Shaka Spirit & ComicCon Nerds
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Hey, bad friends. I am on tour this fall coming to see you. I'm all over the place. We're adding shows. We're adding dates. I am so excited. In between Bobby and I going to Australia and New Zealand, I'm going to be going everywhere, man. I'm going all over the place. I'm going to Indiana. I'm going to Ohio. I'm going back home to Chicago. I'm going to Oklahoma. I'm going to Omaha, Nebraska.

I am going to Charlotte, Atlanta, you name it. I'm there. Kansas City, Cleveland. I am there. Come see me in Boston and St. Louis and Grand Rapids. Come on and see your boy. Go to Andrew Santino dot com for those tickets. Andrew Santino dot com. You two are. Who are these two idiots? Asian. You two are disgusting.

Marmaduke is there.

Toto Candy is in it, right? She got cut. Oh, Toto Candy got cut, dude. But Toto, did you see her in Delivery of Mine?

One or two. Delivery Mind, two I think. Yeah, it was two. The second one was in Portuguese, right? Yeah. I like that they don't- But Toto, woof, woof, woof. I mean, she played a wolf. And dude- So good. The best wolf you've ever seen in your life. Yeah. Woof, woof. Amazing. Did we ever show that video of that girl who let the wolves lick the inside of her mouth?

Look there's a video of it, she'll open her mouth. Wolf kissing? Eww, yucky. Yeah. Look! Uh oh. She dope, but the mouth licking. She dope. Would've threw up everywhere. Please don't watch 3 minutes 4 seconds in. Well that's a wild wolf. Straight up. Straight up. So anyway... For those of you watching, yeah. The wolf licked my mouth.

So what? I love wolves. That's Toto. That's the girl we were talking about. Oh, yeah, yeah. There she is. Toto. She's very good. So I don't know if you've been to Comic-Con, but that's my first and last time I'll tell you that right now. Well, you went and you were with my friends, which I love. Two of my dearest friends in the world. I love them so much, yeah. And, you know, have you been to Comic-Con? Oh, my Lord. Once. Yeah? One time I went. Comedy Central paid me to go down, and I had to do the intros for...

the workaholics guys. They were doing like a thing. I had to go down and do that. And it was so embarrassing. - So I'll tell you what you see. And it's a wonderful thing. And I just have to say, it's a beautiful thing you watch.

you see different varieties of your favorite characters. I saw Spinal Biff with a Spider-Man. I saw Fat Lara Croft. - Are you sure? - Yeah, it was Fat Lara Croft. - Are you sure? - Yeah, because I was like, she doesn't raid tombs, she raids the refrigerator. I know Fat Lara Croft. And then, I swear to God, and this is gonna sound mean,

But this actually happened. Yeah. So I'm, during the day, I'm smoking a cigarette because I had to do a bunch of events, right? I'm outside and I see maybe a four or five-year-old boy, I'm pretty sure it was a boy, in a Batman outfit, in a carriage. Mom was, you know what I mean? Rolling. Right. And the kid was doing this. I don't know what he had. I don't know. Maybe he was excited, but he was going like this. He was going like that, right? And I,

- No, it's not a joke. I'm not making fun. - I'm not laughing. - Yeah, he was going, right, right. And then I heard the mom go, "We're almost there, Batman." And I go, "That's not Batman! "That's a bat!" Okay? - Filipino bat. - Filipino bat, all right. That's what I saw. - No, but why did you-- - It's literally what I saw. - You didn't, all these characters you described, it just sounds like you were at Kill Tony.

So funny, dude. All right, here's another thing that I noticed, what you do at Comic-Con. I do, but let's be nice. Because a lot of our friends and family... We love them. Here's the deal. Comic-Con brings out the best of... Of insults. The best of the insults. They're the ones that don't shoot up things. Star Wars saved their lives. Yeah. What a pedophile!

Is Comic-Con like Anime Expo? Yes. Yes. It's down in San Diego. It's been going on for, I don't know, 30, 40 years now. Right. I have no idea. But people dress up. That's fun. Images of Comic-Con. It is really fun. I have a couple more things I have to get off my chest. I'm sorry. Please. We'll talk about what it is. No, rope it out. I got to get off my chest, okay? But show her images while he tells her so she can see what it's like. Look at that. So this week, who was there? It was Deadpool was there. Oh, wow.

So I guess Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds did Thursday or something. Oh, wow. It was, what was it? Robert Downey Jr.? Robert Downey Jr. was there. What is he promoting? He's playing Dr. He's now MCU Universe. Yeah? He's now Dr. Doom. Wow. He's now Dr. Doom. And so I was there for the movie. I'm on Borderlands, okay? Okay.

And so what I noticed what I do is when you're there at Comic-Con and you're at a party, you find yourself lying all the time. Yeah. So I'll give you an example. I'm at a party, okay, like the Entertainment Weekly party. Yeah, kid comes out. Bad friends!

And I go, what's up? What's up? Right? Yeah. And they go, I'm big fan. I go, yeah, what do you do? Dude, I'm in Rings of Power. And then you have to go, it's a good show. Oh, I love Rings of Power. Oh my God, the arrows. The arrows are so realistic and also the trees. Well, the rings are probably. And the rings are so good. Oh, you're so good. So good. It's the best show I've ever seen. You have to constantly do that. Right. You know what I mean? Like, oh my God. Or you could just not. Let me try. Okay, ready? You're the guy. Hey. Oh.

Oh man! Bad friends? No, no, I have to be- Oh, I love you guys! No, no, you got the rules wrong. Dude, I love you guys. You got the rules wrong. You're the one that has to lie. Okay, you're the guy. Oh, God. God damn, dude.

- Chaka. - Yeah, yeah, chaka out there. Oh, dude, Santino, man, Firefly, what's up? - Man, I'm spinning, hold on one second. - Oh, you're the DJ? Hey, dude, anyway, love bad friends. - Yeah, thank you, dog. - Oh, me? I'm in the new Star Wars thing. Yeah, Blank Eyes. I'm in Blank Eyes, Star Wars. - Oh, what are you in? - Blank Eyes.

Blind guys? Blank eyes. Oh, blank eyes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I haven't seen it. Oh, you would say that. Take it easy. Oh, you don't lie. Why would you say that? You're right. I haven't seen it. Why I lie, you lie. No, you don't lie. Don't lie then. I just learned that. No, you know what though? You probably made him feel good.

- He's listening, by the way, he's a fan. - No, but here, this kid, okay, he lives in Perth. Are we playing Perth? - We are playing Perth. - All right, so he is one of the main kids in the eyes of the power, what's it? Oh yeah, Ring Rings. - The power. - Yeah, Ring Rings. - Look it up. - Yeah, the rings of power. - He's in the Hills Have Eyes? - Yeah, he's the kid in, he has the rings of power. And I said, so I gave him my number. So when we're in Perth, we're gonna bring him to the show. - Okay, cool. - Yeah, yeah. Last thing I wanna say is,

Oh, so you just realized, I'm just, we're not, what? Is that him? Yeah, that's him. Cool. Good kid. Tyro, well, how do you, zoom in. How do you say his name? Yeah, yeah, that's him for sure. How old is he? Hey. He's a kid. Relax. Relax. That's why I'm asking. You're not. I know what you're doing. You little pervert. What are you, the fucking Filipino Leo? Uh-uh. How old? Yeah. Uh-uh. How do you say his name? Tyro Mahafudin?

Yeah, good kid. You know, isn't that? That's not Filipino. Sure it is. Do you think he's hot? He's cute. Yeah, he's a good looking kid. And you would? He's young. No. Oh, you wouldn't? How old is that kid? How old is Tufayo Mamak on? 18. Oh, he's too young. Yeah, you're only two years older than him. That's still weird. I don't want to be a cougar. Well, yeah. Okay, hello.

Yeah. What's a Filipino cougar? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A wombat? What is that? Okay, here's the last thing I want to talk about, and then we'll move on from Comic-Con. No, we can do more Comic-Con stuff. There's a couple more. Was Kevin Hart there? Yeah, he was. And this is, I'm not kidding you. I didn't see him, but he was maybe three feet away from me. No. An army comes in first. Yeah. Right? He's got a bubble of an army, and he's in the middle. Did he say hi at all? No. Nothing, man. He comes in.

does all the press things. I was literally five feet away from him. And I was trying to look through his bodyguard so that I can find a space, you know, and then go look through like an armpit or whatever and go, what's up, man? You know what I mean? Couldn't even find that. Wow. Right. Then he leaves. Then Edgar Ramirez is on the line. He's awesome. Yeah, he's great. And I go, hey, man, you know what I mean? Because I was behind the camp people interviewing him. Mm-hmm.

He goes, "Hey." And he kind of went, "Do I?" And then he goes, "Oh yeah." It was like one of those. And then- - He didn't know you were in the movie? - Yeah. Jamie was there too in the building. Didn't see her once. - Really? - Dude, I'm telling you right now. - Did they hit these people? - I'm gonna say something because there was two groups. - Did you see the robot? - Yeah, the robot was there, Dan. The robot was there. - That's somebody I really wanna- - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so what I realized is there was two groups.

there was the main group. - Stars. - The stars. And then there was like, uh. - People in the movie. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hair, makeup, you know what I mean? People in the movie, right? And so then after they left, then we did the thing. - Right. - But we were separated. - Is that when you texted me? - What'd I say? Yeah. - You want me to say it? - No. - Why? You texted me and I called you immediately because I know when he texts me, I know when he's in a mood.

and he just wrote, "I feel like a loser." And it hurt my heart. So I called you immediately and I was like, "What are you talking about? "What's going on?" And you need to get that out of your head. - Yeah, I know. - 'Cause you're a superstar. - I was driving to San Diego, they had my own car. They picked me up from my house. - Love it. - Driving down, my shades on like Tony Stark. You know what I mean? And then by the end, you know what I mean? Just, you know, like, you just, you know, 'cause it just,

What's so funny, man? What was that? Were you Batman? By the end, I'm Batman. I'm Batman. No, but because then you go to the parties. I went to two parties. And then once, you know, I ended up playing Jenga at the IG party. Not Instagram. IGN. It's a video game company. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there was a corner and there was a bunch of like, don't want to make fun of them. Good guys because I became friends with them, all of them. They were all nerds.

Yeah, I mean, hey, buddy, what's going on? Yeah, you know mean? What it's coming come. That's all it's coming on. It's coming come is only don't say words like that Yeah, say words. That's what he says when he comes on his wife. It's coming. It's coming. Oh Andres is coming And she's like no come again. No, see see see see see see see see he's come again, right? So these nerds were like hey man, you want to play Jenga? Oh

I swear to God. Why not? There's probably hours of videos out there of me playing Jenga with people. I played Jenga all night long. Did you win? I won one. Hell yeah. And I lost one. Hell yeah. Right. But what a game. I never even heard of it before. Shut the fuck up. You've never. I didn't know. I thought they were building something. Well, they are. No, but they were taking away. That's right.

But then you rebuild on top. This is the story of life. That's the story of life. Dude, that's so good. Giveth, taketh away, and it all falls down. Shaka, dude, shaka. Shaka, shaka. Yeah, so I played Jenga all night, and then the Entertainment Weekly party last night. That's the hot one. It's like the real people are there. There's the Deadpool people. There's the Rings of Power people. And I want to say some things about them, but I will not. Okay? I will not. It's just the arrogance, but I will not. Oh.

But then there was this half Chinese, half white dude. Handsome. But he looked like maybe like a Wolverine, but he wasn't Wolverine.

And he goes, "Hey man, I'm in Mortal Kombat." I go, "Okay, relax, dude." And he goes- - He's Liu Kang? - No, so I'm also in Deadpool. - Wow. - And I go, "Cool." And he goes, "I'm a huge fan of 'Bad Friends' and I just, can I please take a photo?" So I got some of that. - Love that guy. - Yeah, yeah, I love that guy. - Louis Tan? - Yeah, yeah, look, yeah, put images.

There he is, dude. Oh, wow. That guy's so fucking handsome. This dude right here, dude. Oh, my God. Holy shit. This dude right here, dude, hugged the shit out of my body, dude. Hey, hey, hey. Take it away. I'm going to cum. Hey, hey, hey. Good job. I'm going to cum. I'm going to cum. Take it away. I'm going to cum. I'm going to cum. Look at him. That dude right there, dude. Oh, my God. He's gorgeous, this guy. This guy's great. Pissing me off. And he gets it. This guy gets it. Pussy? Yeah, he gets a lot of it. He gets a lot of pussy, but he also- His body. His body is very good.

What do you eat? What do you fucking eat, Louis Tan? Dude, Louis Tan? He eats pussy, for sure. For sure. Yeah, that's for sure. Appetizer and fucking dessert. I don't know what he gets for his entree, but... Like, how do you get a stomach that looks like that? I don't know. But he's also smell and texture, dude.

It's about the smell and texture. He smells good and he feels good. Yeah, the texture of his jacket. He was wearing one of those like... Hot guy jacket. Hot jacket. Yeah, I don't even know where to get it. Man store. We can't even get in. We can't get those stores. We can't even get in. It's like, you know what I mean? Hot guy stores. T-Rex leather. Oh. How do you get T-Rex leather? Wow. You know what I mean? That's not even, that's not around. He gets it. He has a time machine. He went back.

Killed a T-Rex with his hands. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Skinned it, right? Dried it out. You know what I mean? Anyway, so. And the smell. Where do you smell? Is that big dick energy smell? What is that? It's a smell of like oaky, but fruity. He doesn't even have cologne. He probably just smells that good. Dude, so good. Some guys just smell good. And would I? Ask me if I would suck. Some people smell bad. Ask me if I, yeah. Well, that's the people.

But I asked me if I'd suck his dick. Would you suck his dick? Nah. Look at me. Nah. Look at me, liar. Look at me, liar. Look at me in the eyes when you do that. I'm a fan. Okay, dude. Anyway, this guy was cool. And there was a lot of those. There was another, the guy that he's like the showrunner for Dexter. That show's so good. And he goes, yeah, I'm a big fan. I love what you and Andrew are doing. So people, they're out there. They're out there. But then, but the most of them are like, what is he doing here?

Fuck those people. Yeah, they can go fuck. You know what they're not what they're not shocker. They're not That's what I knew I didn't know the word. They're not that's not they don't have the shock ago. No shocker talking me about Hawaii Would you do shaka? I love Hawaii

Give me the positive. But can I be honest about Hawaiians? Negative sound. Hawaiians. Yeah. Am I crazy? You've been to Hawaii enough. Do Hawaiians kind of- Hate white people. Yeah, there it is. Okay. Thank you so much. That's what I was just going to say. Howly, dude. Howly. Yeah, yeah. When I come down the road, they go, oh.

I thought it was Toto, that girl from the movie. No, they don't really have the same sense of humor. Do you understand? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like every time I try to make jokes with locals. It's a different kind of sense of humor, yeah. Seriously. Because we went to a restaurant and I was like, hi, we'd like to check in for bowling. Yeah, yeah. And the woman was like, there is no bowling. Oh, right, right. And I was like.

Yeah, no, just dinner. We're just having dinner. Can I just say something? And of course... Can I just say something? What? Not that funny. Yeah, yeah. Not that funny? It was just a slight... I don't know. It was small. I'm at the... Let it go. It's small. I'm the hostess. Aloha. Shaka. Aloha, shaka. Shaka. Shaka, aloha. Aloha. Mahalo. Mahalo, mahalo. Yeah, yeah.

Hi, we're here for the AIDS benefit. That's funny. Okay, so you know. That's funny. All right. That's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but it was just like a small throwaway, but I feel like a lot of people, they hate us. Yeah. They hate us. They hate you. Not me. But I'm not a regular wife. I know. I know you're not. And I will tell them. Like, McCone is a regular wife. I'm invited to the meetings. Thank you. Please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in Paieia in Maui. I go every year.

- Wow. - Right. It's at, you know, the Road to Hana, it's the first mountain on the top. We have a video. - Beautiful. - Right. And there's a crane.

Bird there. It's beautiful. Anyway, um. Do you eat it? No, no, no. It's just there, right? And I'll tell them, but because I'm Asian. Yeah. You have a pass. Yeah. I, for some reason, I never get shit and I love it. Yeah. That's why I go there so much, Hawaii. I know. Yeah. And it's like, when I was on, when I used to do Magnum, like people used to come right to the set and go,

"Who's local?" To the people, the cameramen, all these people. I'm like, "What the fuck?" He goes, "All the locals should be working on the show." People would literally come and protest in that way. And we're like, with any colonized place, it's like, "We won." You guys were the kings of it. You know what I mean? - You guys died. - And in France, you got driven out. In Italy, no, in Vietnam, you got driven out, right? No, you're not French.

He's Spanish. Yeah, Spanish. What did they take? The Philippines. You were driven out. Well, they took everywhere. They conquered like everything. Yeah. I'm not saying that's a good behavior. It's bad behavior. No, it's really bad. It's really bad. What you guys did was really bad. Look at that. Argentina. Are you guys mad at the Spanish? You're Filipino. I'm kind of in the middle, but there's some people in the Philippines that hate...

Like fancy. Oh, and we hate Koreans. We hate Koreans. No, because Koreans hate on us too. No, we don't. We just look down on you. Every time I go to Koreatown, I feel so little. No, not in Koreatown, but in the Philippines, I've seen them. And can I say, they're not my Koreans. When I look at those Koreans, I go, what are you being cocky about? Look at you. You're the ones that got kicked out of Korea. You're fat, more yellow than most. I don't like it.

Right? They don't have the skill set. You're not Psy. You're not Psy. You're not Psy. They can't direct films. Unless you're a Gagnam style. Yeah, yeah. Chill out. Yeah, you have to. Or King Jong-un. Number one. He's the number one king. So I shockered my way through the island. I went on a five-mile hike. Loved it. Into a ravine. What's really weird is, I mean, this is public knowledge. What's a ravine? A ravine is like a big, huge valley. And water used to run through it.

We were on the island of Lanai. Do you know Lanai? Yeah, I mean, the way you're talking to right now is a little talking down. No, I don't know. We were on the island of Lanai. You know Lanai?

It's like, relax, dude. Howly. Do you know it? I do know Lanai. Have you been? Have we been on Lanai? No. Then no. Go ahead. Larry Ellison bought it a couple years ago. And it's really weird. That's the guy. I asked every local. Because, you know, there were some fans there, which was nice. People would be like, yo, we're a big guy. And I was like, oh, thank you. That's great. And then so I would talk to the locals and befriend them. And everyone, I was like, be honest.

Do you like it or do you hate it? That Larry, you know what I mean? Because this fucking rich white guy buys the island and all of them were the same. They were like, no, it's pretty. He's done some good shit. Like he's he's keeping it. He's keeping it legit. He hasn't fucked with the locals. You know what I mean? Like he's doing the thing to like not get in their way. But I could tell there's a little undercurrent where they're like, but if he fucks up.

We'll kill him. They're not gonna do nothing. I don't know, dude. You're on their island. Yeah, you're right. 3,000 people. It's small. It's beautiful. You were there the whole... That's the only island you were at. Yeah, where else would I want to go? What were you doing there? Vacation lady? What the fuck? What the fuck? Oh. Shaka, dude. Dude, shaka, dog. Shaka, dude.

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- Yeah, I went hiking, but the best part is 'cause I stayed up in the mountains, so it was like a different, it wasn't like Hawaii. It wasn't like a beach. I wasn't at a fucking beach resort. - No, I saw the room. - That's nice. - It was so nice, and they had little, and they had little onsens, little Japanese onsens in the forest. You could go sit in the- - Is that incense you're trying to say? - Onsen. - Oh, onsen. - Onsen. - Okay. - Anyang.

- Haseo. - Haseo. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And there was little like hot tub onsens in the middle of the fucking forest. You were surrounded by it. It was incredible. Honestly, but there's signs out there that say, 'cause it's an adult only resort, no children. And there's signs everywhere that says no alcohol and no bodily fluids. - Oh, well I'm out. - No fucking. - Yeah, yeah, oh you can't fuck. - You can't fuck in the onsen, you can't. - Oh, you can't have another. - But you can fuck at a lot of other places. - Everywhere else. - Yeah, you can fuck everywhere. - Do you fuck outside or no? - Oh yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Inside, outside, upside down, on the roof, in the lobby, in the front lobby. We were checking in. Wait, is that the island where, remember the monk? Was that not a monk? It was Dalai Lama. You know how there's seven, is that vortex or? Energy vortex. Energy vortex. In Hawaii, there is one, but then you can't get near it. What do you mean? You'll die? No, there's like people guarding it, so you can't go to the energy vortex. Whoa, I want to go.

Yeah, there we go. How many is there? Do I have it wrong? How many vortexes are there? What does that say? World map of major what? There's like seven major ones. Chakras and... Chaka. Yeah, yeah, Chaka. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like...

Don't we have to you and I dude yeah, we have we all have to go to a vortex dude. I would love to yeah I don't know what happens there, but there's like the Dalai Lama goes and he gets some shit out of it Maybe that's what he's like suck on my tongue. I don't know but maybe you know but like we I We went we when me and Clara were still dating we went drove by one We try to get to it, and they wouldn't let us even near it. Oh

Why? They guard it. I think the FBI guards it. Whoa. The feds? Okay, so where is the closest one that we can get to? Yeah, the closest vortex near me. Just go to your maps, Google Maps, and see if it maybe puts vortex in there and see what happens. You go to Yelp and people are just leaving reviews. They're like, this vortex wasn't... The energy was not as good as I thought. And the Indonesian one's way better. Yeah. Sedona. Cathedral Rock. Sedona. Wow. We got to go to Sedona, Arizona. Cathedral Rock, Arizona.

Each their own particular energy each rating in its own energy. Well, I want to know what happens did I bet you get enlightened? You must feel physically something you think? Yeah, I don't even know what a vortex is to be honest with you Like let me define vortex center of the thing Can you work define vortex

It's where gravity pulls you in and then it spits gravity back out. Very good. What is it? That's really good. A vortex is believed to be a special spot on Earth where it's believed to be. I don't like that confidence. Yeah, it's got to be. We think. You know what I mean? Where energy is either entering into the Earth or projecting out of the Earth's plane.

That's what she just said. Dude, you had the right... College is working, huh? Yeah. Can vortex energy help you? Some say the vortex energy in Sedona is so powerful you can actually feel it. Help you take down... Take giant leaps with your spiritual development. We can get closer to God. Wow. I knew that about vortexes. The Native Americans believe that spiritual transformation can occur more quickly and easily in Sedona because the veils to other dimensions are thinner there. Why are you closing your eyes and shaking your head, Carlos?

you don't like thin veils no i just think the native americans probably didn't know much about science and like math and stuff okay here we go here we go here we go they didn't have calculators what are you talking about they invented the the the ti-83 we all use native americans made that oh that was cherokee yeah yeah yeah i forgot i'm gonna take shrooms and go any button vortex you want

You want to take shrooms and go to the Vortex? Yeah, that's fine. We'll take a trip to the Sedona. I was going to send photos of my Shaka trip, but it was fucking amazing, man. Yeah, I didn't see any Shakas or photos either. And then I rented a Jeep and we went off-roading. And it got a little sketchy, I'm not going to lie. There was a part of it where we were careening down this fucking... Because it's no roads on the side of those mountains. And we're just slamming down the thing. And the Jeep is going like...

And you're driving. Oh, yeah, dude. And what's your wife doing? Freaking the fuck out. Freaking the fuck out. Yeah, hating every second of it. She fucking hated it. Wow. We were like, we'll go down to Shipwreck Beach. And we go down to Shipwreck Beach. Getting up was insane. What was it? It was like. Was there wreckage? There was a shipwreck at Shipwreck Beach. Yeah. You saw it? Oh, yeah. No. Well, just describe that. I've never been to see a shipwreck. Boat in water. That's all it was.

Literally that's there. That's there at Shipwreck Beach. That's insane. Off the coast, yeah. That's incredible. Fucking wild. So zoom in. Can you go in there? No, but they do boat tours around it. And I think divers dive around there too. And how old is that? It doesn't seem like an old ship, maybe in the World War II? I don't know how, it probably crashed. Is it Germany or what? Is it 200 years ago? Is that what it said? 1980. Oh. Well, okay.

What does it remove it then? Historic. No, it's so big. It's not historic. Give a shit. It was like an old pirate ship. You know what I mean? They go, ah, mighty. Well, let's just pretend that it is. Okay. Honestly, it's a beautiful little tiny island, like a cool little rad getaway, and you got to take one of those little scary planes to get there, you know, the little like...

Wow. The ones where the whole time you're like, please don't crash. Yeah. Dude, let's buy an island. No. What are we going to do with it? Look how big that island is. $60 million. For one island. Yeah. What the fuck? We don't have $60 million. Yeah, but no one will be there. We'll get a Starbucks and a coffee bean. Let's start a GoFundMe right now to buy an island. Yeah. Is there one? Okay. Bad Friends Island.

Yeah, that round. Okay. So round island Nova Scotia is 58 million. No, 58,000. 58,000. I mean, for 2.7 acres. That's nothing. Wow. Okay, let's buy it. No, forget it. Buy one in the Philippines. Yeah, they're beautiful islands there. What were you going to say? Oh, I watched Ghostbusters on the plane. The Frozen Empire. Yeah, I did show you that. You did? Yeah, like some hunter guy.

Hunter. Yeah. What Hunter? I don't know. There was a scene where I don't remember. You could have been a ghost. The ghosts on this one look weird. Like the green one? Like what? Yeah, there was a couple of ghosts. Really? You could have played a ghost easily. Was the movie good? Yeah, it was fun. It's fun to see Slimer. Good to throw back to Slimer. Bill Murray and all that. Dan Aykroyd was in it. No Harold Ramis. Sadly. Sadly, yeah. Sadly. You highly recommend? And Mr. Paul Rudd.

Led the movie. Wow. That's fun. Cute guy. You ever see the original Ghostbusters? How about the, how about, let's go with the, like the classics of those types of movies. No Ghostbusters. Goonies. I've seen, yeah, I've seen Goonies. In the, you know, the graveyard cemetery. At Synespia. At Synespia. Oh, you saw it there. Yeah. Hey, you guys. You remember that? Yeah. Yeah. And then what else? Who does that look like?

Me? No. Yeah. It sure does. You ever see Gremlins? No. Is that a classic? Yeah. I mean, but that's so old. Yeah. Oh, fuck. I can't believe this. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Oh, it made me so mad, dude. You okay? No, I'm not. It made me so... I just remember... I don't know why that just brought this up. What? But I'm going to tell you, dude. I got a haircut. But... Can we see it? No. It's right here. But... So, check it out. And I... Who did I call? I called McCone. I called McCone. So, I called you, right? Yeah. This is a fact. I met Rudy's. Ruby's. Rudy's? Rudy's. Floyd's. I was at Floyd's. Yeah.

Come on, you're not Shao Keng anymore, dude. You're like, hurry up. I like to melt in it, you know? So Shao Keng, good, keep going. So you're that Rudy's man. Right, and I'm just like, so I'm on my phone and I'm like, I think I'm on Instagram, whatever, and scrolling.

And there was like a little scene of Timothée Chalamet. - Love. - I love him, great talented guy, in the new Bob Dylan movie. And he was singing, I was like, dude, that's pretty good. - Yeah. - I might watch it. So I turned to the barber, I go, dude, this Bob Dylan movie is like, he's like, who?

I go, Bob Dylan? He's like, no. What? Yeah. How old is this gentleman? In his 20s. And he told me that I could even say, his name is Ray. He even said I could say his name because I said I was going to talk about it. Okay. So then I go, wait, wait, dude, Ray, are you, you know, you know what I want to say. Are you Batman? Yeah, yeah. And he goes, no, dude, I've never heard of him. I go, all right, hold on.

Fucking the barber next to him. So dude, Ray doesn't know who Bob Dylan is. She goes, oh, I like his paintings. And I go. No way. Yeah, I sort of got and I go. You never get his paintings? She goes, oh, no, that's Bob Ross. She says, right. I stood up, went around the whole barbershop. No one knew who he was. No way. Yeah. And in my mind, then I call McCone and I go, I'm sorry, dude, you're a part of this generation. I go, please tell me you know who Bob Dylan is. Do you know who Bob Dylan is?

No. See, that's what I'm saying. And it's a travesty. Did you get the Bob Dylan haircut? Hey, don't get mad. Shaka, shaka. Shaka, shaka. He looks so much like Bob Dylan. Yeah, yeah. So you don't know who he is. What's a popular song?

My god like a rolling like a rolling stone Okay Yeah, I'm trying to think what she would know what what rapper has used a Bob Dylan song and made it Mr. Tambourine man play a song for me But they he didn't write that he was a cover I think yeah People covered at that. Yeah. Yeah the man in me will do you know that?

Yeah. Almost. I want you. And that song, I want you. Yeah. Yeah, that's a great song. Anyway, Bob Dylan, it just, in terms of the people that are living on planet Earth, right, that like, you know what I mean, have like cognitive reasoning, you know what I mean, and eyeballs, right? Eyeballs. He is like the Beatles as big and the Rolling Stones in the sense of the impact musically,

He's a huge figure of the late 60s. You know what I mean? He's just a musical icon that, like, it's like a Sinatra. Like, I might not be a Sinatra fan, but I'm well aware of who he is. He's that type of character. And no one in your generation knows, except for McCone, knows who the fuck he is. And maybe I'm like, get off my lawn. I think I'm that old now. I'm not. So, McCone, you're...

I called him to see if I was the old man going, you know what I mean, the kids of this generation and complaining. I'm seeing him on Wednesday at the bowl. He's alive? Yes. But, I mean, is that shocking to you? Bob Dylan? Yeah. Sadly? Uh-oh. I get that he hasn't been as, like...

popular through culture through time. The Beatles will... You know who the Beatles are? Like the Beatles... It's just some things kept up their culture. Yeah, yeah. Kept up in culture. Bob Dylan probably didn't. Yeah, I've never heard anything... Yeah, this makes sense. Really? This oddly makes sense to me. Because you don't see him again on stuff. He's not like on a fucking...

Pepsi commercial. Except for the fact that Timothee Chalamet is playing him in his own movie? No, I agree. I'm saying I get why young people don't see him because he's not in culture. The Beatles are still in culture. You think this is going to help? I think it's going to help. Yeah, yeah. And then Ed Norton Jr. plays, what's his name? The country guy. What's his name? He was so good. I forgot his name. The trailer was good. It looks so good. It looks so good. Does he sing, Timothee Chalamet? Yeah. Wow. And that was like, it's his voice, right? I think so. I think it's his voice.

I was like, whoa, this guy's talented. It makes me mad when people are that talented. I know, me too. Well, we don't have any of that. Austin Butler. Let's try to sing. Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Street? Stream? Why would the boat be on the fucking stream? It's got wheels on it, this boat. Oh, it does? It's going to the beach. The wheels on the boat go round and round, round and round. You know why I know this? Here's what I know. Doe. Yeah. No, no, no.

No, dude. No, dude. No, let's start over, dude. Okay. Doe. Dee. Doe-dee? Doe-dee? Isn't that not an old Korean song? No, no, no, no. Sorry, go ahead. Doe. A deer. Yeah, that's it. I was going to get there. That's all I know. No, doe. A deer. A female deer. Ray. A...

Golden, golden sun. Drop of golden sun. Me. Me, a name I call myself. Far, a long, long way to run. I like that they did far instead of far. That's great. Far. Yeah, it's like, you know, manipulating the word. Yeah, far. Far. A long, long way to run. It's a Boston way of saying far. Far. Yeah. Over there, it's far over there. Yeah, yeah. A long, long way to run. And then I know from that movie-

♪ Adelweiss, Adelweiss ♪ - You know that was Hitler's favorite song? - It's, I don't know. It still is a very, very good one. - It's a banger. - It's a banger. - Yeah. - And then, ♪ The hills are alive ♪ So I just know those, but that's all I, I don't even saw! ♪ The hills are alive with the sound of ♪ - Music? - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's a great, I was, you know, I've talked about the play I was in, right? - What play? - You don't know? - No.

I have never told the story on this fucking podcast. Oh, it's a big story for me. Let's hear it. All right. So I never knew I was funny. Okay. Chaka. Chaka did. Chaka did. Right. And so in my freshman year of high school, I think it was eighth grade. Eighth grade, I auditioned for a play and beat me out of the play. Fuck. Right. And then three days before they're actually putting it up, just bailed.

So I played Kurt from The Sound of Music. One of the kids. No way. Yeah, yeah. You did? Yeah. So there's a scene where Fraulein Maria is, you know what I mean? And the place is packed. It's packed. 80 people. Slammed. Like 150. Okay. Right? To a kid, you're nervous. Let me see Kurt. Kurt from Sound of Music. Right? So there's a scene where like, there's Kurt. That's who I'm playing. That's fucking me. I know. But that's what I'm playing. You played me? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so Fralein Maria is meeting the kids for the first time. And Mr. Von Trapp, I think that's his name, whatever his name is, right? Yeah. He's calling his kids down, right? And the kids come down the staircase in order, right? As soon as the audience sees me, the place goes pandemonium laugh. It's like I literally remember this going, people going, ah!

And my dad was there and my dad was like looking around like what the fuck is going on, right? And it was the, at first it was like, uh oh. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? What's so funny? - I'm listening. - I was like, uh oh, this is shameful, right?

But then I'm like, no, I like this. - Were you the only Asian kid? Was all white kids in you? - Dude, the Fawn Trap families are, yeah. - Yeah, so that's why they're laughing. That's insane. - I know. - Like one little fat Asian kid comes out. - I know, it's funny though. Think about it, right? And so then I have one line, "I'm Kurt, I'm 13," whatever the line is, right? As soon as they step forward, 'cause we're in a line, the place goes .

And then I was just like, I was like hamming it up. And I did this with my hands. And then I remember afterwards, I went up to the director and I think they were like, he was like, "Oh, I'm so sorry that they were laughing." I go, "No, no, no. Can I change the lines?" He goes, "I don't know." I go, "Yeah, I think it'd be cool if we justify it." So if I go, "I'm Kurt, I'm 13, I was adopted."

Or I'm 13, I play it on the sun longer than anybody else. Or like something that would ground me into the thing, right? Play with it. - And he said no. - So every night we did that play, I got a huge laugh. - Did you change the lines? - No. - The director did not have good enough vision. - And then the same thing happened when I played Huckleberry Finn. - You didn't play Huckleberry Finn. - I sorta got it. It's on my Instagram. One of my first earliest posts, I played Huckleberry Finn. - Oh my God.

But it's like those are the first times I got laughs from a crowd. And I think that stayed with me.

You know what I mean? And I know they're laughing at me. No, they're laughing with you. They're laughing together. Yeah, that's right. Because at you is like mocking, but you're being funny. I think I was doing it. Like I knew maybe instinctually, so I walked down in a funny way. Yeah, you ham it up. Yeah, I ham it up. You do that now. I do that now. And I went like this. I knew I was going to get a laugh, and I think I was addicted to that. Yeah, it's a craft. Did you do any plays? I didn't. I did in college. I'm dead serious. I did the vagina monologues.

You didn't. I swear to God. No, you didn't. I swear to God. How? Because it's all women and they needed a guy for the abusive husband. Oh, I get it. And I play the abusive husband. Yeah. And I hated it because I was an asshole the whole time. Yeah. And there's nothing redeeming. And you're supposed to hate the character. And the teacher that put it together, the professor, was like, you could maybe act for real, for real. Wow. I was like, really? And she's like, yeah.

And she was like, do you want to sign up for anything else? And I said, no. Oh, you're done. I just was... But how did you get the bug then? To act? Yeah. If you only did vagina monologues in college, that gave you the bug? How did you know you could do it? Well, I didn't know. Stand-up gave me the fucking...

Then when I started, when I moved out here and I started doing sketches, I realized that I was, I got it. Like I understood that I was, I did improv in high school. So I kind of knew what it was, you know what I mean? And it was fun. Did you ever do improv in high school? Did you do a play? I did, but it got canceled because of COVID. Thanks a lot, COVID. Thanks, China. Oh, cute. That's me as Huckleberry. What a cute little boy. Yeah. So I did it young. God, you were cute. Yeah. I performed. Yeah.

That's how you got the phone. So you were a thespian. That's the word. Damn. Take off your beanie. I want to see your hair. I want to see your new haircut. I'm not going to go there again. No, it looks good. I think it actually looks... The shape is nice. Do you like it? It's good. You look like old school you. I think I do too. That's how he looked years ago. Back in the day, yeah, yeah. I think you're right. You did. I think you're fucking absolutely right, dude. Let me look at a photo real quick. Hold on. Let me look. Reverse it.

- Oh, it looks pretty good. - Yeah, it looks really good, yeah. - Oh, I didn't tell you this. Fuck, I forgot to tell you this. - Yes. - So we went to Nobu for lunch, right? And so they go, I'm like, I go, I didn't, 'cause I guess people ordered things an hour before so it would be ready. - Who did? Production? - Yeah, like all the actors and stuff, they, you know what I mean? - Okay. - And I never got the note. So when I showed up at Nobu, I was like, wait, you guys already ordered? They're like, yeah, because you know, we gotta go.

I'm gonna order, you know how I freak out. So I ordered like 15 things, but then like they had ordered a lot of appetizers. So I didn't even really need to order. So I overate and at the end there was like a dessert with a lot of cream in it. You know me though with the lack. - It was a Kam Kam. - Kam Kam, it was Kam Kam, yeah. - Kam Kam. - Yeah, and you know me with lactose, right?

And so I'm doing an interview with... Did you have a modium with you? No. You didn't bring it? No. And ask Emmy. I sat down in the middle of a thing and is looking at me from behind the cameras and she looks at me and she goes, and I'm like... And she goes, five minutes, right?

And then they would ask me a question. I was like, and I was so weird because I was clinching. You're pinching and clinching. I was clinching. And it's like one of those huge, I don't know what the fuck I was, like a Fandora. It was like a huge thing. Pinch right now. Let me try to be an interviewer.

Bob, this is a great movie for you. Excited to be in Borderlands? It's an exhilarating experience, the movie. This is literally what I said. The movie is an exhilarating experience with fun. It's a great cast. Literally, I was saying that because I was clinching so hard. And I'm with Janina. And you know who Ben Davis is? Do you ever play Red Dead Redemption? Yeah.

He played Dutch. Oh, right on. And it's literally him. Put Dutch in Red Dead Redemption. He plays him. So I'm there with Janina and him, and I just stood up and ran out. You had a shit. In the middle of a question. It was so fucking embarrassing. What are you working on next? Yeah. A turd? Yeah.

I'm working on it. Yeah, yeah. She told me that. I was like, how's it going? She's like, good. Did she really say that? She was other than Bobby having to shit in the middle of an interview. Yeah, it was embarrassing. No, she said it was fun. They loved it. They laughed. I know they laugh when it happens, but the thing is that I don't think it's funny. Well, what's a lesson learned?

Bring Imodium. That's right. You gotta bring it. Yeah, every time. Because we find ourselves in this situation. We always eat dessert. That's right. And we always eat cream. That's right. You and I love cream. I'm a cream guy. We're cream boys. Any form of cream I like. Fill me up with cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, we gotta have, and you know whose job that is to have Imodium? These guys at all times. Do you have them on you?

You gotta keep that thang on you, dawg. Yeah, your thang. You gotta stay strapped up with that modium. You understand? Yeah, we'll get some. Thank you. Strap it up, dawg. Stay strapped up, dawg. Yeah, so, um... What's going on in your little world? Yeah. I've been surfing. Surfing, huh? Interesting. Yeah. Chaka. Chaka, dude. Chaka Hart. How's it going? You good? I'm so bad. Yeah. It's so hard. Have you ever tried to surf? Oh, my God. Are you crazy? Yeah, it's impossible. It's so hard. I've never been out there. It's so hard. I'm paddling, and I'm still on the beach. Yeah.

For an hour you're paddling and your feet are still on the beach. - Just in the sand. - Yeah, yeah. Can you get out there? - No. - And then once you get out there, I think it'd be one time, it's like the timing and you're exhausted. - Yeah, and you have to sit and wait and sit and wait and then try, fail, sit and wait, sit and wait, try, fail. - Why is it fun?

I don't know. It's kind of like, and people always say, if you keep at it, like skiing, you know when you ski and you fall a bunch and you first ski and then you're like, once you click, you go, I get it. I got it. Good. I can ski like a motherfucker. Never happened. Oh, damn. Was that Black Bobby? Yeah, I know. I can ski like a motherfucker. There go Black Bobby. The first time, dawg. I was up on the slopes. Okay, player. But surfing's different. It's impossible. It's impossible. Impossible. I thought of you. I went to a little cat sanctuary in Hawaii. Oh, yeah. Tell me. And the girl working there was very cute. She's like, there's like 400 cats. And she...

And she was like, this section is for young, spry, fun, goofy cats that like to play. And this one, this cage, is filled with our geriatric, disabled, and special needs cats. Where do you think I hung out? Right there. I couldn't wait to get in. How bad were they? Amazing, dude. I know, it's the cat version of Comic-Con. Ha ha ha!

I was at Catacombs. Yeah, Catacombs. Dude, it was the cutest shit. The old fucking cat, there was one, this one cat, I'm not kidding. Yeah. He looked like an 80-year-old man. Oh, wow. He looked like an old withered man. Yeah. And I had little, you know, they give you a bag of food. Yeah. And I go to like give him some food and I'm not exaggerating. I'm not kidding. He like looks at it. Yeah. And he points down at the ground.

He's not going to eat it from my hand. I swear to God, I put it on the ground. He looks up and he looks back and then goes and eats it. Whoa. He's like put it on the fucking ground. I'm not going to take it out of your hand. Yeah. Wow. It was really fun. That's cool. What else did you see? Well, one cat. There was one cat that had one leg. That's not bad. It was really tough to look at. Why? One leg. It had one leg. I've seen it.

Can we talk about special needs cats for just for a second? 100%. Yeah. So there are certain things they don't know how to do, like lick their paws or they lick something else. Do they miss? I mean, I mean, they're missing it. I mean, what do they do? You know what I mean? I mean, they just have needs. I know what they do. I know what they do. Special needs cats, right? They cover the poo first and then poo. They don't know the order. What else do they do? Right.

Anyway. Beautiful cats. Beautiful cats, yeah, yeah. Beautiful cats. Wow. And then how many of them were there? Of the special needs ones? Yeah. Maybe like 30 or 40. There was a lot of cats. Yeah. It was hard. Yeah. It was hard because you... Yeah. But I donated. We donated a lot of money, so it made me feel better about it. Can you bring your own food? That's what I would do.

They give you the scoop of their food. They want the cats to. But the funny thing is a lot of these cats at these places, they're overfed already. They're fat as fuck. So you're like, I don't even know if I should give this guy more food. There was one who couldn't even meow. He morphed. He was like, I'm so fucking fat. He was a orphan. He wasn't even me. I was like, oh my God. And they're probably all clipped, right? Oh yeah. Yeah. They have to be clipped. Yeah. But because they're roaming around free outside. If it wasn't, imagine.

Oh yeah, if I was a cat, oh my god. Fuckin'. I'd have 10,000 babies. You'd be Genghis Khan. I would even go to that Lehman Cage area where you were and do them. In the geriatric cage? Yeah, I don't care. Yeah, if you're a cat, what do you care? Like, I don't think they have like, oh, that cat's like not licking his paws right.

You know what I mean? I'm still going to tap that. Cats don't know. They don't know. They don't have the same kind of issues we do as humans. What do you think a cat thinks when it sees another disabled cat? Yeah, yeah. It doesn't think anything. No, cats are smart. They're thinking. Oh, yeah, sure, sure. A dog would just be like, we're all the same. We're all the same. We're all the same. Now slow that cat down. Yeah. They think. You know what I mean? Why can't he get up here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's wrong with him? I'm going to go down there and do it.

I like when cats, when they paw each other, a few of them were kind of getting fighty. I love that. And they put their hand up slow and they like show the other cat. They're like, hey, I'm going to fucking hit you. Yeah. And the other cat's like, winces. And then they start beating. Like they were fighting. It was awesome. But they show it, which I think is cool. They're like, look, look, look. Yeah. I'm going to fucking hit you.

Yeah. And then they fucking start to smack them. Here's the thing about cats, what I don't like. Because, you know, now I'm a single dude living with three cats. So it can be completely quiet.

for 24 hours, you're sleeping. - Yeah. - And then you hear, like you hear like this abrupt noise, right? And there's something going on. Here's another thing I caught Ming doing. - Are they fighting? - Yeah, something. They do things too that you go, should I go take them to the, 'cause there's something going on. - What does she do? - So Ming was staring at nothing.

Just like off into space? No, it was just, she was staring at something, but there was nothing there. Oh. Then your house is haunted. But then she got scared. Stay shocker. So this is what she did. She was staring at nothing, and then she went, like, and I ran out the house. I ran out the house. You moved. You put your house for sale. See, they do things like that. By the way, that's because your house is haunted.

- What? - Your house is 100% haunted. - I could feel it. Whenever I visit your house, you do all that, I get scared. - The first time I went over to your house, you told me to go downstairs. I went downstairs. You were like in the room. - That's my dad. Because his, you know, the box is down there. - Oh, it's downstairs. - Yeah, yeah. - 'Cause every time I go downstairs, it feels...

Yeah, it feels like I can like you can there's almost like a threat, you know, vortex vortex that yeah and the vortex I really do you really listen and I'll be honest with you. I swear I swear I do feel in your house fuck man. Shut the fuck up. Really? Yes. What do you mean? I've promised. Oh, no, I honestly have you been to my house. I mean, it's not a light energy Dude

That was the most honest you've ever been, dude. The downstairs. The upstairs is. That's what I'm saying. The downstairs is fucking weird. Downstairs is not a positive energy. No, it's not. You and McCone, you really believe that? Yeah, I think the statue at the front kind of scared me, too.

Oh, it's the statue maybe. No, the statue's not it. That's not, he's just a pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not it. People don't know, I have a gigantic red statue. Of a guy? Of a Japanese man bowing. It's huge. It's probably taller than- You. Yeah, taller than me for sure. Yeah.

Anyway, and I have this gigantic window. And when people come to my... I have this gigantic orange door. I'm not giving anything away, right? No. And this orange metallic door, right? And there's a gigantic window next to it. And there's a Japanese... It was solid red, bowing. But I do that for intruders. Right. So they get scared away. It's actually very smart. Or macones. Yeah. Or macones. Idiots. Idiots, yeah. But that downstairs, one time I was walking down there. I think I was going to get something out of the garage. And...

Yeah, I was helping set up for the party with Kalilah. And I went down there and it was sad. And I thought I heard someone talk to me. And I turned around and I was like, what? Oh my God, here we go. And nobody was there. And then I sat for, you know when you just like stay still for a second because you're like waiting for it to happen again. And like quietly I heard, if you're gay, I kill everybody. And I was like, Bobby's dad? Yeah. If you're a gay. If you're a gay.

I kill everybody. Incredible. I said, thank you, Mr. Lee. Yeah. I'm not gay. Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. Prove it.

Sometimes it's fun for us. Yeah, some guy in Comic Con goes, some Asian guy goes, I love when you guys do Asian accents. And I go, oh, cool. But then some white guys sometimes go, I don't like it. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, but I like it. It's how we have fun. We have fun with it. We're kids. We're children. We're kids, yeah. We're big, dumb kids. Yeah. And you're... Yeah. Also a dumb kid. Thank you. Yeah.

I just want to ask you to Bobby something. Okay, here we go. What's up? It's like disturbing me. Okay, go ahead. All right. Is it because you're at my house? No, like what I'm seeing right now. What? What's that thing on your eye? What thing? What thing? Oh, there's like a cut by your eye. Oh, dude. Oh, I can tell you what it is. Last night. Last night, dude. Someone said on your face? No, it was fucking ridiculous. What? What?

So there's a guy named John. I forget his last name. But he was in – he's one of those really funny actors. But he also – I did a show called Inside Job on Netflix with him. He's like this older, like old-school comedian guy. He's a big guy too. Okay. And he was completely drunk. And he was like – he was on the street going, feedback, feedback, me, me, me. Like singing. I don't know what he was singing. I don't know what he was singing, dude. Cool. But he was like, gotta.

I gotta go to country road. You know what I mean? He was like, freeback, freeback. You know what I mean? And I was like, I go, you're not, I go, you're not going no free. I don't know what I said, right? I don't, I don't even like, cause he's drunk so you can say whatever, right? You don't know, I don't know about freeback. You know what I mean? I don't know what he was saying. And then like, so I started doing a, I said, freeback, freeback, right? And then he, he kind of lunged and like tried to choke me. What? Yeah. He tried to choke, and his glasses fell and then one of his thumbs went into my fucking eye. Oh.

It's like two in the morning. You forgot to tell this story? What the fuck? Yeah, I forgot. And I go, feedback, and I go, what the fuck? And all the other voices, all these old school voiceover actors, like right there in this middle. Did he feel bad or he was laughing? He's like, hey, Lee. Because all those older guys too call me Lee for some reason. Oh, yeah. Like, Lee, did I cut you? Yeah. I go, yeah, man, I'm going to go to my room. Yeah, but that was exactly what happened.

He's so talented and funny, that guy. God, he does all the voices for all those people. Yeah, dude, he is so gifted. He does everything. He does Jake? Yeah, he does all those people. He's so good, that guy. Maybe he was practicing for a role. But when he's drunk, stay away, because he'll try to choke you. And I don't know what song that was. It was like he was doing something. It was very funny, because I saw him from across the street. Sing it again. And he was also doing this.

And he was so drunk. What? Yeah, he's like... I think he had liquor in his hand. He's like, we back, we back, me, me, me, I got none. You know what I mean? Oh.

I don't know what it was. I think it was improvising a song. That's a Bob Dylan song. Oh, yeah. Maybe Bob Dylan. Does that one sound familiar? Yeah. Now do you know who it is? Feedback, feedback, cut me. Yeah. He did cut me. He cut me. I can't believe he cut you on your fucking eye. Let me see. Look at me for a second. What'd you get at 7-Eleven? I was looking for Epsom salt and they didn't have any. You wanted to have a soak? Yeah. Were you going to take a soak? How come they don't have Epsom salt at 7-Eleven?

Because crackheads probably use them. Smoke it. They're probably smoking. I love Epsom salt. They don't sell salts anymore. Bath salt. You love a good bath? A little bath? Dude, I love bombs. I love bath bombs and I love soaps and I love Epsom salt a lot. I'll say this. You'll never do this, but you could do an OnlyFans of just you in a tub

talking in a tub and it would make unbelievable money because in my mind, I know what I look like in a tub because I'm big. So it's hard for me to take baths.

But you. You think I can lay down flat in a tub? Yep. I can't. Yes, you can. There's some bending. Yes, you can. My little gumdrop, you fit right in there. Okay. By the way, you could hide in a tub in a game of hide and seek with you and I. You can hide in a tub. I wouldn't see it. Okay, go on. Move on. So you think if I do a vlog. You vlog from the tub. Yeah. People would pay for that. People also want me to vlog me starting a new farm on Stardew Valley too. So people want to see it, but I don't want to do that. Maybe. I think you should.

I do love baths. I do love taking a nice, beautiful- Yeah, and also white dudes always go, it's always white dudes, they're like, why are you taking a bath? You're like sleeping, you're like laying in your own filth. But what he, I don't know how white people take baths, but this is how I take a bath. I don't plug it up in the beginning. I sit, you know, sitting, sitting the way, you know, the natives used to sit. Oh my God.

Native style. Yeah, yeah. Don't you put your legs over the side of the tub and you let the water rush on your pussy though, don't you like that? I do that too, yeah, yeah. But I sit that way and then I don't clog up the tub and I do a pre-wash first. Pre-wash. Scrub, wash, anus, penis, the whole thing. Rinse all that and then I plug and then I do the bath. So you're not bathing in your own filth. Right. I mean, it's an easy thing. And then I do two. I do that. Then I go to the shower.

You shower after the bath? Oh yeah. That's insane. Yeah, yeah. What is why? Because I do the major, I do my leg work and my back work in the shower. What do you mean? You're working out? No, cleaning. What do you mean leg work and back work? Dude, I, you're so dumb, dude. I love you. But the cloth, remember we talked about the cloth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. I lay the cloth down. I put two different body washes on it. Right, because I like mixing up. How long is it for you to take a shower? 40 minutes? 50 minutes? Bath, shower, probably 45 minutes. Jesus Christ. Okay. No wonder you're fucking late all the time. It's a ritual. It is.

It is a ritual. So what I do is I, you know what I mean? Then I put two squirts. You know, I have a lot of body wash, right? Yeah. Like how many bottles? Like 10. Yeah, yeah, 10 bottles. What? I mix them. I mix the smells, man. You like different smells. Yeah. Okay. Why not? Right? And then I grind into a lather. Back work. Right, back work. Back work. Back work, back work, right? And then I rinse and I rinse and I rinse. Then I do thigh work.

And then I do, then I sometimes will go after the third time, go back to the bathtub and do specific feet work. So this is a whole day. Yeah, it's a whole thing. And I do it every night. Wow. And you know what? I'm sure I used probably 10 times the amount of water. I always feel like I'm going to get out, like somebody's going to show up at my house and go, it's enough, dude. They will send you a note. One time we sprung a leak in the backyard when we were out of town. LADWP was like,

You're using an absurd amount of fucking water. How do they know? Because the meter, they track your meter. They know. They do? They're like, you're using a comical amount of water. Wow. I was like, what's going on? But I don't do any for my lawn. You don't have a lawn. I know. That's why. It's great. Don't have a lawn. I have fake grass. Yeah. Yeah. There's no real grass there. No. Yeah. You wouldn't need it. Yeah. Sign off, Rudy. Thank you for being a bad friend.