Deep Dive
Why is Audra considering cutting ties with her mother-in-law?
Audra is considering cutting ties with her mother-in-law due to the chaos it causes in her marriage. She feels her mother-in-law has no genuine interest in their children and uses them as pawns to control her husband, Jesse. Additionally, her mother-in-law only wants to see the kids when it’s convenient for her and insists on bringing her boyfriend, who makes Audra uncomfortable.
How does Jesse perceive the situation with his mother?
Jesse acknowledges some of Audra’s concerns but feels parts of her description may be exaggerated. He recognizes that his mother has changed since dating her new boyfriend, becoming less connected to him and his siblings. However, he struggles to fully confront her about her behavior, though he agrees she needs to earn the right to be involved in their family.
What specific behavior does Audra describe as manipulative from her mother-in-law?
Audra describes her mother-in-law as manipulative for withholding Christmas and birthday gifts for their children unless Jesse brings the kids to visit her. She uses the gifts as leverage to force visits, which Audra sees as a lack of genuine interest in the children.
What advice does Dr. Laura give Jesse regarding his mother?
Dr. Laura advises Jesse to be blunt with his mother about how her behavior has changed since dating her boyfriend. She suggests Jesse tell his mother that she needs to earn the right to be involved in their family and that contact will be limited until she returns to her previous self. Dr. Laura emphasizes that Jesse’s primary responsibility is to his wife and children.
How has Jesse’s mother changed since dating her new boyfriend?
Since dating her new boyfriend, Jesse’s mother has become less connected to him and his siblings, acting more like a “zombie” and less present in their lives. Jesse notes that her behavior has shifted significantly, and she no longer shows the same level of interest in their family.
- Audra wants to cut ties with her mother-in-law due to chaotic behavior.
- Mother-in-law uses gifts and presence to manipulate Jesse.
- Jesse is unsure if his wife's perspective is fully accurate.
Shownotes Transcript
Millions of unpaid family caregivers look after their loved ones, a true labor of love. This season, Halion, maker of brands like Advil and Centrum, has supported three caregivers with $10,000 from renovating their homes to make their loved ones comfortable to taking on extra shifts at work so their family can rest easy. Each individual goes above and beyond in the way they care.
Hear the winner's stories now by visiting BeThereWithCare.com. Contest ended November 15th. Official rules at BeThereWithCare.com. Time now for a refresher from my Dr. Laura Call of the Day archives. Remember, you can hear my live radio program weekdays, 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Audra and Jesse, welcome to the program.
Hi, Dr. Laura. My husband just got home from work right now, so I thought I'm going to seize the opportunity while you're still on to give you a call. Oh, excellent. Hi, Jessie. Hi. Hi. I just finished proper care. Sorry, Dr. Laura. I just finished proper care and feeding a husband about a month or so ago, and it was life-changing, so I just wanted to share that with you. Hey, Jessie, are you happy she read that book?
Yeah, I am. She's had a noticeable improvement over the last month or so. Thank you. You're welcome. Well, thank her. She could have read it and said, the hell with this, but she loves you. All right. What can I do for you guys?
Okay, Dr. Laura, so we are having an issue with my mother-in-law, which I know you know is a tale as old as time. But, you know, I'm getting to the point where I'm really over the chaos that it causes us in our marriage. So I told him yesterday that I was ready to go ahead and cut ties with her from myself and our two young daughters because it's very chaotic and chaotic.
That's about the best way I can put it. It's chaos. That's fine. That's the general picture, but tell me specifically what's happening. Yes. So she just has no real genuine interest in our kids. It seems to me more as that she wants to use them as pawns to have control over my husband, and I know he doesn't view it that way, but that's how I see it. Give me an example of how she might use it to manipulate him, use the kids to...
Give me the picture. Right. So, for example, she has not seen them since my daughter in November when my daughter was just born. So she has not given them Christmas gifts or birthday gifts, which my other daughter's birthday was in January. And so what she does now is she holds the gifts over their heads that she won't come see us until or she will not. She is using the gifts as a way to get my husband to see the kids. Right.
And it's no there's no real genuineness there. It's just a way to force us to visit. Well, I'm a little bit I'm a little way I'm mixed up. You said she doesn't make an effort to see the kids. And then you say she's using presence as a way to get to see the kids. Does she want to see them or not? I'm confused.
She only wants to see them when it's convenient for her. It's very much, it's not a genuineness like it is per se with my parents. My parents are very genuine with the kids and with her, it's not very genuine at all.
She is currently shacked up with a boyfriend that makes me feel very uncomfortable around him. And she will not see the kids unless the boyfriend is able to come as well. So that's a no. That gets a big no. Okay. So, Jesse, the way Audra has described this, do you see it the same way?
Parts of it I do. Other parts I think may be kind of exaggerated. Okay. Well, exaggeration still means it exists. Right. I agree. Like if I say this is big and it's four pounds and I say it's five pounds, it still is pounds. So tell me what your mother was like while you were growing up. What was she like? I have good memories of it. I don't know. I never really...
After talking to my wife a lot about this situation, I've noticed things that she has brought attention to that did happen during my childhood. But, I mean, I thought I was raised pretty decently. What do you think makes her do this threatening about gifts and coming to see the kids? What's motivating that? Because your mother-in-law isn't doing that. Why is your mother doing that?
You might not realize it, but your typical gooey laundry detergent leaves an invisible layer of chemicals on your clothes. When you want clean clothes without the irritating chemical residue, Earth Breeze dissolvable laundry sheets are the easiest, breeziest way to wash. Simple pre-measured detergent sheets instantly dissolve, giving you the powerful clean you're used to while being gentle on your skin. Earth Breeze tackles it all, from grass stains to juice spills and beyond.
♪♪
Dr. Laura Call of the Day listeners get 40% off with their subscription at earthbreeze.com slash drlaura. That's earthbreeze.com slash drlaura for 40% off your subscription now.
Welcome to Dunkin'. With Amex Gold, you can get up to $84 back annually at Dunkin' locations. So your morning pick-me-up... Can I have a medium iced coffee with one... ...tastes even better. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Enrollment required. Terms apply. Learn more at AmericanExpress.com slash with Amex. Millions of unpaid family caregivers look after their loved ones. A true labor of love. This season, Halion, maker of brands like Advil and Centrum, has supported three caregivers with $10,000.
from renovating their homes to make their loved ones comfortable to taking on extra shifts at work so their family can rest easy. Each individual goes above and beyond in the way they care. Hear the winners' stories now by visiting BeThereWithCare.com. Contest ended November 15th. Official rules at BeThereWithCare.com. At Amica Insurance, we know it's more than a life policy.
It's about the promise and the responsibility that comes with being a new parent, being there day and night, and building a plan for tomorrow, today. For the ones you'll always look out for, trust Amica Life Insurance. Amica. Empathy is our best policy. I have no idea why... Oh, guess. But you do see there's a difference between your mother-in-law and your mother.
Absolutely. Yeah. And how she treats your new family, your wife and your kids. So I'm sure you've had some conversation with your mother to try to understand why she's so different from your mother-in-law. Not really. I don't know. Ever since she started dating this new boyfriend, she kind of has seemed to just go off the deep end. You know, she just ever since she started dating him, she just kind of seemed like a zombie. Not really all there for him.
Me and my brother and sister and also our kids. Do you think she's doing drugs? No, I don't think so. Well, that would explain the zombie-ish. Well, not like a literal zombie, but she just doesn't really have the same connection to me and my siblings as before she started dating him. So I guess in a way he would be kind of like the drug. Got it. I got it. Okay. Do you think it would be unreasonable to tell your mother that, the truth? I don't know.
No, it wouldn't. Me and my brother, who also has some issues with her, we've both brought it up before that she's changed a lot since then. But have you been truthful with her that while she is with this stud that she's shacked up with, that her behavior has changed sufficiently, that you're going to wait until she comes back to being who she used to be before there'll be contact? Would you be willing to say something like that? Yeah. Yeah.
Things like that have been said to her. Probably not quite as blunt, but... You need to be blunt. Pardon? Because she really needs to hear what you're saying. And when you're not blunt, she can sort of ignore it. It's like if I take a cup and splash it, a cup of water, and splash it into your face, as opposed to just take my hand and throw water gently. Which one's going to get your attention? Yeah, definitely. You're trying to be nice because it's your mommy, right?
But you've got a wife and kids, and they're your first responsibility. Keeping your woman happy, protecting your kids. You're right. Your mother's a zombie. And until she gets de-zombified, you need to respect Audra's sentiments. Absolutely. Your mom has to earn it. I like that better than... She's got to earn it, not demand it.
Yep. You're right. We've talked about that quite a bit. Yeah, but not quite in that way. That was a fresh perspective. No, I appreciate that, Dr. Lowe. It was a new way of looking at it, actually, that we hadn't really seen it. Well, hug each other right now. Okay. Because this is everything. The two of you is everything. Your mom would be a nice accessory, but right now she's not available to be a nice accessory. Sounds like it.
I'm so glad we called. Me too. Now Audra, go rub his neck. He just came home from work. Oh, I will. I do all the things you say, Dr. Laura. I promise. Good. I've been a good girl. Good girl. Okay then.
My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform. With Amex Platinum, you can really be in the now. Access to Resi Priority Notify,
Yes! 4 p.m. checkout with fine hotels and resorts booked through Amex Travel. We needed this. And dedicated card member entrances at select events. Let's go! Means you can focus on the present moment. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms apply. Learn more at AmericanExpress.com slash with Amex. Card member entrance access not limited to Amex Platinum Card.