I Want To Be Ninja Returns!
01:26:15 Share

Anchor! If you haven't heard about Anchor... It's the easiest way to make a podcast. It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please.

It's free. Awesome. That's cool. There are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer. You do it from your phone like on the go? Oh, my God. That's cool. And on the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool. Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and many, many, many, many, many, many, many more. Go ahead.

You can make money from your podcast, too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership. It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go, Bob? Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. You two are bad. Who are these two idiots? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. My love, too.

Not that part. Not that part. What are we talking about? I don't even know. But we're here. Do you have an agenda in mind? Did you run out of gas? These fucking little ladies. Hold on. Be nice. These little ladies in the house. What happened? Over the last couple of weeks, Papa hasn't been driving.

So we have one car in the house. I give them the key. I go, go to the thing. Go ahead. Yeah, the beach, whatever you want to go. Go be free. Be free. But put the fucking gas in the car! Put gas back in the car, Rude. Because I get in the car and it blinks. I panic. Do you guys not know how to put gas? Do you know how to put gas in the car? No. They don't know how to do it. Oh, they don't know how to do it. So what are you going to do? They don't know how to do it. Learn me! I don't know.

Learn to do it, you know? Hi, Poopoo. How's Poopoo? Turn the cameras on. They're on. Oh, you're angry that we're late? No, I'm not angry you're late. Well, you know, I don't like deception. This is what I don't like. Wait, that was deceiving? No, I'll tell you what's deceiving. Hey, Bob. Yeah, Andrew. Hold on, that's me. Sorry. Tell the people it's me. Hey, Bob. Hey, Bob. Hey, Bob. Yeah, Andrew.

Can we do Saturday? Then I have to call all my people, my assistant. I don't have one, but I have to call. You didn't have to do anything different. No, I'm telling you what I had to do. Okay. Call my agent, everyone. Didn't have to do that. Talk to your agent, by the way. My manager. They're dropping you. They're all dropping you. That's fine. And we're all together. Conference call, Zoom, everything. All right, let's get back. What are we doing here? Saturday. So drop Friday. Switch things around. Yeah, move everything around because you're a busy boy.

Just don't lie. I have a wedding to go to. No, I said let's do Saturday. Who's getting married? My friend Sean. Oh, Sean. Yeah, you know Sean. Sean who? I'm not saying his last name on the podcast. Is he a comedian? No. Is he important? To me? Yeah. Yeah. But to me? No. He's a good guy. He doesn't see it. He's getting married. But that's why we had to switch. I was like, we can do Saturday. Let's do Saturday. Where's the wedding at? Saturday.

It's at his family's house. You can't do it. You can't go anywhere. I feel so bad. Yeah. I feel so bad. But I also ask, it's a backyard wedding. It's going to be like a quick wedding. Do people still bring rice? Do you bring, you know how they bring rice and you throw it in the air? It's good luck, right? Why are you looking at me like that? Why are you looking at me like that? We eat it. No, don't people bring rice to weddings? I mean. And you throw it in the air. We don't waste our rice. Well, when it goes up the air, do you go, ah, ah, ah, and you just catch it? No, no, no, no.

We don't throw rice. So you don't waste it, huh? You don't ever waste rice? No. There's so much rice. It's like me throwing pizzas at a wedding. Really? Yeah. Uncooked rice. Or your Italian pasta. Yeah, that would be dope. Just spaghetti rice. A spaghetti wedding. We don't throw rice, right, Jules? I didn't say we. I mean humans. Humans still throw rice for weddings. They do. You know what it's for, right?

You know why you do that? Do you know traditionally what that's for? Why? It's to cleanse the bride and the groom. You know that? I always thought it was like, fuck Asians. It is. I was trying to be nice. No, it really is. It is to cleanse the air? No, no, no. It's because we're anti-Asian. That's what it was. Yeah. No, but I'm going to go to a wedding. I'm sorry we had to move the date. Thank you, Rudy, for being so malleable. I know you guys have a lot going on. I love when people send me videos of Asian kids getting bullied by...

Like somebody sent me a video of black kids bullying Asian kids. Where? Here? I don't know where. I don't – they don't – but they sent – people said, well, look, look, look at this. And so there's a bunch of – Like to pit Asians against African-Americans. It's like – But everybody bullies Asians. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. You're kind of like – Yeah. And also too, there is no problem.

With bullying Asians? No, there's no – people are trying to incite this like, well, blacks and Asians, they don't get along. There is no – we do get along. Yeah. I haven't really – I've never heard that people say black and Asian don't get along. Well, during the riots and stuff, like back in the last one. Yeah. What? They didn't get along then. They didn't get along then. Well, but that was a different – It's a different time. Times have changed. 92 times have changed. But I'm –

Stop sending me that shit. You're not going to sway me one way or another. No, I agree. Yeah, I don't know why they're sending it to you in the first place. I don't know what they're trying to do. What? They're trying to get me like – Get you all riled up? No, also just to get me on the other side of this position of what's going on in the country. What side do you think – what side they want you to be on? To get me like – I don't know. To get me like not to like black people or something. I don't know. What did you think of the last episode we did? Of our show here?

No, Friends, the final episode. Loved it. I loved it. I thought Friends ended so well. People got mad about it. I finally finished Normal People. Yeah. Yeah. Do you like it? God, dude, I got to tell you. Good? Here's what it is. The writing is so good. When she gets into a fight, when... Don't tell me because I'm going to watch it now. Okay, but I'm just going to say, when she gets in an argument with the guy that she's dating, Marianne, she gets in an argument...

They both talk like I've spoken before. Are you a man? Both people talk like I've spoken. I've gone, oh, my God, I've said shit like that because you know how you really feel and you're not saying it. And then the girl said stuff like that to me. It's very real. Are you a man? Right? It's so real the way that they say it. Are you a man? Am I a man? Yeah.

This month? Watch Man Shit. What's Man Shit? Is that a show? New? A new show? No. On Spike TV. Man Shit. You want to see men poop for 48 days straight? We got you. Welcome back to Spike TV with your host, B-B-B-B-Bobby Lee. Take it away. Now host the show. Hi, it's Bobby Lee. Welcome back to Man Shit. You want to watch men poop? Okay, here I go.

Hey, what's up, Bob? I'm 46. I'm an app designer. You watch the Kardashians too, my friend? Do I watch the Kardashians? Yeah. This is scripted television that we like. It's good script, well-acted television. What do you watch? Man Up. What the fuck do you watch, Bob? Man shit. Like Naked and Afraid. Because you like seeing the dicks. You want to catch an unblurred dick. That's what you're looking for the whole time. No, I just wanted to see if the editor fucked up. I watch Naked and Afraid. I watch XL.

Oh, I like the XL as well. I love XL. Yeah. Naked and Afraid, would you ever do it? Dude, if they offered you and I to do Naked and Afraid together, would you do it with me? It would be a three-minute episode. Why? We'd go out there and we'd go, let's go. There's no way we'd be able to do it. I could last. You would not be able to last 21 days, I swear to God. I would last way longer than you. I would rather die. I'd rather die out there than have you beat me. Dude, I would beat you so fucking fast. You would have none of your vices. No video games. No cigarettes. No cigarettes.

Bro, you wouldn't have legs, bro. I would eat them. I'm an athlete. It doesn't matter. I would run right away from you. You little fucking roly poly. You could never catch me. I would research the poisons that they have there. Okay. You'd be like, hey, are you going fishing? Yeah, I'm going fishing, Andrew. But I'm going out and getting leaves. You think I would think you're going to go fishing?

You would make me make the hut. Yeah. Okay? I'd build the hut and you'd just sleep all fucking day in the hut. No, I wouldn't. I would try to find poisons and I would grind it up behind a tree, right? And then I would knock you out. No, you wouldn't. Yeah, and then you would have no legs the next day. I would eat them. Where would you research where to find poison? Google. Rudy, what do you think would happen if we did Naked and Afraid together?

If me and Tito Bob did Naked and Afraid, would we both get kicked out early? You think we'd bail early? I think Tito Bobby will be the first one. To leave? Yeah. And what would happen to me? Would I finish 21 days or no? Get closer to the mic. I think you would last long, but you won't finish. I won't finish. So let me just get this straight, Juliana. Let me get this straight.

You think that Tito Bobby would leave earlier than Tito Andrew. You threw that out there. Okay, good. And I just absorbed that information, right? And it's now in a file inside my head. And I'm going to use that against you. All right? You're being ungrateful and you're wrong. You have so much against her already. What people don't realize about me is that –

Yes, you're more physically able than I am. Fact. Right? Yeah. You're more physically able than I am, right? Oh, yeah. And then you probably have – I'll admit you probably have more survival skills than Papa. Yeah. Right. But what you don't realize is that – Have you ever camped? Have you ever camped once?

One time I did when I was a kid. Where did you go? I don't know. It was somewhere like in Yosemite or something. Yosemite's beautiful. But not in Yosemite. It was like a town. Near it. Near it. Right. And then I remember my cousin Andy and I woke up in the tent at 5.30 in the morning, and we looked out, and my uncle and my dad's tent— What do you mean? They packed up already? Gone. Gone.

And so now me and Andy, we're like, what? 11, 10, 9, 10. Yeah. We're scared. Yeah. Andy, the bears got them. And around 9 a.m., we're just shivering in this tent. We wouldn't leave. Scared. We see my dad's car roll up. They slept in a hotel. So they made you think. You have fun? And we're like,

Oh, no, the holiday inn we slept. It was too cold. It was too cold, and we were hungry. That's good. They made you men. No. They turned you into little men. And I go, I hate camping. That was it? Yeah. Will you camp with me? I swear to God you'll love it. I would camp with you if it was vlogged or if we filmed it. We'll shoot it. It'll be so fun. You'll love camping. But I don't want to waste the camping with you. I need to be filmed. Have you ever pooped outside?

I poop outside now. Huh? Yeah. You have some, you have bathrooms. What? Have you ever pooped outside? I poop outside now. What, what, I pooed, I'll tell you where I pooed last. That's outside my house. Yeah. In the back seat of my Prius. Stop it. In the car you still own? Not even in the bag. All over the seats. Who's cleaned it? Did you clean it? No. No, yeah. Kalilah cleaned it. Why did you poo, do that? What do you mean why? I had to go. Oh.

Get out. No, I love that movie. You pooped in the car? I was on the 101. It was traffic-y. Traffic-y, you're right. Is that a word? Yeah. A lot of traffic. Traffic-y sounds more fun. Yeah, it's traffic-y. It was traffic-y. And I have what I call... Irritable bowel syndrome. No, I don't have that. Right? I have...

I got to go now syndrome. It sounds like you're – I got to go now syndrome. I think that's the same thing. I don't know. Yeah. But that's what I have. Are your bowels irritable? No. Do they get upset easily? But it comes on sudden like – That's IBS. Like 9-11. That's IBS. It is? That's what irritable bowels are. We're on 9-11. Like you woke up. What's going on? Yeah. That's you. Yeah, that's me. Except your pants are the buildings and shit is the plane. So I'm on the 101 and it's traffic.

And I'm just listening to... I was listening to something good. You were listening to... Oh, you were listening to... Pat Benatar. Yes. And I'm listening to Pat Benatar. And all of a sudden... I'm going to shit in the next 12 seconds. Your body just goes... Oh, hey! It wakes up. So I'm now trying to... Get off the 101? I get off the 101. Okay. But now...

The hole. You're dilating. My star, my brown star, right? There's not a turtle head sticking out, right? Not a turtle head. No. But sheer water. Acid-y water. Yeah. It's bubbling out. Yeah. Yeah. It's about to erupt. Yeah. It's like the Hawaiian Islands before they were the Hawaiian Islands. It's a big one. Yeah, it's Mount St. Helens. It's waiting. So then I go...

Oh, I got to just pull over right now. I pull over right now. I just stick my ass right from the driver's side, right? Sit on it. I pull down my pants, and I just spray. All over the backseat? Into the backseat. Can you name some people that have ridden in the backseat of your car into the microphone right now? Just name off some people that you've driven around. Whitney Cummings. Whitney Cummings. Chris D'Elia. Chris D'Elia has been in the backseat of your car. Sure.

And then people are driving by. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I'm like looking. Is anybody honking? Is anyone like... No, because I did a clever thing. Yeah. And I parked in back of one of those gigantic garbage things.

I don't know. We had a restaurant in the back. Oh, in the back. Oh, the bin. There was one on the side of the road. There was a construction thing going on, so there was a gigantic... You didn't just want to get out of the car and poop right next to one of the bins? I couldn't even do that. You couldn't have get out? It was like, no, I can't get out. I'm doing it now. Yeah. It was an emergency. And then I pooed one time. I had Korean barbecue with my girlfriend. We did it.

We did one on 6th Street. I want to say the place's name, but it's popular because it's cheaper and it's all you can eat. 6th Street in Santa Monica? No, 6th Street in Koreatown. Oh, Koreatown, downtown. And as soon as we got out of there, we're driving down Western. Bubble guts. I pull over off of one of the streets in Western. I ran to a man's house. And Kalilah's like, what are you doing? And I sprayed on the side of his house.

What are you... What are you... And Kalala's screaming at me. What are you doing? What do you wipe with? Nothing. You get pants up? Nature's breeze. The air. Yeah. Nature's breeze. Pants up, keep it moving. Yeah. Damn, Bob. So I have like those one-on-one... Luckily, I've been quarantined and when I have those episodes... You're right to the bathroom. I have three bathrooms. I got to tell you something, dude. As your friend... Yeah. And your therapist... No, you're not. Mm-hmm. Go ahead. You have IBS. I don't. That's irritable bowel syndrome. I have to go now syndrome.

That's what it used to be called. Yeah. But out of respect, they wanted to change it a little bit. Yeah. Rude, have you ever pooped your pants? Yeah. Oh, my God. So common. Yeah. You've never pooped your pants? One time in Japan. One time in Japan. There we go. One time in Japan. I didn't technically poop my pants, but a little and a little came out. Yeah. And I had to run into a little convenience mart. Yeah. And in Japan, it was... I mean, I'm not kidding. Yeah. I'm not exaggerating. Two feet by two feet was the bathroom. Yeah.

Have you ever seen these? It's just... Yeah, I've been there. Oh, God. Two feet by two feet. I had to shimmy off my pants and underwear and everything as my back is touching the wall. And I have to throw the poop underwear in the garbage bin. And as I did it, I missed poop everywhere. Poop all over the place. I mean, dude, it was...

It was a 20 minute nightmare. Yeah. It was, it was the most, you know what's so funny about those? It's embarrassing, but for no reason. No one knew. I was the only one that knew. When you pooped yourself, did people know or did just you know? Me. Yeah. But you got embarrassed, right? When we do it, it's like some, nobody knows unless you tell people. Yeah. When did you do it? In my school. Not this school. In the Philippines. In the middle of class? Yeah. Because they wouldn't let you go to the bathroom? No.

Wait, wait, wait. You shit your pants and you sat there the whole time? Kid loves algebra. Were you able to absorb any information after you did that? Yeah. Wait a minute. How much longer do you think you sat? Like 20 minutes. Oh, that's so long. That's so long. 20 minutes is like 20 hours. Yeah. So you asked the teacher, can I go to the bathroom? And the teacher said no. Yeah, she said no. Just wait.

It's so fucking... Could you have said, wait, I just shit my pants. No. Teacher, wait, I just did it. I just shit my pants. But she's so quiet that I believe that she wouldn't say anything. 100%. Yeah. You would ask one time politely and then when they say no, you wouldn't stand up for yourself and go, lady, I'm going to shit myself if you don't let me out of here. What class was it? Do you remember? History. Yeah, well...

Those pants were history, too. Yeah. Did anybody smell it? No. No one said anything. Yeah. I think they smelled it, but they didn't say anything. Wow. That's so nice. That's so nice. That couldn't happen here. You know, my grandparents, you know, my mother grew up in the same house that my great-great-great-grandfather. They lived in the same house. That's like five generations of house passed down? Yeah, like since the, like,

Early 1800s. Where is it now? It's gone. And I remember it was like this – the walls are made out of rice paper. It's an ancient Korean-looking house. And I remember as like a 12-year-old kid going to that house because we used to sleep there in my grandfather's room, right? Just hardwood and dark floor. Would you sleep on the floor? Yeah, you have these mats. Yeah, like yoga mats. Everyone sleeps together, right? Yeah.

And I remember I had to take a shit as a kid, right? And they go, okay, cool. I went out there and, you know, in Korea back then, it's a hole in the ground. Sure. A lot of places are still hole in the ground. So when you look, it's a gigantic hole and you could actually look down there and it's like, there's no sewage system, right? No. Right? It's the earth. So I remember thinking, my great, great, great grandfather's shit is deep in there. Right?

Generations of my grandmother's urine. That's incredible. And shit is in there. Great-great-grandpa's poo-poo is in the same place. Imagine that, though. That's cool. That's cool thinking. That is really cool. Fuck Ancestry.com. That's all you need to know. Yeah, that's all you need to know. It's going to have a pool hole, baby. But thank God we have a different system here. We have toilets here. Yeah, thank God. Have you ever been to Central America? I have, yeah. Costa Rica. Yeah.

A lot of times the pipes can't handle it. So you have to – toilet paper can't go in the toilet. You got to put it in the bin. Oh. Trash bin. I've done that here. That's – people do it. Some people do it here. I'm blown away. Yeah. You do? Yeah. Why? Because I clog up the toilet a lot. You clog the pipes. Yes, you do. I don't have girthy Eric Griffin shit. No, it's just yours – I feel like yours are snaky. They're long.

Yeah, yeah, okay, so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. I've had very, very thin, very thin. They're thin and long, yeah. They look like spaghetti. But I just equate that my butthole's tight. That's a good thing to have. Yeah, and also... I have two holes. You have a penis hole. No, I have two buttholes. You have two buttholes? It was a birth defect, yeah. Are you being serious right now? No. I know. I know.

Yeah, I always thought to myself that God – that would be cool if God would have kind of rearranged our systems. What would you want? The asshole at the bottom of the foot. Because it's super far away from you? No. You could have shoes. Right. So just imagine – Oh, poo shoes.

No, there's a shoe that opens up. The bottom, yeah. And you could still be out in the street talking to your friend. You stick your foot inside a street toilet. Yeah, a street hole. It's a little hole. Yeah. And just, yeah, Jim, yeah, I'm going to work. I'm just taking a shit right now. But yeah, Francisca got pregnant. Congratulations. Or whatever. And have those conversations. You'd talk right through it? Yeah. It'd go more like this. If I'm pooping, I'd log in. I'd click, click. I clacked in. I'm like, hey, Bob. What's up? What's up?

You know, so at 12:30, I think I have to meet those guys up in the room. It would still feel good. It would feel good, yeah. It would still feel good. And as a citizen, knowing what you're doing, right? I would like go, "Let's do that again," right? So what do you have to do at 12:30? Well, I'm gonna have to go to the third floor because I think Micah has some paper. And I would look away.

Do you see how I just looked away? That was so good timing. I would look away, the timing. And then I'd go. And I'd go back because I don't want to take away from your experience. Right. That's so respectful. That's so respectful. I know the social cues. Do you fart out of your foot still? Of course. What, are you going to fart out of your eyeball? No. Funny. What if it was out of your nose? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be funny. What if your nose was like, excuse me? Ship Station. Hey, guys. The Bad Friends Podcast.

are going to be having merch soon. Yeah, we're working on the merch right now, and we already use these people, but we're going to use them when we get our merch in. We love ShipStation. ShipStation is great. They help online sellers with any size orders, get them out very quickly, save money on shipping costs, and they keep you very happy. How do you keep track of who gets what? Which shipping carrier should you use? Are you getting the best rates? Are you getting the best rates? You're probably not. That's why you need ShipStation.com.

You need ShipStation. By the way, if you're selling something online, they are phenomenal. They're so easy to use, whether you're selling Amazon or Etsy or something from your own website. It's just super easy to manage, and they make it very friendly to use. USPS, FedEx, UPS, whatever you do. Amazon Fulfillment. Yeah, whatever you need. So you can compare and choose the best shipping solution for you and your customer. And if you're shipping out a lot of stuff, they do huge discounts on cost, which I'm hoping we're going to do because when we get to bad friend merch, we're going to be shipping out all of it. No wonder ShipStation.

ShipStation is the number one choice of online sellers. You'll ship more in less time with the best rates available. That's right. Right now, our Bad Friends listeners can try ShipStation completely for free for two months when you use the offer code. BadFriends. That's right, dude. Get started at ShipStation.com today. Click the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in our code. BadFriends. ShipStation.com. Enter the code. BadFriends.

That's ShipStation.com. Make ship happen. Raycon. It's the best earbuds on planet Earth. I use them on a daily basis. They're better than the other models. No, seriously. Raycon does make probably my absolute favorite wireless earbuds that I've ever had. When I work out...

It's the one that I use because they stay in my ear. They do, because they have the little spongy thing. Squishy, squishy, squishy. Right, and also when you change songs and stuff, it's just easier to do it. There's actually a button. Yeah, and it's more user-friendly, by the way. There's not a bunch of knick-knacks and goop-gobs going on. The model now, the E25, the everyday E25, that's their best one. They have six hours of playtime. If you can run for six hours or work out for six hours without charging, I'm surprised. They're incredible. They're incredible.

They're super comfortable, and we both use them and love them. They're also stylish and discreet with no dangling wires or stems to distract anyone during video calls. They're not chunky, and guess what? They won't fall out like other earbuds that I won't mention. They don't fall out. They stay in your ear. And look, it's co-founded by Ray J. Ray J, baby! And other celebrities are obsessed, like Snoopy Snoop Dogg. Snoop Snoop Snoop Snoop. Cardi B! Cardi B. Coronavirus! Okay.

Listen, right now is the time to buy the ladies and greatest from Raycon. Get 15% off your order at buyraycon.com slash. Bad friends. That's buyraycon.com slash. Bad friends. For 15% off Raycon wireless earbuds. Bobo and I both use them and love them. Buyraycon.com slash bad friends. Do you piss out of your right foot? Do you still pee out of your pee pee? Maybe your right foot pees. See, I think, yeah, and your pee pee should just be used for reproductive services. It's just a fuck thing. It's just a fuck thing. Only cum. Only cum.

Only cum. That's it. That's all it should be. And maybe beer. Yeah. Or whatever your beverage of your choice. Yeah. One sack is cum.

And then you can refill the other sack with a beverage of your choice. Yeah. Or your partner's choice. And you can change the temperature of it too. Yeah. Like a little, if Mike Kalala likes a little Chardonnay. Yeah. You know what I mean? A little white wine in there. He don't know why. You just put that in there. You know what I mean? For like Bert Kreischer. You know what I mean? You would put beer. Vodka. Yeah. And he would suck your dick. If you could redesign. He would suck your dick. Don't spread rumors. I'm not spreading. I was kidding.

You want to talk about it? No. There's a big rumor going around. I don't even know about those rumors. Bert Kreischer. No, no, no. Let's not talk about it. All right. I love him. Hey, if you honestly, I thought about this the other day. If someone was like, hey, one thing, you get to choose one thing to change about your physical appearance. That's it. It can't manipulate other things. You can't go this and also put this with it. But I mean, that's such a vague thing, though. One thing you got to change. What is it?

Rudy, what is it for you? What would be the one thing you would change physically about yourself? Or do you love yourself wholly and you wouldn't change anything? No, I think my nose. Your nose? What's wrong with your nose? I want it thinner. Oh, stop that. Shut up. You got a nice nose. Yeah, shut the fuck up. No, that's the watching anime and her career dramas. That is because they don't have noses. But they all get operations. But I know I've seen the cartoons. They draw them so tiny and thin. Why do they do that? Is it because Japanese noses tend to be thinner? Yeah.

Also, what boggles my mind is Japanese animators make the eyes so wide. Yeah, they're always... Yeah, and they have little gooky eyes. You know what I mean? They're drawing it, and I guess they're like, I don't like mine. I want it like this! You know what I mean? And they make a big circle, right? It's rebellion. It's rebellion. Because they're mad. And then the dick, I want it like this! And then they draw the dicks big. Why does it always blur? Why can't they show insertion?

In anime porn. Or in real Japanese porn. You can't show it going in. I don't watch that. I'm not a perverted guy. You don't know about this? It's blurred. I know what it is. So why is it blurred? I saw a Japanese anime porn once that wasn't blurred. So you're getting like the PG – probably watching it in your hotel room. Remember back in the day when you would go – you weren't on the road back then. No, I wasn't. No. But back in the day, like in the 90s, you would go on the road and go to a hotel and –

All the porn would be like blurred or – Oh, I remember scrambled porn. I love scrambled porn. Oh, where you would – Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To a titty. Do you ever rent movies in hotels? Did you ever rent dirty movies? I still do. Why? Oh, no, not since the internet. Yeah, you're right. I was just going to say. I have my iPad, yeah. But you have before.

Yeah, of course. Dirty movies? Every time I was on the road. Never paid for them. Just the idea. Why? I do it sometimes. Oh, VR. I did the VR. Do you have it? Oh, yeah. I want it. I have an Oculus. Well, can I get one? Can I have it? It's the best. Is it really? Oh, my God. It's like... I have a friend that has one. He said it's changed his whole life. I had to stop. I gave my brother one. He had to stop. Because it was just... It was just too much. Addicted. Addicted.

Yeah, because what they have now is you put it on, and then they have the man's leg sticking. So you can position your body. Like they're your legs? They're your legs, right? And then a girl will just walk in and go, hey. Look at Rudy's face. Oh, yeah, yeah. We're not going to go into detail. We're not going to go into detail. But your legs are sticking out. Yeah.

And some girl walks in and goes, hey. And then you, for some reason, go, what's up? Because you're there. You start talking to her. What's up? Nothing. Yeah. And then she starts taking off your clothes and you go, I will say, where's Kalilah? It's uncomfortable. Wait, wait a minute. Is there choose your own adventure?

Yeah, they're just different scenarios. But you can pick as you go along. No, not at the time. That's what they need. Oh, they will. They need to go, here's what I want next. But then they'll do a thing where the girl will walk up to you, and then her head will come and whisper stuff in your ear. Oh, that's so creepy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're like, what is it? You know what I mean? You know, the children's brothers are breaking up? You don't know what the information is. And you can just hear it in this side? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's so creepy. What did you do?

And already you're – oh, sorry. Already the penile cavity plants, right? And the sperm. Secretions. Secretions. Bubbling. Bubbling. Just like the Hawaiian islands. How much does this cost?

Free. Pornhub. The Oculus, I mean. The Oculus is probably $300, $400. That's it? But they sold out. I got it right when the pandemic was starting. So I bought two. I got one for my brother. The games are fun too as well. The games are fun too as well. Have you done The Plank? Also, you know what I got to do? I got to bring my Oculus here and play the games. There's this thing called Richie's Plank. It's basically you go in an elevator.

Right? You press the button. Oh, I've seen this. Yeah, and you go out on a plank and you jump off. Yeah, and people like fall into shit. Yeah, I mean, we have videos of her doing it, screaming. It's pretty scary. I want to do it. Yeah, yeah, you'll love to do it. Wait, they have a bunch of different scenarios where you get into different... There's a bar fight. I have a bar fight one where you have the sticks, right? You walk into a bar. Get into a fight? Yeah, and the guy's like, what are you doing here? Right? And you go, what's up?

Right? And then you throw a bottle at him. And he comes up to you. You start beating people up. But then eventually, like, bigger people come in. It's pretty fun. Is it kind of scary? Oh, it's pretty fun. And you start swinging. Your life depends on it. But here's what I'm saying. Is the scenario the same every time? What do you mean? What's the story and scenarios with you? When you do it once, you can't do it again, right? Because then you've seen it before. Oh, the porn? Yeah.

No, no, no. The bar fight. Stuff like that. There's different – like you go and there's a Western bar. You just keep going into bars and getting into fights. Yeah, it's just a bar. It's just bar fights. Yeah, yeah. There's different kinds of bars. I'm thinking about it from a production standpoint, how many bars they had to film this fake fight scene in. No, it's more video game-y. Ah.

Yeah, yeah. It's anime. No real people? It's not real. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love the idea of real dudes being like, what's up? And having to swing at a cameraman. Or that you have a friend that's an actor friend that's not doing well. Who's in it? Who's in it? Oh, there's Tom. You know what I mean? He can't get an agent. See, I would fucking love that. I would too. That would make me so happy to see someone I know sitting in the locker room going, get him! Yeah, there was a game called L.A. Noire. You ever play that game? L.A. Noire, yeah. I think Rockstar made it. Yeah.

And you know Nick Youssef's in it? No. Yeah. His voice? Him. What do you mean? They animated his face and his voice. Really? Yeah, and you can't get to him until the end of the game. And what do you do? I think you can kill him. You have to kill him. I think you can. Yeah. So I didn't even like the game, but I just played it just so that I could get to him. So you could kill him? Yeah. Did you talk to him about it? Oh, yeah. That game was fun because you could drive by the comedy store.

That was kind of... They did that in... Grand Theft 2. In GTA, yeah. And they called it like the chuckle fart factory. And it just said ha ha ha all over it. Yeah, yeah. Somebody posted a clip... Somebody posted a clip today of a GTA clip where...

A dude is just like getting into a fight with another dude and the cops are right there. The cop car is right there. And they're just like punching each other, punching each other. And it's like the moment a black guy comes in, then the cops get out of the car. Oh, wow. They don't do anything until then. And the dude playing it looks at the camera and just goes, see? See? That's funny. That's funny. Yeah. How are you feeling now about this week? We did that episode. And now we got a lot of comments, a lot of positive ones as well.

I want, we spoke our mind. I said the things I wanted to say. You said what you said you wanted to say. And I, and I don't know, I'm not going to fucking listen to hate. I don't fuck. I don't fucking give a shit. You know, I remember I called you and I was just like a little paranoid about it, but I'm, I'm, I'm a completely changed man. Yeah. I can feel that the energy is significantly different. Yeah. I don't give, I don't care now. I genuinely don't care how people feel about how I feel about things. Yeah. You believe what you believe. And I also believe I'm right. That's,

Yes. That's fine. That's what I'm saying. Like universally right. Sure. Yeah. I'm not here to debate you. We're talking about human beings here. Yeah. And I'm going to fight the right for human beings to exist. Yeah. And to be treated equally. Yeah. That's all. And also I have to admit, Seth Rogen really kind of got me. He made me laugh.

He was trolling people that wrote All Lives Matter on Twitter and just writing, fuck you. Yeah, that – see, that – and don't watch my movies. Yeah, don't watch my movie. And that – honestly, I want to be honest about Seth. Yeah. That inspired me. Yeah. Because I'm like, oh, because he's on the right side of history.

So he knows that. I think he's like at this point we're talking about, you know, people's lives. So I think you can you can do that. Here's what I would say. I agree with you. I liked what he said. I think it's funny whether or not you disagree with Seth. And do you think he's on the wrong side of history, the right side of history? What I really love about that, regardless, is he's sticking to his brand. He's going, no, no, no. This is how I feel. If you don't if you don't want to agree with me, fine. Don't watch my shit.

Like that's what inspired you to be like, fuck it. I'm going to feel the way I feel. It doesn't matter that people aren't going to agree with you. Just feel the way you fucking feel. Let me just dial back a little bit. Yeah. Back in the day when the first African-American girl was integrated into a white school, there were probably people there saying that that girl and the people that support her are on the wrong side of history. But she's not.

Martin Luther King isn't the – there's only one side. That's the right side of history. Look at history. What I'm saying to you is – No, no, no. What I'm saying to you is I'm tired – No. About your opinion. No, no, no. That's not an opinion. Okay. It is your opinion. I understand that. People have other opinions. They can have them too. But those –

in our near history is the right side of history. Yes. Fighting for people's rights is the right side of history. I completely agree. Okay, that's all I'm saying. Yeah, you know I agree. I'm saying people are going to disagree with us. That's fucking nature. I'm going to stick with how I feel. I don't fucking care. Okay. And I'm probably going to get fucking kicked off Twitter. I didn't know you couldn't say cunt. I called Laura Ingraham a cunt. Yeah.

Tushy! Do you have a butthole? Well, this ad is for you. Yeah, if you got a butthole and you like it clean, then you need to get yourself a Tushy. We have a Tushy here in the studio. We have one here and we both have it at our house. Yeah, and we have it at our house. And when I use it, I can't believe I lived life without it for so long. It is mind-blowing to think that people just wiped for a long time and just left it like that. You could eat an egg off of my butthole. That's how clean it is. Can I?

No. All right. Well, next time, I'll try next week. The Tushy Modern Bidet attachment is here to just change the game in the bathroom. It attaches to the toilet super easy. Like I said, we did it here and we did it at home. It's fucking affordable as fuck, guys. Yeah, there's no electricity.

No additional plumbing. You don't have to change or manipulate anything. It's super easy to install. $79. Five minutes to install, and it's only $79. Ditch the paper products. Get rid of. Stop clogging the toilet with stuff. Remember, your father would yell at you. Stop throwing too much toilet paper down there like Bobo does. And also, you don't have to even wipe your butthole at all. No, you could just use it. You spray it. Use the tushy. You spray it, and then all of a sudden, clean, clean.

Clean, clean. It attaches right to the toilet seat. Go to hellotushy.com slash badfriends to get 10% off. You guys, it is incredible. You would never get in the shower without washing your body. You need water for your tushy. It's a special offer for our listeners. You won't regret it, I promise. Go to hellotushy.com. You know what I also do, just real quick, is I'll spread my cheeks open a little bit and let the water go in the hole. Like in your body? Yeah, in the hole. So you're getting almost like a colon cleanse and of a day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. Well, you could do that or you could just do what I do, which is let it just splish splash, taking a bath back there. Special offer for our listeners. Go to hellotissue.com. Enter the code badfriends. That's for 10% off. Hellotissue.com slash. Badfriends. Yep. Can I introduce you to somebody? Here, we got to go. I have my glasses on. Hold on. Okay, Bob. So a couple weeks ago, we talked about someone who made a song on the internet. I want to be ninja.

It's from a while ago. I want to chop, chop, chop, chop down, take chop down to Chinatown. It popped back up in my feed somehow on YouTube. I learned to chop your heart. I fight with credit cards. I use my numbshocks while feeding ducks. Probably because of this podcast. And she reached out to us and she wanted to come on the show. I throw my ninja star very far.

And we said, okay, let's talk. Let's come on the show because she said she wants to explain her position and all that stuff. So ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, Jen Murphy. Jen Murphy. Jennifer Murphy. Hi. Jen, I want to say this. I think the song is extremely catchy. Yeah. Right? If I was at your party, I probably would have danced.

Because usually when I listen to music, though, I don't really listen to the lyrics, really. Right. I just like the tone of it. Right. So I like the tone of it, you know, and I like it. If you heard the lyrics, would you stop dancing and go, wait, wait a second? What was that? I would just be like, am I at a clan rally?

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But the song is cute. And I think if I was your friend and I knew you and we were at the party, I don't think that I would have been offended at all. Well, there was a young Asian woman there that she says she's close friends with. Yeah. Who's Chinese. You said she's Chinese. You told me. Right. Right. Right. And she supports the song. Huh?

I did not know her yet the night of the party. She came with a friend of mine. I had about five or six Asian friends there, but I don't usually count how many of which ethnicity. I have lots of friends of all types. I'm founder of Go Girl Worldwide to empower girls and women. So I have a very diverse group of friends and business partners and women that come to my events. So it never even registered that I better make sure I have enough Asians in the background when I do my ninja song. Right.

Most of my friends know I'm a YouTuber. I drive a kid's Barbie Jeep and I'm self-deprecating and I'm just a big dork and I'm a comedian. So I thought, you know, I've been working on this ninja song. It's pretty cool. And I'm launching my Murphy bed store. Why don't I just do my latest song? And so my Murphy bed partners were like, well, how does it tie in? And I said, well, the first line, I shut my Murphy bed. Yeah.

They're like, okay, if you really want to do it. So that was the first time I ever performed my ninja song. I obviously went all out. And it did strike me. I had started performing the song, and I'm like, oh, she's Asian, and she's right here, and she looks fine. And she doesn't know me, and she doesn't know my YouTube videos. And I didn't even realize, she didn't really even know English at the time. So...

You know, I felt bad, but I was already, you know, in it. That's the funniest thing. Jen, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, that's so funny. She didn't speak English. Was she trapped there? Why was she there? What if it was day two of her being in America? No, that was, yeah. You know, she was just totally emerged into, you know, Orange County at that moment in time. Right. I bought myself into. It's a weird place to land.

It's interesting how life works. And I did get to know her and she's a total sweetheart. She's come to some of my go girl events. And does she speak English now? She does. It's been about five years. Much better English. Okay. So let me, let us ask you some questions. Let's break this up. Let's ask some questions. So, so, um, do okay.

Let's start with this. The partners of the Murphy thing, when you did it, you said, I want to do a song. And they said, okay, well, what does that have to do with Murphy beds? And you said, well, I talk about a bed in the first five seconds, right? But after that, it has nothing to do with beds.

right well what is it about i don't understand it's about who's chow yeah yeah what is the song about maybe we have to maybe okay yeah there is a backstory um and it is funny because a lot of people want to just assume i'm an asian hater or a racist or what the heck is this song all about and right there is a rhyme or reason to it but um it takes a little explaining uh so i'm friends with a guy named peter and he likes to impersonate mr chow on the hangover he

kind of looks like him and he can do that accent that Ken does in the movie. And so he said, Jen, I want to be in one of your YouTube videos. I'd love to do that. Let's collab. And so I started thinking about it and how could I work them in? And then one of my clients that I make videos for companies and we try and make them viral videos. And

this company said, Hey, we want you to do something where you are doing like a, a saga thing with like a villain and it's you versus him. And I'm like, Hmm, Hey, maybe chow could be like a ninja in this. And so that kind of got my wheels spinning. And then he was all about it. We started filming this and then I thought, Oh, a song would be really cool. And then he steals my Barbie Jeep and then we're like at it. But at the very end we make up and we become friends. And so as I started writing the song, um,

I thought, you know, part of my blonde persona that I, uh, that I have in my YouTube character and I try and be self-deprecating and act like I'm a dinky blonde. And, um, and so I thought, well, part of me thinking I'm because

becoming a ninja is assuming his accent like trying to sound like him too right and I thought okay it would be kind of funny I want to you know and so we're in the recording studio and my sister Juliana she she helped me with a lot of my projects Dennis my my my um

there and we had a few other people. You know, I don't think we had an Asian in the mix, which probably would have been a good idea. I think it's safe to say there's no way there was an Asian in the mix. I think if there was one Asian, I bet they would have gone, I don't know. Do you think in retrospect, you think in retrospect, you wouldn't have done the accent? You think in retrospect, you wouldn't have done the accent? No, no.

you know what? You're sticking with it. A lot of Asian friends and they all think it's funny, but they also know where I'm coming from. Yeah. Okay. You know what? I listen, I've now listened to your point of view. I know the journey now to the song. Yeah. Right. Um,

You're also a comedian, which I didn't know. I literally didn't know anything about you in the video. So I just thought you were just... When you say comedian, what do you mean? You mean you do comedic videos online? Yeah, she does. She's a comedian. She does YouTube videos. I've made like probably 300 funny YouTube videos. I drive a kid's Barbie Jeep. I act like it's my real car. I write lots of different songs with the... Usually with the message of... In fact...

I have my son chart right here. This is all of the different ways that I try in Genizona Mission to ignite joy, spread smiles, and empower. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And so I'm a goofball and I make fun of myself. And in this case scenario, you know, I was making fun of myself for being a blonde thinking I had to sound like him. And I do remember being in the recording studio saying, wait, that could

could maybe that where i say like on the big screen i go let's not do screen let's just say screen because it sounds keep the accent lose the alliteration i actually pulled back yeah i pulled back a little here and there because i would never want to hurt somebody you know that was the last thing do you think do you think perhaps it's do you think in retrospect being genuine i'm not attacking you do you think it is a little bit insensitive

You know what? I think if you see it with the context and when you see the footage, I have a lot of people I've run it by because I don't want to make a mistake moving forward, especially right now. But I do think that I'm so goofy and I'm clearly making fun of myself. I actually, I adore all people, but I especially have a thing for Asians because my first inspiration to do YouTube videos was Ryan Higa.

back, you know, Niga Higa, that channel and back about like 12 years ago. And I thought, and one of his first videos was how to, uh, how to be Ninja. And I thought it was so great. I've always loved ninjas. And so for me, like, you know, and I went to China, but Jen, but Jen, he's hold on. He's, um, he's Asian. Yeah. But you know what? Come on. You guys make fun of all. We do. We do. I want to defend her. Can I defend Jen? You can. I want to defend her. Okay. Yeah, you can.

Thanks, Bobby. You were a little rough on me, but I don't blame you because you didn't know. Well, you said this girl, she's a rich Orange County. She can't climb a tree where it's, you know,

I grew up in Oregon. Well, I think, I think I probably was meaner. I don't remember. I don't remember. I want to say though, that I, um, number one, I hadn't, I thought you were just some drunk girl at a party who wrote the song 10 minutes before, right? You're you performed it. And then, um, I didn't know anything about you. So when you watch it in that context, um,

you go, wow. Yeah. And also, you know, you know, I've seen not you specifically, but you know, I've been to orange County and, um,

There's a lot of shallowness. It's a very conservative area, Irvine, right? They're more right-wing. That's probably in California the most right-wing area, right? Yeah, probably. And then when I see the scope of the audience, because I have eyes, right? It's one Asian girl and generally mostly white people. It's all white people. And you're singing this ninja song. Yeah, I think I was a little offended when I saw it, but now...

When I know that, you know, that they, that you're a comedian, right? And you do comedic videos and that I think that I give you more of a pass, you know? I'm not, I'm not going to give you the pass. Bobby can give you the pass. I'm taking the pass away. No, you can't. Well, here's my thing. I understand what you, I think I understand what you think the intent was, but I just think it's, um,

You know, Ryan does that stuff because he's Asian. We can, it's easier for us to make fun of ourselves, but you saying ninja. I'm just making fun of myself being a blonde. But you're, but you're doing, but when doing an, an, an, an, a, a stereotypical Asian accent, you're making fun of, right, right, right. It's a, it's a teetering. Well, let me show you, let me show you something real quick, Jen. You sent me this one. Let's watch this. Watch this. There's a video. Jen never, no one's ever seen this.

Jen sent me this and this is her. She actually went to, she went to, where did you go? These are just random clips. I haven't edited it completely. All right. Let's take a, let's take a look at this. It's just a montage of footage. How to throw a ninja star. How to hit hard. Okay. Is this an orange County? Yeah. Yeah.

That was Laguna Beach. Laguna. And then at some point, you do go to, where do you go in this video? I went to China. Oh, okay. You went to China. Are you performing here in the street? Yeah. Now, what were you doing your song?

I was just getting clips, you know, seeing what kind, and they loved me and they were so sweet. Everyone wanted a photo and they especially loved when I had my ninja down. Ninjas are from Japan. They are Japanese. I don't know, but that's another part of my blonde character. It rhymes. Oh, right. Okay. And then I'm thinking, well, they're from Japan, but it's kind of funny that my, you know, I think, and I knew that would, you know what? Sometimes as comedians, we kind of push the envelope a little bit, right? We sure do. Yeah.

And then this is you again. This is still in China? Probably. Yeah. And then you're at a temple. And this is money on the street. Did you get donations for something or is that a bit? I got tips. When I play my tiny guitar, I often get tips. Oh, wow. And then you're helping someone lift stuff. I'm a nice person. I think I'm open.

Yeah, so I had a lot of fun when I was there. Look at that old perverted Asian man. Yeah, I see him. He's not looking at her back of her head, I'll tell you that right now. Yeah.

So what I will say is that when I performed the song at my Murphy bed party, it was more for me to just perform it because I wanted to, it was new. And then I planned to do the music video. Let me just test it out. See what my followers on YouTube think of the song. I put it on my YouTube channel, kind of forgot about it for a couple of months. And then a guy named angry Asian man, who's a blogger on Reddit. I know him. Okay. I personally know him.

He took a screenshot of me with the girl behind me and then did a write-up and said, you know, racist white woman, dah, dah, dah. And it got a ton of people jumping on it, but he actually didn't call me a racist. He said at the end of it, I don't think she's actually a racist, but, but the title and then everyone jumped on it. But, you know, I wish I wouldn't have posted me performing it at the party out of context that, and, you know, I didn't think it would go viral. I thought,

But once I do the music video, it puts it in context. People will understand my humor and I'm making fun of myself. Jen, here's the thing, okay?

I don't think I have a problem with the song or – now I'm thinking back. Now I have an opinion now. Or the context of the song or the lyrics. I don't have a problem with the rhyme or even the musical background. I think I have the problem with the accent. Right. Right.

And the problem with it is that growing up as a kid, white people that look like you, not you specifically, and I have a lot of white friends, would come up to me and they would do this and they would do the accent to my face and then they would throw a rock at my head and they would bully me. And I think when you see white people now in 2020, whenever that was filmed. It was a while ago, right? How many years ago? Seven? Seven.

Four and a half, five years ago. Five years ago, right? It gives me, you know, it really does give me PTSD, right? And I don't think that you're a racist. I just don't think that you were mindful and being really aware and conscious, you know, and you didn't really think it through. Yeah. So, you know, I think that from now on. But I was teased as a little girl. I understand. Various things. Yeah. It's a little different. It's a little different. Not really. Yeah. Yeah.

I am. But Jen, but Jen, but Jen, you, you, you still, you're anything. Yeah. But even if you grew up poor and you grew up, I was teased for a lot of different reasons. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying there are a lot of jokes people do and I could go, well, I take offense that I take offense that why can't you guys do jokes about people with different accents? And Bobby, I saw a clip of you on stage and you were talking about, Hey,

so why do they have to look for ninjas when they come through security TSA the ninjas they just go they go in and they're on the you know in the they're already in the play you switched over to that type of an accent and so that's because I'm Asian though he's Asian you know what that's I don't that I don't think I know but it's like you know I don't say the n-word in front of a ever in front of a black person especially but black people say it to each other because they have a past

So could you ever do like a Valley Girl? Yeah, because white people are the – Yeah, because Valley Girls have never suffered oppression. Yeah.

There's never been like an oppressive moment of Valley girls that weren't given opportunities or weren't given. Look, no one, no comedian like you. I need to be able to, I need to be able to make fun of everything, but without a mean spirit. Yeah. But you just, but here's the thing. When, when you say like, we don't like we all, we oftentimes make off color jokes or, or, or, you know, we, we, we, we talk a lot of dumb shit and,

but context means almost everything as a comedian. So like the way we do it or the subject involved, it matters a lot. So when you say like, oh, I should be able to do an act Asian accent. It's like, yeah, sure. I guess. I mean, you just have to understand context is going to mean everything. So the way it's received is going to be contextual. So no one knows that.

how you really feel they're going to take at face value. People know how we feel on this show. That's why we talk so freely. But people, you know, people that do know me or that follow me, they understand who I am.

If you look up the work I've done for the last 12 years, I have given my heart and soul. Any money I make in business, I put right back into everything to help unify women and people around the world. Jenny, we're not saying that you're a bad person. We think that you're a good person. I'm not even calling you a racist. I just feel like because I'm white and blonde, I

I am such a different, I'm putting a box. And so if I can't do a funny Asian accent, what I can't do a funny Hispanic accent. I can't. Do you think you're not allowed to do accents because you're a, because you're a blonde white woman? You think it's almost, you think that's why that's the reason why?

Well, why can other comedians do accents and it's okay? It really depends on who's doing the accent and what's the context behind it, right? Like, you know, I think that's more of it than anything. It's not like a...

pity party it's like i can't do something because i'm blonde it's not because you're blonde it's it's got to be context right it's everything has to have some sort of contextual message to it but for you you just want to be a you just want to show what it is like you know goofy blonde right you know well jen you say you say you play the character of a goofy blonde right are you a goofy blonde in real life

Who's who? I'm a beauty blonde with a brain. I kind of take my own real personality and then I heighten it. I'm a little clunky. Some of my videos, I'm super clunky. But I'm very intelligent, you know? I was on The Apprentice, Donald Trump. But because I want to break the ice and, you know, get through to people,

I do a self deprecating thing, even at my seminars and things. I try and laugh at myself and I try and make light of things. And I drive a Barbie. I drive down the damn road and I get pulled over by cops. Where are you going? If it gets some views and it makes people laugh,

Yeah. And that's something that I'm really glad you guys had me on your show because you could have said, nah, let's just, you know, let it be. You guys have given me a chance to say who I am. And I really appreciate that. And I see you guys love what you do. You're both really good. You're really fun. And we need that right now. We need positivity. Well, Jen, let me, let me say this to you. I appreciate, we appreciate you, but let me say this. When you say self-deprecating, you got to be self-deprecating.

Do you know what I mean? Like if you're saying if I'm being self-deprecating, I can't if I'm being self-deprecating about me being a redhead, I can't be a redhead making fun of I can't make fun of being a redhead, but then do an Asian accent. Do you know what I mean? Because I'm not Asian. So if I'm doing self-deprecation, I'd have to go. I'd have to go.

Hey, I'm just a dumb ginger. I can't go, oh, I'm a dumb ginger. I mean, it would it wouldn't it. That doesn't that's not the same thing. So you can't if you're gonna make fun of yourself for being a dumb blonde, you got to just be make fun of yourself for being a dumb blonde. I want to be ninja. We appreciate you coming to speak your speak your piece. I will say this. You keep thriving. Keep doing your thing. Don't read comments.

I try not to. Because they're going to like you. Because we get comments all the time. We get comments all the time. We get ripped apart. You know, Jen, I think you're a good person. I just, you know, this is just a suggestion. Maybe not do the accent. No more ninja. How about no more ninja? Write a new song, maybe. No more ninja. Write a new song, Jen. How about this? We'll help you write a song called Goofy Dumb Blonde, and we'll write it with you. And then we can—I'm serious. We'll do a song called— We'll do a collab. A collab. If you want to do—

We'll do a collab called something like Orange County Blonde or something like that. We'll both wear blonde wigs and get into that. Yes! All right, Jen. We appreciate you very much, Jen. You have a great rest of the day. Did you hear me? We're off. We're offline. She's so tone deaf.

I got to the point where I was just like, we just... You were very nice. I was. Wasn't he exceptionally nice? You were very nice. Because once I realized... You made me hold my tongue. Once I realized that we're dealing... I've dealt with people like that. Right. She's tone deaf. Yeah. And when she tried to equate her childhood to my childhood... Same thing. She grew up in Oregon. I know, but... People used to make fun of her in Oregon. Yeah.

They used to say, look at you. I know. Girl. Yeah. Here's the thing. She's going to watch the episode. She's going to see. Yeah. I will stand by my point very obviously. I think people that know me would obviously know that I did very good.

I did very good at being nice and calm. What did not get mean, I know you were saying slow down. Yeah. Because I hear – Because I wasn't going to be mean. Three minutes in, I wanted to get out. I know. Me too. Right? Three minutes in, I go, oh, I know. I could feel your energy. Yeah, my energy was like, I'm out. Yeah. Right? Yeah. So then I was just playing nice. Yeah. Because I don't want to also – I think that she is in her heart.

Not a bad person. Of course she's probably not. She's a great person. She just doesn't have the – she doesn't have the – she doesn't have any social context to why any Asian friend who's a real Asian friend would go –

Don't do that. Also, any Asian friend would go, that's not okay. White people are the oppressor. You can't, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, dude, we're talking to each other here. And also, what made me laugh was, like, that Asian chick didn't know English. And it's so funny the fact that when she went to school, probably her first words that she learned was, you are a racist. Those are the first words she probably learned.

So that she could tell her that. You know what I mean? She's like, this is it. Yeah, and she probably said that. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. What do you think, Rudy? Let's hear Rude's opinion. Yeah, Rude. I always like to hear what Rudy has to say. I mean, people know what we feel about it. I don't hate the woman. I think it's just very – it's just tone deaf. It's just very – Especially she's an attractive, very white woman.

She has money. You can see from the backdrop. You know what I mean? She's not struggling. Even if she doesn't, the point is like – No, I'm just – and she has every right to defend her point of view. Sure. That's why we let her do it. And I don't think that we have to persecute her. I think that people's opinion – I think she's been persecuted by the internet. Well, I think if this comes out, this is going to be very difficult for her. It's coming out. I know it is. Yeah.

I know. So that's why I don't think that we needed to really do much. I didn't need to be – we don't want to be mean. People will have their opinions. But she also might get a lot of followers. Here's the thing. I'm sure she's not a bad person. I think she just – when we live – this is something I talked about with a friend. When we live in a certain area and we don't get to leave an area, your views of almost everything will be –

kind of singular because no one's telling you – you don't have one person going, hey, you know what else is different than that that I feel? When nobody says that, then you kind of don't have any opposing views. I also have to say that, yes, I've seen Chris D'Elia do accents from a different land. I've seen you do accents.

From a different land. Yeah. Right? Yeah. It's context. It's not only that. It's funny. You know what I mean? It has to be tied into a really strong punchline, and there's got to be a point to it. Yeah, no. That's what I kept trying to explain to her. Because I've seen you be very supportive of –

of Hispanics, for instance. Yeah, I talk about how much I love fucking Mexican people. Yeah, that's... I love Mexican people. That's the foundation of the bit. Right. And then when you do accents, you know, it's funny because we get what the context is. Right, because the context is I'm supporting a group. Right. This isn't supporting a group. It's just joking about the group. Yeah, she's just doing the accents. Yeah.

So I think that's the problem. And it's hard to explain the word context, but context in comedy is a very – It's everything. Yeah. It's hard to explain that. Dude, I did a whole bit about – and this is a true story. When I was in Costa Rica, I saw – Costa Ricans hate people from Panama. They violently hate each other. They fight each other all the time.

I watched a guy getting his fucking face kicked in by two guys. Yeah. And I asked the guy that was with us. I said, dude, what the fuck is going on? Like right outside of this hotel. And he goes, and I did the accent when I do the bit. I say, now he says, this guy, he says, where are you from? He says, no, where are you from? Yeah. And he says, Pennymore, motherfucker. And that was it for him. You know, he fucked him up. Yeah.

And his friend, he come. He said, he's from Panama. They fuck him up bad. And I tell the joke in the accent because I'm giving context of what's going on. Right. I'm not making fun of... That's what happened. Right. That's literally what happened. And also, let me say this. She brought up my ninja joke, which I haven't done in 18 years. I don't even know what joke that is. I know. You don't know. I did it on The Tonight Show. And after I did it then, I just never did it again. But yeah, but you're...

You're Asian. Not only that, am I Asian? I say one thing. Yeah. You cannot see me. That's all I say. Right. But it's in the context of that's the last line of a three minute bit. Yeah. Right. So she doesn't. Oh, my God. For her to bring that up. It was interesting. That's not interesting. It's just that I can do the fucking accent. I'm fucking Asian. Right. She says she doesn't stand by that. What do you think, Rude?

Oh, my God. Rudy, I want to hear it. I think she's a good person. But then, I don't know, her going to China and saying that... I mean, going to China and doing... The ninja thing. Doing the ninja stuff is really... It's not really funny. No, it's not funny. Well, that's kind of fucking crazy. Yeah. I mean, what is she doing? She's performing. She was performing for... I mean, this was very...

Look, and it's funny because people would say that, like, let's just remove the word racist because people like to throw around the word racist a lot. Right. You know, like I said to her, I said, it's just extremely deaf. It's very insensitive. It's very like you don't understand that, like, none of these people are going to come up to you and go, hey, this is fucked up. Don't do that. Yeah.

They wouldn't sound like that. Go ahead. None of these... Dude, the fucking accent. It's in context. None of these people are going to come up to you and go, excuse me, we have fun. No, dude, finish it. Finish it. Finish it. I'll give you the go ahead. I'm Asian. Go ahead. What you do is wrong, racist white lady. Okay. Oh!

Oh, God. Yeah, no one's going to say that thing because they're fucking – because you're a white American girl who they're – right? Isn't that the – it's like girls – This is what I – They're not going to say anything. They're going to go let that crazy white American girl do whatever. This is what I expected from her. You guys, I just – looking back at doing that video, it was so insensitive that I did that. I'm so sorry. Yeah, no. And I started an organization to –

Called No More Asian Accents. No More Asian Accents or whatever it might be, right? I didn't think she was going to come here and just defend that point of view. She went ham. She went ham on us. Rudy said the right thing. I'm sure she's not a bad person at all. I think people have good hearts, but did it piss you off a little bit? Yeah. Yeah. She did The Apprentice with Trump.

She said that. And she – and there was a whole CNN thing when he was running that he kissed her, and she was like, I wasn't offended by it. He just kissed her by the elevator. Oh, we should have asked. I didn't want to get into the depths of Trump. No, we should have asked who she supports. I can already make an answer. What are you talking about? I just told you. Yeah. Jennifer – let's see if we can pull this up. Jennifer Murphy –

Trump kiss. I've seen the clip before. Yeah, here it is. You want to see this? That's her. Yeah, you want to see this? She went on CNN and talked about not being offended. This is when Trump was running. That is her. Sure is. Sound like my dad. Sure is. Let's hear. It's only a minute long. But can you tell us that the kiss itself happened at Trump Tower at some point?

So this is something that frustrates me about the media and journalism. I mentioned at one point, yes, he kissed me on the lips, but that's what they want to focus on. It was a small kiss. It was after he had fired me on The Apprentice. He called me the next day and said, I still want to give you an opportunity to work for me. I was very impressed with you. So after several meetings and getting to know him more, he walked me to the elevator at one point.

And he did reach in and give me a little kiss. And I was a little surprised, but I wasn't offended. And I could have turned away. And I really think that we need to take these incidents into account and make sure that we don't let the media spin anything out of control and put words in our mouth. And that's why I'm excited for the opportunity to speak from my heart. You show me this video before she comes on. I wanted to show it. No, no, no. You show it before.

Why didn't you show me this before she comes on? Because I knew the reaction was going to be different. That's very clever of you. Yeah. Because then it would have been a completely different interview. Now we put it into context. All right, people, burn her alive. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, it's just... Wow, I'm sweating. It's so hot in here. It is very hot. Yeah.

Wow. That whole thing was... It was a cosmic experience for me. Thank you. I feel like I wanted you to have it like that. But can I tell you why? Honestly? I know you well enough to know how you react to things. And lately, shit's been weird and wild. Okay? And I want to say this. How you reacted was impressive because I thought you were going to be a little bit more blunt. And what proves to me is you're...

You're a really good person and you don't like hurting people. You don't. You know that.

And you just – you always usually – you usually take the right steps. You almost always take the right steps, Bob. Yeah. No, you really do. You're really a good person. Just because you disagree with her and you don't like her and both of us don't agree with what she does, you don't feel like you need to yell at somebody and make them feel awful because it doesn't earn you anything. But – Because we made fun of her for two episodes now. I'm shameful though. Huh? I have a feeling of – let's just be real here. Go ahead. There is a feeling of shame.

when she was on, that I didn't go after her more. And the reason why is because I've been conditioned through my life is just to let white people act the way they do.

Well, I mean I stood up for you. I know you stood up for me because I knew that my white friends would. Well, because I don't like it. I don't like it either, but I even checked myself, and I'm now thinking about how I behaved just now. Right. And because of all the things that are going on in the world, and I'd have to change that about myself. Yeah, maybe we just learned a good lesson. I don't defend myself. I –

When a cop pulls me over, I'm very shy. I'm sorry, officer. And I let people talk to me in a certain way. And just because I think I kind of subconsciously know the white rules. You know the white rules? Yeah. Yeah.

And there's a bit of shame that comes along with that. And I think a lot of Asians are that way. We want to stay quiet and we don't want to be seen. Well, that's why I just said – I wasn't joking around. That's why no one in that square said anything to her. Right. Because – But I think that now –

I'm no longer going to be like that. You should voice your fucking opinion. I'm tired of it. Yeah, good. Voice your opinion. I think it's coming out in certain different ways. And it comes out vocally around my girlfriend at home. I'll just say things, you know, like, fuck that. I'll rage out. Yeah. Right? But then when I'm in society...

I know this matrix-y kind of this rule or this world that was built around me, and I have to kind of live amongst it. And navigate through it. Navigate through it. I think that doesn't do me any service. I don't think it does people that look like me any service. And I'm quite frankly tired of quiet Asians. Speak the fuck up. Yeah, I'm tired of –

Don't, I mean, rock the boat. You know, we're doing great in this country. Right. Let's not state our opinions. I'm tired of all that. And because I am somebody that really truly believes in certain things that I don't want to say right now. Yeah. And yeah, so that whole thing with Brittany, what's her name? Jen. Jen. To me, she looks like a Brittany. Yeah. You know.

The whole thing with Jen was actually a cathartic experience for me. Is that the right word? Yeah, that's it. Yeah. I was blindsided by it. I kind of wanted to see how that was going to work out. Yeah, I was in awe of her in a negative way. Well, here's what I'll say. I know what you're saying, and I know what— Just the aloof—she doesn't get it. Yeah, doesn't get it. Oh, my God. I couldn't believe it.

And I kept looking at Jules going, let's cut it off, right? And then Jules kept going, she can see you. Right? And then, wow, what a- Well, here's what I've learned from situations like this. I knew I wanted to say more, right? Yeah, I did too. But also, I know that I'm not going to change her mind. And it's not going to be a good back and forth if I just belittle someone on our show. I'd rather have her speak her piece-

And let everyone figure it out on their own. I also didn't want to be a comedy elitist. I am. I know you are. When she said comedian, Bob, I understand that. It bothered me so much. The same thing happens with me, whereas I go, don't be a comedy elitist, because I don't like it when it happens to me. There's a hierarchy above me. Yeah, but you're a literal comedian. Yeah, I understand that. I'm a legitimate comedian. Big difference.

I know, but you can't just say that. Hey, big difference. Because it's every— And you can just say that. I understand that you said it, and you can say it, but just listen for a second. Okay. Just because you're not passed at the comedy store or any of these clubs— Then you're not a comedian. I know. I know what you mean. Or the seller. There's comedians that aren't just stand-ups, right. Right. There are different types of comedians that I've learned over the— Yeah. Yes. You know, I mean, if you're in sketch, in my—

comedy elite mind is are you in the Friday Saturday company at the Groundlings because if you are then you're like or even just the Sunday company or even if you're taking a course there I'd be like yeah you're legitimate or you're at UCB or you know Second City or wherever it might be you could call yourself a comedian right if you're if you do YouTube videos you're popular and you're doing it with legit people or whatnot like you know I would say that

The defining line tends to be if you're funny. That's kind of how it goes. It's kind of like, are you funny? Can you turn the air on? It is like a sweatshop in here. And that's a joke that we can't say. I just said it. Oh, my God. Man, context. She brought up that ninja joke. Oh, my God. I couldn't believe it. I'm like, yeah.

Well, here's my thing. I'm just in shell shock. I have PTSD from that experience. Well, look, we all held back and we did the right thing and we were very nice. And we want to thank our producer, Grundle, for setting that up. Say thank you, Grundle. Say thank you, Grundle. Thank you, Grundle. If you're not from California, where she's from, okay, Irvine, Orange County, that area, right, is highly conservative, which I don't mind. If you're conservative, I don't give a fuck, right? Right.

It's generally white. Yeah, it's very white. It's very white. I do great numbers in Irvine. Do you? Yeah. Yeah, I do great numbers. I get a lot of business there. Yeah. I love my Orange County folks. Yeah. I get what it is. It's like San Diego. People go, oh, you grew up in what great weather. It's very conservative. I didn't get any –

women until I moved to LA because they didn't want to date an Asian in LA it's more multicultural they're head thinking in San Diego back then was very like you know very white and I grew up with that so in that context of where she grew up and just knowing the video and just having her try to defend her position was just that was the wrong move Jen

Oh, I feel bad for you right now. Yeah, I was picked on for being a redhead very often as a young man. So my defense mechanism was to be mean and make fun of people and embarrass them or physically fight them. I just wanted to fight people. It was just a defense mechanism, right? When I got older, I learned how to use that and embrace it and make fun of it. But I didn't do it with an Asian accent. Yeah, that also brings up a point. Because I just, you know...

I've been thinking about this for a long time that I was bullied to it as well by my father. And people online are like, you always play as a victim. I'm fine. I'm killing it. Yeah, you're doing great. I'm killing it in life. I'm not a victim. No. I'm not letting – I don't want people to feel sorry for me. No, you just speak about your experiences. Yeah, so – but –

I was bullied by my dad. I was bullied as a kid. You know, I was the guy that they would dangle my head on the toilet and flush the toilet and my head would go in. Swirly? Swirly. I always wanted to do that. I was a kid in the locker. Yeah. They put me in the locker for two days. Did you really get stuffed in a locker? Yeah, yeah. And I remember...

When I lived in Minnesota, they used to throw snow balls, like ice balls at my head. Really? Eskimo! And they would, yeah, in the snow. They would call you an Eskimo? Yeah, and I would run, ah, you know. Oh, man. Did you ever laugh while you were running away? No, I would cry. It was really hurting you. Did you ever pretend? My point is, did you ever pretend like you were enjoying it?

No. With ice balls and my head bleeding? No. No, you know what I'm saying. No, I never did. You never played it up. No, I would... Eventually, I would get mad and just be angry, but... Did you ever want to fight? But without those experiences, I don't think I would be where I'm at. Right. It strengthened me. Yeah. I think in many ways, bullying, you know... Go ahead. Because those bullies that I grew up with, where are they? Fucking nowhere, doing nothing. They're doorman. You know what I mean? Careful. Yeah.

The bullies, I mean. Dormant is a good job. Some people are dormant. It's a great job. Yeah. You're saying where the bullies are is probably not where you are. That's a better way to say it. No, they're dormant. Let's not attach a title to it. Right. The people that are bullies are not successful. I don't know if I would have been a comedian if I didn't go through all the experiences that I've had. Thank God for bullies.

I mean it. I mean it. You think Stan Lee didn't get bullied? You think he was the cool guy? You think Stan Lee was walking out of class going, who's going to suck Stan Lee's dick between fourth and fifth period? Yeah. No, he probably got the shit beat out of him. Because the inner voice, I will show you. One day, I will show you. That's been playing through my head even as a kid. Right. The danger right there is the one day I'll show you has to come from an honest talent point, not from one day I'll get a gun. Oh, absolutely.

I know. Some people – Elliot Rodgers did that. Elliot Rodgers did that, right? That's the thin line of bullying. Yeah, right. One day I'll show you I'll be successful versus one day I'll show you I'll shoot up the school. I'm saying in a positive way. Yeah. I never thought one day I'm going to slaughter everybody because I just knew inherently that killing another human being is fucking wrong. Yes, of course. In any way. Yeah.

So in my head, I'm like – I didn't know if I was going to be a comedian or not. But I just remember going – and I remember struggling as a comic.

And like going, oh, I'm not making any money. Nobody likes me, whatever it might be. But I remember that inner voice going, you got to keep going. Yeah. You got to make this happen. Yeah. Right. And I think that without that, I don't know. I could be wrong. There's probably therapists watching right now going, you have it all wrong. You would have made it regardless. But that thought has always been there. Yeah. It's still there. Yeah, but it fuels your fire.

It fuels me. I'm a lazy, dumb piece of shit. And people go, you're smart. But when I say dumb, I don't mean – I have street smarts. I'm a bright guy. But I'm not like book smart. Yeah. I've read some Dostoevsky in my life. But you've never read a book. Yes, I have. I read The Idiot. I read Notes from the Underground.

I read Fear and Trembling by Kierkegaard. I like philosophical books. Kierkegaard's great. Yeah. You do like philosophical stuff? Yeah, I like Descartes. I've read his Meditations. Yeah. So I do read things. Do you know who Yogananda is? Love him. Had it three times. Delicious beverage. You...

I'll take one taro and one Yogananda, please. You should read Yogananda. I will. I'm not going to get into the depths of it, but have you ever heard of SRF? Do you know what that is? Self-Realization Fellowship? Okay, I won't get into it. You should look it up. I know. I know. Bobby's frustrated. Okay, first things first. Do we have to do more? We do. Oh, we do? Yes, we have to thank somebody. Who? You know who.

Thank you, Obama. No. Thank you, Jesus. No. Let me keep going. Let me just see. Let me guess. Okay. Let me guess. Okay. Well, you know. Thank you, Brian Ferry. No. You know who Brian Ferry is? Brain Ferry? Brian Ferry. Don't know. One of my favorite singers. Oh.

Thank you, Tashira Mufun. No. I already told you who he is. I know who Tashira Mufun is. Who is it? It's the new best. You don't listen to me. No. Week by week. Who are we thinking? Thank you for being a bad friend.