New Year, Same You (And That's a Good Thing)
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Welcome to the Jan Arden Podcasting Show. I'm Jan Arden. It is 2024. Hope you had a nice Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, all of the things. Welcome. Hi, girls. Caitlin Green, your child is not sick this week. My household is not barfing. Sarah Burke is also here in her Toronto home.

Hi, happy new year. I'm in a new room today. You might see little video clips and I'm in my bedroom because I have guests from the UK that are still here. So do you Google your health? Oh, we are getting right into it. Oh my gosh, no, I don't. I don't anymore. You don't anymore. I would say that it's going to make everyone feel sad for a second, but at the risk of doing so while being honest, I had to stop doing it after I lost my son. Okay. Because you fall down the rabbit hole of like, what happened? And...

the team of doctors and my, both of my therapists were very quickly like, you're going to have to stop doing that. Like probably forever. Cause you do get a little bit of medical trauma. And then when you stop doing it, you realize how much better life is when you don't do it anymore. And you just listen to your doctor and then have tests done that apply to you specifically. So, cause yeah, the term cyberchondria started taking over.

Cyberchondria, folks, that's what it's called when you go onto Google. It's like you have a pain in your left side. So people are going on pain in the left side.

And eventually, like after 10 minutes of searching online, you're going to find cancer. You're going to go to worst case scenario every single time. So I'm guilty of it right out of the gate. I had some breast pain last year, but I'm on hormone replacement therapy. So with that, I went down that rabbit hole. I'm like, does this happen when you are on HRT and what can happen? And then I ended up in like message boards online.

of other women talking about, yeah, it was only in my left breast and I couldn't sleep and it was waking me up. And, you know, the estrogen question that everyone is always bringing up and does that. Anyway, don't do it. Go to your doctor, talk to a professional. And if you're one of those people that doesn't want to go to the doctor, stop it. Right, girls? Yeah.

And I mean, I do have friends where I felt like their health concerns were being dismissed by their doctor. So then they did some research based on chronic symptoms that they were having for years and years. And it did eventually empower them to push for testing and all the rest of it. So I think it's that fine line that we are always striving to walk, which is

How do you maintain balance where you want to be empowered and informed about your own health and our healthcare system is overrun and overworked. And so we don't always have access to doctors and tests that we want to without Googling something until inevitably you've self-diagnosed with cancer, like stage four. I have stage four pancreatic cancer within minutes of Googling anything. It's just not, it's like, where's the middle ground? Right to stage four, right? Having said that, do not ignore things that are going wrong.

that are persisting. So if you've got a constant, you know, open wound on the corner of your mouth, you might want to consult your doctor and not be looking for photos. Yeah. It can be a really weird thing. I was so glad when you sent that story suggestion in because I,

I caught myself right away going, that's what I did for three months last year. And I kept checking for stuff. And I went to the doctor. I got an ultrasound on my boob.

I got my mammogram a little bit earlier than I normally do. So I got it at 20 months instead of 24. But my doctor said, listen, let's get this off the table so you're not worrying. Well, anyways, I'm all good. And remember I was saying I walked out into the parking lot and I was just like so happy I broke into tears because I'd had myself so worked up.

So don't do that to yourself. Go to the doctor, get the test done. And now I have new fun news. I'm going for a pelvic ultrasound next week. Yeah. So that'll be the first time I've had sex in...

No, I'm just kidding. That was a joke. That was a little sex joke. Because a pelvic ultrasound, cringe alert to all the guys listening, it's an internal ultrasound. So the little wand goes inside. You're having a transvaginal ultrasound. Okay, fine. Bring that up.

Well, because it's different. Like you can have an external pelvic abdominal ultrasound, but when they actually have to put a condom on a wand, which is what happens when you have a transvaginal ultrasound. So 1978. You know? Yeah.

I made a joke to the poor ultrasound tech who had to do mine because they literally put a condom on it. Welcome to 2024. The gals who do this, because it's women, are probably booked and busy. And so this is an added layer. They don't care about your vagina. They don't care what it looks like. You don't have to do any kind of hair maintenance. Listen, you don't have to worry about that. You don't have to look like...

you're going out with, you know, somebody for the first time and you want to make sure you're not wearing granny underpants and that you've got a Brazilian wax. None of that. Just go. She had to do the prep and I said, oh, can I have a glass of red first? And she was like,

Are we going to do an edible? Yeah, she was like a little, I mean, fair enough. Look at her job. I was like, okay, maybe not the wrong. Sorry, Svetlana. She was like a very stern Russian woman. And I was like, okay. We didn't really talk about it on the podcast, but I had a procedure done to my lady area in the fall.

And so this is the first time I'm meeting the doctor because you get like referred to a specialist. And she's like, is it okay for so-and-so to put the blah, blah, blah in? And I was like, can we have a first date before we add another into the mix? Like, so I'm all about making jokes in these awkward situations. Yes. I can't stop myself. Listen, I'll tell you, I've had many a pap smear when the technician...

Oh my God, I saw you in concert last fall. It was so funny. And meanwhile, I'm just like, is that okay? Is it too cold? Scooch down a little. Anyway, you came out and I was there with my sister-in-law who hadn't seen you before. And I said to her, she is so funny. You are really going to have a great laugh over this. So yeah, I don't know if that's professional. I don't know if you're supposed to identify. I don't like that. I want them to pretend they don't know me. Well, yeah. Yeah.

I wouldn't like that. But anyway, right out of the gate, there we go. Next question. Fitbit, I have an aura ring. A lot of people are tracking steps. Listen, we have a lot of information to cover today. Caitlin gave us so many fun things, and I'm determined to get to at least half of them. Ever since the emergence of...

the trackers, the step trackers, people have been crazy, crazy, crazy about 10,000 steps. So Caitlin sends me this a couple of days ago. I'm reading through it. I'm like, yeah, that's kind of what I strive for. And there are many physicians who are saying 4,000 steps is ample for your day. Mm-hmm.

I do that before 8 o'clock in the morning just walking around my house. Yeah, Toronto condos, you're looking at like 1,000, but yeah. You've got a big house and you're very busy. Listen, if people are in a condo walking around behind children, I bet you any money they've done 15,000 steps in a day. So I'm just saying, what do you think of that? Because...

Cynthia Loy's mother, if she doesn't get 10,000 steps in, there's going to be a wrath of hell to pay for everyone around her. So she will go out and walk at midnight down a dark country road if she is like needing a thousand steps. Like there is no way she's not going to let that happen. So...

One of my favorite comedy writers does a lot of stuff on this or did in one of his books, David Sedaris. And it was about how he shouldn't have ever gotten the Fitbit because he's obsessive. He needed to beat his records. And he would find himself when he was traveling, doing book tours, pacing around airports so that he could get to his 10,000 steps.

And then it expanded beyond that where he started walking around because he has a house out in the English countryside. And he started walking and walking and walking endlessly out there. And then he started picking up garbage while he was walking because he couldn't stand that it was messy. Lo and behold, a rural garbage truck was named after him. Beautiful.

Because he had picked up so much garbage in his little town. And it all started from this 10,000 step situation with the Fitbits years ago. And I've been thinking 10,000 steps is what everyone should be getting for a long time as well. And I could crush 5,000, no problem. And I think they're also pointing out that four to 5,000 is a more attainable goal. And so it doesn't cause people to feel so bad about exercise and then become defeatist about it. Because you want to have these little wins for everybody so that they kind of build on that success.

And I think they're figuring that, you know, 10,000 is kind of lofty for many people. You don't need it. Does anyone have a count right now today? Like I'm at 1650 right now and I did go to the gym wearing the watch. Hey, let me look. I will look right now. It's 1018 a.m. here.

So I'm a little behind you. I'm on the average about between 15 and 17. And that really is with very little effort. And I mean that earnestly. It's not like I'm like, I'm going to go out. I'm going to take a 20 minute walk. But I do a lot of obviously moving around.

So right now I'm at 5,100 steps. Mine's on my phone. So I don't know how accurate the step counter on your phone is. Pretty accurate. Okay. So then taking that into consideration, I'm at 4,200. Yeah. That makes sense. You've been up since 4 a.m. I feel like that's, yeah, totally. My day's basically over.

Well, I did the elliptical today, which I haven't logged in yet. I just got up early and did that. But it's always a moderate exercise. And I'm always surprised that my calorie count is way higher walking for half an hour than the elliptical for half an hour. So if I do the elliptical for half an hour moderately,

I'm like 146 calories. Oh, wow. I'm like, well, that sucks. But walking, I'll be over 200 calories for half an hour of walking. Have you ever gotten into running? I used to run back in the day and not a runner, but I was a jogger. I definitely ran on the treadmill, but I'm going to say this is going back 17, 16 years when...

When that was my thing, I always hit the treadmill in the gym. I'd walk for a quick five minutes and then I jogged for 40 minutes. My calves just like tighten up feeling it. I'm not a good runner. I'm a bad runner. But it wasn't that long. Honestly, Sarah, 45 minutes, I would do maybe two miles. That is 22 minute miles. I think I'm okay. Like I wouldn't call that running. I think for women over a certain age and I'm no doctor, so don't listen to me on this, please.

I find there's just too many things moving around. Yeah. I always worry about getting leaky bladders. Oh.

It's a very high impact thing. No, I'm serious. That's my problem is my hips. Like honestly, because I love running and I can crush a 30 minute, very intense run. And I love the Peloton tread. My brother-in-law has one. When we were staying with him, it was my favorite thing. And I will burn a lot of calories in half an hour. But then my knees and my hip have started hurting. And I just realized that I'm like getting up there. Pound, pound, pound. Yes.

I think our bodies have to last us a long time. It's not like it's 1922 and we're going to drop dead at 43. So you kind of, I think we do have to think very long term, just keeping moving, keeping stretching. And even people that do yoga, they're saying the benefits of stretching, yoga, Pilates outweigh cardiovascular exercise.

So I'm very surprised by that kind of reporting from a lot of doctors that are like, no, you are getting a cardio. You're going to lift your heart rate by 30 or 40%.

But you are moving all those joints. Let's not forget about cortisol too. I feel like this needs to be said at the beginning of the year. If you're starting some new workout routine, your cortisol is spiking and that's also not good and works against weight loss. Just an FYI. Okay. Like my dad used to say, exercise is the silent killer. So...

Yes. We have some very, very good celebrity news about who is on Caitlin's Island this week. So if you were listening a couple of weeks ago, Caitlin had an amazing holiday in Mystique. There's a lot of famous people that live there. It's a very private island.

When your planes get consistently smaller each leg of your journey, you know you are going to somewhere very special. Caitlin informed me that who was on your island in probably the house that you stayed in this week? Oh, none other than Justin and Hailey Bieber and Kendall Jenner. Wow. So there was a report that said Kendall, who previously was dating Latin hip-hop superstar Bad Bunny. So there was a report that they had reunited for... I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Just the names. I know. So there was a report that they were together for a while, then they broke up and that they reunited for a bit of a New Year's Eve hookup.

And everyone said, oh, they were in Barbados or an island close to Barbados. And then I saw on all of their social media profiles that they're posting pictures. And the beach looked familiar and the house looked familiar. And then I went, oh, that island, quote unquote, close to Barbados is Mystique. And they are staying at the exact same rental house that we stayed at.

Wow. Sarah, I'll send you the photos. I sent them to Jan. It's too bad you didn't know. You could have left a note. I know. That's what we were saying on the radio this week, that I should have left little scrolls to see who would be staying in our room. Yeah, like who made love on the same bed? Sorry, I had to put that out there. I don't know who's going to be staying in our room. I don't know who got that room. I'm dying to know. It's all possible. Did Haley and Justin get the master suite? I feel like they did. It seems like it's their rental house, but who's to say? I just can't imagine...

what that place is worth. Like how fortunate for you to obviously have friends that have done so well and that treat themselves. I'm sure they don't do this all the time, but-

uh, it's pretty cool. I think it's, I think it's really neat. It's like you look at them and they take photos for a living, obviously, and they post them all over social. And I'm thinking, oh, that's the location I should have done. Oh, that's the pose we should have done. Oh, this was the time of day to take the photo. Like all of our photos don't look nearly as good as theirs. I mean, some do just because the setting is so beautiful, but, um, that is the cool thing about Mystique is that there's no paparazzi allowed on the Island. They won't

grant you access to the island. So all these outlets had to rely on insider tips. You can't get photos. There's no long lens photos happening in a bush. Like it's just not going to happen. Well, caveat to anytime you look at social media folks,

Take a step back and know that there was probably two or three or 400 photos taken by the friends. They kept looking at it. They kept assessing it. They would adjust their breast accordingly. No, it's too much nipple. No, my boobs in a weird position. Don't think for a second. Those are candid snaps.

These are very curated, very purposeful pictures. And I would venture to say that 90% of what you're seeing on a professional level on Instagram is very curated, very purposeful. And there's a few people that absolutely speak to that. You know, you'll see people that are, you know, making a lot of money on Instagram, but they actually do take the time to say, listen, I've done this for two years. It's exhausting. This is what my stomach really looks like.

And, you know, these influencers are coming out of the woodwork more than they used to to say it really is a hard job. And this was a lot of setup. And we had to keep wetting down the grapes and, you know, swapping out the ice cream cone because it was melting. And so there's a lot to it. It's not just like, hey, look at us. We're having such a great time.

So just know that about your own stuff. And they're also probably traveling with a professional photographer if they're at the level that they're at. Like that's very likely the case. Like there was a photographer on the trip that I was on. We don't have the photos yet.

So you had a photographer because it was her 40th birthday? Yeah, so he was there for three days and he tagged along because that was the three days of the week that there were a lot of events and the most number of people would be there. And it was great, but I was like dying to see what the professional photos would look like so that I could post them, obviously, because the best photos that will ever be on my grid. And then, no, don't have them yet. Because, you know, artists can't be rushed. What are your thoughts on all the 2023 events

posts that were reels, whether it's TikTok or Instagram or whatever, where people show their best of moments and all the glorious triumphs and sparklers and drinks. I feel like it's sort of what happens every year. I didn't do one. I honestly felt like I was actually kind of enjoying my new year, so I didn't do one. But whenever I see them, I feel very, you know, I anticipate that that's what's going to happen.

I didn't do one this year. I did one the year before, but I had a relative pass away right before New Year's.

Sorry to hear that. My dad actually said to my sister, he spent New Year's with my sister, and he said, I don't want to be in any photos with things on my head that say Happy New Year. Like, please just keep me off of your Instagram. And that's kind of how I was feeling. I didn't feel right like celebrating during that time for obvious reasons, even though I wasn't too close to this uncle. Did either of you make it to midnight? Oh, yeah. I was at a black tie event. Two gay guys that are...

really close friends with my best friend, did a 20 years together, 10 years married celebration at the exact same location they got married. In the Carloo, they had like a big celebration. So it was fun. I got to tag along as my bestie's date and I was with her family. It was nice. We made it till midnight. And then these people party till five in the morning. And I was like, can I just have a slice of pizza and go to bed now? I made it till nine.

So that's 11 Eastern time. Well, we had watched the UK New Year's. You know, we put it on the BBC with all my UK folks. So we were just like, oh, okay, they're doing that. And we had lots of fun finger foods and little appetizers. And we did a little toast and we watched some nutty movie. I feel like we watched the actual Napoleon Bonaparte. With Joaquin Phoenix? Yeah. Yeah, it's not getting great reviews. Did you like it?

You know, there's an edit that's going to Apple TV sometime in the next week or so that is four hours long. Oh my gosh. Enough with these. So the one we saw was over three hours. It was a lot of people fighting. Fighting back in the day was literally cannonballs blasting. Mm-hmm.

back and forth at each other but it is a very convoluted story and the accents were so confusing because they had french diplomats that had english accents so we assumed that they were english people we were confused at all times but it could have been because they were drinking homemade baileys and i was sober i'm confused about sobriety a lot that's funny i made it to 12 40

So I think I did pretty darn good. You sent us, you were watching the Anderson Cooper New Year's special. Oh my gosh. I wasn't watching it. I actually saw the clips after the fact because I was actually at a friend's ski chalet in Collingwood. They hosted a New Year's party last year and they did again this year. What they have actually at the chalet that I want to see if either of you have ever tried because they're big into this as are many right now. They have a cold plunge. They have a cold plunge circuit at their chalet. Okay.

Yeah.

I got to say. And? I crushed it. I could do two minutes sitting in ice, move over Wim Hof. I was fine with this. I did so well. I might even go to one of these like kind of culty new agey cold plunge places here in Toronto. Like other ship? That's the one. I think my heart would stop. Like my heart goes so wacky with the least bit of, like even when I'm out like feeding the birds and I whip out there with my rubber boots on and my shorts and it's 15 below, like

I'm like, I just feel like my heart could like give out at any time and I'd be lying dead beneath the tree. I'm just, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But I just, uh, that, that has no interest to me whatsoever. I find it difficult getting into warm water. Many, most of like a lot of our friends did hot to hot. They were like, we're going to go right from the sauna to the hot tub. You guys are sick. But almost just because I felt that nobody had faith in my abilities, I wanted to prove them wrong that I could do it. And I did it.

That's a great way to start the new year. And it's supposed to have many, many health benefits. All the spas are offering this now. It's always a circuit now. Like that new Thermaea spa that's in Whitby on the east end of Toronto. Yeah, it's all these circuits now. Yes. So what was it? What was it about Anderson Cooper? And who does he do it with? The other dude.

Andy Cohen. Yeah, since Kathy Griffin got the boot years ago, they had some kind of falling out. I still don't love that they did that. Anderson and Kathy, they used to be super fun. And then Andy Cohen took over. Well, it was because I think of that whole when she held Donald Trump's head. I feel like then Anderson Cooper didn't really stand by her and sort of like hung her out to dry on that one. I think it was the network. And then Andy Cohen joined him because the two of them are quite close. And so they do the New Year's Eve special together and they do shots throughout the night.

And they get loaded. The giggle. And Anderson Cooper has this iconic high-pitched giggle. We're already halfway through the first day of 2024.

Does anybody else miss the Barbara Walters, most interesting people of 2023 or? Yes. Yes. I love Barb's. You know, I think that is something that's really missing and it usually always played New Year's Eve and Babs would come on and she would, you know, most likely be, would have been talking about Taylor Swift and she would have been talking about maybe Zelensky, the Ukrainian president and,

Who knows? I don't know who would have made her list. But yeah, I missed seeing her. It was it's just part of she was obviously alive the entirety of my life. And so it was something that I watched for 40 years. That would have kept you up till midnight. Yeah, see? Yeah. Barb was there for you to keep you awake. Well, you could try Anderson and Andy. They are really fun together. And they were joined by Andy Cohen's really close friend, John Mayer, who is himself quite hilarious.

he was reporting live from Tokyo where it was already 2024 and he was at a cat cafe. And because Anderson Everett, the television professional, noticed that the shot had a bunch of cat buttholes in it.

because they were climbing all over John Mayer while he was at this bar in Tokyo. He just, Anderson lost it. Like he just giggles for days. Okay, a sneak peek at 2024 from one of my all-time favorite guitarists and singers who is currently performing in Japan. Happens to be a dear friend of mine. We are joined by John Mayer at a cat cafe in Tokyo. John, this doesn't look sanitary, John.

You know what? I believe it passes all health codes. I think it's just fine. Yes, we are at a cat bar. It's called Cats in the Box in Tokyo. Well, that's my kind of cafe. Don't go away. When we come back, we're going to talk about what is the adult version of being picked last in gym class. We've got a lot to say about that. Don't go away. We're going to be here forever.

when you get back. That's my new saying. Is it catching on? We're going to be here when you get back. I'm going to keep trying it until it resonates with at least three of our listeners. Hey, everyone.

- Hey everyone, it's me, Drew Alfuolo, host of the Comment Section Show. Come join me and one of my iconic special guests every week on the show as we dive into the dreaded comment sections of our tagged videos and take down the most terrible men on the internet, period. Somehow they won't go away no matter what I do, no matter how incredibly awful and mean I am to them, but I don't mind doing this work. In fact, if I'm being honest, I think it's God's work.

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Welcome back to the Jan Arden podcast and show. What is the adult version of being picked last in gym class? Everyone has those memories, I think, of growing up. Maybe there's some people that happen to escape that horrible day when you're picking teams. There's two captains chosen. I'll take Mary. I'll take Brad. I'll take Susan. I'll take David. And inevitably, there's usually one or two people that are consistently in the bottom two people picked. And it's because they're

It's very obvious, glaringly obvious that they're not athletic. They're not going to help the team win. It's a very public humiliation. And the messaging is very, very clear. There's no question as to why you're being chosen last. So what is...

the adult version of that. I can read you a few that they're suggesting, but if you'd like to give me yours first, that's fine too. One of the ones that I saw on this list from Reddit that resonated with me is when the group chat goes silent after you suggest something. Ha ha ha!

I leave every group chat I'm in, so I don't know. I've had that happen to me, but I've also seen it happen where somebody suggests something that nobody else really wants to do. And it's not like they have a problem with the person necessarily, just maybe the suggestion is not super desirable. So no one says anything. And then the chat just moves along. I feel like we have those moments, us three, all the time in our group chat. Yeah.

And some people aren't good at group chatting. I will say that as well. They let things roll by or they don't think that it's like officially like a request. So there is that piece as well. But...

Oh, man. When someone's like, let's all get together and have dinner. And you're like, hmm. Maybe not getting tagged in your baseball team picture. Oh, Sarah, tell us more. I remember not tagging someone. On purpose? I had had a falling out with one person and they were ignoring me. So I was like, whatever. Oh, God. So they were in the photo but not tagged? Yes. Yes. Well, having said that, along those lines, and this was from the Reddit thread as well, being asked...

to take a group picture of the group that you had come with. Okay, so New Year's Eve, this happened to me. You're always, okay, go. So I was with my best friend and her family. They all knew these two guys forever. And they were like, would you just, and I was like, absolutely. Obviously in that situation, I am the outsider. Give me your damn phone. I will take the photo. And you weren't offended. Not offended at all. I would never have thought twice about it. Okay, good. Yeah.

I wouldn't give two shits if someone said, Jan, can you take a picture of the 12 of us? I just don't care about stuff. And I'm very, it is very hard to hurt my feelings. I'm going to say that right now. I just, I don't, I never take it personally. And you're a Pisces, aren't you? Aries. Oh, that's why I'm the sensitive one. Okay. Aries. I'm Aries. Oh, are you a Pisces? Yes. And like on this list where it says finding out your coworkers are all going out for drinks that you are not invited to or the bridesmaids.

Right? I'm like, yeah, that hurt my feelings. So you went through that with the bridesmaids not inviting you. I wouldn't give a shit about this either. Finding out there's a group chat you aren't part of, I couldn't care less. No, I don't care about that. I actually have written to people, get me off of this thread. Why am I on this thread? I don't want to know about who's bringing the scones. Like I really, I don't care.

Hey, I'm not coming. But a few times in the last few years, it's much better now that COVID is over. I would be on conversations that people had started with 40 other people. No. So my name and my contact is out there. I'm like, are you thinking this through? I find that the only time that I get annoyed about this stuff is if somebody holds me to a standard that they don't hold themselves to. That drives me crazy.

So if someone's bent out of shape because I've organized a brunch for me and two or three friends or lunch or dinner or what have you, or a girls weekend...

And it's numbers specific, right? Like there's only so many people who are going to fit at the table or the Airbnb or the whatever. If they get mad about not being included, but then they also hang out with close friends and don't invite 30 people, that drives me bananas. Because I'm like, you have a social life too. That's the group dynamic stuff that makes me a bit crazy. Because I'm like, you can't expect that I'm inviting you to everything when you don't invite me to everything. And I'm completely fine with it.

That's the only thing you want to have like a level playing field on that one. No one laughing at your joke and someone repeats it and everyone laughs. Or have you guys had stealing of your idea in a meeting? Oh yeah. Many, many, a million times. Or on the radio. Oh my gosh. That happens a lot. It really is unbelievable that people will step into somebody else's creation and

and take ownership of it without any hesitation. And they can do it right in front of you like, oh no, I thought of that too. Oh, did you think of that? Oh no, I thought of that last week. I've said something in a meeting and then someone else repeats it, not takes credit for it, but just simply says like, I liked that idea. And then at the end of the meeting, we're wrapping up, your manager will be like, oh, and I really loved so-and-so suggestion, like not at all crediting that it was mine.

And it's just like, this is what? How is this possible? Am I literally invisible? These things have happened in so many different workplace settings for me. And I've seen it happen to others. And it's just, it's painful every time. Why is it that we become complacent? We sit on our hands. So if that was 61 year old me in a meeting where that happened, and I have done it before, everything will stop.

Excuse me. My hand will go in the air. I said, we're going to back up right now because, and especially if I'm protecting somebody else, not necessarily me, but if it was a colleague of mine, if it's Chris or something, he just said that five minutes ago. I've done it in writer's rooms when we're working on projects where it's just like, that's what she's saying right now. You

You're saying the exact same thing. So I'm never complacent about it because the old me would lay my head down and go, why didn't I say something? This is going to bug me. So I think you have to be very precise and very immediate. It doesn't have to be malicious, but hold people accountable and don't worry about what the implications are and what that's going to make you look like. Don't be afraid to be a bitch.

Just don't because a guy would be assertive and strong and forthright and focused, but a woman is going to be bitchy, petty. The language used about women's power has been for decades very different than the language used about men's power. So always protect your friends. Always protect somebody else's. If they're sitting next to you and they just said it,

Don't be complacent in a meeting. Especially if you're in a position of like relative power, because that's what happens is like the older you get, you have more autonomy and more power. And I think that's why it sort of is disappointing when it's like the manager themselves that's overlooking things. Cause you're like, that's kind of your job. But you watch them squirm when you stick up for somebody. If the person can't do it themselves, how great would it be if you were the one Sarah, you know, that had an idea.

And someone next to you actually stood up for you, takes the pressure off of you, gives you a little room to breathe. You don't have to do that. And there's so many people that are not capable of doing that. And they go home with a lot of sorrow. We really have to be more aware of what people are carrying around. The weight that people are loading into their cars at the end of every day and taking home. And it's because no one stands up for them.

And no one, and I fucking hell, I'm going to stand up for people. I'm not going to let that shit go by me. I really am not. What's that saying? Surround yourself with people who will say your name in rooms that you're not in. Something like that. Oh yeah. Like, like as in putting you up for opportunities when, you know, they'll mention you in a positive way. Oh my gosh, for sure. Absolutely. Well, I'll tell you what, reciprocity is not something that should ever be underestimated.

When you stand up for people, they will stand up for you. It might take one or two times, but it'll come back. And I have learned over the years that encouragement, encouraging people has been one of my greatest tools in leading in my work.

whether it is a TV show, whether it is anything to do with music or recording or writing projects, when I throw my shoulders back and stand up for people and believe in them and encourage them and say, great job. I do it all the time because I see what happens to people when you

And it's not kindness and it's not being, and I don't just dole it out willy nilly. If someone makes a mistake on stage, I'm going to go, we've got to fix that ending because every time you get there, it's kind of driving me bonkers. So I said, let's go over it again and find it. Then I'm going to say, that was great. You guys nailed it. That was cool. And everyone's just like, yeah, we did it. We found it. We fixed it. But I'm not just going to go up and do that because insincerity is,

is something that can be quite demeaning as well. And people know when it's not something that is authentic and meaningful. Mm-hmm.

But it's something that has changed the way that I lead and it's changed the way I make my way through my life. And I have such a sense of pride at the end of every day. I never lie there now going, why didn't I do that? Or why didn't I do that? And I wish I would have started in my 40s. I didn't feel like I could, but I absolutely could have. I chose not to. You're describing like being a good leader. And I think that's also the advantage to having a multi-generational workplace is

Because then you and working environment, wherever you may work, it's because you're going to have people who have lived with that. Oh, I should have said something or spoken up or handled the situation this way. Mixing them in with people who are just getting started on their professional path. And it's really beneficial. Like those types of like mentor moments are huge. You remember them. And I mean, you learn so much from your mistakes. Like you arguably learn more from your mistakes than you ever do from your successes.

So you do need those moments to say, oh shoot, I should have said this. Like now I'll bring things up. Sometimes I don't bring them up in the meeting, but I'll pull the person aside after. Well, I think it's important to stake your claim

in those situations. Don't let the same people get away with the same behavior over and over again. And what I will say to you, if you do, that's on you. That's not on them. Because if you let people get away with it and they're counting on you being silent,

and being afraid to call them out. When you do, holy shit, there is squirming going on. There is just a dis... Well, you know, I know that's what I meant. Like I knew that, you know, she said that. But like what I was saying was that's exactly, it'll be this backpedal crap

That is unbelievable. And you can just see it on their face. It's just like, okay, you go ahead and tell me that that's your idea one more time again. And further that, where did you get that idea from? What made you think that? As we go out of this segment, stand up for people that you know can't do it themselves. If you don't do it, it's on you. Stop complaining about if it keeps happening and you don't do anything. Let's start the year off kicking ass, folks. A lot of pressure going into New Year's. And I had a friend of mine say something really interesting to me.

leading up to it like a month ago. She said, I feel like every day is a new year. She goes, every day is the opportunity to restart and reboot. She goes, it's way too much pressure to put all those eggs in one basket on New Year's Day and

to say, this is where I change. She goes, I have found, and this is my 70-year-old friend. She goes, over the years, it's just like every day, if I haven't done something or if I've disappointed myself or disappointed somebody else, she goes, every day is a reboot day. And I really took that to heart. I do like that too. It's just like, it's not New Year's Day. If it's a Thursday, it's a Thursday, right? Don't get me wrong. I love like a fresh start, like a first of the month better than anyone. But

But there's no difference between January 1st and February 1st and March 1st. I just like a fresh start. Yeah. I think that's what she's saying. Yeah. And you build on success. Success really is incremental. And sometimes when you set a really ambitious resolution or goal for the new year, it almost feels doomed to fail from the start. And I think that's why people end up bailing on them when they do. I forget the date in the year where they say everyone statistically is most likely to give up their resolutions by this time. It's like halfway through February. I think it's the 3rd of January. Right.

It is. Two days in. See you later. It's part of like mindfulness where they tell you, you know, do little tiny things to push you towards that goal because it's like, you know, it's like something rolling down the hill and gathering more moss or whatever that thing is. I always have extraordinarily huge goals.

and I don't set goals, but I have huge ideas. I don't know how to put this without saying, I'm not a goal maker. I don't have five-year plans. I'm not a planner at all. But when I undertake something, whether it's the Biddlemores, for example, whether it's making a new record, whether it's having a podcast that's going into year four. I mean, I've been podcasting in some form well into year four now, but I don't care if

If I fail, I don't care if people don't support my ideas. I don't care if people tell me no. And it is an awesome feeling because it never stops me from being studious and just chipping away. And I find people, I always find people that are like, yeah, I'd be into that. I'll try that. I'll do that with you. Just walk away from the ones who are like, oh, no.

I don't, yeah, I just don't think that's right for us here. I think, you know, it's a great...

No, those people are not even going to be, they're not even going to be a gum wrapper in my purse. You don't even get to be a loose M&M. A dusty purse M&M. You can hear it in people's tones. You can just, I love enthusiasm. I like when people step into their own stuff because I know they're struggling. I know that any kind of ideas that they're trying to put out there is being absolutely stuffed with.

away. Someone is telling them no. If someone's telling you no, you're on the right track. Let me tell you that right now. So anyway, you got me on a tear because people, you know right away when they're not your people. So get the F away from them. I don't care if it's your partner. It might be a little difficult if it's your mother, but you know. Well, did you hear that story about Kelly Clarkson's ex-husband slash former manager? Yes.

This story is wild. This guy is such a piece of crap over and over again. A, he owes her about $2.6 million apparently in back pay because I guess he was overcharging her for his manager fees, which he was doing while being married to her. He's so terrible. But he also told her that she wasn't sexy enough to be a judge on The Voice or a coach on The Voice. Sexy enough? When was that a thing, to be a judge on The Voice? I have no idea. Have you seen it?

Remember when Blake Sheldon was voted sexiest man alive? Oh, yeah.

Sorry. He is sexy. He is. He's super cute. He's super cute. And he's funny. And he's a very good singer. So I take it all back. And sexy is different to every single person. And so that's why I don't understand why her husband of all people is saying you're not sexy enough to be on The Voice. From your husband. From your husband. Like, what? Can you imagine that? But then he went and got her the gig. So this was the thing that I didn't understand about it. So he tells her that

sites that, Oh, they had a name that they were batting around was Rihanna. So he was using this as a comparison, like they're thinking of Rihanna. So it's, it's not good. You're not sexy enough to be doing this Kelly slash wife. And then he went into the show and apparently negotiated with them and said, if you don't sign Kelly, she's going to go back to idle. And so they ended up giving her a whole chunk of money to go on the voice and

So I thought, what was this exercise in? And we were talking about it on the morning show. And Marilyn said, I think it's a way that he could like keep her down to her and make her feel bad about herself. Because that probably was the dynamic that he cultivated within their relationship. Because he then turned around and got her the job. So it was all for naught anyways. He didn't have to tell her a dang thing. But it's also that thing, you know why you've got it. You know why you've got the job. You know, the only reason that you were in there.

What a ding dong. I'd say bigger words and more horrible words, but that's the whole thing. Recognize when someone is not on, when someone doesn't champion you, if you leave a room feeling any less than lifted, inspired, supported,

cherished, get the F away from them. Agree. Don't make excuses. Don't make excuses for yourself. All they want to do is have power over you. Shame on him, Caitlin. Oh, I know. This story just made my blood boil. I mean, it's just, and look at her now. My goodness. I know. Oh my gosh. I heard her on an episode of Last Cultureistas that I listened to, and I just thought she is

really coming into like this new era for herself. Her show is great. She's more confident than ever. She looks fabulous. And she's just, she's been around in the industry for so long and to have survived your terrible, clearly somewhat emotionally abusive ex slash manager. I mean, that's some...

Well, getting back to Kathy Griffin, I saw a really, really cool picture of her. She goes, well, I called up Jane Fonda because I'm going through a heartbreak. And I guess her and Jane have been friends for a long time. And her husband left her. And she feels like she's going to die. This woman has been through lung cancer. She's been through that whole thing with Trump. She has PTSD from

from the trauma of millions and millions of people telling you they're going to, you know, do away with you and that you're nobody. And she has come back from that. It is doing standup again. I mean, it just is amazing how people do find resilience. And I think her husband did Kathy a favor. If he's left her, why do you want to be with somebody that doesn't want to be with you? I know. So let them go. Yeah. You have to, you have to find a way to go. Okay. Someone made a decision.

on my behalf for the betterment of my own life. Relationships are so difficult. I hope that any of you listening that are in crappy relationships that you feel unhappy in, I really hope that you do find something good and redeemable in your own selves that can tell you you're worth picking up off the ground and you're worth moving forward. Whether you've got kids, whether it's complicated relationships,

don't stay in something that makes you unhappy. This is the only shot we have. Allegedly, you have to do that for yourself. No one's going to do it for you. I have friends who are going through, have been going through for some time, an acrimonious split. And it's been tough to listen to when you care about people so much.

But it is, you know, you know that the relationship is going down kind of a bad path for a while before it comes to a head. And I think that that is like very much the case for them. And so in my conversations with one of them, I've been saying, you know, now you're single and you have to be a loving partner to yourself.

And this can be said for if someone has a problem with their parents or with a sibling, you have to be a loving parent to yourself, a loving sibling to yourself, and especially a loving partner. When you're single, you can be a fabulous partner to yourself in a way that no one... I think I am. Yeah, I honestly was going to say, you're like single goals, Jan, because I do really think... And Sarah's doing it now too. Sarah's... Yeah. She's being good to herself. Yeah. Like, I don't want anyone else. I want just me.

If I could run into my own arms on the beach, I would. I can get myself flowers. I mean, that was a single girl's anthem this past summer with Miley Ray Cyrus. She's great. And that's a, such a good breakup anthem because it's positive, but it's true. It's hard to get out of a relationship. It's hard to make the transition from being partnered to single. Uh,

it is not something that is necessarily co-signed by all aspects of society. And so when you get there though, you can go like, Ooh, I can kind of, I can take care of myself pretty dang well emotionally, like be very supportive to yourself. Yeah. You do learn that. It feels so good to be. And I'm not saying I'm self-sufficient by any means. Like I'm,

I do require my friends and I make damn sure that I socialize. And I know, Sarah, you do too. There's lots of things that you can do on any given evening. But I also know that I have to be – to have a friend, be a friend thing. If you are single and if you are, you know, experiencing that life, make an effort to

to make plans with people. Don't just sit there waiting for the phone to ring. Be that person that does make plans. Hey, you want to go see zoo lights or do you want to go? I've never been to the, you know, blah, blah, blah. I've never been to the botanical gardens. Like I, I do like planning stuff. I'll just say, you guys want to go bowling this weekend? They're like, okay, that's weird. I'm like, yeah, it'll be fun.

I do require a certain amount of time alone. And Caitlin, I would imagine you do too, having a child and a husband and a job. Like I would think, I hope Caitlin has 90 minutes every day where you can sit and fricking do your own thing. No, that's, you were rolling your eyeballs. You don't have an hour. No, I was, I was,

I was imagining myself basking in it because I do make time for it. I really have to make time for myself because I am, I'm an only child. And I would say that I would fall into the category of like an extroverted introvert, meaning I love talking to people and connecting with them. It's part of my job. I enjoy doing it, but I recharge alone. Yeah, me too. So I, yeah,

Yeah. And so I do really need that. And again, even if like I am partnered, obviously, but I have had to learn mostly through therapy, really, but you know, how to be a loving partner to yourself, even though you're in a relationship, because you're not going to get everything you want or need from one person. So when there are moments where I'm feeling down on myself or hard about something and just, you know, when I feel like I can feel myself cutting myself down, I have to kind of stop it.

and say, okay, and I have to try to give myself the advice that I would give to my favorite people in the world about any situation, whether that's with a friend or with my son or with work or with family or whatever. And always try to do that because it's so hard to be compassionate to yourself and you really have to like learn it. Or I've had to. For some reason, I'm quite hard on myself. We are leaving the show right there. You've been listening to the Jan Arden Podcast and Show. Those are words to live by.

2024, like I said, let's kick this. Let's kick it out of the park. And listen to what Caitlin said. Listen to what Sarah said. And listen to what I said, because we are all knowing. We're very knowledgeable people. Grade one was the best five years of my life. But thanks for listening. Please sign off as Dr. Jan. Dr. Jan is in the house. Dr. J.

We so appreciate you. Subscribe to our podcast. Go on to Jan Arden Pod on any of the socials. Send us a note. Send us a voicemail. Whatever. You know the drill. Tell us your New Year's resolutions. We'd love to hear them. And can you recommend some movies to us too? I need some more to watch. And please recommend movies to us. You're listening to the girls right now. They're begging you. They're beseeching you. We have no idea what's hip and cool.

Tell us what jeans you're wearing these days. Are the Howick still popular or the Levi button up? What's popular out there right now? The star jean. We love you. And I mean that we'll see you next week. Be good to yourself. Totally do. This podcast is distributed by the women in media podcast network. Find out more at women in media.network.