The Coughing Major | Let's Play Millionaire | 1
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Just before we jump into today's episode, a few British Scandal listeners have been listening to the Lord Lucan series and haven't got the episode they expected. Episode three is the incriminating episode. If you are still struggling to find that, go onto your podcast app of choice, delete that episode and re-download and it should be there for you so you don't miss a single chapter of that story.

Just to add, it was all Alice's fault. I told her to just upload episode three of Lord Lucan, but she wouldn't listen. And I said, Alice, please, this is going to cause a lot of trouble. Okay, Matt, a new series. And I just thought I'd start with a little survey, a little question for you. Okay, I love surveys. Do you think that this series will be A, nail biting, B, stressful, C, dramatic, or D, at times funny? Oh, am I allowed all of the above?

Here is the trick question. Yes! We're so in sync. It's September the 10th, 2001. The Who Wants to Be a Millionaire set, Elstree. Major Charles Ingram shuffles in his chair. He's 38 years old with a cheerful round face and brown wispy hair. He's frowning hard, trying to concentrate. The studio music thuds around him. He can feel the vibrations under his seat. The lights flip to one spotlight. It's almost blinding.

He tugs at the collar of his rugby shirt. The only person he can see now is the show's host, Chris Tarrant. Everything else is in darkness. He's in the who wants to be a millionaire hot seat and he's on the million pound question. One right answer and he can sort his debts, keep his girls at their school, buy a house. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. He's got a system in place and it's working. But now he wonders if he should quit, leave with the money he's already won.

He hears Chris Tarrant's voice. For a million pounds, a number one followed by 100 zeros is known by what name? Is it A, Google? B, Megatron? C, Gigabit? D, Nanomole? Charles Ingram looks down at the four options on the monitor. Sweat trickles down his back. He mutters to himself, looks up at the ceiling. After a while, he says, I'm not sure. Tarrant reminds him he hasn't been sure since question number two.

The audience laugh. Charles grins. He's grateful for the release of tension, but Chris Tarrant looks serious. He reminds him what's at stake. If he gets this question right, he'll be the third person in the show's history to win the million. But if he gets it wrong, he'll lose £468,000. Nobody will blame you for walking away. Charles Ingram reads out each answer carefully. He thinks it's a nanomole, but it could be a megatron. He doesn't know what a googol is.

But he thinks it might just be that. That's the problem. You feel like you, once you start to think about the words, you go, oh, I've sort of heard that. What do you think it is?

Hang on. Change the lights. Nanomole, I think. Change the music. Because what's like nanosecond is like a millionth, is it, of a second? I'm afraid I can't help you. Oh, hang on. Oh, well, what am I even thinking now? See, this is the pressure. This is the pressure. If I had to... Isn't a Google like a type of goblin? Interesting. A gigabit is about like storage space, isn't it? Like on a computer. Okay. Or like processing speed. Something like that. Fascinating. I think...

And if you say it fast, it's a nanomole. It sounds like it's an animal and I just like the way that sounds. Do you want me to lock it in? Lock it in! Everyone listening to this now is going to be playing this. We should do interactive British Scandal. Oh my goodness. Okay, noted. Well, much like you, Charles is pretty stressed. Blood pounds in his ears. He doesn't know. After a few minutes, he tells Tarrant he's going to play.

The studio audience gasp. Tarrant asks if he's sure. You've got half a million. You're going for the one you've never heard of just because you've never heard of it. Charles grins.

My strategy has worked so far. I'm going to play. A few seconds later, Charles Ingram gives his final answer. It's Google. Yep. Yep, it's Google. Oh, man, that was the one I ruled out. And you know the worst thing is, this has already happened and I'm still getting the question wrong 20 years later. The most famous quiz question of all time. He searches Chris Tarrant's face to see if he's right. But Tarrant gives nothing away. Instead, he cuts to a break.

The audience groan. Tarrant looks into the camera. Don't go away. This is turning into an epic night. Charles puts his head in his hands. Whatever happens now, he can't change his mind. His answer is locked into the system. If he's right, he's just solved all of his financial problems. But Charles Ingram's answer has also cemented his place in TV history. He's just become the most notorious quiz show contestant of all time.

the man who tried to steal a million pounds on live TV. As the camera pans away, he mutters one single word to himself. Bugger. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.

My friend's still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be.

As summer winds down, let your imagination soar by listening on Audible. Whether you listen to stories, motivation, expert advice, any genre you love, you can be inspired to imagine new worlds, new possibilities, new ways of thinking. With Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen.

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As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com slash WonderyPod or text WonderyPod to 500-500. That's audible.com slash WonderyPod or text WonderyPod to 500-500. Should have gone for Nanobite. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

From Wondery, I'm Alice Levine. And I'm Matt Ford. And this is British Scandal.

The show where we bring you the murkiest stories that ever happened on these odd little aisles. British scandals come in many shapes and sizes. Some are about money, some are about sex. They're all about power. But when we look at scandals a little bit closer, they turn out to be stranger, wilder and just plain weirder than we remember. So we're journeying back to ask who's to blame for what happened. And when the dust settled, did anything really change? MUSIC

So, Matt, have you ever heard of two little people called Charles and Diana? Yes, I have, yes. They're one of the most famous couples of all time. Yeah, I guess so. Obviously a very stressful relationship that they had. Definitely. Which the public gaze didn't help. Yeah, pressure cooker. Stiff upper lip. Yeah, saving face. British establishment, all that stuff. The Queen's kid. I'll stop you there. Sorry, what?

Well, Charles is the Queen's son, the Prince of Wales. So not that Charles and Diana. They are famous, but potentially not as interesting as the Charles and Diana I'm talking about. I'm talking about the Charles and Diana that potentially pulled off one of the craziest cheats of all time on Britain's best loved quiz show, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Oh, Major Charles Ingram. Major Charles Ingram. Yes. Yes.

Oh, man, I love this story. I mean, this is... So he was in the army. Yep. He goes on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Indeed. Where the jackpot is a million pounds. And... He wins. He does. But how does he win? Well, I don't want to give it all away. This is episode one. Let's play Millionaire.

The 20th of December, 2000. Charles and Diana Ingram's house, Oxfordshire. Charles is driving his three daughters home from boarding school. The weather's bad and the traffic's heavy. He needs to concentrate on the roads, but the girls are jumping around in the back seat. School's finished for the Christmas holiday. They're excited to be going home. He tells them to calm down. His oldest daughter says they've made a decision about presents this year.

We only want one thing between us, Dad. We want a pony. Just bringing back memories, Alice? I was never really a horsey girl. There was one Christmas where I didn't fully understand how Christmas worked, but what I knew was that we could get stuff. Yeah. And we didn't have loads of money. So this Christmas list was extensive.

It was like stuff for the baby. Can Ken have a computer? Can Eileen have a car? I was like, guys, don't worry. I've got it covered. I've put it all on the list. So we're going to be fine. Oh, that's funny. So you just thought Christmas was a magical time where you could solve all your problems. Yeah, exactly. I sort of regarded Christmas like Charles Ingram regards who wants to be a millionaire. I suppose.

Charles laughs. A pony shakes his head, glances in his rearview mirror. Three serious faces stare back at him. Why not, Dad? Where would it live? Who would look after it? Plus they'll get bored like they did with the hamster. But they've got their answers ready. They've done research on stables, they know food and vet costs, and they've promised to do all the hard work mucking out. Yeah, right. All their friends at boarding school have ponies. Why can't they? They're not going to be able to do it.

They shove a rotor at him. He glances down at the pink scrawl, looks back at the road. Next year, maybe. Not this Christmas. This is why if you get a hamster, look after it, so then you've got a case for the pony. It goes hamster, chinchilla, small cat, medium dog, then it goes Shetland, then it goes full pony. He glances in the mirror. Three disappointed faces stare back at him. Charles Ingram's been a major in the army for five years now.

He served time in Bosnia on peacekeeping duties. When he was there, he rescued a young Muslim boy from an armed gang. And now he's just about to finish his officer training at the Defence Academy in Srivenen. He's worked hard to give his family a good life, but money is always tight. His debts are £50,000 and rising. Much of that is down to the girls' boarding school fees. He went to boarding school himself. He wants the girls to have the same start in life, but the fees are crippling.

£10,000 each a term. He can't keep up. Well, send him to state school. I mean, at the very least, start going to church and try and get him into a faith school. That sounds like somebody who's given that advice before. If you want to know how to game the state school system, start going to church. Later that night, when the girls are asleep, he hands his wife Diana a mug of tea. He tells her about the drive home. It's made him think he's just not earning enough.

He watches for his wife's reaction. His army career has been hard on her and the kids. They've had eight different homes in the last 12 years and promotion means another move. Diana shoots him a vexed look. We can't move the girls again. They've settled into this school. They've made new friends.

They'll manage, somehow. They usually do. And what about me? My job at the school. I'll have to give that up. I'm sick of moving around. It's not a pony you need to think about, Charles. It's a deposit for a house. But Diana wants stability.

Deep down, he knows the girls do too. He hears his own voice tell an empty room, Okay, but where on earth am I going to get the money? 20th of December, 2000. Charles and Diana's house, Oxfordshire.

Diana's in the kitchen shuffling quiz cards. She's tired. Work at the nursery was hectic today. She loves teaching. It stops her missing her own daughter so much. But she can't give in to fatigue. Not tonight. A few hours ago, her brother Adrian called. I got through. I'm going to be a millionaire. Adrian, well done. That's amazing. He's

He's on his way over now to practice. She's going to train him to win a million pounds. The kitchen is a comfortable mess of family photos, books and plants. She clears the space on the table, puts down the quiz cards and pours herself a glass of wine.

She's been playing quiz games with Adrian and her dad since she was little. It's a family tradition. She's good at quizzing. It lets her use her brain. There's something comforting about it. The answer's either right or wrong. There's no grey area. Who wants to be a millionaire is about as big as it gets. Every quizzer they know has applied to be on the show. It's the biggest TV programme in the country. Millions watch it every night.

This was off the scale. We'd had quiz shows in Britain before. Before then, people used to win like a hatchback car and 50 quid. And then all of a sudden it's a million pounds. And it was the ultimate shouting at the TV quiz show as well. You were like, I could definitely do this. I would have got loads more than this guy. And it felt very un-British. It felt glamorous and American and big.

Whereas until then, people used to have to play darts. They could smoke and drink during the show. This was like new era. And you'd win a washing machine, which just didn't feel as shiny, did it? Diana and her brother are so obsessed, they've even started writing a book. Hints and tips on how to get on the show. ♪

She runs to the door and lets Adrian in. She hugs him, notices her brother's thinning hair. She hates to think of the stress he's under. This is far more than just a quiz for Adrian. His computer business is in trouble. If he doesn't win some serious money, he'll go bankrupt. Adrian puts a bag on the table.

Diana looks inside, takes out a thick wooden block with four buttons and a small LED display. Adrian tells her he's just made it. It's for the fastest finger first question. I always forgot about that bit right at the start when they decide which of the ten people in the studio is going to actually play the game. Exactly, because you could sit on that bank of people and never actually get into the hot seat. And they'd ask one question at the start and then whoever gets the answer right first. So the pressure at that point's incredible. They

They try it out. Diana reads out a multiple choice question. That's right, it was multiple choice. It's even harder. It wasn't just like which one of these is right. You had to go da, da, da, da, like that. You have to order them. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's so hard. Put these rivers in order from largest to smallest. A, Mississippi. B, Yangtze. C, Nile. D, Amazon. Adrian punches in the answer. C, D, B, A. 9.8 seconds. Okay, I went D, C, A, B. Okay.

Close-ish. They go over it again and again. Charles comes in. He pours himself a drink. I thought he'd be gone by now. Diana snaps back. He'll stay as long as he needs. Quizzing is important, Charles. Can't you see we're trying to play fastest finger first? The family that quizzes together stays together. LAUGHTER

An hour later, Adrian leaves. He kisses Diana, tells her he'll see her tomorrow. When he's gone, Charles asks if Adrian is going to be here all week. You're always helping him with something. There's always a crisis. Diana's sick of this argument. He needs my help. I'm going to give it. They don't speak for the rest of the night.

When they have an argument, do you think he puts the question to her like a multiple choice? Why am I not speaking to you? Is it because A, you didn't pay the gas bill? B, you always tut when I ask you to get some shopping? C, I changed the bedding and you didn't notice? Or D, your brother's always here? I'll get rid of two of them for you.

Next day, she's wrapping Christmas presents for the girls when Charles comes home. He tells her he's sorry they argued. He's organised a treat for her and the girls. Some family time together. He hands her some tickets. For a carol service. Diana looks at the date. December 23rd. Her shoulders soften. She tucks a long hair behind her ears and smiles up at him. She loves the fact he's trying to make her happy.

But that's the day Adrian will be on the show. And she's going there as a studio guest to support him. She hands the tickets back. I'm sorry, Charles. I've promised Adrian. I can't let him down.

23rd December 2000, Elstree Studios. Just for people who've never been to a TV studio before, the thought of being at Elstree Studios two days before Christmas is heartbreaking. It is the least glamorous place. It's so true. People always think, oh wow, TV studios. It's a hole and it's freezing and it's in the middle of nowhere. This is not cool. Diana follows Adrian through the studio corridors.

Poster size photos of Chris Tarrant line the walls. She can't believe she's here. Officially, she's Adrienne's guest. But a couple of days ago, she got a call from a publisher who's interested in her millionaire hints and tips book. We think it'll make a great Christmas stocking filler. I.e., it's rubbish, but it'll sell. She tries to take in as much detail as she can. She wants to give her readers a step-by-step experience of the show.

A few minutes later, they're sitting in Adrian's dressing room with a young production assistant. She interviews them about their family background. Any hobbies? Unusual family memories? We did Kill a Guy once. Does that count? We'll jot it down and if it comes up, it comes up. Yeah, he was just looking at me funny.

Adrian talks about holidays where he and Diana played board games. They got really competitive. They'd end in tears, usually mine. 20 minutes later, Diana watches the production team give a pep talk to the contestants. They tell them not to use their lifelines unless they have to. They might need them for the harder questions later on.

Okay, so there were three. Yeah. Ask the audience. Yes. Where it'd be like a poll. Yeah, that was quite useful if I recall. 50-50. Which was always a bit crushing because I felt like it always took away the two that you knew that it wasn't anyway. Yes. And the other one was phone a friend. Which often ended in disaster. There was always a dad who was like, oh yeah, it's like, not now. Did you pick up that charcoal? Dad, please, 15 seconds. Your mum will want to talk to you. Maggie, she's on the phone. It's like, I've got 10 seconds left.

Diana writes down every detail. She feels a tap on her shoulder. One of the production team asks her to stop making notes. She didn't realize she was being watched. She apologizes, puts the book away. At lunchtime, they head to the studio's canteen with the other quizzers.

Adrian already knows some of them. Recently, he set up an underground network of millionaire fanatics, people he can share inside knowledge with about getting on the show and strategies for winning big money. I can't believe how obsessed they are with, firstly, using the show to solve all their financial problems, but also the level of preparation that they're putting into getting onto a TV quiz show. Diana talks about their book. Everyone's interested. She smiles.

If these people are anything to go by, sales will be good. Yeah, seven guys in the canteen said they'd buy it, so... And they're fanatics about the show, so they seem to represent the wider population. That evening, as she sits in the audience, she sneaks out her pen and notebook. She makes a note that the studio is smaller than she thought and the music louder. But a camera pans onto her. She hides the book. The lights change and Chris Tarrant steps out. She edges forward.

Starting with the smallest, put the answers to these sums in their correct order. A, half of 10. B, third of nine. C, quarter of eight. D, fifth of five. Diana watches Adrian punch in the answer. Seconds later, Chris Tarrant announces... It's Adrian Pollock in 7.10 seconds. Diana almost jumps up. She's delighted. Adrian steps forward. Tarrant asks if he's ready to play for a million pounds. You bet. Savour this moment.

He tells the audience this is Adrian's fourth time on the show, but his first in the hot seat. You've been here more times than I have. How has he managed to get on four times? This was a show the whole country was trying to get on. The fact that, I get that you can practice, but how are they overcoming the hurdle of actually getting onto the studio floor? Very interesting, Matt. Keep listening. Questions at the end, yeah? Okay, sorry.

For the next nine questions, Adrian does well. He's just won £32,000. His smiling face fills the monitor. Taryn asks the £64,000 question. In the US and Canada, Labour Day is celebrated in which month? Diana squeezes her eyes shut. She knows this one. She wills him to answer September. But Adrian looks nervous. The music pulses.

Eventually, Adrian goes with May. I was just thinking May. Diana rolls her eyes. Tarrant pauses, then says, It's the wrong answer. Diana lets her head hang down. If she was in Adrian's place, she'd have £64,000 in her pocket. She'd be on her way to buying her dream home. She realises she hasn't just been training Adrian all this time, she's been training herself.

By the time she gets home, she's decided. She's going to apply. She's going to beat Adrian's total. She's going for the million. Oh my word. Four months later, 9th of April, 2001. The Who Wants to Be a Millionaire studio, Elstree. Diana Ingram is in the after show bar.

She sips a glass of wine. She really wants to go home, but it's one of the traditions of the show that contestants stay for a drink after recording. She decides she'll slip out after this one glass. Tonight was a disaster. She's annoyed with herself. She should have known that Lewis Carroll wrote The Hunting of the Snark. She finished on £32,000, same as Adrian. It's not bad though, is it? For just a quiz show appearance, you've just won £32,000. They're still going home with it.

A few seconds later, the room falls silent. Chris Tarrant's just walked in. Everyone heads over to him.

She watches him shake hands and sign autographs. She edges to the front of the group, hands Tarrant a glossy photo of himself. Can you sign this for my girls, please? They love the show too. He signs, hands it back. You don't seem very happy. She smiles, tells him she loved being on the show, of course, but theirs is a big quizzing family, full of sibling rivalry. I really wanted to beat my brother Adrian.

Tarrant grins. Tells her, all the same, £32,000 isn't bad. Thank you, Chris. Most people would have juddered to a halt long before you did. Better luck next time. But there can't be a next time. Tonight was her only chance.

On the drive home, she starts to wonder, could there be another way? She and Charles had applied for the couples show a while back. They hadn't made it past the fastest finger round. Charles isn't a natural quizzer like her and Adrian, but he's not bad. If Charles went on the show himself, he might do well. He might even redeem the family name. What? Calm down. You Ingrams. If it wasn't for your appearance on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, we'd have repossessed the house years ago.

When she gets back, she rings Adrian. You'll be pleased to know I didn't beat your amount. Diana tells him she's got a favour to ask. Can we hold on to your fastest finger first machine? Adrian jokes it's a bit late for her to practice with it now. It's for Charles. He's going on the show? Yes, he is. Now all she has to do is convince Charles it's a good idea.

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It's May 2001, Charles and Diana's house, Oxfordshire. Charles, Diana and the girls sit round the kitchen table. The girls are home for half term. Charles is enjoying hearing their school stories. He cuts into his game pie, takes a mouthful when Diana asks him, What's the capital of Somalia? Charles has been learning quiz answers with Diana for a few weeks now. He didn't want to go on the show, but his promotion hasn't come through.

He can't deny Diana's £32,000 is making a huge difference. But right now, he's sick of quiz questions. He wants a night off. He tells her he isn't going to answer any more tonight. But the girls have already started shouting out the answer. Mogadishu! It's Mogadishu, Dad! He looks up at Diana and his daughters. They're enjoying this, so he joins in. OK, give me another. Diana asks, Who was killed by a tram on Coronation Street?

I know this. Alan Bradley. You seem very sure. Yes, he was terrible to Rita and he gets hit by a tram in Blackpool and dies. The way he ate a sandwich, one of the most menacing things I've ever seen on telly. You'd have got the money. Yeah. Charles drops his knife and fork. He doesn't mind answering geography questions, but he's not discussing soap deaths. I don't think you get a choice, do you, mate? Not while we're eating. Ask me one about mountains or planets. Not while we're eating. Only geography questions when I've got my mouth full. You know the rules, Diana.

Diana frowns at him. The show likes to ask questions about Coronation Street. It's ITV's flagship programme. It comes up a lot. You need to be prepared. Charles takes a mouthful of pie. He knows nothing about pop culture. He can't keep track of soaps or singers or footballers. The truth is, he's having second thoughts about going on the show at all.

His general knowledge is OK, but it's not brilliant. He's not a quizzer like Diana and her brother. The other day at work, he told his boss he was applying to be a contestant. His boss raised an eyebrow. Good luck. Don't let the army down. But that's exactly what he's scared of. As an army major, as soon as he walks into the studio, he'll be representing more than himself. And if he fails on the early questions, on the popular stuff everyone else knows, he'll be mocked by his colleagues for months.

He doesn't know any Destiny's Child songs or what Jennifer Aniston's famous for or who she's married to. That night in bed, Diana goes through Bones in the Body, The Loudest Mammals and The Kings and Queens of England.

He's tired. He wants to go to sleep. But Diana keeps going. Where do cowboys put their chaps? Steady on. He sits up. He's had enough. Tells her he can't do this anymore. It's OK as a bit of fun down the pub, but she's asking him to potentially make a fool of himself on national television. What if I don't get past £1,000? I'll never live it down.

She closes the quiz book. It's just like the army. You train, you improve, you'll be fine. Oh, that's what people say. You talk to any veteran on Remembrance Sunday. They'll say, how would I describe the song? It was a bit like, who wants to be a millionaire? But Charles shakes his head. Nothing about this is fine. He's made his mind up. I'm sorry, Diana, but I'm not doing it. It's the wrong answer.

A few days later, 10.30pm, Charles and Diana's house. Diana dials out on the kitchen phone. She's trying to get hold of her brother Adrian. This is the fifth time she's called in the last hour. He was supposed to come over for their usual quiz night, but an hour ago she got a call from his wife, Hilary. Adrian's gone missing. He didn't come home last night. I'm really worried. Probably checked into quiz rehab. Wean himself off. Diana listens as the phone rings and rings.

Wherever Adrian is, he's not answering. She touches the top of her head. Her hands are shaking. She calls his friends. No one's seen him. Then she rings her dad. She doesn't want to worry him, so she keeps it light. She reassures him he's probably at some pub quiz somewhere. She hangs up.

A few seconds later, the phone rings. She snatches it up. It's Adrian. Where are you? He tells her he can't talk. He gives her some pager numbers. Ring me on these. Before he hangs up, he tells her, I'm in real trouble, Diana. It's a picture round and I don't recognise three of them. I was thinking, I've fallen in with the bullseye lot and they're absolute thugs. Next day, she drives to a woodland area a few miles away.

It had taken a while, but she persuaded Adrian to tell her where he was hiding out. He looks terrible. His eyes are sunken and he hasn't washed for days. She tries to persuade him to come back with her. His kids miss him and his wife is frantic. But Adrian shakes his head. He can't face it. The money he won on Millionaire helps for a while, but his business debts are too big. He owes money to his friends, to his wife's family. He can't pay anyone back.

He's also borrowed heavily from loan sharks. Oh dear. And now they're after him. He starts to cry. She puts her arms around him. Stay with us for a while. But he refuses, makes a promise not to tell anyone where he is.

No character in the history of British scandal that gets themselves into financial difficulty ever considers bankruptcy properly. So true. They always take the worst option. You could declare yourself bankrupt or you could go build a den in the woods. I'll do the den in the woods. Diana still has some of her prize money from the show. Some of it went on the girls' school fees, but she kept some separate as a down payment for a house. She can't bear to see her brother like this.

That night, she tells Charles she wants to give Adrian some money. No, that's for our deposit. Adrian has to stand on his own two feet. I can't let my brother and his children lose their home. She takes a deep breath. She doesn't want this to turn into an argument, but Adrian needs her. If you changed your mind about going on the show, you could win this money back. And make a fool of myself. She tells him that wouldn't happen. You're a good quizzer. You know more than you think.

Please, Charles. I really need you to do this. Please. Such an odd compliment. You're a really good quizzer. You're really good at board games. You are. We all believe in you. The way you play snakes and ladders, Charles. Please. It's late July 2001. Easterton, Wiltshire. Charles is driving Diana and the kids through their new village. They've just spent a week on the Costa del Sol and now they're nearly home. Charles hums along to the radio.

He's determined to guess the name of the song. They've been playing this same game since they picked their car up from the airport car park. So far, he's got most of them wrong.

"This is, um, Kylie Minogue." One of his daughters shouts back, "No, Dad, it's Atomic Kitten." A few weeks ago, he got his promotion. The army is renting him an 18th-century red-brick detached house. It's double-fronted with big sash windows and a well-kept garden. Nice. Diana was quiet the first time she saw the house. She told him she liked it, but he knows the move was an upheaval for her, and another rented home is not what she wanted.

He turns his Honda Accord onto their new street. He pulls up outside the gate. Something's not right. He gets out, walks up the drive. The glass in the porch door is smashed and their front door is open. He steps inside. There's stuff everywhere. Drawers and cupboards have been emptied. Everything's been tipped out. It's a mess. He and Diana spend most of the night clearing up.

She picks up their wedding photo. The glass is cracked. She starts to cry. Charles pulls her close, kisses her head. It's almost light outside. In a few hours, he'll start his new job. He's exhausted. But right now, all he wants is to make things right for Diana. He wants more than anything to make her happy. Okay, I'll do it. I'll go on the show.

Thursday, the 2nd of September, 2001. Charles and Diana's house, Easterton, Wiltshire. It's 6.30 in the morning and Charles is ringing the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire hotline. He's been ringing for weeks now. He hears an automated voice ask a general knowledge question. He taps in the answer on his telephone keypad. The voice congratulates him. He's got it right. He leaves his name and telephone number. He's already spent £600 on calls to the show.

Diane has told him that 100 people will be chosen at random by the company for a callback. She and Adrian have written about it in their book. The more calls he makes, the more chance he has of getting onto that list of 100. The trouble is, every quizzer in the country wants to be on the show. A lot of them already know about this trick. Competition is fierce, even at this stage. So he picks up the phone and dials again.

A few days ago, he made an insurance claim for the burglary. He's claimed £30,000. It might be a little inflated, but the whole thing was inconvenient and it really unsettled the girls. Uh-oh. Which is famously how insurance claims work. I found it quite unsettling. I'm going to add £10,000. Plus, he told a little lie when they asked about previous claims. He had made a claim with another insurer, but that was ages ago. He didn't see the point in going over all that.

He just wants to give his family somewhere safe and decent to live.

A day later, the show ring him back. It's the call he's been waiting for. A young woman introduces herself. She asks to speak to Major Charles Ingram. Charles knows what will happen next. She'll ask him the closest to question. And that question could be anything. How many episodes of Dad's Army? How many days Queen Victoria reigned for? His job now is to give an answer that's the closest to it. But he wants to buy time so Diana can check the question.

Clever. That is actually really clever. That's really clever. Once he's on that list of a hundred people, they'll try again and again.

Later that night, Diana rings around. She's running the network Adrian started for people who want to get on the show. She'd taken it over when Adrian went missing. She checks the closest to question with a few people, then gives Charles the answer.

Does this count as cheating? Good question. Where do you fall? Because they're not saying, and by the way, you can't confer with anyone. Don't run this past the lads. This is true. And maybe it's just a very clever strategy that they haven't legislated against. But also he did lie on the phone. He did say, I'm not Charles Ingram. Yes. I guess my logic is the same as people who say, but there isn't a sign saying that you can't cheat on the quiz.

Next day, the studio ring. Charles snatches up the phone. Diana hovers nearby. She looks anxious. In minutes, how fast did Antonio Pinto run the London Marathon in 2000? Any guesses, Matt?

I would guess if it's a named runner, it's going to be less than three hours. Okay. So I'd say, what's that, 61, 21, 18, 150. Okay. Charles pretends to think. He can't give the exact answer. It'll look too suspicious. But a lot of other people will also be guessing right now. So he needs to be close enough. Diana mouths the answer to him. Eventually, he says... Um, 138 minutes. Not far off. Very good.

The production assistant thanks him and hangs up. All he can do now is wait. At 5.15 that Saturday, he gets a call from the production team.

He's got a place on the show. Can you come to the studio with your guest at 10.30 tomorrow morning? He hugs Diana. They've made it. So this is how they've been able to keep getting on, running it past all their mates. Yeah, they have a syndicate going, basically, because how else are you getting Adrian and Diana and Charles on? I mean, it just seems unbelievable. So it's volume of calls. Just keep ringing, because most people won't, because it does cost a lot to put the call in. Then you've got this syndicate, and that's basically it.

He opens a bottle of Carver and pours Diana a glass. Here's to us winning a million. Or only getting a grand and bringing shame on the army. This season, Instacart has your back to school. As in, they've got your back to school lunch favorites, like snack packs and fresh fruit. And they've got your back to school supplies, like backpacks, binders and pencils. And they've got your back when your kid casually tells you they have a huge school project due tomorrow.

Let's face it, we were all that kid. So first call your parents to say I'm sorry, and then download the Instacart app to get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes all school year long. Get a $0 delivery fee for your first three orders while supplies last. Minimum $10 per order. Additional terms apply. It's Sunday morning, the 9th of September. The Who Wants to Be a Millionaire studio, Elstree. Charles walks onto the millionaire set. He takes a seat in the fastest finger first pit.

Doesn't sound very nice, does it? No. A production assistant fixes a microphone to his shirt. He needs to keep a clear head, but his mouth is dry and his palms are sweating.

He glances nervously at Diana in the studio audience. She nods encouragement. Can I just say, if you're running this syndicate thing, your basic gaming system, turning up with your wife who'd just been on the show doesn't seem that wise. True. And also, wouldn't you want Diana at home for the phone a friend? Oh my God, of course you would. Just thinking. Unless she's got a phone on her in the crowd, she's like, hello, I've got to take this call. The little notepad.

He glances to the other side of the studio. Diana's brother is slouched in one of the VIP seats. He's wearing a cap pulled low to hide his face. That looks normal.

He's still hiding from loan sharks and doesn't want to be picked up by the cameras. Don't go to a TV studio. If you want to avoid cameras, the last place you want to go to is a TV studio. It would seem like you've sealed your own fate there, wouldn't it? The assistant calls out Charles's name. It's his turn to practice in the hot seat. He steps forward, sits in the chair. The assistant asks, which country does Rupert Murdoch come from? Australia. Very good. Yes! You're the smartest guy I know. You owe me a million quid now.

Charles bites his lip. He'd hoped his army training would help him stay focused, that the weeks spent practicing questions would help him answer easily. But his mind is blank. He hears himself ask to play 50-50. Two wrong answers disappear from his monitor. He stares down at the screen. He's now left with South Africa or Australia.

Oh, man. Oh, mate. Oh, mate. Oh, mate.

Charles glances up at Diana. She looks worried, but she's not as worried as he is. The way he's feeling now, he's sure he's going home empty-handed. He only has a few hours till the show starts. He squeezes his eyes shut, thinks about his girls. When his eyes open, he's made up his mind. He's going to control his nerves and make his girls proud. Put the carver on ice. Daddy's about to do it. It's coming home, baby.

Sunday the 9th of September 2001, Elstree. Senior floor manager Phil Davis watches his contestants rehearse. Davis runs his fingers through his dark hair and lets out a sigh. He needs an exciting show tonight. Ratings have been slipping recently. A few years ago the show pulled in over 19 million viewers. Wow. You just can't imagine it, can you? That's basically every telly in Britain. But it was, wasn't it? Yeah.

But now it's dropped to almost half that. That is still massive. The truth is the show's losing its edge. It's been hijacked by middle-class white people. The most polite hijacking in history. I'm ever so sorry, but do you mind if we take over the show? He doesn't know how they're doing it, but the same people keep turning up. He recognised Charles Ingram straight away. He was here last month with his wife. They'd applied for the couples show, but they didn't make it to the hot seat.

He asked his assistant to check out how many times the Ingrams have been in the studio. His assistant flips through her notes and tells Davis that the Major's wife, Diana, was in the hot seat five months ago and that his brother-in-law, Adrian Pollock, was there just before Christmas. It was his fourth time in the fastest finger first pit. He ended on question 10. They must be getting so suspicious because these people, it basically sounds like they're there every week.

Davis folds his arms. Major Ingram is exactly the kind of contestant that's making the show dull. His only consolation is that he's been doing very badly at rehearsals. He keeps failing on fastest finger first. He hasn't got much chance of getting in the hot seat. Even if he does, his chances of staying there is almost nil. From what he's seen, none of tonight's lot will get far. So he turns to his assistant, tells her to call a break, then get the next bunch of contestants ready.

He wants someone exciting on the show. Someone who'll get the whole country talking about it again. Someone who will really shake things up. And right now, he's sure that someone isn't Major Charles Ingram. I think he's going to turn out to be wrong about that. Right about the suspicion, wrong about the shaking it up. Sunday evening, Elstree Studio.

Charles stares straight ahead as an assistant refixes a microphone to his pink and grey rugby shirt. Stick a suit on, mate. You're on ITV. This is your debut. You don't have to wear a tie, but nice white open neck shirt, blue suit. Makes your eyes pop. I've actually seen you wear that many times. It's not the only thing I wear. They've just had a break. He leans over to the contestant next to him. Good luck. The truth is, he's the one who needs luck.

They've been recording for a few hours now. Two people tonight have made it to the hot seat, but neither got far. He's got another chance, but time's running out. If he doesn't put this next question in the right order in the fastest time, he'll go home with nothing and he'll have to apply all over again, which won't look one bit suspicious. See you next week. Chris Tarrant walks onto the set. He tugs at the sleeve of his brown suit. He looks at the camera and reads the fastest finger first question from the autocue.

Put these words in the order they occur in the title of the Agatha Christie thriller. Niall on Death The. That's way easier than that four-fifths, 20% of 100,000 earlier, whatever that was. They really fluctuate in difficulty, don't they? Charles hardly listens. One of Diana's tips was to think about novels with four words in the title. As soon as he heard Agatha Christie, he guessed the answer. He taps it in as fast as he can. Lights flash round the pit. Tarrant checks the right order.

Almost everyone's got it right. Then Tarrant announces the time. Charles sees his name flash in green lights. He leans his head back in relief. He's made it to the hot seat. He leaps up. Tarrant shakes his hand. Well done, Charles. Ready to play for a million? Charles laughs. Is the Pope a Catholic? He takes a few paces to the centre of the studio. This is it. His one chance to make a fortune. He's got a plan on how to win the million...

All he needs to do now is make it work. This is the first episode in our series, The Coughing Major. If you like our show, please give us a five-star rating and a review and be sure to tell your friends. You can listen to new episodes one week early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, the Wondery app or wherever you're listening right now.

Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app to listen for free. In the episode notes, you'll find some links and offers from our sponsors. Please support them. By supporting them, you help us offer you this show for free. Another way to support us is to answer a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. A quick note about our dialogue. In most cases, we can't know exactly what was said, but all of our dramatisations are based on historical research. If you'd like to know more about this story, sources include...

Bad Show, The Quiz, The Cough and the Millionaire Major by Bob Woffenden and James Plaskett, Quiz by James Graham, and ITV's Tonight with Trevor McDonald 2003 episode Major Fraud with Martin Bashir.

You can also watch the Ingram's Millionaire episodes on YouTube. I'm Alice Levine. And I'm Matt Ford. Karen Laws wrote this episode. Additional writing by Alice Levine and Matt Ford. Our sound design is by Rich Evans. Script editing by James Magniac. Our associate producer is Francesca Gelardi Quadrio Corzio. Our senior producer is Joe Sykes. Our executive producers are Jenny Beckman, Stephanie Jens and Marshall Louis for Wondery. Wondery.

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