Bobby Out Raps mgk
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Hey, badfriendsbirth.com. We got new shirts. What are these shirts from? Look at little baby Bobby on the cover of what was the Nirvana album. Yeah, yeah. When I was a senior in high school, this album came out. It really influenced me. And I was in kindergarten. We love this album. We love this album.

This is an homage. It's a tip of the hat to... Nevermind Nirvana. Also, we have posters. You don't have to buy just the shirt of this. You can buy the poster if you want to hang that in your wall. Hang it in your wall. Hang it in your wall. Hang it in your wall. Right inside of your wall. Go to badfriendsmerch.com. Badfriendsmerch.com.

Hey, bad friends. I'm on tour in the fall, gearing up to shoot my hour. I'm going to be in Frank, California, Indianapolis, Charlotte, Waukee, Omaha, Kansas City, Cleveland, St. Louis, Grand Rapids, Detroit, New Orleans, San Antonio, Chicago, Durham, Atlanta, Charleston, Philly, New York, Phoenix, San Francisco, San Diego, Boston, and Minneapolis. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com You two are bad. Who are these two idiots? Woo-hoo!

I wonder if there's like nepotism in porn like Ron Jeremy son has a small Let's not talk about Ron Jeremy he's in prison. It's not how you want to start today. Yeah, I'm John Holmes. He's dead I know but just give me one alive porn star. Oh you male. Yeah, Rocco see Freddy. Oh

What? Rocco Sigfredi. Who's that? Rocco Sigfredi? Yeah, this is the biggest one. Italian. Oh, he's an Italian. That's a woman, dude. Rocco Sigfredi is an Italian pornographic actor. Wow. You know your male porn stars. Yeah. That was a really... Yeah. Yeah, I get it. I've seen him in movies. He's so good. You've seen this guy, though. I've seen him. Colson, have you seen that guy in porn?

I guess it's just his face, so it's hard to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to see his dick. Right. I have to see the dick. Yeah, yeah. That's funny. I only look at their face. When they go to talk, I look away. There it is. Does that look familiar? Yeah. Great. Yeah, I know Kohl's. I know. I'm not Kohl's. I don't say Kohl's. I don't say Kohl's.

It's got to be similar size. Yeah. That's got to be. That's 10 and a half is huge. One time I was in back in the day when there was no internet. Yeah. And you'd have to go to. I lived in San Diego. So I had to go to the F Street bookstore. That was the porn bookstore. Yeah. And in the back, you know, they have the videos. Right. Yeah. And the one time I was like, this is good. Right. I was like jerking off feverishly because you also have a lot of money. So there's a timer.

You have to do it feverishly. You're racing against the clock? Right. And then there was like one of these guys from behind, a girl, and I was doing fevers, and then they panned out with two dudes. And then right when I saw it was two dudes, I nutted.

It's a little too late. Anyway. You want to introduce our guest? Yeah, start new. Introduce our guest. Do I realize, are you Slenderman? Anyone that's moved on? He's got a Slenderman-y, you know what I mean? Anyway, so I know you. You saved my friend's life, by the way. That's right. Oh, that was quite the ride. That was the wildest. I have a gift for you, by the way. I've never seen someone passed out for so long in my life. Oh.

Oh, wow. I brought back your sweater. I told you. Okay, I'll take it. I thought that was a nice. I thought it's a given. It's a get. We have a sweater for you. Ryan, come give him one of ours. Does it have your puke on it? Yeah. Puke and piss. So we got Colson, MGK. MGK is in the house today. So MGK, Colson, from your point of view, tell me the story, what you saw that. So Andrew was. Okay, go ahead. It was just.

He was so normal. And this is what I talked about after you in the bathroom with Megan. I was like, but he was so like coherent, right? Like how did, how did,

What was he? Did you did you hear anything I said? We had like a 40 minute talk before the plane took off. I do. The whole time I was thinking I'm about to I'm about to throw up. So I hope I hope I don't throw up in the middle of this conversation. And in my mind, I thought I'm going to be talking to him and I'm going to look over at Megan. She's going to smile and I'm going to throw up all over all over her. That was my biggest fear. If I puked on you, I thought fine. Sure. He's fine. No big deal.

And then the whole time I was like, man, I'm not feeling good. But it wasn't like a communicable sick. I just felt wrong. By the way, after that – It was just one of the most – for someone who I just met for the first time, I asked you an absurd amount of questions too. Yeah, you did. Were you a fan of – you knew who Andrew was. For sure, for sure. And I've watched the show. But I was just – it was just like such an overloaded with questions conversation that I normally wouldn't even be hitting people with. So the fact that I chose the most like –

So sick. Dude, for four days after that, so I had a gastrointestinal bug. I lost nine pounds. What was it? Nine pounds. I was on the toilet for four days straight. I went to the hospital twice. That's the first time I ever had to help someone get an oxygen tank out of the secret compartment in an airplane. Whoa. I ripped through three of them, dude. She couldn't reach it. And so I was like, I just became involved at that point. It was wild. What a good dude. Because if I saw him, even though we have a podcast, I wouldn't ignore him.

I would've been like, I don't know him. Is that a good bit? Part of it was also, is that a good bit? Yeah, it's a good bit. Yeah, it's not. It's not a good bit? You'd be so concerned for me. No, I don't think so, dude. He was talking to me, and then he came to the bathroom, and he was like, are you okay? Are you okay, dog? And I was like, I don't think so, dude.

But I also was like, I don't want you here right now because I was so embarrassed already. And I was like, man, of all people, why did he have to be on the flight? But it was good. There was a lady in the back whose only concern was that she had to use the coach bathroom, that you were blocking up the only first class bathroom. Really? There was a lady that was back there. That piece of garbage. She was like, is that your friend? So like...

I mean, how long do you think? Because he's in the only bathroom I can use. I'm like, oh, there's a bathroom back there. She's like, I paid for these seats. Oh, damn. That's a bad human being. That's a bad human being. You can't go to the bathroom. That would have been me. That's it. I'm sure. By the way, I would have just sat next to the toilet and be like, go ahead. Just go right next to me. No, you would let me, right? 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they gave me Narcan and everything. So you also gave him your sweatshirt? Yeah. When I walked up to the bathroom, he looked at me and was like, oh.

And it was just puke everywhere. Oh, my God. And so, yeah, I just. Why are you laughing at your boss? Yeah, don't do that. It's not at him. Strike one, man. That's strike one. Keep it up. Yeah, yeah. No, he offered me a sweater, which was so nice. And I literally said, because they, I took off my sweater. And then he goes, do you want my sweater? I was like, no, dude, I have piss and puke all over me. And he goes, dude, I don't give a shit. And that's when I fell in love. Bro. Piss and puke all over. I was like, he didn't care at all. Bro, not only do you look like Slender Man.

But also, you have a probably, I've never seen your genitals, but probably great. Huge. You're a very talented musician. Thank you. But now we know that you're a good human being. Oh, man. And so it just puts flutterly butterflies in my mind.

Give him a round of applause. So great. You know, you have a Wraith. I have three Wraiths at home. You guys have a Chinese cat. I was just shooting a video with the Chinese. I just did this arm pump. That's how we call Bobby. I'm doing the Chinese cat. Oh, I thought you pointed at me and called me a Chinese cat. Yeah, he did. You are my Chinese cat. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is it a Japanese cat? I don't know. It's okay, Colson. I call them Ching Chong cats, too. Chat cats. Yeah, yeah. I mean, first of all, cat. I mean, what's the obsession with cats with Asia? Well, I mean, you're not going to mortalize dogs because you're not going to frame food, you know? Oh, God.

What is the obsession? Why is it the cat? What is the obsession with it? It's funny because we've had this since we started the show. This was on our desk when we started the show four years ago, and it's never left for some reason. Well, I went to an island in Japan where the whole island was only cat statues. It was thousands and thousands of cats. Which island? I don't know. Were there cats?

No, but in my house is a bunch of cats bro. How many do you have? I'm three he's got proper He's got three Oh Colson bro, bro. You have three cats, bro Bro, there's something no no not no no no not yet. No, but bro Let me say something that says a lot about you. This is a lot about me as well. We're big dick people Right Marlon Brando had cats say big dick guy, right

Okay. Yeah, yeah. And I'm going to say, let me just say something to you, everyone in this room, okay? I'm tired of people calling me a small little dick guy. Yeah, dude, it's not. It's not right. It's not right. It's not wrong or right. First of all. Yeah, yeah. It is right. It's not right. It's right. No, I'll tell you why. It's right. No, they've been, I have a girl, lady friend. And she validated you now? She's like, dude, you have medium. Great. No, we measured it and everything. Dude, now we can talk about it.

- Dude, I'm medium dick, dude! - Medium, dude! - I'm medium dick, dude. - You upgraded, dude. - That's an upgrade. - Upgrade, dude. - That's an upgrade. - I'm tired of this shit, dude. - You are the one that perpetuated it. - My feet are 9. Size-- Why are you laughing, dude? My feet are size 9. - All right. - It's all connected. - It's a good thing. - Let's move on from it. I don't want to talk about my genitals again. - You brought it up. - I know. I'm right. I'm just sorry. - I don't know. He just-- - What's the name of your cats? - You want to name your cats? - Whiskey, Tickets, and Navi. - Whoa. - That's great. - Tickets is great. - Mine's-- You want to know mine? - Yeah.

Ming, Gunnar, and Bojo.

One more time? Ming, Gooner, and Bojo. Gooner after Arsenal, the soccer team. Ming after his mom who passed away and she came back to life as the cat, we think. No, she's still alive. She is? I don't know what to laugh at. And then we have Bojo, which is Bobby Jr. That's right. And we call him Bojo. And he looks the most like him. He's fat. Yeah. Well, they have the same vibe. What do you mean? He

He doesn't do shit. That's right. Right. He's the sleepiest, the laziest. Yeah, and it's like, you know, they think they're in Circus Alley or something. I can't. They're ruining his entire house. Yeah, like on top of the fridge. I bet him beds. But still, they're just sleeping on top of the fridge. Like half the body, you're dangling. Do your cats do that? They sleep wherever they want? Yeah, there's 8 million beds. They choose like cardboard boxes with towels. Right, yeah. But do you buy fancy or no? What do you say?

Wait, wait, stop, stop, stop. You understood what I said. Do you buy fancy? Yeah. Yeah, thank you. The food? No, he means... No, no. Do you buy fancy beds? Absolutely. Sorry, I'm yelling. He's our guest. Don't yell at our guest. You're right, you're right. Sorry to save my friend's life. I buy ridiculous cat beds. They have palm trees and elevated... Right. I have those too, but I find that whenever I buy a fancy thing, they rather go...

The furnace or whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You find that or no? I do. Why do you think that? He built a cat sanctuary in his backyard. And they haven't been in there. How much was it? Tell them how much was it. $10,000, $15,000. $10,000, $15,000. God damn. And they don't ever go out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally ever once. I don't think I've seen a cat in your house, outside of your house. They haven't. But I want to say this, Colson, from now on, okay, can you understand me now? Yeah. Okay, I love you. I love this guy. I know.

I've met ran into a couple of times now. Yeah. Where?

Comedy store? In the main room. Yeah. Backstage. Backstage, yeah. There's never a rapport between, because I think it's, I'm scared. Why is that? Because you're at Machine Gun Kelly. I think you're intimidated. You're intimidated a little bit, but now that we broke this barrier, now there's going to be, what's, you know, in front of everybody, what's up? What's up, Colson? I can call you Colson. He's working on his hip hop presence. He wants to be. Yeah, yeah. Is this working? That might make me like. Nah, nah, shit, Colson.

Play up. Lace up, dog. Lace up. What do you think about Bobby blacking out an arm? We've talked about this. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. Because you're full. Yeah, yeah. I've left windows to the olds, but is this a joke? No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no. He's talked about blacking out an arm. Yeah, yeah. Just one. What do you think of me blacking out an arm? I mean...

I think it would look rad. You do? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. I will be upset if you do the go to sleep thing to get it. I think that's super lame. What do you mean? People pass out when they do it? No, when people like get put under to get the tattoos. Oh, that's a thing? I don't know about that. No, those are for weaklings.

I just think part of the culture is to earn it, you know? Dude, I earn my champagne. Yeah, yeah. So I think it'd be sick, depending on how you do it. What if I did the face? Would that be blackface? That would be a very bad, bad decision. Well, if you did it, it'd be breckface. It would be... Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, I can't do Brackface? No Brackface for you, buddy. No way. But I mean, would it be because if you can tattoo the whole arm, that's black arm. Yeah. I can't do Brackface. Brack. Yeah, I think it's just this. All right. What about half? Half.

Yeah, you'd be half Brack? Yeah, half Brack Bramble. Yeah, anyway. What are you doing, dude? He's rolling up something. I have really bad, like, anxiety. Oh, you do? Really bad. You want to smoke a weed? Public speaking anxiety, so I just have to do something with my hands. I'm just rolling a cigarette. Oh, really? I like it. I mean, I have...

pre-rolled. You don't like these? I like those. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the yellow box. Why does yours have trees and flowers on them? Because I special order them from America's Burrow. I don't do standard. Cool. I mean, I want fancy fucking shit. He's got to stand out. He likes the nicest version of the nicest thing. Right. Needs to have it. I need the nicest one. Have you ever thought, nothing on the face though? You won't do it. You know...

I don't think so. I have stuff on my head. You know, like if you shave my head, you'll see. You'll uncover things like a hidden treasure. What is a treasure? Like messages? Yeah, I shave my head to find out. Oh, right, right. But are there messages? Yeah. Whoa. You know what would be dope? A treasure map buried under your hair. That'd be sick. And then when you die, like if you hid your money somewhere, tattooed the map to your head. Right. And then when you die, then they can shave it and unearth this. Wow.

Wow. That's actually sick. Yeah, we should really do that. But would you have, like... No, you know what I would do? No, fuck that shit, right? Because you're going to do... Wait, fuck my idea? You just said yes, it was great, then you shit on it? No, no, I'm going to double... Make it better. Okay. Can I make your idea better? Please. All right? You can't make it that easy. You can't go Peoria, Illinois in a vault or whatever, right? No point, right? What you do, you do landmarks. Oh, right. Right? So what you do is, like, you know what I mean? Some, like...

The St. Louis Arch. There it is. Fuck, bro. That's exactly what I was doing. The St. Louis Arch. It does look like that.

What's that one? Upside down. Flip it. Flip it. No, but-- Yeah, but imagine if we flipped. There's a new symbol. What is that? What is this new symbol? That's obviously Cairo, Egypt. Bro, dude! Yeah, he's good. Dude, my fucking symbols are working today, dude. Give me one more. Give me-- Oh, what's that one? That's the Leaning Tower of Pisa. That's right. Dude, fuck! You and I should go on a game show, dude! Whatever that is. Like, what is that? Some game show that they have. Is there a-- Give me one more. What?

That's racist. That's my dad. That's my dad now. But anyway, wow. Give me a symbol. Let me see if I can do it. That's Beirut. No? That's the Parthenon. Bam. Oh, not Beirut? No, it's Parthenon, dude. I don't know. Do you know where the Parthenon is? I don't know. I don't think I know any landmarks, but let me try another one. Let me try another one. Empire State's Buildings.

Multiple? All three of them. Well, they took down two of them, didn't they? Yeah, they did. Let me put this back on.

I know you're excited for him today. By the way, he's so excited to see you today. I'm so excited. Because he gets a little sweaty and jumpy when he gets excited for someone who he likes. I get so excited about new people. I really do. I'm super nervous, so I hope that I don't. You're killing it, and you're in the pocket, and no need to be. I'll show you who's exponentially more nervous than you could ever be. Okay. Ryan, come here for a second. This is our intern, Ryan. Ryan.

Ryan, do you know who MGK is? Of course, of course. What's one of your favorite songs by MGK? My favorite would be Invincible, the one you sang at WrestleMania. Oh, man, thank you. I watched that as a kid. I was a huge John Cena fan. That was the first time I got booed by 80,000 people. You got booed? Because, you know, you have to play into the storyline of, like, The Rock versus John Cena, and I was bringing out John Cena, and it was in Miami in The Rock's hometown, and I thought it would be a really good idea to be like, fuck The Rock after I was done. Why? It's crazy. And...

I just, you know. But they boo, but they love you. No, it's love. It's the heel theory, right? It's like you become the enemy. So you're a hardcore John Cena fan? I was growing up, yeah. You're still growing up. What the fuck are you talking about? You're not grown yet. Who else did you like growing up? Like wrestlers? No, just in general. I'm always big into movies. He's like John Wayne Gacy. I love. Yeah. I'm in a movie with John Cena about to come out. What is it? What's it called? It's called Jackpot.

Jackpot. I'm in there. Awkwafina's in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, we love her. I love Nora. She's so cool. Did you work with her? I did. Nora's awesome. I love Nora. She's the best. Wait, oh, I saw a trailer for this. Yeah, I'm in it very shortly. I don't want to pitch it as if I'm like a character. But you know who else is in this? That's my cameo right there. That's me.

The top left. Top left. Click on that. Whoa, let me see. That's my MGK room. That's why it's pink. Wow. And that's my signature guitar right there. Is that your arm? Whose arm is that? Unfortunately, I'm not that buff. Wait a minute. Is that your actual guitar in the show? That's my actual guitar. You brought it yourself. When you do something like this, right? Like if you do a shoot, whether it's a film or a music video or anything like that, do you always dress it with your shit?

No, I this the joke was the the joke was that I was playing MGK in the movie So I was myself which of course upset a lot of people and by a lot. I mean like two bad comments, but When you're acting do you get nervous or you're cool you're good I get more nervous for stuff like this like quick cameos because you only have like you know what two minutes to like make an impression on a hour-long movie so

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I was on a show called Sean Saves the World. Yeah. It was a sitcom. Yeah. And I had, so there was a, he opens the door, I have to say a line quickly. What's the line? I forgot. Yeah. Like probably something, hey, how are you? Right? But I kept repeating the line in my mind. And, you know, it's in front of a live audience. And as soon as the door, yeah, that.

I was on that. As soon as the door opened, I go, how are we? Because I thought about it. I guess some audiences probably understood it. I know. They redid it. Right. But I got...

Well, as a director, would you have me do it over again? I would have fired you on the spot. You would have fired me? Was this a multicam? Yeah. Fired immediately. Look at me, dude. Handsome. Because you've got to be so on point for multicam. You've got to be. Do I look nervous there? 100%. I do. I'm petrified. Yeah, you're staring right at his chest. I have a question. Yeah, go ahead.

So on like Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and sitcoms, like when the audience is laughing, there's an actual audience there? There is. And then what they call sweeten it. They sweeten it? They sweeten it. They put more laughs on top of the laughs. So what if you have to do a take six times? It has to be funny six times? No, they do do a take six times. Then sometimes they just interject more laughs into where the laughs are. But also the audience gets it, right? So they kind of pretend. They play along almost like –

That's so cool. Yeah, yeah. It's like this show. It's pretty positive. What? It's like this show. We laugh all the time. We're going to turn off your mic any second now. Yeah, yeah. Keep that bullshit up. Yeah, it's bullshit, Dan, what you're doing. No, but this is what's interesting about that world that you're asking is like –

People go to a taping expecting one thing. They're like, we're going to be there for the recording of the show. Like as if it would be a 30 minute tape. No, they're there for hours and hours and hours. It's a 10 hour event. It's a long, long. It sucks. Because they're changing. And then when they change scenes and rooms, it's different stages. So the audiences sometimes have to move. And it's way bigger than people think. And I think when people go once, it's like,

That might be the last time they go. They're like, it was cool, we saw it, but it's like a work day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're watching people work. Or sometimes they're paid to be there. A lot of times they pay, yeah. Yeah, they pay for the room, so they're like, I'm making $100. What if it's a big show? If it's what? A big show. Like what? Give me a show. Boy Meets World. Yeah, they did. What?

That's what came to mind? Yeah. I've never even heard of that. Who's that? Boy Meets World. Boy Meets World? Yeah, I don't know Boy Meets World. Is it a white show? What the fuck are you talking about? I've never heard of it. It's a white show for sure. It is a white show. Yeah, Boy Meets World. Yeah, I've heard of Seinfeld, Friends. Come on. Come on? Was Come On on NBC? Yeah, Come On's a good show. Just pop out going, Come On! Come On! No.

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but at a fraction of the cost and in a chewable form this stuff is great bobby loves to take himself some blue chews and there's nothing to be ashamed of it really does work guys and i know there's no shame in my game dude yeah because if you want that extra pump you want that extra i give them nine pumps you get them nine baby blue chew tablets are made in the usa prepared and uh shipped directly to your door discreetly by the way and the best part is it's all done online bob you do not have to go anywhere do it from your house no you don't have to go to a

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Free appetizers for life, as you just said. One life. Come on. You only got one life. YOLO. Go to HelloFresh.com slash BadFriendsApps for free appetizers for life. One appetizer item per box while subscription is active. That's free appetizers for life at HelloFresh.com slash BadFriendsApps. HelloFresh. America's number one meal kit. Oh, my God, dude. What? I was watching Curb Your Enthusiasm last night. You're in it. I popped up in that. Yeah. He's in it, too.

You're in it. It's okay. He needs the attention. You have to tell him he was in it too. But did I get to the episode yet? I haven't seen you, Bobby, yet. I haven't got to the episode. No, what season did you do? I just saw him yesterday. If I wouldn't have put it on yesterday, I wouldn't have seen him in it. I'm so sorry, Bobby. I'm about to see yours tonight, I'm sure. I'm sure it's great. And it's probably better than Andrew's. What season is it yours? This is like nine. Yeah. You don't start with number one? You're in season one? I'm in season five. You're in season five? Yeah, yeah. You don't start... Wait, wait. Dude.

Fuck you, Colson. Don't look away from me. I'm not afraid. Wait, what happened? No, I'm going to tell you right now. You're pissing me off right now. No, you're not. By the way, I hope he gets up and beats the fucking shit out of you on this show. Just tell me, season five. Look at how young I was.

That was you? Yeah, yeah. Back then he was Chinese. Yeah, he was Chinese. Before he switched. Dude, I've totally seen you. Dude, that's a hard... What do you mean? Did you see this episode? Yes, I saw that episode. Yeah, and you don't think that was me? That's either you or Joe Coy. That's not Joe Coy. What do you mean? Well, that doesn't look like you, Bob. That doesn't look like me, dude? That looks nothing like... No, it doesn't. Because no mustache. Put a mustache on that fucker. Do your face. Do that face.

No, you look different. No! Yeah. Different guy. Yeah. That's me, dude. That with the mustache. I'm putting a mustache on. So did you see that episode? I did see that. Okay. So now can you give me my props or no? Dude, 100% great job. Thank you. Thank you. You were so brilliant. That's all I want. Go to that. Go to the first picture. Okay. And go to the fourth picture. And I got to ask you. Are you doing an eye thing on purpose on this thing? Is this like a thing you were doing the whole time?

You're doing wide eye on this. This is round-eye shit. That's round-eye shit the whole time. But why does the left eye go in the opposite direction? Go the fourth one? You see what I'm talking about? Oh, I see what you guys are doing. You're saying that Asians are cross-eyed. No. Clip that, dude. Asians are cross-eyed? Well, you might be. Go big. Let me see your eyes. Let me see your eyes, Bob. Open them up wide. Yeah, they kind of go cross-eyed when you do that.

look at yeah your left one your left one leans in yeah i think what you're seeing both of you oh and i talked about who gets to see what i also knew this was gonna happen i knew this was gonna team up i love it no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

I think you would. - To be fair, I have a big ass left ear. So like if we're talking about things left. - Yeah, there we go dude. Look at your ears dude. - My left ear has its own. - Yeah, you're like half Dumbo, half fucking Slender Man. - 100%, I'm already on the same page. - All right dude. Yeah, let's talk about you dude. - Left falters for sure. - My point is this. Also, this is, I'm scared.

Yeah, you're doing a great job. I'm so young, right? I did when Curbs first started. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So it's like maybe that's what you're reading. But anyway, let's move on from it. I was just kidding. I was just fine. I want you to get your props. You're more talented and more Hollywood. No, no. Come on.

I like you, dude. You're my guy. I'm certainly not more Hollywood. You might be the most Hollywood guy out of us now. I don't think so. You're getting all sorts of work now, dude. Yeah, you too. Anyway, let's talk about something else, man. What the fuck, man? Don't get nervous about it. Do you like Jelly Jelly? Like this? No, Jelly...

Jelly roll jelly roll. Oh, I thought you might pick this is peanut butter and jelly What is that Trader Joe's snacks peanut butter Joe really? Yeah, you already ate it. No, dude. That's really that's probably the best I brought this just in case I got too nervous and I yeah, yeah, those are good I have one I want to try you never had one of those. They're phenomenal. You know, you know this. Oh my god. Yes Trader Joe's baby. Okay, they're undefeated dip in dude. You don't want more jelly. Okay. Yeah, I

- Oh my god! - Isn't that insane? Those are good! It's so good. TJ's has by far the best snacks on planet Earth. My daughter got-- Well, my friend Ray got me hip to these, but my daughter is like a huge TJ snack person. So they have the best snacks? I actually don't buy--

Like meals there as much as I buy bullshit. I buy snacks. Yeah My daughter is grown she's 14 All right, let me white it up My daughter's black but oh yeah do that one Bob

I'm gonna go with my original, right? - Okay, go back to the original. - Daddy, how are you today? How are you today? How you feeling today, daddy? Good? - And then what's the question? - Daddy, is it okay that I smoke weed in the house? - What'd you say?

You're an infant and you shouldn't be smoking. What? Okay, good, good. I don't know because I think I would be the guy like, you know, just do it in the house. Right? I'm one of those guys. You're saying if your daughter was 14, if your kid was 14. If my kid was 14, I'd be like, yeah, just don't do it outside. I'll get you to stop. Do it in a controlled environment. When does that talk happen? Yeah, that happened. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. So, Daddy, can I get tattoos like you?

Oh, yeah, what's a tattoo called? What's that? What's that? What's that katoch? That one happened when she was really young. Oh. She wanted to get tattoos. And you said what? When you're older. But I also, I just don't want to limit her, you know, creativity in any way. So I don't. It really is. Yeah, as far as weed goes, I mean, a lot of this stuff she grew up just seeing. I didn't really hide who I was to her. And I also never really wanted to because I didn't want that.

So I didn't want that from another person to like lure her like the right the person of being like, oh, you know the perception of oh I want what I'm not supposed to have it's almost like very just She could never be impressed by someone being like I got cars and weed and right She's she's very comfortable in her own skin and a very strong independent woman who was like, oh

I come from a father who gives me flowers and tells me how beautiful I am and is very open about his lifestyle to where that doesn't impress me. I need someone who's going to court me and all that. She needs genuine... None of the bullshit can impress her because you've not tried to pretend like that's not a reality. For sure. Yeah. But if... I would assume...

she's gonna wanna smoke weed at some point you know like I'd rather like just I'd rather get her some get her the weed and it be like not laced and shitty from some sketchy person cause the other side of it is right like otherwise you're so restrictive and like Bobby was an addict when he was like 12 was smoking meth at 14 15

Don't move on. No, that's a real story. I mean, you were smoking meth and 15 years old. Yeah. And it's because you had a crazy upbringing. Well, I just didn't know how to... I didn't know how to feel good. Right.

Right. And that was the only way I could feel you escape by using using drugs. But that's not the situation. You know, I mean, I'm saying that this is this is what this is what he's avoiding. Yeah. And but he already did it. You can already tell, you know, that she's like, you know, mindful and healthy. And I think that's the phrase that you said that's that's powerful is I didn't hide who I was to hide my lifestyle.

that's a cool that's a i think you kind of have to be transparent as a parent i think so because otherwise they're gonna know they're gonna find out yeah and also you know it hit me at a certain age like when i really needed to to mature as an individual when she was like when she started seeing when she she has the internet too and so she started seeing you know me in ways that i'm like oh i'm not proud of that as a father you know like that it's different when they're little you know i had a baby when i was 18 or 19 and uh

that was before i was ever famous i was working job you know she was very young like it was it didn't hit until she was you know able to kind of admit that she was disappointed in me um and i was you know as a father who views her as you know like my best friend and and someone who um probably the only person i really care to impress you know i i didn't i wasn't proud of a lot of the things that the ways i was representing myself so you know i'd say probably when i was

30 is when I really got my... And that's also your Saturn return, you know, just as far as astrological things go. That's a very powerful year. Like your Saturn return is when you're 30. And that's a very powerful year for everybody, you know? Like it's a karmic... Even for me? For sure. For you, it's 60. Yeah.

Like 30 is a very powerful... It's a powerful number. Yeah, and that year is everyone's Saturn return, you know? So that's your karmic... I didn't know that when I was 30, though. Yeah, but that's fine. But regardless, your karmic purpose started setting in. What return did I get? I forgot. And you can either choose to...

take advantage or I didn't take advantage I'm sure you did I didn't even know you seemed great yeah yeah it was fine I will say you're not on MEF well that's true yeah not anymore not anymore that is true that is true I'm not anymore yeah you're right I will say I mean can I yeah go ahead but I think that's one of the reasons why I haven't had a kid because of the shit that I've done

Oh my God. I would have to go, no internet until you're 18. It's hard, man. It's hard, yeah. I accept it and I also, I'm weighed down by it a lot and plenty of people on the internet choose to remind me all the time, but it's also my job as a leader of, or one of the leading voices of a generation who also can relate to being

misjudged by things they did when they were younger or, you know, maybe needing someone to show them how to mature. And, you know, like we all, I at least, like I looked at the people on TV or in music and

as my parents you know that was kind of like those were the people it's like when jordan took the nike and was like this shoe is cool and people are like yeah yeah we we are what we embed ourselves in and to me frequency like music was always in here so i was you know trusting these people as my leaders like okay and i don't do a great job with that all the time with my lyrics but you know as i grow i'll continue to do so i continue to you know try and take my job as a

Fuck up who is no longer that. But people know there's a there I think more than ever.

There is always a separation between the art and the artist. And I think people are more cognizant of that in this day and age than we've ever been. I think because... We should be, you and I. We're not doing any of that. No, dude. No, no. I'll tell you what. We have to change our thing, dude. No, comedy is so important. No, no. We're feeding garbage to the people. We have no message. I'm telling you the rawness of what you guys do. I was telling him this on the plane when he was completely incoherent about the puke on my face. I will...

It's so important what you guys do. The unfiltered, you know, just taking the pendulum and swinging it the complete opposite way of what it just was the past five years of just like where everyone's so scared to be funny or say anything at the, you know, fear of people being like, I'm going to come for your platform and take it away. We keep doing it, man. I think we have to. I think we have to because for us...

It was the thing that made us laugh the most. And I think with audiences, going back to what I just said, people know...

what we're saying when we're fucking around. Clearly it's coming from a place of like love and heart. We shit on each other. It's all for the art of the fun of the thing. I also don't know how else to do it. Yeah, well, we don't. I mean, you could say, you know, that's why I don't do like certain shows. Even if they ask, I go, that's not... That's not for me. When I did Chelsea Lately...

I struggled every show. I mean, I don't care. I mean, people even said, why you struggled? You know what I mean? Because it's not my thing. Right. It was never my thing, but I tried to fit into that format and it came out weird. It didn't work. It didn't work. This is my format. Right. You know what I mean? This is why it works. What you guys do is important. Like laughing saves our lives.

This is a grim world. And so to make us laugh is very important. And I'm very appreciative of what you guys are like. I'm appreciative of you. Take me back, by the way. Take me back to your 18 or 19 and you have a kid. Are you feeling like you're fucked? Did it feel like that or was it? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was scared. Yeah. Me and my friend Slim, we were sharing in a single bedroom apartment. We were in Cleveland. I was working at Chipotle. I gave up my job.

because I went to chase my dreams at this new music seminar that was coming into town. I spent my rent money to get a VIP pass to get a meeting with the A&R that they do at the seminar where you get like an individual meeting with an A&R. But it was on the day I was working. And I don't remember if this was the day, I traded two days in, like one day I traded my off day to a manager.

I gave her Jay-Z tickets so I could have an off day to go do something, to go to the Apollo. And I got the off day band, but this one I couldn't get off, but it was more important than my job. So I went there, didn't get a record deal, did get fired. Did meet my manager who was behind the scenes over there somewhere. Yeah, yeah. And she's been rocking with me since that day. Wait, wait, how did you meet her? I love her. Yeah. Yeah, how'd you meet her? She was there. I thought she worked with a record label because...

I saw a white girl with a clipboard and I was like, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure, she works at a regular label. She tricked you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you see a white woman with a clipboard, you do think, this is corporate. Yeah, yeah. I met her and she was really like, she was like, yo, everyone's talking about, you know, oh, because there was a, they did an open mic at the seminar but they gave it to some like, you know, a kid from Atlanta who danced and after he was done performing, I stood up and I was like, guys, like you're in Cleveland, let someone from Cleveland perform and they were like, well, who? And I was like,

me dude dude i love this i got up there lenny yes ironically who works over at rock nation and had become my neighbor years later he was there so and uh it's it's always great seeing that's how i get invited to the rock nation brunch was lenny yes shout out lenny yes but he was there um and so afterwards yeah they were talking and i met her and then you know she came over to my house after or a day later with with my friend slim and we were all there and i was like dude like i met this record label person like we're on bro and

She came over and she was like, yeah, like I'm, I was interning there, uh, helping out, like checking, checking the names for everyone who was coming in. And, uh, yeah, I go to college. I'm about to graduate. And I, I had just gotten fired from Chipotle. And, uh,

Anyway, she was like, I'll leave everything. Like, I believe in this. So she dropped out of college and she got me a job working at Red Bull as a Penske truck driver to go drop off like pallets of Red Bulls and stuff. I had a buddy of mine do that when we moved to LA. Yeah. So I was doing that and, you know, she had a car so she was letting me, you know, put all my clothes in her car and crash there because we ended up getting evicted from that apartment. Yeah.

And yeah, man, like... And you're loyal. That's what I love about it. Because I'm pretty sure since then, you've had every manager come to you and go, say it with us. You won't leave her. You won't leave her. That's for life. That's for life. Dude, I'm the same way, dude. Wow. And also, can I say this? May I say something to you? Mm-hmm.

is there was that moment where you said, I'm gonna go up and do it. Without that, you would've never probably met her, right? - Never. - Right. - Never. - And that's the thing that everyone needs to make it, I think, in any kind of art form.

It's that you see the window of opportunity. Like when my friend Randy signed me up at the open mic, I didn't know I was supposed to perform. And then when they said my name, I could have gone, I'm not going up. Yeah. You know what I mean? But I went, you know what? I'm going to do it. You're just like an instinctual thing of like, I have to do it. You don't risk it all. You risk it all. And I just go up there and it didn't go well. But it's that instinct to do it. You know what I mean? Is I think you need. You do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you had to have the balls to do it. But that's also what kickstarts that.

Sickness That we have Where we're like I need to I have to I don't have a choice I must fucking do this I'm not going back to Chipotle

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Hey, everybody. We're doing a Bad Friends live show. It's called Scary Times USA. Scary Time USA. And how do you watch it? Go to moment.co slash badfriends. It's Thursday, October 24th at 6 p.m. We're going to have exclusive merch available for it. So Bad Friends Scary Time USA. Hey, dude. America.

Yeah, live stream. October 24th at 6 p.m. PST. We're live streaming it. So join us at moment.co. We'll also be hosting an interactive VIP after party after the show and active patron members can join the VIP after party for free. Scary Times USA.

The one memory I'll take from Chipotle, besides it was great, I met a lot of great friends and just the extreme hate that boiled in my chest from seeing people that went to my school come back from college on winter break to see me working at Chipotle and being like, ah, you were supposed to be a rapper, what happened? Like that probably fueled a lot, but...

I would be in the back washing the sour cream out of those tin things. And the hot steam from the sour cream would always come up on my face. And Mrs. Officer by Lil Wayne was always playing. So every time I hear wee, wee, wee, I always just re-smell hot, steaming sour cream. Wow.

- Oh wow. - 'Cause it was like the hottest song on the radio at that time. - Right. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - So you don't like that when that song comes on? - I love Wayne. - Or do you like sour cream? - I love Wayne today. I don't know if it's, I think my beef is more with the sour cream. - Yeah, yeah, hot sour cream. - 'Cause I haven't used sour cream in many years. - There's a smell. I used to wash dishes. I was a busboy and I did dishes.

And for Outback Steakhouse And there's a smell For everything like that Exactly what you're talking about When steak and mashed potatoes Is like sitting on a plate for a while And then hot water hits it Holy shit It probably smells like burnt oranges That are rotting or something It smells like old feet It smells like old wet feet Yes sir I gotta smell You know in Korea Alright here we go

Take us back to the motherland. Well, do you remember I told you that like at my grandparents' house, they had a bathroom. It was just a hole in the ground. And it was like generations and generations of poo. It was like literally 2,000 years of poo. They never emptied it? No, it's a hole in the ground. So it's a hole in the ground, right? And you look down. So my great-grandparents' poo was way down there, right? My great-great-great-great-grandparents' poo. Kind of beautiful. Yeah, yeah. But that smell I can't get rid of either. And it smells like shit. Yeah.

In those holes in the ground, those old bathrooms. If you dig all the way down, you can dig all the way to China. If you can go all the way through to China. Isn't that where that comes from? No, it's not. Wouldn't they do that? In the backyard, they go, we're going to dig all the way to China? I tried that when I was a kid. Did you really? Yeah. How far did you go? I got about six feet. Maybe about four feet. I got to Bakersfield. But I dig, I mean, this way. I also... You guys do everything. I dig north.

Yeah, I'd ignore him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, I have one. Can I insert one activity really quick? Please. I love activities. Remember what I texted you yesterday? Yeah. I don't remember the exact text, but I think...

What about it? I was like, can I come later for the podcast because I have to fight a samurai? Yeah. Yeah. I wanted you to talk about it. Did you fight a samurai? I did today. Yeah. Yeah. I feel actually, I don't know if I look dehydrated, but I feel like a piece of beef jerky. Like I'm so just like dried meat. My whole, I feel so dehydrated. I was in the sun fighting a samurai all day. It was for a music video, but I was thinking because there's this part in the video where the song,

It goes really fast. And I kind of did that. It's for a five-year anniversary of an album that came out in 2019. But my fans, as an ode to them, they love when I rap fast. So I kind of did a part in there where I was rapping fast.

Could I just please get you off to attempt to do the part? Oh, I can. What are we talking about here? This is amazing. Yeah, Bob has to do it first. Homie, what's up, dog? I'm going to play you how it's supposed to sound. No, no, no. I can just do it. Bobby can do it without direction.

Holy shit, Bobby. Wow. How come you can't do the ad reads? Holy shit. That's so impressive. Let me see. You do it, dude. Do it faster than me. I don't think so. Okay. No, let me hear the track. Let me try.

Okay. What's up, dude? Never been a typical individual. I was always a little cynical. My condition was clinical. I had a friend that was fictional. I knew I was infec- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know what, guys? Well, that's it. You're dealing with professionals. You're dealing with pros over here. Professionals, yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, that sounds amazing. That sounds really good. I want to hear the whole thing, but we'll wait. I mean, sing Daddy While You Die. You probably couldn't do that. Yes, he could. 100%. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, we could. Yeah.

Tell me about the samurai fight, though. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so there was a kid I saw online. His name is Shaquan, and he does these really maybe type like Shaquan, like Instagram martial arts. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We got a crack team over there. Shaquan Parson, is that his name? Yep. Oh, look at this guy. Look at the fucking size of this guy. Oh, dude, is this the guy that does the crazy flips? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, this guy's unreal. Go down even more. Yeah.

Um... Bobby, this guy can walk backwards when he flips. Let's try this one on the right. Watch this shit. Oh, shit. Yes, I've seen this cat. Un-fuckin'... Oh, fuck, dude. No way, dude. Turn on the volume. I wanna hear him scream. Look at that! Woah, dude, that's fucking crazy shit! Wait, wait, wait for it. He's about to go back. Yoink. I'm not done. What the fuck?

Now, is that cultural appropriation? Yes. Yeah. That goes the other way. That goes the other way. Wow. And they do it so much. But like everything, they do it better. They do it better. That's insane. There isn't one Asian guy that can do it that good on Earth.

Imagine him, you brought him 2,000 years in old Japan and bring that guy in there. He'd be all right. We give up. Where's he from? Where's this guy from? Atlanta. And so he came over to the house. And yeah, we just kind of, we both like love Dragon Ball Z and Naruto. And so we kind of... You bonded over that? Yeah, low key. And then we tried to kind of just pay...

A little homage to that in the videos for that song I was playing. Yeah. Can I talk about your childhood? So your parents were religious, no? Oh, my father was very religious, yeah. Have you ever seen American Psycho? Yeah. Oh, yeah. He kind of experienced such bad things that he overcompensated by becoming OCD. Like how he is. So everything like...

Was either black or white There was no gray area With him So Even religion I'll never forget First time I got Arrested He Like his solution Was sitting me down Like besides like

Whooping me Like his His solution was like Reading the bible to me Wow To like cure you Yeah The evils that you were doing Wow Did it work? Shut the fuck up It did the opposite dude Will you shut the fuck up dude It did the opposite It worked Look at him dude It fucking worked I kinda Are you mad? I hid from God My whole 20s You know And found him later Where are you now?

completely with God. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I'm with God too. And ultimately, I've just, you know, tapped so much more into the Norse magic that was, you know, given to me in my blood that that also plays like a... You probably love the movie The Northman, huh? I thought it was alright. I wish that...

I mean, it was great. It did show a lot of the magic that is on our culture and our ancestors. And so I appreciated that, you know. But I wish they wouldn't have focused on one guy on a farm. I wish they would have just shown like war. That's my only critique for that. But I did love like, you know,

The magic was great, and that's such an important part of our culture. And I think that, like, you know, I watch the Internet view that stuff as, like, Illuminati or things like that so much, but really, you know, magic, Jesus did magic. You know, like, magic was such a huge part of our culture. It's just, like, been stripped because if we all tapped into our own magic, you know, government would be fucked. Everyone would be fucked. If you're, you know, like, with Norse people, you know, runes are a secret weapon.

you know, that the legend is that Odin hung upside down from the tree of life for nine days and nine nights. And that sacrifice unlocked the secret of what the runes were, which runes are like things like what's on my hands, right? So... Was he on a tree or something? Yeah, the tree of life. Okay. Like backwards from a branch? He had the legs on a branch and it was backwards? Yeah.

I'm sure it was. I mean, I want to know just visually what it was. I wasn't there when Odin did that. Yeah, but he was backwards. How? That's the tree. But he was upside down, I said. Yeah, how was he upside down? Was he dangling backwards? Why are you so fucking aggressive? I'm not being aggressive. I just want a fucking answer from Cosa. Yeah, but you're yelling. I'm so sorry. God damn it. Cosa, I'm sorry. I'm trying to see it. Let me see the image. Yeah, Yggdrasil. Yggdrasil.

I've seen this tattoo. Yeah. Many, many times. Yeah, so Norse people have that. That's a big thing in our culture. And that's what's on your hands right there, the words. The runes, yeah. Yeah. What's going on? You want a lighter? Give him a lighter. I got a lighter, dog. Thank you, Bob. Wait, toss it and make it fun. Yeah, toss it. Boom. I like playing catch. You're not a lighter collector.

What? Of all people that started smoking again, you don't collect lighters, you don't care about them. Do you care about lighters? No. Also the most stolen object in human history. Lighters? Yeah. Absolutely. Not money? Probably come second to lighters. Yeah. TSA. So many lighters they owe me. Hold on, Bob. Catch that.

Good job. Good job. That hit my finger. 100%. I knew how that was going to go. Yeah, I would have. If this was a sports betting place somewhere, I would have bet all my back. But there was three or four years where like no lighters. So it's like they have thousands of my lighters.

The TSA. Well, they throw them away for sure. Yeah, they do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then they got rid of that rule. Now you can do it. Yeah. Why do they make you take your laptop out? That's a real question. I have so many questions. Why do they make you take your fucking laptop out? I don't know. Why do they make you put your tray table up when we're going 700 miles an hour and we're going to die anyway? Yeah, you're going to die. Why do they make me move my seat up six inches if we're already... And because of one shoe bomb guy, now we have to take your shoes off.

I mean, no, you don't. You have TSA. I don't. Oh, you don't have pre-check. That's so funny to me. I don't have it either. Fuck yeah, you wanted to save three cats and now we got this. So you take your fucking shoes off when you go through? No, you have a private security. I got caught with cocaine at LAX. You got caught with coke at LAX? How long ago? Six, seven years ago. Wow. Not on purpose, obviously. Oh, shit. Yeah. You put it in a place, forgot it was there. I'm sober now, so all of this is behind me, but the...

Yeah, he would. And, you know, it was funny. I had a championship ring, the Caps championship ring in my backpack when he was searching it. I come back from New Zealand and he was like, oh, my God, this is my daughter's favorite team. Like, can I take a picture of it with? I was like, absolutely, man. No problem. Took the picture. And then he found this, you know, this this this bottle. He was like, oh, what's this? And I was like, I don't know. You know, you know, sometimes when like pills expire. Yeah. Like it just turns out or whatever. So I was assuming because no way I would be that stupid.

but was definitely that stupid based off the test and he was just looking at me and he was giving me the kind of vibe like he was going to be cool oh can i borrow that lighter again wasn't cool yeah it was not cool yeah it is funny though he takes a picture finds cocaine

And then you when he's like I got a bus here like I gotta delete that picture of this exchange is not watch it watch him throw it. Can you get it right this time because I want to keep doing this. Why don't you just let him keep the fuck. Well I won't light it again. This will be my last light. Let's just see. You know you can see my last light already. Yeah. He's going over him. OK. Dude look at that. Yeah. Athleticism. We'll throw it back. I'll catch it. I was making a joke earlier.

Dude, focused so fucking hard. It was unbelievable. Unbelievable. Dude, I saw his eyes. Dude, I know. I learned from Bush. Remember the shoe? He dodged it. Yeah, yeah. No, but I know. I know that look. You know what I mean? I know how to do it. Yeah, he dodged. Did you see how good that was? Dude, I was able to rap, that fast rap I did. I'm winning today. That was really good. Dude, I'm winning all the time right now, dude. Yeah, you are. You're winning harder than I think you are. That, that, catch this, right? Him and I have that. You know what I mean? We're doing good, dude.

What are you going to do? Do you have any mortal enemies? Mortal enemies. Like Bobby has mortal enemies. And we've talked about it on the show. We don't need to mention the names. But Bobby has mortal... I don't have a mortal enemy. What the fuck are you talking about, dude? Really? I have love.

I love everybody. Really? Yeah, they're just fun little wars I like to start with people. They're not enemies. I love them. If they died, I would fucking weep like a little baby. Not all of them. I'll tell you why, though. Okay, here's the thing. You do have mortal enemies. I'll tell you why, though. Machine gun. Can I call you machine gun? Absolutely. I like machine. Machine. Machine. Check it out.

So if somebody physically touches me in a very violent way, that's when I go, okay, that's the boundary. Sure. Right? So if anyone assaulted you, would you fucking have – you'd be like – Unless you were my friend. Yeah, but somebody that was like, hey, fuck you, bitch, and pushed you onto the ground. Yeah, no. It depends. If we were close and then we made up somehow, yes. Yeah, yeah. But otherwise, no. I've never physically assaulted you, right? I don't think it's assault if you're less than.

Do you know what I mean? There's a better way to say it. I don't think you could hurt me. No, dum-dum-dum to you, machine. I'll tell you this, machine. Dum-dum-dum to you. I could physically hurt both of you right now, and I choose not to. Do it. No, I don't want to. No, get up and do it. No, because I'll tell you why. Get up and do it right now. I'm not a violent man.

I'm not a violent... I'm namaste for life. Then don't talk violent shit. But what I'm saying is that in a situation, dude, in the right moment, I will fucking go monkey style on you. What, when I'm asleep? Yeah, if I'm passed out, you got me. I'll put a spider monkey onto your head and I'll do damage to your fucking head. Top. Tippy top. Dun dun dun. Dun dun dun to you, okay?

You guys are mocking me, dude. But it's like, you don't want to race me out. You're the one that started it. Why? Because you're talking like you could physically assault us. It's crazy. It's an insane thing to think. No, I'm just saying that I just... All right, dude. Comedy isn't free. You do that well. You do that well. But what I'm saying is... You know, you would never put a hand on me. That would be crazy. I know. But you put your hands on me.

Yeah. Yeah. And I don't think that's right. And I'm going to draw the line now. Don't do it again. I'll do it whenever I want. I know you will. And I'm fine with it. I'm fine with it. Get this out of love. Do you have any mortal enemies? I'd say I had an ego death. And so that kind of dissipated with that. Oh, beautiful. When did the ego death come? 2022. Why? Realizing public perception will always change if you just continue running the marathon. And I think...

Also realizing I have no control of outward opinions and that what is important is how I feel about myself and that's what radiates. So it's also not my job to be liked by everybody because art is what I do and art is always supposed to be conversational and if the conversation is just one way, then it's boring. So as long as I do my job and create conversation, bad or good, I am an artist.

And by the way, bad and good is an interesting... Because I agree with everything you're saying. There's no such thing as a bad version of the conversation about you. Because it's all...

It's all surrounding what you're making. So whether people like it or not doesn't really matter. But people that like you and the people that hate you, it's all the same thing. Sometimes people that hate you like you more than people that like you. It's all money in your pocket. I'll tell you why. Well, it's not just the money. I don't know why you laughed at that, Spanish friend. I'm going to say this, okay? Let me get my points out, if I may. Please. I'm 50% of the show.

40. Yeah, 40. I'm 70, dude. You're 75. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I meant to say, not money in your pocket, but what I meant to say is that you're correct. It's the conversation, right? Yeah. It's just like if I wasn't causing conversations out there, I wouldn't be successful. True. Especially as a comic, right? I think the reason why we do well maybe, you know what I mean, is because we do cause, you know what I mean, there are people that don't like us.

Sure, of course. And our style of comedy or whatever. And I just think that, and you're right, Machine, right? There's nothing we can do. No. The one thing you can do is finish the book.

They're going to read the beginning. Oh, God, I've got to finish the book. They're going to read the beginning, and they'll make their assumptions. And as long as you get them through the entire book, they might find out that the perceived antagonist was really the protagonist, and there's a nice spin at the end. God. This guy. It's fucking great. Yeah, I do. But it's also so true. The amount of people that even as a kid,

someone that was famous or a celebrity of some kind that I had a perception about and then I got older and then you saw their life change or saw their saw them develop and I changed my opinion of them it's there's tons of them there's so many people like that give me one example well I would say not my first thought thought was

the way people always perceived Rodman when I was a kid because Dennis Rodman was such a polarizing figure and then the more people that learned about him about who he was or who he you know versus who they perceived him to be it was kind of a beautiful flip or a change Tyson had the same thing

People didn't understand Mike Tyson. I feel like now they're getting to see who Mike Tyson really is. But as a kid, it was always like celebrities and certain athletes or certain famous people that I was like, I don't even know if I like that guy or they bothered me. Then you see them grow in their whole, you're reading more of their book and you're like, oh, I guess I didn't know that person. Yeah, I was scared of Mike Tyson for some reason. And then one day I was pretty fucking scary. Yeah, but I was at the comedy store. Hey, man.

I'm Mike Tyson. I've been creating your work. Right? And I go, oh, shit. We took a photo. I remember showing my dad the photo. My dad cried.

he called him michael tyson michael tyson he literally weeped because my dad's a big boxing fan yeah right and then um i did a movie with mike tyson you know what i mean and he's just a nice guy anyway what movie did you do with mike it was called oh my god i hated this movie i even forgot what it was called i hated it i can't wait to see this i have a funny rodman story i think that's what that give me the rodman story

So I was directing and writing a comedy with my friend, Modson, and we were looking for a... Oh, my God. Dude, that was me in the movie. I... Oh, my God. Dude, why didn't you tell me, dude? Well, I mean, I just... Why didn't you tell me I look like a fat lesbian? Dude, I look like shit there, dude. That is wild. Look at that, dude. It's a bad fit, too. When you put that on, you were like, give me something else.

That's a tough thing to wear. Does my body look like that now? No. Be real. It doesn't. Okay, good. Thank God. The boys will tell you. Yeah, from now on, if I ever look like that, just say, Ozempic. And I'll get on it. All right? Because that's fucking, I look, like, anyway. Give me your Dennis Rodman story. Rodman. Can I have your lighter one more time? No. Bum, bum, bum. No. All right. The teasing of it is great. Yeah.

Can you throw it back? Can you just do it as hard? Because you did it hard last time. Do it hard? No, don't do it as hard. Okay, gotcha. That's what she said. Alright, give me Dennis. So... Do you know who this is? Yeah, the red-headed guy. Correct, yeah. Me and Matson were doing a comedy and we wrote this part for an athlete to come and punch me in the face and

we were like man what athlete could we do and and mod has Dennis Rodman's face tattooed on his arm and so we were looking and I was like you know we were like oh my God Dennis Robin for sure we should hit him up and so we hit Dennis Robin up he agreed to do it as long as we booked him a Rolls Royce to uh bring him from Orange County up and for sure and I was like great no problem and so he's on the way up and the Rolls Royce driver is like he's smoking a cigar in my Rolls Royce like

I'm turning the car around. I was like, this is Dennis Rodman. You let him do whatever the fuck he wants. Just please get him to this. We rented Van Nuys airport out for like an hour. And, and up until this point, the producers were basically like, why did we do this? Like, we don't have a confirmed athlete. This was all like, we were doing the Dennis Rodman things behind the scenes. Just kind of just please do this. Right. And so he finally gets there.

And, you know, Maude is the one that has his face tattooed on him. And so he walked up and he was like, dude, Dennis, what up? And he goes straight past Maude and he sees me. He's like, what up, superstar? And me and Maude laugh about that to this day. It was so funny. And then he did the scene and he killed it. And, uh,

he had on a wrinkled t-shirt that we were like do you want to change he was like I'm already in my outfit and we were like oh yeah for sure of course yeah yeah he was good and it was great yeah he was awesome he was so so cool and I really appreciate him for doing smoking in the in the smoking a cigar in the roles is so machines yeah Mr. Machines I'm gonna manifest something right now and I hope it happens I want to play an aardvark or something in one of your music videos

Cool. Honestly, I want to be a creature of some sort. Yeah. No, being real. Yeah, no. I'm not fucking around here, dog. You can't go from that voice to that and be like, I'm not fucking around. You can't go, Mr. Machines, I want to pray I'm not barking. I'm serious. Or let's be real for a second then. Well, go ahead. Yo, Machines, what's up, bro? That doesn't need to be that way. Yeah, it's going to be that way right now, dude. I'll tell you that right now, playa.

Alright, I'm done fucking around in this fucking hood, dude. When he does this, man. Yeah, yeah. This is sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give it to him, dude. Urban Bobby. Urban Bobby. Look up aardvark. What does that look like? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Let's see if this is proper casket. Yeah, yeah, it's proper. It's pretty close. Uh.

You're more of a roly-poly. How about that? No, don't say roly-poly. Let me be a furry animal. How about a red panda? Red panda's great. Red panda you could be. Yo, yo, yo, brah. Is that how they sound? No, I'm not doing the red. You want to do a red panda? I'm doing a red panda now, though.

*makes weird noises* It's pretty good. That's actually really good. I don't know. I think you got it. Can I play, um, some sort of furry animal in one of your music videos? Yeah, how do I incorporate that? Dude, it'd be funny, dude. Watch. You're at LAX. I don't know where you do your videos, right?

At some airport. Always at airports. You know, however you do it, right? You can't have exotic animals at airports, but we're- Anyway, fine! Then we're at Griffith Park. Cool, cool. Right? Cool. Alright, it's cool, right? You're wearing a ranger's outfit. What's a ranger? Like a park ranger. Okay. Right? And you're like, you know, rapping about, like, you know what I mean? Etymology. Etymology.

Of things, you know what I mean? Like, of the fungi. The etymology of fungi. This song has already flopped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or whatever it might be, right? Okay. And then it's like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, man, the fungi. Whatever, you know what I mean? Communicating each other underneath the trees, you know what I mean? Because, you know, they have a network. Yeah, it's good so far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have a network of things, right? And in the background, I'm in the back in a tree with a leaf like that.

And then cameo. Yeah. You want to do it? I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. You don't want to do it? No, I'm out. Can I be in it? What's the disposition of a red panda? What's their thing? I can't manifest nothing.

Well, give me their Wikipedia. What is it about them? They're a small mammal. They're the lesser panda. The lesser panda. There we go. Number one, that's true. That's true of me. I'm lesser. Yeah? Yeah. Number two, what's another thing? Their population is decreasing. Exactly. So are you. There's a few of us left. All right. I'll have a pitch. Yeah. What's yours? Let's switch it from... I think the pitch would be... And I'm going to run on the theme of the ego death that you spoke about. Okay. Oh, my God. Right? Here we go. There is a...

Sea of red pandas all over the place. Okay. Bobby is one of them. Yeah. You are a red panda, but you don't look like the other red pandas. You stand out. Me? Yeah. Very dramatically. Okay. A lot of the other red pandas, including Bobby, kind of don't like you. They...

make fun of you, they isolate you. And so what you do is then you try to become a red panda. You try to do what they do. Try to look like them. And you realize in doing so, it's less and less of who you really are. Then they see you stripping off all of this makeup and nonsense to become them. And you shine as bright as you've ever shown. And you wrap...

to these other red pandas about who you really are. - Can you pass me that water for a second? - Oh yeah. - Yeah. - I'm just gonna, this'll be, can this be, so the end scene will kind of be a little bit like. - Yup. - Is this kind of like-- - That's exactly what it is. - Dude, did you go to red panda school? That was insane. Yeah, very good. Well, what about this then? - Maybe he's, because you realize that you've hurt, you realize that you've hurt my feelings. - I'm sorry! - Good, good, good. - Really good? - Keep going, go, go, go, go, go.

More. Do you want to leave? Let's take it back. I take back what you're... What was I saying? I'm so sorry. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Good? Good. I forgive you. Okay, see? Dude. Can I propose one little thing? Instead of like... There'll be a thousand red pandas. Can you just multiply my body? Sure. Yeah, we'll do Oompa Loompa Johnny Depp Wonka Willy Wonka. We'll do that with you with the red panda.

it'll be all all the red pandas will be you okay guys that's what that's all i want yeah and you can do that with technology do we have a deal we have a deal yeah do we have a deal right that was really that was that was good machines if we don't do it dude bro we're gonna have a fucking problemo in the next two years this has got to happen so you're threatening him yeah maybe a little bit always a good move yeah yeah i'm sorry good move you know what i mean but it's like i would love to work with you that's all is

Is the rest of the show just going to look like I'm crying? No. No, no, no, no. No, you're good. And actually, your face looks a lot better. You're still a little red in the eyes. Let me see. Go like this. Be you on Curb from the fifth season. Oh, my God. Pretty good? Yeah, it looks really good. Can you cry on command? We've done this. Oh, we already did. I did that on Schultz's show. Oh, yeah, yeah. You already did that. I've done it on Schultz's show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. I found my lighter. It's right here. Oh, Bob? Another one? Go, go, go. One more.

You want to thank our guest for coming? Dude, I'm... Be real. I'm being real. Fuck you, dude. I'm really real. I feel like... I'll probably never get your number, but... Yeah, don't do that. Yeah, yeah. Which is fine. But I feel like... And this is the honest truth. I didn't know much... I know who you were, you know what I mean? But I didn't know you. I feel like I know you a lot more.

I respect you. Thanks, man. I like you a lot. Thank you. And I think you're a good dude. I think you're also intuitive. I think that you're mindful. And I think that you're going in the right places. Thank you. And I appreciate you for doing our program. And hopefully, in the red pen, you can just, we don't have to do it. Yeah.

I'm being real. I mean, if that doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. And I won't take offense. I get it. I'm not, you know, I've done other people. I've done Eminem's video. Careful. I have. I've been in other videos. That's not the move. I'm just, it's a threat.

Yeah, it's a threat. But anyway, my point being is... Oh, you're saying if he doesn't do that... Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying I've been there, done that. Wow. That's all. You know what I mean? But my point is, honestly, dude, I love you, dude. And thank you so much for doing it, man. Oh, thank you, man. I really appreciate it. Thank you, guys. We appreciate you very much. Thank you for saving my life. I hope we see you again. And I want to thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you so much, guys. Thank you. This was awesome.