Reddit Holiday Food Disasters
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This episode is presented by Pepsi. A hot dog is a sandwich. That deserves a Pepsi. The holidays are here and, ugh, I just love all the smells. Freshly baked cookies, a crackling fireplace, vanilla and cinnamon. Yeah, I love the smells too. Burnt oven drippings, vodka cranberry breath, and you can't beat that freshly used fire extinguisher scent. That's what was on your breath this morning.

This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense. A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What?

Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Ayer. And I'm your host, Nicole Anayati. And this is the official intervention, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, intervention from Nicole Anayati. I've been sucking up that fire extinguisher exhaust and it's been feeling right. It feels right.

What's that one? The kids are ripping Galaxy Gas. Nicole's out here ripping fire extinguishers. Computer duster is a big one. Kids love computer duster. No, do not use inhalants. It's not cool. That is truly the language of the desperate. Nope, just inhale, just inhale.

Inhale the good times. I'd say the good times. Not too much, though. No. Today, we are talking about the biggest holiday disasters as recorded on Reddit, because we have all been in holiday cooking disasters. Oh, my gosh. What's the worst one that you've witnessed?

my own trying to make a turkey. What'd you do? So this was whenever I first started in culinary school. I was 20 years old, like 1920. And I'm like, I'm going to make Thanksgiving dinner. And my dad's like, bro, nobody in this house likes turkey. You don't need to do it. I'm like, no, we are Americans and I have to make a delicious turkey dinner. It is my job. It is my duty. I must make it. And I made a really bad bird. Just like the worst. I was dried to a crisp. It was literally like desiccated. I desiccated the turkey.

And my gravy was lumpy. The mashed potatoes sucked. And I did it all by myself. And I was proud that I got food on the table. But again, life isn't a cooking competition. At what cost? At what cost to be Omricon. So now for Thanksgiving, typically, I don't cook anything. I might make one or two things. Thanksgiving was like a month and a half ago. Yeah. Oh, are you talking about like cooking for...

What? Cooking for Christmas and Hanukkah. Thanksgiving is a holiday. Thanksgiving is a holiday. You are correct. You are correct. We were talking about all the holiday disasters. Yeah. I watched my dad. I think one was Thanksgiving. One was Christmas. Go to the ER twice. Oh. Ouch. One was we had the most flimsy disposable turkey roasting pans. Oh, no. And he picked it up from the side and it kind of crumbled. And then all the hot turkey drippings went onto his arm.

He got third degree burns, but he didn't want to let go of the turkey because he wanted to put food on the table. Sure, sure, sure. So it's good. And then the other time was on Christmas and he must have been, I don't know, chopping the canned pineapple or something. But he dropped the knife straight into his foot. Oh.

He was cooking barefoot and had to go to the ER. So we've all been there, but today we're going to be- Like on Christmas Day and on Thanksgiving Day, these are things that happen? Yeah, that's correct. That's so annoying. I know, I know. With the knife in the foot, he drove himself to the ER with a foot propped up on the dash. Oh, I drive like that sometimes, but I don't have a knife stuck in there. But today we're going to relish in other people's pain and misery. We are going to react with as professional chefs. Okay, do you want to take the first one? This is from Lynn Scoot on Reddit.

You ready, Nicole? I was born ready. I was probably a tween at the time. Mom's boss had recently traveled to Poland and brought her home a fancy bottle of vodka that he gave her for the holidays.

That's called Chekhov's gun. The vodka will come into play later, Nicole. We went to aunt and uncle's house with a bunch of family, and as usual, mom and auntie did most of the cooking, and there wasn't a lot of room left in the kitchen for others. They sometimes had a glass of wine or maybe a sherry, ooh, très elegant, while they were cooking, but decided on screwdrivers with this exotic bottle. They really enjoyed it, so they had another. We discovered, oh,

I have been here before. We discovered the vodka was double proof after we found auntie sitting on the floor, legs splayed, turkey between them in a puddle of grease. They had dropped the turkey, then she slipped and fell. Mom was doubled over laughing, barely able to breathe. I was shooed out of the kitchen, so I'm not sure who or how the day was saved, but we eventually ate floor turkey in fixings. That is brutal. Getting drunk? Well, accidentally drunk?

That's crazy. Yeah. This is – okay, there is – there's a standard drink is one unit, like a drink. Like I've had one drink. I've had two drinks. I've had four drinks. A drink is a unit of measurement that I think more people need to know about. Do you know what I'm talking about? How many ounces of wine is a drink to you? Three ounces? Three ounces?

So four at 12%. So a typical pour of wine, I think is closer to 4.5. Is it? Okay. But if it's four ounces at 12% or like if it's a big bold red at 15%, a drink would be like 3.6 ounces. Okay. But that's like one drink or 12 ounces of 4%, which is your standard can of Coors Light. Correct. Okay. Or 1.5 ounces at 12%.

40% of hard liquor. So if you have a Bacardi 151, for instance, is pretty much double the proof, a little bit less, of a standard shot of rum. There's also Navy Strength rum, which tends to be like... Navy Strength rum? What is that? I have a bottle of 110 proof Navy Strength rum that I really like. It's not Everclear, no. Everclear...

Is 90%. Is 190. Is it 190? So Everclear 190 I think has maybe been banned in all of America. Oh, my God. I feel the hands on the back of my neck. But we used to have to drive to Nevada to get Everclear 190. We? So Navy Strength Rum, like I love it for cocktails. Okay. Because it doesn't dilute as much. So you can shake that on ice with, say you want pineapple juice. Pineapple juice tends to dilute because it's not as concentrated as like lemon. And so Navy Strength Rum is great. But...

I was once fed shots at a party when I was 21 years old. Thank goodness. And nobody told me the shots were 151. And I didn't have the wherewithal to understand because now I could taste that immediately. But I drank three shots of 151. And then someone went, ha-ha, it was this.

And then I had a terrible night. Just never, just like never play pranks like that on people. No, absolutely not. It's wrong. That is not okay. I hate that. Like on a molecular level, I hate that stuff. And so if this bottle was all in Polish...

You know, and they're not reading the numbers. I know Poland uses the same numbers that we do. Probably. And if it was just vodka, you would probably have no reason to look at it. You would assume 80 proof, 40%. But this was double? That's brutal, though. This is just a pure tragedy. This is a Greek tragedy of the highest magnitude. Sounds like fun.

Am I stupid? This sounds like a little bit fun. Like, imagine, but you're with your family and, like, you're drinking. Well, the turkey on the floor doesn't sound fun. Well, it's okay. I feel like you got to make them, like I said, mom fell double over laughing, barely able to breathe. Like, everybody sat on the floor and had floor turkey. That's funny. And honestly, coming away from the holidays with a story like that.

Arguably better than eating a turkey that hasn't been on the floor. Exactly. I mean, everybody had four turkey and fixings. Everyone was doubled over drunk. I don't think it's the worst story. Where do I get this Polish double vodka? Am I just a toxic positive person? I think, yeah, you do have toxic positivity surging through you. Do you think I'm toxically positive? Do you think I'm too positive? I think you're toxically negative. Am I really? Yeah, I tend to be one of those people.

And that's why we have a show together. Okay, let me read this next one. Okay. The first baking disaster of Christmas was at a family gathering today. Brought my homemade shortbread, grandma's recipe, to the dessert table. I was excited about it because I got a special snowflake-shaped pan to bake it in, and it was very pretty. Left it on the dessert table and joined the family in the other room. What to my wondering ears is heard but Aunt Diane at the dessert table hollering, Oh!

She's hovering over my shortbread, pointing out the teeny black specks in it. She says, you have weevils. I nearly bit into that bug-infested cookie. Only nasty people have bugs. I explain that no, the black specks are from the vanilla bean paste, and those are vanilla seeds, but with an audience of now 10 to 15 family members, my bug-infested shortbread remained untouched.

So more of Graham's shortbread for me, I guess. And then they put the recipe there. It's a cup of butter, two cups of flour, half a cup of sugar, vanilla to taste. Hint, don't use vanilla bean paste. Half a teaspoon salt. I use kosher cream it all together. If you're feeling it, toss in a generous half a cup of pecan pieces. Bake to 30 to 40 minutes at 300 degrees in your beautiful snowflake-shaped Nordic bundt pan. Let it cool and serve. Not to Aunt Diane.

Damn. We're renaming Karen's Diane's. Yeah, I agree. I agree. This is so rude. That's brutal. Also... Weevils. Now... Ignorant. Well...

Maggie, can you show us what a picture of a weevil is? Because I've heard about weevils, but I've never experienced weevils. No, hear me out, hear me out. Straight up ignorance. If you see a baked good and you see little black specks in it, Nicole, what do you assume? Of course, vanilla bean paste. Good old Nielsen Massey vanilla bean paste. The bomb is. The best vanilla paste in the business. I use more vanilla paste than I do vanilla extract, just so you know. Same. I've switched entirely to that. I've switched entirely. That's my lifestyle creep. That's the reason I'm not going to be able to afford a house. Not the avocado toast. That's why.

It's good because I get those at the Mexican market, like four for a dollar, but it's the vanilla bean paste. It is pricey. It's pricey and it's delicious. When I was writing my cookbook, I got like a gallon of it. It's so good. And I still have some left over. Looking at Weevils, I get the similarity, small black dots. But like... I would eat the Weevils too. I would eat the Weevils too. I think I would eat the Weevils. Right?

I don't think it would stop me. Would the weevil stop me? Would the weevil stop you? No, this is about to be maybe some self-incrimination here. Go for it. But the other day we were cooking. I was making like a cauliflower puree. And I cut open the cauliflower. And there's kind of a mushy bit of the cauliflower. I just cut it off and chucked it aside. Okay. But then we saw a bug crawling on the cutting board. Okay. And you thought it was from the cauliflower. Well, I think it was still. Okay.

But I killed the bug and I threw it away and consulted Julia and I was like, cauliflower may have bugs in it. I cut it open and none of the pieces seemed to have them. Okay. Should we throw it away? And then I just instead roasted the hell out of the cauliflower. Killed all the bugs. Poached it in milk and then...

You know, blended it up. I don't have a problem with that. That's what I'm saying. You've cooked the harmful part out of it. Sometimes in life, you know, life will give you lemons. You've got to turn them into lemonade. Sometimes you will get a cauliflower infested with bugs. Yeah. So you must cut out the mush and the bugs and eat the cauliflower. And if you cook it, yeah, I roasted that at like 450 degrees for half an hour. Yeah, all of the bacteria should be gone and dead. But you didn't eat any of the moldy gross parts, did you? Didn't eat the moldy gross parts. No, no, no.

you have a cheese and there's a little bit of mold on the cheese. Do you throw all the cheese away? Do you cut the mold off? I don't eat enough cheese to have dealt with that problem in years. Or I eat the cheese so fast. But I would just cut the mold off and eat the cheese. Yeah, but cut the mold off. The thing I don't play with is spoiled meat.

Oh, you should. If I smell meat and it's bad, that's going to the trash. Even if there's, if I question it. Milk and meat? Again, I haven't had milk spoil on me in like so long. I just, I drink a lot. I go through a lot of milk. I think a lot of people are lactose intolerant. I'm like hyper lactose tolerant. Like my body just turns milk into success. You know what I mean? I've never had any tummy gurgles from milk.

Oh my gosh. You didn't get the gene? Yeah, I think my people were born to process dairy. Just Northern Europe, it's like this is the only thing we have. Cannot process their emotions, but can definitely process lactose. In fact, I've almost replaced emotions with lactose. Yeah, there's more protein in lactose than there are emotions. Agreed, agreed. Well, depends on where you get your milk from.

I should talk to my therapist about that. The creations! Okay. Well, this sucks and I hate your Aunt Diane. Patooy Aunt Diane. Patooy, I don't like her. That really does suck. That would be really devastating to me. We have, you post a video or something online and if it's ever something that has like noodles in it or whatever, you'll just get a comment of people going, looks like worms. It's like, yeah, the term vermicelli literally means worm. No, verm just means worm.

What does vermin mean? I think vermin is, well, yeah, I guess vermin comes from worms too. Maggie, you must Google this for us. You must be our fact checker. Yeah, the term vermicelli literally means like worm noodles. Like, yeah, they look like worms. It's not worms. It's noodles. So I hate when people judge something from its appearance like that.

You know? Read it. I can't read that. I need to get my contacts refitted. I can't see that. Yeah, verme means worm. Okay, and vermin? But where does vermin come from? It must come from the same thing, right? But I consider vermin to be like a...

A rodent? Like a rodent. Vermin versus? Vermin etymology. Yeah, so snake must be like, yeah, verm meaning worm. Interesting. Nicole, you are correct. Nicole is right. This is Josh's fifth time telling me I was right today. This is how many discussions we've had. We've had so many discussions where we've disagreed, but you've told me I've been right, I think, three times. Five is a little bit extra. You're welcome.

I am craving a big slice of pizza and an ice cold Pepsi for lunch today. Nicole, what if I told you you have the power to make that happen? I do? Yeah, and you know how I know that? Because you're real, real smart. That's one of the reasons. The other reason is that I had the same dream that you had, except this was a couple days ago. We basically live parallel lives, but I was craving an ice cold Pepsi and a big old slice of pizza, and I was at the airport, and I was coming back,

to LA. And so I really needed some food to get me through that last leg of the journey. And I was on the plane and I opened my pizza and the flight attendant came by and I got the free chips and I got an ice cold Pepsi Zero Sugar. And I will never forget this borderline spiritual experience of eating that spicy from the pepperoni, salty, chewy pizza, going to the crispy chips and then resetting my palate with ice cold, refreshing Pepsi Zero Sugar, that

perfect amount of acid to just cut through all that fat in your palate. And then back to the chewy pizza, crispy chip, refreshing Pepsi, chewy pizza, crispy chip, refreshing Pepsi. And it made the flight so, so much better. My lunch was absolutely saved. I love story time with you, Josh. It's my favorite. But moral of the story is Pepsi makes your food taste better. Everybody knows that. So grab a Pepsi Zero Sugar for your next meal as food deserves Pepsi.

I'm Anna Garcia with True Crime News, the podcast. Every crime tells a story. Every story demands justice. True Crime News, the podcast covers breaking crimes, investigating high profile and under the radar cases. Every week we dive beyond the headlines, exploring the effects of violent crimes on victims and search for justice. We hope you join us as your weekly source for true crime news.

Listen to and follow True Crime News, the podcast, on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. Am I the anus for serving my husband's parents pizza on Christmas dinner when they showed up unexpectedly? This one's wordy. Well, blitz through it quickly. I, 33-year-old female, am a nurse, and I've been crazy busy lately. So busy that I spend two consecutive days at the hospital. I covered shifts during weekends and holidays for this year. We're not doing well financially, and I've only been working for a few months, and we got debts to pay.

I'm exhausted all the time. I don't get to sleep much. I feel bad for you. Thank you for your service as a nurse. My husband's parents are aware of my work nature but still acted upset I didn't go shop for their gifts earlier. I already dislike the parents.

Ooh!

I really thought they let another family member host Christmas dinner. Pause. That sucks, dude. That really, really sucks. Especially, here's the thing, not to like talk SHI double hockey sticks about old people, but like there is this, you're seeing it now where younger, young people aren't having kids nearly as much and there's like this whole generation of older people who are like lamenting not having grandkids. But then it's like if you're not

Old people hold so much more wealth primarily because of housing costs increase, right? Sure. And if like you're not helping out your kids that are in a much worse financial situation than you ever would have been, you know, during that time, it's like, well, no wonder you're not getting raised. No wonder there's this resentment that you expect everyone to be as self-sufficient when you're in drastically different economic times. Agreed. Back in.

Oh my god. Look at you, you're trying.

They said they came to give us our gifts on behalf of the family and they stayed over for two hours. His mom started giving me looks and asking when she and her husband were going to eat dinner. Oh!

Oh, this is just a classic mother, like mother-in-law, daughter-in-law. Do you deal with this? No, my mother-in-law is the best. You don't want to use the internet forum as a place to talk smack? No, I'm so lucky to have my mother-in-law. She really gives me the space I need. God bless her. Yeah, I like offer to cook a lot more for my mother-in-law. Keep going with the story! Okay, okay, okay.

His mom started giving me looks, asking when she was going to eat dinner. I got up and decided to reheat the pizza we had from the night before. And when his mom saw it, she stared at me and asked if I was serious. She asked me where's Christmas dinner and was stunned that I didn't cook for the occasion. I told her I didn't cook because I wasn't expecting anyone to be invited to the house. She got upset, said that I should have cooked for the occasion regardless of whether we had guests or not because she said it's part of the celebration and talked about how every home has a Christmas feast. She said I had no etiquette and that I was clearly starving her son by not even cooking on holidays. Oh my god.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

And then there's an edit. My husband works in construction. It's been slow lately, so he spends more time at home than me. There's a simple...

There's a simple solution here. Shared household duties. Okay, I think this is just so much pressure on her. Like, she has so much pressure. She has to bring in money. She has to be a wife. She has to cater to her in-laws. This is a ridiculous situation, and I'm so sorry that she has to be in this situation. Like, no understanding from anybody. She has only enemies in this house. Unfair.

You gotta divorce his ass. No, no, no. I'm not saying that. I mean, maybe. I don't know. I mean, I... Maggie agrees. I don't know. Clearly, the husband must have known his parents were coming over and tell her. Yeah, he should have told her for sure. I think everyone right now just is very much against this woman who's really trying to, you know, put not actual food on the table, like money in the pockets of her family while her husband's work is still working double shifts. I mean...

Like, your husband is home most of the time. He could have called in advance and gotten food. Like, she has so much labor she has to do. And it's really unfair. Yeah. Like, God. Like, I don't know if the mother-in-law was somebody who maybe they were a full-time homemaker in a time when it was more common that you could economically afford to do that. Even if she wasn't, even if she was one of those women that was like, hey, I worked a full-time job. I still cook Christmas dinner every year. I think there's...

People who have undergone unfair situations just tend to pass that on. Yeah, of course. And say, I had this unfair situation. You need to abide by that. You must experience it. As opposed to trying to make the system more equitable for everybody. But also like this, I'm probably guilty of it too. But like men in romantic relationships, in straight romantic relationships, looking for a caretaker. Sure. Right? Somebody to cook, somebody to clean, somebody to handle all the stuff. Why don't you verbalize that?

Well, yeah, I'm saying it's like it's like she's expected to do all of this stuff. She has the same 24 hours as anyone else. You can't expect her to do everything. She literally got home Christmas Day at 2 p.m. and was so tired she couldn't even shower. Then her in-laws come four hours later and like they God bless her. She gave them tea and biscuits and coffee and stuff.

I mean, I'm just really shocked and really disappointed that this exists. What a bummer of a situation. I didn't think I'd get hit this hard by the Reddit, man. I would never. If my in-laws did this to me, buh-buh.

Goodbye. Do not come. I have nobody in my life that would do this to me at all, and I'm very grateful for that. Yeah, I know. You know? No, no, no. Are you kidding me? My freaking mother-in-law asks me what she can bring to my house when I have people over. She literally, she says, I will make you 50 dishes. I will drop them off at your door just if I have like five people over. And I'm like, you don't have to do that. You know what I mean? Like I have the opposite problem. This is really sad.

I'm sorry. That sucks, man. Divorce is ass. You deserve better. You deserve better. You gotta leave. No, I'm not. Can I do the TikTok psychology thing? Your husband is clearly displaying early onset narcissistic tendency signs. Sorry, that's my favorite trope about all these. Everyone's a narcissist? No, just everyone diagnoses everyone. And it's generally, if it's any relationship problem, it's generally that person's a narcissist. Narcissist.

Yeah. I mean, I don't think divorce is the answer. I think divorce is like, what is it called? Like plan Z. I think that's the last possible plan.

Yeah. That's just how I am. Yeah. I think you should work through these things if you love your partner. They're in any relationship squabble, especially things that end up on Reddit. I remember talking to Ify Wadiwe and his partner Em. They have a relationship podcast. Sure. And they're like, sometimes there is a problem because the only thing that we could say to 90% of these are like,

You should say that to your partner. Yeah. Like, you should just communicate. Just talk this through and find shared goals and a shared outcome. Sure. And so, I mean, that's the sitch here, right? It's like... Just communicate. Communicate, man. Communicate better. Talk about that. Communicate better. Do the work even though no one else is. And then communicate, bam, by serving him divorce papers. Subpoena. Subpoena. He's a narcissist. Subpoena. Subpoena.

Okay, I have one. A Christmas dinner, 1985. Approximately 25 people in the house, adults at the dining room table. All the kids around the coffee table in the adjacent sunken living room two steps down. Oh, I really want a sunken living room. My uncle was seated at the end of the table closest to the living room. He leaned back too far in his chair and toppled into the living room. Normally this would have been funny, but he habitually would tuck the tablecloth in his belt while he was eating and had done the same thing here.

spiral cut ham turkey all the china glass and sides followed him off the table and into the shag carpet it looked like a bomb exploded we wound up ordering chinese and my mother had to tear out and replace the carpet

First of all, sunken living room, my dream. Shag carpet, sunken living room. Oh my gosh, what are we doing here? Dream of the 70s alive in the 80s right now. This is sad. I mean, I just feel bad that all that food and all that china went to waste. You know, that's depressing. What a Mr. Bean-ass pratfall, though. Oops. Tucking the tablecloth into your belt. Why do you do that? What do you mean you? Is it you looked at me? Is it because he's a man? You think I would do that? You wear more belts than I do. I wear a lot of belts. Do you?

Is he tucking it in to catch all the food? I would guess. I'd say that, yes, but I think it's probably like a, that's a fun uncle gag, right? Like, ha ha ha, look at me.

You know, I'm a little weird uncle. It's a fun uncle joke. If I was at a table as a nine-year-old and I saw my uncle do that, I'd be like, that's Pete comedy right there. That's Pete comedy, Uncle Jeff. Mr. Bean-ass comedy. Mr. Bean-ass comedy. And then to flip over the... That's embarrassing. Oh, God. This is one of those... Sometimes it's more comforting when everything just goes completely wrong and you have to scrap it, right? There's no saving it. No. Dinner's simply on the carpet. We're ordering Chinese food. I mean, the Chinese food, what a save. God bless.

God bless Chinese immigrants that are open during Christmas and Hanukkah for this reason exactly. You've seen that meme that goes around every year from the Chinese restaurant. We are grateful for our Jewish brothers. It's like, dear Jewish people, we do not understand why your God asks you to eat our food on Christmas, but we are grateful. Yeah, I love that. I love that so much. Here's a good one. My ex and I decided to make some extra dressing one year in a 9x9 baking dish. When the meal was ready, we had more than enough food for everyone, so we put the extra dressing in the oven to stay warm.

Couple hours later, while we're cleaning up the kitchen, she hit the self-clean cycle on the oven. Oh my god, what does that mean?

Do you know how an oven cleans itself? You're about to find out. The oven door automatically locked and the oven heated up to over 600 degrees. Oh, no. Ten minutes later, thick black oily smoke started pouring out of the oven vents. Of course, the oven door was still locked, so even turning off the cleaning cycle did nothing. It wouldn't unlock until the oven cooled down. By the time I had the bread, I had to turn the breaker off to reset the oven. Smart. I want you in a horror movie. We had a nice 9x9 charcoal briquette and smoke damage all over the kitchen. Fun times. Oh.

I have never pressed the self-clean button on my...

My oven. Me neither. I'll get in there and I'll scrub it. I'll easy off it. I've never self-cleaned an oven, but it heats it super, super hot. So it singes it? So it kills everything? It's like how you clean a grill, right? You clean a grill by just cranking the grill on and turning everything that's stuck to it to carbon. And then just wiping away the carbon. With an onion. Yeah, sure, with an onion. I just use a brush, but yeah, you can do the onion. Well, I'm sad. I wish I could have tasted that stuff, man. That's pretty sad. I know, man. The smoke damage probably cost a pretty penny.

have a bad habit of turning the broiler on and I'm at the point where I don't think I should ever turn a broiler on again in my own home. Well, you know what they say, Josh? The broiler at work doesn't do nothing. Life's too short to cook on medium. They sure do say that. Buy the Mythical Kitchen apron, part two of ElectroGulu. But no, I smoke damage our oven and it's still kind of

Dealing with it. I forgot what I did. Oh, I think I was making moussaka and I was trying to brulee the bechamel. And then I had to... It didn't explode, but it lit it on fire straight up. You lit your moussaka on fire. But I saved it because I scraped off all the bechamel and I made more. And then I literally think... Is this the dish that took you two days to make? No, that was the moussaka-inspired lasagna. Then I made proper moussaka after I got back from Greece.

Okay, you want to do one more? That's how you say thank you in Greek. Did you know that? I think it's sus or no, sas. That's how you say thank you? But like then it just kind of ends up getting like slurred. Thanks for teaching me something new. I'm so grateful that you teach me something new every day. Back

Back when microwaves were new, my grandmother decided to microwave the turkey for Thanksgiving. Oh, my God. It turned out about as hideous as you can imagine. My mother banned her from ever hosting Thanksgiving again. So I don't know about you, but you grew up watching Flavor of Love. You watched a lot of VH1? Yeah, I did, yeah. You ever see them? Brooklyn spit on...

Dolly doll or whatever someone spit on some pumpkin spit on New York. That's right. That's right. There it is But there was a character I think her name was hottie and they had a cooking challenge She put a whole chicken in the microwave and it was obscene It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen the producers are just they're asking them to make fools of themselves I don't know I could imagine do you think it's organic?

I mean, she was a little silly. She was silly and quite goofy. But every time I think of microwaving a whole anything, doesn't matter what it is, I immediately think of Hottie from Flavor of Love. There's not a world in which this works, right? Microwaving a turkey from like... Definitely. You could microwave like a fish filet. You could microwave a fish filet and it would turn out good. What do you mean? Like a filet of fish? Yeah, you take like a single filet of hake.

You want some steamed hake? You could microwave. Yeah, but if you do that at work, you would be tried by the hake. Hey-oh. Hey-oh. Well, that wraps up our Reddit disasters. Hopefully y'all have made it through this holiday season without any disasters of your own. But if you have not, call us at 833-DOGPOD1. We want to hear about it. We want to mine your pain for content. We've mined enough of our own. Happy holidays. We love you.

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Now it's time for everyone's third favorite segment where Nicole and I put our food trivia knowledge to the test. That's right. You know it. You love it. It's time for our very own trivia segment called Yummy in My Tummy Got Some Trivia for You.

Now, Robot Mikey has three questions prepared. Nicole, you and I will wait until the question is complete, and then we will answer. If wrong, the other person gets a chance to steal and earn the point. I'm ready. To that first question. I have to pee. I'm so anxious. Why is the food served during Hanukkah fried? I know. I know. Dang. On three. One, two. Because the Maccabees? Wait.

What? Oh, I don't think it. Do I not know this? Wait, what is the question? Why is the food on Hanukkah fried? Okay, yeah. Wait, no, I don't know it. Is it just because the miracle of the oil? So the food fried in oil is representative of the miracle of the oil in the temple lasting for eight days instead of one? Yes. Okay, okay. I was going off on the Shabbat direction. Oh, what?

Historically, food that is – you would fry food before Shabbat started and the frying would – Help keep it – Help keep it like edible and free from bacteria. Yeah. This is completely different. Completely different. This is about, as Josh said, the oil was supposed to last one day, but it ended up lasting eight days. And in order – that's why we eat sufganiyot and latkes.

That is correct. I'll give Nicole that point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shalom Havarim. Next. In what century was eggnog first consumed? Ding.

Okay. I think I know this. What's it? I'm going to say, I'm going to go ahead and guess it was the 15th century. And then it goes back to the 1400s. Nog is such an old-timey word. Yeah. And things like that, there's nothing, like, that would be modern about it. I'm going to go ahead and say 15th century. I'm going to, I'm just going to go way later and think that this was one of the earlier, like,

Kind of like CPG items in the time when they started. I'm going to say 19th century. Maybe it was later. The correct answer is the 13th century. Oh, damn. That was pretty close. That was pretty close. That's crazy. 13th century eggnog, bro? Probably tasted like butt. Probably dank. Dank. What type of pie is traditionally eaten in the UK during Christmas? Oh, okay.

I think I know. Yeah, one, two, three. Mince. The correct answer is mince pie. Yeah. It's funny they didn't say mince meat. I like the way that they call ground beef mince in the UK. You wish they called it mince? They call that. They call ground beef mince. You wish we called it mince at a ground beef? They're like, add 100 grams of mince.

And I like when they say that instead of like, add a quarter pound of ground beef. Well, you're just anti-American, Mr. Man. I suppose so. I don't know, man. Every country has its problems. Do we have more, Maggie? We have two more. Light them up. Light them up. Light them up. Light them up. Remember what the score is. I'm winning. Nicole's up, what? Two to one. She got closer on the... Oh, if we were on proximity, man, whatever. What?

What traditional Christmas dessert was banned in England in the 17th century for being considered a sinful indulgence? Oh, I don't know. You want to guess? I'm going to say Christmas pudding. I was going to say gingerbread. The correct answer is plum pudding. Yeah, plum pudding is Christmas pudding. Yeah, same thing. Plum pudding, figgy pudding, they all have the same. Plum puddings don't even have plums in them generally. Emily and I did a Meals of History about the time Christmas was banned. It was during the...

God, what was it? Was it when Cromwell, Lord Protectorate, took over? Christmas was banned for like seven years in a...

Wow. No way. Final question. So we're tied. We're tied. In Japan, what fast food chain is famously associated with Christmas dinner, often requiring pre-orders months in advance? On three. One, two. KFC, baby. The correct answer is KFC. KFC Taco Bell Hybrids. I'll take that tie. Do we have another one queued up for a tiebreaker? I can give you one. Give me one. Not holiday themed, but because in...

in celebration of having Alan Tudyk on Last Meals and talk about it later. He was on a show called Firefly. Oh my God. What class of ship did his character wash pilot in the show Firefly? What is Firefly? Nicole gets it. What?

What? She did the... Wait, I thought Firefly was a nickname for the ship. No, it's a classic ship. I believe you. I believe you. I guess I win. I even watched... It was dirty. It was dirty. I watched like five episodes of Firefly. I'll give Nicole the win. Maggie, where can I watch Firefly? Hulu. Thank you for asking. I can watch it on Hulu? Okay, I'm watching The Great right now, but when I finish The Great, I will be watching...

Firefly. And on Hulu, they have the episodes in the correct order. That is correct. Yeah, yeah. That Fox did not air them in. Oh, okay. Yeah, shut it down. I win. You do win. You do win. All right. We've heard from us enough. Now it's time to find out what other wacky news is rattling out there in the universe. It's time for a little segment we call... Opinions are like cats. Oh.

That was me being Elphaba from Wicked. I've heard, I don't know if you've seen this recently, but I've heard that people are really holding space for and sitting in the power of... There's no video. ...the opinions that cast girls on. I'm so sad. There's no video in this section. But the record show that Nicole is using her dainty fingers to hold my finger daintily. And I go...

That was exactly what I wanted. Am I Cynthia or are you Cynthia? Well, I was playing the journalist, so you're Cynthia now. Okay. She does this a lot. She puts her hand on her clavicle. It's a very empathetic gesture. Yeah, she does this a lot. The best part about that video is the journalist going, it's at least a few posts. I don't know if there are more. And being moved to tears by a few posts of anything.

Should I let go now? I think you should let go of my finger. Yeah, yeah. You feel like a baby clutching my finger. You know? All right, let's get to that opinion. Well, I'm going to Google the term for why babies have such strong grip. That was hot. We're very hot. Hey, my name is Austin from South Carolina. Go Cocks. My food

Go Cocks. My opinion is that pickles can go on literally anything. Everybody knows about the classic pickles and peanut butter, but I've also had pickles on cheesecake, and it is delicious. You put pickles on literally anything, and it'll make it better. Okay. Anyway, I love you guys. I believe you. Oh, I love you. I love you too, and again, we are very hot. It's called the Palmar Grasp Reflex.

Palmar? So newborns have like very strong, like newborn babies can do pull-ups, right? Do you know how to get them out of the grip? Hold my finger. Okay. So pretend you're a baby.

So what you do is you push their wrist back. So you, like, push their wrist back. You take the wrist. No, you push the wrist, and then they let go. So they get in top guard, and then they're about to get you in a triangle choke, and then you just got to break the wrist. It's not breaking it. This is just baby jujitsu. You just got to push it back. This is baby jujitsu. It's like reflexes. And then I get that baby in an arm bar. That baby's tapping. I love babies. If that baby doesn't tap, I'm taking the arm. My brother just had a baby. I'm obsessed with her. Watched a lot of Rousey fights growing up. Rousey.

Yeah, that arm bar man. Ronda Rousey. She's taking that arm. Ronda Rousey. Pickles on everything. Pickles on... Pickles on most things. On most things. I've been recently indulging. You?

Yeah, and a lot more sweet pickles. I hate sweet pickles right now. Well, I used to hate sweet pickles because to me they're not pickles until I reframed them in my mind, Nicole. Candied cucumbers. Sweet and sour candied cucumbers. And I would chop those up and put them into a cheesecake because I think the sugar, the cream cheese, the candied cucumbers I think would really work together.

I love this. Reframe what a pickle is. I love all pickles, but I like, I think, half sours and full sours and dills more so. Half sours are not a pickle. I'm speaking. More so than, more so than, like, sweet pickles. Bread and butter pickles. But, you know, I'll say this much. I think pickles go on most things. I'm not going to say everything, but most things, yes.

Have you ever had a Persian pickle? Those are the best because once you go Persian, there's no other version. You heard it here first. That sounds like a terrible pickup line. You ever had a Persian pickle? Would you like to? Would you like to? That's not good. It only works in certain neighborhoods. Hi. So my hot take is that artichokes are the ultimate vegetable. They're a thistle, fact.

That's pretty metal. It's pretty metal. They taste great on pizza. You can boil them. You can grill them. They're great slathered in butter, stuffed with breadcrumbs. You literally cannot go wrong with them. They actually have a chokehold on my life in the best possible way. Chokehold. But yeah, let me know what you think. Okay, bye. I fully agree. I think artichokes are truly one of the great vegetables. However...

However. Anybody who has worked in a kitchen and has had to, like, turn artichokes. I remember once I was just given a case of raw artichokes and taught how to turn them. And, dude, the amount that you are – I can feel them prick my fingers. And then turning them, it is the best vegetable, but it is so hard to extract. Surely, you can buy canned artichokes. You can buy jarred artichokes. You can, you know, any sort of preparation on that. That makes it a lot better. But, like, turning them yourself –

sucks. They are such a hassle. And I wish there was a way to cultivate them without making them so hassle-y. Like a seedless watermelon but a chokeless... No, not a seedless watermelon. But something that was... I wish there was a way for us to be able to get in there without all of the pain and the misery of turning... I think the payoff of learning how to make your... like turn your own artichokes is...

is it really worth the cooking of it? But, like, getting them, like you said, pre-packaged and pre-done is, like, the best. They are really freaking delicious. But even, like, the artichoke hearts that you get in a can, though, I feel like a lot of the times I'm getting, like, tough exterior leaves on them. Very rarely, though. I'd rather just go hearts of palm. Oh, my God. Hearts of palm. I am...

Oh my god. Swamp cabbage, baby. I get hearts of palm every single time I go shopping, and let me tell you, they are so delicious. I put them in salads. I make little vegan ceviches with it. Let me tell you, I just eat them out of the can. I love heart of palm, and more people need to eat heart of palm. It's a swamp cabbage. Is it? I don't even know. Swamp cabbage, the sable palm.

Check it out. Yeah, so heart of palm is the edible core of the sable palm tree. Sable palm? Yeah, which is where you can eat the greens from it, and it's called swamp cabbage. They're so beautiful. Yeah. I love it. Yeah, artichokes are great. Next opinion. Can't remember if you guys have ever talked about this, but what is so bad about microwaving water? Nothing.

Nothing. I know the Europeans get all up in their feelings about it. Okay, okay, okay. I know what they're talking about. But a lot of Americans don't have kettles, but we do have microwaves. Okay. And it takes a minute. If you're worried about it overheating and exploding in your face, just throw a toothpick in the cup. Nope. Never heard of that. Long time listener. Thanks. Bye. I've never heard of this toothpick trick. Oh, but have you heard about water exploding in a microwave?

No. I listened to like a nightly news report when I was like eight years old that was about a woman that tried to boil water in the microwave and something happens very rarely apparently where the water looks like it's not boiling but you touch it and it explodes. Oh, ow. And that has freaked me the hell out ever since. So I have done that where I've microwaved water, didn't know how long it was in there, lost track of time, and I like poked a spoon in it and nothing happened.

But I've done that before. That's funny. Oh, my gosh. Maybe that's why Europeans think you should use a kettle. But I think so much of these idiosyncrasies about food, food isn't what we consume. Food is who we are. Sure. Right? And so I think when— That's beautiful. Right? So when I think we tell a Brit who, you know, for them and for a lot of other people around the world, tea is such a big part of who they are and who the culture is. Right. It's their culture. Yeah. And when you tell them that, I don't care enough about that.

to have a specialty device to do it. I'm fine bootlegging it in the microwave. I think that is then an affront to their identity. A lot of it is also gentle shit talking, right? Where you just, oh, you don't have a rice cooker. You don't have this, whatever. And so I completely get it. It's generally in good spirits. I think you should buy a kettle. I think kettles are handy dandy.

But I also have microwaved plenty of cups of tea if I don't have time to, you know, brew a whole kettle. But I got a kettle that's on its own like burner and it heats up in five minutes to 212 degrees. It gets boiling hot very, very fast. So I'm an active tea drinker now. How much times a week? How much times a week do you drink a tea? Well,

like four. Really? I drink it at night. What are we talking about? Echinacea? So David studies at night and I brew him like strong black Persian tea and then I make myself a nice little caffeine free spearmint, peppermint, chamomile or lavender and I just think it's nice to like curl up and be on watch TV and have like a nice little hot drink instead of like eating like chips and candy honestly. Helps me a lot. So tea helps that. So I prefer drinking tea

than like snacking at night and getting a kettle that heats up nicely and fast makes it easier I heat my water in a pot

You heat your water in a pot. There's nothing wrong with that. I love a kettle. I'm Persian. We love tea. It's a big part of our culture. So I actually have gone through like telling my husband and my mom, like I need a samovar, which is like an old school, like tea, like it's a kettle with like water. And then above it is a little like tea kettle. Like a percolator? Like a percolator and then a tea kettle. And like, I really want one. So I've like told myself, like whenever I become like a little bit like of an old

Older fancier lady I'm gonna get myself a samovar Which is so stupid Because right now I'm kind of like raw dogging it Like I just have a kettle on that little burner With like a little tea bag But eventually I'm gonna be a samovar lady And I'm very excited about who that's gonna be Food is who we are I love that Josh That's a really good tagline You should make shirts that say food is who we are That's good man You should do that Just take the nice things we say and turn it into commerce What other way is there to live That's a good point

We have one more, Maggie? Okay. Crank it. Crank that Soulja Boy. Taco Bell's Baja Blast mixed with a white Riesling wine. Try it. Let me know. I don't need to try it. I know it's good. I know it's dank. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. Why are you laughing? I'm down.

Shades of Andrew Ray, a famous culinary inventor, content creator. Binging with Babish is his name. And he is one of the people who's popular as Gator Wine. He made it? I believe he reacted to it on a YouTube video and then he proceeded to drink four glasses. That is equal parts Gator Wine.

red wine and Gatorade, and he said it is delicious. Here is the thing. You take a thing that tastes good, and you mix it with another thing that tastes good, with rare exceptions.

Those things are probably going to taste good together. If you would drink white wine on itself and drink Baja Blast by itself, you add them together, it is going to taste like a thing you want to drink yourself. Nicole, as a joke, go do your joke. Is Gator Wine what Lana Del Rey served at her wedding? It's a good joke. She married, I believe, an alligator trainer, alligator wrangler. I don't know. Lana Del Rey. Did you like my joke? It was a good joke. If you...

Red wine and Coca-Cola, same thing. I did that the other day, and then people were looking at me like it was all kind of crazy. But to be fair, it was Diet Coke and two-buck chocolate. Yeah, but that's what you should be making it with. But people think that's very strange. I made it on the plane. It's a drink called Cali Mocho. It's very delicious. You drink red wine by itself. You drink Coca-Cola by itself. A lot of red wine has similar spice notes as Coca-Cola, if we're being dead honest. A nice peppery zin probably is really good. Probably, man. A little Syrah and Pepsi Zero Sugar. I'm no better. I'm no better. I'm no better. You know?

And so anyways, all I'm saying is you can mix a lot more things than you think, man. Yeah. Period. Rosé and chocolate milk. Do it. Who cares? Period. Live your life. Live your life. Dr. Pepper.

Pepper and vodka, do it! Call it Dr. Vodka. Yeah, we used to do Jager and root beer. That is not a combo that tastes good. You have never, like, actively drank Jager Meister? Oh my god, no! Every time I say that, people are like, what are you tacking about? I agree, I agree. I've just never, like, had a shot of Jager. Jager Meister, man, do it. Get a Jager kegerator or whatever they call them. Jager kegerator? Yeah, a little Jager fridge kegs. Well, on that note. Are we done?

Thank you for listening to a hot dog at the Santa chart. Time is up. This is our last podcast of the year. Josh, what are you thankful for? It's time to float into the new year. What are you thankful for in 2024? I'm thankful for all of our beautiful listeners. And all of our listeners who don't conform to conventional beauty standards. I love our ugly listeners as well.

I only like the hug. There's no virtue in beauty. Everyone is beautiful. I don't think there's... Yeah. Even the ugly... Even ugly people are beautiful. Being ugly is cool these days, too. There's a lot of really successful ugly people. Ugly people are having their year in 2024. Me and you? I think... Yeah. I'm going to get way uglier. Professional uggo. I've ascended the amateur ranks to professional uggo.

If you want to be featured on Opinions or Like Castros, give us a ring and leave a quick message at 833-DOGPOD1. For more Mythical Chicken, check out our other videos. We launch new episodes every week. Happy New Year! Happy New Year! Josh is getting married! Oh my God! Carla only has the best tech. Can't connect to network. But she didn't have the best internet. So she got Cox Multigig Spades to power all her...

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