The British Are Coming w/ Dax Flame
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With an hour before boarding, there's only one place to go, the Chase Sapphire Lounge by the club. There, you can recharge before the big adventure or enjoy a locally inspired dish. You can recline in a comfy chair to catch up on your favorite show or order a craft cocktail at the bar.

Whatever you're in the mood for, find the detail that moves you with curated touches at the Chase Sapphire Lounge by the club. Chase, make more of what's yours. Learn more at chase.com slash sapphire reserve. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member FDIC. Subject to credit approval.

Hey, Bad Friends fans, I'm coming to see you in the fall. I'm doing my tour for my new hour. It's called the Freeze Peach Tour. Come see me. I'm going to be in Indianapolis, Charlotte, Iowa, Omaha, Kansas City, Cleveland, St. Louis, Grand Rapids, Detroit, Chicago, Durham, Atlanta, Charleston, Philly, New York, Phoenix, San Francisco, Boston, and Minneapolis. I'm all over the place. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com. You two are bad.

Who are these two idiots? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Hey, man. We're gonna be here. That's me eating a dog. That was our barbecue. Yeah, that's our 4th of July barbecue. That's a dog on the grill. I just ate eight of them.

Well, happy 4th of July. Dude, I want to name a baby Bucky. I want to name another baby Jiminy. Like Jiminy Cricket, but Jiminy. We got it, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I want to name another baby Lunk. Lunk? Lunk. L-U-N-K? Yeah, I do. All right. Yeah, Lunk. What else, man? What else can I do? And also, I want my last name to be McPherson.

Lunk McPherson. That's right, baby. What's up, man? Bucky Jiminy. Jiminy? Jiminy, dude, like the cricket. And Lunk McPherson. Lunk McPherson, man. Is that your new name? No, I can be Lunk right now, bro. You're Mr. McPherson? What's your name right now, man? A Lunk is an awkward, heavy, or stupid person. You are very- That's right, man. That's right, man. You're Lunk-turious. Dude, I'm Lunk-turious right now, man. I'm Lunking it out right now, dog. That would be your, if you were a Greek philosopher, you'd be Lunk-turious. Yeah.

If you're a Greek mythological character. Speaking of mythological characters. Dax. Dax. I never thought I would ever see you again. Flame is back. The last time I saw him, I was like, oh, that's the last time I see that guy. I'm happy to see you again. Yeah. What's my name again? Bobby. That's right. My name? Andrew. Very good. What are you holding there, bud? A gun. What is that for? Oh, is that for me as a gift? Yeah. Go ahead and throw it at me. Go ahead and throw it on the table there.

Hmm. Oh my that's not good news pretty dangerous. Yeah, that was pretty dangerous. Have you ever handled a gun before Dax? Um, yes, my friend took me to a shooting range once oh go on and I shot the guns and yeah America I feel like you've been to the ones where they have real human targets You know those ranges man Hunger Games. Yeah, the Hunger Game range. Wow. Yeah, I

I mean, if you were to shoot somebody, not that you would. Please don't. Please don't ever. But what kind of person do you think you would shoot? Someone who deserves it. I would never do it, but if it was. Yeah, well, like, what would I have to do to deserve it? Let's not go there. Okay, that's fine. Well, I mean, you know, self-defense. If you came at him with a gun, he'd probably want to shoot you. You think so?

Yeah, or just try to knock it out of your hands or something. You would knock it out of my hands, my god. I would try to do that before anything else. I have a guess, and I could be wrong, but I feel like you might have done, when you were young, karate or taekwondo. Really briefly. Wait, wait. I knew it in my phone. Let's guess which one, because not both.

You went to a school that had both? A karate taekwondo, kind of like, it's like a Taco Bell fucking pizza hut. Taco Bell pizza hut, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Karate taekwondo. Yeah, and sometimes jiu-jitsu. Only on Sundays. They do jiu-jitsu on Sundays. What was your master's name? What? Your master, the sensei. Oh, oh. What was his name? I don't remember. I think I was like four or five. Okay. Can you describe him?

I don't remember him. I just remember asking to use the bathroom at one point and being scared to do that. Oh, you took one class. I think so. Yeah, one class. Was your instructor Asian? I think so. I hope so. Isn't that kind of, shouldn't that be a rule? No, what rule? You'd have to be Asian to be a karate instructor or a taekwondo instructor? Yeah, but I've had jambalaya made by an Asian person. Not as good.

The jambalaya was pretty good. It's just not as good. Just in your mind, the problem with me was I went to the bathroom and I peeked in the kitchen and there was a Chinese guy back there. In a Cajun restaurant? In a Cajun restaurant. And all the servers were black. So I made the mistake. But if I hadn't looked, I would have been like, oh, that's the best jambalaya I've ever had. Here's the deal. A Cajun restaurant, black or white Southern people, I'm in. If a Chinese guy is making my jambalaya, I'm out.

Why? What if we have- I'm not there to eat Jambalaya. Oh, yeah, yeah. There is a little bit of Jambalaya. Yeah, yeah, I get what you're saying. Yeah, I want Jambalaya. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want soul food deep. You know what? Maybe it is possible, but how about this? I like my Mexican food by Mexicans. Sure. I like my Jambalaya by Cajun people, and I like my karate instructors to be Asian. Okay, how about this? If the karate instructor was Indian, would that be a problem? Hilarious. I know, I know.

Anyway, um, so you don't remember if he's Asian. I don't remember for sure. Yeah. Can I get my glasses off for a second? No. I'm gonna look at your eyes real quick. You didn't sleep well last night, huh? Uh, I think I went to bed a little late. What were you doing? Hold on. Oh, can we guess? Yeah, let's guess. Yeah, give me three. You go three. We only get one. Okay, one. So greedy. I know. Give me three. I'm gonna guess you were editing something. No. Okay. You were scrolling. Okay.

Uh, no. What were you doing? I watched Ricky Stinicki. You watched the movie I did? Yeah, and then I watched your Sweet Dreams today. Wow. You watched those because why? So that I would have more knowledge of... I've never seen Sweet Dreams. Neither have I. They were good. Do you like the movies? Yes. Okay, interesting.

What are your problems with it? And I'm okay. Let's be open. No problem. Because I would be critical of your movies as well. In fact, when we get home tonight, we'll watch 20, what is it? The movie he was in? I've already seen all of the movies he's been in. 21? They're all pretty good. They are? Yeah, they're better than stuff that we've done, I think. Okay. He's done a lot of big movies.

Thank you. Yeah. I think y'all's movies are better. Nope. Nope. You're wrong about that. But give us our criticisms of our films. I like this a lot. I like this a lot. To what level? Rip us to shreds. Rip us. How about this? You and I are best friends and also brothers. What? What? What the fuck? I know in this scenario. Okay, but. Yeah, and you're cut out on this. Wow. Yeah, yeah. And just for like two minutes, you're going to be not that. Bring me back.

- In two minutes I will. - Okay. - So for right now, whoa. You're not at mime, what's going on? Oh, I used the wrong power. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, I have different powers. - When you do that-- - So I'm gonna transfer him into your, now we have the same relationship, so be very critical.

And I'm an open book. No judgment here. Okay. Please go ahead. If you need help, we can help. Okay. This fucking guy. This fucking guy. Really? That zombie movie you're going to do is going to be just as good, you think? I don't think so. Named after Vegas's famous act, the Jabbawockeez. Why is your movie everyone trying to talk me out of not doing it?

I've never had, I have agents call me, I don't even talk to us yet, like, consider, reconsider. And I'm like, yeah, but he's my friend. He's our friend. We've never heard of him. We don't like the script. We don't like anything about it. So go fuck yourself, okay? Go ahead, Dax. I thought that I was confused why the softball tournament paid so much money

To the winners. How much did it pay to the winners? $80,000. That is an insane amount of money. That's how much they win for a softball tournament? Let me tell you something. I was in a 16-inch, no-glove, Chicago-style softball league when I first moved here. The winner got free chicken wings at the Thirsty Merchant. I don't even know what it used to be called. That's it. You got wings. Yeah. $80,000? Yeah.

Well, the budget of the movie was $1 million and they're stretching it out. There's a lot of people in the movie. I think they should have put some more money into that because visually it doesn't look like the stakes are high enough is what you're saying. $80,000. You know how expensive- I didn't write it and I'm not the producer or whatever. It made for a good climax. Thank you. No, he's saying that's an absurd thing for people to win in a- I mean, look at that cast, dude. All right. So that's Johnny Knoxville, Theo Vaughn.

You and whom? Shakewell. Shakewell? Yeah. Interesting. That's his name? You don't know Shakewell? I don't know Shakewell. I'm going to tell you this. It's so funny. I just figured you out just now. Oh, I just had an epiphany. He only likes hip-hop artists if they're thinner. Zoom into Shakewell. Don't make fun of Shakewell. He's a funny guy. I'm sure he is. Great rapper. Great rapper. I'm sure he is. Yeah, I like my rappers not diabetic.

I'm sure. Shakewell. Shakey, we're just playing. We're JPN. He's a rapper. He knows. He knows. Go ahead. So that's the only problem? Or give me another one. Do y'all have any suggestions? No, Dax, we want you to give it to us. I'm fine with what you just said. Let's move on to performances. Maybe the performances problem? Yeah. Is there any performances problems? Let me think. Okay.

Oh, no, no. But there were a couple lines that felt like they could have been less cheesy. Huh? But the movie was very... I didn't give any compliments yet. Yeah, go ahead. Give me some compliments. No, no, no. Yes, yes, yes. No, I think we only do disses. Then the compliments later? No compliments. Can I tell... Let me... I know what you're about to say. The movie was heartfelt. Yeah. Let me see. That's all I need to hear. Did it do really well? It's a heartfelt movie, and I really liked it, and thank you so much. Let's go to Sticky Snicky.

Sticky Nicky. Go ahead. Okay. Wait, compliments or? No, I don't want any compliments. Yeah, let's go Jess. Okay, so for Ricky Sticky, maybe, oh, maybe they forgave a little too quickly. We forgave Ricky. The wives forgave them pretty quickly. At the end, yes. For a lifelong. I totally agree. But no compliments? No.

Oh, nice. That's the only criticism? It's appalling. It wasn't as heartfelt as some other movies. No, it was like a comedy. So you're saying Sweet Dreams is more heartfelt. Yeah. It connected your heart. Maybe. And it pulled on your strings a little bit better. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Ours was a comedy. So was ours. Okie dokie. All right. Whatever you say. All right, bud. Okay, bud. Who directed that, Sweet Dreams? My friend Laj. Oh, Laj did it? Yeah.

Who did mine? Was it a fucking like a, who was it? Was it a guy? Who was it? It was a comedy legend, Peter Farrelly. Oh, fuck. That guy did mine?

This guy is such an asshole sometimes he's bragging, but he does it in a comedic way and we forgive him, but it's also gross Thank you so much for that for that are you gonna shoot fireworks for 4th of July are you that guy um I I don't buy them, but if my friends have them. Oh, it's like weed Yeah, I'm not gonna buy it, but I'll smoke it if you got it okay. Yeah, do you ever you don't ever smoke weed no I

Do you want to? No. Will you ever be down to take an edible with me? A small one, like a five milligram. It's a tiny little high. Maybe a tiny, tiny one. Yeah? What about a chocolate mushroom? We have a bag full of them here. No, not right now. Okay. You wouldn't do it now? It's Fourth of July. Okay.

Well, our forefathers did it. Yeah, they did. I feel like I don't want something bad to happen if it goes wrong for me. I'll keep you safe, I promise. You mean having a bad trip? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, okay. Have you had a bad trip before? No, no. Good. Yeah, good. You know, Dax, when did you get into science? Why don't I get into science? Why didn't you get into science? You look like a scientist. I'm not that good at science.

That. Oh, so God only gave you the look. Maybe. Yeah. What a bummer. But he is the gate of a scientist. What's the gate of a scientist? Gate, his stride, the way he walks. Dude, that's what I'm saying. The look, everything about him. The dress. Thanks. Right. I'm giving you that. Just adding on. I'm giving you that, right? Yeah, he's a scientific gate. He has the smell, for sure. Stand up for a second. Watch how he stands. Tell me this isn't a fucking scientist. Oh, my God. Now, stay there for a second.

Put your jacket in the water down. I'd just like to see how you science. Let's see. Okay, do this. Just like you're holding something. That's a Bunsen burner. That's a beaker. No, that's a Bunsen burner. Oh, it's a Bunsen burner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's in your other hand. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Be careful. Be careful. That belongs in a lab. Come on, dude. What are you doing with that? What is that? That's green glowing. Put it in the Bunsen. Whoa. Oh, dude. Drink it. Drink it. Don't do it. Don't. Drink it. Don't.

Then change! Oh. That's how he changes into the Hulk. You are a scientist. Just... Yeah.

I like you. You know, I like you so much too. And I watch all your videos online and you've been making some really new good ones, by the way. Thank you. Andrew, but can I, before you do this, can I, because the Hulk thing, I'm sorry. I've always wanted to learn how to act in a transformation.

Would you mind transforming for us? No, I mean, let's us try it. I've always wanted to do that. Well, I'd like someone to teach us. Yeah, can you teach us about a Hulk transformation? So I'd say just get into like a, you're supposed to be on the verge of like something's making you angry and you're trying to hold it back. All right, so let's go there. That's this entire show. Let's do that now. Yeah. And then it slowly creeps up on you that you just can't hold it back.

What else? There's gotta be more in there. So you're trying really hard to hold it back because if it comes out, it's the worst thing that could happen. You are gonna freak out. No! No! Don't do it! I meant my sister's bar mitzvah! So you're holding it in and then whenever you're at your breaking point, that's when you turn super angry and just let loose. Let me think of something that really makes me angry. Oh my god! Happy 4th. Happy 4th.

Do you know what 4th of July stands for? Do you know what it means? No. Independence Day? What is that? Independence from whom? Do you know? Britain. Why? Do you know why? Because people came from Britain and then there's like a tea party or something. You got it. No taxation without? Fixations. Right. No taxation without fixations. That's why smoking became a big hit. We had oral fixation. Yeah. All kinds of fixations, dude.

No taxation without fixation. Therefore, guns, alcohol, cigarettes. That's what that- Freedom. Freedom. My friend. Okay. Also, can I say another thing? Yes. Just a little observation. You kind of look like Paul Revere right now to me. You're going to take a midnight ride? Have you taken midnight rides before? Like in my car? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever yelled out the British are coming? No. No.

Next time you're driving around the 101 just open your window and yell out. It's got to be the 101 Will you film that send it to us of you yelling the British are coming out your window? Yeah, I can do that. Yeah. Yeah, love that be great But but see it but see it like they are coming. Well, they are I know they are but don't go British are coming whatever you mean like really like they're coming They're coming from Britain show him with one of the flags you're waving out the window show him what it would be like To yell out the British are coming

Being real? Being very real. What's a flag do? Well, it's letting people know that you're with us. It's me, Paul! Yeah, Paul. Oh, yeah, yeah. So I'm in the car like this, right? Yeah. Oh, shit. Don't spill. That's a window? Mm-hmm. I'll do the sound of the window. No, here's what it is. Somebody has to... I know what it is. I check a voicemail. That's how I learn about the information. Oh, I just got a new voicemail. Boop. You have one message. Oh!

What? That was really funny. I didn't know that. I thought we were going to go. Okay, ready? What the fuck did you think I was going to fucking do? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Yeah. Traffic. Let me get into this for a while. Yeah, do your thing. Fucking old people. Oh, that's Asian. Fuck, my bad. Okay, okay. Oh, I have a voicemail. Holy shit. I'm an aggro driver. Beep. You have one new voice message from your mom.

Bobby mom! To accept, press 1. Oh fuck, 1. Bob, I'm in prison. I go away for a long time. Love you. Hold on. Hold on, dude. What is she doing in prison? How do I know the British are coming from that?

That's the key indicator. That is the code. That's her code word. That would make that connection between British people are coming and that. So it's like you have to be more specific. No, Dax, let's do the math. Oh, my God. Bob's mom goes to prison. Let's investigate. Why do you think she's there?

A British person. The British person did it. You believe that, Dax? Of course. You truly believe that, Dax? Look at me right now, dude. Look at me right now, dude. If your mom called you and says, I'm in prison, that's what you would connect it? The British are coming? Yeah.

Look at me, Dax. Dax. Dax, be real. And not for comedy, be real. Look at me right now. You think so? No. I know, right? You know what I love about you? You can't lie. Thank you. You haven't heard the second message. Yeah, there's another message. Oh, fuck. I think there's a bunch. Yeah, there's a bunch of messages. All right, so you have another message.

Well, I got to go after that message. I got to go. My mom's in prison again. Hello. No, I'm not. Is that my voice? It hasn't happened yet. Let me press the button. It must be malfunctioning. It's malfunctioning. Hold on. Get to the button. No, that's my hat. You know what I mean? That's my other guy in there. All right. God, my mom's in prison. What the fuck? Again? God, I got another message. Beep. Hello. You're in trouble.

I'm going to take, I'm going to tax you. Unfairly. I'll be at your house when you get there. Holy fuck, not again! Not again! The British are coming!

Dude, you're right. That was good. By the way, you're- I wish an English accent would have been nice. It was, it was kind of- Yeah, English, it would have like brought me back a little more grounded into the situation. I was trying to. I don't know it off the top of my head. You don't know? Okay. I'll do it for you. You can drive and I'll do it. Well, I don't want to do the- You be the British now. I want to see how well you do it. Here, get a flag.

I'm the British person? No, you're you and you hear a voicemail. But do the driving, you know what I mean? Let's get into the scene. Get into it. Right, you have a voicemail, whatnot. So yeah, that's how you drive. Yeah, good. Yeah.

What is that a Volkswagen? What is that a bug? What are you driving? Oh? Subaru Subaru outback and we're impressed a cross-track cross track nice. Yeah, but why is the steering wheel like on the side? There's a little off-center. It's off-center. All right, okay, okay? Yeah, okay good. Oh Let him do it. Let him act and get it dude, but do the driving and do whatnot and whatever you do. Yeah, okay?

How about this? I'm going to raise my hand and that's when you do it. I'm the director. Wait, what do I do? I'm going to go like this and then the voicemail. Oh, okay. All right, so just because I'm the director, I want to see a little bit of this world here. Okay. Okay. And I'm just holding this? You can do whatever you want. Yeah, whatever. But when you do yell out the window, you need that in your hand. So maybe it's on the side. Okay. Oh, you want to hold it. Okay. Oh, oh. He can. He can. Yeah. You listening to music or anything? Oh. Nice. Yeah, yeah. Do you kind of jam out or anything?

♪ What is love ♪ ♪ Baby don't hurt me ♪ ♪ Don't hurt me ♪ ♪ No more ♪ Change the channel. ♪ What is love ♪ - Yeah, baby. - Oh, you're connected to your aux. Your aux is still, shit, unplug your aux, yeah. Whatever was on your phone. - Voicemail. - You have one voicemail to accept, press one.

Listen up here, Tex. It's me, Beans on Toast. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for everything. I'm here too. I'm here too. We're coming to get you. We're coming to get you. Me and my disabled Korean friend are coming to get you. What do you think about that, Beans on Toast? The British are coming. With an hour before boarding, there's only one place to go. The Chase Sapphire Lounge by the club. There, you can recharge before the big adventure.

or enjoy a locally inspired dish. You could recline in a comfy chair to catch up on your favorite show or order a craft cocktail at the bar. Whatever you're in the mood for, find the detail that moves you with curated touches at the Chase Sapphire Lounge by the club. Chase, make more of what's yours. Learn more at chase.com slash sapphirereserve. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member FDIC. Subject to credit approval.

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Hey, everybody. We're doing a Bad Friends live show. It's called Scary Times USA. Scary Time USA. And how do you watch it? Go to moment.co slash badfriends. It's Thursday, October 24th at 6 p.m. We're going to have exclusive merch available for it. So Bad Friends Scary Time USA. Hey, dude. America.

huh, dude? Yeah, live stream. October 24th at 6 p.m. PST. We're live streaming it. So join us at moment.co slash bad friends. We'll also be hosting an interactive VIP after party after the show and active patron members can join the VIP after party for free. Scary times USA.

Yeah, that's good. You have your own choice. Nah, you're doing it. You made a choice. That's good. That's good. No one could hear you. Fine. Doesn't matter. He's supposed to warn the people. It's the sentiment that counts. Because I felt that they were coming. How loud do you think Paul Revere was yelling? He probably was just going- Pretty loud, dude. I bet he was just going, British. British are on their way.

Oh, because he's got to tell a million people. He's going to lose his voice the first turn. Imagine if he just had Twitter. He wouldn't have to leave the house. Just tweet it out. Isn't that really funny to think when he rode through the North End and Charlestown, and by some point he did lose his voice. Wouldn't that be so funny? That'd be insane. Did he sign languages? The British! He sounds like RFK. The British are coming.

I'm in, we're in his clothes right now and I am so uncomfortable. You did wash his gum itchy. No, there's no chance he washed this. He said, you know, he said to me, I said, this smells like you. Oh, it smells. I go, this collar smells. He goes, that's because it leans up against my window that has sun hitting it. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. I bet you you're one of those assholes that doesn't use fucking detergent.

What's the point of washing if I'm not going to use detergent? Your energy right now is not 4th of July, dude. It's not 4th of July. It's 5th of July. It's about a war. Okay, well, you're trying to go to war with Bobby? I thought we were on the same team.

You're right. All right. So regroup. Yeah. All right. What I'm saying is, is that what I meant to say is you don't use, you know, sometimes you see Mex, you smell Mexicans. They smell delicious. They smell so clean. You go to, you go to East LA. It's, it smells so good. Yeah. They're always doing laundry. When I hug Frankie Quinones,

I hug a little extra because he's just so clean. Yeah, they do always smell like bounce sheets. Because they use a lot of detergent, I believe. Good detergent. I feel like good ones. You know which one? You can't even get in the market. Fabuloso. Fabuloso. Those are more long sleeves. I don't really wear a lot of long sleeves because I don't live in the Midwest anymore.

Your attitude is fucking insane. Are you trying to do this because the intern's here? Yes. Yeah, you have a crush on the intern? You have no chance with her. Why are you showing off to the new intern? Can I bring the intern come out for a second? What's your name again?

Delaney. Hi, Delaney. Where are you from, Delaney? Los Angeles. Oh, you live here. Awesome. Let her step on an apple box and look at how much taller she is than these two guys. I know. Wow. Nice try, Carlos. Nice try, Carlos. No, don't hunch over. Stay on the apple box. Delaney, Delaney, does McCone have a chance with you ever? What is that? Oh, no, I said it wrong. What is that? We're not doing that. Oh, I'm sorry. That's not that. Okay, what were you going to ask? You. Oh, yeah, that's right. Sit back down. Thank you. Wait.

Delaney, get back up for a second. Get back up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Get back up. Let's start again. Let's try it again. Yeah, let's try it again. You do it then. Yeah. Okay, go. McCone, who you just met, right? Just today, right? First time? Yeah. So here's his thing.

Whenever there's a woman in his presence, he tries to show off. You know, like he'll belittle us. He thinks that's funny. Get out of the shot. Get out of the shot. And he'll do this thing where he's like, he's like, tries to be alpha and all that. Let me ask you a question. Okay. Do you know, are you familiar with the podcast? Yeah. Okay. So, you know, the power dynamics, right? Do you believe that Andrew and I are McCone's bosses?

Sure, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And do you think that we have the power position in this scenario? Yeah, we should. Now, listen to the way McCone talks to us. Does that sound like a man who is not in the power position? No. Really? Yeah, exactly. Interesting. It sounds like a man who, what, thinks he is? Say it. The boss. The boss. The boss. He thinks he's the boss, yeah. And I want your opinion. How do you feel about that? Um...

I mean, he has the confidence, so that's good. Okay. I don't know. Does it make you like McCone or hate McCone when he does that kind of stuff? Probably lean towards hate. Yeah. Yeah, fuck. I mean... Yeah, and give her a full time. We'll get her a job here, okay? Yeah, you're just an intern right now? Yeah. Full time. Amazing. Full time, and I like that. And you know what? Honestly, how tall are you? 5'11"? Yeah. 5'11"? That's...

I can replace McCone because we need someone tall in the back calling them too. Exactly. Perfect. Yeah. If you don't mind, if this is cool, will you just stand right behind the box with the guys there for the rest so I don't have to look at him for a little while? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah, no, that's great. Right there. That's fine. Yeah, that's where he usually is. Yeah, he looks good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you have anything to like dive in, like a comment. If you want to throw in, you're two cents. You can lean in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a...

Just lean in real quick. Don't have to get back on the box. Just lean in. Just fast. We do like a lot of fast stuff like this. Like hot dogs or hamburgers. Go. Fast. Hamburgers. Pizza. Pizza or calzones. Pizza or calzones. Pizza. Why? Why? No, no, no. Fast. Fast. Israel, Palestine. Fast. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Do I have to? No, you have to. Give her a job. This is great. Yeah, give her a job. The way you paused, I loved it. Way to go, Delaney. Anyway, Delaney. Way to go. Thank you, Delaney. I called her Panini when I first met her. That's what I thought her name was, Panini. Well, it is- It sounded- Only white people go there, I think. I'll do it fast. Ask me what my name is. I'm her. What's your name? That's what she said. Well, that's what it sounded like to me. It sounded like- Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so what did you get out of that?

A donut. A donut. Yeah, a donut I got. All right, well. Can I call you Donut? Sure. Okay. I'll call you Panini. All right. Anyway. Wait a minute, get back. Wait, whose hat is this? That's new. Brand new. It's so itchy, my head. Oh, man. What would you call your strip club if you owned it? If you owned a strip club? Dax's Strip Club. Okay. What? Dax's Strip Club. Oh, okay.

Hey man, what do you want to do tonight, man? Oh, I don't know, man. Probably go over to Dax's. You can go to Dax's. I mean, they don't have a cover. That's great. They don't have a cover. There's no girls there. I know, man. So it's just a bar, man. Well, but he just stands there and looks at you. I know. I kind of like him. Yeah, yeah. He doesn't sleep much. He hasn't slept in days. He's got bags under his eyes. Yeah. Poor guy. Poor guy. Let's go to Dax's. Yeah, we got to go. We'll go see that guy. What would your strip club be called if you had one? Coconut Banana.

Oh, your two favorite flavors. Yeah, two coconuts and one banana. Right. Oh, men too. Two coconuts, one banana. What do you think? It's for bisexuals. No. Oh. Not on one person. I mean, the coconuts would... Anyway, I try to do a plan. That's what he just said. No, but he's saying that it's on one body. Exactly.

It can be. Yeah, you can. Why can't it be? Oh, you took it there. I know. I thought there would be like a section with men and a section with women. And if you like both, you can go to both. Ooh, ooh, ooh. This is a great idea. A strip club where- Dude, you just blew my mind. What? Kind of like a smoking section and non-smoking section restaurants used to have. Yeah, yeah. You could have a dude side and a chick side. Yeah. So then you could bring your wife or girlfriend, bring your boyfriend or husband- Yeah, yeah. And go all seen a little bit. Split off, do your thing, meet back up.

You know, do you have anything that you're planning to do for the 4th of July? Do you do something to celebrate? My friends just did fireworks on the roof last year. On the roof? Fun? Yeah. Yeah. There was one that went wrong and just like, like didn't shoot up and just like exploded right by us. Wow. Could have lost a...

Ear yeah, yeah near yeah, yeah, yeah, your drum your drum Yeah, there's a famous football player who lost a finger doing that years ago whoa Jason Pierre Paul JPP Jason Yeah, Pierre Paul I said it right is it true that if you hold a piece stick of dynamite and you close your fist and you light it your Handle might disappear. Yeah, look okay look I lost a finger during during for he set off a firework. He lost fingers, but did he grip grip it I

I think it went off in his hand earlier. He was probably lit up on the 4th of July drunk as shit. He still played football afterwards. It still was great. Those were his fingers? Mm-hmm. Look at that. There's his mitt. Oh, my God. What's your favorite? Do you watch any sports? What's your favorite sport? Basketball. Oh, who's your team? The Lakers. Yeah? Los Angeles or Minneapolis? Los Angeles. Okay, great. Do you know that they're from Minneapolis? No. Cool. Yeah. Soccer.

I don't know anything about it, but my friends like the Utah team. Yeah. That's the MLS. And Messi I know about. You know about Messi. What do you know about him? That he's great. What country is he from? Argentina. Right? Wow, that's very good. Say it the right way, though. Argentina? No, you can say it. Say how you're supposed to say Argentina. Argentina. Come on, Dax. I know you know how to do it. Dax, come on, man. You're an actor, dude. Come on.

Argentina. Well, let him get into it. Wait, can you do it so I know how? No, he does not know how to do it. He knows how to do it up there. Look at the guy in the hat. Oh, you do it. Argentina. There it is. Argentina. Argentina. Say it with confidence. Yeah, yeah. Argentina. So, Messi's from where? Argentina. Oh, great. Very good. Very nice. And what soccer club was he playing for most of his career?

Argentina? No. What? Barcelona. No, you're doing an Italian guy. I know. You're going, Barcelona. Anyway, great. So you're pretty much bored all the time.

There's not much to do. You don't do much. I feel like he reads. He entertains. I don't think he reads either. Do you read? I don't read anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not bored, but my life is probably boring to other people, but I like it. Well, everyone's life is boring to somebody else. His life would bore the shit out of me. Dude, I was so bored yesterday. What'd you do? At night. Yeah. I just kind of walked around playing side music because I got one of those Bluetooth speakers, a new one.

Pretty loud. And I was listening and I was like, God, I'm so miserable right now. Why? I'm just alone. You just kind of get, you tap into like loneliness and I'm just kind of wandering around and I'm going, God, this is, I'm miserable. You know? What could you do to change that? Nothing. I just have to let it pass. My point is, do you get that way? No, I like to be alone. But you never get depressed then? Sometimes, but not really. Have you ever been depressed?

maybe maybe in high school i didn't like high school yeah high school kind of that's the last time you were fucking depressed pretty good pretty healthy good relationship with himself i mean is it spirituality baby uh why do you keep looking over there not gonna help you oh panini's over there you pray what's going on here bud uh maybe just i like to just go for

walks and listen to music and same and Then if something sad happens, I definitely feel depressed Mmm, then what would have you have a dog or a cat or anything? Uh, no, no, no animal. But if if I feel like you like lizards or something Look at this, you know, I mean chameleon I got four spider. I do like I do like lizards. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah if one if I had one and it died I would be depressed

There we go. I mean, that makes sense. Yeah. I think that would make sense. That makes perfect sense. You loved him. True. Yeah. Yeah. But you've never had one. So how do you even know? Well, I mean, I know shit tastes bad, but I've never tasted it. That is true. But like you have a dog. I love your dog. What's her name?

Cubby. Cubby. The Cubs. The Cub. I've been on plans with the Cubs. She likes you. Yeah. She feels comfortable with you. Dude, I like you, dude. She feels comfortable with you, and here's why. Why? She knows that you're an animal guy. She really doesn't like people that aren't animal guys or gals. Right. You know when someone lies to you and say they like dogs, and then they come into your fucking house and they fake pet your dog, and you're like, you don't have to do that. It's okay if you don't like dogs. Yeah. And they go like this. Dog.

"Doggy, good doggy. Good, yeah." And you're like, "It's okay." - A month ago I had a girl at my house, she goes, "Ugh, cats." And I went, "Leave." - Get out. - That quick. - Get out. - Already it's like a red flag. It's like, what are you talking about? And another one made a snide comment like, as she entered my, you know, my downstairs area? As she entered she goes, "Cats smells like cats." I go, "Yeah, it's a good smell." - There's cats here. - Yeah, yeah. It's a good smell. What you gonna do about it?

And she goes, nothing. Why are you so weird? I go, nothing either. You know what I mean? Don't say shit like that. Whatever. You know what I mean? Like, I'm so defensive. Well, yeah, it's yours. You love him. Yeah. So I know how you are with your dog. Yeah. Like, it's an extension of you. It is. Why are you laughing? Is this one of the girls that runs off your car quickly?

I can't hear a word he's saying. I didn't understand the joke. What did he say? I know it's going to make me mad. Yeah. But I'm kind of glad I didn't hear it, so slow it down. What did he say? McCone, what did he say? What did he say, McCone? Is there one of the girls that run from your car quickly? Oh, is it one of the girls that ran from your car quickly? That you tried to kiss. I get it. Oh, he's taking shots. When are you going to Spain? Don't come back.

I'll be honest. You want to do real talk? Hit him hard. No, hit him hard. Let's do real talk. Hit him hard, baby. I want to do real talk. Because I love you, man. I want to do real talk. All right. It's been a pleasure, dude.

Right? Am I not right? Yeah. I know. This is how you do when you- It's very nice. When you fire somebody, you pay that before. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been a pleasure. And it's really... Memories is what we built together. We did. We did, right? We did. Yeah. But what I want to say is you're on your last leg. That's it. I had to tell her a couple of days ago, I can't hang out because I know I'm in the friend zone. Wow.

And it really hurt me. The FZ. Yeah. And so I don't know why you're crying so hard. Yeah, what is that? What is wrong with you, dude? He hasn't slept in days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The baby's keeping him up. Oh, is that what you're justifying for him? Gotta be. I mean, what else is it? But guy, dude, no, it's not like that. It's not. Okay. Dax, what's your favorite midnight snack? Look, you're up late. Dax gets out of bed and goes, I'm snacky. What are you going to get?

Maybe order something from like an app. Okay, and what would you order? Where would you go? Maybe just get some french fries or something. Just fries? Just fries. Yeah. From where, you think? Fred's 62 because I live near it. Oh, Fred's 62 is great. May I say that? I love Fred's 62. Yeah. Still open late? Yeah, yeah, 24-7. Still 24-7? Yeah. Great breakfast sandwich at 3 in the morning if you want one. Phenomenal. I'll tell you what I had the other night at 2 in the morning.

I don't know what brand it is, but they look like fries, they're chips, but they're fiery. And on the cover of it, there's a cheetah.

Cheetos? That's not Cheetos. Flamin' Hot Cheetos? No, there's another Cheetos. Takis? Yeah. It's that. Oh, Chester's. Chester's. But the same thing. I know, but anyway. I like how you go, not Cheetos. It's the same fucking thing. It's not. That's not a Cheeto. That's a Chester. Chester's are made by Cheetos. Are they really? You think they fucking have a mutual split over a iconic figure? I think they're two different tigers, no? Chester is his name. Chester Cheetah is the fictional character by Frito-Lay's Cheetos. Oh, I don't know.

I ate a whole bag of those fiery fries. Delicious. Very delicious. Yeah. But then the next morning, I'm a little embarrassed. You paid for it, didn't you? I paid for it on this way. This tooth right here, right? In the back of it,

Was just the mush of it caked into my tooth. Did you didn't brush? I didn't brush. I brushed, then I went to bed. I'm hungry. I know there's a bag in my drawer. I ate it, went back to sleep. And in the morning, I had this gigantic mushed up, you know what I mean, caked onto my tooth. And I couldn't do it with a toothbrush because it's gross to do it with a toothbrush. So I had to do it with these. It was really bad. Then you had breakfast.

Yeah. They came back out, you put it right back in. I think I did it back in. You gotta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you brush multiple times a day? Twice a day. Morning and night and that's it? Yeah. You ever do a midday brush? No. Little clean up? No. No floss? I should. Yeah, it looks good. It's fine. Dude, you're like a clean, upstanding citizen I just realized. Thank you. You brush your teeth.

Right? You pay your bills. Mm-hmm. And all your expenses are paid for, right? Like, you know, expenses like your car. Do you buy it? Yes. Right. It's paid for? Mm-hmm. Insurance? Yes. Everything on time? Yes. Yeah. Do you pray? No. Okay, that's a little, you know. What's your credit score? I've never really looked it up. Probably exceptional. It's got to be so good, I bet you it's like 800. And I think the last time you told me you don't masturbate that much.

I didn't say that. A normal amount. Show me your hands. What's a normal amount to you? What is it to you? What is it to you is a good question. Yeah, but he's answering with another question. To me, a normal amount would be every other day. Unless you have a partner. Unless. Right. Yeah, maybe like that. Is that what you do? Yeah. No. Nope. I'll tell you why. You don't believe it? Yeah. Back up for a second with the thing.

Don't lie to me, pal. Okay? I asked you a question. You could have said every other day, but you didn't. You were going to see, because you don't know what the normal amount is, because you do it all the time. Feverishly. Yeah, you do. Feverishly. Yeah. Aggressively. And that's not my, that's you. Yeah. Right? I don't have an opinion about that. No judgment here. It sounds like you're judging. I'm not judging. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it sounds like it. Right. And I am, but I'm not. All right?

So Guy, can I call you Guy for a sec? - Yes. - Pocahontas? No, no, fuck it. I don't like lions. - Pocahontas? - Yeah, yeah. Chachi, can I call you Chachi? - Sure. - All right. - Lunk. - Lunk. Give me the real amount. Come on, baby. - Maybe less than every other day. Maybe a few times a week. - Nice. - Oh, you're going the opposite way. - You thought it was more. - Whoa. Yeah. And you? - Every full moon.

Oh, because I hear the howling, and I don't like it. Do you have to howl when you come? Do I have to? It's instinctual. I know. Do it again, that howl. I know. It's not my fault. The full moon gets up there, and I get hornet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I see the moon. Whenever the mood strikes me. Yeah. I bark. I don't howl. What noise do you make? No noise. When you complete- That's the creepiest one. Right. Sorry. This is what you do. This is what Dak says. I think he goes like this. Completed. Completed.

Completed? Wow, that's really good. Is that close? Do you ever say something to yourself when you're done? Do you go, good, Dex? I know, but I could try it. Let's try it. Tonight, will you try it? Maybe. When you're done tonight, I want you to go, very good, Dex. Do you like somebody right now? I can tell. You like somebody right now. A little crushy-wash? I do have a crush, but she doesn't live here. How far?

- New York, but we only hung out a couple times. - It's fine. - Ooh. - This is romantic. - Loving New York. - I love New York. - New York City. - New York City. - The big apple. - The big apple. - You know why they call it that? - No. - Yeah, yeah. - Because in hotels they used to leave an apple on your pillow when they made your bed. - That's right. And chocolates, or probably not. - Do you know that? - No, why? - They would call it the big chocolate then. - They used to leave an apple on your pillow after you stayed at a hotel when they turned over the hotels.

Why did they do that? Well, the apple industry had a stronghold on the government, and New York was kind of feeding it. Red Delicious. Yeah, upstate New York was kind of... They had an overflow. You know how we use corn syrup and everything because corn overgrew? Same thing happened in northern New York state, upstate, and they just were like, we have to get rid of a lot of these apples. Hey, pal. They forced the hand. This is a lie, but... I know it is. It's a lie, but it was so good. It's a long lie. It's a long lie. Did you believe any of it? Well, just until you started...

- Yeah, thanks. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - That's a fun exercise, you know what I mean? Of like kind of just trying to be a, have knowledge about a thing. - Yeah. - Like beef jerky. - You and I do this on this show every single day. - I love it. It's fun. But with you, I want to ask about this real love situation, right? - I'm so interested. - I'm so interested. And honestly, we're not teasing you. - No. - We want to help you. We want to help you. - You're our dog. - You're our guy, okay?

So without saying any names, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, right? How did you meet her? A friend of a friend. And then she offered to help me with editing thing. A video that you did? She offered. That's important. Very important. Is she a fan, you think? No. But the friend was. That's okay. So the friend loves your shit.

I don't know how much they like it. Yeah. But that's okay. But you know that you like it a little. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's like us. We don't know what the degree is. We don't ask. What percentage do you like me? I mean, that's insane. But my point is, all we know is he likes you. And she probably, if she offered to help you edit, she finds you cute. Maybe...

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Was she tall, short? What are we talking? Brown hair, blonde hair? Shorter than me. Shorter than you? Yeah. What color hair? Brown. What color eyes? Brown? Yeah. What size feet? I don't know. Okay. You got to know. Okay. That's an extremely important detail. Now, is she more... And I don't even know how to say it. Is she more... Is she really feminine or is she...

You know? Maybe more feminine. Feminine. Okay, okay. Soft. Soft. Yeah. Small, petite. Does she know you have a crush? Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe. Cause we got an email from this girl emailed us. What'd she say? Alexi. Can we Google this girl? I mean, go to, go to our Instagram. Yeah. So this girl asked, so let's see if we have another option for you, bud. Okay. All right. Wow. She's good looking Dax. She's very pretty. She said, are you single? She's a hot Latina.

How the fuck does he get her? I can't get her. I got on a date with her. What are you talking about? She's pretty. You're on a million dates with a million pretty girls. Oh, that's true. Go ahead. I'm sorry. That was wrong of me. No. She really likes you, dude.

Look at how cute she is. Would this be something you'd be interested in dating this girl? She reached out to us. Do you want us to connect you? She's very pretty. Sure. Yeah. Is she your type just based on that profile? I want to let you know she has no legs. This is all torso. Yeah. She has no legs. Is that okay? Yeah. Okay. But just facially, is that something that's down your line? Okay, good. Do you want us to set up a date with her or no? Um...

What would that date be? Well, we'll pay for a dinner date, movie, an outing. We'll ship you off to Catalina Island if you'd like. You tell us what you want to do with this. What is your date? Like your dream date, what is it? You have a car, right? What did you say? You have a Subaru? What do you have? A Crosstrek. What? A Crosstrek. Subaru, yeah. Yeah, Subaru, right? You pick her up, right? Beep, beep. Right? Beep, beep. She comes out. The British are coming! Yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah.

Do you open her door for her now? Um, yeah, yeah. You open the door. Well, actually, it's kind of hard to know what to do. I did go on a hinge date where I picked someone up and I didn't know if I should like get out and open the door. And then when she got in, I like tried to give her like a side hug kind of thing. Too soon, too soon. No, no, he's allowed to do that. No, it's too fucking soon to do. No, no, no, stop. Stop. What the fuck?

You don't know her. You open the door and you try to do a side hug? It did feel awkward. Carlos, it's too much, right? If you were standing up, I get it. Get Panini on the mic. Panini, get up. Panini, come here. Panini, how old are you? 21. Are you dating right now? Not like... Are you in a relationship? No. Nice. Okay. You're not in a relationship. Okay, so if you're on a date and a guy did this with Dax, if he did give you a little cute side hug, are you mad about it? Are you upset? No.

No, but I feel like you should have gone out of the car maybe. Okay. Okay, that would have been better because it did feel weird. Wait, wait, you weren't out of the car? No, I wasn't out of the car. Were you open? Oh, you leaned over and opened it that way? I can't remember if I opened it. I feel like he leaned across and opened it. Yeah, you leaned and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, open it right there. She came and you do, come on in. Side hog, right?

To be honest. Whenever she sat there, then I was like, nice to meet you. Oh my God. That's not a move that I would do. Anyway, that's your own thing. I think it's great. All right, anyway. So how else does the day go? So I'm the girl. Where are we going? Would you like to grab some food? Yeah. Okay, let's get some food. Where are we going? Oh, um...

What what do you like well you didn't make reservations? Oh fuck yeah? I made some reservations. Okay, where? at a Awesome place sushi place. Oh, I love sushi. What's it called um? Sugar fish. Oh, I like sugar fit. That's good. What are you looking at me for I'm doing it wrong. I'm not fucking here You guys are on the you're judgey. No. I'm the neighbor. I'm just looking oh you're looking oh

- All right, so, okay, Sugarfish. We go to Sugarfish and then like we're sitting down and it's, so, what do you like to order here? - I like to just get whatever the chef recommends. - Hey, welcome to Sugarfish.

Let me take your fucking order, eh? What's up, man? You want something to drink first to start you? Just water, please. Oh, yeah? Water, ice, or no ice? Ice is fine. You're out of luck. We don't have any, bro. What about you? Do you guys have any high-end sake? All we have right now to drink is Sprite, horchata, water. Is this Sugarfish? What? Are we at Sugarfish? No. What is this? This is pink taco. Oh.

What the fuck? Yeah, why are we at a pink taco, Dax? What the fuck? You thought this was a sugar fish? Yeah, I got, it was closer. No, man. All right, well, I guess I'll get a horchata. Yeah, horchata for you. All right, for the lady, for you. Water, right? Okay, great. Be right back. Anyway, wow. I just, it's weird that you would say we're going to sugar fish and now we're at pink taco. Sorry. Hey, there's your horchata. There's your water. Yeah, yeah. That was fast. Yeah, they're right behind me.

Oh, okay. What would you like to order? Just shrimp tacos. Okay, how many? Three. You want them blackened? Sure. Yeah, you have to say yes. Yes. So I'm... Any modifications? No, thank you. You like them as is? Yes. Okay. Do you know everything that comes on it? No. Ah, fuck you then. All right. What about you? I love this guy. I'm vegan. Hurry up, China. We got to go. Yeah.

Are you vegan? Yeah, I'm vegan. So what are my vegan options? You could either fuck off or... Okay, yeah, just fuck off is all it says here. Yeah, yeah. I'll get three fuck offs. Okay, three fuck offs. Any modifications? Well, does it come with guacamole? Yeah, it's extra. Yeah, all right. Okay, do you want a blackened? Yeah, I don't know what blackened fuck off sounds like. Fuck off! Okay, yeah. That's what that shit is. Oh, that's...

That's a blackened fuck off. That is so funny, dude. Okay, I'll be right back. Yeah, that was, dude, you're on fire today, dude. We're just humming. You're humming too. So you took this girl, finish the date. So the date's over, you left the restaurant. Okay? All right, we're back. Fancy's fucking losing his mind. Anyway. Get a grip on this guy. So that pink taco was okay. I mean, the fuck, I've had better fuck offs. You know what I mean? And I should have gotten blackened. I really, I barely ate it. But what are we doing now?

Um, what are you in the mood for? Oh wow. Um, well we can go watch a movie I guess. Okay. Where- what do you- what have you watched? Oh, Furiosa. You wanna go see Furiosa? Have you seen it already? I've seen it. Yeah, I saw it too. Okay. I wanna go to the house. What? I wanna go to the house. Uh, maybe, you know, but there's probably some new streamers or something that's come out. You wanna come to my house? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Okay. Come on. We walk in the door. Anyway, I have like nine roommates. Okay. All right. This is my roommate, Tito. You recognize him from the restaurant, Pink Taco. What's up? Good to see you. I think he was my roommate. You know what I mean? Good to see you again. I mean, what the blackened fuck off anyway, right? He knew. I mean, it was a joke. Yeah, yeah. So, Tito, say hi to him. Yeah, good to see you.

What's up? Hello. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 15%, huh? Piece of shit. Now you treat people in the industry, bro? Sorry. Yeah. Cheap. Okay.

Anyway, okay. Pretty cheap. Hey, Tito. Yeah, that's okay, though. Tito, shut the fuck up, all right? Okay, okay. All right? He hasn't been in a movie in like 15 years. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're an actor, bro? I was, and now I do more TikToks. Oh, yeah. I fucking love TikTok. Anyway, Tito. All right. Peace out. Later, bro. And where's Raul and your brothers? Raul, you want me to go get him? Yeah, go get Raul because I want to introduce him. Go get Raul.

Raul! Yeah, he has a bike. He's got that weird horn. Hey, I'm Raul. Hey, Raul. Anyway, I just want to let you know, Dax, I've always been in open relationships. I fuck all these guys. Yeah, we fuck her. All of us.

We run a train. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to be the caboose? Yeah, yeah. No, thanks. I mean, the trains take it off in about 45 minutes, right? If you look at the schedule, we have a schedule. Yeah, right on the wall. Right on the wall. Look at the wall. And it flips like a European train station. It flips, tell you the stops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, let him be the front this time. You're always the front. Why don't you be the caboose, okay, Raul? All right, I'll let him. All right, all right. I'm the white guy. Yeah, yeah. But do you want to watch something first?

Sure. Okay, what do you want to watch? Some kind of movie on... You like sci-fi? Yeah. You do? Mm-hmm. Let's watch something sci-fi. Okay. Oh, I know. Hobbit Return to the Netherlands is out. Okay. They leave the Middle Earth and they go to the Netherlands. You know what I mean? And it's like, you know, the adventure continues. Yes.

I haven't seen the other Hobbits. Oh, really? Yeah. We should start with the first one, the Destination of Whatever Smog. All right, so you want to watch it? Yes. And who was the star of it? The guy from The Office, the English office. Oh, yeah. Yeah, what's his name? Freeman. Yeah, Martin Freeman. Yeah, whatever. Should we watch it? Yeah. So what are we going to watch it on? Oh, do you have... Raul, Raul.

I like the way this guy looks at me, bro. I know. He has a creepy look, right? If you want me to leave the TV room, just say so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. You want me to stay? Can you watch... Actually, do you want to... Because you've seen all this... But do you want to watch Return of the Netherlands? I guess for the third time. All right. Let's watch the Netherlands one. All right. And so we're just going to sit on the couch. And then... Oh, okay. The TV, it works? Yeah, of course. Okay. So turn it on, Raul. All right. So anyway...

I'm gonna take off I gotta go Wrong move Why'd you put on The Phantom Menace? It's my favorite movie I gotta go In case you guys wanna hook up Are you gonna hook up with my girl? Yeah Well no The train's taking off Are you gonna hook up with my girl? Wait the train's taking off right? Go get Tito Go get Tito And get Sam Get all the boys All the boys? Yeah yeah You ready? You ready dude? Here's your conductor's hat Ready? Alright Well I'm the front right?

So I'm bending over, all right? And we're going to Fresno. That's where you're born, right? Choo-choo. Very good. What a date. So you landed. You landed. It seemed like that worked. That worked. Yeah. What do you think, Panini? Is that a kind of date that you'd want to go on?

Is that something that's not what it usually goes like? Maybe that's Hinge stuff then. To each his own. To each their own. To each his own, yeah. How many dating apps are you on? Tinder and Hinge. Nice. Why not, what's the other one? What's the big one? Raya. Raya, are you on that? I'm on Raya. No, no. Why not? I applied once and they just didn't let me. No, here's what we'll do. He can recommend you, right?

Carlos, you're on it? Yeah, I got him. I'm on it. Makona, you on it yet? No. He hasn't gotten in. Yeah, yeah, because I denied his. Wait a minute. You applied and didn't get in? No, I got a request from him, and I denied it. I have like six applications. Dude, that's so fucking funny. I got in like what? How long did it take me? Probably a week.

Couple days. Couple days, yeah. Days? Yeah. Even that? No. You're famous. Isn't that what that whole bullshit is about? Two days. He's been at it for six months. Still not there. No, over like two years. Two years is not good. They'll never let you in. You're not going to get in. I check it every couple months. Panini, are you on there?

No. Would you want to be on those apps? No. Okay, that's not for you. You like it naturally. You're meeting a guy on the beach. So you're not on any of the apps? No. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. That's it for 21. Am I crazy? Yeah, but she has her own style. No, I know, but everyone's on the apps in your age range. McCone's 24.

five now. Yeah. I mean, I don't really use the app so much. They're not... So no one that young does. So maybe it's the people in their 30s that use them more. People holding on to it. And in their 50s. 30s and up, I meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But wait, so the people in their 20s now, you guys, no one's using them. I mean, everyone just kind of knows that it's all kind of like

A lot of it's just bot activity. A lot of it's algorithms designed against you. It's not great. So their business is dropping. Yeah. Tinder saw its paid users fall by nearly 10% last year. That's fucking huge. Wow. Wow. This will continue to fall. You guys are finally going to do what we did, which is go talk to people all the time and get rejected to your fucking face, which is actually fucking rad.

- Getting rejected is such a healthy part of growing. - It's so funny, when I get rejected, and I do often, you know, and I'm being real. - Not true, that's bullshit. - No, I do. I mean, have I had great dates? I'm dating somebody right now I really like. - Yeah. - And that's not a rejection. She really likes me, I like her and whatnot, right? - Yeah, you've never been rejected. - I know, but you mean that other girl that, you know, you were trying to tease me. - Cobra. - The Cobra, right? But then the other day she basically said, "It's the age."

It's the age? Yeah, she goes, I'm 27 or whatever and you're 52 and when I'm this age, you're going to be this age. And she's like, I don't think I can do it. We're all just looking for love. I know. And that's what I told her too. And you said, I don't care how... And she's just said still the age. Because you had the age. And I go, okay, that's fine. I completely understand and good luck. She doesn't have any... She doesn't have... What is it? Foresight.

But I'm an old man, dude. But the good news is you die. She gets your shit. Prenup, dude.

No, no, no. Oh, okay. You're not going to get married if you live with someone in California for a certain amount of time. That's not true. Yeah, 100% it is. It's not. It's not a thing. It absolutely is. Look it up, California. What's it called? Common law. There's no common law in California. Yeah, because he would have gone through it. I would have gone through it with Kalilah. Yeah. No statute that confers the right to marry couples. There are statutes that where a couple, but they are in fact not. But there's got to be something. There isn't. I feel like I've heard horror stories. Yeah, in other states, yes. Not here.

Yeah, it doesn't. You know why? Because everybody here is a fucking child. Nobody grows up. That's it. Right. We live in Peter Pan land. Yeah. But also what I don't get is they look at like right now me and this girl are having a great time. We get along and this and that, right? But immediately she lives not in the moment. She lives 20 years down the line. What if this happens? You know what I mean? So you'll die at the same time then. That kind of makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's perfect. Right, but they don't think that way. So it's like, you know, I live in the moment. I don't think about like, oh, if this happens, this happens. It doesn't matter. It's insane the way that they think. Well, because it's all going to go away when you at least expect it. Well, they say what? In the next two years, we're going to fix the environmental problem. It's irreversible. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah. Heard it before. Show me a couple videos for fun. That's me. Tell me this isn't fucking you. Where was I? Did I come in hungry? Tell me this isn't you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, dude, he's my friend, dude. Yeah. Your jacket? I love him, dude. That's your jacket, your backpack, and your hat. I know. I was like, that's Bobby Lee. I know. What's that actor's name? Benedict. Benedict Cumberbatch. That's what he looks like, Benedict Cumberbatch. Yeah, he just texted me like, in LA, we're going to have dinner. He's a great guy, dude. Well, make sure he doesn't wear that jacket. That'll be a bummer if you're wearing the same jacket. But when he did see me, he did see me. I was wearing all that stuff.

He saw me perform once and he goes, oh, good luck, bro. You think he's just copy? He might be. I'm not kidding when I say that. Yeah, yeah. That is 100% you. But can I say this? Now that I see it on another person. You see how ridiculous you are? No, no, no. I see how cool I am. Oh.

Am I right, Dax? You know him? Just from this clip. You've never seen the movies? That guy? Yeah, he was in Doctor Strange. No, I haven't seen that. The thing? Yeah, yeah. See? Yeah. Now do you remember? Now you remember? No? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's... He's a great guy. It looked so much like you, it fucking... I love it. It was like... If I'm, like, similar to that, good. Good.

Give me another thing. Not similar. You look exactly like that. Here's a new move you can do on girls since you keep getting cobra-ed. You can do the lice. Ooh, the lice move. What is it? He's pretending to look for lice. Oh, very smart. Look at that guy. That's smart. Who is that guy? That's a guy that got a mail-order bride off the internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's smart. That's pretty smart. He looks pretend to look for lice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does it have to be lice? What are you looking for in somebody's hair? Well, I just saw the omen. What's in the omen?

666 on the skull. Whoa, do you have to shave their head to see? No, you go, are you the Antichrist? And then you kind of look, right? Oh, you give them a kiss? That's just like this. The Antichrist symbol is on the head. Right. Right, so instead of lies, there's other ways. Give me another one. Is that a wig or no? You're balding. Oh, yeah, let me see your hairline. Yeah. That's 666 on the skull. Yeah, that. Right on the crown. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't believe in any of that stuff, but I don't want to be near him. You don't believe that Damien? Do you believe in Damien? Who's that? He's the devil's son. No, I don't know. I don't believe in that person. Yeah, it's not a person. It's a fucking angel. He's saying he doesn't believe in... You don't believe in demons or angels or any of that? No. So when you see Constantine, you're like...

I don't know who Constantine is. It's a movie. Anyway. Wait, what? You don't believe? Do you adamantly not believe in devils? Oh, no, no. I just don't ever see ghosts or think about it. But do you believe they exist? Like, hey, man, I'm living with a demon right now, baby. I guess I would believe you if you really...

Like that's a bad example. Well, if he doesn't believe it, like this, you've never had that kind of image in the middle of the night. Yeah. No, I have had sleep paralysis where like I feel like I'm have like a shadowy thing holding me down. Whoa. Slenderman? No, just a shadowy thing. Are you sure? It could be Slenderman. Could be. Who knows who it could be? McCone, get him. Come over here and get him a water.

Does he eat water? Just a water, yeah, or something. Yeah. He has another water in his hand. Oh, you do? Yeah. Oh, he's got it there. He's got the... Oh, cool. Get you another one. Thank you. Your legs are just putrid. I'm sorry. You're a great guy from the waist up.

Your legs kind of look like your thighs because they're so hairless. They kind of look like... It's Rosie O'Donnell's legs. It's like my aunt's legs, like one of my aunts. Doesn't it look like one of your aunt's legs? Yeah. That's like my aunt's leg. You know what would be work? You have snow hair on your legs. You should tattoo. Look at how he stands. I know. Look at how he stands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You saw that on TikTok. All right, get out of Dexter's shot. The stand like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Get out of here. Get out of here. You're freaking me out, man. Yeah. He's such a weird guy. You love him, though. I don't know. Yeah, you do. I do. He's like your son. He is, but if he can be replaced, Panini seems chill. She seems like she could be around. Yeah, yeah. Right? Panini, do you want to come back? Yeah, I'd love to. All right. All right, Panini.

All right, I guess we'll bring her back. Do you think Panini should stick around on the show? Yeah. Do you want to come back on the show? I would come back whenever y'all would like. So we, our fans. Love you. Love you. Oh, cool. I mean, I love you. We had really good numbers with you. Cool. What?

I think we have a good camaraderie. Rapport. And rapport. Y'all are fun to talk to. Yeah. Do you think there's a bond? Yeah. Yeah. Will you do me a favor the next time you come? Yeah. Have you ever shaved your face? Yes. I usually just shave it like once a month. I want to see you shaved. Okay. I'm so interested to see what your face looks like shaved. Yeah, me too. I've only seen you with a beard. Can you wear something else? Yeah. What do you want him to wear? He just wears the same old, like maybe jazz it up a little bit. No, he looks great. Like a full button up?

Yeah, full button up maybe. It would be funny to get- A tie? For us to outfit you in like a- FUBU or- Yeah, FUBU. I was going to say hip hop clothing. Yeah. Or just like maybe some Ed Hardy. Just try to bring it back, you know? Back to 2002? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, we could do something like that. European jeans, you know, with the little embroidery? Like zippers on the side. Yeah, yeah. What about that?

It's not my style, but I could give it a try. Yeah. If you'd like once. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to say anything in the camera to the girl in New York real fast in case she watches this? Hi. Thank you for being a bad friend.