Caitlin Clark’s Olympic Mistake, Will Smith’s Bad Boy Redemption, & A Flagrant Death in the Family
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My grandmother. She had a heart attack. Or it isn't. And she's old. She's like 97 years old, right? I have genuinely no idea how old my grandmother is. She lived in World War II. She lived in it? Yeah. Where? In England. Oh, really? She had a pop in the bomb shelter. Was she just getting spit-roasted in there? What? No. Why would you do that? Because you do crazy s***. No, you do crazy s***. Why would you do that? When you're under duress. What would you say? When you're under duress, you do crazy s***.

You get horny. You get horny. You get horny. Get out of here. T-Town. T-Town. T-Town. And all the of age males, they was out there fighting. So she was taking down 15 year olds. First boner straight in your grandma. Oh no. First. Oh, we got. Wait, wait, wait. Yo, come on out. Get back. Get back.

You don't even realize something we learned about Dove as well, that he doesn't even know what good head is, this fucking idiot. We'll get to that, okay? First, let me talk about my grandma. This guy's been talking about all the head he gets and every single time he's like, I've gotten spectacular head. I got spectacular head. Oh, my God.

Oh my God. Every single time. Every single girl he looks up at his. I've gotten spectacular head. It's phenomenal head. And I had enough. I said, describe good head. You had enough. He didn't want to get a reminiscence. I had enough. I want to reminisce. I ain't had head in forever. So I go, tell me what good head is. Describe it to me. And he goes,

Oh, well, it's something about the savoir faire and the... Shut up. I go, I'm going to tell you what good head is, and I say three things. Did you say it before? No, no, no, no. Vala said it. I go, I'm going to say three things. Matter of fact, I'm not even going to say what the fuck it is. Tell me what makes head good. Three things. Go. Three rules. Uh.

Very sloppy. Hold on one second. Hold on one second. What I got to say is, what I got to say is, what I got to say is, is hold on. When Dove was asked what is good hair, he's like, if my sheets are clean, if my pillows are flushed.

If the bathroom is closed, he's making up shit. They got another dude. Hey, I bet you get the order that I said the three in. You can do any order, but I get you. I bet you get the order. First is sloppy. This is bad pressure now. What's next? It's no pressure. Go with your heart. Just like adore the dick. That's three. That's three. That's three. Now you got three. But go on. Go on. Which is love what you do. Love your job. Love your job. Yeah. Yeah.

You love your job, you don't work a day in your life. You love your job, you don't work a day in your life. Damn, I don't know if this counts, but like,

When you're coming she has to continue and suck in it takes the soul out your body I'm gonna give it to you. It takes the soul out your body. I'm gonna give it to you But okay, what I said is is she has to know how to jerk it right while she's doing it But but but but but but but but but but this is something that girls they make this mistake a lot and it's very unfortunate They walk in

up the down escalator. Ugh. They jerk down. Where you trying to get the cum? Down? Which way the cum goes? No, you're fracking. When I cum, when I cum down? Now we are fracking. Yeah. The cum is in the earth. Mm-hmm.

Unearth it. Get the cum out the earth. Frack it out. Frack it out. It's old. Beverly Hillbillies. We're going to be rich. Let's fucking go. Get the oil out. This guy said, oh, the best head is after I text my mom I landed in a plane. What the fuck does this guy do with a head? It's so funny. It's thunder.

to do with that. She has good stories. You never had good hair? Never. I'm a gentleman. I don't even think he had good pussy. That's not to say that... No, no, no, no, no, no. He's had so much sex, he just doesn't know what's good and bad. And we just ruined it for him. Before we had that conversation, every head he got was amazing. No. Now it's ruined. Never say it like that. I gave you rankings.

It doesn't matter. I'm sitting in this room with three married men who haven't gotten head in years. Yeah, yeah. No, no. The game has changed. I got head once. The green room. Fuck you mean I haven't got head in years. I got head once. The green room has become a dark place. I was going to ask you. What do you mean? Yo, you got to sneak it in sometimes. What the hell? You got to sneak it in sometimes. How does that work? I told my wife. She's just yawning and...

Yeah, you got to throw it in there. Get it where you can. Get it where you can. That's your wife. That's your wife. That's your wife for life. I catch my wife yawning. Don't yawn. Don't yawn crazy. Don't yawn crazy. Don't be tired. Don't be tired. I know you haven't slept for four months with this baby. A yawn might come out. Pow! That is true. I know, it's crazy. That is true. Okay. Wade Dove, your best head, what's the criteria you rank it on?

I want to hear it. It's the same thing. He's just... Bro, he literally said... I just want a clean stop. He said... He just hates messes. He hates messes. Son, this guy, I said, what is the most important thing about head? The most important thing. He goes, if I was able to use a discount card on the dinner table... That's Andy. I'm not a guy. Dude.

He didn't list one single thing about lips, tongue, saliva, nothing. Every man you ask, the first thing they say is slop. Slop. Not one dude that we asked has not said anything but slop. I painted a picture first of elegance of a knight. She hates his duvet getting messy. That's really what it is. I'm telling you. A girl says, I'm about to come. Dove stops. I swear to God, dude. I didn't mention, like, if you're in a hotel room, get two beds. Have one bed. He did the Jew thing.

Isn't that crazy? No. He said it to us like he had a hookup bed and a sleeping bed. He said when she's on her period, you can't touch her for seven weeks. It's crazy. That's facts, though. Now, seven weeks. Seven weeks. You can't. That's what my wife tells me, at least. She's like, don't touch her. She's Jewish. Yeah, yeah. All of a sudden, she's a revert. Okay. But this is very important. This is very important. He also doesn't have a stroke game.

Because I asked him to demonstrate his stroke. I was like, yo, Doug, just show me how you hit it. I was doing it because I saw his story. Yeah, because I literally go, how do you hit doggy style, right? And he goes, oh, well, I kind of go like that. That's how you hit doggy style. You're fracking. It's straight back. You're fracking, though. Straight back. He only has sex on his back. You don't know what that is. That is a good point. What do you think? By Judy's hamstring. What?

things at the gym for what are they popcorn no no but what does that mean uh hamstring extensions oh glute bridges glute bridges yeah damn come on damn you got it and you let me see your pump come on i'll pump i just pumped i just showed you my pump come in the come here what is your stroke like uh well it depends

Yo, Al, show us your stroke. No, but it depends because I wasn't... Get behind the couch. I wasn't all the way not with Dove because if she's lame... You made me queef just talking about it. Yo, just... Yo, just talking about your stroke made me queef, bro. That's what I was so fucking mad. Yo, shut up. Yo, shut up. Yo, get used to it. We're going to India, USA tomorrow, so...

All these smells about to be present. Nah, go wipe. I gotta wipe, bro. Can you stop the pot for a second? I shit myself. Guys, I might have shit myself. You're alright, you're alright. Cause it smells. Go take a look. I even smell it. Go take a look. So, I even, I think if I get off this seat, you're gonna see it start leaking through the bottom. You got a thumbprint on the chair, for sure. I think I shit to the bottom. You got a fucking thumbprint. I think I shit to the bottom of the floor, bro. This is a problem, guys. Go take a look, man. Huh? Go look. I don't want to get up. I'm embarrassed.

Can I look? Yo, can I be embarrassed for once? Let me look. Come on. Let me check. No, I'm not letting you look. Let me check. I'm not letting you look. Let me check. No. Hey, show your stroke from right there. Show your stroke. Show your stroke. Yo, no guy is confident enough in his stroke to show it. No, my stroke is trash. I say this all the time. But that's the thing. Will you show your stroke? No, yeah.

Why is no guy confident to show? I'm a Catholic kid. Yo, we got to talk about your grandma. We did hijack that story. My bad. Oh, yeah. How did my grandma make you think of strokes? We were talking about hat and neck. No, because your grandma had a stroke. She was getting pounded out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She had a stroke, right? No. Oh, she had a heart attack. I thought she had a stroke. No, no, she had many strokes. I thought she was getting good strokes during the war, too. No, no, no. I was being facetious. I was being facetious. Oh, I don't believe that story. I don't think she was fucking underage guys in a bunker. She was under... What? Wait, he doesn't have a bunker. Your grandma was 24 years old. No, that's not true. And there was some young English dudes out there like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Right? And she was like, Oh, I can't do that. I can't fill up all my holes. My holes are not to be filled. I'm waiting for my boyfriend. He's out fighting the Nazis. I can't do it. Oh, it's so wrong for you to fill up all my holes. Oh, I just dropped my crumpet. I have to pick it up. God forbid someone filled me hole when I was on the ground.

Do you know what I mean? Even my mates. You know what I mean? And then some snaggletooth fucking Welsh kid was probably balls deep in your grandma. Isn't that fucking crazy? Some snaggletooth kid from fucking Wales? Can you believe that? So your grandmother who just had a heart attack. Yeah. Is she okay? Yeah. I'm doing it.

in the math if she's 100 now she's probably 18 in World War 2 no no no during the blitz when the Brits were in the subway she's 13 or 14 years old if she's 97 god damn wow dude no that's a different blitz we're not talking about no when your grandma got blitz how old was she what what

What the fuck is going on right now? Eins, zwei, drei. Yo, for the sake of this joke, she's 24, all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Way finer than she's 24. She's getting absolutely crippled inside the bunker. She's the oldest woman in the world. She is getting crippled.

Where did she get her throat right? It was not the only one that got a headshot. I mean, fuck, dude. God. What was she known as?

What do they know? The yawner. The yawner? How the fuck you think he got his last name? Alex! Alex from the top rope! Alex from the top rope! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! That was insane! What y'all have done today is wrong. Get some more Chablis! We need more fucking Chablis! You haven't even drunk your Chablis! Well, I'm safe.

I'm just having a wee seat. She's a war hero, bro. She is a war hero. She is a fucking war hero. They turned her into a submarine. Do you remember when they did that? Put a bunch of semen in her. Miles from the top, bro. Holy shit. Holy shit. Fuck.

I expect it from them, but from you? That was incredible, Miles. That was incredible. I'm going to take all the credit. I just set you up perfectly. Oh, fuck me. Oh my God. Yo, can we just do a regular fucking podcast for one day? I still want to know the rest of this. Tell us a story about your grandma. She got gangrene or whatever. Oh no, that was when the US showed up and fucked her.

Ah, fuck. Okay. Okay, okay. I apologize. No, but seriously, tell us about your grandma. She got a fucking heart attack. Yeah. Hey, can you take this seriously? With all due respect. Yo, can you take this seriously? She got a heart attack. She was using that rabbit vibrator tool. What the fuck? What? That's not funny. Why is that brand name? That's not funny, guys. You would laugh at that? Why'd you try to sell a product? You would laugh at the fact there's a 111-year-old woman just fucking...

trying to have an enjoyable end of her life that's funny to you guys the end of her life why the last years of her life the last years of her life why can't older women i hate the fact that we like you hate it i hate the fact that like older women aren't allowed to pleasure themselves they're not allowed to have sex when we do it that they're they're scrutinized non-stop yeah the villages you know that community that you always tell me about

Yeah, there's old people having sex there and then people criticize them all the time. Why can't they enjoy their bodies? That's a good point. Yeah, you hate that. I fucking despise it. Mark, I'm fucking infuriated by it. You're fucking so mad. You were talking about it this weekend. All my grandparents are dead. Yeah. Because they couldn't take the shame. Why are you tearing up? They couldn't take the shame. Why are you crying? They just couldn't take the shame, dude. They couldn't take the shame. They're full of shame and dick. What?

- Oh my God. - Okay, so what happened? - The doctors worked all night, she didn't make it. - Don't do that. - Listen, RIP. RIP. - You pulling out for a real one? - We need to listen, I didn't know that she didn't make it, that's kind of crazy. Listen, that makes me feel a little bit bad, but I gotta say this, RIP. - Rest in pussy. - For real, rest in pussy, okay? She was the original D-Day. In the bunkers in England, every day was D-Day. - May storm turn on me, D-Day.

They did call her Normandy out for the way the dudes would storm that beach.

No, but in all seriousness, RIP to Mark's grandma, yo. We love y'all, man. G-Ma Gags. Guys, show dates. First of all, thank y'all so much. We're selling it everywhere. It's fucking fantastic. And this June 21st and 22nd, I'm going to be at Good Nights Comedy Club in Raleigh. I expect every Indian in Morristown or wherever that place is to come through. June 28th and 29th, Buffalo, New York. Then I'm off for a few weeks doing some private gigs July 26th and 27th, Jacksonville. And...

Hawaii, get your tickets. I'm coming end of August, August 29th and August 30th. Honolulu, Hawaii, Blue Note Comedy Club. Get your tickets for those shows and more at akashsingh.com. Now let's get back to the show. So anything happen to you guys this weekend? No. No, come on, Mark. Come on, Mark. Come on, Mark. How's your family react to this episode? Yeah. I think they enjoy it a lot. They really enjoy it.

She died. Yeah. No, but she's old. It's okay. That's what happens. She lived a great life. She did. She lived an amazing life. She lived an incredible life. You guys are crazy. Why are you crazy? Crazy. Are you kidding me? I don't believe she died yet. I don't believe she died. No. Yeah, she fucking died. She died doing what she loved. But she lived. A lot of people don't live like that. Getting turned into a profiterole for the 40s.

Didn't work a damn life, dude. She didn't work with a callback. She said didn't work a damn life. She did it. Callback, dude. Oh my God. It's all good, bro. I feel like you said. Me? No, I don't believe she died. No, she did. No, she did not. She's dead, bro. She's not dead. Nah, she's not dead. Yet. That may eventually will happen.

I hope that it doesn't happen for a while. But if she doesn't die forever... When her life flashes before her eyes, what will she see? I just think her children, probably. The family. The kids that loved her. What do you think she'll see? She passed away. Is she going to see the children?

Over there, too. All the ones she has scattered around. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Damn, Al, yo, we're talking about his grandma. With all due respect, my bad. You're being disrespectful. With all due respect. I think that she will see. I think she'll see her family, and I think that she'll see she is the great matriarch of the Gagnon clan. Exactly. And she will... The funeral next week at St. James Cathedral in

Winter Park, Florida. Yeah. So anybody who can make it, show up. Open cast.

That's so sad. Oh, you guys are crazy. You guys are crazy. You guys are crazy people. Y'all nuts. Y'all are crazy. Y'all are crazy. Y'all want to just sit here and drink Chablis and do podcasts. Y'all are really crazy for that. They got to put a warrant on the bottle, dude. What the hell?

They have pregnancy warning on there. You gotta have a real warning on there. Oh my God. Can we talk about some fucking real shit? Please. Come on, man. Please. There really was no end to this story. I just want to tell you I'm going through a hard time.

His grandma died, Al! Have some respect! She didn't die. She was full of karma her whole life, and now she's dead! She's not dead. Mark's going through a hard time. She went through very hard times. You know what I mean? It is what it is. We're all here. We're all living. I can't believe that you're reacting in this way. It's fucking immature. Is it? Yeah. Oh.

And fucking racist. Yeah. It's fucking racist. Don't talk about that enough. You're joking about the dead, dude. You're joking about the dead. Your body's not even cold yet. Oh, you can still. Whoa. Al, you really need to stop it, dude. You're being fucking racist again. That was crazy. You're a little crazy, dude. No. You know, the guys out there. Stop it. They like to. Stop it. Can you tell us really what happened? She had a heart attack.

Okay? She goes to the hospital. Your mother says, hey, she had a heart attack. Okay? What else? What do you say? There's nothing to say, dude. Celebration of life. I don't know what you want me to say. She had a heart attack. Tell us the original story. That was the original story, bro. That's it? Yes. It's sad. She died, man.

Well, we all are going to die. Why can't we make fun of dead people, bro? My mom had a heart attack at like 57 or whatever. You know what I mean? It is what it is. Your mom had a heart attack? Yeah, I was doing... Yeah, we were... Yeah. You knew this about one of your closest friends. Come on, you know this. That's crazy. You know this. You know this. I know this. I remember she was having health shit. I know it was a heart attack. I think she's had a lot of health struggles, but I never know... Are you telling me? I don't know. Are you correcting me?

I didn't know there was a heart attack. How'd they even find out? How'd they get through all that fucking chest meat? How'd they even know? Dude, there's no way they'd be even able to tell if there was a heart attack or not. Yeah, I mean, there's no way. How? The defibrillator was hard to get to. Yeah, you can't defibrillate that. Nipples go crazy. Ha ha!

sparks flying oh my god you gotta get the car battery shit what is this get the jumper cables yo get off the jumper cables yo

Come on, yo. At least you got a gallbladder. Yeah, I know. Your mom's bile duct is full of your dad's gum. Yo, that might be true. That might be true. That's why her gallbladder get removed. I don't know, man. I think my dad might have knocked it a few times. You know what I mean? Them glute bridges. That's how you knock a gallbladder out of place.

And then forgot he did it the next morning. How crazy is that? Penetrate your wife to the point where she got to get her gallbladder removed. And then the next day, you're just like, more room for me. It's like Larry, bro. Caitlin Clark didn't even get to sleep. Yo, tell us what happened to your grandma. It's sad. It's a sad thing. It's a sad thing. Okay, she had a heart attack. Did they put a stent in her or what? No, it's a sad thing. Why is it sad? What's the rest of the story? Third heart attack. When was the first couple?

1942. When the war was over. When the Germans surrendered, she was like, oh no! I have to go up to land level again. Okay.

When those boys turned 18, that was a fucking... But in all seriousness, in all seriousness, no, she was going to the hospital. You and all the family, you get a text like, yo, your grandma's got... From your mom. Your grandma's having a heart attack. She's probably... This might be it. That's the text you get. Yeah. Okay? Then what's the next text you get from your mom to the group?

God got a new angel today. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. All right, fine. No. She's dead in this house. She's dead in this house. I'll tell you all on Patreon. Next episode. All right, fair enough. If you want to know what really happened to Mark's grandma, patreon.com slash flagrant. Oh, my God. Okay. Holy shit. But seriously, can we talk about...

There's another story about Mark's mom. Roaring Kitty. Sorry, Mark's grandma. Shit. For some reason, grandma is fine to talk about. Mom, it's with all due respect. It's worse for grandma. Really? But yeah, you didn't know yours. That's why I don't feel anything. You can say whatever you want about my grandma. She didn't love you enough to live until you were born. Yo, honestly...

Honestly, I'm starting to think that that's true. How close was it? What? To my life? Yeah. I think her body was like riddled with cancer before I was even a zygote. Oh, really? Yeah. But my granddad refused to stay alive after meeting me. I'll tell you, no, it's real. Yeah. Right? He met me when I was like really young and he's like, all right, I did it. And then he was out. Was he a smoker or something?

I think he was a smoker. Of dicks? Yeah. You know, it's funny. He smoked dicks. That is funny. You know what is funny is that he was known to suck a lot of dicks and smoke on them. But really, he liked smoking them. He was a big smoker. No, no, but he was apparently a huge asshole.

Oh, so when you were born here, it was like, I did it. I see myself reflected. He's like, my work here is done. He could just move on. But yeah, no, apparently big, big fucking asshole. I think when my grandma had cancer and she was in the hospital, I think he was cheating on her. Oh, wow. Wow. My dad like saw him and like confronted him about it. Kicked the chick out the house. And it was like a friend in their community. Oh, wow. Foul. Right. Fucked up.

Whoa. Why would your grandma do that? That's crazy. That's crazy. How would you just divide like that? It's so fucked. Yo, I'm not lying. She really did ruin the family, right? Mark found his Jim Halpert cam here. He's doing the office. Did you find the cam? He's doing the office. Ha ha!

Okay. Guys, can we be serious? Oh, that got me. Do you have family trauma you'd like to share? Yeah. It's just me and Mark. Yeah, it's a safe space. My grandfather cheated on my grandmother, too. Oh. Oh, was there a hurricane and he went to the fucking garden or something? Yeah.

How did he do it? Did he have another family? No, no. He was in love with another girl. He just kept giving money to this girl. And we're all like, we're...

My grandma was like poor. Why is it weird that I have empathy for that? Because he probably had an arranged marriage with your grandma. Yeah. Your grandfather. He was like the most staunch, hated on Muslims all the time. Obviously the girl he's cheating with, Muslim. Probably covering for his shame. But like after he died, most of my family didn't even know this. My mom and I were going through his stuff, found a bunch of like love letters he wrote. It was crazy. I actually texted you. I was like, I'm with my mom. I don't want to fucking...

be all emotional in front of her. This is her dad. So I'm just sitting here reading these letters. I remember this. Fuck, dude. I thought your grandfather would be loyal to the soil, dude. This is news to me.

Oh my God. I had it coming this whole time. I had it coming this whole time. I can't even. Oh my God. It is the game. Have you reached out to this woman? No, never. Do you know where she lives? No. I got a crazy story though. She took money from my grandfather. So to give her money, my grandfather borrowed it from one of my uncles.

My hot cousin's dad. She doesn't know that that guy is fucking crazy. So he kept asking her for the money. He was like, he shouldn't give me this money. I thought it was for him. She wouldn't give it back. He faxed her a letter.

threatening her fax her the letter she just has it he said something like if you don't show up i'm coming with a gun i need my money if you don't give me my money not if you don't show up and then then she got the money back but like this guy's nuts dude to send that via fax funny dude oh man

Fuck. Yeah. I would love to read it. So she gave back the money. Oh, dude. I don't know if she should have given it back. It was given to her fair and square. I feel terrified, dude. Yeah, she's... Yeah. It was given to her fair and square, theoretically. Yeah. I mean, realistically, but he wasn't having it. He wasn't having it. He don't play. Oh, this is good. Okay, what about you? Give us some good family drama. Well, he doesn't know his father, so it was tougher, dude. All right, let's start with the mom side. That was really fucking mean of you. I was trying to get a joke off, dude. It was a callback to his dad joke. No, no, no. You're a real fucking jerk. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, listen. We don't talk about people's families like that on this podcast, okay? You're a real fucking jerk. You're right, you're right, you're right. You're right. So who is your mom having sex with that we can laugh about? Wait a minute. Your mom's not having sex with someone with all due respect. Nah, she's not, unfortunately. That's sad. You don't ever get sad. I do get sad for her, yeah. Because she got a lot of energy. Yo.

I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. With all due respect. She got a lot of bounce. She got a lot of bounce. Yo, that was great. I'm a comedian without even understanding what you said. What you said was because you're thinking like that. No, no, no.

I think she has a vivacity to her. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? A vivaciousness. A viscosity? You said vivaciousness? I don't know if I used that word, a vivaciousness. I would say, if we're talking about pure energy and pep in their step, bounce, as you said, your mother and Dove's mother have the most. They got a lot of miles left in the system. Like, when I was six. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He's got a lot of miles. Whoa!

Chosen one. Chosen. Listen, no, but you look at a vintage car and you're like, oh, whoa, this is one car owner. There's only 40,000 miles on it. It doesn't matter that it was born in 1960s or whatever. You could still run that thing. You could take that on a highway. You could take that on a dune chase or something like that. You could really take that anywhere. You could even go mudding. I'm just saying. Wouldn't you guys agree?

Yes. My mom wanted all of Post Malone that night. Really? I remember that. Well, no, because she got a little on the, she was on the chocolate. No, pre-chocolate. She just has a crush on this guy. She was going to flake on the show. And I said, oh, surprise guest, Post. And she's like, I'm coming. Is that? Yeah, she was. Does your mom have the desire that she needs Matt? Do you feel like she needs that?

From post specifically? No, just in general. Just your desire that she needs met. Mom is cool. But post, there's a thing. But is there a physical desire? Yeah. How do you know if her needs are being met? That's weird. Isn't that weird? My mom's a cool mom.

mom I don't know no no no because Alex was like you see you admitted like you want your mom to be engaged with someone should we send our moms on like a trip mom pod

Send him on a girl's trip. One Vegas weekend. I give my mom a mom poppin'. She gotta get her back blowed up. What's going on with y'all? Have some respect to your moms. Y'all are crazy. I haven't had a sip. Once you get the Chablis in the system, even if it's not your system.

All right, but for real, I want us to get back to having a normal podcast. Yeah. All right, guys, we're going to take a break real quick because you got to get in shape. And the best ways to do that is with some of these Momentous products like creatine. Momentous creatine uses creatine monohydrate, which is the gold standard in creatine supplementation.

It is fully NSF certified, meaning it contains no banned substances, no toxic contaminants, no heavy metals, no pesticides. So what you see on the label is exactly what you get. Creatine's benefits for athletic performance include accelerated lean muscle development, increased strength and power, enhanced recovery and rehabilitation. Mark takes it all the time. Guy looks fantastic. Also, there's whey protein. Mark, you're on whey protein. That's it.

Again, guys, EU cows, way better quality. I'm thinking about moving there.

Again, much like every other product at Momentous, it is NSF Sports certified. And Momentous is offering a special offer to listeners of Flagrant. 20% off of creatine, protein, and all of our other favorite products. So go to livemomentous.com slash flagrant and use the code flagrant at checkout. Now let's get back to the show. Boys, I got to say I apologize. I'm a little late. I tried to walk out the door today and, um...

my baby started crying so I went back baby stopped crying oh fire I'm like oh fuck leave again baby starts crying again went back that's good baby stopped crying that's what's up

I was feeling amazing. I know, right? I'm looking over at my wife like, you breastfeed 24 hours a day. You haven't slept in four months. I'm an absentee father on the road. I come back and she's fucking bawling. She probably thinks you're going to be gone for four days. Yeah, maybe that's the torture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the truth though. You're the truth. But I am the truth. I'm him. No, it is fucking crazy. Like anything. Yeah. I don't understand how you can be like a strict parent. I don't get that.

I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't understand it. What do you mean it's strict? I don't understand it. I do kind of feel you on that. Yeah, like if she's going to cry for something, she's going to fucking get it. Yeah, yeah.

Like, there's this whole philosophy, oh, you got a sleep train where they just cry all night. Or you fucking don't, and you just pick them up, and then it's the most fun thing ever. Yeah. That sounds like a really good thing. What about later strictness, where it's like, oh, I want candy for dinner? Well, it depends. Are they crying? Yeah. Well, then they get fucking candy for dinner. It takes a certain... You can't do that. You gotta turn off a certain part of humanity to be like, no.

You know what I mean? It's good, but there's a certain sociopathy required to be like, no. Thank you. No, you're crying and I don't care. I was trying to explain this to my wife that she's that. Ha ha.

Because I went to go wake the baby up. Not to wake the baby up. No, no, no. The baby was up and I went to go get her. And I guess what you do is when they're trying to nap, you got to pick them up. And then you're supposed to not really engage with them. Not make eye contact. Not talk to them. What are we doing? The baby's crying. I haven't seen the baby in three days. Right? Maybe even four. Who knows? You know? I've been going to November. I've been going to November.

January, February, March, April, May. Is that Hamilton? I see you crying, but girl, I can't see. That is Hamilton. Honestly, it's the first version. It's Wyclef Jean, bro. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's Wyclef Jean. Yeah, the king of Haiti. Yeah, I thought it was barbecue. Shut up, barbecue, dude. So, but yeah, I just, I don't even know

remember why can't you talk to your kid when you're not supposed to engage them because then it wakes them up a little bit more but i'm like dude whatever like my wife is strict to anything she reads in the books and the research that's what she does and i'm like nah i'm lase there your kid's like yeah that's kind of trained you're like don't don't look at him don't make eye contact just head down and just keep walking but no i make eye contact pull that dick out homeless guy let's see what you got let's see what you got homeless guy you want to pull it out

You don't confront the homeless guy if they're on the train causing shit? Hell yeah. Nobody I know confronts homeless people more than him. I told you the San Francisco story. We lost a show in San Francisco because a homeless guy said we're going to have to get the bleeps ready. Andrew's on the

on the phone with a guy that we're doing, we're not, he isn't, this is 15 years ago or whatever. Andrew's on the phone with a guy we're doing our own show in San Francisco. Dove, you might have been there. And the guy's like, hey, you know this is a clean show, by the way, and none of us are clean. And Andrew's like, oh yeah, no, yeah, sure, we'll be clean, don't worry about it. Then in that moment, a homeless guy sees Andrew, San Francisco homeless, they're more aggressive, and he goes, what are you looking at?

And then Andrew goes, Andrew goes, you motherfucker! And then he starts chasing him up the hill. Homeless guy starts running. And Andrew's like, come back here, you pussy! And then the guy goes, what just happened? And Andrew goes, ah, sorry, this homeless guy just called me a s***.

or whatever. And then the guy's like, you can't do the show here. Cancel the show. So damn, we had to find a new venue. Screw him on the find a new theater. To this day, I think that that guy was the guy I was on the phone with. He was looking for an hour. He was just looking for an hour. Like, I think he was on the phone. He was just trying to see. He's like, you gotta be clean. Hey, ****.

Because he came back and he was like, guys, I think we lost the show. And we're like, we got four hours. Are you talking about? How did we pull that off? If you were on speakerphone, then maybe the homeless guy heard, you got to be clean. He was like, yo, what the fuck? Yeah, maybe he took it personally. That's crazy. I mean, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. So you're an engaged all the time kind of person. Why did you chase the guy? Say again? Why'd you chase the guy? In defense of homophobia. He called me a bitch.

In San Francisco, you know how gay you got to be? Oh, shit. Do you know what I mean? It's not like he called. That's a compliment. No, it's not. To them? What I'm saying is you got to go for it. You're getting ****. What do you mean? You're getting ****. He didn't call me ****. Hold on. He didn't call me ****. Nah, nah, nah. Hold on. He was picking you up. Let's not change history. Let's not change history, all right? He just called me a regular ****.

In San Francisco. But what I'm saying is, what am I doing to stand out as a there when everybody already has like a mid-level mess about them? Yeah, what were you wearing? That's what I'm saying! I don't want a victim blame. I'm sorry, Miles. It's going to be horrible. No, no, it's going to be bad for him.

Fuck you. What were you wearing? I don't know. I don't know. How are you on the phone? Can I be honest with you? No, no, no. I think I know what it was. I do think I would have. You know how there's like, uh,

The streets are... The hills. Yeah, the hills. I don't think I walk up hills straight. Yeah. I do think it's a thing. Like, I'm not used to hills that much because New York don't got that many hills. So I think when I walk up the hills, like, I think I really... I think I really... I'm ass out. So I think, in retrospect, I think he wasn't even angry. He was like, okay, ****.

That was an affirmative. Damn. Yeah. You chasing for no reason? So I might have been on air, but I chased him. And he got away? That's the thing. They on the juice. And they know the hills.

Like I'm already at the end. He's coming down the hill. I'm at the top. I wasted all my energy to get to the top of the hill. He's got momentum. He was going down. And I chased him for a little bit. Also, running down is hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that when you get to that point where you're not really running, your legs are just thrown out in front of you? Once I got there, I was like, don't let me like sprain my ankle. Then this guy has sex with me or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They prove him right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God, dude. What a funny story. Your daughter cries. My point is, yeah, I don't know if I got any structure in me. I don't know if I got any discipline in me. But, yeah, it's fucking hard, man. It's hard. I can't even imagine. And flattering. It's hard and flattering. Yeah, yeah, it makes you feel so good. Now she's starting to, like, reach. And, yeah, it's crazy. Anyway, what's going on, boys? How was your weekends? Yo, Indianapolis was fire. You had fun? You know, the Midwest. You like it? I like it.

This is where you're from. This is what you know. That's what I know. Also, the thing about those cities is all the Indians stick together because there's not as many. So they're all kind of... Like Jews. We're Roman packs. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, like wolves, you know what I mean? So at my show, every Indian in Indianapolis is at my show, which is cool.

There's more Indians at my show almost than like, maybe not New Jersey because that's so Indian, but like Dallas where there's a ton of Indians. Yeah, yeah. But there they're like, oh, we finally got one. So the whole community knows you're going to be there. They're all there. They're coming out. Yeah, yeah. Is that actually, is that cool? Because I know you've always wanted this. Yeah, yeah. So does that feel cool? It's incredible. When you're in town. Yeah.

That's what the people in the community know they gotta do. One thing I forgot to plan for is how drunk we get. Oh, wow. So the late show, they always pregame for the show because they're not gonna pay comedy club prices for all the drinks. Yes. So they show up a little drunk and then they get more drunk at the show and then they're not being mean, but they're always just yelling out. So I really have to like...

guard against Indian alcoholism. I got to start trying to work around it so it doesn't affect my show. Y'all be drunks. Yeah, yeah. You do whatever you got to do, but don't fuck up my show. Is it all Indians or the Catholic Indians? Punjabi Indians. Oh, really? Exclusively. I didn't want to say Punjabi. They're the most loyal, loving, and...

All that, but they are... They like to get it. They get so drunk. They like to get it in. And they don't realize they're not supposed to. Yeah. But I try to tell them, like, imagine you're at a movie. You know how people talk during a movie and it's kind of annoying? Imagine the actors can hear you. Yeah. That's what that is. Yeah. But they don't care. They don't care. We had to kick someone out, and then he got mad he couldn't get back in for the meet and greet. He was like, what the fuck, bro? I was like, dog, I'm not doing this. I had to kick you out. He was looking at me like I was an asshole. He was like, this is crazy. What was he saying that you kicked him out? He was like, well, I was just...

Oh, he just kept yelling, yelling, trying to like add to the joke. What was he yelling? Tagging your shit? I don't remember what he was yelling. It was arrogance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like, golly, golly, my short hair. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, we gotta talk about that. It was just so nonstop. I couldn't even, and a lot of times it wasn't, he's so drunk, it's not even clear. Yeah, yeah. He just keeps yelling at moments of silence or whatever. Were you able to watch the cricket?

I watched the last six overs or whatever. I was on a flight. So when I landed, I watched the end of the match. And I honestly feel bad for Pakistan. Why? They're losing to Canada right now. They lost to the USA. Yeah. They're just so bad. India's 8-1 in the last nine matches against them. Here's the thing. Why are they so bad? Because they choke.

I identify with chokers. I'm a Dallas Cowboy fan. So I see that. I'm like, yo, y'all just... Let's just call it what it is. I gag on penis, sure. But choking in sports, I identify with. But once you lose to the United States, like there was a, back in the day, like once you lost to Floyd Mayweather, you were never the same. Once you lose to the United States, you're never the same. Like it is, the way that we play cricket, it's a different style.

There's a different strength. There's a different speed. There's a thing that bothers me. If people are like, oh, Pakistan sucks, they lost to America. I'm like, why? No. No. No. Americans are revolutionizing the game of crickets. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. How so? Did you watch the game? I did not watch USA. We were actually recording here. We watched a little bit of it. I'm not making this up. If any of you watch the game, if any of you at home watch the game, I'm not making this up. During the game, before the game started, there were cutaways. Okay. Okay.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah, we saw that together. Okay. There are cutaways. I don't know why the cutaways were to this specific geological formation. I think I know why. What would you describe that formation as? It was like a muddy thing. No, no, no, no, no. Wait, what? Now, if you ask me why that is, it's because it's the USA. There's a few white people on Team USA, and they know you guys like to fuck mud like in that movie. So they had to put that.

You are ready for these motherfucking situations. But that's some British shit, right? Wasn't that a British movie?

He is? That guy might be British. That's a British guy. That's where y'all get it from. Exactly. Where did y'all get it from? Y'all British too. No, we're not British. No, but the Brits might have gotten it from you guys. They might have tried it out. No, maybe y'all got it from them. From the Brits. No, there's only us fucking women in the mud, which is kind of fire. Y'all do mud wrestling. That's cuckish. We fuck girls in the mud. Y'all wrestle them. Yo, you got a point, son.

you dropped your point. No, he got a point. We ain't never tried mud fucking. We do mud wrestling. We wrestle. Yeah. What is that? But you get after it. We go, yeah. Holy shit. That's what Shubh was saying is the most important part of cricket. He's like, dude, the thing that makes cricket so amazing, the biggest variable

is the soil. Wait, really? That's what he said. I was like, hang on a goddamn minute there, Shubha. You're telling me the most. No, no, no. He was all excited. I was grinning ear to ear. He was like, all over the world they got different soils. Yeah, they do. Oh, it's amazing. You got America. You got this soil. You go out to Dallas and

It's a different soil. Oh, when the ball hits the soil, you'll never see it again. When the ball hits the soil. Damn it, Shooks! He can't help himself, yo. He can't help himself. I'm telling y'all. It's a problem. You like what you like. We can't choose what we like. Do you know what I mean? The Chinese, they like rice. They like rice. They're into rice. Most of their shit is rice. Do they spit a lot, like in baseball?

Playing cricket, they're trying to turn it into, you know. I don't know. I don't know. But baseball players do. White baseball players, they got the tobacco. They make it a little more muddy. They do. They make it a little darker. I just all a bunch of motherfuckers. Shut up, you fucking Puerto Rican.

That's not the same level. Damn. Y'all already dirty. You ain't got to fuck the mud. Look at these handsome fucking American cricketers. Yeah, let me look at this American cricket team, yo. Look at these guys. Black guys. Let's go. Are they Bahamian? Because I think in the Caribbean... They're American, dude. So one of the names was African or... This is just a random bachelor party. Yo, let's go bust their ass real quick. That's what it said. That ass like...

You don't got to be that athletic to play this game. No, no, no, you don't. So, like, if you took 10 Americans and just put them out there on, what do you call it? Kyrie? We do good. I think that we beat most teams. No, yeah, yeah. I agree. I feel the same way about soccer. If Americans, like, really started sending their best athletes to soccer, it's a wrap. No, no, I'm not talking about best athletes. If we send just, like...

Our dads. No, no. We'll play. And with Al, we'd be down a man. I was trying to get there. I was trying to get there. No, but for real, you never looked at a cricket player and you're like, wow, that's an athlete. Like in the same way that you look at like someone who runs like the. You don't. It's baseball.

But no, I see baseball players. I'm like, that's a fucking athlete. Thurman Thomas, that's a jacked motherfucker. Who's Thurman Thomas? That's a football player. What's the other guy I'm thinking of? What's the guy I'm thinking of? Frank Thomas. Frank Thomas. That's a social rights activist. Hey, hey. You just made me realize they're not the same guy, but I'm going to ask you.

I really am going to be honest. I thought that he was the greatest two-sport athlete in history. That's Bo Jackson. Sherman Frank Thomas. That's Bo Jackson. Sherman. Sherman? Okay. But in all seriousness, I don't know if you have to be that athletic to play this game because it's not about athleticism, right? It's about just staying outside long. Isn't the game 24 hours? So it's like who can be outside in the sun 24 hours? This is two and a half. It's more running than baseball. Is it? Yeah.

But baseball also, these aren't sports. Golf, same, but they just get more fit as they go along. Like, you know how golfers started getting fit? Yeah. If you took an average baseball team, wouldn't they destroy these guys?

Like if you took the New York Yankees and they played the Team India. I'd be curious to know what Shubh thinks. To me, yeah. But I'd be curious to know what Shubh or Vala thinks. Yeah. I mean, just let's look at this. Look at him getting that fucking. Like the batting part is different because they don't really swing. Yeah. It's kind of like a bunting swing. That's when you swing and you're going for six runs right there. So I think that was four or six. I can't tell. Oh, wow.

But also, yeah, the fielding you run away from. That's crazy. Fucking go, dude. Yo, he smacked his ass. Yeah, it's legal in America. Let's fucking go. You can do that here. Yeah, that's true. That's a catch. You know, Taylor, go figure. Yo, this shit is kind of... Oh, he hit that for a yard. Damn. So that's out. That's out. Okay. Indian bowler, let's go.

Oh, wow. That's an easy... Six. India USA is tomorrow if y'all want to go. Oh, where? 10 a.m. Actually, I don't know where. Shubh, where is the match tomorrow? I assume Long Island, but I don't know.

Oh, I thought they're all in Jersey. Wait a minute, hold on. I would very much like to indulge in this experience. Where is India, USA? Is that in New York or is that in Dallas? Yeah, it's in Long Island. Long Island. Tomorrow? Yeah. At what time? 10.30 a.m.

Wait, India, USA? Yeah. There's tickets available. I think we have to. I mean, we have to go to this. Wait, can we play? Like, what is the rule? Like, how does that work? Oh, yeah. I'm suing them. Like, is it super strict? It's like first come, first serve. Like, what does it do? Sign up seat. I kind of show up the first bowl. I got that, dude. Oh, do they do that at a ceremony? I'm more than a sketch we did. You, me, and Joe. Yeah. Who...

Who would win a baseball team or like a regular baseball team at cricket or the cricket team, the India cricket team? Like the Yankees? If they train. In my brain, I hate to admit it, but baseball would be, yeah, they train for, I don't know, a month. And just imagine there's not a mud pit directly outside here. It's distracting them the entire time. Distract all the white pictures. I think that's why Pakistan, to be honest with you, I think that's why they've lost every single game is I think they're just trying to speed it up. Really?

Right? Because they want to go dick diving in that mud pit. Immediately. How fast can this fucking thing go? I think those are the cheerleaders. That's the cheerleader. I think this is the swamp. I mean, all of you. Tell us, who wins? Who wins? The Yankees or Team India? The baseball team will be better at fielding. They're just way better at throwing, catching, all that kind of stuff. But I don't know how they'll do without the gloves. Cricket players will be better batters.

than a baseball player? That's what I'm saying. It's so different. What about like a frat? It's way harder to hit off the bounce. Just from the hazing. Like, I feel like a frat from the hazing would be able to play this really well. No American will be able to stand the Australian hazing. Wait, why? There is no chance. Those guys are so good at it. What do they do? I mean, what's his name? Volk had to drink his own piss or whatever, right? Oh, that's right. He meant the paddling specifically. Yeah. What's going on, then? Wait.

What's happening? We're talking about hazing or we're talking about batting? I don't know anymore. What I'm saying, with American fraternities, what they do is they take a paddle kind of like that and they spank your ass. So that's why they'd be so good at the batting. I'm going to be honest, I think Americans would be worse fielders then because there's no glove, it's pure hands, and you're running a lot more. What about blackfield? They've been fielding for 400 fucking... Honestly, that's why...

Honestly, that's... What? What? But he saw the guy with the one-hand cap. He got it! He thought he was caught. Come on, no. See, you can go too far with it. Honestly, that's too stationary of a field. That's just a simple bend and reach. Come on. This is running involved. You've got to play behind. Yeah, black people don't know about running. Yeah. I feel like black people need to just take over this thing. Take over, right? We should just take it.

There is a team of all black people. It's the West Indies. It's all the British, old British colonies in the Caribbean. Yeah. And they have historically been one of the scariest teams to play. No, not the Karabi or whatever. It's not me anymore, everybody. Yeah.

It's not fucking me. Now you see why it's funny. Now you see why it's funny. This is what happens every time you talk, Bob. You do it, Bob. It's not fucking me. Try it one more time. Okay, there's a black team. Oh, we're historically mostly black, yeah. Historically mostly black. What else is about them? I don't think he knows what part we're talking about. You said they're the loudest team. Scariest. They're the scariest team. Okay, for what reason? Why are they so scary? They're very, very good.

At? At the game. Okay. Okay. Okay. Have they ever won it all? Yeah, they won it the first two times they won it all. The first two times they ever played? No, the first two World Cups ever. Okay. That was way back when. Yeah, they beat Australia. They beat England.

In England. What years are we talking here? 79? That doesn't count. We haven't won since. Yeah. Don't say we. No, no, no. I hate this. Five people are not a monolith. I've been sucking from Sputnik from Turks and Caicos. When was the last time we bust ass?

He's Afro-Caribbean. Yeah, we take that. Because since I started watching, it was just like, what, 09 or whatever. They've never been talked about as potential winners. No, the West Indies have won two T20 World Cups in, I think, 2015 or something like that. Back when we didn't care about it, right? Nobody really cared about it. Yeah, we didn't really care about it. I know this. T20 was a joke back then. Now we're making way more money off of it. So people care. Now people care. Now no one really thinks y'all are going to win at all.

Whatever. It's a stupid, silly sport. We should go tomorrow. We're going to dominate. How long is the game? Three hours. Yeah. Oh, they've condensed it. Yeah. It used to be, what, three or five days? Days, right? The original version is five days. Then they made a one-day version, and this is the three-hour condensed version for fun. Just for fun purposes.

And money also. So if we get there late, does it matter? That's the thing. I might have to get there a little late. You can get there like an hour late. You miss the first innings, but the jeopardy starts in the second innings anyway. We're on IST, dude. So why are you going to get there late? I'm going to get there late because I'm Indian. Yeah, I have a child, Al.

I hate that. You go to that bag, man. We have singing class tomorrow. Singing? Singing class tomorrow. How old is she? She is four months and a week old. What is she singing about? She's going to... She's going to sing. That's what she's going to do. We took swimming class. We're drowning class the other day. And now we're taking singing class. And we just sing songs.

That's what we sing. Okay? That's what we do. Why sing class? Why can't you just put on a playlist and sing to her? It's... You have too much money. You need to spend it. If you don't spend the money, your wife will spend it on herself. So what you need to do is get the money out of her hands as quick as you possibly can. We should start a singing class and steal from rich people. That sounds awesome. I didn't realize that. I have to ask my wife, what are we singing? Why is this? How did you not

I don't know. Sign the kid up. It could be Beat Buds. Hold on. I'm going to look through this. But can't you just, isn't that a playlist? Like it's a sing-along group. Oh, oh, I'm sorry. It's not singing. It's not singing.

It's music class. That's harder. She's going to be taking up a violin? You've never seen these little chinitos playing the instruments when they're one year old? These little chinitos are playing instruments. Your daughter's not Chinese. Yeah, but maybe if she's vaccinated enough, we can make her one. You know?

She's getting her vaccine today and then tomorrow we find out she's a savant. If she goes in tomorrow and she's ripping a violin, then we got one. In the bag. You gotta do a before and after blocks test. Just see how much better she gets at building. It's so fucking scary.

It really is scary. Like every time she drools after the vaccine, I'm like, all right, there it is. There it is. Well, apparently they teethe and they start drooling. But the last time I didn't know that because I don't read any of the books my wife tells me to read. So she got the vax.

And she's just a fucking basset hound slop everywhere. And I'm like, they fucking retarded her, dude. They fucking vaccinated her brains out and now she's drooling all over the place. I really felt that way. And then I learned it's just teeth. That's what's up. Teeth are coming in. You know what I mean? Watch out my wife's nips. You know what I mean? Let's see if you complain. When I nibble on them, you was complaining. Let's see if you're still complaining.

Do you know what I mean? When I used to chomp on them thangs, it will hurt. You know? Yeah. That shit does seem painful. What? You ain't never chomped on them thangs? You got to get them ready, bro. You got to chew them up and get them ready. With all due respect. Yeah. You got to beat them up. It's like a new speed bag. That shit don't hit right. With all due respect. You know? Listen, Al, with all due respect, if you don't beat up the speed bag, it's not going to hit right. So I'm in there, bro. All right. Do your thing, brother. Yeah.

I'm going to let it just jam. It's going to be you one day. I'm going to let it jam. You're going to see two hard nips, and you're going to be like, that's too hard for my daughter. I need to break them in. I need to break them in. It's a new mitt. My daughter's gums can't handle all that. My daughter got brand new gums. She can't gum through a hard nip like this. So you need to crunch them down for her. Do you know what I mean? Baby bird. You need to baby bird it, man. Yeah.

That's why. Put your beak on there, bro. You need to put your beak on there and baby bird it a little bit, Al. That's actually good advice. Yeah, it is. Yeah, when the henny's in the system. When the henny's in the system, Al. All right, guys, let's take a break for a second. We need to talk about something that's very important, life insurance. I know that that sounds boring, but hear me out. It is incredibly important, especially when you're a new parent. I had to learn about this shit, okay? Yeah, you're dead, but your family needs you.

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Two free pillows for our listeners. So go to helixsleep.com slash flagrant. That is helix, H-E-L-I-X, sleep.com slash flagrant. This is their best offer yet, and this offer will not last long. So with Helix, better sleep starts. Now let's get back to the show. Y'all want to talk about Caitlin Clarks? Yeah. Yeah. She didn't get picked for the Olympics. Yeah. She didn't. Stupid.

What do y'all think about that? I actually have a hot take about this. Yeah, well, what's yours? Because I'm hearing just nobody you could actually take her off for. That's what a lot of people who watch the league are saying. That they're a very accomplished team. The best of the best. Yeah. Here's the thing. Here's my hot take.

First of all, obviously, retarded move business-wise. Like, absolute idiots not putting her on the team, just financially. Like, you're trying to make money for the sport. But what I will say is this. Right now, there's this, like, little window where, like, guys care about the WNBA. Eventually, we'll just stop caring. It's like a nice little fucking trend, but eventually you'll just be like, eh, whatever. And so what they have to do is find a way to convert women into fans as well.

And the only thing women watch is like chaos and bickering. That's the only thing that they watch on TV. If there's not champagne being thrown or women yelling at each other and fighting, women pushing each other to the ground, women fouling each other hard. The only thing that they care about like are storylines and narratives where like women are fighting with one another.

And they've kind of turned the WNBA into a reality show. Yeah. Are these girls on Caitlyn's team not supporting her? Are they fighting with her? Does Angel Reese hate Caitlyn? Is she jealous that this person's gay? They're turning it into a housewives drama. That's the only way to get women to watch the WNBA. If they think it's real housewives of the WNBA. So...

I know it seems like it's not working now because all the men watching were like, well, why don't you care about making money? Why don't you care about success? Why don't you care about building a sport? Because that's how we think about something. But women just want to see shit destroyed on TV. And the fact that they're destroying it, it actually might end up working to gain a female audience. That's an interesting take. I think, I think, yeah. Miles and I were talking. He had a theory that this is good for women.

of Caitlin Clarke because you need to see her go through adversity like in The Hero's Journey. It can't just be she gets everything right away. She got to be getting bullied. She got to have a bad guy. Everybody leaves her off the team. Yeah, the fans are going to support her even more now because it's like Donald Trump. It's like they're trying to take him off the ballot. Yeah.

They're trying to stop him from running. They're trying to stop this girl. Like, obviously you could take one of these old lesbian bitches off the team and throw her in. Even if she gets no playing time, she's like on the bench. She goes out for three minutes versus Venezuela. You just let her drop, you know, seven threes and then get ESPN to run it up. You can put her on the team. Even just like you said, for business and like helping her develop, you know, I heard they haven't lost a game since 1992.

So we really just need to feel the best team where we can take someone who's almost as good, help her be around. You know how good it is for male basketball players to be on the national basketball team? LeBron learned so much from Kobe. Anthony Edwards learned so much from being on the team last year. It always happens. Honestly, I would keep her on the team. This is me as a man saying it. I would keep her on the team

To the detriment of the team because it is to the benefit of the sport. Yes. Remember when Michael Jordan, 1992, was, I think the Olympics were in Barcelona, if I'm not mistaken. Mm-hmm.

Dream team. Dream team. This was a celebration of basketball excellence, and you seduce the rest of the world with your greatest players. Now, I'm not saying that she's the greatest player right now, but she is the most seductive player. It's so exciting. It's the only one people are talking about. Let her go out there against these bum-ass other countries, right? Like, women's sports in other countries is horrible. Yeah, because they don't... They're the most sexist. We're the least sexist. Yeah, we're the least sexist, so they're fucking pretty good at sports. But in other countries, they have...

C-section scars to mend. They can't be out there playing. They're having families. Have you seen this? No. What is this? This is a USA basketball versus Team India. There's no fucking way. That's hilarious. There is no...

Fucking way. Billions of people couldn't find... That's like the American cricket team. They just called up a bunch of girls. That's the thing. Yo, just show up. Yeah, what's over under on this? They're the most dominant team. You don't even need all the best players. What you need is Caitlin Clark, the most marketable player, to go out there and just ball the fuck out. And then all the other players on that team are going to make more money because the viewership's going to go up. All the other players...

All the countries are going to be like, oh, maybe we should let women play sports. Yeah. Since the WNBA has been around, has any player on the Olympic team not been in the WNBA? Because technically this team was forming before...

Like for the past couple of years. Yeah. There was one girl from UConn. I forget her name. There was one girl from UConn who was in her rookie year. I forget her name, but it was the UConn coach who selected her, so maybe that's why. But they had camps early on. They had camps months ago when she was in the Final Four, and she couldn't go to those camps, obviously, because she was playing, and they had formed it there. If she'd gone to those camps, I could argue, oh, playing with the other girls. Like there's one of the players that's 41 years old. Hey, hey, hey.

There's no rules. No rules. I just think these... Put her on the fucking table. If she would have been on the team, the story would have been like, oh, look, they're giving her special treatment. Favoritism. Yeah, yeah, they are. But that's all they're complaining about now anyway. That'd be a story for one day. No, they're complaining that they're not giving her favoritism. Yeah. No, no, no. The detractors... Even, like, it's... When a black guy defends Caitlyn Clark, people are like, oh, why are you defending those white women? I don't know.

the number one hate on white women person this which i'll defend her she's exciting it's the only reason i'm remotely interested in women's basketball she's pulling up from 40 feet out she's she's exciting the way steph curry is exciting it's just fun to watch so if i feel like she should be on a team i'll say something it's not a race thing or whatever it's like these larger conversations you're 100% right uh here's the thing for marketing you put caitlyn clark you put

Angela Reese. Yeah, Angel Reese. And you put Cameron Brink. Bare minimum, you put those three. All three of them are superstars.

I mean, super, like, they just get it. They're on TikTok. They're marketing themselves. They actually care about being bigger. Maybe Caitlyn is the least of the most, like, TikTok-y of them. You know what I mean? Like, I think Angel and Cameron are, like, really locked in on social media, which is a good thing. I'm not even being critical of it. I'm like, grow the sport. Become bigger personalities. You put three of them on a team...

And when you're beating a team by 50, which you eventually will be beating a team by 50, you let them go in there and ball the fuck out. Yeah. Like this is a no brainer to grow. There are girls in this team that are 41 years old. Yeah. Right. Yeah. How many Olympics have that 41 year old? I think five or six. Get the fuck off the team, bitch. Yeah. Get the fuck off.

Fuck off the team, bitch. She was the one when they were doing like a... What the fuck? She was the one hating on Caitlyn. They were doing like a simulcast of one of the Final Four games. Man, shut your ass up. She's not going to be that good in the pros. She's a grown woman. She's going against us. Not going to be like college. Get off the team, yo. Stop fucking hating, you old bitch. It's over.

Go home. I've read a thing that she put up as many numbers as a kid. Her numbers are comparable. You're 41. If you're 41, you can go home. Who's the 41-year-old? Diana Taurasi. Oh, she's nice. My man, Diana, you're nice. You gotta keep Diana on the team. Kick one of them young bitches off. New York native too, right? She's from California. She's fucking great at basketball. I ain't gonna lie.

Now, Diana got to be on there, but kick one of the other ones off. Kick three of the other ones off. That's what I'm saying. The youngest role seems 26. There's no rookies that are Caitlyn's year. Rookie? You can't guard me, rookie. It's me, lindo. Y'all don't follow? ADHD diagnosis. My TikTok, there's this kid. He's this Puerto Rican kid. It's me, lindo.

like when you when you looked at us like wish you can't guard me rookie it's me lindo oh damn it blows my mind all right so this this kid symptoms of aviation real-time forgetfulness hyper focus uh struggles with retaining information daydreaming procrastination like it's all it's kind of wow god damn bro we gotta send this to him

me about this so I could take Adderall on purpose that's why you like it yeah so it just makes me feel normal yeah oh my goodness

Think about where you'd be if you had known. I should do that. I should do this Adderall. Life as y'all is nice. Yeah, dude. It's just fire. Anyway, Rookie. He's this kid who's on TikTok. He just plays like street ball, but anytime he hits like this crazy three-pointer, he just goes, it's me, lindo. I don't know why it popped up for me, but it's just very funny. It's like the English or Spanish guy. Also, that's popping now. Yeah. A lot of people commenting on that. Yeah. Do you know the English or Spanish guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We have a funny sketch that we want to do for that. Okay. Which is like how to rob a black dude. You just walk up to him and you just go, the first person who moves is gay. And you just start taking his shit off. Help! Help! Yeah. Shout out to fucking, what is his name? Pinon? Something.

Anyway, so what happens with the with the Caitlin Clark? They think she ends up on the team Oh, I mean somebody's gonna get hurt and then maybe somebody's probably gonna get hurt and then maybe she'll be the first call You gotta just put on the fucking what are we doing? But you're right all three of them should be on the team. What are we doing here? Yeah, all three It's too late at this point. No, but if there's injuries or people step down or like I mean if I'm if I'm like the Federation or whatever I go up to some of the girls and I go girls sit the fuck down take the fucking summer off you can come as a coach and

like just say hey we can still be there some other thing like if you just want to travel you'll still be there you'll get a fucking medal do whatever you want but like these these young chicks need to go out there and get it done like this is what's going to take the sport to the next level and it will i mean that's what jordan did that's what magic and bird did that's what kairi is doing that's what steph did that's what lebron did like you have to pass the torch you have to because if the game was where it needed to be

then we wouldn't be talking about these three new chicks. The fact is, we're talking about the WNBA. This is your moment. Seize it. Yeah. Or you just turn it into a reality show. Your choice. Also, guys, when we're talking about Caitlin Clark dominating on the court, we should mention Morgan & Morgan, who dominates in the court. They are America's largest injury law firm. They recovered over $20 billion for over 500,000 clients. So check out Morgan & Morgan whenever you get a chance. Let's get back to it.

Reality should be far. Yeah. Like, if they start really, like, going at it real housewife style, I think chicks will watch it. 100%. Fights in the middle of games, cursing, like, great little narratives going, subs on social media. I think girls would really watch that. And I think they would prefer that to watching elite basketball. Dude, mid-game interviews? Talking shit about one another. She smells, she needs a shower. Yeah. Like...

Yeah, the mid-game interview should be like the... It should be a confessional. Yeah, exactly. There's a background behind a green screen. No, what's that shit where they come at the end of the season? Oh, like Girl Saw? Oh, exit interviews? It's like, no, there's like a deus and then there's a host. The Bachelorette. Andy Cohen talks to them all the same time. Oh, watch what happens or the reunion. Reunion, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, if you did a reunion at the end of the season? Done. That'd be far. Yeah. Okay, what else we got, boys? I mean, there's a bunch of shit. Oh, Bad Boys. Oh, yes. Yeah, you were right. Bad Boys flopped.

Did I say it was going to flop? Yeah. I think... You were incredibly wrong. Well, no, not incredibly. Let's go. Because what I believe I said was, I think it could do what we would consider well for now, but not what we would consider well for a major action movie weekend.

And I think that's what's happening. Like, this 100 million... 50 million opening weekend, right? I think it was 100 million overall. 104. 104 overall. 105. Whatever. And I think this number is...

indicative of the fact that overall numbers are much less in the same way that when someone drops an album and it does like 50 000 streams they're the number one album back in the day i had to do a million you know buys so i think it's just overall it's a great number i think it's awesome it still shows that like the franchise has value shows that will and martin have value and i'm sure they made a good movie but i if i'm looking at this as an exec i'm not going movies are back i'm going i'm

we got to make a big adjustment because we sent these guys around the world on the craziest promo tour ever. Yeah. And it did well on an established franchise that has been around for, what is this fucking 20 years or something like that? Five years. And then we hit that a hundred mark and then we'll see what happens this next weekend. Like it might go off a fucking cliff. Hmm.

But I'm looking at that as an exec and I'm going, okay, we need to change this whole fucking thing up. Either movies got to get way less expensive or we just need to start putting shit on streaming and find a different way to make money off of them. Yeah, I'm curious to see the next week. I think it's not going to stay exactly there, but I don't think it's going to have a steep drop off because the movie's good. And I think a lot of people didn't go out because three wasn't that great.

So they were like hesitant. Then when it did well, people like, OK, I'll go. And the feedback has been good. Is Will forgiven or is everybody all good with Will? I think Will needs one more after this. Like, I think this has come back. Now we're like, oh, well, my God, it's still. And if the next one is crazy, then I think we're like really that. I think we're just I think we're let down. We're like disappointed.

I don't think it's the slap. I think it's his relationship with her. I think like... I thought it was the slap. No, I don't give a fuck about the slap. I do. That's what Hollywood cares about. Oh, I don't care about that. I just... Being in this relationship with this woman who's clearly toxic and abusive...

Like, I'm just like, you're a leading man. You're a superstar. I think we feel their relationship is fraudulent. We feel betrayed by what they portray. So it's like, if he has another box office hit and he's still with Jada, you're still going to feel the same way. It's not going to change anything in your eye. I think that they're way less public about their relationship. Like, now it just seems like Will is an entity and then she's doing whatever they're doing. But it's not like every week we're going to talk about why our marriage sucks on Red Table Talk or whatever. Yeah. You know, I don't even know if that shit is still going on. I don't think so.

So it's like, I think, and that's better because then we can ignore the fact that she's even alive. Because when, no, like when you look at, like when you look at The Rock as like a superhero, you're like, I need to believe you are all the things of a superhero. If I find out that like your wife is saying wild shit and having affairs and doing all this other stuff, am I really going to believe you're the man when you're playing the leading dude in the action movie? I get that. I get that. Like, we like to believe that these people are actors.

But like Vince Vaughn is Vince Vaughn in every movie to me. Do you know what I mean? Like Vince Vaughn is the Vince Vaughn from Swingers. If I found out Vince had no game, I'd be like, wait, what the fuck? What do you mean? Like, what's the guy from Entourage? Vincent Chase? No, the agent. Oh, Jeremy Piven. Yeah, Jeremy Piven. When I found out he kind of like a little bit of like a nerd character.

I'm like, oh. Like what? When he was on here, I thought he was doing a career. He was on our pod about five years ago. Yeah, he was doing a little. He was doing a little career revival. And some of the lines he had, I was like, oh, this is your stock line. He just kept being like, I'm just a working class actor from Chicago. And then the third, I was in. But then the third time he said it, I went home and I was like, oh, that's his comeback line. He's taking this to whatever press he does. He's not a nice enough guy, but yeah. He's like an artsy theater nerd that like,

played this character that was awesome and then once I found out that there was this massive chasm between those two I was like and I think that happened with Will a little bit but like Will was the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air to me yeah like that's who he was yeah like the coolest person the fucking coolest dude and not only the cool and he was a cool dude who was like also self-deprecating

And funny. He wasn't like, I need to be the cool guy. He's not like a, not to knock him, but like a Johnny Depp figure where I'm this mysterious whatever. He was like open. Personable, kind of goofy. Goofy, self-deprecating, vulnerable, but also saves the day. I'm like, you're the best. You're the fuck. And then you see him in this marriage that kind of sucks and she's fucking R&B stars. And the slap is a manifestation of all of it.

Yeah. Not being able to control your emotions in that moment. Pretty performative for her. Yeah. Seeing him in person, I feel like we're getting the old Will. Getting closer. Yeah. I think deep down we all want it. I think if you fell in love with this guy. Charlie actually had the take that gave me the most empathy, which was like when he said Will would see his mom get slapped and felt like he never protected her and that always bothered him. And you wonder if that's what's flashing through his mind when he sees Jay to react. That was the first time I had any, I was like, oh, okay. Yeah.

But yeah, I do think maybe it's because deep down I want him to be back and I want to love him again and whatever. Because I used to fucking love him. And then, yeah, you do find out it's all phony. Like she's having sex with your son's friends and you're just sitting there. That's crazy. Just weird. Just weird. Mark, can you hand me that one? Yeah, so I think that everybody wants him to be that. And it would be awesome if this did well. And I don't even know where this ends up going. But I do think that the movie industry...

I think we were talking about this on, was it Patreon? Yeah. But like, I think we're about to enter like the greatest two decades of film. You know how we just are in the greatest two decades of TV? Yeah.

Like, TV was incredible. Maybe it's the greatest decade. Maybe it's two. No, Sopranos is 2000 or something like that. Like, TV was... 25 years of fantastic TV. We're spoiled. Yeah. Like, spoiled. Even internationally. Like, the fact that that show came out of fucking Korea that we all watched. Squid Game. Squid Game. Like, there's these British... Luther, like... Luther's unbelievable. Globally... Sherlock's two seasons are unbelievable. Great. It's like, we had this incredible run with TV and I think we're about to enter that with film. And I think it's specifically because...

The studios won't be able to justify these crazy budgets. So the budget's going to come down and then Marvel's going to go, well, I can't make the movie for 20 million. But you know what I can make is this cool script, this amazing story, and then this awesome director that really wants to tell the story. And then you get the everything, everywhere, all at once. And you get a bunch more of those. And I think it was Cassetta that was saying like during the 80s, this is kind of what happened. You had all these like

classic iconic movies that weren't necessarily these huge franchises, but these like really great stories. And I think we get that for the next 20 years. And 70s with Cinema Nouveau. What is that, Cassetta? I mean, it's just basically French influence over American cinema. And you have Spielberg, you have Francis Ford Coppola, you have all these, you know, Martin Scorsese. Let me tell you something, Cassetta. One thing we're not going to do on this podcast is give the French credit for anything. Okay. You hear me?

Yeah, I got you. No, but the fact that you did have this, like, I don't even want to call it like renaissance, but you have this like amazing moment. I think that budgets are going to make that happen. It's not execs, right? Like the execs are going to green light what they can green light. And then once they find out they just can't afford these big money movie things, they're going to have to give money to these 824-esque movies. What is it? Neon is the other one. They're kind of like taking chances. Yeah.

I think we get some sick shit. How much of these Marvel movies flopping is their own doing? What do you mean?

I hate to be the fucking guy who talks about like DEI or whatever, but it feels like they're forcing a lot of storylines that are just like trying to spotlight more inclusive stuff at the expense of good storytelling and organic storytelling and being funny and whatever other things. My opinion is that the majority of it is they're trying to make hits out of characters that weren't really established.

Where's Go-Go? Thor. I don't remember any of us really giving a fuck about Thor before Thor. Iron Man. I don't remember. Maybe comic book freaks, but the casual person was Superman, Batman, Spider-Man. I think they just oversaturated themselves. Okay, I think there's something there too, but what I will say is this. We weren't fans of Thor, but we all knew Thor.

We weren't fans of Iron Man. I think there were Iron Man fans, but we all knew of Iron Man. One more example to counter this. Yeah, yeah. I had no fucking clue who the Guardians of the Galaxy were. And that shit was so good. One was fucking amazing. Three was fucking amazing. Two I didn't love, but... I'll give you Guardians of the Galaxy 100%. I do think Guardians of the Galaxy is the beneficiary of billion dollar franchise after billion dollar franchise and just like a confidence boost.

In the institution. And then I think that they start putting out the Marvels or whatever, whatever these these things that like I have no fucking clue. Like I grew up watching Sunday cartoons or whatever. Like I watched X-Men. I watch it like I have no clue who the Marvels are. I have no clue any of these characters. So now you've got to like introduce them, make us fall in love with them. And while you're doing that, it seems like it's diversity forced down our throat.

I even felt that about the Doctor Strange sequel. And I loved the first Doctor Strange. The second one, I was like, it just feels like they're forcing. And again, I don't want to be that guy. But it was like, yo, he's just forcing it. It's not organic. It's not good storytelling anymore. It just became something else. And I'm watching it on a plane. And I'm like, I don't want to finish it. Disney buys. Oh, go ahead. I feel like it's oversaturation because when Iron Man 1 came out, we got a Marvel movie maybe once a year, maybe sometimes twice a year. That's it.

And so it was so much easier for people to take a chance on this thing, like it and follow and keep keep along the storyline after they started making three, four movies a year plus TV shows. And then they all kind of tied into one another. If you miss one thing, you kind of feel like, oh, damn, I'm lost from the storyline. So now I'm least less invested to try the next movie that is that what you're going to say?

On that, it was when that was coming out, you've got a master that was connecting everything like Kevin Feige from Marvel, who was connecting everything and then would like get to supervise that movie and that director. So it's like Favreau, that was his world forever. But as soon as they expanded to digital streaming everything, it's like you can't have the same touch on everything and you're.

You're just going to lose quality at that point. And then people are like, oh, we'll have some wins and some losses instead of like... Who still only has wins is Pixar because Pixar is ready to throw out anything. There's one or two misses for sure. Can I ask y'all a question? Who watches Star Wars, Al? Like...

They keep on putting out... Are you like... They fucked up. They put out too much apparently there as well. They put out a new series it feels like every month. I barely watch Star Wars. I'm not watching the Acolyte or whatever the fuck the newest thing. I'm sure it's fire, but like...

Maybe I'm living in a completely separate world. Maybe there's like an age range that I just missed something. I've watched all the Star Wars movies. I watched when they brought out... Remember they did the prequels, I think, when we were younger. I watched every single one of them. But I was never invested in this entire world. Disney operates as if...

Star Wars is Marvel. Is it Marvel? And I'm just out the loop? To Star Wars fans, yes, it is. And are there enough Star Wars fans to justify it, or are they biting off more than they can chew? I think so. It's still a major franchise. I don't think it's as big as Marvel, but, dude, Star Wars in the 70s and 80s was...

I recognize at that time it was the craziest. That was Marvel then. But does the thirst justify the fact that they're making all these shows? And I feel like they do less than Marvel. Marvel comes out with way more shit than Star Wars. I think Star Wars is just doing TV shows because it's probably easier budget than movies and content. And that's why they're selling that. And they need shit for Disney+. But even like what you're saying about Acolyte being good. When was the last Marvel property? I can think of one.

in the past two, three years has been... The mini Yoda. No, Marvel. Marvel, which was a Spider-Man cartoon. Oh, I thought you said you could think of one. Marvel, just to my Marvel point. Like, I can't think of anybody being like, oh, this Marvel shit is fire. That Spider-Man cartoon is barely Marvel.

Sony had to get purchased by Marvel in order for them to make it. Like, Spider-Man just became part of the franchise. So Marvel has been full of characters. Well, Marvel sold off all their characters. Say again? Way back in the 90s, Marvel sold off all their rights to the good characters. And then the fact that they made this whole new Marvel Universe, to your point... With the B characters. With the B characters. Again, that's...

Iron Man, all that type shit is insane. All their good characters got lost early on. Who else? Spider-Man, who else? Spider-Man, X-Men was off. Incredible Hulk, they don't really have access to. They got them all back in the 2010s.

as like rights and exclusivities yeah but in the beginning it was iron man like that's a crazy character no what they what i don't think i know it sounds crazy but i don't think marvel gets enough credit for what they put put together like i think they put together like the greatest run of films and i mean they dominated cinema they kept cinema afloat for a decade it was and they wrapped it up perfectly like what they did was the fact that this guy came back to work what the fuck is his name

The Marvel guy? James Gunn? No, Robert Downey Jr. No, no, no. Feige? Who's the guy who orchestrated? The guy who runs Disney. Bob Iger? The fact that Bob Iger came back to it. You put out Endgame, and then you go to St. Barts, and you just live there. No, I think they bought Marvel after, right? They bought Marvel, if I'm not mistaken. Who, who, who? Yeah. Iger bought Marvel. Correct. So Iger wasn't involved. He bought Marvel, and now this shit is trash. No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But they developed those before. Iger was part of that whole run. Yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying is, and Iger was at the helm of Disney during that whole run. 2009, Disney bought Marvel. Okay, okay. And then, so throughout that process, now Feige deserves the credit too, but my point is he retired after and it was like, whoa, you had your Jordan moment. Like you're going off to the sunset. You hit the game winner and you just fucking leave. And then he came back.

like a year ago. Because if you care about the company and then you see the company on the decline, it's like, low key, I respect that. Like, maybe it's like, wow, this is my legacy. I built this thing and then they're going to throw it all away on fucking trannies that it needs to be in the thing. Yeah. Like,

Can we just acknowledge that when you see a trans character in a movie and nobody acts as if they're trans, it is incredibly unnatural. You're breaking the fourth wall. You are so fucking weird. No, no, no, because let me tell you the reality. So when you see a trans person in person, you're like, dirty! What are you talking about? You act like a regular person. No, can I? Oh, are you going to do that now? Let me just, let me get this out. Are you going to do that right now? Because what happens is this. They walk by, you don't say anything, and then you immediately tap whoever's with you. And you're like, eh, eh, eh.

There's none of that in the world. Be honest. In your brain. In your brain, you're thinking about it. So what happens is... Yeah, but in the brain, they can't show that in a movie. My point is the whole world deflates. They should. They should do Inside Out and go into the character's brain. I'm watching Fallout, right? And there's like a pretty ass training in Fallout, right? That's a nuclear holocaust, so that actually could track. That could track. Which ones are...

It's a lot of, you know. Wait, wait, did you watch Fallout? I did. Wait, wait, wait, hold up. Whoa. Pull it up. Was it the hot girl? You jerked off to the wrong person? It's not the alien bitch, right? No, no, no. Oh, okay. I'm like. Don't call her a bitch. It's.

That's Ella Purnell. That's Ella Purnell. You watch her fucking mouth. That's Lucy McLean. That's Lucy McLean. You watch her fucking mouth. She's a bad bitch. Hey, don't you call her a bitch. Okay? No! Okay? Fucking Vault Dweller. That one. I didn't even see this person. You're lying. You're lying. Sometimes I just...

I hate this fucking. No, no, no, no. I get it. I get it. Horrible decisions is my friend. No, you think I'm trying to do that. You think I'm trying to do the woke shit. Oh, my friends are trans. Oh, my friends are trans. And then we make one gay joke here. You're like, yo, chill. What the fuck? Yo, that shit is mad gay. Yo. Listen, this beautiful. That's not what I'm saying, but you bailed me out, so it's good. This beautiful day, Dem, okay, is on the show.

Playing a what I don't know what the fuck they're in army. She got a little mustache going So I don't know if it's a dude and I we have no fucking clue and instead of focusing on the story You're just like what what is? You can't have a moment you can't have a moment when you're watching a movie or story you don't want to have a moment where you just for diversity's sake where you go Right

Just for diversity's sake, keep in mind, there's a ghoul. There's a ghoul, right? A ghoul. There's a ghoul. Yeah. Who's alive. They never die, these fucking ghouls. They acknowledge the ghoul. They acknowledge it.

They acknowledge that the human has transitioned into a ghoul. Everybody acknowledges it. The show acknowledges it. They go, I think you're a ghoul now. Oh, no, I'm a ghoul. They go away. Then they got this transistor on the fucking show. And in no point... This is the most Jewish I've ever heard. There's no point during this show. There's no point where they go...

Are we going to let this bitch go to war? Like, there's no point at all. Is it more forceful to acknowledge it, though? Is it more down your throat? It makes you go, no, no, if you acknowledge it like you would, like you're like. It puts everyone at ease. It just, it just, it makes it real. If you want the world to be real, we need to be real.

Do you do it with everything? How do you know? You gotta be like the guy just goes. Here's an example. Hold on. Would you bite? Something like that. Here's an example. I used to go on stage in these hood rooms. I would never address the fact that

I'm Indian and none of them have seen an Indian outside of their bodega and I would bomb. And then I realized one day, oh, I just need to address that. Like if a guy, if a comic came up in a wheelchair, did an hour of jokes and never once mentioned the wheelchair, wouldn't you as an audience member be like,

Can we just acknowledge we don't see this very often? That's all. We just acknowledge we don't see this very often. So the fact that you don't acknowledge. Go, go, go. Sorry. Then I went back and as I was like kind of having a moment myself and being like, why am I doing this? I'm going back through every comedy special of a minority. The first joke is addressing their race because I'm just addressing this thing. I'm different than most of you. Let's just acknowledge it. And then we move on. That's what he's saying. Let's acknowledge I'm different than most of you.

Not good or bad. I'm just different. You don't see it so much. Then we move on. Should they do it for the little mermaid where she's black? Yo, yo, can I be like, yeah, it's not because all the mermaids are different. They just are different. Exactly. It's not weird. So you just watch it. You accept it. If there's one black mermaid and everybody else. Let me tell you some shit. Let me tell you some shit. Okay. Imagine a little mermaid on Earth. They don't acknowledge she a mermaid. That's what y'all are saying.

Like, I've never seen a mermaid walking around on Earth. In the show, they're bullying this dude for being the rookie, right? In Fallout, the black dude. They're bullying him. They're kicking his fucking ass. They're beating his shit. They're making fun of him and they're teasing him. You're telling me there's a group of men that are going to make fun of, tease, bully, physically abuse and harm a dude. And then they got a motherfucking... Envy. It's a non-banner version.

They got that? No, it's they. They got a they. They got a what the fuck walking around.

And they're not going to have no jokes, nothing. Everybody's pals. Everybody's cool. Everybody's high fiving. That's not a reality that we live in. If you if you speak to like army dudes, they'll say all jokes go. The black jokes are going with the black dudes. The fucking Chinese jokes are going to China. Everybody's making fun of each other in the most harsh ways. And because of that, there's this amazing camaraderie going on. But we just are not. So how do you acknowledge it in a way that would be OK for you? You call her tuck. Yeah.

But she doesn't have anything to tuck. Say what? It's the opposite. I don't know what she is, bro. I don't know what the fuck she is. I don't know if she got it tucked. I don't know if she got it untucked. I don't know what the fuck is going on. But the fact that I don't know what's going on, it needs to be addressed. Because let me tell you what they got in the future. They got ghouls and that. But we acknowledge the ghouls.

Ain't nobody acknowledging that. You're crazy. Why am I crazy? You're crazy, bro. Why is it? You have no actual thing to say, though. But we acknowledge every character. Because you say when we acknowledge it in IRL, we do it in a fucked up way. Not to their face. Not to their face. Do it in a fucked up way. So how can you do it in it? Do it in a fucked up way. How?

How? Do it mean. Do it bully. I just told you. No, you can't do that. Like you said, would you smash? You would still smash, right? Even if she just or they were just like, oh, just because I'm trans, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's it. Oh, acknowledge it. Maybe they could get the joke off on this person. You fucking crazy. These people are creating a fucking... Hold on. They're creating a nuclear holocaust environment and they can't write in one joke. That's beyond their creativity. There's fucking ghouls and they can acknowledge

You are more racist than me. You think that's so weird. Is there a they them in the video game? Is that character they them? I don't know. I didn't play enough of it. But if she said anything where he's like, oh, I'm trans, everybody would be killing the show. It's like, oh, they're pandering, they're pandering. Not if you make fun of them. They're already on the show.

Bro, she's just an actor. Or he. I don't know what the fuck it is. Exactly. That, that, that, that, that. Say that. That's it. That's all you have to say. That's all you have to say. I don't know what she identifies as. I'm just saying, you can't joke about it. Yes, you can. You can't joke about it. The commander in the army goes, listen, you tell her that I need her to come here. Her, him, what the fuck? It doesn't matter. Get the fuck up here. Saying that moment. That's transphobia, bro.

It's the end of the world. Why can't you be transphobic? You can't be transphobic in the future? In the show. He's saying in the show. It's a nuclear holocaust. You're writing in a transphobic joke that like people will be outraged. Nah, there's a way to do it without it being transphobic. But you haven't shown me a way that hasn't been. They could very easily co-sign something that they could make the joke about themselves. They can make the joke. And if it's all jokes flying in the military, they're bullying a guy. They make a black joke. They make a

trans if the joke actually shows we all get these jokes are all equal there i promise there's a way to do it i i promise i agree there's a way to do it but so far the examples you guys gave so what what is it dude it's he's a dude in real life described as a big strong burly man yeah exactly so it's of course in the video game there is a robot that identifies as a woman i just want to point there's a robot yeah

Mark and Fallout 4. So my point is this. My point, okay, so what they have is they've put a trans person in there and they have made them, or it, or whatever the fuck is ambiguous. Why is that fucked up for me to... Why is that fucked up? You just called them it.

I don't know what she identifies as or he. They. But they might not be they. They are they. No, sometimes they're he or she. You said it and you're judging us. Fucking racist. You're so racist. Now God knows your heart. It's an envy. Throw us under the bus. God knows your heart. Here's the reality. They are an absolutely beautiful thing.

If they chose to be woman, they would be an absolutely stunningly beautiful woman. Stunning. No, no, no, no, no. Like, if she shaved that little stache and everything like that, she's like a supermodel. She's basically a supermodel. If she chose. If she... But as a dude... He that. She's me. He that.

He, they? Yeah, it's he, they. What does that mean? See? You can say he or they. I think it's an and or. Half Indian. The fact that we can't even get... Oh, that's the problem. I take back what I said. I take back what I said. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Now we all... Also, he way better looking than you real talk. You're giving yourself a lot of credit. I'm going to be honest with you. You're right. He a handsome motherfucker. What did I say? Like, he's not handsome. He's pretty. Yeah, yeah, sure. But he is... Oh, this is good. I'm getting it right. He. This is great. He is a bad bitch. Sure.

Okay, gotcha. Oh, now we all bitches. No, he's a bad bitch. He, that dude, is a fine-ass bitch. No, but he's a dude. He's a dude, but what he looks like is a girl I would fuck more. So...

Okay? So it don't matter what you identify as. What I identify you as is a girl I would fuck even though you're clearly a guy because that's what you say. But he would fight you if he was here right now. He'd be like, oh, you're going to try to fuck me? He'd probably fuck me up because he's a dude. Yeah. But if he didn't and wanted to make love and I wasn't married with a child...

You would get some thrust! Okay? Once he whacks that statue, he gets some thrust. Oh, thrust. My point is, the fact that this is so confusing, this would be the only conversation that would happen on base. The only conversation.

I can't wait to give you a movie. You could also easily write a transphobic character that he dunks on. Yeah. That'd be very easy. As a matter of fact, basically what you're saying is you can't have a movie with racism because it's gonna, about black racism because it's gonna have racist comments. No, no, I don't, I'm not saying that at all. I do agree. How can you not handle it? Oh, there's no way to do it. Hey, yeah,

I'm set. Hey, write Django. Everything you say is going to be in a book. No racism. I didn't say that. I said that you can address it, but the example you guys gave weren't good. No, you said you can't, and I said you can't. Put the trannies in the movies. Yes. Put them in the TV shows, but have the characters react organically to them. That's all I'm saying. Is that a dude or a girl? I don't know. Throw an apple. See if they catch it. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Simple as that. That's all you did. Hollywood, hire me. Yo, it doesn't mean that you treat them poorly. It doesn't mean that you're mean to them. It doesn't mean that you bully them. But when they're not there, there's the little conversation where you're like, yo, would you smash that fucking dude pussy or what? You know what I mean? There's just a little combo about that. And the answer is, si se puede. Si se puede, carnal.

Bro. Okay, Caseta. You're half Indian, half what? Yo, that's dumb. Spanish. That bothers me more than the trance. Nah, Spanish. Nah, that's what it is. Mendez Jones? Zelia Mendez Jones? She could be going. He? He could be going. Nah, he was one of those witches that they asked you for donations. Oh, okay.

No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. You're going to scare Akash. You're going to ask him. You're going to say, we've got to cut this whole conversation. No. Why would I care? I'd send him money. But that is, I think that in the most toxic way possible, we came to a good conclusion, which is you can do the forced diversity, but any time you force something, you have to acknowledge it in a real way in the world. It's like back in the day, if there was a black doctor on TV, all the characters would be like, it's fucking disgusting.

If there's a transphobic person... Now we're talking. Now we're talking. First I'm looking at him for the example. Back in the day. Back in the day. Listen, listen, listen. Back in the day. We had Cosby, right? I was about to say. If women questioned... Nobody in Cosby was like, yo, this guy's black. If women questioned... If women were a little more racist, they would have been like...

What the fuck? Yo, yo, yo. If women were a little bit more racist with Mr. Huxtable, they would have been a little bit more racist. That's a fact. Think about it. Think about it. If the women were like, ain't no way this black dude's a doctor. Then they would have been a little bit more.

They would have been. Lack of impulse control. That is a symptom of aging. Literally.