her like, listen, I ordered this much product because I was expecting the video and then you didn't post it. So like, could you please post it? She's like, yes, I'm posting it tomorrow. Still never posts it. This has been like months and months and months of like communication back and forth. And she's just still never posted the video. So now he posted a video about it and it's gone super viral. But I don't know about her these days. Yeah.

Ending with I don't know about her these days was obviously like... I'm really serious because I've always been her biggest fan and that is like so slimy to me. Here's what I'm going to say. She's been very nice to me, so I'm going to...

Like, I want to try to talk as if she's watching me. Like, hey, girl, like, you've been very nice to me. I think you're really nice. But there's something so fucking hilarious about her in a scandal. I don't know what it is. I think my standpoint changed after the, like, it's hard to be an influencer. What did she say? Oh, yeah. I will try being an influencer for a day. That and, like, the telescopic lore. Like, I just think as influencers, too, you know how much someone's getting paid for all the shit that they're not saying they're getting paid for. Like, it's like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know,

And when the like, I'm so genuine, I would never lie to you act mixes in with the fact that they're like clearly... Lying to us. You deserve... I don't know. It's really funny. Yeah, I agree. And you know what? She'll be just fine. She makes the most amount of money probably out of everybody on set. Like, beauty girls make the most money. It's so stupid. Yeah, and she just... She is like...

Talented at the PR machine, like the doubling down. Like she's just going to post a review of like a Scooby-Doo X Glam Light X CVS palette with like a green monochrome glitter. I know. And nobody's ever going to stop paying her because people are going to buy what she says. Yeah. I just want to make sure I know the name of this man's product. It is. It has South Dakota. It has one million likes. Illusion Bronze is the brand. Cleveland. Order from them. Cleveland. Where? Where?

We are going to Cleveland. Yeah, I actually want to try the self 10 now. I would love to try it. And that is crazy. The reverse marketing probably will help him just as much as her marketing. So I love that. Sometimes a scandal will benefit you more than it does. Yeah. What did you text in the group chat the other day? You were like taking a page out of Tana's book. Purposeful scandals coming soon. Yeah. I didn't realize how beneficial it can be for your career. Sometimes they work.

Do you want to hear something that's really funny while we're on scandalous lore? And it like, it shouldn't be funny. And I also want to say that I have only heard this lore. Also, lore is my new word, if you can't tell. Yeah. From Natalie Bowling and Lila Gibney. So it might be a little game of telephony. And like, if you want to fact check, you can. Okay. Obviously, you know, brands love to take influencers on trips. Yes. You know, Tarte likes to take people to Turks and Caicos, like...

I love Turks and Caicos. Gadmorine. I love Shape Tape. Lots of brands like to take people to lots of places. And Shein often does brand trips. You went on a brand trip with Shein to Stagecoach. Do you want to know the location of their last brand trip? Wait, I'm scared. I almost feel like I remember. What was it? They took a bunch of influencers to the factories and filmed it.

Like say like, look, there's no kids here. Essentially. Like they didn't say, look, there's no kids. But like that was the vision. They didn't say, look, there's no help me tags. But like they took a bunch of influencers to the factory and fucking filmed it and like have like alleged cutaways. Like it's so nice here. There's no amount of money that could have gotten me into that factory because it's like, do they not know? I would have done it for free.

for the fucking jokes someone's gonna get you're gonna get in trouble for this one she and taking like casey boone archetypes to their factory to casey did casey boone go no but casey boone archetypes oh yeah like and i love casey boone i'm just saying taking these fitness moms and shit to their fucking factory to be like we all know the kids are in the back shed not funny justice for the children

I know I'm starting off hot, but like, I'm sorry. Like that's fucking insane. I can't even think of an analogy. Yeah. Well, that's like Jeffrey Epstein resurrecting and taking a bunch of people to the island. To like rebrand the island. Speaking of that, can we talk about the Stephen Hawking? Stephen Hawking rolled up to that island. And what do you say? He wanted to see a bunch of little people.

No, little people. Where they can't reach. Doing arithmetic on really high chalkboards. I appreciate his creativity. However, I can't get behind it. God, what a busy man. How do we know he did? Like, again, did he get hacked? Like, did somebody, is somebody like, like playing like a joking like video game? Did someone jailbreak? Stephen Hawking.

Oh my God. Did someone jailbreak? They're going to have to jailbreak him now. Oh yeah. Wait, is he alive? No. I just feel, is he dead? He's dead. Stephen Hawking's dead? May he rest in peace. Stephen Hawking's dead? I know. I just found out too. I trust you now. That's what happens to cheaters. I swear to God, I thought he was rolling around somewhere right now. I've been rolling around.

Always looking down him to the little people. Dude, dude. Like, I just feel like that fetish is like, it's like a Family Guy episode. Like, it's like two, it's written. Like, that's your fetish. Like, I can't wait to see what Family Guy does with that. I'm really excited for that as well. I'm not going to lie. I was on an episode of South Park. Yeah, what the fuck? That was amazing. I didn't,

think to talk about it like at all and then I saw Jeff and Mike talking about it on their podcast and then I was like oh I should probably talk about that that's huge and then Mike was on the podcast being like it's such an honor and then all the comments were like you clearly don't understand this it's not an honor like they are making fun of how shitty these people are so I think it's hilarious listen there's no such thing as a bad South Park um cameo at all at all and honestly it's funny because they were promoting my spicy website and I've like had some people come over like for

from. Really? That would make me so happy just because I know like how many of my little boyfriends love South Park. Yeah. A lot of my like lizard exes were sending me like snaps of them. See, that's cool.

That is kind of. Thank you. I haven't really thought about it, given it too much. That's how I feel whenever we have any association at all with Dave Portnoy, because like all my like college boyfriends are just like barstool. Like they want to suck Dave's dick. Speaking of Dave, honestly, was really mean to me on BFFs. No, I get so scared of the BFFs lore. He was. What happened? And it sucks because I like really love him. Well, I get a call in the car the other day. Um,

And it's Brianna and I'm ignoring her, ignoring her because I'm like, I'm on the phone already, whatever. And then she texts me and she goes, Dave wants to talk to you. And I go, oh, no.

I pick up. It's you're on the BFFs pod. They're so good at that. Like, I'd be like, you want to come on the podcast and the person wouldn't come on. But like, that's lit. I should have known. Taking a page. But Brianna, protect me. He's asking me about Matt Rafe's feast tune, dick pic, whatever. And he's like, honestly, I don't give a fuck about who was dating what, whatever, blah, blah. And so I answer him. He hangs up, whatever. But then I watch the full clip and him and Josh are just like going in about me, like basically saying like,

She has no right to be mad. Like, duh, she's stupid for even thinking he would have been a good guy. Blah, blah. And then Brie goes, Dave, Brooke loves you. And Josh is like, um, seems like she just loves everybody. Like, and they're just like being all mean. I'm like, fuck you guys. Well, no, don't fuck you. I love you guys. No, I don't.

Oh my God. That's why I was like, okay, like, sorry. And I hate what the worst part about this, like Matt Rafe thing is that everybody who's recapping it is leaving out like 99% of the information and just like making it look like I just wanted to expose him for no fucking reason. And like, that sucks. Yeah, it does suck. But I mean, it's all in the media pot. It, you know, you said your truth on cancel. Yeah. But you know how much I like, I love BFFs. I love that shit. And like, I hate, oh, they made me look so stupid. I hated it.

I'm really sorry. It's okay. And I really love you. And I do. I love you. You know what? You know what? I have admiration for Dave and I don't love him. I don't have to love him. I feel like

And maybe I'm reaching here because I don't really know. And then he called me unmotivated or he said I had no ambition. Why? Because he was like, Barstool was going to hire her, I guess. But then he was like, she has no ambition. And then they said they canceled his inconsistent. Rats. But they did say we're making a killing on views. That's about right. Like, we're inconsistent. People watch. You know what? Not a lot of inaccurate information from the BFFs, but hurtful nonetheless. Yeah.

Great recap. Not kidding. Maybe we'll be consistent this year. Maybe next year. Who knows? We're going to be consistent this year. Or maybe not. That's the beauty of inconsistency.

I'm just really trying to be realistic. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. How are your New Year's resolutions going so far? My New Year's resolution was to say no to more things so that I can be more manageable and consistent with the things that I really value. And then today I shot with plastic flowers for 14 hours. Well, that was a rollover from last year. It was a rollover from last year. I'm not going to lie. And I did see you post for at home laser hair removal today. Yeah.

Do you guys want to know something really funny? There are some things you just should say no to. I'm in some contracts, so I'm going to teeter around this one. Okay, should I say it? Yeah. That's a good idea. I have a thing about gadgets. I won't do a brand deal for any kind of gadget for some reason. Just because I know I won't use it. I really try not to do any brand deals for things that I won't use. You are the type who would use something like that.

And I would buy a gadget from someone's brand deal. Yeah. To be fair. Yeah. And that's what I'm, but, but I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't buy it and whatever. And I think it's hilarious that sometimes I'll get a brand deal and like, I'll be like, absolutely not. Can you believe that they thought I was going to do this? And then you're like, immediately give it to me, please. It happens more often than you would actually think that I get wind of a brand deal brook

has received for so much fucking money every time by the way and it's crazy too because I'm like oh if Tana's gonna do it we'll give her half it's like insane that is not true not kidding at all I think they gave me less you know when they sent me the prompt for this deal they like sent me the prompt and it still said use code Brooke at checkout I was like god damn it

Yeah, so this was one of the many deals that she sent into the group chat making fun of. And I said, I'll do that. And also, I don't laser hair removal. Honestly, intrigued me. Someone on Reddit today or they were like clowning me on Reddit today. Don't don't say any words about Reddit because they were like, Brooke, can Brooke afford to turn things down? Like, she's so stupid for turning down money. I'm sorry. I want to be honest with my audience. I'm sorry that I would not promote something that I am not actually using. I also take pride in my, um,

Brand deal voice. And I think the real ones know. Yeah. Leave it at that. Leave it at that. You're going to get, you're going to lose half your deals. Yeah.

I probably will anyways for something else I've said on this episode. I just said Stephen Hawking's alive and rolling around. I know. I said, yeah. It's okay. It's okay. Dallas, I have, well, no, never mind. I have two boyfriends in Dallas. Thank God. Thank God. Absolutely. Thank God. Yeah. Honestly, fuck a brand deal. Even if I lose them all, I am really excited for tour and, you know, to do the show. Oh my God. I'm so excited for tour. Especially now. Let's go.

She's keeping something from you guys, but I know it will come to the forefront soon and it will be yet another one of those. No, it'll be fun. It's going to be. I have a really fun story that's happening to me over this past or that's happened to me these past few days that I'm going to tell on tour. Really, really, really psycho behavior from Brooks Schofield last night. But I really, really, I really appreciate it. And I love it. I love a good psycho behavior. I love it.

I really like right now that you are occasionally doing a psycho thing or two because of how wholesome I've been being. I'm such a simp fucking baby back ass bitch. You know I'll take that off your bag. And it's to live vicariously is helping me heal. That's good. Sincerely. I like really have become full simp and it's scaring the shit out of me. I have a new favorite catchphrase. Let's hear it. I'm just going to leave it at one sentence. Okay. A man in Lila's life.

called her and her friends not us just other friends a seeming band of collusive thieves is that wait is that why that's what our group chat is called i was wondering where that came from seeming band of collusive thieves i want it on a shirt i want it on a tattoo i want it incredible speaking of our collusive thief herself

I had an experience with her. Okay. I had a fucking experience with Gibney. No. Go for fucking Gibney. So I was going to Hawaii for New Year's and I extended the invite to everyone. It was kind of like, hey, I don't really know where I'm staying or what I'm doing. I'm just going to bop around. If you're down for that journey, feel free to join me. And Lila and Natalie-

decided they were down to join me. I've been to Hawaii with Lila. I've been traveling. I love traveling with Lila. She's honestly so fun and like she just gets it. We tan all day and we take photos and it's so fun and I'm so happy she came and I loved having her there. But there was a small part of my innards that was a bit... I didn't like it when you said innards. It reminds me of like a turkey. Yeah. I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm just trying out new things instead of dichotomy. There's a small part of me that was a bit apprehensive because I think that

Certain behaviors that may, you know, be approved on the mainland may be a little more frowned upon over there. And we don't have to get into those. But for the most part, she was really good. She did, you know, take a can of cheese whiz everywhere and people were a bit concerned. But other than that, she was a pleasure to have in Hawaii. But on the way there.

We decided it would be fun to all take up a row and fly together. I'm a first class girly. I'm a fly private girly. I'm trying to turn over that leaf a little bit and just save some money. Put it away. Be good. Dabble with the plane folk. And I meet me. I get on this plane and I'm sitting next to Lila Gibney.

And we're chilling, we're vibing. You know, I take half a Xan, 13 hours till I land, had me out like a light. And she gets up and she goes to the bathroom and she comes back from the bathroom. And suddenly our row is surrounded by every flight attendant on the plane. They've corroborated together to go forgive me.

Very interesting use of the word corroborate. Is that not how you use it at all? No. I'm really trying to change. Corroborate is like if you tell a story and somebody were to come and corroborate. Define corroborate. Confirm or give support to. They were not giving her any support. They were trying to get her off. They were supporting each other. Okay, yeah. No, I'm so fucking wrong and stupid. Seriously, it's so embarrassing. Keep it moving. They're all surrounding your aisle. Corroborating. They all surround our row and...

They have let Lila know that she has done something in the lavatory. No, no. I said lavatory. Oh, okay. But I do have a lip flip. So there's a lot going on. She's done something in the lavatory that is just a big, big no, no. A big, big whoopsie.

And they have informed us that the entire plane smells like cannabis. She is very adamant that she did not smoke and that she does not smoke. They respond back and they let her know that the authorities will be waiting for her.

And potentially all of us when we get off the plane. Okay. I get the Wi-Fi. I start texting my lawyer, Melanie. I'm letting her know everything that's happening. I have to get a pen from a stranger.

And I have to write my phone number up Lila's arm, my lawyer's up her other arm. I have all my lawyer's phone numbers like down my arm pages. Makoa hoes so he can bail us out. Whole nine. And then imagine for the next five hours just thinking about it. You're just sitting there rocking back and forth like horrified, terrified. And the attendants just hate us. They're not serving us anything. Like it's just, it's a journey for sure. And then we land.

And lo and behold, Hawaii FBI is here.

waiting for us Lila also on the flight convinces me that she did not smoke that's my favorite part of the whole story is the way that she was even texting in the group chat like are you fucking kidding me I never would do that and I want to respond well actually I did respond I said Lila I know you did that dude I don't know if it was like the benzo in me but like she convinced me I was like they're transphobic I know Lila better than to like think that she would ever

follow rules. She had me fully convinced. So every single time she posts something like that or like posts about some kind of major scandal or how she got in trouble and everyone's transphobic, I'll literally just be like,

Come on. I was so convinced I was ready to start a war against United Airlines. I believed that my friend did not smoke because she went on this whole tangent of like, I would have just ghosted it in the seat, like blah, blah, blah. Because that is like, if you're going to, I don't, I would never. But if you were going to, that would be how you do it. You don't smoke in the fucking bathroom. Like, what are you doing? Is this fucking first grade? And then you're being Lila, though, because, you know, she probably took half a bar, too. And she's like, oh, yeah.

In the bathroom. But like, that's like, you could give me a perky and I wouldn't go in the bathroom. That's exactly wrong. It's just back to basics. We don't smoke in the airplane laboratories. Right. You know, and we land Hawaii FBI is, you know, waiting. We've we've all been stressing. We now have to wait at the baggage claim forever for her to talk to them.

She hits on them. She tells them that she's a world-renowned supermodel and they apologize to her and let her off completely free. Well, at least she got out of it with honesty. So maybe she did never smoke and this is all a legend. I'm sorry, Lila. I love you. But it's just hard to believe ever when she says that she didn't do something because it's like, I know you better than that.

I just wish she would have told me, you know, she did confess to me. Like literally I told her, yes, you did. And she goes, you're totally right. I did. The thing is, is I was trying to explain to her that like my lawyer and I have a relationship where no matter how much I do something wrong, I would tell my lawyer. Yeah. And it's like, tell me so I can help you help me help you. Yeah. Yeah.

Like when you murder somebody and you have to tell your lawyer. Catherine McBroom stood up. Catherine is free. I want to see her step out with someone. Michael B. Jordan, go back to him, baby. I really have no notes on that, on Catherine McBroom. I'm just proud of her and I'm really excited. I think it's going to be a sleigh boots. And I really like would love for her to hit like a

I could call her daddy or like a tell-all. Like I just, come on. Do your big one. One time, Catherine. Do your big one. Oh my God. And everyone will support you. We love you. Yeah. Your husband or your ex is a fucking cheater. And like, will she ever just one time, even just a shady TikTok, I would eat it up. You know, I would just. Well, she did say she was like, I'm choosing myself. Yeah.

Or she was like, I tried to do it for my family. Or I tried to stay together for my family. Or put my family first. Which to me is evidence that she did not want to be with that man. She ate. No notes. And great to do that for the children. But you're a better mom so long as you're happy. I want to preface my next topic that...

Nothing I'm about to say is disordered. I think that you should always eat when you're hungry. I think like it's so good to eat good food. Like I don't mean any of this with a disordered thought process. Like I don't know how to just explain that this is coming from a place of I seriously fucking have a problem.

And I have been getting ridiculously, like people call it boyfriend fat. And I'm not talking about body image. I'm really genuinely talking about like, I'm eating crunch wraps off my chest with this man every day. Like,

The other day, Makoa Ho was looking at one of our friends and he was looking at me and Makoa eating and we were like eating in bed. And he was like, we have to get out of here before they start force feeding each other when they're already full. Like, it's like actually like we just smoke and like keep going and keep going and keep going. Like, and it's just like, I'm full. Like, it's like, stop it. And I've started talking like Tina, the talking tummy. I've started talking like my 600 pound life.

Like it's getting really bad. You're going to have to roll me into a fucking van. This all started like two months ago.

I was home and I was having a really bad day. That's the other thing. It's like, you know what I mean? Like I'll just like stress, eat so much, get so high. Like there's, I'm saying I need to dial it back, okay? And I had a day where I was having a really bad day. It was the day after the steamies and everyone came over for a little, you know, potential 51 fifth and they were kind of seeing how I was doing. You know, it was like, you need grippy socks or fuzzy socks, you know, one of those days. Yeah.

And so we ordered no-home munchies, hot Cheeto corn. We ate all of that. 15 minutes go by. We order everything from catch steak. I'm eating filet mignon with my hands and baked potatoes and just all this fucking food. That stops. We order McDonald's. Then we order Wendy's. Like it's that. And everyone's hurting. It's like me, Ari, Amari, Lila. Like we're all in the fetal position. I decide I want crumble cookies. Crumble cookies. Like they're a die.

They're not even good. I'd never had them before. I wanted the lore. Oh, I wanted the lore. The lore of the crumble fucking cookie. A crumble cookie doesn't have lore. I disagree kindly. I wanted a crumble cookie. I don't know why I get the entire box of it.

And I'm eating it. No one else wants them. I'm eating them off my chest. Everyone else is retching. I'm eating crumble cookies off my chest. And I have a mouthful of some blueberry cheesecake diabetes type two shit in my mouth. And Amari's talking to like Ty to someone else. And Amari's like, have you seen the menu? It's a show. It's a show on the menu and mouthful of crumble cookies off.

You're like, which restaurant? I turn to them and I go, what menu? And every single person in the room starts crying, laughing at me. And now to this day when I'm like thwarting, thwarting, you know, like eating way too much. We call that thwarting around here. Amari will just look at me, no context and say, what menu? Like it's just become a thing. That is so funny. You know what I mean? And everyone just thinks it's so funny. And now I've been doing it all the time. I have three more. That's so funny.

That I have to share with you. And it's, I just can't stress to you enough that every single time this happens, it's in front of Ty Collins and he cries laughing. Like it's, it'd be one thing if it was like one time in front of you, one time, it's like,

You know what I mean? Like it's me and Ty every time. I have a day in Hawaii where I'm just eating all day. I think Makoa and I had Taco Bell. There's a grocery store called Foodland with all this like hot, insane food. So I'm eating like cheese tots all day. We get back. Amber cooks this like Italian dinner. I'm eating garlic bread by the fucking footlongs, by the loaves. I am so full.

And I get to the bathroom and I'm bubbling from the damage I've done to my body. I'm sitting there trying to release it, trying to get it out of me. I'm wrenched over in pain. And Ty Collins gets back from a day of health and wellness. I'm from health and wellness. He worked out that morning. He did sauna. They did ice baths. And he comes back and he's in the room. And Ty and I are unfortunately close enough that like the door is cracked.

You know? Yeah. So I'm pushing. I'm gripping the walls. Whole nine. I was about to say something so fucking gross. But you get the picture, you know? Turtle shelling? I was going to say that I was on my period and I was giving peanut butter and jelly. And she's like, that's so insane. That is exceptionally bad. And I'm so glad that you didn't say it, to be honest. And the doors cracked and I was like, Tana, the best day. You need to try the icing anyway.

He meant the ice bath. And I said, where is it? Where is it? I said, where is it? I understand. It's like you're shitting out what you already did. You're like, bitch, fix what's already broken. And then Ty just looked at me and he's like, you didn't even ask what it's on or what it's with.

Not even like, what's it on? Like, where is it? Where is the icing? Where is it? What the fuck? You fucking fat ass. You fat ass. Oh my God. Everyone was in tears. It was so embarrassing. And I just, I'm going to end you with the final lore. No lore. No fucking lore. I want you to unlearn lore. Brooke, that's the lore.

We go to Kauai and we go stay at a beautiful five-star hotel, the one hotel in Kauai. Thank you for hosting me. I love you so much. I get there and I sit down to check in. It's me, Makoa, Ty, Makoa. And we're all sitting there to check in. I can't even tell this one. It's so bad. Come on, lay it on me. We go to check in.

And I do the whole check-in process. It's so nice. You know, they're bringing us like green juices, like a warm towel. Yeah, like it's that vibe. What's her name? Concierge. She comes over and she says, she says, do you guys want four keys? Do you guys want keys? And I thought she said four keys. Like a quirky.

nickname for forks do you guys want forks and I said for what like a waiting a meal and everyone was silent and I tried to play it off I was I'm crying and I was like I thought you were saying forks in a quirky way and I said that to her and you didn't know what you were eating but you wanted a fork that little forky forks I wanted forks forks

It's okay. You're having a hungry time. And you know what that means? That means that you're happy. What did you say? I'm having a hungry time. Fuck. It's giving hungry, hungry hippos. I've had. I've gone through hungry periods. Oh, oh, oh.

You just do. When you're happy, you're hungry. Oh, wait. No, what did I say? I want to be sad. What did they say? You're not you when you're hungry. And I haven't been lately. And it's like every hour on the hour, I'm just starving. I am just famished. I'm Mary Ann. Maybe you have like a deficiency or a hormone deficiency or something. The other night, I was eating three separate flavors of room service gelato to myself. Like one's $10. It's one serving for one person. I ordered three.

I'm eating them all on my chest. You're on vacation. And I'm sitting there and McCulloch was watching, we're watching a movie and he goes, so good. And I thought he was talking about the gelato and I'm like, so good. And then he's like,

And then it just... Ty's just been there for all of them. I can't... I just can't stop. I have a serious fucking... I love this new bit. It's fun. It's just... And now it's like every time I do it, it just... It's got to stop. Forky's was my final fucking straw. I think it's hilarious. And I think you look amazing. So who cares? I'm going to clog an artery. Yeah. I'm worried about your... Yeah. No, it all stops now. Like today I had grilled chicken and a fucking salad. Like I'm done. I'm done. I'm serious. And it's just...

Yeah, the boyfriend fat of it all is like the crazy thing. Like you're surfing, your metabolism works, you get to slay. I'm not going to be the woman you fell for soon if this keeps up. And that's okay. I'd hope he'd love me anyways. At least someone fell for you. See, that was so Brooke lore. When you do that, you remind me of the little characters in Animal Crossing. I've never seen it. It's a game.

I saw a TikTok that's called, wait, with this girl. And she was talking about the test that she does for each man that she's dating. Okay? This is how she decides if somebody's worth pursuing or not. It's very simple. However, I don't think that most of our guys could pass the test. It's just like basic arithmetic. You're lucky. Your current boyfriend could definitely pass this test. But basically, it's just, can this man carry you up a hill? Yeah.

It's called the hill test. I've never dated a man who can carry me up a hill until this one. At all. In fact, I would be shocked if any of my men could have made it up the hill alone. 100%. Either they would get blown away in the wind. Either the hill is made out of cocaine.

Yeah. Chris Miles is skiing down the hill. Kidding. Try to stop with that lore. Oh, I'm trying to stop you with lore in general. That's crazy. That's actually crazy. I just want to say I am so here for Gypsy Rose Blanchard. I love it. I love it. I am so happy for her. Like beyond. That D is fire. Yeah, I said it. And I,

I never thought that this year's pop culture bingo card would start off so fire with the things that are happening with the gypsy lore, if you will. She's going to hit me. There are some red flags, you know, here and there. And I obviously just psychologically, I think it's very scary for anyone to go from zero fame to nothing.

overnight sensation. Just what that does, especially for children, especially teenagers, even just people in general, what that does to your psyche is fucking nuts. And I think for her, especially to have gone from such a sheltered, the most sheltered life, absolutely ever the most sheltered, abusive, horrible life to a very sheltered life to then skyrocketing to like an A-list level of eyes on her. It's worrisome for the future of her psyche.

But I guess what I'm getting at is how far is too far in the public eye. I saw this TikTok. All right. So I want to play a little rapid fire game called Gypsy's Urban Dictionary. I'm going to give you some terms and just instantly tell me what you think it means. Cap. Cap? Drip. Rain. Bet. That means like cool.

I hate this. Chuggy? Exactly. Chuggy. That's just like inappropriate. Like all of this that happened while you were in prison. She goes on to make gypsy teacher terms from prison, by the way. Yeah. Do people have no shame? This interviewer, I just, I don't like her lore. I don't like her face. I don't like, I just feel mal. It feels mal intent.

I don't I don't like her jeans. I feel like everybody just wants. I'm not attacking her physical appearance. I'm just mad at her. I get the appeal with Gypsy and stuff. And I think she's an icon. But I also feel like people are trying so hard to be viral that it's like embarrassing. And it's just inappropriate. Like, hey, you you were sheltered your whole life and then you were in prison. So now we're going to ask you a bunch of terms that you clearly don't know and make you look. Yeah. And making it like a really lighthearted thing when obviously her time in prison was like.

Like, it's not like Martha Stewart. Like, we can make fun of Martha Stewart going to prison. I agree. It just feels wrong. It feels like she's the butt end of that joke. I know. I guess we've kind of contributed to it a little. No, I appreciate...

interviews and I think she's an icon and like yes some of the edits are funny and stuff and clearly she likes it and so long as she's on board with it I was all for her little comment about her husband's D being fire so long as her mental health is not affected by that later down the line I am also on board with the D being fire how many times have you said your man's D is fire yeah

you know hundreds and and that's kind of what it's giving like she's new to social newer to social media like we did a lot of that when we were like younger like it makes it it adds up but i just don't appreciate the it's almost like her pr team like who let her do that and who let well i don't like that because that was kind of like the joke was like at the expense of gypsy like it was kind of trying to make her look like dumb and i didn't like that and i just i hope there are people around her

protecting her and it's almost like get girl boss town on the case like i i want good pr for her like if she's gonna take the pr route yeah i don't think somebody just yeah they need to be guiding her a little bit like i think i wonder if it's like her decisions like like i saw she went on like vile files which honestly good choice as far as like if you want somebody who's gonna just be like nice and stuff but like who's deciding

She had all the options in the world and she went on Vile Files. No shade to Nick Vile, but who chose that? He was a bachelor. Okay, exactly. At that point, he comes in on the couch. But he's a credible... He has a very well-known, good podcast. He's had a lot of good guests and stuff. She might have just been a fan of his. What about Call Her Daddy at that point? I think even the title alone makes that an inappropriate interview for Gypsy Rose Blanchard.

call her daddy for Gypsy Rose. Love you, Alex. It's not the place for her. I'm going to change subjects now. Okay. Tampa. Kidding. I don't know if we're going to. We're not going to Tampa. Are we? Fuck. Somewhere in Florida for sure. Yeah. Our tour got leaked. Did it? It got leaked a little bit. Where'd it get leaked, Brooke? Florida. Oh, I was making a Reddit joke. Is that how you know? Well, I know because certain venues have already posted the...

See the show shows. Yeah. Really? That's so people are like literally looking at their local venue, like upcoming events. Yeah. But maybe see that's so canceled lore. Getting fed up with my co-host. Instead of the tour, it's the lore. No. Sedate me, please sedate me. I get weird when I'm sober too in the beginning.

Like I have a little too much energy. I'm a little too offensive. I'm a little too. You're fun. I'm just in a grumpy mood. I had a grumpy day. Grumpy Lauren. I know. I know. I'm sick. I'm ill. I'm ill. I'm going to say it again, but I'm serious. It's like, it's real. I'm using it to the best of my ability. So everyone's clicking out. What?

They're sick of you. What's the lore behind Mount Rushmore? What do you mean? Mount Rushmore. We get paid for this shit. Do you know that one of my New Year's resolutions was to not laugh at jokes that aren't funny so that I don't give anybody positive reassurance for something that they didn't deserve? Oh.

What's the fucking, what is it? What's up with Mount Rushmore? Who decided these four men need to go on this mountain? And like, you're telling me a bunch of people just climbed up there and started chiseling that shit. Yeah. And have you ever had like someone draw a photo of you and you're like, this is offensive. Do you think any of them were like, why the fuck did you make my nose that big? Do you know what McCall called me out the other day? Because

Back in the day, I used to, every single time a fan drew me, I would face tune it to look more like me before I posted it. That is so criminal. I'm sorry.

Could you imagine being the person who drew it too and being like, wait a second. To anyone who drew me from 2018 to 2021, I am so sorry that I had to give myself a small nose three. But here's the thing. It's like I went to the damn doctor and put a hammer on it and you're going to give me my old nose. That is like really offensive. Do better, guys. I just want to know more about Mount Rushmore. While we're on tour, that's my only goal so far. A so...

you know besides like selling it out and doing good but like i really want to go to mount rushmore i need to see this shit where is it virginia south dakota i don't know why i said virginia i thought it was south dakota are we going to ohio huh are we going to south dakota i don't know but we have to make a stop no matter what i need to like i'm like i almost believe it's not real has anyone ever been do you know anyone who's been to mount rushmore i actually don't

I don't think I do, but I love a good historical landmark. Who chose them? I think they were like for, I don't know who chose them. And then it's also like, why didn't they add on? And then I'd be pissed if I was like somebody who was like almost, almost made the cut, but didn't quite. Like what if you were like the, what do you call it? The runner up. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that has to be a Jake Shane TikTok, by the way, on a complete side note. Wait, I think you did do one on this. But it's just, and then like,

You're never going to add on. Like, don't you think MLK could have been like a, you know, like later they could have been like, oh. Yeah. Yeah. And like, I want to have a different mountain. Yeah. Like put Gypsy up there. Me an hour ago. I have such good topics. The topics in question. I think your topics are amazing. I think. Yeah, that's crazy. I want to be in a mountain. That's all. Should that be our tour promo? Just have someone like superimpose us as Mount Rushmore.

Get to work someone now. And if you do bad, I will face tune. You know what I want? If anyone's listening, you know, those like posts where they make people like really tiny, like they made one for central C and they like put him in all his regular photos, but made him like super little. Yeah.

Madeline and Central Sea are back together. He bought her a Mercedes, two Montclair jackets, one for her and one for her dog. Everything diamonds. I love her so much. You have to respect the fact that there's a point where it's like if my man was doing some footy shit, but then he was swiping like that.

I'm getting sunglasses and a cane, baby. I trust her judgment. I think that she's making the right decision for her always. And I'm behind you, baby. I also really ship them. So I like they're so cute and she's just so fucking smart. I love her. I absolutely do love her and I love them together and I love that for her. And you walk with that walking stick with pride, baby. You don't see shit. Look up at that ceiling, bitch. You should watch her podcast. She's really smart. I will.

She talks about mental illness and emotional permanence. Whoa. God, we should start doing that. And permanently emotional. I have to get something off my chest. Okay. And I've never... What? Nothing? No. What'd you say? Nothing more? Nothing more. There's no lore here. Well, there is, but whatever. We don't have to get into that. And I've never told him this. One time I stole from Amari. Okay. Would you steal? I guess it's actually, there's no point in this being a podcast topic, but like,

So essentially when Paige first started working for me, I don't know if I've ever told this story on canceled her very first day on the job. And like, now I know this is her sense of humor. And like now if she made a joke like this, I would know she's joking, but it's such a crazy thing to say on your very first day working for someone. And like, I probably should have just like,

not had her come back after saying this but she's in my house and she's helping Kyla organize my closet because she was originally hired as Kyla's assistant and she makes a joke about how she's like such a klepto so for the rest of the day I just like shadowed her and then

And then years later, I told her that. Like two years later, I was like, do you know on your first day you told me you were a klepto and I didn't fire you? That is really crazy behavior. And just especially for like the job at hand. It's not like she was answering emails. Yeah, like she was in your closet. Handling my things. And I just, I liked her enough that I was like, well, let's find out if you're a klepto bitch, you know? Yeah. And we still bring it up from time and time again. And today we were, the joke. That wasn't right. I know. I know.

Sometimes you just be saying shit. From time and time again. Yeah.

is in there cincinnati um so we've already gone to cincinnati you're just lying i'm gonna start doing it and today we were shooting for the plastic flowers all day and um we were in these people's really nice house and she picked up a coaster and she was like see this is the type of shit that i was talking about yeah and it reminded me that i stole in high school

Did you was this a thing for you, by the way, when you were growing up? The most important thing in the world in my high school realm, like fashion wise, was your sock game and your shoe game. Yeah, no, not my school.

Like you were every day like it was like you had to be wearing cool socks with like cool Vans cool shoes like printed pattern think tie-dye think advanced with cats on them at one point I did steal those but Love cats. I went through this phase and this was just in the height of my lack of morals You know, I was a drug dealer. I sucked in just every way like I just had a lot of problems and I realized that not only could you steal from stores you could steal from people and

I've changed so much. I promise you. I promise you. Like I would never do that. Obviously, like I think this the people fad lasted like six months. Yeah. And it started with house parties. You had to dabble. Yeah. Because one time I was at a house party. I stole from a house party once. What did you steal? An entire. Wait, this is so bad. Go. I was so blacked out in the next day. I was with my old roommates and I stole an entire. Wait, I actually literally can't say this because it's so bad.

I'm gonna cry. I didn't mean to. A whole set of La Mer skincare. Oh, this was in LA. Yeah. Oh my God. I did, but it was this dumb whore's party and it technically wasn't me who stole it, but I was there. I was an accomplice and it was me and my roommates. But you probably look like a baby's bottom for the next six months. Dude, that shit's so expensive. A thing of La Mer moisturizer is like $6.

like $600. You know what's funny is if you steal over $1,000, what is it, like grand larceny or like there's a term for it. I don't know. But like that's like a grant, like it's like a real crime because of- It was a party favor. I couldn't agree more. I regret saying that. This all started because at one point we had a friend in high school and she had this kid who lived across the street and it's not funny, but like-

He was just kind of weird, you know, and people weren't nice. I was not a part of not being nice. I was always nice to him. I promise you that much. But at one point, maybe some of the like jockey, like not so nice kids convinced him to throw a party at his house. I hate this story already. I know, I know, I know.

I'm sorry. And he ends up getting like so blacked out and the police end up coming. And I know that this happened a lot, like everywhere, high schools across America, like the police would come and everyone would scatter and shit. But in Vegas, for some reason, I just like I have a hunch it was a little worse than in a lot of other places. Like not only would people start scattering, but they would start stealing shit in the backyard. Right.

running out of his house and I just look up and some of my friends were funneling a flat screen out of the second story. And I remember being like, yo, like, fuck a Macy's. This-

This shit is everywhere. Everything's freaking. But I didn't know. I was just learning from my surroundings. No one was there to parent me. I'm sorry again. So then, you know, I just started getting spunky at house parties. You know, I was like, oh my God, I really like these shoes or these earrings. I knew people in high school who would steal one shoe from people so that they would like really think that they just lost it. Because it's like, why would you steal only one shoe? But it was like, that's almost worse because it's like you can't even wear them. That's just being like an asshole. Yeah, that's crazy. That's really funny though, honestly. Yeah.

it's really fun that's something I would do now but like imagine just being like where the fuck would one of my shoes go and it will drive someone crazy absolutely crazy not kidding that's insane that's really dude that's smart for like a guy like a guy pisses you off and like you're leaving his house and you just take one shoe yeah should have taken one shoe last night Amari texted me today fun fact

I'll get back to what I stole from him. But he said, new crazy girl antic. When a guy is walking to his car trying to leave in an argument, chase him, grab keys, and throw them as far as possible. Aim for bushes. Just for all the crazies out there. I know we still have a few. That is good. I eventually, unfortunately, carried this over to my closest friends. You know, whether it be like a crop top or something. Just like, just for a second there. You know, and I just...

And one time when Amari was asleep, I opened his sock drawer and I stole two pair of his stance socks and stance socks were like $20 a pair. They were like sock game. Like they weren't white socks. Like they were like, you'd buy them in a zoomies and they were like really cool. And the thing is, is I like lived with him and I spent every day with him. Oh yeah. He's like, where'd you get those socks? You're like, so I had to wear the socks in secret. Oh,

And then eventually I just got rid of them because I couldn't keep up with this. And I remember he like brought it up and I lied and I never told him until today. I didn't think about it until today, until Paige showed me that coaster. That's really bad. I'm going to call him. So you were asleep one night at the house on Jorge Way. You still have the turtle. Yeah.

And I waited until you were asleep and I stole an orange and black and white pair of your stamp socks and a green tribal pair. They have blue on them, huh? Yeah.

And I've never told you. And I'm really sorry. You're bad. Those socks were so insane to me because, like, one, I wore those socks often. And I feel like I remember looking for them and being like, they just disappeared. And I lied to you. What kills me is, like, taking my dance socks was crazy because those were expensive. First of all, those were, like, some of those expensive socks you could buy.

And I would get those socks for dance because they wouldn't rip. And you just stole them to ride dick. And I had to wear them in secret. That's crazy too. We saw each other all the time. When were you wearing them? I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry that I stole your socks and I never told you until this day.

I think it's hilarious, honestly. I just want to know how many guys you fucked when I'm in high school. At least seven. At least seven. Honestly, a job well done. That's probably what got you the dick, too, because guys love Stan Socks. They're like, she's a hard ass dick. I hate hearing about you getting dick in, like, grade school. Um, she said she hates hearing about me getting dick in grade school.

I'm really sorry about your song. I love you so much. I love you. Have a great podcast, Brooke. You know, me and my sister, when we were, when we still lived in our little, like, little neighborhood, okay? We had these neighbors, Candace and Tina, and they were whores. No, they were literally, like, little kids. But we...

But we hated them. I mean, you just heard I was a whore. They went out of town one time and me and my sister went in there and absolutely robbed them, like stole all their clothes, all their like. I remember I had this blue hat that Candace would wear and we would just wear it in front of them. And they were like, you stole that from inside our house. And we're like, no, we didn't. We bought this and we didn't buy it. We stole it. I think I've told this story on the canceled podcast before, but one time in fourth grade, I asked Monica Fulbright where her top was from. And she said, I don't tell people because I don't want them to copy me. And then I stole her top.

as you should fuck you monica we ended up becoming really good friends i don't know where she is now but dad just kidding sorry i'm really i'm honestly in a really shitty mood

You guys, I also just want to let the viewership know that I'm not dismissing Brooke's commentary about the mood that she's in. I'm just not allowed. I'm binded. I'm clawing at the walls of my enclosure. I'm not allowed to talk about why she's upset. No, I just want everyone to know that I'm, so that if people comment and they're like, Brooke's grumpy, they're like, aw, she had a bad day. And she did have a bad day and it's completely valid and I would love to just absolutely behead people verbally right now, but I'm not allowed, so.

And that's understandable. That's not I'm not saying that in a passive way. This is your story. This is your truth. And I'm just, you know, I'm protective of my day. I saw George Lopez in concert. I'm just kidding. And I saw him at the Laugh Factory.

And it was so fucking amazing. And I was like, I thought I literally thought I was like one of like one. I thought I went and saw him on like a night and I was never going to be able to see him again. And then I brought it up to someone and they were like, apparently he's there all the time. So it's really not. I would cut off a foot for G. Lo. It was so fucking good. Remember when I like had a heart attack seeing him at the People's Choice Awards? Exactly same. Hunter's in love with me. Spread the word. Yeah. I don't know if you guys recall when I was talking about my little basketball player that I was obsessed with.

last week who I am going to pursue these days. I have been obsessed with this basketball player for like literally two years. I've

I always talk about it. I slide up on all his stories. We always like kind of like flirty back and forth. And then he tried to set me up with his friend. And I was like, what the fuck? You did talk about that on the podcast. I forgot. Yeah. So I was like, fuck you. Like, I was like all sad. But I was like, honestly, if he wanted me, he would have told me by now because obviously like I've told made it clear to Hunter. Hunter is one of his best friends. So it's like he would know by now. Come to find out Hunter just simply never told the man. Hunter went out of his way to never tell the man that I had a crush on him, despite having made me think that he was like playing a

you know, matchmaker. Yeah. Okay. So then this guy like kind of, we do kind of start talking and he is telling me like, no, I, I was telling Hunter, like, I thought you looked really cute that night. Hunter never told me. Hunter's in love with me. Spread the word. Yeah. Hunter's fucking in love with you. Spread the absolute word. There's just no other logical explanation because he knew how much I like, how obsessed I was with this guy. And like,

In the past, Hunter has not set me up with a friend that maybe thought I was cute. And I could understand that because he's like, I want to protect my friend's peace. These were in eras, you know, where I did not deserve a good man. I would be a good girlfriend. Although you deserve. He does probably have reason to believe that I might not be the most stable girlfriend. Okay, but stable shmable. He's in the NBA. He doesn't need stability. Absolutely not. He wants a good time. He is. And that you will show him. Maybe she'll get on a missionary for once, folks. Stay tuned. No.

Never that I've been taking you up On your shit I love starfishing As of late Me too I'm doing I can do so much I can do Y, M, C, and A Ha ha

It's nice. It's really, really nice. It's amazing. I've been into it lately. The other day I was like writing dick backwards. I started to get like wall sit cramps in my thighs and I thought of you in the midst of writing dick. I was like, what would Brooke do? And I laid my little ass down. Exactly right. It was great. I don't see anything wrong with it. And nobody has ever really brought it to my attention like as a problem. I don't think it is a problem. And I'll do the work for the right person. Yeah. But like...

It's also nice to just chill sometimes. I think so too. I've been a stoner lately, so I think that's also where that's coming from. I just don't have it in me. Yeah, I just, you know what? I'm not a big athlete and that's fine. You're just going to get fucked by one. Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully, if Hunter gets out of the way, he's in love with me. He says he doesn't want me to hook up with any more of his friends. Any more? I've hooked up with so many of his friends. That's so true. Um,

But I had you there. You did. That was really sweet. I think Kylie ate. I think so too. Well, here I have a question. I do have a question. Okay. Selena and Taylor are best fucking friends. If I was at an award show with you, I would come up to you with any like hot gossip that I had. That's what friends do. Uh-huh.

But at the same time, do you weigh out that like, I know in that moment I would be hyper aware of the cameras and their quality. I personally think Selena Gomez is 100% deliberate in every single thing that she does. Not in a bad way at all. I think she's amazing. Yeah. And talented at what she does. Yeah. I think that she probably knew. I think she stirs some stuff up. That's what you do. And I love it.

Me too. And she's, I would go up to you and be whispering something knowing the camera would see it. And I would hit that extra mouth. I know. Did you see that? A girl boss told me to think about it. And she was like, if I was at an award show, I would be like, yeah, uh, Paul Mezcal literally just came up to me and said he wanted to fuck me sideways, backwards and upside down. Absolutely. Absolutely. Honestly, we should, we should do a bit next award show. We go to the like really try. I know. Can we go to people's choice or are we on tour? I don't know.

We'll find out. Invite us, please. At least Brooke. You were right. What? And I never... Here, I'm going to cover the other sellable toes. But if we could just get a close-up in the edit. We are missing a big toenail on Tana Marie's right foot. You were right. I've never been wrong because I know everything there is to know about an injured toenail. I was...

Beyond in belief that I was above this, Lore. I knew there was nothing that was going to stop that black toenail from falling off your foot. And you were completely right. So I get to Hawaii and I'm chilling on the beach like day one of being there at one of my favorite resorts that I stay at a lot. And I'm laying on the beach and I'm just chilling looking down at my phone and I look up and

And none other than Grace O'Malley is standing in front of me. I love that. And it was like the most amazing fucking surprise to see her. I fucking love her. So much. We were both starting dry January. So we kind of had a night where we got everything out of our system, you know, just one time together.

um what night it's like my the first one of the first nights i was there it was like right like it wasn't the new year yet oh okay i was just making sure that you weren't snitching on her for breaking no no no no dead ash she january 1st she stopped we have a night and it was just fun we were like flopping all around the fucking resort together like we lost everyone we were being so funny i think we both told each other way too much shit i love that i love her so much it was it was fucking amazing i want to show you

an actual a real video of us i thought it was funny though because you were in fucking hawaii like the most random place and you just happened to run into grace and i was in san diego with brie yeah it's i know we were texting about that like how weird is that we like had a full crossover neither of us knew that we were gonna be with the other yeah which is crazy and it was incredible for both of us you were saying when i was like brian again he's so fucking amazing i forgot that you did that

It was at Zach Bryan. It was so fucking amazing. And did you see what just happened with Brianna's missing cat? I did see that. Zach looking for the cat. He's like, I put 17 rotisserie chickens all around Brianna's neighborhood. I've been out every night. He was out in a snowstorm by himself with like a fucking flashlight on his head. And from now on, I will never complain ever again about a man because if it's not him or if it's not someone like him, not him, but like someone like him.

It's not worth it. Absolutely could not agree more. They are so cute and wholesome, and I'm glad you were cute and wholesome with them. Grace and I, on the other hand, were not very wholesome. I actually haven't watched any of these videos because they're going to give me anxiety, I think. But just for you to know, we were freestyling. We...

We were freestyling. I think it's incredible. This was at 8.35 p.m. And then her and I take a walk and I say, I'm going to take you to my favorite bench. And I have a favorite bench. I have a favorite bench too. Do you? Where's your favorite bench? In Arizona. I love that. I have a photo of it if you need to see it. I have a photo of my favorite bench.

I love that for us. I posted it on Instagram last week. Love my favorite bench, but I've only sat on it with Makoa. And I, I'd like to keep it that way, but I was like, I really love Grace. And I'm really having a good night with her. Grace can sit on the bench with you. I want to take her to my favorite bench. And it's kind of a little trek, like out in like the green, like there's a lot of greenery, a lot of grass. And we get out to the favorite bench and we're chilling. We're talking, we're looking at the stars, we're vibing, whatever. I look down.

And there's a giant cockroach on my foot. And we've already talked about cockroach Kate and how I react. And before I can even scream about said cockroach, I notice that my toenail is opening like a book. That's the best way I know how to describe it. It was attached right here and I could open it like a book.

Like a book. I have. Yeah. There's blood. I think that was the moment Grace realized that like maybe I don't need to be this close with her. Like maybe we can. You know what I mean? She probably had some sense come over her. Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. I don't want to. But I've seen it. I've experienced this. I don't need to see it again because I have lived it. I'm just hoping that at some point I can go to Hawaii and like not make this.

a physical injury or like thing like a tooth a toe like I just one time and I really am starting to think that my man is just dead convinced that I'm always like this and it like sucks well it's like you said before it's almost like it's better for when you're normal because it makes him think like oh my god this is so special it's starting to horrify me I limped around all week again and it's just yeah did it hurt do you remember actually I can't say that

So I have a I have this friend who also lost a toenail and she made it like the biggest like the toenail gate lore on her story was like the most insane thing. She was like

Every single story for like six weeks straight was about her having lost her toenail. Okay. And keep in mind, I lost both my toenails in extreme like blunt force trauma incidents. All right. So I know what it's like. Two days, Max, you're out. You're fine. Six weeks straight, this girl is talking about her toenail and it was like, it was cracking me up so bad. She like missed a wedding. Oh, she got wheeled into the era's tour in a wheelchair. Yeah.

And like I was watching it all unfold. Like, you know what? I don't know what the drama like the trauma was. So I don't know how she lost her toenail. So I can't say that like it wasn't a traumatic experience and she wasn't severely injured. But yeah.

If it was the toenail alone, that's the funniest story I've ever heard in my life. Absolutely. It's everyone treats you like it hurts and it really doesn't because it's dead. It doesn't. It's gone. Maybe hers wasn't dead though when it came out. Although mine wasn't dead. Neither of mine were dead when they came off. Oh, that sounds awful. Now I'm like, I don't know. I don't know how I'm going to take it. But it's like once it gets like hit like that, it just like...

dies and comes off I don't know I wanted to keep it because I just feel like it's never going to be the same again and I'm actually really scared for my source of income I personally don't have either I've been taking all my foot picks like this covering the big toe with the back of my other toe and I have tried to have to reach into the archives I've also tried some facetune patching and I've almost gotten to the point where I can put this toe on that toe as soon as you grow a little bit of a stump you can press something on there like but I don't want to because then that's just gonna keep I'm gonna keep up with the lore

No, I mean like mine grow. They just don't grow very long. Is your toenail right now a press on? But it's because, okay, so like obviously your toenail usually is like attached to your skin. But like once that like attachment goes away because your toenail fell off, it's like it'll grow, but like it's not growing attached to your skin anymore. So it grows and then it just falls off.

And falls off. It's weirdly like a poetic metaphor. And falls off. I'm sure like there's a way to make it happen properly again. But like the problem is I, there's no life in which I can live without my toenails long enough for it to completely heal and go back to normal. I'm going to do it. So I have to put them back on. See you're, but you're braver than I.

Because I'm not going anywhere without my toenail. I'm not stepping in the sand without my toenails and having someone look down and say, is that a toenail-less girl? That was me for the past two weeks. I can't. I just, yeah. I don't want, because I just have enough. I've tried to live life with just band-aids around them. That's like not a horrible. I should put a band-aid, like just raw dogging it is a little nutty. But it's like. It's careful because now you're susceptible to fungus. Really? Mm-hmm. But that, I think you had a fungus already. Why? Based on what I could see.

I'm basing it off the thickness of your toenails prior to now. And there's no shame in that. I felt shame. One in three people has toenail fungus. I just made that statistic up.

I just can't add another thing to my upkeep list. Like spray tan, hair extension. No, I know. The fact that I have to spend like an hour out of every week attaching my... Not every week. I do it literally once a month. But I have to glue on my toenails. And then one time or sometimes, actually more than one time, I've lost a toenail in a situation where I can't get a new one. And then I'm like, it'll just fall off. I once sat your birthday trip in Hawaii.

And I was in bed with poor sweet Abby Wetherington. And she was like, is this a toenail I found? I was like, yes, it is. I'm going to try to really grow it out. And I think it's going to be fun on tour. Like maybe I'll do open toed shoes and there can be like a special meet and greet for my toe. Let me know if you guys would pay extra for that. Brooke, I have thoroughly enjoyed keeping up with the lore of you and I on this week's episode. Let me actually say one more city we're going to.

Milwaukee. I swear to God, Milwaukee's fake. I think I've had a show there before. Yeah, Milwaukee's not real. Yeah, well, we'll be there. We love you guys. A tour announcement coming soon. Stephen Hawking is dead. Leave Gypsy alone. Let me know if you've been to Mount Rushmore. Forkies. Hunter's in love with me. Bye.