cover of episode Top 10 Ways to Ruin Your Relationships

Top 10 Ways to Ruin Your Relationships

2024/10/28
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Change Your Brain Every Day

AI Deep Dive AI Insights AI Chapters Transcript
People
D
Dr. Daniel Amen
T
Tana Amen
Topics
Dr. Daniel Amen: 本期节目探讨了破坏亲密关系的十大方式,并从神经科学角度解释了这些行为模式背后的原因。节目中,Amen 医生和 Tana Amen 详细阐述了责备他人、缺乏同理心、互相打断、防御性行为、不忠、冷暴力等行为对关系的负面影响,并强调了承担责任、积极倾听、尊重对方自主权、以及质疑消极想法的重要性。他们还指出,女性由于大脑结构的差异,更容易在关系中感到不快乐并最终选择离婚。 此外,节目中还提到了 Gottman 夫妇提出的关系破裂的四个预兆:防御性、轻视、批评和冷暴力。Amen 医生和 Tana Amen 强调了积极主动地寻找解决问题的方法,以及关注积极方面而非消极方面的重要性。他们还建议,在表达不满时,应以爱和尊重的方式进行,避免批评和指责。 Tana Amen: 本期节目中,Tana Amen 强调了在一段健康的关系中,双方需要承担 100% 的责任,而非 50/50。她分享了自己在克服生活困境时,如何通过承担全部责任来改变人生的经历。她还强调了同理心、积极倾听以及尊重对方自主权的重要性。此外,Tana Amen 还分享了如何通过质疑自己的消极想法,来改善情绪和关系的方法。她指出,女性由于大脑结构的差异,更容易记住负面经历,因此宽容和原谅至关重要。Tana Amen 还强调了花时间陪伴伴侣,以及将爱视为一种行动而非仅仅是一种感觉的重要性。她认为,爱是一种选择,需要在日常生活中不断付出和努力。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

Why do women file for divorce more often than men?

Women file for divorce more often because they have greater access to the right side of their brain, which recognizes trouble and problems. This makes them more likely to recognize issues in the relationship and take action.

What is the key to maintaining a healthy relationship according to the podcast?

The key to maintaining a healthy relationship is taking 100% responsibility for your part in the relationship, practicing empathy, active listening, assertiveness, spending quality time together, questioning negative thoughts, noticing what you like, and offering grace and forgiveness.

How does the brain type affect relationships?

Certain brain types, like the persistent type, may wear Teflon and not absorb feedback well, which can lead to communication issues and relationship strain.

What are the four horsemen of the apocalypse in relationship studies?

The four horsemen of the apocalypse in relationship studies are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. These behaviors can predict divorce with 90% accuracy.

Why is it important to question your thoughts in a relationship?

Questioning your thoughts helps prevent you from believing every negative thought you have, which can ruin a relationship. It allows you to challenge and correct inaccurate or harmful thoughts.

How does alcohol affect relationships?

Alcohol drops your frontal lobes, reducing your ability to control what you say and do. This can lead to saying things that are inappropriate or hurtful, which can damage the relationship.

What is the difference between assertiveness and aggression in relationships?

Assertiveness involves setting healthy boundaries and expressing your needs in a firm but respectful way. Aggression, on the other hand, involves being angry and bossy, which can be harmful to the relationship.

Why is it important to spend time together in a relationship?

Spending time together is crucial for nurturing the relationship and maintaining closeness. Lack of time together can lead to drifting apart and seeking companionship elsewhere.

How does noticing what you like more than what you don't like benefit a relationship?

Noticing what you like more than what you don't like reinforces positive aspects of the relationship, making both partners feel appreciated and valued.

What role does empathy play in a healthy relationship?

Empathy allows you to see things from your partner's point of view, fostering understanding and connection. Lack of empathy can lead to narcissistic behavior and relationship breakdown.

Chapters
This chapter explores the importance of taking 100% responsibility in relationships and how it can lead to healthier interactions.
  • Relationships are 100-100, not 50-50.
  • Responsibility is the ability to respond, not just blame.
  • Sovereignty in relationships means allowing partners to make their own decisions.

Shownotes Transcript

In this week's episode of Change Your Brain Every Day, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana sit down to discuss sure fire ways to ruin your primary relationships. Did you know that having good relationships can help you be healthier and happier—and even live longer? It’s true! In addition to how great it feels to be in a positive, warm, and satisfying relationship with another person, it’s actually helpful to your brain and body as you age. Conversely, people who are in unhealthy relationships filled with conflict and stress can become more vulnerable to sickness and earlier death.

 

00:00 Intro

02:10 Responsibility

04:12 Blame/Sovereignty

06:24 Talking Over One Another

08:01 Defensive Ninja Moves

10:53 Cheating/Mistrust

11:34 Sponsor

12:44 RELATING

24:07 Summary

26:56 Condescending Attitudes

27:51 Contempt

28:13 Criticism

28:48 Love is Just a Feeling

29:54 No Forethought = No Foreplay

31:46 Practical Tips

33:41 Wrap Up