Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
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Other fees and additional terms apply. Instacart, bringing the store to your door this Halloween. You like to do badminton? No. Okay. But no, probably football. American football. Yeah. Baseball. Baseball. Basketball. Yes. That's your thing. Yeah. Not hockey. I don't really do hockey. Yeah. I don't do hockey either. I only do soccer. Yeah. And do you know why? Because I'm a... Because you have little feet.
Dude, you want to tell Zlatan Ibrahimovic that he has little feet? I will tell him that. Dude, he's got six foot nine feet, dude. He's a big guy. He's not six foot nine, but he's tall. Do you know him? No, dude. If I saw him, I would melt. Really? Yeah, I would be like, oh, I don't know what to say to you. You're from Sweden. You think you would go back? You would get knocked back into Korea?
- What do you mean? - Like Korean accent. You would say, "I don't know what to say to you." - Yeah, whenever I'm around a celebrity, I go back to, you know, Korean. - Yeah, Korean guy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But you look good. I saw you yesterday. - Jo-mon. - I'm sorry, you didn't take- - Oh, no, I'll tell you what you did last night. It was bullshit. - Tell him what, tell him. - And out of pocket and insincere and deceptive and created chaos within my own life. - Yes. - Right? And I don't like it.
I don't like when you come into town and you create chaos. Yeah. And with your diabolical. If you don't get me one, dude. Chrissy Cass. Thank you, dude. It looks like all cream, dude. Lactose intolerant, though. Thank you.
It's going to be good. It's all cream, dude. I like Carlos. Carlos is in good shape on top. He's got a chubby little butt. Dude, he's not a chubby butt. It's a Brazilian butt situation. You know, Carlos has got a butt like a toddler butt. I've never seen a toddler's butt, but I'm taking your word for it. If I pulled out a picture of my three-year-old's butt, Carlos, you wouldn't know which one is. It's just that. How many kids do you have again? Three kids. Three kids. Yeah. Is one of the butts of your kids not good? What?
- What my, no, they all got good butts. - From you? - Yeah, no, no, from their mom. Their mom has a really good butt. And all my kids were born with tattooed lips on their ass cheeks.
- Ooh. - You like that? - Do you request that or is that genetics? - It's genetics. - Whoa. Can we go back to last night? - Yeah, let's go back. - So I'm at the improv. I'm sitting there with some people, a couple of girls, some guys, you know, my agents are there too. - Oh really? - And their assistants, yeah. - Yeah. - And you come up from behind.
and then you kiss me on the cheek, and then you try to kiss me on the lips, and then you just kind of leave, right? And I had to explain, it took about 20 minutes to tell people that we're not gay lovers. I go, "No, dude, I'm not gay." They're like, "Dude, that seemed like super intimate, and like you're gonna see your husband later." Tonight I go, "He just does that, we just do that?" And I just, next time you do that in front of strangers, you need to explain to people that this is not just a heterosexual fucking situation. - But then I said to you,
But then I said to you, 'cause you told me you were sad. And then what I did was when I was kissing you, then I slapped you a little bit and I felt like I slapped you too hard. - No, it wasn't hard. - 'Cause I wrote to you and you never wrote back. I said, "Sorry that last slap was unintentionally too hard." - No, I know that. That's when I was mad at the slap. - I said, "I love you." - It's the kisses that- - Call me if you ever wanna talk. - Yeah, yeah. - And then I said- - I prefer slaps and kisses.
- Okay, but I just, 'cause I felt like, you know, like we have a thing where, you know, 'cause I kissed you once on the head 'cause I really missed you and then I liked the way it felt so I kissed you more. And that's what it was. - Yeah, yeah, I know, but just kiss me once.
Even the king gets kissed on the cheek once. - One time. - I mean, if as a peasant, if I got to kiss the king, I'd want to kiss him more, but I would only kiss him once. - And then I kissed, and then you were sweating, it was warm out yesterday, and then I tasted cabbage on my lips for the whole, the rest of the night.
- Pickled cabbage. - Kimchi joke. - Kimchi joke. That was a really good joke. - Thank you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause most people just said kimchi, but I wanna go to the root. - Yeah, Jomon. You know what Jomon is? - Jomon is, let me guess. - J-O-M-O-N. - Jomon, Jomon is- - It's not that black guy's name. - Is it what, Michael Jackson? - Yeah, J-O-M-O-N. - Jomon!