Algerian Boxer Gender Mystery & Dan Bilzerian Goes Off On Israel
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We're back. We just were on vacation. A lot's happened, but nothing will change. Everything changes and it all stays the same. The boxer is a man or it's not a man. It doesn't matter. How crazy is it that nobody can say whether it's a man or not? Still, this is how I kind of think she might be a man. If someone was like, yo, Schultz is actually a genetic woman. I'm

calling the doctor, I'm like, yo, we gotta straighten this shit out. The fact that she's like, I'm not showing y'all shit, means she got the Y chromosome, right? But yeah, if you changed into a man, that's different than just being born with an X chromosome. I genuinely think it is possible that she is intersex, I believe it's called. So basically, some people are born with an XY chromosome or they're XXY. She might not know. That's the thing. Nobody knows. Being a woman doesn't mean you have to be pretty. But if we want to make that a law, we could. That should be a law. I don't like that rule.

Why, why, why? Because that means back in the day, it might have been a couple times I had some gay sex. Now, hold on. We all could have smashed that XXY. You more than me. You've slept with girls from Eastern Europe, Chernobyl p***s.

What the f*** is he having at? What do you got over there? They got to be super femme, super submissive. They got to be all out. Nobody even says submissive. What that got to do with anything? I got to add him. That's how you know it's a dude. That's how you know it's a dude. Because no one's ever like, I need a girl that's submissive. I didn't get it.

I got out of home. It's got nothing to do with the genetic conversation. You gotta say the title or the star of the podcast. You gotta fuck the dude from Williamsburg. Honestly, that's your only requirement is submissive. He's just saying buzzwords right now. I talked to my boy. My buddy Lucas fucked a 40-year-old trans woman with a brand new vagina. Why are you doing that? Why are you calling your brother out, I mean your friend out, just because you kissed a dude, bro? Like, come on.

He's trying to get all the heat off of you. I'm just saying there's a spectrum. There's a spectrum. There's a spectrum of gainers. There's a spectrum of gainers. Mark, what did Lucas do? What did Lucas do the other day? Tell us about Lucas.

every other time every other time he would hide the identity of his friends but now he wouldn't call them out Lucas Schmidt from Williamsburg

For two weeks, he's been wanting to tell this story. He never saw it back. Go, go, go, go, Mark. He said it on a podcast. Crazy, wild, zany friend, Lucas. He said it on a pod. So I was like, all right, I'll talk about it. He said it on your pod? No, he said it on his pod. Okay. But I was like, all right. Lucas who? No, no, my buddy Lucas Zelnick. He's a comic in New York. Okay. Shout out, Lucas. I asked, bro, I asked him. I was like, you ever bang an older woman? You freak. Look at him.

You're a fan. You did not ask him if he ever smashed an older woman. He was like... Yes. He answered that question? He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, I've smashed a 40-year-old trans woman. I was like, all right. No, no, no, no, no. He wanted to tell you that. He did? He wanted to tell you that badly. Why me? Why do you think he wanted to tell me? Birds of a feather. He's a huge... Hugo?

Hold on, so you said that. And then what'd you do? Because I know your mind was racing. How did you act normal? I just locked in. Oh, wow. Interesting. Did you ask about it? Of course. Did he move that meat to the side and just punch Gooch? No meat. Brand new vagina.

Oh. Tennis ball pussies. 2024 model. Yeah. Tennis ball pussies. For real. Hold on, hold on, hold on. That's funny. I don't know if I buy that. So he was like hammered at a club. She just walks over and goes, call me a car. Let's go to your place. And he was like, all right.

And she was like a hot woman, older lady, chest freckles, the whole deal. And he was like, all right, bet. And then goes to his parents' house and then goes out on the balcony of his parents' apartment that has sex around the balcony. She's like, only backwards, only backwards. And he's like, all right. And he said it felt great. How do you get it wet? It doesn't get wet. Yeah. And why only backwards? I don't know.

I don't know. This is what he said. I'm assuming it holds up. So you don't look at that fucking Adam's ass. Which is good. Probably. I think there's a dick still there. She's like, oh, in the ass. A whole doubled up? Might be doubled up. I don't know. But yeah, he said it was great. And then he didn't know she was trans until there was like a magazine that came out about her, about like trans models in New York or some shit. Oh, he bragging now. But apparently. Oh, look at this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lucas gets no put up on it. I fucked a model once. I smashed a model. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a prototype. It was trans. It was the first model. It was the Model T of trans. Oh, come on. Yeah, dude. So guys are doing it, bro. The young men of New York City, they're getting after it. Shout out Lucas, man. Oh, man. Legend. That's just... It's a badge of honor now. White dude or black dude? White. The trans was Asian. He's so relieved. Hold on. The trans was Asian? Yeah. Dude.

Okay, go ahead and ask. Go ahead and ask what I know you're going to ask. Go ahead and ask. Ask. Ask. This is where he's going to be hateful and he's going to be like, how could you tell the difference? Because he's hateful. He's hateful. He's going to be like, how could you tell? I just don't count it. I don't count it. It's not that funny.

far in the transition. I don't count it. That don't count. You know, that don't count. You ain't really do that much work. You didn't fucking trans. That's not full trans. It's more of a step than a transition. That's a gateway drug. No, no, no. That's not full trans. Yeah, black trans I feel like is tougher to pull off. You know what I mean? I feel like I spot more black trans as like not killing it. There hasn't been a good one. Especially since our muscles are so more defined. That's what I'm saying. There hasn't been a good one yet.

No, there's got to be a good one. Who's the best black trans? Let's find out. The fact that you can't name it. Laverne. Name any of the trans. What's her name? Laverne. Laverne Cox looked like she used to play middle linebacker in the 80s. God.

There's no way. Oh, what about? Listen, let's just call it what it is. Magic's kid. That's a dude. Come on, magic's kid. That's a dude that dresses like a woman sometimes. Magic's kid is a dude. That's a dude, dog. We can talk about that. Nah, magic's kid is trans. Nah, magic's kid is magic's kid. Yeah, dog. He's magic.

What? That's magic, kid? No. Oh. This is a trans woman of color on Sports Illustrated's swimsuit. Ah, that mouth, bro. That mouth is a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That mouth is a dude right there. Look at that shit. There you go. What? This is a Calvin Klein. That's a girl, though.

No. No. That's not a girl? Wow, see, you got tricked. Look at you. You got tricked. If you get caught up here, bro, nah, that's not a trans. I thought that was a run-of-the-mill WTF employee. That's what I thought it was. I thought that's why he brought it up. That's crazy. I'm crazy talking about Weezy like that, bro. I'm going to tell him, bro.

That's crazy. Wow, you're saying Wheezy trans. Wheezy not trans. Wheezy is trans-Palestinian. Wheezy is about to transition to the abreast group. Oh, my God. But, yeah. What's up with this boxer, though? Black's got to step it up. So, yeah, so we don't know still, but the fact that she hasn't shown some paperwork makes me a little sus because you would show paperwork. Yeah, that's true. If I accuse any of y'all of something that heinous...

Y'all want to clear your name, wouldn't you? I'm showing you what's in my heinous. I'm taking my place now, yeah. What if I said you're Pakistani? Yeah, absolutely. I can't even finish sentence. I'm so emotional. Get that off me, right?

Mark, what if I said you were a Jew? Come on. What if I said you were a Jew? Can we edit that out? No. Come on, bro. I'm not going to fucking edit it out just because of the political climate on my Twitter feed. Just because Dan Blazarian started to go crazy. Is there money in it?

Yo, what is Dan Blazarian doing? Being Jewish? I think so. But what is this pivot for Dan Blazarian? Life tour update. This Saturday, we had his second show in AC. Some tickets still available for that one. And then we go on the final leg, okay? San Antonio, we had his second show. Las Vegas, same weekend as USC Sphere. Come out there for both.

Then we got Cleveland, Columbus, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Denver. We added a third show. Cincinnati, we added a second show. Rama, Ontario, Salt Lake City, we added a second show. Reno, Nevada, we added a second show. San Jose, we added a second show. Portland, and then finally closing it out in Honolulu, Hawaii.

The Andrew Schultz.com for tickets. We'll see you guys there. Peace. All right, guys. Next week, big shows. Honolulu, Hawaii. I'm coming through to the Blue Note Cafe. Buy the fucking tickets also. September 6th and 7th, I'm going to be at Wise Guys Comedy Club in Las Vegas. I'm excited to do Vegas. And that, yo, what a run of fun cities after that. I'm going to be in Miami, Doral, Florida, technically, September...

12th through 14th, get your tickets. I'm going to be at the Improv. September 19th through 21st, I'm going to be in Timonium, so the Fun Cities tour ends, but I'm going to be at Magoobies, which is a great comedy club. September 27th and 28th, Greensville. October 17th through 19th, New Brunswick, New Jersey. There's plenty of dates. Go to akashsingh.com to check all of those out. Thank you guys so much. Let's get back to this.

Rob Tron says, I don't understand the pivot from Dan Bilzerian. I didn't see the pivot. He wouldn't have to be a billionaire fucking bitches. Was he a billionaire fucking bitches? I don't think he's a billionaire. That was his shtick. But now he's like... Put me on the pivot. I don't know what's his pivot. He was on PBD's podcast and he was banging hard on Israel, bro. He was going for it. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, he needs a couple loans.

No. Against Israel. Oh, I guess. Going at Israel. Oh. They took his money. Oh, yeah. That's what it was. Yeah, they probably raised his rent. Oh, fuck. Motherfucker's upset. Is he tweeting about it a lot? No, he's on PBD and he's talking that shit. He said what he's going to say about Israel could get him killed. He love that shit. What did he say? What did he say? Yo, he's on PBD talking that shit. Literally, I think the title of it. I was saying he love that shit when he means to say we love that shit. Okay.

What are you talking about? Yeah, but that's the funniest thing about like the Red Pill community. This is like their new thing that they have attached themselves to to seem like pseudo-intellectual. And which is really annoys me because I prefer us being the only pseudo-intellectuals that have strong opinions about things we know nothing about. So it's really bothersome when I see all these accounts. They're grifting off our grip. They're grifting off our grip. Yeah, what the fuck is that?

Come on, bro. The fucking Clintons or something. Anyway, so. The Federal Reserve. So, yeah, yeah. But that is. Don't talk shit about the Fed, bro. We should look into that. You know who runs the Fed. That's true. That's true. Who runs it? The globalists. Yeah. The globalists. The globalists might. Anyway, so, but now I see all of them fucking clamoring about it. So now we have to act like they know what the fuck is going on in the world.

Yeah. Actually, we don't have to act. I don't know why I said that. Yeah, have you been acting like that the last month? Yeah, the last few weeks. You've been acting like that. My Twitter feed is nonstop red pill guys talking about Israel. It's like, you're red pill, bro. Yeah, yeah. You're red pill. Why don't you just follow some black people? What is your Twitter feed? I do. It's so fun. Andrew Tate, Tristan Tate. Okay, fresh fit. I got four. I got four.

four whole black guys I follow. That's about two and a half, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you have about negative two black people on your feed. See, I do the same thing because I get curious because I see some guy being like, yeah, Hitler was right. I'm like, hold on, what is this thread? And then I click it and then I get three more threads that was like, Hitler was really right. And then now I've got a whole bunch of Hitler shit. Why are you clicking

on the Hitler was right thread. Because I'm like, how is this on the internet? The one I saw that I sent Mark, I was like, yo, get your mom on this. It was like, Candace Owens says some shit like, Stalin was a Jew. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom used to say that. What? Yeah.

My mom said some... I don't understand how bars are your mom. So that's crazy. Your mom is Candace Gozerider, bro. That's fine. How have the Jews been getting away with this? They've been hiding political leaders being Jewish for years. How does nobody know? Crypto Jews is what they call them. Oh, because they're cryptic? Yeah, exactly. They're not Jews, but they changed their names. Oh, like all the actors in Hollywood. They are Jews and they changed their names. This is a Hollywood thing. Yeah, exactly. Crypto Jews.

It's like a whole thing. We had a fire conversation this weekend. Okay, go. They had a... In this room. Oh, yeah. Do you feel a power in that chair? Yeah, I do feel a power here. Mark's mom sat there. What was she saying? Thank you.

Thank God. I thought you were about to sniff the seat. I was thinking that. I was like, no, that's wild. That's disrespectful. Sniff it anyway. But you gave me an idea that I can't get on my head now. With all due respect, you can sniff the seat. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to cut this pillow right out so I can see it. I'm going to put it in a frame and hang it above my bed. It's going to be like Kanye's nitrous. You're going to sleep with it right now. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Yeah, we need to talk about that. But my parents hit me up and they're like, hey, we're in New York. Where are you?

I was like, hang on. You can't just do that. And they're like, oh, no, we're flying to Montreal, but we got stuck here for a night. So what are we doing? And I was like, well, fuck my plans. Whatever I had going on is now no longer going on. So then we got a lunch reservation. They leave at like 6. So they were like, yeah, we'll meet up at 1. We'll leave around like 3. And I was like, all right, bet. And then we sit down. The second we sit down, my dad just leans over. He's like, so what do you think about this dude fighting women? And I was like, okay.

All right. And then the way our conference goes, like, I'll say, like, well, I don't really think it's that. I think maybe she doesn't know, but maybe she's X, Y, da, da, da. And he goes, but you saw the opening ceremony. And I'm like, yeah. And he's like, well, obviously that's a satanic ritual. And I was like, I don't know about that. And he goes, but did you know that the Fed is controlled? And I'm like, well, I don't know. And it's just me responding and then them just saying other facts. Ugh.

Other conspiracies. Just other facts about things. I knew your dad was on that wave, too. He's like, he just kind of takes my mom's shit and kind of repackages it. But then my mom jumps in. At a certain point, the waiter overhears us. My mom says, I swear to God, look, we know having sex with children is wrong. But explain to me why. Just justify it why. And then she was trying to use my justification as a way to justify some other shit. And it was just, the waiter was like cutting us off. They were like, all right, no more wine.

This is like two and a half hours. Where'd you take them to dinner? Raul's. Oh, boy. You don't realize how close those tables are in Raul's. Oh, it's insanely close.

Like if it's packed, everybody's here in that conversation. They're elbow to elbow. And they were not being quiet. They were not being subtle about it. And then we get onto the street. Oh, because they like the conflict. They want somebody to interject. They love the debate. They just want to just discuss. And then we got here. My parents were just saying wild shit to Miles. Like no censor. I don't even remember what they were saying. What's the craziest sentence? I don't remember the craziest sentence, but their flight shit was crazy. They were just like...

Really upset. Oh, God. Yeah. So they're flying United, right? And the flight is delayed and they can't find their bags because they're stuck in Newark and they can't talk to a person because they get connected to a customer service person in Malaysia and they're so pissed off. And my mom's like, see, this is what happens. You know, the CEO is trans.

And I was like, wait, what? And she was like, look, it shows me a picture of the CEO and like in drag or something. I've seen that picture and switched over to fucking Delta right away. My mom is like, go woke up, bro. I'm just saying, look at this. This is what happens. They go, everyone's trans now. Yeah. And she was like talking to the lady at the bag clamp. She was like, can I get my bag or is your CEO going to steal it? Yeah.

And the person was like, why are you talking? And she was like, look it up. Holy shit, I didn't know it was that bad. And just like barring up the people at the fucking airport. And then she came and was like, yeah, I had to tell them. And they're fucking working for a trans. I was like...

She starts tweeting at him? Yeah, she was tweeting crazy shit. Oh my God. That was insane. It was fun. She was like tweeting and tagging United. At United being like, yo, where the fuck's my bag, Tranny? How did you come out regular? I know. This is crazy. It's a true miracle. This is as regular as I could. Is this why you have such a thirst for knowledge? You just have to constantly argue with your parents about whatever crazy thing? No question. Because they're feeding you this crazy shit. You're going to share it with your friends and they're just like,

we don't have horns, Mark. Why are you saying this? So then you do that a few times and you're embarrassed. So you're like, okay, I got to go look this stuff up. And now you look up everything. And then you look up, you got to refute it. But it's never on a topic. It's always just fact. I respond with an argument that's nuanced. And then you say a different fact. I love that. And then it just goes on just a train. And we're using the term fact with quotes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or like, no, no, no. Actually, the facts will be super, super specific and they're technically true. So if you Google them, it is right. But then she uses that to extrapolate to be like, you know, Satan. That's how I be doing showing my girl a little bit to be honest with you. That's my technique a little bit. Yeah, just hit them with examples after examples. They don't know what to do. They get frazzled. My wife tried to handicap me in arguments. What'd she do? She said, no more examples. Yeah.

That's crazy. No more examples. That's how I win this shit all the time. You're trying to get me to argue with no examples? Objection. She tried to... No more examples. And then she hit me with the... When I tell you how I feel, don't tell me how you feel. What? Acknowledge how I feel. And I'd be like...

God, oh fuck fuck. What did she say? It was something like it's something because she'll say what she feels and then I'll immediately say why she shouldn't feel that way That makes sense. I didn't even realize you're not supposed to do that. Yeah, you know I'm just sitting here seeing you feel something dumb and I'm like, well, let me fix that for you You don't gotta feel that This is you are burdening yourself with this feeling you could not feel it. If you just listen to me I'll tell you why you wrong to feel that shit. Yeah

Oh, my God. But they don't want that. You sound like Margaret. It's facts, though. Exactly. They just want to tell you a feeling. You see someone getting crushed by weights at the gym, and you're like, let me help you. And they're like, no, just acknowledge I'm getting crushed by weights. It's like, no, let me lift the weights up. Let me lift the weight off you. No, no, just look at me and be like, man, that must be so heavy for you right now. And they're like, thank you so much, while their arms are shaking. Yeah.

No, that is so true. Why do they do that? Let me lift the weight a little. They need their feelings acknowledged all the time. Take your feelings and fucking smother them. Like a man. Yeah, or like a boxer from Algeria. You think that boxer from Algeria out here crying and shit? No, she's suing like a man does. She said, Elon, JK Rowling, I'm coming for that bread. She won't take a motherfucking test though.

She knows she won't take a motherfucking test. That might come up. If the trial goes through. Then we'll finally find out. That's why she's suing. Bro, if somebody said, yo, Al, you got six toes on one foot. You put your feet on Instagram within seconds. Yeah, because it's lit. No, no, no, no. I like that. God.

I'll have six toes? Wow. I'll show on Instagram I'll have six toes. You don't have six toes. Nah, I want to be. You don't want to be the first to do it with six. We were doing a metaphor. Nah, you never know. You haven't seen my toes. I haven't shown you the test yet. This guy's unbelievable. I haven't shown you the test yet. It's truly unbelievable. What is happening?

Anyway, fucking Miles. Oh, come on. Sorry, I apologize about that one. That was my bad. Oh my God, dude. So yeah, we're never going to find out the truth. We're never going to find out. What do you think we find out first? The Epstein shit or if the boxer is a guy? Or the boxer got a Y chromosome? Boxer. I think she has a vagina 100%. Yeah, I think it's a born woman with some man shit and then we'll find that out. That's why she's suing it to Al's point.

She's just waiting until she sues and then she'll win the lawsuit with this test or whatever. I was watching this video that the more plates, more dates. He's like, fags, I don't give a fuck about. What's more important, bro? No, I do not care about that. Wait, do you want me to acknowledge your feelings? Yes, acknowledge your feelings. Your feelings is right. Yes, thank you. You were feeling them. Thank you, dude. Thank you. That's all I needed. That's all I needed. Now that...

This is the funniest shit. Now that my wife has told me to acknowledge them, anytime I do it, she knows it's not pure. Yeah, no. So, yeah, this thing frustrated me. Like, that seems frustrating. And she'll just be looking at me like, this motherfucker don't care about my frustrations. You say it just like that. Facts. Facts.

It's a lose-lose, man. It's a lose-lose. Write them down. Get a journal. Write them down. That looks like you care. Wait, write down their feelings? Yeah, exactly. Be like, hang on, hang on. I don't even know how to spell half the word. So, fuck. Oh, God. No, but you got to do it, right? Do you? No, you don't. I actually think there's diminishing returns. Yeah. I think you acknowledge too many of them, then they think they're right.

You reverse gaslight them. Yeah, you could trick them that they're correct. You can't let the roots grow deep. You can't let the roots grow deep because then they start to believe them shits.

You gotta, it's a weed. You gotta yank that out. The second you see a weed in your garden, you gotta yank it out. My man is so red-pilled. You gotta yank it out. It's crazy. You gotta yank it. Even when they're a little right. Say again? Even when there's a little bit right. No. Yeah, I think the restaurant is over on this street. If they're right. Nah, it's not on that street. I need to do a gender test. If they're right. Listen. Ha ha ha.

My wife starts being right too much. I'm like, yo, we need to hit you with the Mon Cali. I need to know if you have some testes on the inside because you've been right way too much. You haven't asked me to acknowledge your feelings at all. I need to know something's going on over here. Oh, my God. Bro, I think my girl's got dyslexia, which late stage dyslexia. We just got a diagnosis from me. No way. We're in the car. We got an argument because we're in the car. And she goes, yeah, and then just make a left up here. And then I go left and she goes, why are you going this way?

I go, well, you just said go left. She goes, it's right. I was like, no, you just said go left. She was like, I just said right. I was like, no. She gaslighted me. I was like, what the fuck is happening? And this has happened like every three days for the last like month. She gaslighted me to pay you back for all the fucking stupid shit you made her believe. She gaslighted me. I'm on her side. I would respect it if it was just a pure gaslight. So you see, when that happens enough, you see why Johnny Depp was recording his bitch.

I'm going to be an Uber driver. You see it because you're just like, low-key I thought about that. If we're going to not operate in reality, if we're going to not operate in reality, we're going to have to videotape and hit the tape. I need a body cam. That's it. You get it. I've really thought about that a couple times. It made me understand black people and the police. It really did.

I really, I've never understood it before. They get to court and just like, nah, he should have. And the police are like, what do you mean? He shot himself and put the crack and did all the drugs and he robbed the bank. He took my gun, shot himself with it. And you're sitting there like, what is this guy talking about? Yeah, crazy. Shit, are all cops women? Say again? Are all cops women? Yo, yo, shut the fuck up, you black motherfucker.

All cops have fucking XX's and shit. That's crazy. For real, though, I do. That did. When they take reality and they warp it. They do that a lot. They do that a lot. But the cops do it, too. Yeah. So does the media. Yeah, the liberals. The fucking libs. Those fucking libs. And those fucking cons. Yeah. Oh, the cons now. Dude, the fucking cons, bro.

What's up with communism? That shit kind of be riling people up.

Doesn't it? Your ADHD is awesome. Some people's ADHD is whack, but yours is sick. Isn't it? Yeah, because you just connect. You're like, yo, calm me down. Let's get to the next one. Let's get to the next fire shit that came up on my feed that I didn't really pay enough attention to, but I wanted y'all to explain it to me. That's why I really scroll Instagram or Twitter. I'm like, all right, Mark's mom will explain this shit to me right here. All right, Alec's going to tell me what this rap beef is about. All right, Akon's going to break down this relationship shit. What?

I just get my headlines. What's the communism? I haven't heard anything. I don't know. I know Trump is saying Kamala is a communist, but that's what they do. That is a pejorative. It's used as a pejorative, communism. Yeah, of course. That's from back in the day. That's from the 50s. Guys, we have some huge news for Flagrant. Stake, the global betting and U.S. social casino, is now the official partner of Flagrant. Yeah!

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Listen, we've been talking to them for a while. This is an exciting moment that is finally coming to fruition. And we are really excited to tell you our plans in the future, the things that we are going to do. And all that will be coming up very soon. We just wanted to let you all know. Stake, thank you so much. Flagrant asshole army. Welcome, Stake. Embrace them. The future is next. You would think one country could get that shit right. China seems like it might be. A capitalist, bro.

They're like a capitalist tyranny. Yeah. You need AI to make it work.

What does that mean? AI will make it work. Communism? Yeah. Why? AI will make it work. I mean, if you can automate a bunch of the shitty jobs and get some money going just automatically with AI, you can kind of give people a universal basic income and then use AI to then allocate funds and resources and food. Fucking liberal cuckoo. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. If it was going to work. If it was going to work. You're a real robot lover. I know. You are. You're a fucking robot. Don't use the hard R.

bro. You're a robo homo, dude. You're a robo homo, dude. You're a robo homo, dude. I'm just saying it's the wave. Everyone's going to be doing it. No, you're right though. Everyone's going to be a robo homo. It's like Russia. They set everything up that we're going to take care of everybody and the people at the top are like, well, we're going to get richer and richer and richer. Yeah, because human greed knows no bounds. Robo homo. Yeah, robo. You know, Stalin was a Jew. Yeah.

Bet you didn't know that. Where'd you hear that? Turns out George Washington, big fucking eeb. Yeah, and what is he on? The Money. Facts. Oh, that's fire. That's pretty weird. Yeah, but only the one? That ain't Jewish. Yo, there's a lot of secret Jews out there. Crypto Jews. Is that because that's all they spend? Exactly. Now, think about them. There's more crypto Jews. A lot of people think you're a crypto Jew. Yeah.

You couldn't even get it to your lips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that? Did my finger hit my nose? It got in the way? Yeah, yeah. If that isn't the most evidence I'm Jewish, I don't know what it is. I'm like...

I thought that's what you were doing. You're like, yep. Fucking ricochet. Oh, my God. Fuck you, Mark. How are the Hamptons doing? Being the Jews? That's crazy. The Hamptons don't even let the Jews in. Respect. Oh, fuck. No, they do. The Jews got their own little community. That's what happened. The Wasps make their little country clubs. They don't let the Jews in. The Jews make theirs, and the Jews let Asians in.

So the Jew country clubs have got Asians. Powerful move. Powerful move. That's a good alliance. Yeah, that's a strong one. So they're cooking. Yeah. They see the future coming. They do. But the Wasps, do they try to get anyone? Nah. They're just white. Yeah, they're just fucking white and old money white. They're old money white. Vintage Rolex.

Just fuck it. Had it forever. Just had it forever. I feel entitled to everything. Yeah. It's just, it's their world. Yeah. They built it. We're all kind of living in it. Eye contact is optional. The kids clamoring, just waiting for them to die type of shit, or you don't see that? I don't know people that are like that wealthy. Oh. But like, that is a real thing. Like all those shows that depict it, that's a real thing. Yo, side note, this is what brought it up, but have you guys seen any of the...

I think they're called Knives Out movies. Yeah. This guy, the director, Rian Johnson. Great movies. Is fucking genius. Yeah.

Like, it's this, like, whodunit mysteries, but, like, they're fucking so much fun. Yeah, they're so fun. You like the second one or the glass onion? I like the first one better. Oh, I saw glass onion. I like the first one better. The first one's the best. Well, there's only two. What's the name of the first one? The first one is called Knives Out. Second one is Knives Out, Glass Onion. Yeah, Glass Onion. They're both awesome. I saw Glass Onion first. I thought that was awesome. But it's this movie where you're trying to figure out

Either who did it or, you know. Yeah. And there's this detective character. Who's awesome. Yeah, Benoit Blanc. Yeah. Who's played by Bond. Yeah, Daniel Craig Bond. Also, smart decision. Like, you're Bond. Everybody only knows you as Bond. You have to go play another character. Yeah. To prove that you're an actor.

Yeah. Because sometimes you can play something so iconic that we only see you as that character for the rest of your career. Yeah. So he goes and plays a guy with like a New Orleans Cajun drawl. And he fucking murders it. Kills it. But anyway, the reason I brought that up, there was a family dispute over money. That was one of the things. But I really am impressed by these people that can –

write these mysteries where they're constantly tricking the audience. So they're manipulating you into thinking this thing is going to happen, and then they trick you four, five, six times and bake in all these Easter eggs throughout. Yeah. And then you rewatch it again, and you're like, oh, it's a different movie. You should have seen that. Oh, yeah, they set that up. I mean, yeah. It's kind of like a joke.

It is. You're teasing things to call back to and you're like, oh, you got me. Where's this going? I've rewatched both Knives Out because it's like, oh, it's almost more fun the second time because you're like, oh, I missed that. I missed that. I missed that. It's also great like girlfriend wife watching because you get to lean over and be like, I think that, you know what I mean? It's kind of like a kid's TV show. Yeah. The person comes on, they're like, have you seen my backpack? Where's the backpack? And you're like, oh, that

Yeah. Yeah, way to be reductive about it. Every now and again I watch it. Like, if you watch a bad one, I've watched one, I forget what it, it might have been Murder Mystery, I can't remember. Okay. And it's just a little bit like something happens, then they kind of look towards the camera like, mm. Okay, so. The thing's gonna happen. The thing that I like about this guy is that, um,

he's quite aware. There's cultural things that he taps into. There was a little incel kid and a super liberal girl, and the characters, he has jokes poking fun at them. Yeah. He has a guy in the Glass Onion thing that's kind of like Alex Jones-esque. Yeah. He's one of the characters. So he's teasing and making fun of these people. And-

I'm just so impressed that he writes it and directs it. Yeah. That's a fucking hard thing to sit down there and like... Really impressive. That's why I like the game. Remember that movie? Yeah, with Michael Douglas? Yeah, like just the twist. Like you're like, oh, I figured it out now. Yeah. I haven't seen that one. I need to see it. As far. But Glass Onion, the second one, the plot is... I liked the first one better, but the second one, the Glass Onion one, I thought was more of a unique plot. Yeah. Where it's like, oh, the way he's doing this is just really well done. Yeah. Like the characters, like you said, the...

through which he gets them there is like all very, like the cube and all that. Really well done. Really creative. What was that HBO miniseries? It was like that Indian kid and like he got in trouble. He got locked up. Oh, the night. It was a night? I don't know. But is it like that where it was like just twists and turns where you think it was this and then the next episode is like, oh, no, it must be this guy or that type of shit. That's more like rooted in reality. You've seen Clue? This is more, yeah, this is more

It is real. Murder on the Orient Express, Clue, like it's... Also, it's a little silly. There's a silliness to it. There's a tongue-in-cheekness to it. Second one, more silly, but yeah, first one, a little silly as well. All the characters have to be really flamboyant. Exaggerated. Exaggerated so that you understand their motivation immediately. Like the woman who loves her diamonds is going to be like,

so diamond out that you're like, oh, she wants the money to buy diamonds. You have to know their motivations. So like the game of Clue where it just like- Literally that is what all this is built off of. Was Clue the movie based on the game or was it the other way around? Had to be the other way around, right? I don't know.

I assume the game is old as hell. Yeah. Because the movie was... If the movie's based on the game, they knocked it out of the park. It's based on the game. Wow. Same with Jumanji. Oh, no, that was the... Other way around. That was a short story. I didn't get that movie. What was that movie? That was a short story they made a movie. Jumanji? Yeah, and they knocked it out of the park. It was like a short story. I don't get it. Like, they play a game and then they're in the forest?

Yep, that's exactly... Dude, you knocked it out of the eye. I literally don't get it. Did you see the movie? I saw the movie and I remember seeing it like, this shit sucks. The Robin Williams one or the Kevin Hart one? The Robin Williams joint. Oh, man. The Kevin Hart one's fantastic too. That was a fire movie. The Robin Williams one's fantastic. I don't understand what it is. They roll the dice and then they play the game and then the game... They're in the game. Yeah, it's a cursed game that comes to life. But like...

Do they go in the game or does the game take over their world? Take over their world. Game takes over their world in the first one. Second one, they go in the game. So all these other people are affected by the fact that they're playing this game as well? Yeah, it's like an alternate timeline almost because there is a point where they get out. Like, it's old Robin Williams is the young kid playing and he's like, oh, fuck, now you're in here with me. Yeah. Yeah.

So maybe they go into the game. Watch the new one with The Rock and Kevin Hart. Hilarious. It's actually really good. And Jack Black fucking kills it. Chicken, that shit just got nice. It's a little piece. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So in this one, I think she's in The Avengers. She's the blue chick, I think. I think. Gamora's sister? Gamora's sister? I think it's the same girl, I think. But in the new one, it's a video game and they all go inside the video game and have to beat the video game.

game and it's great and like the rock is played by in real life the character that the guy that becomes the rock in the video game he's like this scared pussy so you're seeing the rock completely flipped upside and then the jock football player becomes Kevin Hart so they like flip everything and then the hot girl becomes Jack Black so it's like it's and it's great it's so fun watch it it's a great movie I like these murder mystery movies so much like White Lotus and shit that I'm like I think I would like a murder mystery party

Oh, I did one. Have you really? Yeah, I did one recently. Is it fun? Have you heard of these? This is one of those things on my... That was the saddest shit I've ever heard on this podcast. My mom had a heart attack and that made me sadder. Recently? No, like five years ago. Oh my God. This made me sadder. No, it's fun. It's a fun social engagement. Okay. What happened? These transplants keep New York going. I said it, guys.

They do all the corny ass shit. Don't call us trans, bro. Come on. No, I got invited. How did you get out there? Was it an escape room out of the murder mystery party? Upper West Side. Jewish 30th birthday. And it was really fun. The two people that put it on have to be committed and they have to be like super flamboyant. It's like flappers, 1920 shit. And the more that they're fun, they're like actors that can't get spots in like Broadway shows. Oh, these are your gay friends.

Straight. They were all straights, dude. A lot of straights. I'm like so confused. Have you heard of this? So you go to your boy's house and there's some bitch with a martini glass and like short heels and she's like, welcome, darling. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Do we have a mystery for you to solve tonight? Yes. And then you get given a card and then you're that person.

And then they give you money. I low-key think it might be fun, bro. I don't know. I'm swinging on a pitch. I know. That's the first thing. I'm like, yo, shut the fuck up. That's cute, but come on. Give me a fucking drink time to beat the guy. Shut the fuck up. But how does it go? Is it quiet the whole time while people try to solve the mystery? They're drinking and talking, and then the characters play the role. So there's a guy and a girl, and the guy will come in, and he's this big, flamboyant gay, and he'll just scream like a woman and fall to the ground.

So you're in the middle of this party and now there's like a gay guy flailing on the ground. And then the woman now knows her role and she's like, oh no, someone poisoned his drink. And then the guy like dies and then he runs out and puts on a different outfit so now he's another person. They're moving the story along and they're playing along. This shit might be fire, bro. Go to Broadway, bro. Just pay a couple of dollars. This is the thing you support Miles on? This is the thing you support Miles on? He's stabbing

in the back at every turn. And you support him on Murder Mystery Dinner? It's a whodunit. Look at this. Go watch a play. See some real talent. You've done it every time. You've done it. This is some shit that, like, I imagine you do because you're, like, afraid of having...

political conversations, right? Well, everyone there was Jewish. They were all on the same team. And the Palestinian did it, so it was very political. It was extremely political. That was a coincidence. If you're just with your boys, you just talk shit about whatever's happening in the world. You talk about the Algerian box. There's no time for murder or mystery. We got to get hot takes out. We're limited in amount of time. We need hot takes.

So I imagine this is an environment where it's like, oh, the hot takes is going to make this thing devolve into a problem and people are going to be offended and someone's going to say, oh, you're privileged and shut up. So we just ignore everything else. Maybe it's like the first date where you don't have to just have conversation where it's a little bit like maybe too intimate and this gives you something to do to distract you and then you can warm up to each other in the meantime. I get that logic 100%. Or be the person throwing it.

and you're socially awkward and you want a reason not to actually have to make conversation with people, but you have a script that you go off and you're just performing the entire time. Yeah. That's probably what that should be like.

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You ever played Werewolf or Mafia, the car game? I played that once in India. And? It was fun. It's fun. I was wrong as fuck, convinced everybody. It's the greatest game ever, bro. So basically, you sit in a circle of people, everyone gets a card, and it either says you're like a citizen, you're a watch person, or you're the killer.

There's like a kindergarten game type shit. Okay, like you don't play it as an adult. No, you play you do you played an Indian? Yeah, I'm already out you can be at a table You can sense it on and then basically everyone everyone So annoying Fucking game On the ground on the ground on the ground on couches Couch they've couches there you sitting. Yeah, I

Yeah. It's an old Indian folklore game. It's fun. Everyone puts their heads down and then the watch people put their heads up and then they can't talk the whole game or some shit. I can't remember the exact rules, but then basically you got to figure out every round, like who the killer is and the killer kills someone every round. And if the killers win, then they win the whole game. And then if the citizens win, they win by telling the people who the killers are.

But like they could pick the wrong person to be a killer and then they get kicked out. Not Played Ones was actually fun. The shit is fire. It's just a small group and you're all interacting with each other. Exactly. And we're not having to like play roles or you're just talking shit, arguing, being like, nah, that's why this motherfucker's the guy. Just drink. Yeah. Yeah. If you want to play a game, do maybe Taboo or some shit like that if you really want to go to

That's the game like you have to like fucking game shit I'm gonna figure it out, bro. You're a dummy It's called taboo you're talking about a Scatter gory's or strange shit like that Gory's gay gay or gayest

I mean, what's category? I don't know. Now I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. This is shit you do at family reunions so your parents don't fight. Yeah. He's talking about charades. Charades. Oh, charades. What's category? That's an easy one. What's category? That's damn Bilzerian. Categories are similar. It's just a more like structured version of it.

Draw shit out. Taboo is you got the word and then you got to guess what the word is, but I can't say like a list of... I like that Al earlier said, that's a kid's game and then goes, no, I love taboo though. That's for seven-year-olds. Taboo gets kind of crazy. If you order sauce, like that shit gets competitive. Motherfuckers go in. What's that one where you hold the phone up to your head? Same as Taboo. That was a good game. That's far when it's like you're competing boys versus girls. Yes. What?

The same way how taboo is. You're playing against your wife and then you tell your wife that she's wrong. Boys versus girls is fire for that. Taboo is the same way. That's always demolishing. You can make anything fun boys versus girls. Sitting here 40 years old. Yo, let's play boys versus girls.

You're dead serious. Dead serious. I am too. You can make anything interesting boys versus girls. Boys versus girls. They start arguing with each other. Shuffle boards. Boys versus girls. Fire. These girls can't shuffle no boards.

Gosh, he'll say one clue that has nothing to do with the thing and we just get it. We just know, boy. Facts. This is the bitch that... Yeah. Boom. Yeah. They do argue. They do argue too much. The bitch is fired. Those little games are fun. That's why I'm like a murder mystery is just an organized game. That's too much. It's just the being in character that is too much. I don't think you have to be in character. It's too theatrical. You just sort of dress up a little bit. You're a musical theater guy but you want to be in theater, kid? Exactly. That's why you love this? You want to be in community? Mark's biggest dream is to be in community theater, I think.

Not even Broadway. Community theater. That was crazy. That was crazy. That was fucking insanity right there. You should punch him. You should punch him right now. Mark is going to have dates booked at the garden, and then his friends are going to be like, hey, there's a play in Orlando. If you want to go be... Wait, I can be him? George of the Jungle. Mark is like, I got the hair. How did you go do this?

Bro, my grandma was in community theater. She did that for a while. Really? Yeah. What was the role? Come on now. What was the role? What was the role? She played Scarlet Letter. No way. She was Hester Prynne. I thought she was Debbie Does Dallas. What?

You know who that is? You know who that is? What is that, a musical? Yeah. What is the music? It's background music. Oh, my God. That's so funny. Yeah.

You would love like Shakespeare. What's the one that's interactive? Sleep No More? Yeah. That shit's fire. That shit's fire. He loved it. When I tell you he loved it, he was like, yo, this is crazy. Can I tell you what I didn't like about it? They act like you can do whatever you want, but it all leads you to the same shit. Yeah.

I'm like, I'm trying to find the other killer. I'm not trying to find, don't tell me I can go wherever I want, but all the doors start closing and leave me in the same place. Tell me there's one way to get there. I'm following this one bitch around. She don't even work there.

I'm like, this bitch did it. I know she did it. I'm following her. She don't even work there. This bitch looking for security. She's like, yo, this guy keeps stalking me. She did it. She's getting nervous. This girl's getting nervous. Chinese lady with the selfie stick. Yup. Yup. She's on it. Oh, she's filming. Uh-huh.

I went to that sleep no more shit. That's the most troll steak I ever heard. Say whatever you can do with every one. You can't fuck them. What? No, you can't. I was trying to get some pussy in there, though. I was. I think I went with my wife. I think I did. I'm almost positive I did. I'm almost positive I did. That shit is fire. That's my point. No, it wasn't fire. It was, bro. Did you do it? Never. Did you do it? Nah. I did.

I did it! You gave it, Ash. Yeah, you're so fucking... You think I did it for me? You think I did it for me? If you bring it to Shorty now, you get a pass. He would show up with the boys, bro. I know he would. He would. I'm going alone. I'm going alone. Be Miles, Mark, and Luke as tranny hunting. Sleep no more. We all go to sleep no more, bro. That's going to be awesome.

Oh my God. Nah, for real though, that shit is whack. Bro, you went to that? I went to it. Followed around every actor, actress. Got no pussy. I got none. Whack, bro. Whack.

You can just walk around. I lost the story because I'm trying to find another story. So I didn't even know what the fuck was going on in this shit. And then we get to the final point and then somebody kills somebody. I didn't even know who it was. And I was like, yo, we out. Come on. This dick ain't going to suck on itself. I don't think I was with my wife. I don't think I was. If I was, I wasn't thinking that. If I was, I definitely wasn't thinking that. If I wasn't, I was like, I'm the luckiest guy in the world to be solving mysteries with my baby. Yeah.

You want some salt on misery, bitch? Oh, baby. And hopefully this dick can't suck itself. Hopefully, hopefully. But I wouldn't even put that in the world. You know? I think the corniest thing I did, I went to one of those blinds. I know you would like that one. I know you would like that one. I know it. I know it. I know it. I love it.

Come on, Al. That was the corniest shit you did. You think I'm a gag artist? Come on. That's it. Damn. Come on, Al. But no, one of those are blindfold dinners. Oh, you did that? I did that stupid shit. What? It's a blindfold dinner, so it's like pre-made menu. You don't know what you're going to eat. You're blindfolded the whole time. What if someone puts some weird shit on the plate? I mean, it is what it is. Shut up, Al.

Thinking what we all thinking? How dare you think what we all thinking exactly out loud? That's crazy. My food was so trash. Really? Yeah, it was trash. No way. That shit is so dumb. And they market it like it's this pretentious experience. Like, let your taste buds take over. Eliminate your eyes from influencing what you're going to consume. I hate eating in the dark. Oh, food we're not allowed to see? I'm out. I'm out. What kind of thing is that? That shit is dumb.

For sure, just like Chef Boyardee. Yeah, it was really basic shit. And how much was it? It was like, I think, $150 per citizen or some shit like that. And whose idea was it? It was Shoni. Yeah. I got some pussy, though. Blindfold or no? Come on, son. I mean, she was blindfolded. Did you? No, I got some pussy. I ain't blindfolded. We had enough of that blindfold shit after that. Yeah, it was like, let's see. What?

I think I actually left before dessert came. I was like, I ain't doing this shit no more. Like, we out. Because the food just sucked. You had a blindfold on, right? And you were like, hey, you want to be out? It just sucked. Crashing at tables on the way out. Still blindfolded.

That's wild. I'm trying to think of like good, what is like, I mean, Broadway's fire. Yeah, that shit's like. It is, it is fire. Yeah, Broadway's amazing. I saw Wicked and I was like, this is actually fantastic. Yeah, I saw that one that the South Park dudes did. Oh, yeah. That shit was crazy. I even saw Spam a lot. I saw the dude taking out Ariana Grande. How was it? I was like, he's great. I was like, good for him. He's so bothered by this guy. He went to hate watch. He went to hate watch.

I've been following around the country. I've been following around the country. I saw the one tour. No! At the end of the show, when he steps up, he's like... Just the character. No! He's been talking about this guy. You see this? This has been years, Laura. He's been talking about this guy for years.

For years, I feel. Four months ago. Probably four months ago, I saw it. So, all right, he snatches up Ariana Grande, and then you immediately go watch the play? Yeah, I bring Alicia's whole family. My girl's whole family's, like, coming to town. I'm like, yeah, let's go watch. And afterwards, I was just poisoned in the well. I was like, who sucked the most? Ariana? Don't say it. How dare you? How dare you? And then you ask how he come out normal. He ain't fully normal. There was someone steaming watching a Broadway show. Like, what?

Is he homophobic? No, just only one of them. Was he talented? The kid at least? Remarkably talented. Wait, really? He played three characters. How do you do it? No way. How do you do it? That's lit. It's unbelievable. And he sings as well? He's a great singer. Yeah, he got it. Wow. Communic relief. He's the funniest guy on the show. No way. Damn. That hurt a little. Yeah, that had a sting, huh? All right, so she got a good taste then. Yeah, that's good. God bless her. You can't look like that. What was his stature like?

How is his stature? Because I feel like we judge him based on his stature. He was lean. Yeah? He was lean. Big dick. He wasn't tight. He did have tights on. Did he have his dick showing? Yeah, it's a small print. Yeah. Does he? Yeah, he had a print. And I was in the rafters. I was in the nosebleeds. Broke ass. Watching his dick print. With my bitch ass in the rafters. His hand.

Oh my god. He would come out and sing. I'd be like, yo, y'all can go to the bathroom. You took his whole family to the nosebleeds. They got the tickets. They're like, we're going to go. Oh, they chose Spamalot. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. But I would have gotten nosebleeds. Come on. It's eight people. That's a big ass family. We don't need to be front row for Spamalot. Yeah. What would you be front row for, Broadway?

Realistically, I would want to see Wicked front row. I saw Hamilton basically front row. That shit was awesome. Hamilton's fire. Yeah. Like a banger. Wicked was actually good. I did not think it would be good. Lion King was crazy. Lion King was great. Lion King's awesome. Yeah. I used to love Broadway. I used to go all the time. I haven't gone in a minute. Ever since you started painting your nails, you stopped going. No. You would think I would go more. Wait a minute.

Yeah. All right. So then Broadway fire, comedy fire. Like I'm talking to objective fun nights in New York for entertainment. Jazz. Jazz is fun. Are you? I need to go to like good jazz. Yeah. If you go to a good jazz show, it's fine.

What's the idea? They just sort of like riffing and shit? Yeah, they just play good music. They riff. The food is solid. You just go. It's a nice time. Couple hours. I don't know about fun. It's enjoyable. It's not fun. There's a place, Minton's in Harlem. Alice wouldn't know about it. It's great. It's one of the original jazz spots. It's like Grateful Dead for black people. Okay. It's a jam band. Yeah, it's a jam band. You know what I did? This is like... It's impressive. You know what's fun? Dueling pianos.

That's just why I've heard that so far. That's white people's jazz. Not if you're in New York, but if you're in like...

Nashville? Oh, yeah. If you're in some country place, that shit is going to be lit. If you're at a casino, for whatever reason they have, doing pianos, that's always crazy. It's like white people's strip club. They just start throwing money. Whoever tips more than the last person gets to cut off the song. I was blackout.

in Asheville, North Carolina. I spent hundreds of dollars at Dueling Fianna Fáil. Same song? Just trying to get songs cutting people off. Just cutting people off and shit. And my boys were like coming over like, yo, you gotta stop. Play YG Marks!

We lied. It was my boy's bachelor party. Like, I'm doing lies to get other songs cut off. It was nasty. Wait, so you get songs cut off by tipping? Yeah. So you got to tip to get the song. Okay. And then if you want to end that song, you tip even more to the other piano.

And there's two pianos. Oh, okay. So you tip the other guy to get him to stop, and then you tip the... You can tip both pianos to play the same song. Crazy loop then, huh? Oh, those guys are fretted up. You hit a bunch of these white boys over there. That's crazy. Miles had an ATM hammered blackout just getting one. Like, you're going to strip club? Like, not even close. I usually like to see tits and ass, but that's cool.

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No, I went to one. Sometimes. I went to one at a restaurant a week ago. Sometimes. ATMs are done, I think. ATMs are done, right? You just have your account and wire you $100,000. That's what we do now, right? I think ATMs are done, though. I think ATMs are going through their payphone phase right now. I think ATMs are going through their payphone phase. What if you go to a cash-only restaurant? What if you go to a cash-only restaurant?

I think those are done. I think those are kind of done. I think, hey, whatever. I think those are done. He will be right eventually. Little Frankies. Eventually he will be right, but they're not done yet. But he's going to be in the group chat going, told y'all. We are going cashless eventually. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm about. That's really what I'm about. What you just said is what I'm about.

But aren't they done though? Because think about like, if that was your business to have like an ATM machine, that's all we did back in the day. You had to pay your boy back. You had to hit the ATM. But now that they're done,

What do you do? The ADHD is unbeatable. It's unbeatable. It's the greatest. It's unbeatable. Your AI is unbelievable. It's unreal. It is. Also, think about the business. There are people who have been in the ATM business probably for decades as family business. Family generations. Those people are broke. Who the fuck got an ATM besides some Dominican guy in Washington Heights in his bodega? Yeah.

I don't even know where ATM is. I mean, the strip club ATMs, they do good. Yeah, those are doing all right. They upcharge crazy. Now you're right about that one. Casino ATM. Casino ATM. They can make money. People going broke, they need it. Now you're right. There's a couple little ATM situations. I will say, though, bodegas now, everybody takes Apple Pay pretty much. Yeah. Yo, credit cards? Credit cards are done. Credit cards are done. Low-key, they're done. How often are you taking out your credit card and booping?

Almost never. Five times a day. No. You go crazy. Yeah. I do Apple Pay for everything. You don't Apple Pay? I mean, technically, that's a great thing. Like a nice, any restaurant, they're not commenting with the thing. Do you think your phone likes looking at your face more?

Like when you face him, you got a little pretty ass eyes and shit. Do you think sometimes you get a little discount? Like, do you try to flirt with him? He's crazy. How do you even think about it? He just looked at his boy's eyes and was like, yo, your eyes are so cute, bro. Your eyes are beautiful. I'm like, yo, you got 10% off, you cute ass little motherfucker. Yeah, your teeth are looking fantastic right now, dude. For real, though. But that is a good question. That is a good question. Our ATM is done?

Y'all really haven't answered yet. Have they been significantly reduced? Can we say that? I haven't seen... I would say that. Yeah, I don't know if I've seen less ATMs, though. I don't know. Really? They're still in every single deli. Really? Yeah. And they're risky. People get robbed at ATMs and shit. That's the thing. Yeah. You need a passcode. Yeah, who remembers that? Do you use your credit cards? Or do you have them all attached to your iPhone? If you go to a religious thing and you need to give cash for whatever in the collection plate...

Monday they just have like at each statue you can put money you can't Venmo them they're losing money on that I know some churches do that they have a little square reader in the thing they need to do that and more with the establishment they have QR codes and shit yeah or like Schultz he used to drop all those spot pay into the thing when it comes around damn they got the church has to be calling and be like hey you wanna come back by the way you know we got a kid they trying to baptize they trying to baptize oh are you gonna do that probably Emma wants to do it

Which church? Greek Orthodox? Probably, yeah. Russian Orthodox? There's a Jesus one. No, but does it matter this sect?

I don't know. I should ask. No, not to her, no. I think the one that she goes to is non-denominational. You got to be careful, bro. Russian Orthodox, I know they've been putting in a good bid to get you. Yeah. They do full dunk, I think, for the babies. Oh, we'd be dunking our baby. A full dunk? Yeah, we'd full dunk now. Yeah, you should do full dunk. Why would you not do full dunk? Not cows. You just christen the head. You just take a little bit and you just go, shoot. They do cornish. No, that's not even. You want to do full dunk for your baby? Yeah. Are you about God or not? Yeah, you're about to. They're about to see God. They're about to see God. They're about to see, look.

We dunk her already now in the water. Like a swim class? Yeah. As part of it, you got to teach them to close their mouth and eyes. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck is that? What the fuck is going on, dude? What the fuck was that? That's a little aggressive. What the fuck is going on, dude? From the top run.

Brandy Orton. I mean, this is crazy. Nah, you got to go to a black church, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to a lake real quick. You know, take a little girl. Black church, you just be like, boop. They're like, yo, how tall is this water? We good? 3 feet? 3 feet? All right, we good. This is crazy, dog. That's what I'm saying. No, thank you. And you all say we abuse children. Come on. That's awesome. Son, you guys shaking baby syndrome like that. Yeah, that is wild. Yeah.

Do you think baptism was invented so they were clean for you to rape them? Babies, man. Come on. That's all. Take it up with them. Take it up with them. It's their fault. Y'all was doing it. The baby's doing it. What is this? You heard Peter Thiel on Rogan said 80% of Jews are

Are Catholic? No, 80% of Cardinals are gay. You can't become a Cardinal if you're not gay. Oh, yeah, my mom believes that. Then why isn't it 100%? Well, some of them lie about being gay to become a Cardinal.

That's wild. Wait, does your mom really believe that? I mean, more or less. She's never said that fact, but she's like, yeah, the whole church is overrun by gays and pedophiles. So then how is she still down with the get down? Because she's like, the institution is right, but it's been infiltrated by evildoers and Satan. So she got to get the motherfuckers out of here. Exactly. She's trying to take down the ne'er-do-wells with her Facebook posts. The ne'er-do-wells. The ne'er-do-wells. With her Facebook posts.

You don't think she's fighting the good fight? Mark got dunked. I know, I know. He's one, too. He got dunked. Fantastic. You only developed that shit growing up with seven siblings. Because you've got limited time to come back. You've got to be sharp and to the point.

Whoa. I like that. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. Come on now. Goodness gracious. NoFap. That's how she does it. Her Facebook is just bars. What's your mom's feeling on NoFap?

She probably would. She probably loves it, yeah. But not for too long because then you get gay and you fuck kids. That's facts. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's a nofap? Nofap is a social movement where men try not to masturbate. Oh. But I assume cumming in general, right?

Yeah, in general. I mean, there's different... There's different denominations. They just try and not jerk off. They think they're losing their masculinity, losing their power. Say what? The only time they can nut is when they have sex. And basically having that extra testosterone and energy in your system is going to make you go out there and get the sales. I mean, no fat. I mean, I got to save mine. I don't fat. I don't really fat. You region A's region is no fat. I started this movement. I don't really fat.

I fapped the other day, though. I ain't gonna lie. I did fap the other day. How was it? Man, your boy's a shooter still. Straight to the chin. No, for real. No, I don't shoot up anymore. I don't know if I got that.

But I got, it came out of my pee-pee holes. How was the trajectory? Trajectory was kind of cool. It was good. It was good. Solid? Yeah, that shit was fire. Played a classic? No, it's a distance. What are we talking about? I don't want to brag, bro. Because

The Olympics got you inspired. They did. Dub got range. He always talks about range. I don't believe anything Dub says about sex. We need a video. Not a single word he says about sex do I believe. I don't even think he comes. I think when he's ready to come, he just goes, uh. Spits on their back. He spits on their back and goes, I'm good. That's all for me. So yeah, I don't believe it. But yeah, that's it. Y'all fapped recently?

I'm off my game, I'll be honest. I had a wet dream last week. Damn, D. That's crazy. No, I missed those. I had them while my wife was pregnant. I had them shits. I missed those. Hell, man. How was it? I'm still upset I never got to have one. Fantastic, dude. Okay, in the dream, did you actually get to pump it or did you not prematurely? I don't know.

I'm always doing prematurely in my wet dreams. That's just embarrassing. And now, now I'm at the point where like in the wet dream, I know it's going to be a wet dream. Like for a second, I dream lucidly and I'd be like, all right, let me get in real quick. So I'm like half awake, half asleep. Oh my God. And then I wake up.

That's what I did on my vacation. Just wake up, burn my underwear, and then get back in bed. You got to burn your underwear. My wife does the laundry, she put her hand in there, and a fucking melted Jolly Rancher comes out.

Oh my God. Come on, but that's what the NoFap does. Sometimes you get that nocturnally mish, that surprise. Surprise, surprise. Oh, hell yeah. You got feeling amazing. Oh my God. Hell yeah, I'm about to have one tonight. I think I'm going to do that tonight. That's not fair. What do you mean? I've never had one. You've never had a nocturnally mish? You can learn how to lucid dream.

No, no, not lucid dream, nocturnally mish. I mean, that can lead one thing to another. Oh, yeah, if you want to have a lucid dream. I can teach you how to lucidly dream. I don't know if I want you to teach me. Nah, he taught me. It's very easy. When you're dreaming, just be like, am I dreaming? And then you just start lucidly dreaming. That's what I do every single time. Every time I'm dreaming, I'm like, I think I'm dreaming right now. Oh, fire. And I just jump and I fly.

All right. Yeah, I feel a little different there. How can't you control the ones where you prematurely cum? I do control them. He gets one pump in. I don't get a pump in. I know it's a dream. I'm not trying to impress her. It's not premature for him. Yeah, it's true. Facts. It's exactly. She's the one that. Yeah, it's true. Is frustrated by this. In the next dream, she's like, ah, we're doing this again. Oh, my God. I don't even know who the girl is.

Right? I don't know. These imaginary AI bitches in my dream. This is crazy. Why would they be here? I'm in bed with my wife and my dog. Sluts. The audacity. Yeah, these sluts sneaking into my subconscious, sucking my cock up. Yo, this is crazy, right? What the fuck is going on? I'd be like, I'm glad it wasn't you because I don't want to disappoint you even in a dream. That's how I knew that it was a dream. Yeah.

Because I didn't hold back. Yeah, exactly. Your boy just went for a bust. Your boy went for a bust. You ever went down on a girl in a lucid dream? No. That's prematurely ejaculate from going down on a girl in a lucid dream. Oh, man. You're just licking some mangled Algerian box.

That's nuts. Yeah, a little sand trap. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was fire. So wait, what happened? So you went down on the shwarms? I think I actually, no, it wasn't shwarms, but I think I actually did go down on a girl in a lucid dream one time. No. It was in college. You're a fiend. Yo, you're a fiend. That's the whitest shit I ever did. Yo, you're a fiend, Mark. No, that's the most Puerto Rican shit you ever did. That shit is crazy. Yeah.

I'll be fucking in his lucid dreams like, okay, when is it my turn?

That shit is hard. I always wake up in a lucid dream, though. Oh, my God. I've never had one of these. Well, then it's not lucid. Yeah. No, but like, I'll be in a dream and I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm dreaming. Let me, oh, I'm awake. Oh, I've had that. No, you just got to not do it. Like. Yeah, I've had lucid dreams only after Burning Man. Oh, really? Because I think my brain chemistry was so fucked up from all the drugs. And then for a couple of weeks after, I'll have lucid dreams. And I can like wake up, go back to the dream and keep it, keep it.

Keep it running. That's your only lit. Oh, yeah. Sometimes you can get back into the same one. But I'm thinking to myself, I never thought to fuck during this time. If I can control everything, yeah, I never thought to do it. The only time you ever thought to not fuck. I know, right? That's crazy. That's crazy. Come on. That's nuts. That's the only time. What did you do instead? The flying shit. The flying shit is awesome. Flying fire. When you can control, yeah. That shit is lit. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess. What do you mean, yeah, I guess? But I'm like... You never did it. But I flew in an airplane and I'm like, that's pretty close to flying. You didn't fly. You sat down. I never even had another girl. Oh, I forget how exciting. That's more flying. That's more flying for me. What was the box like? Was the box good? Wait, wait, wait. You were in college? Yeah. Oh, I forgot theories. Go.

I'm listening. Oh, tell us who. Wait, was it an actual girl that we know? No one that I recognize. Oh, yeah. I hate when that shit happens. High school with them giant ass tits. She's still posting like crazy. Who? The one. His mom. That's the Facebook post. My high school teacher. My high school teacher. As for the name, too. The Catholic Church is bad. Oh, yeah.

So it was just a random girl. It was like a collection of girls mashed into one. Yeah, it was AI. And then did you take off her panties before you ate her out? You pulled them to the side. It was supposed. Wait a minute, so she was just sitting with her legs open? Did you have to at least separate her legs and watch the meat separate? No, I was just there. I was just ready to go. Wait, what? So she was just sitting with her legs open? Yeah, I was in a dream. I just popped in. I was like, all right, bet. We're here.

It's like that clothing brand where it's just like a leg, a girl with the legs on and shit. Oh, fuck. The Kind? The Kind? Yeah, I forgot what it is. I hope you bailed me out of that one. It doesn't look like a girl's like that. It looks like two people back to back. Oh, I have seen that one. But if you cover the top, it looks like, yeah. Oh, really? Come on, yo. Is it a sports brand? It's like a surf brand. Kappa?

Is that it? Oh, I think it's Kappa. Yeah. Fire. Oh, shit. Good job. I didn't know that was legs. I didn't know. I thought it was just brand loyal. I had no idea. Let me see. If you cover their faces, it's a girl with her legs open. I've never...

Just cover their faces. Oh! Yeah, man. Oh! That's how y'all beat off in the 90s? Yep. That's crazy. Yo, what is the most, what is the most or the least technologically advanced thing you jerked off to? Did you jerk off to magazines? Guinness Book World Records. I swear to God. What was it? What was the record? Oh my God. I read 75 books in one day. Okay.

If you look at the Guinness Book at my house, that shit is sticky. Wait, what did you see? I can't even find it. I bet you I can find it. This was the 2000 edition. I had every Guinness Book. I had every Guinness Book. I had every Ripley's, believe it or not. And the Guinness Book 2000 edition was like the world's first artificial model.

It was like the world's first AI model. And it was like a photorealistic woman in a bikini. And I was like, fire. Didn't have a phone. Jesus Christ. Didn't have anything. This was before I got my eye touch. Get her up. That might be the girl you went down on. This is crazy. His generation had an internet, bro. And that's crazy. That's some us jerk off shit. Yeah.

The fuck? And it was a full spread, too. They knew what they were doing. Let me see it. Did y'all have this one? Yeah, this is a shiny one. This is the fire one. I just remembered a blue one. I was 16 when this came out. Yeah. That's a good point. That's prime time. It was like... We didn't have it in our houses. It was like one of these. It was like this gross. This is your coffee table? No, my mom got it for me. She didn't stop using it at all. Because that girl is a very famous model. It was like... I forget who it was.

I can't remember. I got to find the book, but it's in there for sure. First artificial woman. And it was like a computer generated woman. It was like made a record and they were like, boom, put it in the book. No one's going to jerk off to this. And you fucking did. I made it work. I made it work. But back in the day, it was so, it was just a, it was hair trigger. It was.

What do you mean? Dick was hair triggered. Really? Yeah. I caught him beating the back of my minivan one time with my mom driving. No, no, no, no. That's fucking nuts. It was. It was. Hold on. Hold on. This thing is not normal, son. Don't tell her. Don't tell her. Don't tell her. You remember being 19? Hold on. Y'all remember being 19? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

You jerked off in the back of your mom's minivan while she was driving? Yeah. That was a shame for mom. She's just up there and she's just like, the Jews control the roads. They can put some more red lights on this street. Yes, mom, keep going. Hold on. So how many of you are in the car? Just her and then I'm all the way in the very, very back. She didn't find that weird?

Driving Miss Daisy. Bro, it was a 20-minute drive. Driving Miss Daisy type shit. It was 20 minutes. She's like, you know, why are the roads so bumpy? Okay, hold on. Hold the fuck up. Oh, my God. You don't think she could see her shoulder? No, no, no. I checked. I checked all the angles. I triangulated. I knew what I was doing. Okay, she's going to text you after this and be like, I knew.

Break it down. It's just the two of you. Where are you going or coming from? It's like an eight-hour car drive from a soccer tournament in Alabama or some shit. It's just the two of you? Yeah. Did you guys win or lose? I think we probably won. This is on the way to the KB6. Yeah. This is on the way back because we've been in the hotel for two nights and then we had a tournament for a whole weekend. It's been days. You're back, though. You're back. You're sharing the hotel. You're sharing the hotel room. I think so, yeah. Just have a nice knock

- I wish. - Let him set the scene. - This is the craziest thing, I didn't even have an iPhone, I just had like a shitty Nokia, but I was able to get Google images. So I would just go to Google and type in boobs. - That's not even close to the craziest. Just to let you know, of all the things that are crazy about this, it's not what phone you use to get the images to jerk off.

It's that every time you open your eyes while you're jerking off, you're staring at the back of your mom's head. No, no, I face the other way. I face the other way. Come on. How do you face the... Okay, set the scene. Set the scene. So it's two seats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then three seats. And then three more seats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm all the way in the back. You're still facing forward. No, I'm facing back. Facing into the thing. Facing into the back. Headrest. You don't take your mom. I had a whole blanket on me and a pillow. I had a blanket and a pillow. She's listening to Rush Limbaugh. She doesn't have time to catch her son eating dick in a minivan. You checked out the Rush Limbaugh.

Yeah. I'll tell you what, folks. Rush Limbaugh had a huge impression on me. My mom would go into Home Depot and leave me in the car for like 25 to 30 minutes just with Rush Limbaugh on, and I'm tied in my car seat just listening to it. He's getting hard. Yeah, this is what made me this way. I'm eight years old getting fucking inoculated. How old are you at this point? I've got to be like 12, 13. Okay, so at what point do you realize that you need to get this nut out? I think going into the car, I was like, eight hours, I can last eight hours. It's like having a pee, but it's cum. Yeah.

Is that how you really feel about it? At that time, it was hair trigger, bro. You're 13. I was getting in the car. I was like, man, I got to let it rip soon. I was probably...

I was probably two weeks online to coming. I was pre-release on coming. It hasn't even really been out yet. You know what I mean? I just got it. I just got the download. And so I was like, alright, when can I do that again? Okay, so you're in the car. Do you ever calculate, oh, it's kind of weird because my mom is in the car with me, or no? Well, yeah, of course. Okay. You have a locked eyes in the rear view mirror.

Keep driving, bitch! That's what I said. Okay, okay, okay. It sounds weird when you say it out of the context of being the horniest child alive. But then all of a sudden you pop open a Guinness book. What did you use to jerk off? That was the phone with the Google with the boobs. So you cover yourself in the blankets. Yep. You make sure that... And I'm sleeping for a little and then I wake up and I'm like... And then...

And so you sleep for the first couple hours and she's just driving, having a grand old time. Yeah. And then, yeah, you wake up just in a sweat. In a panty. In a panty. Yeah. And then you pop it open and then at that point his hair triggers so you're three pumps away at any moment. So it's like... Wait, wait, wait, wait. What? It's hair triggers. I'm telling you, bro. But now with your mom there and Rush Limbaugh... It could have been my dad sitting with me. It doesn't matter. Like, why are we actually like...

You've never been horny before. Why are we acting like horners is not? I wasn't that horny. Oh, my God. No. I was never that horny. All right, all right. So you nut. Where do you nut into? Oh, my God. Oh, bro. It's the ceiling. I think it was like I had an old jersey or some shit in my soccer bag. Oh, my God. And I was like, let me just grab it, mummy it up, and then king tut it. You know what I'm saying? You've always been dirty. Yeah. Okay, and then afterwards, what do you do?

I was just sleeping and wake up in Florida. Like, oh, mom. It was just amazing. Oh, so you went right back to bed. It was a little natural zany. And I just woke up. So you didn't have like a combo with your mom to cover it up afterwards? What? You were like, hey, how's it going up there? Like, I'm not jerking off back here. You know, just to make me a throw off the trail. No, no, no. You just go right back to sleep. Right back to sleep.

And she goes, how'd you sleep? I go, hard. That's all you say. Yeah, that was it. And it was uneventful. Wow, dude. That's a crazy story. Yeah. That's the thing. We're going to find out all of our kids are jerking off. And they're not going to think we know what we know. And then we're going to have to figure out how to deal with it. I told my dad the first time I did. So he knew. So I guess he knew, right? I had to sit down after we played basketball. We played a little hoops. Man to man. I was like, man to man. I was like, dad, I just want to let you know. I jerked off the other day.

While you're playing D? No, no, no. I remember my dad just being like, wow. Like, he didn't want to say, why are you telling me this? He saw it as like me sharing something that I thought was like vulnerable and important. That is the best, dude. What a gem. He's like, wow. Okay, cool. What a gem. Hit you with Eddie Murphy. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think I felt guilty. I was like, am I not a kid anymore?

Wow. That is white people's bar mitzvah. It really is. It's our bar mitzvah. Like, dude, Johnny got his nut off. We did it. Damn, bro. My mom was in the room when I first jerked. I mean, first came.

She was in the room. I didn't know what I was doing, though. That's why we like MILFs. So it was my bedroom. Wait, what? The computer was in my room. So she would, like, come up and use the computer or whatever. But it's a fairly large room or whatever. And it's nighttime. I got Seinfeld on. And I'm just, like, under the cover, just, like, playing with my... You and Aziz. What is it about Seinfeld? I know. It makes y'all need to come. But this was, like, when I was maybe...

11, 12, I don't know. Just playing with myself but not even knowing what I'm doing. Not like going like that. I'm just playing with myself. All of a sudden, boom. Like, what the fuck just happened? I didn't know what I was doing. Oh, that's fine. Slept with it. Just like that. I'm like, I can't get up. So she's right there. Mom's in the room. Yeah. Slept with it. I slept with it. Nah, sleeping with it is crazy. I had to.

Now, that family room computer is sketchy. That family room computer is wild. It was in my room. Yeah, that shit would suck. Yeah, that shit's really just setting you up. Yeah. My parents put the computer in my bedroom as a kid. They were like, you can have it. I was like 12, 13, bad time. I got so many viruses on the computer that I came out and I put it on my computer.

on the street to throw it away while the trash guys come in real early. So my parents wouldn't notice I threw their family $500 computer away. My mom comes home and she goes, why is the computer out in the yard by the street? I said, it broke. We got to get rid of it. She goes, no, we'll get it fixed. We'll take it somewhere. I said, no, you just got to trust me. It's broke. Riddled with porn. Riddled. I couldn't explain to them why it wasn't working. She knows. To this day, she knows. Yeah, I know.

Oh, man. Yeah, that shit is wild, bro. I would have buried it. I was desperate to get rid of that thing. All right, yo, we will see you next week. Peace.