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Welcome to Claim Your Power podcast, your all-inclusive roadmap to self-love, mindset, spirituality, and personal growth. I'm your host, Kim Peretz, and you are at the right place if you're ready to tap into the knowledge, advice, and inspiration you need to become your higher self. It's time to claim your power, baby.
Hi guys, welcome back to the pod. In today's episode, we are going to be talking all about mastering the art of indifference. This is such an important episode. I just want to ask you to please leave a review on the podcast. It really helps your girl out and supports me so that I can continue producing these podcast episodes for you guys for free to have access to on Spotify or on Apple Music and wherever you guys get your podcasts.
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This is something that I will share that I'm still working on as a person because can you 100% be indifferent to other people's words or actions or your environments? Absolutely not. This is a work in progress that each and every one of us are continuously going to work towards and shift towards but I have to say that I used to be such a reactive person and
Even up to a year ago, there are certain things in my life now where I notice myself responding so differently, responding from such a higher sense of peace. And genuinely, I feel so much pride in myself and so much love for myself in those moments because I'm like, you know what? I used to not respond like that. I used to react. I used to give my energy and my power away all the time. I used to let other people's words and inadequate actions affect me so easily and I'm
Honestly, if I share a little bit vulnerably, like it wasn't until I really hit like a rock bottom moment in my life where genuinely I would get physically ill and sick to the point that I was giving my power so much weight that I was so unhealthy like in my body and in my health that I had to start making a shift and I had to start really understanding what is the law of detachment. I had to really start learning how to prioritize my peace and prioritize my own sense of well-being first and
this is exactly what the art of indifference will teach you. We're going to get exactly into it and I'm going to help you understand this concept so that you can apply it to any single area of your life, whether it be
creating more indifference towards an ex, towards somebody who ghosted you, towards a toxic family member, an old friend. Maybe it's practicing the art of indifference towards an environment or job that you're in right now, that you're outgrowing. Whatever it may be, whatever it is that you feel like there's a lot of emotional charge, you react very easily, you give your power away a lot today. In today's episode, we're actually going to use the art of indifference
to shift that and to take your power back from that situation or that person or that experience so that you feel good in your body and that's where i want to get started is the art of indifference
It's not about toxic avoidance, hyper independence, not having feelings like running away and pushing everything under the rug. Not at all. And there are definitely coaches and gurus out there that are actually teaching the art of indifference to a very extreme perspective of like, cut
everyone out completely detached don't express any feelings I see this a lot with like relationship coaches sometimes on TikTok where I'm like oh my god like this is borderlining narcissism because there's such a big difference between being someone who knows how to protect their peace who has boundaries who can detach from what no longer serves them to having this um
extreme arrogance, thinking that everybody owes you something, that you're on top of the world, that everybody is just like worshiping the ground you're walking on. Because at the end of the day, that's not what life is. We are actually true divine feminine women have empathy. They have patience. They understand that people make mistakes. And I think that's such an important thing that I want to emphasize. Like the art of indifference is not about
toxicity it's not about hyper independence it's not about cutting everybody off the moment that they trigger you that's not what it is at all
The art of indifference truly and how it plays out in my life and how I hope it will play out in your life is this idea, a notion, an inner knowing within yourself that you know what? Your peace is just fucking more important. Sorry for cursing, but I had to say this. Like your peace is just more important. Therefore, if you are ever in a situation or position or a relationship that is actually confiscating that, that is putting your peace at risk, then you're going to start practicing indifference.
indifference is this idea that you can't control what other people do you can't control what other people say how other people behave but what you can control is your reaction and where you invest your energy and this is something that i for instance had to learn a lot in romantic relationships because i
I tend to lean towards anxious attachment and attachment styles. And if you don't know what your attachment style is, I definitely recommend like Googling it, doing like online quizzes to really understand your attachment style and then learning more about it because it will really help you understand yourself in relationships. But because I lean more towards attachments, anxious attachment style, then in the past, I used to be someone that really dependent on validation from my partners. And I really dependent on attachment.
external approval from other people to feel good about myself.
So for instance, if I was seeing a guy and suddenly he pulled back or he wasn't texting me or they decided to end the relationship or the situation, whatever it may be, then I started to really internalize things and I was very reactive. And oh my God, the things that I used to do when I was younger, like I would send men like paragraphs and I literally cringe thinking about it. But you know what? I have so much love for that past version of myself because she had to learn. She had to learn somehow. And if that's also a part of you, then just know like,
You're choosing differently and you're leveling up and you're outgrowing those old inner girl behaviors and you're aligning with the woman that you are. And I think that's really important. But basically, I was going on a ramble. But what I was trying to say is
Because I lean towards anxious attachment, then I really struggled with detaching from people. I was actually on the opposite side of the spectrum. If you have avoidant attachment, then you actually are on the other side of the spectrum where you avoid a lot of the time and you detach very easily, but sometimes you don't give people chances or you're just kind of like see it all black and white, like an all or nothing mentality. And I think that's really important to understand about yourself if you lean more towards avoidant attachment and seeing where that stems from, if you relate to that.
But because I had leaned more towards anxious attachment than I really struggled with indifference because I was constantly internalizing things that other people were doing, I really would jump to the worst case scenarios. I would basically just go from zero to 100 in my analyzation of the situation that I was having at hand. And the reason why that was so unproductive and unsupportive for me is because it wasn't the truth.
It was not the truth. And something that you need to realize, and this is why the art of indifference is so important, is that your brain is a problem solver, okay? Your brain is more masculine energy per se. It's constantly looking for solutions, for confirmations, for things to solve. So that if you have a certain issue in your life, in a relationship, or an environment that you're in, or a friendship, then your brain is constantly going to look for solutions to that problem.
And the reason that we do that is because we're trying to make ourselves feel safe. Our brain is trying to protect us. Our subconscious mind is trying to keep us safe and secure from fears or anything unexpected or sudden changes. But the reason the art of indifference is so powerful is because it helps you get to this place of like, you know what? I can't control everything outside of me, but I want to feel good.
I want to feel good. And the art of indifference is actually tuning into your feelings. How do I want to feel? Instead of externalizing outwards all the time, like they made me feel this way. Their actions made me feel like this. This happened. This happened. Like that's just like the surface level. You need to get down to the root and realize that the way you feel is your responsibility.
And the way that you detach from things that do not lift you up and you take away your power from those things is realizing that your feelings and your good feeling state is your number one priority in life. I have personally reached a point in my life where my frequency, my good feeling state is my number one priority.
It genuinely comes above everything because I know that if I'm not in a good feeling state, if my frequency is low, then A, I can't help others. A, I can't be a good daughter. I can't be a good sister. I can't be a good partner. I can't be a good podcaster, a good coach. I can't help anyone. And also, if my frequency is low, then I'm going to attract low frequency experiences and people into my life. And I have outgrown that.
And so I have this mindset in my life and this is for me like is the pinnacle and the epitome of the art of indifference. I am either going to grow with you, a certain environment, a certain person, or I am outgrowing you. But I will never, ever, ever abandon myself, abandon my good peace, abandon my high frequency for anyone or anything.
Now, that doesn't mean that you don't have like off days, nothing that I'm not even referring to that to like your emotions. I'm referring to your priorities in life about how you feel about yourself.
And that's truly to me what the art of indifference is and like the law of attachment is getting yourself to a place where it's like, okay, if this isn't working, if this isn't making me feel good, if this isn't aligning for me, then I'm going to pull back my energy. I'm going to come back into my body and I'm going to ask myself, how do I want to feel in this moment? And if I want to feel joy and happiness, how can I fill up my cup first? How can I pull back my energy and invest it back into myself?
Because the more that you think, the more that you overanalyze, the more that you try to prove yourself to other people, give your energy away, try to prove that you're not the villain in somebody else's story, that you are worthy, that you are lovable, like whatever it may be, the more that you give your power away and the more that you will notice yourself feeling drained. But you will never ever regret investing in yourself and practicing neutrality. That's the key.
is practicing neutrality of like, you know what? It is what it is. And I know this is also a lot easier said than done because if you're going through a very difficult emotional spiral in your life and whatever way it may be, it's hard to tell yourself, you know what? It is what it is. You know what? He cheated on me after six years of the relationship. It is what it is. You know what? This friend I've just found out is not loyal to me. It is what it is. Like, no, of course it's not easy to say that to yourself, but getting yourself to a place that you genuinely know that the universe has your back and
and anything that happens is working out in your favor. Therefore, if something doesn't work out for you, it's because something better is coming. That's what truly helps you align with this idea of indifference, of neutrality, and getting your power back to yourself and staying rooted and grounded in who you truly are. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You guys know I am a big advocate for self-care because truly spirituality to me, it's not a trend. It's a timeless investment in yourself.
Personally for me, journaling, yoga, and therapy are my non-negotiables because I truly believe that you cannot pour from an empty cup.
I've been doing therapy for several years now, you guys already know, and when I say it, it has truly changed my life. I am not kidding. It has shifted my mindset, my relationships, and just my overall well-being. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. What I love most about it is it's entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.
Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash CYP today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash CYP. Indifference is power.
It is power. And when somebody that has hurt you, that has not treated you kindly, that took you for granted, that disrespected you, realizes that you're just indifferent to them, that they don't have any power over you, that is how you know that you are back in your position of high energy and power.
Because you're not sitting here overanalyzing. You're not sitting here giving your power away, trying to understand all the time. You're sitting in your body, in your feeling state, and you're prioritizing that when you are not able to change a situation, it is your opportunity to change and raise and alter something positive within yourself. Because
indifference truly is the strongest force in the world. It's the strongest force in the universe and I swear by it. It literally, when you are indifferent to someone, like that is completely different than hate because hate is such an emotionally charged frequency that's like when you have hate towards someone or resentment or lack of forgiveness towards a situation like that person or that experience still has a lot of power over you. But when you finally have indifference,
When you finally know that you have power over your mind and not the outside events and not how other people treat you, but how you perceive yourself, how you perceive your life and how you set your boundaries, then you become unstoppable. You genuinely become unstoppable. So let's talk about some mindset shifts and ways that you can begin to practice the art of indifference that will really be supportive for you moving forward.
The first one is to stop forcing situations.
This is especially, and I'm so guilty of this. Let me ask you who relates to this. Okay. If you are someone that's like a very successful woman, for instance, I'm a tourist. Like we go after what we want. Okay. Like ever since I was young, I always knew how to bring something from start to finish. This is why I've been able to build such successful things in my brand and make my dreams come true at a fairly young age because I have been always someone that's very ambitious and that when I know I want something for myself, I go after it.
And if you're like that too, you relate. Like it's this masculine energy that, you know, as women, we have masculine and feminine energy. But I see that a lot of women who are very successful and very ambitious and driven, we have this energy within us where we want to control. So when a situation unfolds not the way that we expect it,
We try to hold on, we try to resist, we try to control, we try to even manipulate sometimes. We try to force things to make it make sense for us because we're so used to controlling and going after what we want. But guys, let me tell you specifically in relationships that never works, okay? And I know a lot of you guys are actually listening to The Art of Indifference because you want to practice this mindset towards certain relationships in your life.
stop forcing situations stop forcing connections stop forcing people to like you stop forcing people to invest in you stop forcing place your foot on the brake pedal and stop forcing situations when you stop forcing things and you start being in your flow state then you have mastered the art of indifference and you allow the best case scenarios to unfold for you in your life
When you're constantly forcing things, you have this very sometimes often needy or desperate energy. Stop forcing. Stop forcing the man who told you he doesn't want a relationship to stick around and to be with you. Stop forcing the friends that aren't even investing anything in you to be your friend.
Stop forcing certain people to like you. Stop forcing certain connections or certain things to happen in your life when they are not flowing because let me tell you something, that the things that are in your highest good will flow. They will feel easy. They will bring ease into your life and if you feel like you have to force something, then it is probably not in your highest good and sometimes when you let go of your
grip a little and you relinquish control, then you can actually see what's meant for you. And then you can see how things unfold the way that they're supposed to. So that's the first step to mastering the art of indifference is stop forcing situations. Stop forcing. Okay. I said that a bunch of times just to get it in your head. Number two is getting yourself to this understanding that what you may want right now in your life is sometimes not what you truly need.
And it's sometimes not what your soul actually wishes for you. And I think getting yourself to a place where you can actually recognize that, okay, maybe in this moment, this is what my ego wants. This is what my present human self wants. But there's also a lot of unseen magic that I haven't gotten access to. There's a lot of things that I still am discovering about myself. And so
Getting yourself to a place where it's like you don't actually know what you want. You might think you know what you want and then you're going to look back in a couple years and realize, oh wait, I didn't actually want that. That's not actually what I needed in that moment. And that's why the art of indifference connects to this is
When you actually get yourself to a place where it's like, oh, you know what? I'm just going to trust. I'm going to trust that sometimes I don't get what I want because I actually get what I need in the situation. Maybe this relationship didn't work out, but I actually got the lessons and the triggers that I needed to level up. Maybe this friendship or this opportunity didn't align for me because something actually better is about to come in store for me and I haven't even thought of it. That's the art of indifference.
The art of indifference is not putting your feelings aside and never feeling any emotions and pushing everything under the rug and being a robot. Not at all. The art of indifference is actually being able to grieve certain aspects, grieve certain things or certain connections that didn't happen, that did happen. It's actually being in this grief state for a moment and reminding yourself and getting yourself to a place where you remember that sometimes you don't get what you want because you get what you need. The third tip I have for you is consciously...
Start choosing when and how much you actually want to care about a situation in your life. Because some situations in your life, yes, you need to take really seriously. You need to invest a lot of your attention, a lot of your time, a lot of your energy to really understand them.
But there are a lot of situations that you tend to probably read into that you probably don't need to give so much of your energy, that you probably don't need to be analyzing and thinking about so much, and yet you're doing it. And the way that you shift that and master the art of indifference is actually getting yourself to a conscious place where you're choosing when and how you're going to care. Because the real truth is, every single thing in life is a choice.
Every single thing in life is a choice. And there's a quote by Bob Marley that says, you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. And the reason that I love this quote is this idea that sometimes you have to be strong enough to delay instant gratification, to delay old and lower fixations, and to actually only focus your energy on what's truly right in front of you or what's truly important and where you want to go.
So be strong and start choosing how much you want to care. Yes is a choice. Is it easier said than done? Also yes. But every single day you wake up and you have a choice. Am I going to give this my power? Am I going to give the situation or this person my energy? Or am I going to start establishing neutrality? Am I going to start taking a step back and putting my energy on what's in front of me? On what truly matters to me? On how I do want to feel?
The art of indifference originally originated from stoic philosophies and I think that a lot of people confuse it with apathy. And I think it's really important to realize that the art of indifference is actually a deliberate mental practice that involves you taking back control over your life and your energies and your thoughts.
So it's not about truly being apathetic to like every single situation in your life. It's actually cultivating it in your life by having resilience within yourself and by choosing where you invest your time and your energy. And it's really important to understand that, again, you can't control your external circumstances, but you can always control your response.
And when you start acknowledging this idea, you can actually start prioritizing your effort, your energy, your inner feelings that will genuinely make a positive shift in your life and your relationship with yourself.
So a fourth practice that I really recommend you start doing and implementing in your life is when you notice yourself overanalyzing or obsessing over things that you cannot change or things from your past or other people's behaviors or thoughts or feelings towards you. You can actually pause in those moments and ask yourself, do I control this? Can I control this right now? And if your answer is no, then genuinely refuse to think about it. Like,
Actually, do a shift in that moment, a physical shift to create a new neural pathway in your brain and refuse to think about it. Whether it's going on a walk, changing something in your routine, literally clapping,
Sometimes that's helpful to me. I'll be like on a walk and I'll notice myself obsessing over a thought and I'll like stomp my foot or I'll clap to like snap myself out of it. Play a song that you like. Splash some water on your face. I don't know. Come up with a system for yourself that works for you that is supportive for you to stop ruminating in a certain thing or thought that you don't have power over. So it's really helpful to actually do something physical in those moments because it changes the neural pathway in your brain in that moment into a different thought pattern.
And the last thing that I want to share with you, the mindset shift that's been most helpful to me when mastering the art of indifference, is remembering the idea that the universe knows what's best for me. And it knows what I truly need. And my higher self knows what I need. Therefore, I don't need to obsess all the time. I just need to trust.
Because I don't have control over everything, but the universe does. And the universe knows what's meant for me. The universe knows what's good for me. And the more that I trust it, the more that I can also establish neutrality to certain situations in my life.
And so I hope this episode was helpful for you guys. Let me know if you guys want a part two. I also have a full podcast episode on the law of detachment that really goes well with this episode. So I recommend you go stream that episode right after this one if you want to learn more and get some more resources and value from that. And thank you guys so much for listening and I will see you next time.