fake it til you make it? advice session
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Hello, and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and I give you my unprofessional advice. And then hopefully from there, you take the advice with a grain of salt. And today we have sort of a slew of topics, all of which relating in one way or another to personal turmoil.

Doubting oneself, struggling with oneself, learning about oneself, personal turmoil. I feel like life is just one personal turmoil to the next, to be honest. Like, I'm kind of always in some sort of personal turmoil, if I'm being honest. Like, the second one ends, another one begins. I'm always fucking solving some sort of internal issue, I feel like.

I think most of us are. I think, unfortunately, that's just kind of what life is. Constantly bettering yourself, figuring out yourself, you know, like that's just kind of how it is. Without further ado, let's begin. This episode of Anything Goes is presented by Amazon.

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To be honest, I'm still learning how to trust my intuition. I'm a very anxious person. And I think trusting intuition is particularly challenging for those who have anxiety because I'll be really anxious about something and I'll convince myself that I'm having an intuitive moment. Like I'll be flying on an airplane. Honestly, last night is a great example. I was on an airplane last night. Okay.

OK, from Denver, Colorado to Los Angeles. Now, something about flying out of Denver is that there's a lot of winds and mountains. It's kind of a turbulent ride, at least in the beginning. Very bumpy.

I really, really believed last night while in the Colorado airplane turbulence that I was going to die, that something was going to go wrong. Even though if you Google, is turbulence dangerous? It's not. But I really had a hard time last night. I fully had a panic attack on the plane. I was really anxious. I felt like something was going to go wrong. And then the turbulence made it 10 times worse.

And I fully had a panic attack and cried. My dad was sitting next to me on the plane. He's like, dude, all good. Everything's totally fine. I'm like crying. It was not good. Okay. Why was I crying? Because I had convinced myself that my fear, the fear that I was experiencing was intuition that something was going to go wrong. No, it was just anxiety because I recently within the last few years developed a fear of flying.

and because there was a lot of turbulence, not even that much, to be honest. Like there was turbulence, but it wasn't like that bad. And because for one brief second, one of the flight attendants looked a little bit concerned. And I was like, are they concerned because the plane is crashing? Is crashing? What's happening? They were probably concerned because, I don't know, like they left their phone on like one of the little airplane countertops. You know what I mean? Like, anyway, trusting your intuition is particularly challenging when you're an anxious person.

Because anxiety feels like a gut feeling. And that's exactly what intuition is. However, upon doing research about the difference between anxiety and intuition, I've learned that a lot of times intuition is far less panicked. It's often instinctual and like automatic and just...

it feels like the next best thing to do. You know what I mean? Like, it just feels like this is what feels right. According to psychologytoday.com, anxiety tends to manifest as a physical discomfort, such as tightness in your chest, a racing heart, or a feeling of restlessness. Anxiety often feels urgent and overwhelming and not in a good way. Intuition arises from a deeper inner knowing, often unexplainable but clear.

And this is something I try to remember in moments when I'm trying to distinguish if I'm having anxiety or if I'm having an intuitive moment. Anxiety is chaotic, whereas intuition is a bit more, it's a bit more guided. You know what I mean? And I don't know.

But once you sort of figure out the difference between anxiety and intuition, then you're left to deal with intuition itself, which is its own complicated sort of thing. Because we have a lot of things getting in the way of our intuitive voice. We have the opinions and actions of others. We have societal norms, right?

We have our personal fears and weaknesses. There are so many different things clouding our intuition. I honestly think that my intuition is the strongest and the most clear when I have shit sorted out. Okay, let me give you an example.

If I have bad friends or if I'm dating a guy that's not good for me, I'm not hearing my intuition. Okay. If I'm surrounding myself with the wrong people, I'm not hearing my intuition. If my priorities are out of whack because I've been on the internet too much and I don't know, I'm like stuck in the internet world and my morals and values are a bit off because I'm not existing in the real world. I can't hear my intuition.

If I'm not having discipline with myself and I'm kind of slacking in my life, not holding myself accountable, talking shit about people all the time,

not being a good friend. I mean, I feel like I'm a pretty good friend, but you get my idea. If I'm slacking in my life, not doing the right thing, not holding myself accountable, I can't hear my intuition. So I think it's interesting. What I've noticed in my own life is that intuition just comes to me. It's not even like I need to

search for it or anything, as long as I'm working on myself constantly. We're a work in progress at all times. You know what I mean? There's always things to improve on. There's always things to get better at. There's always more to learn. And if I'm on a continuous path to keeping myself in check, keeping myself

in as healthy of a mental, physical state as possible, if that's constantly what I'm working on and working towards, and I'm upkeeping that as much as possible, the intuition just comes to me. It's clear to me what the next step should be in my life. It's clear to me that something feels off here. It's clear to me that something feels really good here. Everything becomes clear when you're not being clouded by all of those other variables. And the only way to sort of

You can't really eliminate all those variables, but silence those variables is to constantly be strengthening yourself in all ways. Surround yourself with good people who don't judge you, who make you feel safe. Constantly be working on your self-esteem and self-confidence through being a good person,

working hard, rewarding yourself sometimes. It's like all these different things that are just mundane and it's the dirty work. But the fruit of that labor, I mean, there's a lot of fruits of that labor, a lot. A more fulfilling life, but also a better connection with your intuition. It's so tough. And you're not always going to be in touch with your intuition. There's going to be moments where you're like, God, I feel so disconnected from myself. And

And it's in those moments that you just have to reset and be like, all right, I just need to focus a little extra hard right now on taking care of myself and getting back to a healthy place where I can actually hear my intuition speak to me in a way. You know, like, even though I don't feel like intuition speaks, but I'm more using that as a metaphor now.

I feel like intuition is more, it's like a feeling that I can't even explain. I think all of us can sort of relate to that. It's just a deeper knowing. You just, you don't know why you know, you just know. I almost think of it like, if you have all this noise going on, you know, about like, if you're in a toxic friend group or you're in a, you know, shitty relationship or whatever,

If you care too much about what people think of your sense of fashion, or if you are too concerned about seeming bougie to people or whatever, if you've, if things are off, right? Things aren't good. And there's a lot of noise going on in your brain about shit that ultimately is not productive. You will not be able to hear your intuition. That's what it really is. So it's about figuring out ways to silence the noise. And then the intuition just comes.

but it is an ongoing journey and you're going to constantly have to rebuild your connection to your intuition. It's like a constant, you can't just like get there once and then you're done forever. It's like a constant, it's like stoking a fire. You know what I mean? If you don't tend to the fire, that shit will go out and you'll have to start the fire again. But you can tend to the fire and it'll get bigger and then smaller and then bigger and smaller. It's like that. Okay, next. Somebody said, how to learn to let go of things in life.

This is a great question. And to be honest, I don't know that I necessarily believe in expecting oneself to fully let go of things. I don't think that that's realistic. I have not let go of a lot of stuff. When I think of letting go of something,

I think of fully setting it free, letting it become a distant, distant memory. I think that that's something that can happen eventually. I think it's a really complex goal to set. I want to let go of this. That's like a really daunting task that's kind of out of your control.

Like, for example, when we go through a breakup, how awesome would it be if we could just snap our fingers and let go of our ex? When somebody betrays us, how amazing would it be to just be able to snap your fingers and let it go and trust people as though nothing has ever happened to you in the past that has made you believe that you should do otherwise?

To me, that's an unrealistic goal. It's unrealistic to say, you know what? I'm just going to let go of my ex. You know what? I'm just going to let go of what that person did to me. I'm just going to let it all go and proceed forward in my life without it. I just don't listen. Now, it might just be my own personal interpretation of the saying, you know what I mean? But I don't think that that's a helpful way of phrasing it. Like let go of stuff.

It's hard to let go of stuff and you can't really control it.

What I think is a better goal is to learn to accept things. So a good example would be, let's say somebody wronged you. Instead of saying, I'm going to let this go and move forward without this attached to me, right? Like this is all metaphors, right? But it's like, I'm going to move on from this and let it go so that it's no longer a part of me in a way. I'm no longer upset about it. It no longer matters.

taints the way that I see the world. I'm letting it go. I don't know if you could, like, you cannot control when it, when that happens. And also, I don't think that's realistic. Negative experiences and even traumatic experiences or even more mundane, like frustrating experiences all shape the way that we exist in the world. These things teach us

what we want to do moving forward, what we don't want to do moving forward. We hold on to these things for a reason. And so I think it's unrealistic to expect ourselves to let go of these things. What we should do instead is just accept that these things happened. Okay, you know what? This person wronged me. It hurt my feelings. It burned me. I'm sad. I've now lost a friend and lost a little bit of faith in humanity. That fucking sucks.

I wish I could let it go and sort of forget it that it ever happened and, you know, move forward. But that's kind of unrealistic. So instead, I'm just going to accept that this is something that happened to me and

And find peace in that acceptance. That's honestly my suggestion. Instead of trying to learn how to let go of things, learn how to accept things. Accept that shitty stuff happens. Accept that not everyone's going to treat you how they want to be treated. And not everyone's going to treat you how you treat them.

Painful stuff happens. Frustrating things happen. Unfair things happen. Like all of this stuff. And it's going to happen over and over and over again throughout our lives. And I think the first goal should be to accept that as a reality. And then from there, things just...

eventually get let go. But it's almost like you can't let go of things until you accept them. And that is so true to me to a point that that's why I'm like, I don't even think we should ever have a goal to just let go of stuff. It should be a goal to just accept stuff because the second that you accept things, it becomes a hundred times easier to then let go of it. And it's almost like that's a natural next step.

But also you can't rush yourself to let go of stuff like friends that have burned me, exes that have done shit to me that really hurt my feelings and fucked with my head, you know, traumatic experiences that I've had in my life.

it's taken me years to let go of some of that shit. Some of that shit I haven't let go of yet. Some of that shit I still am having a hard time accepting. I'm still battling with every day. And that's the other part of it. You have to be patient with yourself. It's like having a crush. How awesome would it be if we could just let go of having a crush whenever we wanted? That would be fucking awesome. We would get heartbroken a lot less, that's for sure.

Some shit we just can't control. Our brain does what our brain wants to do. And so we must be graceful and patient with ourself as we're trying to accept things that we ultimately, hopefully, want to let go of one day. This episode is brought to you by Bumble. Dating can be exhausting. Even just getting to the dating stage is a little bit overwhelming. You know, I'm not somebody who loves casually dating. I like to be in a relationship.

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You got this. Visit adidas.com slash you got this to learn more. Somebody said, fake it till you make it. Is this actually good advice? You know, I think it depends. I think that sometimes fake it till you make it is good advice.

I think especially when the reason why we need to fake it is because we're trying something that we've never tried before. And as a result of that, we're nervous and we don't believe in ourselves. Like if you're starting a new job, let's say it's your first time working in a sales office.

You know what I mean? And yeah, you went to school and you studied sales and stuff, but like, you don't know how to make a sale yet. Like, you've never done it. I think it's great advice to tell somebody in that situation on their first day of work to fake it till they make it. Pretend like you've been in sales for 30 fucking years. You know what I'm saying? Why not? You know, if you're on a date and you're so nervous and you're so...

You're just overwhelmed. You're like, I don't feel like anyone's ever going to love me. Like this, I've gone on enough dates. It always fucking goes wrong. Fake it till you make it. Pretend to be excited. Pretend to be confident. Pretend, pretend, pretend, pretend. And then it'll become real. You know, I do think there's some value to faking it till you make it. But I do think that there's sort of a fine line between faking it till you make it and just being fake. You know what I mean? It's like,

I think faking it till you make it is like it's sort of a short term solution, right? It should not be considered a long term solution. I think we can all use our own judgment to sort of figure out, OK, when is it harmless and ultimately empowering and beneficial to fake it? When you need to just build enough confidence to try something new. Great.

When is it not sort of a net positive thing? When does it become a net negative thing? I would say it sort of goes wrong when you're not faking in good faith. You're faking to cheat your way to the top, to cheat your way to success, right? So for example...

Faking it till you make it becomes manipulative when you're on, let's say, a date with somebody and you know that they love football.

So you're fake interested in football. You read up on football before, you know, you go on a date with them and you learn about all the teams and all the players and then you go into this date and you're faking it because you want to go on a second date with this person. You really like them. So you're literally faking who you are as a person to make it with this person. That is not good.

So see, the difference with this date example is that faking it till you make it is negative when you're lying and manipulating. It's positive when you're just faking a little bit more confidence than you actually have. And then eventually you'll be like, all right, I'm good. I'm good. I don't even need to fake the confidence anymore. I actually have the confidence now.

but you're not manipulating anyone. You're not harming anyone. You're just hyping yourself up a little bit. Or your first day at the sales office, you're making sales on the phone and you're talking like you've been doing it for 30 years. That's fine as long as you're not lying to the people that you're selling to or manipulating them to buy stuff. You see what I'm saying? As long as you're being truthful...

And it's being used as a tool to try new things. I think it's positive. I think we just must avoid manipulating others because I think, I don't know. I mean, I think most people probably are aware of this, but I don't know. I mean, maybe not. And I think fake it till you make it can be good advice.

I think it's something that we should use as sparingly as possible. I think that ideally, as often as we can be honest and completely authentic to ourselves, the better. However, there are times when we have to fake it till we make it. We can't, we cannot build enough courage to do something without faking it a little bit. Do you know what I'm saying? Like we need that as a tool. It's good to have in the toolbox, but it's something that we shouldn't have to use. Like we should maybe use,

sparingly, I guess. That's my opinion. Next, somebody said, how to deal with being single when all of your friends are in relationships. This is definitely challenging. However, I think there's quite a few ways to sort of combat this. Number one, I think it's important to remember when all of your friends seem to have something that you don't,

that your time will come. Unfortunately, life is unfair in the sense that things can happen to the people around us and not to us at the same time, which feels unfair, right? When all of our friends are in a relationship or all of our friends just got a new job or whatever, and we're left behind a little bit, it doesn't feel good, but it's

It's inevitable. And I think it's important to remember that your time will come. And that's something to look forward to. You know, if you have the mindset that, oh my God, all my friends are in relationships and I'm not, I probably will never find anyone, then it's going to be a miserable time. You're going to look at your friends and you're going to be jealous and spiteful and you're going to go home feeling like shit about yourself.

But if you can change your lens a little bit and look at your friends that are in a relationship and think to yourself, that's going to be me at some point. I don't know when. I don't have a crystal ball, but that will be me at some point. That helps immensely. Just a slight, slight little mindset shift.

Beyond that, I think it can be really helpful to set up plans with your friends that don't include the significant others. So let's say you have a friend group. Like, let's say it's a girl group, right? It's you and all your girls. And all the girls have boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever. They're all in relationships and you're alone. Okay? Be like, you know what, girls? Let's do a little girls night. You know what I mean? Let's do girls night, watch a movie, eat food.

just us. Girls night, plan stuff without the significant others. Not only is that good for you because you get to have sort of quality time with your friends and you don't have to necessarily be around all couples all the time, but also it's good for your friends that are in relationships because they also need to have social interaction without their partner. So it's beneficial for everyone.

Another thing that can help is make more friends. Now, I know that's kind of a steep ask. It's very hard to make friends and I'm fully aware of that. However, keep your eyes peeled for other single people in your life. Maybe you can hang out with them a little bit more often. Maybe you have a coworker or something or someone you sit kind of close to in class or something who you know is also single. Hang out with them a

And last but not least, I think whenever you are lacking something in your life or you're waiting for something to come in your life, something that can make you feel a bit more in control of the situation in a healthy way is to start to figure out what you're looking for. So let's say you're manifesting a job.

Start manifesting what that job's going to look like. In this scenario, you're looking for your next partner. Start manifesting what that person is like. After every single breakup I've ever gone through, I've gone into my phone and I've written down what I want next time that I didn't have the last time. And my list is becoming more and more specific every single time where I'll break up with someone and then I'm like, okay, there's a lot that went wrong here. Here's everything that went wrong.

here are things that are mandatory for the next relationship. And I just kind of start manifesting. Now, I'm not telling you to manifest like, I want a boy who's 24 years old and has brown hair and has an extra toe on their left foot and has a belly button that's exactly one centimeter in diameter. Like, okay, relax. Like,

I'm talking about what are non-negotiables for you in your relationship. Okay. Like I can name some of mine. Number one, I need somebody who I can be fully myself around. Sounds simple. It's not. I've only ever experienced that once. I'm 23. I've been in quite a few relationships at this point. I've only been able to be myself with one person ever. Okay. It's kind

It's kind of crazy, but that's a non-negotiable for me. And I realized that and I was like, all right, we're never, I'm only gonna do that for the rest of my life. That is non-negotiable. I need somebody who I can be myself around, okay? I want somebody who does not trigger things

my anxious attachment style. I want somebody who can help me on the journey to developing a secure attachment style. I want somebody who gets along really well with my family, who just clicks with my family. You know, there are various things that are really important to me. And so in these moments of being single, I manifest what I want next. I sort of think it through and

And it's nice because it's like you're building a plan and building a plan always feels good. I don't think there's any scenario in life where building a plan is bad. Actually, some people would argue that it can be kind of toxic to plan things too much. I think you can never plan too much. I love planning. I mean, you kind of have to be open to things evolving and not being able to follow the plan all the time, but you get my idea.

And yeah, listen, your time will come. Okay. So try to make the meantime positive, right? Try to make this era of you being single and all your friends being in relationships as a time of learning, self-exploration,

patience, and trust that your time will come. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. If you're like me, I know you're always doing a million things at once. Running errands, grabbing coffee, online shopping at like 2 a.m. for like who knows what, getting some work done, but then getting distracted, but then going back to work, and now, oh my God, it's 4 a.m. What's happening? It's chaos, but it's our chaos. And that's why PayPal will always be that girl because PayPal makes it super easy to pay for everything you need everywhere you go.

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Terms and cash back limits apply. See PayPal app. This card is issued by the Bank Corp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license by MasterCard International, Inc., and may be used everywhere MasterCard is accepted. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. November is a good time to stop and appreciate all the people in your life. I have a lot of people in my life that I'm very grateful for, especially my parents. My parents are...

so patient with me. And when I reflect on the last year and all of the challenges that I've faced, they have been there through every single challenge and have supported me. And I'm just really grateful for them. While we're talking about being thankful, here's a reminder to send some thanks to yourself this year. It's not an easy thing to do,

And if that's something you really struggle with, therapy can help. It's a great way to show yourself some love. Therapy teaches you how to take better care of yourself, how to cope positively, how to set boundaries, how to take off the mask and be yourself, and more. If you want to give therapy a try, BetterHelp is a great place to start. It's simple, convenient, and really not as intimidating as you think. Plus, it's all online.

So let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash anything today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash anything. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. I've seen so many cool products that just don't have a good website. Honestly, they should be using Squarespace.

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Somebody said, how to be okay with being completely alone for so long, not having friends. How to be satisfied with my own company. Well, it's okay to be lonely. Like, it's one thing to be satisfied with your own company. It's another thing to be chronically lonely. And humans are social creatures. Okay, I hear that quote all the time by various people.

I don't know, scientific podcasters, okay? And like fucking on clips, like I'll see like clips of podcasts about mental health and it'll be like, humans are social creatures and we're lonelier than ever. I see people saying stuff like that on the internet all the time. And it's true. There are sort of two levels to this question. The first part, how to be okay with being completely alone for so long, not having any friends.

Can I be completely honest? It's okay to not be okay with that. It's really uncomfortable. And I think the best thing that you can do is to make it a priority to make friends because it's one thing to be in a phase of loneliness because you're searching for new friends actively and you just haven't found your people yet. That's one thing. It's another thing to be really lonely and not have any friends and not really be sure what to do about it.

If you're completely alone and you've gone a long time without friends, my first question is, are you looking? Because we do need people. You know, we need other people. And in moments when we're feeling lonely and upset, our number one priority should be to start looking for community. Where can you find community? Do you want to go volunteer at an animal shelter?

Do you want to start hanging out at the library more often? Do you want to start hanging out at cafes more often? Do you want to start going to the gym where there's other people or go to workout classes? Do you want to join a Facebook group about your favorite book series? Like, how can you find some sort of community? Now, listen, does it take time to find those communities? And in the meantime, are you going to be a bit lonely? Yes.

And how do you manage that? I think, honestly, my best advice is kind of similar to the last piece of advice I gave about all of your friends being in relationships and you not being in one. It's about manifesting what you're looking for in friendship, figuring out what that is so that you can look for it even more clearly in your life. Better yourself in the meantime. Work on yourself in the meantime.

Find hobbies that you like, work really hard, get a bunch of shit done. You know what I mean? And hold out hope. It's normal to be upset when you're lonely. You don't need to be okay with that. You know what I mean? It's okay to be upset by that and to be in, in, to feel like shit.

But I think it's easier to manage when it's a feeling that you're experiencing as you're looking for new friends. But you know what? Making friends is fucking tough. Okay. It's hard. It is not easy. And so a lot of people just feel more comfortable being sad and lonely. You know, it's almost easier that way. But I can tell you, it's so rewarding to put yourself out there.

And then the second part of this question is how to be satisfied with your own company. Now, that's kind of its own beast, right? Because we have to sort of be satisfied with our own company, whether we have friends or not, because we're all going to be alone sometimes. You know, we can't be around people all the time. And for people who are sort of like me, 50% introverted, 50% extroverted, being alone is pretty comfortable for me. Right?

Right. I'm satisfied with my own company for people who are fully introverted. They're faced with a different challenge, which is how do I find the energy to be around people? Because that's inevitable. Right. I think it's hardest for people who are extroverted, really extroverted. It's really hard to be satisfied with your own company because you feel the most recharged and rejuvenated when you're with people.

I think being satisfied with your own company comes down to a few things. Number one, not being afraid of what's going on inside of your brain. It's very hard to be alone when you're afraid of your own brain. So first step is to sort of figure that out. If you struggle with really bad anxiety or if you find that when you're alone, you maybe say mean things about yourself, the first step is to find a way to get that under control, whether it's talking to a therapist or

or coming to terms and accepting your anxious thoughts or your mean self-talk and being like, you know what? Okay, I accept that this is something that happens when I'm alone. Let me try to fix it. First and hardest step is to become comfortable with your own brain. It's a complicated journey. I'm like, I'm not even digging into it. I'm barely scratching the surface. Okay, that's a very complex challenge.

But that's key. And then from there, I think it's about filling your time responsibly, right? Spending your time alone, bettering yourself in some way. Now, bettering yourself doesn't necessarily have to mean like, I'm reading a book about chemistry and only ever doing my homework. Like bettering yourself could be, you know, watching a new movie that just came out that you really want to see that none of your friends want to see.

Because you enjoy movies, okay? Or working on a hobby. Or listening to music that you like that your friends don't like. Or music that you like and your friends like. But you get the idea. Like doing stuff that is enriching for your soul. Making alone time special and enjoyable. Doing things that leave you feeling better after, not worse.

Spending your alone time doing things that are ultimately net negative will make you think that alone time is bad. If you spend all of your alone time on your phone, you're going to hate being alone. If you spend all of your time alone spiraling and having anxiety, you're going to hate being alone. You have to find ways to make your alone time enjoyable. And that takes a lot of work, but it's absolutely worth it because once you can learn to enjoy alone time, you're going to

Then you get to enjoy alone time and it can be really delightful. Somebody said, what is the difference between just being scared to try something and actually knowing it's not for you? I mean, I think a big part of this is using logic and reasoning, right? Like, okay, am I qualified to be doing this scary thing? Yes or no?

Am I going to die if this goes wrong? Yes or no? What do I have to lose? How does my gut feel about it? And by that, I mean, when you close your eyes and think about the task at hand, does doing it feel like it's going to be impossible? Like, does the thought of it feel heavy and impossible? Or does it feel like it's going to be challenging, but there's an excitement? There's a lightness to the thought.

I tend to use sort of logic and reasoning in these scenarios, right? Like, for example, I was really, really scared to do the Met Gala interviews, okay, the first time, right? Doing the red carpet interviews for the Met Gala. I had never done any sort of red carpet interview in my life. I was terrified, terrified beyond belief, okay? I was... I can't even express to you how terrified I was. I was like...

And I was in denial of my fear, but I was very, very afraid. And there was kind of a lot on the line. If I did a bad job, it could fuck up my career to an extent. Public opinion of me could shift. People could be like, ew, that girl was fucking bad at those interviews. She sucks. We don't want to watch her videos anymore. We don't want to listen to her podcast anymore. Whatever. You know, we're not going to buy her coffee anymore. Like there's always risk, right?

But I knew that it was worth a try and it was worth the risk. And I wasn't going to die. You know what I mean? I was like, you know what? I'm scared because it's something I'd never done before, but it's,

The worst case scenario is not that bad. Okay, so what? People think I'm annoying. They unfollow me. They block me, whatever. Who cares? You know what? At least I tried it and it all ended up being okay. So I think as long as things are not dangerous for the most part, I think we should try as much stuff as we possibly can, even when we're scared. Actually, especially when we're scared.

And last but not least, somebody said, how do I stop thinking that I'm never going to be loved? I understand this. And I think there's a few things that help that require going to the root of the problem.

Number one, you need to figure out where you got that idea. Why do you think that you're never going to be loved? Is it because there were maybe people in your family that you felt like didn't love you, have past relationships, fucked with your perception of your lovability, if you will? You know, what created this idea about yourself? And unpack it, dissect it, you know, figure out why you feel that way.

And through that, prove it wrong. Prove it wrong. By dissecting and understanding where you got an idea, you can very easily be like, wait a minute, this idea is founded on inaccurate information. For example, let's say you believe that you'll never be loved because your ex like so ruthlessly broke up with you and you thought that that was going to be your soulmate and that you were going to get married and be in love forever. And then they broke up with you and it made you feel like now you'll never be loved. Okay.

unpack that logically. Now, what will you find? You'll find, okay, number one, just because one person, one person in the grand scheme of life where there's bazillions of people that we meet, not really, but you know what I mean?

One person, for whatever reason, didn't want to be with you. Now that somehow means that no one will ever want to be with you. Nobody will ever love you romantically. Come on. That's unrealistic. That's ridiculous. There's billions of people on the planet. You think because one of them didn't love you that now no one ever will? It doesn't make sense. It doesn't add up. Do the math.

Now, it's the same thing with even if you have a family member that you feel like didn't love you enough or didn't love you at all, which is an incredibly challenging and fucked up thing to deal with. That, of course, will make you feel like you'll never be loved. You're like, if somebody who's supposed to love me, my family does not love me, how am I supposed to believe that anyone ever will? Well, it's the same thing. It's the same thing as, you know, not being loved by your ex. It's just a bit more complicated and a bit more challenging to get through.

But like one person not loving you, even 10 people not loving you does not mean that you will never be loved. Now, that's sort of dealing with external factors. Then you have internal factors. A lot of times we don't think it's possible to be loved because we really don't like ourselves.

When my self-esteem is low, I'm like, no one should love me. I'm disgusting. I'm horrible. I'm a piece of shit. I'm hideous. I'm dumb. Like, why would anyone love me? I think it's really helpful to constantly be up keeping your self-esteem in order to feel lovable. And that means constantly working on being a good person, constantly working on bettering yourself so that you can have as strong of a self-esteem as possible, you know? And I've talked a lot

about how to build self-esteem. So I won't go on and on about that, but fixing your self-esteem can really help with that. Because if you think that you have something to offer to others, whether that's just being like a kind, comforting person, or that's being a very generous person, or that's being a really fun person to be around, or that's being somebody who has good taste, who shows people cool stuff. Like once you understand what you bring to the table, you're

you can understand why people would love you. Yeah, I get why people would love me because I cook really yummy food and I'm really fun to be around. Or yeah, I know why people would love me because I give really good hugs and I give really thoughtful gifts and I'm funny. Like, you know what I mean? Whatever. When you see your own value, then you're like, yeah, I can see what people would see in me. And then you're not stuck thinking like, why would anyone ever love me? I suck. Because you're like, no, I actually don't suck. And I get why people would love me because I'm kind of awesome. Yeah.

And there it is. That's all I have for today. Thank you all for listening. If you enjoyed this episode and you enjoyed advice session,

new episodes of Advice Session every other Sunday, and new episodes of Anything Goes in general on Thursdays and Sundays, every Thursday and Sunday. Stream anywhere you get podcasts. Find Anything Goes on social media at Anything Goes. Find me on social media at Emma Chamberlain. And find my coffee company at chamberlaincoffee.com or at Chamberlain Coffee on social media. I love you all. I appreciate you all.

Thank you for listening and hanging out. I hope you enjoyed this. And if you did, we'll hang out some more in a few days. Okay, I love you all. Talk to you later and bye. Love you, bye.