22: Episode 22: The Roast of Bryce Hall Got Us in Trouble
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And we're your hosts for season three of Amazing Wildlife, a show from iHeartRadio Ruby Studio and the global conservation organization behind the San Diego Zoo and the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. Listen as we dive into the efforts here in San Diego and spotlight the heroes working worldwide to care for the species you know and love. Listen to Amazing Wildlife on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Can't do. Don't remember doing this at all. I can only hold myself accountable. Can't do. I have jobs.

Look how good my life is. So what else? Cancel me. An emotion is cancelled. Guess who's back, back, back again. Oh, I was about to apply at the Burger King. I was like, I'm not even kidding. I thought I was out of job for good.

I was scared. I was very sad. I had a few mental breakdowns. And we are definitely very, very happy to be here today. Today we were so geeked. We have lists of things to talk about. And we're ready to just dive into everything you missed, which is just a bunch of mess. And we did the best thing that we try to do as often as we can, where we just completely avoid each other so that we don't tell each other the good tea. Last night we were both at Justin Bieber and didn't see each other at all. But yeah, there were, I mean, like 50,000 people there.

Yeah, you were also in rich-ass box seats, and I swear to God, he looked like an ant from where he was. No, he looked like an ant from where I... I swear to God, I don't remember seeing him. And...

Listen. Were you belligerent? Oh, I was belligerent. And I was having the best time in my little box. But I saw my story and I'm like, holy shit. He was like really on stage performing. Like you really saw that. I also got home incredibly belligerent. I want to. He's performing again tonight. And I almost want to go like sober to take it in. I would love to go again tonight. My friend Sienna, who's the one who brought me. She is going to see him again. I was spending the day like thinking about who we could like get to buy. Like finesse. Like get us to buy. Buy us Justin Bieber tickets tonight. Dude, Alexis.

is going wild with the Bieber she's been front row at Bieber like seven times in a row last night my makeup artist is the biggest believer ever like I was broken to spend like 500 on tickets last night she spent four grand she was like crying about it today she was like but so worth it wow she could like see in his pores it was so iconic I just like oh god I love him so much more than anything really like physically pains me 100% like I love him more than I didn't think you know that I always like

very pick me of me but I'm like I'm always like I don't even really like Justin Bieber that I don't care for him that much but I went I'm like I love you I was sobbing like a little he's just so hot do you ever think about like

Imagine just being Hailey Bieber and like going and seeing that many people who are like genuinely in love with your husband and just knowing that he sleeps next to you every night. I'm mad how like secure and awesome that feels because you know, there's no way it feels secure and awesome though, because the people will not let that girl win. It's really sad. But I just feel like she like goes to bed like looking at him. Yeah, that's true. She wakes up in the middle of the night and she says he's still there. Yeah. That's all that really matters. That's fucking crazy. You know what I was noticing? Imagine a man loving you that much. I know. Can't. Sorry.

Sorry. I was thinking about this, though. Okay. So this whole Julia Fox and Kanye situation. Okay. And how quick everybody was to jump on and love Julia Fox. Almost immediately, the response was like, we love her. She's so funny. Like, we stan Julia Fox. Yeah. The comments were all like, she's hysterical. Yeah. People like made fun of her, poked fun at her and like her uncut gems like situation. But yeah.

for the most part, people were very like pro Julia. And I'm like, that is so crazy. The difference between that and like, like Haley, Haley. I was saying that today that like Justin Bieber, like literally like is the most famous person on this planet. Like exactly for Haley. Like they loved him and Selena so much. She got like so much. It's because like, yeah, that's the problem is I guess the attachment, but you would think that Kim Kardashian fans are like,

Yeah. Well, I guess they know that she doesn't want him anymore. Yeah, I guess that's true. I don't know. She is doing just fine with our boy Pete. I was really honestly at first kind of not on the fence about Julia Fox, but I was just like definitely like cringing a little and like love the jokes and like whatever. Not that I have any room to cringe more.

roll team Bryce on God. But, you know, I was definitely like laughing about it, but like now she's in her bag. Like she's straight, like she is in her bag. And honestly, it's just so inspirational what she's done here. Walked around with Kanye, put on her little Kim fit for a couple weeks, did the eye, got a Birkin for the squad and dipped.

Like why the fuck would I not idolize him? I know and now there's not a person in the world who doesn't know who Julia Fox is. And she's what she's I mean she had nothing to lose. She's literally killing it. I'm not going to lie. Like I'm a fan. We should have Julia Fox on the pod. I DM'd her. You did? Scene. She seen you? Scene. Julia. Julia Fox left me on scene. Honestly I've been really bawling out on like who I think will be a guest. Like I'm just DMing the craziest people. I'm trying to get Anna Delvey.

So hard for her and Tiana. I need to watch it. I just, I tried to watch it, but I had such a hard time with the actress's accent that I couldn't even, like, it was insufferable. Because it was like, they were trying to, like, pay homage to the fact that she was, like, faking it and mixing accents, right? Or no? I saw something, I saw her in an interview, like, talking about how, like, she had to, like, combine accents. Yeah. It was very confusing to me. It sounded to me, she sounded like Pee Wee Herman or something. It's so, like, I want to have her. I don't even have an accent. I don't.

I don't even know what that is. I don't know what I'm tired. I really want to have her on, but I'm also scared because it's like, obviously what she did was wrong. But like, you know how I'm going to talk to her. I'm going to be like, I feel very passionately that certain crimes, like if you get away with things to a certain extent, it's almost like people should just be like, okay, like, you're like, like murder.

- No, no, but like the swindler, like the Tinder swindler, I'm like wow, the fact that he was able to get away with it, I mean he didn't get away with it I guess. - I know so many people in LA who are like, they are Tinder swindlers. Like hella people do that. - I could see myself getting swindled, although I don't even think I'm eligible to take out a loan of that size.

That's, I was talking about that with Natalie. Like, you're either the swindler or the swindley in life. You know what I mean? I'm pumped. Buenos dias, world, from the San Diego Zoo Wildlife Alliance. I'm Marco Wendt. And I'm Rick Schwartz.

And we're your hosts for season three of Amazing Wildlife, a show from iHeartRadio Ruby Studio and the global conservation organization behind the San Diego Zoo and the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. Listen as we dive into the efforts here in San Diego and spotlight the heroes working worldwide to care for the species you know and love. Listen to Amazing Wildlife on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Was it the nudity or the... I'm so serious, I know. Like, I knew this day was going to come. Like, you know what I mean? Where it was, like, finally going to happen. Like, especially back in the day, I would just wild out with OnlyFans promo. And now all my tagged photos are, like, really weird porn. What's crazy is that they don't... It's not like you get, like, a two-month... Like, what happens when you, like, post something that's against the community guidelines, for those of you who don't usually do it, like we do, it'll, like...

immediately delete your story and then it'll give you a warning but those never go away so it's like if you've had your Instagram I mean I've had my Instagram since like exactly for years and so like like I'm sorry like I said something a little out of like one time I posted a close friend story with a friend and she was with the guy that I liked and as a joke I said I'm gonna fucking skin her alive which I mean like no I mean I get I get it but like said I was gonna gut her like a fish completely joking

I was kidding. And they deleted it immediately. And now they think I'm like harassing people. Yeah, no, I don't. I mean, like I obviously definitely just like expected it. It was just crazy. Well, you probably have like, what do you have? Like one more strike before your shit's gone for good. And it was like gone the other night again. Like I definitely think it could be like a let Riley live, Riley read vibe. Like I might definitely just have to like sit over. Oh, you're going to get like what Lila has to do. Lila starts a new Instagram like as often as she has to change her outfit.

And no one could help me. I had to go to Charlie D'Amelio's manager and literally like offer him one of my fingers cut off to get it back. And he got it back by like the hair on his head. Like it was just. He doesn't have any hair on his head. Yeah, he's both.

I bought it. It's literally false. Shout out Greg Goodfrey. I love you. I love you, Greg. Speaking of applying at Burger King, I was really, I was like sobbing and everyone was like, you're being so dramatic, especially on TikTok. All the comments were like, are you fucking kidding me? This was your like worst day ever. But it's like, that's like how I run my business. Like, you know what I mean? That is true. That is, it's really scary. Like that, that, I mean, it's definitely a first world problem. Your career is heavily, I mean, it's actually completely dependent on you.

on you having a social media. - And it was just like all these contracts I've signed to obviously do so many things on Instagram. And I was like, I'm gonna fraud them all and get sued. - Oh, like you were gonna do that anyway? Your assistant's out there like, bitch, you're not filming that brand deal anyway.

Speaking of being awful at my business, I keep drinking drinks that aren't dizzy. Like we have a happy dad. I'm drinking a happy dad to try to stick to the bread. Like I'm wearing kind of like a dad outfit right now with my little New Balance sneakers. I really need to stop actually promoting other alcohol. But I mean, I drink so much. No, but dizzy wine gets me too fucked up. Like I'd be on here like speaking in tongues. No, if I had one dizzy right now, I'd be like slurring. Yeah. The other night I thought I could, this is so embarrassing. I actually don't even want to relive it. And I hope no one finds it because it's like so disgusting.

So embarrassing. They're going to find it. Whatever. I guess it's fine. I need to learn. I need to hold myself accountable on this one. Seriously, Brooke, I don't even know if you know this. What did you do? So I went out. It was the night that you're about to talk about. You did some fun things. It was our good friend.

Z, it was our good friend's birthday. And we went to his birthday and we were all there and I had to work the next day. So I was like, oh my God, I'm so proud of myself. I'm going home early. Like I was sober like the whole night, like whatever. And then I get home and it's early and everyone's still out. And I'm like, but I, this just sounds like a problem. Like seriously, like why did I do this? Like I was like, but I could have a dizzy. I have five dizzies.

Which, as you know, four. Well, no, I was, like, with people. I was with people who were, like, drinking, and they wanted to, like, go back out and stuff. But it was, like, I was just, like, I did my skincare, like, whatever. And it's, like, they're just so little, and it's, like, you just throw it back and you throw it back. Yeah, it's, like, a little shot of wine. Four of them. But, like, you can't. That is a bottle of wine. Four of them is a bottle of wine. I went live on Instagram. What'd you do? I don't know either.

I was like, black guy, what can I remember? See, at that point, you should have wished you did have your Instagram deleted. Sincerely, like, take it away. They were trying to do you a favor. I've never done that. And you know, I've been like belligerent, like a lot, obviously in this life. Yeah, but that's like, like imagine you like going live the night of the like 24 karat golden birthday party. That's what I'm saying. It's like when Lindsay Lohan, do you remember? I just wanted to drink my microphone.

I'm going crazy, you guys. We just forgot a podcast completely. Do you remember when Lindsay Lohan... I don't even know if I should laugh at this at all because it's kind of fucked up. I don't even think she was fucked up, but she was in Dubai and she was trying to take someone's kid and she went live.

And she was like talking in an accent like from that part of the world and was like, no, no, you will come with me and was like trying to steal someone's kid and saying they were like kidnapping their kid. And she like went live. No. Yeah. I don't remember that one. That's what I just kind of feel like. Are you sure you didn't dream about that? I'm very, very, very sure. She was living in Dubai for a while because paparazzi is illegal in Dubai. Is it really? Yeah. You would hate it there.

- Buenos dias world from the San Diego Zoo Wildlife Alliance. I'm Marco Wendt. - And I'm Rick Schwartz.

And we're your hosts for season three of Amazing Wildlife, a show from iHeartRadio Ruby Studio and the global conservation organization behind the San Diego Zoo and the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. Listen as we dive into the efforts here in San Diego and spotlight the heroes working worldwide to care for the species you know and love. Listen to Amazing Wildlife on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So the Bryce roast, the Bryce Hall roast finally came out. Um,

People liked it for the most part. I think that we killed it. Me, Brooke, and Jason collaborated on the jokes. And it was fun. But it's funny because before I was having so much anxiety to you. I was like, I'm going to get canceled. She was freaking out. I wasn't worried about you getting canceled at all. I was worried about your delivery. Yeah, I couldn't deliver anything well at all. You should have seen me the whole time. I was like, Bryce is. If they saw where you started to where you ended up, they would be a lot more impressed.

To be honest with you, that's, yeah, like I'm satisfied with it because it's not something that I like

or have done a lot. So I'm like, you know what I mean? Like I'm satisfied with the way it turned out. Not like me at the comedy. We'll talk about the, all the joke cutting. Everyone wants me to talk about that and Jeff in a second. But I was, I was having a full blown panic attack to you about being canceled. That's not what you were worried about. You were like, bitch, you need to figure out how to be funny. Like and say the shit right. But I was like, no, but I'm going to get canceled. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. I said a lot of fucked up shit that they cut out. I'm not going to lie. But the thing that I'm getting the most backlash for, I'm so frustrated about too, Brooke, because here's the thing.

Tana had to go and do what Tana does. Whole set is fully written, right?

Whole set's fully written. Every single thing I said is something that we wrote down and we rehearsed. But before me was Josh Richards, right? And they cut like three-fourths of his set. But I just want to let you guys know. And I love Josh. So like this is all in good fun. Again, it's a roast. That's what you're supposed to do is like roast the fuck out of each other. But Josh's, everyone's set was like 10 minutes. Josh's was like 25. Like literally 30 minutes long. And like 50.

15 minutes of Josh's set was just cooking me. But the same type of joke over, you're a whore, you're a whore, you're a whore, you're a whore, you're a whore. But in 30 different ways, you get what I'm saying? And obviously I get it, that's the point of a roast. He clearly, he overprepared. But he was coming at my neck. They cut what couldn't be left in.

And I didn't really write that many jokes about Josh. I kind of like we wrote about pretty much everyone else. And I had like one or two Josh jokes. He's hard to joke about. Yeah, because there's not like. Yeah. There's not a lot that's like that make fun of-able. Like, oh, your girlfriend left you. Yeah. And like Josh is like super sweet and like successful and like minds his business. Wait, I have a story about Josh after this. I have to tell you. I'm excited for that. I want to know what the tea is. But anyways, I walk up.

And I say, Josh, you violated me just like you violated Nessa when you cheated on her with like all those girls or whatever. Like I just off tops because I was like, fuck you. I did notice a little improv. Yeah, I had to get spunked.

and bold and ad lib for no fucking reason like should have known they were just gonna cut him violating the fuck out of me and just like done my fucking set I just make you look like a fucking narc so then they did he cheat is he a cheater they so then they leave it in oh I don't like who careful

They leave it in and the whole internet is now being like, Tana said it. Like, I guess no one, I guess maybe Lil Huddy had like alluded to it or. Very credible. Someone else. Tana Mongeau. I mean, everyone knows I, I love Nessa and I have her back to the day I die and I've said it for a million times. There's so much that happened. Like,

I wasn't here to try to break some big scandal. It was obviously still just more of a joke of like what people joke about in Hollywood. Yeah. Like that's, that's a common joke. So, so I just made this unwarranted joke. And of course that's what I'm getting canceled for is just being like a fucking idiot, dumb bitch who can't keep her mouth shut and sticks her nose and everything. But at the same time, you know, you never, Josh, like, come on, you know, sorry, Josh. Anyway. So I ran into Josh at the club. Okay. Yeah.

And he was there with Brianna Chicken Fry, who I fucking, I'm her biggest fan. I think that she's the biggest contributor to the BFFs podcast. I think she's so funny. She's so funny. I just love them. Anyway, I was at their table and I said, by the way, Josh is like, he used to like come over when you...

all the time like i feel like we'd be like around him i've met him probably a dozen times okay and i'm your co-host on the podcast and they've mentioned on the podcast like here and there like they reviewed our halloween costumes they reviewed our halloween costumes they did smash mary kill and they put me in it like i know like i just i have to preface with that because it's like in my head i'm like i could say hey like hey to him so i went up to him at the club and i'm talking to him and i'm like i'm the biggest bffs fan ever like whatever blah blah blah

My friend is with me and she's like, yeah, she has a podcast too, like with Tana. And he literally, I swear to God, looks, by the way, I wasn't, I was saying like, I'm the biggest BFFs fan. I wasn't like expecting that he was going to know who I am at all. That's not like the vibes. But he looks at me dead in the eyes and he goes, not going to lie, I have no fucking idea who you are.

josh josh richards said that to you to your face where to go and i was like drunk or something but i was like i was like damn i'm just telling you i'm i didn't even say shit about my podcast like it's like my friend did but i'm like i was not expecting like him to know me at all but i the nerve i was like damn like fucking richards damn i don't even know what to say back to that i'm not i'm

I can't wait for them to be on BFFs. And I couldn't even believe it. And I talked like after, cause I wasn't the only one who heard it either. So like after I'm talking to my friend and I'm like, am I wrong to be so offended by that? Because it's like, I wouldn't say that to any, like that's like if someone came up to me and was like, Hey, I love the podcast. And I'm like, yeah, well I don't fucking know you. So.

Like, damn, Josh. Like, damn. Damn. I love when something happens like this in LA, like the mic thing or something. It sucks too because I'm always on the podcast. I'm like, Josh Richards is so hot. He looked so good that one night. I'm like, always like talking him up. And I like, I was like,

Shot to my ego. Damn. I'm like, I better be funnier on the podcast. People don't fucking know who I am. No, that they definitely do. But also like, that's just, that's, that's such a weird thing to say. Like I didn't even, I didn't even expect him to know who I was, but, but now that you're saying it, I'm like, you really have meant like,

Like, no, like, that's super. I've mentioned I'm excited to see because, you know, BFFs always like like they're going to talk about this on BFFs. I'm excited to see what Josh has to say. And I mean, I'll get like he was drunk. Like it was like. No, but like, Josh, why? I'm excited to see what you have to say about that. What what what's your take on this, Josh? Because what? Like.

I was so offended. I was like, literally, I've been I've had so much built up emotion for Josh Richards since then. No, seriously. Yeah. But I mean, you're not. I'm like, you know what? I take back what I said about you being. I tweeted that right after it happened. I tweeted. I take back what I said because the episode that we had filmed the day before that, I said, Josh Richards is

so hot. You have bad luck with that. I know and I tweeted and I said I take back what I said about Josh Richards in the morning I was a crook. I wish so badly I could tell a few stories of things you've said on the podcast and then things that have happened in your life after but I can't. You guys can I talk I just have recently had my first instance of like something something I said on the podcast coming back to bite me in the ass and let me tell you about it. Buenos dias world from the San Diego Zoo Wildlife Alliance. I'm Marco Wendt and I'm Rick Schwartz.

So if you guys recall a few episodes ago,

I told a story about how I had received a DM from Brody Jenner. No, I got an accept message request from Brody Jenner and he had unsent the message. So I DM him and I was like, hi, like whatever. And he just responded like, what's good?

And I never respond to that message because I'm terrified. He's like unsettlingly good looking and he just like honestly terrifies me. She's been withholding the story from me all week. I'm on the edge of my seat. Like because we save shit for the podcast. So I'm like, so I told that story and I hated the way that I delivered the story too because like it got clipped on TikTok and it made it seem like I was like, I didn't respond to Brody Jenner. But like, I really just like, what do you say to Brody Jenner? He's the best looking man on the planet, I think.

And so we should have him as a guest. That's where I'm going with this kind of. So the other night I'm at dinner with some like basketball players, which was so random. But wow, I were at Delilah and there's literally nobody there. There's like five people there, like total. OK. And Brody Jenner's there.

And I'm with my friend Sienna and Sienna knows Brody. So we go up to him and we're talking to him and I'm like shaking in my boots. Yeah. I'm like, oh my God, he's going to like, I hope he doesn't recognize me. Yeah. And we're good to go. Okay. He's, he's like, hi, I'm Brody. Nice to meet you. He's buying us shots, like whatever. There's no one at this bar. So we're just like chatting with him, whatever. Yeah.

And he starts talking about how he's thinking about starting, like, a podcast with Audrina and Frankie Delgado from The Hills. Like, to expose, like, kind of the behind the scenes. Have you been seeing Spencer Pratt do his series? Yes, so great. He's brilliant for that. Seriously. But he, so he's like, yeah, we want to, like, talk about, like, the behind the scenes, like, stuff like that. And my friend Sienna goes, oh, my God, my friend Brooke has a podcast. I go, what?

Like, no. No, I don't. I really don't. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. And she's like, no, no, no. Like, it's really big. Like, she does. She has a podcast. She's so good at it. Don't sell yourself short. Like, no, no, no. And I'm like, I'm looking at her like. And bless her heart, too. Because, like, she's, you know. I know she was so cute trying to, like, hype me up and make me look good. Like, whatever. But I'm like, fuck.

shut up she's like no it's really good and now he's like oh my god what's it called like and i'm like no like you wouldn't you wouldn't know of it she's like it's been in the top 10 since it like she's like it's huge like and so finally i'm like uh like you know like tana mojo you know like tana mojo like i have a podcast with tana mojo and he goes oh he goes i dm'd you and i go

I was like, I'm so sorry. Like, I don't know why I said that. Like, and I just start like word vomiting. And I'm like, we have to. I have like in Vegas. I talked to him about the podcast. Yeah. Well, I was like, this is so embarrassing. And he's but he was like such a sweetheart about it. He was like, he was like, no, I just met Tana. I love Tana so much. He's like, you're totally fine. Like, I did. Like, he's like, it's fine. Like, I mean, that really happened. Whatever. Like, but I guess.

He had a girlfriend at the time. Not at the time that he DM'd me, but he had a girlfriend at the time that I spoke about it on the podcast. And little did I know, I went to college with her. Like, I literally know her and went to college with her. So I just looked like the biggest, most disrespectful asshole on the entire planet. I didn't know, of course, that they were dating, but like...

Now that I do, I'm like, Brooke, like, shut the fuck up. Oh, my God. You really say too much. I said too much. You really say too much. And thankfully, he was so sweet about it. And he was like... And he told me, too. He was like...

Now that I've met you and like I know Tana and like he was like, maybe I'd want to come on the podcast. Like, I guess, I guess David, your manager has been trying to get him to come on for a while. And he was apprehensive. I get it. But he was like, he was like, I'm down to come on it. And he said that. But then as the night went on, I kept like saying, like, we have to have you on the podcast. And then all of a sudden he was like, oh, like, I don't know. Like, I.

He's like, I just don't really do the podcast. I've never been on a podcast. As he's trying to start one. He definitely does them. Just not ours. He was the one who said it. He's the one who started. He's like, I would love to come on the podcast. And then I brought it up later. And he was like, no. That's a big thing. I will say that as well. I always thought that getting guests would be very easy because it's like,

we know most of the people in this space that's kind of like my shtick like how does she know this person like whatever yeah and I could like ask anyone like and I'm this sounds so picky I don't mean like that but I mean like a celebrity for a favor or like come to a party or like anything like that or like you know like my celebrity friends will hit me up to do shit like yeah but the second that I'm like like oh my god like if they bring up the podcast like oh it's doing so good I'm like you should come on they're like

are you going to cancel me? Like people are like actually afraid to come on our podcast. I understand being scared of us but I told him I was like you can have like I mean you have control. No one believes you.

I know I told him I was like you can cut whatever you want if you come on and you hate it and it's like whatever but like I really don't and he was like oh I'll think about it people are scared I feel like like honestly that's why our guests are always controversial but I would love to have him on and I feel like he's just like I feel like he has so much insight especially like with you having done a reality show and him like obviously he's an OG yeah that'd be fun it'd be really really interesting so Brody get on our podcast and you said it first

what she said, I think, but also please leave comments of who we should try to get on our podcast or tag people because I think everyone's afraid of us at this point. I'm not going to lie. Buenos dias world from the San Diego Zoo Wildlife Alliance. I'm Marco Wendt. And I'm Rick Schwartz.

And we're your hosts for season three of Amazing Wildlife, a show from iHeartRadio Ruby Studio and the global conservation organization behind the San Diego Zoo and the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. Listen as we dive into the efforts here in San Diego and spotlight the heroes working worldwide to care for the species you know and love. Listen to Amazing Wildlife on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I almost died.

Okay, when? Oh, with your neck hole? I'm kidding. I do have, like, a wild hole in my neck. That was also, like... It is, like, unsettling to look at. I really don't like how it looks. But so I go. I'm, like, on my knees on the ground in front of this table. And I go to, like, lay my head, like, on something on the table. And on the table, Chris Miles had just dropped...

like over like in the other room a glass and shattered it picked up the glass and just put it on the table that's such a chris miles thing to do glass goes through my neck and then i don't even notice that like which is so alarming i'm not joking i don't notice literally at all i know but that too like that in itself is just a little bit concerning so concerning i don't notice at all and then i'm sitting there with ty and marie's boyfriend and ty is very like pranky i love time but he's he'll be yeah he'll always be like oh my god what's on your

face yeah he's just very like that you know what I mean and so he goes oh my god you're bleeding everywhere and I'm like ah Ty good one you got me and I keep going back and forth with him too I'm like no I'm not and he's like yes you are like go look like are you okay and I'm like Ty cut the bit like it's not funny I go look in the fucking mirror blood everywhere everywhere then like Rusty's there he starts freaking out like everyone's like

And I hate that feeling because then it's like you start to worry when everyone's like, oh, my God, like, are you good? Yeah. Paige, on the other hand, is just spreading like peanut butter on a Ritz cracker at the fucking counter. Like, bitch, get over it. Blood everywhere. I'm bleeding, soaking through paper towels, whatever. We finally get it to like chill for a sec and we shine a light on it and the flashlights like hitting it and there's just glass in my neck. Oh, I don't like that.

But of course I won't go to the emergency room 'cause I'm a pussy and a baby back bitch and I just didn't want to. - Yeah, we were crying when Amari sent your tweet and it was like, "I need stitches." - I really thought I needed stitches. Then everyone's coming for me being like, "You fucking dramatic lying bitch." - It's literally like- - It's a paper cut.

Upon further investigation, I did learn that it's like a, it looked pretty bad. It was pretty gnarly, but it was funny because it's like, that's such a you thing to say like, gosh, I need stitches. It literally, I could see into my fucking art, like carotid. Like didn't 100% normally. I'm being so dramatic. The problem with this too is it's a very small cut. So it's like,

I was bleeding for like three days, which also is just so concerning. Like go to the doctor. That is concerning, but I was assuming you had some like some blood thinning. Like Advil or like alcohol or whatever. I mean, yes, but also like bleeding a lot. But like it just looks small. So everyone's like you're being dramatic, whatever, whatever, whatever. But then finally an at-home doctor comes or like it is such a deep cut. Like.

blah blah blah but then they still tell me that they don't think there's glass in it right but i'm like moving my head around and i feel fucking glass in my neck yesterday i could have never been a nurse i come to like i look in the mirror at it in the front of my scabber like the day before yesterday and the glass was on the outside and came out my body expunged it that's so nice i don't think my body was capable of expunging things of course what sounds what's what does expunging even mean does it push it out can we get a fact check on that even being a word expunging

It sounds right. To expunge? No, no, no. I could be completely wrong. I'm definitely the definition of those girls on TikTok who like use big words wrong. No, I love when you do that though. It really cracks me. Like I'm always just swinging. Not all of them are like a hit. You know what I mean? I'm like, I can't even think of like a... The definition is to erase or remove completely. I just got word in my headphones.

That's why you should wear your headphones. The more you know. Seriously, but I just can't mess up my weave like that. I love your little banging. You look like Hannah Montana. Oh my God. The banging. I seriously, I have bangs now guys. Kinda. Um, they're definitely from bleach. It's so funny. Cause someone commented on my TikTok. They were like, love the bangs, even though it's definitely a chemical cut. And one of my hair girls, Ashley, she's so funny. Bless her heart. She responds and she's like, no, we cut it on purpose. Oh,

full chemical cut. She was just trying to like help my back. Like obviously I think like to make them look better too. I think they're cute. It's trendy. I'm just feeling it. I need to like actually cut them properly because like some are like way longer than others from bleach, you know? Yeah, I'm noticing like the tiny little bits that I just know you can see. Yeah. Oh yeah, like I'm looking at you right now through like a banging. Yeah.

I always think about that. I make fun of my roommate all the time because she gets like the most insane eyelash extensions. And I'm like, is it like you're just wearing like a big hat at all times? Because I know she can see them. You know what I mean? Like I know they're in her vision. Can I give a controversial opinion? Yeah. We've seen everyone talk about different crypto coins, whether it's a Labradoodle coin, a tit coin, some random new NFT that someone's DMing you about.

Maybe ignore that one, trust me. But seriously, if you listen to the news or talk to your friends or read your DMs, it's like everyone's got some exciting new thing they're investing in or buying. But all of that doesn't mean you should throw your money at every crazy thing you see online when there are alternatives out there with pretty impressive track records. I'm talking about contemporary art.

No, I'm serious. You don't need to be rich rich to do it. Masterworks can make it a reality. Masterworks is a really cool startup based in New York City that lets you purchase shares that represent an investment in famous artworks from really sick artists like Banksy and Picasso. It may be good for your financial future, but it's even cooler to imagine going out to brunch with the squad and dropping that you're an art collector.

Not that!

I have any right to say what looks good or bad on people when I do things like have my tracks out and like lashes falling off and shit. So it's like, again, like take this with a grain of salt. But I think intense lash extensions. It makes it so everyone's going to regret it so much. I just really, truly believe that because it's like you like.

Nobody thinks those are your lashes, first of all. And you can't see someone's eyes. That's what bothers me about it is you can't see someone's eyes. But just the way they look, I've never seen someone look better with them. Like, I don't get it. I don't understand why any... Like, I get the last thing. I have no lashes. Actually, a good example is Abby.

our friend Abby. She has eyelash extensions and hers are just like long and nice and like when we're on the beach and she just has a tan face, no makeup and lashes. She looks beautiful. Yeah, she's great. But like... No, I'm talking about the thick black like inner to outer. Why is that a thing? I don't like it either and of course you can like what you like but that is just not my vibe. No, it actually like terrifies me because I've seen some... Like...

I feel like you could be the most beautiful girl in the world and you get that and you look warm. That's what's so shitty about it. It's like, I feel like it's just one of those things that everyone's going to look back and be like, oh, why did I do that? Like when we were all wearing like, like skin colored lipstick.

Like why do we do that? I put concealer on my lips for like years. Yeah, I believe you. In high school. And it was so awesome. I actually just had eyelash extensions last week, but I, I can't, I touch my eyes too much. I had to. Oh yeah. And I sleep so like face down. Me too. And I lost every single lash on one eye and then had a full eye on the other one. I was like, oh shit. I also look,

I was looking funny. Oh my gosh. I have to show you the videos I took of myself. I took mushrooms again the other night. I don't know why. After what I told you guys about what happened to me the last time I took mushrooms, like Brooke, why did you take mushrooms again? That's because I'm stupid. So, but I honestly had the best time. But I took, when I,

When I got home. We should do a podcast on mushrooms. When I got home, I was looking at myself in the mirror and I was lifting one eyebrow and I'm like, no fucking way. I've never been able to do this. Like, no shot. So I take all these videos on my phone. I'm like, this is so crazy. I can't believe, like, I just learned how to do that on here. And I took all these videos on my phone and there is nothing about one of my eyebrows that is raising, but I was convinced. No, I need to see the video of you just

You kind of are. I was so happy to. I'm like cracking up and I'm alone. I can just imagine you dead alone doing that. There's four videos and they're all a minute long. Buenos dias world from the San Diego Zoo Wildlife Alliance. I'm Marco Wendt. And I'm Rick Schwartz.

And we're your hosts for season three of Amazing Wildlife, a show from iHeartRadio Ruby Studio and the global conservation organization behind the San Diego Zoo and the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. Listen as we dive into the efforts here in San Diego and spotlight the heroes working worldwide to care for the species you know and love. Listen to Amazing Wildlife on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Can we do something fun right now? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Okay, so before I got here,

I received a text from Paige, Tana's assistant, that said, just in case you want to test if Tana is smarter than a fifth grader. And I think she's brilliant. We've been playing Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader a lot at home. And it got concerning the other night when I didn't know the seven continents. I don't know the seven continents. And I literally went to university.

That makes me feel so much better because I was being brutally shamed. I knew like five. Maybe I know them. Three. What is it? South America, North America. Asia. Asia, Europe, Africa, Australia. Is it Antarctica? Wait, are those countries? Wait, what am I talking about? See, like I just lose all concept of that. Like the whole like country, city, continent thing. It's like so much for me to handle. So I thought it'd be fun if we went back and forth and asked each other, are you smarter than a fifth?

Okay, but unfortunately, I have all the questions on my, so I don't want to know the answers already. Like pass the phone. Yeah, but you can just see the next answer. Oh, okay. So do you just want to quiz me then? Yeah. Okay. So Brooke, because I feel like you're smarter than a fifth grader. I don't know. I don't feel that way. Okay, let's start. I know, sometimes I'd be hanging out with like. Well, this question, what is Rosa Parks famous for? Okay, hold on. Hold on, y'all. I see what you're trying to do, Paige. You want a job? We're going to be broke. Okay. Okay.

Let me see. What is the capital of New York? Albany? How'd you know that? The process by which plants eat and make energy is called? Photosynthesis. God, she's a genius. The interior angles of a triangle always add up to? Three. What? One, two, three. What the fuck is wrong with her? 180 degrees.

See, the whole degrees thing. Like, why would they put the word degrees with temperature and shapes? What is responsible for the ocean tides? Tectonic plates moving? The moon. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. But that almost, honestly, you almost had me. The hardest naturally occurring mineral is... What?

The hardest natural occurring mineral. Like hardest, like... Yeah. And it's like the hardest. Uh-huh. You got this. Think Amari's birthday. Gold? Babe, you bought him an iced out Rolex. It's diamond. Oh, shit. I got him diamonds. The closest planet to the sun. Gun to my head. I have no idea.

Mercury? Genius. Oh my God, you guys, we are not giving this girl enough credit. No, no, no, but you also don't understand, like, I'm developing an eye twitch right now and I actually, like, want to start crying. What is the freezing point of water? You have to know this. Fahrenheit and Celsius. Zero. Okay. Zero degrees what? I feel like it's Celsius and then I feel like the Fahrenheit's like a spunky number, like 21 or 33 or 54. What?

32. Okay. 33! When writing out a fraction, the numbers above and below the vaniculum... What the fuck is a vaniculum? ...are called the... Oh, you know this. I feel like the vaniculum sounds like something that would be in a man's balls. Can you say it one more time? When writing out a fraction, the numbers on the top and the bottom are called... Exponents. What the fuck? Numerator and denominator. Go easy on me, baby. Okay, we only have two more. The hexagon has how many sides...

I see you're onto something with that. A hexagon. What is a hexagon even? That one's a trapezoid. I just feel like it's five. Something's telling me five. No, five is pentagon, right? What's a hexagon? Six. You kept saying hex, hex. I'm like, yeah, yes. But like, what is it? The thinnest layer of the earth is called- A stop sign is a hexagon. Probably. Cha-ching, bazinga. Girl, I watched a girl run over a stop sign the other day and just drive away. It's really why I can't drive.

Thinnest layer of the earth is called, it's what's on your bedside table. Dirt. Crust. Fuck. I ran out of questions. All right, guys. Are you smarter than a fifth grader? Grab a pencil and a piece of paper. The way I know the theme song to that, and I don't even know my cousin's names. That is really impressive. My cousin's pregnant.

My favorite cousin. She's pregnant. What else? I wish I was pregnant. Speaking of wishing we were pregnant and the thing, I have such a bad bleeding problem. Bro, if you knew what was happening to me, oh, I bled all over. I bled all over the place last night. A dick? I'm so sorry that I know a bed that wasn't mine, but...

Whose bed were you in that wasn't yours? Don't be rude. You know exactly whose bed I was in that wasn't mine. But I didn't hook up with him. I just was sleeping over. Imagine being a guy and a bitch just comes over and doesn't hook up with you, bleeds all over your bed. He deserved it. He left me on the couch. That's fair. That is completely, completely fair. He's like, bitch, now you're never coming in my bed again. Couch it is. No, the other night, I was really high and it was really late at night and I like...

I go into the bathroom and I guess I was bleeding and I got blood all over the toilet seat and I didn't see it because it was in the dark and I just didn't turn the light on. I was like, oh, I'm good. And then like I flushed it with like blood all over the toilet seat. And then I bled. It's all fucking blood.

I bled through my underwear and then I walked out of the room and I put them on top of a pile of clothes I was going to take upstairs when I went upstairs and then I went to the kitchen and then I went to the kitchen and then I made food and then I forgot. And then today I heard Hunter screaming bloody murder and it's because he saw Hunter. Hunter always has to deal with your bloody issues as well. I know. I know. I almost feel like just coincidentally it's always with him. And then he saw my bloody underwear in the living room.

room and that is so really dehumanizing like seriously no one Chris will always say to me when I do shit like that he's like and they pay you to live here like I should be paying him to live there

It sucks because like it's I get it's natural and stuff and now I'm like just so desensitized I'm like telling all these bloody stories on the podcast all the time But I'm like that's like we shouldn't be saying that's really gross. I can't stop bleeding. I'm serious I can't either a serious serious problem, but it's it's you know that I've never never one time in my entire 25 years of life bled in my own bed I've never like woken up and been like, oh I bled in my bed really but I've bled in several men's beds

I bleed my bed like once a month. I believe that about you. No, but just in my sleep, I don't know. My period's very like it just comes. I don't have a heavy period at all. So it's almost like somebody's like out to get me up there upstairs. They're like, watch this. And they just like it's all of a sudden I'm just fucking fire hose everywhere. If a month, that's how I feel every month. Fire hose, so much blood. If a month goes by and I don't see like a little leg in there, like some leg. You have to stop with the limbs.

I'm so, so sorry. No, I actually, it's just because my period's irregular. I have no idea why I'm so good to my body, seriously. Super irregular, so it just comes to my sleep, and then I just, like, ruin the whole bed. Thank you for coming to this week's episode of Canceled. Practice safe sex, wear a latex, because you don't want to get that I'm late text. I think I'm late. I don't, okay, bye. Unless he's really rich. Then keep it. Tanimoja is cancelled.

A DWE Talent Production. Buenos Dias, world, from the San Diego Zoo Wildlife Alliance. I'm Marco Wendt. And I'm Rick Schwartz.

And we're your hosts for season three of Amazing Wildlife, a show from iHeartRadio Ruby Studio and the global conservation organization behind the San Diego Zoo and the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. Listen as we dive into the efforts here in San Diego and spotlight the heroes working worldwide to care for the species you know and love. Listen to Amazing Wildlife on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.