Armchair Anonymous: Social Media Fail
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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Buck Shepard and I'm joined by Johnson Monica Padman.

Wow. Social media fail. They're everywhere. Just look around. They're abound. Yeah, there's some good social media fails. It's not hard to fail on social media. It's kind of hard to succeed, really. It's hard to succeed and easy to fail. Yeah. You're throwing a lot of stuff. I remember when I first got Twitter 20 years ago or whatever that was. Was that your first entree in? Yeah.

I wasn't ever on Facebook. Right. I remember I was in Utah visiting Kristen's dad and he was already on it and he encouraged us to sign up for it. And then I'm just staring at that thing, as I think maybe many people did. Yeah. I got to send something. Yes.

Yeah. It's crazy. I think this is right. Initially, you're like, this is insane. Why am I just going to say something? And that's the right thinking. That's the right thinking. But then the second you break the seal, you're like, oh, yeah, here's another thing I got to say. I'm so interesting. I got to say this now, too. Yeah. Yeah. Police have been called in this episode. You know, it's a real barn burner. It is. Please enjoy Social Media Fails.

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Hi, can you hear me? Yes, can you hear us? Oh my gosh, absolutely. I think your headphones aren't working though. Is that accurate, Rob? Are you guys hearing him? I can hear him, but I'm hearing us echoed. Maybe not anymore. Would you talk one more time, Eric? Hi guys, I'm here. I'm sorting my office. It's all crackly, so we'll have to solve this real quick. And it didn't do that at the very beginning. Let's try to reconnect and see if that sorts it out. And don't stress, this is so common.

Okay. Can y'all hear me now? Perfect. Thank goodness. My heart was beating so fast. I could tell you were stressed. I was trying to tell you not to stress. This is very common to have technical issues. It really is. I also realized that I guess I should have done this on the first try, but I tried to join from my browser instead of the Zoom app. Ah.

Refreshed it on the Zoom app and it worked a lot better. Oh, that's good for us to know, too, if this happens again with people that might fix it. Very appropriate for a social media fail prompt that we would have a Zoom fail in Bruton. That's so true. First of all, you have some kind of cartography behind you. Are you a civil engineer or something? Why do you have this map? So I sell lighting control systems in the eastern part of North Carolina. Ah.

up and down the coast from Raleigh East. That's really just my territory map, but of course my head is blocking it. So all you can see is Western North Carolina over here. How did you fare in the hurricane? We were good here on the coast. I live in Wilmington, but my wife went to App State and Boone. We have a lot of connections in the mountains and it's been tough. So all of our thoughts and prayers and as many resources as we can possibly get out there, it's definitely necessary. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so you're in North Carolina and you had a social media fail. Please set the stage for us. All right. So 2013, I was a senior in high school and I grew up kind of in the middle of the state of North Carolina, right? So small town country. And I was a relatively well-liked charismatic high schooler. And I was also the captain of my lacrosse team. I was really passionate about that and

The day before my senior lacrosse season started, I came down with what I assumed was the flu. So one of the pictures I sent in this morning is the Instagram picture I took that night of me in two pairs of sweatpants, a mismatched peacoat and a hunting hat.

to try and sweat the sickness out. Oh, wow. That was going to be your approach. My school had a policy that you couldn't play in any athletic event or do anything extracurricular unless you went for half of the school day, stayed until noon. So really, I was just bound and determined to do whatever I could to...

be there for half a day. Woke up the next day, didn't feel any better. Honestly, probably felt worse. But my mom and my dad were like, you know what? Give it a shot. Nothing bad is going to happen on a half day of school. Just go. You can come back, take a nap and go play ball. So I rush off and I make sure to get to school before my

calculus review starts. And I distinctly remember that morning laying horizontally across three desks that I had pushed together while other people were going over answers and talking calculus. Really quick, was your teacher present? She was, yeah, absolutely. And I had a good relationship with her, so she was okay with this.

I can't imagine this is acceptable post-COVID, right? Like if you're so sick, you got to lay across three desks now. They'd be like, get the fuck out of here. You're forcing you out. You're going home. Absolutely. No matter what. Thankfully, it was 2013, right? And that plays into this story a lot. So I got an idea that I wanted to tweet something to let people know that I was sick.

I didn't feel good. Just at school to get the job done for the day and move on to the lacrosse game. And if you'll look at the second picture that I sent you guys, it is a copy of that tweet. My nickname in high school was Peaches. So that clarifies that a little bit. But it says, stay away from Peach today or take extra vitamin C because Eric's at school and he's out to kill. Oh, wow.

Oh, no. But as you can see, we got three favorites. I thought I was doing pretty good. You know, I was like, yeah, rock and roll. Let's go on to class.

He's out to kill. Oh, my God. Jesus. Awful wording. And looking back in hindsight, I can appreciate that. But in the moment, I thought it was clever. The name Peachy is a nickname versus out to kill. Those are like really incongruous. Big time. Yeah, yeah. That's absolutely right. About an hour later, right before the morning announcements come on, we get a knock on the calculus door and it's the assistant principal.

And he's like, hey, Eric, grab your stuff, come with me. And I was like, okay. I honestly thought that they were going to take me into the office and allow me to give an announcement, say...

Come to the lacrosse game tonight. They were going to honor me and say like, hey, we've got the captain of the lacrosse team. He wants to give a couple of messages to you guys. I was mistaken. So I was walking up towards the office with the assistant principal who was not into the business of making small talk with me that morning. And we woke up at the office and there's a guy standing out front who looks really just like a large person.

in all black. Nod my head over to him, say hello, good morning, grabs my backpack with all of his force, takes it off of me, hands it to the guy standing next to him and starts patting me down. Wow.

All over my body. I'm still like incredibly sick and don't necessarily know what's going on. Yeah, because you're not immediately thinking of the tweet. That was the last thing on my mind at this point. As I walk into the office, another of the assistant principals, whose son is one of my best friends, also on the lacrosse team, looks over at me, makes eye contact, and his head just falls into his hands and he just starts shaking his head. And I was like, oh no, this can't be good.

So they pull me back into the office. There's the head sheriff, the head principal and an empty chair.

And they sat me down and they say, hey, Eric, this is why we put you in here. It was a copy of the tweet. They said 30 minutes after you sent this, Homeland Security flagged it. Wow. That's reassuring. Very. It absolutely is. And looking back now, I don't want to make light of school shootings or anything. But that was the last thing that crossed my mind when I sent this tweet out. Yeah, you were hoping to be seen as a hero who was suffering through some hardship and then still going to play.

You wanted to be hoisted on people's shoulders. That's right. Carried off the field, Rudy, you know, exactly. So that's not what happened. So they said that within 30 minutes, my car had been surrounded by cops. There was 10 or 15 police cars that wouldn't let me leave. They had that many armed guards at the school flanked throughout. My dad is in public school administration, the county over, but my mom is the one that they wanted to call. So they call her and they say, hey, Julie, your son's not hurt, right?

But we need you to come to the high school immediately. And my mom was like, you've got to give me a little bit more detail than that. And they said, no, we can't. Oh, wow. She's freaking out. She runs down about 10, 15 minutes away and gets there and they tell her the same story. But essentially, as we were walking out, she made the comment like, I really wish I would have held you back from school today so this didn't happen. And the sheriff looked at her and said, ma'am, if he would have tweeted this while he was at your home,

all of these police officers would be at your home.

Yeah, they would have kicked some doors down probably. That was kind of a wake-up call. But another thing that kind of shocked me was they told me that they went through all of my historical social media presence and saw that I had, through my dad, you know, access to hunting rifles. I had been to shooting ranges. You know, I live in the country of North Carolina. It's a relatively common thing. Yeah, yeah, you're a country boy. So immediately it put them on full warning to send out all of their resources. After that, I was like, this day,

really can't get much worse. They let me go finally make it through the school day, decide to celebrate getting through the school day by going to Moe's for lunch, right? Moe's burrito. Welcome to Moe's. You're all over the map. You are. You're so sick and you go to Moe's. I wish I had y'all's point of view back then. This is why you got to be 35 to become president of the United States. That's exactly right. Oh,

Go to Moe's, have my burrito, fall asleep on my couch and wake up with just time to get to the school, get on the bus, go play this lacrosse game. We go through warmups. I still don't feel great. And I'm like, this day has been chaos. Let's just go out here and forget everything that's happened today. Kind of a cathartic lacrosse game.

That also wasn't the case. The very first play of the game, we lose the faceoff. I play defense. So the ball came towards me. I picked it up and I started running down the field to get the ball to my attack. And as I cross midfield, I got hit in the stomach with a stick check and proceeded to shit into my socks. Oh, wow.

I'm not lying when I say I shit for like 50 steps and I was immediately taking off my helmet, taking off my glove, dropping my stick. And I ran into the home team's locker room to just figure out what the hell just happened. Oh my God. So you just ran right off the field. Like Forrest Gump. Get the ball and go past the end zone. Just kept on going. And I had to throw my compression shorts away.

throw my socks away and come out of the bathroom like 20 minutes later in just my jersey and my shorts and all of my pads kind of just hanging and no socks. We were on the away side, so all of the away fans were gathered around the home locker room to make sure I was alive. Was it obvious what had happened to them or were they confused? I

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Straight water. I mean, you were sick. Absolutely. It was bad. So the social media fail led to Homeland Security being labeled as a potential threat to my high school, which then only turned itself into a worse day when I played the lacrosse game and shit into my socks. And we lost three to one. So I like to tell people that that is...

Absolutely the worst day of my life. And when y'all came on and said a social media fail, my wife was like, you have got to put this story in. Oh, that's great. You couldn't have been sent more signs, you know? You were not supposed to play that game. You were supposed to stay home that day. I was. I was supposed to stay home and recover. In AA, we say this is self-will run riot.

This is when you need to accept. Accept the circumstances. Did you play the rest of the game? I did not, no. I did not play any more of that game. So you played the face-off, shit yourself, and then left. Oh, my. Are you a Tar Heel? Tar Heel fan. I went to a small school in Virginia, an all-guys school called Hampton-Sydney College. Okay, were they specializing in guys who would shit their socks? I guess so, yeah. It was a perfect place for guys like me.

Eric, what a beautiful story. It really had everything. It really did. Homeland Security was enough of a story. I have to reiterate, I'm very heartened by that. I really like knowing that they're on top of it in a way. And in 2013, when that was way less prevalent to know that they were so on top of it. It's comforting to know they were on it like that.

Well, Eric, what a beautiful story. I really had everything we would want. Thank you both so much. This has been an absolute treat. Oh, good. So fun for us. We love our North Carolinians. All right, Eric. Great meeting you. You as well. Y'all take care. Okay. Bye-bye. What a sweetie. Oh, that was fun. I liked him. It was a little triggering for a story people don't know about yet. Yeah. But okay. Yeah. I can move forward. I imagine you felt a real kinship for the first time. I don't want to talk about it.

Now, you know, I've always felt about these people. The shitters? Yeah, because I shit myself. You know, once a year, I'd say. It's been a while. The thing with the morning school drop-off. That was over a year ago, for sure. I don't think I've had any significant action. Well, you had, well, that wasn't a shit your pants, but you did have the building of the basketball hoop clogging. Yeah, but I made it to the toilet. Right. Yeah.

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All right, ready for Emma? Yeah. Oh my God, what if it was our Emma? Oh, I would love that. Emma, feel free to just show up sometime. Yeah, tell us a story we don't know. Do you think Emma's pooped her pants? Ooh. Emma. Have you pooped your pants? Have you pooped your pants?

If so, send us a text. It also depends. What are we counting? Are we counting just like a shark? Right. Almost all of mine have been sharks. I think that's the majority. That's the common thing. Not a full shit. This has happened to me where I know that's coming and I'll poop anywhere. I'll poop in public. I'd rather a bunch of people see me poop in public than do it in my slacks. Really? Yeah. That's what I did in the PCH.

Hi, Emma. Can you hear us? Her audio's still not connected. Oh, okay. See, that's why I feel shame. Don't feel shame. I do. I still think I made the right decision for me, but...

For me. For me, for you, dog. This is pretty funny that we're having so many technical issues on our social media sale. Can you hear me? Yes! Now we can! How are you? I'm good. How are you? What are these fun photos behind you? It seems like you have a lover. Yeah, my boyfriend made this for me for Valentine's Day, and it just wasn't really fitting the aesthetic out there, so I have it back here so I can see it every day, though. That is so something I would do.

Like, this is so sweet. I'll be putting it in the closet. I let him put his Legos out there. So I'm like, let's just put this in here. But it's probably a rough conversation because he clearly took a ton of time. It's string for the listener. It's a long rope. And there's all these little clothespins and these beautiful photos of them embracing. And he thought, I bet in his mind where that was going to hang front and center in the house. And you knew he put a lot of time in. And at some point you had to say, so Han, I want to move these to the closet.

I think you say, oh my God, I have the perfect lace. I've been waiting to hang some stuff up in my closet. Beautiful box of purse came in and I think we should keep it safe in there. Well, when you put it like that, yeah, that kind of makes me. No, I am with you. Monica's definitely co-signing on this move.

Aesthetic first. 100%. Aesthetic over love. Yeah. I mean, you still see it every day. Yeah. And now we're here talking about it got more attention than it would have otherwise. Okay. So Emma, you have a social media fail story. I do. It's really embarrassing and embarrassing.

Kind of tough to tell. So if I get a little awkward, just excuse me. So the story takes place in the University of Alabama, where I went to school. And it was my sophomore year of college. So I was living in my sorority house with all my best friends. We would always get ready together, hair, makeup, dress together. You know how girls are. Can I ask you ladies a question? Is that part even more fun than the party? Is that the funnest part? Probably. Yeah.

Yeah. And you're having some cocktails as you do it. Or like the morning after the debrief together too. You're right. Pre and post. The dopamine because it's the anticipation. Yeah. And then the community after. Also, I won't be saying it, but feel free. I'm going to give you permission to say it. Roll Tide. Roll Tide. I know. Bad weekend. I'm sorry. I can't. We can't. Did Roll Tide roll over Georgia? Hey.

I'm asking sincerely. Look at her face. Uh-oh. It must have been a real joyous time. It was a really good game, though. I thought Georgia was going to win for sure. Are they feeling the effects of losing that 33-year-old quarterback on his ninth year? Is that what's going on? I don't know, actually. Okay. I don't know enough. We know about makeup and parties. Oh.

Okay, so we're back to the makeup. My room was the biggest room in the house, so we would always get ready in my room. Just like a good community. We just have weird humor. And I would always come out wearing like period underwear, like big underwear. I would make it like an awkward pose and clench my butt cheeks and be like, hey guys, is this cute for the party tonight? Yeah.

and be so weird. Oh, I love this. Yeah, that's fun. It would always make people laugh. And if I get a laugh out of something, I can never let it go. We call it going back to the well. Yeah. Little background. So classes at Alabama, you would always join group me's for the classes, you know, like a messaging site for reminders for class and stuff. And for a lot of teachers, they would consider certain things cheating that

wasn't really cheating, but they would be like, I don't like when you share notes or I don't like when you share study guides, things like that, where you're not sharing test answers, but they don't like when you do that on the forums. So for a lot of these classes, we would make separate Snapchat group chats or text threads so that we could share information like that. No.

No, just share your info. Help each other out is how I like to phrase it. And so I would always join these Snapchat group chats that were sent in the group means to just kind of help me study and stuff. Or like if I see information come through the Snapchat group chat, I'm like...

Cool. That helps me with the test. So one day I was in the sorority house and I was just in bed, big baggy t-shirt, granny panties, period underwear, whatever, just chilling as girls do. My friends and I were just texting like Saturday night, what are we doing tonight? So I go to send them a Snapchat and like come to my room like I always do. And so I take a picture of my clenched butt cheeks and my underwear. Ha ha.

Unflattering. Like, it's not cute. It's not sexy at all. It's not supposed to be. That's the joke. Yeah, that's the joke. Thank you, Monica. You know, like, I'm sure you and Aaron Weekly send sexually charged messages to each other. I decided to caption it, come over, daddy, let's play. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha

Come over, Danny. Let's play. That's perfect. I send it over to my friends thinking I'll get text back like coming over. I just hear them come in, whatever is usual.

And then I just go on Instagram or something and I start seeing notifications come in for my social psychology class. What's the right class for it? That's a good point. I know, it could be studied. And there are just so many snapshots coming in, screenshots. Oh, fuck. So I click in it and I had sent the message to my whole team.

Social psychology class. Bama's big. How many students are in that class, do you think? In total, the class is like 100 people. Okay. Okay. But on Snapchat, luckily, they max it out at like 30 people per group chat. I click in it. And of course, it's just all boys being like, what guy would think that's hot? They thought I was trying to send it to a guy to be hot.

my god these guys are so shitty they should have been like i'll come over although hold on hold on i'll be your daddy well yeah i would have been there in a second who gives a shit but if i tucked my boxers up into my butt crack and had like a thong boxers and sent it to aaron it was like taste this yummy stew and you girls saw it thinking i thought that was it you guys would go like try again no i actually don't think so and

So, I mean, girls might think it, but they wouldn't be mean directly to you. Well, don't you think they would be like, this guy's so fucking ostentatious and over the top and he thinks he's hot. Like you set up that you're in the wrong. So you're entitled to correct this behavior. I think there's a societal, fuck, it's the class you were taking. People break social mores and then other people, you know, I don't think they should have been mean. And I also would have come over, but go ahead. Yeah, they should have just come over, taken it as an invite. I wasn't offended by what they were saying. I was just frustrated that

They didn't understand my intent. They're like, I would drop out of school. Oh, no. Horrible things. And I would just kept being like, guys, that was a joke. Like I mentioned to my friends, they're like, what are we born yesterday? Oh, no, they really teed off. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, just horrible. I was like, OK, there's nothing I can do here. So I just left the group chat and I never went to the class for the rest of the semester. Oh, no.

I mean, I was so embarrassed. I couldn't. But luckily it was COVID year. So I did have to go back for two tests and I just like wore a mask and like hoodie, sunglasses, just look down and I'm getting like a C in the class, which I never really got. And it was social psychology. It was like, someone smiles at you. What does this mean? You know, like I should have gotten an A. Should have been an easy A.

Oh, boy. Okay. Did it cross your mind to go like, if I wanted to be sexy, it would look like this. Put another pic out. Ooh, that's really doubling down. To kind of nullify the first pic. Just double down. Yeah, like, no, this is me. This is what it would have looked like if I was sincere. I get it. You should have considered transferring to a school nearby with nice people. All right. I'm getting into Alabama. You know I'm not getting into Georgia. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Is there a big difference in those schools academically? Yeah. Alabama's known for easier to get into, but it's still a good school. Yeah, we love it. We're all tied. The other move would have been like, this is what Jim Carrey would have done. He would have been like, fuck, I'm going all the way. I would have shown up for the test wearing jeans, but then big period panties over the jeans. Yeah. I'm back. You really. I have bad ideas. Yeah. Yeah.

I know how to make a bad situation worse. Well, I think guys can get away with laughing at it and humoring at it a little bit more, where it's a little more embarrassing for a girl. If it was my friends, I would have doubled down. I'm going to be honest. I think this would have flown in Detroit a little better. I think there's a little bit more conventional female male roles in the South at these schools, just because I have a good friend that also was in a sorority at Bama. And it's just very like the girls did the girl stuff. It's also just like immature college kids. Yes, totally. Yeah.

Oh, Bic on bad. Bic on bad. Bic on bad, yeah. That'll happen. I feel like it. What was the heading again? Come at me, daddy. Come over, daddy. Let's play. Come over, daddy. Let's play. It's a good line. You ever seen that? It's great. I like it. I would never. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

No one reached out to you privately? Because I would also think there's so many young, horny dudes that they're like, I can deal with that. Those aren't my favorite panties, but... They're coming off. Do you want to play? Yeah, we're going to presumably get you out of those when we play. Or like somebody should have played the hero and been like, I'm so sorry they talked to you like that. Exactly. It was a missed opportunity for these silly Bama guys. These dum-dums. Yeah. Roll pride.

Dax, I have to tell you a quick story. So the first time I was introduced to you, when I was little, I would go down to the basement and I'd watch MTV and stuff when I was eight years old. And I have this ingrained memory of watching Punk'd and you guys were trying to

to punk Ashton and he caught on to it. He came to you and punked you back and was like, how could you do this? We're brothers. I just remember immediately you were like, I'm so sorry. Like, I should have never done this. Took accountability immediately. And I remember being little and being like, guys don't apologize. And I still remember this day how you took accountability so quickly and was so humble and nice. Wow.

Oh, that's nice. It doesn't even ring a bell. Can you believe that? I mean, granted, it's 21 years ago. Yeah. I'm going to take that compliment. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, that's very sweet. And it is in keeping with your character, so it makes sense. Yeah, this isn't funny. Some people have a better opinion of themselves retrospectively. I have a worse one. Well, because you were on and off drugs. I was on probably a ton of diet pills in that episode, yeah.

Like a bad relationship. You don't think about the good. Well, thank you, Emma. That was a really fun story. And I'm delighted that young eight year old saw me and I moved you. Thank you. Yeah, it was so nice to meet you guys and have a great rest of your day. All right. Take care. Bye.

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Hi. What does your shirt say? Champs. Champs-Elysees. Champs-Elysees. It's Parisian. It's H&M. Did you watch the Olympics and watch them do the speed walking around the Champs-Elysees? I did not, but I heard you talk a lot about the Olympics, and I enjoyed that coverage the very most.

Well, that's probably because you didn't see Snoop Dogg's coverage. That really is the high watermark. It was great. I heard his was so good. Oh, yeah. Incredible. What a turn Snoop has made in this life. Right? Well, and kind of just kept on going. How he remains cool all these years is impressive. Yeah, he was enemy number one of the censorship folks, and now he's beloved.

Now he's on the Olympics and friends with Martha. And on the Super Bowl. Who knew? It makes me like Martha more. I go, oh, she's a little nasty. Well, we know that. Exactly. I feel like we did kind of already know that. Okay, I guess I'm catching up. Okay, Jill, you had a social media blunder? Yes, I did. And it actually involves the two of you. No. Oh, my God. I'm scared. It's so embarrassing. Okay, so here we go.

So it happens back in 2018 and it starts with my best friend, Lindsay. Okay. So she's the kind of person that just has her finger on the pulse of what's cool. Like she reminds me a lot of you, Monica, in that way where she's just knows what's cool before anybody else knows what's cool. She's like a day one arm cherry. She introduces me to the podcast and I...

love it. It then becomes this very big part of our friendship. We're like talking about you guys, how much we love you guys. She's Monica. I'm more like dad. We love the guests. We're like engaging in your debates. We're just loving it. Do you all know the app Markle

Polo. Yes. Oh, yeah. We used to use it a lot. We did, too, at the time. And so it's where you're texting, but with like a video. And so we're doing that all the time. It was the first thing you could really send video messages on. It's not like FaceTime. You send it. They'll get to it when they get to it.

It's a great app. And Lindsay and I would engage almost exclusively on there, if not in person. So we're talking about you guys and the podcast all the time. It becomes this big part of our friendship. Then fast forward like four months, June 18th, 2018. Oh, wow. And I get this package in the mail.

and it's addressed to Jillian. My name is Jill. It's not Jillian. And so I'm like, whoever sent this doesn't know me really well. I opened it up. Inside is this mug. Left-handed? Regular. Regs. Yeah. But there's a note from Dax that

that says, thank you for supporting something so important to me. I'm very grateful. And I, in parentheses, probably love you. Resident armchair expert, Dax. And it's like this printed little note. I'm as confused as you right now. Wow. My mind is blown. I'm like, holy cow, Dax just sent me a gift. Somehow he knows I am one of his top

top subscribers. This is amazing. I polo Lindsay right away and I'm like, Lindsay, Jack sent me a mug. Did you get a mug? Oh my gosh. I am dying. And I'm also trying to like keep my cool a little in case she didn't get one and I'm a little better of a listener. I don't know. So I'm just like dying loving it. I get off polo, send it. I take like 20 selfies of me with the mug and like all different poses. It's

find the best one, post it to my social media. I tag Dax. I tag Armchair. I don't tag Monica. I don't know her social at the time. And I'm like, thank you. And all like just going on and on. It's this long, like Oscar speech. Like a half hour later, Lindsay polos me back and she is dying laughing. Oh no. She's like, Jill, I sent that as a surprise. I bought it from the store. Website.

And I wanted it to surprise you, but I bought it like three months ago. They're so slow on their shipping. So I polo her back. I'm dying laughing, but really I'm just kind of dying because I'm like, oh my gosh. But before I polo her, I take down the post. I don't even look to see if anyone's seen it. I'm so embarrassed.

And then I come back to Earth. All the logic I threw out the window, the second I saw the mug starts flooding in. I'm like, okay, so I thought that Dax was mailing his best listeners these mugs as a gift and

And somehow I was like the toppest of the top listeners. Sure. And I had your address. You found my address. You took a lot of time. This is sweet. This is. I'm glad you got that moment where you felt that way. Me too. My only explanation for being that illogical was like, you guys are my Ben and Matt. Monica, obviously you're my Matt. Mm-hmm.

And it was like, yeah, they could definitely be in the tent next to mine at the same campsite as me. Sure. Oh, my God. I sent the polos to Emma. She gave them to Rob and the selfies. We laughed about it a little, but it took me a long time to laugh about it a lot. Oh, wait, wait. Is this it, Rob? Yeah.

Oh, well, now my whole heart is swelling and breaking. You're so happy. Now I feel really good. Look how genuinely happy. I know. This is so cute. Oh, it's so sweet. I mean, yeah, I feel like this is our fault. It's our fault. I do think kind of the point of including that note is to make you feel better.

Like it is from us and Dax. So you didn't do anything weird. I think we did a weird thing. No.

No. All right. Now I'm going to defend myself because I sincerely feel that way. Like, I really do feel like anyone who would like our show and take the time to buy a mug and want that in their life. I stand by what I would say to anyone who does that. Oh, I agree. It's just evidence of your power. Y'all can kind of induce this magical thinking like you could be cult leaders. And we'd be like, OK, no.

Well, what if the cult, though, was just like cool mugs and love and friendship? That's how it always starts. You think we would be corrupted by the power? I think. You're Ma and Sheila, so you would be poisoning a salad bar at some point, I guess. I'd be Benzo down like the Bogwan. The Bogwan was like on a ton of Valium. He lost total connection. He was having sex with everyone. Yeah. I don't think any of them go uncorrupted. Exactly. Well, Jill, this is such a sweet endearing. And look now. Yeah.

Now we get to actually meet you feel kind of better than getting a mug. This is way better than just the mug. But I do drink out of this mug every day. And when my husband grabs it, I'm like, maybe don't. I'm a little territorial. You know, my wife, too. She has an NPR. It's called like the leadership circle or something. If you donate a certain amount of money to NPR, you get a special mug. And anytime I try to drink out of it, she really goes ballistic. So you're not in the leadership circle. That's right. You're not in the top five.

50 listeners for a bowl of Dave. Don't drink out of the mug. You're not an arm cherry, honey. Well, Jill, so delightful meeting you. So good to meet y'all. Thanks for chatting. All right, take care.

Can you hear us? I can hear you. Can you hear me? Oh my God, your audio is stellar. Perfect. Greg, it sounds great. I just got a new microphone today. Oh, wow. Well, it's banging. We don't normally call out physical attributes because we want everyone to stay anonymous, but you definitely have a mohawk. Oh yeah, for sure. Whose employer are you under that you're permitted to have a mohawk? I'm actually a middle school teacher. Oh, wow.

Oh, good for you. And the principal's just fine with that. It gets even better because during volleyball season, I will dye just my mohawk. So next week, this is actually going to go purple pink. Oh, how fun. I see. So this is flying under the banner of team spirit, not the exploited or dead Kennedys. Nobody has said I can't do it, so I'm just going to keep doing it. Yeah, keep doing it. Have you considered it growing really long and then doing a full?

That's too much. Yeah. See, I can't do long hair. I've had the same short haircut since like first grade. Oh, wow. I really don't venture out very far with the hair. This one, I came down the first time and my wife said, I don't hate it. So that's all I could ask for. Yeah. Okay. Now the only problem I could see happening, this is comes from my personal wreckage.

Which is I got clippers somewhere between seventh and eighth, and I gave a bunch of dudes Mohawks, and the parents went crazy, and I almost got kicked out of school. So have other boys wanted to emulate you, and are the parents mad? So far, no. I've had one or two that said they were going to do it. Nobody has actually committed and done it. I have told a few of them I could give them a haircut, but nobody has taken that challenge either. Okay. On the social media disaster. Yes.

First of all, I have to tell you, like, keep talking about Cedar Point. Oh, thank you. Is that your religion, too? I grew up in Fort Wayne. I know Fort Wayne really, really well. Have you ever been to Sturgis, Michigan? Oh, yeah. I used to play hockey, so I was all around Michigan and northern Indiana. Okay, well, there was a crappy motel there called the Colonial Motor Inn, and that was my grandparents' motel where I spent a lot of summers. That's awesome. I just wanted to tell you, keep spreading that love.

Did you hear about the new roller coaster that's coming out in 2025? Yep. He knows. And I think I was there for the first couple of weeks of the millennium being in operation. That was our after prom place. Yeah, yeah. Big prom destination. All right. Tell us about your social media disaster.

The year is 2013. My wife and I were expecting our first child. We had gone the entire pregnancy not knowing the gender. You don't get surprises very often in life, and that was the one that we wanted. My wife, she's also a teacher, goes to school one day, and she's on a field trip with a bunch of kids and starts to have contractions.

Finally, about four o'clock, five o'clock in the evening, we decided let's go to the hospital. It was two weeks before the due date, so we assumed we're going to get kicked right back home. No reason to take much. We took our hospital bag, which ironically we had packed the night before. And so we get to the hospital. I realize I'm

I don't have my camera. And I had taken a bit of photography into my hobbies at the time. So I had a pretty nice camera and I wanted to document everything. So we get to the hospital and we're going to be admitted. We're going to be there for the long haul because this is happening soon. So we called a couple of friends.

They brought the camera up. Everything was great. We go through the entire labor process. My wife does amazing. Our baby is born a little after 12 and we find out we have a daughter. I'm absolutely ecstatic. This is the best thing ever. At that moment, I realized I haven't taken any pictures. So I get the very nice camera out and I just start shooting pictures. Was it a Canon 60D? It was a Nikon D90. Oh, okay, okay, okay. It was a big camera. So it was my time to shine. Yeah.

Taking pictures left and right, everything documented at all. So at the time, Facebook didn't have an app. iPhones were around, but picture quality wasn't fantastic. So I had a memory card that I had in the camera and I took that camera and I put it into my computer. And at the time, like I'm seeing tiny little thumbnail pictures. So I just start grabbing a few of them and I'm taking them to Facebook on the actual computer. I didn't check anything. And that was my downfall of the day. Okay.

I get all the stuff loaded onto Facebook, announced to the world that we have a daughter. Everything is great. Mom did awesome. She kicked ass through the entire process. And then about six o'clock, we're in this stupor of new parents. We haven't slept. Doctors, nurses are in and out all night long. And it's at that time I start to realize my phone is pretty bad.

active. I don't think anything of it. It's just notifications from Facebook. You think it's just all congratulations. No time rush here. Correct. There's no reason to check my phone. I have a new kid. This is fantastic. It's about that time a nurse walks in. She has a student nurse with her and my wife is sitting in the bed and she gets a text message.

And I will never forget. She sits up. She looks at me and she goes, I just got a text message. And it says, congratulations. Your vagina is on Facebook. Oh, no. Oh, no. Full vagina. I was expecting breast. How did we get the vagina in the shots? Were you photographing during the delivery? Nope. The picture actually.

I was shooting from my wife's head down, but the angle was still enough that one picture, you could see the doctors still working on stitching up my wife. Oh,

Oh, no. Oh, no. Yep. And then the other one was an angle that you could see things. It wasn't full on, but you could still see it. Yeah, sure. So I go to check my messages and one of her cousins is frantically trying to get a hold of me. Oh, God. I don't have your phone number. I don't know how to tell you this. You need to take those pictures down. I don't have your phone number.

Oh, that is so funny. So I happen to put my wife's vagina on Facebook. I guess if I saw those, my first curiosity would be like, is this intentional? They're like, embrace birth. There's nothing to be ashamed of here. Right. You know, you could make an argument that you guys were just like, no, no, you're going to see this for exactly what it is. That's very new age, though. This was a while ago, right? 11 years ago. Yeah, this is like 2013, and we're public school teachers. Yeah. Oh, I forgot. Oh.

We don't need that kind of headline on us ever. Do you know if any students were following either of your Facebook page? At that time, no, because we both had strict rules. Like, you can't follow us. You can't be friends with us on Facebook. Oh, wow. That is funny. I'm surprised it didn't get flagged. It never did. The best part was afterwards learning who had seen the pictures first.

And who hadn't seen the pictures because we would go to people's houses and they would laugh about it. And we would laugh about it. I mean, my wife eventually got over it and forgave me. But my best friend, who's like your best friend, Aaron Weakley, he came over and him and his wife were sitting there. They're holding our daughter and he won't look us in the eyes. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

From that point on, we knew he had seen the pictures. Sure, he looked for a minute. So we just asked him. He was like, yes, I saw the pictures. Please don't talk about it. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's a mishap for sure. It was bad. It's a big oopsies. When this prompt came on, I immediately called my wife and said, I don't know if you want me to tell this to Armchair Expert, but I think this prompt was actually made for us. So...

I think there's added pressure when you're a school teacher. Like you're kind of not allowed to be doing all the stuff everyone else in public would like. Do you even feel weird? Like if you're at the bar in your town? Oh, yeah. They're like, why does my school teacher drink? You know, I don't know. It's interesting. The school we used to teach at, it was commonplace for us to go to like a restaurant. And if we had a beer or something, we'd put it into a different cup. There's a wall there that people think that you just don't do these things. It's kind of weird.

It's unrealistic. And I don't know why they're supposed to be acting like they're teaching school everywhere they go. I mean, in some ways, I think it's helpful because if you think of your teachers as just regular people, it might be harder to think of them as authorities. Yes. In some ways, you have to compartmentalize them as like something different in order to listen or care. I still think of other teachers that are outwardly sharing things on social media now. And it's like, well,

Yeah. I wouldn't do that. You want a buffer, kind of like your therapist. Two of my teachers got busted. They were both married and they had an affair in a kind of small town and it all got out. And that was really trippy as a student going like, oh, wow, they were in the break room. Yeah, this is my 18th year in education. I

I've seen some things. Oh, Greg, this was delightful. Yeah, that was fun. Give our love to your wife for allowing us to hear that. Is it all right if she comes in? Oh, please. Yeah. My daughter actually wants to say hello as well. Sure. She's part of the story. She thinks this is really, really cool. She got out of school early for this. This is my daughter. Hi.

What's her name? McKenna. McKenna, are you 11? Yes, I am. Did you just start middle school? I did. How's it going? Pretty good, I guess. Well, middle school is rough. Is your dad a teacher at your school? My mom is. Your mom is? My mom is. That's fun. Is that your mom?

Is that sweet or do you try to avoid her? No, I don't try to avoid her, but she's in the elementary school. Oh, okay. That's a blessing. Well, nice meeting you. Can I say hi to your mom? Thank you. You too? Yeah. Here you go. Hello. Hi there. I feel like I should be telling this story. You're the victim. And the star. Right?

I can laugh now, 11 years later. Yes. Well, thanks for letting your husband tell us that story. It was fantastic. Yes. All right. Great meeting you guys. I really appreciate this. You guys mean the world. I listen to you every day on my trip to school. Oh, thank you. All right. Take care of you guys. Bye. Bye.

Well, that was fun. Lots of good mishaps. Yeah, mishaps abound. It's a scary world out there, the internet. Yeah, you're just one quick click away, you know? You're not really looking at what you're clicking at. You don't know what you're putting out there. I'm surprised there was no text message. I guess social media. We could do text messages, too. Like when I sent Kristen's mom an eggplant. Yeah, we could. All right, love you. Bye. Do you want to sing a tune or something? Or a theme song? No.

Okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly, I rhyme-ish. On the fly, I rhyme-ish. Enjoy. Enjoy.

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In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of a beloved wife and mother. But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker. Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her, and she wasn't the only target. Because buried in the depths of the internet is The Kill List, a cache of chilling documents containing names, photos, addresses, and specific instructions for people's murders.

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